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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

General

  • Anything coming out of Klaus' mouth or anything he does is guaranteed to get a laugh.
  • Cha-Cha and Hazel receiving their messages from the Handler in random locations.
  • An unintentional example, but if you're a fan of Schitt's Creek, it's impossible to see the bed and breakfast that shows up in several late season one episodes as anything other than the Rosebud Motel due to them using the same highly recognizable exterior set.
  • The sheer ability of Aidan Gallagher (Five) to act as a Grumpy Old Man in a 13-year-old body. Especially when he treats his old-enough-to-look-like-his-parents siblings like they're annoying teenagers.
  • The season 2 announcement consists of the cast recreating the dance scene from season 1 in their homes because of Covid-19. Particularly hilarious is David Castaneda's use of stuffed animals as stand-ins for the mounted head and the doors in the original scene.

Season One

    open/close all folders 

    We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals 
  • This little part from the opening.
    Narrator: On the 12th hour of the first day of October, 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began. Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
    Reginald: [to one of the mothers] Extraordinary. How much do you want for it?
    (Screen cuts to black with the words "HE GOT SEVEN OF THEM" appearing).
  • What seems like barely an hour out of rehab, Klaus immediately buys drugs, gets resuscitated in an ambulance, and high fives the operator. Given the other man's reactions, this is a pretty normal thing for Klaus.
  • Klaus and Allison reunite, by Allison walking in on Klaus trying to find something in Reginald's office that he can steal and sell for drug money.
    • He points out that if Reginald were alive, he'd never let them set foot in his office, while happily proclaiming that that's no longer the case since he's officially dead now.
      Klaus: Thank God he wasn't our real father or we would have inherited those cold, dead eyes! [pulls at his eyes to show Allison] Agh!
  • Luther stops Klaus from leaving, telling him to drop the things that he stole. While Klaus tries to deny this, he eventually (but dramatically) drops some boxes that he stole, claiming it was just an advance on his inheritance. Yet once he's away from Luther's field of vision, he somehow pulls out a large box and kisses it before running off to check on whether or not there were valuables inside.
  • Allison realizing that Klaus is wearing her skirt.
    Allison: Is that my skirt?
    Klaus: Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room, it's a little dated, I know, but... It's very breathy on the bits.
  • Luther asks Klaus if he could talk to their dead father, and Klaus starts complaining.
    Klaus: I just can't call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment, and take a quick call?"
    • Allison then asks if Klaus was high, and he admits that he was and asks how everyone else wasn't.
  • Diego tells everyone that Luther is suspicious because he thinks that one of them killed their father. Everyone else files out of the room, with Klaus quipping this.
    Klaus: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just going to go murder Mom, I'll be right back.
  • Klaus knocking over his father's urn and spilling his ashes while trying to reach for a drink. After a few seconds, though, he seems more amused than scared.
  • As Luther walks down the halls with cute drawings of children, it ends up being pictures to illustrate how to disarm and attack foes.
  • The dance montage:
    • Luther dances very stiffly and clumsily, eventually getting carried away and punching the air— breaking one of his toy airplanes in the process.
    • The ever-moody and brooding Diego, after first closing the doors and ensuring that no one can see him, busting out some surprisingly elaborate dance moves.
    • Klaus predictably being a total space case and dancing around the kitchen with Sir Reginald's funeral urn.
    • Allison breaks out a boa and starts dancing as though she actually has an audience.
    • Viktor just stands in the entrance hall and dances on the spot in an extremely casual way. Words cannot express just how much effort he is putting into the simple act of being "casual."
    • Also, when the scene zooms out to the overview of the whole house: if you look carefully, you can see Pogo sitting alone in his room, reading a book and nodding his head to the music.
  • The lights in the house go off and all the metallic objects start flying towards the walls dangerously. However, Klaus quickly grabs the urn before it flies off and asks questioningly (and probably extremely high), "Daddy??"
  • Everyone gathers to see the rip in their dimension, and Klaus comes running in with a fire extinguisher. He hoses the portal before tossing it in.
    Allison: What is that gonna do?!
    Klaus: I don't know! You have a better idea!?
  • Five's first words after dropping out of a portal in space-time and realizing he's a teenager again says it all:
    Five: Shit.
  • Five using his Teleport Spam to get things, Luther notes that it's the one thing he didn't miss about him.
    • Also, a fun Brick Joke: Viktor had earlier mentioned making peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches after Five disappeared, expecting him to come back at any point, all so he could have some food. The first thing he makes? A peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich.
  • Five briefly telling the others where he's been for the past seventeen years.
    Five: The future. It's shit, by the way.
    Klaus: Called it!
  • Number Five confuses one of the robbers by replacing his gun with a stapler. So when the still-unaware robber tries to shoot Number Five, nothing really happens.
    Five: That's one badass stapler.
  • This interaction:
    Viktor: Wait, how did you get back?
    Five: In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended Quantum-state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.
    Diego: [Beat] That makes no sense.
    Five: Well, it would if you were smarter.
    [Luther must then hold back Diego from physically attacking Five.]
  • Five commenting on missing Reginald's funeral.
    Five: Guess I missed the funeral.
    Luther: How'd you know about that?
    Five: What part of "the future" do YOU not understand?
  • Luther dumping Reginald's ashes on the ground, and after a pause everyone looks up at him. He stares at the ground and admits that it would have been better with some wind.
  • As Diego and Luther are fighting, everyone is telling them to stop, except Klaus who just yells "Hit him!".
  • Number Five really likes coffee, and is very cranky when he can't find any in their large house.
    Allison: Dad hated caffeine.
    Klaus: Well, he hated children too, but he had plenty of us.
  • After Five disappears, Klaus says that they should stop him, but then admits that he just wants to see what'll happen.
  • Diego tells Klaus that he's leaving, to which Klaus responds, "Fabulous, I'll get my things!"
    • Later, Klaus dashes towards the car, slams the door, and tells Diego how he sees hippos about to sit on his face.
  • When Five orders his coffee black, the waitress says "Cute kid", to which Five responds with a creepy smile. The waitress runs off to get their orders.
    • Five then recounts to the man sitting next to him the time when he and his sibling used to sneak out here to eat donuts until they puked, calling it their "playtime". The man looks incredibly awkward but indulges in light conversation.
  • The song playing in the background as Five decimates the soldiers? Istanbul (Not Constantinople).
  • Five breaking into Viktor's home and advises him to put locks on his windows. When Viktor replies he lives on the second floor, Five adds this:
    Five: Rapists can climb.
  • After Five tells Viktor that the reason why he's back was that the end of the world was coming, he is struck speechless.
    Viktor: [beat] I'll put on a pot of coffee.

    Run Boy Run 
  • During the rather bizarre meal presided over by Reginald, a young Klaus can be seen discreetly rolling a joint under the table.
  • The signage behind the motel clerk indicates the motel's clientele:
    • The letter board shows pricing for single, double, and family rooms; daily and weekly, with family pricing left out for hourly.
    • The list of guest rules appears normal, until the last one: guests must sign in for TV remotes, and return them during checkout.
  • As Hazel and Cha-Cha settle into their shitty motel room, there is this exchange of dialogue:
    Cha-Cha (as she unpacks their supply box): Go ahead, just say it.
    Hazel: What?
    Cha-Cha: No point in keeping it bottled up, or it'll just give you heartburn and I gotta hear you complain about that, too.
    Hazel: Smells like cat piss! First, they cut our per diem and dental, and now we don't even get our own rooms. Where does it end?
    Cha-Cha: When we retire, or die; whatever comes first, but at least we're not stuck in some cubicle.
    Hazel (heading toward the air vent with the briefcase): Damn wrist is killing me. Couldn't they have made this into a backpack or something?
    Cha-Cha (observing Hazel removing the vent): What are you doing?!
    Hazel (as he shoves the briefcase into the air duct): It's not like we're going to use it while we're doing the job, anyway.
    Cha-Cha: It's against protocol! We gotta have it with us at all times!
    Hazel (as he reapplies the vent — well, almost): A rule written by a bureaucrat who never had to carry one! They can shove their protocol up their asses! Let them try lugging around the damn thing!
  • Hazel casually trying out the vibrating bed while speaking with Cha-Cha.
  • Agnes concludes her testimony of the shootout by remarking that she'd already explained everything to "the other detective." Cue a very suspicious look from Eudora. Then cut to Diego leaving the building via the side door, only to get ambushed by a pissed-off Eudora and tazered unconscious before he can finish making excuses.
  • Pogo giving a mild Jumpscare to Klaus.
    Klaus: Christ- cracker!
  • Klaus waking up and crawling on the floor in search for drugs. Ben just nonchalantly points out how Klaus doesn't have drugs anymore and suggests he try to get through his morning sober, with a hearty breakfast.
    Klaus: Shut your pie-hole, Ben! Said with love. [Blows a kiss at him]
  • Klaus lies to Pogo about knowing what happened to the box he stole from Reginald's office. Ben's ghost, sitting on the couch and reading, calls him out on it.
    Ben: Liar.
    Klaus: Drop dead.
    Ben: Low blow.
    • The hilarious part is the montage of Klaus going through the boxes contents the day before and throwing out what he doesn't see as valuable, selling it to the nearest pawn shop, using the money to buy drugs and then later falls onto the couch in nothing but his underwear to sleep.
      Klaus: [Beat] No. No. No idea.
  • As the camera zooms out from Viktor first awakening in his bedroom, one can see that his bathroom toilet has the old-timed pull chain.
  • Klaus toppling out of Number Five's closet dressed in his "nicest outfit."
  • Having decided to get information by having Klaus masquerade as Five's dad, the two are about to set off when Klaus starts asking questions about his cover story, and then starts spinning a yarn about where he first met his "mother" at a disco, how much of a slut she was, and how amazing the sex was.
    Five: What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.
    Klaus: Don't make me put you in time out.
  • Hazel and Cha-cha interrogating the tow truck driver, and as Hazel is eating his sandwich, he asks if it was tuna. Then he walks up to electrocute him.
    Hazel: That's for no mayonnaise.
    • The tow-truck driver saying how Five talked about coming to the doughnut shop when he was a boy.
      Cha-cha: You thinking what I'm thinking?
      Hazel: Italian for dinner?
  • Klaus and Five trying to interrogate a man for information, but he isn't budging. So Klaus asks why he laid his hand on his son. Both the man and Five are confused, asking "What?" at the same time. The man asks what he means when he clearly hadn't touched Five and Klaus slaps Five across the face before leaning over the table and demanding the information. Five looks at Klaus while gingerly touching his now bleeding lip as if thinking, "What the hell, man?"
    • Klaus then picks up the snow globe (that reads "Peace on earth") on the guy's desk and smashes it into his own face.
      Klaus: [wrestling the phone away and acting injured] There's been an assault, in Mr. Biggs' office, so we need security, now. SCHNELL!
    • Klaus telling the employee that'd he'd do great in prison since he's been there, and the employee calls Klaus crazy and then, later, a sick bastard. Klaus's response is to thank him, entirely serious.
    • And when Grant finally does look up the eye ball, Klaus is standing over his shoulder, and you can see him getting more nervous and flinching away. From Klaus.
  • Klaus asking Five for twenty bucks after they leave the building for acting as his "father".
    Five: The world's about to end and all you can think about is getting high?
    Klaus: Well, and I'm also pretty hungry. Tummy's a rumblin'.
    • Klaus asks Five about his time in the future and if he met anyone there. Five briefly talks about Dolores before getting annoyed by Klaus and then ditches him by teleporting into a nearby driving cab and waving goodbye as he passes by Klaus.
      Klaus: Hey! GIVE ME MY MONEY!!
  • The sheer fact that the shootout at the mall is set to the song “Don’t Stop Me Now”.
  • Hazel briefly being distracted in mid-shoot-out by an elastic wrist split. Apparently, carrying the briefcase everywhere is giving him trouble!

    Extra Ordinary 
  • The opening montage of reactions to Viktor's book, while a little sad at times, does have a few gems.
    • Luther reads it while doing push ups. For what's apparently the second time, as it's got annotations all over it.
    • Diego has the book's dust jacket taped to his punching bag.
    • Klaus, in an unusually subdued mood, reads it in rehab... while Ben's ghost reads it over his shoulder, reacting with open dismay and being shushed by Klaus.
    • Five reads it in the apocalypse. Bear in mind that when Five went into the future, the book hadn't been written yet, and he's the only one with a second-run paperback copy instead of a first-run hardcover.
  • At breakfast, Grace still arranges the eggs and bacon into little smiley faces for Luther and Allison.
  • Klaus dumpster diving in search of the important documents he threw out in the first episode, while being constantly asked by Ben if they can see a movie... or the ocean. And then Five enters via the fire escape.
    Five: "I'd ask what you're up to, Klaus, but then it occurred to me: I don't care."
  • From the same scene, Klaus drops back into the dumpster in mid-conversation with Five and reappears holding half a doughnut, which he then starts eating. Even he can't quite pretend it's delicious.
    • Klaus claiming that he just wants to hang out with his brother - then glances over at Ben and adds "not you."
    • After hammily claiming that he loves Five "even if you can't love yourself," Klaus spits out the doughnut after him.
    • Five concludes this scene by getting into a van and casually driving away despite being biologically too young to drive; this in itself isn't funny, though. What is is the bewildered reaction of the homeless man in the alley entrance.
  • Luther's attempt to demand answers from Five is slightly undercut by the fact that his enormous frame can't fit in the van's passenger seat, resulting in several awkward seconds of squeezing in.
  • Klaus attempting to romance Delores in the back of Five's van.
    Klaus: Hey, a little privacy guys, we're really hitting it off back here- AGH! Hahahaha!
    Five: [throwing things at Klaus] Get out!
  • Klaus begins to tell his brothers a story about how he waxed his ass with chocolate pudding and how it hurt like shit. Luther then looks at Klaus and asks why he was still here, with Klaus giving a confused reaction.
    Five: Ay-yiyi.
  • After being exiled from the car, Klaus' first idea is to steal snacks from a convenience store. Luther and Five actually trail off in their conversation to watch him get chased around by a cashier.
    Klaus: [running past the car with snacks spilling out of his arms] Hey, bitches!
  • As the others argue, Klaus says that he'd take Diego's side over Luther, because screw him, and if Ben were here, he'd agree with Klaus. Ben's ghost then immediately disagrees with that statement and Klaus hisses at him to shut up.
  • As Grace makes her round helping the children, she is somewhat startled by Klaus jumping up and down on his bed, with the drawer of his desk on fire, giggling madly. She huffily walks over and quickly smothers the flames.
    Klaus: Thank you, mother.
    Grace: [walking away] Boys will be boys.
  • During Hazel and Cha-Cha's attack on the Academy, Klaus is taking a bath with his walkman on and can't hear the carnage going on outside the bathroom; as such, he spends the entire fight goofing around in a bath towel and obliviously dancing around the corridor, all while narrowly missing an encounter with the two assassins.
  • Before the shootout starts, Hazel and Cha-Cha are sneaking about the mansion, and are startled to find one of Luther's giant shoes. After the shooting starts, and the both of them are sent flying into different rooms while fighting Luther, Hazel points out that at least they've figured out who the owner of the shoe was.

    Man On The Moon 
  • Luther, feeling alone and bored in the large house, ends up killing time by riding a bicycle and drinking out of a container of milk as he circles around the lobby.
  • Cha-Cha tries to get information out of Klaus by garroting him... only for Klaus to spoil the whole thing by getting an erection and very nearly reaching climax.
    Klaus: Don't stop now... [grunting] I'm almost there...
    Cha-Cha: ...Is that a...?
    Hazel: [looks over and turns away] Yup.
    Cha-Cha: Ugh...
  • Hazel and Cha-Cha then try to torture Klaus by waterboarding him. However, Klaus starts gargling and eventually drinking the water, thanking the two for a drink for his parched throat.
    Hazel: Oh, come on!
  • At one point, they demand to know where Klaus's brother is. It's funny because the shot is framed with Ben casually lounging on the bed in the background when they ask. It's hilarious because Klaus glances at Ben, who grins and winks back.
  • How do they eventually get him to talk? By stealing his drug stash and destroying them, except for the hash-laced chocolates which they eat. In the very next scene, Hazel and Cha-Cha destroy the prosthetics lab while very, very stoned.
    Ben: Aren't you going to tell them those are "special" chocolates?
    Klaus: Not 'til they're high as kites.
    • Later they end up at Agnes' donut shop, both of them tired and a little out of it, and Cha-Cha admits she has no idea why they even decided to come in the first place.
      • Maybe slightly funnier, given that Cha-Cha and Hazel appear to have pretty miserable come downs, there's a chance those brownies were laced with a little more than pot...or at least, not just pot
    • During the aforementioned scene, Luther and Diego are out looking for Five and eventually discover his van. They immediately get into a disagreement over who enters the van first, which Luther ends by haughtily proclaiming "I'm One." Of course, Luther finds himself once again unable to fit through the passenger door, prompting Diego to give up and open the sliding side door.
  • During the search for Five at the public library, Luther angrily asks Diego if he ever stops talking, only for Diego to get distracted and trail off. Cue Luther remarking "that was easy."
    • And the thing that distracted Diego? The sight of Five slumped in a corner, unconscious and completely shitfaced, surrounded by scrawled equations and holding Delores in his arms.
    • Luther carrying a drunken Five home later that evening. Plastered!Five is only marginally more arrogant than Sober!Five.
    • Also, this gem:
      Five: [slurring] I don't need your protection, Diego! You have any idea how many people I've killed? I'm the Four frickin' Horsemen... and the apocalypse is coming! [pukes over the side of Luther's arm]
  • Hazel’s exasperated sigh in disbelief upon finding Klaus still in the closet even after they got room service. He seemed to be more annoyed at The Commission renting a motel so cheap than anything.
  • Klaus attempts to get under Hazel and Cha-Cha's collective skin by interviewing the ghosts of their past victims - only to find himself confronted by an entire roomful of dead people explaining the horrific ways they were murdered, to the point that it stops being horrifying and starts being comical.
    • When the first ghost appears, he starts freaking out and is only able to function because of Ben's encouragement. By the 20th ghost, Klaus is telling them to speak one at a time and wait their turn, almost like a Kindergarten teacher trying to get control over their class.
  • Eudora, upon finding the motel room where Klaus is being held, asks a nearby maid for the key - all while giving the impression that shit is about to go down. Without saying a word, the maid hands over the keycard and hightails it out of there the moment Eudora's back is turned.
  • After managing to sneak out of the motel with the briefcase, Klaus starts giggling like an idiot over his lucky escape while on the bus home and gets the attention of a rather large female passenger. He then remembers he's naked from the waist down except for a towel, and winks at her. Cue big smile from the passenger.
  • Luther sets Five down on a bed for him to sleep off his hangover and Diego makes this comment:
    Diego: If I didn't know he was such a prick, I'd say he looks almost adorable in his sleep.
  • Diego feels there's someone coming to his door and has one hand on the handle while the other has a knife ready. The guy on the other side yells that if he throws his damn knife one more time he's pressing charges.

    Number Five 
  • During the opening montage of Five's life after the apocalypse, Delores can be seen wearing a white furry hat while being towed through the snow.
  • Early on, we get to witness Five traveling back to 2019 just as he did in the first episode, except this time from Five's perspective - so we get to see the fire extinguisher Klaus threw at the temporal anomaly suddenly bounce to a stop in 1963. Old!Five looks at it as if to say "well, that happened," and gets right back to preparations.
  • Having found himself sharing a car with Klaus (who is currently in the midst of a serious Heroic BSoD), Diego reveals that the last time Klaus was this quiet, he'd ended up falling down the stairs while wearing Grace's heels, kicking off "eight glorious weeks of bliss" for the rest of the family while his jaw healed.
    • Later, when he asks if Klaus was still using a lot of drugs and drinking alcohol, Diego lectures him on the importance of keeping his body healthy.
      Diego: Look. See? My body is a temple.
  • As Diego goes to sneak up on Hazel and Cha-Cha, Klaus appears and Diego hisses at him, asking why he didn't do as he was told.
    Diego: I told you to wait in the car.
    Klaus: Yeah, but you also told me me that licking a nine-volt battery would give me pubes.
    Diego: [Beat] We were eight.
    Klaus: [shrugs in the "I don't care" manner]
  • Due to having stolen an ice-cream truck, Klaus and Diego's "heroic charge" on Hazel and Cha-Cha is conducted to a cover of Ride Of The Valkyries as performed by the truck's sound system. Also, Klaus waves hello to Five and Luther as the truck roars past, resulting in utterly perplexed expressions.
    • If you look closely, the confused-looking Luther actually raises a hand to wave back.
    • Diego telling Klaus to drive faster, and Ben is sitting near the front of the window with a popsicle in hand and gleefully shouting, "Wheee!"
    • Even Diego took a popsicle, as he's seen holding a white stick in his hand.
  • Just as everything goes into pure chaos, with Cha-Cha and Hazel sent flying through the air by a glancing blow with the ice cream truck, and a wildly-fired bullet flying in Luther's direction, everything is frozen in time as The Handler arrives. She and Five have what turns out to be a job interview with everything frozen around them, while Five disarms Hazel. Just before time is unfrozen, Five remembers something, walks up to the bullet, and nudges it a couple of feet over so it narrowly misses Luther instead of hitting him.

    The Day That Wasn't 
  • Luther admitting to his siblings that the entire team are doomed to die in the final battle; first, he mumbles it under his breath in the most halfassed way possible; then, he finally speaks loud and clear, prompting astonished stares from everyone else... and then an umbrella that had been quietly visible in the background throughout the scene drops to the floor for no apparent reason and opens on landing, revealing the show title - and scaring the crap out of Klaus!
  • Hazel's growing frustration over their increasingly shoddy lodgings: the latest motel room has only one bed and dust begins falling from the ceiling the moment Cha-Cha opens the door.
  • While working at Commission headquarters, Five's attempts to sneak a peak at the file on the apocalypse in the bathroom is interrupted when the Handler claims the stall next to him... and proceeds to make him as uncomfortable as possible by spending the next thirty seconds loudly urinating.
    The Handler: I burnt my rugae. Ever burn your rugae? Ruuuuu-gie. The ridges on the hard palate that help pass food to the esophagus. Anyway, I'm on a liquid diet for two days, hence the marathon of urination. One faulty cog and nothing works as it should.
  • After tying Klaus to a chair at his own request so he can finally go cold turkey and enjoying a heart-to-heart with him for good measure, Diego is somewhat dismayed when Klaus needs to be untied so he can take a piss.
    • Also he has this to say as Klaus requests he tie him tighter.
      Diego: If you start getting a boner, I'm out.
  • Luther and Allison discover that the little pavilion they built in the greenhouse is still standing despite years of neglect, allowing the two of them to finish the romantic feast they'd been having there as teenagers. Problem number one: Luther's gigantic upper body makes it very difficult to fit in the tent without causing structural damage, prompting him to bemusedly remark "we aren't kids anymore." Problem number two: after instructing Luther to turn off his "cynical brain" and enjoy the moment, Allison reveals the two cans of soda they'd planned to drink that night... only to find that they have to blow a small snowstorm of dust off each can before they can get them open. Problem number three: the unrefrigerated cans have not aged well in the last few years, prompting a mutual Spit Take. Problem number four: while flailing around in disgust at the taste, Luther accidentally discovers that the now-ancient tent isn't up to being repeatedly bumped into - the whole thing collapsing on their heads.
    Allison: Yeah. We're not kids anymore. (laughs)

    The Day That Was 
  • After Five explains that they need to protect Harold Jenkins since he could be the key to the apocalypse or they'd all die, there's a beat from Allison, Luther and Diego before they all start talking at once with disbelief. Klaus on the other hand, is only quietly sitting on the couch and muttering to himself.
    Allison: What do you mean, protect time and space?
    Diego: [walking away] This is insane...
    Luther: Where is this Hazel, Five?
    Klaus: [staring off into space] My skin is on fire...
  • It's not very audible, but as Klaus stumbles out of the meeting in the beginning stages of his withdrawals again, he lets out a fart.
  • Diego's attempt to get into Harold Jenkins' house. He initially intends to do this with Alison and Five backing him up, but Alison leaves the area to tackle the house from a different angle, and Five teleports away immediately thereafter. Grumbling about the fact that nobody can stick to the plan, Diego then steels himself for an impact and launches himself through the glass door - arm sling and all... only to trip over the edge of the door on his way in and land flat on his face in the middle of a massive pile of debris. Then Alison and Five appear, having already arrived in the house via subtler methods.
  • Luther discovers raving, and proceeds to get up on the stage and dance with the rest of the clubbers, shirtless, high as a kite and grinning like an idiot - prompting a perfectly-in-unison remark of "HOLY SHIT" from Klaus and Ben.
    • The girl dancing up on Luther cheerfully telling him she doesn't mind furries.
  • Realizing Luther had taken a lot of questionable drugs, Klaus grabs the pill from Luther's hand and tosses it away.
    Luther: Why did you do that?!
    Klaus: [equally confused] I don't know!
  • Upon hitting his head and waking up in the afterlife, Klaus meets Sir Reginald - moonlighting as a barber. For good measure, while giving Klaus a professional shave, he proceeds to berate him at length over his failings... and uses the lather and brush as a means of shutting him up before he can answer back.
    • Klaus warns the barber to be careful with the razor. Sir Reginald's response is to give him an exasperated look and say "Don't worry, you're already dead!" somehow managing to convey the words "you big baby!" through tone and nothing else.
      Klaus: [Beat] Oh.
    • This exchange.
      Klaus: You know, I suggest you get down off your high horse there, dear Papa. You never had our best interests at heart. Look at your precious Number One. Luther found all the unopened letters he'd sent you. He knows that you sent him up to the Moon for nothing.
      Sir Reginald: [regretfully] That was foolish of me.
      [Klaus looks at him strangely, clearly hoping this is the start of some kind of epiphany]
      Sir Reginald: I should have burned it all.
      Klaus: That's your takeaway?
    • And once he actually wakes up, Klaus realizes that, after spending most of his time at the rave worrying that Luther was about to get attacked and seriously hurt by a rival, the worst thing to happen to Luther involved him being kicked out by the bouncers.
  • Klaus meeting God in the afterlife and she admits that she wants him out as soon as possible for the sole reason being that she doesn't like him. Klaus asks why she hated him when they were supposed to love everyone, getting this reaction from the deity.
    God: Who told you that?
    • Even funnier, when God says that she wants Klaus out simply because she doesn't like him, Klaus agrees with her.
      Klaus: [Beat] Yeah, me neither.

    I Heard A Rumor 
  • The aftermath of Luther's night at the rave, in which he wakes up naked next to a complete stranger... and Klaus arrives to rouse him by loudly ringing a bell, much to Luther's discomfort. Klaus' reaction to finding out Luther was a virgin is way more over the top than Diego's, which makes the scene funnier.
    Klaus: Whooo! He popped his cherry! [gasps] Now you're going to have to marry her!
    Luther: Would you keep your voice down?
    • The fact that the girl pleasantly and nonchalantly waves at Klaus from Luther's bedroom also bears mention, as if the whole thing is just an average Thursday for her.
  • Next scene, Luther is seriously hung over, so Klaus serves him some coffee. Five snatches it out of Luther's hands before he can so much as take a sip. And he complains about the taste!
    Five: Jesus. Who do I gotta kill to get a decent cup of coffee?
    • Also, Five is wearing old-fashioned kid's pajamas at the breakfast table. For someone who takes issue with being seen as a kid, his current choice of clothes really isn't helping.
  • Klaus owns up to meeting Sir Reginald the previous evening. Luther immediately gives up and asks where they keep the aspirin with Five not missing a beat and telling him where to find it.
    • Meanwhile, in response to this, Five gives an amazingly insincere smile while humoring Klaus, second only to the teeth-baring rictus from the first episode.
    • Ben's ghost, helpful as always, interrupts Klaus - just before he reveals the true nature of Sir Reginald's death - with a remark of "wait for it!"
    • This gem:
      Luther: Suicidal people exhibit certain tendencies, strange behavior-
      Klaus: Like sending someone to the moon for no reason?
  • As Allison does some research on Leonard, she hears someone sneeze and politely says "bless you". The person thanks her, and that person, right across from Allison is Cha-Cha reading Viktor's autobiography.
  • Diego runs to his room to change and has this exchange with Five:
    Five: Where've you been?
    Diego: Prison.
  • Five walking in on Klaus who's failing at knitting with black yarn and tells him to get up.
    Klaus: Why? Where are we going?
    Five: To save the world.
    Klaus: [Beat] Oh, is that all? Okay...
    • Then Five brings up how their dad always told them they would be the ones to stop an impending apocalypse.
      Klaus: Yeah, but he also used to say that to scare us into doing the dishes.
      Five: You too?
  • The others try and get Luther to leave his drink and the bar, but he refuses to budge, still wallowing in his misery. So Diego lets it slip that Allison went after Viktor and might be in danger from Leonard.
    Luther: ...You should have led with that!
    • He then rushes out of the bar, tearing the door off of its hinges and his brothers follow after him.
  • Luther asks Five why he wasn't driving any faster and Five snarks at him before obliging.
    Five: Ask me again, and I'll burn you with this cigarette lighter.

    Changes 
  • The Oatmeal montage. All of it.
    • First, Young!Viktor refuses to eat his oatmeal and remains behind at the breakfast table after the rest of his siblings have left. His nanny tries to sweet-talk him into eating up by singing L'empereur, sa femme et le petit prince - only for a boiling kettle to set off Viktor's powers; the nanny is sent flying across the room to her death. And then Reginald appears in the doorway, looking more annoyed than shocked at the fact that Viktor has just murdered his babysitter.
    • The next two nannies also end up falling foul of Viktor's dislike for oatmeal, the first being flung down the stairs, the second being catapulted out the window. And on every single occasion, Reginald appears behind him with a bark of "Number Seven!" clearly not giving a shit about the dead nanny. And best of all, this montage is set to L'empereur, sa femme et le petit prince!
    • Also, young Viktor is wearing a hilariously unimpressed expression in response to the new nannies being introduced; somehow, a four-year-old has managed to accomplish the fabled "bitch, please," look.
    • Then, Grace is introduced. Once again, Viktor loses his temper and flings her across the room, twisting the new nanny's neck a full 180. However, being an android, Grace merely gets up and casually walks back to the breakfast table with her head on back-to-front, scaring the bejesus out of Viktor in the process. This time, when the spoon is presented, Viktor starts eating and not only finishes his oatmeal, but licks the bowl clean when he's finished.
    • Also, Reginald and Pogo smiling and nodding at each other in response to this success - as if to say "we finally got it to work, and it only took three dead nannies!"
  • Allison needs a transfusion for her slit throat. Luther obviously offers first, but Pogo tells him that his blood would be more compatible with his due to his condition. As Klaus begins to volunteer, Pogo politely tells Klaus that his blood is "too polluted", so Diego volunteers. However, once Grace shows Diego the needle, one look causes him to whimper softly and then faint on the spot.
    Pogo: [slightly amused] Stick him.
    • Pogo's expression almost seems like he was expecting that reaction.
  • When Hazel goes to meet Five, Five opens the door holding a margarita glass.
    Five: Hazel.
    Hazel: [pointing his gun] Hey, old timer.
    Five: Do you have my sister? If not, would you like a margarita?
    • He also made a glass for Delores.
    • Hazel enters and starts conversation with Five, pointing a gun at him the entire time until being finally asked if he's there to kill Five. Oops, no, it was just out of habit. And then Hazel starts fanboying over Five, who is apparently quite a legend in the Commission.
  • As Diego starts assaulting Hazel, Five lethargically tries to tell Diego that he should probably stop fighting to hear what Hazel has to say. Obviously, Diego ignores him and Five can only roll his eyes while watching the fight and continue sipping from his drink. However, once Diego starts biting Hazel's ear, Five puts his drink down, teleports, and smashes a glass vase over Diego's head, knocking him out.
    • The Soundtrack Dissonance for Hazel and Diego's fight just makes the scene and Five's exasperation all the more hilarious.
  • Klaus looking for drugs wanting to be numb again. When Ben tries to convince him to stop, accidentally pulling up Dave, Klaus becomes somber. However, once Ben turns away Klaus yells, "Psych!" and drops a handful of pills in his mouth while laughing victoriously.
    • Even funnier when Ben is able to punch Klaus across the jaw and causes the pills to fly out of his mouth.
      Klaus: You just Patrick Swayzed me...
  • As Diego and Five discuss looking for Viktor and Leonard, Klaus refuses to budge, wanting to sit out on this mission.
    Diego: Klaus, get up.
    Klaus: [snorting] You can't make me.
    Diego: [throws a knife at Klaus and it lands in between his legs]
    Klaus: [sighing] Fine... I could use the exercise.
  • Once it becomes clear that Klaus has visited the afterlife and met Sir Reginald, Five asks him if the man had anything to say about the apocalypse. Klaus wearily confesses that he didn't get any clues during his visit... but he did get a fantastic shave!

    The White Violin 
  • Diego is grateful to Klaus for saving his life while it was Ben who managed to drag his brother away from the rubble in time and the two share a big hug. Cue an offended Ben looking at Klaus who can only shrug.
  • After their home comes crashing down, the family decides for no discernible reason to regroup and plan at a bowling alley. A worker even comes by and tells them that if they don't bowl then they'll have to leave. Cue Luther grabbing a bowling ball and throwing it at a row of pins in a different alley - and actually managing to wipe out the entire row in the process.
    • Right before Luther throws the ball, Klaus can be heard asking, "Who's turn is it?" implying that he's keeping score.
  • During the conference at the bowling alley, Diego and Klaus are mistaken for Five's fathers. All of them are offended by the implication.
    Diego: If I was going to date a man, you'd be the last man I would date.
    Klaus: You'd be lucky to get me.
  • Five's reaction at being asked to play with little Kenny.
    Five: I would rather chew off my own foot.
  • To try to convince the others that Ben is really there and can become tangible, Klaus decides to throw a bowling ball at him which Ben quickly agrees too; the ball falls through his hands but there's an extra layer of comedy in the sense that neither of them thought about the impact of catching a falling bowling ball.
  • Once Luther starts pushing his buttons too much, Klaus yells that he liked him better before he got laid. Cue a shocked Allison staring Luther down and Luther's equally shocked Oh, Crap! face. Klaus notices his mistake and tries to cover it up, but then Luther tells him to just shut-up.
    • During Klaus' ramblings, he says that the girl thought Luther was a furry.
  • As men come in and start shooting up the bowling alley, we get this quip from Klaus.
    Luther: Who the hell are these guys?!
    Klaus: Maybe they're here for Kenny's birthday!
  • Klaus is following the others running down a bowling alley and as he dives towards the pins, he slides and knocks all of them down. It also seems to be a nod towards another show that Sheenan starred in with a character who has a similar personality to Klaus.
    • Klaus is shown knocking down the pins. It's pretty likely that the other serious characters must have had to do something similar to get into the area behind the pinsetters. Especially Luther, who likely couldn't avoid knocking down all of the pins if he wanted to.
  • While the scene is otherwise serious, Allison catches the attention of the concert audience when she walks down the aisle, clearly not dressed in concert attire.
  • As everyone tries to get in place to stop the apocalypse, Klaus ditches his role as the look out, which was just Luther's way of getting him out of the way, to get a burrito.
  • The fact that everyone crashes Viktor's concert while wearing bowling shoes is so goofy in an otherwise very serious moment.
  • When Cha-Cha shows up, Ben runs to hide behind the food truck along with Klaus, seemingly forgetting he's invisible.
  • At the end, as the Apocalypse is finally happening, Number Five declares there might be one last chance, but they will all have to trust him. The others' collective initial reaction amounts to "Yeah, no".
    • Five's plan is to jump all of them into a different time period and Diego sarcastically asks what's the worse that could happen.
      Five: You're look at it. A fifty-year old man trapped inside a child's body.
      Diego: What the hell. I'm in.

Season Two

    Right Back Where We Started 
  • Everyone falling into the 1960's.
    • Ben and Klaus land and realize the others aren't with them, with Klaus noting they were gone like "a fart in the wind."
    • The two then look around to find when they are, and Ben points to a magazine for Klaus who says the guy on the cover was kind of his type before Ben calls him an idiot and tells him to look at the date: February 11, 1960.
      Ben and Klaus: (beat) Shit.
      • The guy on the magazine who’s kind of Klaus’ type is Bobby Darin, well-known for ‘Beyond The Sea’, which is playing as they emerge from the alley.
    • Luther lands onto a trash-bin screaming, "Oh, shit!"
      • A homeless guy sees Luther screaming for his family, and stands right alongside him to join in as he also yells for Allison. When Luther finally notices him, his face reads, "Dude, what the fuck?"
    • Diego being the only one to do a superhero landing.
    • The woman's reaction after she accidentally hits Viktor with her car? "Son of a biscuit."
    • And yes, Five is still wearing the bowling shoes.
  • Allison Rumoring the Russian soldiers by saying, "I heard a rumor that I blew your minds." Then, their heads explode.
  • Hazel still calling Five "old timer," when by this time Hazel and Five are much closer in chronological age.
  • Of course, the first person Five runs into is a guy who is a heavy conspiracy theorist, and is absolutely giddy when Five name drops things like Area 51 and Rosewell.
    • Yet his first question to Five about aliens is, "Why is it always an anal probe?"
    • Then when he starts getting too close to Five, he tells him to back off or he'd blow his brain up.
  • During a group session, Diego deflects the psychiatrists' examination of him and when pointing out his daddy issues says, "Tell that to Luke Skywalker," causing everyone to look at him funny.
    Diego: I know you all don't get that, but that is an excellent reference.
  • Lila apparently hiding some bacon in her shoe and offers some to Diego.
  • When Diego asks the guard who his visitor is, the guard replies, "I ain't your secretary." This is a callback to Season One, when Diego's gym boss barks the same thing as he gives Diego Eudora's message.
  • Klaus calls Ben his ghost bitch.
  • Ben and Klaus having a slap fight on the road. But as a guy passes by, all he sees is Klaus slapping air and drives a little faster.
  • Five visiting Diego, who sounds like a madman declaring he's going to save Kennedy and promises to listen to Five after he does this and is allowed to go back in time to slit Hitler's throat with a butter knife, no less. The more he rambles, the more even Five seems unnerved.
    Five: This is why you don't have any friends.
    • In the end, Five, looking like he's had enough, spills Diego's escape plan to the guards.
  • Klaus loses the card game because Ben lied to him so he summons Ben to beat the guys up. Ben's response?
    Ben: Nah, I'm good. [disappears]
  • Lila and Diego look like they're about to share an intimate moment before Lila forcefully pops Diego's shoulder back in while howling like a wolf.
  • One of the girls tells Luther she talked to a boy and said they don't serve minors and he replied by asking what time she got off. So Luther goes to find Five.
    Luther: She's too young for you.
  • Five telling Luther to stop "hovering like an ambitious stripper" and sit down so they could talk.

    The Frankel Footage 
  • AJ: A talking fish inside a tank on top of a human body in a suit that, somehow, smokes. Words cannot do it justice.
  • Five's reaction to Luther not getting on board with saving the world again?
    Five: Dad should have left him on the moon.
  • Diego stripping off his ward clothes to change into something else, but when he sees Lila do the same thing he gives a small "oh" before turning around and giving her privacy.
  • Lila being a Troll and telling Diego his fly is undone.
    Lila: Gotcha.
    Diego: What is wrong with you?
  • Five's description of Diego: "Imagine Batman... then aim lower."
  • Five hands over the Frankel Footage to Elliot and he asks where it's from.
    Five: Cousins from my robot mother's side.
  • Lila breaks the window to a car with a brick and Diego later points out the other window was open.
    • Funnier because it’s a callback to season one, where Diego throws himself through a window only to be informed the door was unlocked. He’s learning, at least.
      • Further in this episode there is another callback to the same first-season episode scene when Diego says to Five, "Yell if you get into trouble."
  • Klaus realizes one of his cult members is in jail with him and has to quickly scoot away from the man who's grabbing onto him like a life boat. When he gets some space and talks to Raymond, the camera points back to the member sniffing the blankets Klaus was just sitting on.
  • Upon returning to Elliot's base, Elliot points a gun at Five, Diego, and Lila, leading to the following exchange.
    Elliot: Are you, or are you not, enemies of the people?!
    Diego: That's such an open-ended question when you think about it.
    Five: Really depends on the people.
    Diego: Yeah.
  • Lila painting Elliot's toenails after the others have him hogtied to a chair.
  • Klaus managed to amass a sizeable cult on accident and has spent the last three years bullshitting his way through it. Most of the cult's scripture is made up of song lyrics from music that hasn't come out yet and Klaus named the cult Destiny's Children.
  • After reviewing the film, Diego and Five come to very different conclusions.
    Five: You know what this means?
    Diego: Yeah.
    Five: We have to find Dad.
    Diego: We have to kill Dad.
    [Both look at each other with Wait, What? looks]
  • Lila hiding in the storage room to get air, and she starts rambling at how all of this doesn't make sense.
    Lila: It's like yogurt. How does it know when to stop being milk?
  • As Diego tries to pick the lock to the door and fails, Five simply teleports inside and unlocks it. Diego pauses for a beat before nodding and walking in.

    The Swedish Job 
  • Diego trying to get up and go after Reginald, which leads to Lila stabbing the hot iron into his wound. After he collapses, she cheerfully notes, "That's better."
  • Five returning and snarking at Lila before noticing that Elliot was still tied up.
    Five: You didn't untie him?
    Lila: Was I supposed to?
  • Then Five and Diego start arguing about Diego letting Hargreeves get away.
    Diego: Which for the record, I found him where he-
    Five: And then let him go. Before we could have a meaningful conversation.
    Diego: [beat] He stabbed me.
    Five: I'm surprised he waited this long, Diego. We've all had the urge.
    • Even Lila and Elliot crack up at this one.
  • Klaus using Ben to make him seem like a god. Ben is less than enthused at the whole thing.
  • The kids calling Luther King Kong, then when he mistakes a woman as Allison, they call him dipshit.
    Luther: Right... carry on.
  • Ben scaring the guard by flicking the lights, putting holes in his sandwich and dramatically typing out on his typewriter: "LET CHESTNUT GO...OR DIE." He then gloats as he walks back to Klaus and blowing his fingertips.
  • Klaus hugging Raymond and calling him brother. Raymond awkwardly takes the hug and says how they're all brothers under the skin before Klaus corrects him and says he's his brother-in-law.
    Raymond: What?
    Klaus: Yeah, family barbecues are gonna get weird.
  • Luther finally finding out that Allison is married. The scene cuts to him sitting in the dining room still in a daze and he asks Raymond if it would be all right if he ate the tin of sweets he brought. When Raymond lets him, Luther starts to chew mournfully with Raymond looking a little concerned, and probably very intimidated. The whole thing feels like the epitome of cringe and it's hilarious.
    Luther: [mouth full] I'm sorry, did you want one?
    Raymond: No, thank you.
    • As Raymond tries to make small talk, Luther starts chewing angrily on the food in his mouth.
  • The triplets are apparently cat people as they gladly look after the cats in their new home.
  • Even more so, they continuously straddle a weird line of assassin and domestic when in their home. They cuddle the cats and keep them well-fed while they store a decapitated head of the previous house owner in their freezer. The lead Swede washes dishes in his underwear and an apron while his brothers practice throwing knives at each other with unflinching expressions.
  • The reason Klaus came back to Dallas? To see Dave, albeit a younger him that hasn't been drafted to Vietnam yet. Ben immediately points this out.
    Ben: Is this considered stalking? 'Cause I think you're stalking now.
    Klaus: [under his breath] Shut up!
  • To cover up the fact that he's trying to see younger Dave, Klaus claims he's come in to buy paint and asks if they had eggshell white. The term eggshell white hasn't come into use yet, leading Klaus to awkwardly describe the color to him.
  • Diego and Lila start getting it on in the other room while Elliot is trying to decorate his new jello dish in the kitchen. When they keep throwing their clothes at the glass he just gives up and moves to another room.
  • Luther's boss is Jack Ruby, the man who kills Lee Harvey Oswald. Every time he is on screen, he is holding his wiener dog and at one point is sat down at the bar with a sewing machine to make his dog a sparkly outfit.
  • When you think about Raymond meeting Allison's brothers from his perspective, the scenes get a lot funnier. You've gotten arrested and talk to a man in prison who, as it turns out, is a cult leader that is shortly released. Then the cult leader gets you out without going into detail how. Aside from being grateful, Raymond's probably worried that he's now indebted to the cult leader and said cult leader getting touchy and calling them brothers isn't helping. Then said cult leader drops it on him that he, a white guy, is the brother of his black wife who never mentioned having a brother before. As if that isn't weird enough, later on he's got to deal with a 6'6 brick house of a man on the verge of tears also claiming to be Allison's brother, and both of them are telling the truth.
    • Then as Raymond confronts Allison at the diner, he describes Luther as, "The biggest white boy I've ever seen."
  • Klaus falling off the wagon and buying liquor. But when he returns to his mansion, he realizes his cult has followed him and makes a break for it.

    The Majestic 12 
  • Klaus tries to reassure Allison after her husband doesn't come home by telling her about the scorpion and the frog fable except that Klaus has no idea where he's going with it and gets increasingly off the rails.
    Klaus: Frogs are bitches and we do not negotiate with terrorists .
  • While arguing with Ben, Allison asks Klaus who he's talking to. Klaus lies and tells her that he's talking to a cowboy and how most of the cowboy ghosts he sees are hot but this one is ugly and weird.
  • Klaus is deep in his relapse trying to get drunk and offers Allison his flask. Allison takes the flask away from him, much to Ben's relief. Then Allison tells Klaus that she has better booze and a blender so they can day-drink the right way, much to Ben's greater horror and disappointment.
  • Viktor and Luther having a civil conversation... about how much of an annoying dick Five is.
    • As Viktor explains to Luther what Five told him about the previous timeline, he sarcastically mentions Sir Reginald as a "very warm and cuddly father."
  • After punching a hole through a brick wall, Luther sees Five waiting outside for him. Luther flips him off.
    Five: Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.
  • Lila, Diego, and Five prepare to sneak in with Five telling Lila he still doesn't trust her and to tread carefully around him.
    Lila: Oh, ye of little faith.
    Five: [smirking] Stick it up your ass.
  • Diego seeing Grace at the party, and calls her Mom. She admits to never hearing that come-on before, and says that Diego's weird, which he admits to before taking that back.
  • Allison and Luther reunite and catch each other up on what their siblings are doing. Their reactions to finding out what their other siblings are doing is just to shrug and give a "that sounds about right."
    Allison: How's Vanya?
    Luther: Living on a farm, and happy.
    Allison: Huh, that's weird. Diego?
    Luther: Nuthouse. Klaus?
    Allison: Cult leader.
    Luther: [pausing before giving an "eh" reaction]
    • The fact that Allison thinks out of everyone else, it's Viktor's situation that seems the weirdest.
  • Luther and Elliot bonding by getting high on nitrous and laughing about how pitiful their lives are.
  • Five's reaction when he sees the largest Swede that he has to fight?
    Five: Shit.
    • The dude is so tough, Five can't do his normal neck snap and is just holding the guy's head at that point.

    Valhalla 
  • Everyone is finally reunited, but when asked where Ben was, Klaus claims "ghosts can't time travel".
    Ben: [sitting not too far from the group] Are you kidding me?
  • Klaus bemoaning to Five that the end of the world was happening in six days and not in 2019 and that his cult followers would be pissed.
  • Upon seeing all of his siblings together for the first time in years, Klaus asks "Did we all get a little sexier?"
  • After ages of not seeing or hearing from one another and thinking the others were there, Diego doesn't say hi to anyone when they finally regroup. Allison calls him out until he groans out a hello.
  • In contrast to season 1 when they all could barely be around each other, the siblings have grown close and comfortable enough around each to make a running joke about Viktor causing apocalypses.
  • The siblings arguing over who could have changed the timeline the most.
    Luther: Diego's been stalking Harvey Lee Oswald.
    Diego: And you've been working for Jack Ruby!
    Klaus: Allison has been very involved with local politics...
    Allison: Okay, you started a cult!
    Ben: Thank you!
    Viktor: I'm... I'm just a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with all that.
  • While Luther, Diego, and Five have a dispute, Klaus, Allison, and Viktor decide to let them "bro it out" and bail to go get tacos. The three of them then proceed to get drunk at Allison's workplace, poke fun at how bad their family is at long term relationships, and have a dance party.
    Klaus: The healthiest long-term relationship in this family is when Five was banging that mannequin.
    • He then makes fun of Allison and Luther's Unresolved Sexual Tension by mimicking Allison's voice and saying, "Luther's my lover!" Allison annoyedly replies that they've never even kissed, which gets a little funny when you remember they did in one timeline before Five erased it.
    • Viktor's reactions to Klaus' comments, meanwhile, are priceless. Then, after he and Allison decide to be truthful to their significant others, Klaus is less than thrilled about facing his cult.
      Klaus: I hate group breakups. That's why I stopped dating twins!
      Viktor: [beat] This family is amazing!
  • Klaus doing stretches before breaking the news to his cult with Ben even averting his eyes during some of Klaus' poses.
    • Then it's revealed that Ben has a crush on one of Klaus' cult members which causes him to look incredibly amused while Ben tries to cover up his slip up and get Klaus to focus on telling his cult the truth.
      Ben: Dark curly hair... Almond eyes you get lost in.
      Klaus: [looking at Ben and realizing he has a crush]
      Ben: [realizing what he's said] But that's not the point!
  • Luther reveals that when he first go sent to the past, he made his mission to get back to New York and find their dad. He succeeds and introduces himself as Reginald's son from the future, to which Reginald cruelly puts him down and sends him away. It's a harsh scene but there is a bit of comedy from the fact that Reginald doesn't believe Luther is his son from the future not because he thinks time travel is impossible but because he hates children that much.
  • Klaus trying to tell his cult he's just a fraud, but they all start to turn that on their head and continue to see Klaus as a messiah. He tiredly walks away as they sing his praises and grumbles to Ben, "Well, I tried."
  • Luther casually making and consuming a metric ton of scrambled eggs. Seriously, it looks like he used the entire dozen to make his breakfast.
  • Luther makes solid points to Diego about his disillusionment with heroism and their father. When Luther comments on how easily Reginald can manipulate Diego, Diego responds that "It's not hard to understand, Dad sucks shit and I'm awesome."
  • Luther says that unlike Diego, their dad never shanked him. Diego retorts, straight-faced, that their dad shanked his heart.
  • After Five declares they must get the Umbrella Academy back together, Luther requests that someone else go get Allison; this prompts Diego to make jabs at Luther's Unresolved Sexual Tension with Allison until Luther says she's married. So, Five offers to go and snarks to Luther:
    Five: You think you can get Vanya without squeezing her to death?
  • During the family meeting Diego is pointing out ways in which some of them are connected to JFK.
    Diego: Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Dad is on the grassy knoll, Klaus is... doing something weird and pervy, but probably related.
    • And Ben agreeing with Diego.
  • While terrifying, there's something oddly hilarious about one of the triplets exploding and all that's left is his foot. His brothers then send off his foot in a traditional Viking funeral while a Swedish cover of Adele's 'Hello' plays in the background.

    A Light Supper 
  • As Luther debates with Diego on whether to attend the Light Supper, Viktor wonders if Sir Reginald is really that bad. After Luther and Diego briefly list several of their father's injustices against him, there is this exchange of words:
    Viktor: Jesus, this guy!
    Luther: Yeah.
    Viktor: Come on, I have to meet him!
  • The Handler realizing she's won bingo, as she slams her hands on the table and yells, "Bingo, you old shitbags!!"
    • The Handler also forcing Lila to keep better track of her bingo card because the Handler really wants to win the patio furniture that's being offered as a prize.
  • The Handler grabbing one of the triplets by the balls. He later asks her to "unharm my wiener."
  • As everyone stands in the elevator Luther gets nervous and farts. Everyone then starts to gag and as the door opens they all pour out of the elevator. You can even see Diego smirking in the back after Luther farts.
  • Before their father arrives, the siblings make a plan for how they're going to talk to him. Viktor finds a decorative conch shell on a table and suggests using it as a talking stick to keep from stumbling over each other and Allison offers to do the talking as she's better at giving speeches. Diego calls it a stupid idea but the other siblings point out that it's not his turn to talk because he's not holding the shell. In response, Diego takes the shell from Allison and throws it offscreen, smashing it. Allison's voice gives an exasperated "classic Diego."
  • Reginald asks for the others to prove they have powers, Allison even notes, "Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden". Just as Luther says they won't act like circus animals for his amusement Diego throws a knife that curves around Reginald's head. He then makes a note which all of the other siblings lean closer to see out of curiosity.
    Diego: What are you writing?
    Reginald: You are zero for two, young man.
    [Allison snorts in her drink and Diego attempts to violently attack Reginald.]
  • As Five lists all of their powers, Diego snarks that Allison never uses her rumor powers.
    Allison: [beat] I heard a rumor, you punched yourself in the face.
    Diego: [does just that] AGH! God- dammit!
  • Ben getting fed up with Klaus and briefly possesses him to shout "I'm... Ben!" before the two of them collapse.
    • Veers into dark comedy when Allison asks if Klaus is having a seizure, Diego casually replies that Klaus may be suffering an overdose.
  • After Reginald asks for a demonstration of their powers, Viktor volunteers which prompts the rest of his siblings to try and dissuade her or brace for the worst. Viktor taps his fork against his cup and causes the fruit basket at the center of the table to explode and splatter on everyone. All while Viktor's mouth is stretched with a trollish smirk.
    Viktor: [somewhat apologetically] Oops.
  • After the rest of them but Five are sent away, they all stand awkwardly in the elevator with Allison quipping that that was about on par for the kind of family meetings they'd have.
    Allison: Check please.
  • Luther dragging Klaus out of the elevator by his leg as the other groans for him to just be left behind. Ben briefly rolls his eyes before following after the two.
  • Diego declares that there is no more Umbrella Academy and that from henceforth they shall be known as Team Zero (complete with a team handshake). None of the siblings go with it.
  • Right after Klaus and Ben accidentally discover that the latter can possess the former, Klaus is on his knees trembling to Ben, "What the hell did you do-o-o-o???" Jill arrives with Dave, and she assumes she caught Klaus in the middle of prayer.
  • Dave comes to see Klaus after finding a flyer with his name on it. Klaus attempts to dissuade him from signing up for the draft, claiming to know so much about him (including his cause of death) because of being a prophet. Among the details he lists about Dave, Klaus states that his favorite book is Dune which hadn't been written yet. After Dave points this out, Klaus says that he is going to be obsessed with it and will thank him later for the recommendation.

    Öga for Öga 
  • Five absolutely loses it when his Fudge Nutter gets stuck, finally drops a Precision F-Strike and breaks the glass on the machine by kicking it. He then looks around, walks away, and petulantly drags his finger in a nearby cake.
    • After easily killing an entire room of people, Five gets tackled to the ground by the friendly woman who gave him change earlier. Not because he just killed twelve people in varied and brutal ways but because he broke the vending machine.
  • Then as two girls step out to see a bloody Five standing over Carmichael's body, they simply turn around and go back to the party.
  • Diego and Luther read "Öga for Öga" as "Olga Foroga" and coincidentally find an old lady with that exact name in the Dallas phonebook with Diego doing his best Batman impression on the phone to intimidate her. It only takes Five one quick look to tell them they got it completely wrong as it's actually Swedish for "An eye for an eye". Diego lamely apologizes for harassing Foroga and tells her to have a nice day.
    Luther: We would've gotten there.
    Diego: Eventually.
    Luther: Yeah.
  • Ben creeping up on Klaus as the other is trying not to sleep. Each time he wakes up the scene is played like a monster from a horror movie.
  • Ben telling Klaus how he felt whenever he was around his brother but unable to do anything, leading Klaus to feel guilty.
    Ben: [hopefully] So do you want to make it up to me?
    Klaus: No!
    Ben: Come on!
  • Then when Klaus finds out why Ben wants to possess him again, he keeps forgetting who Ben's crush is, saying, "I so rarely listen to you."
  • Klaus agrees to let Ben possess him but lays down some ground rules. He can't cut Klaus' hair, he can't touch his "down there", and he can't eat any dairy or they'll both regret it.
    • The first thing Ben does in Klaus' body? He checks himself down there before snapping back into focus.
  • Ben walking around as Klaus is a mixture of heartwarming and funny. He's so excited to be able to feel again that he flops down in a flower bed and yells "I love dirt!" before rolling around in it. Soon after Jill, the cult member Ben has had a crush on, arrives to talk. It becomes immediately apparent that Ben is awkward, perhaps a little bit too observant, and extremely pent up. He asks to smell Jill's hair which she's fine with, then Jill asks if he wants to have sex. Ben readily agrees and tells Jill that he's a virgin much to her confusion because as she then reveals they (read: her and Klaus) have already slept together before, leading to Ben swearing Klaus' pervy nature.
  • Diego comes to get Klaus while Ben is still possessing him, when Ben tells him this Diego initially takes this as Klaus lying and asks him to prove it. Ben does so by telling Diego that he reprogrammed Allison's Teddy Ruxpin to say "Luther smells Dad's underwear" when they were kids.
    • Diego tells Ben to keep possessing Klaus because they need someone responsible at the wheel. Then Ben and Klaus spend the rest of the episode pushing and fighting with each other, and Ben having to keep a hand on his head to stop from being pushed out. And this is all set to Backstreet Boys' "Everybody".
    • How does Klaus finally exorcise Ben? By throwing him up in a white flood of vomit, much to Five and Luther's horror and disgust. Even funnier is that despite being drenched in vomit, even though he is a ghost, Ben says that he has no regrets.
  • Five and Viktor are driving in the opposite directions on a road, but when they spot each other, the camera does a small slow motion of each of their reactions before they both heavily brake their cars.
  • Lila drugging Diego to take him back to the Commission.
    Diego: [time slowing down for him] Oh... balls...
  • Lila introduces a newly reawakened Diego to her mother as "My boyfriend". Diego, completely baffled as to where and what he has woken up to, can only dart his eyes around the room desperately looking for some sort of escape.
  • Despite the timer ticking, each sibling but Five and Luther try to cram in some last minute unfinished business. Viktor gets reported to the FBI and is arrested despite fighting back, Diego gets kidnapped, and Allison is fighting the Swedes, leaving Klaus (and Ben) as the only one who shows up on time. Five and Luther are shocked that out of all of them it's Klaus who didn't mess it up.

    The Seven Stages 
  • Raymond bemoaning that they're gonna have to cover a dead man in his best carpet, which is the least of Allison's worries.
  • Klaus stops by and sees the dead Swede on their couch, who Ray is trying desperately to cover up.
    Klaus: Oh, so it's gonna be one of those nights? [rolls up his sleeves] Alright, are we burnin' or buryin'?
    Ray: [gives a 'what the fuck is this family' look]
  • As Five prepares for the paradoxical psychosis, Luthers walks in on him downing a large glass of liquids, rubbing himself with baby powder and even pouring a generous amount down the front of his pants.
  • Five listing all of the seven stages for paradoxical psychosis:
    Five: Stage one: denial. Two: itching. Three: extreme thirst and urination. Four: excessive gas. Five: acute paranoia. Six: uncontrollable perspiration. And seven: homicidal rage.
    • The fact that "Homicidal Rage" gets red font just to emphasize it.
  • Luther greeting older Five. The smile he gives his brother makes the scene incredibly uncomfortable.
  • As they all sit at a table, Luther is in between two angry Fives and tries to lighten up the atmosphere by cheerfully asking if this was great that they get to meet.
    Old and Young Five: No.
  • Luther tells Old Five how the apocalypse started was because Viktor took out his anger on the team due to the way he's been mistreated his whole life. Old Five pauses for a beat before nodding as if saying, "Yeah, that's fair."
  • The Handler's reaction to Lila's relationship with Diego.
    The Handler: Sweetheart, your vagina needs glasses. He's not worth it.
  • The orientation footage, with the overly-enthusiastic cartoon "Mr. Briefcase," causing Diego to smirk. Once the cranky instructor falls asleep, Diego sneaks out as this is what is heard from the film:
    Mr. Briefcase: Whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity, the Commission has an exciting career path in store for you!'
  • Diego's self-introductory line.
    Diego: I'm Diego. I have a knife.
  • Allison loudly grumbles at why people are always heavier when they're dead and Raymond jokingly asks if she's done this before. The look his wife gives him immediately makes his face drop.
  • Allison's reaction to Klaus describing what it was like to have Ben possess him is to give a "WTF" kind of stare.
    Klaus: It was like having sex with one of the lesser Baldwins.
  • Diego and Herb scare the crap out of Allison and Ray by beaming into their living room, causing them to drop the body. As Herb happily gushes about being in the same room as Numbers Two, Three and Four, Diego is staring bewilderingly at the body.
  • As Luther and the two Fives get ready to leave, both of the Fives start loudly farting. Luther tries to slap on his positive face, but you can tell he's thinking This Is Gonna Suck.

     743 
  • Klaus describing his role in the family as being sexy trash.
    • Diego responds by threatening to beat Klaus up for his cowardice, as it is of true Hargreeves sibling form to be squabbling during their most dangerous situation since the apocalypse. This prompts Allison to declare, "That's my cue," and goes to try to save Viktor before Diego can stop her.
  • Realizing that they may be about to die, Klaus has something he wants to get off his chest about Diego.
    Klaus: You look like Antonio Banderas with the long hair, I just need you to know.
    Diego: [genuinely] Thanks, man.
  • Old!Five and Luther are discussing their plans for killing Young!Five while Young!Five is trailing behind and yelling at everyone passing by them.
    Young!Five: You wish you could pull off these shorts!
    • Later on while arguing with Luther, Five claims that Luther responds to authority and daddy issues and that since Young!Five is technically the older of the two Fives (by only fourteen days) that Luther should listen to him, culminating in Five yelling loudly "I'm the daddy here!"
  • Old Five telling Luther he looked like if King Kong and a Nazi Youth had a baby.
  • Five telling Luther he knows his old self is experiencing the same things he is and lets out a few farts. Luther looks at Five in confusion.
    Five: ...That was just lunch. Shut up.
  • Herb telling Lila he has to show her something big and reaches for inside his pants. Lila is obviously disgusted before he quickly pulls out the 743 file.
  • Luther asking Five to remind him what the final stage of psychosis was.
    Five: Homicidal rage.
    Luther: Right! [beat] That's great.
    • The way Luther's face immediately switches from happily smiling to the Oh, Crap! expression.
  • Realizing that both the past and present versions of Number Five are succumbing to paradox-induced psychosis, Luther attempts to mediate — only to get kicked square in the balls by Young!Five. The two iterations then duke it out across the parking lot to the tune of Dancing With Myself by Generation X, teleporting back and forth at such speed that a passing child mistakes it for fireworks at a distance. Then we get a slow-motion Orbital Shot of Luther doubled over and clutching his groin, in too much pain to do anything about the teleporting battle royale going on around him.
  • Immediately afterwards, both Fives end up on either side of Luther, resulting in... this:
    Luther: Would you please—
    [Both Fives kick him amidships again and teleport away]
    Luther: [groaning] HEY! I'M GETTING REAL SICK OF THIS!
  • Luther then begs the two Fives to stop fighting.
    Young Five: Eat shit, ape man!
  • The fire extinguisher that Klaus threw through the portal way back in the first episode ended up beaning present Luther directly in the forehead.
  • Five telling his older self why they messed up their jump, and that their math was wrong by a decimal point.
    Five: We wrote down 5.7! It should have been—
    Both: 0.57!!
    Old Five: Son of a bitch! I knew it didn't look right!

    The End of Something 
  • As Reginald delivers his eulogy to Ben, you can see Klaus' face thinking "When is he gonna start to turn this into our fault?" Then Reginald declares that the ones keeping back the forces of evil weren't them and they've failed Ben, Klaus is grinning as if saying, "There it is."
  • Klaus manifests Ben's ghost after the funeral in the most mundane way possible with Ben just popping up behind Klaus after Klaus gives it a slight bit of effort.
    • He then asks Ben if he wanted to go watch him piss in their Dad's gas tank. Ben pauses for a moment before agreeing, and the two of them run off.
  • The news reporting that the Hargreeves are wanted for very heavy crimes, except for Klaus as he's wanted for tax evasion.
    • Unlike the others, Five isn't pinned for any crimes. Instead, reporters believe that he is a child they have kidnapped and are holding hostage. Five then says that he does feel like their hostage some days.
  • Five finds out Diego got hired by the Commission and can't believe it. This leads to them getting into an argument over whether Diego is good enough to be headhunted and that Diego revealing that he used the switchboard.
    Diego: I made that machine my bitch. Y'all need to recognize I got shit going on y'all don't even know about.
  • All of the siblings decide to join Viktor on the drive to the farm, Five makes Klaus give up his shotgun seat and there isn't enough seats so Luther ends up having to sit in the back, causing the car to dip down where he's sitting.
    Luther: If I hear one fat joke, I'm out.
  • Klaus falling and screaming for someone to catch him. When he suddenly stops midair, he sighs in relief as two ghosts hold him up.
  • Lila tells Luther that she wants to kill his brother. He assumes she's talking about Diego since all he knows about her is how he was kidnapped by her to work with the Commission and to be her boyfriend, noting that he can be a lot. Lila snaps that it's actually Five she's after. After a beat, Luther admits that Five can also be a lot.
  • Diego and the others realizing Lila is just like them since she copied their abilities and he asks them if that meant she was their biological sister. Cue a beat from everyone before Luther goes into tactics mode to cut the awkward tension.
  • Lila throwing her frying pan and nailing Five in the head can come off as unintentionally funny.
  • When Lila tries to reject the idea of her mother not actually loving her and just using her for her skills, Luther response by saying
    Luther: Yeah, you know what? Love shouldn't have to hurt this much. (Awkwardly smiles afterwards).
    Lila: [gags]
    Luther: [quickly drops his smile] All right, I tried.
  • As they prepare to jump, Klaus runs back to grab a hat.
    Diego: Fifty bucks if we leave him behind.
  • Diego has a secret handshake with Herb despite having only been at the Commission for two hours at most, it's a complicated handshake and ends with them both pantomiming smoking a cigarette and throwing it down.
  • Allison's letter to Ray telling him they both knew she always had to have the last word.
  • The Swede Brother coming across the Destiny's Children bus who offers to give him a lift. He pauses for a moment before he seems to think, "Fine, what the hell. Not the weirdest thing I've come across."
  • The team goes back to 2019, the day after the apocalypse, but they seemed to have entered an alternate universe where Hargreeve and Ben are alive, but different, and the academy is known as the Sparrow Academy.
    Everyone: Shit.
    • There is something funny about the fact that the siblings were so chaotic when they met with Reginald that it left such a bad impression on him, so much so that it not only prompted him to seemingly not adopt them in the new timeline but change the academy's symbol because they ruined umbrellas for him.
    • Earlier, Klaus is rejoicing in how they seemed to have actually finally succeeded in something, seconds before they find out they may have actually fucked up their situation more.

Season Three

    Meet The Family 
  • Shortly before the fight, Diego hallucinates a Dance-Off between the two academies to settle differences. The entire thing is played amazingly straight, with everyone joining in toward a party by the end.
    • Diego's reaction to Luther's Serious Business dance-off with Marcus is priceless, as is his reaction when the Umbrella siblings join in: "Oh, shit! We're really good at this!"
    • Five is dancing, but with an expression that says he'd really rather be throwing punches.
    • Even Klaus looks confused when Marcus starts dancing.
  • During the Sparrow Academy fight, Diego takes on Christopher, the floating cube:
    Diego: Come at me, litter box!
    Christopher: [makes his usual sounds]
    Diego: Hey! Listen; I have amazing hair, alright? This was era-appropriate!
    • “WHO’S YOUR DADDY? I’M YOUR DADDY!”
  • As Diego is chasing Christopher and unsuccessfully throws knives at him, Klaus is seen wrapped in one of Ben's tentacles.
    Klaus: See? We're hugging! This is progress!
  • Jayme uses her Super Spit on Five who then hallucinates Dolores suddenly approaching him in the flesh (... so to speak) and happily embraces her for a loving kiss. Cut to the same scene from Jayme's perspective and it turns out Five is cradling and making out with air.
  • The other Sparrows casually discussing dinner plans while Marcus stomps the shit out of Luther.
  • As the Umbrella siblings are recovering in the park...
    Luther: I've just never had my ass handed to me like that before. It's like, [holds out his hands] "Here you go. It's your ass."
    Allison: [beat] Okay, I think Luther's concussed.
  • Five's annoyance with his siblings antics.
    Five: Okay, next person to say 'dickhead' is getting a punch in the throat.
    Allison: Dickhead.
    Luther: Dickhead.
    Klaus: Dickhead.
    Diego: Dickhead.
    (Five sighs.)
  • Luther's attempt to verbally best the Sparrows.
    Luther: Look at them with their... stupid smug...
    Klaus: You can do it. You can do it.
    Luther: S... S... Smug... Smugness.
    Klaus: Keep working on it, big guy.
  • Five deduces that the Umbrella Academy all have doppelgangers who lived their own ordinary lives, but warns Diego, Luther and Klaus against interacting with them. The warning is quickly derailed though...
    Five: If you ever meet your doppels-
    Diego: Kill them.
    Klaus: Sleep with them.
    Five: Avoid them.
    Luther: What the hell is wrong with you two?
    Klaus: Oh, come on. As if you wouldn't climb Luther Mountain.

    The World's Biggest Ball of Twine 
  • The brothers arguing about Viktor talking to Marcus.
    Viktor: [Marcus] doesn't want a war any more than we do.
    Diego: What are you talking about? He tried to homocide us!
    Klaus: So did Lila, and you had a kid with her.
    Diego: That's not the point!
  • Klaus notes that Five (now in retirement) is now wearing Aftershave.
    Klaus: I'm concerned.
  • Klaus invites Five on a roadtrip, only for Five to be distracted by the mysterious disappearance of the lobsters in the hotel fishtank. Klaus suggests that Chet blended them into a morning smoothie. In total silence, Five gives him a look of pure exasperation, turns back towards the tank, opens his mouth as if to say something... only to turn back and say, "You're an idiot. But I'm in."
  • Stan stuffing three mini-muffins down his pants. Much to Chet and Diego's chagrin.
    Stan: And it's a buffet, I can take whatever the hell I want!
  • When Viktor asks Diego to stay in the hotel, Stan quickly says, "Yeah, and you're not the boss of him!" Diego smacks him.
    • Bonus points because Viktor doesn't even know who Stan is.
    Viktor: Who...?
  • Five circling all of the tourist attractions he wants to go to, like the fifty-eight year old man he is. The tourist attractions in question are: A gigantic nickel, award winning pies, and Cow-Henge... Whatever that might be.
  • When Klaus later admits that he’s attempting to find his birth mother and brought Five along for emotional support, Five’s response is an affronted “Emotional support. Like a schnauzer.”
  • While still annoyed by being lied to about the real reason for their road trip, Five notices a roadside attraction sign for a large ball of twine and hijacks the steering wheel.
    Five: Ball of Twine! Klaus, turn! Ball of Twine! TURN!
    Klaus: What? Five! Five!
    Five: This is one of the best ones! Come on!
    Klaus: Five, we're gonna die!
    Five: I don't care! Let's go! You know what? NO TWINE, NO BIRTHMOTHER!
  • Klaus and Five philosophising over what family even is. Klaus concludes that family is like "A giant ball of twine," and awkwardly tells Five he's a good brother.
    Klaus: Alright, you say nice things about me now.
    Five: [beat] Let's go find your stupid mother.
    Klaus: I love you too, tiny dancer!
  • Diego and Stan pelting Jayme with cans.
    Stan: Fuck yeah!
    Diego: Hey, watch your mouth!
  • Mid fight, Diego drags Stan away.
    Stan: What? No way! We were kicking their asses!
    Diego: "Who fights and walks away, lives to fight another day." Okay?
    Stan: That's some lame-ass shit.
    Diego: Yeah, I know.
  • Furthermore, Five’s reaction to the disappearance of cattle.
    Five: Oh, can’t I get one fucking day off?
  • Klaus being chased by a bunch of angry Amish men who think that he is responsible for the kugelblitzed cows.

    A Pocket Full of Lightning 
  • The Commission instructional video on the Grandfather Paradox.
  • Luther bragging to the total stranger working at the stand about his need for condoms as sex is something he does now; the merchant looks at Luther like he's flipped his lid. Of course, right afterwards a kugelwave takes the merchant and the surrounding people out. Luther is justifiably freaked out for a moment before grabbing more condoms and running off.
  • Diego tells Stan off for practicing karate inside. Stan tells him that Lila said he needed practice. Diego amends that that's fair.
  • Luther returns to the hotel to discover that none of the other siblings knew that he had been kidnapped. Diego, Klaus, and Viktor lie in the lamest way that they were worried about Luther, while Allison tells them all to stop lying.
  • The sparrows may be psychotic bullies (for the most part) but let it not be said they aren’t good hosts. Just ask Luther whom they give a tote bag full of merch and is not afraid to compliment them.
  • What's worse than the end of the world? The fact that Five and Lila need to work together to stop it.
  • While Diego is preparing for an all-out battle with the Sparrow Academy, Luther is... making a mix tape for Sloane.
  • Luther hasn't been told about Viktor's new name and calls him Vanya. When Diego corrects him, he thinks about it for a second, then demands to know what else he missed while he was kidnapped.
  • Luther proposes a celebration for Viktor's coming out.
    Diego: You just want to throw a party.
    Luther: Why do you hate tiny sandwiches?
  • As Five prepares to power up so that Lila can mimic it:
    Lila: Relax.
    Five: I can't. Your breath is terrible.
    Lila: Garlic is for winners!

    Kugelblitz 
  • Allison, Diego and Klaus gossiping about Harlan.
  • When Five and Lila say something at the same time:
    Lila: Jinx.
    (Five starts walking away)
    Lila: A-B-C, 1-2-3. Personal padlock.
    Five: Can you not-
    Lila: You can't speak!
  • As Five complains to Lila about being swept back into the chaos that is the Commission, he starts farting. They enter the operations bunker, where Five faces a much older version of himself than the previous season. Lila's response is to laugh at the fact that Five has been complaining about the Commission only to discover that he founded it.

    Kindest Cut 
  • Five and Lila scaring the shit out of the Umbrella siblings by transporting back to the hotel from the Commission.
    • When Five is too close for comfort to Lila, she yells, "Shoo!" and shoves him off.
  • The fact that Lila is happy to see Diego indicates to him that something is wrong.
  • When Diego finds Stan carrying hydrofluoric acid and bleach and has blood on him, Diego demands to know what Stan is up to. Stan says, "You've gotta promise you won't be pissed," as though he just started another fire, not accidentally killed Diego’s brother.
  • When Klaus sees his mother in the afterlife:
    Rachel: How have you died 56 times and come back to life?
    Klaus: That's a trick question, 'cause I didn't know that I was doing it.
    Rachel: Well, what did you think you were doing?
    Klaus: I just thought I was one of those lovable rascally Looney Tunes characters. Hit me on the head with a hammer and I see some cartoon birds, and then, "Bop!" I get back up.
    Rachel: Uh, what's a car-toon?
    Klaus: Oh, seriously, you're so Amish.
    Rachel: I'm kidding. We have all the channels here. But mostly I see you.
    Klaus: Even the naughty bits?
  • As Diego has Klaus rolled up in a rug and prepares to tell the family what happened to Klaus, Diego assures Stan that he has his back.
    Diego: (speaking in Spanish)
    Stan: I still don't speak Spanish.
    Diego: And I accept your flaws.
  • As Diego is getting Klaus in the elevator, Chet approaches him and Stan.
    Diego: Uh, yeah, we're uh, playing a game.
    Chet: What's it called?
    Diego: Guy in a carpet.
    Chet: I hope you win. (walks away)
    Diego: (to Stan) Go get the door. (to himself) Klaus was right. I love this place.
  • Klaus coming back to life scares the shit out of Diego and Stan, of course.
    Stan: You told me he was dead, Puta!
    Diego: He was, and now you speak Spanish?!
  • As Klaus, Diego, and Stan exit the elevator, Diego tells Klaus to take it easy since Klaus was dead three minutes ago. Klaus shows them that the spear wound is already healing.
    Stan: What would happen if we were to cut off your head? Would it grow two of you?
    Diego: Stan. (to Klaus) Would it?
  • Lila Stepford smiles as she tells Diego that the universe is ending and they're all going to die.
  • Lila informing Stan that he is grounded. At least until the end of the world.
  • After Lila kisses him, Diego tells her that he needs to be "wooed" if she wants to get back in a relationship with him.
    Lila: You need to be wooed?
    Diego: Yeah. Flowers. An expensive bottle of wine...
  • Klaus toasting Five with: "Up your ass."
  • Klaus encouraging Five to move upstate and become an alpaca farmer.
    Five: (genuinely considering) Yeah, I could...
  • Five looks clearly out of place in the motorcycle bar, not only because of his body's age, but also because he's wearing a suit.

    Marigold 
  • A brief visual gag has Pogo riding his motorcycle... with ape hanger handlebars, finally living up to their name.
    • Five throws someone off of another motorcycle so that he can follow Pogo.
  • The fact that a portrait of Pogo and his girlfriend are painted on their trailer.
  • Lila accidentally letting it slip that Stan isn't her biological son, and belatedly realizing it. Then, when Diego naturally starts asking questions, she attempts to downplay her clarification by adding "Fancy some sushi?" to the end of it.
  • The full extent of Lila's confession:
    Diego: So, Stan... is adopted. Okay. Yeah, that's fine, that's fine. I was adopted. I turned out pretty well.
    Lila: No, not adopted. I borrowed him from my mate Trudy for a week.
    Diego: Wait, hold up. You bo- Lila, did you kidnap a kid?
    Lila: She went on holiday and he needed some fun, and I wanted to see what kind of dad you'd make. You know, stress test. Kick the tires.
    Diego: ARE YOU INSANE?!
    Lila: Uh, we met in an asylum.
    Diego: Unbe- You know, Stan deserves better than this.
    Lila: Stanley's in on it!
    Diego: Oh Jesus. Oh, you... You're... You're... You're... You're... You're... AAAARGH! [throws a chair at the wall]
  • While the situation is very serious, it's also somewhat comical to see Diego and Lila run down the hall screaming in unison as they're being chased by the Guardian.

    Auf Wiedersehen 
  • Reginald not only listens to Nelly's "Ride Wit Me" on the radio while driving Klaus out to the middle of nowhere, but actually seems to genuinely enjoy the song.
  • The entire montage of Klaus learning how to use his powers by playing catch with his dad… and intermittently getting hit by cars. Each time he wakes up, he gets more and more used to reviving himself, and eventually accustoms himself to dancing in the middle of the road as he waits for a car to come and hit him. It gets more and more hysterical as the scene goes on.
  • Lila describing Diego as, "Ninety percent moron and ten percent pelvic thrusts."
  • Allison clearly hating the Sparrows and having to work with them.
    Fai: Please make yourself at home.
    Allison: Bitch, this is our home.
  • Five calling Ben and Diego, "The testosterone twins."
  • Ben and Five betting on Allison and Viktor when they start arguing.
    Ben: Twenty bucks on the little one.
    Five: I'll take that action.
  • While not played for laughs, Ben calling Viktor a "Messy Bitch," and an "Emo," is pretty funny.
  • After Christopher successfully contains the kugelblitz, the Umbrellas and Sparrows wait for the next scheduled kugelwave; it comes in the form of a visible fart from him.
  • Although the majority of the conversation between Five and Viktor in the latter's hotel room is serious, there are a couple of humorous statements.
    Viktor: That was really nice of you to kill Mom so Diego didn't have to.
    Five: My God, are we a weird family or what?
    • And later:
    Five: Do you know why I wanted this last jump to be successful?
    Viktor: Because you're old and tired?

    Wedding At the End of the World 
  • Diego's idea for how to get rid of the kugelblitz? Go to the "hard-on" particle accelerator in Switzerland, and "do science" and launch the kugelblitz into space.
  • Sloane and Luther announce their engagement, much to everyones shock and horror.
    Ben: Kill me, Jesus.
    • The dress code for the wedding is also "Creative black tie."
  • Sloane is angry when Sir Reginald reveals that Klaus weaned him off his meds.
    Sir Reginald: Clearly he's the only one doing any thinking! All of you could learn a thing or two from this impressive young man!
    Diego: (laughing) The world really is ending!
  • Sir Reginald mentions an insurrection. Klaus responds:
    Klaus: That's not the kind of erection we're going for.
    • As Klaus and Reginald leave the lobby, Klaus tells Luther and Sloane to send him their wedding registry, despite the fact that besides the Umbrellas, the two remaining Sparrows, Chet, and the hotel, the remainder of the world has been kugelblitzed.
  • The entirety of the bachelor party. Highlights include:
    • Luther singing Total Eclipse of the Heart for karaoke.
    Luther: (singing off-key) And I need you more tonight! I fuckin' need you more than ever!
    Klaus: Doesn't he have the voice of an angel? Yeah, baby, hit those high notes!
    Viktor: Whoo!
    • Viktor recounting Luther 'marrying' his action figures.
    • Five inviting Klaus to sing with him.
    Klaus: Yay! (to his brothers) I feel so special!
    • Five and Klaus' rendition of (I've Had) The Time of My Life while aggressively drinking and dancing.
    Klaus: Oh! It's getting funky in here!
    • Them inviting Luther, Viktor and Diego to sing with them.
  • Klaus helping with the wedding vows.
    Klaus: Luther, do you be taking this banging hottie to be your lady?
    Luther: I do.
    Klaus: (overly saccharine) Sloane, do you promise to love and cherish this big hairy bastard for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours?
    Five: Give or take a day.
    Klaus: Shhhhh!
    Sloane: I'm gonna try.
    Klaus: Well then... (he starts to cry) I'm sorry. I pronounce you married as shit! Viva la apocalypse!
  • Sloane and Luther start dancing. Five remarks, "This is worse than the apocalypse."
  • Five getting increasingly more drunk as the wedding goes on.
    Five: My only plan tonight is to get as fucked up as possible.
  • Lila threatening Klaus with a dinner fork.
  • Reginald gives a speech, much to everyone's shock.
    Five: (laughing) He just called Luther adequate.
    Diego: Nicest thing he's ever said to him.
  • Five singing on stage, completely drunk, while everyone ignores him.
  • Everyone complaining when Klaus brings Ben to hang out with them.
    Diego: Oh no, no, no!
    Sloane: No!
    Five: Klaus, why you bringing Ben here?

    Seven Bells 
  • The montage of Five getting more and more drunk over his wedding speech for Luther and Sloane.
    • One such way being eating cereal with liquor instead of milk.
    Five: I wish you well. Happy- It's not your birthday. Happy wedding day, my friend.
  • As Sir Reginald and Viktor are talking in the latter's bedroom, Viktor looks out the window at the kugelblitz.
    Viktor: Jesus.
    Sir Reginald: He's due any minute now.
  • The whole family cheering for Five when he shows up at the family meeting for his speech at the wedding.
    Diego: That speech last night... Wow.
    Lila: Brought me to tears, you big softy.
    Viktor: I especially liked when you referred to us as a family bound by destiny and love.
  • Allison's response to Five disbelief of what Reginald says about the Guardian and the seven bells:
    Allison: How is a Guardian and bells any crazier than time-traveling briefcases and assassins with cartoon masks?
  • Diego and Ben arguing respectively with each other in Spanish and Korean.

    Oblivion 
  • As Luther is commenting on the documentary that he and Klaus are watching in the afterlife, Klaus complains about pineapple being on his pizza.
  • When Klaus declares that he doesn’t want to go back to Earth, Luther punches him in the face. Klaus taunts that there's no pain in the Void. Luther then throws Klaus to a different version of the afterlife. Then, he again throws Klaus inside a bouncy house in a yard full of children. Once Luther has convinced Klaus to return, they discover that the children have surrounded the bouncy house.

Meta

  • As a baby version of Pogo was revealed for season 2, many, including the Netflix account started to make jokes on who was cuter: Baby Pogo or Baby Yoda?
  • In an interview it was revealed that David Castañeda accidentally put the poster of season 2 up on his social media and a while later his phone was filled up with messages asking him to please take it down. His reaction? "Oops."
    • He was also apparently voted as the most likely to spill a secret.

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