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Funny / Toy Story

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"Look! I'm Woody! Howdy howdy howdy!"
  • Mr. Potato Head's Establishing Character Moment; During Andy's playtime, he stuck "One-Eyed Bart" in a jail that was actually baby Molly's crib while she was in it. Molly proceeded to toss Mr. Potato Head all over the place, scattering his pieces. Once Woody gave the all clear sign, Potato Head had this to say:
    Mr. Potato Head: Ages 3 and up! It's on my box, "Ages 3 and Up!" I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!
    • Every other line of Mr. Potato Head qualifies. "Did you all take stupid pills this morning?"
      • Ditto for Hamm.
      Rex: (panicked) "Any dinosaur-shaped [toys]?!"
      Hamm: "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
  • This exchange right after the toys come to life:
    Mr. Potato Head: [is turned away from the camera] Hey, Hamm, look! [turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face] I'm Picasso!
    Hamm: I don't get it. [walks away]
    Mr. Potato Head: [at Hamm] You uncultured swine!
    • "What are you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs (but no eyes), which just shrugs.note 
  • Slinky's reaction when Woody says there were bad news due to Andy's birthday party.
    Slinky: BAD NEWS?!
    (Woody has to shut Slinky's muzzle as every other toy watches at Slinky)
    • Woody tells Slinky to gather the toys for a staff meeting and be happy. As he leaves, he repeats the "be happy" part, cue Slinky fake laughing.
  • Rex's Establishing Character Moment, first appearing to be the usual scary T-Rex as he jumps out of nowhere and roars in Woody's face...and then starts talking in Wallace Shawn's high-pitched voice.
    Woody: Yeah, how you doing, Rex?
    Rex: Were you scared? Tell me honestly.
    Woody: I was close to being scared that time.
    Rex: Oh, I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it! I think I'm just coming off as annoying.
  • At the staff meeting, between plot-relevant talk about the move and Andy's birthday party, Woody thanks Mr Spell for the Plastic Corrosion Awareness meeting from the previous Tuesday night.
    • Calling the Speak-n-Spell 'Mr Spell' but everyone calling Mr Potato Head just 'Potato Head'.
  • Mr. Potato Head quietly removing his mouth and repeatedly putting it on his backside while Slinky is defending Woody, getting a laugh from the Speak-n-Spell.note 
  • During the sequence when the toys are watching kids enter Andy's house with presents, Rex laments, "They're getting bigger!" Slinky draws attention to one kid with a "nice little one" - at which point the boy turns around, revealing the "little" box is actually several feet long. Cue the blinds shaking as the toys freak out.
    • If you listen closely during the shot while Woody Facepalms, you can hear Mr. Spell say, "Spell the word 'Trashcan'!"
  • After panicking about being replaced by his birthday presents, the toys all get increasingly offended by the lackluster practical ones he receives.
    Green Army Soldier: It's a lunchbox. We got a lunchbox here.
    Woody: A lunch box?
    Mr. Potato Head: Lunchbox?
    Slinky: For lunch. (laughs at his own joke)
    Green Army Soldier: Okay, second present, it appears to be... okay, it's bed sheets.
    Mr. Potato Head: Who invited THAT kid?
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  • Mr. Potato Head crosses himself solemnly when Andy is unboxing Buzz Lightyear.
  • The first time Woody comes over to greet Buzz Lightyear in person lands him his Establishing Character Moment that set the course of the film in motion:
    Buzz: No readout yet if the air is breathable, and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
    Woody: Helle-e-o-ow!!!
    Buzz: HOLD-IDD!!!!
    Woody: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! [Buzz fires his "laser" at Woody] Whoa! He-Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Woody... and this... is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here.
    Buzz: [sees Woody's "Sheriff" star badge] Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
    Woody: Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
    Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Do you people still use fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
    Woody: Well, let's see, we got double-A's.
    • Following that, Buzz introduces himself to the rest of Andy's Toys:
    Buzz: I am Buzz Lightyear, I come in peace!
    Rex: [Walks over to shake his hand] Oh I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!
  • This exchange:
    Buzz: I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".
    Woody: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.
    Mr. Potato Head: Gettin' kinda tense, aren't you?
  • "Okay, Mr. LightBeer, prove it!"
    • A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him "Light-Snack".
  • "Look! I'm Woody/a cowboy! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
  • Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, while Woody just waits for him to finish. Until Buzz realizes that the air isn't toxic, and snaps at Woody for nearly endangering his life.
    Buzz: ...the air isn't toxic. (points at Woody, accusingly) How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on a uncharted planet?! My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets! (Buzz calmly closes his helmet as if nothing had happened)
  • Buzz tries to get a look at Sid from Andy's window.
    Buzz: Sure is a hairy fella.
    Woody: No no, that's Scud, you idiot!

    Buzz: You mean that happy child?
    Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!
  • Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:
    Rex: I don't like confrontations!
    • Even Lasseter and co. agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
    • Gets a sort of Brick Joke, when the toys find out Woody is innocent and Buzz is okay, Rex angst that he now has guilt for his part in orchestrating Woody.
  • It's easy to miss, but when the other toys are confronting Woody about knocking Buzz out the window, Hamm calls dibs on Woody's hat.
  • Buzz explains to Woody that revenge is something that isn't encouraged on his planet... then clarifies that they're not on his planet, to which Woody responds with an Oh, Crap! face and saying a Little "No". And it's right after Woody was happy to see Buzz is alright and is confident that Buzz will tell the other toys it was a freak accident.
    • Parts of the ensuing brawl are rather comically handled due to their toy nature, particularly when they try sucker punching each other (Woody's head just spins around, making him dizzy, while Buzz's just makes squeaky noises).
    • Woody opens Buzz' helmet to start whaling on him, but then Buzz slams his helmet on Woody's fingers, causing Woody to howl in a hilariously undignified way. He retaliates by hitting Buzz's buttons with his free hand, making his voice box say "Buzz— Buzz— Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!"
    • And of course, the fight is basically a cowboy who barely has done much physical activity with his life as toy leader going against a space ranger who (in his memory) has actual combat training and, in his hard plastic suit, is wearing the toy equivalent of full body armor. The only way Woody even puts a dent in Buzz is by opening his helmet and punching him in the face (Which is implied to be made of the material commonly used for squeaker toys, hence the squeaky noise that occurs when his head is inflicted by some form of blunt-force trauma), every other moment of the fight is just short of a full on Curb-Stomp Battle in favor of Buzz.
  • Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in A New Hope. His voice and the music build dramatically, then... well, watch! no words can truly describe it.
    Buzz: According to my navicomputer—
    Woody: Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!
    Buzz: Sheriff, This Is No Time to Panic.
    Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days and it's all your fault!
    Buzz: My fa— My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out the window in the first place—
    Woody: Oooaugh yeah!? Well, if you, hadn't shown up in your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
    Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of the entire universe is in jeopardy!
    Woody: WHAT?! What are you talking about?!
    Buzz: [glances up at the moon] Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet. I alone have information that reveal his weapon's only weaknesses. [turns back to Woody, who is reacting as one would expect] And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
    [beat, and cue the Chirping Crickets as the backsound]
    Woody: [flips out] YOU! ARE!! A!!! TOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!
    Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell. [flashes a Vulcan salute]
    Woody: Oh yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony! [mockingly, under his breath] "Rendezvous with Star Command."
    • Double-funny for doing the Vulcan salute along with "Farewell".
    • Made even funnier by Woody maintaining a look throughout Buzz's story that just screams "Are you listening to yourself right now?!" until he finally snaps.
    • Woody also makes some hilarious gestures as he's talking, such as the way he forms a box with his hands when he says "stupid little cardboard spaceship" or his desperate grabbing motions to a bewildered looking Buzz when he says "You are a child's plaything!"
    • When Toy Story 3 was knocked off of its 100% Rotten Tomatoes rating by two blatantly contrarian reviews, director Lee Unkrich responded by tweeting, "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."
  • The scene where Buzz and Woody stow away on the Pizza Planet truck.
    Woody: Buzz, let's get in the back. No one will see us there.
    Buzz: Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit.
    Woody: (loud whisper) Yeah, but... Buzz? Buzz! (Buzz gets in the cockpit as the delivery guy in the truck and a man in the gas station talk) Buzz! (the truck turns its engine on, and Woody gets inside the truck's cargo bay, then observes as Buzz, safe and covered and behind a pile of empty pizza deliveries, fastens his seat belt) "Safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay." What an idiot!
    (the truck starts up at top speed, causing Woody to bounce around the cargo bay and get crushed by a toolbox on the way to Pizza Planet)
  • Woody tries to get Buzz to follow him back to Andy's by convincing him that he's found a "spaceship" to take him home:
    Woody: It's a special spaceship! I just saw it!
    Buzz: [excited] You mean it has hyperdrive?
    Woody: Hyperactive hyperdrive! And astro... uh... turf!
  • "I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school." You think?
  • Woody's reaction to Buzz setting his laser from "stun" to "kill": "Great, great, yeah, and if anyone attacks us we can blink 'em to death."
  • After Sid throws Woody around, pretending to interrogate him and then using a Solar-Powered Magnifying Glass on him before running downstairs, Woody immediately gets up, screams in pain and dunks his head in an old cereal bowl. Buzz then comes out (with plungers on his face and butt, for some reason) and, still thinking it was all real, congratulates Woody, stating that a lesser man would've broken under such harsh torture.
  • When Woody grabs Buzz and repeatedly pushes a button that makes his arm go up and down.
    Woody: Use your karate chop action!
    Buzz: Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?
  • While seeing it causes Buzz's Heroic BSoD, the Buzz Lightyear toy commercial is an otherwise hysterical parody of the kinds of Totally Radical, hyper masculine assault on the senses that was mid-90s toy commercials, helped in no small part by having the famously loud Penn Jillette play the announcer who could give Billy Mays a run for his money.
    • And then there's the little "NOT A FLYING TOY" disclaimer at the end.
    • Followed by the incredibly lackluster "Available at all Al's Toy Barns at the tri-county area."
  • "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbitt!" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly smacking Buzz to his senses with his own dismembered arm makes it even funnier. Watch!
    • Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
    • Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together, then:
      Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham! Look at me, I can't even fly out of a window! But the hat looked good? Tell me the hat looked good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!
    • Then, we get this great little bit of Black Comedy when Woody, while trying to get Andy's toys to help them back over through the adjacent bedroom windows, turns to see Buzz sitting on the floor, clearly not in a great mood, swinging his own arm through the air making airplane noises, then crashing it into the ground.
  • Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play Battleship, especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid except the ones where his ships are.
    • And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
      • If you look closely, Potato Head set up his ships side-by-side, making it too easy for Hamm to guess where his ships are.
    • It gets funnier when you realizethat they're playing STRIP Battleship. Although how Hamm's supposed to strip would be Fridge Logic if he ever lost...
      • Well, there's his cork...
  • Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
    • And before that, we get this inevitable pun:
    Woody: Buzz, could you get over here and give me a hand?
    Buzz: [throws his arm at Woody]
    Woody: Aha... that's very funny, Buzz. This is serious!
    • Before that, when Woody tries to prove to everyone that Buzz is alive and tells Buzz to come show himself, Buzz pulls the sticker from his wrist communicating arm, crumbles it and throws it away in disgust. Still in his delirious mind to help him.
    • Then when he's trying to keep it up with the other toys across the way:
      Mr. Potato Head: Wait just a minute, what are you trying to pull?!
      Woody: Nothing! [accidentally shows Buzz's disconnected arm, the other toys scream in terror]
    • He then belatedly attempts to hide it behind his back.
    • The sight causes Rex to throw up (somehow).
  • Rex and Mr. Potato Head end up sharing a box for the move:
    Potato Head: How did I get stuck with you as a moving buddy?
    Rex: (completely sincere) Everyone else was picked.
  • During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...
    Woody: Your helmet does that—that WOOSH thing!
  • In a meta Actor Allusion way, Buzz dropping a Binford toolbox on Woody.
    • Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."
  • The toys have a My God, What Have I Done? moment after they throw Woody off the moving truck but Rex takes it a step further. Rex, in particular, gets a Call-Back to his earlier line about not liking confrontation.
    Rex: Great! Now I have guilt.
  • As Woody ignites the rocket on Buzz's back in a last-ditch effort to catch up to the moving van. Woody realizes too late that he may have just doomed them both. What really makes it is that as Woody realizes this, Buzz gets a really deadpan expression on his face that just screams "Oh, NOW he gets it!".
  • At the end, when the army guys announce the arrival of Mrs. Potato Head, Mr. Potato Head remarks, "Gee, I'd better shave!"...and just plucks off his mustache and tosses it offscreen.
  • The very end when Buzz asks Woody if he's worried about the Christmas presents Andy will get:
    Woody: [laughs] Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
    The shot slowly zooms out to the exterior of the house.
    Andy: Oh, what is it? What is it? (barking is heard) Wow! A puppy!
    The shot quickly zooms back in on Woody and Buzz, who smile weakly at each other and chuckle.
  • While the Black Friday Cut on the whole is pretty dreadful, it has at least a couple of funny moments.
    • We learn what Sarge was actually going to say to Woody before being interrupted in the final cut of the film.
    Sarge: Cowboy! Where is your honor, dirtbag?! You are an absolute disgrace! You don't deserve to wear a ten gallon hat on your pint sized head!
    • The ending of the cut scene is as funny in a dark sort of way as it is cathartic to this earlier version of Woody, as he turned out to be an unlikeable Jerkass who deliberately threw Buzz out the window with no remorse, resulting in the rest of Andy’s toys turning on him.
    Slinky: (as Andy's toys are about to throw Woody off the bed) Stop! Don't throw him off the bed!
    Woody: Yeah!


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