Funny / Welcome to Night Vale

General

• Cecil's editorial about people who want to prevent Hiram McDaniels, an 18-foot tall, five-headed firebreathing dragon, from running for mayor, accusing them of Fantastic Racism.
  • Any time Hiram is mentioned, really. There's something hilarious about the idea of a massive, five-headed fire breathing dragon who has his own blog and wants to run for mayor. Especially his incredibly nonchalant first mention: "McDaniels is described as a five-headed dragon."
  • And when he finally gives his own campaign ad on-air, the results are pretty hilarious.
    Hiram McDaniels: What you haven't heard is —
    Another Voice: Do you hear the beating of my terrible wings? Do you feel the flames lick at the corners of a life you once thought belonged to you?!
    Hiram McDaniels: Sorry about that — my green head got excited. We all have human foibles. I don't, I'm literally a five-headed dragon.
• How beautiful is Carlos? The barber who cut his hair was publicly denounced by Cecil, underwent a Despair Event Horizon, and now spends his time in the desert, giving haircuts to cacti.
• While Cecil is generally pretty accepting of the City Council's explanations for the various strange events that occur around town - if only because he knows better than to question the City Council - even he has difficulty accepting the cover-up for the attacks and vandalism by the feral dog pack.
  Plastic bags. PLASTIC. BAGS.
  • The Libertarian graffiti artist feral dogs.
• According to the City Council's Suspiciously Specific Denial, Pink Floyd does not exist. And even if it does, they are not fans of Pink Floyd's music. And they certainly did not attempt to hold a seance to summon the ghost of Syd Barrett, or use that spirit to hold a Pink Floyd Laser Show in Radon Canyon.
  • And even if they had, they wouldn't have heard any juicy gossip, since Syd Barrett is quite the gentleman.
• In another Suspiciously Specific Denial, the traffic department denies there are traffic jams in town, and goes onto angrily deny that there are any cars in town, or even that cars exist at all.
• "Word from our sponsors" often involve nightmarish scenarios, so when they turn out not so scary, it's doubly funny.
  • Episode 6's one is just an incoherent groan/whine.
  • Episode 7: "And now, a word from our sponsors. That word... is carp."
  • Episode 31: "And now, a word from our sponsors. Today's broadcast may have been brought to you by uncertainty."
  • It's also hilarious how in most of these they use real brand names, to the point where you wonder why they weren't slapped with a lawsuit by now. The sheer disconnect between hearing these ghoulish scenarios being used to "endorse" a real world product makes for hilarious Mood Whiplash, a prime example being from Episode 22:
    Cecil: You cannot see. You grope around wildly as your footing is also unstable. You feel a thin liquid filling your shoes. It is not water, you can tell. A pungent smell of brine, or anxiety. Your hands strike something solid, a wall, you think. It is soft, leathery, but also wet. You keep your hands to the surface, and it is moving in and out, like it is breathing. No, more like spasms. You hear a dull rumble from above, a gurgle from below. You still see nothing, the walls jerk back quickly. You lose your balance and slide down to the floor which is the same surface, but now the liquid is sloshing past you, something grabs you, your leg. Something is grabbing your leg. You are being pulled down, you cannot see which way. Madness. Which way madness? You scream, but no sound comes from your stubborn lips, your impudent throat. You reach, for what you do not know, only that you reach. A blinding flash, a moment of understanding. You are in an empty store room, tied to a chair. There are others, but they are hooded and limp. You recall this living nightmare, you take comfort in its familiar pain. You smell fermentation and can hear a dull, unending beeping. Someone shouts in a language you do not know. You love your family. YOU. LOVE. THEM. Welcome to Red Lobster. Come see what’s fresh. Today.
• Every single one of the "proverbs" heard at the end of the credits of each episode. Some choice examples:
  Does the carpet match the drapes? No. It doesn't. You're the worst interior decorator. Please leave my home. (Episode 12 - The Candidate)
  What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening? I don't know, but I trapped it in my bedroom. Send help. (Episode 4 - PTA Meeting)
  If you love someone, set them free. Set them free now. This is the police, and we have you surrounded. (Episode 22 - The Whispering Forest)
  If I said you had a beautiful body, would it matter because we are so insignificant in this vast and incomprehensible universe?
  Lost? Confused? Lacking direction in your life? (fade out)
  • Even the messages from show creator Joseph Fink get in on the act, by occasionally being narrated by other people (usually the proverb narrator Meg Bashwiner), all of whom claim to be "the REAL Joseph Fink". In one particular message, Fink even interrupts HIMSELF.
  • After the heartbreaking "Triptych", this proverb comes off as especially funny:
  Candles lit, runes drawn upon the floor, sacrifice prepared. Everything is ready for the summoning. I begin the incantation. [Beat] "Shakira, Shakira!"
• Any NRA sticker slogan.
  "If you say guns kill people one more time, we will shoot you with a gun, and you will, coincidentally, die."
  "Guns don't kill people, we're all immune to bullets and it's a miracle."
• The Weather gag. While it's only really funny in and of itself the first time, the fact that they tend to cap off particularly unsettling sequences in later episodes with a long, suspenseful pause, followed with "..and now... The Weather." makes for a wonderfully disconcerting bit of bathos.
• The Running Gag of Insistent Terminology being used in association with various recurring characters, places, and themes, such as John Peters (you know, the farmer?).
  • Or the fact that the John Peters (you know, the farmer?) gag eventually results in a Brick Joke when an annoyed Cecil retorts to Steve Carlsberg with "I KNOW."

Episode-Specific

1 - Pilot

• In the Pilot, Cecil states that Carlos and his team of scientists have found that one of the houses in Night Vale does not exist. And states that the last time they were seen, the scientists were all standing around on the sidewalk in front of the "house", daring each other to go knock on the door.
  • One year later, they still haven't worked up the nerve and are offering $5 to anyone who will.
• "[The City Council] would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park."
• "Alligators: Can they kill your children? (rustling papers) Yes."
• If you're new to Night Vale and aren't expecting it, the fact that the Weather segment is actually a song or other musical piece can be hilarious. It's only really funny the first time, afterwards becoming something to anticipate and a sign the episode is nearly over.

2 - Glow Cloud

• “Wednesday has been canceled, due to a scheduling error.”

5 - The Shape in Grove Park

• Cecil rants about the Moon, and wonders if it's watching them. When considering if the Moon found something more interesting than Night Vale, Cecil seems genuinely put out by the idea and then demands that the Moon watch them.
  • This anti-moon hostility returns in the Adventure Hour crossover live show performed in Seattle. Night Vale is just starting their First Annual Destroy-The-Moon Festival, which employs such techniques as throwing things at moon and also shouting hurtful words at the moon.
• "Friends, listeners, there's a real tarantula problem here in Night Vale! Many residents have called in to report illiteracy, unwanted pregnancy, and violent crime are on the rise in the tarantula communities."

6 - The Drawbridge

• In Episode 6, there's the method for donating to the station: whisper 'forsaken Algonquinia' into your phone receiver and then "angels or Facebook or something" will deliver the station an appropriate amount from your bank account.

7 - History Week

• The description of the first settlers to arrive in what would become Nightvale. They stopped, looked around, and kept going.
  • Several other groups are described as doing the exact same thing, before the actual founders of Nightvale deciding to start their new home there with an apathetic shrug.
• Combined with some Fridge Horror for maximum comic value, the hit-and-run mention of the Federal Government making the City Council take down a monument claiming that Nightvale residents' chanting was responsible for the Allied victory in World War II. A Federal lawsuit is implied to bring scary enough consequences to make the Nightvale City Council concede to their demands, which makes you really wonder how scary the US government is in this setting.

9 - PYRAMID

• After attacking the pyramid with various things (including missiles) The Sheriff's secret police decide to charge it with resisting arrest on account of the fact that they can't figure out how to arrest it.

10 - Feral Dogs

• The Community Health Tip on Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
  Are you suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enjoying carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you surprised by carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enraged by carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a throbbing sadness that you almost cannot stand from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a bounty of love and appreciation for your fellow human beings travelling through this confusing and finite lifetime with you from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you get sexually aroused by carpal tunnel syndrome? (Beat) That would be weird. Not to be judgemental...but it would be weird.

11 - Wheat & Wheat By-Products

• Why does the City Council already have a Wheat-and-Wheat-Byproducts Bunker built? Prophecy.

15 - Street Cleaning Day

• Episode 15, "Street Cleaning Day", Cecil lists off the things NVCR thinks are happening outside their protected bunker:
  "Screaming, a slow movement downwards, the crunch of items made of wood and items not made of wood. A quick movement upwards. Char. A smell of rotting seaweed, or a poisoned ocean. The song "La Bamba", only faster."
  • "SHOP. AT. TARGET."
  • The HOV lanes in Night Vale have Nitro Boost pads!

21 - A Memory of Europe

• One of the mayor's staffers decides to get in some "denial practice":
  • She was then heard to deny the sky, the existence of a loving deity, and eggs. "Eggs aren't real," she said. "Nuh-uh. Show me an egg. That's not an egg. What's an egg? Who let you in here?"
  • In that same episode, a masterpiece of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking.
    "The world ended three or four decades ago," she scrawled on a Subway sandwich wrapper. "I don't know what this thing is that we're living in, but it's not the world. Scientists won't investigate it because they're not real. Turkey with extra swiss." ...I think that last bit was already written on the wrapper by a Subway sandwich artist, or one of their familiars.
  • "And how did Simone get this Subway wrapper, given that all Subway restaurants have many entrances, but no exits? It's as their motto says: 'A thousand ways in, no way out. Subway. Eat fresh. Eat terribly, terribly fresh. Terribly, awesomely, gruesomely, terrifyingly fresh.'"

22 - The Whispering Forest

• "I had a hamster as a child, and it died in, like, two weeks, so, (adorable squeaky voice) meh! What do I know?"

24 - The Mayor

• THE BROWN STONE SPIRE makes its first appearance, where Cecil has an ominous voice and reverb whenever he mentions the former. After a while it sounds like he's just messing around with filters as the effect gets increasingly out of sync with when he says it.
  • "[The Mayor] increased funding for the cancer ward at the Night Vale Hospital...and now, anyone who wants cancer can get cancer! Whether or not they have health care or a reason to live!"

27 - First Date

• Cecil and Carlos' first date. They have dinner at Gino's in a doorless room and have to escape by throwing a brick (provided by their waiter) through a window then take a romantic stroll through the park while the usual crowd of Night Vale residents are pointing at the sky and shouting in terror.
  • Not to mention Cecil's casual description of the clothes they wore to the date.
    Cecil: I was wearing my best tunic and furry pants, and he had on a laid-back weekend lab coat.
  • And not to mention Station Management's distress at the extended romantic tangents:
    Cecil: ...And so we talked, just us and our bleeding mushrooms, and the buzzing shadow presence, and a blooming haze of romance in the air - (music abruptly stops) Wait. Hold on. Station Management is apparently getting agitated, and...flailing around their office and howling? So I need to do some more news, real quick.
    • "All right. News...done. Back to the date!"

29 - Subway

• A strange, creepy child messenger sent by the City Council comes to Cecil during his recording and, afterwards, stares at him. Cecil's biggest concern is that he doesn't know what to do with the messenger - or any of the rest that the City Council keeps sending him - and wonders if anyone else would like to have the kid.

31 - A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain

• The president of Night Vale Community College turns out to be a river-smooth stone in her attitude to the controversial miniseries - because she is actually, literally a rock. When approached for comment on a recent news development, she writes "no comment" (as she is a rock and cannot speak) and subsequently draws an insulting caricature of Cecil. His feelings are understandably hurt.
  • "I don't know how it got here, but then, I don't know how I got here. Causation is difficult and confusing."
• The mental image of Carlos gesturing with a spatula while in the process of science (and cooking, obviously).
• Cecil eventually consults Carlos about the mountain with the red light, the floodplain and attacking army which has just appeared outside of Night Vale. Carlos says oh, that's just a mirage, and he's seen it before. Well, except for the attacking army, but, y'know.
  • And the attacking army turns out to actually be passing by on their way to attack someplace else. In the mean time, they helped boost Night Vale's local economy.

32 - Yellow Helicopters

• Hiram McDaniel's campaign speech, whenever one of his other heads starts talking. Probably the only funny thing in an otherwise very dark episode.

33 - Cassette

• The exasperated way Cecil plows through the StrexCorp announcement. It's blatantly obvious that he's just rushing through to get it over with. The soundtrack dissonance only makes it funnier.
• "Finally on this show; something weird to talk about!"

34 - A Beautiful Dream

• Cecil being menaced by a vacuum cleaner.
• When the computer spreads its influence: "School officials have all left the gym to go get help. They ran out, courageously yelling 'Save yourself! Save yourself!'"
  • Later, when the computer asks, "CECIL, DO YOU LOVE COMPUTER?" Cecil says that he could learn to love computer, "given time and perhaps some gifts."
  • Also, the computer issues a long, eerie monologue about the better world it will create. In the middle of the dreamlike imagery and elaborate details of a child's paradise, it matter-of-factly states "Desert Bluffs will no longer exist" without elaboration.

35 - Lazy Day

• Episode 35 has time slowing down all over the world, causing life to end and Cecil is glad that he got to see the end to Breaking Bad.

36 - Missing

• The Night Vale Community College is holding a open house night!
  Cecil: "Thinking of furthering your education? Considering taking winter semester classes? Well, it's a trap. Do not go near the Night Vale Community College this Friday. Ha! Nice try, giant worms."

38 - Orange Grove

• Cecil, facing John Peters, you know, the imposter, detailing the long, heartfelt message he wanted to send to Carlos in case he did not survive the encounter - then deciding that the message would be too long for a text and simply using the phone to knock John Peters, you know, the imposter, unconscious.
  • And by "facing" we mean Peters had at that moment cornered Cecil and literally seconds away from shoving a dimension warping orange in his face. Just the fact that Cecil apparently even considered that he could somehow text a final message, let alone one as long and rambling as the one he described is hilarious in itself.
  • In the same episode Cecil asks Carlos to look into the orange grove, and he hesitates because:
    "I am a scientist. I study science, not plants or nature."

42 - Numbers

• One of the cuts to the gradually rebelling voice of the WZZZ numbers station has her singing Katy Perry's "Roar" at the top of her lungs. Cecil is left completely baffled and wondering if and how this could be part of a sinister plot.

44 - Cookies

• Cecil discreetly showing how he feels about Strex Corp after Khoshekh's attack.
  "He was attacked by an animal that our stupid... [clears throat]... that our evil... [exasperated sigh]... that our station management let in the building for some careless reason."

46 - Parade Day

• Cecil 'non-nonchalantly' introducing a guest speaker:
  Cecil: He's in the top of his field, a really handsome scientist-
  Carlos: Staaaahhhpp!
  Cecil: [Giddy with excitement] Hi Carlos!
  • When Mayor Pamela Winchell actually sees an angel and admits that it exists.
    Erika: Shut uuuuupppp, Pamela!

47 - Company Picnic

• "Company Picnic" has its moments, despite being an extremely dark episode overall:
  Kevin: And now, a word from our sponsors! Lauren?
  Lauren: Thanks Kev! Can I call you Kev?
  Kevin: Hahaha! No, Lauren. By NO MEANS.
  • It is also noted that even StrexCorp's Lauren is not immune to Carlos' perfect hair.

48 - Renovations

• The beginning of episode 48 as a whole Crosses the Line Twice.
  • Also of note: taking pictures of the cats in the men's restroom is apparently still fatal, and that's what kills Daniel.

49 - Old Oak Doors

• Episode 49 is a two-part recording of a live show. It's clear that the audience got really into the story at times, since a unanimous "BOO" can be heard when Kevin dares to call Carlos "ugly".
  • The reunion of Cecil and Carlos veers wildly from heart-warming to hilarious, as Cecil begins to ramble about Snapchat and his wood-work carvings of Khoshekh.
  • Kevin talking about his Strex Pet:
    Kevin: I feed it mice every night before bed.
    Lauren: Oh, they're not supposed to eat mice, Kevin.
    Kevin: [completely delighted] I've trained it to!
    • This exchange right before Carlos and Dana leave:
      Dana: Cecil? We have work to do but we will be home soon.
      Cecil: OK. I cannot wait to see both of you.
      Carlos: Like, an hour or two, max!
      Cecil: Did – did he say something? Was it – [Voice suddenly gets really deep] was it cute?
  • "Pteranodons are not dinosaurs, Lauren. They're arachnids."
  • "Delicious wheat. Delicious byproducts..."
  • This exchange:
    "I'm pretty sure it’s implied that hard work is part of it, Kevin."
    "I'm pretty sure I didn’t ask for your feedback.."
  • When Tamika Flynn shows up with a slingshot and a heavy copy of John Osborne's play Look Back in Anger, StrexCorp's Lauren isn't worried, because she also has a slingshot, and an extremely heavy copy of the Strex Employee Handbook. Tamika replies with a literary critique of the Handbook:
    "Take that book you're holding! It looks ill-written, ill-conceived, full of bad ideas expressed badly...I bet it lacks narrative arcs and an appreciation for the flow of language. It looks like the worst book in the history of books!"
  • This from Hiram McDaniels's violet head:
    "The tree of liberty must be periodically watered with blood and mulched with detached limbs and pruned using shears made from bones! It's my favorite tree!"
  • Intern Maureen complaining about having to edit Cecil's Jaws slash-fic.
  • Cecil racing to the station door to welcome Carlos home, only to be met with STEVE CARLSBERG!
    Cecil: YOU ARE NOT A RADIO PROFESSIONAL!
  • Steve Carlsberg imitating everyone's voices and using an overly squeaky voice for Carlos.
    Cecil: I am not dating a Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz.
    Steve: ...You sure?
    • Made even funnier by the fact that the script apparently read, "CECIL: (honest opinion about the impression)"
  • This exchange:
    Cecil:Did you just accuse my boyfriend of being a secret operative?
    Steve: Well, um, yeah.
    Cecil: Because that would be pretty cool actually!
  • Also:
    Kevin: I can smile! Just look at this!
    [Whatever is happening makes the live audience laugh]
    Cecil: You monster!
    Steve:That was really gross! Do it again!
  • The Faceless Old Woman waiting for the mayoral election results:
    Faceless Old Woman: I just ate one of your highlighters. Sorry, I'm nervous.

51 - Rumblings

• Carlos's extremely suggestive tone of voice at the end of Episode 51 when telling Cecil, "We can still do things together."

52 - The Retirement of Pamela Winchell

• Cecil laying Intern Maureen to rest (again).
  Cecil: To the family and friends of Intern Maureen... (exasperatedly) et cetera. Anyway...
  • And she's back again.

53 - The September Monologues

• This particular bit:
  Steve: We chatted for a while- I can't remember what about, maybe the weather?
  Weather begins, but only plays for about five seconds, before abruptly cutting out
  Steve: No, definitely the weather. I remember because we had to stand in an awkward silence for a bit as we waited for the music to stop playing.
  • He also hangs a lampshade on the confusion caused by Steve calling Cecil his stepbrother a few episodes prior, when, as far as we can tell, the two are merely brothers-in-law.
  • Also, the entire monologue from Michelle, a "hipster" who works at Dark Owl Records.
    • "Quit Fabricating Our Music Career, Michelle". What makes it especially funny is that it actually sounds like something that Panic! at the Disco would call one of their albums.
  • Also, there's Steve's near-subsonic impersonation of Cecil.

54 - A Carnival Comes to Town

• The moment you realize that the carnival was just an ordinary friendly carnival with nothing supernatural or evil about it, and that the one time that Night Vale took steps to stave off the terrors of their world was the one time they shouldn't have. Only Maureen figures it out.
  "This isn't Modesto!"
  • The entire episode is the hilarious inversion of Circus of Fear. You're set up the entire episode to anticipate evil clowns and eldritch horrors - except it turns out that the utterly benign carnival was scared shitless by Night Vale.

55 - The University of What It Is

• Cecil weaponizing the Weather in "The University of What It Is", allowing the staff of the titular college to escape an angry mob by forcing said mob to stand around awkwardly for several minutes listening to music.

56 - Homecoming

• Earl Harlan making tiramisu. It's all left to the imagination, but considering that he thinks marscapone is a fish, the fact that the process requires de-veining nutmeg, and the blender making a sound like screaming lambs, it's all so bizarre you can't help but laugh.

57 - The List

• Cecil reminding the listeners about the list they were given some time ago. It's hard to convey through text because the hilariousness is in his delivery, but still:
  Cecil: You should have memorized it. If you didn't...Oh...errrrm. I mean, if you didnnnnn't, weeeelllll. I meeeean, if yooou diiiidnnnn't, errrrrmmmmmmm...
• Cecil goes bowling with Old Woman Josie. When Josie bowls, Erika takes her ball and knocks down all the pins. Since Cecil and the other bowlers cannot legally acknowledge Erika's existence, they have to let her strikes be counted.

58 - Monolith

• In episode 58, Cecil tricks you into being legally declared dead, and cackles gleefully about it.
  • Also how he pronounces the name of the college that Michael Sandero is now attending: "Mitchigan!"

59 - Antiques

• According to episode 59, Cecil has apparently been running a contest, the prize for which is a huge box of custom pencils with “I WON A THING” stamped on them.
• What Carlos says after Cecil agrees to visit him. He has clearly been very thirsty out there in the desert.
  Carlos: I can not wait to see you in person again.
  Cecil: Me neither!
  Carlos: ...Can not wait. Can not.
  Cecil: Oh-oh-okay. Uh, me-me neither.
  Carlos: It's gonna be good.
  Cecil: Uh... *clears throat* Well, thank you so much for this...highly relevant report that had important information for everyone in town.

60 - Water Failure

• The water department customer service line. All of it.
  Customer Service: To give praise to the Mighty Glow Cloud...
  Cecil: All hail.
  Customer Service:...Press 3. If you are Illuminati...
  • Instead of the Weather, we have the Water Department's hold music.

61 - BRINY DEPTHS

• "Today's broadcast is sponsored by Kobe Beef."
• The "vague, yet menacing government agency's" excuses to trick Cecil into saying their secret code word (BRINY DEPTHS, said in the same eerie tone as the announcement of THE BROWN STONE SPIRE):

  "Please, it’s our birthday! Oh! Did we not mention it’s totally our birthday?"
  "...could you say 'BRINY DEPTHS' again? It’s for a friend’s birthday. It’s also our friend’s birthday. We forgot to mention that."

  • And the reason for all the commotion that occurred just before the weather break? Everyone in Night Vale was a Deep Cover Agent. EVERYONE.

62 - Hatchets

• An official announcement that all murder or attempted murder is now illegal is interrupted by questions from a rather distressed reporter, who is not at all the literally Axe-Crazy Night Vale Daily Journal editor Leann Hart.
  "Leann...is that you?"
  "Um, no, no, no, *comically deep voice* noooo. Not me at all. I'm just an old bagel wrapper someone left on the ground. I'm inanimate garbage."
  "Leann, we know it's you. Stop attacking bloggers with hatchets. We found half a dozen wounded bloggers in Mission Grove Park this morning. They all had hatchets in their backs and were very upset. It's not nice, Leann. It's also illegal, okay?"
  "I'M A BAGEL WRAPPER...YOU...JERK!"
  • Adding onto the story about Mitchigan, we now have Ohee-o.

64 - WE MUST GIVE PRAISE

• Cecil's description of Hiram McDaniels' heads in episode 64:
  Cecil: "The grey head often feels blue and wears a green nose ring. The blue head considers logic the gold standard of intellect and has purple eyes. The gold head is actually more of a sable and will talk til he's blue in the face. The purple head has grown grey with paranoid fantasies and wears a gold neck chain that has a pendant with the word "Violet" written in green gemstones. And the green head is the real shouty one that wants to set everyone on fire all the time."

65 - Voicemail

• Carlos' bit in "Voice Mail" about telling "scientifically accurate jokes", especially this part
  Carlos: I don’t get how people can find inaccurate jokes funny.
  Like, OK, so a horse walks into a bar, and says “I feel used. As a species, even, I feel used.” And so then the bartender, who is also a horse, ‘cause, you know, this is the Horse District where the horses live when they’re not being used by the humans, and the horse bartender says, “Don’t I know it, buddy!” and the first horse says “I’m not your buddy!” And then he says, “Man, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was awful of me. It’s the anger.”
  So, that’s another example of a scientifically accurate joke.
  • Also, he talks about how he's doing science by doing things that make one further question how much he actually knows about science.
    I’ve put some of the junk we found and some of the people we found in my lab, and I’m studying them using microscopes and vials of bubbling liquid and me making thoughtful expressions and saying things like “Hmm.” So I’m really using all of the available scientific tools right now.
  • And later:
    Cecil! Cecil, I did it! I understand! I hooked everything up to computers, and I said “hmm” a lot, and then I asked the people to talk about [...]

67 - [Best Of?]

• Right on the heels of reporting a tragic death, Cecil tearfully remembers to remind us that the show is sponsored by Shasta cola.

69 - Fashion Week

• A sphere is ridding the town of people who aren't dressed "hip" enough. It arrives at the station, and Cecil admits he doesn't really care to dress for Fashion Week.
  I wear leather pants and a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball hat made of honeycomb. I just wore the same thing I slept in last night.

70A - Taking Off

• Carlos continues to describe sciencing in very literal tones.
  Here in my laboratory, [...] I’ve been hard at work pacing about in front of a row of conical flasks, beakers, and Y-tubes, furiously writing Greek letters and Arabic numbers and I think, later today, I will make an enormous breakthrough.

75 - Civic Changes

• Episode 75, "Civic Changes", features a Cloud Cuckoo Lander phone call from John Peters, you know, the farmer, who describes the behaviour of a silent, standing crowd which eventually turns out to be a cornfield. He is also briefly sidetracked by the sun:
  "Cecil?"
  "Yes, John?"
  "Cecil, I'm lookin' straight at the sun right now."
  "Oh, John, don't do that, that’s bad for you!"
  "So beautiful! It is so beautiful it hurts."
  "Uh, John?"
  "Oh! Here comes the cloud. That is such a relief."
  • From the same episode is Cecil's sheepish account of the use (by certain community radio hosts and local scientists) of the dog park as a revolving door to the desert otherworld, which they then broadcast over the airwaves. Apparently. Well, he's not sure. He's not sure of anything, really. Who knows? He doesn't.

82 - Skating Rink

• The sheer glorious grotesquerie that is the courtship of City Council and Station Management. Cecil narrates it very professionally, but his voice falters on certain key phrases, like "heads on shoulders", "romantic need", and "fingers".
• The City Council showed up at the skating rink, "donned short shorts and headbands, and were twirling and spinning in unison around the rink". Brrrrr.

86 - Standing and Breathing

• Computer programming expert Melony Pennington suggests that "You'll never guess this!" is the most secure password for your computer... even better if you replace all of the characters with zeroes.
  • And apparently adding an exclamation point (!) to the end of your password makes it unhackable.
• The hilarious image of Sheriff Sam responding to Dana letting them round up the Strangers with a heel click and a "You won't be sorry, Mayor!"

95 - Zookeeper

• The interview with Joanna, the zookeeper at the Night Vale Zoo, goes fairly well... at least, until the end, when Joanna shapeshifts into a panther and eats all the animals she brought in. Save for the tarantulas, who manage to escape to the radio station's HR department and get hired on in Sales on the strength of their interviews. Despite not being able to speak at all.
• "Brown tarantulas are fairly common in the desert. I was hoping for something exotic, like chickens."
• Intern Kareem throws a fit when he tries to convince Cecil that the angels (that totally do not exist) supposedly watching over Old Woman Josie, actually do exist:
  Cecil: There he goes, a man who doesn't believe in time-traveling trains or deer-faced destroyer gods, but deny a single angel and he's throwing a fit.
• The commercial for Starbucks basically boils down to: "Think Happy Thoughts...or else!"
• "Microphones are not for eating! They're smarter than dolphins!"

97-Josefina

• The revelation that listening to music used to be illegal in Nightvale until John Cage wrote 4'33", because then they had to arrest anyone who sat in silence for that length of time and they started running out of room in prison.

103-Ash Beach

• Cecil describes the horrifying feeling of seeing a spider, then turning your head, and noticing it's gone when you look back. That is the definition of real horror, because now you have no idea where it is, and you miss it so much! It was a really cute spider!

105 - What Happened at the Smithwick House

• Cecil briefly mentions a show called 'Dancing On the Stars'. It's not clear what form this show takes, but knowing Night Vale, one can only assume it involves using stellar material as a dance floor.

110 - Matryoshka

• Nightvale Radio is known for presenting horrific and everyday news in the same serene tone, and often in the same sentence. This is not the case today. The sheer magnificent sarcasm in Cecil's voice as he comments on his listeners' priorities must be heard to be believed.
  "I’ve gotten several frustrated calls and letters about our programme a couple of weeks ago. Because the programme was called “A Story about Huntokar”, many listeners rightly anticipated a story about Huntokar. But all they heard was radio static over faint sounds of inhuman screaming. We apologize for the disappointment, and we will more closely review any programs before putting them on the air. I’m sure it was a tough time for you to voluntarily listen to a sub-par radio program. The town is... nearly empty, save for flaming buildings, irate dragons, and a sky that has all but been replaced by an enormous hole, out of which pours continuous darkness, confounding visions and a deafening ripping noise but, again, sorry you didn’t like that one... radio show.
  "In related news, the city is on fire."

137 - The Mudstone Abyss Part 3

• Kevin trying to find articles that support the construction of The Mudstone Abyss only for all of them to turn out to be against it more and more, from protesting the construction to protesting the mayor forcing the construction to an article about a Play that sounds like it supports the Abyss only to turn out to be a Bait-and-Switch to burning Kevin in effigy.

154 - The Heist Part 2

• Cecil narrating over Steve Carlsbergs speech as the sheriffs secret police are also clearly annoyed at him and carry him away to make their own announcement. It becomes less funny when we find out the annoucement is that they're accusing Steve of being the mastermind behind the robbery. Then it becomes funny again when Cecil narrates an argument between the sheriff and a concerned member of the press who thinks Steve is being framed that member of the press being himself.

205 - The Moon is Gone

• The moon has dissapeared and have been replaced with a tv static colored hole in the sky that causes physical pain when looked at. What makes it funny is the Running Gag of Cecil basically acting like someone who hit his thumb trying to hammer a nail after repeatedly looking at it by accident.

218 - The Sitter Cancelled

• Cecil and Carlos' babysitter got pulled into the Dimension of Eternal Pain... because they chanted Bloody Marry three times in the bathroom mirror. Cecil is wholly unconcerned, just peeved at the babysitter's unreliability and needing to take Esteban with him to the studio.

Live Shows

• The show at the LA Podcast Festival was essentially live performances of two older episodes with redone ad bumps, as read by James Urbaniak (as two Redshirt interns). They're promotions for Hulu (which he reads out in an ominous, drawn-out voice: "Huuuuuuluuuuuuu.") and a web hosting service (who break out into tears at the sight of your website, as it's already perfect). Imagine Rusty Venture and you've got it.
• In the live-show "Condos", when Cecil says; "I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but...Carlos is totally my boyfriend!" It's hard to say which is funnier; Cecil's tone of voice, or the squees of everyone in the audience.
  • After he and Carlos both hang up, a flustered Cecil tries to distract a squeeing and giggling audience:
    "Let's talk about your health."
  • That episode's traffic deserves a special mention. It's all in how Cecil sells it:
    Picture a car. (Beat) No. You're doing it wrong. Try again. Picture a car. (Beat) Really? That's what you picture when you picture a car? All right, look, we'll go with that. I'm not happy about it, but we'll go with your idea of a car for now.
• From "The Debate":
  Cecil: One last caller, you are on the air.
  Steve: Hi, this is Steve Carlsberg and my question is for Hiram. Hiram~
  Cecil: NO! NO! STEVE CARLSBERG! WE ARE OUT OF TIME FOR QUESTIONS, GOODBYE!!!!
  (Beat filled with audience laughter)
  Cecil: (Recomposed) Candidates...
  • The Faceless Old Woman recommends selling unused items in homes to raise funds for schools, and gives suggestions- such as Marcus Vansteen's table made from human bones.
    Marcus: Yeah, and I need that table.
  • Marcus later ascends to angelhood. As a result, everyone is forbidden from speaking of him or acknowledging it, still claiming that angels aren't real.
    • During the actual performance of the live show, this is represented by Marcus' VA standing on his tip-toes and gazing up at the theater ceiling.
  • While explaining how local deer learning advanced mathematics, telepathy, and short-range time travel has caused road closing, the City Council gave this warning:
    Cecil: The Council is asking anyone still out on the roads right now to please, return home. If you are not a citizen of Night Vale, but cannot currently get out of town to your home because of the road closings... THEN CONGRATULATIONS! You now live in Night Vale! Please pick up a New Citizen Welcome Packet and mandatory orange poncho at the City Hall.
• In the The Thrilling Adventure Hour crossover, Carlos loses his temper over an unscientific plan. Carlos tends to be funny when he's angry in any case, and the Arbitrary Skepticism here is pretty great:
  Guys! This won’t work, according to science, OK? If no one’s going to listen to science, I’m just going to project myself back into the otherworld desert dimension, where I live. OK?
• In "The Librarian," Cecil calls Carlos to see what he thinks about the situation. Carlos proceeds to describe his scientific surroundings with an increasingly distracted and, well, suggestive tone. Cecil's reply really summarizes it best:

  Cecil: Well you're obviously... hard... at work. Hard at work.

  • In the performance Cecil would deliver this line while glaring at an audience member laughing at the obvious innuendo.

Unsorted

• Cecil's increasingly acidic displays of Passive-Aggressive Kombat against Station Management during the StrexCorp arc. By the time of episode 44, it reaches the point of frequent Freudian Slips and Cecil barely even attempting to veil his threats. It's as awesome as it is hilarious.
• Promoting The Merch, Night Vale style:
  Meg Bashwinner ("the proverb lady"): Night Vale t-shirts, you want them, we got them. And if you don't want them, please listen to these hypnotic tones: aahhhhmmmm. aaaaaahhhhhhmmm. aaahhhhhmmmturtlesahhhhmmmm. Okay, now that you want them...
• Producer Joseph Fink seems to suddenly realise how busy he is during one of the episode-opening segments:
  It's just a week until our Europe tour! ...Oh, Jesus, it's just a week until our Europe tour!

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