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Funny / The Traveler's Gate

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    House of Blades 

  • Simon almost facepalms every time Alin opens his mouth, because he sounds like an idiot trying to act like a hero (which is exactly true). He's especially annoyed because everyone else eats it up.

    Crimson Vault 

  • Leah's brother Talos, being an arrogant ass, tries to challenge Simon to a fight. Simon politely declines, saying that he's not very good at holding back, and would probably kill him. Leah has to work hard not to laugh.
  • When Talos does get his fight, Simon wins so easily (and repeatedly) that at first he's convinced that it's just a trick. It's not, and Simon barely keeps from killing him multiple times.
    Simon: Best three out of five?
  • When Indirial is looking for the Eldest, Agnos has no idea where he is. Indirial just says he's probably exactly where they're headed, waiting to pop out at a dramatic moment. He is, and he's extremely annoyed at Indirial for ruining it.
    Eldest: The only joy left in my life is the joy of a good entrance. Why do you take this from me?
  • Kai almost dies in a fight, then tries to fight Indirial when he drags him to the healing pool. Leah compares it to a twelve-year-old dealing with a little brother.
    Indirial: If I didn't know any better, I would say that you're stalling so that you can bleed to death.


    City of Light 

  • Leah sends a crystal to fetch Simon, which shouts "SIMON, SON OF KALMAN, REPORT TO THE QUEEN FOR ASSIGNMENT" every sixty seconds. Simon can't smash it because he knows it's expensive, but he certainly finds it annoying. When he meets up with Andra, she smashes it the second it first shouts, and he thanks her because technically it's not his fault.
    "Welcome back," Leah said, instead of 'What kept you?'
    Simon nodded to her. "Your crystal's broken."
    It would take her six weeks of work to carve another one of those. "How exactly did that happen, Simon?"
    Simon raised his eyebrows. "I can honestly say that I didn't do it." As usual, she could read nothing else of his expression.
    There was that headache again.
  • Valin pulls a Hidden Purpose Test on Simon where it looks like he is genuinely going to kill him. Simon is not amused.
    Simon: So you lied to me.
    Valin: I'd say I verbally misled you for the purposes of deception.
    Simon: I think that's exactly what a lie is.
  • The Asphodel Incarnation, one of the most dangerous entities in the world and one of the Ragnarus Incarnation's closest allies, cheerfully walks through a portal to Asphodel, sealing himself away, the second the Valinhall Incarnation notices him. The Ragnarus and Valinhall Incarnations briefly pause their fight to commiserate on how confusing and annoying Asphodel is.
  • Leah's shouting crystals come back in the final battle.
    All five Valinhall Travelers hurried out of the violet house, as much to escape the shouting crystal as anything. "Somebody shut that thing up," Kathrin said.
    "Not me," Andra said. "I got the last one."
  • Erastes reappears in the final battle with the Ragnarus blade that Simon used to kill the first Valinhall Incarnation. Simon leaves for a few seconds and comes back to find that the Ragnarus Incarnation already managed to steal it back. Erastes is rather embarrassed.

    Short stories 

  • In the Endross short, Leah needs to impress the Endross Travelers, so she allows Simon and an ally to duel a pair. Simon physically throws the pair out of the ring in the first two seconds. Leah then has a firm but cordial conversation with the Endross leader while Simon fights most of his men, by himself, with contemptuous ease.


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