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Funny / The Simpsons: Seasons 9 to 16

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"I told him that photo would come back to haunt him!"
Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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    Season 9 

179 - "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"

  • Barney had been distraught the entire night, since he wasn't allowed to drink while everyone else was living it up at Moe's Tavern. Then the Duff Beer Party Brigade decides that night to show up specifically for Barney. You can sympathize with his dismayed "Oh, no...not tonight! Not TONIGHT!".
    (Everyone in the bar chanting for Barney to chug the big mug of Duff Extra Cold)
    Barney: (at Rage Breaking Point) I CAN'T! I'M THE DESIGNATED DRIVER!
    (Moe's Tavern comes to an immediate grinding halt)
    Duffman: (quickly) Yeah, that's swell; Duff wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program. NOW... WHO WANTS TA PARTY?!
    (All patrons but Barney cheer)
  • Homer is drunk and dropped off at his house by (designated driver) Barney Gumble and he says:
    Homer: (slurring) Goodnight, Barney. Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow. Just slide it under the door.
    Barney: (disturbingly calm) Yeeeess. (click) Tomorrow.
  • Homer describes to the family his first trip to New York City (presumably sometime in the late 70's judging by the film quality and appearance of the city). He was on his way to the Harrisburg coat outlet to buy an irregular coat, but it required a stopover. While in the borough of Manhattan, Homer is robbed three times in a row (one of those by a cop), a seagull steal his hot dog, garbage is dumped on him by a young Woody Allen, and he falls into a sewer while getting chased by a pimp.
    Homer: ...and that's when the C.H.U.D.s came at me.
    • It really helps that the flashback sequence is set to Scott Joplin's famous piano piece The Entertainer and that Marge adds "That's what everyone thinks of New York when they only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s".
  • The two people in the original World Trade Center towers who shout to Homer. One of them says they stick all the jerks in Tower 1.note 
    • And then the camera pans up to reveal another guy with a clothesline spanning between the towers telling both of them to shut up.
  • Homer has a miserable attempt of trying to go to an Original Famous Ray's pizza shop to get a slice of pizza without leaving his vehicle.note 
  • The entire scene of Homer and the Klav Kalash cart. Especially funny is "No bowl. Stick. STICK!" and Homer's reaction to the offer of Mountain Dew or crab juice for a drink - "Blecch! Oh, geez... I'll take a Crab Juice." He proceeds to drink at least a dozen of them.
  • Homer's Imagine Spot of Flushing Meadows is quite humorous.
  • Homer running up both World Trade Center towers (first the South, then the North) to use the men's restroom, only to get his car ticketed again while doing so, leading him to yell "D'oh" loud enough that the entire city hears.
  • Kickin' It: A Musical Journey through the Betty Ford Center has the You're Checking In song.
  • While Marge and Lisa forlornly look at expensive shoes, Bart walks off on his own and sees a building holding the offices of MAD Magazine.
    Bart: Excuse me, is this MAD Magazine?
    Receptionist: No, it's Mademoiselle. We're buying our sign on the installment plan.
    Bart: (laughs) Seriously, though, my name is Bart Simpson. My father has a subscription. I'd like the grand tour, please.
    Receptionist: Listen, kid, you probably think lots of crazy stuff goes on in there. But this is just a place of business.
    Bart: Oh. Okay.
    (Bart turns to leave when Alfred E. Neuman pokes his head out of a door, revealing a lot of crazy stuff going on in the next room)
    Alfred E. Neuman: (to the receptionist) Get me Kaputnik and Fonebone! I wanna see their drawings for the 'New Kids on the Blech.' (Bart's jaw drops) And where's my furshlugginer pastrami sandwiches?
    Bart: Wow! I will never wash these eyes again.
  • Driving through New York with the clamp still on his car, with everyone yelling at him, Homer shouts shut up and turns on the radio to drown them out. However, the song that comes on is Ray Stevens' "Everything Is Beautiful", which instead makes Homer so angry he literally kicks in the radio.
  • Homer attempts to get the boot off his car, which including stealing a construction worker's jackhammer.
    Homer: (to the worker who can't hear him because of the noisy jackhammer) Hey! Hey! HEY!!!
    Worker: WHAT?!
    Homer: The boss says you're fired.
    Worker: I'll get him!
  • Homer then steals his jackhammer and attempts to use it to get the boot off his car, but just succeeds in ruining his car further. He eventually gets it off and is pleased with himself, but then steps on it, getting it stuck on his foot. He has to kick his car to get it off. All the while, New Yorkers are screaming at him to stop blocking the traffic.
    Homer: Thanks for your patience! (gunshot hits a street sign, causing Homer to scream and drive off, further damaging the car)

180 - "The Principal and the Pauper"

  • For as much flak as that episode got for ruining Principal Skinner's continuity, there's an utterly hilarious moment when the real Seymour Skinner is dealing with his mother. Agnes has been used to having Seymour under her thumb her whole life, so when the new guy actually disobeys her, her reaction is pure gold.
  • Armin Tamzarian (the "Principal Skinner" impostor) yelling, "Up yours, children!" as he leaves Springfield.
  • Homer's reaction to the news that Principal Skinner is really Armin Tamzarian:
    Keep looking shocked and move slowly toward the cake.
    • Meanwhile everyone gasps at The Reveal, while Bart quietly sniggers at the name, clearly annoying Armin.
  • A teenaged Armin attempting to take on the Vietcong with a switchblade.
  • Armin attempting to find work in Capital City and ends up doing sidealk advertising for a sleazy strip joint. His deadpan delivery of the promotional flyer is just gold, especially when he says "wink suggestively" out loud
  • The Simpsons and Agnes going all the way to CC to get Armin back, only to find him a washed up drunk in a run down apartment.
  • The town's solution to allowing Armin to retake his old position while also letting the real Skinner preserve his dignity as thanks for his military service? Tie Skinner up and ride him out of town on a rail.
    Homer: And we salute you! Now don't come back!
  • When the Simpsons, Edna and Agnes are driving to Capitol City:
    Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
    Edna: To Capitol City.
    Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
    Agnes: We're going to talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
    Homer: And why is Marge here?
    Marge: I came up with the idea.
    Homer: And why am I here?
    Marge: Because the streets of Capitol City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
    Homer: And why are the kids here?
    Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
    Homer: Then why is Grandpa here?
    Grandpa: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself.
    Jasper: (nods)
    Homer: Eh, fair enough.
  • Skinner asking Bart to recite the pledge of Allegiance:
    Bart: Hey America. You're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, America. (armpit noise, everybody laughs)

181 - "Lisa's Sax"

  • The WB bumper with Michigan J. Frog singing, "We're proud to present on the WB/Another bad show that no one will see!" then grumbling, "Uh, I need a drink!"
  • Skinner accidentally introducing himself to the kindergardners as Principal Sinner.
    That's it, I've lost them forever.
  • Homer and Marge meet with school psychiatrist Dr. J. Loren Pryor to discuss 5-year-old Bart's sadness, only for it to turn into a discussion about 3-year-old Lisa's potential. Dr. Pryor advises Homer and Marge to start nurturing Lisa's gifts now, believing her potential to be limitless.
    Homer: Wow, think of all the possibilities... (in a thought bubble, Lisa is given a medal)
    Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize...
    Homer: Nah... (Image changes to show Lisa, now wearing a gi, getting a medal)
    Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize... for kickboxing!
    Imaginary Lisa: Hi-Ya! (Lisa kicks the presenter)
    Homer: (intrigued) Hmm...
  • Skinner accidentally introduces himself to the first graders as Principal Sinner, much to their amusement.
    That's it, I've lost them forever.
  • Abe's addition to the story:
    Marge: Well, Grampa, as long as you're here, we were telling a story that happened when Bart was five and Lisa was three.
    Abe: Oh, I know this story. The year is nineteen ought six. The president is the divine Ms. Sarah Bernhardt, and all over America, people were doing a dance called 'The Funky Grampa.' (singing) Oh, I'm the— (falls asleep mid-sentence, still on his feet)
    • His later addition has him blurting out "I realized I could make money selling my medication to deadheads."
  • Later in the flashback, Springfield is suffering a major heatwave:
    Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer?
    Homer: What, Flanders?
    Ned: Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius, but DID YOU STEAL MY AIR CONDITIONER?! (cut to footprints leading from a gaping hole in Ned's wall to the Simpsons' where the air conditioner is propped up with planks and duct taped to the wall)
    Homer: I'll admit it looks bad, Flanders. But doesn't the Bible say "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? (Homer gets hit by a stone thrown by the 5-year-old Rod Flanders) Ow!
    Rod: Got him, Dad!
  • Kent Brockman on TV talking about the heat wave:
    Kent: And so Springfield's heat wave continues, with today's temperature exceeding the record for this state, set way back four billion years ago when the earth was just a ball of molten lava.
  • Right before 5-year-old Bart goes off to school, Homer tells Bart something he should know.
    Homer: Now, son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me.
    (Homer thinks back to when he was 5-years-old)
    Flashback Abe Simpson: Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. And if a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
    Homer: (back in present) Lousy traumatic childhood!
  • Bart's kindergarten teacher's discourages Bart's potential.
    Teacher: (reading a book) And the ugly duckling was amazed to realize it had grown into a beautiful swan. So you see, children, there is hope for anyone.
    Bart: (raises hand) Even me?
    Teacher: No.
  • Homer seeing his sisters-in-law melt during the heat wave while Homer relaxes in his living room with air-conditioning.
  • Homer comes up with an emergency solution while the air conditioner is broken: Snowball 1 waving a paper fan over a block of ice.
    Homer: Marge, we've needed a new air conditioner for years, and my stopgap solution is getting cranky...
    (Snowball 1 yowls angrily)
  • Bart decides to embrace the attention he gets as a class clown:
    Skinner: You just started school, and the path you take now may be the one you follow for the rest of your life. Now, what do you say?
    (Bart looks at his classmates, and gets a smile)
    Bart: Eat my shorts.
    Skinner: All right, I'll— (aghast) Eat your shorts?!
    Bart: Yeah, eat my shorts! Buttman! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Buttman!
    Skinner: (appalled) "Buttman"?! (drags Bart away)
  • When Homer's imagining playing a foosball table at a museum:
    Homer: You lose, Michelangelo's David. Who's next?
    Edvard Munch's The Scream: (screaming) MEEEEEEEEEE!
  • "For no reason, here's Apu!"
  • Homer goes to Moe's with 3-year-old Lisa:
    Moe: Say, who's the little chick?
    Lisa: I'm Lisa.
    Homer: She has a gift.
    Lisa: You have 13 pickled eggs in this jar... and one cockroach.
    Moe: (chuckles nervously) Who are you, sweetheart, the health inspector?
    Man: No, but I am. (flashes badge)
    Moe: Uh... (hastily prepares a drink) Here, have a margarita.
    (the health inspector sees an IV needle in the glass)

182 - "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

A - The Homega Man:

  • Mayor Quimby's reaction when the nuke flies past city hall.
    Quimby: I bet I'll get blamed for this.
  • Comic Book Guy's last moments:
    Comic Book Guy: (reading a comic) But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two separate worlds! (sees missile headed straight for him) Ooohh, I've wasted my life.
  • Homer kicks a skull off its shoulders while watching a comedy movie starring David Spade and Chris Farley.
  • The sign in front of the church: "Today's sermon: Homer rocks!"
  • Homer sings and dances naked to Edwin Starr's "War" while in church.
  • Homer runs down the Edgar Winter Group while yelling, "Die, you chalk-faced goons!"note 
  • Homer's first reaction upon seeing the horde of mutant ghouls in the church:
    Homer: Hey! Where did you get those cloaks!?
  • The Mutated Springfielders explain themselves:
    Mutant Skinner: We're creating a new, perfect society in which the mistakes of the past will be eliminated.
    Mutant Burns: And now, you must die.
    (Homer shrieks, then notices a candlepole and brandishes it)
    Homer: If you want me, come and get me!
    Mutant Moe: Get him!
    Homer: D'oh!
  • Marge expressing her hopes that the normal people and mutants can live together in harmony right before Marge, Bart, and Lisa whip out shotguns and blow the mutants away. Homer couldn't be prouder.

B - Fly vs. Fly:

  • Homer bartering with the Professor Frink for the matter transporter.
    Homer: Uhmm, 2 bucks... and it only transports matter.....uhm, well... I'll give you 35 cents.
    Professor Frink: Sold!
  • Homer's Laborious Laziness with the transporter, such as moving it to the bathroom upstairs for the sole purpose of being able to take a leak from downstairs (thankfully, Marge stops him) and moving it to the kitchen so he can reach for beer from the fridge while watching TV (although he accidentally takes the cat's ear medicine instead; not that he notices).
    • Homer's demonstration of how they can bypass the stairs with it. As he emerges at the top, Mysterious Mist swirls about, but also some smoke from the ablaze seat of his pants (again, not that he notices).
  • Homer accidentally punches Lisa in the face — through the transporter! ("It was your mother!") Made even funnier upon realizing where the other booth is: Homer had just moved it to the toilet! The writers later admitted that they forgot about this detail when they wrote the sequence.
  • "Have you forgotten our little 'Kerblammo!' talk?"
  • Bart as a fly pretends to be caught in a spider's web, in a reference to the ending of the original film... but as the spider approaches, he reveals he's only pretending to be stuck, calling it a sucker before he bitchslaps the spider in the face. As he flies off, the spider shakes its fists at him with four of its legs.
  • When Bart!Fly explains to Lisa that Fly!Bart isn't really him as everyone assumed, Lisa's pretty upset: "And I let him use my toothbrush!"
  • Homer chasing Bart with an axe at the end (after he and the fly are switched back) for messing with the teleportation machine. His lines are hilarious.
    "I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me fifty cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!"

C - Easy-Bake Coven:

  • Homer (dressed as a female belly dancer) chucks rocks at his own house during the first Halloween.
  • Homer screams, "They're in my hair! They're in my hair!" as the bats attack him.
  • Marge the witch turns Eddie and Lou into a snowman and a Cinderella-esque fairy princess respectively.
  • Maude Flanders accidentally gives the witches the idea to eat the townsfolks children.
    Selma: Jeez, we were just going to swipe their shoes.
    Patty: But a good idea is a good idea!
  • Ned attempting to stop the witches with a cross. They just push him aside.
    Selma: Oh, please.
  • This exchange between the Flanders:
    Maude: Those witches are up there plotting our doom. They could force us to engage in acts of wanton carnality!
    Ned: (under his breath) Yeah, that'll be the day...
    Maude: What was that?
    Ned: Nothing!


183 - "The Cartridge Family"

  • The townspeople find the soccer game so boring that they riot.
    • Kent Brockman commentating on the game in the most bored manner possible, while his South American counterpart commentates in an excitable manner.
    • Groundskeeper Willie and his Scottish friends think the riot isn't violent enough, and soon join in.
  • Homer has to wait five days before he can legally get his gun. The waiting period montage, with Tom Petty's "The Waiting" playing, has him sitting in front of his house seeing all the things he wants to shoot, but can't: a family of bunnies, a line of baby ducks, a Target store truck, Patty and Selma on a tandem bike, and Ned Flanders on a riding mower (for extra Comedic Sociopathy points, Flanders passes by at least twice).
    • Homer's best line of the episode is when he learns about the waiting period.
      Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!
  • Homer has a bizarre Imagine Spot when he ponders what would happen if he used to use his gun to rob the Kwik-E-Mart. He becomes a Southern U.S. Senator with a giant plantation, with Marge go-go dancing in a bikini.
    Homer: I'll do it! I'll rob the Kwik-E-Mart! All right, put your— (he is then seen driving away from the store, with a sandwich in his hand) D'oh! Oh well, I'll rob it next time. (takes a bite out of the sandwich)
  • Homer bought a gun, and Marge does not like that:
    Marge: I don't want any guns in the house Homer, they only cause accidents! Remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
    Homer: I thought Smithers did it.
    Lisa: That would've made a lot more sense...
  • Homer turns out to be more of a gun nut than the NRA. Double points when he turned on the TV by shooting it with his gun...and the show that came on had a cowboy fall off a roof after getting shot. Let's put it this way: you know you're in trouble when you're told off by a crabby old lady, a mobster, a hick, your cynical, sleazy bartender friend, and a local kids' show host whose life behind camera is a miserable, seedy one.
    Agnes: (with her typical motherly sternness) I've never seen such recklessness.
    Louie: You might have hurt somebody.
    Cletus: Are you some kind of mo-ron?
    Homer: Yeah, but—
    Krusty: Listen, yutz. Guns aren't toys. They're for protecting your family, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.
  • Homer gets Lisa's ball down by shooting it. She looks hilariously sad as it deflates. He then asks if she would like him to get the cat down, to which she hastily declines.
  • Bart discovers the gun hidden in the veggie crisper in the fridge and decides to play William Tell with Milhouse. Milhouse holds the apple in his mouth.
    Milhouse: (Takes apple from his mouth) JINX!
  • This Mood Whiplash at the second act break:
    Homer: So, this is the thanks I get for defending my family? Then go. I'll be just fine. (pause) ...Do you know how to cook dinner?
    Milhouse: (excitedly) Do I?! (gets out pots and pans)
  • In the DVD Commentary, everyone on it realizes that John Swartzwelder hasn't done a commentary yet, so they call him up during recording, and say that they hope that he doesn't sue them after they hang up.

184 - "Bart Star"

  • At the health fair, Abe, Jasper, and Old Jewish Man go for a hearing test.
    Maude: You just raise your hand when you hear the tone.
    Old Jewish Man: You can't tell me what to do!
    [Maude turns on the hearing test, which begins emitting a loud tone that none of the old men react to. She turns it up, and still no reaction]
    Abe: Nothing yet!
    [Maude turns the test up even higher, causing people in the background to cover their ears as they run off. Jasper starts to raise his hand, but Abe shakes his head and so he puts his hand back down]
  • Smithers' stint as a sports announcer in high school ("Okay, that's it for the women's gymnastics team. Now let's bring on the men!")
  • Homer chases Bart around the backyard — not because Bart did something wrong (though Bart does think this), but because Homer wants a hug from him.
  • Nelson's line after it's announced that Bart will be the new quarterback: "I won't give you a 'B', but I'll tear ya a new 'A'"
  • Joe Namath's entire guest appearance.
    Joe: There's only one thing you need to know in order to be a great quarterback.
    Joe's wife: Joe, honey, I fixed It. It was just vapor lock.
    Joe: Oh, oops. Hey, I gotta run. Remember what I told you.
    Bart: I'm dead.
  • During one of Homer's games as the coach, he uses an old-school atomic football board to plan his team's strategy:
    Homer: Okay, half of you vibrate one way, half of you vibrate the other way, and Nelson, you just spin around in a circle.
  • Lisa tells Ned she wants to be on the team.
    Lisa: That's right. A girl wants to play football! How about that?
    • When she finds out that there's already girls on the team, she's not interested anymore. She tries to save face by claiming that of course she wouldn't want to throw around the skin of a dead pig. When Flanders says that the footballs are made of synthetic leather and the proceeds are donated to charity, Lisa runs away crying at not having the moral high ground.
  • Homer calls into the talk radio station and asks them a question about Flanders. They immediately hang up.
  • Homer's flashback reveals that he was very good at sports in high school.
  • Homer calls Mr. Burns and telling him, while repeatedly winking, that he's quitting his job. He screams when Marge tells him the winks don't translate through the phone.
  • At one point, Nelson is forced to catch his own Hail Mary pass. Upon reaching the endzone, while out of breath, he says he needs to quit smoking.
    • Then it's revealed that Springfield is absolutely trouncing Arlen, Texas.
      Hank Hill: We drove two thousand miles for this?
  • Marge asks Grampa if he's proud of his son managing a team in the championship game. His response? "You'd think so, wouldn't ya." Then he falls asleep.
  • Homer cutting kids from the team, and then again over the closing credits.
    Homer: [over Gracie Films logo] You're cut too, Shushie!

185 - "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"

  • At the bachelor auction, Moe is introduced by Krusty thusly: "Our next bachelor likes women who take their clothes off FOR MONEY!" Moe proceeds to walk onstage to Death Glares from every woman in the audience, and without stopping, he walks straight to the "Rejects" section.
  • The montage of Apu getting different wild haircuts, which are all given thumbs up by Homer.
  • Apu: (Entering the Simpsons' house with his mother from India) Honey, I am in my home!
  • Homer's advice to Apu after the secret about Marge not really being Apu's wife is revealed to his (Apu's) mother.
    Homer: You know what you could do, Apu?
    Apu: Oh, shut up?
    Homer: You could fake your own death...?
    Apu: Oh, would you shut up?
    Homer: All you'd need is a car bomb and—
    Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!
  • Moe shows up at the wedding and Lisa offers him a flower necklace, saying it's tradition. As he bends over to wear it, Bart kicks him in the pants, citing "Tradition".
  • Homer's last ditch effort to stop the wedding - impersonating Ganesha and running amuck. Blasphemy has never been so hilarious.
    Apu's mother: There, Ganesh has been subdued.
    Homer: (stuck up a tree while Milhouse and another child throw stones at him) Allllll willll diiiiieee...
  • Lisa asking why Apu's mother is still with the Simpsons and planning the whole wedding there.

186 - "Lisa the Skeptic"

  • Homer falling for the "free boat" contest, which the police have instigated to get him to pay off his parking tickets. And then when he pays his tickets, he's still demanding his motorboat. Lou and Eddie clearly have no idea what to say next.
    Bart: Dad, what's going on? Where's our motorboat?
    Homer: I didn't like it. The mast had termites.
    Lisa: Why would a motorboat have a mast?
    Homer: Because... The thing was... Shut up!
  • The fine for the parking tickets is also worth a mention - 235 unpaid parking tickets gets you a fine of $175, which means each individual fine is less than 75 cents. This would mean it would be cheaper to park illegally than to pay for it.
  • Lisa suspects that angel might be a mutant from the nuclear power plant. Mr. Burns is quick to deny it:
    Mr. Burns: D'oh! Fiddle-faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oh! I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
    Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
    Mr. Burns: Precisely, be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you've finished.
  • When they've dug up the fossil angel, Ned suggests that the whole town should own and cherish it. Naturally, Homer has already tied it to his car and tears out of there while everyone is distracted. He then proceeds to build a small shrine in his garage and charges people to see it.
  • Lisa's interview on Smartline.
    Lisa: If you believe in angels, then why not unicorns or sea monsters or leprechauns?
    Kent Brockman: Oh, that's a bunch of baloney, Lisa! Everyone knows leprechauns are extinct!
  • The angel supporters rampaging through town destroying every scientific institution, including a Christian Science building.
    • While destroying the museum, Moe tries to destroy a mammoth display, only for one of the tusks to fall off and crush him.
    • Everyone then sets fire to a research laboratory, and a robot comes out of the place in flames.
      Robot: Whyyyy!? Why was I programmed to feel pain!?
  • After the angel skeleton has vanished:
    Homer: Oh, no! This is a disaster! Now what the hell am I gonna do with three thousand angel ashtrays?!
    Bart: I could take up smoking.
    Homer: You damn well better.
  • The Reveal: The Angel was actually a publicity stunt by the company that were putting up a building on the archeology site, which turns out to be a huge mall. Everyone is outraged until they find out there's a 5% sale for the Grand Opening, and immediately rushes down to buy stuff.

187 - "Realty Bites"

  • Snake's piano wire trap plan failing at decapitating Homer, but succeeding at slicing Kirk van Houten's arm off (originally, it was supposed to just cut his sandwich, but the writers decided it would be funnier — and more shocking — if they made the gag gorier).
    Kirk: I told that idiot to slice my sandwich! (the wire goes through his arm, chopping it clean off) ...Ow!
  • Lionel Hutz congratulating Marge on being so honest at her job — then giving her a blazer that reads, "Fired"
  • We see the security Springfield Prison has to prevent prisoners escaping the exercise yard: Nothing, except an unlocked gate saying "No escaping, please". A pissed-off Snake is outraged enough by Homer's poor treatment of his car he ignores it.
    Snake: Screw the honor system, my car needs me!
    Kearney: (as Snake runs out the gate) Hey, you're ruining it for the rest of us!
  • Marge's billboard.
    Homer: Gee, that billboard makes your butt look big.
    Marge: I thought so too, but they said it sells.
    Bart: Works for the Lumber King.
    (pan to the billboard next to Marge's, advertising the Lumber King — which has a motorized butt)
    Homer: (monotone) Lumber. We need lumber...
  • When Hutz announces that Marge has made her first sale, he rings the bell to get everyone's attention only for the bell ringer to break and he just resorts to making dinging noises.

188 - "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"

  • Homer hangs from the roof while trying to put up the Christmas lights.
  • Homer getting Christmas presents for the family by pretending to be a checkout employee and taking other customers' items. And he pays for them.
  • Sideshow Mel telling the Simpsons that "You only live once", prompting Apu to respond with "Speak for yourself".
  • Marge loses in spectacular fashion on Jeopardy!.
    Alex Trebek: Aren't we forgetting something, Marge? You were down $5,200.
    Marge: But Mr. Trebek—
    Alex Trebek: I asked you before the show if you knew the rules, and you said you did. (snaps fingers) Judges?
    (two burly judges appear)
    Lisa: Run, mom!
  • Barney's line, "Yeah. Jesus must be spinning in His grave." after Moe comments on the alleged scam the Simpson family pulled.
  • After Bart tells the truth, Lisa begins to strangle him.
    Homer: Lisa, no! Your hands are too weak! (Homer pushes Lisa off and strangles Bart himself).
  • Bart's analysis of the house's outdoor decoration display.
    Bart: It's craptacular.
  • After every customer abandons the restaurant the Simpsons enter in disgust, the family laments that at least they're getting quick service. Cut to the staff spitting vigorously in their food. The kicker?
    Staff 1: (notices the Simpsons) Hey, look! It's that family that ruined Christmas.
    Staff 2: (uninterested) Whatever. (continues spitting=
  • Miss Hoover refuses to teach Lisa anything until she gets her money back, and demands that Lisa turn her desk around so she can stop learning. She happens to face Ralph who greets her with, "Hi, liar!"
  • Krusty beating Otto to the Simpsons' medicine cabinet.

189 - "All Singing, All Dancing"

190 - "Bart Carny"

  • The montage of opening the carnival set to Edvard Grieg's "Morning Mood" including hosing rats out of a hot dog roller and un-straightening the letters in "fun house".
  • Bart and Lisa are lying around on the furniture in front of the TV:
    Bart: Turn on the TV, Lis.
    Lisa: You turn it on. I turned it on yesterday.
    (Marge walks into the room)
    Bart: Allowance day. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
    Marge: You don't deserve an allowance.
    Lisa: Sure we do. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
    Bart & Lisa: (in unison) Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
    Homer: (runs in from the kitchen) Ice cream man! Ice cream man! (runs out the front door)
  • "Outta my way! I'm Hitler!"
    Nelson: (to Bart) You wrecked Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you? (punches Bart in the stomach)
  • After the family is kicked out of their own house, Homer decides to ask the police for help:
    Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!
    Chief Wiggum: (sarcastically) Well well, look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for detective "Like-I-Give-A-Damn"!
    Homer: Thank you so much!
    (beat as Wiggum stares in disbelief)
    Lisa: Uh, dad...
    Homer: Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.
  • The family thinks of a way to get their house back inside Bart's tree house.
    Bart: I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.
    Marge: We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!
    Lisa: Well... If we did set fire to the house...
    Marge: No fires!
    Homer: I've got it!
    Marge: No fires!
    Homer: (in disappointment) Ohh...
  • The family finally manages to outwit Cooder and Spud:
    Spud: That Homer fella grifted you good, Dad.
    Cooder: (resigned) Well, there's no shame in being beaten by the best.
    Spud: But he didn't seem all that—
    Cooder: (brusque) We were beaten by the best, boy!

191 - "The Joy of Sect"

  • Springfield welcoming back their football team...and promptly rioting because they lost.
    Moe: You can't catch a football? Let's see if you can catch a rock!
  • Homer when talking to the recruiters during the orientation video
    Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie... so the cops knew internal affairs were setting them up?
    Glen: What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in the movie.
    Homer: Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span...oh look a bird! (goes outside to chase a bird)
  • Mr. Burns catching fire and falling off a balcony after his botched attempt at starting his own cult.
    Smithers: Uh... we'll try this again, tomorrow.
  • The Leader crash-landing on Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel's property and getting robbed at gunpoint.
  • The family getting brainwashed by watching FOX right after Lisa is relieved that everyone can think for themselves again.
  • A cult member using "The Li'l Bastard Brainwashing Kit" on Bart.
  • Barney thinking his liver escaped (again) after finding a discarded one on the ground (which was actually a transplant Dolph threw out after stealing a cooler).
  • While escaping from the Movementarians, Marge is pursued by Rover. She makes a hard turn and who does Rover ensnare? Hans Moleman!

192 - "Das Bus"

  • The kids digging into the wild boar that has been haunting them while Lisa is forced to lick slime off a rock.
    Bart: How's your dinner, Lis?
    Lisa: Oh, shut up.
  • Martin's Laplander dance.
    • He does the dance in the middle of a serious moment.
      Lisa: (quietly) Not now, Martin!
  • Milhouse's facts on Poland (which are actually based on punchlines to tasteless jokes about Polish people's stupidity).
  • Homer finally figuring out that the Internet is on computers after spending three acts coming up with his Internet company.
  • Bart and Nelson racing an apple and an orange:
    Nelson: Hey Simpson, race ya!
    Bart: Winner gets Martin's lunch money.
    Martin: Huh?
    Bart: Go apple!
    Nelson: Go orange!
    Ralph: (puts down a banana) Go banana!
  • Otto, after getting blinded to the point that he can't make out what's on the road, asks the kids to serve as his eyes. When the bus proceeds to fly off of the road, Otto asks (in mid-air) "Which way do I turn?".
  • Homer's excuse to skip work:
    Homer: Eh, can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers! I have smallpox! ...Well, it wasn't wiped out in my house!
  • The kids' failed attempt to look for food.
    Bart: Any luck?
    Lisa: All we found were these oozing purple berries, and they look kinda poisonous.
    Ralph: I ated the purple berries! (he immediately starts groaning and falls over)
    Bart: How are they, Ralph? Good?
    Ralph: (weakly) They taste like burning!

193 - "The Last Temptation of Krust"

  • The Canyonero song. Especially the second part.
  • Homer casually notices Bart and Jay Leno bathing a hungover Krusty the Clown.
  • Homer arguing with a parrot, which he apparently does on a regular basis.
    "That's where you're wrong, buddy! It's not enough to want a cracker, you have to earn it!"

194 - "Dumbbell Indemnity"

  • Homer sings a little song about his and Moe's escapade.
    Homer: Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe! La-da-da-da da-da-da-da, insurance fraud today!
  • While in jail, Homer gets a visit from Hans Moleman, who offers some reading material. Homer picks up a book called "How to Tunnel out of Prison," says it might be useful, and hits him on the head with it. Then he rushes out while riding the library trolley.
    Homer: Must kill Moe...wheee! Must kill Moe...wheee!
  • Homer bails out of Moe's car as it rolls down hill...only to somehow end up back in again.
  • Homer finds Snake attempting to steal Moe's car and stops him.
    Homer: Hehehe, he thought he was going steal— D'oh!

195 - "Lisa the Simpson"

  • Jasper: Moon Pie? What a time to be alive...
  • Rod and Todd nearly read The Offensive Baseball Cap, only to be dragged away by Ned Flanders.
    Rod and Todd: Show me your— (Ned covers up their eyes) Hey!
    Ned: It says "Show me your tie". It's cute. C'mon, let's go!
  • The list of useless jobs that the men on Homer's side of the family have (running an unsuccessful shrimp company, shooting birds at the airport, playing a millionaire at partiesnote , begging celebrities for money, being a jug band manager, and complaining that his legs hurt). He doesn't even know the name of his relatives.
  • The DNA educational video with Troy McClure.
    Troy McClure: DNA is God's recipe for making you. You take a pinch of Dad, a dash of Mom, then we bake for nine months, and, mmm, that's good Billy!
    Billy: Mr. McClure, what does DNA stand for?
    Troy McClure: (this face)
  • Homer and Bart's "ramming each other with kitchen pots" "game." The best part? It turns out the game's a male Simpson family tradition, judging how most of the Simpson males interact with each other in a background gag.
  • Kent Brockman's lines, as few as they are, are gold in this episode:
    • "The towel snappings are expected to worsen before they stop." Complete with a picture of a bare ass suffering one.
    • "Girl likes brain, how 'bout you?"

196 - "This Little Wiggy"

  • At the beginning, Skinner pops in the doorway and says he has a special announcement. The kids look at the loudspeaker, then look in their desks.
    Skinner: Oh for the love of.....THE DOORWAY!
  • The Knowledgeum robot attacks Skinner after Bart hurls an apple at the operator who's right outside the classroom window.
  • Kearney telling Bart to "Go kiss the virtual ass!"
  • Homer loses at the "Let's Make a Baby" game at the Knowledgeum. Then Krusty steps in:
    Krusty: Hey baby, remember me?
  • Ralph shows Bart his swing set, sandbox, and a rock in his backyard.
    Ralph: That's where I saw the leprechaun.
    Bart: Right... a leprechaun.
    Ralph: He tells me to burn things! (Bart looks at Ralph unsure)
    • Not to mention the Brick Joke at the very end where said leprechaun does show up and tells Ralph to burn the house down, with Ralph nodding yes.
  • "All right, all right, now, you're overstimulated. Let's get some beer in you, and then it's right to bed." Which is then followed by Homer excitedly screaming "Beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed!" like a hyperactive child.

197 - "Simpson Tide"

  • Homer fondly comparing his friends joining him in enlisting in the Naval Reserve toThe Deer Hunter, reminding Moe of something he needs to do. Cut to a shady backroom in the tavern where Krusty and Skinner, both wearing red bandannas, are sitting at a table with a menacing one-eyed Vietnamese man, surrounded by a gang of dangerous-looking men carrying weapons.
    One-Eyed Man: (loads one bullet into a revolver, spins the chamber and slides it over to Krusty) Didi mau! Didi mau!
    Moe: (walks in) I'm sorry guys, we're shutting down for a while. Sorry.
  • The whole "In the Navy" sequence, including Smithers shaking his booty next to The Village People on top of the sub and their hats all floating to the surface when it submerges with them still on top of the hull.
  • Homer derails the Drill Sargent's I Don't Like You and You Don't Like Me routine:
    Drill Sergeant: Alright, Simpson, you don't like me, and I don't like you.
    Homer: I like you.
    Drill Sergeant: Uhm, alright... You like me, but I don't like you!
    Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me?
  • Homer left in command:
    XO: 15 seconds to collision, we need a decision.
    Homer: Hmm, what would the captain say in my spot?
    Captain Tenille: (from inside the torpedo tube) Don't fire the torpedoes!
    Homer: Fire the torpedoes!
  • Captain Tenille is shot out of the submarine to impact on the hull of the enemy sub.
    Enemy crewman: We've been hit by an officer!
    Enemy captain: If they're going to fire on us, we'll respond in kind! Fire! (his crew grab him) Not me, a torpedo!
  • This exchange:
    Homer: Damage report, Mr. Moe.
    Moe: Sonar, out. Navigation, out. Radio, out.
    Homer: Enough of what's out, what's in?
    Moe: Ice-blended mocha drinks and David Schwimmer.
    Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.
    • Afterwards, Homer orders Mr. Sulu to set a course for home; Sulu initially says "Setting course for Rigel VII."
  • Lisa's deadpan response to the news report of Homer's apparent defection, featuring a photo of Homer in Russia, dressed as a Cossack and doing a Cossack dance while holding a bottle of vodka (pictured above). "I TOLD him that photo would come back to haunt him."
  • The meeting at the UN headquarters goes awkward.
    Russian UN Representative: The Soviet Union would be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.
    American UN Representative: Heh, "Soviet Union"? I thought you guys broke up.
    Russian UN Representative: Yes, that's we wanted you to think! Hahahaha! (switches placecard around from "Russia" to "Soviet Union")
    • The following montage with Russia reverting back to the Soviet Union (and the ominous choir music), complete with Lenin rising from the grave. Critic Mike Reiss would call this sequence "the nuttiest the show has ever been".
      Zombie Lenin: Must... crush... capitalism...
  • Abe's Epic Fail at defending his son from the accusations of him being a Soviet ally.
    Abe: My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!
  • Grampa's story of discovering John F. Kennedy's "terrible secret" during his war service:
    Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner.
    Young Abe: (gasps) He's a Nazi! Get him!
    (Abe and some other sailors gang up on Kennedy and start beating the snot out of him)
  • The end when Homer surfaces the submarine and finds himself surrounded by military vessels from several different factions, including a Viking longboat and a battleship from Antarctica crewed entirely by penguins. He explains his actions to the American captain by pleading "It's my first day", causing the crew to crack up laughing. He then turns to two of the other vessels and repeats his excuse in Spanish and Chinese, with the same result, before finally turning to the penguins and saying "Quack quack quack". They break up into squawks of laughter and all slide off the deck into the water.
  • Homer being court-martialed.
    1st Admiral: Seaman Simpson, your actions have given the Navy a black eye from which it may never recover. I would throw the book at you, but I've been indicted in the Tailhook Scandal. (puts his hat on) Goodbye! (leaves)
    2nd Admiral: I too would punish you, but I'm under indictment for accepting bribes from military contractors. (also puts hat on and leaves)
    3rd Admiral: Um, I torpedoed a carnival cruise ship. (hat, leaves)
    4th Admiral: Impersonating the First Lady. (puts blonde wig on and leaves)
    (Homer is left alone in the room with the elderly janitor)
    Janitor: I think you're off the hook.
    Homer: Woohoo!
  • Skinner catches Milhouse with his new earring.
    Skinner: Uh-uh. The school dress code specifically forbids the wearing of earrings unless you're of gypsy extraction.
    Milhouse: Oh, I'm a gypsy.
    Skinner: Prove it.
    Milhouse: Uh... I vant to suck your blooood!
    Skinner: Nuh-uh. That's a vampire. But... they're also covered. Carry on.
  • The ad for the Naval Reserve:
    Naval Recruiter: Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are fighting for freedom, but you're in Lubbock, Texas hosing stains off a monument. You're in the Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the League of Women Voters. After basic training, you'll only have to work one weekend a month. And most of that time, you're drunk off your ass.
  • With Homer in charge: "Moe, steady as she goes." "Aye-aye, ya... big dummy. Ugh, what a dummy."
  • At boot camp, the drill instructor says that their mamas aren't there to help them, and Barney points out that his mother is. And later she joins them on the submarine.
    Tenille: Seaman, open that torpedo tube!
    Mrs. Gumble: You'll never get an answer talking to my son like that! You gotta poke him with a stick! (does so)
    Barney: (groans in his sleep) Oh, I don't wanna go to school today.

198 - "The Trouble with Trillions"

  • Homer hurriedly doing this taxes and labeling his family as thus before he mails off his income tax: Marge requires 24-hour medical care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam (which Bart finds cool).
    Would you look at those morons. I paid my taxes over a year ago.
  • Homer trying to take his cyanide pill when Mr. Burns gives him a tour of the mansion.
  • The implication that Mr. Burns stole Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp suit (which he was buried in when he died in 1977).
    Mr. Burns: That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather, Franklin Jefferson Burns tossing that tea without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Fenway flounder.
    Homer: Is that a fish?
    Mr. Burns: It was.
  • Homer and the FBI agent finding Milhouse taking shirtless pictures of himself in the mall photo booth.
  • The secret spy film about the trillion dollar bill being rated TV-PG (at the time, America's TV rating system was fresh and the subject of a lot of humor and discussion about how much inappropriate content was airing on TV) for adult situations. Also, the password to access it is "Cheese!"
    Agent Johnson: We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house. But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof. We're hoping that as his trusted employee, you can help lead us to it.
    Homer: But Mr. Burns gave me my job, and he hasn't fired me even after three meltdowns and one China Syndrome! I can't betray him!
    Agent Johnson: I'm afraid you have no choice, Simpson! And remember, this information is highly classified!
    [they leave, and then Apu and Manjula enter the photo booth]
    Apu: Cheese!
    Film: Good morning, Agent Johnson.
  • The rest of the family being told about the trillion dollar bill.
    Bart: Dad has a trillion dollars? Cool! I can buy and sell your sorry ass! I'll give you a billion dollars to empty the cat box for me.
    Marge: No, no, Bart! That money is going towards your college education.
    Lisa: Who cares about college, mom? We're trillionaires! Let's buy dune buggies!
    • The film reveals how the French Jerk trope started:
      British Diplomat: Well, this is a kick in the knickers.
      Italian Diplomat: Should we complain to somebody?
      French Diplomat: No, I say we just act snooty to Americans forever!
  • Upon finding Cuba:
    Mr. Burns: Take her down, Smithers!
    Smithers: Uh, you're flying the plane, sir.
    Mr. Burns: Excellent!
    [Homer and Smithers have a look of Oh, Crap! and This Is Gonna Suck as Mr. Burns dives the plane]
    • And cut to the plane having crashed.
  • Reasons for visiting Cuba:
    Smuggle Cigars
    Assassinate Castro
    • Homer checks all three.
  • Afterwards Homer calls home.
    Homer: Oh, you're gonna love it here in Cuba, Marge! There's shredded pork everywhere!
    Kid: ¡Es carne de burro! note 
    Homer: Nice to meet you too!
  • When Fidel Castro is preparing to call the US and concede defeat:
    Aide: But Presidente! America tried to kill you!
    Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco.
    Second Aide: (whispers in Castro's ear)
    Fidel Castro: It's full of WHAT?!!!
  • The Smash Cut of Mr. Burns, Smithers, and Homer stranded on a raft after Burns gives the trillion-dollar bill to Fidel Castro and Castro refuses to give it back.

199 - "Girly Edition"

  • "Hey, I'm on TV! Faaaaaart!"
  • The first edition of "Bart's People":
    Bart: Joe Banks, eighty-two years young, has come to this pond every day for the past seventeen years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery. The ducks... were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say, Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, (camera moves to another nearby pond) near those ducks. But it could be, that there's just no room in this modern world, for an old man... and his ducks.
    (cut to Mr. Burns and Smithers watching)
    Mr. Burns: Smithers... you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?
    Smithers: There's no "maybe" about it, sir.
    Mr. Burns: (sniffles) Excellent.
  • Bart's puff piece on veterans.
    Lisa: (through her teeth) Thank you, Bart, for another touching Bart's People. Now turning to—
    Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition.
    Lisa: That's what Veteran's Day is for, Bart.
    Bart: But is it really enough to honor our brave soldiers?
    Lisa: They also have Memorial Day.
    Bart: Oh, Lisa! Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong! The important thing is veterans deserve a day!
    Lisa: THEY HAVE TWO!!!
    Bart: Well, maybe they need three. I'm Bart Simpson.
  • Groundskeeper Willie: Away with ye! I have to finish him off while I'm still temporarily insane!
    • Willie's "Wha?!" when Lisa says that Bart is his son.
  • The end of the episode, where we finally get to see a brief glimpse of the "Mattel & Mars Bar Quick Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour", a deliciously Merchandise-Driven parody that's designed to sell chocolate and "Entertaining Mattel Products" (and was earlier mentioned as being barely legal to air on TV, as it's too Merchandise-Driven for children).
  • Homer tricks Grampa into adopting the helper monkey, then taking the helper monkey for himself, and Grampa saying, "Ooh, I can't wait to eat that monkey."
  • Homer eats the bitten doughnut Mojo tossed on the ground after refusing to take it.
  • A fat, out-of-shape Mojo types out, "Pray for Mojo" on the computer after Homer brings him back to the animal shelter.
  • This gem with Milhouse:
    Milhouse: ...So, by waking up a little early, and having some extra sheets handy, no one's the wiser. Tomorrow: Destroying the Evidence.
    Lisa: Eww.
    • Then when Lisa hurriedly leaves, she tells Nelson to cover for her. He shuffles his papers, clears his throat...then "speaks" in armpit farts.
  • Lisa introduces us to the Crazy Cat Lady:
    Lisa: (standing outside house) They call her "The Cat Lady". People say she's crazy just because she has a few-dozen cats. But can anyone who loves animals that much really be crazy?
    (the door opens, and the Crazy Cat Lady chases after Lisa, wailing and throwing cats at her)
    • She then tries to do a piece by mentioning that the Union Pacific doesn't come by anymore. On cue, a Union Pacific train passes by. After that, the Crazy Cat Lady is on the other side of the tracks and continues throwing cats at Lisa.

200 - "Trash of the Titans"

  • Homer has to take the trash out to the curb because he spilled it. He just misses the garbage truck and the garbage men.
    Homer: (chasing the truck while carrying the trash can) Wait. Stop, I have garbage! (he runs for a little longer, then drops the trash can and groans) You guys are the lousiest garbage men ever! YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU! YOU TRASH-EATIN' STINK BAGS! (garbage truck stops) Uh oh. (the truck backs up rapidly and stops again)
    Garbage Man #1: (madly) What did you call us?
    Homer: (nervously) Uh, I don't know. A lot of people were yelling things.
    Garbage Man #1: You called us "Trash-eatin' stink bags".
    Garbage Man #2: Didn't you learn anything from "Love Day"?
    Homer: Pffft. That was yesterday, moron.
  • Rod's trip to Diaper Hill in the Simpsons' front yard.
    Rod: Look, daddy. I'm the king of the mountain!
    Ned: Rod, get off of there!
  • Homer wakes up and sees the trash pile in his front yard gone. He then gloats about it in the kitchen.
    Homer: This is a very, very proud day for us! Especially me, your father, me, beat City Hall! It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!
    Lisa's Brain: Oh, I know, I heard it too. Here's some music. (Beethoven's "Für Elise" plays.)
  • Homer gets beat up by U2's security (which was shown on the concert's big screen monitor) while the band plays "Pride (In the Name of Love)". In the DVD commentary to that part, the writers wish concerts would punish anyone who tries to get on the stage by having security beat them up and having it projected on the wall of TVs.
  • When all hell is breaking loose in Springfield as the garbage eurpts from the ground, Ned Flanders and his sons are burying a dead rabbit (complete with mini-tombstone) in their backyard garden and praying.
    Ned: Dear Lord, please take Mr. Bunny up to Heaven... (the rabbit corpse erupts from the ground; the 3 Flanders shriek)
  • Ray Patterson gives a brief speech after being re-instated.
    Ray Patterson: (enters to the tune of Sanford and Son) Oh... oh, gosh... y'know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying... to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed, thank you, bye. (leaves to the tune of "Sanford and Son")
    Moe: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
  • The end in which everyone moves away, leaving behind the Crying Indian from those anti-pollution commercials from the 1970s. Another Indian appears and tells him, "Do yourself a favor. Don't turn around." The camera pans over to a trash-flooded Springfield and we hear screaming. The second Indian admonishes him with, "I told you not to turn around."

201 - "King of the Hill"note 

  • Reverend Lovejoy's exasperated exclamation to Ned Flanders' conflict over playing Capture the Flag on a Sunday.
    Rev. Lovejoy: "Oh, just play the damn game, Ned!"
  • The kids pelting Homer with deviled eggs after he collapses from exhaustion.
  • Homer mispronounces "gym" as "gime."
  • Homer eats 5 pounds of spaghetti and meatballs compressed into bar form, then calls the hospital.
  • Homer shows Bart that he made it to the top of the mountain — and Marge looking through the telescope and finding Homer's wallet.
  • Bart and Homer watching the McBain movie has some golden moments, like Homer flexing his belly fat to slide his beer towards him so he can drink it hands-free, and then crush the can when he's done. Bart's reaction is priceless. Also this dialogue:
    Marge: (on McBain jumping onto a jet, tearing open the cockpit, and breaking the pilot's neck) Now that's what I call breakneck speed! (laughs at her joke)
    Bart: Mom, a man just died.
    (Marge frowns and makes her trademark "Hmmm.")

202 - "Lost Our Lisa"

  • The sequence where Homer gives Bart the glue he wants to use to glue novelty features to his face. The way he sincerely says "Hope this stuff holds" is priceless.
  • Lisa barfing after Cletus reminding her the skunks can go off "...even after they's dead."
  • Marge thinking a boy stuck a bathtub faucet on his head with Superglue, but really got it stuck due to a plumbing accident, followed by Marge telling Bart that she wants that exact faucet for her bathroom.
  • Homer's voicemail at work:
    Homer: You have reached the workplace of Homer Simpson. If you are calling about the waterbed, please leave a detailed message. If you need to—
    Mr. Burns: Get back to work!
    [Homer screams]
  • When Homer is running around on the street looking for Lisa, the first car he stops turns out to be Marge's, and the second Mr. Burns.
    Marge: Homer? Shouldn't you be at work?
    Homer: Uh... I am at work. This is what I do.
    Marge: But—
    Homer: Keep going Marge, this isn't a parking lot!
    Marge: Sorry! (Marge drives away and Homer sighs in relief, only for the next car stopping to reveal Mr. Burns)
    Homer (yelps)
    Mr. Burns: Shouldn't you be at work?
    Homer: Yes sir, Mr. Burns!
    Mr Burns: Well, get back to whatever it is you do, whoever you are.
  • When Lisa asks the Russian immigrants playing chess for directions, they yell angrily at her, only for the subtitles to show they're actually answering her question politely. Then after she runs off, one checkmates the other, who swipes the board away, stands up and starts shouting in Russian:
    Russian: (Good game. How about another?)
  • "I'm not normally a praying man... but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"
  • Homer getting his head stuck in the suspension bridge while standing on a cherry picker that he crashed onto a garbage barge.

203 - "Natural Born Kissers"

  • A naked Homer Tempting Fate by telling the leering crowd of a football game to "...take a picture. It lasts longer." It was Camera Day and they ended up on the front page of the newspaper.
    • Similarly, Homer dangling from a balloon naked slamming rear-first into...a crystal cathedral (based on an actual one in California).
      Reverend: Now let us thank the Lord for this magnificent crystal cathedral, which allows us to look out upon his wondrous creation.
      (Homer slides upwards on the glass wall, his ass visible to all, making a huge screech.)
      Reverend: Now quickly! Gaze down on God's fabulous parquet floor! Eyes on the floor. Still on the floor. Always on God's floor!
  • While trying to hide at the mini-golf course, at one point Marge is behind birds and a flower, while Homer is behind two guys sawing a log.
    Homer: Marge, can we switch? I don't trust these guys.
  • Bart and Lisa look for treasure with a metal detector, leading to a hilarious Imagine Spot.
    Pirate Captain: Arr! Now we bury the treasure!
    British Crewman: Uh, captain, I know we usually bury the treasure, but what if, this time, we use it to buy things? You know, things we like?
    (the captain shoots the crewman and looks at the remaining members; they start digging)
    Pirate Captain: Arr! We'll dig up the treasure in seven years. I've drawn a map on this cracker, which Polly will hold for safekeeping.
    (the captain hands the Treasure Map Cracker to his parrot, whose eyes start to shift from side to side)
  • Sideshow Mel's reaction to seeing a naked Homer flying over a football stadium.
    "Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!"

    Season 10 

204 - "Lard of the Dance"

  • Krusty's Speak and Say.
    Krusty: S is for Shiksa. S...H....I....I think there's a T in there somewhere. Ah, look it up!
  • Homer and Bart walk into a Krusty Burger that is staffed entirely with Squeaky-Voiced Teens.
    Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Can I help you, sir?
    Homer: [leans uncomfortably close] My...God, you're greasy.
    Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [terrified] Mr. Maruka, heeeeelp!
  • Milhouse using Elmer's glue as hair gel to impress Lisa.
  • Nelson showing his Hidden Depths to Ralph, Wendel, Louis, and Database.
    Nelson: You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned. [Skinner walks up] Uh, and then I kicked the guy's ass! [Skinner nods and walks off] Now, if the berries get too tart, I just dust them with confectioner sugar. [the other kids murmur in interest]
  • Before they go get the grease at Springfield Elementary, Homer and Bart have a little prayer:
    Homer: Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
    Bart: Dad, he's not stupid.
    Homer: All right, screw it, let's roll!
  • At the end, when the kids are playing in the grease.
    Nelson: (with a handful of grease) Here comes a greaseball!
    Luigi: (walking in) Hey! Luigi bring-a you kids-a free pizza! Why do you hafta make-a the fun, eh?
  • Homer's Insane Troll Logic in this exchange.
    Bart: You're spending more money on bacon than you're getting for the grease.
    Homer: Yeah, but your mother pays for the bacon.
    Bart: Doesn't she get her money from you?
    Homer: And I get my money from grease. What's the problem?
  • Homer getting muscled out of his grease business, who conk him on the head with his own shovel when he protests.
    Grease Thug 1: We run the grease racket in this town. (walks off)
    Homer: Hey, that's my shovel!
    Grease Thug 2: We also run the shovel racket.
    (truck drives off, revealing the name Acne Grease and Shovel.)

205 - "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

  • Homer presenting his inventions to his family, with Marge getting shot in the face with the Make-Up Gun and telling Homer that it's set on "Whore."
  • Homer's funeral, featuring President Lenny, Barney as an Academy Award winner, Flanders as an archbishop, and Heckle and Jeckle.
    Heckle: There goes a real sack of crap!
    Jeckle: Indubitably, old chum!
  • Grandpa: GAAAAHHH!!! The pictures! They're coming alive!
  • Homer says he can't go to the main library. There was some...unpleasantness. He can never go back.
  • Homer causing a massive explosion in the basement...because he was using dynamite in his invention.
  • While driving to the Thomas Edison museum to smash one of his inventions, he sees Edison's ghost on the highway.
    Thomas Edison: Stop, Homer! By smashing my chair, you're only hurting yourself!
    [Homer steps on the gas and proceeds to run him down]
    Thomas Edison: I'll get you, you fat lunatic!
    [Homer stops and begins to back up the car, causing Edison to hide behind a bush]
  • Bart and Lisa walk in on Homer smoking a cigar, justifying it by saying that Thomas Edison did the same.
    Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff too.
    Homer: Shut up!
  • After seeing that Edison always viewed himself as being behind Leonardo da Vinci, Homer decides not to smash the chair. Instead, he tells Bart that they'll go to the Da Vinci museum and smash his inventions. When Bart points out that it's in Italy, Homer decides to take out his frustrations on Eli Whitney.
  • Homer has a little brainstorming session with Bart and Lisa, which doesn't go very well.
    Lisa: Automatic...
    Bart: Butt.
    Homer: Okay...
    Lisa: Fluorescent...
    Bart: Booger!
    Homer: Mm-hmm. (writes down Bart and Lisa's ideas) Wait a minute, these aren't exciting, new products! You're not even trying. Okay, that's it, both of you go to your rooms and spank yourselves!
    Lisa: (muttering) Lazy father...
    Bart: (muttering) Can't even spank his own kids!
    Marge: Homer, you can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea.
    Homer: I don't see why not. They're my kids, I own them!
    (Marge groans)
    Homer: Okay, we own them!
  • Homer goes to Professor Frink for help on inventing things. He tells him that one thing he can do is find a new use for existing devices, to which Homer comes up with hamburger earmuffs and runs out. Then it's shown that Frink has already invented them.
    "This babies'll be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix!"
  • At the Edison museum, the tour guide points out a room containing Edison's preserved brain.
    "Ordinarily, folks, tour groups are not allowed to see it, and of course, today will be no exception."
  • Kent Brockman finishing a news report:
    Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

206 - "Bart the Mother"

  • Homer yelling out the window for Milhouse.
    Milhouse: [in the distance] Whaaaaat?!!
    Milhouse: [in the distance] I think he's at Nelsooooooon's!!
  • Homer getting pummelled by the pitching machine at the Family Fun Center, with Bart commenting on the number of balls Homer is getting for just a quarter.
  • Homer punishes Lisa for lying about where Bart is.
    Homer: Alright young lady (hands her money) I want to march yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer! (hands her extra money) And get a little something for yourself, sweetheart.
  • The family eagerly await the hatching of Bart's eggs.
    Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's Comet collided with the moon!
    Lisa: ...that never happened, dad.
    Homer: Suuuuure it didn't.
  • Bart's Imagine Spot after he kills the bird.
    Eagle Judge: Bart Simpson, do you know why you've been summoned before this tribunal?
    Bart: Yes, sir. Because I killed an innocent bird.
    (the bird judges gasp in horror)
    Vulture Judge: Dear Lord! We just wanted you to put fresh newspaper on the tribunal floor!
    Eagle Judge: We are knee-deep in our own droppings. It's disgusting.
    Toucan Judge: But since you've confessed to birdslaughter, we have no choice but to peck your face off!
    Bart: No, not the face!
  • Reverend Lovejoy at the library:
    Librarian: You've checked this bible out every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?
    Lovejoy: Perhaps...on a librarian's salary.

207 - "Treehouse of Horror IX"

A - Hell Toupée

  • Chief Wiggum still drinking the Squishee after it's revealed that Apu was shoved in the Squishee machine.
  • Moe asking Apu if they have a special cereal for people with syphilis (which does exist in real life, only it's prescribed by doctors, not sold in stores) and Apu actually having it onhand. For added hilarity, he requests the cereal right after acting disgusted at Snake smoking.
  • Snake lights up in the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu tells him that smoking isn't allowed in the store and points to a "no smoking" sign. Said sign is not only tiny, it's surrounded by large, garish cigarette advertisements.
  • After Snake takes over Homer's body and tries to kill Bart in his room, Lisa and Marge come in. Lisa starts explaining Snake's hair has taken over Homer only for Marge to angrily cut her off saying everybody's already figured that out.
  • The very end of the segment, with Marge arriving a few seconds late to Wiggum's "Bad Hair Day" punchline.
    Marge: (sternly): May I remind you five people died today? (Beat, elated) Oh, wait! I just got it! (joins in laughter).

B - The Terror of Tiny Toon

C - Starship Poopers

  • Homer, Bart and Lisa are so grossed out by Maggie's alien tooth that they lose their appetites. Then Homer's comes back and he starts eating Lisa's breakfast.
  • Homer's only reaction to Maggie's legs dropping off? "Marge, Maggie lost her baby legs!"
  • Maggie grows tentacles and slithers on ceiling. Homer tries to get her down with broom and she lets out an angry hiss.
  • Dr. Hibbert testing Maggie, who's grown a fang. She chomps the tongue depressor into pieces, which startles Hibbert.
    Homer: What do you prescribe, doctor?
    Dr. Hibbert: Fire, and lot's of it!
    Marge: Oh, that's your cure for everything.
  • Homer calling Marge an "intergalactic hussy," sobbing hysterically, then stopping and commenting, "Was [Kang] better than me?"
  • The part with the quote "Holy flurking schnit!"
  • The entire sequence of Kang, Homer, and Marge on The Jerry Springer Show.

208 - "When You Dish Upon a Star"

  • The Yogi Bear dream sequence where Yogi Homer mauls Ranger Ned Flanders. Followed up with Homer dreaming that he's Magilla Gorilla and attacking Mr. Peebles.
    "Oooh, I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a hat and tie with no pants on."
  • Homer parking his car on top of a beach-buried Ned Flanders, who recognizes the muffler Homer "borrowed" for his car.
  • When Homer wants to dish that he's working for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger but holds back because he promised not to, a random bearded guy appears in the thought cloud:
    Guy: Tell the people, Homer. They have a right to know about the celebrity summer house.
    Homer: Who are you?
    Guy: What do you care? I'm telling you what you want to hear.
  • Homer justifying his treatment of what he feels are stuck-up celebrities: "And when it's time to do the dishes, where's Ray Bolger? note  I'll tell ya: RAY BOLGER IS LOOKIN' OUT FOR RAY BOLGER!"
  • "Homer! We're out of vodka!"
  • Ron Howard trying to jump on Homer's "Celebrity Jerks" RV — and ends up tumbling on the road.
  • Homer parasailing.

209 - "D'oh-in in the Wind"

  • The Bad "Bad Acting" of Mr. Burns' instructional video, courtesy of Homer.
    Homer: For all those reasons and more, let us choose an electrifying career in... line?
    Burns: (sighs) Nuclear power!
    Homer: (imitating Burns) Nuclear power!
    Burns: Ugh, you dunderheaded stooges are the worst bunch of—
    (title card: "An Alan Smithee Film")
    • Along with the commentary after the commercial aired on TV:
      Homer: Well, there were script problems from day one.
      Bart: Didn't seem like anybody even read the script.
      Homer: That was the problem.
  • The flashback to Grampa, Mona, and Homer at Woodstock:
    Grampa: (wearing a suit and tie) Boo! Bring on "Sha Na Na!" (holds up a sign that says "Bowzer For President")
    • When young Homer is dancing nude in the mud, Grampa tells him, "Put some damn pants on and then pull 'em down, 'cause it's time for a spanking!"
  • Homer's response to having accidentally destroyed the organic juice stock. "Uh... pretty freaky, huh?"
  • The peyote freak-out sequence, particularly: Groundskeeper Willie making out with a rake (whom he sees as a sexy Scottish woman named Fergie), Barney countering the peyote hallucinations with the ones he commonly sees while drinking beer (and thanking his pink elephant friend for always being there for him), The Rolling Stones lips telling Ned to pucker up, and Jasper and Abe sitting on a park bench and giggling like Beavis and Butt-Head.
  • Dr. Hibbert refusing to surgically remove the flower shot into Homer's head because he's a doctor, not a gardener.

210 - "Lisa Gets an "A""

  • Similar to "Lisa on Ice", Lisa has an Imagine Spot where she worries that if she fails her test, it will cost her admission into Harvard:
    Miss Hoover: And the lowest grade in the class...
    Ralph: She's gonna say my name!
    Miss Hoover: ...Lisa Simpson. Zero.
    Principal Skinner: Lisa, the president of Harvard would like to see you.
    Harvard President: Nasty business, that zero. Naturally, Harvard's doors are now closed to you, but I'll pass your file along to (snickers) Brown.
    Skinner: Mmmm, Brown. Heckuva school. Weren't you at Brown, Otto?
    Otto: Yep. Almost got tenure, too.
    Lisa: No! Not Brown, Brown, Brown... (continues repeating "Brown" as the scene fades back into reality)
    Miss Hoover: Lisa, you're saying "Brown" an awful lot. Are you okay?
  • Nelson has an office in a bathroom cubicle where he gives out test answers. And he's Salesman of the Month.
  • What convinces Lisa to cheat: Seeing Willie in a stall, unclogging a toilet with his bare hands.
    Willie: Ooh, you've got yourself a partner, do ya?
  • Homer mourning over his pet lobster, Pinchy, whom he accidentally boiled (he gave Pinchy a hot bath to clean off the mud on him) and eating him during dinner. Normally, it would be a Tear Jerker for anyone who has lost a pet, but it's funny here because Homer's stupidity (running a hot bath for a lobster) killed Pinchy and, all throughout the subplot, Homer wanted the lobster so he can fatten it up and eat it when it's all grown up rather than buy a full-sized one from the grocery store. He got what he wanted, but it ended up being a sad time, because he grew attached to Pinchy and (up until that point) decided not to raise it as food. And on top of that, as he's sobbing over the death of Pinchy, he's eating him as well!
    Bart: Are you gonna eat that all by yourself?
    Homer: Uh-huh. Pinchy would have wanted it that way.
  • One of Ralph's funniest moments
    Ralph: Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
    (The word "C_T" appears on screen, in which Ralph hits the "A" button)
    Ralph: I'm learnding!
  • After Skinner, Bart, and the rest of the audience fool the real comptroller by getting the giant check with the school's grant on it without the real Lisa being there...
    Skinner: [holds up giant check] I know a liquor store where we can cash this right now!
    Audience: [Erupts with cheers and applause]

211 - "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""

  • This scene:
    The Sea Captain: Welcome to the Ship of Lost Souls!
    Homer: The back of the ship says "Honeybunch".
    The Sea Captain: Yar, I been meaning to paint over that.
  • The Frenchman revealing that he stole his accordionnote  from a blind monkey, yet Homer's story of how he left his father to die disgusts him.
  • Dr Hibbert discovering that Homer has run away from the operating room.
    Hibbert: We really gotta get rid of that window.
  • Hans Moleman almost runs over Homer with a car transporter, but...
    Homer: Phew! Boy, that(a car on the transporter rolls off and crushes Homer) OW!
  • Marge telling Bart to pay attention during the tour of the Ghost Town and the guide goes on about how the town was full of prostitution and lists off the places they are stopping on the tour most of which are bordellos much to Marge's chagrin, then she gets excited when the last location mentioned is a "Mission" before the guide remarks "lots of prostitutes there" to which Marge groans.

212 - "Mayored to the Mob"

  • The fight between the mighty robots from Battlestar Galactica (1978) and the gay robots from Star Wars, with C-3PO getting his ass kicked while R2-D2 rolls away.
  • Mark Hamill giving a Product Placement speech at the convention:
    Mark: You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to 1 to 7 cents a month over the more dependable providers.
    Data: Dah, talk about Star Wars!
    Homer: You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long distance!
  • When Homer saves Mark Hamill and Mayor Quimby from rioting nerds:
    Homer: Mr. Hamill! Mr. Mayor! Come on!
    Mark: Who are you?
    Homer: Homer Simpson, nerd buster! And I'm getting you outta here!
    Mark: [clutching his ankle] Gaah! I can't, Homer! I twisted my ankle! You guys go on without me!
    Homer: Never! [picks Hamill and Quimby up] Follow me! [Homer kicks nerds aside as he brings Hamill and Quimby into a spaceship Hamill was in moments ago. He shuts the ship's door, then opens it a couple seconds later] How was I supposed to know it's not a real spaceship?
    • Making this even better is that it was a SANDCRAWLER.
    • And after they escape the building, Lisa realises that they have to go back for Maggie:
      Homer: Forget Maggie! She's gone!
      Marge: [annoyed] I've got Maggie.
    • And then it turns out that Hamill's ankle wasn't twisted after all:
      Mark: Oh, yeah. Well...see, the thing about that is... [runs]
  • To become a bodyguard, Homer attends a boot camp run by Leavelle, also played by Mark Hamill:
    Leavelle: As a bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your protectee. Not to your family, not to your country, not to Moo-hamad!
    Homer: Even during Ramadan?
    Leavelle: Shut yo sasshole, boy!
    • During Homer's training, he has to practice Taking the Bullet and the Big "NO!":
      [Leavelle pretends to fire a rifle at a watermelon on a podium; Homer dives in front of the bullet's path]
      Homer: Nooooooo. [lands on ground]
      Leavelle: Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "NOOOOOO!" You gotta sell it! Remember, your "NOOOOOO!" is what gets you your next job! Now drop and give me twenty.
      Homer: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
      Leavelle: [impressed] Better.
    • When the bodyguard trainees are given the watermelons they'll be protecting, Homer immediately eats his.
    • And then at the "graduation ceremony" (with watermelon everywhere), Leavelle sings "I Will Always Love You". Badly. Everyone leaves.
  • As Homer is picked to be Mayor Quimby's new bodyguard:
    Homer: WOOHOO!
    Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just—
    Homer: [grim and firm] I said "Woo. Hoo."
  • Homer using a Vulcan Pinch-type move on Bart and Lisa when they try to take some snacks before dinner. When Marge chides him, Homer uses it on her. Then he uses it on himself when he realizes he needs to kill some time, only to hit his head on the table as he collapses.
  • Upon seeing the room full of rats being milked: "CRAP ON A CRUST!" And then:
    Homer: They're milking rats! [running out of the building] MILKING RATS!!
    Mayor Quimby: [to Fat Tony] Rats?! I'm outraged! You promised me dog or higher!
  • Homer slapping the rat's milk carton out of Bart's hand.
    Bart: Hey! I traded my math book for that!
  • The first appearance of the Frank Nelson type, aka the "Yes Guy":
    Homer: Excuse me?
    Yes Guy: Nyyyeeeeeeesss?
    Homer: Do you have a table for the mayor?
    Yes Guy: Nyyyeeeeeeesss!
    Homer: Why do you talk that way?
    Yes Guy: I had a stroooooooke!
  • The inexplicably Star Wars-themed production of Guys and Dolls.
    Chorus: [to the tune of "Hooray For Hollywood"] Guys and Dolls! / We're just a bunch of crazy Guys and Dolls! / Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, Guys and Dolls...
    Mark: This is a conceptual nightmare. I mean, Nathan Detroit would never wear this. [referencing his Luke Skywalker outfit] And this song isn't even in the show!
    Cook: I don't have time for this. I got 75 shortcakes to strawberry. Now get out there, "Luke".
    • And after Louie's very impressive tap dance solo.
      Hamill: Hey, pal, that's my face up there next to the pepper steak, and don't you forget it.
      Louie: You're all talk, Hamill! You never even finished Jedi school!
      [Louie punches Hamill with enough force that he flies into the stage set and it comes crashing down on him]
  • Homer fighting with Louie the Mobster when he tries to attack the Mayor with a knife during the performance.
    Homer: Give me the knife!!
    Louie: No, its mine!!
  • As Homer and Louie fight, Mark Hamill suddenly appears to offer wisdom:
    Mark: Homer, use the for—
    Homer: The Force?
    Hamill: The forks! Use the forks!
  • Homer succeeds in disabling Louie, only to turn around and sees Fat Tony beating the crap out of Quimby with a baseball bat.
    Homer: [disappointed tone] Oh, Fat Tony...
    Tony: [naively] What? What did I do?

213 - "Viva Ned Flanders"

  • The chase sequence, featuring Elvis Presley's rendition of "Viva Las Vegas" (originally, they wanted the Bruce Springsteen cover, but they couldn't get the rights, so they went with the famous Elvis version, which actually fits the sequence, even if it's a bit cliched), has the most hilarious subversions of Mugged for Disguise (Homer and Flanders try to take some janitors' uniforms, only for the janitors to fight back) and So Long, Suckers! (Homer and Flanders try to escape in a convertible, but everyone in the casino beats them up and throws them out of Vegas).
  • Just the fact that Homer remembers Barney's birthday being on the same day as Adolf Hitler's (or Lassie the dog's, depending on what version you're seeing), yet he barely knows the birthdays of his wife and kids, and doesn't even know that he has a second daughter (Maggie).
  • There's a brief little moment after Homer and Ned drive past the "Welcome to Nevada" sign. As their car passes, the camera holds momentarily before quickly panning to a man nearly identical in appearance to Raoul Duke driving a swanky-looking sports car with a joint in his mouth. In the passenger side is a man with a jack-o'-lantern for a head. The jack-o'-lantern man asks "Raoul" if he thinks he wants to go back. "Raoul" replies with this:
    "Raoul": Nah, too many damn kids. (Proceeds to drive off into sunset)
  • When Flanders wants to get out of Homer's car, Homer locks the doors and assures him that escape is impossible, only for Flanders to open the passenger side door on his own and walk out. He immediately walks into Joan Rivers asking him to be in the audience of an infomercial and he gets back in the car, but as he and Homer drive away, Rivers runs up and begs him to help her because her daughter isn't talented.

214 - "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"

  • In the beginning, the Isotopes getting worn out after just stepping onto the field before the game even starts.
  • Babe Ruth the Fourth signaling a home run...only to then go for a bunt; a bunt so short that the entire opposing team is up close, ready to get him out.
  • Homer becoming a fairweather fan when he finds out the Isotopes are doing well.
  • Barney shooting beer out of a barrel that knocks Kent Brockman out of the door.
  • Lenny and Carl hitting each other, yelling "Isotopes", Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Barney's drive through Springfield Elementary School, Barney slipping while they're in the shower, Homer's flashback of his night out in the form of a sepia tone silent film titled ''Homer's Night Out'' (with two scenes missing), and Homer calling Lisa "Big Maggie" after the film abruptly ends.
  • The horrendous sitcom Don't Go There.
    Announcer: Don't Go There will be right back after these messages.
    Bart: (about to smash the telvision with a bowling ball) Oh, no it won't.
  • Chief Wiggum checking the IDs of Jimbo, Kearny, and Nelson.
    Wiggum: I'm taking you downtown! [double-checks Nelson's ID] Oh. Sorry to disturb ya, Dr. Hibbert.
    Nelson: [deep voice] Not at all, officer! [chuckles]
  • Chief Wiggum catching the kids watching the movie:
    Wiggum: Let this be a lesson to you kids. The adults always win!
    [the children look towards Wiggum with glowing blue eyes, like in the horror movie they saw]
    Wiggum: WAAAAAH!
    [the "glowing eyes" turn out be reflections from a police light]
    Wiggum: For crying out loud, Eddie! You scared the hell out of me.
    Eddie: Sorry, Chief. [turns off the light] Heh heh.
  • The kids revealing the adults' embarrassing secrets.
    Lisa: And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
    (listening at home, Dr. Hibbert nervously pulls his collar)
    Lisa: That's right, Homer Simpson.
    Homer: (distant) D'oh!
  • The song, especially the end when everyone is singing over each other.
  • The ending, in which the senior citizens of Springfield ban both the kids and the adults from going out at night, forcing Kent Brockman to do a news report from inside his own house while the frustrated Simpsons watch.

215 - "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday"

  • The Super Bowl commercial:
    Announcer: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean, when you think about it.
    Homer: Hehe, football's so great.
    Announcer: But now the two conference champs must survive a harrowing bye week that no one enjoys.
    Moe: (scoffs) Bye weeks! Bronco Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks. And now he's dead. Well, maybe they're a good thing.
  • Homer's daydream about being at the Super Bowl. The coach lost his last quarterback, and when he calls out to Homer in the stands, you think he's going to put Homer in the game, but instead he tells him: "Get your hand off my wife's leg!"
  • Homer recruiting people to go to the Super Bowl, including Lenny:
    Homer: (on phone) Come on, Lenny. I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. Whaddaya say?
    Lenny: Nah...
    Homer: Come on!
    Lenny: Naaah...
    Homer: Come onnnn!
    Lenny: Naaaaah....
    Homer: Oh, come onnnn!
    Lenny: (marginally more upbeat) Eh...
    Homer: Yes! (hangs up) Now that Lenny's in, Carl will fall like a domino.
  • All the guys hopping the Super Bowl bus are relieved that they can finally let themselves go, and undo their belts to let their stomachs out. But they suck their stomachs back in when they see they have a female bus driver.
    "I don't know if I can last that long!"
  • Rudy tries to hop a bus to the Super Bowl as it's pulling away:
    Moe: Aw, crap. It's that pip-squeak Rudy.
    Homer: What is it, Rudy?
    Rudy: Can I come too?
    Krusty: Forget it, kid. You're too small to go to the Super Bowl.
    Rudy: But what I lack in size, I make up for in obnoxiousness!
  • Troy Aikman as a caricature artist:
    Troy: So, Ned? You like dune buggies?
    Ned: Well... (laughs nervously) Not-not, my cup of—
    Troy: Sure you do! Everyone likes dune buggies.
    (a collage of previous sketches are shown; everyone is in a dune buggy)
  • Marge gives her address over the phone, and almost says the state:
    Marge: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, o-hiya, Maude! Come on in!
  • When Homer realizes the Super Bowl tickets are made of crackers, he wants to break the news to his friends gently:
    Homer: My friends—
    Krusty: They don't have the tickets!
  • A close-up of Lenny saying "Here comes the kick!", only for the next cut to reveal the group is in a jail cell and the kick he's referring to is Homer being kicked by the rest of the group.
    Hibbert: As a doctor, I'd say he's had enough. But, as a football fan...
    (gears up and kicks Homer in the butt)
  • While in the jail cell:
    Homer: Psst, cleaning lady. Would you let us out of here?
    Dolly Parton: Me? I'm Dolly Parton.
    Homer: I didn't ask for your life story. Just give me the key.
  • When everyone breaks out of jail, the group runs ecstatically up the stairs while "Song 2" by Blur plays. After a few seconds, Moe chimes in:
    Moe: Hey, Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour. Where the hell's the game?!
    Homer: You guys were following me? I was following Flanders!
  • Rupert Murdoch announces himself as "the billionaire tyrant".
  • While in the winning locker room:
    Player: Whoo! I'm going to Disneyland!
    Wally: Really? 'Cause I'm a travel agent and I've heard nothing but bad things.
  • John Madden and Pat Summerall's recap of the events of the episode, culminating with Madden realizing he and the viewers were tricked because in a Super Bowl episode, there was no football actually shown.
    Madden: What a way to treat the loyal fans who've put up with so much nonsense from this franchise.

216 - "Homer to the Max"

Homer: I never thought I'd say this about a TV show, but... this is kind of stupid.
  • When Homer sees that one of the badass detectives (well, they're only both badass in the first version) is also called Homer Simpson:
    Homer: [GAAAAAAASP!] He's named like my name!
  • Both times we see Police Cops, either in its original form with the suave, scarf-wearing cop that has Homer's name, and its retooled version, featuring said suave cop changed to a bumbling moron who has "Uh-Oh, Spaghetti-Os!" as his Catchphrase.
    Chief: You destroyed that drug shipment?!
    Detective Homer Simpson: Yes indeedy!
    Chief: That was my insulin!
    Detective Homer Simpson: Uh-oh, Spaghetti-Ohs!
    Chief: Simp-SON!
  • Carl asking for Homer's autograph.
    Carl: Hey, Mr. Simpson, sir, can I get your autograph?
    Homer: Alright. What's the name?
    Carl: Uh, Homer, we've worked together for ten years. (Homer blankly looks at him) It's Carl.
    (Homer signs Carl's notepad and gives it back)
    Carl: You only wrote my name. Um, I wanted yours.
    Homer: Take it or leave it. (looks at the notepad) Carl.
  • When Homer changes his name to Max Power, and introduces himself:
    Trent Steel: Hey, great name!
    Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
  • The Running Gag of Homer running into a Cactus, the third time being in the Simpsons home to which Lisa remarks "we really should put that in a corner"
  • Homer getting his scarf caught in the ceiling fan at Moe's and getting tossed out the door and later spilling Fondue all over the controls at the Power Plant.
  • Bill Clinton hitting on Marge and then having to leave because "Quebec's got the bomb"
  • Homer ignoring Lorne Michaels.
  • Homer changing Marge's name at the end to "Chesty La Rue" and after Marge voices her displeasure Homer suggests other silly porn-star-esque names.
  • Ed Begley Jr. drives a go-kart powered by his own sense of self-satisfaction.

217 - "I'm with Cupid"

  • At the beginning, Marge goes to the Kwik-E-Mart in the middle of the night to buy supplies for Bart's science project, since it's the only place open that late. Apu is aghast.
    Apu: But this is a prime time for stoned teenagers buying shiny things!
    (cut to Jimbo Jones staring at a piece of tinfoil)
    'Jimbo: Whoooaa, it's like a living mirror! Cool hat!
  • Having finished Bart's science project, a replica of a working stomach, Marge starts hearing an odd gurgling noise.
    Bart: Cool!
    Marge: I haven't turned it on yet...
    (Pan to Homer, standing by the fridge, holding his belly and clearly in discomfort)
    Homer: (moans) I'm never eatin' chilli again... (he looks in the fridge) Ooh, chilli!
  • When Homer and Marge are at Apu and Manjula's place:
    Apu: (flipping through vinyl records) Who is your favorite Indian pop singer?
    Homer: (groaning) Aw, don't make me choose...
    Apu: (still flipping) Shankar, Shankar, Shankar, oh, here we go!
    (Apu takes out the record "Concert Against Bangladesh"; he puts it on the record player, turns it on and it plays fast, inhuman sounding shrieking)
    —>Apu: Oh, sorry...
    (Apu slows down the player's speed and we hear jazzy music a la Frank Sinatra, which Homer snaps along to)
    Singer: You make me feel so young... You make me feel like spring has sprung...
  • Homer's hilarious brawl with the pilot Fantastic Dan:
    Fantastic Dan: I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code!
    Homer: I am so sick of that damn code!
  • Homer's warped fairy tale about having to pee in an alley because the ogre (Barney) left the bathroom a mess, then waking up hours later by the kiss of a noble raccoon.
  • Grammy bashing:
    Homer: Mr. John, I'm your biggest fan. I tape-recorded all your songs off the radio.
    Elton John: Oh, that's very sweet. Have a Grammy.
    Homer: Uh... (throws it into a garbage can)
  • Apu's first Valentine's gift is a unique chocolate statue of himself.
    Manjula: A chocolate husband! Oh, how darling!
    Apu: (from inside) Help, I can't breathe!
    (the face breaks apart, revealing Apu)
    Manjula: Oh, Apu! (hugs him) Oh, you are the sweetest filling of all.
    Apu: (gasping) Air... need air...
    Manjula: Oh, Apu...
    Apu: Don't talk, my ears are filled with nougat!
    Manjula: Oh, dear...
    Apu: There's a nut in my eye!

218 - "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""

  • Principal Skinner blowing the "Who's on First?" routine by explaining the joke, then being called a "sexless freak" by Superintendent Chalmers.
  • Bart's reaction to the lackluster talent show: "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."
  • Lenny and Carl at Moe's
    Carl: Hey, has anyone seen Homer today?
    (Homer goes past the bar window, hanging by his belt from the horn of a charging rhinoceros)
    Lenny: There he goes.
  • The road rage video.
  • The dancing sloth.

219 - "Make Room for Lisa"

  • The opening where Homer thinks he's gone back in time to 1939.
  • Homer spilling chocolate on the US Constitution, and trying to lick it off.
    Guard 1: Oh, now you got rid of the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment!
    Guard 2: [reads some brass knuckles] Hehehe, sweet!
  • Marge hitting Milhouse on the head with her walkie-talkie, thinking that he was a crazed killer, then when Marge yells at Bart (and Bart tells Marge that she deserved to be pranked because she wouldn't stop eavesdropping on calls), Marge relents and tells Bart, "If anyone asks, you hit him."
  • Marge eavesdropping on everyone in Springfield and then Bart pulling a prank on her which results in her clobbering Milhouse on the head with a baby monitor and Marge saying "If anyone asks, you hit him"

220 - "Maximum Homerdrive"

  • Homer hears about "The Slaughterhouse" from Lisa during dinner in the dining room. Specifically, because Lisa wishes to protest it for its rather inhumane decor (steer carcasses and fountain of blood) and practices (the guest get to choose a cow, and that cow is then killing right in front of them). Homer immediately decides that he very much likes the concept.
    Homer: Wait, there's a place like that in Springfield? Then why are we eating this crap? (he shoves all of the food and dishes off the dining room table) Come on, everybody! We're going to "The Slaughterhouse"!
    Marge: You didn't need to knock the food on the floor.
    Homer: Didn't I?
  • Mr Burns having several steers slaughtered only for him to change his mind and say he wants a glass of milk, which results in another cow getting killed.
  • As Homer is driving on the highway with Bart in the late Red Barclay's semi truck, he sees a young boy moving his arm in the back of a passing car.
    Homer: That little punk! I'll teach him some manners! (he steps on the gas pedal and moves closer to the rear of the car, the young boy gasps)
    Bart: No, dad. He wants you to blow your horn.
    Homer: Ohh. (He smiles and pulls down the cord hanging from the ceiling to his right. It releases the trailer of the semi from behind the truck.) That little punk!
  • Homer under the effects of stimulants and sleeping pills. At the same time.
    Homer: I'll hardly agree! I'm really fired! This is a big mistake!! Ooooh, heeere coomes the sleeeping pills, soo droowsyyy... Pep pills perking up again! I can drive allllll niight... (falls asleep at the wheel of the truck)
  • In the subplot, Marge and Lisa are waiting for someone to ring the new doorbell.
    Marge: Anyone? Anyone at all?
    Lisa: (looking out the window) Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds and he's coming this way — Oh, the birds got him.
    Milhouse: (runs by the window, trying to ward off three chirping birds that are attacking him) Aaahhh! Aahh! Not the face!
    • More prospects
      Lisa: Hey! People are coming! I think they're Jehovah's Witnesses!
      Marge: Yes!
      Noreen: (just before her partner rings the bell) Wait, Marvin, I just had a thought. Maybe we're bothering people by trying to change their religion. What if we don't have all the answers?
      Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs! (They walk away, discarding their pamphlets)
      Marge: (watching through the keyhole of the door) I would have feigned interest...
    • A little while later, in a desperate attempt to have a visitor ring the doorbell, Marge decides to order some garlic bread from "Luigi's".
      Marge: (saying to Lisa as the Wiseguy from "Luigi's" is approaching the front door) This is it, honey. We did it. (the Wiseguy knocks on the door instead of ringing the doorbell) DAMNIT! (Lisa moans) Ring the bell!
      The Wiseguy: Why? You already know I'm here, don't ya?
      Marge: Just do it!
      The Wiseguy: Nothin' doin', missy. Now do you want your half-order of garlic bread or not?
      Marge: No, but if you'll just ring the— (she hears tires screeching as the Wiseguy drives away in the "Luigi's" truck)
  • "All right, listen: You just stumbled on a secret that only truck drivers are supposed to know." (Homer giggles) "Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel!"
  • Homer and Bart go to see "The Monster That Ate Everybody"
    Girl in movie: Did the monster eat Patrick?
    Boy in movie: It ate everybody.
    Girl: What about Erica?
    Boy, Homer, and Bart: (angrily) It ate everybody!
    Homer: Stupid!
    • Also, they park the truck right in front of all the other cars in the drive-in.

221 - "Simpsons Bible Stories"

A - Marge's Dream

  • God (Ned Flanders) flicking Homer out of the garden after his unicorn Gary dies.

B - Lisa's Dream

  • The Pharaoh (Principal Skinner) having a conversation with his servant.
    Pharaoh: All right, read me back what I have so far, Mrs. Krabapatra.
    Mrs. Krabapatra: Bird, bird, giant eye, pyramid, bird.
    Pharaoh: Mmm-hmm, very good. Uh, giant eye, dead fish, cat head, cat head, cat head, guy doing this (Strikes the "Walk Like An Egyptian" pose).
  • Chief Wiggum serving as Dathan, Edward G. Robinson's character from The Ten Commandments.
    Wiggum: [as Lisa and Milhouse (Moses) are being sealed in a pyramid] So long, kids! Give my regards to the British Museum!
  • Milhouse's (Moses) reaction to seeing Pharaoh's chariot host.
    Milhouse: Screw this, I'm converting! Save us, O' Mighty Ra!

C - Homer's Dream

  • The "Jesus Christ vs. Checker Chariot" court case.

E - Ending Sequence:

222 - "Mom and Pop Art"

  • Homer going apeshit while trying to build a barbecue pit. He has to quickly build the grill due to it all falling in the cement, and having to read the French instructions.
    Homer: Ew, English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le Grille? What the hell is that?!
    • The barbecue pit appears to have put together properly, but Homer is just holding the box. (See picture on the right)
      Homer: Ah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!" (breaks down crying)
    • A little while later, Bart watches through the window.
      Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
      Bart: I think he's almost done. (Then Homer screams maniacally, charges the pit with an umbrella, sticks it in an opening where it opens up and he falls backwards on to the grass.) Yep, he's done.
  • When Homer meets three artists who admire his work:
    Homer: So, uh, you guys are Eurotrash, huh? How's that working out for you?
    Gunter: Eh, to be honest, we are adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.
    Homer: Uh-huh. So, uh, where might this sea be located?
  • Homer commenting on a painting by Matt Groening (saying that he doesn't deserve to be in a museum because he can barely draw), and getting an oversized eraser rubbed on his head (which turns out to be a giant pencil needed for an exhibit).
  • The scene where Homer comes up with his Zany Scheme.
    Homer: I've got a great idea for a new art project that will make everyone love me again!. Step 1: Steal all the doormats in town.
    • Bart and Homer do just that, and then throw the mats on street drains to block them.
      Bart: Hit the road, "Welcome home"!
      Homer: Adiós, "Casa de Flanders"!
      Bart: See you in Hell, "God bless this house"!
      Homer: So long, "The Simpsons"! (Beat) D'oh!

223 - "The Old Man and the "C" Student"

  • The "Edited For Seniors" version of Gone with the Wind.
    Scarlett: Oh Rhett, Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?
    Rhett: Frankly my dear — (voice suddenly changes) — I love you, let's remarry!
    Bart: Aw, they cut out the best word!
    Hans Moleman: Didn't that movie used to have a war in it? (is dragged away by nurses)
    Nurse: Come on. Get up! You've been warned.
  • Chief Wiggum shooing out all the rats in town in preparation for the Olympics.
    "Hit the road, Lucky! You too, Rizzo! (one of the rats looks back at him with Puppy Eyes) Oooh, Cinnamon. Don't make this harder than it already is."
  • It seems Bart confused Ralph.
    Bart: Hey Chalmers, where are you from?
    Chalmers: I... oh! Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Why do you ask?
    (Skinner puts his hand over Bart’s mouth before Bart can answer)
    Principal Skinner: Uh, don't worry sir, I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of Community Service.
    (The children moan and groan in protest)
    Ralph: Intercourse?
    Nelson: What if we refuse?
    Skinner: You won't pass to the next grade.
    Nelson: I fail to see the threat.
    Chalmers: SKINNER!!! Good idea! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
    (Bart looks at Skinner, and Skinner waves his hands "no")
  • Barts standup comedy poking fun at the international delegates of the Olympics committee.
    Bart: So, you're from Russia, huh?
    Russian Delegate: Da!
    Bart: You drunk yet?
    Delegate: (shamefully) Da...
  • Homer comes up with Springy, the Springfield Spring as the Olympics mascot (Patty and Selma came up with their own, Ciggy, a stick figure made of cigarettes holding an ashtray, which lost to Springy). When the Olympics bid fails, he repurposes them to sell, with ideas such as the self-flipping frying pan (which causes a grease fire when the hamburgers spatter grease everywhere), putting them on Maggie and dribbling her like a basketball and whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown". Marge demands he get rid of them, so he flushes them down the toilet (with a loud screeching noise as they're flushed).
    Homer: (flushing a spring down the toilet) You flush one down, it swirls around, nine-hundred and ninety nine springs to flush down.
    Marge: (knocking on the bathroom door) You're not flushing those springs down our toilet, are you?
    Homer: Of course not. (toilet flushes, screeching sound) Nine-hundred and ninety six springs to flush down, nine-hundred and ninety six spriiings...
    • Later, when the ship Bart, Lisa, Grandpa and the rest of the old folks' home is on sinks, it bounces back to the surface, and the scene pans to an underwater sewer pipe surrounded by springs.
      Homer: A hundred and thirty five springs to flush down, a hundred and thirty five springs...

224 - "Monty Can't Buy Me Love"

  • Homer handing out money to his family.
    Bart: Hey, dad. Give me fifty bucks. I gotta buy some things. Better make it a hundred. (Homer obliges)
    Lisa: Yeah, me too. (Homer obliges)
    Marge: Homer, don't you think you're spoiling- (Homer gives her money and she trails off)
  • Otto is at a music listening station and dismisses newer music as ripping off Judas Priest. He takes off the headphones, revealing his usual cassette player headphones underneath, playing "Living After Midnight".
  • Lisa watching The Postman at the mall, and the director's commentary has Kevin Costner apologizing for the flick. Then it's shown that Costner is actually standing behind the TV while giving the commentary, and he asks Lisa to get him a sandwich.
  • Arthur Fortune once knocked out Muhammad Ali... by ringing his doorbell and punching him for no reason at all. Ali's grunt as he's hit is probably the best bit.
  • Arthur Fortune being charitable:
    Arthur: Now, I have some bad news from my accountant. It seems I have too much money. Who wants a dollar?!
    Homer: ME!
    Arthur: Great! What's your name, sir?
    Homer: I don't know! Just give it to me!
    • Mr. Burns trying to be throwing silver dollars off a building.
  • Mr. Burns trying to start his own conga line while waving a cattle prod.
    "Conga conga conga! We love Monty Burns more! Conga like you mean it! Please don't make me shock you!"
  • Professor Frink: I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form, it's long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe! It's a small frog. Just get off, just get off there. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator!
  • "Do you really think you can capture the Loch Ness Monster? I mean, he's eluded Leonard Nimoy and Peter Graves."
  • The parts with the Scottish people are also hilarious. First:
    Willie: The whole town's turned out! I've never seen 'em so excited! (Cut to a group of about ten people standing looking emotionless and slightly bored)
    • And second (shortly after the above "Frog-Exaggerator" scene):
    Mr. Burns: We're the laughing stock of the town! (Cut to the same group as before, with the same expressions as before)
    • Also the scene with Willie's parents.
    Willie's Ma: So ya back home now.
    Willie: Aye.
    Willie's Pa: I suppose ya be leavin' soon.
    Willie: Aye.
    [they all shrug and walk away]
  • Professor Frink using the "de-loch-inator," which is actually a hand pump, to drain Loch Ness.
    "Ugh, pumping is hard."
    • Turns out draining the loch floods the town.
    Villager 1: We lost our homes and everything we hold dear.
    Villager 2: Aye.
  • Mr. Burns going on the "Jerry Rude and the Bathroom Bunch" radio show, especially the part where Burns misunderstands the modern definition of a gay experience and turns it into incestuous innuendo.
  • When the group arrives in Scotland:
    Mr. Burns: What do you people think I'm paying you for?
    Homer: Uh, to work in your power plant?
    Willie: You're not paying me anything!
    Professor Frink: You kidnapped me, I remember it distinctly, with the grabbing and the duct-taping and the tennis ball in the mouth, it hurt meeee.

225 - "They Saved Lisa's Brain"

  • Krusty: "A urinal cake?! You, sir, have crossed the line!"
  • When Lisa is writing her open letter to the newspaper:
    Lisa: I write this letter not to nag or whine, but to prod. We can better ourselves!
    (she sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway)
    Lisa: (to herself) Well, most of us.
  • Mensa being turned away from their gazebo:
    Skinner: Excuse me, gentlemen. Might I have a peak at your gazebo registration form?
    Lenny: Beat it.
    Skinner: (chuckles) Yes, well, we each have a good case.
    Carl: What part of "beat it" didn't you understand?
    Skinner: Hmm, I guess it would be the "it"; I'm not sure to what that refers. (a beer can is thrown at his head)
    • This quote:
    Hibbert: Why do we live in a town where the smart have no power and the stupidest run everything? Maybe I should just move back to Alabama.
  • Some of the changes that Mensa makes to Springfield now that they're running the show:
    • The traffic lights now only have red and yellow lights, since Mensa realized that people drive fastest through yellow lights.
      Lenny: Come on, stay yellow! Stay yellow! (gets through the light) Man, I'm making record time! (sad) If only I had somewhere to be.
    • The trains are now running on metric time. A clock with only ten numbers is shown.
    Skinner: Remember this moment, people: Eighty past two on April 47th, it's the dawn of an enlightened Springfield.
  • "A sarcasm detector? Oh that's a really useful invention!"
    • *BOOM*!
    • As Comic Book Guy says this you hear the machine going haywire from all the sarcasm it's detecting.
  • Homer drinks with Dr. Stephen Hawking at Moe's:
    Dr. Hawking: Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
    Homer: Wow, I can't believe a guy I've never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.
    Moe: All right, it's closing time. So who's taking the tab?
    Homer: (hiding his mouth, speaking monotonously) I am.
    Dr. Hawking: I didn't say that.
    Homer: (still monotonous) Yes I did. (Dr. Hawking hits Homer with his spring-loaded punching glove) D'oh.
    • Crosses into Moment of Awesome territory when, years after this episode first aired, a theory was put forth that the universe was shaped like a torus, which is more or less the same as saying donut-shaped.
  • Stephen Hawking tries to console Lisa:
    Hawking: Don't feel bad, Lisa. Sometimes the smartest of us can be the most childish.
    Lisa: Even you?
    Hawking: No. Not me. Never.

226 - "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo"

  • Bart's chalkboard gag is, "I'm so very tired."
  • Marge wants Homer to go on the trip.
    Marge: Come on Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
    Homer: That's not how I remember it.
  • "Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is tomorrow."
  • Homer's great line after the Emperor of Japan introduces himself "Oh yeah well I'm Clobbersaurus" than he proceeds to wrestle him.
    • Before throwing him away, Homer states "As we say in my country, 'Hasta la vista, baby'". The European Spanish version of that sentence is... "Sayonara, baby".
  • Homer and Bart after their stint in Japanese jail.
    Lisa: Now can we do something Japanese?
    Homer: Oh, I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff! In jail, we had to do this dumb kabuki play about The 47 Ronin, and I wanted to be Oshi but they made me Ori!
    Bart: Then we had to do two hours of origami, followed by flower arranging and meditation!
    Homer: Satori no himitsu oshieru no?
    Bart: Dame yo! Are ha gaikokujin daro!
  • The Osaka Seafood Concern:
    Cartoon Squid: "The knife goes in, the guts come out. That's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about! AUUUUUUGHH."
    • Homer then changes the channel by using an eel as a whip.
  • When the Simpson family goes on the Japanese game show, where the meet the host Wink, voiced by George Takei.
    Wink: Now, our game shows are a little different from yours. You reward knowledge. We punish ignorance.
    Homer: Ignor-what? (fire shoots out of Homer's microphone into his face, making the audience laugh)
    Wink: Our categories are: "Ow, that hurts!", "Why are you doing this to me?", and "Please, let me die!".
    (The family huddles up in discussion)
    Marge: We'll go with "Ow, that hurt!", Skip.
    Wink: (annoyed) My name is Wink! (he presses a button that lowers a skunk which sprays in Marge's face)
  • Then after Homer is a pinata and heavily beaten by the family:
    Wink: Mr. Simpson, we'll cut you down as soon as you answer one question about Japan.
    Homer: Is the answer "Japan"?
    Wink: (looks at card) ...actually, it is. (to someone behind the curtains) Bakayarou! Dare ga kotau yattanda?
  • Their final challenge has them fall into a volcano only to find out it's fake.
    Homer: It burns! It burns!
    Wink: Don't worry, Mr. Simpson. That "lava" is just Orange Ade!
    Homer: It burns! It burns!
    Wink: It's loaded with wasabi!
  • The entire "Battling Seizure Robots" sequence, though this came off as Dude, Not Funny! to some viewers, as it was parodying the "Electric Soldier Porygon" incident back when the Pokémon series was fresh and new and the subject of a lot of controversy.
    • Special mention goes to Homer walking in to join the family with no awareness as to what caused them to move on the floor like that.
      Homer: (seeing the family having seizures on the floor) Hmm, alright. (has a fake seizure on the floor)
  • Homer calls out Japanese game shows for being about punishing and torturing the contestants. Wink looks ashamed for just a second...and then, "Next up, we have a Canadian couple who are deathly afraid of scorpions!"
    Canadian Contestant: OOH, THAT STINGS, EH!!!
    Wink: Ah ha ha, sting those canucks!

    Season 11 

227 - "Beyond Blunderdome"

Saleswoman: Thinking of saying goodbye to gas?
Bart: You betcha. (burps)
Marge: Bart! (farts) Well, that shut me up.
  • The very idea of Mel Gibson being seen as a beloved celebrity and him hating the attention becomes Hilarious in Hindsight, given Mel's later transgressions.
  • The goings on at Hollywood.
    Marge: Look, they're making a movie! Robert Downey Jr. is shooting it out with the police!
    Bart: I don't see any cameras...
  • The horrendeously violent changes Homer convinces Mel to make to his remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, which concludes the film with Smith massacring the entire assembled Congress, then decapitating the President.
    Shocked Executive: Why did Mr. Smith kill everyone?!
    Homer: It was symbolism! He was mad!
  • The reception the film gets after release is even worse. As the crowd wanders out, you can hear every Springfield citizen express their displeasure, and Ned Flanders is physically ill.
    Middle Aged Woman: I'm Jimmy Stewart's grandaughter, you'll be hearing from my attorney! [slaps Mel and Homer across the face]
  • "Saving Irene Ryan"
    Granny Clampett: Put me down, you big lummox! Jed!!
    Rainier Wolfcastle: Shut up, old lady! And stop kicking me there!

228 - "Brother's Little Helper"

  • At the fire safety fair, Ralph Wiggum sits on Hosey the Bear's lap, but he apparently mistakes him for Santa Claus:
    Ralph: And I want a bike, and a monkey, a friend for the monkey...
    Hosey: You're not going to start any fires, are you?
    Ralph: At my house, we call them "uh-ohs"!
  • The scene after that where Milhouse is petting the firehouse dalmatian and asks if he can do tricks, but Moe tells him that the dog is so inbred that he can barely stand up.
  • The fire safety play, the script for which apparently hasn't been changed in over thirty years:
    Principal Skinner: Fire can be our servant, whether it's toasting s'mores, or raining down on Charlie. But it can turn not-so-nice, as you'll see in this skit by the volunteer fire department players.
    (The curtains part, revealing a hippie "crash pad." Ned and Maude Flanders, dressed in late-60s attire, open the door and walk in.)
    Ned: What a great pot party!
    Maude: Wasn't it, man?
    Ned: Now for a regular cigarette to make the night complete. (lights one, takes a drag, and coughs) Oh, man that's good...
    Maude: Mad Dog, I've been thinking. Maybe we should get another smoke detector in case that one trips out on us.
    Ned: (laughs) Why bother, baby? One smoke detector's enough for Mad Dog. Now let's hit the sack.
    (They both lie down in bed. In short order, Ned's cigarette sets his pants aflame)
    Ned: Whoa, check it out! Mad Dog's on fire!
    Maude: Stop, drop, and roll, man!
    Ned: Ha, ha, ha, that's for clydes, baby. A little fire can't hurt you...
    (The curtains close. Apu walks onstage to address the audience)
    Apu: But Mad Dog was wrong. The fire burned through the night and cost him the use of his pants. Which just goes to show you...
    (Ned pokes his head from behind the curtain)
    Ned: Sorry to break character, but these stunt pants are getting mighty toasty!
    Maude: Uh, roll, Neddie, roll!
    Ned: (rolling around) It's not working! It just spreads the flames!
  • When Homer tries to get Bart to take the Focusyn-laced taffy he made, he has some for himself. The result is Homer randomly contorting himself under the drug.
    Rod: Does Mr.Simpson have a demon, Daddy?
    Flanders: Looks like it, run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs!
    Rod & Todd: Yay!
  • When Bart goes on Focusyn, it turns out he's not the only one of his classmates on medication:
    Bart: [holding up his prescription bottle] I have to take these stupid pills twice a day.
    Milhouse: [holding up another prescription bottle] I'll trade you a Claritinnote  for one!
    Bart: [interested] Claritin-D?
    Milhouse: Nah.
    Bart: [no longer interested] Can't help you.
    Martin: I take hormones to lower my voice. [gets an angry look] Now all I want to do is fight. [he pounds his fist into his other palm just as Ralph Wiggum walks past with his usual vacant smile] What are you looking at!?
    Nelson: You think you got it bad? I gotta wear a shock collar. [gestures to said collar]
    Bart, Martin, Milhouse: Ewww!/That's rough!/Whoa...
    Nelson: [gets jolted by the collar] OWWW!
    Milhouse: Wh-what was that for?
    Nelson: I thought about a girl I like.
  • When the Springfield Police pursue Bart:
    Chief Wiggum: Shoot the tires out, Lou!
    Lou: Uh... It's a tank, chief.
    Chief Wiggum: You know what? I'm getting real tired of your excuses.
  • Mrs. Krabappel's deadpan, "No. Stop. Think of the children" "plea" when Bart aims the tank cannon at the school. When he aims it at the sky (to shoot down the Major League Baseball satellite), Sideshow Mel screams "Not the sky! That's where clouds are born!"
  • Moe's line after Bart is finally arrested for shooting down the satellite: "And may God help you if that thing carried The Spice Channel!"

229 - "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"

  • This gem of an exchange:
    Marge: (nervously) Homer, don't go in woman's intuition is telling me that something bad will happen to you if you do.
  • From Krusty's more-than-terrible rendition of King Lear:
    Herald: My liege, thine daughters Goneril, Regan, and Cordelia.
    Krusty: (standing up, not even restraining a grin) What is this? Merry Olde England or Petticoat Junction? (Chuckles nervously)
    (Audience boos him in unison)
    Krusty: (angrily) Hey, lighten up! It's a comedy!
    Actor playing Herald: (whispering) No, it's not.
    Krusty: (shocked) It's NOT?!?!?
    • Krusty later discards the rest of the script and decides to improv some Shakespeare-themed jokes.
    Krusty: Knock knock! Who's there? Juliet! Juliet who? Julie Ate so much Pasta Fasool, Romeo doesnt want her anymore!
    *audience boos*
    Krusty: Tough crowd! They're booing Shakespeare!
    • A newspaper even carries the story - "Krusty: Worst King Lear in 400 years".
  • Homer is trying to write a restaurant review without Lisa:
    Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. (reads) The food at the Gilded Truffle really... What's a good word? (Maggie sucks on her pacifier) Sucks! That's great! And the bread was really... (looks at Santa's Little Helper) Come on, help me out here!
    Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!
    Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
    Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
    Homer: Chewy? That's inspired!
  • Homer's song about eating that parodies "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story; made funnier by the fact it's not as obvious until the last part:
    Homer: I like pizza, I like bagels, I like hot dogs with mustard and beer, I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer! La la la la la la la la la la! Who's that baby deer out on the lawn?
  • Homer doesn't want anyone to know he's a food critic, but Ned, who overhears him, passes it down to Maude, who passes it down to Principal Skinner, who is with Uter's parents from Germany who only want to know what happened to their son.
    Uter's Father: Quit avoiding the subject! Where is Uter?!
    Mother: We just want closure!
  • Homer having Lisa write his reviews for him.
    Homer: Then I had the sweet, sweet chocolate mousse The only word for it is (drooling).
    Lisa: Hmm. What's the English equivalent for (drooling)? I'd say ''transcendent."
  • The visit to Planet Springfield.
    Lisa: And there's the cane from Citizen Kane! Wait a minute...there was no cane in Citizen Kane!
  • Ned notices the éclair at the festival which is bouncing from the butter and poison inside.
    Ned: Ooh, that looks scrumdiddly-doodly-duddley—
    Chef: Get lost!
    Ned: A rude Frenchman? Well, I never!
  • Later, when Lisa tries to save Homer from the deadly éclair.
    Lisa: Dad, no! It's gonna kill you!
    Homer: (beat) Meh. I've had a good run.
    Lisa: Dad! Uh, it's low-fat!
    (Homer throws the éclair into Hans Moleman's gruel pot, which then explodes)
    Chief Wiggum: Wow! Thank God it landed in that smoking crater!
  • Homer's latest negative review: "So come to The Legless Frog if you want to get sick and die and leave a big, garlicky corpse! P.S. Parking was ample."
  • During the tour of the newspaper:
    Tour guide: And this is our comic strip department. Who here reads Mary Worth? (nobody responds) ...Let's move on.
    *cartoonist despontently puts his head on his drawing desk*
  • The tour guide takes the group past the stasis pods where Ann Landers and Dear Edna are kept for their 23 hours of daily sleep.
    Ann Landers: My advice is free us, or let us die!
  • When Homer is hired as the food critic, he yells at the printer to stop the presses, causing the printing of tomorrows edition to grind to a halt.
    Homer: Okay, start the presses!
    Editor: That takes FOUR HOURS!!
    Homer: Whatever, I'll be at Moe's.
  • The editor on the previous food critic: "I'd hate to be married to her. I mean again."
  • Homer swears at an ambulance while driving the kids to the newspaper:
    Homer: Hey, you (BEEP)! You cut me off! Oh yeah, (BEEP) you!
    Lisa: Dad, that's an ambulance!
    Homer: Oh, right. (Horn Honks) (BEEP) ambulance! Think you're so big with your (BEEP BEEP) siren and your letters on backwards!
  • And, right after that:
    Homer: Here we are, kids: the zoo.
    Bart: Well, that's great, dad, except you were supposed to drive us to the newspaper.
    Homer: D'OH!! (Echoes through the zoo and the animals run scared)
  • Lisa asks how Homer was able to get off from work to chaperone for the newspaper field trip. He's set up a dummy of himself at Sector 7G, using a pail for a head, sticks with gloves on them for the arms and a tape player attached to the clothes.
    Tape: I work hard for the money, so hard for the money. Oh, I something-something money, come on give me lots of honey!
    • Mr. Burns has him promoted, but that effort is short lived. When the cassette gets to the end of one side, it causes the player to explode.
  • Homer feeling pride after learning several Springfielders have become Big Eaters thanks to all his good reviews.
    Homer (surrounded by Lenny, Otto, Sideshow Mel, Ned, and Maude, who are now fat): Look Marge, I'm making a difference in peoples' lives.
    • Followed immediately by a fat Mr. Burns declaring he's never felt happier, only to have his shin bones collapse and express mild annoyance at it happening again.
  • Homer's first "review":
    Editor: [laughs]
    Homer: Well, what do you think?
    Editor: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I've ever read!
    Homer: What's wrong with it?
    Editor: You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatoes" You make numerous threatening references to the UN and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again.
    Homer: Oh, it's so hard to get to 500 words.

230 - "Treehouse of Horror X"

A - I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did

  • Homer tossing Flanders into his house, making it look like he had a heart attack.
  • Werewolf Flanders growling "DIDDILY!"

B - Desperately Xeeking Xena:

  • The banter between Stretch Dude (Bart) and Clobber Girl (Lisa) while being lowered into the lucite.
    Clobber Girl(Lisa): Bart, just let me drop and save yourself!
  • The Collector (Comic Book Guy) uses Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber to battle Lucy Lawless. He is defeated by the knowledge that he has taken the lightsaber out of its original packaging.
    Lucy Lawless: You removed it from its original packaging!
    Collector: No! It is no longer a collectible!
    (he recoils in agony, smashing through the railing behind him, into the Lucite pit he'd planned to dunk Bart and Lisa into)
    Collector: Lucite... hardening... must end life in classic Lorne Green pose from Battlestar Galactica! (does so) Best... death... ever!
    Lucy Lawless: What a nerd.
  • Marge and Homer's only appearance in this segment:
    Marge: Remember, you're vulnerable to kryptonite!
    Homer: Geez, Marge! Tell the neighborhood!
  • While being suspended from the Collector's giant magnet, Lucy Lawless is about to remove her metal bra to escape until she realizes the nerds below her are ready to take pictures of her boobs. She immediately decides it's not worth it.

C - Life's a Glitch, Then You Die:

231 - "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" note 

  • The historically inaccurate Zorro movie where he maims The Three Musketeers, The Man in the Iron Mask (played by Gina Gershon) and ninjas; he then humiliates the Scarlet Pimpernel (played by Curtis Armstrong) and becomes the new King of England. The end credits show there was a Robot Zorro played by Shawn Wayans and a magic taco voiced by James Earl Jones.
    • For added measure, "The Wise Nun" is played by Posh Spice, and "The Stupid Nun" is Meryl Streep. And King Arthur is Cheech Marin.
  • The "Glove Slap" montage.
    • Especially the visit to Dr. Hibbert, who tries to inject Homer with a shot, but at the threat of the glove, injects himself and offers Homer a lollipop as he falls over.
    • When Homer first does the slap with Snake:
    Homer: Do you accept, or are you a coward?
    Snake: Haha! Would a coward do this? [puts hand into his jacket, then waves] BYE! [runs out of the lobby]
  • "The National Weather Service says dawn is still scheduled for 6:20 tomorrow and to please stop calling."
  • While fleeing the southern gentleman, Homer imagines what Zorro would do in this situation: Zorro draws his sword at the southern gentleman who, unfazed, just plains shoots him.
    Homer: ZORRO! [drives off course]
  • While fleeing Springfield, they come across Jimmy Carter, who's building a home for Cletus and his family.
    Homer: C'mon, Carter, build us a house, you lazy bum.
    Carter: You have offended me, sir. [reaches for glove] I challenge you to a- [Homer speeds away] Come back here! Why you yellow-bellied...!
  • Homer calls Lenny at the plant, wanting him to deliver some plutonium so his crops will grow:
    Lenny: Plutonium? Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky? (listens) Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not.
    (Lenny heads for the mail slot, where he meets up with Carl)
    Carl: Hey, Lenny, sending some outgoing mail?
    Lenny: You know it!
    Carl: I'll probably send some tomorrow.
    Lenny: I hear that!
    (the two share an awkward pause and walk away)
  • Homer fighting with a cow over the last tomacco plant:
    Homer: Hey look! A flying saucer!
    Cow: [looks] HMM?!
  • When the family lists off the chores they'll do after moving to the farm, Marge chips in "I'll repress the rage I'm feeling!" and plasters on a smile on her face that looks like she's about to murder everyone.
  • In what may very well be the flithiest joke in the entire series, Homer goes to a convienence store labelled as "Sneed's Feed & Seed (Formerly Chuck's)" Explanation 

232 - "Hello, Gudder, Hello Fadder"

  • Homer hitting the "snooze" button on his alarm, and a whole day goes by, wherein Bart steals some money from Homer's wallet, Marge makes her side of the bed, and Otto and his girlfriend have sex on the bed, just inches away from Homer.
    • Even better? The next day, Marge asks Homer to feed Maggie.
    Homer: No time to talk, Marge, I'm 26 hours late for work! (before picking up a cereal box puzzle in the style of Where's Waldo?)
  • Homer picks up a bowling ball and looks at it. Mr. Burns' face inexplicably materializes in front of him.
    Mr. Burns: Simpson! (Grunts in disgust) Even for a bowler, you're fat!
    (Beat, then)
    Homer: Hey, guys, is it normal for you to see your bosses' face in a bowling ball?
    Carl: Actually, I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.
    Homer: (mumbling in rage) Psychotic...what a lousy, rotten...stinking... (tosses ball down lane, gets a strike) Huh?
    Lenny: Wow! A strike! Hey, if that's psychotic, then what am I taking these for? (dumps an entire bottle of medicine down a trash can)
  • After Homer's fourth consecutive strike, Carl warns Lenny not to say anything that will jinx it. A moment later as Homer is preparing to bowl:
    Lenny: (offscreen) Miss! Miss! (Homer and Carl glare at him) Sorry, I was calling the waitress. (to waitress) Ah, this split you sold me is making me choke.
    Homer: Lenny!
    Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
    Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
    Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth. (Homer throws the ball at him.)
    • What's especially funny here is the possibility that someone at the bowling alley deliberately set the price of a banana split at $7.10 to mess with customers.
  • When Homer makes the record, he throws his bowling ball through the floor, and we hear someone yell "OW!".
  • Hans Moleman: "NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE LAIR OF THE MOLES! Oh, except that way."
  • Homer dressing up as Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies, then telling Maggie that "he's all man," despite what others think.
  • Homer absolutely failing in finding Waldo on the back of a cereal box. As he asks, "Waldo, where are you?", Waldo is seen walking right behind the window, glancing at the viewer as he passes by.

233 - "Eight Misbehavin'"

  • The family are at Shøp talking to a 'guy' dressed as an allen wrench:
    Bart: Cool costume!
    Allen Wrench: (robotic voice) It's not a costume. They found me inside a meteor! (opens and closes his claws menacingly)
    Marge: Excuse me, where are your hamper lids?
    Allen Wrench: (normal voice) Hamper lids...uh third floor. (turns to Bart) Help, I need tungsten to live! TUNGSTEN!!
    • It isn't really clear whether the allen wrench mascot really is an alien or if he was just messing with Bart. Either way, the gag is still pretty funny.
  • "Having children is great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. Plus, they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all."
    Apu: Well, perhaps it is time. I've noticed this country is dangerously underpopulated.
  • When Apu and Manjula are interviewed about their octuplets:
    Reporter: Would you say you and your babies have a "love-eight" relationship?
    Apu: (chuckles) Absolutely, yes.
    Reporter: (whiny) Noooo, say it! We need a sound bite!
    Apu: (annoyed) We have a love-eight relationship.
    (everyone says "Awwww")
  • While Homer is watching said story on TV, where Apu and Manjula are given Pepsi B:
    Homer: Free baby cola?! Apu hits the jackpot, and I'm stuck with these juiceless one-tuplets.
    Bart: Jeez, sorry for being born.
    Homer: (proudly) I've been waiting so long for you to say that! (hugs Bart; after a pause, Bart shrugs and hugs him back)
  • Shortly after Apu and Manjula have octuplets:
    Manjula: (looks at clock, gasps) Apu! You're late for work!
    Apu: Oh, I had the most beautiful dream where I died...
    Manjula: Oh, no, you don't! Not till they're out of college!
    Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!
    • But Apu is too sleepy to work at the Kwik-E-Mart:
      Apu: (dazed) Thank you, steal again...
      (Ned Flanders shows up)
      Ned: Well, morning, Apu! How are the little blessings?
      Apu: Oh, they're a ravenous swarm of locusts. Just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling, and two have cradle rash? How can you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?!
      Ned: Yeah, they can be a handful... of joy!
      Apu: Shut up!
      Ned: They'll fill your lives with—
      Apu: Shut up!
      Ned: Can't put a price on a miracle!
      Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!
  • As Apu and Homer sneak back to the Springfield Zoo at night to rescue the Octuplets:
    Apu: (whispering) These animals certainly behave strangely at night...
    (Cuts to a family of lemurs behaving normally)
    (Cuts to a turtle swinging through tree branches at above-average speed)
    (Cuts to three koalas, snarling, viciously devouring a kangaroo corpse. The koalas look up, blood caked on their faces, and the one in the middle snickers sinisterly)
  • Homer getting attacked by Cobras and a Mongoose.

234 - "Take My Wife, Sleaze"

  • The beginning:
    TV announcer: Eyyyy, remember The '50s? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?
    Homer: (gasps) I remember television!
  • Bart teaching Homer to ride a motorcycle, styled like a father teaching his son how to ride a two-wheeler. Also a Heartwarming Moment, because of the song playing during the montage and the fact that Homer and Bart are bonding.
  • Homer riding a motorcycle at Bart's school:
    Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids!
    Skinner: (over intercom) Don't listen to him, children.
    Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!!!
    (Nelson smacks him)
    Edna: Thaaank you, Nelson.
  • This exchange from when Marge is teaching the Hells' Satans how to get employed.
    Meathook: Mrs. Simpson, I killed my pencil!
    Marge: Broke. You broke your pencil.
    Meathook: Right, I broke him.
  • A small gag - when Bart finds a note pinned to the back of Homer's head, he removes the pin to read the note, then puts the pin back. And Homer doesn't even react.

235 - "Grift of the Magi"

  • The school tries to get money out of Mr. Burns with a hilariously Anvilicious play.
    Principal Skinner: Who will eat the poisoned stew? It could be anyone... it could even be Mr. Burns!
    Mr. Burns: This play really speaks to me!
    • During the play:
      Ralph: Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid! I'm going to remove your liver bone! (chops the head off a Mr. Burns dummy with a saw) Oops, you're dead!
      Mr. Burns: (darkly) I never did like that Dr. Stupid...
    • Then at the end of the scene, Mr. Burns pulls a lever and opens a trapdoor under the whole cast. They then appear through the ceiling. "Oh, it's doing that thing again."
  • Lisa and Bart distract the Hibberts whilst Homer breaks in to steal their Funzo. He knocks over the Christmas tree and begins screaming as the dog chases him around the room.
    Bart & Lisa: Silent night...
    Homer: (screams and crashes)
    Bart & Lisa: HOLY NIGHT!!
  • Homer's song about stealing Funzos is good too:
    (to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles") Writhing Funzos in my sack... makes me happy... make me hurt my back...''
  • Gary Coleman's appearance, when Bart and Lisa try to sneak past his desk:
    Gary: (on the phone) But the menu said "galaxy of prawns." Three prawns are hardly a galaxy. What do you mean your hands are tied? Let me talk to Mr. Quan.
    Bart: (whispering) I want to see how this turns out.
    Lisa: The phone's not even plugged in.
    Gary: All right. You listen to me, Quan. Hang on. I got another call. Yes, Mr. President. I can be in Washington right away.
    • Lisa confronting the executives:
    Lisa: You people took advantage of trusting school children.
    Jim Hope: How did you get past Gary Coleman?
    Bart: Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy.
    • Not to mention:
    Lindsay Neagle: I'm sorry, Gary, there's no longer a place for you here.
    Gary Coleman: Whatchu talkin' bout, Ms. Neagle?
    Lindsay Neagle: That is so adorable! You're rehired. (leaves)
    Gary Coleman: Sucker. I knew exactly what she was talking about.
  • The not-so-subtle advertising campaign: "FUNZO! FUNZO! FUNZO! If you don't have Funzo, you're nothin'!"
  • Nelson winding a jack-in-the-box backwards.

236 - "Little Big Mom"

  • The memorable Stupid Sexy Flanders scene.
  • Marge broke her leg and must go to the hospital.
    Homer: I want you guys to give my wife the best treatment money can buy!
    (EMT's roll sign to read "Beth Israel")
    Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't go nuts!
    (Sign switches again to read "St. Mary's")
    Homer: Eh, little better.
    (Sign switches again to read "Springfield Presbyterian Hospital")
    Homer: Beautiful.
  • The opening, where Homer, Bart, and Lisa are watching Itchy & Scratchy while Marge tries to sneak out with their old junk.
    Lisa: [not looking away from TV] What's in the box, mom?
    Marge: Oh, this box? Nothing.
    Bart: [not looking away from TV] You sure? You sound nervous.
    Marge: Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the- [runs out]
    Homer: Stop her! She's doing something!
  • Lisa playing mom to Homer and Bart.
    Lisa: Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for firecrackers.
    Homer: Aw, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets!
    Lisa: You stay away from Lenny!
  • Lisa saying "Excellent!", complete with a Mr. Burns-like hand gesture.
  • Homer describing Flanders as "someone who's even holier than Jesus."
    • "Maude, come quick! The Simpsons are covered with cooties!"
    • Plus, Homer and Bart troll the Flanders by acting like zombies.
      Homer: Braaaaaaains. Braaaaaaaaaaaaains. Use your brains to help us! Your delicious braaaaaaaaaains....
  • Homer and Bart watching I Love Lucy really loudly.
    Fred: You hit here pretty hard there, Rick.
  • The spirit of Lucille Ball introducing herself to Lisa: "Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo Carmichael... and I think there's some more."

237 - "Faith Off"

  • Homer crashing his car in a ditch while trying to drive with a bucket glued to his head. And when he finally gets the bucket off:
    "I see the light! IT BURNS!!!"

238 - "The Mansion Family"

  • During an award ceremony, everyone in Springfield (except Homer) has won an award.
    Homer: Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
    Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning!
    (Words run across the bottom of the screen: "LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Mr. Simpson's views do not match those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all.")
    • Marge mentions that there's been a lot of buzz around Lenny. Cut to Lenny deep in concentration.
    • Plus when they leave. Homer still hasn't won anything, and takes home a large statue resembling an award instead.
      Marge: That's not an award. It's part of the set.
      Homer: Nothing you say will diminish this honor!
      • And then the head falls off.
    • When Kent Brockman asks everyone to stand up until they hear a number greater than their age, Grandpa sits down at around eighty, then stands up again at ninety.
  • The Chinese pirates spot Homer's party on Mr. Burns' yacht:
    Pirate #1: Looks like another homosexual party boat. They always have such nice things!
    Pirate #2: Perhaps we should pay them a visit.
    Pirate #1: A deadly visit?
    Pirate #2: Well, let's play it by ear.
    • "Set a course for Hidden Pirate Island, AKA Hong Kong!"
  • At the start of Mr. Burns' checkup, filling out his medical form.
    Mr. Burns: (reading) Social Security Number. (writing) Naught-Naught-Naught Naugh-Naught Naught-Naught-Naught-Two. (to himself) Damn Roosevelt! (reading) Cause of parents' death...(writing) Got in my way.
  • The medical exams.
    • The doctor tries to draw some blood, but the needle goes right through his arm.
    Mr. Burns: Try the other arm. I saw some blood in there the other day.
    • Mr. Burns is getting a CAT scan, and then clogs the machinery.
    Technician: There's your problem.
  • The scene where Mr. Burns learns the results from his check-up:
    Mr. Burns: Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests! You may shake my hand if you like.
    Doctor: (shirking away) Well, under the circumstances I'd rather not.
    Mr. Burns: Eh?
    Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
    Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
    Doctor: Yes.
    Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
    Doctor: Yes.
    Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?!
    Doctor: (surprised) A little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered... in you.
    Mr. Burns: I see. You're sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?
    Doctor: Uh, no, no I'm afraid not.
    Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.
    Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. If you have a moment I can explain. (He displays a door and a series of plushies.) Here's the door to your body, and these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis, and this cute little cuttle bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. (He pushes the plushies through the door, mimicking The Three Stooges sound effects.) Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop! Move it, chowderhead! (Speaking normally.) We call it "Three Stooges Syndrome!"
    Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is... I'm indestructible?!
    Doctor: Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could...
    Mr. Burns: (leaving wistfully) Indestructible...
  • This exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers, after the medical check-up:
    Mr. Burns: Do they know how many eggs it laid in your brain?
    Smithers: I'd prefer not to know. Frankly, one is too many.
    • Mr. Burns: "Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."
  • The Doctor's other two patients:
    Doctor: Everything's fine, John. Lay off the chili and you should be all right.
    (Fidel Castro snickers beratingly)
    Pope John Paul II: Don't you laugh, Fidel! I've been in the car with you!
    (Castro turns away, giving a sheepish expression)
  • Plus the credits, when Homer is poor again and complains about how the people listed are all loaded with money.
    Homer: I wanna be rich! (sobs) Like THESE GUYS! And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich as they should be, of course, BUT STILL RICH! Big money! Look at all the names! They all have MONEY! And have lots of money! Oh, he's poor. BUT LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T! Oh, look at all the people who can buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm takin' 'em all down! Look at all the rich people! OH, LOOK AT THAT RICH—
    Gracie Films logo: Shh!
    Homer: Don't shush me, you rich bastard!
  • This short, but priceless moment as the Simpsons are having fun in the mansion.
    Bart: (riding a bike around the halls) I'm Al Unser Junior!
    Lisa: (riding a pony after him) I'm Princess Margaret!
    Homer: (following them on a lawn mower) I'm drunk!
  • The family dines at Burns' enormous dining table.
    Lisa: Mom! Bart's making faces at me! (puts on a pair of opera glasses, through which Bart is still barely visible) I think.
    Marge: This is very elegant for sloppy joes. (sees the large amount of cutlery) I recognize the other eleven forks, but what do you do with this one? (picks up an extra-long fork)
    Homer: (posh accent) Why, I believe you're supposed to scratch your arse with it.
    Marge: Homer, don't be so- (starts scratching her arse with the fork) Ooooooh, that's a lifesaver!
  • Lisa: Wow, Mr. Burns has every Nancy Drew book, even the controversial "Clue in the Clock." (opens the book and reads) Tsk, tsk, tsk. So many swears.

239 - "Saddlesore Galactica"

  • Homer's impatience with Bachman-Turner Overdrive:
    Randy Bachman: We're going to play all your old favorites! (crowd cheers) But first we'd like to dip into our new CD-
    Homer: "Takin' Care of Business"!
    Randy Bachman: Don't worry, sir. We'll get to that one.
    Homer: No talkin'! No new crap! "Takin' Care of Business" now!
    (the band shrugs and starts to play)
    Bachman-Turner Overdrive: (singing) You get up every mornin' from your alarm clock's warnin', take the 8:15 into the city-
    Homer: Get to the "workin' overtime" part!
    Bachman-Turner Overdrive: (talking) Unbelievable. Dumbass. (singing) ...Workin' overtime!
    Homer: WORK OUT!!!
  • This exchange:
    Homer: Did that really happen? Or was it just a wonderful dream?
    (trap door opens)
    Jockey: No dream! Lose the race, fat boy! (closes trap door)
    Homer: (sobbing)
  • Lisa telling Marge she thinks she's developing a gambling problem, when Comic Book Guy appears out of nowhere, wearing a T-shirt that says "Worst episode ever", and says "Hey, I'm watching you."
  • Marge tries to bet that all the horses will have a good time, but the guy directs Marge to a line for "Wuss Bets", the line for which includes Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, and Hans Moleman
  • The ending, where Bill Clinton visits the Simpsons:
    Clinton: Yeah, hi. I'm here to see Lisa Simpson.
    Lisa: (gasps) You read my letter?
    Clinton: Much of it, yes. And those glow sticks were wrong. Very wrong. So I've personally overturned the results of that band contest. Congratulations.
    Lisa: (gasps) Thank you, Mr. President!
    Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
    Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
    Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president. (makes goofy face)
  • When Bart suggests that they use their newly-acquired horse to dive for pearls, Homer has an Imagine Spot of what his life would be like with pearls. It consist of Homer on a bed made of pearls in the sky while a talking pearl dressed as a butler serves him pearls as cereal that Homer eats, shattering all his teeth before he starts laughing. It then returns to reality where Homer is rolling on the ground, making the exact same laugh.
  • One of the jockeys, with no other foreshadowing than that they're elves, tries to talk his way out of being stuffed in a garbage bag by yelping, "We'll give you GOLD!"

240 - "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily"

  • The Flanders' reasons for sitting near the back of the grandstand are undermined by the Simpsons sitting right in front of them:
    Rod: Daddy, can we move closer?
    Ned: Abso-not-ly, hot Roddy. We're up here out of range of the crashes and the drivers cussing.
    [the view widens to reveal Bart and Lisa shoving each other]
    Bart: Move your damn butt!
    Lisa: Bite me!
  • Homer tries to bait the Fan-demonium girls into firing a T-shirt his way by removing the shirt he is wearing:
    Homer: I need a shirt! Gimme a shirt!
    Ralph: (referring to Homer's chest) Mommy has bosoms like that.
    Chief Wiggum: Yeah, I wish.
  • The star wipe!
  • All of the gags with the animals
  • Homer's dating ad for Ned.

241 - "Missionary: Impossible"

  • Homer and Bart watch Do Shut Up, a British sitcom about a family of Football Hooligans on PBS.
    Homer: If they're not having a go with a bird, they're having a row with a wanker!
    Bart: Cheeky.
  • Lisa and Marge are at a store when they see Homer on a TV showing PBS.
    Lisa: Mom, Dad's on PBS!
    Marge: Hmm? They don't show police chases, do they?
    Homer: Um... it's an honor to give $10,000. Especially now, when the rich mosaic of cable programming has made public television so very, very unnecessary.
    Marge: From now on, one of us always stays home.
    Lisa: Agreed.
  • The PBS mob chasing Homer.
    Oscar: Give us the money!
    Elmo: Elmo knows where you live!
    • Also Mister Rogers' cameo: "It's a beautiful day to kick your ass!"
  • Homer runs in the church.
    Homer: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
    Lovejoy: Oh, why did I teach him that word?
  • The first few days on the island, where he's already committed to getting himself high off poison tree frogs to make the time go faster, to, as the dialogue implies, hasn't been going that well. The third lick we see him try gets him really toasted, and from a POV shot of Homer looking at the frog he's just licked, we see the frog talking in a warped, faded Marge voice, its eyes darting nervously. This naturally freaks Homer out, who, to his astonishment upon lowering the frog, discovering Marge trying to contact him on a ham radio.
  • The scene where Homer says to a native girl (whom he calls "Lisa Junior") that "God's palace is all the way up on the moon".
  • Betty White turning off a TV set that has the Family Guy logo on it during her line, "So if you don't want lowbrow programming to disappear from the airwaves..." Funnier still given Family Guy's 2002 cancellation and revival in 2005.
    • Before that, the beginning of her pledge drive: "If you watch a second of PBS without paying for it, you're a thief. A damn thief! I'm sorry, I just get so mad. You thieves!"

242 - "Pygmoelian"

  • The Couch Gag with Marge wiping off Matt Groening's signature on the corner, only for the man in question to appear and rewrite his name, much to Marge's shock.
  • Milhouse with drunk goggles on.
    Milhouse: (putting his arm around Bart) This guy here... this is the guy.
  • Duffman introduces the final round: Tossing the Drunk.
    Duffman: Now, our final round, which counts for 98% of the total score, making the previous rounds a complete waste! Oh, yeah!
  • Titania, the attractive but incompetent bartender from Juggernauts in Hollywood, does not take kindly to the final round:
    Titania: Ew! You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
    Duffman: Duffman says a lot of things! Oh yeah! [Titania storms off]
  • After Moe sees his face on the calendar which was covered by several stickers:
    Moe: Am I really that ugly?
    Carl: It's all relative. I mean, is Lenny really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald and fat?
    Moe: (tearing up) No, it's worse than that!
    (Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Homer burst into tears)
    Carl: (looking directly at the audience) See, this is why I don't talk much.
  • Part of Moe's path of revenge involves slapping a sticker similar to the ones that covered his face on the calendar over Duffman's entire face.
    Duffman: [falling to the ground and grabbing the edges of the sticker, but still speaking in his usual tone of voice] Duffman, can't breathe! Oh, no!
  • From the B-Story, which involves Bart and Lisa chasing after a pink elephant that Homer bought for Maggie after being hypnotized by its simple charm, fighting over it, and knocking it up the chimney:
    • Marge's initial offer of the balloon gets an unexpected reaction:
      Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?
      Bart: [sarcastic] Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwypop. [thinks] Actually, I would like a wowwypop...
      Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years! [shyly] And if Bart gets a wowwypop, I want a wowwypop.
    • Eventually, they track down the balloon:
      Lisa (panicked): It's going into that building!
      (The balloon lazily floats in, Bart and Lisa run into the office window)
      Bart: Nice suit, Jeeves!
      (Moments later, Snake comes by with his son as they quickly snatch Bart and Lisa's bike)
      Snake Jr. (excitedly): Daddy, I'm stealing! I'm stealing!
      Snake (tearfully): Oh... That's my little dude!
      (Cut into a random office building where a group of politicians are discussing their next campaign idea)
      Politician #1: We need a symbol. Something that says we're gay and we're Republican.
      (The pink elephant balloon floats in and circles around the table as the politicians look up for a few seconds, then...)
      Politician #2: A little on the nose, don't you think?
      (Bart and Lisa burst into the office, panting)
      Lisa: Excuse me, we just came here to get our balloon!
      Politician #1 (delightedly, grabbing balloon and handing it to Lisa): Here you go! And have a free bumper sticker!
      Lisa: Thank you!
      Lisa (reading sticker, confused beyond belief): A gay president in 2084?
      Politician #3 (casually): We're realistic.

243 - "Bart to the Future"

  • Future Bart's "Margaritaville" knock-off "Daiquritaville," and the audience throwing their garbage at him — only to be saved by a force field.
  • The mosquitoes taking the park ranger's class ring off his hand — then returning it and stripping the flesh and muscle from said hand.
  • This exchange between Bart and President Lisa:
    Bart: You've changed. Lisa. You used to be cool.
    Lisa: (withering contempt) No I didn't.
  • President Lisa arrives in the dining room with a marching band playing "Hail to the Chief." She laments that she can't find something to cut from the budget, to which the band nervously walks out of the room.

244 - "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses"

  • A drunk Barney talking about death to Lisa:
    Barney: I'm just sayin' that when we die there's gonna be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese and we'll all be a lot happier.
    Lisa: Mr. Gumble, you're upsetting me.
    Barney: No, I'm not.
  • Homer's Mood Whiplash as he's drinking a six pack of beer to keep Barney from falling off the wagon.
    • First, there's his swerve mid-sentence as the alcohol hits him like a freight train:
      Homer: [having just downed the second through sixth cans of the six pack simultaneously] I won't let you give up now when you worked so hard [suddenly slurring his speech] to be the greatest pal in the world... I love you! Let's not lose touch after graduation... [falls asleep, snoring loudly]
      Barney: [touched] You brave man. You took six silver bullets for me.
      Homer: [stirring] Stay away from my wife! [takes a swing at Barney, but misses completely and slumps against the front of the cockpit]
    • Then, when he rescues Bart and Lisa:
      Lisa: YOU DID IT DAD!
      Homer: You can't prove I did it.
      Lisa: No! You saved our lives.
      Homer: I could do a lot of things if I had some money.
      Lisa: What?

245 - "Kill the Alligator and Run"

One of the most incoherent episodes of season 11, but also one of the funniest:
  • When Homer finds out the results of testing himself in a self-evaluation magazine:
    Homer: Okay, non-smoker...add eight years...According to this I'll live to be...forty-two? Aaooww, that's horrible! I won't even live to see my children die!
  • Also, when Homer tries to defend himself in referring to the jury as "drunken hicks," followed by a Smash Cut to everyone in the family working in a chain gang. Said jury features the reoccurring elderly dowager and a British military official.
  • En route to Florida
    Lisa: Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!
    Bart: Mom! Lisa's growing!
    Marge: Quiet, you two, your father's had a nervous breakdown!
    Homer: My pockets hurt!
  • The whole "I like that! You're hired" Running Gag with the waitress, concluding with "Those cops are chasing off my employees! Beat I like that!"
  • This exchange never fails to get a laugh:
    Whip Man: No hear me?
    Homer: (thinks for a moment) ...No?
    Whip Man: You just don't learn do ya? (whips Homer)
  • Homer's mental breakdown at the power plant culminates in him nursing a baby doll while hopping around naked inside a cowboy sleeping bag.
    Homer: A mother can't die and I'm a mother!
  • Homer being sent to the Plant's Psychiatrist:
    Psychiatrist: You hate your father?
    Homer: Sometimes, but the person I really hate is your father!
  • The final scene after the sheriff bans the Simpsons from Florida. Homer insists that they're welcome in plenty of other states. Description Cut to Marge marking an "X" through Florida on a map of the continential United States...
    Marge: Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota and Arizona.
    Homer: Arizona smells funny!
    (Marge groans and crosses out Arizona)
    Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!
    Bart: I've always wanted to see Mount Rushmore.
    Marge: That's South Dakota.
    Bart: Aw!

246 - "Last Tap Dance in Springfield"

  • Homer (who's blinded by the crusts in his eyes from laser surgery) being driven to the liquor store by Kearney (doing a very bad impression of Marge) and his bully friends. Unfortunately, we don't get to see what happened to Homer after that, and the whole "Homer has eye surgery" plot was forgotten after act one.
  • Little Vicki: Nobody upstages Little Vicki! (Hisses)
  • Frink telling Lisa that the shoes were on the "OFF" switch all along, only for Homer to accidentally expose this lie. I was merely trying to spare her feelings, you insensitive clod!
  • In the play, the girls are dancing over to an alien race on the other side of the stage. Marge says "Where's Lisa?" Homer replies "Shush, this plot is hard enough to follow as it is!"
  • In the side-plot, the police are setting up a trap to catch a giant rat (which is actually Milhouse and Bart). Chief Wiggum wonders if he can grab the cheese before the anvil hits. Louie tell him the odds are a Million-To-One, but Wiggum likes the odds anyway. Sure enough...
    Wiggum: (groans) My mistake was grabbing the cheese.

247 - "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"

  • The chalkboard gag: I can not hire a substitute student.
  • This part from Marge's hearing:
    Psychologist #1: Mrs. Simpson, before we begin I'd like to assure you this is not a trial.
    (the other two psychologists groan)
    Psychologist #1: Alright, it's a trial.
    (the other two psychologists high-five one another)
  • Marge starts to quietly pray:
    Psychologist #2: Excuse me, what are you doing?
    Marge: Oh, I was just praying to God that you'll find me sane.
    Psychologist #2: I see. And this "God", is he in this room right now?
    Marge: Oh, yes! He's kind of everywhere.
    (the three psychologists look to each other and shake their heads)
  • Marge trying to escape the mental hospital doctors by posing as a member of a marching band. Too bad it was the marching band for the very mental hospital from which she was trying to escape.
  • Bart's class groaning after Principal Skinner tells them they're not allowed to do any The Blair Witch Project parodies or knock-offs now that they have their own video cameras for class.
  • Homer tries Five-Finger Fillet on himself, only to stab himself on all of his digits. Marge then reprimands him:
    Marge: Homer, no knife games on the table!
    Homer: (fighting back tears) I didn't hit your precious table!
  • Marge goes to Chief Wiggum for help when she thinks Becky is trying to murder her. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
    Chief Wiggum: Alright, let me tell you what I tell everyone else: The law is powerless to help you.
    Marge: Do I have to be dead before you'll help me?
    Chief Wiggum: No, not dead, just dying.
  • Marge subduing the ice cream story employees by throwing sprinkles at them. Their pained reactions sell it.
  • Otto's story of how he met Becky, at the "Summer of Love"... Woodstock 1999.
    (in the middle of a massive riot at Woodstock, Otto runs up to a water stand, while on fire)
    Sales girl: (cheerfully) Eight dollars.
    Otto: (scoffs) Not in this lifetime.

248 - "Behind the Laughter"

[Homer fondly looks at a piece of the set with a chunk bitten out of it.]
  • Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute. (sits there and smiles like he just said the smartest thing ever)
  • Homer: They can't take our house; my potbellied pig is in there! (sobbing) Oh, Mr. Porky....
  • Also, Jim Forbes' over-the-top narration creates a few laugh-out-loud scenes: "...The dream was over. Coming up — was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?"
    Narrator: The Simpsons' TV show started out on a wing and a prayer, but now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered ... by Satan.
  • How the show got started, according to the cast:
    Marge: Nobody told us how tough it is to raise kids. They almost drove me to fortified wine.
    Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
    Ned: I'd see 'em sitting on that couch all day long, just staring at that Hollywood hogwash.
    Homer: Our favorite show was "Hollywood Hogwash", but we also loved "The Dreck Squad"...
    Marge: ..."The Malarkeys", "Dumbin' it Down"...
    Lisa: ..."Sheriff Lowbrow"...
    Bart: ..."Home Improvement"...
    Homer: ...but we never saw people like us on TV.
Bart: TV families were always hugging and tackling issues.
Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally I said, "So do it. Either [bleep] or get off the pot."
Narrator: And [bleep] he did.
  • Ozzy Osbourne's disgust that "Simpsons Christmas Boogie" somehow won "Best Hardcore Thrash Metal." He proceeds to bite the top of a Grammy Award which starts spewing blood.
  • The family moves into MC Hammer's mansion where Homer mutilates the "HammerTime" sign to make it say "HomerTime"

    Season 12 

249 - "Treehouse of Horror XI"

A - G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad:

  • Homer goes about his day despite his deadly horoscope:
    Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!
    (a Planet Hollywood sign destroys half the car)
    Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!
    (a pickaxe goes flying through the windshield and embeds itself in Homer's head)
    Homer: Hehe, bloopid bloroblope!
  • Over dinner, Homer tells the family that nothing happened except for the rattlesnake, the pickaxe and the testicle incident.
  • After he dies from choking on broccoli, Homer has to do a good deed to in order to go to heaven. The first thing he tries? Eating the same piece of broccoli that killed him in the first place, which kills him again.
  • Dr. Hibbert examining Homer's corpse:
    Hibbert: (solemnly) Anoter broccoli-related death.
    Marge: But I thought broccoli was...
    Hibbert: Oh, yes. One of the deadliest plants on Earth. Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.
  • When Marge tells Homer a bunch of chores to help him go to heaven, Homer stops her and tells her "I want to get into heaven. I'm not running for Jesus."
  • When Ghost Homer lifts Principal Skinner's mom into the air in order to help her cross the street more easily, Mrs. Skinner complains that people can see up her dress now, then Homer, partly by accident and partly out of frustration, drops her into traffic which kills her.
    Homer: Um, I'm pretty sure she was going to be the next Hitler!

B - Scary Tales Can Come True

  • Homer being so heavy he accidentally scalps Rapunzel while climbing her hair.
  • Lisa's succinct reaction to being thrown into the woods by Homer after losing his job as an oaf and running into the remains of their "other brother and sister."
    Lisa: Face it, they're not great parents.

C - Night Of The Dolphin

  • Kent Brockman starts warning about the killer Dolphins until he sees his camera crew being held hostage by said Dolphins, he then awkwardly tries to act like he was talking about "killer Italians" instead.

250 - "A Tale of Two Springfields"

  • "Badger my ass, it's probably just Milhouse"
  • When Homer decides to call the people who built the Berlin Wall, he gets the tri-tone.
    Marge: (rolls her eyes) Homer...
    Homer: (eye twitch) It's ringing!
  • The educational film on area codes.
  • Bart loses his frisbee and his shorts to Jimbo, Kearney, and Dolph due to being on their side of the park. He then remarks that his homework is on their side of the park, and it cuts to them intently studying.
    Dolph: What does freedom mean to me?
  • Homer turning off the power to "Olde Springfield" resulting in Dr Hibbert having to perform heart surgery on Krusty in the dark and Dr Frink's experiment of attempting to bring back Issac Newton going horribly wrong, resulting in only his legs coming back and running around and repeatedly kicking Frink.
  • While Bart and Homer try sneaking into The Who's hotel room, they're found by a security guard.

251 - "Insane Clown Poppy"

  • Bart and Homer using fireworks to do their chores.
  • Milhouse getting attacked by the book fair attendees ("Their hands were everywhere")
  • Stephen King's novel about Benjamin Franklin.
  • Christopher Walken reading "Goodnight Moon".
  • Homer's prayer after news of Krusty having a child is spread:
    Homer: Dear Lord bless this humble meal, and did you hear about Krusty? Whoa man! I mean I knew he was a player but geez a kid-
    Marge: Homer that's not a prayer that's gossip.
    Homer: Fine I'll just discuss Heavenly matters. So how's Maude Flanders doing up there? She playing the field? Oh yeah really? All those guys-
    (Cut to the rest of the family who look shocked and horrified)
    Homer: ...Amen

252 - "Lisa the Tree Hugger"

  • The "This Land is Your Land" parody.

253 - "Homer vs. Dignity"

  • Just about everything — especially the panda rape!
  • Homer's "Financial Panther" Imagine Spot.
  • Mr. Burns' reaction to Smithers writing a play about the Malibu Stacey doll.
    "A show about a doll? Hehe! Why not do a musical about the common cat or the King of Siam? Give it up, Smithers."
    • Not to mention: "There's a new Mexico?"
    • When Smithers makes his request, Mr. Burns presses a trapdoor button but nothing happens. Smithers says he disabled the button.
  • Mr. Burns and the vending machine.
    Mr. Burns: Ah, a candy shop. Yes, I'll take two pounds of Bristol's Toffee. Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly. I'm hungry now. (nothing happens) You have made a powerful enemy today, my friend.
  • Mr. Burns getting Homer to start being his prank monkey:
    Mr. Burns: I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf!
    Homer: A larf? Okay, what's in the news today...
    Mr. Burns: Oh for the love... Hurl this (pudding) at that! (Lenny)
    Homer: At Lenny?! But he's a war hero!
    Mr. Burns: Well, let's decorate him then!
    Homer: No!
    Mr. Burns: Not even for...four dollars?
    (Homer throws the pudding)
    Lenny: OW! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
    Mr. Burns: ''(laughing) That was capital! My lung is aching!
    Homer: I liked when I threw the pudding!
    Mr. Burns: Do it again, I'll make it an even eight!
    Homer: You're the boss!
    (Homer throws another pudding)
    Lenny: OWWW!!! I'm in hell!
    Mr. Burns: Let's keep the laughs coming, Simpson! What do you say I make you my "executive in charge of recreation," or, better yet, my prank monkey!
    Homer: Will you keep giving me money?
    Mr. Burns: I can't have my monkey running around in rags.
    Homer: WOO-HOO!
    (Homer throws another pudding, this time at Carl)
    Carl: HEY!
    Mr. Burns: (horrified) What are you doing, man?! That's Carl!

254 - "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"

  • Basically everything in the second half, from the clever references to The Prisoner (1967), to the Faux-Homer with the terrible German accent who replaces him at home after he's sent to the Island ("Aren't there any evil movies on? Maybe something about an evil island?"), to the bizarre koala with the funny glasses at the end. It's one of the funnier episodes of Season 12.
  • Homer publishes about Mr. Burns selling uranium to some terrorists. About five seconds later, the FBI arrests Mr Burns!
    • Some fumes from the uranium go into the air vent where Homer is hiding. He passes out and his notepad falls to the ground. Mr. Burns takes one look at it and puts it back in the vent.
      Mr. Burns: This place is falling apart!
  • Homer's website has separate images for his face and the bag that covers it, so while it's loading, it gives away his identity for a split second before the bag loads.
  • Skinner watches Homer's website at night, when suddenly, his mom has the urgency to ask:
    Agnes: Seymour! Are you looking at naked ladies?!
    Skinner: No, mother!
    Agnes: You sissy!
    Skinner: Ugh... (cue Skinner rolling his eyes and facepalming in exasperation)

255 - "The Great Money Caper"

  • Bart begs Homer to come clean about grifting and lying, but Homer repeatedly tells Bart to see how the trial plays out. After Skinner is shot, Homer finally stops the phony trial: "Stop! This has gone on just long enough!"
  • Ralph saying, "I look like cable TV" after being covered in fake blood.
  • There are a couple of good exchanges when Homer and Bart find Grampa in their treehouse.
    • This:
    Homer: Dad?
    Abe: That's right! (smokes a pipe)
    Bart: You don't smoke a pipe!
    Abe: That's right! (coughs)
    • And:
    Abe: I wrote the book on flim-flamming!
    Bart: (turns book around to reveal a picture of a younger Abe on the back cover) Wow! He did!
  • The ending, as a great sendup of the Gainax Ending trope:
    Homer (sic): So the entire town and a big Hollywood actor had nothing more to do than to teach me a lesson?
    Lisa: I know it may seem far-fetched, even insulting to your intelligence, but there's a simple, logical explanation to... (Otto bursts in with surfboard and full beach gear)
    Otto: Hey, everybody! Surf's up! (Everyone excitedly clamors and files out of the courtroom, the scene cutting to every character in the episode (including the Cosmonauts) surfing like there's no tomorrow for thirty solid seconds to the credits)

256 - "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

  • The Simpsons at the Cirque de Puree show.
    Marge: It's hauntingly beautiful, isn't it?
    (Homer whimpers as a male performer's crotch is gyrating a little too close to his face)
    • When the show stops early due to an incoming storm:
    Homer: Oh no you don't! I paid full price for this freak show! Now, nourish the child within me! (shakes fist) Nourish!
  • The crappy Christmas movie burning out in the class projector — not because the film was damaged, but because Principal Skinner tried to play a DVD in the projector.
  • Upon realizing they're snowed in:
    Nelson: We're trapped in the school!
    Kids: Aaaahh!
    Milhouse: We're gonna miss Christmas!
    Kids: Aaaaahhhh!
  • The food choices while they're trapped in the school.
    Uter: I'm so hungry! I want more!
    Willie: You heard the principal. Everyone gets one apple, and a handful of relish.
    Skinner: If you don't eat your relish, you're not getting any mayonnaise!
  • After failing to control the kids, Skinner hides in his office.
    Skinner: Think, Seymour! Think! What would Superintendent Chalmers do?
    Chalmers: [in thought bubble] SKINNER!!!
    Skinner: Well, that's no help. [sits down on an army footlocker] Ah, my old footlocker. Back in 'Nam, I could command respect.
    [flashback to a Viet Cong POW camp, where Skinner and two American soldiers are imprisoned]
    Soldier 1: Sarge, let's make a break for it while the guards are partying with Jane Fonda.
    Skinner: Nope. Too dangerous. We're just gonna sit quietly and reminisce about candy bars.
    Soldier 2: Uh, one time, I'm eatin' a candy bar at the beach, and this girl starts taking off her bathin' suit...
    Skinner: Get back to the candy bar!
    Soldier 1: Screw this! I'm gettin' outta here! [runs through the bamboo wall]
    Skinner: No, you fool! [he and the other soldier watch in horror as the escapee is eaten by an elephant wearing a coolie hat]
    Skinner: [back in the present] That elephant ate my entire platoon...well I'm not gonna let it happen again!
  • Skinner being forced to write "I Ain't Not a Dorkus" on the blackboard
    Skinner: I can't write this, it's a grammatical nightmare!
  • "Good work, Nibbles! Now...chew through my ball sack!"
  • Bart forcing the captive Skinner to write on the chalkboard and climb a rope in the gym.
  • Homer envisioning Lisa as a camel. "HAAAWWWWWW! HAAAWWWWWW!"

257 - "HOMR"

  • Homer going to the bathroom while in an animation suit, and the dog onscreen doing the same thing.
  • The fact that "Huh, what is this crap?" immediately translates to "FOX Broadcasting" over the automated stock phone line.
  • Bart watching anime, ahem, Japanimation:
    Princess Tempura: Your laughter is incorrect! Prawn power!
  • When Homer finds out Animotions stocks bottomed out.
    Homer: Ohh, I hope plunging means up, and 75 means 200!
  • Homer talking to himself at the bank.
  • "Are you sure you understand the risks of stock ownership?"
    Homer and imaginary chorus girls: We're in the money! We're in the money!
  • Homer as a test subject:
    • First, he's sprayed with a perfume that burns his skin on contact, so the scientists decide to sell it anyway under the name "Desert Breeze".
    • When he takes an appetite suppressant, it seems to work until he's asked if he doesn't feel like eating the food in front of him, then it's revealed that it made him blind. One scientist asks who will buy a pill that makes you blind, and another scientist says that they'll let marketing worry about it.
    • He performs a reflex test involving hitting three buttons as they light up, but a rat keeps beating him to it. The rat wasn't a lab rat, he brought it in with him.
  • ''Lunkheadz: A place for drooling.

258 - "Pokey Mom"

  • When Homer is in the prison hospital, after being injured at the rodeo:
    Marge: How's your back, Homey?
    Homer: I can't complain. (points to a sign which reads, "No Complaining")
    Warden: Ah, that's for the prisoners. You can complain all you want.
    Homer: Oh, God, my back! It hurts so much! And my job is so unfulfilling!
  • After Homer gets thrown out of the prison, Marge storms out with him, but not before deciding to try and work at the prison to help Jack with his artwork. We then cut back to Bart lifting weights in the prison yard with Lisa.
    Lisa: Um, they are coming back for us, right?
    Bart: I'unno.
  • For some reason Marge's sundaes are inedible.
  • This twice-done joke:
    Marge: Welcome to "Freeing the Artist Within". Not literally, of course. (chuckles) (someone in the class cocks their gun)
    • And later:
    Skinner: You know, when Superintendent Chalmers suggested a school mural, I almost thought he said a school Muriel! (no laughter from crowd) Muriel's his sister, and uh... (gun cocks) Thank you very much, Bruce Vilanch.
    Bruce Vilanch: Whoopi would've made it work.

259 - "Worst Episode Ever"

  • The sight gag of Nelson Muntz, Sideshow Bob, and Matt Groening being on the Comic Book Guy's "Banned for Life" wall.
  • Homer giggling as baking soda foam spews from his mouth during his antacid trip.
  • One of the places Bart and Milhouse go to on their $50 spending a laundromat.
    Milhouse: My mom doesn't believe in fabric softener, but she's not around! Ha ha ha ha!
    Bart: I'm picking the next thing.
  • The fight in the comic store between Bart and Milhouse, which starts with Milhouse taking off his glasses...then immediately puts them back on. They then grab transforming toys: Bart's turns into an ax and Milhouse's...turns into a watering can. Despite this, Milhouse still gains the upper hand.
    Milhouse: Eat watering can, partner!
  • Comic Book Guy's collection includes: Alien Autopsy, Illegal Alien Autopsy, Godfather III: Good Version.
  • The Mr. Rogers Drunk bootlegged video.
    "What do you mean I can't take off my sweater? I'M HOT!"
  • "Now, I must warn you: once this next tape starts, it will not stop...because that button is broken."
  • Chief Wiggum calling Lou out on his anti-Asian similes (his line about how Comic Book Guy has more pirated videos than a Chinese K-Mart and is going to be in more hot water than a Japanese tea bag). Also the dialogue in-between:
    Chief Wiggum: Son, are these yours?
    Milhouse: No, sir. We're just showing them for profit without permission.
    Chief Wiggum: Okay, fair enough.
  • The three cops reacting with disgust when they find Agnes Skinner and Comic Book Guy in bed together, and Chief Wiggum promising to let Comic Book Guy off his possession of illegal videos charge if he puts on some clothes.

260 - "Tennis the Menace"

  • While Homer is in the shower, Bart finds he can raise and lower the temperature of his water through the kitchen sink. He uses it to make Homer shriek to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
  • Homer getting nailed in the groin by a tennis ball.
  • Homer crying over the fact that tennis is not the same as foxy-boxing (or as he calls it, "The sport where chicks whale on each other")
  • Grampa singing, What's New Pussycat? and crying out in pain from his creaking joints.
  • The scene at Mr. Burns' human chess board, which used to be his tennis court.
    Black Pawn: Hey, Burns has been gone for a while.
    Black Rook: Let's make a run for it!
    [the two run off, leaving the Black King unprotected]
    Black King: Come back, fools! Protect me!
    [the Black King gets beaten by the White Queen, Bishop, and Rook]
  • Bart getting trapped in a coffin with a built in-camera. The tombstone has a television with picture-in-picture and Homer uses it to watch a basketball game with Bart panicking in a corner.
  • Homer stealing money from Pete Sampras' wallet so they can buy dinner.

261 - "Day of the Jackanapes"

  • Marge's line about how TV shows should end before they become stale and repetitive — only for Smithers to come in and shout, "Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!". The family looks exasperated while Smithers looks embarrassed.
  • Bob walks into another rake, and proclaims them his arch-enemies over Bart.
  • Even Krusty, a huge sell-out, is disgusted by the Executive Meddling he's exposed to. The last straw: one of them requests he change "pee" to "whiz" before the other brings up that this could upset the Cheez Whiz people.
  • Bart tricking Sideshow Bob by yelling "Hey stupid!" at him.
  • Dr. Hibbert appearing on Krusty's show to hound for a donation.
    Krusty: And if my banker's watching let nothing STOP you from PAYMENT of this check.
  • Krusty's failed appearance on Laugh-In where his door gets stuck.

262 - "New Kids on the Blecch"

  • Lisa realizes the subliminal messages of Bart's songs:
    Lisa: Otto, you're being brainwashed!
    Otto: Yeah, probably! Yvan eht nioj!
  • Lisa confronts Lt. Smash:
    Lt. Smash: It's a three pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal and superliminal!
    Lisa: Superliminal?
    Lt. Smash: I'll show ya (leans out the window) Hey, you! Join the navy!
    Carl: Uh, yeah, alright.
    Lenny: I'm in!
    Lt. Smash: Of course, now that you know this... I can't let you leave.
    (Turns around and Lisa is gone. He turns back to the window to see her already halfway down the street.)
    Lt. Smash: Oh.
  • The Reveal of his real name - "Yeah, I'm not L.T. Smash. I'm Lt. L.T. Smash."
  • The Stinger, with *NSYNC extolling the virtues of the navy.
    "We've had a lot of fun today, but it was at the expense of the navy. The men and women of the navy are protecting us 24/7 from such bad guys as Godzilla and jellyfish! So head over to your enlistment office and sign up for a 2- or 4-year hitch! We signed JC up just a few minutes ago!"
  • Homer: Oh Lisa, it doesn't mean anything. Like "Ramma-lamma-ding-dong," or "Give peace a chance."
  • *NSYNC arriving on the aircraft carrier by speedboat, and immediately stating "We heard what you said!"
  • Milhouse completely failing geography:
    Milhouse: The Statue of Liberty?! Where are we?!
  • The peek inside the MAD office, as writers are coming up with jokes.
    Writer #1: Why don't we call it Everybody Hates Raymond?
    Writer #2: Well, we stayed up all night, but it was worth it.

263 - "Hungry, Hungry Homer"

  • The short song Homer makes up to keep himself busy. What really makes it funny is that Dan Castellaneta adlibbed the lyrics during production.
    Homer: (singing and shuffling his feet while chained to the lawn chair) Dancin' away my hunger pangs. Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt. I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in the sacreligious way.
    • Homer gets so hungry, he starts crawling towards a pretzel when he hallucinates:
    Homer: Who are you?
    Man: The spirit of Cesar Chavez.
    Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?
    Chavez: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like.
    • Also, when Homer is trying to convince Sherri to go to a dance with Bart.
    Homer: Come on, why won't you go out with Bart?
    Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork.
    Homer: Please, "ugly" is such a smelly word. Who would you rather go out with?
    Sherri: Tommy. (indicates a handsome boy bathed in an angelic glow)
    Homer: Well, duh! He's breathtaking. But Bart has inner beauty, like you'd find in a rodent. (cut to Bart, gnawing rat-like on a cracker, then back to Homer)
    • Homer's search for the executive office.
    Homer: Is this the executive office of the ball club?
    Equipment Manager: No, this is the equipment shed.
    Homer: Oh. Well, is that it?
    Equipment Manager: No, that's where we keep the water heater.
    Homer: Is...?
    Equipment Manager: That's a tractor.
    Homer: I see.
  • "So are you calling Mr Simpson a liar?" "Well, we have obtained this footage of him with his pants on fire."
  • Homer building an apple out of ham cubes.
  • When Marge asks Maggie if she wants to go to Block-Land, she's so enthusiastic that she gets in her car seat and hops it out the front door. The rest of the family finds this adorable - until she somehow starts the car.
  • During Homer's hunger strike, the rest of the family has to eat his portion of dinner, which leads to the kids getting considerably chubbier.
    Marge: There's still more meatloaf.
    Bart: Oh, it's impossible.
    Marge: Come on, come on. We all have to pitch in and eat your father's share.
    Lisa: Why don't you just cook less?
    Marge: (completely serious) I don't do things that way, Lisa.
  • And, of course:
    Duffman: Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

264 - "Bye, Bye Nerdie"

  • Homer's explanation for why he hasn't left for work yet:
    Homer: They said that if I come in late one more time, I'm fired. I can't take that chance!
  • Groundskeeper Willie bailing on checking tapes with Lisa all because a paper towel roll was almost empty.
  • Milhouse's reply when Lisa asks him whether he remembers his first day at school:
    Milhouse: <joyfully> "Not as long as I keep takin' these!" *holds up medication bottle labeled "Repressitol"*
  • The scene where Lisa swabs Drederick Tatum with nerd sweat, which compels Nelson to ineffectually punch and wedgie the boxer, much to Nelson's terror and Tatum's annoyance.
    Nelson: (almost crying) I'm so sorry! Please don't hurt me!
    Tatum: (rolling up sleeve) You leave me little recourse.
  • Professor Frink's strategy for getting an auditorium full of scientists to shut up and pay attention.
    Professor Frink: PI IS EXACTLY THREE!
  • Homer 'baby-proofing' the electrical outlets by drawing bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away.
    Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies
    Homer: She will be.

265 - "Simpson Safari"

  • This priceless gem...
    Homer: The Simpsons are going to Africa!
    (cut to two Africans dancing around a fire; one of them stops)
    Tribesman: (subtitled) What is it, N'gungo?
    N'gungo: Evil is coming.
    Tribesman: What shall we do, N'gungo?
    N'gungo: (puts his mask on the tribesman) You are N'gungo now! (runs away screaming)
  • The Simpsons meet Dr. Bushwell.
    Lisa: Your work has really inspired me, Doctor! And I love your sensible ponytail.
    Dr. Bushwell: Well, thank you. [to a monkey at her side] See, Jojo? She likes it. [Jojo rolls his eyes in contemptuous disregard]
  • Homer's blunt analysis of Dr. Bushwell's daily routine.
    Dr. Bushwell: Every day I get up at five-thirty, watch the chimps, eat a quick lunch of roots and water, then more chimp-watching. After dark I come home and think about chimps until it's time for bed.
    Homer: You must be the most boring woman on earth.

266 - "Trilogy of Error"

  • Homer feeding Lisa's grammar robot Linguo beer, thinking that he's a party robot. Maybe he thought of someone else?
  • Flanders reading a Harry Potter book to Todd, bowdlerizing the ending by telling them that Harry Potter went to Hell for practicing witchcraft (which was a criticism of the series by ultra conservative religious groups when it first came out), then throwing the book in the fireplace.
  • Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
  • Marge throws Linguo at the Mafia:
    Louie: Hey! They's throwing robots!"
    Linguo: They are throwing robots!
    Legs: He's disrespecting us! Shut up you face!
    Linguo: Shut up your face!
    Legs: Whassamatta you?
    Louie: You ain't so big!
    Legs: Me and him are going to whack you in the labonzza!
    Linguo: Bad... Grammar... Overload! Error! Error! (Explodes)
  • Also when Lisa is repairing Linguo:
    Lisa: Now, just lay still.
    Linguo: Lie still.
    Lisa: I knew that. Just testing.
    Linguo: Sentence fragment.
    Lisa: "Sentence fragment" is also a sentence fragment.
    Linguo: (eyes move back and forth as it thinks) Must conserve battery power. (shuts itself down)
  • Lisa and Homer sneak out of breakfast:
    Lisa: Dad, I know a way to get out of this. (out loud) Say, Dad, would you like to see my project for the school science fair?
    Homer: No, Lisa, but I sure don't want to eat this crappy breakfast! (winks)
  • After Marge apologizes for severing Homer's thumb.
    Homer: Sorry doesn't put thumbs on the hand, Marge!
  • When she hears that Chief Wiggum intends to arrest her, Marge gives her address as 123 Fake Street. This becomes a Brick Joke when it turns out the address is real, and it's also where Bart and Milhouse happen to be hiding.
  • Chief Wiggum recruiting Bart and Milhouse:
    Wiggum: Your mission is to find the firework smugglers and get them to say something incriminating on this tape.

267 - "I'm Goin' to Praiseland"

  • Homer's tall stack of ice cream hitting a power line and falling on his head.
  • Disco Stu meeting Frank Sinatra in his version of Heaven (a disco where he gets let in before John Travolta in his Saturday Night Fever days), and Sinatra telling him that Disco Stu's heaven is Sinatra's hell.

268 - "Children of a Lesser Clod"

  • When Lisa is trying out the Gymnastics class for free at the open house of the Springfield YMCA:
    Coach Lugash: What a little angel! How old are you?
    Lisa: Eight.
    Lugash: Eight? Too old! Go home, grandma!
  • Homer trying to escape from the hospital by looking offscreen and crying "Hey, look a bear!", then a bear coming to shake its head sadly over his immediate failure to escape.
  • The video clip of Homer chasing Bart with a chain mace and yelling, "I'll mace you good!"
    Homer: Hey! That is completely taken out of context!
  • Bart getting tricked into attending an etiquette class by a gangsta rapper (who happens to be the husband of the teacher).
    Bart: But the black man said—
    Teacher: Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good gracious, I should bust a cap in your ass.
  • Arnie Pie narrating Homer's disastrous escape.
    Arnie: He's jumping out of the car, Kent! He's trying to climb over the fence! Now he's realizing he's too fat! He's digging a hole like a dog! Now he's given up on that and he's running back and forth! He's climbing into a pipe and he seems to be stuck! His legs are dangling in a comical fashion! Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen!
    Kent Brockman: Arnie, how are the children?
    Arnie: I can't see through metal, Kent!
  • Krusty hosting the Good Guy awards.
    Krusty: (singing) I'm a nice guy, I'm a hell of a guy, and tonight we honor you! (to the orchestra) STOP THE MUSIC! STOP IT! One more line and we have to pay for the song!

269 - "Simpsons Tall Tales"

A - Paul Bunyan

  • The scene where Paul Bunyan (Homer) runs to Marge from a distance and her reaction to seeing a giant man come toward her.

B - Connie Appleseed

  • When Connie changes her name to 'Appleseed' her family counters by changing theirs to 'Bufflekill'.
  • Cleaning my gun with the safety off, safety off, safety off...

Tom and Huck

  • After Judge Thatcher (Homer) forces Huckleberry Finn (Nelson) into marrying Becky (Lisa), his wife (Marge) reminiscences over their own shotgun wedding.
    Marge: This reminds me of our shotgun wedding.
    Marge: Grampa, we've been married for years. When are you gonna put down that gun?
    (Puts the gun down)
    Abe: I reckon you're right.
    Grampa: Hang it all!
  • Dr. Hibbert singing "Old Man River" from Show Boat

    Season 13 

270 - "Treehouse of Horror XII"

A - Hex and the City

  • After Homer's curse leads to Lenny and Carl being crushed to death by a helicopter, he turns to Moe and sees that while he wasn't looking, the latter is somehow now dead and stuffed in the pickled egg jar. Bewildered, Homer asks when did that happen.
  • While Homer and Bart trying to catch a Leprechaun to make the Gypsy reverse the curse on his family, he tried to use Lucky Charms cereal as bait to catch one.
    Homer: He he he! We'll catch ourselves a Leprechaun using these Lucky Charms as bait.
    [Homer pours cereal into hole as a bunch of rabbits jump into the hole Homer and Bart were digging]
    Homer: [after realizing he was pouring Trix into the hole instead of Lucky Charms] D'OH!
    [Homer takes a box of Lucky Charms and pours into the hole, while taking a swig for himself, and pouring the rest of the box into the hole]

B - House of Whacks

  • When the house sprays lilac mist in the air, Marge's reaction:
    Marge: That really covers the cat crap!
  • The house pretending to be Chief Wiggum when Marge dials the police: "This is Constable Wiggums. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath."
  • Homer attacking what he thinks is the autohouse's CPU with an axe.
    Lisa: Dad, that's the water softener!
    Homer: Well, I am missing the back of my head. I think you can cut me some slack.
  • The ending with the A.I. being tortured by Patty and Selma's boring conversation and trying to commit suicide.

C - Wiz Kids

  • Bart performing a spell on the clock.
    Marge: That's not good for the clock.
  • Bart tries to turn his frog into a prince by saying "Abraca...turn into a prince guy?" The result is a malformed frog/human hybrid who keeps vomiting and begging to be put out of his misery.
    Mrs. Krabappel: Lisa's casting spells at an eighth grade level. You've sinned against nature.
  • Ralph's reaction to being drained of his intelligence by Lord Montymort. "Ha-ha! Dying tickles!"

271 - "The Parent Rap"

  • Bart sneaking into Wiggum's cruise and using the loudspeaker to get Flanders to drop his pants and dance.
  • Homer accidentally running over Moleman (after promising he wouldn't break the law for a year) and when Marge asks what's going on he says it's just the radio and drives off and Moleman is seen nonchalantly getting up and walking away.
  • Homer being robbed by Moe:
    Homer: These pants cost six hundred dollars!
    Moe: Really?
    Homer: Yeah, they're Italian.
    Moe: Alright. (pulls out shotgun) Hand em over!
    Homer: Moe, what the?
    Moe: Yeah, I rob now.
  • Homer and Marge's prank of hanging a banner on Constance's houseboat. The first two letters are visible as "BI" and Homer says how he hates to call a judge dirty names, but there's only one way to describe this one. The complete banner is revealed to say "BIG MEANIE".
  • When Constance sentences Homer and Marge to wear stocks.
    Marge: She's such a butthole!

272 - "Homer the Moe"

  • The song Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl sing in Homer's garage after Moe's becomes 'M' (to the tune of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" by The Arrows.)
    I won't drink at Moe's.
    Homer's old garage is all I need!
    I won't drink at Moe's.
    (Homer solo) 'Cause Moe's a big jerk, and a she-male, too!
  • Homer gets R.E.M. to play for his bar, and we watch them try to sing along to "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)":
    Homer: Leonardo what's-his-name, Herman Munster, motorcade, Birthday party, Cheetos, pogo sticks and lemonade. You symbiotic, stupid jerk, stir-fried Flanders, I am talking about you!
  • Homer throwing himself out of M - he grabs himself by the collar, pulls himself to the door and throws himself to the ground. He then calls out, "I believe I had a hat!" Someone throws a hat to him, which he assuredly didn't have before. "Sucker!"
  • Moe and his former professor talk beside a lake:
    Professor: I'm dying Moe.
    Moe: (slowly nods) there anything I can do?
    Professor: No...unless you have a cure for cancer. (hopeful) Do you have a cure for cancer? Cause that would be great!
    Moe: I'm sorry Professor
    Professor: Goodbye Moe.
    Moe: Bye Professor
    Professor: (deep sigh as he suicides by walking into the lake)
    Moe: Hey don't you want to take your shoes off before you go swimming? Professor? Pr...(sudden realisation) Oh. away)
  • After Homer accidentally shoots Moe:
    Homer: Oh no! This time I really am going to faint (falls backwards resulting in his head getting caught in a bear-trap) Son-of-a!

273 - "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"

  • Mr. Burns mistaking a strip club for a "nude fire station" and Smithers' reaction as he was cornered by strippers.
  • Mr. Burns saying he does all the "hip" stuff, like "piloting motorcoaches" and "collecting dog waste."
  • Gloria and Mr. Burns going dancing at a disco.
    Mr. Burns: [out of breath] I was...longer. [opens his coat and breathes from an oxygen mask]
  • Homer tries an aphrodisiac that Mr. Burns uses to deal with his exhaustion, which cuts to him running up the stairs carrying Marge and then cuts to them after having sex and Marge realizing how loud they were. Cut to Bart, Lisa and Flanders all with expressions of shock.
  • The montage of Mr. Burns and Gloria's dates, which shows all the various ways that Homer helps out like eating the spaghetti for Mr. Burns and using a defibrillator to revive him.
  • Gloria and Mr. Burns going bowling.
    Gloria: [bowls a strike] Eeeexcellent!
    Mr. Burns: [to Homer] Did you hear that? That "excellent" was...eeeeexcellent.
    • Homer's reply as well.
    "Can I have some ice cream? I finished my pizza."
  • As Snake is kidnapping Gloria, Homer tries to defend her.
    "Let her go! Or I'll scream!" [Snake effortlessly takes Homer as well, causing him to scream]
  • Homer imagining what pistol-whipping is: scooping whipped cream with a pistol.
    "Mmm, pistol whip..."

274 - "The Blunder Years"

  • When Marge is hugging Homer, she fantasizes about Burly the spokesjack, which Homer gets offended by. He tries to fantasize in retaliation, but gets threatened by Mama Celeste's Sausage Pizza and rejected by Paul Newman's Salad Dressing.
  • Homer's breakdown after the hypnotist makes him twelve years old where he screams throughout the next few minutes, including tipping the valet, brushing his teeth and when in bed. It gets to the point that Homer is wheeled home by Lenny and Carl because he ruined nap time and quiet time.
  • The group has just discovered a passageway from the quarry to Mr. Burns' Nuclear Power Plant office:
    Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
    Chief Wiggum: Mr. Burns, you're under arrest for murder.
    Mr. Burns: Er, did I say corpse hatch? Oh, I, ah, meant, um innocence tube!
  • From the same scene:
    Mr. Burns: I knew this day would come. In a way it's a relief. In another way, it's most unwelcome.

275 - "She of Little Faith"

  • This conversation between Bart and Lisa:
    Bart: Still looking for a new faith?
    Lisa: Yep.
    Bart: Hey, how about one of those religions where you eat a human heart?
    Lisa: No.
    Bart: How about Methodist?
    Lisa: No!
  • Also, after Lisa leaves the church forever.
    Homer: I don't know how to feel.
    Marge: You should be upset.
    Homer: (loudly) AHHHHHHHWAHA! How was that?
    Marge: A little much.
    Homer: (quietly) Ahhhh....awahh.
  • The family attempts to bribe Lisa into converting back to Christianity by getting her a pony for Christmas... and then it turns out that the pony's really Milhouse and Ralph in disguise. And finally the Brick Joke at the end...
    Lisa: Hey, where's my pony?
    Lisa: I'm serious. Make with the pony!
    Marge: And a happy, healthy new year!

276 - "Brawl in the Family"

  • When Homer has to sleep in Bart's treehouse with his Vegas wife:
    Homer: Please just leave me alone.
    Amber: Now, now, Mama's going to make you a snack! (starts making a sandwich)
    Homer: (gasp) Ooh...yeah! Oh, that's good. Oh, don't stop! Oh, yeah! Faster! Faster!
    (Cut to Marge listening from the bedroom)
    Homer: Faster! Faster! Oh, you do that like a pro!
    Marge: (worried) Oh no! She's making him a sandwich!
    Homer: Use both hands!
  • Homer's drunk description of his family.
    Homer: See, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, girl Bartnote , the one that doesn't talknote  and the fat guynote . How I loathe him.
  • Lenny says that he always thought someone with two wives would be happier. Carl replies, "No, you're thinking of someone with two knives. Moe agrees, holding up two knives and saying "I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific".
  • One of the buttons on the Simpsons' phone has a picture of Homer strangling Bart.
  • After acid rain destories the TV, Homer freaks out and runs outside to check, only to get burnt by the acid rain, so he runs back inside and screams at seeing the TV still out, so he runs back outside. Thus leading to a whole sequence of him doing both of these actions, routinely.
  • Brenda is the negotiating robot
    Brenda: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and destructive manner... DESTROY! DESTROY!

277 - "Sweets and Sour Marge"

  • Everything about Garth Motherloving in the sugar company.
    Garth: If you have an issue with us, why not bring it up with your sewing circle?
    Marge: But we're on hiatus. Everyone's everywhere
    Garth: (speaking into recorder) Note to Marge, get out! (throws Marge the tape)
    Marge: (frowning) I'll play it later.
  • Homer comparing the sugar company it to Willy Wonka's factory.
    Homer: Were there Oompa Loompas?
    Marge: There was one in a cage, and he wasn't moving.
  • Homer tries to fall off the boat in scuba gear, only to land on the lower deck. He then tries again, and lands on a whale.
  • The moment when Homer is smuggling sugar.
    Dealer: Okay, man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money.
    Homer: (pushes off in the raft) That wasn't part of the deal! (laughs)
    Dealer: (consults the contract) He's right! (to his henchmen) Who wrote this thing?!
  • Homer's attempt at using Reverse Psychology on a toucan.

278 - "Jaws Wired Shut"

  • This line when Homer saves Marge at the demolition derby:
    Homer: (offscreen) Quit banging my wife!
    (Homer rides in on a donkey.)
    Demolition Derby Announcer: A man on a donkey?! Never in my six weeks on the job have I seen the likes of this!
    • Homer impersonating Popeye as he saves Marge, who channels Olive Oyl with her rubber-hose waggling arms while she cries out for help:
      Homer: *muttering* "Hunh, gonna need some fuel for me mule; some gas for me ass!"
      *feeds a beer to his donkey, who briefly powers up like Homer did, but then immediately falls asleep*
  • Soccer Mummy.
    "Uh oh! The professor said not to let him get a boner!"
  • At the movie theater, Homer is annoyed at the movie preshow being too long. Then...
    Announcer: And now, our feature presentation.
    Homer: (signs in relief)
    Different announcer: If that's a phrase you like to hear, then you'll love MovieCall!
    Homer: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • The newspaper headline "Local Man Ruins Everything", with a photo of Homer riding a donkey into a cake while waving an American flag (pictured above).
    Marge: That donkey is such a bad influence on you...

279 - "Half-Decent Proposal"

  • When Marge is offended by Artie Ziff attempting to kiss her, she takes a cab. When the cab demands payment, Marge says "Send the bill to Baron Von Kissalot", referring to Ziff. However, we later cut to Germany, where a baron with huge lips says "Okay, who's the wise guy?" after receiving the bill.

280 - "The Bart Wants What It Wants"

281 - "The Lastest Gun in the West"

  • Buck McCoy breaking up a bank robbery with his lasso.
    Robber: I'm firing at the lasso, but the bullets just go through the middle!
    Snake: It's the ultimate weapon!

282 - "The Old Man and the Key"

  • Homer acting like a father to his own father's childish antics.
    Homer: He has to learn, the way my dad made me learn.
    Marge: He is your dad!
    Homer: (beat) Cosmic.
  • Bart and Homer playing Scrabbleships.
    Bart: B6.
    Homer: You sunk my Scrabbleship!
    Lisa: This game makes no sense!
    Homer: Tell that to the good men that just lost their lives. Semper Fi!

283 - "Tales from the Public Domain"

A - D'oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (Homer's Odyssey)

Flanders: Now throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of Trojans!
Homer: (laughing) Trojans.
Lisa: What are you laughing at, dad?
Homer: If I'm laughing at what I think I am, it's very funny.

B - Hot Child In The City (Joan of Arc)

  • Marge changing the end of Joan of Arc's story by ripping out the page with the ending, and swallowing it.
    Marge: Well, it's easier to chew than that Bambi video.
  • Lisa/Joan of Arc leading the charge against England.
    Lisa/Joan of Arc: Let us kill the English! Their concept of individual rights could undermine the power of our beloved tyrants!
    (as she leads the charge, we see two English soldiers calmly drinking tea)
    English soldier 1: They're attacking again.
    English soldier 2: I thought we had a truce.
    English soldier 1: Just because you keep saying it doesn't make it so! (both get shot by arrows) Oh my word!

C - Do The Bard, Man (Hamlet):

  • Hamlet (Bart) accidentally stabs Polonius (Chief Wiggum)
    Wiggum/Polonius: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed.
  • Also:
    Homer/King: I have returned from the dead!
    Bart/Hamlet: It looks more like you've returned from the buffet!
    Homer/King: Why you little!
    (Homer tries to strangle him and his hands just go straight through.)
    Homer/King: You must avenge me! Aveeeenge meee!
    Bart/Hamlet: How?
    Homer/King: I dunno. Surprise me. Surpriiiiise meeee! (disappears through the wall. A few seconds later, comes back.) It's cold outside, you'll need a sweater. A sweeeaaaater!!
  • The play within a play:
    Bart/Hamlet: The play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king.
    Moe/Claudius: Catch my conscience? What?
    Bart/Hamlet: Hey! You're not supposed to hear me! That was a soliloquy.
    Moe/Claudius: Ok, well I'll do a soliloquy too. "Note to self, kill that kid.".
  • Lisa's sole appearance. As Ophelia.
    Lisa/Ophelia: Ah great, now Hamlet's acting crazy. Well nobody outcrazies Ophelia. Hey nonny nonny with a hoo and a ha and a nonny nonny hey!
    • As she sings, she jumps on a table, dances and messes things up, then jumps off, does a cartwheel, and jumps out the window and into the moat, all while the extras watch in utter horror.
  • "And now, to celebrate life! Woah, bloody floor! (slips and dies)" And as Marge/Gertrude looks at the carnage, she announces she's not cleaning up the mess and bashes her own head in with a mace.

284 - "Blame It on Lisa"

  • As they're flying to Brazil:
    Homer: Wait, wait, wait, so in August it's cold?
    Lisa: That's right.
    Homer: And in February, it's hot?
    Lisa: Mm-hm.
    Homer: So it's opposite land! Crooks chase cops, cats have puppies!
    Lisa: No, Dad, it's just the weather.
    Homer: So hot snow falls up?
    Lisa: (sighs) Yes.
  • After Homer and Marge cut off their phone service:
    Lisa: (sighs) Why must you fight with every utility?
    Homer: I told you, I have too much time on my hands.
  • After Homer and Bart get into a cab in Brazil:
    Kidnapper #1: (points a gun at Homer) My American friend, I'm afraid that this is a kidnapping.
    Homer: So that means I don't have to pay the fare?
    Kidnapper #1: suppose...
    Homer: Woohoo!
  • When Homer is taken to the kidnappers' hideout, he's wearing a bag over his head.
    Homer: Where are you taking me?
    Kidnapper #2: Shut up... and take that stupid bag off your head.
    Homer: No, it smells like cinnamon.
  • When the kidnappers demand Homer's family pay ransom:
    Kidnapper #2: If your family wants to see you alive again, they would be wise to pay.
    Homer: (tied to a table) Oh I dunno, they've been seeing me alive for free for a long time...

285 - "Weekend at Burnsie's"

  • "For me, The '60s ended that day in 1978."
  • Otto had many hilarious lines:
    Otto: Why do they call them fingers? You never seem them fing. Oh, there they go.
    Otto: (looking at finger with ring) Oh yeah, I married that chick!
  • A stoned Homer and Otto are watching The Three Stooges.
    Homer: (laughing) Oh man, look at Shemp, he is so high.
    Otto: Whoa I just realized something: "Shemp" is "hemp", spelled backwards.
    Homer: And Otto spelled backwards... is Otto.
    Otto: (dumbstruck and looks at Homer) Now I'm scared.
  • The entire sequence where Homer and Smithers pretend Mr. Burns isn't dead to the shareholders is hilarious.
  • "Oh man, we killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad!"

286 - "Gump Roast"

  • The beginning, which spoofs Forrest Gump, has Homer dressed as Forrest, looking at the feather, which keeps poking his eye.
  • As part of Homer's roast, Principal Skinner's mother walks on stage wearing what was supposed to be a skimpy, sensual dress - actually a parody of Jennifer Lopez's infamous one. Everyone stares in silence for a moment before this exchange:
    Abe Simpson: (standing up) What is keeping that dress together?!
    Sideshow Mel: (Also standing up) The collective will of everyone in this room!
  • To the music of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.
    They'll never stop the Simpsons!
    Have no fears, we've got stories for years.
    Like, Marge becomes a robot,
    maybe Moe gets a cell phone,
    has Bart ever owned a bear or,
    how 'bout a crazy wedding,
    where something happens,
    and do-do do-do do?
    have no fears, we've got stories for years!
  • The very idea that Moe had the exact same setup for the next batch of clips as Kang and Kodos, right down to the mind-probing device, which, according to Moe's design, was a carved-out boulder with light bulbs and a tube glued onto it.
    Moe (Muttering angrily): Yeah, that's right, go word fer word, ya lousy, stinkin'... (mutters darkly as he tosses his "mind-reading device" and "script" to the ground)

287 - "I Am Furious (Yellow)"

  • Homer's "transformation" into an Incredible Hulk lookalike (with Bart commenting that he's glad Homer's pants stayed on during the transformation):
  • Bart's website becomes the number one non-pornographic website on the internet...making it ten trillionth overall.
  • The entirety of Stan Lee's appearance. When he ruins Database's Batmobile in particular:
    Stan Lee: (to Database, who is about to buy a Batman action figure) Hold it, son. Wouldn't you rather have an exciting action figure?
    Database: Aaaah but Batman only fits in my Batmobile.
    Stan Lee: Ha-are you nuts? The Thing fits in there perfectly. (Stuffs The Thing into the Batmobile and destroys the latter in the process.) Look, he's fitting right now!
    Database: (tearfully) AHHHH you broke my Batmobile!
    Stan Lee: Broke? Or made it better? (turns to comic book rack and proceeds to swap Marvel Comics to the front while humming the 1960s Spider-Man theme)
    • When Bart sees him in the store for the second day in a row.
    Bart: Wow, Stan Lee came back?
    Comic Book Guy: Stan Lee never left. I am beginning to think his mind is no longer in mint condition.
    • And also when he sees Homer's Hulk-esque rampage being ended by the cops, this happens:
    Stan Lee: He can't be the Hulk! I'M the Hulk! (rips his shirt open and growls loudly, and nothing happens)
    Comic Book Guy: Oh, please. You couldn't even change into Bill Bixby.
    Stan Lee: C'mon, dammit, change! (continues to growl, straining to change into the Hulk) Ah, forget it. (strains some more) I really did it once!
    Comic Book Guy: Yes, yes. I just wish you had the power to leave my store.

288 - "The Sweetest Apu"

  • The double entendres during badminton (after Homer discovered Apu cheating on Manjula was Annette) which makes Homer and Marge uncomfortable.
    Manjula: Oh Apu, you keep scoring when my back is turned. Are you sure you're not cheating?
    Apu: Now Manjula, do you want me to find another partner?
    Marge: No! No, no, let's just keep playing. What's the score?
    Homer: Dirty love. I mean 30-love! I mean, anyone for penis? I'll just get the shuttlecock. Oh!
  • This moment:
    Manjula: Apu, why aren't you pressuring me for sex?
    Apu: Oh how could you accuse me of repeated infidelity?! Why, I am so angry I could just, I could just fall asleep! (snores)
    • Plus Homer walking home backwards, and then jumping home backwards on the ladder.
  • Homer tries to recruit Apu for the reenactment:
    Homer: Hey Apu, in a Civil War reenactment we need lots of Indians to shoot!
    Apu: (Beat) I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first.
  • Principal Skinner is not amused by the Anachronism Stew:
    Skinner: This battlefield is rife with inaccuracies. You dead people, stop playing cards! Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
    Disco Stu: The South shall boogie again!
    • Later, as Grandpa Simpson and other WWII veterans interfere using tanks:
    Skinner: Tanks?! Oh, this is just too inaccurate!
    Frink: Ah, well then, you're definitely not going to like my steam-powered super spider. With the stepping and the squishing and the webs made of NYLON!
    • "The Second Battle of Springfield was fought by the North, the South and the East, to keep Springfield in, out of and next to the Union respectively. Now, the actual battle was fought there, where that man is standing. But he won't move, so we'll do it here."
    • This scene:
    Marge: Homer, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    Homer: (Imagines himself in a futuristic city, flying a hang-glider and shooting a laser beam at people on the ground) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You can run, but you can't glide!
  • This scene:
    Marge: We have to do something to save that marriage. Maybe I should just tell Manjula. Or you could talk to Apu.
    Homer: He already knows. Let's tell Krusty!
    Marge: What would that accomplish?
    Homer: That guy's hilarious! His reaction would be priceless!
    (Cut to Krusty drinking a glass of water)
    Homer: Apu is cheating!
    Krusty: (Doesn't Spit Take) That's sad. All those kids.
    Homer: (To Marge) I think he's building to something.
    (Krusty just sits there looking sad)
    • After Apu has seemingly done everything on Manjula's list
    Homer: Wait, wait! You forgot to eat a light bulb.
    Apu: Thank you very much, you big fat blabbermouth! I'm Sorry, sorry. It's been a rough month.
    Homer: Here you go. (whispering) Don't worry, I soaked it in the toilet to soften it up.

289 - "Little Girl in the Big Ten"

  • Lugash has an interesting way of motivating gymnasts... taking their cats hostage.
    Lugash: You guys did great, today. Cats back for everybody!
    Gymnast: I had a dog.
    Lugash: IS CAT NOW!
  • Lisa lies to her college student friends that she's a teacher's aide for Ralph's class, then has them drive off before he can correct her.
    Ralph: Why do people run from me? (He promptly wets his pants.)
  • Lisa gets dropped home by her college student friends, and they hear Homer trying to sing "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba.
    Homer: I get knocked down, I get knocked down again, you're never gonna knock me down!

290 - "The Frying Game"

  • Marge tells Homer that the garden feature allows her to be alone with her thoughts:
    How much money did he piss away on this?
  • The EPA gives the family all they need to know about the endangered scream-a-pillar
    Lisa: Let's see, will die without reassurance every 5 minutes, it's sexually attracted to fire...
  • Homer gets a call from Mrs. Bellamy and leaves to help her in the middle of his shift. On his way out, he nonchalantly tells Mr. Burns to cover for him. Hilarity Ensues.
  • After it's rumored that Homer actually committed murder, he goes to Moe's:
    Homer: Boy, what a day! I'd kill for a beer!
    Moe: Uh, alright. Here's you go! [nervously gives him a beer]
    Homer: [deviously] I'd...stab for a pickle! [Moe swipes Lenny's pickle and gives it to Homer] Now give me some peanuts!
    Moe: Up-bup-bup! You didn't say you'd kill me first!
    Homer: [sigh] I'll kill ya if you don't give me some peanuts.
    Moe: Uh, okay, I don't want any trouble, Mister!
    • Even better: Homer is successfully able to cut the church service short merely by clearing this throat a couple times ("Today's readings come from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Well, maybe just Matthew and Mark."), prompting a nervous Reverend Lovejoy to say, "Amen!" and leave.

291 - "Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge"

  • During the looting, Moe throws a trachcan into a window and steals the register, only to realize that it was his bar.
    • Later at the town meeting, when the blame for the riot has been mostly resolved and the meeting adjorned, Otto asks if this means everyone can keep the stuff they stole. Hibbert, with a new fur coat and scooter, says it was pretty much implied.
  • "Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party!" (Pan left to reveal that Milhouse is sitting right next to him.)
  • [later] "You couldn't catch a cold... with a ... cold catching... thing." "See, without Milhouse it's hard."
  • Homer's conversation with the owner of Wooly Bully.
    Homer: You sell hats?
    Shop Guy: Mmm.
    Homer: To people?
    Shop Guy: Maybe.
    Homer: To people with heads?
    Shop Guy: Sometimes.
  • Homer catches Jimbo, who stole Lisa's Malibu Stacy dolls.
    Homer: Did you steal dolls from my daughter?!
    Jimbo: I think they demean women.
    Homer: Well think again son, you're going to juvie.
    Jimbo: I just got out of juvie!
    Homer: Good, because I need directions.
  • Homer listing all of the jobs he's had up to that point in the series, whilst he does this, Marge manages to go off screen and put hair rollers in her hair.
  • As Apu is being held up at the Kwik-E-Mart:
    Snake: (holding a shotgun) Yo, empty the register, dude!
    Apu: Okay, okay, you are the boss...
    (Apu presses a button under the register to use the silent alarm)
  • Homer is about to be gunned down by Mafia thugs, and they're suddenly shot. Cue the arrival of Chief Wiggum... but what's this? Wiggum isn't the shooter. As they wonder who shot the Mafia guys, cue Maggie sitting in her crib upstairs next to the window, with a gun. Then Homer and Marge come upstairs and she hides the gun under her pillow!
    Marge: Aw, she's probably dreaming of the time she shot Mr. Burns.
  • The spoof of the opening sequence of The Sopranos.
  • Marge trying to dissuade Fat Tony from trying to assassinate Homer:
    Marge: Fat Tony, how can you do this?
    Fat Tony: Sorry, but this is the business we've chosen.
    Marge: But you're just perpetuating a negative Italian-American stereotype! I mean; you could be a pizza-man, organ grinder, uh, Leaning Tower builder, and, uh... Did I say pizza-man?
    Fat Tony: (shreds a Single Tear) You are listening my broken dreams.
  • After taking over the police station, Homer's first act is to free town drunk Otis from a cell.
    Otis: You can let me go, but I'll just keep exposing myself at the mall.
    Homer: Heh-heh, what a character.

    Season 14 

292 - "Treehouse of Horror XIII"

A - Send In The Clones:

  • One of the clones is visiting Abe at the retirement home. What sells it is the undying interest the Homer clone keeps during Abraham's entire rambling, nodding every once in a while:
    Abe: Then after World War II, it got kinda quiet 'til Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat him by a furlong! Or so the comic books would have you believe. The truth lies somewhere in between and ZZZ... (he falls asleep).
  • Homer and one of his clones strangling each other.
  • What all of the clones immediately do after becoming an unintelligent army (thanks to the magic hammock), EAT FIELD CORN:
    Gil Gunderson: Ah, look at that corn. Ol' Gil's hard work is finally paying off. (numerous Homer Simpson clones run by and devour all of his crops) Well, at least I got my health. (a few more come by and eat him, leaving only his skeleton) Ohh...
  • The clones storming the Duff brewery, drinking all the beer in there, then the same giant mass of Homers running to behind the brewery to relieve themselves.
  • Among the clones that are created by the hammock is the mu-mu-wearing obese Homer, Peter Griffin, and The Tracey Ullman Show version of Homer from the original shorts.

B - The Fright To Creep and Scare Harms

  • After Snake turns in his guns and is mocked by Clancy Wiggum.
    Snake: (slaps Wiggum)
    Wiggum Ow!

C - The Island of Dr. Hibbert

  • Professor Frink as a turkey and he then gets to be eaten alive.
    Frink:(screams) No! Wait a minute now. Guess what, I'm dying, ha, ha... with the basting and the butterballing... and the chestnut stuffing in my pupik. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Death.

293 - "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"

  • The guest stars' introduction:
    (Homer, Moe, Barney, Otto and Apu are huddled around a campfire in complete darkness)
    Homer: (irritated): Hey, what gives? Where are all the rock stars?
    Chief Wiggum: (concerned) I don't know, but it's starting to get dark.
    (The first strums of a guitar are heard in the distance.)
    Homer (panic rising in his voice) Huh? What was that?
    (Guitar strings begin to rise in tempo)
    Barney: (panicking) Oh, it's getting closer!
    (Guitar solo reaches fever pitch as pyrotechnics explode, revealing. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, who was playing the opening chords to "Start Me Up".)
    Mick Jagger: Hello, campers!
    Keith Richards: How you doing?
    Homer: Omigodomigodomigod! It's Mick Jagger and Keith Richards!
    (Barney sighs and faints like a schoolgirl)
    Mick: Welcome to Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp where you'll experience the complete rock 'n' roll lifestyle without all the lawsuits and (whispers salaicously) STD's!
    Homer: Woo! STD's!
    Keith: Now you're all here for one reason...
    Homer: TO ROCK!
    Keith (angrily) Who said that?
    (Homer points to Otto)
    Keith: That's right, Otto! We're here to ROCK!
    (fireworks go off as everybody cheers)
    Mick: So get a good night's rest, and remember: Rule #1: There Are No Rules!
    (everybody cheers)
    Mick: Rule number two: no outside food.
    (everybody mumbles)
  • On day one of camp, Keith yells "Hey, wake up!" over the PA system at sunrise.
  • "But there's lots of other fun instruments! Like bass!"
  • Later, Keith is leading Homer and others through an obstacle course with paparazzi and groupies. After leaping into the limo, he's shocked to find they're all making out with the groupie cutouts.
    Keith: They're bloody cardboard!
    Homer: We know!

294 - "Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"

  • Bart hallucinating that Pikachu and Bender (and other characters from the family's new satellite TV) are dancing the hora with him.
    Clown: It's finally happened, Bart, you've lost your mind.
  • Skinner informing Homer and Marge that Bart and Lisa are missing.
    Skinner: A parent waiving their right to sue says what?
    Marge: What?
    Skinner: Got it. (Pulls out a tape recorder.)
    Homer: Hey, you can't fool us, we're from the "learn to fart" state!
  • When Lisa is promoted to 3rd grade and Bart is held back into 3rd grade.
    Lisa: Bart's in the same class as me!?
    Bart: Lisa's in the same class as me!?
    (pan out to reveal that Homer is somehow watching this on TV)
    Homer: They're in the same class as each other!? (Changes channel) *Gasp* And old Army buddy is visiting Mannix?!
  • Skinner's reaction to M.C. Safety and the Caution Crew:
    Skinner: *Chuckles* Look out, Beatles.
  • Bart and Lisa playing "Punch Buggy" on the field trip bus. Then, all the third graders punch each other when they pass a Volkswagen dealer.

295 - "Large Marge"

  • Marge has just mistakenly been given breast implants instead of a liposuction:
    Marge: Oh yeah? Well, my husband will come back with me and he'll do a little malpractice on you!
    Doctor: (completely deadpan) Oh yes, your husband, I'm sure he'll be furious.
  • Homer gives Lisa his wedding ring so he won't get paint on it: "This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tinfoil!" "My real one's inside a turtle."
  • The Three Stooges-like antics of George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter.
  • Inspired by "El Barto", Homer calling himself "El Homo" for his attempt at graffiti.
  • Drederick Tatum's scene.
    Drederick Tatum:' I have been paid millions to endorse these butt-ugly shoes. (crowd disperses) My forthrightness is my undoing.
  • "TV Clown Saves Day" appears to be the newspaper's headline, then it zooms out to reveal the actual one is "Crazed Mom Goes Topless" in huge red print with photos from pages 3-28.
  • The credits song:
    Baha Men: Who let her jugs out?
    Homer: D'oh! D'oh-d'oh-d'oh!
    Baha Men: Marge let her jugs out!
    Homer: D'oh! D'oh-d'oh-d'oh!

296 - "Helter Shelter"

  • The Law & Order: SVU parody.
  • After termites escape from a souvenir hockey stick and start devouring the Simpson house overnight (long story), The Simpsons wake up to discover the damage:
    (Bart rips off huge chunk of kitchen doorframe and walks up to Marge)
    Bart: Hey, Ma! Our crapshack's going to hell!
    Marge: Bart! Watch your potty mouth!
    (The sound of splintering and cracking wood suddenly comes within earshot, as Homer comes crashing through the ceiling, on the toilet, pants down, newspaper in hands. He lands, crashing the table beneath him)
    Homer (offended) : Hey! Get out! I'm in here!''
  • Homer getting sprayed in the face by the hose.

297 - "The Great Louse Detective"

  • Marge accidentally sucks Maggie into a vacumm cleaner. Once freed, she dusts herself off in an annoyed manner.
  • As the police can't figure out who's trying to kill Homer, they decide to release (Albeit, tagged) someone with... experience in trying to kill one of The Simpsons. (The extremely high security cell opens up to reveal... Sideshow Bob, restrained in such a manner he's suspended in the middle of the room.)
    Sideshow Bob: (Completely nonchalontly) Oh come now, we've been through so much together. Please, call me Bob.
    Bart & Lisa: AHHHH! BOB!
  • The absurdly long list of Homer's enemies, most of whom are from previous episodes of the show.
    • The best part is when Marge chimes in with "The late Frank Grimes", to provide thinly-veiled foreshadowing.
    • Bob was even stunned to see how could Homer make so many enemies including the state of Florida. Homer responds that he's a people person... who drinks. Bob accepts the answer with an "Oh that really explains it" gesture.
  • Bob suggests that he shadow Homer, to get an idea of his normal day. Gilligan Cut to Homer and Bob hang-gliding.
    Sideshow Bob: This is a normal day?
    Homer: I wanted to impress you.
  • The sequence with the dummy Homer, to see who would want to kill Homer, capped off with Homer attacking the dummy himself.
    Homer: (maniacally) After I kill you, everyone will think I'm the real Homer!
    • And then we cut to Sideshow Bob, who is mystified that Marge and the kids aren't the slightest bit surprised by something like this.
    • The constant shocks that Sideshow Bob receives, including one where the button gets stuck and gives him a prolonged shock. Bart sums it up best:
    "I don't know how we ever had fun without him."
    • The scene where Sideshow Bob is watching That 30's Show
    Sideshow Bob: Tom Shales gave this show a good review. And I'MMM THE ONE IN PRISON!!! *Twirls his hair with a crazed expression*
  • Homer's would be killer escapes on stilts, so Homer and Bob commandeer stilts from Jimbo and Kearney.
    Homer: Your king needs these stilts!
    Jimbo: Jesus is our only king.
    Homer: Not anymore!
    (Homer and Bob knock Jimbo and Kearney off their stilts)

298 - "Special Edna"

  • Bart and Milhouse scaring some teenagers making out by using a loudspeaker to say "get away from my daughter!" and then demanding the boys make out with one another.
  • The Enron ride at Efcot.
    Atomic Car: (monotonously) Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast. Or very far. And if you drive me, people will think you're gay.
    Gay Animatronics: (with lisps) One of us! One of us!
    • Sponsored by the auto makers of America!
  • Skinner blackmailing Bart into helping him sabotage Edna's chances of winning with a picture of Bart with the caption "Teacher's Pet" on it.
    Skinner: This is a picture found on the walls of Springfield Elementary last week.
    Bart: Ok, I'll do it. Because I like you, I'll even do it pro boner.
    Skinner: It's pro bono.
    Bart: I know what I said.
  • The end of the episode, where Homer climbs over a Barbed Wire fence into Disney World:
    Mickey Mouse: Step away from the wall! Step away from the wall!
    Homer: It's so beautiful! One churro, please!
    Vendor: That'll be fourteen dollars.
    (Homer sobs hysterically and then says "here" in a normal tone of voice)
  • Homer mistaking Little Richard for Prince and Michael Jackson.
    (Little Richard is on stage)
    Homer: Purple Rain!
    Little Richard: SHUT UP!
    Homer: (excited) Michael Jackson told me to shut up.
  • Bart asks Grandpa about World War I, and Grandpa explains that he had to lie about his age to get in. Cut to him as a toddler in the trenches, trying to show his commanding officer a picture he drew. The officer promptly goes to put him to bed, and the Germans invade while he's away.
  • When Skinner reads the paper, one front page article is titled "Closed Pistachio Stymies Fatso", with an image of a frustrated Comic Book Guy.

299 - "The Dad Who Knew Too Little"

  • Homer's personalized video of Lisa proving that he knows nothing about her. It depicts Lisa in a Western and claims that her favorite food is McNuggets (she's a vegetarian) and that her best friend is Maggie (the friend seen in the video is obviously an adult male).
    Homer: Mmm... McNuggets.
  • When Homer and Lisa were checking in to a motel, using shoe polish to disguise themselves.
    Clerk: Sign here, Mr. Uppercut.
    Homer: Let me put on my glasses.
    (Homer draws glasses on his face with shoe polish. *Beat*. He then draws angry eyebrows on himself.)
    Homer: You're charging HOW much for a room?
  • The private investigator, Dexter Colt, trying to get information from Ralph.
    Ralph: Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school!
    Colt: Yes, yes, you said that already. What else do you know?
    Colt: About Lisa!
    Colt: Someone's already worked this kid over.
  • When Homer and Lisa are being chased by Wiggum he thinks he has them trapped due to a sign saying "bridge out", only for them to escape over the not-out bridge and it turns out the sign was partially obstructed and actually said "Bridge Outstanding"(by Overpass Monthly) and Wiggum curses and stomps on his hat in annoyance.
  • The Turbo Diary that Lisa wants and eventually gets for her birthday shocks people who are denied access. During the end credits, Bart sneaks it out of her room and tricks Homer into trying to open it.

300 - "Strong Arms of the Ma"note 

  • "Disco Stu should have disco ducked."

301 - "Pray Anything"

  • Lisa Leslie is taller than Homer. It's realistic, but it's rare to see a woman dwarf him.
  • The episode features the Springfield Church's congregation having to meet in the bowling alley because Homer bought the church. Krusty bowls a ball and it accidentally lands on Reverend Lovejoy's foot, leading to this priceless moment:
    Rev. Lovejoy: And so we celebrate the—HOLY SHI—ning light of our Lord...
  • Kent Brockman reporting on Lovejoy's departure:
    Kent: Good evening. Springfield is grappling tonight with the departure of Rev. Timothy Lovejoy, Bible nut. How is our community coping with this spiritual vacuum? Let's ask Arnie Pie in the sky.
    Arnie: You wanna know what I see, Kent? I see a slow news day with nothing to fill it.
    Kent: You're supposed to be filming people coping with the loss of their church.
    Arnie: And how am I supposed to do that? Do I have a magic lens that can see into people's souls? Well, yours would be black, Kent. Black as the ace of spades! (a graphic stating "Techinical difficulties, please stand by" appears on the screen)

302 - "Barting Over"note 

  • Bart finds a series of video tapes in the garage one of which is titled "Marge and Homer get dirty" and decides to watch it with Lisa:
    Bart: (holds up the tape) Hey, Lis! Think you're well-adjusted? ♪I've got something to show you~!
    • Turns out the tape isn't quite what Bart was expecting:
      Marge: (on tape) I can't believe you talked me into this!
      Homer: (on tape) It's such a mess. Ooh! Watch the teeth!
      (the tape shows Marge and Homer are actually carving pumpkins for Halloween and getting splattered with pumpkin gunk as a result)
      Marge: Now, don't go telling your buddies at work about this.
      Bart: (sounding disappointed) Every tape is pumpkin carving!
  • Bart just found out he had a commercial gig as "Baby Stink-Breath":
    Bart: Wait, I was in a commerical?! I don't remember this at all!
    (Bart holds up a Butterfinger so that the logo is clearly visible to the audience and then eats it)
    • Bart and informs Milhouse about his commerical work. Nelson then rides by on his bike:
      Bart: Promise me you won't tell anyone about it.
      Milhouse: I won't. But these things have a way of getting out.
      Nelson: (while riding his bike, points to Bart and looks at him) Ha-ha! Baby Stink-Breath! (he crashes into a tree because he was still looking at Bart) Daaah! Gruuh! It was worth it.
  • Before informing Milhouse, Bart attempts to choke Homer over the fact that he used the money from the commercial to buy back incriminating photos of him accidentally dropping Bart as a baby. When his hands were too small, he pulls out Homer's Belt and strangles him with it.
    • This is more of a reversal of the fabled "Why you little" running gag where Homer normally chokes Bart over a smart alleck situation. Only this time, spending Bart's commercial money is serious business.
  • The sequence with blink-182:
    Tony Hawk: Yo, Blink 182!
    (they stop playing)
    Tom DeLonge: We have names, y'know!
    Tony Hawk: Whatever! Crank it up!
    (they start playing again)
    Mark Hoppus: Man, let's trash this place!
    Travis Barker: After we get paid.
    Mark Hoppus: Nice!
  • Bart trying and failing to keep that he knows Tony Hawk low profile.
    Bart: Thanks for the lift Tony Hawk, I gotta go now Tony Hawk. (to Milhouse) Cool guy, Tony Hawk.
    Milhouse: Bart, you know Tony Hawk?!
    Bart: Please, I'm trying to keep it low profile. (to Tony Hawk) Catch you later Tony Hawk!
    Tony Hawk: Stay cool, Brett!
  • When Bart lifts his shirt to show off a bunch of (clip-on) nipple piercings, Marge's scream is absolutely priceless on account of it sounding very much like Homer. Why? Because, fun fact, that actually was Dan Castellaneta's voice! They simply used a recording of him pitched up because Julie Kavner genuinely couldn't pull off a scream like that.
  • This line which Tony Hawk states in the DVD Commentary, he still uses to this day.
    Tony Hawk: You're going down, Homer. Then up. Then down. Then back up again. That's how the game is played.

303 - "I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can"

  • When Bart is asked to spell the word "imply", Nelson jokingly interprets his statement of "I-M-P" as Bart saying that he is made of pee. Ralph then says that he made Bart in his pants. Later, Lisa is asked to spell "impune" and Bart attempts to make the same joke about her, but Nelson hits Bart on the head and yells "Shut up, pee!"

304 - "A Star is Born Again"

  • When Ned realizes that he's got a date with a movie star, an Irish security guard walks past and snarks at him.
    Ned: Sara Sloane?! I've got a date with a movie star?!
    Guard: Sure you do, and I'm going apple picking with Scooby-Doo. Twoi twoi twoi twoi.
  • When Sara's wearing a somewhat revealing outfit, Homer drolls a little over her and drops his nachos when he trips over. He swaps between whining over his nachos and drooling over Sara's breasts. Made even funnier when, hours later, he's still doing it.

305 - "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"

  • The vibrations from the planes cause the Simpsons to swap meals at dinner. Lisa gets Bart's veal, Bart gets Lisa's plankton kebabs, Homer gets whatever Marge is eating and Maggie gets Homer's can of Duff.
  • When their congressman has a stroke, Marge calls out for someone to perform CPR. Homer mistakes it for CCR.
    Homer: Uh, I see, a bad moon rising.
    Marge: That's CCR!
    Homer: Looks like we're in for nasty weather?
  • When Homer and Marge attempt to sell their house due to the airplanes flying over it.
    Ralph: (to Homer) I'll give you a milk and 3 crayons for your house.
    Cookie Kwan: It's a good deal. I advise you to take it.
    Homer: Make it a chocolate milk and you got a deal.
    Ralph: I'm walking away. (walks away)
  • Lisa's waiting for the right distraction to slip an important bill into congress.
    Homer: (bursts in on the ground floor, drunk) You call this a bicameral legislature??! (spits on the floor, and gets immediately assaulted by security, including whaling on his groin) OOOH—I say, I say, my groin!!
    • The reason why Homer was drunk was because his job was to get a congressman too drunk to oppose the project. It was kind of easy.
    Congressman: Hey want to have a drinking contest with me after the vote?
    Homer: Why not before?
    • Said congressman (from the South, by the way) wakes up at the meeting and says, "I don't wanna fight no Union!"
  • Krusty's first assignment as a representative is to clean up Capitol Hill graffiti. Among other standouts, there's "Martin Van Buren is a wiener". And also:
    Krusty: Grover Cleveland sucks what?
    Other Representative: Leave it! Lest we forget...
  • Krusty's United Nations sketch.

306 - "C.E. D'oh"

  • The whole "How to Strip for Your Wife" class was pure comic gold.
    "Aww, nobody loves Oily Homer..."
  • The Successmanship Guy's description of his car: "That's a Bentley Mark XII. They gave one to me, one to Steven Spielberg, then they shot the guy who made it." Lenny comments that he'd hate to be in that union.
  • The Successmanship Guy defenestrating Moleman after "reading his mind".
    The Successmanship Guy: Oh I'll stop sucking, later. Give me your hand.
  • Homer talking about firing robots: "Don't tell me they can't cry."
  • Finally, Homer talking with the female employee at the retreat:
    Female Employee: Homer, I'll go over the organization chart if you'll just stop staring at my boobs.
    Homer: No deal.
  • Maggie dancing to "Sex Bomb".
  • Mr. Burns trying to brick Homer up in a mausoleum for stealing his business, but is so feeble he only has a row and a half of bricks laid by the time Homer recovers.

307 - "'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky"

  • Marge blurting, "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" in her sleep-deprived stupor.
  • Milhouse's boasts that when he grows up he'll be a star MLB hitter...then we see a montage of him constantly striking out, before switching to T-ball, throwing the bat, etc. until he finally lightly bumps the ball of the tee into the dirt, then immediately trips while attempting to start running the bases.

308 - "Three Gays of the Condo"

  • "Weird Al" Yankovic's parody song.
  • Homer ends up drunk with his gay roommates and winds up late for his date with Marge to reconcile.
    Homer: You guys don't have a gay time machine, do you?
    Julio: Yes, it's called Grady's shoe closet.
    Grady: Hey Julio, ouch.
  • Lenny's Running Gag of getting stuff in his eyes.

309 - "Dude, Where's My Ranch?"

  • Maggie dancing to Britney Spears and advertising Buzz Cola.
  • Ned Flanders, Rod, and Todd dancing along to "Everybody Hates Ned Flanders".
    Homer: If you despise polite left-handers, then I doubt you'll like Ned Flanders, or his creepy offspring Rod and Todd.
    Rod and Todd:: That's us! Hooray!
  • Moe forcing David Byrne to write and sing his song. Moe's song itself:
    Moe (to the tune of "More More More"): Moe Moe Moe! How do you like me? How do you like me? Moe Moe Moe! Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me.
  • Why is a shelf of pamphlets at the Simpsons home? When the Simpsons saw it at the motel, Homer noticed it said, "Take One"!
  • The dude ranch is set up on the site of an 1881 battle where 56 Indians were killed and 4 Americans lost there hats. Guess which ones the ranch gives respect to.
  • Let's just say that Cookie is an underrated Simpsons character.

310 - "Old Yeller Belly"

  • Homer deciding to punish Santa's Little Helper by eating a ham in front of him. "Marge, prepare the emergency ham!" It gets a Call-Back at the end when the dog returns to the family.
    Homer: Prepare the celebration ham!
    Marge: All we have are the earthquake ham and the condolence ham.
    Homer: Marge, they're just hams, okay?

311 - "Brake My Wife, Please"

  • A good escalation of Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick.
    Homer: DVD player, check. Snow cone machine, check. Lite-Brite, (pegs are in the shape of Homer) check. Fog machine... (fog starts filling up car) Even I think this is crazy!
  • Homer complaining about everyone driving but him. The responses sell the scene.
    Comic Book Guy: I can't drive 55, it only goes 38!
    Ralph: (in Chief Wiggum's car) I let go of the parking brake!
    Chief Wiggum: (on a tricycle) Ralphie, if you stop the car, I'll let you play with my gun!
  • How the episode ends after a heartwarming dinner.
    Homer: And to all of my friends, I say get the hell off of my lawn! (Homer turns the sprinklers on and everyone leaves)
  • Jackson Browne's guest appearance was hilarious. He acts like he's going to play a song off his new album and everyone groans.

312 - "The Bart of War"

  • When Lenny and Carl eats the candy sold to them by the Calvary Kids:
    Lenny: Oh man that went soft quick, I gotta find the bathroom! (Carl and him run to the Kwik-E-Mart)
  • During the brawl at the stadium, various random characters are fighting each other, culiminating with Moe up against Drederick Tatum.
    Moe: Oh, geez. How did this happen?

313 - "Moe Baby Blues"

  • In the middle of a Mexican standoff between two rival mob families:
    Man: I'm the president of the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League...(produces Guns Akimbo)...and this really burns my cannoli.

    Season 15 

314 - "Treehouse of Horror XIV"


  • Grandpa getting lit on fire.
    Grandpa: "What the—? I'm still cold."
  • Kang and Kodos lampshading a Halloween episode being shown in November:
    Kodos: Who's still thinking about Halloween? We've already got our Christmas decorations out!
    ("Sleigh Ride" Plays as their red and green spaceship flies off into spaaaaaace)
    Kang and Kodos: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

A - Reaper Madness

  • Pretty much the entire segment, but easily one of the best parts is at the very beginning with the Simpsons running from The Grim Reaper through their house in the form of Scooby-Dooby Doors while set to Yakety Sax.
  • Homer's Battle Cry when he "kills" Death with a bowling ball? "This is for Snowball I and JFK!"
  • invoked Homer's dramatic Big "NO!" when he realizes that by killing Death, they'll never cancel The Jim Belushi Show.
  • Death's robe threatening Homer with a Groin Attack unless he fulfills his duties as the new Grim Reaper.
  • Jasper wonders where Doug is:
    Homer: (melodramatically) Jasper, your time has come.
    Jasper: Where's the regular guy? Where's Doug?
    Jasper: Aw, I liked Doug.
    (Jasper dies; his name is crossed off the "To Die" list)
  • After Homer successfully evades God at the end:
    God: [sighs in exasperation] Ah, gah, I'm too old and too rich for this. [leaves]

B - Frinkenstein

  • After Frink Sr. rips out Skinner's spine, Agnes admonishes him for even that:
    Agnes: Lost your spine, huh? You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.

C - Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off

  • Bart and Milhouse having a ball with their new magical stopwatch. Including acts like:
    • Making Lisa pick her nose in front of Marge.
    • Pantsing Principal Skinner in front of the entire school during an assembly.
    • Stealing Homer's donuts as he tries to eat them one by one, and when Homer tries to commit seppuku with a knife, Bart and Milhouse replace the knife with a banana. Homer starts crying, and to twist the knife further, they strip Homer naked, adding to his misery. Last but not least, they bring Nelson in to laugh at naked Homer, and then strip him naked too!
      Nelson: [suddenly appears next to Homer; he turns, sees Homer is naked, and is halfway through pointing and laughing...] HA- [... when suddenly his clothes vanish] -HUH?!
    • Changing the town hall's meeting topic billboard.
      Billboard: Recent strange events
      Never eat greens
      TV teens get acne
      Gent's rear: ten cents
    • Dressing Mayor Quimby in an assortment of humiliating outfits like a Sailor suit, a French Maid outfit, a Viking outfit, a horse suit, and a sandwich mascot suit. All while talking with his outfit changing on each word he says, and always with his "MAYOR" sash as part of the costume.
      Quimby: People, Springfield is in crisis. Fingers have been shoved up noses. Pants have been pulled down. And [his clothes suddenly change to a French maid outfit] Mayors [then a sailor suit] have [then a Viking] been [then a pantomime horse] repeatedly [then a sandwich mascot suit] humiliated. Damn it!
  • The mere fact that it took fifteen years for Bart and Milhouse to fix their Time Stands Still stopwatch, especially when the instructions book said that it would normally take only around 1-8 hours.

315 - "My Mother the Carjacker"

  • The reason why Homer never listens to his brain, because of the ukelele playing Disney-like animal.

316 - "The President Wore Pearls"

  • Homer's idea about how to beat Nelson.
    Homer: Why don't you start a rumour that he's Ding a ling a ling! Hellloooo! O ho ho ho! What a delicious quiche! I drive a pink miata!
    (Homer prances across the front yard and then comes back inside with a tutu.)
    Homer: My name is Nelson, I use a salad fork, la-de-da, I wash my face.
    Marge: Where did you get that tutu?
    Homer: Clothesline. (He runs off giggling and throwing flowers in the air)
  • Superintendant Chalmers is talking to Skinner about how to deal with Lisa. He then points to Willie outside and delivers the glorious line "Maybe that escaped mental patient you hired has some kind of toxin in his shack" at which point Willie waves cheerfully. "Yes, hello Willie".
  • "I'll be cooking me Lean Cuisine in yer kiln! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
  • We got this segment of the musical:
    Willie: I'm so drunk I can barely see, but it helps me get through another day! My stomach is filled with haggis and ham, I've got to go puke in some hay!
    Bart: Lisa is a fool.
    Skinner: I think the rules are cool.
    • Bart's 'poem'.
    Bart: Lisa is a nut. She has a rubber butt. Every time she turns around it goes putt-putt.
  • Milhouse asks Lisa if it's true the staff makes fun of the students in the teacher's lounge. Lisa says no and opens the door, just in time for us to hear:
    Willie: Look at me! I'm Milhouse! I tuck me shirt into me underpants! (teachers laugh) I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!
    • And later...
    Milhouse: Aw man, I almost had a date! I gotta tell Willie!
  • When Marge confronts Lisa over the strike:
    Lisa: Mom, I was elected to make this a better school.
    Marge: Well, couldn't you just hang some colorful crepe paper in the gym?
    Lisa: They've taken away our crepe paper.
    Marge: Those Fuddruckers!
    (at that moment, the police arrives to break up the strike)
    Marge: Oh no, they heard me.

317 - "The Regina Monologues"

  • The family visits England to help Grandpa find a lost love, and are greeted by then-Prime Minister Tony Blair.
    Homer: (after Blair leaves) Wow, I can't believe I just met Mr. Bean!
  • The two gentlemanly gentleman making out. "Mmmmm-mmmmmmhmmm-mmmmyes, quite. Mmmmm!"
  • The family meets J. K. Rowling outside of a bookstore.
    Lisa: JK Rowling! You've turned a whole generation of kids unto reading.
    Rowling: Thank you, young Muggle.
    Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
    Rowling: (sighs exhaustedly) He grows up, and marries you. (angrily) Is that what you wanted to hear?!
    Lisa: (dreamily) Yes.
  • The family leaves England
    Marge: It was nice of them to forget the whole thing if we agreed to take Madonna back with us.
    Madonna: (from inside duffle bag Marge is holding) I keep telling you, I'm English!
    Marge: English ladies don't pump gas naked!
  • The runner with The Scottish Trope, in which harm befalls Ian McKellen every time one of the Simpsons says the "M" word.
    Homer: Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry.
  • Homer's defense is to accuse the Queen of being an impostor as her luggage has the initial H.R.H (Her/his royal highness), logically Homer deduces she is actually a woman named Henrietta R. Hippo.
    Lisa: Why did you let him be his own barrister?
    Marge: What difference does it make? He hit the friggin' queen!

318 - "The Fat and the Furriest"

  • Homer's phobia of bears, getting scared of the bear-themed books in Maggie's room (The Berenstain Bears, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, etc.), followed by him cowering at the bear-themed food products in the house. This culminates in a hallucination where he's ganged up by gummi bears, Teddy Grahams, Paddington Bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, Snuggle Bear, Smokey the Bear, two Chicago Bears and an "Intensive Care Bear", who march toward him to a menacing version of "The Teddy Bears' Picnic".
    Homer: Why does a bear need a crowbar?note 
    Intensive Care Bear: I don't like to get my hands dirty. [turns on a radio playing the "Mexican Hat Dance," making Homer scream]
  • Lisa wearing the country-western octopus outfit.
    Howdy, y'all. If you don't like my song, I'll spray you with ink!
  • When the bear abducts Homer:
    Grant Connor: Ma'am, I will find your husband before that bear kills him. But first, a snack. [shoots down an eagle with his shotgun, puts it between two pieces of bread and eats it whole, feathers, beak and all]
  • invoked Homer tossing the bear's former tracking chip into a nearby pond so that it "won't harm another living thing ever again!" Cue the broken chip electrocuting the entire pond and causing a massive collection of dead fish to float to the surface... shortly followed by some random scuba diver.
  • This line from Homer when he realizes that Grant Connor is tracking the bear:
  • The ending, with the bear being attacked by Stampy the Elephant in the wildlife sanctuary before the bear is able to ward him off by repeatedly wacking him with a club.

319 - "Today I Am a Clown"

  • Krusty the Clown has just realized he's technically not actually Jewish-
    Krusty: I thought I was a self-hating Jew! But it turns out, I'm just a plain old anti-Semite!
    [This is overheard by a passing Rainer Wolfcastle, who grabs Krusty around the shoulders]
    Rainier: We have so much to discuss.
    Krusty: [groan]

320 - "'Tis the Fifteenth Season"

  • Anytime a Christmas Special parody is shown. The funniest would have to be "Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol" and Dan Castellaneta's dead-on impersonation of Jim Backus.
    Mr. McGrew: You'll work on Christmas, or you're out of a job. Is that clear, Cratchet?
    Bob Cratchet: Sir, I'm over here.
    Mr. McGrew: (to the furnace) Ooh hoo! Pardon me, Ma'am! I see, you're expecting! May I listen to the baby's heart-(sticks his head in the furnace and screams in agony)

321 - "Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays"

  • The scene with the Gator Baiter getting killed by a gator.
    Presenter: This naughty little Sheila can snap a man's ribcage like [The crocodile snaps its jaws on his chest with a loud crack] LIKE THAT! [cue the guy being eaten]
  • Marge getting a check from the tobacco company.
    Lobbyist: (changes into a demon) NOW WE OWN YOU!
    Marge: But I haven't endorsed it yet.
    Lobbyist: (shape-shifts back and nervously chuckles) Oh, heh heh, here's a pen.
  • Both of the ads both against and promoting Families Come First. The former has someone clearly posing as Marge saying "and now, I'm gonna go do coke off the blade of a knife."
    • In Marge's ad, Homer urges people to go to the Al Jazeera website for more info, then quickly adds "we're not affiliated, we're just piggybacking on their message board."
      Homer: (holding picture of Rudy Giuliani and speaking in spooky tone) I am Rudy Giuliani, do as I command you! I am Rudy Giuliani, do as I command you!
  • Lindsay Naegle: Let's kill every child... friendly thing in town!
  • "One, two, tie your shoe. Three, four, pick up the floor..."

322 - "I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot"note 

  • Chief Knock-A-Homer beating all of the robots in the montage.

323 - "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"

  • On the way to work, Homer orders a massive breakfast from Krusty Burger and has his Diet Coke and the bag deep-fried. Things go south when he splatters the contents of his breakfast burrito on the windshield and tries to steer by the reflection of his watch, then finds that he can't stop because the Krusty toy that came with his meal is jammed under the brake pedal.
  • Homer ranting to himself about how he will have to read Marge's novel.
    Homer: I'll have to read Marge's novel, and I swore to never read again after To Kill a Mockingbird gave me no useful advice on how to kill a mockingbird. It did teach me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but how does that help me?
  • Lisa's thoughts on her opinion on Marge's novel.
    Lisa's Jealousy: I can't believe Mom wrote a book before we did!
    Lisa's Honesty: And it's a little trashy.
    Lisa's Conscience: Mom has expressed herself, we should nurture her.
    Lisa's Conscience: You're not getting out 'til we're 16!
  • Bart worrying about how Homer will react to Marge's novel after Lisa tells him that the book will be parodied on MADtv.
  • The anti-climatic ending to Homer and Flanders' big car chase:
    Homer: Flanders, pull over! I'm an ambulance.
    Flanders: Well he's got me there. *immediately stops car*

324 - "Margical History Tour"

A - King Henry VIII

  • Henry dreams of the perfect son (Bart):
    Bart: Father dearest, I am the son you crave. I'm smart, athletic, and ever so masculine. Could a girl belch like this? (belches loudly)
    Henry: Oh, my beautiful boy! Why can't I have you?
    Bart: I don't know. Too much jerkin' your merkin?
    Henry: Why, you little...! (starts strangling him) Get out of my dreams and into my wife!
  • Catherine of Aragon (Marge) goes to a marriage counselor (Dr. Hibbert) with Henry:
    Henry: I want to marry Anne Boleyn, but I can't chop my wife's head off because her father is king of Spain.
    Counselor: Your Majesty, your feelings are valid, but I'm afraid marriage takes a lot of hard work...
    (Henry snaps his fingers, summoning his guards holding axes at the counselor's neck)
    Counselor: ...And who needs that? I say, trade in that lemon and get biz-zay!
    Henry: WOO-HOO!
  • Henry VIII/Homer canonizing Thomas More/Ned Flanders.
  • Lisa trying to grow a penis.

B - Lewis and Clark and Sacajawea

  • Moe's bar getting destroyed by a tornado and then dropped onto him by the tornado.

C - Mozart and Salieri

  • When Salieri/Lisa tries to present her music to the Emperor, but is beaten to it by Beethoven/Nelson.
    Emperor Burns: Splendid, young Beethoven! I hereby declare all other music...obsolete!
    Beethoven: (to the tune of his 5th symphony) Ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! Ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!
    • Then, with a befuddled look on her face, she throws Mozart's "Requiem" in the Trash, and calls for the paddy wagon to take her to the asylum.

325 - "Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"

  • Homer's panhandling.
  • Willie's rant about brothers and sisters never being able to get along due to being natural enemies. "Like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!"
    Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
    Groundskeeper Willie: [gets right up in Skinner's face] You just made an enemy for life!

326 - "Smart and Smarter"

  • Bart and Homer's fight in the bathroom.
  • When Nelson calls Lisa "gay", Lisa points out to him that whose who accuse others of being gay are often "trying to cover up their own latent homosexuality" to which Nelson awkwardly stammers and then jumps out of the back of the bus.
  • Maggie gets a voice emulator that Homer decides to use.
    Voice Emulator: This is Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er's doctor, he's too sick to come into work today.
    Homer: Err, I'll be right back.
    • Homer then scolds Lisa with the voice emulator.
      Voice Emulator: I agree with your mother. You are a disappointment to Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er.
    • When Homer's asleep, instead of snoring, he uses the voice emulator. "z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z"

327 - "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner"

  • One of the posters in the theater is for "You're in The Matrix, Charlie Brown".
  • The ending where Artie pisses off a bunch of prisoners by putting out their cigarettes.

328 - "Co-Dependent's Day"

  • Homer: I'm in no condition to drive... wait! I shouldn't listen to myself! I'm drunk!
  • The Cosmic Wars movie at the beginning is an awesome The Phantom Menace parody on its own, but even funnier is the Comic Book Guy's (who else?) reaction:
    Worst Cosmic Wars ever! I'm only seeing it three more times! Today!

329 - "The Wandering Juvie"

  • Homer's taking a long time in the store's changing room.
    Clerk: Sir, other people have to use that dressing room.
    Homer: Dressing room? (beat) Uh oh.
  • At the end of the episode, the Warden starts talking about how he's going to go home, eat dinner alone, watch Will & Grace and cry himself to sleep. When the Simpsons ask if he'd like to join them, he replies, "Hey, I just said I had an evening planned!"

330 - "My Big Fat Geek Wedding"

  • Skinner makes Homer promise not to tell anyone that he's having cold feet about marrying Edna. Cut to Homer gossiping about it - to Skinner, presumably a moment after the promise. "Homer, you're still talking to me."

331 - "Catch 'Em If You Can"

  • The kids and Grampa think that Homer and Marge were killed in a tornado.
    Lisa: [horrified] I'm an orphan!
    Grampa: [equally horrified] I'm a legal guardian!
  • Grampa revealing that his legs were that of the Wicked Witch of the East (and he curls them up to prove it)
  • Apparently trying to get into the Gold Medallion Club without membership is serious business in Springfield.
    Lisa: I'm going into the Gold Medallion Club...with silver level membership! (Lisa laughes madly and runs inside)
    Airline Staff: The hell you are! (he pulls out a shotgun, pumps it and gives chase)
  • This little gem when Bart gets access to Homer and Marge's flight plan:
    Bart: So Mom and Dad are going to Atlantic City...but their luggage isn't! (Evil Laugh) And Homer's getting the low-fat meal. (Gilligan Cut to a plane in flight)
  • The Saul Bass-inspired sequence depicting Homer and Marge trying to avoid Bart and Lisa, ending with Homer sleeping on an airplane toilet.
  • The U.S. and Canadian Coast Guard arguing.
  • After Homer and Marge get some alone time in the bounce castle after going over Niagara Falls, Lisa remarks "Looks like things worked out for everybody". It then cuts to Ned and Rod Flanders receiving the massive credit card bills Homer and Bart racked up.

332 - "Simple Simpson"

  • Homer's failed efforts to disguise who the Pieman is, to the point that Lisa says they've been getting his mail for weeks.

333 - "The Way We Weren't"

  • Ten-year-old Homer's fake name: Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.

334 - "Bart-Mangled Banner"

  • Groundskeeper Willie revealing that he is deaf and thinking that a mail-carrier and a donkey insulted his mother.
  • Upon Springfield's rebranding as Libertyville, Mayor Quimby announces that everything in the city will cost $17.76. Cookie Kwan is downtrodden because she won't turn a profit selling houses, but Luigi is excited for what it means for pizza by the slice.
  • The kids being buttered up with ice cream and kittens... before learning that the whole reason for that is because they're due for a flu-shot.
    Bart: It's shot day!
    (Dutch Angle as he, Lisa, and Maggie scream)
    Dr. Hibbert: (holding two shots in each hand) Welcome to Hell! Avenue Medical Plaza.
    • Plus the entire montage of Hibbert chasing after Bart and trying to give him a shot.

335 - "Fraudcast News"

  • After Burns' failed attempts to bribe Lisa to close down her newspaper.
    Mr. Burns: Very well, you had your chance. I'm going to shred you like a Christmas card. Now get out!
    Lisa: I can't! My mom's not picking me up for an hour!
    Mr. Burns: Well, what do you think of today's popular music scene?
    Lisa: I think it distracts people from more important social issues.
    Mr. Burns: My God, are you always "on"?
  • Burns trying and failing to crush an ant.

    Season 16 

336 - "Treehouse of Horror XV"


  • Homer eating himself.

A - The Ned Zone

B - Four Beheadings And A Funeral

  • Peter Pan getting arrested for child abduction.

C - In The Belly Of The Boss

  • Homer presses all the buttons on the sub resulting in a bunch of weapons going off inside Burns, who gives a succinct reaction.
    Burns: Well that hurt like hell.

337 - "All's Fair in Oven War"

  • Homer's attempt at plastering the kitchen ceiling, which forces himself and Marge to have to walk on their knees.
  • "It was done with, how you say, malice of forethought yes?"
  • Homer's daydream of food mascots beating him up.

338 - "Sleeping with the Enemy"

  • Bart achieves a perfect score on a state capital test. Homer suspects deceit, and he and Marge take Bart to Mrs. Krabappel's apartment, where the bathrobe-clad teacher confesses that she forgot to roll up the map of the United States before the test, so everyone got a perfect score. The icing on the cake comes at the end of the scene:
    Principal Skinner: [appearing in Mrs. Krabappel's doorway in his pyjamas] People, please, it's a school night!
    Homer: I thought you two broke up!
    Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffs] This means nothing.
    Skinner: [sotto voce] Yes, yes, you've made that quite clear...
  • "Go home to your son. Mrs. Muntz...AND TRY NOT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE ON THE WAY!"

339 - "She Used to Be My Girl"

  • The "fair and wise" chore wheel landing on Maggie to pick up the dry cleaning... and then her actually starting to do it.
  • During a volcanic eruption, Chief Wiggum says that the lava isn't a criminal since it hasn't hurt anyone. Cue a random man passing by in the lava burning to death and screaming.
  • Kent Brockman having his mic taken away and then being teased about it. "This just in, I'm pissed off!"
  • The ending scene, as completely random as it is.
    Chloe: Lisa, what are you doing?
    Lisa: Praying to Buddha, Jesus, SpongeBob... There's no time to be picky.
    Buddha: (in heaven) Should we help?
    SpongeBob: Screw her!

340 - "Fat Man and Little Boy"

  • Bart's fantasy of his action figures turning into an insurance commercial.
  • "Mom, Dad's built a device that would be deadly in the wrong hands, and he's holding it!"
  • Lisa and Janey singing "Miss Susie" and the Running Gag of Homer repeatedly being horrified when it sounds like they are about to swear and being relieved when they don't, until he faints the third time.

341 - "Midnight Rx"

  • Homer sanding off his fingerprints.
  • Ned and Apu arguing over religion.
  • This exchange after Homer, Ned, Apu, and Abe have been thrown in a Canadian prison:
    Canadian Mountie: We've confiscated your car and its contents.
    French Translator: Nous avons confisqué votre voiture et son contenu.
    Mountie: You may leave Canada, but never return.
    French Translator: Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais ne retournez jamais.
    Mountie: I am a big fat French idiot.
    French Translator: Je suis un grand gros - HEY!
  • The couch gag.
    (The family run to the couch like normal, and sit)
    (Uncomfortable beat as Simpsons family look around awkwardly)
    Lisa (looking directly at audience): What? Can't we just sit down together like a normal family without anything happening?
    (Homer immediately gets skewered by gigantic lance)
  • Flanders describes his home-brewed coffee:
    Flanders: Careful. It's hotter than a Fox News weather skank.
  • Mr. Burns describing the Plywood Pelican:
    Mr. Burns: It's as big as a football field and weighs as much as the state of New Hampshire. I only flew it once at an altitude of six feet for a distance of four feet. Then we discovered that rain makes it catch fire. Then the Führer fired me.
  • Ned encounters a Canadian man who's almost exactly like him:
    Canadian Flanders: Well, circle-cut my bacon, look at all these Yankee Doodley-dandies. Is there another Vietnam going on?
    Ned: I sure like the cut of your gibberish, neighborino to the north.
    (the two exchange strings of "diddleys" and "doodleys" as Homer and Apu look in puzzlement)
    Canadian: (takes out a joint) Say, would you like to puff on the reefereeno? It's legal here.
    Ned: (glares at him) They warned me Satan would be attractive. Let's go!
  • Homer and Grandpa cross the border, Homer thinking he's driving into Mexico.
    Homer: [To border patrol] Hola señor! We are gringo and wish to spend mucho dinero in your country.
    Border Patrol: Splendid! Welcome to Canada!
    Homer: D'oh!

342 - "Mommie Beerest"

  • A health inspector dies in front of the counter at Moe's Tavern thanks to Moe's various health code violations, and during the replacement's inspection a week later, the corpse is still rotting in the exact same spot. Made even funnier by the fact that Moe and the original inspector were great friends.
  • The trailer for "Cards".

343 - "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"

  • When the Crazy Cat Lady speaks fluently, Marge asks her how she is able to do that. She explains that she takes pills that improve her sanity. Marge then points out they are Reese's Pieces. She takes it poorly.
  • While Homer is taking out the trash and complaining that he has become the laughing stock of the world because of the internet, a bus of Italian people stops by and the driver makes fun of him. Mario even asks the other passengers to take his picture next to Homer. From there, the scene turns into a full blown Shout-Out to Donkey Kong with Homer throwing the trash cans at Mario, complete with original sound effects, music, and animations (Including Mario's death animation when Homer manages to hit him).
  • Homer and Ned's Bible-themed halftime show.
  • "What we have here is a sad attempt to ignore safety and make it onto our highlight reel. And now...our highlight reel!"
  • The production logo for Mr. Burns' studio Burns' Celluloid Whimsies is a parody of the Columbia Pictures logo, but with Burns telling the audience "I'm richer than you!"

344 - "Pranksta Rap"

  • Marge's assessment of rap:
    Marge: Rap music belongs in the rubbish bin. It encourages boastfulness, punching, and rudeness to hos.

345 - "There's Something About Marrying"

  • Marge is completely surprised when Patty comes out to her. Homer, on the other hand...
    Homer: Here's another bomb for ya, Marge: I like beer."
  • The council gathering:
    Mayor Quimby: We need to bring tourism back to Springfield! As usual, I will open the floor to all crazy ideas that jump to people's minds.
    Lenny: Stronger beer!
    Carl: Gladiator fights!
    Woman: Poetry slams!
    Barney: Giant rats!
    (Sea Captain gets up)
    Lisa: I have a real suggestion. (the Sea Captain sits back down with a swordfish)

346 - "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister"

  • Bart's Take That, Scrappy! moment towards Lisa
    Lisa: Can there be any doubt that the culprit is greenhouse gas produced by man? (Bart blows raspberry from walkie talkie, kids laugh)
    Bart: The only gas is coming from Lisa's butt! (kids laugh more)
    Lisa: People, please! I'm talking about toxic vapors! (raspberry) Emanations! (raspberry) Miasmas! (raspberry)
    Chief Wiggum: Hey, whoever's doing that, get off the frequency. We're calming the woods. There's a killer on the loose.
    Lou: Aw, let him do it, Chief. It brightens the mood. (Blood drips on his face, he slowly looks up) Oh my god! That used to be a face!
  • The Flashback where a younger Bart cheers Lisa up by tricking Homer into biting into his finger after disguising it as a hot dog. Funny and heartwarming.
  • Everything about the restraining order video: Get Out of My Dreams, And Also Out of My Car with Gary Busey.

347 - "Goo Goo Gai Pan"

  • Mr. Burns' lungs acting as airbags when he crashes his car during the road test.
  • Before that, Mr. Burns is uncontrollably bearing down on Bart and Milhouse playing ice hockey in the streets. Bart, panicked, dives out of the way, yelling to Milhouse a single-word warning of "Car!" Oblivious to the impending danger, Milhouse gives this priceless gem:
    Milhouse: Car what? Car's the subject, but what's the verb?
  • Homer explaining to Bart what menopause is:
    Bart: What's menopause?
    Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork who brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.
  • The informational video:
    Robert Wagner: So let's all give menopause a round of "meno-plause." (looks off-screen) Meno-plause? I'm not saying that.
  • When Selma visits the Chinese adoption agency:
    Chinese consulate agent: The Chinese Government only allows wholesome, married couples to adopt. No "hen without cock." I apologize if that is a Double Entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
  • On the airplane
    Homer: (high on sleeping pills) Hey look, a dragon!
    Dragon outside window: Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you may fly on my back.
    Homer: I'll!
    Dragon: Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this! (flies away)
    Homer: Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!

    (after Marge tells him he as to pretend to be Selma's spouse, and immediately comes down from his high)
    Homer: NOOOOOOOO!
  • The Simpson family does some sightseeing:
    Homer: (at the preserved body of Mao Zedong) Awww, he's like a little angel who killed 50 million people. Yes you are, yes you are!
  • At a show:
    Chinese Announcer: I regret to inform you that our star acrobat suffered an onset of outspokenness, and suffered a bullet-related death.
    Chinese Man #1: This is most disillusioning!
    Chinese Woman: It seems our leaders are not all-knowing!
    Chinese Man #2: Now I will question everything! Why doesn't Pearl Jam ever play here?!
  • Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.
    Lisa: I don't know about that. I'm considered pretty smart.
    Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent. How'd that work out?
    Lisa: (gasps) How dare you make light of that brutal
    Marge: Ehhh, mind your manners, Lisa.
    Madam Wu: Such loving discipline! Maybe someday someone will love you too, childless servant.
    Marge: (annoyed grumble)
  • After Madam Wu uncovers the Simpsons' scam:
    Homer: I was this woman's husband for a few days — in name only! — and beer will soon obliterate that memory. But I don't think this baby could find any greater love on your planet or ours.
  • The Chinese Dragons.
    Chinese Dragons: (singing in a high pitched voice as they cry rainbows) The man who broke a dragon's heart!
    Chinese Dragons: (singing) American jerks are going home/Now we sleep for a thousand years/When we wake the world will end.
  • The Chinese production of Death of a Salesman. Homer exclais now he understand the play.
  • Homer as a Buddha statue attempting a look of utter serenity.
  • The sign at Tiananmen Square that says "On this spot in 1989, nothing happened."
  • "Feast upon my shorts, stupid father man."
  • When Selma lies to the adoption worker about Homer being her husband and she loves him there is a cut to Homer at the Power Plant's cafeteria.
    Homer: I just felt a chill go through my very soul...
    Lenny: Yeah, the sloppy joes will do that to ya.

348 - "Mobile Homer"

  • There's a sequence of events that occurs as Homer is cleaning out the garage. First, he finishes a can of Duff beer and throws it behind his shoulder.
    Homer: Ahh... hmmm. Seems a shame to chuck out these cross country skis. Mmmmm...I'll keep one. (He snaps the other one in half and throws it in the garbage can.) Let's see now. (checks list) Kill spiders? We don't have spiders.
    (Homer looks around for spiders and see one making a web around his right arm.) (screams) Ahhh! (He grunts about 10 times while trying to squish the spider. It crawls under a cardboard box.) Stupid spider! Afraid of dying?! (Homer sneaks over to the box and lifts it up; the spider is gone.) A-ha! Hmm?
    (Homer looks around, then under the bottom of the box and sees about two dozen spiders fall on to his face, causing him to run around the garage and scream like a maniac. He finds a can of spider poison titled "Charlotte's Dead" and sprays it on his face.)'' YEEEOOOWWW! OOOWWWHHOOWW! WHAT?! SPIDER POISON IS PEOPLE POISON?!
  • After informing Marge in the bedroom that he won't be dying for many, many years, Homer gets his neck crushed by the bedroom window.
  • The photo montage of Homer's near-death experiences, consisting of getting beaten up by Mickey Mouse and Goofy at Disneyland, getting stuck inside a nose in Mount Rushmore and getting French bread stuck through his chest in Paris.
  • Homer is filling his RV with gas. The sign counting how expensive the gas is only has room for three-digit numbers. So when it reaches 1000 dollars...
    Homer: Woo-hoo! Free gas!

349 - "The Seven-Beer Snitch"

  • The ending, where Homer and Snowball II catch each other entering Moe's Tavern.
    Homer: I won't tell if you won't tell.
  • At the council, when Mayor Quimby proposes renaming the town:
    Quimby: We're broke. But I have a plan... We change the name of the town to escape our creditors. I need names people!
    Lenny Leonard: Lima, Peru!
    Carl Carlson: Gotham City!
    Chief Wiggum: Wiggumville!
    Barney Gumble: Burger King!
  • The town spends 30 million dollars on a concert hall to seem more cultured. On opening night, everyone starts to leave after the first few notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony are played Note . When Marge tells them the next piece is an atonal medley by Philip Glass, everyone quickly stampedes out, including the orchestra.

350 - "Future-Drama"

  • This argument between Bart and Lisa:
    Bart: Well, you love Moleman!
    Lisa: No, you do! You're gay for Moleman!
    Bart: No, you're gay for Moleman!
    Moleman: (sadly) No one's gay for Moleman.
  • Future Homer buys the very first "hovercar" ever made. He's driving the car with Future Bart in the passenger seat. They enter the "Quantum Tunnel" and when they come out the other side, Bender from Futurama is now riding in the car with them. ["I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)" by Donald Fagen is playing in the background.]:
    Bender: All right! You guys are my new best friends!
    Future Homer: You wish, loser! (he throws Bender out of the "hovercar" and Bender breaks apart) Ah heh heh heh heh heh!
  • Lisa finds out her future-self is dating Milhouse:
    Prof. Frink: Ah, yes. He saved you from burning to death in a fire... which you later found out he started. You should've seen the look on your face! In fact, here it is. (Flips a switch on the machine. A teenaged Lisa's shocked face appears on-screen)

351 - "Don't Fear the Roofer"

352 - "The Heartbroke Kid"

  • The spoof of the opening sequence, where the now-obese Bart is buying snacks from a vending machine instead of writing on the chalkboard. When the bell rings, it takes forever to reach the entrance. As he skateboards, the ground underneath him cracks, he bends the streetlight he usually grabs, makes Marge's car spin out of control, and as he gets home, he lands on Homer's car, making him fly out. Finally, as the other Simpsons sit down on the couch, they look at each other, wondering where Bart is.
    Bart: (groaning, clutching his chest) My heart! It hurts so much! Like it's caught in a vice!
    Homer: (laughing) My boy's in love!
    Lisa: I think he's having a heart attack!
    (Bart collapses)
    Homer: Come on, you can fight this! Do the Bartman! Do the Bartman!
    (Bart feebly moves around)
    Homer: (sobbing) Oh, why won't you dance? DAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!
  • Bart gets sent to Tab Spengler's fat camp, with Kent Brockman, Rainer Wolfcastle and Apu also there as patients. One activity Tab has them do is pull him on a chariot, explaining why they're fat.
    Kent: (gets whipped) Kent Brockman. Channel Six News. I gorge on kettle corn during the sports and weather.
    (Tab whips Bart)
    Bart: Bart Simpson. I'm just big-boned.
    Tab: No such thing. (whips Bart)
    Bart: Growth spurt?
    Tab: Doesn't exist. (whips Bart)
    Bart: This can't be legal!
    Tab: It's legal enough! (whips Bart)
  • In the final moments of the episode as Homer is driven to Fat Camp:
    Spangler: (to Homer) What are you eating now?
    Homer: Cheeseburger.
    Spangler: You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.
    Homer: I don't wanna.
    Spangler: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.
    Homer: Here's a corner.
    Spangler: Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.
    Homer: You're a selfish jerk.
    Spangler: I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!
    Homer: But it's my burger!
    Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us!
    Homer: (Mouth full) Fine, I'd rather die!

353 - "A Star Is Torn"

354 - "Thank God It's Doomsday"

  • "I'm gonna steal God's secrets and sell them to Satan!
  • The hilariously anvilicious Left Behind parody, Left Below.
    Thompson: It's the Rapture, Shauna, the Rapture! The virtuous have gone to Heaven, and the rest of us have been... Left Below! We were fools! And because we rejected God (tacitly accepting Satan), we must suffer through the Apocalypse.
    Buddhist Monk: I thought all religions were a path to God; I was wrong!
    Scientist: Why did I put my faith in science and technology?!
    Homosexual: Oh, why did I choose to be gay?!
  • Homer's reaction to the above Title Drop:
    Homer: "Left below"? Where have I heard that before?
    Lisa: It's the title of the movie.
    Homer: (gasps) It's everywhere!
  • After Homer's initial prediction fails and people start walking out on him:
    Homer: Lisa, you still believe in me, don't you?
    Lisa: (as gently as possible) Dad, if you'll recall, I never believed you. Not for one second.
    Homer: Aw, that's my girl.
  • Moe asking Homer to help save his soul. "I've done some stuff I'm not proud of. And the stuff I am proud of is disgusting."

355 - Home Away from Homer"

  • After Marge catches Bart looking at the adult website, she tells him to turn and face the window - which, as Marge then learns, forces him to look into the Flanders' guest room, where the video was being produced.

356 - "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star"

  • When Father Sean tells Bart of how he repented his ways after a drunken brawl with his dad.
    Father Sean: I was laying on the gutter, picking up my teeth, when suddenly St. Peter himself appeared in front of me. "Sean, you wanker." he says, "Repent of your wicked ways or sod off." And then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight.
  • Homer not knowing how to say Bingo when he won at Bingo.
  • The flash-forward finale where two Bart-based religions go to war, with "Eat my shorts!" and "Aye carumba!" as battle cries.