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Funny / Trapped in the Closet

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Chapter 1

  • The delivery of these lines:
    I said, "Why don't I just go out the window?"
    "Yes, except for one thing, we on the fifth flo'."
    "Shit, think. Shit, think. Shit, quick, put me in the closet."
  • After Sylvester is put into the eponymous closet, he pulls out a "Beretta" pistol that isn't even a Beretta, and we're forced to think why the hell did this man bring a gun to a one night stand?
  • The ending, which just has to be seen to be believed.
    "He walks up to the closet"
    "Now he's opening the closet..."

Chapter 2

Chapter 3


Chapter 4

  • The first instinct Sylvester's wife Gwen has to the accusation she is unfaithful is to have violent sex with Sylvester. He does not enjoy it.
    "Oh my goodness I'm think I'm about to climax!"
    And I say, "Cool, climax, just let go of my leg!"

Chapter 5

  • All curses are suddenly censored by R. Kelly softy singing "doo!". It even does this on the 12-chapter medley form the original CD. Then after chapter 5 it goes back to being uncensored. Why?

Chapter 6

  • Sylvester laughs a bit and then Gwen joins in and everything is immediately forgiven. What even?
  • The policeman decides it's a good idea to taunt Sylvester over the fact he slept with his wife. It doesn't turn out well.

Chapter 7

  • Gwen's brother just sort of shakes off being shot.
  • After Twan is shot, the policeman says he can't get involved since he has a wife to protect, and then cocks his gun like he's going to fucking kill the witnesses. What the fuck??
  • Twan just goes into the bathroom with a bullet stuck in his arm and comes out with a bandage totally fine. Yep.
  • Someone knocks on the front door the entire cast there freaks out considering their luck today with mysterious people pull out their guns and open the door, and when it turns out to be their neighbor Rosie, Twan is still pointing his gun at her.
  • That being said: the reveal of Rosie, especially the backing echo of "Spatulaaaaa..."

Chapter 8

  • The policeman calls his wife Bridget and, oh my God, her voice must be heard to fully capture how absolutely hilarious it is.
  • Bridget is evidently the worst liar in the world, and is it totally obvious she is hiding something as soon as she appears. Apparently James the policeman is equally as stupid.
    She rushes to the door, kiss 'm on the cheek, says, "I was in the restroom"
    Then he said, "What'cha say that for?"
    Then she says, "I don't know" (nervous smile)
    Then he steps back, take a look at her, and says, "What'chu all jittery for?"
    Then she says, "Sweetheart (beat) maybe it's that time of the month?"
    Then he says, "Maybe? Maybe that time of the month?"
  • Bridget very obviously hiding the fact she's cheating on James.
    • This YouTube commenter perfectly sums it up:
      Censari Longmeat: why the fuck is everyone cheating on one another.

Chapter 9

  • R. Kelly is just in the policeman's closet wathcing all this hell unfold silently.
  • James figures it out:
    And then he say, "move"
    She say, "no"
    He say, "move"
    She say, "no"
  • R. Kelly just nonchalantly spits out "Now he notices the pie on the counter! One slice is missing! Now the story's gettin' scary! As he comes to realise...Bridget is allergic to cherries!"
  • R. Kelly bursts out the closet, pauses time, screams that the lover is a midget, then fucking walks back into the closet like something more interesting is in there

Chapter 10

To be sorted:

  • The dance Twan does when he yells "IMMA COME BACK HERE AND SET THIS MUTHAFUCKA OFF!" in chapter 17. It's at about 0:50.
  • There's also a funny bit at the end of chapter 17, where Sylvester says to Twan "Bring your ass, nigga!" to the tune of the song just as the latter is motioning to strike Roxanne.
  • R. Kelly's MTV Video Music Awards performance of the song. He can never un-perform it.

  • Twan tries to light up a joint in Sylvester's car, and: "Sylvester says, 'You're crazier than a fish with titties if you think I gonna let you smoke that shit up in my car.'"


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