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Funny / Thief II: The Metal Age

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  • The escalating argument between two groups of guards defending their manor lord/lady. The insults they come up with are hilarious.
    Guard 1: And I'm telling you that the only stench heartier than your rotting burrick of a master, is the liquor on his foetid breath. If he comes near Lady van Vernon again, we'll boil his knackers.
    Guard 2: Oh, ho! Mighty fine words coming from a knock-kneed, inbred pageboy such as yourself. Our good master Willy wouldn't be caught near that frumpy little trollop unless he were holding her back at the end of a halberd.
    Guard 1: (shocked gasp) How dare you defile the name of someone so good and virtuous as the Lady van Vernon. Our Lady is a saint among mortal women. An angel so pure the heavens couldn't hold her.
    Guard 2: (scoffs) Hahaha! Your Lady? An angel?! You're lucky the dockside whorekeeps aren't bashing down her door for stealing their clientèle. Why just last night, I saw her out back warming up the stable-boy.
    Guard 1: Such slander will not be tolerated while we're on watch! You'd best run and rescue your helpless limp lord before he flounders in his own vomit, or wakes up naked in a hen coop. Scurry off, or you'll acquire some unnecessary ventilation!
    Guard 2: Is that a threat, you shrivelled old maid? You gonna prick us with your sewing needles? On this side of the street we shoot like soldiers, so don't make promises your arrows can't keep.
    Guard 1: (voice cracks) YOU'VE GONE — you've gone too far this time, you camel-mannered, tunic-wearing mollycoddle! An arrow in the throat ought to shut you up!
    Guard 2: RAAAAAAH! Have at thee!
    (cue the flying arrows)
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  • Benny's drunken conversation with the barmaid, particularly this line:
    Benny: (slurred) ... Anyways, I work better when I'm drunk. It makes me fearless! If I see a bad guy, I'll just point my sword at him aaand saaaaaay, "HEY! BAD GUY! YER NOT S'POSED TO BE HERE! ... GO HOME OR I'LL STICK YOU WITH MY SWORD — 'til you go, 'OUCH, I'M DEAD!'"
  • The "kick me" note in the police station.
  • Garrett is in top snarky form throughout the game. Not only when he's amused, but also when he's angry or annoyed, as in this scene:
    Viktoria: I am not the enemy, Garrett, nor anyone here. Here is your enemy: Mechanists. It's no secret that they wish to destroy you too, hero that you are... Regardless, you will join us in our struggle against them.
    Garrett: (almost indignant) Join you? Not really my first choice.
  • People who grew up watching Droopy cartoons might have a very hard time taking Karras seriously, because his voice actor, Stephen Russell (also the voice of Garrett), for some reason decided to give Karras a voice that is a spot on Droopy impression. He might as well be telling Garrett during the final mission "you know what, that makes me mad."


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