Funny / Tsubasa Abridged

Since it's an abridged series, it's not surprising that Tsubasa abridged has these:

Episode 1

• Sakura discussing the new show with Syaoran:

  Syaoran: Only this time we're older. And you know what that means...
  Sakura: Damn you, teenage angst!
  Syaoran: Well, yeah that. And other things...
  Sakura: Damn you, teenage hormones!

• Touya and Yukito lamenting the fact that they've been Demoted to Extra. And when Touya wonders who's going to replace them...

  Fai: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that...

  • Yukito's voice. To paint a picture it sounds like what Waylon Smithers would be if he was were voiced by a woman. Which, if you think about it, actually kind of makes sense.
• The flashing sign that says "FANSERVICE" when Fai jumps out of a pool of water shirtless.

  Chi: Was that really necessary?

  Fai: Jealous, are we?

• Tomoyo's reaction when she finds out that Kurogane went on a homicidal rampage when she specifically told him not to (emphasis NOT added):

  Tomoyo: Oh he is so getting a spanking!

• Syaoran's reaction when Sakura's feathers scatter:

  Syaoran: She fell! And then went all explodey! Is that bad?

• "Well, I'm off to see the Wizard! I mean the Dimensional Witch!"
• Syaoran's first question when he sees Yuuko's shop: "Did I land in a Goth convention!?"
  • His request for Yuuko.
    Syaoran: I really have to go to the bathroom!
    Yuuko: You're not that bright, are you kid?

Episode 2

• Yuuko explaining how the group's wishes are "the same". Syaoran... doesn't quite get it.
• The entire sequence where Yuuko does her Equivalent Exchange thing:
  • After Yuuko asks for Kurogane to give her his sword and he refuses, she accuses him of "Compensating for Something".
  • Yuuko taking Fai's tattoo.
    Yuuko: From you, I want your tattoo.
    Fai: Wouldn't you rather have this expensive looking staff? Think of all the booze you could buy from hocking this thing!
    (Beat)
    Yuuko: No.
    Fai: Okay, fine. But if we all die I'm coming back to haunt you!
  • Syaoran: I can pay with this lovely Princess Sakura! She's almost like new, except for a little bit of brain damage... Or not.
  • Syaoran mistaking Yuuko's request for lolicon.
    Syaoran: Keep your pedophilic lesbian hands off her!
    • And Yuuko's response. "That's not what I meant." Thinking: God, I need a drink...
  • Mokona: You aren't going to lock me in the basement again are you?
  • Yuuko: Now, all of you, get off my lawn. I'm sick of looking at you!
• The Twilight Zone music playing when the group is transported between the worlds.
• "My name is Fai and I'm a compulsive liar! That cloak looks simply fabulous on you by the way."
  • Fai calling Kurogane "Mr. Hotpants Frownyface" and Kurogane's reaction:
    Kurogane: Are you hitting on me or insulting me?
• "Flashback Count: 1"
• The West Side Story joke.
• "There was a feather stuck to me this entire time? How very convenient and not at all suspicious!" "Thank God Syaoran's never read the manga..."
• "Boom." "Oooh the irony..."
• "Look boss! A pedestrian!" "Let's shoot him! Because killing bystanders is fun!"
• PWNED (by a rock)
• "FLAME ON!"
  • "And I thought you were flaming...

Episode 3

• "Are we having flashbacks to things that haven't even happened yet?"
• Shogo's Squirtle.
• Syaoran trying to give Sakura's feather back.

  Fay: Syaoran, I don't think shoving it in her mouth is going to work. More importantly, I'd like to know how that kid over there reproduced asexually.

• Sorata telling the group that if they fail to pay rent he'll have to break their legs.

  Mokona: Break 'em good!

• Memory playing when Syaoran has another flashback.
  • "Damn, she looks good walking away!"
• "I must never let them know that I'm scared of the dark."
• The curse Tomoyo put on Kurogane

  Tomoyo: That is a curse that will make every slightly effeminate bishonen in the area hit on you relentlessly...and you will subconsciously like it!

  Kurogane: Damn you!!!

• "What do you think, Sexy Back?" "Stop calling me that!" "Sure thing, Hot Cakes."
• This gem:

  Syaoran: (after Kurogane runs off) Should we follow him?

  Fay: Maybe we should keep him on a leash...with a spiked collar...and leather straps...and by "we" I mean "I".

• "Everyone's abandoning us. I think it's your fault."
• The gang leader asking Kurogane out.
• The end credits with Kurogane lip-synching to Sexy Back. Fay popping in every now and again for the background vocals just makes it funnier.
• Sakura waking up in The Stinger.

Episode 4

• "Yeah, that dead girl you had in your room? I kinda lost her..."
  • "How do you lose a comatose?"
• "Oh well, back to pedophilia!"
• Sakura's response when Shogo asks if she wants to ride his big, strong...Squirtle.

  Sakura: Didn't my parents tell me not to go for rides with strangers? Oh right I have amnesia!

• This:

  Sakura: Oh, for the love of God! You were not in the X1999 manga! They only wrote you into the movie because they hadn't come up with Kakyo yet.

  (Beat)

  Shogo: I was too!

  Sakura: That's it, I'm jumping. I'd rather kill myself than listen to more of you talk!

• Sakura's reaction when she starts flying. Or not.
• "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No! It's Princess Sakura!"
• "I'm glad I took all those princess grabbing classes!"
• Mokona and the kid who was following the group getting kidnapped by Primela. And no one cares.
  • And Mokona singing what sounds suspiciously like Hakuna Matata.
    • Primela forgetting to send the ransom note.
• Primela declaring herself the "world's leading female popstar". Syaoran's never heard of her.
• "It feels like every brain cell in my head is turning on the one next to it and they're all setting each other on fire..."
• Mokona: Who said I wanted to be rescued by you chumps?
• This exchange:

  Primela:QUIT IGNORING ME!

  Fay: Or what? You'll dye our hair unnatural colors?

  • And then this one:
    Primela: I CALL UPON THE POWER OF POP STARDOM!
    Fay: Oh, so you're going to lip-synch?
• Fay shouting every action he does when Primera throws an attack at him, like "Dodge!", "Running and Jumping!" etc.
• When Fay gets into an...interesting position with Primela:

  Kurogane: Oh my God, is he actually straight!?

  Fay: How about some Barbara Streisand instead?

  Kurogane: Never mind.