- When Stu is about to be killed by Elder in Stovington, he points behind him and exclaims something along the lines of "Holy crap, is that a rat!?" to get Elder to turn around so he can escape. It works. In fact, it works so well that Stu almost fails to do anything because he's so surprised it worked so well (admittedly, Elder has the superflu, albeit in the earlier stages, and is probably not thinking too clearly).
- When Larry becomes successful, a guy calls him and tries to talk him into making a remake of "Hang On, Sloopy". Larry eventually loses his patience, and tells him that given a choice between recording "Hang On, Sloopy" and being tied down and receiving a Coca-Cola enema, he would pick the latter.
- Later, Ralph Brentner makes a similar joke: "If it came down to a choice between drinking Za-Rex and bullpiss, I'd have to sit down and think her over."
- The "mother" shouter. Specifically the retort, "Your mother's in charge of blowjobs in Asshole, Indiana!" followed by, "Mother?"
- Observing the enthusiastic crowd at the first meeting of the Boulder Free Zone, Larry thinks that "This crowd would applaud Nixons resignation speech and ask him to encore on the piano".
- "M.O.O.N. That spells _____."
- Most of the scenes with Nick Andros and Tom Cullen, particularly toward the beginning. They're the only two survivors for miles. One of them is deaf and mute, and the other one is developmentally disabled and illiterate. The fact that they manage to survive and work together can also double as a Heartwarming Moment.
- Stu, when being quarantined by the government, has all of his questions shot down on the grounds that they were classified. So he launches into a fake coughing fit to freak out the doctor. The doctor nearly has a heart attack and demands to know why he faked it. Stu grins and tells the doctor that it's classified.
Dietz: May I call you Stu?Stu: Just don't call me Geraldo.
- Also, the bit with the guinea pig named, of all things, Geraldo, who's a sort of coal miners' canary for the quality of Stu's air.
- From both the book and the series: Glen Bateman is captured in Las Vegas, sentenced to die by crucifixion. Randall Flagg offers to provide clemency, but only if Glen and the others will kneel before him. Glen promptly laughs in Randall's face, calling him 'another little cockroach scurrying around, running little roach errands'.
- The miniseries has considerably more humor than the book, but the funniest moment is Lloyd and Poke's Establishing Character Moment as they speed drunkenly down the freeway, treating one of their guns like a microphone.
- In the miniseries, of the darkly humorous kind, when General Starkey gives the order to confiscate an incriminating videotape from a news crew by any means necessary. It is Ed Harris' sarcastic tone of voice, expressions and mannerism that sell it, conveying very well that Starkey knows such an errand is a useless gesture in light of the virus being out of control, but he just can't think of anything else to do.Maj. Creighton: We have a rather large problem in Wyoming, sir.Gen. Starkey: <looking at the monitor with a haggard thousand-yard stare> What large problem is that, Len?Maj. Creighton: News team got out of Pine Bluff with some potentially damaging videotape, sir.Gen. Starkey: Flu victims? Body dumps?Maj. Creighton: Little of both... And our ops, I'm told.Gen. Starkey: Ah, well we can't have that.Maj. Creighton: No sir, I know.Gen. Starkey: Showing footage like that would not be in the national interest!Maj. Creighton: Absolutely not, sir.Gen. Starkey: Well! We know where these... newspeople, these rabble-rousers are now?Maj. Creighton: Yes sir, we do.Gen. Starkey: Get that videotape, Len... Any means necessary. <nodding his head> Make it a priority.Maj. Creighton: Yes sir.Gen. Starkey: <calling after Creighton as the latter turns around and is walking out of the room> Any means necessary. <turns back to staring at the monitor showing one of the superflu victims at Project Blue and puts a pill in his mouth>
- The ridiculous "Flu Buddy" commercial, in all its early-90s cheesiness.
Funny / The Stand