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- Homer answers the phone.Homer: Y'ello?
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: Who is this?
Patty: Can I speak to Marge?
Homer: (irritated) This is one of her sisters, isn't it?
Patty: Is Marge there?
Homer: Who shall I say is calling?
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: (hands Marge the phone with a scowl) It's your sister.
- Bart steps into a tattoo parlor.
- Homer has a Drama Queen moment when he discovers Marge paid all the Christmas shopping money to remove Bart's tattoo.Homer: It's true! The jar's empty! Oh my God! We're ruined! Christmas is cancelled. No presents for anyone!
- The Santa training scene where Homer forgets the names of the reindeer.Homer: Dasher... Dancer...
Homer: Nixon... (the instructor rolls his eyes) Comet and Cupid... Donna Dixon?
Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.
- Homer hits his head on the workshop door while working as a Mall Santa.Homer: Hey, little ones! Santa's back! Ho ho [thump] D'OH!
- After Homer comes home to rest, Patty and Selma irk him into buying a Christmas tree.Homer: Merry Christmas.
Patty: It's Christmas? You wouldn't notice that around here.
Homer: (about to go upstairs) And why is that?
Selma: Well, for one thing there's no tree.
Homer: Well I was just on my way out to get one!
Lisa: Can we go too, dad?
Bart: Yeah, can we?
Homer: NO!! (slams the door)
- Homer drives through town looking for an affordable tree, with each lot looking shabbier and shabbier and still out of his range. Eventually, he resorts to just poaching a tree off someone's property and driving off with it, while the owner fires at him with a shotgun.Marge: Oh, it's beautiful, Homer!
Selma: Is that a birdhouse?
Homer: ...It's an ornament!
Patty: Do I smell gunpowder?
- Homer drives through town looking for an affordable tree, with each lot looking shabbier and shabbier and still out of his range. Eventually, he resorts to just poaching a tree off someone's property and driving off with it, while the owner fires at him with a shotgun.
- After Bart has his tattoo removed, he watches television with Lisa, Maggie and Homer poking the bandage. Each time, he lets out a yell of "Ow! Quit it!"
- Homer shopping for Christmas presents at the Circus of Values. He buys pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart and a steak chew toy for Maggie.Homer: It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
- The family singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" over the closing credits.
- After the line saying his nose glows and the reindeer games part, Bart rattles off "Like a light bulb!" and "Like strip poker!" respectively to the annoyance of Homer. Lisa even gets in the act when she shouts "Like schnozzola!" for the name-calling.
- Homer screwing up Santa's line:Marge: Take it, Homer!
Homer: Oh! Rudolph, get your nose over here so you can guide my sleigh today.
Grampa: Oh, Homer.
- The ending where Bart's addition of "Like Attila the Hun" is interrupted by Homer strangling him.
2. - "Bart the Genius"
- This.Teacher: You know what happens when you mix acids with bases, don't you?
Bart: Of course I do.
*KABOOM!* (everyone and everything is covered in green goop)
(the two hamsters run away)
- Also Homer trying to coax Bart out of his room and Bart not falling for it.
- After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.Marge: What's going on with those two?
Lisa: I think Bart's stupid again.
- The famous Kwyjibo scene.Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell us what a kwyjibo is!
Bart: Kwyjibo: um, a big dumb balding North American ape... with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper!
Homer: I'll show you a big dumb balding ape!
Bart: Uh oh, kwyjibo on the loose!
- Every other player, even Lisa, can only come up two and three-letter words. Meanwhile, Maggie is using her alphabet blocks to spell "EMCSQU". Homer has "OXIDIZE" on his rack, but he instead settles for "DO".
- When Skinner has Bart, Marge, and Homer in his office:Skinner: He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes that are obviously childish forgeries when compared to...
(Skinner notices that the check Homer just wrote for him has the same scribbly handwriting as a so-called forged note)
Skinnner: ...Well, at any rate, it is my reluctant decision...
- When Homer asks Dr. Pryor how it's possible that Bart is a genius, he replies, "Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment... although in some cases it's a total mystery."
- Bart's genius classmates using their IQ to con him out of his lunch.
3. - "Homer's Odyssey"
- The string of newspaper headlines regarding Homer's public safety crusade, culminating in "Enough already, Homer Simpson!"
- The fact that one of the signs he's responsible for reads, "Sign ahead".
- Bart's prank call to Moe's:Moe: (answers phone) Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Mr. Freely there?
Bart: Freely! First initials, I.P.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. (to bar) Uhh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody! I. P. Freely!
(bar patrons snicker)
Moe: ...Wait a minute. (into phone) Listen to me, you lousy punk, when I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
(Bart and Lisa laugh their heads off, Moe hangs up)
Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.
Moe: Oh, I dunno, he's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name!
- Mr. Burns telling Homer, "You're not as stupid as you look. Or sound. Or our best testing indicates."
- Mr. Burns needs a card to remember the Simpsons' names.Mr. Burns: Ah, hello there, uh...uh...
Homer: (whispering to Smithers) Simpson, Homer.
Smithers: Here you go, sir. (hands Mr. Burns a card with list of the Simpson family and their names)
Mr. Burns: (looking at card) Ah, oh yes, uh, oh, and this must be your lovely wife.. .Marge. Oh ho, look at little...Lisa. Why, she's growing like a weed! And this must be, uh, Brat!
Homer: Don't correct the man, Brat!
- Marge sings "Hey brother, Pour the Wine" at the company picnic.
- When Homer rescues Marge from herself, her head is tilted back and her mouth is hanging open! Marge is completely gone!Homer: Snap out of it, Marge. You've gotta come with me. The boss is going to make a toast.
Marge: Well, I'm not much of a drinker. (Marge passes out)
Homer: You've picked a perfect time to start.
- When Homer rescues Marge from herself, her head is tilted back and her mouth is hanging open! Marge is completely gone!
- At the picnic, Mr. Burns tells them to make themselves at home, to which Bart tells Homer that he can lie around in his underwear and scratch himself.
- This, when Homer announces the family's going to Dr. Marvin Monroe:Lisa: You're sending us to a doctor who advertises on pro wrestling?!
Homer: Boxing, Lisa. Boxing. There's a world of difference.
- Also, when the family urge him not to pawn the TV and Marge suggests her engagement ring instead. Homer replies, "Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
- Homer spots what he believes is the ideal family leaving Mr. Burns' company picnic. They appear dressed as angels, sing "Bingo" together and drive into a ray of light leading to heaven. The same family is later seen in Dr. Monroe's waiting room, ignoring each other with glares on their faces.
- Dr. Marvin Monroe tells the Simpsons to draw what gives them the most stress. Everyone draws Homer. When Dr. Monroe asks Homer to show what he drew, Homer admits: "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention", revealing an irrelevant drawing of a plane dropping bombs.
- Dr. Monroe has the family hit each other with padded mallets. Bart points out that they work better with the padding removed and proves this by whacking Dr. Monroe's leg with it.
- Dr. Monroe's trying to help the family by connecting them to electrodes and allowing them to shock each other. ("My finger slipped. [bzzt] AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.
- The event is noticed by the nuclear power plant:Smithers: Boy! Someone's really gobbling up the juice, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent. (studying a meter) Excellent! Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the Dodo.
- The event is noticed by the nuclear power plant:
5. - "Bart the General"
- Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
- Any scene with Herman, the one-armed military antiques store owner.Herman: When he leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing. You got the water balloons?
Bart: Two hundred rounds, sir. Is it okay if they say "Happy Birthday" on the side?
Herman: Well, I'd rather they say "Death from Above", but I guess we're stuck.
- During the "peace signing" scene at the end, Herman repurposes the Treaty Of Versailles, he just adds Bart and Nelson's names to the treaty.
- One of the words Abe doesn't want to hear on TV again: "family jewels". Earlier, Homer claiming kicking people in the "family jewels" is a traditional Simpson technique.
- Bart tries taking Homer's advice during one of the fights with Nelson. It doesn't work, Nelson just pushes him away.
- Homer calling his dad a "tall, grey haired kid" after Grampa throws a water balloon on him from Bart's treehouse.
- After Bart leads the kids to victory against Nelson, one boy reenacts the famous Times Square Kiss photo with Lisa. However, she slugs him right afterwards.
6. - "Moaning Lisa"
- Homer and Bart play a video boxing game:Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
Bart: (as announcer) In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this house, Battling Bart Simpson! Whoopee! Woo-woo-woo! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...
Homer: Must you do this every time...?
Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!
- Followed by a KO in the first round.
- Bart's boxer defeats Homer's boxer by punching his head off. Bear in mind this was a couple years before Mortal Kombat was made.
- There's also the last scene of that arc, which has Homer about to beat Bart thanks to lessons from a local video game wizard... and then Marge switches the game off to announce Lisa's recovery from depression, allowing Bart to quickly retire from video boxing to preserve his record as the undefeated champion.
- Marge tells Homer about a note she received from school.Homer: What did you do this time, ya little hoodlum?
Bart: I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. There's no way they can prove anything.
7. - "The Call of the Simpsons"
- Homer sets a trap for a rabbit, which flings it far into the distance. Animal abuse has never been funnier.
- Homer is surrounded by animals biting at him. He tries to get them off by rolling on the ground while moaning amusingly.
- Homer as Bigfoot.Homer: (after being tranquilised) Avenge me, son. Avenge my death. (begins snoring)
- The results on whether or not Homer is Bigfoot: inconclusive.Doctor: He's either a brilliant beast, or simply a below-average human being.
- The ridiculously decadent mobile home the Simpsons check out at the dealership, it's a two-story monstrosity thats far more luxurious than the family's actual house. It's more a mansion on wheels than anything.
- Homer walks away from the family toward the canyon, thinking he's all alone:
8. - "The Telltale Head"
- Homer listens to a football game on a Walkman and the broadcast somehow syncing up with Reverend Lovejoy's sermon."IT'S GOOD! IT'S GOOD! IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! It's... good to see you all today."
- The Sunday School scenes:Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in Heaven?
Teacher: Certainly not!
Bart: Uh, ma'am, what if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!
- Soon after:Teacher: The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't!
Bart: (raising hand) Oh, oh, oh! Me!
Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
Teacher: I don't know! All these questions... is a little blind faith too much to ask?
- Soon after:
- On the cinema marquee: Space Mutants 4: The Trilogy Continues
9. - "Life on the Fast Lane"
- Homer being so depressed, he doesn't even react to getting hit in the head.Bart: Dad, you didn't even say, "Ouch!"
Homer: Oh sorry. Ouch.
- Homer: My birthday?
Homer: It's my birthday?! What do I get? I love birthdays!
Marge: No, Homer! It's mine!
- Homer trying to make excuses for the fact that the bowling ball had his name engraved on it - "So you'd know it was from me!" - and that it was drilled for his fingers - "I couldn't very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store, could I?" When Marge then insists on keeping it for herself, he points out that she doesn't know how to bowl, basically admitting that he didn't intend for her to use it. "Whoops."
- The end of the episode parodies the famous ending scene from An Officer and a Gentleman, complete with knockoff Joe Cocker music.Homer: Marge! What a lovely surprise! You're here to see me, right?
Marge: Of course! (cuddles and kisses him on the cheek)
(Homer picks her up and carries her past his cheering co-workers)
Lenny: Way to go Homer, way to go! (ignores the dial behind him turning from "Okay" to "Danger")
Worker: Hey, what'll I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
10. - "Homer's Night Out"
- Homer is about to strangle Bart after finding out he was the one who took the picture of him dancing with Princess Kashmir, but he is stopped by Marge, who strangles Homer for dancing with the stripper in the first place.Homer: Why you little...
Marge: Why you big...(to Bart) Bart, go to your room!
Bart: I'm outta here.
Homer: Look, Marge? Honey? Baby? Doll?
Marge: Homer, I don't even want to look at you right now.
Homer: What are you saying, honey?
(Marge points out the door)
Homer: But, where would I sleep?
Marge: My suggestion, is for you to sleep in the filth you created!!
Homer: Would a motel room be okay?
(Marge slams the door in annoyance)
- Homer stays at Barney's apartment room.Homer: (looking out the window) Hey Barney, see those tiny rows of light? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. (leaves offscreen) Hello? Is this Marge? Turn off the damn porch light!
(Homer sees Barney on the phone)
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know.
(Homer grabs the phone from him)
Marge: (through the phone) Who is this?
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge! He's—
Marge: It's you! Hmph! (hangs up)
- Marge recognising the name of Homer's supervisor Eugene Fisk and asking if he used to be Homer's assistant (He was, in a previous scene). "Hey, what is this? The Spanish Exposition?"
- At the restaurant, Bart changing a sign from "Cod platter" to "Cold Pet Rat".
11. - "The Crepes of Wrath"
- The Krusty doll repeats the lines "I like to play with you" over and over until the batteries die.
- Homer miraculously recovers from his back injury when Bart agrees to go to France on foreign exchange.
- Skinner tells Homer that the exchange student living with them will be an Albanian. "You mean all white with pink eyes?"
- Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it. As Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!".
- Bart: (sincere) Bye, Spanky.
12. - "Krusty Gets Busted"
- Everything from the Krusty the Klown show that opens the episode.
- Krusty's on-air heart attack.
- An old clip of Sideshow Bob shows him smothering a pie in Krusty's face and Krusty decking him in response.
- Homer identifying Krusty out of a police line-up. Problem is, he finds them all so funny.
- Everyone laughs at Homer when they see in the surveillance video that Homer screamed and jumped into the chips when he saw "Krusty" carry a gun.Homer: D'oh!
- Krusty nearly blows things at his trial from the beginning.Judge: Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
Krusty: I plead guilty, your honor!
(the crowd gasps, Krusty's attorney whispers something to him)
Krusty: (laughing) Oh, sorry, I mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.
(Krusty's attorney Face Palms)
- Then there's his trial:Krusty: (nearly crying) Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Attorney: Yes, it is!
Krusty: (sheepishly) Oh. Sorry.
- Before Bart outs Sideshow Bob for framing Krusty, they have this exchange.Bob: Let's try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that lovable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Bob: (glares at Bart) And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we?
13. - "Some Enchanted Evening"
- "Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
- The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellions. Homer calls back:Homer: Hello, this is Mr... Sampson.
Receptionist: Didn't your wife just call a second ago?
Homer: No, I said Sampson, not Simpson.
- She buys it, and immediately starts badmouthing the Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical, as is his attempt, through gritted teeth, to defend his "neighbours".
- Bart: You don't have a clue, do ya dad?
Homer: (throws shaving cream at him) Out, boy! Out!
Bart: (leaving) What a grump!
- What follows:Marge: Precious, I think I hear the doorbell.
Homer: (sweetly) I think you're right, dumplin'. (angrily) Bart! Get the door!
- What follows:
- Homer at the flower shop.Homer: I'd like some flowers.
Florist: What kind of flowers?
Homer: Y'know, pretty ones. Not dead.
Florist: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen.
Homer: One, please.
- At dinner, Homer gets to choose a lobster from a tank. The waiter has to point out to him that "when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster."
- After the news vans arrive, Homer tries to weakly explain why he untied the Babysitter Bandit, subtitled "Homer Simpson: Local Boob".
14. - "Bart Gets an "F""
- Bart tries to explain to Martin that only geeks sit in the front row, and that troublemakers go to the back row so no one can see what they're doing. Martin turns this into a mathematical formula: "The potential for mischief varies inversely with one's proximity to an authority figure," and shows Bart a card with "MOC 1/PA" on it. "Yeah, but don't say it like that."
- Bart has a moment of regret after celebrating the fact that he passed his history test.Bart: I passed, I passed, I... KISSED THE TEACHER! (spitting in disgust)
- Bart's imagined scene of him still being in the fourth grade as a middle-aged man and still being unable to comprehend Treasure Island:Bart: Look lady, I got a peptic ulcer, wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal, will you quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
Bart Jr: Psst! Long John Silver, dad
Edna: I heard that Bart Jr! I want to see both of you after class today
Bart: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!
15. - "Simpson and Delilah"
- This dialogue:Marge: I love you, Homer!
Homer: I love you, Karl! Uh, Marge!
- On his insurance form requesting coverage on the Dimoxinil, Homer claims that it's "to keep brain from freezing".
- After Bart breaks Homer's bottle of Dimoxinil, he tells him three things that will haunt him for the rest of his life:Homer: You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
Bart: (worried) It is?
16. - "Treehouse of Horror"note
A. - Bad Dream House
- Ominous Voice: They are all against you, Bart... You must kill them all... They all must die!
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Ominous Voice: I— Yes! I am...
- Upon first entering the house, the family discovers a strange portal in the kitchen that Lisa guesses leads to another dimension.Homer: Ohhh, handy! (tosses an orange into the portal; a ball of paper suddenly comes shooting out, hitting Homer in the head)
Lisa: (reading the note) "Quit throwing your crud into our dimension."
- When Marge first walks into the kitchen, the walls are bleeding.Marge: Hmm, this place sure could use a woman's touch.
- Homer: (calling the estate agent) Mr. Ploot? Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS BUILT ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! ... NO! YOU! DIDN'T! ... Well, that's not my recollection ... Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye! (hangs up) He says he mentioned it five or six times.
- The scene where the Ominous Voice threatens the family by describing how they will die in such gross and disturbing methods, which eventually angers Marge enough to suddenly screech:Marge: SHUSH!! SHUT UP! Quit trying to push us around! Stop saying those horrible things and show some manners!
Marge: ...Look at me. I've never been so angry. My hands are shaking.
Homer: Better than your eyes bursting.
- Bart: Hey, do the thing!
Ominous Voice: What?
Bart: Make the walls bleed!
Ominous Voice: No!
Bart: Hey come on, man! We own you!
Ominous Voice: I don't have to entertain you!
Bart: Hey come on! Do it! Do the blood thing! Come on, do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Lisa's closing observation: "It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected."
B. - Hungry are the Damned
- The aliens beam up every member of the family, but Homer is too heavy and so the ship has to utilize multiple beams to get him inside.
- Kang showing off the cable system, which receives television from over a million channels from across the galaxy. Except HBO, which would cost extra.
- Similarly, their video game technology, which only progressed as far as Pong. When Bart and Homer make fun of how dated it is, Kang and Kodos remind them that they did build this spaceship.Bart: Hey, that's just Pong, man. Get with the times.
Homer: Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
Kang: (put out) Well, we did build this spaceship, y' know.
Kodos: Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand!
(they raise their tentacles. After a moment, Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
- Similarly, their video game technology, which only progressed as far as Pong. When Bart and Homer make fun of how dated it is, Kang and Kodos remind them that they did build this spaceship.
- The total screw of the reveal. Lisa, suspecting the aliens are planning to cook and eat them, steals Serak the Preparer's book, "How to Cook Humans". Then it turns out there's space dust on it, and it supposedly reads "How to Cook For Humans." Lisa blows off some more space dust, revealing it's "How to Cook Forty Humans". Then Kang reveals it really should read "How to Cook For Forty Humans."
- And Kang & Kodos' reaction to this? They're actually hurt. Poor Serak starts crying.Kodos: Well, if your plan was to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.
C. - The Raven
- There's an inherent silliness in having Homer as the main character of the poem's recreation, as he's reciting Edgar Allan Poe's lines in his Simpleton Voice. Until he gets fed up with the Bart Raven and breaks character, yelling, "Why, you little!" He hits his head, and gets circling ravens going "Nevermore," over and over.
- Bart's interruptions.Narrator: Here I opened wide the door.
Bart: This better be good.
Narrator: Darkness there, and nothing more.
Bart: You know what would have been scarier than nothing?
- Also, "Quoth the Raven-" "Eat my shorts!"
- The song on Mr. Burns' campaign commercial: "Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote/For Monty Burns!"
- The state motto: "Not Just Another State"
- Bart's blasphemous prayer:Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing. (gasps from everyone else)
- Burns' campaign manager asks the Simpsons to appear very affectionate to him. "But, we must remind you, he hates being touched."
- The nuclear safety inspectors reveals dozens of glaring safety failures all over the power plant, adding up to 56$ Million in costs to fix them!
18. - "Dancin' Homer"
- After Mr. Burns throws the first pitch in the baseball game, Homer and Bart heckle him.Homer: Hey, Burns! Hey! Rag-arm!
Bart: Hey, you throw like my sister, man!
Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me!
- "Bleeding Gums" Murphy's really long performance of "The Star-Spangled Banner", which wears out everyone except for Lisa.
- Bart tries to get a washed-up star player to sign his ball, but the player refuses. When Marge gets mad and goes over to get the ball signed herself, the player signs the ball with "Room 203, how about it? Flash".Homer: Wow, Flash Bailor came on to MY wife! You still got the magic, Marge.
- Homer and Mr. Burns get drunk and attempt to do 'the wave' together. Given there are only two of them, this consists of Homer and Burns alternatively standing up and yelling while raising their arms, as Bart and Smithers (and everyone else nearby) observe them in quiet befuddlement. Words really don't do justice to how ridiculous Homer and Burns look in this scene◊.
- Homer's performance at the game leads to Mr. Burns banning him from all company outings. We get to see a score card showing that Homer has made an ass of himself dozens of times before on various trips, represented by frowney face stamps.
- In Dancing Homer's routine, he spells out the name of the city with his body, except misspelling Springfield as "Springfeeld".
19. - "Dead Putting Society"
- Homer is so confident that Bart will win the miniature golf tournament that he places a written wager with Flanders, involving the loser's father mowing the winner's lawn in their respective wife's Sunday dress. At Flanders' insistence, Marge changes the loser part to say "the father of the boy who doesn't win". After Bart and Todd agree to a draw, Flanders believes it's a tie and they can put it behind them now. But Homer reminded them the wager is for the boy "who doesn't win", Flanders says they both have to get mowing. Lisa comments that she's going to need therapy in the future. Homer's plan backfires since Ned enjoys it, as it reminds him of his fraternity days. Homer can be heard muttering words of lament as the episode ends.
- Homer reads out Ned's apology letter to the family, ridiculing the ridiculously awkward lines with his children (such as "I feel a great sadness in my bosom"). Marge chides them all for laughing at Ned's attempt to apologize to Homer for the argument they had earlier and leaves the room... to hold back her own laughter.
- Homer declaring a golf shot as impossible. "Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it!" (as opposed to Jack Nicklaus).
- Lisa using her knowledge of geometry to show Bart where to aim a putt. "I'm impressed Lis. You actually found a practical use for geometry."
20. - "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
- Bart passes out in the gutter after donating blood on the bad side of town (and using Homer's driver's license to get away with it).
- During Bart's over-the-top Imagine Spot of the family rejecting his apology, they start blaming him for everything. "It's your fault America lost its way!"
- When the family talk about Bart's stubborn refusal to apologise to Lisa, Abe comments that Homer was never stubborn. "He always folded instantly over everything. It was as if he had no will of his own. Isn't that true, Homer?" "Yes Dad."
- After finding out Bart has run away, Homer gets on the phone. "Hello, Operator! Give me the number for 911!" Matt Groening himself once considered this as being the stupidest thing Homer's ever done.
- Homer's Thanksgiving prayer turns into a mournful Self-Deprecation about the family.Selma: Worst prayer yet.
- After Homer repeatedly fails to light the fireplace, Lisa's centerpiece is later thrown into it, and instantly sets the whole thing alight. Though it's also one of the most emotional points in the episode, Abe delivers one hell of a Mood Killer to the horrific incident:Abe: Hey, that got her going.
21. - "Bart the Daredevil"
- Homer and Bart want to go see Truckasaurus, forgetting that the only night it's on is Lisa's first recital. Marge points out that there's probably enough time to do both. At the start of the concert, Skinner says the children will be playing Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Homer declares "This shouldn't take long".
- By the end, Homer's so impatient to leave he's actually sneaked on stage, and picks Lisa up, only briefly returning her to let her bow to the audience. While he's still holding her.
- Lance Murdock's failed stunt. He successfully jumps over a large tank of water full of sharks, electric eels, piranhas, alligators, and a lion (all put under a frenzy by a drop of Murdock's blood) but as he rests his bike at the top of the landing ramp and waves to the crowd he falls in. Then he tried to climb over the side, almost makes it and is pulled back in by the lion.Bart: Bitchin'!
- Homer successfully stops Bart from jumping Springfield Gorge. However, he is standing on Bart's skateboard and rolls down the ramp where he is launched into the air over the big gap. All the kids gasp as he begins the jump.Homer: I'm gonna make it. I'M GONNA MAKE IT! THIS IS THE GREATEST THRILL OF MY LIFE! I'M KING OF THE WORLD! WOO-HOO! WOO-HOO! I— (yelling) WHAAAAH!
- He falls down the gorge, hitting the rocky side multiple times along the way. When he lands at the bottom, the skateboard lands on Homer's head. The rescue workers inadvertently cause Homer to hit his head a few times on the way up. Being injured, Homer is put onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. It starts to drive away and it hits a tree; Homer rolls out of the ambulance and falls back down the gorge.
- Even better: Years later, in The Movie, Homer and Bart go back to that location on a motorcycle in the climax and the ambulance is still there.
- The short scene immediately after shows Homer in the hospital bed next to daredevil Lance Murdock, saying one of the best lines in the show's history.Homer: You think you've got guts? Try raising my kids.
- This gem from Bart and Otto, when he hears about Bart's planned stunt:Otto: You know Bart, as the only adult here, I feel like I should say something.
22. - "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
- Maggie knocks out Homer in a parody of the shower scene from Psycho.
- Homer calling in sick. "You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. (beat) I told you. My baby beat me up. (beat) Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
- "AND THE HORSE I RODE IN ON!?"
- During Marge's protest, she asks if anyone can sympathize with her about her daughter (Maggie) hitting her husband (Homer) on the head with a mallet. She gets chants from several fathers with bandages on their heads.
- Roger Meyers asks his staff for suggestions about dealing with Marge. The suggestions he gets are, "Drop an anvil on her?", "Hit her on the head with a piano?" and "Stuff her full of TNT, then throw a match down her throat and run?"Roger Meyers: ... (with disgust) You people and your fancy college degrees.
- One of the show's eventual retaliations? Make a cartoon where a curmudgeonly blue haired squirrel nags Itchy and Scratchy for their violence, before getting decapitated in an Enemy Mine by the two.Homer: (laughing hysterically) Take that, ya dumb squirrel!
- At breaking point, Meyers and the studio ask Marge what she thinks Itchy & Scratchy should do instead of horribly killing one another. She suggests they share lemonade. Meyers stares at the animatics on the wall for a long time before finally declaring, in the most neutral tone possible "that's... different."
23. - "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
- Smithers stop checks on Bart after he has been hit by the car:Smithers: Uh-oh. I, uh I think the boy's hurt!
Mr. Burns: Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel, and let's get going.
- As Bart ends up in Hell, he tries to protest his innocence, so Satan decides to check up on his record:Satan: (sitting by his computer) Okay, let's just pull up your file here... (mumbles) Ah! Hmm... Seems to be a mistake. According to this you're not due here until the next time the Yankees win the penant; that's nearly a century from now. Ha, ha, ha! Boy, is my face red.
- As Bart is then slowly coming back to life from his near-death experience:Bart: (as he hovers upwards) Um, say, is there anything I can do to avoid coming back here?
Satan: Oh, sure, yeah! But... Eh, you wouldn't like it.
Bart: Oh, okay. See you later then!
Satan: Goodbye, Bart! Remember: Lie, cheat, steal, and listen to Heavy Metal music!
Bart: (enthusiastically) Yes, sir!
- As Bart is then slowly coming back to life from his near-death experience:
- When the Simpsons' demand of a million dollars in damages arrives at Mr. Burns' office, he calls for Homer to be fired. Smithers cautions him against it:Smithers: Uhm, do you think that is wise, Mr. Burns? Think of the headlines!
(cut to Mr. Burns' Imagine Spot)
Headline 1: Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee
Mr. Burns: Eh?
Headline 2: Another Smart Move by Burns
Mr. Burns: Hm?
Headline 3: Hooray for Burns!
Mr. Burns: Oooh!
- Mr. Burns invites Homer and Marge to his home in hopes of making a cash settlement, but first he offers some wine.Mr. Burns: There's plenty more where that came from.
Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
- When Lionel Hutz is introduced, Homer says that he saw him literally chasing Bart's ambulance.
- The fact that Burns and his lawyer kick off his defense by basically saying "Screw the Rules, I Have Money!"Blue Haired Lawyer: My client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.
Burns: I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
- Burns's absurd flashback. Even Smithers isn't impressed.
- The chalkboard gag: "I will not cut corners", followed by several lines of ditto marks.
- Bart making a prank call to Moe's Tavern is funny ("Seymour Butts? Hey everybody, I wanna Seymour Butts!"), but what makes this one notable is that Homer is trying to call Marge at the moment. After Moe angrily hangs up on Bart, Homer comes back and laments "Oh, it was busy."
- When the Simpsons enter the sushi restaurant, the chefs greet them rather loudly, scaring the hell out of them. When a waitress explains that the chefs were just saying hello, Homer turns to the chefs (whose backs are turned) and shouts "HELLO!", scaring them as well.
- Toshiro warning Homer that he may have ingested poison: "No need to panic. There is a map to the hospital on the back of the menu."
- Homer mocking Lisa after he is rushed to the hospital.Homer: "Try something new, Homer. What'll it hurt you, Homer?" I never heard of a poisoned pork chop!
- Homer goes through all Five Stages of Grief in roughly ten seconds.Dr. Hibbert: The first is denial...
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: ...second is anger...
Homer: Why you little...! (shakes first at Hibbert and yells unintelligibly)
Dr. Hibbert: ...and after that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?!
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me outta this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: (completely relaxed) Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me!
- Homer asking Bart for a man-to-man talk. Bart takes it to mean he's going to get spanked.
- Homer addressing his sleeping children when he believe he only has a few hours left. He tells Maggie to stay sweet, he tells Lisa she'll make him proud, and he tells Bart, "I like your sheets."
25. - "The Way We Was"
- At the beginning, the TV goes dead and Homer and Bart notice that there's still faint signs of life in it and get up close to inspect it.Marge: This is sick! You're staring at a dot!
Homer: (lamenting) She's right! SHE'S RIGHT!
- Bart pretends to gag and choke after Homer and Marge's heart-warming ending.
- Teenaged Homer tells teenaged Barney that he doesn't need English class because he's never going to go to England (funnier still when you realize that Homer would end up in England in the season 15 episode "The Regina Monologues".)
- Abe is well aware of Homer's drinking habits:Abe: Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy?
Homer: But Dad, I don't drink-
Abe: Cut the crap! (in a mocking voice) "I just collect the cans, Daddy!" Now grab yourself a beer and get me one too!
- Lisa calling out Marge on eating grapes at the supermarket ("THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!"), and then forcing her to ask the cashier to charge her.Cashier: (sighs) Hey! I need a price check on two grapes. That's right, two measley stinkin' grapes! (all while Marge gives a 'are you happy now' look at Lisa, who gives a 'yes I am' look right back)
- Bart taking advantage of the fact they learned about Hell in Sunday School to use the word as much as possible on the ride home. "Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear."Bart: Well, I sure as hell can't say I learned about hell unless I say hell, can't I?
Homer: He has a point there.
- Lisa asks Reverend Lovejoy if it's stealing if a man takes bread to feed his starving family. Lovejoy replies, "Well, it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example."
- Followed by this exchange:Rev. Lovejoy: Now, Lisa, be honest with me. Is your father stealing bread?
Lisa: Maybe. I don't watch him every minute.
- Followed by this exchange:
- Jimbo hasn't shown up much in the series so far, but he shows up three times in this episode - and two out of those three times he's shoplifting in the background! Once in the supermarket, once in the Kwik-E-Mart.
- The opening scene parodying "The Ten Commandments".
27. - "Principal Charming"
- Bart's "Homer Sexual" prank call.Moe: One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer: Don't look at me.
- Marge reminding Homer of his promise to limit pork to six servings a week. "Marge, I'm only human."
- Homer analysing potential suitors for Selma. He dismisses one guy with "Cons: Complete stranger", and when he looks at a Laramie billboard, it says "Pros: Smoker. Cons: Just a sign." And when he meets with Skinner, it reads "Pros: Uses big words. Dislikes the Boy. Well-groomed. Cons: Possible Homer Sexual".
- Space Mutants V: The Land Down Under. In particular, a man dismissing the violently murdered body of a dingo they found offscreen with "It was probably just a wallaby!"
28. - "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
- As with the Hell scene above, Bart gets away with saying "Bastard" as much as possible after finding out about Homer's long-lost brother. "His parents aren't married, are they? It's a correct word, isn't it?" When Homer admits he has them there (as Herbert was the product of a one-night stand between Abe Simpson [who was single at the time] and a dunk-tank carny who had sex with men for money), Bart starts singing "Bastard, bastard".
- The Shelbyville Orphanage director telling Homer that he can't give out information about his brother's whereabouts, but gives him fairly obvious clues pointing him to Detroit. Homer doesn't get it and resorts to bribery.
- This gem:Herb: I want you to help me design a car. A car for all the Homer Simpsons out there. And I want to pay you $200,000 a year!
Homer: And I want to let you!
- Herb giving Homer a pep talk:Herb: From now on, before you do anything, say to yourself, "If I was ever sure of anything, I'm sure of this." Do you understand?
Homer: (muttering) Sort of.
Herb: Answer me again with self-confidence!
Homer: Sort of!
- Homer's proposed car The Homer is a truly absurd sight.Homer: You know that little ball you put on the aerial so you can find your car in a parking lot? That should be on every car!
- Herb's staff calls up to complain about him; we only hear Herb's side of it. This leads to a bit when he tells them to call back and say the exact opposite of what they said on the first call (with Bart and Lisa listening on speaker phone):Engineer: "Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well-thought-out, practical ideas. He's ensuring the financial security of this company. Oh, yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach."
29. - "Bart's Dog Gets an "F""
- Lisa hitting Bart with a Logic Bomb:Bart: No way! She's faking! If Lisa stays home I'm staying home.
Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
Bart: Fine. Then... Wait a minute, if Lisa goes to school, I go to school. But then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
Marge: Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.
- Homer tries to return his Assassins sneakers, claiming that his dog was bringing him his shoes when they just fell apart in his mouth. "I'm sorry sir, our warranty doesn't cover fire, theft, or acts of dog."
- Homer dictating a newspaper ad to get rid of Santa's Little Helper. "Free to loving home. World's most brilliant dog. Says, 'I love you' on command". The latter claim gets a groan out of Marge.
- Made even funnier because the ad's photo shows Santa about to be strangled by Homer's hands.
- The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue shows what happened to the dogs after they graduated obedience school.Buddy: Ran away from home.
Lao-Tzu: Ate poisonous toad. Now in coma.
Santa's Little Helper: Bit Bart. Homer didn't care.
30. - "Old Money"
- In the otherwise tearjerking scene after Abe finds out that Bea is dead: "They may say she died from a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart."
- The entire sequence of everyone pleading their cases to Abe as to why they should get his money.
31. - "Brush with Greatness"
- As the episode opens, Krusty has been broadcasting his show from Mt. Splashmore all week. He leads the live audience in a session of "Kroon Along with Krusty" that serves a shameless plug for the park. It works on the Simpson kids, though, leading to one of the series' funniest Overly Long Gags:Krusty and Kids: [singing] I want to go to Mt. Splashmore
Take me, take me, take me, take me NOW!
NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!
Mt. Splashmore, take me there right NOW!
Lisa: This is a rather shameless promotion.
Bart: Hey, it worked on me.
Lisa: Me too.
[Homer is napping on the couch as Bart and Lisa walk up]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: [not opening his eyes] No.
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: [opening his eyes this time] No.
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
[cut to Bart and Lisa following Homer down the hallway]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
[cut to the dinner table; Homer is trying to eat, Bart and Lisa aren't touching their food]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
[cut to Bart and Lisa watching TV with Homer on the sofa]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
[cut to Homer taking a shower; Bart and Lisa have pressed their faces against the glass]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
[cut to Homer and Marge lying in bed; Bart and Lisa are standing by Homer's side]
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: [overlapping with the kids] NO!!
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: [overlapping with the kids again] NO!!
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO- [Marge's eyes open; she pulls her pillow from under her head and puts it around her ears] IF I TAKE YOU WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME?!
Lisa: Of course!
Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Bart, Lisa: Thanks, Dad!
- Homer's swim trunks have a smiley face across the seat, but when he pulls them on, the smiley face turns to a frowny face.
- We get further evidence that Homer could do with losing some weight as he gets to the car...Marge: Homer, that suit doesn't leave much to the imagination!
[Homer groans as he squeezes into place behind the wheel; his stomach honks the horn]
Homer: Heads up, kids, I'm movin' the seat back.
Lisa: [her knees pressed against her body, muffling her speech] It is back.
- Bart and Lisa enter the turnstiles for H2Whoa, thinking there's no line. Unfortunately, the line goes all the way back to the turnstiles, through a version of M. C. Escher's Ascending and Descending (AKA "the endless staircase"). Fortunately, Bart and Lisa have a way around waiting in line...Bart: Okay, Lis, turn on the waterworks, babe!
Lisa: [begins crying Crocodile Tears] MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!
Bart: [leading a crying Lisa through the line] Step aside, come on! Spread out, spread out, lost kid coming through - look out, fatso. Comin' through, comin' through, pardon me, movin' to the front of the line! [sotto voce] Hey Lis, nice work, babe!
- Homer has a similar ploy to Bart and Lisa: claiming to be a line inspector so that he can push his way to the front of the H2Whoa line. However, while Lisa and Bart have the time of their lives going down the slide, Homer gets stuck halfway down.[Homer's plight is shown on a computer screen at the park's central command centre]
Technician: Hmm. Looks like there's a jam in Delta Sector.
Supervisor: Hmm. Well, it's too big to be human... well, send down a few kids, that should dislodge it.
- But Homer remains stuck fast, and the segment of the slide in which he is stuck has to be removed by crane. The Simpson family are shown watching the story on the news as the anchor estimates Homer's weight to be somewhere between 400 and 500 pounds.
- Homer asks his family if he's "just a little bit overweight", and not to pull any punches. There's an awkward silence before Lisa replies, "Forgive us, Dad, but it takes time to properly sugarcoat a response."
- The guy who delivers donuts to the plant is confused as to why they're piling up.Carl: Homer Simpson went on a diet.
Donut Guy: Oh my god! And I just bought a boat!
- Burns acknowledges that he doesn't hate Marge's nude painting of him, and thanks her for not making fun of his genitalia. "I thought I did."
32. - "Lisa's Substitute"
- Martin: In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos!
Bart: (interrupts Martin) That's not enough! We demand more asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!
The rest of the class: (chanting with Bart) MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS!
- Martin puts up an campaign poster reading "A vote for Bart is a vote for anarchy." Cut to Bart putting up a poster saying exactly the same thing.
- Homer and Bart makes an election poster with the text: "SEX! Now that I have your attention: Vote for Bart!"
- Bart demanding a recount after he loses the election, which results in "One for Martin, two for Martin!"
- Martin posing with a prematurely printed newspaper reading "Simpson Defeats Prince."
- Mr. Bergstrom realising that Mrs. Krabappel is trying to seduce him.
- Bart showing his class a video of Snowball 2 being born and them being grossed out by it.
33. - "The War of the Simpsons"
- As the guests of the house party are going home, Homer lies passed out on his back on the floor, audibly wheezing as he sleeps. Dr. Hibbert has some advice for Marge:Dr. Hibbert: If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach.
Marge: I will, Dr. Hibbert, thank you. Thanks for coming!
Dr. Hibbert: (deadly serious) Remember: I said if!
- When Homer wakes up after his drunken escapades, Marge ushers him into her car, where she puts on a tape with the Mexican Hat Dance and turns up the volume:Marge: I wanna make sure the kids don't hear. When I was young, I always hated knowing my parents were fighting.
(cut back to Bart, Lisa, and Maggie who are staring out the front window with concerned expressions on their faces)
Bart: (forebodingly) They're fighting in the car again...
Lisa: That music always sends a chill down my spine.
- Homer's own memories of the house party.
- Marge: (to Homer) I'm going to church alone today! You're going to stay here and explain to Bart why you scarred him for life!
Homer: (outraged) No, I didn't! I— (hit by the realization) Oh... You meant inside, didn't you?
- Home then tries to talk to Bart:Homer: Now, about last night... You might have noticed daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why...
Bart: (cheerfully) I understand why! You were wasted!
Homer: I admit it! I didn't know when to say "when". I'm sorry it happened, and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.
Bart: Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.
Homer: Awww. (pats Bart's head)
- Home then tries to talk to Bart:
- Grampa tricks the kids into cleaning the house by crying over being a bad babysitter.
- There's a flashback of how Bart scared off his first babysitter: by trying to run her down with the family car.Bart: (sinister) Back for more, eh?
- When Grandpa asks if the kids are sure they're allowed to have coffee, Bart snaps "for the last time, yes!".
- Reverend Lovejoy asks the couples at the retreat to do a trust exercise. Since Homer is absent, Marge asks if she has to do it. "No. Even if your husband was here I wouldn't recommend it."
- The weirdos at the bait shop describe Homer to a patron:Bait shop owner: (referring to General Sherman the catfish) If you ask me, and most people do, he's 100 if he's a day.
Man: Has anyone ever caught him?
Bait shop owner: One man came close. Name of Homer Simpson. Seven feet tall... with arms like tree trunks. And his eyes were like steel, cold and hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of Hell.
34. - "Three Men and a Comic Book"
- The chalkboard gag: "I will not show off◊", written in a medieval-style font.
- The Comic Book Guy's sarcasm is funnier here than it would be in later episodes.
- Marge tells Homer to check on Bart and his friends, as they're in the treehouse and it's beginning to storm. Homer lazily looks out the window to see them fighting as lightning strikes the tree and says, "They're fine."
- Bart asks the actor who used to play Fallout Boy in the Radioactive Man TV show if the ghost of Radioactive Man's actor, Dirk Richter, haunts the bordello the police found his bullet-riddled body in. Said actor breaks down in tears and tells the audience to leave Richter alone, which just confuses the audience of con goers.
- Bart asks this horribly tasteless question almost immediately after the panel moderator asked the crowd to not bring up Richter's final years.
- Bart trying to get a discount at the convention by "cosplaying" as Bartman. It doesn't work.
- Milhouse is left dangling from the treehouse, with Bart given the choice between saving him or the comic. Milhouse, knowing he's in a rather dubious position right now, melodramatically sobs in hopelessness:Milhouse: I didn't even want the comic! I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sidebu-ur-urns!
- As this happens, Martin, who Bart tied up out of paranoia, makes sure to get in an I Warned You at a disgruntled Bart:Martin: Just so you know, if you hadn't tied me to this chair, I could be saving the comic as we speak.
Bart: (grumbles) Shut up. Shut UP.
35. - "Blood Feud"
- The beginning of the episode has the mayor introduce a sign to keep people informed of what is happening at the nuclear plant and what to do.Radiation Leak = Roll-up windows
Meltdown = Flee City
Core Explosion = Repent Sins
- Homer's reaction to the last one. "Joke's on them. If the core explodes, there's no power to go to that sign."
- Mr. Burns, despite being in bad condition, isn't too thrilled to get help.Smithers: Oh no Mr. Burns! We've got to get a doctor!
Mr. Burns: Absolutely not! No quack sawbones is going to apply his leeches to me. As long as there's an ounce of strength left in me, I.. (faints).
- Smithers desperate action to give his blood to Mr. Burns.Smithers: How long does it to take a sterilize a needle?
Dr. Hibbert: A couple seconds.
Smithers: (rips his shirt and jacket open) Oh skip it! Just leave me enough to get home.
- Dr. Hibbert's expression alone tells to the viewer how unnecessary Smithers's action was.
- Homer poses as Mr. Burns at the Springfield Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.Homer: (using fake voicenote ) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (still using fake voice) ...I don't know!
(cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office)
Homer: (sarcastically) Great plan, Bart.
- This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant.
- Homer's letter to Mr. Burns:Dear Mr. Burns,
I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your card was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You... Stink! You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl-arms, and you smell like an elephant's butt.
- When Marge tries to calm down Homer when he gets angry about getting only a thank you card from Mr. Burns,Homer: (sincere) Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. (mocking) But you're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns, and magic frogs with funny little hats.
Bart: Yeah, Mom. We got hosed!
- The scene where Marge demonstrates how well she knows her family. Bart has sixteen permanent teeth and eight baby, Homer's earmuff size is XM (Extra Medium?), and Bart is allergic to butterscotch, imitation butterscotch and glow in the dark monster makeup.
- Homer's mangling of Androcles' Lion, which ends with the lion giving Hercules "this big thing of riches".Bart: How did a lion get rich?
Homer: It was the olden days.
- Marge asks Homer to have one sleep before sending his angry letter at Burns. He agrees, but tells Marge that he won't change his mind. Then we see his dream, which starts with him squeezing his pillow, imagining it as Mr. Burns' neck, transitioning to a bottle of syrup onto some pancakes, and by morning he's happily munching on the pillow.
- Turns out Bart found the letter and sent it anyway, figuring Homer would give up on his anger overnight. He can't get through his explanation before Homer does what he does.Homer: I'LL SHOW YOU ANGRY IN THE MORNING!
- Watching a despondent Marge and Homer, Bart laments that everyone had always said he'd destroy the family. Lisa gently says that they never actually meant it.
- Homer getting dragged out of the Power Plant by Mr. Burns' thugs.Homer: Do you have to twist my arm?
Joey the Thug: I don't tell you how to do your job.
- Smithers playing the banjo.
- When Mr. Burns arrives with his gift, he hands Bart a crowbar. Bart thinks the crowbar is the gift, until Lisa corrects him.
- In the end, Marge tries to find an Aesop for the episode's events. No luck.Marge: The moral of this story is a good deed is its own reward.
Bart: Hey, we got a reward! The head is cool!
Marge: Well then, I guess the moral is no good deed goes unrewarded.
Homer: Wait a minute! If I hadn't written that nasty letter, we wouldn't have gotten anything!
Marge: Well... then I guess the moral is "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".
Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral to this story.
Homer: Exactly. It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
Bart: But it certainly was a memorable few days.
Homer: Amen to that!
36. - "Stark Raving Dad"
- Homer is too lazy to fill out his own psychiatric evaluation form, so he asks Bart to do it for him. Big mistake:Bart: Hey, Dad? "Do you hear voices?"
Homer: (annoyed) Yes, I'm hearing one right now while I'm trying to watch TV!
Bart: (puts a mark on the form) Yes. (to Homer) "Are you quick to anger?"
Homer: Bart! Shut up or I'll shut you up!
Bart: (puts a mark on the form) Yes. (reads from the form) "Do you wet your pants?" (shrugs) Well, even the best of us has the occasional accident... (checks "yes")
- Homer then shows the Bart-filled form to Mr. Burns and Dr. Monroe:
- The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (with the real Michael Jackson providing his speaking voice; Kipp Lennon did his singing voice on the "Lisa It's Your Birthday" sequence), makes a phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:"Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
"Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital.
- This bit:Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right.
- When Michael introduces Homer to The Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, saying he hasn't said a word in years.Homer: Hiya Chief!
Chief: Hello. (doctors crowd around him all amazed) ...Well, it's about time someone reached out to me.
- Homer talks to Bart on the telephone as he's in the mental hospital.Homer: (on the phone with Bart) Boy! When I get home I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and... (sees asylum doctors looking at him questioningly) ...and smother you with kisses.
Bart: Geez, Dad, whatever they have you on, cut the dose.
- Homer then tells Bart to do some preparations for Michael's visit:Homer: Now make sure we have plenty of cold cuts and put some beer on ice—
"Michael": Um, Homer, I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink.
Homer: [suspicious] Are you sure you're here voluntarily?
- Marge tries to convince one of the hospital doctors to release Homer.Marge: If you'd just talk to my husband for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd realize how sane he is.
Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
- Homer meets Floyd, the "Raimnan" of the institution."Michael": Give him any two numbers and he can multiply them in his head, just like that.
Homer: Okay. Five times nine.
- The rerun edited to include the famous Take That! against George H. W. Bush:Bush: We're going to keep on trying to strengthen the American family; to make American families a lot more like The Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons.
Bart: Hey! We're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the Depression, too.
37. - "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington!
- The airplane scene shows Bart in the cockpit.Pilot: The controls on the plane are similar to the ones on your bicycle. So, do you wanna see where we hang up our coats?
Bart: No thanks. I'd rather just push this button.
Pilot: No! (Bart pushes it, oxygen masks fall out of compartments over passengers)
Homer: (screams) We're all gonna die! (passengers scream as the plane lands)
- The Simpsons tour Washington D.C.:
- Visiting the Smithsonian:Homer: (on a balcony seeing money being pressed) Oh, money... (drools)
Worker: (Homer's drool lands on his head) Hey! Watch it, chief!
- The IRS:Marge: Oh look, Homer! It's the IRS.
IRS agent: (peeks out of window) Oh, boo yourself.
- The National Air and Space Museum:(Bart is inside the cockpit of an airplane, pretending to fly it and making sound effects)
Homer: Bart! Get out of the "Spirit of St. Louis!"
(Bart ignores him and continues to make sound effects)
- Visiting the Smithsonian:
- The pianist at the contest annoys Bart so much he finally slingshots him while singing a song about Lisa.Lisa: Bart!
Bart: Lise, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
- Homer reading the family a story of wilderness survival:Homer: Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread... the pitiless bark of the sea lion! (gasp) He'll be killed!
Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article.
Homer: Don't be so... (flips page) Oh, you're right.
- Homer asking Faith what VIP stands for - one letter at a time, out of order, and he has to ask about the "I" again.
38. - "When Flanders Failed"
- Bart tries to fight back against Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney when the trio are harassing Lisa. The trouble is, Bart skipped out on all of his karate lessons and only knows how to do "The Touch of Death" from playing video games.
- Earlier, Bart teases Lisa by threatening "The Touch of Death" on her which makes her scream and run away.Marge: Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister!
39. - "Bart the Murderer"
- Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.Bart: Are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?
Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like... cigarettes.
Bart: I guess that's OK.
Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: ... Hell no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
- Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... uh... What cures cancer?
- There's a quick moment when Wiggum drops by the Social Club:Fat Tony: Chief Wiggum, you honor us with your presence.
Chief Wiggum: Baloney! I won't rest until one of us is behind bars — you!
- For a fraction of a second, you can see Wiggum realize what he just said before he corrects himself.
- Marge points out that a pizza delivery truck has been parked across the street for two weeks. The surveillance team inside realise their cover is blown and drive off. Soon after, they're replaced by a second van, "Flowers By Irene."
- The hilarious way everyone at court frames Bart as the brains of the operation, when in fact he's only been with Tony's crew for about a week at the most.
- When Fat Tony and his goons corner Skinner in his office, Skinner demands to know how they got past the hall monitors with as much shock as if they were trained security guards.
40. - "Homer Defined"
- As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit (which is clearly labelled "Smithers") while Smithers stands by.Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns: (annoyed) Oh, how the hell should I know? (covers the label)
- Also, Smithers says something to Mr. Burns only seconds away from the meltdown.Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: "I love you, sir."
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.
- Burns claims that "Meltdown" is one of those annoying buzzwords. "We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus."
41. - "Like Father, Like Clown"
- During the chalkboard gag - "I will finish what I start" - Bart runs out of the classroom mid-sentence.
- This exchange:Lisa: We've come to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I Have No Son!! (slams the door)
Bart: Rats. We came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: (opens door) I didn't mean that literally! (slams door again)
- Lisa: A man that envies our family is a man in need of help.
- Homer's reaction to hearing how Krusty's father disowned him.Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: Don't worry. I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little—!
- During the montage of Bart trying to persuade Rabbi Krustofski to reconcile with his son, he shows up in the middle of a circumcision. "Sorry, my friend, I'm still not convinced. And this is hardly the time or place to discuss it."
- Bart dresses up as a Hasidic Jew for a lot of those conversations. After yet another failure, he comes home, slumps into a chair, and says, "Oy, this guy's tough!"
42. - "Treehouse of Horror II"note
- Jimbo and Kearney threaten to egg Homer's house if Homer doesn't give them any candy — and they still egg the house just because they're jerks.
A. - The Monkey's Pawnote
- Homer tries to make a wish that can't backfire with the monkey's paw.Homer: I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard and and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
(a turkey sandwich appears and Homer takes a bite of it)
Homer: Not bad. Nice hot mustard, good bread, the turkey's a little dry— (horrified) The turkey's a little dry! Oh, foul accursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?!
- After Lisa wishes for world peace - "Lisa, that was very selfish of you!" - Kang and Kodos invade the now disarmed world, armed with clubs and slingshots. "Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!" After Ned takes the paw and wishes to get rid of them, away, they get chased off by Moe. "AHH! He's got a board... with a nail in it!"
- The aliens then assure themselves that humanity is on the path to self-destruction due to escalating weaponry, in the form of increasingly larger boards and nails.
- Ned Flanders getting the Monkey's Paw and all of his wishes going well (for now) elicits this response from Homer.Homer: (petulant) I wish I had a monkey's paw!
- "Well, now that I've saved the world maybe I oughta spruce-up the ol' homestead!"
B. - The Bart Zonenote
- Bart's class is taught different material in school.Edna: Well, class, the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by "some guy", and our country isn't called America anymore. It's Bonerland.
- And then later in the episode the sign on Dr. Marvin Monroe's door proclaims him to be a member of the Bonerland Medical Association.
- "Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
- Bart punishes Homer for refusing to change the channel from a football game that he had a bet on, by transporting him out of the room. We then hear this from the TV: "The kick is up... It's looking good! The ball is turning into a fat, bald guy! And it's no good! And you know what we say every time something strange happens— it's good that Bart did that! It's very good!" All said in football announcer-speak.
- And then the channel changes:Krusty: Well, we're still on. 346 consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!
- And then the channel changes:
- Otto's reaction to Bart driving the bus:Otto: Hey, this is fun, isn't it?! We're gonna die, aren't we?!
- Bart prank calls Moe, "Hey everybody! I'm a Stupid Moron With An Ugly Face, And A Big Butt, And My Butt Smells, And I Like To Kiss My Own Butt!" Then he says "wait a minute..." in the same tone as usual, implying that Bart didn't use his powers to make Moe repeat that statement and that Moe was actually tricked.
- Bart changes Homer back into a human after they bond and sharing a lot of heartwarming moments... and then Bart wakes up from his dream screaming his head off.
C. - If I Only Had a Brainnote
- Homer gets a job as a grave digger... on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot. They found Homer asleep in the grave he was digging, assuming he's dead.Mr. Burns: Hello! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... (scoff) he wasn't exactly a "model employee."
Mr. Burns: Well, who is a model...(Death Glare) employee?
(Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses)
Smithers: (panicking) Simpson will do just fine, sir!
(Smithers drags the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain, presumably waking up)
Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!
Mr. Burns: Oh. (walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel) Bad corpse! *thwack* Bad corpse! '*thwack* Stop! *thwack* Scaring! *thwack* Smithers! (Homer whimpers inside the bag, now out cold) Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
- Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.Mr. Burns: Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop.
Smithers: Ice cream scoop?
Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
- Burns wearing Homer's brain on his head. "Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett!"
- Burns' reaction after the robot activates. "It's alive! Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad! Well, who's mad now?!"
- After putting Homer's brain back in his body and confirming that he was alive to begin with. "Oh, you're right, Smithers. I guess I owe you a Coke."
- Burns describing his symptoms, after the robot fell on top of him:"Every bone... shattered. Organs... leaking vital fluids. Slight headache. Loss of appetite."
43. - "Lisa's Pony"
- The number of people Lisa called about buying a new saxophone reed before Homer: Marge, Ned Flanders, Patty, Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy and "that nice man who caught the snake in our basement."
- Bart performs a "Boy of 1,000 Voices" act at the talent show, which makes him the boy with 1,000 daysnote detention.
- One boy's act is an a capella performance of "My Ding-A-Ling". Skinner hastily yanks him off the stage before he can finish the refrain."THIS ACT IS OVER!"
- Homer hints around the idea of purchasing a horse (for Lisa) to Marge right before they go to sleep.Marge: You sound like you're going to buy a pony. Promise me you won't.
Marge: What was that? Was that a "yes" or a "no"?
Marge: (angrily) Those aren't even words!
(Marge groans and shuts off the light; Homer grins happily in the dark)
- Milhouse watches Bart as he mocks Homer's effeminate mannerisms at Lisa's tea-party. Homer sees the boys and angrily chases them down.
- Homer is tired from working the graveyard shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. On the drive home, he has a sleep deprivation-induced hallucination, and when the animation returns to "reality", we see he has driven through a fence without noticing. He pulls into the garage, taking out the mailbox on the way and crashing into the front wall, demolishing a shelving unit. As he gets out of the car, a circular saw falls onto his head; he barely flinches and simply walks upstairs to the bedroom where he falls asleep for less than 2 seconds. As the alarm clock rings, Homer shuts it off and immediately gets back up.Marge: Homie, how long do you plan to do this?
Homer: I dunno, how long do horses live?
Marge: Thirty years.
Homer: (wearily) D'oh...
- Lisa barely eats any of the humongous ice cream sundae Homer bought her.Lisa: I'm done.
Homer: Aww, that cost $88!
- This dialogue:Mr. Burns: (laughs evilly, then quickly coughs when he realizes he is being noticed) I was just thinking of something funny Smithers did.
Smithers: I didn't do anything funny today.
Mr. Burns: (whispers) Shut. up.
- And this:Bart: Hey, how come Lisa gets a pony?
Homer: Because she stopped loving me.
Bart: I don't love you either, so give me a moped!
Homer: And I know you love me, so you don't get squat.
- Homer explains to Marge about his new job, in another room so the kids wouldn't hear.(cut to the kids at the kitchen table, they hear a loud thump)
Bart: Oh my God, she killed him!
(the kids run to the living room and see Homer asleep)
- "First you didn't want me to get the pony, now you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!"
44. - "Saturdays of Thunder"
- Bart initially makes his first cart, complete with Homer's absolute obliviousness as to why his son is asking for power tools, capped off by him yelling "BART! You can't weld with such a little flame! Stupid kid." as he and Lisa leave for the video store.
- The race official who sees Li'l Lightnin' and tells Bart, "Your father's not supposed to help build the racer, but you could at least consult him about it."
- Martin crashes into the wall and catches fire during the soap box derby race. A rescue crew puts out the fire on the racer as Martin runs screaming.
- Barney gets pepper-sprayed after asking Patty and Selma if either of them is Mary Tyler Moore (who was the basis for one of their haircuts). His cries of pain interspersed with drunken burps can be amusing.
- Nelson is told not to smoke in the pit area and he extinguishes the cigarette using his tongue.
- The sheer out-of-nowhere bizarreness that is the "Underwater Parenting" test and its shark-induced failure.
- A conversation Homer has with his brain:Homer (reading): Cosby's First Law of Inter-generational Perversity: No matter what you tell your child to do, he will always do the opposite. Huh?
Homers brain: Don't you get it!? You gotta use reverse psychology!
Homer: Well, that sounds too complicated.
Homers brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: All right, I will!
45. - "Flaming Moe's"
- The Flaming Moe song, a parody of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" complete with animation in the art style of the Cheers opening credits:♪When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with the wife
But don't throw in the towel cause there's
A place right down the block
Where you can drink your miseries away
At Flaming Moe's (let's all go Flaming Moe's)
Where Liquor in a mug
Can warm you like a hug
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away♪
- Homer exaggerates what Marge tells him in the bedroom.Marge: Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from Happyland! In a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaaaaaane! (storms out, then sticks his head back in) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic!
Marge: Well, duh.
- Marge's expression during the whole scene, clearly she doesn't appreciate him being a dick about it.
- Bart's prank call to Flaming Moe's backfires.Moe: Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass.
Hugh Jass: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Hugh: (takes it) Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: What can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. (hangs up) What a nice young man.
- Frink trying to figure out the secret ingredients to the Flaming Moe.Frink: The secret ingredient is... LOVE?! Who's been screwing with this thing?!
46. - "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"note
- Homer's Dream Sequence in "The Land of Chocolate" is an absolute classic. Just the sheer childlike joy he radiates as he munches on everything in sight (including a chocolate Scottish terrier) is enough to induce helpless giggling.(Homer is still singing to himself and daydreaming)
Hans: Mr. Simpson...? Mr. Simpson!
Homer: (snapping out) Huh!? ...Ohhoho, I'm sorry. We were talking about chocolate?
Fritz: Zat vas ten minutes ago!
- Mr. Burns' reaction to the amount of money he'll get by selling the plant.
- Burns' prolonged routine of pretending to be scared of the Germans, as they stand there and ineffectually tell him to stop.
- Homer's line of "I own stock?!?" after his stock broker calls him.
- Smithers listening to an audiotape to learn Sycophantic German. "You looken sharpen todayen, mein herr."
- "We regret to announce the following layoffs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That is all."
- Immediately after Bart makes a prank call - "Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?" - Marge sends him to Moe's to collect Homer. When Bart nervously walks in and tells one of the barflies that he's looking for Homer, Moe realises he knows that voice - as little Bart Simpson. "I haven't seen you in years!"
47. - "I Married Marge"
- Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test. "Ahoy mateys, if the water turns blue, a baby for you. If purple ye see, no baby thar be." It turns pink. "If the test should fail, to a doctor set sail."
- Homer and Marge leave the cinema after seeing The Empire Strikes Back.Homer: Wow, what an ending! Who'd have thought Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father?
(everyone in line starts complaining)
Man waiting to see the film: Oh thank you, Mr. Blow-the-Picture-for-Me!
- Marge and Dr. Hibbert looking at the ultrasound, in which Bart turns away from the screen. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us."
- Homer shooting down Marge's name suggestions because of potential insults, but misses an obvious one that would rhyme with Bart. Note that if he had one extra finger, he would have caught it.
- But since no one has ever made fun of Bart's name, Homer made the right choice.
- Baby Bart's first act of random destruction is setting Homer's tie on fire.Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE— He did that on purpose!
Marge: Homer, how could he? He's only ten minutes old!
- Dr. Hibbert's horrified reaction upon learning Homer's now a nuclear technician.
- Homer yells, "D'oh!" (and a man in traction shares in his pain) after Dr. Hibbert implies that Marge is pregnant.
- "Simpson huh? I'll remember that name."
48. - "Radio Bart"
- At the very beginning, Homer gets Distracted by the Sexy on a show Lisa's imitating, and she asks him for money. He hands her a huge wad of cash.Lisa: Dad, this is $110!
Homer: (still distracted) Oh, sorry. (hands her his entire wallet) Here you go.
(Lisa hurries off with the wallet)
- During the commercial break, Homer sees an ad for the Superstar Celebrity Microphone and thinks it could be a good birthday present for Bart.Announcer: But order now, supplies are limited!
Homer: Limited?! (quickly dials the phone) Do you have any of those microphones left?!
Telephone Operator: (sitting in a warehouse stacked to the roof with the microphones) Uhhh, yeah a couple.
- Bart sticks a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on Homer's butt after Homer tells Bart not to use the microphone/radio set for pranks. A very nice visual stealth pun of the phrase, "Your ass is mine" (or "...belongs to me.")
- After Bart falls down the well, Homer and Marge are interviewed.Homer: It's not our fault. We didn't want the boy. He was an accident.
Homer: Um, could you edit that last part?
Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live coast to coast.
- The poorly programed robots at Wall E. Weasel's.Weasel: Hey there, I hear it's your birthday. How old are you?
Bart: Well, I'm-
Weasel: That's great! Would you like us to sing you a special song?
Bart: Hell no.
Weasel: You got it! Ready, Signor Beaverotti?
Beaverotti: I'm-a ready. And-a one, and-a two...
Animals: (singing, badly) You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl...
- Once Bart gets stuck down the well, none of the police can help because they're all too fat. Cue Chief Wiggum yelling at them.Wiggum: Look at you! You're a bunch of marshmallows.
Cop: Why aren't you going down the well, chief?
Wiggum: (taken aback) Oh, you know... because I'm too f... important.
[The officers scoffed]
- The cliffhanger before the last commercial break has the diggers discovering the canary is dead and fleeing out of the hole, screaming. After the break, it turns out the canary died of natural causes and they all run back into the hole, still screaming.
- Jasper's reaction to everyone trying to save Bart: "It's an old-fashioned hole digging! By gum, it's been a while."
- Homer opens two Neapolitan ice cream tubs in the freezer to find that all the chocolate is gone while the vanilla and strawberry are untouched. He then asks Marge to get some more, instead of just asking for a tub of chocolate.
- "Sting!" It's funny to consider that even this early in the series, Bart is completely unfazed by celebrity appearances.
49. - "Lisa the Greek"
- Smooth Jimmy Apollo, a professional football prognosticator who's right 52% of the time.Jimmy: When you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time.
Homer: Why didn't you say that before?!
- Chief Wiggum using Moe's little black book (for illegal betting) as a bar coaster.
- Homer and Lisa betting on one match:Lisa: I'd bet my entire college fund on it.
Homer: You got it (picks up the phone and calls Moe.) Moe, $23 on New York!
- The lame Super Bowl half-time show, which just consists of guys in alien costumes singing "Rock Around the Clock".Bart: Oh, this sucks. Come on, snipers, where are you?
50. - "Homer Alone"
- "Look, lady, this had better be g—" "ROARGHARORGH!!" Extra points for the flecks of spittle Marge sprays on her car window.
- Mr. Teeny spills his chocolate ice cream and starts pushing buttons in Krusty's car. Krusty is appropriately pissed off:Krusty: Mr. Teeny, stop fiddling with the buttons or-oh, now you've gotten chocolate all over everything!
- Homer gets attacked by Santa's Little Helper while trying to cheer Maggie up with a puppet show.
- The subplot of Bart and Lisa being left with Patty and Selma while Marge is on vacation is a goldmine of hilarity.
- When Patty and Selma first come to collect the kids, Bart and Lisa have their faces pressed against the window glass with expressions of absolute terror. But this is nothing compared to Maggie's reaction; she grabs onto the front door frame of the house and holds on for dear life. Lisa says, "Wish I'd thought of that."
- Later, we see Bart and Lisa having lunch: tongue sandwiches, with drink options including clamato, Mr. Pibb, and soy milk.Lisa: That's all right. [yawns] I think I'll just hit the hay.
Selma: It's 12:30 in the afternoon!
Lisa: [glumly] I'm aware of the time.
Selma: Hmm. Lisa, you'll sleep in my bed. Bart, you'll be sleeping with your Aunt Patty.
Bart: [uneasily] ... in your bed?
Patty: Uh-huh. Oh, and I should warn you, I'm told I snore. [she chuckles; Bart and Lisa grab each other's hand under the table] Ooh, Divorce Court is on in five minutes! [she and Selma leave]
Bart: Lisa, I'm scared!
Lisa: You think you know fear? Well, I've seen them naked!
- Having gone to bed but not to sleep, Bart is rummaging through his aunts' closet...Lisa: [sitting up in Selma's bed] Bart, you shouldn't be looking through other people's things. [but even she can't deny her curiosity] Find anything good?
Bart: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: [holds up an enormous brassiere] AY CARAMBA! [drops the bra, then finds what looks like a small pistol] Hey, Lis! [pretends to fire the gun] Bang! Bang!
Lisa: Bart, that's a blackhead gun!
Bart: EWWWW! [drops it as though scalded by it]
- When Homer finally recovers Maggie after she ran away in the middle of the night to find Marge, he stops by to pick up the other two on his way to meet Marge at the train station. He runs into Selma and Patty's apartment building... and exits much more slowly, with Bart and Lisa hanging onto his ankles for dear life. With two swift kicks, he launches them into the back seat of the car.
51. - "Bart the Lover"
- After Todd Flanders swears at dinner, Ned calls Reverend Lovejoy who is about to eat his dessert:Ned: Sorry to bother you, Rev. Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it? Asparagus?
Ned: No, no, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Lovejoy: Oh, oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Lovejoy: Uh... Page 900. (hangs up)
Ned: But Rever-
Lovejoy: (looks down at his dessert, which has melted) Damn Flanders.
- Homer makes contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:(in church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate)
Bart: Homer, that was a 20!
Homer: (pause) DA—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping two coins into the jar)
(while bowling, the last pin fails to fall over)
Homer: Oh, you son of a—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar)
(Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash)
Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster than a lady cast me in a commercial! (checks mail) I tell you, the way these checks keep coming it, it's almost criminal.
Homer: (after Ned walks away) YOU DIRTY BAS—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar)
(Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door)
Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?
Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?
Homer: Well, he just goes...(pause) Awwwwww—
(Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar)
(Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls down and on to his stomach)
(Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar)
- A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.Homer: Oh. Fudge. That's... broken. (he turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe) Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to... KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! (he does just that, with his injured foot)
- Homer and Marge discussing the terms of when he has to use the Swear Jar.Homer: What if I hit my hand?
Marge: Yes, Homer.
Homer: What if I light myself on fire?
Marge: No, Homer.
Homer: What if I see something really weird in the sky?
Marge: Yes, Homer.
Homer: What about when we snuggle?
Marge: (pauses to think about it) That's okay.
- Homer and Marge discussing the terms of when he has to use the Swear Jar.
- The whole family composes a letter to Mrs. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again. They come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "an alligator bit off my face," - Marge points out this is disgusting, and that if she really loved him it wouldn't matter if an alligator bit off his face, which Homer says he may hold her to — to Homer repeatedly pitching "3 simple words: I am gay."Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not writing that!
- Homer's drunken post card:Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here eegaaafooa beer $5? Get outta here...
- After Bart accidentally breaks the class fish tank, Mrs Krabappel looks at the yo-yo in the tank and follows the string to Bart's finger. "I didn't do it."
- Bart imagines teasing a tiny Edna with a yo-yo.Edna: Bart, if I were you and you were me, would you give the yo-yo back?
Bart:' (after the imagine spot) Absolutely!
52. - "Homer at the Bat"
- Barney Gumble gets into an argument with Wade Boggs.Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!
Boggs: PITT! THE! ELDER!
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! [he punches out Boggs]
Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! (Dismissively) 'Pitt the Elder'...
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON! (he punches out Moe)
- The professional players go through mishaps, including what happens to Ozzie Smith, who Smithers describes as having "fallen off the face of the Earth."
- Jose Canseco saves a baby from a house fire. He then gets sent back in to save a cat. He then gets sent back in to save a player piano. This goes on for several hours, and apparently no one bothers to call the fire department. "The drier goes on the right."
- Mr. Burns constantly getting on Don Mattingly for sideburns only he can see. Even after Mattingly completely shaves both sides of his head, Burns still claims to see them and boots him off the team despite already having lost seven other ringers.Mattingly: I still like him better than [George] Steinbrenner.
- The hypnotist scene:Hypnotist: (waving a watch back and forth) You are all very good players.
Players: (in unison) We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
Players: We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give 110%.
Players: That's impossible. No one can give more than 100%. By definition, that is the most anyone can give.
- Later in the episode, it is revealed that the hypnotist made Roger Clemens think he is a chicken. When Burns confronts him about it, the hypnotist hypnotizes Burns into thinking he did a good job.
- Homer wins the game for his team by getting hit in the head with the baseball. Then there's the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode). We see the professional players all reflecting their predicaments (such as Ozzie Smith being a ghost, and Ken Griffey Jr. and his gigantism), and an unconscious Homer lying down face-first.
- The Umpire explaining the rules when the SNPP plays the Springfield Police.Umpire: Ok, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!
- Burns' initial plan for hiring ringers for the softball team, all of whom had been retired and dead for decades. "In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years."
- Marge records Homer at the game, even though he's benched. She turns the camera away when he starts scratching himself.Marge: Kids, tell me when your father stops scratching himself. (Beat) Kids?Bart: We'll tell you, mom.
53. - "Separate Vocations"
- During a montage of Bart acting as Hall Monitor, he proves to Principal Skinner that Nelson wrote a note from his mother excusing his absence.Seymour: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy.
- The very specific questions of the aptitude test:Mrs. Krabappel: (reading off test) "Question 1: My favorite animal is a) a carpenter ant, b) a nurse shark, or c) a lawyer bird."
- When Principal Skinner offers Bart a position as Hall Monitor after hearing of him pursuing a career as a policeman, Bart imagines himself appearing on a courtroom tv broadcast with his face censored and his voice altered to sound like Steve AllenBlue-Haired Lawyer: Now, Witness X... would you please tell the court what you saw?Bart: [in Steve Allens voice] I'd be more than happy to. I saw Mr. Montone there... seal Mr. Palaccio in an oil drum... and roll him off the pier.Mr. Montone: [pulls out a knife in anger] I KILL YOU!! [lunges at Bart, grabbing by the shirt color, about to stab him]
54. - "Dog of Death"
- This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers.Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
- Kent Brockman wins the lottery on the air during the newscast.Kent: [reading his numbers] 38? 49? Oh my God. I won. I WON!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [spins around in his chair] Ahem. Recapping our top story, the winner of the state lottery is... me, Kent Brockman. Can we get a shot of me? [an image Kent spinning around in his chair is posted] There ya go. In other news... [clearly disinterested] Tragic mishap today in Cleveland... Many people killed... Ummmm... Goodbye! [runs off]
- Homer and Marge discuss about Kent Brockman.
- Homer has an Imagine Spot of what would happen if he won the lottery. Somehow, he thinks winning the lottery will result in him becoming gigantic, golden, covered in jewels, and being made King of Springfield.
- Upon losing the lotteryGrampa: Sigh, I knew we wouldn't win...
Homer: Well, why didn't you tell the rest of us? (beat) WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET?!
- This gem when the family are deciding how to save the money for Santa's Little Helper's operation.Homer: I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.
Marge: Homer, I don't think you've thought this through.
- The closing disclaimer: "No dogs were harmed in the filming of this episode. A cat got sick, and somebody shot a duck, but that's it."
- When Homer brings up "Doggy Heaven", Bart asks if there's a Doggy Hell.Homer: "Well (looks thoughtful for a split second) of course! There couldn't be a Heaven if there weren't a Hell!"Bart: "Who's in there?"Homer: "Oh, Hitler's dog and that dog Nixon had. What's his name? Uh, Chester?"Lisa (glaring) "Checkers!"Homer: "Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too! (uncertain) The mean one! The one that mauled Timmy!"
- Homer puts up fliers on the wall of a building that's about to be demolished.
55. - "Colonel Homer"
- Homer's annoying interruptions while watching The Stockholm Affair:Homer: I think that guy's a spy.
Marge: Well of course he's a spy! You just saw him go through spy school!
- Homer is not used to compliments.Lurleen: Oh Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?
- Another example:Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV!
Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: (angrily) Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
- Lurleen wants Homer to be her manager.Homer: Really? Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
Lurleen: That's okay.
Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
Homer: I did bad in school.
Lurleen: I didn't even go.
Homer: My personal hygeine has been described as...
- Marge first meets Lurleen.Marge: Thought you said she was overweight.
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.
- Lurleen's song "Bagged Me A Homer". Most people usually aren't quite as blatant that they're after a married man:Lurleen: I used to play the field,
I used to be a roamer
but the seasons' turning around for me now,
I finally bagged me a Homer!
That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer!
Recording guy: Lurleen, we're going to have to cut you off. There's some kind of grinding noise on the track. (It's Marge grinding her teeth.)
- Homer's obliviousness to Lurleen's advances comes to a head after she sings "Bunk with Me Tonight."Homer: Oh, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. (stands up) Well, goodbye!
- Homer selling Lurleen's contract:Homer: Now before we negotiate, I have to tell you I'm desperate to unload Lurleen, and I'll take any offer.Agent: I'll give you fifty bucks.Homer: YOU SON OF A- sold.
56. - "Black Widower"
- At one point, the Simpsons appear to be watching a parody of Dinosaurs that looks eerily familiar:Lisa: These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV!
Bart: It's like they saw our lives and put it right on the screen.
- Sideshow Bob gives a "review" of MacGyver to Selma. The withering sarcasm of Kelsey Grammer and the hilarious poses Bob goes through make for a great combination.Bob: No, Selma, this is lying: "That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch!"
- Bob can't resist taking a shot at Krusty after winning the "Best Children's TV Sidekick" Emmy while still in prison, and Krusty gives it right back to him: "This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!" "Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!" "No-talent shill!" "Second banana!" "Panderer!" "Bore!" Then Bob has to be restrained and sedated by the guards.
- When Bob is describing how the overcrowded prison cells reduced him and the other cons to mere animals, cut to Bob in one such cell.Bob: Who took my chapstick?
Offscreen Voice: Oh sorry. Here. (hands it back)
Bob: I don't want it.
- Lisa getting jealous of Maggie being the flowergirl. "If you wanna go for cutesiness instead of competence, fine."
- This dialogue, when Selma asks Bob to give her a foot massage:Bob: (muttering to himself) Soon, I will kill you...
Bob: Son pied sentit beau...that's French for "Her foot smells lovely."
Bob: (muttering again) Prepare to be murdered...
Bob: Eh pah dee meh moo-doo...that's...Sanskrit for "You toes are like...(cringes) perfume..."
Bob: (muttering once again) Voy a matar a usted...
Bob: Oh, that's Spanish for (menacingly) "I'm going to kill you..."
- Bart gives The Summation of how he figured out Sideshow Bob's plan. He then details how he tried to explain his realization to Homer:Bart: (voiceover) [Selma's] only hope was a young boy, and his slow-witted father...
Flashback Bart: Dad! When Aunt Selma lights up her cigarette, at the end of MacGyver, she'll be blown to kingdome come!
Flashback Homer: ...Come again?
(cut to Bart trying to explain the situation to Homer via a demonstration by using a gas stove, then reading to him from a science text-book, then with a hand-drawn schematic, and finally with hand puppets)
Bart: (voiceover) After trying four times to explain it to Homer, I explained it to mom, and we were on our way...
- "I'll be back! You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever! And when they get in, I'm back on the streets! With all my criminal buddies!"
- After the flashbacks reveal that the family saved Selma in the nick of time, Bob asks why the room still exploded. Wiggum admits that he and the other cops had celebratory cigars right outside the room and forgot about the gas. Absolutely nobody was hurt; he just accidentally tossed a lit match into the room.
57. - "The Otto Show"
- The entire first half with Spinal Tap. "We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord!"
- Otto drives madly to school after his impromptu concert (which includes crashing into Spinal Tap's bus, none of the police officers bothering to get the license number of the bus as it crashed through a police picnic, and all the bystanders rushing to pay phones after seeing the "How Am I Driving?" bumper sticker on the detached bumper). This is followed by his explanation to Principal Skinner and the cops that he doesn't have a license or wear his own underwear.
- Otto mistakes Marge's sister Patty for a male-to-female transsexual.Otto: Have you always been a chick? I-I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open-minded.Patty: "Welp, won't be needing this!" (quickly discards the green pen used for correct answers)
- Otto studies for his driver's test.Otto: Alcohol increases your ability to drive. (flips to answer key) False?! Oh, man!
- Patty tells Otto that he failed every segment of his driver's test, and misspelled "bus" on his application.
- Most interactions between Otto and Homer this episode. At one point he pokes Homer's belly and calls him Poppin' Fresh, and tells him he's supposed to giggle. At another, Homer is horrified to see the sink clogged by Otto's hair.
- Homer demands Otto to stop playing the guitar so he can hear himself think:Homer: (I want some peanuts.) That's better.
- "I'll show him who's a sponge!"
- Bart trying to convince his parents to let Otto crash in with them.Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impersonating Marge's voice) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
- After Otto gets evicted from his apartment:Otto: Can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.
Otto: Wow! I had mustard?
- In Otto's second attempt at a driving test, he bonds with Patty over hating Homer. In particular, his story about Homer having a piece of food stuck to his face for three days. "And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!"
58. - "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
- The entire Raiders of the Lost Ark parody at the beginning, complete with Homer acting out the roles of both the giant boulder and the natives from the beginning of the film.
- Mrs. Krabappel teaching her students sex education via the educational short "Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What". Some choice moments:
- The students' reaction to the graphic sex scene.
- Mrs. Krabappel responding to Fluffy Bunny's orgasm with a nonchalant "She's faking it."
- "Nine months later, Fluffy gave birth to fourteen beautiful bunnies . . . eight survived."
- In the post-film discussion, Bart asks about how to create a half-man, half-ape creature.Mrs. Krabappel: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God-schmod, I want my monkey man!
- The "Homer Sez: Increase Your Wordiness" still features Homer-esque definitions for words he used in the subplot where Marge tries to order him a subliminal weight-loss tape, but the company sends him a vocabulary builder tape.
- Lisa has an Imagine Spot of Homer's funeral, in which Homer had to be buried in a piano crate because of how obese he is. The crate ends up crushing everyone mourning his loss.Marge: (sobbing) I wish they had never invented fried cheese!
- His tombstone shows how much he weighed when he was born (nine pounds, six ounces) and his weight at the time when he died (402 pounds, one ounce) instead of his date of birth and date of death, also adding to the humor.
- Homer as a hostage negotiator:Homer: Listen, Tabbouleh, we're ignoring all your demands. What do you say to that?
(Tabbouleh cocks a Uzi and kills Homer)
- Milhouse's reaction after Samantha's father takes her away. "How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy."
- Homer is getting a physical exam at the power plant.Doctor: This can't be right, this man has 104% body fat...Hey, no eating in the tub!
Homer: (nonchalantly) Go to Hell.
- Herb shows up at the Simpsons' front door.Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
(Homer opens the door)
Homer: Herb? (Herb punches Homer)
- A little bit later:Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?
Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
- This exchange between Homer and Herb when he sees the prototype baby translator:Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I tried, but I can't...
- Herb goes bankrupt in a game of Monopoly. Homer pokes fun at him about it and gets punched in the face for his troubles.
- And at the end:Herb: And Maggie, the one who helped me reclaim my fortune, I'll give you anything your heart desires.
Maggie: (baby gibberish)
Translator: I want what the dog's eating. (cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish)
Homer: (annoyed grunt)