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    Jewel - 0304 (2003) 

    Styx - Kilroy Was Here (1983) 
Intercom: Attention. Riot in the eating area.Todd: Are you sure that's a riot? Are you sure that's not just the jazzercise class warming up?
  • Even before that, the so called riot was instigated by this gem of a line:
    Prisoner: Hey Roboto! Your mother was a Toyota! (throws milk bottle at one Roboto while the other prisoners laugh) You got no rythym huh, you got no rythym!
  • The theme of "Mr. Roboto" is the dehumanizing aspect of technology. "You're a synthesizer band, you goddamn hypocrites!"
  • The blink-and-you'll-miss-it intercut of the Chuck E Cheese animatronic band playing over "Mr. Roboto".
  • Todd admits when reviewing albums for Trainwreckords that sometimes failure or backlash can only show itself during the follow-up. To illustrate this, he shows the opening weekend grosses for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and the massive drop-off when Justice League (2017) came out.
  • Todd's multiple riffs on the nine-minute intro film.
    Todd: Now, as a sci-fi buff, I can't help but notice the similarities between this album's premise and the fictional sci-fi universe created by ME in the eighth grade!
    • Todd's description of other people responses to his own similar sci-fi premise:
      Todd: Critics rapturously praised my conceptual masterework as "dorktastic" and "lame as balls" before crumpling all of my drawings and stuffing me in a locker!
  • "And the robotos, what about them? Well, here's a funny thing. They are not part of this story, like, at all. 'Mr. Roboto' was the first single and the album opener, and it never comes back. Robots are to this album as breast cancer is to The Room."
  • Regarding Jonathan Chance's solo in the Villain Song, "Heavy Metal Poisoning":
    Todd (as Dr. Righteous): NOOO! He's playing rock and roll in my rock and roll song!
  • Todd noting how well "Renegade" would have fit on the album, despite it being from a different album.
  • Todd as the angry arena audience: "Boo! Play 'More Than a Feeling' already!"
    • And this was after he described the typical Styx audience in arenas as "Angry rednecks, who just want to hear Blue Collar Man."

    MC Hammer - The Funky Headhunter (1994) 
  • Introducing Hammer's change of image by slowing down his "Now why would I ever stop doing this..." line from "U Can't Touch This"
  • Todd "pretending" to be Ronald Johnson, the senior Senator from Wisconsin, saying it made about as much sense as Hammer pretending to be an O.G.
  • Any of the comments regarding MC Hammer's infamous Speedo in the original "Pumps and a Bump" video.
    Todd: Why, it's almost like I can touch this. ...Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
  • Todd can't help but mock Hammer's tough-guy pose in the "It's All Good" video.
  • Todd claiming that there isn't a more depressing rap beef than the one between Hammer and Q-Tip, complete with a genuinely disappointed tone of voice.
    Todd: This is like finding out that Carl Sagan and Mr. Rogers got in a fist fight.

    Oasis - Be Here Now (1997) 

    Van Halen - Van Halen III (1998) 

    Creedance Clearwater Revival - Mardi Gras (1972) 
  • "But they kept soldering on. They... kept on chooglin'..."
  • How does Todd describe how this album came to be (although he admits shortly after that it's not entirely true)? If, instead of breaking up, The Beatles decided to make one more album... and the others decided that this would only result in the band sticking together if Ringo did most of the work. And he had no say in it.
    • Although Todd admits Creedance Clearwater Revival's situation wasn't as bad as that Ringo hypothetical (since the situation was that they would all write songs for the album), Todd admits that in some respects, the situation was actually worse than that hypothetical:
      Todd: [P]eople liked Ringo! Ringo had a personality, people knew who he was. People didn't have a clue who the other guys in [Creedance Clearwater Revival] were! They barely knew the main guy in the band!
      • Todd immediately realizes that at least some people who would be watching this would know that;note  he counters that by asking them to name the others.
  • As part of his struggles with trying to understand the downfall of the band, Todd had to "buy books and read them, and shit".
  • "[A]nd if the lead singer's not getting attention, you could imagine how little the fucking bass player gets."
  • Presenting the intra-band drama as a Jersey Shore fight with "Re-Enactment" titled over it.
  • This is Todd's breakdown of how the band described how the album came to be: At the time, Doug and Stu said that John needed their help because he was burnt out. Now?
    Todd!John: (complete with shaking picture) FINE! YOU WANT MORE INPUT?! WHY DON'T YOU WRITE THE SONGS?!
    • And here's how Fogerty describes it:
      Todd: (over a clip of Baby Herman crying) Waaaa! Waa, I wanna write songs! Waaaa!
  • After Todd realizes the opener for the album, "Lookin' for a Reason", is explicitly about the band breaking up:
    Todd: "Because I Got High" is more open to interpretation than this.
    Afroman: (while shown explicitly toking) Because I got high! Because I got high! Because I got high!
    Todd: ...maybe it's about being high on life.
  • Todd's utter bafflement at how bad the non-John Fogerty members' contributions are. When Stu Cook's second song begins, Todd swiftly gives it a Rapid-Fire "No!" and shows similarly blunt rejections from America's Got Talent and The Gong Show.
    • This is then followed up by Todd's blunt realization that the song, "Take it Like a Friend", is just Stu "shit-talking John right to his face".
      • Todd also mentions that Fogerty was so offended he didn't even play guitar on the other guys' songs. "Kind of a dick move, but I wouldn't want to help record a song about what an asshole I am either."
  • Todd sees through Stu's third song's narrative of being a sailor, and dealing with the abrasive "captain".
    Todd: (cuts to picture of John with a poorly Photoshopped captain's hat; sarcastically) Who could he be talking about? (normally) Funny that this song is about sailors, 'cause Stu is incredibly salty.
  • As Todd realizes to his disgust, the cover song (specifically, a cover of Ricky Nelson's "Hello Mary Lou") is "the same fucking song". He even plays them back to back to make his point crystal clear.
  • At the end of the video, Todd gets the idea to force Amy to write his reviews from now on, topped off with Amy's confused expression.
    Todd: You're not pulling your weight, dog! Why do I have to do all the work?! Give me a thousand words on the new Eminem album! This is what you wanted, right?! I heard you begging at me! That was clearly what you meant!

    Billy Idol - Cyberpunk (1993) 
  • Since it is about an album by Billy Idol, Todd spends the entirety of the video wearing a spiky blond wig.
    Todd: Guess whose Halloween costume is tax-deductible this year?
    • Later in the video Todd comments on Idol's second change of hairstyle, to an awful-looking set of blond dreadlocks like Vanilla Ice was wearing circa 1993. Todd refused to buy a wig for that.
      Todd: Like, not even for Halloween.
  • "The '90s wouldn't start until September of '91 when uhh..."
  • Todd on Idol's career options in the wake of the grunge era:
    Todd: [...] so after the alternative revolution took hold, Billy had two options: He could keep doing what he was doing, or he could adapt himself to the new ethos of rock music. [beat] He did neither.
  • On Idol's look in the "Shock to the System" video, which sees his spiky hair get even spikier:
    Todd: Why does he look like Gary Busey wearing a Bart Simpson wig all of a sudden?
    • Cut to the scene in the video where Billy stop-motion merges with a camcorder to form some ugly-looking cyborg thing. It gets the reaction it deserves:
  • Turns out the album had bonus features on a floppy disc that came with the album. When Todd gets a look at it...
    Todd: Oh man, check out those Sega Genesis graphics. I wanna play, like, NBA Jam or Mortal Kombat now.
    Dan Forden: TOASTY!!!
  • "But the album has one major thing in common with Kurt Cobain. For both of them, it all went wrong... with 'Heroin'."
  • When Todd plays Idol's Cover Version of Velvet Underground's "Heroin", he discovers that it both A) Comically Misses the Point of the original by turning the originally bleak and moody song into one with dance club beats, and B) It's also a mashup with Patti Smith's "Gloria"; so Todd slips in a clip of "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" to mock both things.
    Todd: We're at a rave... A heroin rave!
    • Todd giving us this delightful mental image:
      Todd: Turning a Velvet Underground song into this, is like taking Blade Runner and letting Michael Bay remake it.

    Lauryn Hill - MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 (2002) 
  • When bringing up a recent incident where Lauryn Hill received massive backlash for having shown up two hours late to a performance, Todd admits to being heartbroken and dismayed over the fact that people are still buying tickets for her shows.
  • Todd states up top he's never been a fan of MTV Unplugged, finding an all-acoustic format tedious and also pretentious to consider it more "real" than a fully produced performance. He suspects the public came around to his side when Korn (of all bands) tried to do an unplugged concert. He then shows a clip of the performance, which shows that it went about as well as one can expect a Nu Metal band attempting an acoustic performance to go.
    Todd: What the fuck. Not an experiment to be repeated.
  • Lauryn's opening lines are enough to make the thing unpromising.
    Todd: She is performing all new, never-before-released material.
    Lauryn: A lot of these songs, too. Some of them, you know...they ain't even really have titles yet.
    Todd: All new... unfinished material.
    Lauryn: If I stop, if I start, if I, you know, feel like singing, "Baby, baby, baby" for...eighteen bars or whatever, you know, I just...I do that.
    Todd: All new, unfinished... ad-libbed material.
    Lauryn: Alright, so you guys are cool? Okay, I'm talking, people in my head, too [audience laughs].
    Todd: Yeah, it's gonna be real shaky.
  • On the subject of the song "Mr. Intentional":
    Todd: "Mr. Intentional" is about some unnamed condescending asshole...
    Caption: It's definitely Wyclef Jean
    • Captions come back later during a 12-minute monologue, which Todd describes as "Lauryn Hill TED Talks." Over shots of the audience with blank expressions on:
      "...Where are the exits"
      "...please god invent the smartphone soon"
  • On Lauryn's guitar skills:
    Todd: I honestly don't know if she could play "Wonderwall"
  • On the song "I Find It Hard To Say (Rebel)", which led to the special not being aired until months after 9/11, because Lauryn was afraid of causing rioting:
    Todd: Yeah, don't worry Lauryn, this isn't going to make anyone start throwing bricks. It's going to make people get their latte somewhere else.
  • Todd's takedown of Lauryn's "reality" running theme surrounding this show:
    Lauryn: I used to be a performer, and I really don't consider myself a performer so much anymore.
    Todd: Then what the hell am I watching, lady?!
  • This exchange:
    Lauryn: Y'all never knew me! I just wanted to introduce you to me — I'm just getting to know me!
    Todd: (sigh) M'am, this is an Arby's.

    Madonna - American Life (2003) 
  • Todd's summary of the album, Madonna doing a Concept Album taking on The War on Terror, thus:
  • Todd's critique of the title track's replacement video, which removed the shock of the original (a military-themed fashion show) and has Madonna just standing in front of flags from random countries green-screened behind her.
    Todd: Take that Estonia, Norway, Pakistan, and Monaco! Micronesia had it coming!
  • Todd throwing shade during the "American Life Rap".
  • His reaction to the third single, "I'm So Stupid":
    Todd: Speaking of sounding like garbage...note 
  • Todd scoffing at Madonna's rejection of Hollywood, saying that given the time the album was made, it comes off more as sour grapes after her film career definitively bombed with Swept Away.
  • "Hollywood" has an odd ending where Madonna starts chanting "push the button, don't push the button, trip the station, change the channel" - cut to Bela Lugosi shouting "Pull the string!" from Glen or Glenda.
    • The "Hollywood" single serves as a bit of a Brick Joke, because Todd used it as the theme song for his Cinemadonna series (at least, the version from a GAP commercial remixed to sound like "Into the Groove"). He reveals it's the only Madonna song to not chart at all in the United States, no matter how hard she tried to promote it.note  Considering it highlights her bitterness over her film career ending, the irony is just delicious.
  • Todd saying that only Madonna could lose a being-down-to-earth contest to Kanye West.

    Robin Thicke - Paula (2014) 
  • This review is one where Todd actually doesn't have as much in the way of snark or jokes.note  Todd treats the colossal failure of Paula as a fairly-somber How the Mighty Have Fallen affair, even having the occasional Sympathy for the Devil (after all, Robin Thicke's material pre-"Blurred Lines", and even some of the material of this very album, made Todd realize Thicke wasn't untalented), while never losing sight of how Thicke basically brought it on himself, as the album is basically a very public show of Thicke being Not Good with Rejection. But then again, moments like the very first line of the review makes you know that you're in for something... special.
    Todd: He just... seemed like a douchebag.
    [cue the opening bars of "Blurred Lines"]
    • Even the "This is Trainwreckords" introduction seemingly comes out of nowhere, preceded by Todd throwing up his hands, and him sounding confused while saying it rather than his usual confidence.
  • On said colossal failure of the album:note 
    Todd: We've seen big names fail to debut at #1 and throw public fits about their low numbers, but if they had seen sales as low as Paula's, they'd melt like the Wicked Witch.
  • There's a subtly funny beat in the story of the night Robin met Paula — He serenaded her with a Stevie Wonder song. It sounds so romantic, like being a crooner was his destiny. Except...
    Todd: You can't go wrong by singing Stevie.
    [shows Wonder singing "Jungle Fever"]
    Todd: ... Except that one. Please tell me he didn't sing that one. [shows an article saying exactly that] Please tell me that's not true.
    • This is even more hilarious (albeit maybe in a cringey way) when one considers that "Jungle Fever" is a slang term for a white person being attracted to a black person, and one remembers that Paula Patton herself is (half-)black and Robin Thicke is white. Extra hilarity that the song was composed for a movie about the very thing that the term "Jungle Fever" means.
  • Despite being a Trainwreckord through and through, Todd concedes that there are songs on the album that work—particularly "Living in New York City", a funk-throwback number that Todd sheepishly (and hilariously) admits "kinda slaps".
    • However, even that song ends up befuddling Todd. It starts with a Lyrical Cold Open of a woman saying "I'm moving to New York" (which, as Todd elaborates, was Paula Patton herself, in what was possibly the last thing she collaborated for Thicke). It's obvious that Todd was expecting it to segue into something somber... only for the cheerful song to follow. Todd's reaction is priceless.
  • There is one Hilarious in Hindsight moment where Todd cuts to an old review of his.
    Todd: Believe it or not, he wasn't always known as a douchebag. Rolling Stone called him "gentlemanly." [cut to the quote in question with "!?!!!" added next to it]
  • There's a clip of Thicke performing "Forever Love" at the BET Awards, and he at one point makes a big, emotional, dramatic pause (which Todd immediately calls out as contrived). What Todd doesn't draw attention to is that, if you listen closely to that clip, you can hear people in the audience laughing at him. (One audience member can even be heard scoffing "Please!", while another groans out a disbelieving "Oh my god.")
    • What Todd does draw attention to is how, during Thicke's appearance at the Billboard Music Awards, where the album's lead single "Get Her Back" first debuted, and where Thicke straight-up says to the audience "Help me get her back" several times, there's a woman in the front row with a Disapproving Look.
      Todd: Shout-out to the uncomfortable-looking woman at the front row, she speaks for us all.
  • On the uptempo, seemingly-out-of-place track "Tippy Toes"
    Todd: If this album were a musical, this would be the "Shipoopi".
  • Some times it is the small things. Todd can't help but chuckle at an Accidental Pun.
    Todd: I'm sure that in the thick of it — Heh heh, in the Thicke of it — I'm sure that in the thick of it...

    The Clash - Cut the Crap (1985) 
  • Todd explaining that the album title is very unfortunate as it set itself up for mockery, as the album is essentially The Clash cutting "12 whole tracks of crap."
    Todd: No record has ever teed itself up for the critics like that since Spinal Tap released Shark Sandwich. [shows the scene of Spinal Tap reading reviews mockingly calling their album "Shit Sandwich"] "Shit Sandwich" was my original title for this series, by the way.
  • Todd did really thorough research for this episode, even buying several books and watching numerous documentaries on The Clash — mostly because the surviving members of The Clash and their fans have done their damnedest to avoid talking about it. MTV's Rockumentary episode on The Clash doesn't even mention it, the All the Albums, All the Songs encyclopedia reduces Cut the Crap's songs to single paragraphs each, and a Rolling Stone article about the band's last concert with Mick Jones and Topper Headon does briefly mention it, but explicitly claims it doesn't count.
    • In fact, the album is so obscure that it didn't have a page on this wiki until after Todd's video came out!
  • When the opening track "Dictator" starts, the production and mixing are so bad (most strongly exemplified by the driving drum track being out of sync with the rest of the song) that Todd tries to listen to it through multiple speakers and headphones to check if it wasn't just a hardware glitch on his end. He's not even joking.
  • Saying that the song "We Are The Clash" sounds like the theme to a Clash-themed TV show.
    Todd: [imitating an announcer] The Clash! Weekdays at 4:30, on Fox 10!
  • Todd does end up liking the one single "This Is England", but refrains from showing a video because there isn't one. Why? None of the band members showed up the day it was to be filmed.
  • Todd comparing Bernie Rhodes' complaints about the album's negative reviews to a DC fan railing against Rotten Tomatoes.

    Hootie and the Blowfish - Fairweather Johnson (1996) 
  • The video starts with Todd asking himself if he can make an entire 20-minute video about Hootie & the Blowfish interesting.note  By the end:
    Todd: I think ultimately we can write this album off as a boring failure. Just like this video! I swear to god I'll cover Hulk Hogan's album next time or something, just anything more interesting than this.
  • "If there is any band on earth who shouldn't be on a show about spectacular failures, it is Hootie and the Blowfish. 'Cause they weren't a spectacular anything."
  • Todd stating that the band was so middle-of-the-road that they must have "scientifically pinpointed the exact center of the road with quantum precision."
  • Todd admits up top that there's nothing notably disastrous about the album, it's just a dull album that didn't sell well. And that's just having explained that lots of bands have albums like that, and it usually doesn't meet his definition of a "trainwreckord"... except in this case, simply due to how jaw-droppingly successful Hootie's debut album Cracked Rear View was.
  • Todd shows a clip of Hootie being award a Grammy, with a giant red arrow helpfully labeling the presenter as "TUPAC F'ING SHAKUR"
    • And standing next to Tupac while he presents the Grammy? KISS.
  • Right up there with the "bisexual" line from Lauryn Hill, Hootie and the Blowfish give us...
    Darius Rucker: And I'd love to hurt the population!
    Todd: Wait, what, WHY?!
  • Todd's frequent mocking of Darius Rucker's Yarling throughout the video. This includes not only yarling an interview quote from Rucker, but also yarling a quote from a record executive denying that the album was a flop:
    Todd: Yeah, everyone connected with them talks like that, I decided.
  • Todd judges the best song on the album to be the eponymous middle track, "Fairweather Johnson": A 45-second joke song.
  • Todd reads an excerpt from a British review that states "Duller than Dull Dave McDull's Duller Brother Dennis"
    Todd: I imagine the Zero Punctuation guy writing that.
  • One of the reasons Todd lists for rushing out this album is that even Hootie and the Blowfish were sick of Hootie and the Blowfish.

    The Beach Boys - Summer in Paradise (1992) 

    Arrested Development - Zingalamaduni (1994) 

    Greg Allman & Cher - Two the Hard Way (1977) 

    Liz Phair - Funstyle (2010) 
  • You know that this is going to be a very different Trainwreckord when Todd's thumbnail artist doesn't even bother creating a stylized, "Todd-fied" version of the cover, instead just slapping the album's physical cover design on it.note  It gets even more hilarious when in the video itself Todd shows the album's original cover (from back when it was initially a download-only album), which he described as "computer vomit cover art."
  • The cheesy VHS-style "Feature Presentation" intro has after his sponsored ad.
  • This whole episode could be a Shocking Swerve on Todd's part since so many of his fans requested Liz Phair's Self-Titled Album that branded her a sellout by indie rock critics. But as Todd assures us, this one is way worse.
  • With its obnoxious Indian-inspired riff and godawful Piss Take Rap, Todd's pretty sure that if Liz Phair released the lead single "Bollywood" now it would get her cancelled.
    Todd: Oh my God, what does she think she's doing?!
  • In lieu of a music video for "Bollywood" (the song doesn't have an official one), Todd instead shows looped footage of one of Liz Phair's interviews (which becomes more and more distorted as the song goes on), before replacing it with footage of a dance number from, well, a Bollywood film. The interview footage becomes a Running Gag throughout the rest of the video, punctuated with everything from other film clips to a single gif of her on-stage to slowly warping stock images.
    • And in one of the "Bollywood" uploads on Youtube, a commenter noted "It's sad to discover that the distorted interview footage it's not the official music video"
  • Todd's bafflement that Liz genuinely thought that her label and management would like her new satirical comedy songs.
    Todd: She stuck to her guns. Kind of admirable I guess, but also insane.
  • Like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails, Liz Phair released an album digitally and started working as a score composer. However, in the latter case, unlike those two bands, she did't do so for prestige movies, instead...
    Todd: [as the intro of 90210 is shown] Yeah, she was making background music for crappy TV shows you never heard of, like Swingtown and... [the intro of In Plain Sight is shown] ...I don't know what this is.
  • On regular album cut "Oh Bangladesh" (one of the few songs she seems to have performed live):
    Todd: Considering her take on "Bollywood", maybe leave Bangladesh alone.
  • Todd's reaction to discover that "Beat Is Up" is another song featuring her mindlessly talking crap over Indian dance music like "Bollywood".
    Todd: Man, Liz, what did India do to you?
    • Todd notes that the one main difference between the two songs is that this one features a guru dispensing advice, so for the "music video", instead of a Bollywood film, Todd shows scenes from The Love Guru.
  • When Todd gets to the second single, "And He Slayed Her", as soon as he says the title out loud, he immediately realizes that it's about someone named "Andy Slater."
    Todd: [sighs] Okay, I'll bite. Who's Andy Slater?
  • The final track, "U Hate It", which is another comedy song where Liz imagines winning awards for Funstyle even though the record executives hated it, apparently expecting it to become the new Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (considering her earlier statements that the album would be a revolutionary new art form altogether, she might've even expected it to become the next Melt).
    Todd: This. Song. Is. DELUSIONAL!
  • His utterly dumbfounded reaction to the lyric in "U Hate It", "You're being a peñis...colada that is."
    Todd: NO Liz, 'Peñis Colada' is not going to win you a Grammy!
    • Todd punctuates his reaction with a WWE tap-out on his piano, complete with a UFC voiceover.
  • And the clincher to all of this? This is a video Todd's had in the works for four years, with him only knowing about it and its horrendous quality because he randomly picked it to listen to while doing crosswords, and it genuinely left him in Stunned Silence.
  • In a meta example, there's a darkly humorous quality to this entry from the video's comments section:
    Kirkhammer is my Waifu: "MTV Unplugged" by Lauryn Hill was literally a woman mid-breakdown live onstage and THIS still sounds more unhinged.


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