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Funny / Umineko: When They Cry

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  • "I wouldn't put it past Grandfather/Kinzo."
  • EP1:
    • "...Putting aside if he was rare or well-done..."
      • The line was probably not intended to be funny, since it came on the heel of more than one tearjerker. Nevertheless, it's still a hilariously blasé way to talk about a person's charred corpse.
  • EP2:
    • Beatrice's "You are incompetent!" line to Battler - in red text. Followed immediately by her evil laughter - now also in red text.
    • Battler: "Looks delicious. Slice up your cowtits and make me a sandwich." Cue him slamming Beato's face into the table.
    • Also from EP 2, Kanon pretending to be Jessica's boyfriend leads to her friends all chattering and gossiping behind her back (well within earshot) which then leads to a rather hilarious beatdown from Jessica. And the Tsurupettan song.
    • In the original visual novel, a bunch of girls at Jessica's school show an uncomfortable interest in Kanon. Remembering Shannon's advice, he tells them "I'm with someone" and the girls leave in embarrassment. In the manga adaptation, he does the same thing... only for the girls to become even more excited by his response, which is accompanied by a small picture of a confused Shannon: "What!? In the visual novel it worked!!"
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    • Battler tells Maria to wait 10 years to ask him to eat her, and she agrees without any hesitation. Doubles as a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment: Battler doesn't realize how seriously the girls he flirts with will hold him to his promises.
  • EP3:
    Rudolf: "Oh yeah. It's like 'sucker merry barrels'. What do you get when you take out the e's and r's?"
    • The scene where Battler casually flirts with the "sexy-assed" Lucifer who mind you just massacred him in the previous arc. She takes it with all the stride you can expect from her.
    • The scene in the anime's episode 14 when Ronove reacts to Beato getting annoyed and almost making a bad move by slapping his hand over her mouth and saying, "Excuse me, we need to discuss our strategy." The look on her face is absolutely priceless, especially since she keeps trying to talk. Despite the fact that he's still covering her mouth with his hand.
    • This exchange:
    Beatrice: *laughs evilly*
    Ronove: Milady, your laugh lacks elegance.
    Beatrice: Oh, sorry about that. *laughs a bit more refined*
    • Anime episode 15, when Beatrice asks Battler for a new name, and he says something like "Beato is enough for you". Beatrice just kind of stands with a disappointed face, while Ronove - barely - suppresses a laugh.
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    • Later in the same episode, she gives her servants a speech. Even taking after what just have happened into account, and what it is they are talking about, it's still funny to see usually pompous Beato stumble with words like a scolded schoolgirl.
  • EP4:
    • Before the start of the game, Ronove tells Beatrice that Battler has been suffering from a nasty Heroic BSoD as a result of her crushing deception throughout EP3 and, after spectacularly rubbing it in her face, suggests she "cheer him up" by "shining with a brightness stronger than the dark." And so she appears before Battler in a hilariously huge entrance, tossing confetti everywhere and acting like a typical Genki Girl...only to find him energetically wrestling with Beelzebub for his breakfast. It has to be seen to understand the sheer hilarity of it.
      • To be exact, he told her that Battler was curled up in the corner, muttering to himself. And that he tried to offer Battler food, but Battler wouldn't eat. He just described Battler sleeping and made it sound like he'd gone past the Despair Event Horizon.
    • Battler mishearing "Gretel" as "Ghetto".
    • Virgilia's general dislike for Gaap is prevalent in this episode, especially towards how she shortens her name to "Lia." She even tries to shorten Gaap's name in retaliation, only to fail miserably and resort to taking out an "a," calling her "Gap." Thus, when Gaap does anything that touches a nerve, Virgilia throws a cute little hissy fit while rapidly muttering "Gapgapgap."
    • The entire fight between Krauss and Goat-kun, as detailed in Cliché Storm (YMMV page). It must be seen to be believed. To make the scene even funnier, the PS3 version added a counter on the top right of the screen for each Death Flag triggered. Needless to say that at the end the number was pretty big. And throughout the whole scene Virgilia was wondering where that beeping sound was coming from every time a flag was triggered.
    • Battler meets Beatrice, and she gives him the same Sadistic Choice as George and Jessica: Die, kill your lover, or kill everyone else. However, because Battler doesn't have any explicit love interest, the name on the "kill your lover" choice was left blank. Cue Battler declaring that he loves Beatrice.
  • EP5:
    • Piece Beatrice making a Sailor Moon reference. Even more amusing than the fact that Sailor Moon was released in 1991 is that the Beatrice in question is an illusion created by Natsuhi. The mental image of Natsuhi watching Sailor Moon is amusing. It also counts as an Actor Allusion as Natsuhi's voice actress is Emi Shinohara, the original voice actress for Sailor Jupiter.
    • After Battler jumps out of the window to show how Kinzo could have escaped the study, Erika furiously yells that there's no way an old man could do something like that. The family members... disagree:
    Nanjo: No, it would be possible for Kinzo-san.
    Rudolf: I wouldn't put it past Father.
    Eva: This is Father we're talking about...
    Hideyoshi: There's plenty of crazy stories about that man. Somethin' like this wouldn't surprise me a bit.
    • Erika in the Hidden Tea Party when trying to deny Battler's theory: "TAKE THAT, DEAD PEOPLE!!"
      • Battler: "I won't let you bitches hijack our game!"
  • In between EP 5 and EP6, we got a hilarious story: Game Master Battler! Battler becomes Drunk with Power over his new-found god-like powers. Hilarity Ensues. It wouldn't be half as funny if Umineko wasn't so Post Modernist! In any other series people asking the author to change stuff in the story would be entirely non-canon. In Umineko, it's a What If?. In fact, this story was so good it was adapted to manga.
    • One thing about this story in particular that could be funny to those who have already watched the ending of the series: When Battler is overwhelmed by the requests of all the characters, he asks Virgilia and Ronove if he can make the story end as an All Just a Dream. Virgilia and Ronove are not amused.
  • EP6:
    • Maria and Erika have a Wizard Duel over candy. It was even lampshaded.
      Cornelia: Let it be known that this fight has no point...
      • In the middle of that battle, after Erika performs a "magic trick" to Maria, Maria asks if that means Erika can also use magic. Erika tells her what it REALLY means.
      • Shortly afterwards, Erika takes out her frustration from not being allowed to completely crush Maria by punching Dlanor, which only hurts her hand.
    • When Erika looks inside the Guest Room that Battler was sealed in. And walks into the bathroom as the shower seems to be running. You can guess what happens next.
    • Kanon reminisces about everyone from the mansion and how much they mean to him. Then the heartwarming montage gets around to Gohda.
      Kanon: Godha? ....I hate that guy.
  • EP7:
    • After Kinzo explains how he met Beatrice Castiglioni for the first time, there's this gem with Lion and Will:
    Lion: So, by meeting Beatrice, you managed to regain your sense of self.
    Will: Or, as most people would put it, he cheated on his wife.
    *cue butt pinch on Will, who hops around in agony*
    • While Yasu's life story is being told, Krauss recalls how he once asked Kinzo a question about their new servant. Zepar and Furfur comment on this in their typical, irreverent way:
    Furfur: And what did Kinzo say?
    Zepar: Come on, we all know what he said.
    • There's something darkly hilarious about Rudolf greeting Kyrie with a casual, "Hi, honey! You look like shit!" after they've both killed multiple people over the gold.
  • EP8:
    • During the Halloween party scene, Kinzo is depicted in a decidedly... different light than before. His very first scene in the episode has him childishly complaining that he can't find his favorite tie pin, then running around the room while funny sound effects play.
    Genji: Master. Your dignity.
    • During the riddle contest for Ange, the family members give Ange all sorts of varied puzzles. What's Rosa's riddle about? It's about Rosa trying to carry out gold from the hidden chamber before Rokkenjima is blown up. Considering that the Ushiromiya family in this scene seems well aware of everything that's happened in the real world, it means Rosa is essentially darkly joking about the circumstances of their family's real-world deaths.
    • The manga features a game of hide-and-seek among the family members, and includes highlights such as Natsuhi catching Beatrice in the middle of painting bloody handprints on her bedroom door, with both reacting in shock, and a delightfully out of place, nightmarish grin from Eva when she tricks Hideyoshi out of hiding.
    • Many lines in Ange and Erika's lengthy conversation before the climax certainly qualify.
    Ange: Won't Bernkastel carry out the contract by slicing my head off with a scythe or something? Or will I be turned into chunks of meat again? Maybe I'll get some salt and pepper this time.
    Erika: ...I see, so that's where the chunks of meat thing came from.
    Ange: Did you say something?
    Erika: Nope, nothing at all!
    • Also in the same EP, from Bernkastel:
    "......Yes, thank you. ......See you around. ......Meow."
    • And the preceding scene, just for the sheer WTF-ness of seeing Trollkastel struggle with a telephone.
    "Telephone! Where is the phone book? Ah, here! Ugh, why is there nothing written in it?…… Ah, I forgot, I don't have any friends…… I'm not used to this, how should I speak first? Is just "hello" okay?"
    • Krauss pulling a very cheap Look Behind You on Erika is particularly hilarious due to the contrast between Erika's intelligence and the trick's simplicity:
    "And yet, at least I remember to tie my shoes."
    • When Ange voices her displeasure for Beatrice's relationship with Battler, Beatrice happily threatens to torment her until she dies while showing off Battler flirting with her. How does Ange responds? She starts flicking Beatrice in and out of existence with her resurrection powers, until Beatrice cries to Battler that "Ange's being mean!", shifting from the sadistic witch she usually is to a child complaining to a parent about getting bullied.
    • The Magic Ending in the manga has this scene: Ange visits the graves of her family, and what does she put on Battler's grave at their request? A package of two puddings shaped like boobs. It then leads to Beatrice freaking out as Battler fondles them, while Jessica and George call him a deviant. Maria, on the other hand, gladly proclaims Battler can fondle her boobs when she gets them, leading to Chiester 00 and Sakutarou basically screaming "MARIA NOOOO!!" It then leads to a two page spread of the whole family finding the scene amusing, except for Rosa, whose flustered facial expression can only be described as saying "N-now Maria...," and Natsuhi, who's got a headache.
  • Battler's image song "OPPAI in LOVE!"...just that song in general. Made even better when you learn that Oppai means boob in Japanese.

Alternative Title(s): Umineko No Naku Koro Ni