BEWARE OF UNMARKED SPOILERS BELOW!
Walk Two Lifetimes
- Rukias reaction in her first proper meeting with Byakuya being saying that he looks like a princess, and Hisana having to struggle to keep from laughing.
- Yoruichi and Urahara teasing Byakuya over having a crush."Little Byakuya has his first crush!" Yoruichi said triumphantly as Byakuya tried to subtly sink down in his chair.
"Oh? Which gender?" Urahara asked curiously. Byakuya threw his ink-pot at him.
- Hisanas utter disbelief when she learned that Byakuya has never had ramen before meeting her.Hisana: What do you mean youve never had ramen?! Are you even Asian?
Byakuya: I do not understand what the big deal is. Though I have not personally tried this dish before, from what I hear, it is merely noodles in some type of broth, correct?
Hisana: I cant believe this. Thats it; were going out for lunch on Thursday. I can accept your ignorance on some aspects of normal-people life, but this is just pathetic.
- Hisanas reaction to the expensive gifts Byakuya gets her, and how he delights in them.
- The box of tea he got her cost enough for the blood to drain from her face and her to scold Byakuya for bringing her something that expensive, alongside Rukias inquiries about what Byakuya was made of."Just checkin' to make sure you aren't made outta ivory or something. You're certainly pale enough." She seemed rather disappointed that Byakuya was not, in fact, composed of elephant tusk. "Hey Oni-sensei, when you cry, do you cry diamonds? No? How 'bout sapphires then? Or pearls?"
- The music box he gave her had her hugging him and thanking him for about two minutes before punching him in the face.
- The necklace Yoruichi helped him pick up caused her to storm off, ignore him for two hours before calling him "hopeless" and smacking him on the head.
- The box of tea he got her cost enough for the blood to drain from her face and her to scold Byakuya for bringing her something that expensive, alongside Rukias inquiries about what Byakuya was made of.
- Rukia threatening Kaien with something if he lets anything happen to Hisana. Complete with drawings, and Kaien being confused by Rukias art.Rukia: Youre sure you can trust him? He seems pretty sketchy. I mean, anyone who cant appreciate fine art cant be too reliable.
Kaien: The hell kind of logic is that? And I can too appreciate fine art! Dont blame me just because your artistic skills suck! My baby brother can draw better than you!
- Rukias horror upon Kaien expressing that she reminds him of his sister, not pleased with being similar to someone Kaien is related to.
- Hisanas plan to avoid Kaien carrying her using Shunpo in chapter 15 - bringing two bags that are half her size packed to the brim, complete with excuses as to why she can't bring anything less coming from her family.
- Hisanas attempt to catch Yoruichi through bribery. Standing between the Third and the Fourth divisions decked in catnip with a variety of relatively high-grade sashimi spread out on several plates before her, as well as a few paper boxes she got on the logic that cats like boxes. Even more so when Byakuya finds her while in the company of Yoruichi.
- Hisanas father-of-my-child act.Hisana: Shiba-fukutaicho is the one who found me in the Rukongai. Also, hes the one who gave me my child.
Kaien: What the dontdont say it like that!
Hisana: Im not sure what you mean, Shiba-fukutaicho. You are the reason why I have Tonton-chan, after all. How is my baby doing, by the way?
Gin: Ya mean ta say tha its true?
Hisana: In a manner of speaking.
Kaien: Its not what you think. Shes talking about a pet pig that I gave her because of a bet. She just dotes on the animal like its her own child.
- More often than not, Gin and Hisana interacting, which often is in the form of exchanging increasingly insulting remarks. It also includes Gin making some suggestive comments that often flies over Hisanas head, Hisana who likewise seems to miss why people start wheezing when exposed to their relationship.
Describe the nature of your complaint. Please include as much detail as possible: While the disturbing amount of interest Fifth Division third seat Ichimaru Gin has in fake penises and bondage is none of my business
- Also to what lengths Hisana goes to to avoid Gin, from wanting to know the sewers to dodge him to being motivated to learn to sense spiritual energy.Gin: Ive barely seen ya these past few days, which is so sadIve been lookin for you everywhere.
Hisana: What a coincidence, Ichimaru-san. I have been avoiding you everywhere.
- Hisana's first reaction to being saved by Gin is disbelief that they sent him as reinforcement.Hisana: Out of all the people they could have sent for reinforcements, they had to send you?
- Gin deciding that the best idea is to carry her shortly after this, only being discouraged when Hisana bites him and Hisana pickpocketing him when he drops her. When Hisana reveals she has his purse he ends up tying her up and carrying her back that way despite her attempt to use the Seventh Seat on the mission with her to get away.
- Hisana distracting Gin by demanding he pays back a food debt.Hisana: Im hungry, Ichimaru-san. Do something about it.
Gin: Oh? And why on earth should I?
Hisana: Because by my last estimate, you owe me six pieces of dango, four balls of mochi, half a cup of tea oh, and three cookies that I was saving for Yachiru-chan. Money doesnt grow on trees, you know. Id normally hold a grudge, but Im hungry and so Im giving you this chance to redeem yourself.
- Hisanas 9th harassment report against Gin. Gin knows about them, and is rather proud of them.
—and promptly choked on his tea. Several minutes of coughing and almost hacking up a lung later (during which he developed a new sympathy for Ukitake), Shinji finally recovered enough to continue skimming through the report with increasing incredulity.
I would greatly appreciate it if something could be done to prevent him from propositioning me with various sexual instruments as I have no interest in catching any amount of unpleasant STDs or worse, whatever it is that makes Ichimaru Gin Ichimaru Gin. To be perfectly frank, I would rather commit seppuku than risk the latter.
The rest of the report went on in much the same way, a mixture of dry wit (there are several brothels in the Rukongai I can suggest if Ichimaruor any other Fifth Division memberis having trouble finding willing participants), acerbic insults, and rather explicit threats barely disguised by clinically polite words. Shinji was rather impressed with (should this behavior continue, I would be happy to attempt curing his obsession with gifting me phallic devices by simultaneously inserting them all into his rectal cavity. As a healer, I would do my best to prevent any permanent damage from accidentally occurringalthough this possibility is unlikely, as the human body is incredibly resilient when it comes to recovering from physical trauma.) He mentally translated that passage as 'the next time Ichimaru does this, I'm shoving multiple dildos up his ass and I won't be careful about it either,' and barely suppressed a snort.
The last questionwhat is your suggested remedy in this complaint?contained only a short response: As I have deemed the space provided for this question to be inadequate, I have taken the liberty of attaching another sheet of paper to this report.
Feeling an odd mix of trepidation and anticipation, Shinji flipped the page and found himself looking at a cartoon?
It was a cartoon, Shinji realized upon looking closer and discovering what looked like a chibi-fied version of his third seat with x-ed out eyes tied from neck to toe in rope, so that he looked like some kind of deformed worm. The next frame had him packed into a fucking canon of all things, next to a drawing of a cackling chibi-fied girl with long hair dancing around and holding a lit match. Shinji didnt have to be a genius to guess that the cartoon girl was probably meant to represent Yukimura, although why she was dancing on a pile of dango skewers and money bags, he had no idea. The third frame showed the chibi-Gin shooting into the sky, disappearing into the distance. The fourth and final frame showed the chibi-Gin landing face-first in a pre-dug grave in front of a headstone, a sign saying 80th District- West Rukongai next to it.
At the bottom of the page, written in the same meticulously neat handwriting as the rest of the report, was another note: Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you take my suggestions into account when coming up with a solution. I have confidence that with the proper intervention, this kind of behavior can be prevented from occurring again in the future.
- Hisanas practice dummy for Kido being decorated to look like Gin.
- Hisana taking care of Gin while disguising it as anything but concern. Baking him blueberry muffins when he is mildly allergic to blueberries, and giving him hideous gloves because his hands are cold.Hisana: And for the last time, get your hands off of me. Wait, that reminds me.
Hisana: (pulls out the most hideous pair of mittens in an eye-searing shade of orange with a green bullseye pattern on the back) Your hands are always freezing and since you wont stop touching me, I came up with a win-win solution for the both of us.
Gin: These are the ugliest mittens Ive ever seen. Theyre not even practicalhow the hell do ya expect me ta wield a sword in these?
Hisana: (flushes) They were originally supposed to be gloves. (smirk) But that doesnt matter, the point is that youre going to wear them anyway or else Im telling Aizen-fukutaicho that you refused a handmade gift that I spent hours and hours making. So there.
Gin: This is petty, even for you Hisana-chan.
Hisana: I never claimed to be otherwise.
- Also to what lengths Hisana goes to to avoid Gin, from wanting to know the sewers to dodge him to being motivated to learn to sense spiritual energy.
- Once you know that Hisanas friend Ran-chan is Matsumoto Rangiku, one of the things she tells Hisana about her friend (Gin) stands out...It amazes me how you can be so astute in some ways and so blind in others, Yuki-chan, she said softly. You kind of remind me of Gof my best friend, in that way. I think you two would get along.
- This entire exchange, ending with Otoribashi choking on air:Unohana: Well, I can hardly punish someone for standing up for themselves. Dont you agree, Otoribashi-taicho? However, while I understand defending yourself, I would remind you that we do have a professional reputation to maintain. Dont think that I havent heard the stories about you and Ichimaru Gin.
Hisana: Hes always the one who starts it! Hes always in here trying to fluster me! Did you know that he came here last week requesting that I check him for an STD, of all things? An STD! Like anyone would consent to sleep with that creepy snake-faced bastard in the first place, theyd probably be traumatized for life—
Unohana: Did he really?
Hisana: You make one comment about how you think hes overcompensating with that ridiculous shikai of his, and suddenly hes in your exam room trying to prove you wrong.
- Yachiru and Hisana decorating the Eleventh Division headquarters with paintings of brightly colored flowers and butterflies, prancing bunnies, arching rainbows, flying fairies, as well as a life-sized unicorn, complete with the members of the Eleventh Division having expressions varying from aghast to shell-shocked.Hisana: That would be me. Yukimura Hisana. Member of Squad 4 and kido specialist. Its a pleasure to meet you.
Yumichika: You know, some might think it unwise for a person to admit to such a thing after vandalizing our property.
Hisana: Vandalism? I would never. All I did was help repaint your headquarters after receiving explicit permission from your Vice-Captain. Isnt that right, Yachiru-chan?
- Hisana being incredibly dense when Niijima, then only known as Grumpy-face, tries to subtly clue her in on the fact he'd like to offer her a place in the Kido Corps for a month and continues not getting it until he spells it out to her.Hisana: Hey, does this mean that I finally get to see your face?
Niijima: Not a chance.
- Hisanas first meeting with Shinji and second meeting with Aizen, to which she was pulled by Gin, where Hisana convinces Shinji that Sarugaki is out to make him bald, and this conversations happens...Shinji: But either way, ya seem ta have things well in hand. And Ichimaru may be annoyin but he dont bite.
Hisana: Yes, youd think so, wouldnt you?
Gin: Hey now, dont be blamin me for that, Hisana-chan. If I remember correctly, you were the one who started it.
Hisana: It was self-defense!
Gin: Oh yeah, blame me for tryna help by carryin your ungrateful ass back before ya fainted from exhaustion
Hisana: I wouldnt have fainted, you jerk; if I remember correctly, I made it all the way back completely conscious, thank you very much
Gin: Yeah, because I carried ya most of the way
Shinji: Are they always like this?
Aizen: To the best of my knowledge, yes.
- Ikkaku, upon first meeting Rukia, thought that Hisana had shrunken.
- Hisana having a picnic under a table at the Kido Corps interns social event, only to find Shirai doing the very same thing.
- Shirai being a light weight means he is drunk when orientation begins and his and Hisanas picnic end, as well as refusing to be sobered up by healing Kido because he doesn't like how healing Kido feels, ending with Hisana knocking him out with knock-out drugs to sober him up and them smelling of enough alcohol for Tsukabishi Tessai to notice.
- Shirais choice of curses and how both Takeda and Hisana are bothered by them. These curses include soggy biscuits, cold pea soup, sour prunes, burnt pile of hamburger, stupid squash, turnip, cauliflower, and brussel sprout.
- Kyouraku and Ukitake sharing embarrassing stories about Byakuya with Hisana in front of Byakuya.
- Shirai and Takeda kidnapping Hisana from the hospital because Iemura kicked them out, Shirai kept fainting due to the concentration of spiritual energy in the air, Takeda nearly fainted when he ran head-first into Kuchiki Ginrei, Shirai had to run and throw up when Zaraki and Yachiru came to visit while Takeda jumped out the window... And because Niijima had been unbearable since he heard what happened to Hisana and takes out his repressed emotions out on them, they agreed to do their projects together, and Shirai had always wanted to kidnap someone.
- Shirai, Takeda, and Hisana talking about why Shirai wants to specialize in creating Kido spells so that he can name Kido spells ridiculous names. The names thrown between Shirai and Hisana includes Giant Watermelon of Doom, Power of Friendship, Strip Dance, Puppy Dog Eyes, Monkey Butt, and Sense of Humor, while Takeda snipes that neither of them deserves to be Shinigami.
- Kaori, Kazuki, and Mitsuo making bets on who of Byakuya and Hisana will realize that they are in love first, even calling them the World's Most Clueless Couple, with Kaori and Mitsuo betting on Hisana, Kazuki betting on Byakuya, and Renji betting it's never gonna happen.
- Rukia and Byakuya bonding over their sub-par artistic abilities and Admiral Seaweed, and Hisana being completely unable to say anything negative or even no to the hopeful and starry-eyed looks they had.
- Hisanas delight upon learning about tranquilizers, and the way she avoids promising anything that will keep her from trying to sedate Gin. And how Iemura is not fooled for an instant by her innocent act.Iemura: I don't think I need to remind you that using a sedative on a patient is reserved for only the direst of situations?
Hisana: Of course not, Iemura-senpai. I would only ever sedate someone if they had to be restrained for the benefit of either themselves or the people around them. The wellbeing of my patients is my first priority, after all.
Iemura: Just promise me that you won't go around attacking any captains or lieutenants?
Hisana: Who do you take me for, Iemura-senpai? I wouldn't go after a captain without first obtaining a couple doses of a much stronger sedative. I'm not suicidal, after all.
- It only takes to the afternoon for Hisana to be caught chasing a half-naked Gin throughout the halls.Hisana: Oi Ichimaru-san, hold still
- It only takes to the afternoon for Hisana to be caught chasing a half-naked Gin throughout the halls.
- Hisana tricking an Eleventh Division member into eating a mouthful of wasabi.Kaien: Is it true?
Hisana: Is what true?
Kaien: Did you really eat an entire bottle of wasabi for lunch?
Hisana: Of course not. That's ridiculous what made you think that?
Kaien: I don't know maybe the fact that the entire Fourth Division has been talking about it? And the fact that half the Eleventh Division suddenly decided to respect you overnight?
Hisana: It was just a jar of mashed-up avocado. I don't know why everyone's getting so worked up over it. As for the other jar, well He looked so eager to try it, and far be it from me to deprive anyone of the opportunity to experience new things.
Kaien: You tricked an Eleventh Division member into eating a giant mouthful of wasabi. You ingenious little shit.
Hisana: I admit to nothing.
- Hisana convincing Ayame to try on Unohanas captain haori which spirals into getting Iemura, Isane, Hanataro, Ogidou, and half of the Fourth Division trying it on. Ayame and Iemura convincing Hisana to try it on as well, followed shortly by Ogidou bursting out laughing, Isane smiling, and Ayames expression being one typically reserved for baby ducklings and fluffy kittens.