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Funny / The Waterboy

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  • "I hope ya'll like what I did to your lawnmower." VROOOOOOOOM!
  • Farmer Fran pinching his pierced nipples as Bobby throws the ball at the goal.
  • Bobby imagining Coach Klein's face everywhere after the latter declares "Water sucks! Gatorade is better!" eventually leading to...
    Water sucks! It really really sucks! Water sucks! It really really sucks!
  • Bobby's mom attacking his scumbag father near the end.
  • "There's a lot of pain and shame in those eyes. An unbelievably disturbing image."
  • "Duh-hur, loo-loo-look at me, I'm the wuh-wuh-waterboy! I got a WOOODEN SPOOOOON! Duh-hur-hur" Mean, but still funny.
    • And it's oh so cathartic when Bobby slams him to the ground.
    • "Wh-who dat? Who-who dere?"
  • The "YOU CAN DO IT!" guy is a walking, screaming fountain of CMOFs
  • At the Bourbon Bowl, Bobby faces Meaney again:
    Meaney: Hey, Waterboy! Is your girlfriend gonna save you again?
    Bobby: Oh no, sir. I'm gonna take matters into my own hands, you'll see.
    Meaney: Bring it to the hole! Your ass is mine! WHOOOOO! WHOOOOO! WHOOOOO!
    Bobby: You sound like a big choo-choo train.
    (Bobby tackles Meaney)
    Bobby: Powerbomb. Compliments of Captain Insano.
  • Calling The Old Woman Out:
    Bobby: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! (runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in) And by the way, Mama. Alligators are ornery 'cause of their "medulla oblongata"! (runs back out, then back in again) And I like Vicki, and she like me back! (almost in tears by this point) And she showed me her boobies and I like them too! (slams the door on Mama)!
    • And before that, "I ain't got nobody to keep me company during the day, 'cept STEVE!" (cut to Steve the mule drinking out of the toilet)
  • When Bobby speaks at the football camp:
    Lawrence "L.T." Taylor: Tell me, what is your secret? How do you find yourself in the right position all the time?
    Bobby: That-that-that's a good question. What-what happens is, the-the-the center has-has the ball first. And-and-and the quarterback will say, "Hike." That's when the c-center puts the ball in-into the hands of the quarterback. So what I do is, I-I start tacklin' the quarterback, unless he gives the ball to-to s-somebody else, in which case, I-I try to tackle that person.
    Taylor: Gentlemen, this brings me to my next point: Don't. Smoke. Crack.
    (The kids nod)
    • For those that didn't follow football in the 1980s, LT was known to smoke crack before games.
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  • "Shut up, Brent."
  • "Remember the time Bobby intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran to the touchdown bare-ass?"
  • In one game, Bobby imagines the opposing quarterback is his Mama:
    Imaginary Mama: I forbid you to talk to that enchantress! She's the devil!
    Bobby: She's not the devil. She's the most beautiful woman in the world!
    Quarterback: (frantically) I never said she was the devil!
    Bobby: She's the most beautiful woman in the world!
    Quarterback: Oh, God, please don't hurt me...
    • After he knocks him down, Bobby, still visualizing him as his Mama, hugs and kisses him, apologizing to "her". The quarterback, still a nervous wreck, says "I love you too".
  • The only idea in Bobby's Suggestion Box:
    Dear Waterboy
    Eat shit and kill yourself.
    Signed, Everyone
    Bobby: Not exactly what I'd call constructive criticism...
  • When Bobby had to lie to his mother, he said a gorilla got loose from the zoo and punched him in the eye. During the montages of his games, she later puts a wanted poster for said gorilla.
  • During the Bourbon Bowl, Derek is called in to make the field goal and is told to visualize the attack. And what does he visualize? A head of a KKK member taunting him.
    "How you doin', boy? Heh heh heh. (Derek runs for the kick) No! No, no, no, no! (kicks) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"
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  • Anytime Coach Klein visualizes Coach Beaulieu as something very non-threatening, like a baby or a puppy.
  • "Look who's on TV, Mama - the devil."
  • The expression on Lynn Swan's face as Vicky's prediction comes true.
  • This dialogue:
    Walter: You gonna eat that? (takes fan's hot dog)
    Jimmy Johnson: Eww, now I'm not!
  • When Bobby takes the exam, Vicky, ever the supportive girlfriend, sneaks up to the window with this.
  • Mama Boucher at her son's big game... feeding the cheer squad coffee.
    Mama: We gotta get you girls sobered up! Have some faith in my Bobby!
  • Coach Klein having dinner with the Bouchers:
    Coach Klein: That snake looks delicious. What part do you think I'm about to eat?
    Mama Boucher: Uh, basically a snake don't have parts. But, uh, if I had to call it anything, I would say it's his knee.
    Klein: (beat) Great. And what are we having for dessert?
    (squeaking followed by buzzing and a thud from outside)
    Mama: Squirrel.
    Klein: (pause) Excellent.
  • Coach Klein calling his grandmother. The camera pans down to reveal that not only is the phone not connected, but he's wearing a pair of high-heel shoes. Norman Bates, eat your heart out.
  • "I'll take a scotch-water. Hold the scotch."
    "Did you just make a joke?"
    "Y-y-es I did."
    "Huh huh huh."
  • "Coach, n-n-not only will I do it for you. I...I...I...Y-ye-yes, I'll do it for you."
  • Mama showing Bobby an old photo album. The first photo shows her as a young woman with a muscular man. That's not Bobby's father. Booby turns the page and sees a photo of a Gonk. That's his daddy.
  • In a fit of self-hatred, Coach Klein throws a bottle of booze out his window. It hits Colonel Sanders square in the head. He falls down while making a strange honking sound.
  • Coach Klein encouraging his team at the victory party after his team finally wins a game:
    Klein: Now that you finally won a game, right, you feel looser, the pressure is off, and that will lead to a lot more victories.
    Derek: Yeah, that and the waterboy getting 20 sacks a game.
    Klein: That too.
  • "Mama, when did Benjamin Franklin invent electricity?" "Don't be silly. I invented electricity! Benjamin Franklin is the DEVIL!"


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