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Funny / The Railway Series

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    Books written by Rev. W. Awdry 

Toby the Tram Engine

  • In "Dirty Objects", James mocks Toby's shabby paint. Toby has the last laugh in the conversation, which angers James.
    Toby: James, why are you red?
    James: I am a splendid engine, ready for anything. You never see my paint dirty.
    Toby: Oh! That's why you once needed bootlaces; to be ready, I suppose?
Tank Engine Thomas Again
  • In "Thomas Goes Fishing", Thomas' crew have this dialogue:
    The fireman: 🎵 There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza! 🎵
    The driver: Never you mind about Liza! You empty that bucket before you spill the water over me!

Henry the Green Engine

  • "The Flying Kipper": The fireman caring too much about his cocoa.
    • The conversation between the guard, the driver, and fireman.
    Guard: You know, the Kipper is due.
    Fireman: Who cares about the Flying Kipper? This is good cocoa!
    Driver: Come on, fireman. Back to our engine.
    Fireman: But I haven't finished my cocoa yet!
    • After Henry's crash, the fireman of the engine chew him out for spilling his cocoa while waving the cup in the air.

Gordon The Big Engine

  • In "Off The Rails", we have the the song that the schoolboys sing after Gordon falls in the ditch:
    🎵 Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch,
    Fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch,
    silly old Gordon fell in a ditch,
    all on a Monday morning! 🎵
    • Before that, there's Henry waking up Gordon and calls him "fat face".
  • Paint Pots and Queens has the painter telling off Henry for spilling his paint instead of causing him to fall off the ladder.

The Eight Famous Engines

  • "Gordon Goes Foreign"
    • Gordon, Duck, and the foreign engine arguing over what the name of London's station is (and then James getting them to stop arguing).
    Gordon: Stupid thing! I have no patience!
    Duck: Stupid yourself! London's Paddington! Paddington, you hear?!
    James: Stop arguing! You make me tired. You both agree on something anyway.
    Gordon: What's that?
    James: That London is not Euston! Now shut up!
    • In the ending, there's Gordon complaining they've changed London, the station wasn't King's Cross, it's St. Pancras.note 

Duck and the Diesel Engine

  • In "A Close Shave", the Barber tells off Duck for scaring his customer rather then crashing into the Barber Shop, then covering his face in shaving foam.
    Barber: It's only an engine.

Branch Line Engines

Stepney the Bluebell Engine

  • From the beginning of "Bluebells of England", Percy is singing about the bluebells, which Douglas finds it annoying.
    Douglas: If ye must sing, Percy, can't ye sing in tune?!

Mountain Engines

  • The conversation between Culdee and Wilfred about Lord Harry after the latter aggressively told Culdee he was up to date only to later derail on the points moments later.
    Culdee: Wilfred, who is this wreck?
    Wilfred: It's Lord Harry didn't you know?
    Culdee: It looks like Lord Harry. It's as fat as Old Harry. But of course it can't be Lord Harry!
    Wilfred: Why ever not?
    Culdee: You see Lord Harry's an up-to-date engine. He can go twice our speed in "perfect safety".

Small Railway Engines

  • Mike being teased by Bert and Rex in response to comments about Duck's whistle, which is jammed by a bit of egg that his driver and fireman were cooking with his steam.
    Mike: If engines can't whistle properly they shouldn't try.
    Bert: Then why do you?
    Mike: Why do I what?
    Bert: Try to whistle of course.
    Mike: Shut up! You're jealous. Mine (his whistle) is better than yours anyway.
    Rex: Listen Mike. If I had a whistle like yours you know what I'd do?
    Rex: I'd lose it.

Enterprising Engines

  • From "Tenders for Henry", we have this dialogue where Henry, James, and Duck assume some reasons why Gordon feels unhappy, much to his annoyance:
    Gordon: I'm not happy.
    James: Your firebox is out of order. No wonder after all that coal you had yesterday.
    Gordon: Hard work brings good appetite! You wouldn't understand!
    Duck: I know! It's boiler ache. I warned you about that standpipe on the other railway, but you drank gallons.
    Gordon: It's not boiler ache, it's—
    Henry: Of course it is. That water's bad. It furs up your tubes. Your boiler must be full of sludge. Have a good washout, then you'll feel a different engine.
    Gordon: Don't be vulgar!

    Books written by Christopher Awdry 
Gordon the High-Speed Engine
  • In the beginning of "Smokescreen", Henry suggests to Gordon to have a good sneeze to clear up his tubes. Gordon's response:
    Gordon: Certainly not! The Fat Controller wouldn't approve! He didn't like your sneeze, I seem to remember!

Wilbert the Forest Engine

  • "Percy's Porridge": After Percy gets covered in porridge, his driver makes a remark about it, though Percy didn't think it was funny.
    Percy's driver: Oh dear. Well, Percy, you found out about porridge the hard way, haven't you? The thing is, you were supposed to eat it, not paddle in it!


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