Funny / The Wrong Box

• The opening Death Montage is one of the funniest ever put on film; evidently the main reason the Finsbury brothers are the last two surviving competitors for the Tontine is that the other eighteen were a mixture of too stupid and too unlucky to survive far into old age.^note  We can only assume that the competitors named on the document but not actually seen - William Davidson Ainsworth, Ronald James Dennison, Richard Mayhew Gough, Wilfred Ebenezer Hackett, Randall Norman Randall, Guy Martin Trench, Victor Eric Twitchell, and Randolph Tyler-Croft - met similarly grisly yet hilarious fates, though Masterman Finsbury, upon hearing of Hackett's death, says he was a dirty old man and presumably died of venereal disease. In order of (dis)appearance:
  • Artillery sergeant Brian Allen Harvey should really have learned to check where he is standing before giving the order to fire:
    [Brian emerges from the ruined house he is using for cover on the battlefield and draws his sabre]
    Brian: Cannon reloaded?
    Soldier: Cannon reloaded, sir!
    Brian: Then fire!
    Soldier: [noticing that Brian is standing directly in the line of fire] But sir!-
    Brian: You heard me, man! Fire! [the soldier shrugs, gives the signal to fire, and Brian is knocked to the ground; cut to a hand crossing his name off the tontine document]
  • The trained falcon with which Sydney Whitcombe Sykes is trying to impress two young ladies is evidently not as well trained as he thinks:
    Sydney: Never fear, ladies! He knows his prey! [the ladies giggle] Ah! See! Yonder! [he removes the falcon's mask] Kill! [cut to the ladies, who scream and cover their faces as feathers fly and Sydney yells in agony; cut to a hand crossing his name off]
  • Had intrepid explorer Ian Scott Fife known what awaited him at the top of the mountain he is scaling, he would have stayed at base camp, or better yet, gone back to England:
    [Ian climbs the last few feet to the summit, then unfurls a Union Flag attached to his ice axe]^note  An upside-down Union Flag, to be exact!
    Ian: [proudly] In the name... of the Queen! [he plants the flag in the ground next to him - which immediately gives way from under him, sending him plummeting to his death; cut to snow being blown off the tontine document to reveal his name crossed off]
  • Naval officer Leicester Young-Fielding learns the difficult way why the ship at the christening of which he is present is aptly named:
    [Naval officers flank a female dignitary as Leicester passes her the ceremonial bottle of champagne]
    Dignitary: And so it gives me great pleasure to name this ship Repulsion. God bless all who sail in her! [she throws the bottle toward the hull as the officers salute; the bottle misses the ship completely, swings back, and smashes Leicester squarely in the face. Cut to the view through a magnifying glass as his name is crossed off]
  • Army officer Alan Frazer Scrope prematurely announces his men's impending victory over the natives laying siege to their desert fort:
    Alan: You swine! [fires his pistol three times in three directions; a native places a ladder against the battlements and tries to climb over] Never! [kicks the ladder away as the native screams] They're disorganised! Victory will soon be ours! Sound the charge!
    Bugler: Sound the what, sir!?
    Alan: Give that horn to me, you fool! [grabs the bugle and begins sounding the charge; an arrow flies into the bell of the instrument and Alan groans and sinks to the ground. Cut to his name being crossed off]
  • Industrialist James Whyte Wragg discovers, to his considerable cost, that the miners working in his coal mine are right to be wary of the soundness of its construction:
    [James walks through the mine surrounded by both unhappy-looking miners and suit-wearing administrators, one of whom is holding a canary in a cage]
    James: [jovially] Right! Now then, my good men! What's all this poppycock about the mine not being safe, eh? Speak up, what's wrong with it? [he taps a support post with his cane; to his alarm, it promptly tips over, and he and most of the others present are buried under a hail of rocks and debris. Cut to his name being crossed off in red ink]
  • Big game hunter Oliver Pike Harmsworth may think it unsporting to shoot an animal before it starts charging, but he forgets an even more important rule - never take your eye off your prey for even a second:
    [Oliver hides in the tall grass with his native guide, Tumba, who tries to hand him his rifle; Oliver turns to face him]
    Oliver: Not yet, Tumba. You must learn the white man's code. It is not sporting. It is not done to fire at rhino [sounds of fast approaching footsteps] until he is actually charging. [the footsteps get louder, accompanied by rhinoceros grunts; Oliver and Tumba look in the direction of the sound and get horrified looks on their faces. Cut to a piece of blotting paper being hammered over where his name has just been crossed off]
  • It seems Vyvyan Alistair Montague did something to make the two men whose pistol duel he is overseeing even angrier at him than they are at each other:
    [a clearing at dawn; the duellists stand back to back, pistols at the ready, as Vyvyan lowers the handkerchief to signal the start of the duel. The men take ten paces as Vyvyan smiles and watches, then they turn... and point their guns at Vyvyan instead of each other before firing. Cut to his name being crossed off by a shaky hand]
  • Industrialist Derek Lloyd Peter Digby has amassed a large enough fortune that his son can't wait to get his hands on it - so he decides to speed up the process:
    [a hillside overlooking an industrial town; Derek is being pushed in his wheelchair by his son]
    Derek: When I die, my son... [the camera pans across what is obviously a black and white stock photograph of Victorian factories] All this will be yours.
    Young Digby: [grins murderously] Yes, Father. [shoves the wheelchair as hard as he can, sending his father zooming down the hillside to his doom; cut to his name being crossed off with a pen rather than a quill]
  • Robert Park Collingwood has clearly become a man of some renown, as he is due to be knighted by Her Majesty, Queen Victoria. A pity he doesn't even get until the end of the conferral to enjoy the honour:
    [Buckingham Palace; Robert advances to receive his knightood and bows as an attendant whispers a reminder of who he is into the Queen's ear]
    Queen Victoria: In recognition of your many and varied services to the Crown... [she gestures for the ceremonial sword, which the attendant hands to her] I dub thee... [she brings the sword down too quickly; there is a thud, and she watches something roll across the floor] Oh. We are frightfully sorry, Sir Robert.