Return to the main Two Best Friends Play Funny Moments index here.
- Their near-simultaneous reaction to encountering the game's first Tiki Torch.
- The ending where Matt is just too shocked to say anything while Pat angrily asks him what he just did.
- Matt: Jump the shark! Jump the shark!Pat: NO, I DON'T WANT TO! (He glides over) Aaaaaw, I jumped it!
- Upon playing the game, Pat comes to a realization:Pat: This game is stupid. And you're stupid for making me play it. And now I'm stupid.
Matt: Well you didn't really need help with that in the first-
Pat: Oh that's real-
- The "flying garbage bag" that shows up out of nowhere, causing both Matt and Pat to yell out simultaneously "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
- Matt tries to offer moral support:Pat: No, I don't need moral support! I need to stop playing fuckin' Vampire Rain!
- The video ends on this note:Matt: So would you want to chip in to help me buy the full version—?Pat: NOOOO
Dead Rising 2
- Matt's priorities are not in proper order:Pat: Okay, dude, you can totally, like, wear outfits.
Matt: Like... like a skater outfit.
Pat: Yes, like a skater outfit.
Cut to Chuck wearing cut offs, Groucho Marx glasses, and a stocking cap while riding a pink bicycle.
Pat: What're you doing?
Matt: It's... you said I could do anything.
Pat: Yeah, but... Jesus Christ. This isn't gonna save Katie.
Matt: Really, are you sure? I think this is saving Katie. Now, see, this is...
Pat: What is wrong with you?!
- Near the end where Matt has Chuck wearing a white sunddress and fighting off a tiger with a purse.Pat: Why do you keep wearing ladies' clothing? Why are you always wearing ladies' clothing?
- Matt completely screws up the game by not giving Chuck's daughter her medication in time, causing her to turn into a zombie:Pat: Goooood job. You failed everything! You have literally failed everything. The whole game is over now. But it'll still let you play it to let you know how you fucked it up so bad.Pat: Y'know, this smooth jazz is really helping me to forget how you fucked up and killed that kid. Just like that other time.
Kane And Lynch: Dog Days
- The two keep getting confused which is Kane and which is Lynch.
- Matt deciding he wants to spin Lynch around in circles to create a dance party and Pat following him reluctantly.Pat: (cynically) This is the worst dance party ever...
- Matt and Pat sitting in complete silence while Kane and Lynch run down an alley completely naked and covered in blood until Matt finally chimes in:Matt: Wait a minute... wait...hold on a second...Pat: Why, what's the problem?
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
- Pat catching Matt up on the Assassins Creed story so far.Pat: You are in the Vatican in December 1499 after you beat the fuckin' Pope down with your fists.Matt: I beat the Pope??
- Pat comes to the conclusion that Ubisoft games are all about murder, citing Imagine Babyz as an example.
- Pat tricks Matt into climbing Castel Sant'angelo (the highest point in the game) and then letting go of his parachute at the worst possible time just for kicks.
Pat: I didn't think you had it in you... What with you being an incompetent sack of shit."
- * While Matt is reaching the top of Castel Sant'angelo, Pat makes this humorous comment.
Pat: You are the worst sneaky ninja.Matt: No one knows I'm here, I am Mr. incognito.Pat: Ugh, you don't even know what incognito means!Matt: It means that no one can see me with our eyeballs.
- This amusing exchange due to Matt's Buffy Speak in the last line.
- Matt causes a giant mob fight in front of him, causing Pat to look on in disbelief.Matt: (happily) YEAHHHHHH! SOCIAL DISORDER!
- "You are the fucking winter of my discontent, you son of a bitch."
- Pat's epic Your Mom joke.
- Matt as Ezio is grabbing people:Matt: LOVE ME! LOVE MEEEEE!
Dead Space 2
- Matt adding Space to everything possible like "Space AIDS", "Space America", "Space Zombies", "Space Wiki" and of course, "Space Rave".
- The beginning where Matt talks about how unsettling the tone of the game was and Pat's response.Pat: (condescendingly) Do you need your blankie to play this game?Matt: (whining) I might NEED the blankie.
- The ending where Matt was trying to deny needing a blankie and that he wasn't that scared, only for the both of them to freak out when a bug creature pops out at them.
- Pat discusses Nicole:Pat: And even when she's dead, she won't shut the fuck up. Man, she looks awful.
- "Oh, man! Isaac's the fucking boss! He didn't give a shit, he just headbutted the fuck out of that evil monster!"
- Matt lamenting the deaths of his "best friends" (read: everyone he meets) for the entire video.Matt:...Can you help me, guys? I'm just..."[they are killed and dragged into the ceiling]" Oh, so you guys are just gonna get...Pat: Okay, A) they were shooting at you, B) they're now chunks.
- Matt discovers stomping:Pat: Woah, why did you just kick his arm off?Matt: Do my feet have steroids?! How is that possible?Pat: Now his head fell off. [Matt continues to stomp the corpse] Stop that! That's fucked up!
- Isaac punches off a dead guy's head.
- The two of them discussing whether the game would be a good present for Pat's eight-year-old niece.Matt: Well, it'd teach her not to go to space.
- Pat's reaction to Matt saying "America!" when looking at a dead Necromorph.Matt: Space America!
Disaster: Day of Crisis
- Seeing the main character running against a raging firestorm while in a frog suit. Matt and Pat just let it go by without saying a single word.
- Their reactions to the main character downing comically oversized food.
- This exchange:Matt: (Pat has just rescued a young boy) You just saved that kid! Don't you feel good?Pat: NO!
Marvel VS Capcom 3
- Their friend goes up against them with a joystick, only to be mocked relentlessly as he is plugging it in. Next cut, we see their friend completely owning the both of them each match.
- Pat completely annihilating Matt with Dark Phoenix's combos.Matt: You put in cheat codes!Pat: Yeah, when you weren't looking and we were sitting here playing, I put in the cheat code that makes me better than you.
- It's subtle, but after losing a few rounds you can see Pat copy Woolie's team to try and even the odds. It doesn't help.
Fist of the North Star: Ken's Rage
- Random dialogue went on without them knowing who was talking to them, causing the both of them to get really pissed off.
- Including the part where Kenshiro is talking to a man who just exploded.
- Anything involving the spinning motorcycle is comedy gold:Pat: Ugh, think I'm gonna fucking throw up. Fuck you.
Matt: Dude, you'd better not throw up.
Pat: I'm gonna fu- you keep doing this I'm gonna fucking throw up in your fucking face!
Matt: Look, you have two choices and neither of them are throwing up.
Pat: I'm gonna- Where's the most valuable thing in your fucking house!?
(total silence while Matt drives the motorcycle in circles, creating one long continuous motion blur on the screen)
Pat: FUCKING STOP IT-
- Matt dropping an explosive barrel onto himself.
- "DEFEAT KENSHIRO?!" (afterwards) "You were so bad at playing this game, Kenshiro wants to beat you up for it."
- Pat's reaction to Kenshiro's Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist.Pat: Holy shit! Bruce Lee ain't got shit on that!
XBox Indie Games
- Alpha Chimp and Pat's utter disdain for the game and it's myriad issues - including a grotesque-looking lead, a skybox with visible edges, and the fact that a player can climb up into the sky. Capped of with a heavily cynical "Oh no, I can't play Alpha Chimp anymore," from Pat when the trial time for the game runs out.
- Baby Maker Extreme. All of it.
- "What the hell, are we playing a Quicktime Event?!"
- "That Game Over Screen was so medieval that it says 'Game Ober'!"
- "It's like we're in Bizarro 1997 playing an unreleased underground Dreamcast game that no one talks about!"
- Fucking. Alderman.Pat: I swear to god, if I ever run into the guy who made this...I'm gonna make him play it.
Red Dead Redemption
- Old Betsy, Whore of Steel.Pat: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!
- For those who stuck around near the end finding out that it was actually GUN, a game with a similar Old West setting.
- Matt attempting to knife a bear to death. And succeeding.Pat: Holy shit. You are knifing that bear the fuck up. Cut him! Cut his face, man!
- Matt's ringtone being the background music in the hotel.
- Matt forgetting to remind Pat that he had to save, so when Pat dies in-game, it starts all over from the beginning.
- Two separate occasions of Matt and Pat completely not paying attention to the screen and missing quick time events.
- Matt accidentally killing The Merchant:Pat: He was your only friend in this horrible wasteland, and you murdered him.Matt: It was an accident!
Matt: Wait, what—Pat: What the shit?!Matt: I killed him!
- And then the guy respawns, prompting:
- Pat tricks Matt into getting eaten by a giant monster fish for giggles.
- "The World's Littlest Hobo!"
- Pat coaxing Matt into shooting Ashley while she's in her knight armor.
- When Pat is in disbelief that Matt throwing flash grenades at enemies on a bridge (way too high for the trajectory) actually works. (It stuns them and they fall over backwards off the bridge.)
- Matt when shooting the first crow:Matt: That bird had a grenade in it's head! I got it before it got me.
Mortal Kombat 9
- Pat's love of invisibility:Pat as Smoke: Yeah, invisible!
Matt as Kung Lao: Why do you keep taking invisible dudes?!
Pat: Because invisibleness is awesome!
A few seconds later
Matt: Aw shit!
Pat while smashing Kung Lao's face: Invisible x-rays!
Pat: You can't even see it, it's like magic surgery!
After Matt knocks Scorpion into The Pit
Pat: I bet ya Reptile is hanging out down there. You can't see him though. You know why?
Matt: [sarcastically] Oh why? Why?
Pat: 'CAUSE HE'S FUCKIN' INVISIBLE!
- Matt's Christopher Walken impression from the Mortal Kombat 9 video. Even Pat cracked up at that one.
- Matt's reaction to Shao Kahn in the intro to Story Mode:Matt: Oh, he's got Rage from Mortal Kombat vs. DC.
- All of the allusions to the first movie and the cartoon. All of them.
- The duo's reaction to the Krypt Monster towards the end of the video.
- The Sheeva vs Sheeva fight, in which Matt and Pat spam Sheeva's "flies up in the arm, drops on you and stomps on you a little" attack.
- The dialogue that follows the Cage vs Kano fight.Pat: Where the fuck did he go? Did he just jump off the side? 'See you later, fuckers!'Matt: Oh wait, there's spikes.Pat: Yeah, 'cause the eighty-foot drop to the floor would've been fine if there were no spikes.Matt: He can fly through the air in ball form!Pat: Are you just saying he's just flying around the island in a ball?Matt: He's Australian Samus! He's Screw Attacking all the way back to his house.
- When smooth jazz is deployed:Matt: Smooth jazz?
Pat: You ready for some smooth jazz?
Smooth jazz starts playing
Matt: Awwww shit.
Pat: It's so smooth I can't take it!
Matt: Aw man, I'm slipping all over the place.
Pat: I'm just sliding out of this chair!
Matt: Aw yeah-music stop-wah.
Pat: Now that's depressing.
- Near the end where Matt and Pat both find themselves stuck in an infinite loop of portals:Matt: This is like an abstract painting of our stupidity.Pat: Mostly yours, though...mostly your stupidity.
- Wheatley's first conversation with Chell, prompting Pat to make a snarky response:Wheatley: —it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.Pat: (to Matt) That's amazing, the game knows you have fucking brain damage.
- Yet another one of Pat's insults towards Matt:Pat: You're like the Ralph Wiggum of real life. Turn around for two seconds and I catch you eating glue and crayons.Matt: Okay, this is getting a little too personal.
- Matt calling Wheatley "Nigel," full stop. Particularly funny here:GlaDOs crushes Wheatley
Matt: You said nothing bad would happen!!Pat: To you!Matt: NIGELLLLLLL!
- Matt genuinely does not understand the concept of portals.Matt: Wait, are there three of them or four?Pat: (disbelievingly) There's two.Matt: What? No, look! One, two, three!Pat: You're looking through the portal at the other portal.Matt: Wait, hold on...Pat: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!Matt: I don't get it.
- Just this:Pat: That's a Material Emancipation Grid.Matt: Wait, what? I don't listen to rap, dude.
- Matt makes progress on a puzzle:Pat: Holy shit, good job. I think I have some dog treats here I can give you.
- During co-op, Matt keeps stepping on and off a door-opening button for the lulz.Pat: I swear to God, if I fucking walk over there and that shit closes on me, I'm gonna go outside, find a homeless man, and pay him money to come here and take a dump in your sink.(door closes)Pat: WHAT THE FUCK?!
- Matt's co-op song:Matt: Workin' together...Pat: Don't sing a song.Matt: Solvin' the problem...Pat: Don't sing a song! No one likes music!Matt: It's gonna be fun when we solve science!Pat: I'm gonna kill you.
- When Matt is having... trouble directing his lasers.Pat: Just shoot the laser at the thing. It's like child's play with portals. And lasers. Deadly lasers.Matt: Whi... Which one?Pat: Ohhh my god. Up. Look up.Matt looks at the floor.
- "You're a Timecop...but you're in space".
- "Bruce Lee always sounded like a cat in heat."
- "I love how Steven Seagal's walk speed is about as fast as he can go in real life."
- "What the hell? Do those boxes EVEN EXIST?"
- After sitting through all these crappy games, Pat picks a game for Matt to play:
- *LJN logo appears on the screen* Oh fuck.
- Pat's interperating Officer Phelps dialogue as a crazy yelling person when he is interrogating a lady:Pat as Phelps: I'mofficerPhelpswhat'dyousee?! Did you kill him, I found this gun! Look at this gun is it yours?!Pat as the lady but doing it with a really deep voice: WHY YOU WANNA KILL ME.
- Their 40's accents.Section Title: Buyer BewarePat: Buyer Beware! Myah! It's a scoop!
- "Hey, buddy, get inside the paddywagon, I'm sure you'll make some new friends in there! Don't drop the soap, fucker!"
- As their character stands over a dead body at a crime scene:Matt: What's the prognosis, Pat?
- The two of them being so busy arguing while driving that Pat runs into a truck.Matt: Man, pay attention to the road!Pat: It would be a lot easier if I didn't have to look over at you and tell you you were stupid.
- After a man offers to get his boss for the cops.Matt: Yeah, you better, get your fucking boss out here so we can fucking chase him the fuck—The man bolts out the back doorPat: Oh, that motherfucker! I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of him!
- When a witness told them that when the victim was shot it looked painfulPat: Yeah, getting shot fucking hurts! PRO TIP! Pro tip, Matt!Matt: This is just expert testimony right here.Pat: Oh, man, I hope I never get shot, because I heard, this lady tells me, that it LOOKS like it hurts!
- Phelps reaches into a garbage pail by the crime scene:Pat: Stow it, don't throw it! Oh, shit, a gun.
- "Man, I love commendations for yelling at women!"
- Matt and Pat arguing about the bottle:Matt: Get it, it's that bottle.Pat: This bottle was not the murder weapon.Matt: It's the murder weapon.Pat: This bottle was not the murder weapon.Matt: Yeah it was. They said he got shot by a bottle, right...?Pat: WHAT DOES EVEN MEAN? YOU CAN'T GET SHOT BY A FUCKING-*cut to a Law & Order style card* MATT'S APARTMENT, TUESDAY, MAY 17TH, 7;47 PM, STILL ARGUINGMatt: (after arguing for a bit) Oh, man it looks like something went down.Pat: It almost looks like he was SHOT by a...Matt: ...By the bottle.*Upon finding the gun*Matt: You found the bottle! Oh shit...Pat: That is the most...That would be really awkward to drink out of I think...Pat:You know... Every time you go to drink, you're like 'Oh no, THERE ARE BULLETS IN THIS FUCKING GUN!'
- "In the 1940's, if a cop didn't like what a woman was wearing, JAIL."
- They beat down a suspect, then complain about Ralph (Their partner) getting knocked out so easily.Matt: Shit! You just go to this guy's house and beat the living crap out of him.Pat: Fuck the police.Matt: Hey Ralph, thanks for backing me up there. When that- when that suspect started yelling and swinging his arm it caught me off guard.Pat: But it's cool, Ralph has the good idea of pointing a gun at a man handcuffed on the fucking floor.
- "There ain't no monsters in Heavy Rain! The only monster is man!"
- "Oh, man, that's right, I got married...oh fuck."
- "Once you're married, all your choices are gone."
- The prolonged agony of them trying to get Ethan to shave and failing the controller prompts repeatedly.Pat: Shave your filthy hobo beard! Oh, you ruined it!
- Pat in particular overreacts to every tiny thing in Heavy Rain. And it's hilarious.
Pat: Shake that shit! It's so pulpy! I can't handle all this pulp!!
- Such as orange juice:
Pat: Don't help her! DO NOT HELP HER! If you help her now, you'll have to help her every day!(Matt misses the controller prompt)Pat: Noooo!Matt: Oh, I failed at helping my wife!
- And helping Ethan's wife:
Pat: YEAH, KIDS, YOU READY FOR THESE 24-INCH PYTHONS?!
- And playing with Ethan's kids
- There's a long period of Ethan living his shitty life when the friends are silent; you'd almost think they're moved by the story until:Matt: Man, what a loser.
- This exchange near the aforementioned "what a loser"Matt: (Jason has wandered away and the two have found him on the other side of the street) Why the fuck did you wander out of the mall?Pat: And onto a busy street!Pat: (Jason is about to get run over, Ethan pulls a Diving Save) No! No, Jason!Matt: (starts cracking up, very loudly)
- Their exchange upon seeing the kids sword fightingMatt: Oh great, I got a bunch of larpers for kids?Pat: You know what you need to do? You need to go out there and give those kids a whuppin'.Matt: (Opens door) STOP LARPING! GET INTERESTED IN GIRLS!
- Just in general, Pat's over-the-top hammy behavior in this video is pretty hilarious.
- At the start of the game:Matt: This is just the tutorial thing, it's not like I'm gonna die here.Pat: IT'S HARD LIKE THE DEVIL'S DICK RAPING YOU IN HELL!Matt: I like zombies because they're not overused at all.Pat: Naw, no man; totally rarely and tastefully used in all mediums.Matt: Like, it'd be really cool if they made a game if you were, I don't know, a bunch of washed-up celebrities fighting zombies.Pat: That'd be fantastic. They could call it "Corpse Peninsula"!
- Pat gives Matt a pep talk:Pat: Just peek around.Matt: What the fuck is that?Pat: One, that's a big-ass dragon. Two, that's the tip of another big-ass dragon. Three, that's a hallway with like a million dudes.Matt: Okay?Pat: Okay. Now: You suck...
Duke Nukem Forever
- Their constant allusions to the game's decade-long development time:Pat: It came out!Matt: No.Pat: It came out!Matt: Okay, you encoded something on a disc, and you put it in here to troll me.[...]Pat: "Downloadable content"? They still didn't finish the whole game![...]Pat: Where's the guns at?Matt: I guess they need a couple more years to get those done.
- The intro to the title screen, where they first are speaking fragments of words, which then devolves into wordless, excited screaming. Followed by them getting to the title screen:Pat: (calmly, as if they hadn't been screaming in the first place) Oh hey, it's Duke Nukem Forever.
- And when the game proper starts:Pat:...this looks fucking terrible!
- And when the game proper starts:
- Duke's punching out some aliens:Pat: Aw, Batman ain't got shit!
- One of the command prompts is to spin a chair.Pat: WHY?!
- Pat's high-pitched lamenting of why they made the game like this after he kills a pair of aliens that randomly dropped down from a vent.
- Their frustration at not being able to find a gun and then their excitement upon finding quickly returns back to frustration.Pat: Awwwwwww shit, a gun! THIS GUN IS TERRIBLE.
Shadows of the Damned
- Their reaction to the wave of decapitated heads: -Quit Game-.
- Matt notes a giant, ominous bloodstain on the floor:Mat: Oh, that's not good, right?
- "Yo, I'm a wizard and that shit is FUCKED UP!"
- Matt comes across a door with a baby-like face on it.Matt: Really? This is gonna happen?Pat: TOUCH THE BABY FACE.
- "WHY IS THERE A GESTATING FETUS ON MY TITLE SCREEN?"
- Both of them attempting to pronounce the title with little success.Pat: Stop that, just stop trying.
- Pat explaining the entire convoluted plot of the F.E.A.R. games for the entire video, only for Matt to tell him at the end that he wasn't even paying attention.
- Matt repeatedly depleting his ammo to shoot the heads off of dead guys.
Man vs Wild: The Game
- Matt as Bear Grylls being attacked by a crocodile and bees at the same time.Matt: THE GATOR IS TEAMING UP WITH...THE GATOR IS GOING TO SHOOT BEES AT YOU!
- Pat doing a Lampshade Hanging of Matt's love of So Bad, It's Good Games.Pat: How do you find piece of shit games that no one even knows exist and then "OH MAN, LET'S PLAY! IT'S JUST SO GREAT!"?!
- Matt being unable to keep from laughing after seeing AI!Bear Grylls jumping and then doing an off key rendition of the Item Get! song from Metroid after seeing the Screw Attack-esque jump between ledges.
- On that note, taking the idea and running with it later.
- AI!Bear Grylls running away from bees — that is all.
- The snakes in the game all going for the same area.Matt: All right! My testicles are filled to the brim with poison but I gotta make it up this mountain!
- At one point, the game tasks AI!Bear Gryllis with building a shelter in the middle of a forest. Cue the stream of Game of Thrones references.Matt: Winter is coming!Pat: Those fucking Lannisters! If only I had a smooth talking midget to help me build this shelter!Matt: If only you had some direwolves to keep you safe at night!Pat: I'm going to sleep and all that dick poison is going to be gone![Bear Grylls falls asleep in the shelter only to be awakened by a bear]Pat: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY?Matt: DIREBEAR!
- Every five seconds, Matt mentions something about how drinking one's own piss would solve everything in the game.AI!Bear Grylls: [Next to a river] None of it is drinkable. Too many parasites, rubbish and debris.Matt: You know DOESN'T have parasites and debris? My piss. [beat] Or does it? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!
- Matt saying "America." through barely-restrained laughter as he basically makes Bear Grylls skip around.
- AI!Bear Grylls vs. a beaver.
- The various Bear Grylls "facts" that pop up.Stuck halfway up Mt. Everest and running low on oxygen and viable choices, Bear Grylls piloted an F-16 fighter jet to reach the summit in record time.
Bear Grylls once nursed several injured mountain lions back to health, until they were strong enough for him to kill and devour.
In 1995, Bear Grylls fell into a deep desert chasm, whereupon he encountered Cthulhu, the old one. At the mere sight of him, Cthulhu immediately started to run.
- After ten minutes of buildup, Matt finally meets his first monster. It's worth the wait.Pat: Are you crying?
- After Matt ragequits to the desktop:Matt: I'm exiting. Goodbye!Pat: Hey! Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa...Matt: Bye, Amnesia! It's done.Pat: Hey-Matt: ...wait. P-ponies? Why... Pat? Pat, why is there ponies on your desktop?
Captain America: Super Soldier
- Matt constantly avoiding saying the word "America" despite Pat's prodding.
- Cap's silly backflips:Pat: ...this is what the Super Soldier Serum was for?Matt: 500 billion dollars spent on backflips!
- Matt: I'm not super enough or soldier enough to go up these one foot tall sandbags! 50 million dollars well spent!
- Miscellaneous insults from Pat about Matt's poor attention span.Matt: (throwing his shield at two random steel drums) Yeah!Pat: Man, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you eat, like, a ton of paint as a child?Matt: You mean... you mean "wall candy"?Pat: Yeah, I mean fuckin' wall candy, what the hell?
- Upon finding a puzzlePat: Diiiiiiiiiicks.
- Matt asking Pat how would he would feel if he were frozen and awoken 70 years in the future with all his loved ones dead:Pat: 70 years in the future, right?Matt: Yes.Pat: Are you dead?Matt: I would...Pat: Totally worth it.
- "I'll unleash my POWERS! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- This gem has Matt monologuing as Captain America:Matt: Dear Peg, today I saw a man spread-eagle so HARD, he looked like a wishbone. I never went back to war that day...
- The two get a good look at Cap's face.Matt: Look into the eyes of a true patriot.Pat: That's the face of a goddamned hero.
- Matt tries to throw his shield at Bucky, only to find out he's apparently Made Of Vibranium.
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
- "This isn't Deus Ex! THIS IS ROBOCOP!"
- Pat: Quick, you have to stop the terrorists.Matt: These terrorists? [shoots SWAT officers who promptly retaliate] SHIT!Pat: WHAT? THOSE AREN'T TERRORISTS!
- Dancing Jensen.
- The obligatory "Jensen beating up and stabbing civilians" montage.
- The ending, where Matt makes Jensen tell Cassandra Reed that her daughter died horribly and painfully followed by a punch to the face.Pat: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? [cue credits]
Street Fighter III: Third Strike Online Edition
- Matt and Pat stopping during gameplay as Pat tries to explain that Makoto is not a man. Matt, playing Hugo, proceeds to use Gigas Breaker on Pat while he's explaining, KO'ing him. Pat's reaction is even funnier.Pat: (Pat has been explaining why Makoto is a girl, Matt suddenly uses Gigas Breaker) What're you fucking doing?! You piece of shit! Fuck you!Matt: I laid down on her! I just made her into a woman!Pat: UGH. That is creepy.
- Immediately afterwards, when Poison walks on-screen during Hugo's win animation.Matt: Hey, look, that hot babe's next to me!Pat: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
- After fighting several games against Ken players online:Pat: What is with the Ken brigade?Matt: What do you mean, "what is with it?" It has ALWAYS BEEN THERE!
Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon
- While discussing potential equipment:Matt: You know what's especially dumb? Turning invisible.*Followed by Pat repeatedly shotgunning Matt*
- Pat pretty much takes any opportunity he can to shoot at Matt in this episode, even when it means that he fails the mission.
- Pat explaining that Socrates's methodology is much more relevant today than Plato or Aristotle's while playing.
- When Vincent goes into the Nightmare Stage after meeting Catherine.Vincent: What the hell? I was at the bar, and this girl came in, and...Pat: She gave you a roofie! You're (simultaneously with Matt) being raped right now!
- As the game explains the text messaging system.Matt: From your phone, you can destroy tiny sheep demons that are invading your network.
- When Katherine says she has something important to sayPat: NOPE!Simultaneously: FUCK YOU BITCH!*They exit the game*
- "You taste like cancer, I'm so wet!"
Gears of War 3
- TIP: HOLDING RT WILL SHOOT BULLETS OUT OF YOUR GUN.
- "Tip: Radishes are rich in potassium."
- "That beard is the one who shot his wife!"
- Matt's continued confusion about whom the MC is looking for, which he changes from his wife to his dad's wife to some random relative.
- "WHERE WERE YOU DURING MY THIRD RECITAL, DAD?!"
- "Tip: When Marcus holds his ear and starts talking, you might as well put the controller down."
- Matt and Pat arguing about how Matt died during the co-op play:Matt: No, I was strategically trying to scare them!Pat: With what?Matt: With my bravado!
- Matt completely averting the typical phrase related to helicopters in action sequences:Matt: I think you're going to have to get inside that chopper with great urgency.
- And then completely neglecting it seconds later when a giant tentacle destroys the helicopter and Matt groans, "NOO, THE CHOPPAAAAH!"
- "Tip: Dom's wife wasn't very attractive anyway."
- Their continued fanboying over Cole Train, complete with a shout out to "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker."Pat: I love you, Cole Train!Matt: ...no homo.
- Matt's controller continually failing at the most inopportune times.
Max Payne 2 (mini-episode):
- Pat: Max Payne talks like that. It's kinda weird.Matt: Why would they hire a policeman who just never stops like, y'know, monologuing to himself?Pat: It's probably really good for reports.Matt: That would be... The fiscal quarter for this year is looking bleak. Bleak, like the gaping hole in my heart.
- "It's Max Payne 2: Electric Bugaloo."
- Their discussion of his name is pretty epic:Pat: He's got the best name.Matt: It's like, "Hey honey, we just had this beautiful baby boy, what should we call him—"Pat: MAX PAYNE!Matt: MAX PAYNE, BITCH! 'Cause it was fuckin' painful to deliver him! He was monologuing as soon as he came out my vag! (as Max) The umbilical cord stretched around my neck like a noose. Pain was behind me in a gaping hole!
- After blowing up a barrel and Max has no reaction at all:Matt: (through laughter) Not a single fuck was given.
- "Oh, Max! You so crazy!"
- Matt committing suicide accidentally by trying to dive backwards off of a van while at extremely low health. The last line seals it:Matt: (watching as Max lays dead on the ground and the camera pans around his corpse) Oh, Max Paaaaayne! Beat You can't dull the pain NOW! (cue end credits)
Rise of Nightmares
- Pat mocking a female NPC's terrible French accent:
- The constant attempts to feel up said female NPC. And every other female NPC after that.
- All of the NPC deaths seen in the game are followed by a Bond One-Liner.
- Playing "At Doom's Gate" while attacking zombies with a chainsaw, and Kenshiro's "ATATATATATATATA!" while punching them.
- Matt's Patriotic Fervor rears its way into the video.Romanian Officer: (disdainfully) American.Matt: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- Pat's character climbing a long ladder to the tune of "Snake Eater".
- At the start, when Pat says that in an interview where he was asked if it would be easier than Demon's Souls, one of Dark Souls developers replied that it would be even harder. Cue Matt screaming.
- Any time that they manage to get themselves into a bad situation. Considering the game that they're playing... there are a LOT.
- Especially everything involving "Sauron".
- "Man, that guy's a fuckin' badass. Holy shit."
Dead Rising 2: Off the Record
- When discussing who puts the zombies in the wrestling leotards:Pat: Yo Jimmy, you gotta put the zombie junk in the leotard today!Matt: No, man, I did it last week!Pat: No man, no man Sally's sick, you gotta take it.Matt: I hate working on this show!Pat: We can't just put the zombies out there naked, that'd be creepy.Matt: That'd be creepy and weird, so kindly push the balls so that they fit in the leotard.
- Frank running towards the screen in some sweet cutoffs while "One Winged Angel" plays in the background.
Batman: Arkham City
- Bruce Wayne: Listen to me carefully. When they open the door, do not panic. Stay close to me.Pat: Also, I'm not Batman.
- Matt as Batman: Alfred, can you send me a young female? I need some companionship for tonight's ball, thanks!Pat: Alfred just ain't gonna send one of those over on some kind of rocket ship.[Later, when the Batman suit arrives via rocket]Matt: Whoa, what do you think's in there?Pat: I'm hoping it's cool Batman stuff.Matt: It's probably that girl that I ordered.Pat: No! They don't have mail order rocket hookers!
- Matt has a great nonsensical comment: "Scanning this indicates to me that Val Kilmer is fat."
- All of the Insane Troll Logic comments they come up with while Penguin repeatedly punches Bruce Wayne in the head. Special mention goes to: "GEORGE CLOONEY WAS THE BEST BATMAN!"
- "OH, SMOKE BOMB, BITCH!"
- When they find a random guy with a messed up face clutching a cooler:Pat: What the...?Matt: What's up with this dude? This is some freaked up bullshit, man. (Batman stares around and Matt starts giggling) Batman's not even looking!Pat: I can't...he can't even deal.
In-game Doctor: How crazy do you have to be to cut your own face off?Both Matt and Pat: PRETTY FUCKING CRAZY!
- This gem too.
- Which of course causes Matt to start quoting Se7en ala "What's in the case, man?! WHAT'S IN THE CAAAASE?!"
- While demonstrating some of Batman's fighting moves for no real reason:Matt: (as a random guard) Yo, man! Where'd you learn those sick moves?!Pat: CHINA.Matt: (as Batman) Qui Gon Gin taught me!Pat: (as Batman) And now he's dead! You connect the dots, George Lucas!
- Both of them attempting the Christian Bale Batman voice and failing miserably to the point where they break into coughing fits and Pat exclaims: "Man, fuck his method acting bullshit!"
- Matt saving over Pat's maxed-out save file.Pat: What the fuck are you doing?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOI-*cut to credits*
- They discuss the versatility of the phrase "SEE YOU LATER, FUCKER!"
- "Man, whenever my sister was mad at my dad, she slapped him right in his asshole!"
- ">You find yourself alone with Nanako..."Pat: YEAAAAAAH! Time at last!Matt: (nerdy voice) HEY, DO YOU COLLECT YUGIOH CARDS!?
- —> Matt: I will probably have to say 'elipses' to this strange-Kenpachi Ramasama: ......!?Matt & Pat: YEAAAAAAH!!!!
- A group of students are chatting in the classroom.Matt: So luckily I got the plastic tape back on her mouth, and then she didn't tell anyone!
- "There has been an incident inside the school district. Police officers have been dispatched around the School Zone."Pat: HOLY SHIT! QUICK, EAT THE DRUGS!
Cabela's Survival: Shadows of Katmai
- Pat's reaction to the title screen:Matt: [Oblivious] Alright so this is Cabelas...Matt: ...SURVIVAL: SHADOWS OF KATMAI!Pat: [sobbing] Noooohohohooo!Matt: It's so good.Pat: Why?Matt: Get hyped.Pat: NO!
- Matt and Pat wondering how the husky, Togo, managed to always end up at their destination ahead of them, even if they had to climb up a sheer cliff in order to reach the area. This includes one instance where the camera suddenly turns to a downward view of the bottom of the valley, where a little black speck (representing Togo, who was previously up on top of the cliff) is visible. They then cut back and circle Togo in red with the words FUCKING TOGO over it.Pat: Togo's like made out of Spider-Man!
- Matt and Pat's response to the doctor falling to her death.Matt: I took that doctor, and threw her on the ground!Pat: I don't need your medicine!Simultaneously: I'M AN ADULT!
- Halfway through a boss fight with a bear, the bear knocks over a full-sized tree and starts swinging it like a club from its mouth. Both quite understandably flip out.Matt: THEY'RE LEARNING!Pat: OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE DEEP BLUE SEA!
- The ending, where they start complaining about the dull climbing sections and how the game is losing steam. Gilligan Cut to them being chased through what looks like an abandoned lumberyard by a huge bear, flipping out as it completely wrecks the place Michael Bay style while chasing after them.
- "BLAT-BLAT, MOOSE MOTHAFUCKAAAAAH!"
- "FUCK BEAR GRYLLS!"
- After escaping the epic bear boss battle mentioned, Matt has this to say:
- The guys' reaction to the lead character's oddly sexual enjoyment of the fire he makes:Pat: (as the character) Aw yeah, I should just shove my dick right in this campfire.Mat: (as the character) Aw, this fire feels so good around my dick, girl.
- "TWO THOUSAND GOD POINTS."
- The lead character has to cut open a dead moose and shove the girl inside it and Matt randomly advises: "SEW HER IN!"
- After a vicious attack from a pack of wolves:Matt: JESUS! I'm getting raped to sleep by the dickwolves over here!
- Upon finding yet another glitch in the game:Pat: Dude, DUDE. HOLY SHIT! Dude, I'm making the trees melt with my body! That Axe body spray is having unintended side effects!Matt: MOUNTAIN MAN, FRESH SPRING SCENT!Pat: FUCK YO' TREES!Matt: FUCK YO' TREES!Pat: THEY HIDE THE WOMENZ!
- After an old man, who looks like a hobo, stands over their character, who is clearly moving around, and asks him if he's alive.Pat: Nope. Totally dead.Matt: Zombie!Josh Brolin.Pat: Gonna bite your face, old man!Matt: I'm gonna get ya! Ho-ho-ho!
- Their reaction to Karen surviving her 30+ story fall back at the beginning.Pat: (Completely deadpan) Get the fuck out.Matt: (Imitating Togo as Scooby Doo) Let's get the fuck out.
- Pat names his Argonian character Reptile. And of course, makes sure to become invisible.
- Which totally doesn't work and Pat gets his assed kicked.
- "FUCKING INVISIBLE!"
- Which totally doesn't work and Pat gets his assed kicked.
- Matt starts off the video trying to play Drake of the 99 Dragons. He rage quits rather quickly.Matt: Alright, fuck it. Just run the Skyrim video.
- Pat shooting a bunch of people in the face with arrows, and them underreacting to it.
- Pat discovering his character has a hit put out on him by someone named "Dorthe", finding a child with the same name and (unsucessfully) attempting to take revenge.Pat: That kid tried to kill me! And her ghost dog tried to finish the job! That ghost dog will serve ME now!
- "OW! I took an arrow to the-*abrupt cut*
- Talking to the long-haired blonde guy at the beginning:Ralof: You were trying to cross the border, right?Matt: I sure was, Skwisgaar.
- Pat's repeated failed attempts to get his follower to stop triggering a trap.
- Pat shooting M'aiq with the bow & arrow with the arrow landing dead center in his mouth.
- Made even funnier when they successfully kill M'aiq (who they refer to as "Mike") only for him to pop back to life a moment later and talk to them like nothing happened.
- Their silent reactions to the Khajit in the loading screen.
- The animated opening where it shows Matt happily riding a dragon and Pat's facial reaction to it.
- Upon seeing a huge man attempt to beat up a much smaller man:Matt: Just another day in Skyrim.
- Their debacles attempting to find and fight a dragon.Pat: Everyone's like "There are fucking dragons out there! Did you hear there are dragons?"Matt: (After seeing a Dark Elf teleport to a few feet away) Dark Elfs are magical.
- "Sneaking with my tiny little lizard feet..."
Assasin's Creed: Revelations
- The animated intro, featuring Matt and Pat as assassins. Matt attempts Le Parkour, falls and lands in a heap not moving,Pat surveys the scene for a moment... and then points and laughs.
- During the intro:Pat: "Hey, remember that time those security guards showed up to apprehend you with sticks?"Matt: "And then you totally killed all of them."Pat: "Yeah, because they showed up with fucking STICKS."
- The CLOOK.
- "Once you go Black Animus you can't go back...imus?"
- "Yo, dude! Come on, training, 6 o'clock, chop chop!"
- Pat challenges Matt to pronounce the name of the anyone on his team. He can't.
- Their lampshading of Sofia's Absolute Cleavage:[Ezio and Sofia are looking at a map]Pat: Nope. "Uh yeah...this is where I used to...TITS! [beat] I mean ITALY! [beat] There are girls with tits there!"
- When Ezio confronts Duccio:Pat: *in an Italian accent* Who is this, your DAD?!Matt: Oh my God! He seems to have Final Fantasy levels of straps and belts on him!
- After Duccio runs away, Ezio proceeds to hit on Sophia the exact same way.
- The entire "money throwing sequence". Matt and Pat make fun of how many people gather to collect the money Ezio throws on the ground, and get way too into it:Pat: Could you imagine how pathetic it would be if you just dropped ten dollars in coins on the fucking street, and people just started to "Oh my God"?Matt: People just stomping on their own children to get to that chedda.Pat: Oh man, these ten dollars in quarters are going to make a fucking riot break out. Jesus fuck.(Beat)Matt: People are shit! People equal shit!Pat: How do you get up in the morning?!(Ezio climbs up on a well)Matt: Look, I'll be even more, more, from the tops of the towers!Pat: Come to your master! You'll make what I give you!Matt: Pray for death!(Ezio starts throwing dirt, people start walking away)Matt: Ah, take this dirt!Pat: That's what you are!(Ezio throws money again and everyone comes back)Matt: You come back for more!Pat: You come back so easily!Matt: You sack of wine!Pat: You are like, more prostitutes than Cobra Commander!(Later)Matt: Oh, cleave the meat off each other's bones for this blood money!Pat: Take this money that I am pissing down upon you with my Ancient God Dick!
- "You can't just be draggin' around dead bodies in front of the po-lice! I mean, it's funny at first... (Beat, the screen says "MafiaOfBananas is Online")...but then the Mafia of Bananas shows up! And you're all like, 'I don't even have any fuckin' bananas! I don't owe you protection!'"
- When they are at a pier, hanging from a ledge. We get this glorious combination of Artificial Stupidity and Good Bad BugsPat: You're being detected,you're being fucking tide- *guard knocks Ezio in the water to get on the ledge* Oh my God.Matt: *Points and laughs*Pat: Man that guy is- *guard jumps into the waterMatt: Hey, he died!Pat: *laughs* This is how you guard a boat, let's throw rocks at that dude!Matt: I am Ezio, the master assassino!
*later when Ezio gets back on the pier*Matt: Oh shit! *Ezio jumps at a guard and glitches through him*Both: WHAT?!Pat: Ezio is a crazy teleporting ghost!
- "You try and impress a girl, and what ends up happening? You're swimming laps while getting pelted by rocks."
- They have some fun with some gypseys.Matt: Ooh, soup!Pat: That looks like some nasty-ass soup.(Matt turns on Eagle Vision, the soup is nothing but blackness)Pat: Eagle Vision sees nothing. It is a impenetrable blackness from which there is no escape(They return later with a dead body)Pat: Hey, I got a present for you fuckers.(They toss the body down to the gathering)Pat: They don't even give a fuck!
Metal Gear Solid HD
- Matt and Pat's multiple codec calls. Specifically, the one about being fucking INVISIBLE!
- The Sorrow appears behind The Boss with glowing red eyes, prompting:Pat: YO, I HIT THAT SHIT!Matt: *uncontrollable laughter*
- Matt runs around wearing the crocodile cap and is firing his gun wildly. "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR!?!?!?!?"
- This discussion about Matt's decision to paint Snake's face with the stars and stripes:Matt: Oh it's so cool!Pat: That's not really stealthy, man. That's not very sneaky. Aren't you supposed to be here secretly? Like if they catch you, you're supposed to be like "I don't know what country I'm from".Matt: Well then they know who brought down the thunder then!
- Upon finding the American facepaint:Matt: *girlish gasp* (high pitched voice) I love this game!
- Matt falling off the ladder in MGS3. You know, the ladder.
- Matt and Pat's reaction to zooming in on Paz in Peace Walker:Matt: ENOUGH OF THIS SICK FILTH!
- Matt teabagging the unconscious soldiers:Pat: What are you doing?Matt: I'm imprinting my beliefs on them.Pat: Your beliefs are your testicles?Matt: BELIEVE IN THESE!
- After killing Ocelot after he's knocked out:Pat: You created a Time Paradox!Matt: I heard about those... I'M MARTY MCFLY AND THE TERMINATOR ALL IN ONE!
- Discussing Volgin's Depraved Bisexual tendencies:Pat: (perverted chuckling) [Volgin's] gonna come a lot in this game...Matt: With Ocelot, with Raiden, with EVA, with other unnamed soldiers... with Johnny Sasaki...Pat: That's why Johnny poops so much...Matt: *uncontrollable laughter*
Saints Row the Third
- Any time Esmeralda speaks.
- Their customization of Esmeralda.
- Upon encountering a glitch in which a motorcycle lying on the ground has pulsating wheels:Pat: DUBSTEP IS INFILTRATING EVERY AREA OF THE WORLD!
- Esmeralda going on a rampage, while completely naked, using a giant purple penis as a weapon. That makes people explode.Matt: All right. All right, motherfuckers.
Beatdown: Fists of Vengeance
- Matt decides to buy some clothes for the Scary Black Man PC. Gilligan Cut to said PC in a skirt and a tube top.Matt: Lookin' good!
- Not to mention they nickname the PC Woolie, after their friend and Matt's co-host on Fighterpedia.
- "I GOT TO FEEL SOME BOOBAGE...AND I GOT PAID!"
- The ending where the PC tries to rob a woman who ends up giving him the money willingly followed by him fighting her and throwing her off a bridge.
Soul Calibur V
- Matt mocking the narration.
- The entire fight with h8erfisternator.Matt: THIS IS THE WORST!
- Matt loses a match by accidentally falling into the river as he fights. Right afterwards, Pat exclaims: "I will follow you, my friend!" and jumps in after him.
- Both of them cracking up at the bizarre animation that happens after Algol wins the fight, which includes a giant stone throne appearing out of nowhere for him to sit in. Extra points because they slow it down for us to see properly.
- Matt's multiple references to Berserk.
- Pat's mocking rant of one female character's "ring blade".
- "You know what nunchucks are good for? Keeping the Queen of England outta your face!"
- After one character disappears in a huge plume of flames:Matt: (laughs) COOL GUYS DON'T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS!
- The entire sequence of Matt and Pat choosing random people to befriend online based on how badass their usernames are.
- Any time Matt talks about a completely absurd plot... that actually happened in real Spider-Man comic books. Two of which are Peter getting Mary Jane sick from years of injecting radioactive semen into her and another where he turns into a giant spider and gives birth to himself.
- As the first bosses of the beginning level appear: "OH! IT'S HIP-HOP BITCHES!"
- "The first problem with this game is that Spider-Man is constipated."
Matt: That's very business-like.Pat: (as Spidey) I'm gonna go fuckin' save the world.Matt: (as Spidey) I'm gonna go totally save the world from Doc Ock and Sinister Six and then I'm just gonna go home and shoot Mary Jane full of radioactive spider jizz.Pat: (as Spidey) And then I got a meeting at six. I gotta get the Power Point ready.Matt: (as Spidey, through laughter) Jonah's gonna be crazy mad if I don't get it done.
- Subsequently, Matt and Pat mocking Spider-Man's strange walking animation:
- Every time Matt mentions Spidey's lack of Spidey sense.
- Matt and Pat's complete and utter confusion of the level design and strange villains in the second Spider-Man game they play.
- "Watch out for that renegade Bunsen burner!"
- "Man, science is kicking your ASS!"
- "NOOOOOO! GODDAMMIT, SCIENCE!"
- Upon finally figuring out how to get down the manhole from the street level, Spider-Man drops down and is instantly killed by a guy in a gold mech suit.Matt: (through laughter) Master Chief is a fucking crackshot!
- Their stunned silence at the Spider-Man 3 game's unbelievably awful web-slinging, followed by laughter. It must be seen to be believed.
- "THIS IS HOW I FUCK THE SKY!"
- "You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck that Spider-Man does not give."
- The ending featuring this infamous scene.
Xbox Indie Games II
- After so many awful indie games, they find T.E.C. 3001. And completely lose their minds.
- The developers actually thanked them for their endorsement of the game.
- "Fuck, Pat, you're a wizard."
- Matt deliberately missing button cues in Try Not to Fart.
Mass Effect 3
- Matt's Futurama reference in the game's opening exposition.Matt: They found a place filled with Amazonian babes that love to snu-snu!
- Matt and Pat insisting that a Spirit Bomb could solve all the problems in the game.
- A giant laserbeam blows through an office window, causing an enormous desk to go flying and flatten a woman.Matt: OH! That desk is working with the Ravagers!
- Their alternate interpretation of Shepard's reasons for trying to rescue a young boy in the airducts:Pat: (perverted voice) I gotta get this kid...Matt: (cracking up) Now's my only chance!Pat: The world's ending! No one will know!
- "WELCOME TO EARTH!"
- "Tell me...when you see...a Radio Shack..."
- After an emotional scene of the MC witnessing a kid he saved being blown up, when the character turns away, Pat exclaims in an absurd deep voice: "See you, fuckers!"
- The duo pondering why the female robot has giant boobs.Matt: SHOOT HER SPACE TITS! (as Pat does and the robot woman falls) Oh, it worked!
- One of the team members brings in an injured man wearing blue armor and Matt instantly moans, "Oh, Caboose!"
- When they run into Diana Allers.Pat: Is that Jessica Chobot?Matt: Is that that girl who tells you stupid, outdated tips that are factually incorrect on Xbox Live Inside?
- The montage of Shepard running in circles interspersed with footage of Earth being utterly wrecked.Pat: So you talk to the Admiral, right? And he's like, "Oh, it's been a hard couple of weeks, Shepard, but you're doing a good job out there!" and [Shepard's] like, "I've been dickin' around for a couple of WEEKS?!"
Prison Break: The Conspiracy
- The beginning where Matt and Pat sit in annoyed silence staring at the start up screen for the game.Matt: Hey, remember that time in Prison Break where—Pat: No, I don't. I never fuckin' watched Prison Break. Did you even watch Prison Break?Matt: No.Pat: Why did you buy Prison Break?Matt: Because I've got mental problems.
- Pat mocking the awful character mechanics.Scofield: I'm not here to make friends.Pat: Or lip synch well.
- Their laughter at the fact that punching a black guard makes you fail instantly, with no fail screen and then...Pat: (repeatedly trying to punch a white guard only for the punches to magically keep missing) The white guy's invincible. This game is racist as shit!
- Their reaction to every single cell having a "No Smoking" sign above it:Pat: Why would you...why couldn't you just tell them "No Smoking"? They're in fucking PRISON! Where are they going to GO? It's like "Ok, I know you had to smuggle like a whole CARTON of cigarettes up your ass...but no, you can't smoke them."Matt: [laughing] What's the point of smuggling in smokes when EVERY FUCKING CELL has a "No Smoking" sign?
- Matt makes the PC randomly punch an inmate casually talking to another leading to a fight which he wins...and the inmate simply gets up, goes back to where he was an continues the conversation like nothing happened. Matt promptly makes the PC punch him again.
- Pat lampshading how the main character is the worst undercover agent ever since he dictates As You Know notes about his evil Government Conspiracy employers into his miniature digital recorder while facing the bars of his cell in full view of half the cell block.Pat: Everyone fucking across him can look over and he's like [mumblemumblemumble]. "Are you INSANE or are you a fucking SNITCH?"
- Matt mentioning the Falcon Punch.
- Coming up to a Scary Black Man, Matt has this to say:Matt: Man, that's DMX! He's gonna give it to me.
- Their reaction to finding out Scofield designed the prison:Pat: Why would they send him to the prison HE designed?!Matt: (through laughter) Because of reasons!
- Both guys cracking up at getting caught despite the guard not turning his head to look at the escaped prisoner.
- Their reaction to accidentally stumbling into the prison showers. Twice.
- At the odd animation of a guard in front of a coffee machine:Pat: Is that guy takin' a piss?!Matt: Nah, he's getting coffee. WITH PISS IN IT!
- Their hysterical laughter after the character tries to reach down and get a file and promptly falls out of the vent, failing the mission.Matt: I LOVE PRISON! IT'S SO WACKY!Pat: WHY WOULD YOU WANNA BREAK OUT?! (cue end credits)
- As with their Spider-Man video, they occassionally intersperse it with some facts about the Punisher comics, such as the period when he died and was drafted by Heaven into fighting demons (in their words "basically he became a shitty Ghostbuster") and "Franken-Castle". The "In the Marvel Mangaverse, the Punisher was a female Geisha who used a whip and tickled crime bosses to death. No, I'm serious" fact is brought up twice.
- The duo's thoughts on the "good cop, bad cop" routine between the Punisher and an angry rhinoceros.
- All of the Bond One Liners used by the Punisher, which are So Bad, It's Good and cause Matt and Pat to crack up whenever they hear them.
- All of the dialogue from the nameless Mooks the Punisher kills who make countless Captain Obvious observations or completely lose their shit whenever Punisher shows up.
- Shooting the Mooks with the .12 gauge shotgun makes them fly about fifteen feet through the air every... single...time. Words cannot do it justice.
- Matt makes the Punisher throw one guy and the guy ends up lying on top of a hot dog cart, facedown, completely still so it looks like he's planking.
- Another time Matt tosses a guy off a balcony while aiming at a burning cab on the street below... and the guy lands right on top of it.Matt: NAILED IT!
- Another time Matt tosses a guy off a balcony while aiming at a burning cab on the street below... and the guy lands right on top of it.
- Fighting the Russian.Matt: "Get in my fridge, bitch!"
- The end, where the Punisher is faced with two hostages being held at gunpoint and told "You can't save both!". Matt makes the Punisher chuck a grenade at the feet of the four and the explosion kills the gunmen...and the hostages remain unharmed.Pat: WHAT?! [cue credits]
Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks
- Matt continuing to insist that either of the two Chinese playable characters are American.
- Matt's suggestion of The Punisher being Johnny Cage, and Pat's excited confirmation.
- Their reaction to whatever the hell flew across the moon that one of the characters noticed several minutes before it happened.Pat: WOOOAH IT'S LIKE A WITCH!
- Pat's excitement over seeing Reptile.Pat: Reptile's the hypest! I would have his reptile eggs if he needed it.
- Their disturbing glee upon finding a gigantic puddle of blood.Matt: Hey, dude, come frolic in the blood with me.Pat: I thought you'd never ask.Matt: Oh man, this reminds me of that one summer...
- When their characters power up, Matt insists it's the power of Lubu.
- Their laughter at the random suggestions that appear during the Game Over screens. Especially the one that says, "Find Mustapha."Pat: He's dead. He's with the Circle of Life now.Matt: Everything the light touches!
- Matt's discovery that if Pat tries to jump over a pit of spikes while he's running in the opposite direction, it drags Pat back into the pit to die.Pat: (as he's being dragged) No, no, no, NOOOOOO! (dies and Matt cracks up)
- Made especially funny by being a Brick Joke. At the start of the video, they discover that they can't hit each other. Matt notes that they'll probably find a way to kill each other eventually.
- When they start running around in circles and lamenting the loss of Sonya.Pat: (sing song voice) What are we gonna dooooooo?Matt: We can't find our titties!
- The episode ending with Pat having a Disney Acid Sequence upon discovering that Matt owns Mortal Kombat: Special Forces.Pat: Why would you even own this? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Metal Wolf Chaos
- You don't even need their commentary to burst into laughter. The dialogue's just so bad.
- Matt and Pat repeatedly crack up throughout the episode at the sheer absurdity of the premise.
- The sheer absurdity of the premise alone and the hilariously mangled American culture is so hilarious that Matt and Pat don't even say anything at some points; sometimes they just let it pass without saying anything.
- When the president is invoking a Macross Missile Massacre we get this jewel.Metal Wolf: (As he's bombarding an enemy fortress with missiles) How do you like me now?Pat: I LIKE YOU A LOT, MR. PRESIDENT! I LIKE YOU A LOT!
- Lampshading the fact that the reason for all of Michael Wilson's actions is "I'm the President of the United States."
- The bit at the end, where Matt talks about the end of the season as if it were an election.
- Their Nixon imitations, full stop:Pat: [Nixon voice] See, back when I was president we didn't HAVE these "giant robots". All we had was the worship of the Devil!
- When they fight a giant tank named "Dorsey":Matt: Who names a tank like the most "old ladiest" name ever?Pat: [Nixon voice] This is out new tank: the "Meredith"! It's got tons of shit on it! You won't even fuckin' believe it!Matt: [Nixon voice] We also made an attack helicopter called the "Agatha"!Pat: [Nixon voice] It spins kinda slow!Matt: [Nixon voice] The Agatha asks if you would like some ribbon candy!
- Any time they yell at the secretary for her incessant comments during battle sequences.
- There is also her terrible codenames for missions, as well as the guys reaction to her ruining what would have been a romantic moment between her and Michael.
- When the stereotypical robot voice announces that the giant later canon is about to self-destruct:Pat: Why did Soundwave just decide to kill himself?
- Matt's attempts to look up Juliet's skirt results in two things: Juliet pushing her skirt down, and an achievement.Matt: I'm finally getting rewarded for my curiosity!
- Matt's stories and anecdotes regarding girls' behaviour, which eventually have no endings, and eventually have no beginnings.
- Matt and Pat approving of a student stabbing his mother in the thigh with a fork when she forgot to DVR an episode of Game of Thrones for him.
Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor
- Pat playing on Kinect, which involves a lot of Pat waving his arms around in front of his face like a blind man.
- The ending, when Matt and Pat "play around" with the self-destruct switch.
Max Payne 3
- The opening animated sequence with Matt and Pat flying straight at each other in slow-mo, firing their guns, and then both hit the ground spinning in circles due to the uncontrollable gun fire.
- "Max Payne 3: Friendship is Magic. That's the subtitle."
- Somehow, Matt manages to get himself trapped in the background scenery. Pat is dumbstruck.
- Matt decides to try the multiplayer. Cue the montage of Matt dying in multiplayer, ending with a screen saying that he is quitting the multiplayer.Matt: Maybe I should give multiplayer a try, I'm pretty good at Max Payne, so...
- The segments where the duo makes Max Payne roll around on the floor while they play unfitting music.
- "I HATE WINDOWS SO MUCH!"
- Matt unloads half a clip of ammo into a civilian before realizing he's not one of the bad guys.Pat: That's just a dude.Matt: What? He had a mask on.Pat: No, he didn't.Matt: See, I'm getting shot!Pat: From some guy upstairs.Matt: (pauses, stares at the dead body) Oh, no, not again!
- Matt dive-rolling against random civilians hiding from gunfire.Matt: Hey, guys! C'mon!Pat: (in a Spanish accent as a civvie) Is this the new dance you Americans created?
- Matt slow-mo diving off of a skyscraper. Pat busts out laughing and Matt sheepishly says, "Whoops" at the failscreen. The best part is that he does this again about five minutes later, screaming, "FUCK YOU, RIO DE JANEIRO!" while Pat points out that he's in Sao Paulo.
- "Your dick is dead! I will murder all your dicks!"
- Matt screaming at Max's incredibly slow turn to aim at a guy who is shooting him. "FUCKING SHOOT HIM! Shoot him, you son of a bitch!"
- "Girls gone wild up in Max Payne's beard!"
- "Either look at my face and die or shut up and don't live!"
- "DID YOU SAY DRINK!?!"
Game of Thrones
- Their lyrics for the theme song that plays on the title screen, where Matt, Pat, and Woolie excitedly chant "GAME OF FUCKIN' THRONES!" repeatedly in a reference to this video.
- This exchange while looking through the skill options and talking about the benefits of being a "man of the Wall":Woolie: You don't get to taunt White Walkers, though.Pat: I'm a "white walker" and you taunt me all the time, you piece of shit! (Woolie laughs)
- Matt recalls a part in Final Fantasy XII where villagers lament about cactoids ruining their home... and the camera cuts to the monsters, only six in number and just dancing in place.
- Messing with the camera to get a look inside a body."Go back a little bit... there's his eyeballs!"
- Pat, Mat, and Woolie constantly make fun of how bad the dog looks. It culminates with them freezing the video at a particular moment, just zooming in on the dog while they go all out on it.Pat: It looks like a fucking PS1 monster!
- The trio complains about how there are almost no recognizable characters from the show or the books in the game, and muse about how the game is probably only ever going to show the worst character from the series, which they all agree is Cersei. Guess what happens later.
- When they finally finish fine-tuning their character's strengths and weaknesses, he ends up being a bad leader who can't stand the sight of blood, but is gifted, an acrobat, and knows the art of medicine, leading Pat to come up with this scenario:Pat: So what this is saying that as you're fighting dudes, and some guy gets all bloodied up, and you decide to fuck off and not tell your dudes what to do, and just start doing back-flips while rubbing salve all over your face.
- Matt's appreciation of Poison Ivy's character model."Look at that BADONKADONK!"
- Their continued exasperation at having to handcuff every single Mook, capped off by Matt's suggestion to handcuff their dicks to their wrist watches.
- Pat's discovery of Batman's ability to backflip, which he immediately does for about 30 straight seconds.
- "Man, look at THOSE titties!"
- The first time the duo tries to get Batman to swing to another building. It is pure gold.
- "That car is working for the Joker!"
- Matt's laughter at the fact that one Mook tries to kick Batman while holding a machine gun.
- Pat's Rage Quit at the end, capped off with him saying, "Die, Batman. Just...die. I hate you."
NES, SNES, & Genesis Games
- Pat starts quoting Kung Pow! Enter the Fist when he and Matt's characters continue to fail jumping from one rooftop to the next."Don't you see? You can't make it! You'll never make it!"
- The duo finding out what happens if you stand near the tentacle in "Out of This World."
- "You took a slug to the knee! And you're fuckin' dead."
- Matt referencing Dangeresque while they play "Out of This World.""I'm gonna have to JUMP!"
- The Joe & Mac bit where Matt won't let Pat onto the platform. Pat finally gets up there and then Matt jumps up onto the rope above it, leaving Pat there in a complete stupor about how that worked.
- Upon seeing the bloody Superman emblem for the Doomsday game: "...Superman has his period?"
- The following exchange:Matt: Why'd you just rape those pigs?Pat: Did you see how they were dressed?
- Pat's fanboy excitement over Rocket Knight Adventures.
- Their delightful conversation discussing how much Scott Summers, aka Cyclops, sucks. Capped off by insisting that if any of the viewers' friends claim Cyclops doesn't suck, they should be punched in the dick.
- Just like last time, Matt continues to not get RPG games, much to Pat's frustration.
- Matt's reaction upon finding out Emma Stone is in the game:During the opening creditsPat: (referring to Jackie) Oh he's that skeez-ball that you use.Matt: EMMA STONE!?!Pat: Calm down.
- Matt performing a roundhouse kick to a bus. In his underwear.Matt: Fuck you, bus!
- This exchange:Matt takes a picture of a his date's breastsMatt: That's going in the photo book.Pat: ... You're sending these to her.Matt: CHECK OUT HOW SWEET YO TITTIES IS!
- This nice aversion of Artificial Stupidity when a policeman climbs over a railing to reach MattMatt: OH SHIT, WAIT NO! THEY CAN CLIMB! NO NO NO! *gets caught* Oh fuck!Pat: What are you, stupid?
- They various puns they use when they finish off enemies.Pat: That's too much Wei! That's Wei too much!
Matt: I'm gonna call long distance, bitch!
- When they throw a thug in a phone booth.
Matt: I guess he's not a fan of my fighting style.
- After they shove a thug's head through a fan.
- Any of the antics they do when the character is in his underwear. In including crashing a motorbike by a building freaking out the nearby people.Matt: *laughs* Deal with it!
- Matt's obsession with the $30 Dragon Kick.
- Matt stopping in the middle of being chased by the police to order food.Matt: I'd like a peanut butter dumpling.Pat: I'd like some sesame chicken, I guess.
- Matt and Pat explaining what happened when Wei went to America.Matt: What did they do to me in America? They made better, stronger, and faster!Pat: I had to fight RoboCop on the streets for cash. It was sick.
- Matt making Wei run in circles while going, "Woop woop woop woop woop woop!"
- "You have like a little treehouse in your bonsai tree."
- "Kicking guys when they're down, just like John Wayne woulda done!"
- The duo trying to explain the randomly vibrating box of vegetables.Pat: It's, it's, it's Hong Kong Jumping Leeks. Or whatever the fuck that is.Matt: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!
- The creepy pork bun vender. 'Nuff said.
- The entire sequence when they find out Wei can randomly jack cars and motorcyles in mid-crash.Matt: It's to impress girls!Pat: That'll impress EVERYBODY!
- "TEXTIN' LIKE A BOSS."
- The random citizen pouring water over Wei in his underwear.Matt: AW, SO GOOD GIRL.
- Matt making Emma Stone hump him from behind.
- The intro and outro, instead of having some amusing game moment, literally feature sleeping dogs. Even funnier is that Matt and Pat just stare in awe.
- "Stop smoking! Stop it! It's bad! Think of the children!"
- The part where they make Wei jump on a phone booth while they say "Hey, phone booth! No working for Dog Eyes!"
- "My cock will destroy all the other cocks!
- "Beat up the drunken asshole"Pat': This is the best game of all time!
- Watching the man pee.
- Pat's failure to come up with any good puns.
- "YO THAT FISH KNOWS WHATS UP"
- As they're running through the marketplace, they pass an ice cream vendor.Matt: Wha—Ice cream?!Pat: (completely serious) Where?
The Amazing Spider-Man
- The opening animation where Spider-Man swings down and Matt and Pat stare at him in awe...only for him to knock the ice cream cones out of their hands and then punch them in their faces.
- The bus glitch in its entirety. Especially with the Call-Back to Sleeping Dogs.Matt: Man, that bus that we kicked in Sleeping Dogs is out for revenge!
- The duo making Spider-Man run up and web random citizens in the face, which is made better by the fact that no one reacts to this phenomenon.
- The duo blaming Dr. Connors for giving Gwen Stacy an antidote that made her grow penises all over.
- "Don't look in my closet where I keep all my other dumber costumes!"
- All of the sequences of Matt and Pat reading the comic books and paraphrasing what's happening.Matt: And Aunt May's all like, 'Stop making spider-bats at 2am, you son of a bitch!'
- Their conclusion that the Scorpion is actually just Condom Coat-Hanger Man.
- Matt's Ace Ventura Pet Detective comment while looking at the Rhino's character model.Matt: (focuses on Rhino's butt) Watch Jim Carrey come birthing out of this hole.
- Spider-Man inexplicably running around with a birthday hat on his head.Matt: Thanks, everyone! It's been a real good birthday!
- In a reversal of what's expected, Matt is ridiculously happy about playing the scary game (he's only upset that he doesn't get to punch Slenderman), while Pat spends the length of it being terrified.
- This is proven by the first few seconds of the video that start with Pat going, "Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I don't wanna play this."
- "Turn off your light and run. Your face is now buried in Slenderman's crotch."
- All the instances of Pat being unable to hide how creeped out he is.Matt: Show everyone how tough you are!Pat: I'm so tough I'm on the verge of tears!
- Pat lamenting the fans who voted for them to play this game.Pat: I want to punch everyone who asked for us to play this game in the face.
- Matt's idea about how to placate Slenderman."Hello, Slenderman? If I suck your dick, will you please let me out of this forest?"
- They start right off by naming their character "ShtLord".
- Performing a sick combo tossing apples at a Pikachu.
- The Kangaskhan Dance.
- The slutty Squirtle.
- "Two Best Friends are blasting off again!"
- PRESS "A" TO DO IT
Tekken Tag Tournament 2
- As TTT2 has elements of being a spoof on the series, a lot of the funny moments were built right into the game, such as Dragunov's robot girlfriend and Kuma's photo op with the school girls.
- As things go poorly for Matt:Matt: You didn't tell me you were gonna beat me!Pat: I tell you every day that I'm going to beat you!
- Thanks to custom soundtracks, they chose to use the soundtrack from Ocarina of Time, causing massive Soundtrack Dissonance.
Way of the Samurai 4
- The two get constantly cockblocked by the police while trying to get to a place where a woman was waiting for them. After many failed attempts, they just go do the mission.
- Delicious Time!
- They keep on throwing barrels at people.
- Their failure of hitting on one woman results in them hitting on an old lady.
- The "Can someone please help me kill myself" option.Pat: He's like "I can't believe what a fucking badass that guy was."Matt: He's the last of the O Gs.
- When making their samurai:Pat: Do you want him to be tender in the face?Matt: I like my guys tender in the face.Pat: It's hard to tell if he a man or a woman.Matt: He's been tenderized!
- The comments about Milo.Pat: Milo is dead. Peter Molyneux took him out back and killed him with his nuts.Matt: What? I thought you were gonna say he just puts two in his brain.Pat: Yeah. He puts both of his nuts in Milo's brain and Milo just dies.
- Matt stops playing the game to stare at Moxxi. Later on in the video, they cut back to Matt still staring at Moxxi, and Pat says "Go shoot something already!"
- Matt points out that he finds clowns scary, but thinks Moxxi is pretty hot. This conflict confuses him.
- The comments near the end of the first mission.Matt: That's really transparent.Pat: You know what else is really transparent? My dick.(really long silence)Pat: You gotta let that hang.
- Their reaction to someone saying "I used to be a Vault Hunter like you, until I took a bullet to the knee"- lots of sarcastic laughing, followed by Pat saying "I don't get it."
- Two Best Friends Play is now canceled! (Just kidding)
- The Hamburger of Eden.
- This line from the first few minutes:Pat: (as Haytham while moving through the aisles) Please get your powdered wig out of my ass, please.
Matt: His face is pressed firmly into her 17th century bosoms.
- "Hey, guys. Stop making out, you're in the theater."
- While exiting the packed lobby of the opera house:Matt: JASON! JASON!
Matt: Hey, is that Louis XIV?Pat: It's some big... stupid... French guy.
- Walking in the lobby:
- "Can I just fall off and die? YES I CAN."
- The two killing a cat, a pig, and a woman, and their subsequent reactions.
- Pat's reaction when he attempts to ride a horse off of a cliff, only for it to stop and not jump.Pat: (spurring the horse onward) Go horse! Fuck it! (Jumps off the horse and into the lake)
- Matt labeling important historical figures as "total chodes".
- "I think an old black man beating the shit out of a kid with a cane is the best thing ever."
- "That rabbit won't be reporting back to the Templars anytime soon!"
- After the ship is fired on in a naval battle:Matt: No!Pat: Whatever, he sucked anyways.Matt: JOHNNY APPLESEED!!
- Also while on the ship:Pat: I was yawning because I was bored and then ocean scared me. I guess the game won.
Resident Evil 6
- The opening, in which Matt smiles gleefully while running over Pat with a train.
- Matt getting shot to death because he was too busy making Piers give Chris a thumbs up. ("WE HAVE TO ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER- FUCK!")Pat: No Matt, no. I don't want to do a good job anymore.
- Pat and his glee upon seeing the playground in Chris's campaign"Pat: (as he runs towards the playground) I HAVE TO GET WHAT REALLY MATTERS.
Pat: This is the state of Survival Horror right here.Matt (Leaps over the ride and through Pat): Yeahhh!
- Matt finding out he can clip over Pat when the latter rides playground equipment.
- Pat examining a manhole while Matt slides around on his ass in the background.
- Pat, while trying to find Matt in a snowstorm, accidentally rams him with a snowmobile, knocking him down. Matt starts sliding down the mountain, screaming for help, Pat driving after him. Pat soon picks up too much speed, running Matt over and getting a game over.Pat: GET ON MY SNOWMOBILE GURLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
- Not to mention Matt genuinely seems horrified by all of this.
Guild Wars 2
- The following exchange:Matt: That's some Dobby shit.Pat: That does look like Dobby... I mean, wait, who's Dobby?
New Super Mario Bros. U
- The entire video because of the sheer Video Game Cruelty Potential of the game. But especially when Pat stuns an enemy over Matt and Woolie so that they can only escape by killing themselves.
- Yellow Toad is the only survivor, and is swimming to an escape pipe before a sea dragon eats him. Matt quips, "Man, that dragon really wants that succulent Toad ass." The player, a woman, starts to scream in rage right before the video cuts off. Funny on a meta level because we don't know who the toad players are and you don't really hear their voices throughout.
- Matt's absolutely brutal Your Mom joke.Matt: Clean the pig, okay.(Matt types in "Industrial Vacuum", only for it to be rejected)Matt: Scrub the pig!Pat: Wait, can you scrub the pig with a regular vacuum?Matt: No, cause "vacuum" isn't red. How do you clean your mom?(An unseen girl "ohhs" in the background)Pat: .....shut up.
- How Matt plans to get out of the tutorial area.Matt: I'm gonna take the bus.Pat: You have a book that will summon any object in the universe and a globe that will teleport you anywhere in the world.Matt: Fuck it, I shouldn't have to wait for a bus! (Types in bus, and summons one)Pat: That's my whole point I was making! (Matt starts driving the bus) (In disbelief) Wait, you ju-Matt: See you later fuckers!
- Matt trying to do pest control by summoning bigger and bigger animals to kill each other. This culminate in him fighting Bowser while riding a giant bear.
- Matt attempting to calm down a lady zombie by giving her a pug, which she promptly turns into a zombie, much to their horror. Matt than summons a Neogaf to escape, much to Pat's shock.
- Them cracking up over when they give a dog a fireman's hat and the dog rides in a firetruck.
- Their horror when one of the museum patrons is a giant stick figure.
- Matt: Is this Silent Hill?
- When they have to help feed a fat kid, Matt types in a Roasted Pheasant, which summons a pheasant cooked alive, which the fat kid promptly eats.
- Immediately after reading the disclaimer that the game's notepad is unable to utilize copyrighted properties, the guys write down "Mario" as a possible idea... and Nintendo's Mario is what they get.
- Matt: Mario, can you help us out here?
- Matt to Pat on the matter attraction, not to mention the completely nonchalant way he says it:Matt: There's no way a woman can be that hot, she's gonna be a man.
- The montage of Matt's many, many in-game deaths.
- Matt's habit of picking up dead bodies and pretend they're alive returns:Pat: Mom will be so proud when I bring you home!Matt: (pretending to be the protagonist's mother, with a terrible English accent to boot) Finally, you're dating a proper English woman—I love it! I like her skull face.
- Pat and Matt's outrage at the prices at the deli.
- Pat's impression of the Queen of England at a rave:Pat: I can't believe how great these fat beats are!!
- While exploring a ransacked, rundown apartment:Matt: If Woolie owned an apartment in London.beatPat: If Woolie owned an apartment.
Far Cry 3
- Matt and Pat's utter loathing and disgust at the Twenty Minutes with Jerks opening to the game.Matt: "Welcome to Sex Island. Look at all these animals you can have sex with."Pat: "I'm gonna fuck that bird with this coconut!"Matt: This is the worst.
- Matt shoots a dead boar several times in the head, prompting this exchange:Pat: Man, you're sick.Pat: Cats suck.
XBOX Indie Games III
- Tricky Treat, which consists entirely of a person floating around a glitchy map full of giant candies.Pat: Oh my g- oh my god...words can't even...oh my god.
- Any of their reactions to Who's Gonna Get The Girl?Matt: (as one of the, rather odd-looking, girls) ERMAGHERD YOU LIKE MY NAME.
- They play No Luca No for quite a while, which is hilarious considering that the entire game consists of them swatting a cat away from their breakfast.
- Their reactions while playing Super Wagon Adventure and its multiple anachronisms and wackiness is pretty great.
Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2013
- One of the cutscenes shows a character staring at some deer through a sniper scope while Matt says "These deer killed my entire family and slaughtered them." The camera then pans over to reveal the character's father, which causes him to add "Oh, wait-".
- Pat saying "That deer will never walk again or play basketball with its homies" after Matt shoots one of them in the spine.
- Their remarks about a conveniently-placed health pack in the woods.Matt: It's good that all these animals left these health packs for me.Pat: I'm glad that health packs literally grow on trees out in the wild.
- "Even the trees have gained bloodlust."
- Their reactions to the various glitches, which include animals hopping in midair and falling off cliffs unintentionally, are pretty hilarious.
- Pretending that the animals are conspiring against them on two occasions- the first when they find a conviently-placed ammo pile, and the second when they're in a jeep, the trees collapse, and some predators leap out at them from the branches.
- Matt saying "It's a herd of your mom!" after seeing a herd of elephants.
- The exchange after seeing a panther.Matt: It's Panther Caruso.Pat: Who?Matt: That weird Star Fox character-Pat: From CSI?Matt: Yeah, Panther Caruso. From CSI.Pat: Yeaaaaah!
Harry Potter Kinect
- Their entire rant about Fawkes the Phoenix and their inability to give him a handjob.
Matt: Hey, there's that bird we gave a handjob to earlier!Pat: And now he's trying to fuck the snake!
- Funnier still, the Call-Back joke during the fight with the Slytherin serpent.
- The Actor Allusion regarding Snape.Pat: You have to do Potions or else Nakatomi Plaza will go up in flames!
Pat: Let Holly go!!
- And subsequently, when fighting Snape...
- Harry's arms freaking out during Charms class.Pat: This is the sickest beat-break dancing I've ever seen!
- The poorly thought out sequence of Professor Quirrell assaulting Harry, which looks a lot like he's trying to rape him, as Matt and Pat point out. Hilariously.
- Matt's Waxing Lyrical of Master Onion's Stage as Snape.
- Making Hermione defeat the troll by basically rubbing her butt and leaning slightly to the side.
- All of the perving Matt does on Hermione and Emma Watson, which Pat quickly points out the plothole in. It's even funnier when Matt acknowledges that it makes no sense.Matt: JUST LET ME HAVE THIS!
- Pat's conclusion that Voldemort figured out that wizards don't need noses.
- Their conversation about Wormtail trying to appeal to Ron after living in his pants for several years.Pat: (as Wormtail) Ron, didn't you love it when I slept next to your dick every night when you were sad about Hermione?Matt: And Ron's like, "YEA—NO! No, I didn't!"
- Matt's complete disdain for Neville Longbottom, capped off by him intentionally letting him die multiple times.
Matt: (between laughs) That guy in the background doesn't even care!
- During the sequence where Neville escapes the collapsing bridge, Matt lets him trip and die. The game cuts to a distraught Ginny gasping in horror...while the guy behind her looks on in Dull Surprise. Matt absolutely loses it.
- The glitch in the final wand battle. It must be seen to be believed.
- Their addressing of the concept behind the last Quidditch minigame where they defend their goal from the opposing team, saying that their own team must be pretty awful if they're letting a lot of opponents get by them.
- Them pointing out that Luna's hotter than Cho.
- The video's intro has cartoon Matt and Pat patrolling the streets in police uniforms, when Matt is grabbed from behind. When Pat looks behind him, he sees a more realistically-styled Agent 47 in the police uniform, but thinks nothing of it and continues patrolling.
- Their reactions to the various game mechanics, like fake surrendering, lowering their head to get past guards, and the flame trails guards leave, are pretty amusing.
- Their comments about the various disguises, like the gardener's method of shooting weeds to death or the chef disguise's reverse-grip-style of holding a kitchen knife, are pretty hilarious.
- "It's Mardi Gras up in here!" Said while making Agent 47 move in a circle through a colorful bead curtain.
- When they start calling Agent 47 "Dickman", and the subsequent comments, starting with "Dickman, I can't believe what a hit you are!"
- The exchange when Agent 47 is holding a coin.Matt: Here's a coin. Put it in an Incan temple. Get Nathan Drake to help.Pat: Here's a coin. It's got Barack Obama's face on it.Matt: I thought you were gonna say it's got Baraka's face on it.
- Pat sarcastically remarking "He's framing the legendary Hitman, who's killed a billion people, for murder!" and "'Oh no, a murder! I've never seen that before!'" during a scene where Agent 47 wakes up with a dead maid nearby.
- Matt's insistence that a character resembles Kevin Nash.Matt: (As the group is leaving) C'mon Nash, let's get going.Pat: N'OHKAY...Matt: We gotta save Scott Hall from killing himself.Pat: (barely restrained laughter) f-f-fuck
- Their attempt to start a bar fight in a level. They throw a bottle into a crowd... and get no reaction. Appropriately, they react with a sarcastic "yaaaaaay".
- In the final segment, they find Lynch at a gun range. After trying to mess with him, everyone suddenly points their guns at Agent 47, leaving the two very bewildered.
- Dragging the guy they killed at the tennis court around in tight circles, causing the body to twist in on itself.Pat: Thanks next-gen graphics.
- Their reactions to the huge amounts of lens flare, which even radiates from 47's bald head:Pat: Why didn't Krillin use this to defeat Freeza?
- Also:Pat: (while looking at 47's glowing head) THE HITMAN HAS BECOME YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST.
Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale
- Pat pointing out that the one of versus character splashes they were looking at had a proper juxtaposition of character images that made it look like Drake was staring at Fat Princess' chest. They bring it up again at the end of the match, where Drake is looking in the other direction during the post-match results display, with them pretending that Drake was no longer interested in them.
- When Woolie and Liam get in on the action, Matt and Pat ask them how the supers work. Liam gives an extremely simple explanation, and Woolie's explanation is instead filled with unhelpful and irrelevant Techno Babble before being cut off by a screen saying "NOBODY CARES".
- The four are ready to start a match, and the character select screen shows them with different characters selected. When the match starts proper, though, it turns out that they all selected Raiden. This happens twice.
- The last match is a team stock battle, with Matt and Pat against Woolie and Liam. Things were looking grim for the latter team, with Woolie eliminated some time beforehand and Matt and Pat still in the game, but Liam comes from behind to win it for his team. The following exchange occurs-Liam: Suck it! Suck it!Pat: Why are you telling Woolie to suck it?Liam: He died too.
DmC: Devil May Cry
- During a cutscene, one character mentions an "old Wiccan recipe" that contains sea salt, shark oil, iron shavings, dessicated squirrel semen, and wolf hair.Matt: What.Pat: Okay. I have, like, ten questions.
- They fuck around on Vergil's car while it's slo-mo crashing into a wall.
- The repeated shots of them slowly defeating a boss by just shooting it while it sits there. After a few cuts to the fight, they finally kill it, and they are quite underwhelmed with the whole thing at the end.
- The episode opens with Matt admitting that, after displaying no fear in the original Slender, he has since watched Marble Hornets, and is now terrified of Slender Man.
Pat: (incoherent blubbering)Matt: There's a door on your left! No there's not, I lied to you, you're fucked!Pat: (in high pitched voice) Oh no!Matt: I trolled you about that door!Pat: (More incoherent blubbering)
- That being said, he still fares a lot better than Pat during the game. To the point of trolling Pat while he's terrified:
- Slender/Winnie The Pooh.
- Pat getting so scared that he won't even do the Tour Guide Nixon voice.
- The grand finale:Matt: If you're just joining us, you're watching Best Friends! We've both just shat our pants!
- The opening features Matt being knocked out by the player character after he scares her, resulting in a Slenderman who pops up in disappointment after the player character runs away. Pat then appears behind Slenderman, looking at Matt's body and slowly backing away in fear.
- All of Pat's high pitched squealing.
- Pat gets scared by a grand piano and shortly after a window scares Matt.
Tomb Raider (2013)
- Matt makes Lara go inside a house as it begins to fall off a cliff. As it falls into the abyss, Lara stands calmly on top of it with no reaction as it plummets off-screen.
- At one point, they start falling off a cliff, but Lara just ends up floating in midair doing the falling animation. They actually manage to make her climb back up the cliffside for a bit until she properly dies.
Injustice: Gods Among Us
- The running gag with Woolie. It starts off with him signing on and his Gamertag being "yo whens mahvel" , and sending a request to play Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3. Later, Matt gets a phone call and the caller is "WHENS MAHVEL" . Then, Matt looks out the apartment window and sees Woolie holding up a sign saying "WHEN'S MAHVEL" . At the end of the video, after hilariously failing a mission with Superman, Matt hears a knock on the door and it turns out to be Woolie again."WHEN'S MAHVEL?"
- Similar to the Batman: Arkham City episode, they start by playing the wrong game in a similar genre: Justice League Task Force, the Super Nintendo Justice League fighting game. They try to fix the TV, and switch to Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. They fix the TV again and finally switch to the game. They choose Batman vs Batman for all 3 fights.
- The Batman vs Batman fight in a nutshell.Matt: So, what's Batman's flowchart again?Pat: Batarangs, all the time!
- Matt's Long List of Rob Liefeld super heroes who should have been in this game.
- Playing with the hanging meat in the Arkham Asylum stage.
- The comments during the Harley Quinn vs. Sinestro fight. A sample-Matt: (in a high-pitched voice) Oh, Mr. Sinestro! I won't have the meat loaf ready cooked for you until later tonight-Pat: Harley Quinn isn't your grandma!
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
- When the video starts proper, Woolie shows up at Matt's apartment with some ice cream sandwiches. Later on, Matt wonders where Woolie went, and Pat says that he told Woolie to fuck off, because Woolie ran out of ice cream.
- The segment Pat growing increasingly frustrated with the tutorial is pretty amusing.
- Pat attempts to mock read a loading screen tooltip, but constantly stumbles over the first two words, "sniper rifle", and eventually gives up.
- They pretend that the person they're rescuing in "Save A Nerd" is James Rolfe.
- Pat freaks out when he realizes the blue coiled thing he was checking out was a neon snake, and kills it with grenades.
- "Punch the nuclear reactor"Pat: Are you fucking serious? I am okay with this!
- Matt gets mad that Pat shoots and teabags a dead scientist because Rex called the scientist an American hero.
- The Running Gag throughout the video where they mock the bad collision detection for the character models, leading to repeated views of the insides of Spock's head... and attempts to put the characters inside each other.
- During a multiplayer match, Pat's screen loads with the camera zoomed in super close to Spock's face and clipping through his head.
- When Kirk is using the scanner, Spock's model unexpectedly becomes huge and sinks into the floor.Pat: This is how big Spock is in Kirk's heart.
- When Spock randomly sprints away from Kirk, they follow only to find him standing next to the hot green alien babe, to which Matt cries, "Hey! That's MY green chick!"
- All of their "swag" and "YOLO" references. Especially Kirk holding up a device and Matt insisting that he's going to take a selfie while making a duck face.
- Matt's suggestion that they just push two Red Shirts off a cliff to spare them the misery of dying during a mission.
- The episodes ends with Kirk and Spock on a teleporter. Matt and Pat wonder where it will take them. Just then, the title screen for Aliens: Colonial Marines kicks in and Matt and Pat scream in fear until the credits cut them off.
Aliens: Colonial Marines
- Pat, Matt, and Woolie's bored reactions to the supposedly scary xenomorphs.Pat: No, Luca. No.
- The live action segments, which consist of Matt and Pat wandering around an industrial area with helmets and guns while Woolie gives them orders. Funnier since it's one of the few times we've seen Pat in person.
- The return of clipping through character models.Matt: We played Star Trek last week!
- Even funnier when a marine opens a grate and jumps down a ventilation shaft. Matt and Pat jump through the marine, through the grate, and stand where the marine will jump down so he clips through them constantly.
- A xenomorph slowly stalks them by opening a ventilation shaft and clawing at them from the ceiling. The Jump Scare is ruined when they notice the xenomorph is nice enough to close the shaft after it attacks. Even when the xenomorph kills them, it's still polite enough to close the grate shut.
The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct
- The intro video has Matt and Pat shooting Zombie Lee and Zombie Kenny. They're having trouble with the final foe, though: Activision!
- The video starts off with Matt walking to a store to buy "The shitty Walking Dead game." The store clerk, a young asian woman, knows exactly which one it is and turns around to grab it. The camera slowly pans down as she grabs the game then quickly corrects itself. Matt asks her out on a date and she politely turns him down. Throughout the rest of the episode, Matt brags to Pat that he has a hot date with an asian chick on Friday.
- While noting how easy it is to melee attack zombies and keep them away, they mention it's like a zombie version of "No, Luca, no."
- Upon seeing the first NPC, Matt shoots him in the shoulder, only for him to No-Sell it completely.
- They're utterly surprised that the knife swinging animation causes sparks and smoke even when it hits nothing but air.Matt: This makes me think I'm stabbing a tiny man!
- They hammer the Jess Collins model's butt and crotch with the hammer, and mock its seeming lack of care for what they're doing to it.
Mortal Kombat: Komplete
- While playing Konquest:Matt: There's a sexy party over there.Pat: Three guys standing in a river.*Upon further inspection*Both of them: Oh it's just ducks.Matt: Well it's still a sweet ass party- I wish I can join.
- Still on the topic of ducks:Pat: Ducks have the creepiest sex ever. If I ever wanted to get killed by a barbed wire dick, I want it to be on land.
- Their failed attempts to impersonate Claude Van Damme.
- Pat's repeated smashing by the death pillars in Mythologies.
Xbox Live Indie Games IV
- The round with Matt, Pat and Woolie playing as... themselves.
Woolie: Mahvel is now, suckas!
- Woolie's intro, with his character wearing those goofy headphones that he never takes off as well as a 'WHENS MAHVEL' shirt.
Pat: Eat it! *thud*Everyone bursts out laughing
- Pat trying to attack from the ropes and getting interrupted by Woolie, leaving Pat unable to do anything other than slap impotently in the general direction of his opponents. He finally manages to jump off with a bodyslam... which he misses.
- Pat once again climbs onto the ropes to attempt a bodyslam on Matt, who is outside the ring. He pulls it off with ease this time... but still misses.
- Woolie inexplicably going on a 'Comeback' and turning invulnerable, with his character not even reacting in the slightest to Pat hitting him in the face with a chair.
- After Woolie takes round two:Woolie: Oh, what I got comin' backstage. I've got the hottest jacuzzi backstage and-Matt: With no-one in it!Pat: Liam's in there.Post-match scores: Hot Tub Liam inspires Woolie to win again!
- The final round, with Matt, Pat and Woolie playing as the Shockmaster, Reptile and Zubaz respectively.
- An instance in this round where while Pat and Woolie are fighting over by the commentator's table, Matt is leaning the ladder up against the ropes to use it. He runs up the ladder, but with his character using a really awkward running animation to do so, jumps off at them...and completely misses. Words cannot do this scene justice.
- When given the famous "Fuck Cancer" or "Let Them Eat Cake" option, the two of them spend (according to a joke cutaway) 2 hours overanalzying this intentional parody of moral choices in games.Matt: Ok wait, we gotta think about this.Pat: Cancer forever is way worse than hungriness.Matt: It doesn't say 'no one goes hungry forever'.Pat: No it doesn't. It means give everyone a sandwich right now.Matt: Okay, but...you think about curing cancer, there's evil people that could have cancer.Pat: Yeah but there's probably way more good people that have cancer. It's not like 50/50. Like what if feed the hungry, is you just nuke the hungry countries?Matt: That's true too. We can't read the fine print!Pat: No!Matt: Okay, if Woolie was here, he would...Pat: He would feed the hungry.Matt: Okay but, he's not fucking here.Pat: I say fuck cancer.Matt: I dunno I'm leaning towards fuck canc- but when you think about it, if you feed the hun-Black screen that says '2 hours later'Pat: YOU CAN'T JUST GET RID OF HUNGER BY FEEDING PEOPLE CANCER! THAT DOESN'T WORK!Matt: No but if the people that die from cancer, we can't feed them.Pat: That's what you'd be doing.Matt: No, no!Pat: YOU'D BE SHOVING CANCER INTO PEOPLE'S MOUTHS!Matt: Fuck it, cure cancer!
Grand Theft Auto V
- The beginning, which has Matt running around trying to find a store that has a copy of Grand Theft Auto V in stock. He fails, but Pat calls Matt and gloats about how he got the last copy of GTA V.
- While waiting for the Data Install to finish, the two talk about all sorts of things, such as...
- Pat asking Matt if he's watched Attack on Titan.
- Matt saying that Rockstar should have given the player a papercraft to work on while waiting for the Data Install.
- Matt talking about the time he and Pat went to Switzerland.
- And when the Data Install is finally done (Said Data Install taking about 18 minutes according to Pat), their reaction when they're told to insert the second disc.
Beyond Two Souls
- The beginning, in which they mock how David Cage's games are formatted like movies by checking the local movie theater for Beyond Two Souls.
- Matt's reaction to an NPC in-game named Matt. When they find out he's British, Matt starts calling him British Matt and they give him a Sega fanboy personality with the voice of James Small, a British guy they often make fun of for loving the Dreamcast.
- Press X to Revenge. REVENGE! Pat urges Woolie to be the instrument of his revenge.
- Said revenge, with all three of them super-hyped, is also hilarious.
- The Jojo comparison:Pat: I'll be the little girl and you will be the big, scary ghostman.Woolie: I'll be your STAND!Pat: OH, MY GOD!Matt: Stop trying to make this cool! STOP IT!
Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag
- The Duo singing their theme song as a pirate shanty.
- The guys start this season by playing the PlayStation 4 version of Assassin's Creed IV and they keep getting a kick out of the game's hilarious technical "issues":
- They toss a body into the ocean and laugh at how the body just turns itself around without the character model really moving. "That's next gen for ya."note
- They climb up a building and literally get right behind an enemy soldier, and the soldier does not react at all when Edward starts clipping through him and tossing money at his ass.
- Edward climbs to the top of the mast of a sinking ship and barely reacts at all to the mast plummeting towards the ocean.
- The return of James Small jokes, where every British person is portrayed as a Sega fanboy obsessed with the Sega Dreamcast and Master System.
- Matt suggests throwing money at a dog and seeing if it reacts to it like how humans characters do, and when Pat does toss the money the dog suddenly starts rolling over and acting all happy, prompting the guys to start laughing hysterically.
- The accents going overboard:Pat: (Bad Pirate/English accent) So what did you name your ship?Matt: (Ditto) Cuntdestroyer.Pat: ...that's a pretty good name.Matt: We're on a quest to destroy a certain thing.Pat: The English!Matt: What a bunch of cunts.(Beat)Matt: Wait, aren't we English? I don't...Pat: It's not clear with this pirate accent.
- "There are no sexual animals on this island." "(Giggling) Just Edward Kenway!"
- The Hamburger of Eden returns.
- Matt and Pat actually managed to make a Shout-Out to the cancelled Broken Pixels show. More specifically, they referenced the Virtual Hydlide episode:Pat: (Whiny nerd accent)MOM! THEY TOOK MY PIRATE BACKPACK!
- The numerous instances of standing still and repeatedly punching the opponent in the groin. Even more so during the multiplayer segment, with both Matt and Pat doing it to each other... with neither character model reacting at all.
- Pat accidentally selecting the same character as Matt due to the Kinect being so finicky.
- The two going through the character's profiles give a bevy of glorious lines.Matt: (describing one of the character's profiles) So because of the 2010 earthquake, she can now communicate with voodoo spirits.
The Walking Dead: Season 2
- The title of this episode? "CLEMENTINE IS A BEAST."
- At the beginning of the episode, we have a live-action shot of Matt and Pat, steeling themselves for the game and the eventual feels. They have done so by draping a blanket over their laps, gathering a couple boxes worth of tissues, and a tub of ice-cream. As they start the game, Pat's hand inches towards the ice-cream... Only for Matt to take it away from him with a completely deadpan expression.
- During the recap, we have several of these, including, but not limited to:Matt: Remember when Ben got overpowered by cancer patients?!
- During the bathroom check scene at the beginning, they immediately comment that the toilets are amazingly pristine in spite of the entire world going to hell.Matt: I WANT THIS TOILET SO CLEAN I COULD EAT OFF IT! WHICH I INTEND TO!
Matt: Use Aiden!
- Also from that scene, when Clem' is hiding in the stalls:
- When they get to the scene with Clem' having to relight the fire, they immediately focus on the animal carcass roasting over it:Matt: Look at that cat!Pat: That's fucked up.Matt: I can't tell what animal that is, except a cat.Pat: It looks like a bunny, maybe. With the ears cut off... And the skin taken off... And the organs cut out.Matt: "Don't worry honey, they're just sleeping. Upside down-"Both: "-And inside out!"
Matt: How is that even a choice?!Pat: Fuck you people!Matt: I hope this makes them burn in Hell.Pat: Oh yeah, especially Duck!
- When they have the option to pick what to burn in the fire, they unanimously pick the drawing of Kenny and his family.
- When they get to the docks near the survivors cabin, they immediately dub it "Camp Crystal Lake", and suggest Telltale Games make a game of it.Pat: Use a rubber, or don't use a rubber? "Don't use a rubber," OH NO, JASON IS HERE!Matt: Hey, Telltale, you're already working on seventeen projects, what's another one added to the mix?
- When they come across the grave at the campsite:Matt: "Here lies Kenny. Nobody loved him."Pat: "Buried with his boat."Matt: "Here lies Walt Witman."Pat: Fuck you, Walt Witman! History's greatest monster!
- Rebecca is almost immediately dubbed "New Kenny," and/or "Female Kenny."
- "My stomach is just full of apple-juice and squirrels." Matt's glee in drinking boxed Apple Juice and thinking it will numb Clementine's pain as she sews her own wounds shut.
- Matt and Pat's unabashed glee at asking Rebecca who the father of her baby is.Pat: Everyone else gets forgiven, but she's decided to be a huge fuckin' problem, so fuck her.Matt (to Rebecca): Guess what? I am a "Huge Problem." I'm the "problem-child!"
Matt: Look at that Dante-shot!
- When they have the option of either "You should be nicer to me" or "I won't tell" where Clem's hat is covering her eyes all badass, they immediately geek out:
Lego Marvel Super Heroes
- The beginning, where Matt calls Woolie over so they can play Marvel. Woolie comes over with arcade stick in hand only to find that they're playing Lego Marvel.Woolie: Matt, FUCK YOU!
Pat: Who are you talking to?Matt: Woolie.BeatPat: Why?
- Also, while Matt's calling Woolie:
Pat: But that would've been way less fun.Matt: But lies though.Pat: Lies are great. I love lying.
- Woolie then admits that he would've been hyped to play the game had they not set him up, to which Matt and Pat reply:
- When the start up the game, they immediately comment on the loading screen, which goes well until Ego, The Living Planet comes into the shot, at which point Matt loses it:Matt (upon seeing Ego): OH MY GOD!!!Pat: Fuck everything.Matt: It's the best superhero ever!
- "Ego the Living Planet is my religion!"
- Pat briefly confuses Ego with Mogo, the Green Lantern Planet.
- Their ideas for a Samuel L. Jackson Lego play-set:Pat: He's finally been put into a medium in which he, you, can pretend he yells, and then the entire environment falls apart around him.Matt: The Samuel L. Jackson Lego playset comes with Shark.Woolie: And a little, mini-Bible which he can hold, he can click into his hand.Pat: And a chain with a white girl on it.Everyone bursts into laughterMatt: Or a tiny little wallet that says "bad motherfucker" on it!Woolie: No, he'd have a Lego head on a bigger body.
- Pat saying that Sand-Man and Hydro-Man are essentially the same character.
- This part in the beginning with Hulk and Iron-Man:Matt: Shouldn't Bruce Banner and Iron-Man be furiously making out right now?Pat: They really should.Matt (as Bruce Banner): "Iron-Man, come 'er!"Pat: DID YOU KNOW THAT SCIENCE IS HOT?!
- "I'm Uni-Beam-ing all over!"
- During the last fight with Sand-Man, we get this:Pat: Thanks, Obama. I signed up for hope and change, not vaginal centipedes.Woolie: ... This started off as a Captain Hammer reference, I have no idea where the went.
- Pat pointing out that it took so long for three of the smartest characters in Marvel to pour water on Sand-Man, without coming up with a better plan.Matt: Too bad Professor X and Mr. Fantastic couldn't lend their brain power.
- All of the scene where they discuss Iron-Man's "Hottub Time."
- When Loki and Dr. Doom are conspiring to retrieve the Cosmic Cube:Matt: The fangirls are already writing the fanfictions for DoomXLoki.Pat: "And then he took his mask off and had a horrible face and is like, "Let's make out.""
- "Fuckin' WILLEM DAFOE!?"
- Mr. Fantastic is a shapeshifter in this game, able to become bolt cutters, a screwdriver and a water pump. The Power Perversion Potential is too much for the best friends to handle.Woolie: It's such a creepy power!Matt (as Mr. Fantastic): "You have no idea the creepy things I've done to my wife! Who is invisible!"Woolie (continuing as Reed): "I can show you!" [...] At least in DC, Plastic-Man's a weirdo, so no one's too surprised by it.
- During Mr. Fantastic and Captain America's chase of Dr. Octopus, they run by a hotel, which prompts this little bit about random pairings:Matt: I wanna go by this hotel and have, like , a really odd pairing who are boning in a window. Like, Rage and Shadowcat.Pat: Shadowcat and Shadowcat. (Beat) She can go inside-out!Matt: Shadowcat and Ego!Woolie: Shadowcat and Adam X the Xtreme.Pat: I'm noticing an obvious trend here.Matt: Rogue and Blob.Woolie: With Shadowcat watching... Inside the wall.Matt: And Colossus is watching her!All three bust up laughing.
- Matt finally lets loose an AMERICA!! while running around as Captain America. He doesn't understand why Cap needs a parachute, while skydiving though.
Assassin's Creed: Liberation HD
- The two watch a cutscene where Aveline encounters a pile of dead people in the street. It would be horrifying... if the game hadn't left a random NPC walking though the pile like it didn't exist. Pat completely loses it at the sight.
- The episode ends with two large black men coming up to Aveline and threatening her over some territory. It should be intense, but when the second man starts talking in a falsetto voice...First Man: We offer two choices.Second Man: Yew gib up the reeva...(Matt and Pat begin laughing like hell)First Man: Or we take the river.Second Man: Or yew suffer...befo' yew die.Pat: (between laughs) Oh my God, what the fuck is this?!
Batman Arkham Origins
- The episode's general theme is laden in Sequelitis. Matt & Pat call it "We need another Batman Game" and show a marquee of So Okay, It's Average bylines as they zoom in on the logo.
- Matt tries to read the infamous "Blind Idiot" Translation of a bootleg Batman Begins DVD case, only to break out into laughter. Especially when he learns Bruce Wayne was inspired to fight justice as Spiderman.
- And his rogues gallery includes Dr. Jackstraw, the abnormal drug dealer.
- The thumbnail images are Batman from Batman: The Animated Series looking especially depressed and sad.
- The video opens with Pat talking about how he was playing Final Fantasy XIII, and had been told the game got better after a specific hallway he was approaching, but upon seeing said long hallway, he just gave up. Then Matt loudly declares that the Facebook app is now live, and they both marvel at the fact that the word Facebook is almost as big as Tetsuya Nomura's name on the title screen.
- Matt getting hyped about the Anubis monsters (while Pat bemoans Snow's transformation into a Kingdom Hearts villain) and hoping Final Fantasy turns into The Mummy Returns.
- Later, Pat starts ranting about how the threat in Kingdom Hearts is always "some big dark nebulous miasma".
- Matt: Savior is her job. She gets paid by...God...?
- A few minutes in, Pat actually finds himself enjoying the combat. Then Lightning says her victory quote, and they both lose it.Matt: What does that MEAN? Does Square-Enix know what that means?! (...) I want her to win a battle and she just says, "mo' money mo' problems".
- Lightning slides down a pole in a manner that Matt declares to be "fucking Goldust-level".
- When Hope tells Lighting that God will end the world in thirteen days if she fails her mission, they decide that God must really hate Mondays. Then they call God "basically a celestial Garfield".
- On Lightning saving souls:Matt: So you fucking Ghostbust them?! (...) But doesn't that mean they're soulless right now?!
- Towards the end of the video, Pat talks about how fitting it is that, in-universe, the god of the Final Fantasy universe is apparently fed up and wants to end everyone's existence. Then Lightning says that maybe God wants a world without emotion, and they both burst into stunned laughter.
- Pat once again accidentally calling the original Xbox the Xbox One.
- Their reaction to a giant rat enemy while in the sewer.
- The rat is especially bizarre because it has no movement animations and clips into everything.
- The Best Friends spotting an enemy on a ledge glitching and freaking out, flailing their arms. Matt actually zooms in on it.
- When Matt shoots an oil barrel, he somehow dies despite the explosion being small and him being about 10 feet away.
- Matt telling Robocop he's causing a shortage of baby-food, to which Robocop replies that Detroit can afford to lose children.
- The ending, in which Robocop breaks into Matt's apartment to snap the game disc in half.
- Pat shouting for Robocop to "ARREST THE LAW!"
Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze
- In the live action segments, Matt forces Pat, Woolie, and Liam to keep eating bananas as part of the season finale.
- After getting to the end of a tough level, Matt says that there's a secret past the goal. Unlike last time, there's actually something there.
- The introductory text prepares you for another painful video.413 days ago, Matt and Pat swore to the gods above that they would never play an Xbox Live Indie Game Again.
- Matt's shout of pride upon completing a level of 2 Jawsome and reading the words "U R 2 JAWSOME!"
- Matt and Pat start out excited to meet "Mr. Money", but find out he's an ugly old man with no shirt and grey skin.
- The Best Friends' reaction to the words "Yes sir, naked boss", referring to the aforementioned Mr. Money.
- Pick a moment from Unicorn Makeout Mania. Any moment.
- The main character of 7 Quests of the Hero walks in an awkward manner. Matt and Pat speculate that he has a dick that's huge enough to drag on the ground.
- Everything about "Unicorn Makeout Mania", but especially the following win quote.That's the power of Scientology!I won, but at what cost?*FATALITY*
Naruto Ultimate Ninja Whatever
- Matt and Pat remind us that Woolie is a huge Naruto fan by putting photos of his face on a Naruto Team Shot and making it the title card.
- Woolie is too tired to play, but he showed up to give his support. "Woolie" is actually a yellow bean bag wearing a rasta hat, and he seems to say things he's said before, stapled together it so sounds like he is a diehard Naruto fan.
- Matt and Pat complain that even the Ultimate Ninja Techniques have Filler.
- Matt notices Konan and is confused why Conan the Barbarian is now a Ninja Girl who fights with paper and is seemingly made of paper.
- Matt decides she's not made of origami paper, but made of post-it notes. "YOU HAVE A MEETING ON MONDAY!"
- Matt and Pat complain about Naruto in general, despite knowing who died and other facts from the show that would require some research.
Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor
- Liam joins Matt and Pat to give them the lowdown on the extensive lore of Lord of the Rings.Liam: Okay, my favorite part of The Silmarillion was when I fell asleep forty pages in, every day, for eight days in a row.
- The game's stealth tutorial has Pat sneaking up on the Talion's wife, so Matt tells him to "stealth romance her". It turns out that's exactly what Pat has to do.
- The nicknames and mispronunciations of Celebrimbor, many courtesy of Liam, including:
- Cobbly Brimbram
- Killborn Bloodbane
- Kelloggs Booberry
- Krispy Kreme Big Box
- Matt commenting that the mission "The Spirit of Mordor" sounds like a mission at Mordor's high school.Matt: GO BALROGS!
- Gollum makes a cameo and serves no purpose other than to help you find treasure.
- After killing their first Orc Captain and getting an item, Pat loses it when he realizes he's literally collecting Epic Loot.
- Pat, Matt and Liam's incredulous reactions to Thrak the Cook's refusal to stay dead.
- After Thrak is killed for the third time, Matt initially freaks out when he mistakes another orc for Thrak returning yet again.
- Pat gets into a fight with a large warg-like monster and finds it's too much for him. After surviving near death through a QTE, he books it and gets distracted by an herb once he assumes it's safe. The warg flies out of the side of the screen and kills Pat, scaring them all.
- Liam then jokes about the warg getting a promotion for killing Talion, and all of them start laughing about having a giant wolf beast be a middle manager.
- Paying close attention, you can see the warg's icon on Pat's minimap tailing him the entire time.
- At one point, Matt blurts out "DROP YOUR FUCKING SHIELD!"
- As a Freeze-Frame Bonus, one of the uruks shown getting a promotion is named Barfa Plague-Bringer.
Far Cry 4
- Their use of the predator-baiting mechanic. First they sic a bear ("The number-one threat to America AND Tibet!") on some sentries. Later, they decide to lob a piece of meat at a helicopter depositing Pagan's soldiers. Since it's towards the end of a prolonged firefight in which several buildings have been destroyed, the leopard that comes charging in to attack them is wreathed in flames.
- The Hell in a Cell match featuring six Chris Benoits at the end of the video. All the Benoits have the exact same pants, which makes differentiating between them completely impossible for the Best Friends, as summed up here:Liam: I found my Benoit!
Matt: The mark of my dignity shall scar thy DNA!'*hits the "Search" button*'Matt: RESURRECTION!
- Leading up to that is even better. They go on Community Creations (the download service) and quote Gill while looking up Benoit:
- One of their matches involves Ric Flair being used. Cue a hard cut to Woolie and Matt singing the Mummies Alive! theme song.
Lego Batman 3 Beyond Gotham
- Woolie musing about Lego Oracle, with Joker popping Barbara Gordon out of her leg socket and putting her in a lego wheelchair.
- Pat's issues with Killer Croc.Pat: I think my problem with Killer Croc is that he literally makes no sense at all.
Matt: No he has that - that reptile disease.
Pat: That makes him fourteen feet tall?
Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare
- The conversation about invading North Korea with soldiers brandishing giant dildo-bats.
- After the infamous "Press X To Pay Respects" scene, Pat goes back to hump the coffin.
- The discussions about which celebrity voice actor Matt would like to appear in a game. He initially declares Helen Mirren, and is then told by Pat that she already put in her work as a villain in Uncharted 3. Matt then insistently declares he wants Helen Mirren.
- Of the vast body Kevin Spacey's work that Matt could choose to refer to, he repeatedly calls Spacey K-Pax, which is almost certainly a more little-known part of Spacey's filmography. Even Pat is bemused by the reference.
- Pat slips at one point and says "Sexosquad" instead of "Exosquad". They come back to it at some later points, like when they joke about increasing ramming power.
Saints Row: Gat Out of Hell
- Rage is the Boss of the Saints. Even better is that neither of them were expecting it because the game automatically transferred him from the last time Matt played.
- Matt and Pat are totally incredulous when they suddenly get a pair of swords.
- They accidentally Flash Step through a monster truck.
- Shakespeare looks just like Plague Of Gripes.
- Matt mentions that the Zaibatsu's coffers "just have a bunch of Pokemon Trading Cards and some lollys." Pat is quick to point out that he means candy. Liam's coffers have the other kind.
- Matt and Pat discuss how popular Vlad the Impaler is in Romania, despite being viewed as a horrific war criminal everywhere else.
- Near the end, they have to find a relaxing spot. When they find it, they take a seat, and then have a good laugh when they realize that they've come across the Armchair-A-Geddon.
Assassin's Creed Unity
- Matt and Pat poking fun at themselves for making an episode about the game long after launch. Before proceeding to play the game the way it's meant to be played: with all the post-launch patches removed. Hilarity Ensues.
- They eventually start mocking the weird oversights and design choices in the game, like the use of British accents for the French characters. And speculating that the developers may have been watching a bit too much anime, interpreting the relationship between Arno and Elise as a bizarre Childhood Friend Romance.
- Their disappointment that some of the really bizarre graphical glitches (like the faceless head bug) haven't shown up. But decide to put it in the title card anyway.
Dragon Ball Xenoverse
- The episode kicks off with Woolie (deliberately) making the mistake of saying that Akira Toriyama has died, bemusing Pat.
- The guys are appalled by the sight of the game's version of Trunks, thinking that it's meant to emulate the Trunks from Dragon Ball GT.Pat: He is the symbol of GT.
Pat: The symbol of the series that Toriyama - after writing two whole arcs that he didn't want to do - just said "Fuck it! Write it without me!".
Woolie: That's why he's dead. The series that killed him.
- Pat making fun of Matt for not realizing until recently that Videl is an anagram for "Devil", as well as saying it's backward rather than an anagram.Videl backwards is Lediv!
- The entire Mr. Popo scene.
- The guys getting Rage (their player character) to do a Ginyu Force pose. Later, they get him to do a Hercule pose.Matt: That's perfect. We don't even need to play more.
Pat: We've gotten everything we needed.
- Their complaints about the various bowdlerization that plagued the original English Dub, specifically regarding the Never Say "Die" approach that DBZ took. Made even funnier when Woolie admits that the trope was later made palpable when Black Twitter started making fun of the "You just got sent to another dimension" euphemism.
- Their Big "WHAT?!" reactions to the sight of Vegeta and Nappa in Giant Ape form together.
- At the end of the video, Matt's phone rings. It's Takahata101, calling out the Zaibatsu for doing something DBZ related.
- Will the Best Friends defeat Team Four Star? Stay tuned for next week's episode: Team Four Star Defeated!
Final Fantasy Type-0
- Pat's reaction to seeing the word "l'Cie" in the game's subtitles. This is after Liam had seemingly joked that they were going to begin talking about it in the game soon.
- And Pat sounds EXACTLY like Joseph Joestar when he screams.
- Matt's reaction to one character's Spikes of Villainy.Matt: There's such a thing as shoulder armor which is impractical and you WILL kill yourself...If he falls asleep on a couch he's fuckin' DEAD!
Mortal Kombat X
- Somehow, Pat is the first one to reference Face/Off.Pat: Remember that last time you went to the dentist and the dentist just poured a jar of bees into your mouth?
Matt: That's all dentists.
Pat: And then you look up and it's Nicolas Cage, but it's actually John Travolta.
- Matt and Pat's conversation after making Johnny kill his own daughter.Matt: LIKE, SONYA CALLS HIM UP AND'S LIKE, "JOHNNY, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO", and he's like, "Listen "
Pat: "WHEN WE SAID YOU COULD HAVE THE KIDS ON THE WEEKENDS—"
Matt: Johnny's like...I'm a character! I like the movies!
Pat: Ah, Johnny, you crazy guy!
Matt: You know what, Johnny, you're a straight shooter!
Matt & Pat: Let's get started on making another one!
- The two of them deciding which of the characters from Friends would be which characters in Mortal Kombat.
- Quan Chi performing his fatality on Kung Lao gets this exchange.Pat: (nonchalantly) I'm eating a dick. Oh no, it's not a dick.
Matt: It's just a space wizard sword.
Pat: (still nonchalantly) Shit, I wish it was a dick.
Matt: (chuckles) I'm used to those. Raiden's training may be unconventional...
- Matt, Pat, and Woolie all have a good laugh seeing the Tony Hawk model clip and flail about after bailing in a custom level.Pat: Remember that time he did the 900 in one of the X Games and then just fucked the ground for 20 minutes?
- Woolie makes a custom level that's just ramps placed in the shape of a penis. He then takes Lil' Wayne, has him ride up between the ramps, and bails at the tip.
- WE HAVE NO PENDING INVITES.
- Make levels! That you beat! And then you go!
Assassin's Creed Syndicate
- Their suggestion of making Assassin's Creed: The Blackout, about rappers in the 1990s. Cut to a clip where nothing is true, everything is a hustle.Matt: Anyone, listen to us, we are making you money right now!
- Matt talks about anyone who liked the bomb mechanic in Revelations are liars. Cut to an interview of Woolie (Liar/Warlock) praising the bomb as an extra layer of tactics.
Yoshi's Woolly World
- In a repeat of the Injustice video, Woolie calls them asking "When's Woolly World" as they play the game. Then Woolie shows up outside their apartment with a "When's Woolly World" sign, then immediately tricks his way in saying he has pizza. Unlike last time though, they let him play.
- Matt refers to the Yoshi Yarn Bundles as "Bowser Cialis".
- "Megan is a cow."
- Matt and Pat put every facial blemish on their character. It makes the scenes he's featured in all the more hilarious to them.
- They name the character "Fuckface" and refer to it numerous times.
- Matt says pre-order babies instead of pre-war babies, and run with it.Pat: Would you like to have a protection plan on your baby?
Matt: Man, the first eighteen years of this season pass are gonna be rough.
- Matt makes a dumb pun while they're messing with a skeleton and is told off for it.Matt: He's been working really hard at this hospital. How hard? To the bone!
- They think Bloatfly is a disgusting name. They also think Woolie, Liam, Matt, and Patrick are disgusting names.
- Matt says his favorite part of X-Files is them reporting to their X-Files boss at the X-Files base.
- They talk about making a baby crib also the water heater to heat the baby and the house, killing two birds with one stone.
- The two have a good laugh when Mama Murphy barely reacts to being shot in the head with a shotgun.
Xenoblade Chronicles X
- The title card: Matt and Pat disgusted by Lin's Cutesy Anime Face. Her eyes bulge, too. Liam however finds her face fascinating!
- The video ends with them repeatedly rejecting the offer to join BLADE. The game responds by zooming in on the leader's stern glare as he tries to guilt trip the player into joining.
- Matt's baffled reaction to New LA's night theme.
Just Cause 3
- Matt's reaction when the manga shop has Hajime No Ippo first chapter that they can view
- Liam fails at a UFO catcher in-game and explains that they really are that strict in real life, prompting this line from Matt:Matt: This is why Japan can't procreate; they can't get the thing in the hole!
- Pat takes massive umbrage at the person who says that Alduin is in the clouds when he's actually much closer, on a tower.
- While Pat's climbing a tower, Alduin suddenly breaks through a wall. Pat says it's fine, and walks on Alduin to another building.
- Pat tries to demonstrate an engine quirk where he places things over the heads of NPCs and robs them blind. Unfortunately, they still become hostile when he steals something.
- Three words: "Cat Tit Bingo."
Berserk and the Band of the Hawk
- After the friends slaughter Corkus in the second mission, they receive a Behelit and imply that Corkus is a huge villain in the Berserk verse.
Mass Effect: Andromeda
- Pat does not like Andromeda very much. He especially doesn't like the Contrived Conveiniences done to excuse the game's Idiot PlotPat: There are so many problems with this setup, that I don't even know where to start. But let's start, Number 1-
Matt: Number 1: Everything!
Pat: Number 2: "The planet's dampening our sensors, how can we know if it's habitable?", well, I don't know how many people know this, but you can actually tell if a planet is habitable from SIGHT! From this distance away; if it has clouds, if it has water, you can do, fuckin' uh, Redshift Scans and find out what chemicals are in the environment!
Matt: Couldn't they also send down a probe to check-
Pat: Couldn't they also send down a probe?! WHAT'RE YOU, STUPID?!
Matt: Maybe I'm ignorant, does Mass Effect have probes?
Pat: YES!!! IT'S A GAMEPLAY FEATURE IN THE SECOND GAME!!
- Pat describing the character you're escorting in Knights Contract.Pat: And they just happen to be dumber than a bag of (beat) you.(A bag full of tiny Matts appears)Matt: Aw, look at that...
- Pat's rant here.
- The ending, especially once you realize the meta joke. It's an escort mission, with Matt as the moron that has to be protected.
Funtime Adventures! Episode 2: Draw or Die
- The references to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that appear as the logo of the can Pat drinks from (It's the Cutie Mark of Rainbow Dash) and later Matt with an explorer outfit and the Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone book under his arm.
- Matt explaning to Pat that the cover of Ninja Gaiden depicts Ryu as a giant ninja towering above the buildings he destroyed and looking to kill him. Pat starts to look scared... Until he laughs it off as "It's so dumb!".
- Matt calls the main character "Ryu Toyota Hyundai Toshiba-Kun".
- The ending of Double Dragon 2 goes like this:Billy: Oh shit, [Mirian]'s dead. What are we going to do?Jimmy: Don't worry bro! Let's use the magic of friendship to bring her back!Billy: "......" What the fuck are you talking abo...(Kirby appears and uses a magic wand to launch a star, successfully resurrecting her)Mirian: Billy, I'm alive!Billy: WTF???
Funtime Adventures! Episode 3: First Person Stupidity
- The ridiculously long sequence of the duo opening the door and what's behind it. It's Duke Nukem Forever.
- Pat's high pitched screaming in the beginning of the video.
- Pat finds the monsters of DOOM adorable!Pat: Oh man, look! It's a pinky! Pinkies are just goddamn adorable!(The camera zooms in on it's face, surrounded by sparkles as it's head gets shot off. Then it cuts back to Pat's ugu face while he holds a shotgun)Matt: *with a worried look* ...Wait, where'd you get that...?
Funtime Adventures! Episode 4: KOMBAT TIME!
- Pat's amazing Fan Boy Squee when Reptile shows up.Matt: Oh man, here we go.
Pat: *stares at Reptile with uguu~ face*Reptile: Wh-What?Pat: Nothing... I-I was just lost in your eyes.Reptile: *punches Pat in the face*
- Later, after Reptile saves them both:
Funtime Adventures! Episode 5: The Feel of Action Games
- At the start of the episode, Pat is trying to break through a door since there aren't any enemies to kill or apparent puzzles to solve. Matt then wanders around, bored, and finds Ebony and Ivory sitting in an obvious area off to the side. This ends up triggering the enemies and they immediately surround Pat, forcing him to fight them off while Matt screws around making pew-pew noises.