- The opening song where the citizens tell Ja'far "Fuck you."
- Including Belle telling him "Keep your fat face out of that motherfucking book."
- Just the fact that almost immediately into what is ostensibly an Aladdin parody is a sequence blatantly parodying Beauty and the Beast, from the musical cues, to the dialogue ("Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!"), to Belle...
- During the opening song, one of the citizens lampshades the play's whitewashing.Citizen: Why is everyone in this kingdom white?
- To which one of the extras says he's "mostly Welsh."
- Also, Jaime's "Why does my baby always cry" followed by throwing the baby in the air.
- "Oh, so you think you're better than me, just 'cause you can read? Well, get out of my bookstore!"
- "And may the rats ejaculate upon you."
- "I was talking to monkey about it, and he thinks we should just kill you." [beat, monkey makes a creepy face] "But I was like, no, monkey, that's crazy, but now I'm kinda thinking, yeah... No more fucking raisins..."
- Most of Prince Achmed, really, starting with his introduction:Achmed: Is this how your kingdom treats its guests, Ja'far? Take a look at this! (flips up his cape to reveal his torn pants) Tell me. What do you see?
Ja'far: ...Your heart boxer shorts, my liege.
Achmed: What else?
Ja'far: (nervous grin) ...Your ass cheeks, my lord.
Achmed: My ass cheeks. They're hanging out. And what's this? ...Blood. Blood, on my ass. Cheeks. Tell me, Ja'far...how the fuck did it get there?
Ja'far: Euuh, is it because-?
Achmed: It is because your Princess just sicced a Bengal tiger upon my ass!
- Lauren's deadpan "My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal."
- "No high five."
- The Princess berates her slave for giving her a silk shawl, because those are made in sweatshops. When the handmaiden says she was weaving silk in the Princess' personal sweatshop...Princess: That's supporting a corrupt system. You are part of the problem!
- In one scene, they manage to reference every supposed dirty subliminal message in Disney movies (the phallic tower and priest with an erection from The Little Mermaid, Aladdin's "Good teenagers, take off your clothes," and the S-E-X- dust cloud from The Lion King). In delightful song form!
- "SHOW ME YOUR MAGIC CARPET!"
- "And I wasn't intimidated. No! I walk right into his shop (beat) and I fucked his puppy!"
- Ja'far's face when he immediately realizes what was said.
- "Ja'far! No! It another CCCHH-ommon expression! It mean... I put him in his place AS IF he were a defenseless puppy."
- The final exchange:
- Ja'far's face (and scream) on seeing the result of the thief's haggling.
- During the title song, every Disney villain is revealed to have had good motivations, with the stories we know being Written by the Winners. Then Cruella De Vil tries to join in.Cruella: I only wished to have a coat made out of puppies!
Maleficent: Oh, just leave!
Gaston: You'd kill a dog?
Ja'far: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Scar: That's insane! That's insane!
- The way Cruella walks away.
- Captain Hook: "I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER!"
- Ja'far's Only Sane Man reaction to Aladdin's Split Personality's Talking to Themself.Ja'far: OK, Jesus Christ, I don't know what's going on here.
- "This is so unfair. Poor people need slaves just as much as rich people do. Maybe even a little bit more."
- Jasmine's inability to remember Aladdin's name. And she thinks it looks weird when she sees it spelled out. And Ja'far agrees with her.
- At the end of the Musical it is revealed that Aladdin has become the Peddler.
- "So this is the life of a Djinn. Phenomenal cosmic powers... shitty shitty living space."
- The absolutely spot on Award-Bait Song pop-rendition of "1001 Nights" over the end credits, sung by Britney Coleman and Carlos Valdes. From the first bar of the sparkly synthesizer, it sounds exactly like every Disney credits song from the 90s.
- "To the opium den!"
- Ja'far's increasing frustration with the Djinn's antics and inability to comprehend his "strange godlike tongue", believing his name is actually "Johnny" and then "Turbo-man".
- "Ja'far, can't you see I'm in the middle of a mind-blowing conversation with this furry man."
- "This is all your fault, Ja'far."
- "Especially since he's like a wolf-bear thing... A buffalo monster! [beat] In a cape!"
- Aladdin's use of a rushed "take off your clothes" in the middle of his sentences."Hey, babe. This is such a beautiful night— takeoffyourclothes."
- Let's all remember the Princess wanted to live on the moon and eat it like a pie and keep it as a pet and wear it like a gemstone in her hair. That is all.
- "Those are stretch marks. They happen!"
- "OH! I see. You received the manhood of a tiger!"
- "TIGERFUCKER, TIGERFUCKER, TIGERFUCKER!"
- "What's that name, everyone?" "TIGERFUCKER!" "NOOOOOOO!"
- And finally "He fucked a tiger!" before the kickline.
- "Tigerfucker! Tigerfucker! Achmed is a tigerfucker! They'll remember Achmed, the tigerfucking man!"
- What makes all of the above better is that they sound so proud of Achmed for doing it.
- And later, when Achmed is leading his forces against the Kingdom:
- Ja'far reading Wicked at the start of the musical. Even funnier when you consider that nearly each song from Twisted has a counterpart song from Wicked. AND the poster art!
- "And it hasn't come out since."
- "I noticed you weren't at dinner, but I saw you try to poison my wine! Usually when you do that it means you want to talk, what's up, are you mad at me?"
- The Princess briefly addresses the audience.Princess: Oh, no, you guys! Do you think... Ja'far could be right about Aladdin?Audience: YES!One audience member: I don't think so!Princess: Me neither!
- Even better, the camera actually nods in response.
- "This really is an act of war, Ja'far! And she treated it as if it were a throwaway joke. As if I was some... silly side character, here only to illustrate her reluctance to get married!"
- Aladdin shows up for the first time in his prince outfit.
- The Reference Overdosed Djinn's comeback to Ja'far's request to "stop acting like an asshole for just one minute?!":
- Pretty much everything that comes out of the Djinn's mouth.
- "She's just so... so..." "Beautiful?" "Fuckable."
- Ja'far on the Princess trying to participate in running the kingdom.Ja'far: While I don't appreciate any of your ideas, I do appreciate the fact that you have ideas! Maybe someday you'll have some good ones!
- Ja'far trying to warn the Princess about how predatory men will try and take advantage of young girls like her.Ja'far: Then, when the time is right, [whispers] they whip it out.
[Beat as the Princess looks very, very disturbed.]
Ja'far: You know... their songs.
The Princess: [visibly relieved] Oh, songs.
Ja'far: Be wary of young boys who whip out their songs. A song is often a prelude, to a dick.
[Beat as the Princess processes.]
Ja'far: A song is a dick in sheep's clothing!
Ja'far: A song is a dick in sheep's clothing! A song means a dick is on the way-
- The Princess' facial expressions during this entire exchange are solid gold.
- And then Ja'far begins to launch into a musical number about this... titled "A Song is a Dick in Sheep's Clothing." Sadly, he's interrupted.
Captain of the Guard: Ja'far!
- Ja'far complains the Captain only comes to see him to give bad news.Captain: Not this time.
Ja'far: Oh thank heavens. What is it then?
Captain: Horrible news.
Captain: Some fool atop an elephant is leading a parade throughout the marketplace!
Ja'far: A parade?! With no permits, no clearing of the streets? What of the apple carts?
Captain: They're all turned over!
Captain: And it gets worse. The madman's throwing gold pieces to the starving masses. And they're trampling each other to get to it. I counted thirteen dead before the peacocks got to them.
Ja'far: Oh shit...
Captain: This is all your fault, Ja'far. Maybe if you threw a parade every once in a while...
- The Princess tries to scare off Prince Achmed, claiming that Aladdin "faced the galloping hordes" and when he's clearly unimpressed, she clarifies "that's like a hundred bad guys with swords."
- One of Prince Achmed's soldiers mouths "Holy shit." at the Princess's explanation.
Funny / Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier