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Funny / Vampyr (2018)

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This game might be a dark RPG, but there are comical moments still. Unmarked spoilers below!


  • Dr. Swansea's response to Jonathan suddenly and eagerly supporting his desire to study vampire blood.
    Jonathan: (enthusiastically) Well, using my blood I could create a whole army of vampires!
  • Dr. Swansea referring to himself as the “little old me” in one optional dialogue.
  • Dorothy Crane talking about herself after Jonathan makes her resign.
    Dorothy: There is not much to say. [...] I was born in Romania and I may have been the best nurse Pembroke ever had... before you fired me.
    • Reid asks if she trusts him and she says, "Well, you fired me for illegally operating on a patient in order to protect your friend. So, yes, because we're both blackmailers."
  • Giving Charlotte a taste of her own medicine by painting a colorful picture of what a vampire could really do to a desperate Vampire Vannabe: assault them, drain them, and leave their carcass to the rats. Jonathan details all of this with a straight face... then admits he's got an atrocious sense of humor.
    Charlotte: (in a squeaky voice) Oh, my God! For one second, I thought you actually... Excellent, Dr. Reid. Very convincing.
  • In Chapter Two, reporting to Lady Ashbury right after defeating the Sewer Beast will award you with an exceedingly deadpan “that was fast” remark.
  • Everything there is to do with Ichabod Throgmorton, the vampire hunter extraordinaire.
    Jonathan: (barely quells laughter) A vampire hunter? Really?
    Jonathan: (reporting after completing Ichabod's quest) I put up your public service announcement. Consider the common folk warned about the... (pauses) vampiric presence.
  • Myrddin telling Jonathan King Arthur was a champion before him makes the man scoff and mutter a “why am I not surprised?” under his breath.
  • Chatting with Dr. Swansea after Jonathan turns him yields this gem.
    Jonathan: What will you do now that you are immortal?
    Dr. Swansea: (promptly) Experiment, my dear colleague. I have an eternity to make scientific progress. I could be the only scientist able to undertake extremely experiments upon himself!
    Jonathan: What kind of experiments?
    Dr. Swansea: Who knows? Nervous shock, brain damage, pain, and recovery. There is almost no limit to what my body can now endure. I could be the next Henry Head!
    Jonathan: (indignantly) My God, Edgar! Did you learn nothing from your forays into folly?
    Dr. Swansea: I have, I swear. No more experiments on mortals. See? I said mortals.
  • Dr. Swansea stopping a potential confrontation between Jonathan and McCullum by saying he just had the carpet the two men are standing on cleaned.
  • Louise asks Jonathan if vampires are capable of having sex, catching the doctor off-guard and making him sputter.
    Louise: Can vampires even fuck, doctor?
    Jonathan: What? Hmm... Well... I... I really can't answer that... I... Well... Since they are creatures of blood. Um, physically speaking, I suppose an erection is possible... But... I... Hmmm!
    Louise: (holding in laughter) Don't be embarrassed, Dr. Reid. I was just asking.
  • How to demonstrate the Swanborough Cordial is absolutely worthless as medicine? Beside its use to find a hint, it also has an actual ingame use in the crafting system. It doesn't serve to craft actual remedies or serums, recycling it at a workbench just earns you a glass vial. In other words, the thing is so useless that all Jonathan does with it is dumping the cordial itself to keep the bottle, which at least can be used to craft actual working medicine.
  • Camellia is mute and cannot speak. Jonathan has a dialogue tree with her, asking her several questions. Every question is answered with silence, subtitled with “...”

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