The Try Guys / Funny

The Try Guys (both the videos and the guys themselves) are easily some of the most hilarious things you will see on the internet.

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Try Guys Try

The Try Guys Try Drag For The First Time

The video starts with Mayhem Miller, laughing silently, standing outside a bathroom stall while we hear Eugene's struggles with tucking his junk.
Eugene: (whimpering in pain)
Mayhem: (amused) If it hurts, it's working!
- Actually, all the guys reactions to what tucking is and what it implies. The sheer horror on Zach's face when they explain where the balls are supposed to go is epic.
The guys' drag personas:
- Ned is Champagne Canne, a trashy party girl that has bruises from all the times she has fallen over drunk.
- Zach is Kornucopia Kornfeld, a sometimes insecure gal that has so much to offer.
- Keith is Ginger Vitis, a bubblegum pop princess with a deep, masculine voice.
- Eugene is Cheyenne Pepper, a classy lady that likes to be shady.
The montage of them trying on high heels and all failing miserably in walking more than two steps.
Eugene's list of possible names that ranged from Kore Anne to Sushi Homemaker.
Eugene: That's like sexist and racist at the same time.
When Eugene (as Cheyenne) is interacting with his sisters after his performance in the drag show (done to Beyoncé's "Partition").
Eugene/Cheyenne: We can finally prove to mom I'm the prettiest sister.
This Immediate Self-Contradiction done with editing.
Eugene If I'm going to be a woman, I want to be a classy woman like my mom.
[As the next clip overlaps]
Eugene Where ma pants?!
When Zach's grandma was asked about who in the family did he resemble the most in drag:
Grandma: His father!

The Try Guys Try "Fifty Shades" Style BDSM

Just the fact that they decided to do a video about how accurate the scenes in the books are and trying some of the less intense stuff.
While the rest of the guys are paired with each other or some of the girls, Zach is with an actual dominatrix who's almost twice his size and the contrast between how sensual and professional their scenes are compared with the utter chaos present in the rest is hilarious.
They have the guys and girls read excerpts of the book, all with varying degrees of derision in their voices. Special mention goes to Keith and Ned who read the infamous tampon scene, both trying to sound all breathy/hot and bothered only to become rather disgusted by it at the end.
Keith: HOLY FUCK
Another gem from Keith:
Keith: Give me a boner with pain, Ned!
- Ned then just starts wailing on Keith's shoulder with a whip, on the same spot with every lash, and Keith's bravado turns into hysterical pain.
  Keith: Sh- God! GOD! GOD NED! MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA, GOD! (whimpering) I'm not turned on. And I'm not aroused...

The Try Guys Try Ballet

A large part of the humor comes from the Surprisingly Realistic Outcome-aspect of the video, since the Try Guys (roughly aged 25 to 30) are all essentially first-timers when it comes to ballet, which, despite popular belief, is actually much harder and more physically than what a lot of people think it is.
- Bianca Bulle (a principal dancer working with the Los Angeles Ballet Company who's originally from Australia) ends up putting the Try Guys into a children's ballet class—as Bianca points, when it comes to seriously training for something like ballet, you typically have to start at a pretty young (around 3 to 5 years old). All the kids in the class that the Try Guys are training with are around 10 to 12 years old, and one of the girls that Zach and Ned talk mentions that she's 10, but has been doing ballet since she was 3.
  - Part of the reason that the Try Guys were doing ballet training in the first place was because they were planning on doing a ballet performance for their coworkers at Buzzfeed—the guys get excited about training with other ballet dancers, but initially assumes that they're going to be training with "seasoned professionals" from Bianca's dance company. However, since none of the Try Guys have ever done ballet before, Bianca (even gesturing with her hand) explains that they're actually going to be working with children (or "young [dancers]" as she puts it).
- The video starts off with a shot of the Try Guys dancing across the floor of ballet studio room with a bunch of children (who're much better at ballet than the guys are). Keith, Ned, Zach and Eugene are shown trailing behind all the kids, and as soon as everyone else is offscreen, Keith (talking about himself and the other Try Guys), "That [referring to what just what happened] was actually the best [Ned, Zach, Eugene and I] have done all day."
- At one point, Zach tries sitting down but one of the girls they're training with explains that you can't sit down in ballet because it's apparently not "proper" to do so, and Zach complains about "getting yelled at by a ten-year-old."
Overall, it's pretty funny just seeing four men (roughly aged 25 to 30) trying something as intricately difficult and physically demanding as ballet and seeing how much better a bunch of kids are better at it than they are.

The Try Guys Take A Lie Detector Test

One of Keith's very first questions concerns the size of his mouth and what exactly he can stuff in there...
Ned reacting to Zach admitting his theft of several of his pens. He's not pleased.
Ned: Where do they go?! I never have pens!
Ned lying about thinking that Zach would make a good husband. The silence between the question and the answer is a bit too long.
- His facial expression makes it even better!
A couple of recurring questions pop up during the video:
- Zach is asked exactly how many co-workers, he had made out with. The total number is three.
- The guys make up multiple, escalating scenarios for Ned, all including his wife and another group of people (Italian babies, nuns), and asking him to save one of them. He picks his wife every single time.
- Eugene is questioned about if he had ever thought of being with one of the other Try Guys.
Keith is caught lying about thinking that Zach would someday find love.
Zach: Dammit, Keith!
- Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when it emerged that Zach had a girlfriend at the time.
When asked about Ned's dog, Keith admits disliking both it and any other dog. However, Eugene's dog doesn't count for some reason.
Zach: Hey Keith, do you like Ned's dog?
Keith: No.
John, the examiner: Keith is telling the truth.
Ned: What? No...
Keith: I don't like any dogs!
Ned: You like Eugene's dog?
Keith: I do like Eugene's dog...
Ned digs himself into a hole, as he has to answer if he thinks that he has a better marriage than John, the lie detector examiner. John doesn't take it well.
Ned: He's older, marriages tend to not get as as good as they get older... But, like, I don't know... We got stuff that we deal with, everybody does.
John (turns his head): I'll kill you right there.
- It gets even better, when Ned presents John with the same scenario of picking your spouse or a boat full of orphans.
  John: I'd kill her.
Every single Try Guy is asked, who is their favourite. Eugene, Zach and Ned all answer Keith, but Keith himself answers Zach.
- The next question is if they themselves think they're the best. Eugene and Zach say no, Ned also says no but is lying and Keith says yes.
  Keith: I'm sorry, you have to have self-confidence!
As the video nears its ending, there's a final clip of Zach answering a question about answering yes or no.
Eugene: Do you think, you could ever learn how to answer a yes/no question with just yes or no?
Zach: Here's the thing, though, is that there's complexity-
- He's interrupted by the other guys simply walking out on him.
In the follow-up episode that came out a few years later, we got this gem while Zach was being interrogated:
Keith: Who, among us, was the most difficult to travel with for two months?
Zach: Okay, let's think about this... Could you help me, what would make someone difficult?
Keith: Slowing us down, being, you know, getting to the bus late perhaps, uh, making us go on stage late, making us stay there too long by not helping put away the props, the costumes, there's a lot of tasks, the answer is you, Zach.
The second episode ends with Keith confirming Eugene finally knows how much his friends love him, and asking if he'd like a hug. When John declares his "no" a lie, a group hug ensues, to Eugene's chagrin. It's genuinely cute… but also very funny in that even the serious, deadpan John joins in with a cuddle.

The Try Guys Recreate Fan Fiction

Zach (a not-so-secret Shipper on Deck) reassures viewers that no underage characters will appear in any chosen fanfic; instead:
Zach: We're just going to read stories where we fuck each other.
(awkward beat)
Keith: Click to subscribe!
Any scenes involving sex or sexual activities will be turned into eating sandwiches.
Keith: "Masturbation" becomes "mastication!"
Ned: "Beating the meat" becomes "eating the meat"...
Keith: And "penetration" becomes "pastrami!"
Each of the fanfics have the Try Guys narrating the parts in voice-over; the actual recreations involve them mouthing to the narration, misreads, grammatical errors, and all. This combined with the wistful looks, overacting, and editing makes each one more than hilarious, even before "sandwiches" are eaten.
The first fanfic, a Zach/Eugene one, is about how the two are broken up, and intercuts the story with romantic flashback shots of Zach and Eugene feeding Subway sandwiches to each other.
Ned confesses how he originally wanted no part of this, but after reading some of the stories, he's kind of into it now. He has way too much fun with the action story they read for their second selection.
Ned: You put all caps, you get all caps.
There is a brief interlude discussing sexy The Lord of the Rings fanfic where Keith tries to come up with as many sexy versions of lines from the story as he can.
Keith: Toss me.
Keith starts off the final story by misreading a line meant for Ariel, in which he says his own name. When met with protests, he points out "That's totally canon." The other Try Guys can't disagree.
Speaking of which, Ned's costume for playing Ariel consists of a short blonde wig and a white t-shirt with "Ned's Wife" printed on it.
After story!Eugene describes story!Keith as looking like a "cat that was drenched in the Arctic Ocean," Keith makes a weird face that he carries over to his character in the acted-out version.
Eugene and Keith's "sandwich" scene is still pretty sexually charged, and then Keith tries to decode the sandwich rewrite.
Keith: It seems like, without any warning, he... (quietly) started sucking my dick. (normal) And then, I was like, "You gotta stop" and then he starts sucking my other dick. It seems like he sucked both my dicks..."
Eugene: That's why I gave you a promotion.
Zach: You're different than the other employees!

The Try Guys Get Kidnapped

From the gentlemen's thoughts before the simulation:
Eugene: I'm not scared. I'm kind of, like... hard. [Beat.] ...Nope, that wasn't the word I wanted to say. I meant "hard" like I'm, like, tough. I didn't mean "hard" like I'm aroused. Stop laughing, Kasiemobi, I didn't mean it that way.
[Pan to Kasiemobi, who is cracking up.]
The Guys' "kidnapping" begins with them being accosted in a garage, ordered to get on the ground, and told not to speak. After a moment, Keith awkwardly asks if singing is okay.
The interrogation portion of the simulation can be a pretty frightening and uncomfortable watch, even knowing everyone involved is safe and there voluntarily... but then during Zach's, re: his nerves having kicked him into a frantic Motor Mouth mode, one of the "kidnappers" impatiently asks him what's wrong with him, causing him to cut himself off with:
Zach: I — so many things...

The Try Guys Try the World's Grossest Alcohols

When the Guys get their final drinks, a tipsy Keith suggests to Zach that they dip their glasses in theirs. Both remove said glasses for a laugh - but despite an amused Zach trying to tell him not to, Keith then casually goes through with the dipping.
Keith: [Plunging his glasses halfway into what amounts to a meaty vodka milkshake.] Dip our glasses riiight in the drink. A taste you can see!

When Will the Try Guys Die?

Keith, Zach, and Eugene wind up told that they all need to make lifestyle changes if they don't want to be the first of the Guys to die. They respond by sputtering with self-deprecating amusement at first. And then this happens.
Zach: ...We'll die together! Wow...
Keith: [Practically Squee-ing.] Oh my god, that would be so CUTE!
Eugene: [Begins wincingly frowning and shaking his head.]

The Try Guys Old Age Makeovers

Eugene's gift for delivering the depressing and uncomfortable with dry Black Comedy showing itself in a particularly memorable moment through his consultation with makeup artist guest Leigh Schwartz.
Eugene: Both my grandfathers had passed before I was born, so I never have seen my grandfathers. Uh, 'cause, like, war... But my dad is still alive. [Shows picture.]
Leigh: He looks great!
Eugene: Right?
Leigh: He's got the great crows' feet smile lines. Looks like he smiles a lot. He's a happy guy.
Eugene: He's making up for a lot of lost time. [Looks at the camera.] ...Because of things like the war.
Leigh: Oh, god...!

The Try Guys Surprise Eugene With His Nightmare Car

Eugene volunteers his car to be remodeled by the other try guys, with the faintest shred of hope that they'll actually give him a decent makeover. To put it as simply (and politely) as possible...they don't.
Eugene: This surprise car makeover video is single-handedly the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. And I was in the closet in an Asian family in Texas.

The Try Guys Become Zookeepers for a Day

Ned constantly getting whacked on the head by birds, first by a magpie while trying to protect Wes, and then by kookaburras.
Eugene feeding the kookaburras:
Eugene: I'm a mothafuckin' Disney Princess, bitch.
- Made even better by the fact that the two kookaburras both cock their heads to "bitch" with perfect timing.
Keith attempting (in vain) to feed a Tasmanian Devil, first with an egg, and then a rabbit carcass. The creature initially ignores the egg, and the presence of freshly-tossed flesh only gets him vaguely interested in the egg before turning back again.
Eugene casually introducing his boyfriend Matt, almost as an afterthought. Cue half the comments already having caught on due to Eugene's social media, and the other half going through a "Eureka!" Moment that the guy Eugene made a dick joke about earlier in the video was his boyfriend.

We Made Meat Pies & Ate Gourmet Australian BBQ

Poor Mal Campbell (the owner of Keith's Pies), who endeared himself as an immediate fan favorite for just being so dumbfounded by Eugene and especially Keith's antics. It isn't uncommon for the guys to get into shenanigans around the experts that they bring in, but 16 hours of plane time have made them pretty loopy. This results in Keith constantly calling Mal "Daddy," all but begging to be hired to work at the pie shop, and starting a few song-and-dance sequences while making the pies. Mal, while still confused, actually joins in.

The Try Guys Try Not To Laugh

Zach and Keith easily drive each other to giggles when paired up during the first Try Not to Laugh challenge by telling each other Pun-based jokes, and it's very infectious.
The second Try Not to Laugh video starts with members of the Try Guys team coming up one by one and trying to get the boys to crack. YB asks the Guys what the fruitiest school subject is, intending the answer to be history (due to all the dates), but Eugene and Keith both latch onto the word "fruity" and respectively guess "gay history" and "gay math". Eugene asks Keith what "gay math" is supposed to be, and Keith dons a stereotypically Camp Gay California accent for his response of "five plus seveeennn".
Eugene's impression of Ned has to be heard to be believed. What sells it is not just the inflection used, but the expression he puts on to get in character. The other guys looks horrified... and then Eugene starts speaking.
Ned-gene: Ah made a BABY with mah BAWLS. (the other three immediately break into laughter) Ah went to YALE with mah BAWDY.

Try Guys Pancake Art Challenge ft. Collins Key

When each of the Guys is prompted with making a pancake depicting another Try Guy's face, they get to work on doing so in a cute and cartoony manner... except for Eugene, who opts to make a full-on portrait of Zach's "Oh my gooooood, I'm the clitoris" moment from their early dirty Halloween costume episode. And who pulls it off, in surprisingly detailed fashion.

The Try Guys Try Crocheting

The entirety of the "Letters from the War" musical number. Especially since it was apparently improvised (or at least parts of it).

The Try Guys Photoshop Prank Battle

Committed to spending the game in Troll mode, Zach comes to the conclusion that Eugene's worst nightmare would be being in a white heterosexual family, and he whips up a set of images accordingly, starting with Eugene's face photoshopped onto a white dad in a straight family with three kids, followed by the same picture except White Dad-gene is bald, followed by an even more cursed image of Eugene's face edited onto baby Wes instead. For good measure, he doubles down on the White Baby Eugene joke in the second photoshop battle with the addition of him sleeping in a Keith-themed bed and holding a Keith teddy bear.
For his Keith edit, Eugene goes with a good old name pun meme, taking an image of him holding a burger and simply editing the sandwich out to turn him from Keith Habersberger to "Keith Habersnoberger". The other Guys crack up when they see it, and when Keith reads the meme out loud, Eugene himself literally falls over laughing.
For Eugene in the "Wildest Dreams" episode, Zach makes an edit of his buddy... having sex with Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat as played by Steven McRae, promptly rendering the others helplessly speechless once he presents it (apart from Keith insistently repeating despite his obvious amusement that they can't put it on the internet). This exchange once everyone (mostly) finds their words again makes it even better.
Eugene: ...What did you Google to get the base image?
Zach: Uh, I Googled "tasteful gay porn"...

Living In A $22 Million Mansion For A Day

Zach, Maggie, and Kwesi decide to take advantage of the mansion's home theater. Zach picks a video to put on, and this exchange occurs once the Try Guys theme starts playing.
Kwesi: What video is this?
Zach: [Mouth full of food.] This is a documentary I made about my penis.
Beat.
Kwesi: Huh!

Without a Recipe

The Try Guys Bake Bread Without a Recipe

The hilarity begins with the fact that the entire episode is a pastiche of The Great British Bake Off, complete with shots of the countryside and adorable baby animals cut in-between segments. It even has a "quintessential British host."
The first ingredient Eugene grabs? Beer. He promptly opens one to drink while he's looking for the rest of his ingredients.
Zach's "buck-sweet" bread is made from things he just likes or thought sounded fancy. The ingredient list includes buckwheat flour, breadcrumbs, chocolate-covered pretzels, Fruity Pebbles, gummi bears, and Nutella. The result can most accurately be described as "turd-like."
Ned describing his proofed bread as going from an "airline pillow to a butt pad."
Joan, the British host, offers commentary and advice throughout the entire process that borders on Deadpan Snarker. It culminates in her voice-over at the end of day one. As the Try Guys leave their dough to proof, she mutters at the end, "Oh, I hope they don't fuck it up."
Speaking of Deadpan Snarkers, the judges (professional baker Zack, Alexis from Tasty, and Hannah Hart) offer delightfully snarky observations on each of the Try Guys loaves:
- Ned's cinnamon raisin bundt bread turns out to be a weird cross between bland and extremely bitter. After being asked if it's bread:
  Alexis: It is bread-like.
  Hannah: But there's so much more it wants to be...
  Ned: The more I eat it, the more I'm into it.
  Hannah: That is called Stockholm Syndrome.
- Zach's buck-sweet loaf provokes the strongest reactions both visually...
  Zack: What forest floor did you pick this up off of?
  Alexis: It looks... rustic.
  Zach: Thank you.
  Hannah: (forced smile) I don't want to eat it.
- ...and after being tasted (and promptly spat out):
  Zach: I ate at least ten percent of that.
  Hannah: That's not the goal.
- After being agreed on that Zach's loaf is definitely not bread:
  Zach: I can leave this wherever you want...
  Hannah: No. You should burn it.
The fact that Eugene, the least accomplished cook of the the Try Guys, drinks an entire six-pack while making his bread, thinks he completely blew the whole thing, and still manages to win.

The Try Guys Bake Without a Recipe: Holiday Pies

Eugene going for the bourbon almost on reflex.

The Try Guys Make Ice Cream Without a Recipe

Jamie's look of dejection at not being able to try Eugene's ice cream, which was made with amaretto. The only thing he can eat is the edible rose that Eugene decorated it with.

The Try Guys Make Waffle Cones Without a Recipe

Keith tries advising Eugene after the latter remarks his cones are going badly, leading to the following exchange.
Eugene: This isn't Ru Paul's Best Friend Race, dude. This is a competition.
Keith: RuPaul has a Best Friend Race?
Eugene: No! That's the whole point!

The Try Guys Bake Cakes Without a Recipe

The season finale of Without a Recipe with Keith losing the final round and finishing off in last place for the whole competition (yes, even behind Zach). Needless to say Keith has a massive meltdown of epic proportions while the other Try Guys cower in fear and the judges run away.
Keith: Are you... FUCKING... KIDDING ME?! I MADE a bowl... of cereal.^note (judges proceed to "run away" in terror, attempting to appease Keith's anger) I made a bowl! I made A FUCKING BOWL OF CEREAL! (picks up his slice of cake and slams it onto the table) IT DOESN'T FUCKING BOUNCE! (starts ripping up the other Guys' cakes) This is THE STUPIDEST SHOW! I HATE THIS SHOW! WITHOUT A RECIPE! FUCK IT ALL! I HATE THIS SHOW! I HATE NED'S PERFECT FUCKING CAKE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WES!!!
(sits back down next to the visibly terrified Try Guys)
Keith: Well needless to say I'm pretty bummed, but we'll see you next time on Without a Recipe! Bye! (laughs and waves, then starts sobbing)
- Keep in mind Keith has said repeatedly that he created Without a Recipe solely so he'd have the opportunity to win more competition videos. Oops.
- To be fair, Roy did compare it to a dog bakery item...to which Rosanna replied that she wouldn't feed it to her dog.
Eugene's cake, a triple-layer tea-themed cake that was over-mixed with far beyond the recommended amount of eggs, comes out looking "like flesh" (as commented by one of the judges) and something is making it wet and drippy. Rosanna Pansino physically cannot swallow a second bite of it. Roy Choi, judge and internationally renowned chef, breaks down laughing at his first bite of it, and even takes a picture to commemorate "one of the worst moments of [his] life."
Roy: (still laughing) I'm not made for YouTube, man. I'm not made for this shit.
Eugene pours a healthy quantity of alcohol into his bake, takes a long drink from the bottle, checks his watch, and calmly notes that it's currently eight o'clock in the morning.

The Try Guys Bake Cheesecake Without a Recipe

Eugene notes that "we should just go ahead and start an alcohol counter for Eugene."
Eugene starts off with a bang by using Guinness to make his graham cracker cheesecake crust:
Eugene: (stops mid-pour) Maybe I should exercise restraint.
beat
Eugene: (resumes pouring) Nah.
Keith trying to make rum raisins for his Daddy's Favorite cheesecake, only to discover that they've rehydrated from the liquid.
Keith: It seems that the raisins have drank the alcohol, and are trying to return to their previous status as grapes.

The Try Guys Make Ice Cream Cake Without a Recipe

Zach holding his arm over their cold stone to test if it really is very cold.
Eugene's fire truck-shaped cake gets horrifically burnt in the oven.
Eugene: I guess my theme was fire...so...
- He then manages to cut off the burnt pieces to use as decoration, leaving a perfectly respectable cake, and the judges praise his creativity.
Keith briefly wears an empty bag of Wonder Bread as a hat. How he came to be wearing said hat is never explained.
Zach makes "buttercream" icing...which turns out just to be six sticks of butter whipped together with a whole bunch of sugar.
Keith manages to produce a peanut butter and jelly-flavored ice cream cake, with a layer of "white bread pudding" that looks almost exactly like a chicken sandwich cut into triangles.
Keith: Everything about mine was sort of inspired by the miracle that is white bread.
Keith has another massive meltdown after once again receiving fourth place:
Keith: Are you fuckin' crazy? I sought. To make. Something. NEWWWWWWWWWW!
- Judge Rosanna Pansino declared that Keith's fourth place finish was the result of the unforgivable sin of putting ''bread'' in his ''cake.''
- In his rant, Keith points out that he came in fourth place in the ice cream episode, the cake episode, and now in the ice cream cake episode, all of which were recipes inspired by his father's favorite cereal and sandwich.
  Keith: I brought you something you never had before, right?! So did Eugene! (in mocking tone) "We loved it!" So did like Ned! He made something literally you can buy. I promise you if you look online right now, you can buy what he made by someone else! I called Wonder Bread! I went "(incoherent blabbering) Hi, what's the secret?" They said I won't tell you! (imitates slamming phone on desk) BAM! So I had to make up the secret! And put it in the cake! It was a sandwich! A sandwich. My dad. LOVES!
  (flashback of Keith's losing moments is shown)
  Keith: I LOST Without A Recipe - Ice Cream! I LOST Without A Recipe - Cake! AND NOW I HAVE LOST WITHOUT A RECIPE - ICE CREAM CAKE?! ALL OF WHICH WERE TRIBUTES TO MY FATHER!
  (the others laugh)
  Keith: I want YOU to know... that you will never meet my dad. (the other guys laugh) Thank you judges.

The Try Guys Bake Cinnamon Rolls Without a Recipe

Eugene incorporates pig blood into his cinnamon roll recipe, which of course gets everywhere as he's mixing up his dough and fillings and leaves the kitchen workspace looking like a murder scene. Eugene cackles maniacally as he whisks.

The Try Guys Bake Mac and Cheese Without a Recipe

Ned, in a desperate attempt to plastic-wrap his pasta dough in the last few seconds before time expires, inexplicably decides to fling it across the table. Of course, he misses, and it falls right out of the plastic wrap and directly onto the floor.
- He is later shown trying to scrape dirt off of the dough with a lemon zester.
- Rachel refuses to let Ned use the dough that fell on the floor (he had more that hadn't) and tries to reason with him by asking if he would really serve floor dough to the judges.
Ned: Yeah, 'cuz I'm from Flor-dough!
Eugene makes mac and cheese balls, out of actual balls.
Rosanna: It's just rude to serve a lady balls and not warn her.

The Try Guys Mystery Dish Challenge: Cooking Telephone

Ned decides to throw some corkscrews...
Keith: How much time do I have? Nineteen minutes to do what?? Why are there strawberries???!!!
[in another room]
Zach: Why are there strawberries, Ned?
Ned: I thought it would be funny...
While watching Ned add unrelated ingredients, in the other room, Zach asks Kwesi if they're going to have to beat Ned's ass, and Kwesi agrees while crying from laughing that they're gonna beat his ass.

The Try Guys Make Pop-Tarts Without a Recipe

As the episode was produced before Ned's departure the crew opted to cover him up with a CGI elephant who roars whenever Ned would have spoken.
- During judging Ned's body is left uncovered when the camera is focused on whoever is currently being judged. Fans quickly noticed that this may have been because he happened to be wearing a shirt that said "I love bad ideas".
- His face also gets censored with the dough face Keith made in the episode.

The Try Guys Make Boba Without a Recipe

Just like with the Pop-Tart episode, this episode was also produced before Ned's departure, so the crew covered him up, but this time with a CGI panda to fit the theme of the episode.
Both Eugene and Keith end up making a non-Newtonian fluid in their attempt to make boba.
Keith, who makes no secret that he does not like boba, makes it his goal to persuade the judges that they don't like boba either.

The Try Guys Make Burgers Without a Recipe

Keith requested spinach for his recipe, which gets labeled as "Keith's Special Spinach". Naturally, the guys have a field day with this.

The Try Guys Make Illusion Cakes Without a Recipe

"Good Eugene" decides to make a portrait of guest judge Jonny Cakes. After the fondant skin starts melting and warping, in the last 30 minutes Eugene switches to a slightly different approach, depicting Jonny's head in a full leather fetish mask. The judges' reactions are priceless.
Jonny: [laughing so hard he's near tears] ...do I look different than I think I do?!
- In fact, all the Guys manage to do fetish-inspired cakes this time. Keith makes a full recreation of his foot, while Zach makes a seemingly innocuous Necronomicon-themed cake... which he calls book-cake. Pronounced as bukkake. Complete with syringes of "ghost goo" the judges get to use on the cake.
  - Jonny reluctantly explains what bukkake is to Rosanna (or at least we think that's what he was saying, behind all the bleeps)...after the judges have already sprayed icing on the cake.
By putting too much baking powder and baking soda in his cake, Zach manages to make a cake that tastes like dish soap.
- The baking powder and baking soda also affected the raspberries as it sat overnight, making the underside of the cake look moldy. Zach takes a moment to reassure the viewers that it isn't actually, but it sure looks like it.
Eugene goes from adding a dozen eggs in the Cake episode to forgetting eggs entirely in this cake.
After Keith wins, he ecstatically rips off his shoe and sock to celebrate with the real star of the show—his foot.

The Try Guys Make Ramen Without A Recipe

Jared Popkin joins the first half of the season as a competitor and is billed at the start of the episode as “The Worst Chef We Could Find.” By his own admission, he has never baked anything. Ever. Immediately after time is called, he realizes left shells on his shrimp and stares into the camera in horror. Despite this, Zach’s ramen is deemed fourth-best and Jared finishes in third place.
Jared: YES! Anything but fourth! Yes! I feel like I just won! Wow, I feel like I just got first place. (to the judges) Thank you so much for your time, for your consideration. Thank you for giving me third. I love you all. I’ll go to all of your restaurants. I’ll eat there all the time. Wow! Yes! (Zach starts laughing from off-camera)
- Jared's reaction when Zach is given fourth place and Jared realizes what that means for him is also something to behold. Keith is also clearly trying not to laugh.

Without Instructions

The Try Guys Make Dresses Without Instructions

Kelsey Darragh joins in as a guest competitor in lieu of Keith for the episode. When her dress comes in third:
Kelsey: [Laughing.] Dammit, Keith, I'm sorry, Keith! ...What would Keith do right now? THIS IS FUCKED UP! I QUIT! [Pointing around.] YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG! YOUR *** MOM'S WRONG! I'M NOT - AHUHUGH - DOING THESE ANYMORE, AHUHUH!

Rank King

Eugene Ranks Every Girl Scout Cookie

One of Eugene's "Rank King" videos, he begins it with the usual amount of sass and bravado. This quickly folds when his special guests arrive... two actual Brownies named Olivia and Georgia. Eugene quickly becomes concerned with the shortness and tightness of the shorts he's now wearing in the presence of children.
The second issue he has with kids is he realizes his Rank King catchphrase ("I'm right, you're wrong, shut up!") is too harsh for kids, so he and the girls change it to "Maybe I'm right, maybe you're wrong, let's all get along." They later add, "Except robbers" at Olivia's suggestion.
Eugene is alarmed when the troop leader mentions they've seen previous Rank King episodes...
Eugene: The fruit one?
Leader/Mom: Yeah.
Eugene: Not the beer one... ^note
Leader/Mom: No.
Eugene: (relieved) Good.
Eugene discusses Keith and Zach's lactose intolerance with the girls as they drink milk with the Thanks-A-Lots.
Eugene: It means when they drink dairy, they get really farty.
(Everyone giggles)
Olivia: Wait, they can't have cake?
Eugene: They can, but then they fart a lot.
Olivia: How do they celebrate their birthday.
Eugene: With lots of farting! So it's "Happy Birthday, here's your cake!" and then it's like "thppbbb!"
(More giggling)
Eugene: I like this. Can we replace the Try Guys?
Eugene complains that the Toffee-Tastic cookies look better on the box than in real life. He compares them to looking at someone on Tinder before realizing that the girls have no idea what he's talking about. He does the same thing later with blood diamonds and foie gras.
The girls follow Eugene's lead in discarding cookies by throwing them on the floor. Olivia does it later with another cookie. Eugene notes she probably just wants to see him clean up the cookies, she responds with a sassy head bob.
Olivia dubs the square chocolate-covered S'more cookies "poop windows."
Olivia admits she likes Eugene's old slogan, so Eugene gently says it to her. He then feels bad for telling a kid to shut up.
Eugene has his hands on his hips as he accuses Olivia of being negative for fun, then adds:
Eugene: You remind me of a young me.
Olivia: Elbow...
Eugene: Exactly. Elbow.
The Stinger has Eugene doing his best impression of Russell from Up.

Eugene Ranks the World's Most Popular Fruit

Eugene's mother joins him for the episode, and three fruits in, she ranks bananas as between apples and oranges, placing their banana accordingly… vertically. Cue Eugene getting the giggles and adjusting the placement to look even more phallic. She gives him an amusedly-reproachful "oh, my god" and explains the banana was just going to end up that way when she's trying to place the fruit from behind.
Eugene: Is that usually where you do it from?! [Cracks up.]
Keith: [Off-camera.] Eugene!

Eat the Menu

Keith gets high in an attempt to tackle the Munchies portion of the massive Jack in the Box menu...only to find that he has even less appetite and no more desire to continue eating. Becky steps in to sample the Munchies meals for him.
As Keith prepares to try the calamari in the Olive Garden video, he informs the viewers that some unscrupulous vendors pass off pig anus as squid to be used in calamari, and notes that while he's pretty sure what he's holding is in fact squid and not pig anus, he can't be completely certain. He eats it anyway.
The Katz' Deli video is being filmed in a hotel room, and Keith mentions that the crew asked for extra sheets and towels (presumably, to deal with any food mess). According to them, this led to the hotel staff assuming they were shooting... something else. As Keith and Kwesi say, "it's really something much worse."
In the Pizza Hut Complete the Menu, Hughie accidentally mentions "'starfed' garlic knots" instead of "stuffed" ones, giving rise to the following impromptu jingle.
Keith: Starfed garlic knarts
Don't you wanna take a bart?
Put it into your gart
And fart, fart, fart…

Candid Competition

The sheer Serial Escalation of the Fake Relationship saga. To test what chain restaurants offer the best birthday perks, Zach has Miles accompany him to each place and instructs him to tell the waitstaff that it's his boyfriend's birthday and ask them if they can surprise him with anything while he's in the bathroom. In the episodes that follow, he enlists Miles again to find out what restaurants will help out the most with a marriage proposal... and what stores put together the best budget wedding cakes... and what hotel chains provide the best honeymoon experiences, with the latter three episodes sandwiched by surreal skits depicting Zach and Miles first getting married and then as a dysfunctional couple in a soap opera. Bonus points for Miles going from heaving a sigh of resignation on hearing Zach's plan in the first episode to acting his ass off as an overjoyed new fiancé in the second.
- In the honeymoon episode, Zach's disappointed that their room at the Hilton doesn't have a tub to take a romantic bubble bath in. Miles suggests they do something else. Cut to them gleefully frolicking together on the bed, playing with the rose petals raining down on them... and then cut to their actual partners Maggie and Sarah watching the antics on a laptop, looking at each other as if to say, "Welp, this is what we put up with, huh."

Phoning It In

Try Guys Ruin Chocolate Eclairs w/ Pro Chefs

Keith is instructed to put chocolate shavings over his completed Black Forest Cake, but the cake is too hot to decorate and soon crumbles apart. He pieces it back together and uses the unshaved chocolate bars to hold it in place all around the cake. His chef, Jimmy Wong, is horrified when it is revealed.
Jimmy: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! NO!!
Keith: It's your cake! It's yours!
Jimmy: (trying and failing to get back into character) Yes!... My masterpiece. As God intended...I can't believe I made so many decisions! To put the bars like fortress walls!
Keith: It was like your cake was way too fucking hot for your plan. And somebody had to figure out what to do!
Jimmy: (cringing hard) AAAAAARGH!...
Zach: (laughing) This is a good show!
Zach clarifying whether or not he should add the eggshell into his dish along with the egg.
Jonny: Obviously no fucking shell.
Zach: No, not obvious!
Jonny: Baby, when have you ever eaten an eggshell?
Jimmy's assessment of Keith's baking skills once their time on the phone runs out:
Jimmy: At least he can make something.
The chefs aren't allowed to use the proper names or terminology for the items they're making while on the phone with their assistants...so Zach and Jonny refer to the tray of eclairs as little dicks throughout the episode.

The Try Guys Ruin Disney Cakes w/ Pro Chefs

Keith tells Josh that his family used to refer to Vitamin D milk as "Daddy Milk". Josh remarks that "that's a choice"... but also rolls with it and refers to the milk by the name for the rest of the episode.
Eugene gleefully, wordlessly, loudly bludgeoning a bag full of peppermints with a rolling pin to crush them. The chefs can very much hear it in the next room.
Josh: What is banging? Who is banging?! [To Jonny.] Did you tell him to do that?!
Keith: Um. Eugene is jovially smashing peppermints in a bag.
Josh: Is Eugene harming you?!
Keith: He's not harming me, no. I mean, I guess he's harming my eardrums...
- Josh then tells Keith to get back at the other team as much noise as Eugene. Keith does so by yodelling at the top of his lungs.
The joking argument that breaks out when Keith accidentally hogs the oven at the expense of Eugene.
Eugene: The straights, Jonny. The straights are derailing our plan.
Jonny: This is a hate crime. I agree. [To Josh.] This is really fucked up of you guys. You hate gay people?
Josh: Yo, go f*** your own face! I don't hate gay people! I hate this gay person! [Pointing at Jonny.]
Jonny: [Wheezes with laughter.]
Josh: Okay, no, that sounds bad, I can see how —
Jonny: I’m just gonna let you dig your own grave.
Josh: I love you, I don't—
Jonny: Don't worry. Truth be told… [Points at himself.] I hate this gay person, too.
Josh: [Doubles over in surprise.]
Jonny: We’re in therapy.
Josh: I donate to the Trevor Project.
Jonny: Yeah. Okay.
Keith forgetting to put the container in the ice cream machine before pouring in the mixture, which promptly pours right out of the machine and floods all over the table, and desperately trying to avoid telling Josh what had happened while scooping the mixture back into the bowl with his bare hands.
Josh: What do you mean, it came out of its butt?!
- Josh calmly informs the camera that he has chosen to "Ferberize" Keith and plans to call him back when the problem is solved, so that Keith can learn how to handle things on his own.
Jonny and Eugene's cake turns out to be too short for the Elsa doll, so Eugene hacks the doll's legs off with a bread knife. While singing "Do You Want To Build a Snowman?"
One of the judges turns out to be Josh's Mythical Kitchen co-star Nicole who lied to him about going to a bris to cover up that she was going to appear.
Josh: Do you even have a cousin who needs a penis cut?
Nicole: (laughing) No.
Josh: That is... you're going to Jewish hell.

Try Guys Ruin French Macarons w/ Pro Chefs

Keith brings back his grilled cheese and tomato soup macaron monstrosity, much to Jonny's dismay. The judges aren't into it.
Keith: I'm gonna do it again! The next time we do macarons, you know what I'm making? MMMMULTIPLE SOUPS!
- Several months later, Jonny actually did oblige Keith and made a video where he made a series of macarons inspired by Campbell's Soup flavors. With varying degrees of success.
  Keith: You did it!
  Jonny: You're kidding.
  Keith: I mean... I don't think it's good, but it's as good as this could be.

Try Guys Bake Fire Skull Cakes w/ Pro Chefs

The fact that on hearing that the theme for the episode is "fire", both chefs decide on the exact same extremely specific dish - a gold-dusted chocolate skull meant to be flambéed so that it melts and reveals a chocolate cake inside it. Not only are the reactions as the competitors catch onto and try to work around the coincidence priceless, so is poor Jonny's explanation to the judges (particularly Duff Goldman, who's one of his idols) that he and Shane made the same thing as Monique and Keith when he inevitably presents second.
Jonny: I said, "What can I make that resembles the feeling I'm feeling of wanting to set myself on fire, thinking about being judged by you?" So I went for... oh, I dunno, a chocolate skull that you set on fire.
Duff: You did not!
Jonny: Unfortunately, I did.
After checking on his cakes in the oven and finding that they seem like they're almost done, Keith decides to leave them in for four and a half minutes. Later, during judging, Duff is able to assess that his completed cake seems overdone… by about four minutes.
- Keith, as usual, doesn't take the loss too well.
  Keith: It wasn't even my show to lose!
After their final set of quarters run out, Johnny and Monique realise they can hear what's happening in the kitchen from across the studio even though they can't speak to Keith or Shane anymore. this leads to a hilarious bit of timing in the last five minutes.
Monique: I hope Keith's doing okay.
Johnny: If something's wrong, Keith is screaming.
Keith: (off-camera) OH GOD!
Monique: Was that Keith?
Keith: (off-camera) OH NOOO!
Johnny: ...is he just fucking with us?

Rank Court

Try Guys Rank McDonald's Favorites

When Kelsey begins her argument in favor of the Big Mac:
Kelsey: He realized, "Our city is the city of steel! And where do our boys come after a hard day of labor and work?"
Eugene: In each other.
[Beat.]
Rank King: ORDER, ORDER! PLEASE! Don't be so funny!
- He then starts gesticulating when Kelsey goes on to describe "big, hairy, steely boys [who] weren't getting filled enough" by regular McDonald's burgers.
Kelsey telling Eugene that "You remind me how much I love (SQUEAK)" gives way to:
Rank King: [Singing.] This is how... you remind me of how much I love (SQUEAK)...

Try Guys Rank the Best Pets

When the handler of the snake that Eugene presents to the others reveals that said snake doesn't have a name:
Zach: [Intensely.] Sebastian…
Eugene: She, right?
Zach: She-bastian…
Rank King: Cynthia.
Matt: Veronica.
Eugene: No…
Rank King: [Brightly.] Pickle!

In Control with Kelsey

Eugene

During their time at BuzzFeed, Keith and Kelsey Impicciche decide to play The Sims 4. Unsurprisingly, Keith titles the series "Keith".
Keith gives an anecdote...
Keith: Once, a fan accidentally called me "Eugene" and it was like the biggest compliment.
- ...and then proceeds to give Eugene traits that he would never exhibit in real life, such as "Insane" and "Deviant".
  Kelsey: Eugene, I would just like to say if you're watching this, these traits were chosen by Keith.
Keith goes on a tangent talking about the sizes of the Try Guys's heads.
Kelsey: I don't know any of the sizes of my friends's heads.
Keith: You don't spend enough time with your friends.
Kelsey asks an important question.
Kelsey: How do you think Eugene will feel about us playing his Sim life?
Keith: Uh... he'll be happy that it's me and not Zach or Ned. Eugene and I are the cool Try Guys.
Kelsey makes a comment about the house chosen for Eugene.
Kelsey: I have a feeling this house isn't gonna scream "Eugene". It's gonna be pretty basic, but... doesn't matter.
Keith: Man, wouldn't it be terrifying if your house screamed your name? "KEITH!" "EUGENE!"
The first thing Keith does when loading Eugene into the world? Make him pee.
Keith and Kelsey attempt to have Eugene pick a fight with someone. Coincidentally, Johnny Zest appears in Eugene's house.
Keith: There's a man in my house!
Kelsey: How convenient!
Keith takes offense at Eugene using the house's electric stove to prepare scrambled eggs and bacon.
Keith: Who uses an electric stove?! UGH!
Eugene goes to the gym. This conversation ensues.^note
Eugene: Hey, there a bunch of blond people in your house all the time?
Sim: What? You have that problem too?
Eugene: Yeah! This blond couple that keeps putting garbage in my garbage! I did insult the wife. A LOT.
Kelsey calls Keith out.
Keith: Let's make everybody hate me!
Kelsey: Oh...
Keith: It's part of his goals!
Kelsey: (in between laughter) Is it secretly because he's so popular that you're making everyone hate him?
Keith: No, no, no! Why would I do that? That'll be childish! What a childish thing to do! Let's make fun of this woman again.
Keith has a realization.
Keith: Women do not like to be scared in locker rooms.
Kelsey: I think that's a life lesson that you can keep with you. Forever.
Keith's "epic" narration to end off the episode.
Keith: (in mock British accent) And with that, Eugene got into bed and fell asleep... very quickly! Goodness! The End.
Keith's request to the viewers.
Keith: We'll make every person at BuzzFeed. But. Theonlywayicandothatisifthisvideogetsatleastamillionviewssoyouhavetomakethathappenviewersitsoutofmyhands.

Ned

Keith creates Ned in the Sims.
Keith: You guys in the comments below said make Ned next. You also said to make Ariel; fuck that, I'm just making Ned!
All goes well until...
Keith: Oh God, we almost forgot. He's fucking married!
Kelsey: But is he married yet?
(Keith eyes the camera)
Keith: It's our fantasy; he's a single man!
(AND INTRODUCING... Single Man Ned)
Keith's requirement for people to download the Try Guys.
Keith: We'll make all of the four Try Guys available if all of these videos get two million views in a month each. Great.
Keith has a plan for Ned.
Keith: We're gonna make Ned get fat in our reality.
Ned and Nancy Landgraab hit it off. Keith notices something.
Kelsey: I've just seen three children! Just... and they all are sad!
Keith: That one just walked through Ned's dick. I'm not kidding; that child just walked through Ned's dick.
(slow motion replay)
After chatting it up with Nancy, Ned sleeps on a bench.
Keith: Go to sleep on the bench, Ned. Perfect!
Keith narrates a cooking show. Hilarity ensues.
Keith: Hey, welcome to the kitchen, we are-
Kelsey: (gasp) IT'S ON FIRE!
Keith: -oh shit we have started a fire. Okay, so something just happened, and then, uh, Nancy Landgraab comes and saves the day.
(Nancy extinguishes the fire)
- Following this, Keith launches into a rant about electric stoves.
  Keith: Eugene, walk away from the fire! Eugene, you're standing in fro- where did Nancy come from? This is why you don't have an electric oven. Electric ovens suck, they start fires, suddenly your fridge is burned.
Eugene's next course of action.
Keith: She might be the greatest character of all time. She just saved a man who literally fought her!
(replay of previous episode)
Keith: I'm gonna go tell her her mom's a llama.
Keith chooses aspirations for Ned as there is "nothing for him to do without his wife". Kelsey suggests an aspiration...
Kelsey: You can make him a serial romantic, and then he'd have to date a ton of people and be a player.
- ...and quickly regrets it.
  Kelsey: I don't know if I recommend it!
  (Keith selects the track)
  Kelsey: (with increasing panic in her voice) No! Why did I say that?! NO!
  Keith: We have a new goal! He's gonna find that Nancy Landgraab, show her some grabbable land!
Keith asks if threesomes happen in this game and is disappointed at the answer.
Keith: If this game is just a simulation of life, why can't it be the optimal version of life? Not saying that threesomes are optimal, I'm just saying that... to some it might be, maybe to Ned.
(Beat)
Keith: Ariel is gonna be really upset about this.
Keith is exasperated that Ned has few women to flirt with. Kelsey offers a suggestion, which he takes immediately.
Keith: What are you doing?! I told you to hit on women!
Kelsey: We can take him to the club.
(Beat)
Keith: (claps) Why didn't you say so?! Let's get to that clerb!
Keith notes the game's paid downloadable content.
Keith: We can't go to those, though...
Kelsey: No, we don't have those expansion packs yet.
Keith: Yeah, they really make their money on making you buy (unintelligible) things, don't they?
Kelsey: Yeah.
Keith: (under his breath) Clever...
- Following this, Keith asks an important question.
  Keith: How much real money have you paid on simulated life?
  (awkward silence)
When Ned arrives at the Blue Velvet...
Keith: Okay, this bar is fucking dead...
Keith's pet peeve with garbage.
Keith: (in increasingly irritated tone) Eugene's taking out garbage again! Where did he even get garbage?! What is their obsession with garbage?!
Keith rants to the commenters about Geoffrey Landgraab who they claim looks like him.
Keith: Okay, here's something I wanna bring up; in the last game, I said that this guy looks awful, and people said I look like him. Fuck you in the face! I do NOT look like this guy, how dare you, just... no! You are a bad person for saying that! This man's ugly, I am hot! Never say that again!
Keith discovers that Ned is not doing as he is told.
Keith: Where's Ned? I left Ned to flirt with the woman!
(Keith discovers Ned sleeping on a bench)
Keith: HE'S SLEEPING ON A BENCH AGAIN! Ned! You CAN NOT keep falling asleep on benches, dude! IT'S FUCKING WEIRD!
Keith attempts to have Ned talk to Tanvi Ross but ends up dancing with another Sim instead. Keith attempts to narrate Tanvi's inner thoughts, zooming in on her breasts by complete accident.
Keith: He was supposed to talk to me. He was supposed to tell me a joke about penguins. I'm gonna burn his house down. I'm gonna burn his house down! I hate you Ned! I HATE YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU! AND YOU WOULDN'T LOVE ME! NED! NEEEEEED! Neeeeeeeeeeeeed!
(Beat)
Keith: Seriously, Ned. You need to dance with this lady. She is fuckin' pissed. Look at her.
Ned successfully flirts with Tanvi and they attempt to go out and have some private time, but gets rejected. Keith, lapsing into his "epic" narrator voice, narrates the moment.
Keith: (in mock British accent) And... the sweet angel has taken rejection poorly, and has fallen asleep once again, on the bench.
- All of the above conversations regarding Ned's romantic life in the Sims become significantly Harsher in Hindsight come September 2022, with Ned removed from the group due to an extramarital affair.

Zach

Keith creates Zach in the Sims. Before creating Zach, Kelsey suggests playing with genetics.
Keith: No... it's too early for that! We gotta build Zach first, later on we can let them fuck each other!
Keith attempts to make Zach look younger... by making him a literal child!
As he plays around with Zach's facial features, he makes a comment about light skin tones, which Kelsey takes offense to.
Keith: Oh, one of the problems is that he's not white enough.
(selects lighter skin tone)
Keith: Wow, that is awful skin tone. If your skin looks like this, call a doctor immediately.
(Kelsey is offended)
Keith: It is not- that is-
Kelsey: If you have that skin naturally, you're- you're beautiful just the way you are.
Keith selects Zach's traits.
Keith: He's creative more than he is smart or social or able to use his motor functions well.
Eugene is hungry so Keith makes Eugene go make some food. He quickly realizes however...
Keith: Go to the kit- ugh...
Kelsey: Remember you burned it down?
Keith: Oh shit. He can't cook anything for himself because his electric stove caught on fire!
(flashback)
Keith: Well we better fucking buy him a new stove!
Zach throws a tantrum at Ned.
Tanvi Roth walks by the house, with Keith inviting Tanvi to flirt with Ned. This escalates out of control, with a very pissed off Ned ruining the mood and both getting into an argument.
Kelsey: This one girl that was interested in him and he completely ruined it.
Keith: You fucking blew it, Fulmer!
Kelsey spots Tanvi playing in the garbage.
Keith: What- you fucking weirdo! What is wrong with these people?! Your feet are gonna be filthy!
(zooms in on Tanvi)
Keith: I'm glad Ned yelled at you. You're too weird. But I am the most interested in her.
Eugene flirts with Tanvi, while Ned sleeps on the couch, until...
Keith: This story is all about Zach. I need to stop fucking with Eugene and Ned. Who cares about them?
Zach then stomps in the trash pile outside the house.
Keith: And Zach is doing this thing that is apparently all the rage now. I- I- I- can I talk about the Sims's obsession with garbage?
(compilation of Keith mentioning "garbage")
Keith: The fuck is with these people?
Keith takes Zach, Eugene and Ned out, with the goal of Zach making a friend and the other Try Guys to "not fuck it up".
Setting off the game, Keith makes Eugene pee and yell at a man while Ned "gets swole" by doing pushups on the side of the road; this fails when Eugene runs back home. Keith claims this is on brand with the actual Eugene.
Zach plays at the playground before Kelsey notices something.
Keith: Zach is being awesome, he's fucking shooting a gun like a hero, and there is a friend nearby, let's have him make friends, make friends-
Kelsey: Shouldn't he be at school right now? It's a Tuesday afternoon!
Keith: It's summertime.
Keith accidentally makes Ned talk to Khalil, a kid playing on the monkey bars.
Keith: Oh I didn't mean for Ned to talk to the kid, goddammit! Well I guess Ned's gonna talk to this kid now! Sometimes you make mistakes and you live with them.
Keith attempts to make Ned to fall in love with a random teenager.
Keith: What if the adult is 20 and the teen is 19? Then what?
Zach picks a random bathroom to go in the middle of nowhere.
Zach fishes a fish, worth §7. Keith makes a comment.
Zach: Wow, he is the first person in the family to make money. Zach wasted no time in starting to actually help this family out; Eugene and Ned have done nothing but sleep on benches and fight with women. I gotta get my little child here to go make us some money out in the wilderness! He's putting dinner on the table, my Korndiddy is a Korndaddy.
Zach makes fun of a sim's clothes and proceeds to find Khalil to play with.
Keith: Let's find that kid; that kid who's playing alone with no parents.
(moves to playground)
Keith: Yeah. He's still here. (laughs) Play with Khalil, on the monkey baers.
On reaching home, Keith realizes that the entire house only has a single bed. He opts to buy an anti-goblin bed for Zach.
Keith: I need to build them more beds...
The obligatory "epic" narration to finish off the story.
Keith: (in mock British accent) And with that, Zach finished his ham and cheese sandwich because in The Sims Zach is not lactose intolerant and is able to eat cheese just fine. And he finished his sandwich. (back to American accent) Finish your sandwich! There you go. (mock British accent) And Zach, puts his plate on the counter, not in the sink which he was right next to, and he gets into his anti-goblin bed, jumping into his sloth jammies, tucking himself in for a nice night. And Ned is awake and he's gonna take a shower.

Try Pets

Keith and Kelsey create pets for the Try Guys in The Sims 4. Keith goes on a long monologue about the Try Pets.
Keith: Alright, so, here's the thing. All the Try Guys have doggies, except for me. Eugene has two doggies, Pesto and Emma, Ned has one doggie, Bean, and Zach, a notable cat enthusiast, got a dog for some reason named Bowie; Bowie is cute, but he's not a cat, doesn't make any sense. I have no pets, because, why would I wanna ruin my life?
While making Bowie, Keith confuses some of the Try Pets's traits and proceeds to make comments on the dogs.
Keith: Dogs all look the same, huh?
(*This is a generalization and does not represent the views of the editor.)
Keith creates a cat on the insistence of Kelsey. After noticing that Keith would likely not be able to be added to the family, they come to a compromise that the cat would be a depiction of Keith.
Keith: Right now, my soul has been trapped in a cat, and when we kill the cat, the real Keith can finally live again.
Kelsey: That or the cat will be adopted by another family.
Keith: Or the cat is killed and Keith's spirit is finally free.
Keith hands the mouse off to Kelsey to design Keith as a cat, named Keith Meowersberger. She feels Keith would be a dog, with which he disagrees.
Kelsey: I feel like you'd be a dog.
Keith: Why, yeah, but you're not gonna get that. You get to design me as a cat.
Zach is uncomfortable, wanting to discuss his favorite band.
Keith: 'kay, go fucking bother Ned about it!
Keith Meowersberger and Zach become friends, exciting Keith.
Keith: Whoa, shit yeah! The first friendship of the house! Zach and me as a cat!
While Ned is flirting with Lilith Vatore, Keith proceeds to Simstagram Emma. He proceeds to get a photo of Eugene's butt.
Emma is encouraged to poop by Eugene. She does so, with her stool appearing to be "shot out of her".
Chaos ensues, as Kelsey has predicted, with the Try Pets doing exactly what Keith did not want them to do. He makes a comment in resignation.
Keith: Normally in these Sims episodes I achieve something and we win. I- I- I don't know what to do! I- I just- is this what it likes to be a parent? Not every day is a teaching moment?
The obligatory "epic" narration to finish off the story.
Keith: (in mock British accent) And with that, all the animals finally laid to rest with Eugene sleeping in Zach's bed, Ned in Eugene's and- and Zach, well, doing nothing.
They actually achieve something!
Kelsey: Oh my gosh, Emma's gonna be a Simstagram star!
Keith: I guess we did achieve something after all! We did it! Emma's a star!
Kelsey: (in between laughter) And you know what?! It was technically Eugene's butt!
Keith: That's the way to make sure your Instagram is popular.

Finding a House

Keith and Kelsey look for a house for the Try Guys. He starts off with a monologue.
Keith: Welcome to Keith, Kelsey's here, today we're looking at the houses that you built for the Try Guys! I'm gonna look at your houses, I'm gonna judge 'em, I'm gonna pick one, gosh I hope I pick a nice one. I hope you guys built a lot, I haven't looked at all! I saw some people Tweet at me that they built some houses but I tried not to look at them. Except for the one that looked like a boner. Couldn't resist.
Keith inadvertently inputs "tryguywhouse" in the gallery and...
Keith: Six houses? That is not enough! A million and three people have watched that video and six people made me a house?!
- They correct the spelling to "tryguyshouse" and they get significantly more results.
  Keith: Wow, this is a lot of houses. I didn't expect this much.
Keith insists on individually placing each house he selects down into a lot to judge them.
Keith notices one of the houses has a bench in lieu of a bed in Ned's room.
Keith: Oh, and you've given Ned a bench!
(Kelsey erupts into laughter)
Keith: As a bed! I must applaud that! This is great!
Across the entire episode, Keith places emphasis on the bathrooms in the house, with his insistence of having bathrooms on every floor disqualifying many of the houses.
Kelsey: The only problem that you have with this house is the bathrooms.
Keith: You guys, you can't have a three-storey house with four beds and have two bathrooms on the top floor! That means when your guests come over for dinner they have to go up two floors to pee! It cannot work! I'm sorry, I loved this house! It was a great house!
Keith attempts to find a specific house.
Keith: Where is that dick house at?
(Kelsey laughs)
Keith: It's got like, two, uh, balls on the right- it's not a- a vertical penis, it's a horizontal penis.
They eventually find the phallic house and discover it is too big for the existing lot.
Kelsey: This boner house is too big for our lot.
Keith: Oh shit.
Kelsey: We need to move lots.
Keith: Wow, that's a big dick! Wow. You built such a large boner house that it doesn't fit on the lot with literal mansions on it. I dunno if it was the length or the girth, but something about that house was too much for the lot to handle.
- They need to start an entirely new community to place down the house.
  Keith: Oh look at this empty park!
  Kelsey: Yeah!
  Keith: Let's ruin it with a big 'ol dick house!
  (placing house)
  Keith: I'm having to start an entirely new community because of this penis house. Wow.
  Kelsey: Dreams really do come true, Keith.
  Keith: They really do.
- When the house is built...
  Keith: Let's dive inside this big 'ol dick.
- This house is not selected, although Keith found it "stimulating".
They ultimately find a house and celebrate. Keith notices something and cues the outtro.
Keith: Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a house! Oh God, I didn't even look, there's a park right here! Did we do that or was that a part of it?
Kelsey: We- we did that.
Keith: We did that! Great job us! Thanks so much for everybody building these houses! Now next time, it's the big time! We're gonna see me make me!

Keith

Keith finally makes himself in The Sims 4. Before he does, he holds an impromptu contest between multiple fan-created Keith Sims and chooses a winner.
Keith: "tasmaklejaca1"... rolls off the tongue.
Defeated, Keith gives up trying to recreate himself in the Sims, delegating Kelsey to finish it for him. The result is a somewhat decent looking Keith, although Kelsey believes it does not look particularly good.
Kelsey and Keith look at Sim Keith's thighs and comment that they look like "peg legs".
Keith: I actually have some fuckin' big calves...
Keith attempts to change the height of his Sim; Kelsey states that this was not possible to Keith's disappointment.
Keith: (blows a raspberry) Whatever...
Keith narrates his clothing choices for his Sim.
Keith: This is Keith Habersberger, this is a typical everyday look. Blue squares, hangin' out, not fit, not fat; somewhere in the middle. (changes outfits) Hey, lookin' good! A little formal, maybe I've got a meeting, huh? Maybe I'm gonna pitch some more fried chicken series and get the company to pay for my eating habits. (changes outfits) Now let's go sports! Geez, I sure don't play sports. Is this what people wear? Great. (changes outfits) Now let's move to nighttime! Sleepy time! I sleep like Eugene, only in my underwear. Fun fact, all the Try Guys, except for Ned, sleep only in their underwear; Ned wears an undershirt. Hot fact. Great. (changes outfits) Oh wait, I can't nap now, I've gotta go to a party, so I'll dress totally fine! (changes outfits) Turns out it's a pool party! Let's rip up some hides.
Keith selects his emotional traits. He selects Goofball and Foodie and struggles to decide on his last trait.
Keith: (clicks his tongue) "Good". (selects "Good" trait)
Kelsey spots Sim Keith playing The Sims within The Sims 4.
Kelsey: You're on the computer.
Keith: Oh my God, this is so meta! What do you think I'm doing?
Kelsey: You're playing Sims.
Kelsey notices that Sim Keith has a ring on his finger. Cue Keith doing an obnoxious impression of Ned.
Keith: Mah wahfe! Mah wahfe! Mah wahfe! Mah wahfe!
Keith talks about family affairs.
Keith: The house has been super dysfunctional all this time, and we've never understood why. It's because I was never there! I'm the missing link! I'm that little piece of peace that everyone needs in their life!
Kelsey: And it's not because you don't know how to play Sims.
Keith: No. No, no, no, no. It's because Keith wasn't there.
Keith discovers Zach is in school and forces him to return home.
Keith: When did- wh- whe- where does he get the nerve to go educate himself?! Not in my house!
Sim Keith sits down naked in front of Zach, who is throwing a tantrum.
As Zach decides to pour paint on a rug, Keith decides to adopt Zach as his son. Ned cleans up the mess.
Keith: I never knew how much responsibility it would be to have a son...
Keith gets a book for Zach to read.
Keith: Zach, read this bible. You're gonna be Christian now. No more Judaism for you, young one! You're gonna learn about Jesus with me as your father.
Keith notices that the Try Pets are no longer in the household, having been adopted by other families while he was gone.
Keith: Oh, some family just came in my house and took my pets? Wow.
- Keith tries to have the pets brought back, an idea which Kelsey shoots down.
  Keith: Would they have died or something? They're just digital pets! They're not real!
  Kelsey: I WAS CONNECTED TO THEM, KEITH! I needed them to have a happy family!
- They compromise and invite Bowie to the house and have Zach pet him. From this point on, Keith refers to dogs as "dags".
While Keith educates Zach on the importance of manners, Eugene takes a shower behind them. Keith immediately moves the camera to focus on Eugene.
Keith: This is the second time Eugene has been naked in this video so far. You bring Keith in the house? (snaps fingers) Good times, banana!
Kelsey suggests to Keith to throw a party and invite all of Ned's love interests. Keith takes her up on the offer.
Keith: Oh shit! Let's find Ned a wife!
- When they actually get to inviting guests, they find that they can only invite Lilith Vatore; they then proceed to hire some people on the pretext that "more people would come". Keith is worried that hiring people would cost them, with Kelsey shutting down that rumor quickly.
  Kelsey: Who cares? Money is but an object when you have cheat codes!
- The party starts, with Lilith apparently absent and Ned upstairs drinking milk alone in Zach's room. Out of options, Keith has himself, Ned and bartender Abram Sheie skinny dip in the pool.
- Keith attempts to get Zach to skinny dip as well, with Zach pouring paint over the floor. He ends up strictly disciplining Zach and grounding him for the rest of the night. As Zach walks back up to his room, he spots chef Clara Bjergsen playing Tetris; angered by this, he tells Clara to "get out of his house".
With the party now in shambles, Keith selects a career for Ned; initially wanting him to get a job as a "sexy bartender", he ultimately settles for Scientist, hoping he would meet "a beautiful science woman". Shortly after, he attempts to flirt with Penny Pizzazz.
As Keith scats the Family Matters theme song, Vladislaus Straud shows up outside the house. Eugene's response is to mock him and treat him rudely to get his mischief level up.
As Ned tries to flirt with Penny again, Lilith invites Ned to a party, exciting Keith and the gang.
Keith: Fuckin' Ned's got invited to a party!
- The episode ends on a cliffhanger after accepting the party invite.

Kelsey

Keith makes Kelsey in The Sims 4 on the request of numerous fans. As usual, he starts with his intro...
Keith: Welcome to Keith, I'm here with Kelsey, we're playin' The Sims again! We've made all the Try Guys, they're all beautiful, each in their own way; I've looked at the comments, people say they wanted to see me build Kelsey, so I think it's only right- (burps) oh, I just ate a burrito...
Keith puts the Try Guys they created on the Internet and ad-libs an advertisement.
Keith: Now is your chance to finally own the exclusive four-pack of all four Try Guys, designed by Keith and Kelsey! you can take them on your own adventures! Maybe have them enter a cooking competition! Maybe have them eat some spiders! Maybe swing on vines! Who knows? It's up to you on the- your- video game.
Keith's description for the Try Guys.
Keith: The Try Guys by Keith: a family of four whose love extends further than the light from that one star that's too far to see.
(ding!)
Keith uploads the Try Guys to the gallery...
Keith: You guys can now use us... and abuse us, baby.
- ...before following up with an absurd request.
  Keith: Ooh! Send us your videos of you killing us! That's a great competition! Send us your videos and we will judge who killed us the best. This is awesome.
As Keith makes Kelsey, he takes pot shots at Kelsey's "super pigmentless skin" and her blonde hair.
Keith adds clown makeup to Kelsey.
Keith: Kelsey, all done!
Kelsey: Is this what you think of me, Keith?!
Keith: This is how I think of everyone at BuzzFeed.
After finishing Kelsey's Sim, it is now time for Keith to give Kelsey some clothing choices. He makes a declaration...
Keith: (singing) So let's dress you dress you dress you in your very best~♪
Keith: Alright everybody, try not to make this weird.
- ...and immediately gives Kelsey a Panda costume as her daytime outfit.
  Keith: Daytime outfit! Boom!
Keith makes Kelsey's stomach a little bit bigger and makes some implications.
Keith: Kelsey has a little Kelsey...
Kelsey: No, NO!
Keith accidentally removes Kelsey's shirt in-game.
Keith: Oh God! Put a shirt on! Okay, alright... didn't see that coming, I apologize thirty times.
- Kelsey notes that Keith is dressing her Sim for formal occasions. He remarks back.
  Kelsey: This is formal wear. Put me in like a dress.
  Keith: Ohhhhh, I didn't realize. I was making daytime in my head; I forgot we already had the perfect outfit for that.
  (Kelsey side-eyes the camera)
Keith gives Kelsey a formal dress... and proceeds to remove it by accident. Kelsey reflexively covers her eyes.
Kelsey: Why did I close my own eyes?!
Keith dresses her up in a party dress and makes some comments about a day in a life as a BuzzFeed employee.
Keith: "Party over here, going out with YB tonight! We're gonna go sip drinks and take selfie videos on our Instagram!" We've all seen it!
Kelsey: That's not all we do!
Keith: Yeahhhhhhhhhh, well, I beg to differ!
Keith takes offense at the swimwear chosen for Kelsey...
Keith: What's this? Swimwear?
Kelsey: Swimwear!
Keith: Who's swimmin' in this outfit?! That's what bikinis look like!
- ...before returning to the panda costume.
  Keith: But most of the time... (laughs) just gonna look... just gonna look like this. Let's give it a 360...
Keith inputs the name "Keith" into the name box.
He then proceeds to scat...
Keith: "Im-pi-chi-chi-kuh".
Kelsey: "Impicciche".
Keith: (scats)
- ...before seeing Kelsey's panda costume and loses it.
Keith moves Kelsey to an empty lot. While she is dressed in her panda costume.
Keith: You're movin' to this piece of grass! Oh boy, what a beautiful day! (giggles)
- Keith changes Kelsey into her casual outfit. Kelsey calls him out for it.
  Kelsey: Why even put me in that if you're gonna change my outfit all the time?
  Keith: It's the Sims.
Returning to the cliffhanger from the previous episode, the gang changes focus to Ned, having been invited by Lilith Vatore to a party. They cut to Ned... who is still in his speedo from the previous party.
- Keith changes Ned into his party wear, before cutting to Lilith, who vanishes in the day due to being a vampire. Keith goes on a long rant about Ned being dumped...
  (Lilith vanishes)
  Keith: Oh. Did she die?
  Kelsey: What just happe-
  Keith: Oh Ned, you blew it! All that suspense! All that "what's gonna happen" and now Ned's just jogging to a bench where he can lay down and sleep!
  (Ned sleeps on a bench)
  Keith: His date just evaporated! Ned! Ned, everything we did! Everythi- all the progress we made, bro! What's up man? What's up, Ned? What are we gonna do? He came all this way, now he's miles from home, he's just Forrest Gump ing all over the place!
- ...before commenting about the size of the Vatore's estate.
  Keith: Look at this estate!
Kelsey suggests that Ned return to the party Lilith invited him to. Seeing a bench in the middle of a hedge maze on the estate, Keith has other ideas.
Kelsey: He should just go to the party.
Keith: Let's have him- no. Let's have him go to the center of the maze.
Kelsey: Okay.
Keith: Nap on this bench!
Keith does an impromptu song, referencing Maze Runner: The Death Cure.
(imitates bass guitar)
Ned to the rescue
Ned's gonna find his bench
Ned's gonna travel across the land
And Ned's gonna have a bench
Ned loves benches
It's what he strives to own
Someday he will have
Thirty-six benches in his home
Come on, Ned, come on, Ned
Come on, step behind a wall
- Ned actually makes it to the center of the maze, to which Keith celebrates.
  Keith: He's got some great fucking maze intuition! Did you see him crush that?! NOTHIN' beats mah baybeh when it comes to mazes, Ned! Ned, you amaze me.
Keith makes Ned go back home. Keith improvises another song sung in a rocker voice.
I had a girlfriend and then she caught fire
I never knew what it was like to be loved
I've got the butt everybody desires
- Keith attempts to follow Ned all the way home but is interrupted by a loading screen.
  Keith: Oh, shit!
Ned attempts to flirt with Keith. He gets rejected.
Kelsey: Oooh! Re-jec-ted!
Keith: Ned. Ned, stop being weird.
- Keith proceeds to voice Sim Keith and proceeds to make fun of Ned.
  Keith: Anyhow, remember when that sun burned your girlfriend alive? (mocking laughter)
Kelsey notices a "Praise Vampire Lifestyle" option for Eugene when talking to Sim Kelsey. Keith seizes this opportunity to take more pot shots at Kelsey.
Kelsey: Wait, why would he praise vampire lifestyle? I'm not a vampire!
Keith: Hmm, are you?
Keith proceeds to invite Zach, Ned, Sim Keith and Caleb Vatore to Kelsey's lot.
Keith: Let's get Zach, Keith and Ned over here. And let's throw in a vampire. Let's watch him burn alive. It'll remind Ned of his lost love, which is nice.
Keith goes on a long and increasingly unhinged rant about viewer watching patterns.
Keith: So at the end of last video I said I was going to start killing the Try Guys, and nobody I don't think made it to the very very very very very very very end; you've gotta change that behavior. You love this, right?! You love this?! You need it in your life, huh?! Then you've gotta watch it! If that means you've gotta like watch it six times, each, maybe ten times each, leave it on a replay on your computer overnight- [...] I would love also if you all just went back and watched the first episode, like everybody went back and watched the first episode, it's got a crazy spike, just really throw the metrics to shit. Let's cause a little chaos, huh? Let's teach YouTube a lesson!
The Spice Festival arrives.
Kelsey: The Spice Festival is in town!
Keith: WELL LET'S FUCKING GO TO THE SPICE FESTIVAL, BABY!
- Keith proceeds to invite everyone except Clara Bjergsen, still harboring disdain about her not doing as she was told at Ned's ill-fated party at their house.
  Kelsey: Everyone's gonna come! Bowie's gonna come! Caleb's gonna come! Everybody's coming!
  Keith: Everybody's coming-
  (Keith realizes he selected Clara)
  Keith: Clara- no, this bitch can't come!
  (Keith unselects Clara)
  Keith: I hired her, and then she's was playing on my computer, not working!
  (flashback to previous episode)
Caleb plays with Bowie.
Keith: Everybody loves a dag!
Keith notices Ned singing karaoke to Zach in a private room in a karaoke bar. Keith proceeds to make Zach make fun of Ned.
Keith wonders out loud as to why a Spice Festival would be like this. Turns out the guys aren't even at the Spice Festival. Keith downplays this.
Keith: What kind of Spice Festival is this? This is just a karaoke bar!
Kelsey: So that's not- that's a karaoke bar. Turn around.
Keith: No, my boys like what they like.
Keith and Kelsey spot Zach singing karaoke...
Keith: He's so fucking cute!
- ...and then cut to Keith playing with Bowie.
  Keith: Oh shit, now I'm playing with the dag!
As the guys go to the Spice Festival to get food, Lilith texts Ned, inviting him to another party. Keith proceeds to cancel the invite.
Kelsey: Lilith is inviting him to another party! She's alive!
Keith: No, because last time I came to your party, you caught on fire and disappeared.
Kelsey: But it's a nightclub now!
Keith: That's pretty much a red flag in my book.
Ned, feeling uncomfortable, saunters over to the Spice Festival to get some food. Keith notices this and wonders why he's feeling uncomfortable; Kelsey immediately calls him out.
Keith: Oh God, here he comes. (Beat) Oh, poor Ned. What's wrong with him?
Kelsey: You don't take care of him! That's what's wrong with all of them!
Keith and Eugene enter a Curry Challenge and notice a lady sitting at the table with them. They discover the lady is Clara, who Keith abhors.
Keith: Who's this? That better not be that bitch.
(it is indeed Clara)
Keith: YES IT IS. You... eugh! Ooh! Oooooh!
(proceeds to click "Rude Introduction")
Keith: You think you can eat with me?! You think you can eat with me?! Get outta here!
Keith frames the Curry Challenge in the form of a BuzzFeed taste test, voicing both Sim Eugene and Keith.
Sim Keith: Okay, today we're trying... spicy food, I- I dunno if I like spicy food, I kinda have a weird tongue.^note
Sim Eugene: I can eat any spicy food ever, I- I'm hot and sexy and I can do anything I want.
Keith: Joke, joke, joke, joke. (imitates BuzzFeed logo sound effects) Here you go.
- The challenge commences, with Keith grabbing a glass of water for himself "like a true friend".
  Keith: The Try Guys Try the Spicy Curry Challenge. Here I come with a glass of water like a true friend.
  Kelsey: For yourself?
  Keith: Yeah.
- Eugene eats the curry and fails the challenge, making him feel uncomfortable.
  Keith: He did it.
  Kelsey: He failed the Spicy Curry Challenge.
  Keith: I- wha- how do you- can you win it?
Keith has a request for the viewers.
Keith: I'm overwhelmed. I think why I'm overwhelmed is there's too many of us. We've gotta kill one of these guys. I have this challenge out for you guys to kill us, and whoever does the best job at killing us, I'm gonna use that style of killing in the next episode to start killing us.
Zach passes out in the middle of a basketball field. While people are playing basketball around him.
Sending the Try Guys home, Keith makes a comment.
Keith: I feel like we made so much progress last episode and I feel like we lost all of it. I feel like we just regressed like crazy.
A monster appears under Zach's bed, with Zach trying to wake up Ned and Keith to remove the monster.
- Ned awakens but does nothing to help Zach, so Zach attempts to awaken Keith. Keith provides an epic voiceover.
Keith: Father, something just happened. I was sleeping and I...
(Zach walks out of Keith's room)
Keith: Anyway, I'll tell you the rest later.
- Zach continues in his attempts to get Keith to remove the monster. He appears to have succeeded; Keith has other ideas, sitting down at his computer to play video games.
- With Keith downstairs playing games, Zach pleads with his father to come up to remove the monster; the monster eventually vanishes, allowing Zach to sleep as Keith pans outwards to close off the episode.
  Keith: Guess I didn't need my dad after all. (Beat) The End.
Keith's comments to close out the episode.
Keith: This family's dysfunctional. We gotta kill somebody. Thanks for watching this episode of Welcome to Keith- what's this show called?! Tune in next time for when we kill the Try Guys, your way!

Killing the Try Guys

Keith and Kelsey create a competition where they see fans kill the Try Guys. The intro is in shambles:
Keith: Welcome to Keith, today we're looking at the fan submissions of their murders of the Try Guys in The Sims 4! Kelsey's here, I'm Keith, um... what else do we say in the beginning? Nothin'? Great!
@autumn_ruh's submission features a cow plant devouring Ned. Keith has this to say about the cow plant.
Keith: That plant looks stupid...
@torie2turnt's submission features Keith dying of laughter. As soon as Keith dies, Ned begins to laugh maniacally. Keith attributes this to "retribution" for Ned's "rough" time in the canon of this story.
- Turns out Keith was chosen to die in a musical chairs-style game, with Keith standing up.
  Keith: Torie, you're too turnt!
Keith reads @lottiedottiexo's submission.
Keith: "So I don't have video evidence but I do have a picture of the notification as I was..."
Kelsey: Away from keyboard.
Keith: "...away from keyboard. Afk. When this happened. By the way, you and your in-game wife Felicity both died and left behind your twin daughters."
- Following this, Kelsey asks an important question.
  Kelsey: What happened to your son Zach?!
  Keith: What did lottiedottiexo do to Zach is the real question, lottiedottiexo?! Where you at, lottiedottie?!
They come across a very NSFW Tweet.
Keith: I saw this too; we're not gonna show this but there's a highly pornographic image of three of us. Very funny. Not what we asked for.
Kelsey: MY EYES!
Keith: I will not describe it to you; it's too gross.
@SkippuDippu's submission involves the guys having to swim through a pool maze to get into a house to do anything at all. The two compare her voice to ASMR, calling it "calming".
- Keith has some comments about this. Kelsey chimes in with her own.
  Keith: These children are sadistic.
  Kelsey: I was this kid growing up. I loved finding weird ways to (voice pitched down) kill my Sims.
- Eugene eventually drowns, with @SkippuDippu getting the Vengeful Deity achievement as a result.
  Kelsey: A Vengeful Deity?
  Keith: She's killed ten people and she- she just got a reward for killing Eugene because she's killed ten Sims!
  Kelsey: I'm proud of her.
  Keith: This is truly the work of an evil genius.
@MrsTomato1018's submission has Ned marry Nancy Landgraab in a speedo. They later WooHoo in his old age, with Ned dying from overexertion. Keith's commentary of the entire ordeal sells it.
Keith: She's made Ned old and Nancy is ffffffffffuckin' hawt. She's wearing this sexy lingerie she got, she's like "Let's do it, baby." and Ned's like (impersonates an "old" Ned) "Okay!" And then, they do it, he gets up, he gets to this part of the room, and then he starts to die.
Kelsey: (erupts into uproarious laughter)
Keith: Nancy is sleeping, Ned is checking his own pulse to see if he's dead or not! I've never seen someone check their own pulse!
- This is followed by Keith, Eugene and Zach discovering Ned's death in that order, with all three sobbing in grief; Nancy wakes up soon after to find Ned's urn and begins sobbing as well. Shortly after, Keith becomes hysterical and dies from laughter. Keith imitates the face he made on his death.
- Ned, now a ghost, trails Nancy and they WooHoo. Again.
  Kelsey: Wait, ARE THEY GONNA WOOHOO AS A- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
  Keith: He just had ghost sex with Landgraab?! LANDGRAAB! Wow, Shane Madej could see this.
- They discover Zach has also died and react in shock; turns out he burned to death while doing the laundry.
- Both agree this challenge was more tragic than expected. Keith rants against @MrsTomato1018's submission.
  Keith: How dare you accept my challenge! How dare you kill us! Why?! You thought it would make me happy?! Look what you've done to me! At least Zach's a ghost.
- Eugene burns to death while he is barbecuing. Kelsey has a theory.
  Kelsey: Do you think Nancy Landgraab did this on purpose so she could take the house? And all their money? 'cause they're- you guys are rich right now.
  Keith: (Keith realizes) If we all die, then she is left the house and the land. The Land Graab.
  Kelsey: Her last name is her own con!
@Angichan0's submission involves Keith killing Ned, Eugene and a dog named Captain Whittaker through the use of a mod via stabbing and other methods of extreme violence.
- As Sim Keith weeps upon seeing the urns of one of the other Guys, Keith thinks about a Try Guys episode where he's a serial killer.
  Kelsey: "It's always been inside of me! This chaos is filling my heart with joy!"
  Keith: Is that what I'm saying?
  Kelsey: Yeah! About being a serial killer! You're super pumped about it!
  Keith: You know, I- I've never tried it!
  Kelsey: You know, I think that's one Try Guys episode the world doesn't need.
  Keith: Yeah, probably not. Nobody wants to see murder.
Later on in the video, Keith begins to regret his choices of creating this video; traumatized, he goes on a long monologue and decides not to pursue killing the Try Guys.
Keith: You know, I don't know if I want to kill us any more.
Kelsey: Oh.
Keith: It was so sad to see us die so many times.
Kelsey: Yeah...
Keith: When I saw my little- my little Zachy's burned body under the dryer, that's a lot, and then watching myself kill Eugene and Ned in such a gory fashion, well, that was tough to stomach. And then, seeing Eugene drown, seeing Eugene on fire, seeing Ned fucked to death... (sighs) it's just all too serious, you know? Death is around every corner. I'm happy that people did it, ultimately, I think they did a good job, but, I asked for this. I've seen it, and now I've changed my mind.
- Kelsey immediately asks Keith to go on a Jungle Adventure instead. Keith, still traumatized, declines.
  Keith: (sighs) I don't wanna eat any spiders...
  Kelsey: I don't think that's how the Jungle Adventure Expansion Pack-
  Keith: Pretty sure it's all about eating spiders.
Regardless, Keith picks a winner for the competition, that being @SkippuDippu's submission. Keith fumbles over her name before pronouncing it right, and proclaims that the viewers have done the challenge so well that "they couldn't bring themselves to kill the Try Guys".
To end off the video, Keith improvises a song about the events that transpired, with a montage of the deaths playing in the background in bubbles.
We saw people get burned alive
We saw people drown drown in a maze
We saw people have sex until they died
We saw people go into a craze
Of laughter that murdered him
You have murdered all my Sims
The Try Guys
Became the Die Guys

Other

Surprise Pregnancy Announcement To Wes • Ned & Ariel: Ultimately, the video's very sweet, but skip to 8:35 where Ned reveals to the other Try Guys that he and Ariel are expecting another baby and check out Eugene's reaction—it's almost like he's thinking, "Ah, shit! I'm gonna have to do another babysitting video..."
Eugene consistently mumbling his way through menu item names in the "Keith & Eugene Rank the Menu" series, to the point where it becomes increasingly clear he's not trying to say anything that even sounds like them.
Eugene: One, two, three…
Keith: Big Mac!
Eugene: Froffle.

Funny / The Try Guys

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