Funny / Warehouse 13

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Season One

• In "Resonance" Myka chases down a group of suspects and briefly grapples with them, and realizes that one of them is a woman.
  Myka: There's three suspects including Thistle. One was a woman.
  Pete: Are you sure?
  Myka: Yeah, I...felt her.
  [beat]
  Pete: ...You touched the boobies?
  [Dope Slap]
• In "Magnetism", a hypnotic chair releases Myka's subconscious desires. So she starts punching Pete in the face. A lot.
  Pete: What were you thinking just then? What were you feeling?
  Myka: Nothing. (beat) ...Okay, I was kinda thinking that you're an infantile chimp. I'm sorry.
• From "Claudia":
  Artie: Children, don't fight. I can be both a d-bag and insane.
• From "Burnout," Claudia introducing herself to Rebecca St. Clair:
  Claudia: Claudia Donovan. Warehouse 13, next generation.
  • She makes a "Live Long and Prosper" gesture. Even better, Rebecca returns it.
• "Breakdown":
  Claudia: Can you teach me how to do that (makes kung fu sounds, mimes a kick), because I tried it on the light switch and I think I broke my toe. I know I broke the light switch.
• I ask you, is there anything more funny than watching Pete and Myka being stalked and attacked by multiplying dodgeballs in "Breakdown"?
  • Pete's victory dance when he beats said dodgeballs might be a candidate:
  Pete: Who smells like tuna-fish now, Ralph Brunsky?
  Myka: ...Who?
  Pete: (snapping out of it) ...Huh?
  Myka: Who?
  Pete: Oh, it's just... I was having a... little playground flashback...

Season Two

• The episode "Mild Mannered" introduced a superpowered vigilante who got his powers from a pair of boxers ...nutty, ain't it?
  • Pete all psyched to become a real life superhero with Claudia's special Power Nullifier suit, only to be told that side effects include draining the wearer of all vital fluids if worn for more than an hour... and in men, impotence. Cue him quickly handing it to Myka.
  • Claudia's imitation of Artie's characteristic grouchy barking.
• "Age Before Beauty"
  Pete: It's like a game of gay Clue.
• When Pete used Timothy Leary's reading glasses in "For the Team", to amuse himself when he was forced into a temporary desk job. Loved the bit when he saw Artie in the form a walrus-headed man!
• H.G. Wells' nonchalant coming out in "Buried":
  H.G.: I know a thing or two about the opposite sex. (nostalgic) Many of my lovers were men.
  • The reaction of the rest of the team is priceless.
• In the Christmas Episode "Secret Santa", Artie and his father Izzy repair their strained relationship by bonding over their mutual irritation and disappointment with Claudia and complaining about their annoying relatives. Special mention goes to Izzy wondering if Artie is Claudia's father:
  Izzy: She's not yours, is she?
  Artie: How-NO! GOD no! No. No no no. She wasn't even born of man. She noodged her way into existence!
  [both crack up laughing]
  • Also in "Secret Santa", Claudia attempting to get Artie and his father to reconcile by telling each one that the other one is dying. The first time, her brother Joshua remarks that she's going to hell. The second time, he simply decides to turn around and walk right back up the stairs as fast as he can:
  Joshua: Holy Mother of GOD!

Season Three

• "New Guy":
  Pete: I put on Abe Lincoln's hat once? Had an uncontrollable urge to free Mrs. Fredrick. Don't think that didn't get me into trouble.
  • From the same episode, after Pete gets his shirt torn open during a brawl with some (well-meaning but obstructive) FBI agents in a crowded ballroom:
  Pete: No charge, ladies!
  • Even earlier, when Artie and Claudia are trying to slip past Steve at the Smithsonian. He instantly shoots down every reasonable lie they give but when they tell him the truth about Jimi Hendrix's guitar his only response is "...OK." The delivery is the best part, he's genuinely unphased and perfectly accepting. "You're telling the truth."
• Claudia's "Me Dance" in "Trials". And the snap she does at the end of that scene.
• In "Trials", Jinks revealing to Claudia that he's homosexual, after Claudia accuses him of staring at her with romantic intent.
  • Similarly, Pete's reaction to finding this out in "Love Sick" - from the way Myka recounts the story, the audience would at first think that Manly Man Pete might be disturbed. Instead, Pete's reaction was to just go with the audacity of it all and take his top off to allow Jinks to gaze upon his beauty.
• In "Love Sick", when Claudia, Myka, and Pete are teasing Artie about his crush on Vanessa, new guy Jinks asks who Vanessa is:
  Artie: No one.
  Jinks: Wow, I've never had a lie hurt before.
  • In the (mistaken) belief that Artie is homosexual, Hugo calmly asks him if he is what they call "a bear".
• HG Wells being questioned about just how much she got around, in "3... 2... 1...":
  Woolly: Really, HG, is there not a man in London whom you haven't...charmed?
  HG Wells: Oscar Wilde, and not for lack of trying.
• Pete and Fargo bond over shared phobia's in "Don't Hate The Player".
  Fargo: Most of my nightmares are about me losing my hair.
  Pete: (so excited) Me toooooo!
  • Fargo modeled various NPCs in the game world after warehouse staff. When the party gets to the princess, they discover that he modeled her after Claudia. With a couple of changes.
  Claudia: What are those things on my chest?
  Fargo: Freckles?
• Pavlov's Handbell, featured in "Past Imperfect": May cause excessive drooling for 24 hours.
• In "Stand", Myka and Artie figure out where Sykes is heading and keep cutting off each other's sentences, to Jane's frustration.
  Jane: You two do realize you haven't finished a sentence yet, right?
• In "The Greatest Gift", the "It's A Wonderful Life" Christmas special, MacPherson calling back to the fudge question from the pilot in the most deadpan way possible.
  • Pete hugging Mrs. Frederic. The rest of the cast's reactions put it over the top.
  • Followed by everybody sitting down to watch a Christmas movie: Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life. The episode ends by zooming out as Pete performs a Big "NO!".
  • Artie trying desperately to get out of going to Vegas, while Pete and Claudia are no help at all.
  Claudia: (chanting) Vegas! Vegas!
  Pete: (in a ridiculously deep voice, while waving around a Mini-Santa) No no noooo!
  Artie: (grumbling) Murder is legal in Vegas, right?

Season Four

• "A New Hope", when Artie and Claudia find the hole where the astrolabe is located. Claudia teases Artie when he can't fit into the hole.
  Claudia: Hey Pooh Bear. You wanna let me do that?
  Artie: Now do you see why it was important that you came along?
  Claudia: Yeah; just picturing you trying to get through there... "Oh, help and bother, I'm stuck"—
  Artie: All right, all right!
  Claudia: "I'm so rumbly with my tumbly"—
  Artie: Stop it!
  Claudia: "Silly old bear!"
  Artie: Enough!
• A bit later in the episode, when they see the astrolabe:
  Claudia: That's why it's a 24-hour stopwatch; because Magellan was the first guy to sail all the way around the world!
  Artie: So you actually paid attention in fifth grade?
  Claudia: Yeah. Now think back to your youth and try to remember what he said to you on deck the night he crossed the International Date Line.
  Artie: I never tire of those comments. (Claudia grins)
• Earlier in the same episode, when Myka shows that she also knows Portuguese:
  Myka: That's Portuguese for, um, "Push the button."

  (Pete, Artie, Leena and Claudia turn to stare at her)
  Myka: Really? This is still a surprise to you?
• Also in the same episode, when figuring out what M 4:18 means:
  Myka: Wait, 16:18, chapter and verse!
  Pete: You guys sound excited, did I solve it?
  Artie and Myka: What if the "M" doesn't stand for Magellan, it stands for a book in the Bible!
  Claudia: You know, the only Ms in the Old Testament are Micah and Malachi and they don't have a 16th chapter. In the New Testament it'd be Mark or Matthew.

  (Pete, Artie, and Myka turn to Claudia's direction)
  Claudia: They made us read the Bible a lot in the psych hospital, I think that's how they kept their funding.
• From "Personal Effects", this exchange between Jinks and a lingerie store clerk, while observing for an invisible artifact user.
  Clerk: You know, I'm not supposed to let people watch the changing room camera. Kind of a store policy.
  Steve: Don't worry, I'm a federal agent...and I'm gay.
  Clerk: Oh my God, do you watch Revenge?!
  Steve:...No.
  • People trying to get Jinks to watch Revenge becomes a running joke after that.
• From the same episode, Artie actually cracking a joke, when he and Leena have to go to a country club to find an artifact.
  Artie: A Jew and a black woman go to a fancy country club. All we need now is a priest and a horse and we can do the whole joke.
• In "No Pain, No Gain", Artie's sneak-hug with a giant Japanese Teddy Bear, unaware that Claudia has re-entered the room
  Claudia: Awww, he's so soft and fuzzy! The bear too!
  • Pete lampshading Myka and Mike's Belligerent Sexual Tension
  Pete: Urgh! Get me some popcorn and a tampon, cause I'm watching a romantic comedy!
  Myka: What? Shut up!
  Pete: Oh yeah? You and Mike meet, you hate each other and next thing you know, you're kissing!
  Myka: That's crazy!
  Pete: Oh yeah? Cause love is crazy, Mykes! *snaps fingers* That's right girl! And I am the sassy best friend!
  • Also this:
  Pete: Hey! Can we get going? Uhh, you can play Mike's magic flute later.
  [beat]
  Myka: I have to go kill him now, so I'm just gonna...
  • Followed by a tiny snatch of Mozart inflected music as they left.
• In "Endless Wonder", when Pete and Myka check in with Artie, he assures them that they're definitely after an artifact, because:
  Artie: Adults don't have growth spurts. (Beat, glares at Farnsworth) No short jokes, no fat jokes, no old jokes.
  Pete: ...Well, then I got nothing.
  • From the same episode:
  Myka: You slept with her, didn't you?
  Pete: Well, you told me to investigate, okay? So, she's unarmed.
• From the same episode, when we're led to believe that a drug company exec and a senator have discovered the Warehouse: "Gentlemen, welcome....to Storage Space Six!" [cut to a room full of random tchotkes]
• Myka and her sister Tracy's bickering (Tracy affected by an artifact of course) during "The Ones You Love".
  • Same episode has Pete trying to get rid of a tattoo which is about to make him blow up. Even on the brink of death, Pete is still incredibly hilarious:
    Pete: Myka, please don't let my last words be "I should've done yoga"!
  • Ms. Frederick herself manages one at the very beginning of the episode while discussing what can only be the Holy Grail with a priest at the Vatican.
    Ms. Frederick: Only a trained eye could detect the dent.
    Priest: Dent?
    Ms. Frederick: Well, I'm not the one who dropped it.
• Claudia makes the funniest Badass Boast ever in "We All Fall Down":
  Claudia: (while holding down a German woman trying to stop the team) Sprechen sie headlock?
• Professor Sutton AKA The Count of St. Germain is a walking, talking example of snarking British hilarity.
• In "Parks and Rehabilitation," Pete's Secret Service password: Peterulz23
  Pete: I always found it weird how Peterulz1 through 22 were taken.
• In "The Big Snag," Claudia and Steve have to use Artie's car as bait for a car thief.

  Steve: Classic car buff Artie Weisfelt bids a fond farewell to his 1964 convertible before it leaves for its new home, Sinsheim Germany's Auto & Technik Museum. Hey, nice shades!

  Claudia: They're hiding his tears.

• Artie getting beaned about a dozen times with a bouncing ball during "Runaway".
  • Then there's one of Claudia's signs while trying to communicate with him with Beethoven's music drowning her out.
  Sign: Don't make me stab you again.
  Artie: That's not even close to funny.

Season Five

• The Double Entendre while Steve is using Jack Lalanne's bike to power the time machine in "Endless Terror"
  Claudia: Ride with your ass, not your knees.
  Steve: I always do.
• When Artie attempts to tranq a whammied Myka in "A Fair to Remember":
  Myka: YOU SHOT ME!
  Artie: Think of it as a sort of...aggressive hello!
• Needing to hide Paracelcus for 500 years until they can unbox him in the present, Pete stuffs him in a sarcophagus with the (English) label "Ralph Brunsky: Egyptian Terrorist".
• Claudia hunting Pete and Steve while being controlled by Paracelsus is surprisingly comedic.
  Claudia: These are Al Capone's machine guns!
  Pete: What do they do?
  Claudia: They shoot bullets! Run!
• "Savage Seduction". The whole damn thing. With all the Ham and Cheese you'd expect in a Spanish Soap Opera.
  • The fanfare, wind machine and "Ole!" that happens every time someone drops or picks up Harvey Korman's cufflinks.
  • Steve getting split into two Steve's: Hardass, no nonsense Steve. And promiscuous Camp Gay Steve. It's classic.
  • This line takes the cake:
  Steve: (to a random student) You're gay.
  Student: No, I'm not!
  Steve: You're lying.
  (Gilligan Cut to them dancing)
  • And Claudia going into full Fag Hag mode over Camp Gay Steve.
  "Okay, Steves, loving you both...you a little bit more..."
• From the series finale: At some point in the future, Barack Obama's basketball became an Artifact. One can only imagine the Noodle Incident associated with that one.
  • Even better, as we see in the final zoom-out of the Warehouse, the Titanic...yes, the entire ship.
    • Actually, given that The Titanic had two identical sister ships, one of which also sank, the ship seen is most likely the RMS Olympic.
  • Earlier, when Pete finally uses the Round Table time capsule to record his defining moment at the Warehouse, it shows a montage of everything that's happened since he joined. He tearfully admits that this is because simply being a Warehouse agent has made him a better person. Steve then breaks the tension by snarkily commenting that Pete probably just broke the table... which makes Mrs. Fredric laugh, something Artie admits he's never seen.
  • And even earlier, the artifact which summons a bunch of dancing showgirls chasing the agents. And the agents being forced to dance along with them, clearly against their will but somehow also dancing very well.
  • Pete finally resolves to read the manual, and he walks into a room full of books. The look on his face when he's told that the whole room is the Warehouse manual is hilarious.

Tie-Ins

• In the tie-in novel A Touch Of Fever, Claudia is possessed by Anne Bonney's cutlass, which causes her to attack Artie while speaking pirate. Most of the things that she says are priceless, including calling him a "grumpy, bushy-eyed old walrus."
  • Also from that same scene:
  Possessed!Claudia: I'll have you keelhauled and fed to the fishes!
  Artie: What fishes? We're in the middle of the Badlands!
  Possessed!Claudia: Don't try to confuse me!