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Funny / The Seven Deadly Schmucks

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    Episode 1 
  • One of the drunks in Meliodas's tavern wants a gluten-free diet, and wonders if the (cocaine-laced) beer he's drinking has gluten.
    Meliodas: Yer drinkin' beer! Of course it does!
    • Later, the authorities looking for Elizabeth encounter a different sort of crime.
    Meliodas: Are you here for the cocaine?
    Police guy: No, we’re not here for the cocai— Holy shit, they have cocaine?
  • The first time Elizabeth speaks. Words can't begin to describe her shrill, screechy voice.
    Meliodas: HOLY SHIT, that's yer voice?
    Hawk: It's kinda fucked up.
    • Elizabeth later explains the situation with the Holy Knights. Making out what she says is a whole new adventure.
    Meliodas: I'm gonna be honest here. I didn't understand a words you fuckin' said.
  • Gilthunder debuts... and he sounds and acts exactly like Zapp Brannigan.

    Episode 2 
  • Meliodas requests that if he meets any of the sins again, someone should beat him to death with a blunt object. Once they run into Diane:
    Meliodas: Pig, grab somethin' blunt.
  • Meliodas drops his Irish accent for a second to avoid being recognized by Diane.
  • Meliodas is lured to the forest with the promise of a pot of gold. Turns out Gilthunder also went to the forest under the same pretense.
    • Gilthunder mistakes Meliodas for a leprechaun, and demands the invisible gold ("Everyone knows leprechaun gold is invisible!"). Meliodas points him in a random direction, followed by Gilthunder thanking him and beginning to leave... only to "find" the invisible gold, and deem it fake.
  • We get our first glimpse of Ban in this episode, and his goddawful singing.
    Guard: You don't get your phone call!
    Ban: Why not?
    Guard: You killed a Great Holy Knight!
    Ban: Allegedly!
    Guard: You also attempted to murder the entire royal family!
    Ban: Allegedly...
    Guard: And finally, you ate the world's ENTIRE supply of Twinkies!
    Ban: ...Yeah, okay, that was me.

    Episode 3 
  • Meliodas has a Dying Dream in which Elizabeth has a normal voice and is giving him a pot of gold. His joy causes him to flatline in the real world.
  • After defeating Golgius, Meliodas learns that Diane ran off to break Ban out of prison. He tries to escape from the impending situation, but unfortunately for him, she took his stuff too.
    Meliodas: That bitch took me satchel!
    Hawk: I thought it was a purse.
    Meliodas: IT'S A SATCHEL!
  • Jericho's Close-Call Haircut on Ban isn't as close as it could've been, leaving him with a creepy mustache.
    • He then proceeds to rip it off with his bare hands.
  • Ruin and Meliodas briefly share their woes over having to deal with Ban. Ruin surrenders in the same conversation, not that it does him any good.
    Meliodas: Aww, geez.
    Ruin: What?
    Meliodas: I wish you brought that up a moment ago.
    Ruin: Why?
    Ruin: ...Come again? (dies)

    Episode 3. 5 
  • Elaine tries to read Ban's mind. All she hears is a distorted kazoo version of "The Final Countdown" and hellish moaning.
    Elaine: (screams in horror)
    Ban: My mind is a wonderful place!

    Episode 4 
  • The episode opens with Ban having drunk Meliodas's entire supply of beer, two years worth.
  • Ban drunkenly asks the two orphan kids for gum.
    Ban: Hey kid, my breath smells like ass. You got any gum?
    Orphan boy: I've got Trident! (stabs him with a pitchfork)
    Ban: (unfazed) Eh. I prefer Juicy Fruit. The taste is gonna MOOOVE ya! Now are you gonna give me that gum or not?
    (the orphan boy is terrified)
    Ban: JESUS, KID! I'll take anything? Peppermint?
    King: How about... Spearmint? (stabs Ban with his spear) Hi.
  • When Diane recognizes King, Ban's reaction is the best:
  • Guila's debut, with her French accent, and the orphan kid's reactions.
    Guila: Oh? Ze sins, zey 'ave, how do you say, peaced ze fuck out?
    Orphan girl: Did we ever have a mommy?
    Orphan boy: No... our mother was never French! They went extinct years ago!
  • After drinking all that beer, Ban really needs to pee. In fact, it's his only concern when King petrifies him.
    Ban: Oh no no wait, King! I-I still have to pee! Let go of me! I NEED TO PEE! (turns to stone)
    King: Goodbye. As penance for killing my sister, may you forever remain a statue— (statue!Ban starts peeing) *sigh* fountain.
  • The sheer amount of French and Irish puns from the fight against Guila.
    Guila: Silence, you Irish potato! I'm going to make, how do you say... french fries, out of you?

    Guila: Kicking ze asses of a giant and a leprechaun in one day! Where are your Lucky Charms now?

    Guila: Hm. (blows him up)

    Guila: Is au revoir for you—!
    Meliodas: (deflects her attack back at her) Looks like yer... french toast!
    Guila: Oh, I see what you did zhere! (explodes)
  • King vs Guila, set to the Blue Danube Waltz, showing just how little King thinks of the "fight".

    Episode 4. 5 
  • Gilthunder is in fine form here... if "fine form" was defined by Zapp Brannigan.
    Gilthunder: You have my word as a state-sanctioned fear mongering warlord that I will resolve this conflict swiftly, peacefully and competently.
  • Gilthunder challenges the Germanian tribes to a game of Racket Sports. Problem is, they only play stické, which Gilthunder can't figure out for the life of him. So he decides he'll literally kill anyone involved in popularizing stické, at which point he learns that it's Germania's national sport. Things go downhill from there.
    Germanian: We didn't think you were being literal!
    Gilthunder: I'm a very literal man! Now brace yourselves for my Lightning Fists!
    (back to the present)
    Hendrickson: Where the hell did you learn diplomacy?
    Gilthunder: Why, the teachings of Tolstoy's magnum opus, War and Peace! I only read the first half.

    Episode 5 
  • Diane defeats Griamore, and looks to Meliodas for approval. She doesn't get any.
    Meliodas: There hasn't been a single day that I've been proud of anyone. And that record still stands today.
    (Diane gut-punches him)

    Episode 6 

    Episode 7 
  • "I hope the sky falls on YOU and your damn horse-fuckers too!"
    Man: Hey, what's that over in the sky?
    (Guila's fireballs wipe out the entire town)
    Meliodas: Well, not the exact same thing, but I'll take it.
  • Meliodas vs Guila, round 2: Guila has discovered the weakness of all Irishmen.
    Meliodas: Oh no... NOT THE POTATO BOMBS!
    Guila: (giggles) I've done my homework.
    Guila: But your Irish blood can't let you do zhat! Resistance is futile, no?
    Meliodas: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM— (gets blown up)
    Guila: I call zis masterpiece of an attack: HOT POTATO!
  • King vs Helbram, or rather, King vs the guy he doesn't remember at all.
    King: No... It can't be... You're... I watched you die!
    Helbram: Oh, I assure you, I am very much alive!
    King: I can't believe it... Y-You...
    Helbram: That's right! IT'S— Wait... Do... Do you not remember my name?!
    King: I am SO sorry...
    (one "fight" later)
    Helbram: Do you REALLY not remember me? I-I thought you were partially messing with me at first, but now I'm VERY concerned.
    (King cuts through his helmet)
    Helbram: Agh! God... You're really gonna get it now, old friend?
    King: It's Jackson!
    Helbram: (unimpressed)
    King: One-Eyed Jackson...?
    Helbram: I'm going to enjoy killing you.

    Episode 8 
  • Helbram keeps digging himself deeper when Diane confronts him after he beats up Meliodas. Whatever possessed him to say "All I did was piledrive his ass into this mountain, with my sword." makes sure he regrets it immediately.
  • After Diane levels the land:
    Random knight: Is Lord Helbram dead?
    Hendrickson: We can only hope.
    Helbram: I'm fine!
    Hendrickson: We didn't hope hard enough. We'll get him next time, boys.
  • King reassures everyone that he won his fight.
    King: You should see the other guys I fought against! They're uh.. they're pretty dead. (quickly) By the way, we see them again, they're zombies.

    Episode 9 
  • Nobody likes Gowther. He insults everyone at any given second, is completely unflappable, has no tact, uses his abilities to discern personal information to torment people with, and talks too fast for anyone to keep up with his thought process, wherever it may be going. To be fair, Gowther hates everyone too.
    King: (as Dale kicks their asses) Gowther, are you going to help? Please help.
    Gowther: I'm still deciding whose side I'm on. Dale is winning.
    King: That's fucked up, man.
    Gowther: Not as fucked up as your sister. Or the fact that Ban fucked your sister.

    Episode 10 
  • The intro that lists off the cast has no idea what to make of Gowther, or rather 'Alan'.
  • Elizabeth introduces herself to Gowther. Again.
    Elizabeth: Nice to meet ya, Gowther. My name's ElizaBETH. But you can just call me Elizabeth for short.
    Gowther: We've met once before Princess Elizabeth. Once was too much.

    Episode 11 

  • Ban and King's announcement, in which Ban convinces King to help him jumpstart his singing career. It's also The Schmuck Squad's opening of their Patreon.
    Ban: Hey you! Do you like to give people... MONEY?

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