As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.
- The opening song where the citizens tell Ja'far "Fuck you."
- Including Belle telling him "Keep your fat face out of that motherfucking book."
- Just the fact that almost immediately into what is ostensibly an Aladdin parody is a sequence blatantly parodying Beauty and the Beast, from the musical cues, to the dialogue ("Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!"), to Belle...
- During the opening song, one of the citizens lampshades the play's whitewashing.Citizen: Why is everyone in this kingdom white?
- After some awkward hesitation, they agree to just blame Ja'far.
- To which one of the ensemble says he's "mostly Welsh."
- Also, Jaime's "Why does my baby always cry" followed by throwing the baby in the air.
- "Oh, so you think you're better than me, just 'cause you can read? Well, get out of my bookstore!"
- "And may the rats ejaculate upon you."
- Also from the opening number, a Freeze-Frame Bonus shows that the book Ja'far is holding is an actual hardback copy of Wicked instead of a prop book.
- "I was talking to monkey about it, and he thinks we should just kill you." [beat, monkey makes a creepy face] "But I was like, no, monkey, that's crazy, but now I'm kinda thinking, yeah... No more fucking raisins..."
- Most of Prince Achmed, really, starting with his introduction:Achmed: Is this how your kingdom treats its guests, Ja'far? Take a look at this! (flips up his cape to reveal his torn pants) Tell me. What do you see?
Ja'far: ...Your heart boxer shorts, my liege.
Achmed: What else?
Ja'far: (nervous grin) ...Your ass cheeks, my lord.
Achmed: My ass cheeks. They're hanging out. And what's this? ...Blood. Blood, on my ass. Cheeks. Tell me, Ja'far...how the fuck did it get there?
Ja'far: Euuh, is it because-?
Achmed: It is because your Princess just sicced a Bengal tiger upon my ass! - Lauren's deadpan "My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal."
- "No high five."
- The Princess berates her slave for giving her a silk shawl, because those are made in sweatshops. When the handmaiden says she was weaving silk in the Princess' personal sweatshop...Princess: That's supporting a corrupt system. You are part of the problem!
- In one scene, they manage to reference every supposed dirty subliminal message in Disney movies (the phallic tower and priest with an erection from The Little Mermaid, Aladdin's "Good teenagers, take off your clothes," and the S-E-X- dust cloud from The Lion King). In delightful song form!
- "SHOW ME YOUR MAGIC CARPET!"
- "But I was not intimidated. No! I walked right into his shop (beat) and I fucked his puppy!"
- Ja'far's face when he immediately realizes what was said.
- "Ja'far! That is another CCCHH-ommon expression! It means that I put that merchant in his place AS IF he were a defenseless little puppy."
- The final exchange:
- Ja'far's face (and scream) on seeing the result of the thief's haggling.
- During the title song, every Disney villain is revealed to have had good motivations, with the stories we know being Written by the Winners. Then Cruella De Vil tries to join in.Cruella: I only wished to have a coat made out of puppies!
(loud protests)
Maleficent: Oh, just leave!
Gaston: You'd kill a dog?
Ja'far: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Scar: That's insane! That's insane!- The way Cruella walks away.
- Captain Hook: "I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER!"
- In the soundtrack, Scar tells Cruella that "(She's) not helping. (To Ja'far/Audience) Disregard that."
- It became all the more gut-busting after Cruella was announced.
- Ja'far's Only Sane Man reaction to Aladdin's Split Personality's Talking to Themself.Ja'far: OK, Jesus Christ, I don't know what's going on here.
- "This is so unfair. Poor people need slaves just as much as rich people do. Maybe even a little bit more."
- The Princess' inability to remember Aladdin's name. And she thinks it looks weird when she sees it spelled out. And Ja'far agrees with her.
- At the end of the Musical it is revealed that Aladdin has become the Peddler.
- "So this is the life of a Djinn. Phenomenal cosmic powers... shitty shitty living space."
- The absolutely spot on Award-Bait Song pop-rendition of "1001 Nights" over the end credits, sung by Britney Coleman and Carlos Valdes. From the first bar of the sparkly synthesizer, it sounds exactly like every Disney credits song from the 90s.
- "To the opium den!"
- Ja'far's increasing frustration with the Djinn's antics and inability to comprehend his "strange godlike tongue", believing his name is actually "Johnny" and then "Turbo-man".
- "Ja'far, can't you see I'm in the middle of a mind-blowing conversation with this furry man."
- "This is all your fault, Ja'far."
- "Especially since he's like a wolf-bear thing... A buffalo monster! [beat] In a cape!"
- Aladdin's use of a rushed "take off your clothes" in the middle of his sentences."Hey, babe. This is such a beautiful night— takeoffyourclothes."
- Let's all remember the Princess wanted to live on the moon and eat it like a pie and keep it as a pet and wear it like a gemstone in her hair. That is all.
- "Those are stretch marks. They happen!"
- "OH! I see. You received the manhood of a tiger!"
- "TIGERFUCKER, TIGERFUCKER, TIGERFUCKER!"
- "I did not fuck a tiger! One was set upon me! That darn cat tore right through the seat of my pants and grabbed ahold of my woody!" "TIGERFUCKER! TIGERFUCKER!" "No, no, no! My Woody! Look! His arm is all fucked up, and now... now he can't come with me to cowboy camp!
- "What's that name, everyone?" "TIGERFUCKER!" "NOOOOOOO!"
- And finally "He fucked a tiger!" before the kickline.
- "Tigerfucker! Tigerfucker! Achmed is a tigerfucker! They'll remember Achmed, the tigerfucking man!"
- What makes all of the above better is that they sound so proud of Achmed for doing it.
- And later, when Achmed is leading his forces against the Kingdom:
- Ja'far reading Wicked at the start of the musical. Even funnier when you consider that nearly each song from Twisted has a counterpart song from Wicked. AND the poster art!
- "And it hasn't come out since."
- "I noticed you weren't at dinner, but I saw you try to poison my wine! Usually when you do that it means you want to talk, what's up, are you mad at me?"
- The Princess briefly addresses the audience.Princess: Oh, no, you guys! Do you think... Ja'far could be right about Aladdin?Audience: YES!One audience member: I don't think so!Princess: Me neither!
- Even better, the camera actually nods in response.
- That audience member? Darren Criss
- "This really is an act of war, Ja'far! And she treated it as if it were a throwaway joke. As if I was some... silly side character, here only to illustrate her reluctance to get married!"
- Aladdin shows up for the first time in his prince outfit.Princess: Aladdin!
Aladdin: Whoa, how the fuck did you know it was me?
Princess: Because it is you, you're just wearing different clothes! - The Reference Overdosed Djinn's comeback to Ja'far's request to "stop acting like an asshole for just one minute?!":
- Pretty much everything that comes out of the Djinn's mouth.
- "She's just so... so..." "Beautiful?" "Fuckable."
- Ja'far on the Princess trying to participate in running the kingdom.Ja'far: While I don't appreciate any of your ideas, I do appreciate the fact that you have ideas! Maybe someday you'll have some good ones!
- Ja'far trying to warn the Princess about how predatory men will try and take advantage of young girls like her.Ja'far: Then, when the time is right, [whispers] they whip it out.
[Beat as the Princess looks very, very disturbed.]
Ja'far: You know... their songs.
The Princess: [visibly relieved] Oh, songs.
Ja'far: Be wary of young boys who whip out their songs. A song is often a prelude, to a dick.
[Beat as the Princess processes.]
Ja'far: A song is a dick in sheep's clothing!- The Princess' facial expressions during this entire exchange are solid gold.
- And then Ja'far begins to launch into a musical number about this... titled "A Song is a Dick in Sheep's Clothing.
" Sadly, he's interrupted.
Ja'far: A song is a dick in sheep's clothing! A song means a dick is on the way-
Captain of the Guard: Ja'far!- The Princess decides Aladdin can't be all that bad. After all, it's not like he's singing or anything... Cue Aladdin immediately launching into "Take Off Your Clothes." The Princess gets a pretty epic Oh, Crap! face here, too.
- Ja'far complains the Captain only comes to see him to give bad news.Captain: Not this time.
Ja'far: Oh thank heavens. What is it then?
Captain: Horrible news. Some fool atop an elephant is leading a parade throughout the marketplace!
Ja'far: A parade?! With no permits, no clearing of the streets? What of the apple carts?
Captain: They're all turned over!
Ja'far: No!
Captain: And it gets worse. The madman's throwing gold pieces to the starving masses. And they're trampling each other to get to it. I counted thirteen dead before the peacocks got to them.
Ja'far: Oh shit...
Captain: This is all your fault, Ja'far. Maybe if you threw a parade every once in a while...- As they walk off, the captain admits it was a pretty good parade.
- The Princess tries to scare off Prince Achmed, claiming that Aladdin "faced the galloping hordes" and when he's clearly unimpressed, she clarifies "that's like a hundred bad guys with swords."
- One of Prince Achmed's soldiers mouths "Holy shit." at the Princess's explanation.
- Ja'far returns to prevent Achmed's invasion:
- Ja'far and the Princess discussing the various princes who've courted her.Ja'far: What about that first prince? He was a charming fellow.
Princess: I heard he once made out with a girl while she was blacked out. That's not charming; that's kinda rape-y.
Ja'far: Okay, but what about Prince Eric, the sea-faring flutist?
Princess: He fucked a fish!
Ja'far: He did not fuck a fish!
Princess: He wanted to fuck a fish!
Ja'far: Oh, predator, fish fucker, will anyone ever live up to your impossible standards?
