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    Season 1 
1 - Kimmy Goes Outside!
  • Some black comedy: the episode opens with the Mole Women singing around the Christmas tree to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"
    Apocalypse, Apocalypse / We caused it with our dumbness
  • When the girls are rescued, the first news bulletin we see reads "White women found" with "Hispanic woman also found" as a secondary headline.
  • Donna Maria Nuñez, on why she didn’t learn any English in the 15 years of captivity: “These bitches don’t learn any Spanish, so…”
  • Any of the Fish out of Temporal Water jokes.
    • For instance, there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it CMOF where the Mole Women are on the Today show and call Matt Lauer "Bryant" (who hasn't been on Today in years).
    • Kimmy insisting that Titus will sing at the Grammys with Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson.
    Titus: Bad examples, but yes!
  • Lilian's description of Titus is that he's “like a wonderful French roll, but Black.”
  • “Dancing is about butts now!”

2 - Kimmy Gets a Job!

  • Titus, having failed to land a part in The Lion King, stages his own No Budget version of the musical. It's a one-man play complete with a Suspiciously Similar Song to "Circle of Life", and an alley cat for Simba.
    • Only one man is in the audience: a lawyer serving Titus a Cease-and-Desist letter for his IP infringement against Disney.
  • Kimmy made a scarf for Cyndee's birthday. The scarf was made out of Kimmy's hair, and Donna Maria's hair.
    Donna Maria: I never gave you any hair!
  • Buckley exasperatedly tells his mother that he hates superheroes; he only plays with superhero toys because he likes playing the supervillain.
    Buckley: I like how they blow up hospitals!

3 - Kimmy Goes On A Date!

  • Kimmy: "Well I had a cellphone, Xan. Obvs. But I lost it. At the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan. The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days."
  • Titus, in an attempt to get out of paying money to Lilian (and because he needs new head shots), claims that he's attending a funeral. She decides to tag along, and they end up at the funeral of an elderly Korean man. During a particularly solemn moment, he starts singing Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You."
    Titus (singing) We're gonna celebrate, all through the night, I'll make love to you - (beat, realizing he's singing a wildly inappropriate song for the occasion) - Like you want me to...
  • In a flashback, Jacqueline's parents visit her in New York and are frustrated with how much she's changed and how she's forgotten everything they taught her:
    Jacqueline: Well some of the things you taught me were dumb! Like using the whole buffalo! Some parts just aren't good, guys! For example: the poop.
    Jacqueline's mom: No one told you to use the poop!
    Jacqueline: Oh.

4 - Kimmy Goes to the Doctor!

  • All of Doctor Sidney Grant (pronounced Frampf), Jacqueline's plastic surgeon has gone through so many procedures that it's hard to tell if s/he's a man or a woman.
    "I cannot choose (which procedure to recommend). It's like asking which of my children's...placentas was most delicious."
    (After being punched by Kimmy) "Ouch. I assume."
  • As Kimmy's just about to go through a treatment with Doctor Grant, she realizes that plastic surgery won't fix her problems. She fights off the anaesthetic and gives a Rousing Speech to the women in the waiting room. Unfortunately, she's still pumped full of anaesthetic and slurs everything.
    • Before then, when she's about to get the surgery, she sees another Buhbreeze commercial, only it's seemingly set in the bunker, complete with Reverend Richard, back to the camera, spraying the Buhbreeze. The Reverend then turns around... and he's the Full House babynote .
  • Titus auditions for the role of Spider-Man 12 in the sequel of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, Spidermen Too: 2 Many Spidermen after six members of the cast were critically injured "at the hands of Spider-Man's greatest foes: gravity and floors."
    And I will crush that Spider-Man. And then that other Spider-Man. And all the Spider-Men. Till I'M... The Spider-Mannnn!
    Spider-Men, we're at it again. This time with 50% more.. Spider-Mennn. Ohhhh yeeaahhh.
    Not quite a bug, not quite a man. How do I break out from this Spider-Man Clan? I want to be proud. I don't want to hide. Don't trap me in a cup and put me outside... with all those otherr...
    Spider-Men, we're at it again. This time with even more Spider-Men. Another 50 Spider-Men, a trillion Spider eyes. We may be spiders, but we're dropping like... fliiiessss.

5 - Kimmy Kisses a Boy!

  • Kimmy accidentally shaming a construction worker who catcalls her at the beginning of "Kimmy Kisses a Boy!" It would be a CMOA, except her "I like your yellow hat" comment was completely sincere and not an attempt to give him grief.
  • In the bunker, Cyndee's dream date consisted of going up to makeout point... Then refusing to make out and just driving back home.
  • Cyndee visits Kimmy and introduces her boyfriend, Brandon. It's obvious to everyone aside from Cyndee and Kimmy that Brandon's gay.
    • When Kimmy and Brandon are alone in the diner:
      Kimmy: I think I'm going to have the chef's salad. Who do you like to have sex with?
      Brandon: I like hairless guys with a little--
      Kimmy: You are an escritoire!
      Brandon: I'm a desk? I mean I don't know what that means.
    • In a flashback in the bunker
      Donna Maria: (in Spanish) Brandon is a gay guy's name, right?
    • A bartender hitting on Brandon: "Welcome to New York. I want to say...Brandon?"
    • Also, Titus attempting to seduce Brandon.
      Titus: (lifting Brandon by the lapels) Tell me I'm a pretty boy.
      Cyndee: What are you two doing?
      Titus/Brandon simultaneously: Sports.
  • After Titus fails to seduce Brandon, he gets increasingly paranoid about being old.
    "Am I not a pretty young thing anymore? Am I a Bear now? Or a Daddy? Or a Huxtable?
    • Kimmy attempts to cheer him up by telling him that age doesn't matter:
      "Titus, age doesn’t matter. You can die at any time"
    • While wearing a sweater that looks like what Cliff Huxtable would wear:
      "Black, gay, and old? I’m not even gonna know which box to check on the hate-crime form."
    • Titus getting his confidence back and whipping off his old-man sweater to reveal a Baby Slut tee shirt.

6 - Kimmy Goes to School!

7 - Kimmy Goes to a Party!

  • Kimmy and Titus go to a fancy coffee shop that neither of them can afford. To blend in, Titus takes out a cardboard box with magazine pictures on it and uses it as a laptop and Kimmy takes out a banana and starts using it as a phone.
    • She actually gets an audio text alert from it.
    • Also, they speak absolute gibberish in a French accent.
      Waitress gives Kimmy a water
      Kimmy: (In French accent) Beyonce.
  • Titus withdraws $2 from an ATM, but gets charged $3 as a transaction fee. He gets a $-1 bill, which has Warren G. Harding on it.
  • Jacqueline on needing to catch her husband cheating on her:
    Jacqueline: I have to catch him red-handed. His hands will be red because -
  • Kimmy to Xan: "Hey Xan, 2090 called. You’re dead, and you wasted your time on Earth."
  • Titus' reaction to YUKO:
    Titus: Why do robots keep getting in the way of my dreams?
  • Julian scoffs at Jacqueline's accusations of infidelity.
    Julian: And whom exactly am I supposed to be having this affair with? Am I sleeping with my assistant? Fat Rhonda? Of course not.
    (camera pans over to show a portly woman sitting behind him)
    Rhonda: (completely unflustered) Hey, I get mine. It's all about that bass.
  • When Jacqueline tosses her drink at YUKO:
    Titus: You did exactly what you had to do! That thing was gonna ruin both our lives! We cannot compete with it!
    Jacqueline: You having second thoughts, pal? Because I got room here for both of you.

8 - Kimmy Is Bad at Math!

  • "All my friends are people I pay, trainers and stylists and beauticians, and I doubt they say 'Wow, your anus really responds to the laser' because they want to."
  • Kimmy attempts to give Jacqueline a Rousing Speech, but she does so by drawing on her experience of being forced to live in a bunker as part of a cult for 15 years.
    Kimmy: Because that's what women do. We eat a bag of dirt, pass it in a kiddy pool and move on.
    Jacqueline: I hope that's a metaphor.
    Kimmy: It's not. We needed the iron.
  • Kimmy tells Titus about her new friend Dong:
    Kimmy: He's so good at math.
    Titus: That's racist!
    Kimmy: But...he is good at math.
    Titus: I don't make the rules.
  • After Titus spends all day in his werewolf costume (and points out that he gets treated better as a werewolf than as a black man), the adhesives start to deteriorate. At the moment he cries out to Kimmy for help, a passing (white) yuppie couple take notice. The woman yells out "Honey, that werewolf needs help!" When the costume falls off to reveal that Titus is black, they scream and the man says "It's Samuel L. Jackson!"

9 - Kimmy Has a Birthday!

10 - Kimmy's in a Love Triangle!

  • Xanthippe needs Kimmy's help after her parents' divorce could lead to her getting sent off to Connecticut.
    Xanthippe: Put yourself in my shoes.
    Kimmy: *looks at Xan's shoes*
    Xanthippe: Oh my god! Not literally! It's like talking to a chicken!
  • Upon being sent to live with her birth mother, Xanthippe vows to return and avenge herself upon Kimmy, after learning "all that Connecticut has to teach me about revenge."
  • The 1938 box-office bomb Daddy's Boy.
    Osborne: ...and that's how the 1938 musical train wreck Daddy's Boy ends. Mid-song, as their crew refused to continue working on the production.

11 - Kimmy Rides a Bike!

  • Titus tries his best to sound supportive and comforting to Kimmy regarding the trial of Reverend Wayne:
    Titus: What's channel's it on? I mean, what channel's it on? I'm trying to say something supportive. What channel's it on?
    ...
    Titus: I’m your friend, so I’m going to come to Durnsville with you...so I can see the trial without ads!
  • Reverend Wayne arrives at court and instantly charms a local newswoman:
    Reverend Wayne: Carla, let me tell you a little story. I was.. walking on the beach with the Lord and there was two sets of footprints in the sand, and then there was three sets of footprints and I said 'who's that?' And the Lord said, 'It's Dale Earnhardt. He's a big fan of yours.'
    • He also charms the jury pretty quickly:
    Reverend Wayne: See, I'm a man of faith. I believe in Gosh and his son Jeepers and the Holy Ghost, who is here supporting me.
    ...
    Reverend Wayne: I'd like to play you folks a little song about another 'crazy' preacher you might've heard of. His name was Jesus. He was a.. one-eyed one horned flying purple people eater...

12 - Kimmy Goes to Court!

  • While the fact that he had four women trapped in a bunker is not at all funny, the reveal of what the "mystery crank" was for is pretty hilarious: There had to be an easier way to power your man-cave, Richard.
  • Titus, upon realizing that he's on TV, takes a microphone and tells everyone to stand for the national anthem...and then proceeds to sing the theme for America's Funniest Home Videos.
  • Cyndee knowing that being gay isn't a choice... But instead it's caused by "watching Magic Mike during a lightning storm"
  • Titus doubting the claim that there's a darker side to fame, responding that he's seen the first half of every Behind the Music video.
  • Marcia asking Chris where Gary is going with his point, to which he writes "IDK" (I don't know) on a piece of paper. She has no idea what it means, and asks if it's a black thing.
  • Titus completely bombing a TV interview.

13 - Kimmy Makes Waffles

  • Reverend Wayne's completely bizarre video, which features him doing awful Karate, singing, auditioning for The Apprentice, and humping an ottoman.
  • Lilian briefly mistakes a feather duster and a magic 8 ball as Kimmy and Titus respectively.
  • Jacqueline's meltdown after her divorce.
    Jacqueline: Well all I'm hoping to find out is who I am now that I'm not Mrs. Voorhees anymore. And this house is not helping. I mean, what did Vera do with all this trash? It used to just disappear. Did she eat it? I've been in this dress for two days. (Hysterical laughing). 'Coz there's no one here to unzip it. I took a shower in it and now it's rusted shut. (Hysterical laughing). Life is funny. Who am I? I have to go pack for myself. Can you fold pants? What? Road trip!
  • Reverend Wayne goes too far:
    Reverend Wayne: Shut your mouth Kimmy Schmidt! If God wanted women to talk, He wouldn't have made their mouths look so much like their privates!
  • "Here's the plan: prostitution."

    Season 2 
1 - Kimmy Goes Roller Skating!
  • The entire How We Got Here opener with Kimmy, Titus, Lillian and Mimi celebrating Fake Christmas. It's funny because it seems so random, even though it will only make sense by the time episode 8 begins.
  • Jacqueline replacing the peace pipe with a vape.
  • Titus's divorce lawyer has his priorities mixed up.
    Titus's lawyer: Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The bad news is Instagram canceled my account due to lack of interest.
  • Dong's accent isn't as thick anymore...because he's been watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians and he occasionally slips into their cadence.
  • There are three things Titus does not do: apologies, drag, and calculus.

2 - Kimmy Goes on a Playdate!

  • After hearing a loud crash from Titus' room:
    Kimmy: Titus what happened?
    Titus: Like Icarus, my friend who had too much stuff in his closet, I had too much stuff in my closet.
  • Jacqueline on why she's rejecting an apartment:
    If I could see New Jersey, that means it could see me.
  • After Kimmy easily lifts a manhole cover:
    Jacqueline: She should NOT be able to do that.
  • This:
    Jacqueline: You know who Robin Hood is?
    Kimmy: Uh, yeah? That Disney movie where Robin Hood is a fox. When you were little, did you think he was handsome and then, like, your crotch gets a headache?
    Jacqueline: Are you kidding? That voice? And how he didn’t wear pants?!
    Kimmy: Mmmmmmmm.

3 - Kimmy Goes to a Play!

  • Kimmy: If Aisha Tyler can play a white woman on Friends, I guess it's okay.
  • Lilian talking to a Verizon worker:
    Lilian: You can't do this to my home. Hey, hey, Sesame Street was based on this neighborhood. 'Cause there's a guy who lives in a garbage can, and there's a gigantic furry monster that only I can see.
    ...
    Lilian: (to invisible monster) Why didn't you eat him?
  • Titus explaining to Kimmy that everyone on the Internet talks like Chandler from Friends.
  • Jacqueline sitting on ghost chairs.
  • A protester getting raptured randomly.

4 - Kimmy Kidnaps Gretchen!

  • The clip of Bunny and Kitty from the end of the episode.
  • After Lilian shows off a picture of Mikey's mom to Kimmy and Titus:
    Kimmy: Now, that's what I call a MILF.
    Titus: Don't tell us what you think it stands for.
    Kimmy: My Interesting Lady Friend!
    Titus: (Simultaneously with Kimmy) We already know it's wrong!
  • Gretchen's first run at joining a cult post-bunker life? Working for Apple.
  • Gretchen's progressively worse "Choose Your Own Adventure" night out:
    • Eat six ice cream cones (including coffee with strawberry sauce).
    • Adopt a pitbull once owned by a drug dealer.
    • Steal a handgun from a police officer.
    • Do "nose candy" with several knock-off Elmo impersonators.
    • And unbeknownst to Kimmy, get a large chest tattoo in a bathroom stall.
  • Before then, Gretchen overhears a car playing "Put Em On the Glass" and runs toward the car, exposing her bra, thinking that the message was meant for her,

5 - Kimmy Gives Up!

  • Dyziplen: used to treat hyperactivity, ADHD, and Kanye West spectrum disorder.
  • Kimmy's GED dream sequence.
  • Many of the songs from the fictional musicals that Titus sings:
    • From the Helen Keller-inspired but unauthorized musical "Feels Like Love"
      Does he even see me?
      Is he screaming my name?
      Is it him or a mop or a chair or a cop?
      Sad to say, but to me feels the same.
    • From Stephen Sondheim’s "Pinocchio":
      You do not define me, Richard
      I cannot be owned
      And if I had my way, Richard
      I would die alone
      Eaten by birds, digested by birds, shat out by birds, alone.
    • "You're My Baby Now", another song from "Daddy's Boy."
      You're my baby now
      How I love to hug and hold you
      You're my baby now
      For when daddy's arms enfold you
      And I rock-a-bye my baby in your warm and wooly nightie
      Baby always has a big surprise for daddy In his didy
      You're my baby now When you're squirming in my lap-y
      Such a big boy, wow
      You make daddy very happy
      Brains and muscles, man, you got 'em
      You're the tops and I'm the bottom
      I'm a lucky daddy 'Cause you're my baby now.

6 - Kimmy Drives a Car!

  • Kimmy has to impersonate Jacqueline to get a dental appointment:
    Kimmy: Hello, poppets!
    Jacqueline: I don't talk like Mrs. Doubtfire.
    Kimmy: It's always weird to hear your own voice.
  • To fill in the gap from her chipped tooth, Jacqueline uses a Mentos.
    • In the dental office, the same Mentos falls off and lands inside in the secretary's Diet Coke, causing a Mentos explosion.
  • While parked in the middle of the road:
    Kimmy: (to the car) If you're a Transformer, transform and fly out of here. (Beat) No, don't! I'll be crushed!

7 - Kimmy Goes to a Bar!

  • The beginning of the episode, with Jacqueline talking to a Christopher Columbus statue.
  • Deirdre's benefit, which conflicts with Jacqueline's gala, is for Lupus Awareness awareness.
    Deirdre: Not enough people know about Lupus Awareness.
  • Kimmy: I met a cute guy in the restaurant where I peed!
    Titus: Gross. Tell me more.
  • Deirdre's completely unhinged speech about wanting Jacqueline to rise up and be a great rival for her:
    Deirdre: What I want is for you to fight back! I watched you return to New York with nothing and claw your way to the top, and I thought, "Finally, here is the Raphael to my Michelangelo, the Leibniz to my Newton, the Lululemon to my Fabletics by Kate Hudson!" (Jacqueline is about to sit down but Deirdre kicks away the chair) Don't quit! "How dull it is to pause, to make an end, to rust unburnished, not to shine in use!" Unseat me as Alpha-Mom as I did Jenny Chamberlain at last year's Christmas Ho-Ho-Ho Down!
    Jacqueline and Deidre: You're insane.
    Deirdre: Jinx.
  • Mimi's terrible impersonation of Sia.
    Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha, cha-cha Chandelier! Fancy roof lamp! Chandelier! Chandelier!

8 - Kimmy Goes to a Hotel!

  • Mikey comes in dressed up as Santa Claus in fake-Christmas:
    Mikey: Wait, I can't kiss you, I'm married! And Mrs. Claus is a beautiful and very sexual woman!
    Titus: Where was all this acting commitment when I asked you say it was my birthday at Baskin Robbins?
  • Lillian's attempt to forge Jacqueline's painting to give to its rightful owners, which ends up as Monkey Jesus. [1]
  • Titus has to fill in for the Spooky Gravedigger/shift manager and ends up turning into Scrooge.
    • He refuses to let Rick go home early:
      Rick: But I have to take Tiny Tim to the doctor.
      Titus: I don't care about... Wait a minute, you don't have kids.
      Rick: Tiny Tim is my nickname for my penis. He's very sick.
      Titus: Hogwash!
      Rick: The hogwash just made it worse!
      ...
      Titus: If I gave everyone who had a sick penis the day off there'd be noone here at all, least of all me sir. Now good day!"
    • He later mistakes a witch as Lilian and a giant, red creature as Kimmy.

9 - Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady!

  • Now That Sounds Like Music! Music Inspired By, But Legally Different From, the Music You Love.
  • Andrea pointing out that Kimmy's erratic sleep cycle may be a symptom of depression:
    Andrea: You know who doesn't sleep? Depressed people.
    Kimmy: Yeah, well you know who else doesn't sleep a lot? Dolphins. And they're always smiling.
    Andrea: Dolphins are RAPISTS. Look it up!
    Kimmy: That's not why they're smiling, is it?
  • After Kimmy visits Andrea to ask her to become her therapist:
    Kimmy : What if we helped each other? Helping is kind of my thing. I helped Ms. Jacqueline get divorced and poor. That doesn't sound great.
    ...
    Andrea: I make my life work by separating my days from what I do at night. It's called compartmentalizing, and it's not a problem, because I know the words to describe it.
    ...
    Harold: Excuse me, Dr.Bayden.
    Andrea: Harold, damn it.
    Kimmy : (Simultaneously) Couch man!
    Harold: Is this coming out of my time?
    Andrea: Harold, I apologize. I know you have anxiety about being overlooked, but I would point out that you made the choice to wear the same colors as my couch.
    Harold: Even my cat forgets I'm there. She just ruins my stuff in front of me.
  • Titus looking for a tape tower by dumpster diving.
    Discarded Livestrong bracelets. The Union Cycliste Internationale voided Lance Armstrong's titles in 2012. I'm going back in time!
    ...
    That foot has a toe ring on it. I'm in the 90s!
    ...
    Titus: A Furby! OH GOD IT'S STILL ALIVE!
    Furby: Kill me!

10 - Kimmy Goes to Her Happy Place!

  • Lilian on fighting gentrification:
    Lillian:I'm gonna take this place down old-school, like back in the '70s when this city was a city. When we were giving Mayor Lindsay hell and Mayor Lindsay was giving Florence Henderson crabs and The Crabs were a street gang that threw live crabs at people.
    Titus: Is any of this real, Lillian?
    Lillian: Maybe.
  • Titus: The only therapy I ever had was a Christian Summer Camp that tried to make boys "Less Musical". (Starts clapping and singing) It was a tooootal bang fest!
  • Kimmy on why she doesn't like getting angry:
    Anger is bad and ugly. It's the opposite of who I want to be. So I don't get pissed off. I get pissed on.
  • Kimmy getting rewarded with stickers by Andrea.
    So one sticker a session? Or do I get more stickers based on what I say? 'Cause that's a better system. Not telling you how to do your job. You're the sticker doctor.
    • When she finds out that the stickers only go to kids:
      You lied to me, Doctor. If that even is your real name. Those stickers are for kids!
  • Mikey's grandmother being a puppet.
    Mikey: And then there's my Pupazza...
    Titus: *Gasp* Is that a person?
    Mikey: If it is, this could kill her.
  • Titus' coming out.
    If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not Elmo?

11 - Kimmy Meets a Celebrity!

  • Kimmy practicing talking to her mom by talking to Titus' framed photo of Geena Davis. The alternative was the nightmarish water stain on the wall.
  • Kimmy asking Cyndee how Brandon is:
    Kimmy: And how's Brandon? Is he in New York?
    Cyndee: Mentally, always. And also, yeah. We still haven't set a date yet because he keeps planning bachelor parties with guys he meets on the Internet.
  • Dr. Dave's show, a pastiche of Dr. Phil.
    • The guests and their introductions:
    As a child, she spent three weeks trapped in a well. It's well-baby, "Baby Debbie," Deborah Wells!
    He has a disease so rare that they named it after him. Please welcome Thomas Vletchen and his syndrome.
    You first met them as twins conjoined at the crotch. Now one of them wants back in. It's Bob and Bub Kittle.
    She was eaten and then pooped out by the orca that she raised at Sea World - please do not applaud, it's a trigger. Holly Krieger.
    Buzzfeed ranked her tragedy one of the top 10 most disturbing bunker kidnappings of 2015. It's Indiana Mole Woman Cyndee Pokorny!
    • The montage of Dr. Dave "helping" his clients:
      • He gives Cyndee a coconut with a beard since she loves coconuts but hates the Reverend.
      • He brings out an orca mascot to "swallow" Holly.
      • He holds a singing contest where the audience votes to eliminate Thomas.
    • Kimmy, when Dr. Dave suggests she has had serial sexual partners in her post-bunker life:
      Cereal what? No. Yeah, I’ve thought about Tony the Tiger.
  • Kimmy and Cyndee's hilariously childish fight:
    Kimmy: You shouldn't have a baby, because you're a baby!
    Cyndee: Why? Because I cry sometimes and laugh at keys and spit up milk a lot? I was gonna name my first kid after you! But now I wouldn't even name a bottom-half half kid after you! And that's where the butt is!
  • Kimmy declaring that she's not going to participate in the televised wedding:
    Kimmy: I'm not gonna be part of this.
    Cyndee: Good, 'cause this wedding's gonna be real emotional. And I'm totally gonna cry.
    Brandon: Yeah, I'm crying on the inside right now.
    Cyndee: Because we're not robots, Kimmy, unlike you.
    Kimmy: Oh, so my brain's a computer, I have a built-in jetpack, and my name stands for something cool, like "Killer Imagination Mega-Machine, Ya heard"? NICE INSULT! (High-fives Yuko on her way out)
  • Brandon's complete joy when the televised wedding with Cyndee doesn't push through.

12 - Kimmy Sees a Sunset!

  • The opening line of the episode:
    Kimmy: My mother's dead! She's dead! But that's Bambi. I got off on a tangent. You asked about my mom.
  • Kimmy explaining her mother's addiction to Andrea:
    Kimmy: But the thing that really raisined my cookie was her addiction.
    Andrea: Bah, I knew it! What was it? Pills? No, more dirtbaggy. Underdeveloped ears, facial trapezoidism. Huffing!
    Kimmy: Roller coasters.
    Andrea: What now?
    Kimmy: My mom's a coasterhead. She's addicted to riding roller coasters.
    Andrea: She what? That is dumb! I mean, would you care tlaborade?
  • Titus improvising a Trident gum commercial when he has to audition sick.
  • Kimmy, on how to hold your breath for four minutes:
    The trick is not caring whether you live or die.
  • Kimmy's intervention for Andrea.
    Kimmy: We are going to stay up here until the sun goes down. If you don't drink today, she loses. And that means you don't have to go on a bender. It's not like when you say "Bloody Mary" three times and she has to appear.
    Andrea: Why would you say "Bloody Mary" to an alcoholic?
    Kimmy: Andrea, stop, that's twice!

13 - Kimmy Finds Her Mom!

  • Various people mistaking Kimmy as a mascot in Universal Studios Florida.
  • Kimmy and her mom talking through their issues while on a roller coaster. They sit through the ride thrice in a row.
  • Kimmy calls Spongebob Squarepants "Cheese Businessman".
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    Season 3 
1 - Kimmy Gets Divorced?!
  • The first shot of the episode is Titus getting washed ashore. When he comes to, the first thing he sees is a seagull. His reaction?
    Titus: Don't even. Stupid sea pigeon, looking at me like that. Please! You're also at the beach with no friends.
  • Kimmy realizes she has real power over Reverend Wayne now that he wants her to sign divorce papers, and gleefully trolls him with the likes of naming all the things she likes to do that he can't in prison, and acting like she really is as dumb as he said and can't figure out which side of the paper to sign. And all the while, he never catches on that she's just screwing with him and tries to give her instructions in complete seriousness.
  • The Cutaway Gag parody of the old Sesame Street segment with the kids in the construction zone.

2 - Kimmy's Roommate Lemonades!

  • Right there in the title: Titus responds to Mikey apparently cheating on him by remaking multiple songs from Lemonade.
  • Lillian and Jacqueline discover that Kimmy is the only eligible voter in the district, and try to sway her vote by acting like they're fighting over who a dog will respond to.

3 - Kimmy Can't Help You!

  • Despite Titus repeatedly telling Kimmy to put up defenses and NOT buy-in to whatever Wendy's reasons may be for wanting to marry someone as awful as the Reverend, when she's alone with Titus for an extended period and lays out just how sad and defeated past relationships have made her, Titus' face becomes one of sheer torture. He practically squeals "Wendy, I am going to fix you!"

4 - Kimmy Goes to College!

  • When Titus calls Lillian for advice about singing a "horribly offensive" song, we're led to believe it will follow on the theme of the other conspiracy theory songs, bashing gays/jews/blacks or destroying the government. It's...a horribly generic pop song. ABOUT BOOBS AND CALIFORNIA. That's it. It's so mainstream and generic and forgettable, it makes Titus actually puke. And three months later, it's playing as a remix in Japanese dance clubs.

5 - Kimmy Steps on a Crack!

  • The episode begins with two men in suits hopping out of a van to capture Kimmy. Her survival instincts kick in and she thoroughly wrecks them. After the camera cuts away to the two men frantically explaining that they're from the FBI and need her help, it cuts back to Kimmy, who is shocked, and for some reason holding two handguns.

6 - Kimmy is a Feminist!

  • Perry gives Kimmy and drunk Xan a ride back to the dorm in his bus. They run into the three rowing team girls, who carry Xan inside. Less than a minute later, Xan runs outside yelling, "I'm free, bitches!" Perry and Kimmy chase after her.
    • After taking Kimmy back to her apartment, Perry tells Kimmy he wants to be a reverend. She freaks out, pushing him to the ground and throwing a trash can at him. As Perry stands up looking confused, one of the bus windows opens; it's Xan, who drunkenly yells, "I got back on the bus, yo! Bus life!"

7 - Kimmy Learns About the Weather!

8 - Kimmy Does a Puzzle!

9 - Kimmy Goes to Church!

10 - Kimmy Pulls Off a Heist!

11 - Kimmy Googles the Internet!

12 - Kimmy and the Trolley Problem!

13 - Kimmy Bites an Onion!

    Season 4 
1 - Kimmy Is...Little Girl, Big City!
  • Titus shows Jacqueline a copy of TV Guide, who comments that all the shows sound fake, including SMILF, Shameless (US), Billions, and Ray Donovan.
  • Kimmy's attempts to fire someone nicely leads to a sexual harassment complaint against her.
  • After Jacqueline discovers that Kimmy has to fire someone, she moves into the empty office for her talent agency, White Talent.
  • Kimmy's attempts to be a fun HR manager inadvertently led her to be terrifying to her co-workers.
  • After learning what boundaries are, Kimmy pictures all of her co-workers as titus.

2 - Kimmy Has a Weekend!

  • As a demonstration of white privilege, Kimmy is allowed to shoplift a fur coat, while Titus is threatened when he even thinks about putting the same coat on.
  • Kimmy bounces into the office singing "Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday" to a weird melody. A co-worker tries to point out that she's singing it wrong, but she's not: She's singing a song she just made up that has the same lyrics as Rebecca Black's "Friday" by complete coincidence. (And as a secondary joke, her brain is so simple and upbeat that she's on the exact same wavelength as a legendarily bad children's song.)

3 - Party Monster: Scratching the Surface

  • The entire episode's premise: a spot-on mockumentary satirizing true-crime documentaries like Making a Murderer.
  • The documentary tells us exactly what The reverend was charged with:
    Journalist: Three counts of white kidnapping and one count of Oopsie, no bueno.
  • The stock footage for the mockumentary consists of Titus acting out various scenarios.
  • After watching the entire mockumentary, Kimmy's response?
    Kimmy: Fooping Shit!

4 - Kimmy Disrupts the Paradigm!

5 - Kimmy and the Beest!

  • After making his point on how women are inferior to men, Kimmy challenges Fran to a arm wrestle to which Kimmy wins by breaking his arm, his responds?
    Fran: You are a man! It's the only explanation!

6 - Kimmy Meets an Old Friend!

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