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    How the Paladin Got His Scar 
  • Azure City and a number of other countries in the Southern Continent are all descended from something called "the Ancient Empire." No one knows why they called themselves that.
  • Turns out that O-Chul has been a selfless servant of Azure City for a very long time.
    General Nhek: He's always like this. Last time I promoted him, he apologized to me.
    O-Chul: I still live with the burden of having failed to properly fulfill the duties of a lieutenant.
  • Two hobgoblin commoners take a stand against O-Chul, claiming nothing he could say will make them lead him to their camp, and describe how he'd never be able to intimidate them... until they end up intimidating themselves by putting words into his mouth. The kicker? Zhao is also intimidated into surrendering to O-Chul and they weren't even talking about her.
    • When O-Chul first meets the hobgoblins, he finds that they are surprisingly chill.
    O-Chul: So you're saying you have nothing against humans?
    Tingtox: No, no. We totally hate you.
    Pangtok: Sooooo much.
    Tingtox: But it's more of a vague, lazy hate.
    Pangtok: We wouldn't normally do anything about it, except maybe nod when our leaders blame all our domestic problems on you.
    Tingtox: I did point disapprovingly at an effigy once.
    Pangtok: Oh, I can never go to those. I feel too bad for the cute little strawman.
    (O-Chul does a Face Palm)

    Start of Darkness 
  • Start of Darkness may be Darker and Edgier than the rest of the series, but the funny moments stand out because they're in line with the more serious parts. Such as Xykon after he beats Dorukan...
    Xykon: Ding dong, the wizard's dead! We'll have to be careful disabling his magical toys in the castle, but I think we can—
    [Xykon comes upon the MitD, a sombrero on its box, a taco in hand/claw/whatever]
    Xykon: [wide-eyed] ...
    MitD: Fiesta?
    Xykon: Ooooookay.
  • When Xykon discovers that his new Lich form gives him a touch of death, he tests it out on a few Red Shirt goblins. The potential horror is neutered when the attack gives off a comical *BZZZT* sound, Xykon comparing it to a joy buzzer.
  • Why Xykon needs henchmen when he meets Redcloak;
    Xykon: I ran out of toadies a few months ago due to... let's call it, "creative differences." And it sucks. I mean, just last week, the Good Guys burst into my throne room, right? And I shouted, "Get them, you fools!" just purely by reflex. Well, I bet you can imagine how embarrassing it was when I realized that I had to "get them" myself. I mean, talk about awkward.
  • One of the "gate" leads that Redcloak follows up on has him run into SG-1.
  • Smokey the Bear yelling "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT WILDFIRES" after Redcloak starts a forest fire.
  • "NINJA CLOWN ATTACK!"
  • While fighting Dorukan, Xykon gets hit with Prismatic Spray... which does nothing because the comic is in black-and-white.

    On the Origin of PCs 

    Dungeon Crawlin' Fools 
  • In the very first strip, the Order is fighting goblins when they are inexplicably, and without warning, updated to the 3.5 edition. This makes Durkon more stable, gives Elan a chainmail shirt and new skill points, and Belkar gets...shorter daggers. As in, they shrink while in his hands.
  • "Bluff, Bluff, Bluff, Bluff the stupid ogre!"
  • Our introduction to Durkon's role as the party cleric, with a brilliant Major Injury Underreaction from Elan.
    Durkon: Well, thar ogres be dun fer. So what're we doin' next? [Roy, Haley, and Belkar imagine Durkon as a giant box of Band-Aids] Oh. Right. [holds his amulet with one hand and casts spells with the other] Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Light Wounds!
    Belkar: Hey, that was at LEAST a moderate wound!
    [Elan enters with a black eye, multiple cuts, and two swords sticking through his torso]
    Elan: Clot, Clot, Clot, my bleeding arteries!
    Haley: Elan!
    Elan: Hi, Haley. Look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen.
    Durkon: How badly are ye hurt, lad?
    Elan: That depends... [holds up one of his own (formerly) internal organs] How important is one of these?
  • An early example, but hilarious, Durkon's repeated use of "turn undead". Rule of Three is definitely in play as he keeps blinding Roy and V.
  • "Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion!"
  • Durkon's explanation of the Armor Check Penalty to him leads to Elan trying to invoke Invisible Streaker.
    Elan: Wooooo! I'm invisible!! You can't see me!
    Roy: How I wish that were true.
    Belkar: (to Durkon) Please cast Blindness on me.
  • "Elan's blade."
  • Roy gets attacked by a mind flayer, and all Vaarsuvius cares about is the insult of being passed over for a fighter:
    Vaarsuvius: Why are you eating him?? I am a wizard! A delectable 18 Intelligence right before you!
    Elan: Would you feel better if one of us ate your brain?
    Vaarsuvius: No, it just wouldn't be the same. *Sigh*
    Roy: (With the mind flayer gnawing at him) A little help here?
  • Retroactive death is the funniest kind.
    Goblin: [as Durkon swings his hammer with a "Whoosh!"] Missed! [and again] Ha, missed again!
    Roy: [as the goblin raises his weapon] Hey, Durkon, don't forget to add in the bonus from Elan's bard song.
    Durkon: Oh, right. In tha' case I think I hit 'im tha' first time.
    [with a "Thunk!", the goblin is hit in the head by an invisible force, dropping his weapon and getting a black eye]
    Roy: Plus, remember how much you hate orcs and goblinoids? That's another +1.
    Durkon: Och, right. Then I musta hit 'im both times.
    [another "Thunk!" as the goblin is hit by another invisible force, getting dizzy stars as a result]
    Durkon: Agh! He's still on 'is feet!
    Roy: Don't forget the bard song also adds +1 damage.
    Durkon: Ooh! Right!
    Goblin: Ack! [falls over dead]
    Durkon: [jumping for joy] Huzzah! I got 'im!
    Roy: [through the fourth wall] You know, he'd be a pretty good warrior if he had a better head for numbers.
  • The party decides having Haley continue to check for traps is necessary.
    Roy: Hey, what's taking so — WHOA!
    Belkar: We thought it best she keep searching.
    Roy: Well, can't be too safe.
    Haley: (offscreen) Oops! My top! Tee hee!note 
  • How Xykon deals with employee complaints.
    Goblin: So, did you ask him about our 401K plan?
    Redcloak: Now is probably not the best time.
  • The downside of setting off Poison traps when your cleric hasn't prepared a spell to heal poison.
    Haley: So Roy, how'd that door work out for you?
    Roy: Cute. Durkon, I can't move. What's wrong with me?
    Durkon: Ye've been poisoned.
    Roy: Well, I figured that, but-
    Durkon: 17 times.
    Roy: Oh.
    Haley: [poking a pool of honey and fire ants with her foot] Ew!
    Roy: Can you heal it?
    Durkon: Only the cuts. I dinnae have tha spell prepared to heal the poison. Got to ask Thor fer it in tha mornin'. Cure Serious Wounds. Until then, ye'll be stuck with a Strength o' zero.
    Roy: Sigh. I guess we're resting here, then. I'm too heavy for any of you to carry.
    [as Durkon and Haley leave, Elan and Belkar walk up with grins and red crayons]
    Roy: [as Belkar starts poking him...] Hey! [... and Elan joins in] HEY! Stop it!!
    Belkar: [sharing a conspiratorial look with Elan] Heh heh heh...
    [cut to Durkon as he hears the ensuing chaos]
    Roy: [off-panel] Hey!! What are you—quit it! Get off of me! Get away!
    SFX: scribble! crash!
    Belkar, Elan: [off-panel] Hee!/Hee hee!
    [Durkon arrives to find Roy with a red beard and glasses drawn on his face, the word "LOSER" drawn on his chest, horns and giant ears and a tail drawn on the wall around his body, speech bubbles reading "My name is Roy and I like to yell at all my friends! Blah blah blah!" and "I have a MBA!" coming from his mouth, the label "Lawful Stupid" with an arrow pointing at him, "smell lines" labelled "Stinky!", and a monster at his feet saying "I eat you stinky Roy!"]invoked
    Roy: I hate them. So much.
    Belkar: I'm gonna see if I can scrape some of the poison off that trap!
    Elan: Think of the fun at parties!
  • I've been suppressing the urge to beat the crap out of someone who looks EXACTLY like you for a long, long time.
  • "Totally worth it."
  • "What would Thor do?"
    Thor: [in Durkon's Imagine Spot, smashing Dorukan's Dungeon with his hammer] With my ultimate power of the thunders, I, Thor, smash this entire dungeon to shattered ruins, each piece no larger than a man's fist. Then I return to Asgard to woo goddesses and drink an ocean's worth of beer. Huzzah!
    Sif: Oh, Thor! *Giggle*
    Durkon: In retrospect, that "W.W.T.D." thing be nev'r really as applicable ta my situation as 'tis supposed to be.
  • Durkon goes missing... and it's all Roy and V's fault.
    Roy: [smiling nervously] Umm, not to sound overly alarmist, but does anyone happen to know where Durkon is right now?
    Haley: WHAT?!?
    Elan: Oh no!
    Belkar: No cleric? No, no, no, Belkar gots to get his heal on! Those few hit points from resting are not gonna cut it!
    Haley: [glaring at Roy] Oh man! I can't believe you and Vaarsuvius forgot to help Durkon!
    Belkar: What an Epic-level screw up.
    Elan: Good job, you two.
    Roy: Wait, us??? As I recall, all five of us were in the room, and NONE of us remembered to bring him along.
    Haley: True. But the three of us are so consistently and staggeringly irresponsible that it's utterly unreasonable to expect us to have been paying any attention in the first place.
    Belkar: Damn straight.
    Roy: That... is actually a very valid point. You're right. My bad.
    Elan: I am so disappointed in you, Roy.
    Roy: Don't push it.
  • "Go Team Cleric!"
  • Redcloak's reaction to the Dwarf Porn.
  • Elan thinks Vaarsuvius is half-camel.
    Elan: Hey Roy, did you know that Vaarsuvius is a half-camel?
    Roy: Is there anything I can say to that question that will end this conversation quicker?
    Elan: Not really.
    [...]
    Elan: I wonder what the ECL on a half-camel is.
    Belkar: Well, it's gotta be pretty low since V is a primary spellcaster.
    Roy: Belkar, don't encourage him.
    • This belief has not died out, even after a few hundred strips.
      Elan: V, if you translate, do you think I could talk to one of the camels? Y'know, since you're half-camel?
      Vaarsuvius: You are a bottomless pit of self-reference, are you not?
  • Move Silently check.
    Elan: I GOT A FOUR!!!
  • The appearance of Fruit Pie the Sorcerer.
  • The whole of "Dead Men Tell Tales", but especially when Xykon asks Redcloak to cast Speak with Dead.
    Redcloak: Um, OK, hello, sir, how are you today? This is lovely weather—
    Xykon: Not me, you moron!

    No Cure for the Paladin Blues 
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    War and XPs 
  • A Brief Intermission
    "You fools! We've been loved by moviegoers for over 50 years! Do you know what kind of power that gives us? We have become like unto tiny refreshing GODS!"
  • Where the Buffalo Wings Roam:
    Belkar: Look, if they can't get actual buffalo wings, why the heck are they on the menu? I'm doing them a service. It's not my fault my mouth waters at the thought of biting into juicy, delicious, nonexistent appendages of an endangered species.
    Winged Buffalo: Oh, that is IT! I am going over there!
    Other Winged Buffalo: Calm down, Harold. We're supposed to be having a nice dinner.
  • The Event:
  • Explosive Runes Coffee... Good to the last- *BOOM*
    Durkon: Filterin' the coffee wit Roy's sweat socks was a nice touch.
    Vaarsuvius: I pride myself on attention to detail.
  • Haley's rather effective method for solving the standard Knights and Knaves dilemma.
  • Even better when it's revisited: The Test of the Memory.
  • "A Grand Experiment":
    • The names on Belkar's "Hate/Lust" list.
    • "Wild Empathy Check! WILD EMPATHY CHECK!!!"
  • The Sending spell having a strict 25-word limit.
    Roy: Holy crap, Nale!
    Nale: Long time no see.
    Roy: Damn, he's just some sort of mental projection into my brain!
    Nale: As you can no doubt tell, I am mentally projecting these words into your brain. So just sit there—
    [beat]
    Roy: ...hello?
    Nale: Ah, sorry. I forgot the spell has a limit of 25 words per spell casting. Never mind, where was I? Oh right, I was saying—
    [beat]
    Nale: Sorry, ran out of words again. Anyway, I was contacting you so that we might find a way, as fellow strategists, to come to an—
    [Roy facepalms]
    Nale: —DAMN STUPID SPELL! I mean, who can get anything really meaningful said in 25 frickin' words?! I'm going to find whoever designed this spell and—
  • Durkon grasps the core principles of V's theory.
  • Pompey rambling like a Card-Carrying Villain while Roy is right behind him.
    Roy: Shut up.
    Pompey: Shutting up, yessir.
  • "Getting paid to kill things: Cornerstone of the world economy."
  • After Miko uses a demon roach to escape her force cage, a hilarious little mini-scene which is easily missed:
    Demon Roach: It... it was horrible!
    Demon Roach #2: [holding up a little roach doll] Show me on the doll where she touched you.
  • "Innocent Man":
    • Thog attempts to explain the situation to the jailer. After he gives that unbearably awesome homophones speech, he crowns it with "What is offal?" Just hair-pullingly brilliant. "Oh my god!" you say, pulling your hair. "That's brilliant!"
    • The jailer refers to Thog as human offal at the start of that strip. Thog replies, "thog only HALF-human offal."
    • At the end of that strip, as Elan is crying for help:
      Elan: Can anyone hear me?!
      Thog: thog hears you.
      Elan: Can anyone ELSE hear me?!
  • Miko and Redcloak fight. Redcloak manages to weaken Miko and asks Xykon to kill her. However, Xykon is quite busy betting 200 gp on the fight with the Demon-Roaches... and he bets on Miko. And the Monster in the Darkness has a popcorn bucket and a giant hand, supporting Redcloak.
  • Lord Shojo's puppet show.
  • "All hands on deck! This is not a drill! Repeat: This is NOT a drill!!"
  • Haley's mind splits into pieces.
    "No-one asked you, Haley's Latent Bisexuality."
  • "Not How She Pictured It, Certainly":
    • Thog in a leprechaun suit.
    • "NALE!!!!" "NALE!!!!" "nale!!!!" (His expression at the third is priceless.)
      Nale: Okay, the first two I should have seen coming. The leprechaun suit? Not so much.
    • Sabine's got the same expression.
  • "The Cliffport Redemption":
  • After they break out of jail, Elan and Thog are forced to work together. Noodle Implements, Final Fantasy, leprechaun suits and hilarity ensue. Trust us, it makes sense in context.... Okay, we wouldn't use the word "sense".
    Thog: thog not get references.
  • "While singing the complete score to 'Meet Me in St. Louis'." Okay, maybe just for the musical-theatre geeks. The best part? According to the limitations of the Charm Person spell, singing showtunes while killing his teammates is something that's perfectly compatible with Belkar's nature.
    Vaarsuvius: While I enjoy the work of Judy Garland as much as does the next elf, I think perhaps we should see Miss Starshine for some well-tied restraints. A gag, in particular.
  • Nale tries to convince Elan that Haley has been working for the Linear Guild for ages.
    Elan: You can't expect me to believe something so-
    Nale: "Needlessly complicated"?
    Elan: Oh. Right.
  • Leggo My Ego!": Thog is apparently scared of Teletubbies.
    • His earnest joy at the group hug before being hit with "Hold Person" as well.
  • Roy's reaction, after sleeping through an entire battle with the Linear Guild.
  • With Xykon's army fast approaching Azure City, the leaders are quick to form a battle plan. However, due to time issues, they have to use figurines from booster packs, leading to some rather misleading representation.
    General: The lizardfolk are the archers, the yuan-ti are the pikemen, and the kobolds are the swordsmen.
    Hinjo: And those hobgoblins down there are the hobgoblins?
    General: No, sir, the bugbears are the hobgoblins. The hobgoblins are the zombies.
    Hinjo: Please tell me our chances of victory are better than the chances of finding the right miniatures.
  • "YAHTZEE!"
  • Teevo.
  • "This is your junk." And then everything afterward.
    Belkar: I sense a great disturbance... as if a thousand double-entendres cried out, and were suddenly silenced...
  • In "A Special Pre-Approved Offer", Sabine tries to convince Miko, a now-fallen Paladin into a Blackguard (she even trots out the Honest John-style sleaze: "Plus, for a limited time, we're offering 5000 gp cash back on qualified level trade-ins!"). That, in itself, is pretty funny, but the real side-splitter is when Miko looks like she's going to accept,...but then reaches around and snaps Sabine's neck. What makes this funny is that, due to Sabine being a demon, this doesn't kill her - it's not even a major injury, but it is annoying, since now her head is turned in the opposite direction.
    Sabine: Fine, be that way. But if you decide to sell your soul later, I can't guarantee I'll pay full market-value!
  • Belkar has two Devils instead of one of each because "the angel... doesn't work here anymore". Then the scene cuts to an angel in a straitjacket crying: "...and he kept stabbing them, again and again... He's a Halfling, he's supposed to be jolly... Why isn't he jolly? WHY ISN'T HE JOLLY?!"
  • Elan gets a note from Haley and Hinjo starts acting like a school teacher/principal; it only gets better from there.
    Hinjo: Is that a note?
    Elan: Uh, no, sir!
    Hinjo: What did I tell you and Miss Starshine about passing notes in my battle?
    Elan: That we should be paying attention to who we're fighting.
    Hinjo: That's right. Now hand it over.
    Elan: Awwww...
    Hinjo: You can get it back when I see you after the battle in my office. I mean throne room.
    Azurite Soldier: Ooooo, you are SO gonna get detention!
    Elan: I hope he doesn't notify Roy...
  • I killed a PC And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.
  • The ultimate duel between clerics.
  • Check it out, I totally conducted a job interview in the middle of a battle!
    Xykon:"AAAAAH! Goddamn it! I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!"
    • Even better, since Xykon has been a major Smug Snake, and it's good to see someone finally giving him a beating.
  • Haley watches as Roy's corpse falls into a newly-formed rift, and opts to fire an arrow at him to keep him from being lost forever... said arrow hits his groin.
    Haley: ...I'm sure Durkon can fix that, too.
    Don't Split the Party 
  • The angelic review of Roy, culminating in a graph showing Belkar's evil, measured in kiloNazis (first recorded use of that).
  • Followed by the ultimate Take That! by Roy.
    Roy: In lieu of Paradise, can I just get a picture of the exact look on his face?
  • Roy is taken on a tour of Paradise after his death. It's not quite what he was expecting.
    Roy: So... I could have all the one-night-stands I want, but I'd have to have them at my mom's house? Are you trying to make people feel guilty about sex?
    Roy's Archon: Actually, yes. We've found that our Lawful patrons generally expect it that way.
  • "Evil adventuring party." "It happens. C'mon, I'll take you fishing." The most hilarious part is how blasé everyone is about killing an adventuring party in the living room.
  • Hinjo's speech at Daigo and Kazumi's wedding, as well as setting off Tears of Joy in Elan at his clever working of plot details into a toast to the happy couple, includes a panel in which he praises the Katos' efforts at recruiting new soldiers from the refugees "... despite many setbacks." Of the four soldiers in the panel, one is holding his pike upside-down, one has his helmet on backwards, and one is unaware that her careless pike-handling has had fatal consequences for the soldier next to her.
  • Elan realizes the trolls are too stupid to get his puns.
    Elan: Uh oh. I may need to dumb down my puns.
    Hinjo: The gods help us all.
  • Most of Belkar's stuff on "A Momentary Experience", but the wights in the second panel deserve a mention:
    Wight 1: Did—did that halfling just hit me in the face with a pineapple??
    Wight 2: I think he did. Also, I think no one has ever asked that exact question in the history of civilization, so bonus points there.
  • The TRUE power in Azure City..
  • Tsukiko and her minion have no idea where the party went, despite the giant "secret door" symbol on an obvious door. Before that, Belkar thanks her for flying, offering all males a nice Panty Shot (or better/worse, if she were Going Commando).
    Belkar: On behalf of all the men in the city, thank you for wearing a short skirt while flying. You've given me a lot to think about. Heh.
  • "Yeah... kick that string's ass, Mr. Scruffy."
  • "Supreme Leader, I have that lampshade you requested."
  • "Hello? Mommy?"
  • "Slow and Steady My Ass!" Look at the turtle. And in the next strip, "At Least The Turtle Escaped On His Own" as well as the grammar lessons.
  • The Island of Cyclops.
  • Roy's ghost trying to get the Oracle's attention... with D&D-themed yo mama jokes.
    Roy: Yo mama's so fat, they use a grapefruit for her miniature.
    Yo mama's so fat, she can't even see her feats.
    Yo mama's so fat, her Speed is listed as "Hell no!"
  • Made even better when the Oracle casually reveals that he has been able to hear Roy the entire time by commenting on Roy's mom.
    Oracle: XP don't earn itself, my mama always said — who may have been a bit portly due to a glandular condition, but at least she didn't whore up the whole Afterlife when she died.
  • After Belkar sets off his Mark of Justice:
    The Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo: Hello, this is the giant illusory head of Lord Shojo speaking. If you're seeing this implanted message, you have violated the terms of your Greater Mark of Justice because you inflicted lethal damage within the bounds of a city, town, or village, strayed more than one mile from Roy, or cheesed Roy off enough for him to say the magic command word.
    Roy's ghost: Well, I guess I can finally stop worrying about accidentally saying the word "squiddleydoodlefluffer" in casual conversation.
    The Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo: The designated curse will now take effect. Sucks to be you, I guess.
  • The billboard for the town that was built by the Oracle: "Lickmyorangeballshalfling".
    No, seriously, give 'em a good once-over!
  • When Roy returns to Fluffy Cloud Heaven, his father is griping about 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons rules while Roy's Archon DMs.
    Roy: I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
    Eugene: Good, then you can tell me what page it says you don't die til -10 HP.
    Roy's Archon: I already told you, in this edition, that's an optional rule that we're not using! You're dead at 0 hp!
    Eugene: Well, that's a stupid rule and they should change it!
    Roy's Archon: They did!
  • Durkon doesn't approve of Banjoists or Gigglesists.
    Durkon: But...but thar na real gods! Thar puppets! Cannae ya see tha thar just puppets?!?
    Elan: The only way to settle this dispute between two gods is with a pie-eating contest!
    Orcs: hooray!
    Durkon: PUPPETS CANNAE EVEN EAT PIE!!!
  • Elan is trying to have a secret meeting with Therkla, only to get interrupted by Qarr, and then by talking trees
  • Kazumi Kato, in the middle of her psychotic pregnant rage, encounters a ninja who begs for his life, as he has children too. Her response?
    Kazumi: Oh yeah? Did you go through six months of hemorrhoids to get them? Turn around and I'll show you exactly what that feels like.
    Kazumi: Who cares how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!
  • The Groin Attack Unsound Effect in 586
  • "Sit on me head."
    Hinjo: ...What?
    Durkon: Sit on me head.
  • The reason Argent has a silvered bite.
    Lord Shojo: Look, I'm sorry he needs his teeth filled, but it's not my fault! You said it was OK to feed him table scraps when you were gone!
    Hinjo: A 20-lb. tub of strawberry frosting does not qualify as a "table scrap"!
    Lord Shojo: Then you obviously haven't been eating at the right tables!
  • Elan finally grasps sarcasm.
  • "A word of advice: If you're going to do business with criminals, don't pick a nickname based on any body part you can't afford to lose. *sigh* I shoulda listened to Appendix Steve when he tried to warn me."
  • "My mouth feels like a cool mountain spring!" "My last breath... is also my mintiest...."
    • "Excuse me, are you sufficiently distracted?"
  • "Let's not be hasty".
  • In "This Happens to Telemarketers All the Time", Vaarsuvius shows us their various takes on the classic Dungeons & Dragons "Bigby's Hand" spells, culminating in Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit.
  • The choir of pedophiles, and the fact that their faux-Latin is a perfect syllabic match to "One-Winged Angel".
  • Haley acquires the necessary diamond to resurrect Roy by stealing it from the cast page. After that, the cast page is revised so that Haley is now holding a card saying "I.O.Me One big-ass diamond" instead.
  • One of the longest Call Backs: Elan remarks at a freshly resurrected and naked Roy: "You're invisible!"
  • Haley dismisses Celia.

    Blood Runs in the Family 
  • "12 silvers and some pieces of string is sort of a waste of my talents.
    Belkar: Mr. Scruffy calls dibs on the string!
    Elan: Awww, man!
  • The Elf Who Cried Raven: None of the Order seems to remember Blackwing, even though in the past they had to remind V the elf had a familiar. V's growing frustration only helps seal the deal.
    Vaarsuvius: Look- look here. He is perched upon my shoulder this very moment.
    Belkar: I don't see anything.
    Vaarsuvius: That is because you have the sensory acuity of loose gravel, you moron!
    Belkar: ...Did you just call me a cutie?
  • Belkar is saturated with spice. A giant worm is attracted to spice. Roy seems to have played Minecraft.
    Roy: If we dangle him in front of what passes for its nose, it will move forward to find the source of the smell...
    Durkon: An' carry us wit' it!
    Haley: Like a donkey with a carrot!
    Belkar: Wait just a goddamn minute! Hasn't anyone considered how I might feel about this? About the danger this puts me in? Hasn't anyone weight whether or not it's ethically acceptable to use me like- Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, gods, I almost got through that with a straight face. Heh heh, man. OK, dangle away.
  • "I'll nay let ye corrupt this fine town, ye date-bearing bitch!"
  • When the Order's first lead on Girard's Gate turns out to be a false lead, Vaarsuvius plans on leaving a message in case Girard scrys the area. To help, Elan writes into the sand 'HELP! THERE'S A EPIC SORESIRER LITCH COMMING 2 TAKE YOU'RE GATE!!1! LUV, ELAN"
    Roy: ...So, are you planning on—
    Vaarsuvius: There will be a proofing stage, yes.
  • "Stopping for Direction":
    Belkar: Fine, but don't say I don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
    Roy: You don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
    Belkar: ...True.
  • On Gobbotopia history
    Monster In The Dark: Wow, this is interesting. I didn't know goblins invented guacamole, alternate-side-of-the-street parking, and the oboe.
    Demon Roach: Their place among the damned is secure.
  • "Dancing Knights!"
  • "This Whole Time, He'd Thought of It as the Snack That Got Away":
    • "Puns are for girls."
    • From the same one:
      Gannji: Get your blue ass up.
      Enor: But the elf said to sit on my hands.
      Gannji: You don't have hands, you moron! You have claws!
      Enor: Oh yeah.
      Gannji: For the record, you'll also be safe if it tells you to sit on your brain.
    • To make three — Blackwing dramatically enters the scene as Gannji and Enor are about to run off with having captured Haley and Vaarsuvius.
      Blackwing: STOP!
      Blackwing: Before you take my wizard away, I just have one question.
      [turns to the prostrate Vaarsuvius] So you're saying that purple lizard was you?
      Vaarsuvius: *sigh*
  • #723:
    • "Heredity is a cruel mistress."
    • Most of Tarquin and Elan's first meeting, especially on Tarquin's end — given that this is an evil overlord acting just as much like a giddy ten-year-old as Elan does. In addition to the above line, when Tarquin and Elan are gushing about how awesome the dramatic reveal was, Malack and V are wearing matching "you have got to be kidding me: another one?" scowls. In the next strip — which is even better if you imagine them with long-suffering sighs.
      Malack: Is yours always like this?
      V: Yes. Yours?
      Malack: Sadly.
    • And it goes on — from Elan and Tarquin shouting "hooray!" in unison when Haley agrees to stay, to the two of them being giddy over having juggling clowns (which juggle tinier clowns) at their festival. It's funny then, and given what we learn about Tarquin later it's even funnier in retrospect.
  • The Gilligan Cut between Tarquin's conquest and Tarquin running for his life with a young Nale (blowing a raspberry) in tow.
  • And now there're two, back-to-back:
  • Dinosaur rides are the perfect solution to any ethical quandary.
  • "YOU DID!"
  • Elan's Imagine Spot when he really wants Roy to meet his Dad.
    Tarquin: Since Roy's father is dead, I've decided to legally adopt him! Now you're for-real brothers!
    Roy and Elan: Hooray!
    Tarquin: Also you both get puppies.
  • Durkon wishes there was a way to keep in touch with fellow cleric Malack.
    • Fortunately, Malack has such a thing.
      macebook: Macebook helps you connect and share with the clerics in your life. Add Durkon Thundershield as a friend? Durkon will have to confirm that you are friends.
    • See the activity feed...
      Kotor, Paladin of Marduk is smackin' dragons, yo.
      Kotor, Paladin of Marduk has updated his location.
      Nyr-Atul, Priest of Tiamat has updated his location.
      Kotor, Paladin of Marduk joined the group Need a Rez.
  • This exchange:
    Durkon: Lass! Dinnae ye think ye've drank enough?!?
    Haley: Depends. Am I drunk enough yet that later, I won't remember getting out-logicked by Elan?
    Durkon: Och! Na. Ye'll need at least two more pints for that.
    Elan: I'll go order another round.
  • "Caress, caress, caress, caress my lithe supple body!"
  • The Empress of Blood flying despite an enormous round and bloated body, and disproportionately small wings.
    Empress: I am here! I am your ruler! Look at me! I am cool, but I am also very warm! Woooo!
    Elan: She can FLY???
    Tarquin: Quite the stumper, isn't it?
    Vaarsuvius: I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner.
    Empress: If anyone needs me, I will be up here on my throne, being awesome!
  • There's a certain sadistic hilarity to Tarquin's irritation when his plan to impress Elan goes wrong. Said plan involved Elan's name being set up in gigantic flaming letters on the mountainside, which does impress Elan until Tarquin reveals that the letters are made of escaped slaves being burned at the stake. While Elan continues to stare in horror, Tarquin grumbles to himself, "Crap, the three prisoners at the bottom of the E burned out early. Now it looks like I just really like custard." Bonus points for the flashback panel of drunk ranting Haley. Yes, Haley, that is exactly what it will take.
    Haley: What the heck is it going to take for you to see that your dad is bad news? Do you need, like, 200-foot-tall flaming letters or something?
  • Elan and Tarquin's duel is possibly the largest Hurricane of Puns in the series.
  • The glorious hurricane of Genre Savvy and Shout Outs in "Plotting Something".
    Tarquin: But the way these things go, you'll probably end up losing a hand or eye or something.
    Elan: Oh, right. Like, a big burn on the side of my face, at the very least.
  • In Small Talk, Malack, Durkon, and Vaarsuvius chat about frivolous things, while in the background, Elan is (apparently) updating Haley about his recent experience with Tarquin.
    Malack: -So then I said, "I don't care that late, Acolyte Prilak, I'm not going to repeat the conversation we all just had."
    Durkon: Aye, why should everyone need ta listen ta tha same thing o'er again?
    Malack: Exactly! I mean, it was too wordy by half the first time.
  • "Beneath our love... Can't we just stick with beds?"
  • As it turns out, "preparation" is a virtue in the Empire of Blood's guard staff.
  • In order to sneak into the Empire of Blood's prison, Haley drinks a Potion of Glibness, which boosts her already high Bluff skill to such a high level she can effortlessly convince anyone of anything, no matter how ridiculous:
    Haley: You don't hear or see us.
    1st Guard: Huh. Must be a trick of the light.
    Haley: You actually don't work here anymore.
    2nd Guard: Crap! How am I gonna pay my mortgage?!
    Haley: You're actually a yellow-footed rock wallaby.
    3rd Guard: Screw this guard stuff then, I'm gonna go find a wizard to polymorph me back. [hops off]
    4th Guard: INTRUDERS!
    Haley: Nope.
    4th Guard: FALSE ALARM!
  • When Haley introduces her father to Roy, and Ian Starshine deduces what is happening.
    Roy: Actually, your daughter works for me, Mr. Starshine, not the other way around. I'm the leader of the Order of the Stick.
    Ian: Oh, I see. [sotto voce, to Haley] Good work, Kitten. Always let the stuffed shirts think they're in charge. This way, you can subtly manipulate them into doing what you need without them realizing that you arranged it all from the shadows.
    Haley: No, Dad—
    Roy: And for that matter, we didn't come here to rescue you. We're here in this region on a totally unrelated mission. It's just sheer coincidence that we happened to get thrown in the same cell block as you.
    Ian: [sotto voce, to Haley] Wow. You've gotten good at this.
  • "Okay, yes, but it was consensual every time, sir!"
    Geoff: Make peace with your god.
    Elan: I can't! He's in my pocket!
  • Shortly after, when Haley tells Roy to bust her father out when he escapes.
    Roy: ...OK. Yeah, OK, I'll do it. You're his daughter. I guess at his age, you have a right to determine where he lives for his own good. It's sort of like putting him in a nursing home, only you're taking him AWAY from the abusive staff and daily loss of human dignity.
  • Belkar threatening to cut a goat's nipples off if it gives cows milk to Mr. Scruffy.
  • Two gladiators and a guard getting eaten by an Allosaurus, while they're trying to figure out whether thumbs down means to execute the loser or not.
  • Mr. Scruffy attempting to save his master... and suceeding.
  • #784: When the Allosaurus is freed, everyone has looks of shock and/or astonishment on their faces. Except for Vaarsuvius, who looks mildly concerned.
  • "No Time for Losers":
    • After a few comics building up the gladiatorial champion of the Empire of Blood, we finally get to see who it is. It's the Queen reference that really sells it.
    • And Roy's reaction is priceless. He goes from not wanting to even fight to this:
      Roy: Give me the sword. Then run.
  • And then the actual fight, next comic...
    Thog: thog says, "fudge the police!"
  • "Also, His Popularity Has Waned":
  • Elan effectively weaponizes his Contractual Genre Blindness. Elan expresses surprise that Nale is alive. Nale points out that a villain "dying" off-panel means they're certain to come back. Elan replies that of course he knows that, but the trope requires the hero to believe the villain is dead for it to work. It's Elan's incredibly smug expression that makes it work. The fact that for once he managed to out-smug Nale is the icing on the cake.
  • Two for Vaarsuvius in the same strip:
    V: I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is, "Sneak Attack, bitch."

    V: By all means, feel free to attempt to murder your own ally. I believe he just ceased his struggles against my mental commands to shoot you.note 
  • "Bound to Happen": Look closely at the next-to-last panel: He's handing her a sword. Go Elan!
    Elan: Wow, this whole "identical twin" thing has never worked out in my favor before!
  • "Celestial tree sloth attack!!"
    Sabine: Ahhhh! It's hanging on me! Get it off! Get it off!!
    Nale: He's getting away! Ignore it, it's just an illusion.
    Sabine: How do you know?
    Nale: You mean besides the phrase "Celestial tree sloth attack?"
  • "Holy Enunciation":
    • Durkon, noticing Elan being dropped a considerable height by Sabine, prepares to cast "Cleric's Feather Fall", more commonly known as "Heal".
    • Not to mention how he can't cast a spell because his god and his helpers can't make out his accent.
  • "Except Maybe the Undead"
    Roy: I guess the question is, where is Vaarsuvius now if not out here?
    Blackwing: Banished to another plane. Also, Elan took Haley to the palace to warn Durkon.
    Belkar: [slightly freaked out] Who said that?
    Roy: That bird. I think it's the one who's been on V's shoulder these past two weeks.
    Belkar: It can talk?
    Roy: No, probably not. I think it's some sort of magical message that was triggered when I asked were V was, like a Magic Mouth spell. Those were V's words, just coming out of the bird's beak.
    Blackwing: You are both ignorant cretins.
    Roy: See?
    Belkar: Yeah, I guess you're right.
  • The last 2 panels of 812. The title is "And Yet, the Canned Meat Merchant Still Gets Through".
  • Tarquin is quite understanding that Elan has to run off.
    Tarquin: Think nothing of it, Elan. We've all had that one adventure that suddenly turned into a race.
    Adventurer: [in flashback] If Tarquin and his party get their hands on the Lost Treasure of Sdigiji, they'll have enough money to raise an army of ten thousand men! For the sake of everyone on the continent, we cannot fail!
    Tarquin: [present] Spoiler alert: They failed.
  • From "General Assistance", when Tarquin gives Elan a flying carpet:
    Tarquin: At any rate, I'm happy to put at your disposal any or all of the resources of my kingdom.
    Elan: [looking at carpet] How do you control it?
    Tarquin: Fear and intimidation, mostly, though a little torture here and there helps.
    [Elan looks at Tarquin, horrified]
    Tarquin: Or did you mean the carpet? Just pull on one of the tassels.
  • Three ingredients: One Genre Savvy dictator, one egotistical, invisible idiot, and a Ring of True Seeing, and you have the recipe for a pointed "Gotcha" glare and a massive and hilarious Oh, Crap!.
  • Tarquin knew the entire time that there was a drow spy in his court disguised as a high elf, but didn't realize he worked for Nale. He assumed the dark elf hierarchy was scouting him for an alliance... so he sent them fruit baskets. Just the idea of the drow's reaction to a bunch of random fruit baskets showing up on their doorstep is hilarious.
  • And two strips later, Nale complaining that his dad's Genre Savvy didn't work in regards to Elan:
    Nale: Sure. You're the one who taught me that bards are underpowered.
    Tarquin: They are! With their mastery of the narrative structure, they should be ruling the entire cosmos by now!
  • At the end of "Raiders of the Lost Plot Arc", Tarquin makes a dramatic statement.
    Tarquin: ...Well?
    Nale: I'm not saying, "Dunh dunh DUNH!" for you.
    Tarquin: That is not how I raised you, young man!
  • Nale has created a new Linear Guild, but still needs a kobold...
    Chancellor Kilkil: ...Why are you all looking at me like that?
  • In an example of Black Comedy, Redcloak hires some "interior decorators" for the resistance base:
    Redcloak: By which I mean they'll mostly be decorating with your interiors.
  • "Loose Ends":
    • Another example of Black Comedy from our favorite goblin, there's his nonchalant admission to killing Tsukiko. What really sells it is how confused he looks at everyone else's shocked reactions.
      Xykon: OK, then, let's cast off, ye evil mateys! Where's what's-her-name, the chick with the pigtails?
      Jirix: Tsukiko? She was here when the sewer team reported in...
      Xykon: Anyone seen her since?
      Jirix: No.
      Monster in the Darkness: No.
      Redcloak: Not since I brutally murdered her ten minutes ago, no.
      [next panel]
      Redcloak: What? Does that count? I guess that counts.
    • That whole page is a good example of the classic Team Evil comedy we've come to love (especially the Demon-Roach comments in panels 4 and 8).
      Xykon: Hmmm, don't think this change of heart means I'm letting you grow your eye back.
      Redcloak: It never crossed my mind.
      Xykon: Good! I like you this way. It's like we have a grumpy pirate on the team.
      Demon-Roach: And thus began the Legend of Arrrghcloak!
  • Belkar's revenge on Yukyuk for hurting Mr. Scruffy. Also the fact that V and Belkar seem to be totally in sync with each other for it.
  • The Order makes it to the Windy Canyon!
    Roy: So, let's see... divinations aren't working and flight is being blocked by the wind, which we can't fix in any way. Do any of you have any magic that will actually HELP us find Girard at all?
    [next panel]
    Elan: [singing] Search, search, search, search the canyon for Girard's Gate!
  • "Either Way, Really":
    • The conversation between Roy and Haley in the last three panels. Now, bear in mind the page's title while reading that.
    • There's also V and Durkon's list of the ways human senses are inferior to the other player races.
  • The Order is trying to find Girard's gate, but the Draketooths are dead and unwilling to be resurrected by a Lawful Good person. So they try to use Speak With Dead on one of the Draketooths to find out where the gate is. The problem is, the spell allows the use of Literal Genie for answers.
    Roy: Where in Windy Canyon is Girard's Gate?
    Corpse: Around... the rift...
    Roy: OK, then, where is Girard's rift?
    Corpse: It lay... between... Girard's... buttcheeks.
    Elan: The tragic loss to the field of ass comedy diminishes us all.
  • "Under the Helmet": Roy figures out that the Thog they're fighting isn't Thog and tries to take off the enemy's helmet; only to find a person wearing a mask with the word NOPE! printed on it.
    Tarquin: Totally worth wearing a mask under my helmet for two days.
    Elan: Oh man! I should have known knowing something would never work out!
  • "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
  • Qarr's Screw This, I'm Outta Here! with Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness:
    Malack: This trap appears to be airtight. I don't have any spells suitable to opening it. Do you?
    Qarr: I don't think that's really the question that needs to be asked here. I think a more relevant question would be: "Do I or do I not have my own agenda?" To which the answer is "Bye!" (pop)
    Malack: Hrrrm. Typical fiend behavior.
  • "Pop Goes Pop":
    • "WHAT ABOUT THE DAMN MANSION WHORES? GEEZ, YOUR OLD LADY'S BEEN GONE FOR ONLY 18 SECONDS! KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL AFTER THE BATTLE."
    • "ELAN, IS IT COOL IF I KILL YOUR BROTHER WHAT CAN'T HEAR YOUR ANSWER SORRY!"
    • Tarquin's non sequitur about why he knows Drow sign language.
  • "Looking for Regroup":
    • The medication Tarquin calls "cleric-in-a-can".
    • Even better is label, which looks just like one you'd see on any sort of medicine.
      Drug Facts
      Active Ingredient: Magic 71%
      Inactive Ingredients: Petroleum jelly, glycerin, heart of a virgin collected on his/her wedding night, fragrance.
    • Also, Roy trying to explain why he didn't let Elan join in the fight.
  • "Bet It Would Get Funded on Kickstarter":
    • Elan insisting on turning the strip into a Recap Episode because of the three-month delay caused by the Giant's hand injury, only to ultimately lose track of what he was saying and going into a story about a thumb knight fighting glass (basically the cause of said injury).
    • Belkar, who's just had his hearing restored, begging Durkon to re-deafen him so he doesn't have to listen.
  • "Lesson Fail":
    • Belkar's encounter with Malack starts with him surprised that he ran into him instead of Vaarsuvius.
      Belkar: What the—? You're not an elf at all!
      Malack: Nor have I ever been mistaken for one.
    • This is followed by Belkar trying to kill Malack... and getting completely curbstomped.
    • Belkar leaps at Malack; Malack casts Hold Person while Belkar is still mid-air; then the paralyzed Belkar falls on Malack with a "bonk!"
  • "Just a Couple of Blooddrinkers":
    • During Durkon's confrontation with Malack, he expresses shock over the reveal that Malack is a vampire, leading to this little exchange.
      Malack: Frankly, I assumed my lack of body heat would have given it away before this point.
      Durkon: I just thought yer cold 'cause reptiles're coldblooded.
      Malack: Actually, when active, exothermic organisms like reptiles have comparable body temperatures to—
      Durkon: I DINNAE WANT A SCIENCE LESSON RIGHT NOW!!!
    • When Malack casts Poison on Durkon, he smirks and says it tastes like "my mum's crabapple cobbler". (Dwarves have a high resistance to poison.)
  • "It's a Boy!":
    • Tarquin treating the newly vampirized Durkon like a newborn baby.
    • And purposefully Comically Missing the Point at Nale's insult so he can turn it back on Nale.
    • Immediately followed by Kilkil suddenly remembering to tell Tarquin that his "Father of the Year" plaque came in the mail.
  • "Fiend Swap":
    • Nale describing Sabine as a "tireless champion of evil", only for a cutaway scene showing her lying on a couch in the lower planes watching TV and channel-surfing.
    • Tarquin tells Nale he's leaving him in charge of finishing off the Order... at which point Nale reminds him he's already in charge.
      Tarquin: Oh, right.
  • Qarr completely failing against the combined forces of V and Blackwing's logic. Especially at the end.
    Blackwing: He's not stopping us from going up [the tunnel they fell down].
    Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt must have descended into the pyramid.
    Qarr: Oh, come ON! Now you're just guessing!
  • Ah crap, not this guy again.
  • It may be just an illusion but the Empress of Blood as a bridesmaid is hilarious. And Minister Malack in a black pope hat.
  • While #889 is a tearjerking and awesome moment for Elan, he still manages to offer a bit of levity at the end, providing a genre savvy lampshade like a good bard should.
  • Elan's Song of Freedom. He turns into a country music star. Seriously.
    Belkar: My gods... it's true... I am being punished for a lifetime of bad deeds — I have to listen to country music!
  • When Roy asks Elan to use any song that boosts saving throws, congratulates him on doing a good job as a bard and apologizes for snapping at him, Elan's reaction is to think that they are still in the fantasy.
  • How does Nale realize he's in a fantasy?
  • And after Nale triggers a trap (but survives it):
    Nale: Whoa! Did you see that?
    Malack: Yes.
    Nale: Before or after I triggered it ?
    Malack: ...
  • The Linear Guild discovering that Girard's Gate is in another pyramid. Because Girard and his family have a huge stone saying so in the innermost chamber. It is actually the gate.
  • One of the best anti-climaxes in the story of this webcomic. Xykon arrives at Girard's pyramid, fulfilling the Oracle's prophecy... and the pyramid explodes five seconds later.
  • A blink-and-you'll-miss it gag in #900, which serves as a Take That! to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: a demon-roach dressed in a fedora carrying a whip survives the Gate explosion by hiding inside a tiny refrigerator. It's also kind of a Take That, Us since The Order just survived the explosion by hiding in a coffin. The Roach is an acknowledgement of the source material.
  • Vampire Thrall Durkon asking Malack if they should go looking for the second pyramid (after the hidden gate in the first was blown up). Malack: "No."
  • Roy is forced to fight with Haley's bow, and does pretty well up until he runs into a problem; Where does Haley keep her arrows?
    Belkar: Geez, what is it with that guy and needing to figure out all the fiddly little details?
    Haley: I know, right? It's called, "Suspension of Disbelief," Roy!
  • Nale and his Drow ally try to recruit the now free-willed Vampire Durkon in the Linear Guild. His response?
    Durkon: Aye... mebbe I haf changed. But tha two o' ye're still tha same old dicks!
He promptly cracks them both in the head with a single swing.
  • Tarquin announcing his test to Haley is really funny, in a Black Comedy sort of way.
    Tarquin: Now that I know you come from such lowly stock, I need to make sure you're worthy of dating Elan. A father can't be too careful. He is my only son, you know.
    Haley: Starting two minutes ago!
    Tarquin: Right, which is why I need to be more careful going forward. Try to keep up.
  • Tarquin decides to kill Roy and the others so Elan can be the sole hero. While about to be hit by a rain of arrows, Belkar says this gem to Roy.
    Belkar: Can't we go back to dealing with your daddy issues?
  • #918 is full of 'em. From Sabine being punished for breaking the TV with cleaning duty, to Elan rubbing the fact that he's in a support role in his father's face, to the souls of the Empire's mooks piling up in Lee's inbox, what's not to love?
    Elan: [singing] Rub, rub, rub, rub my father's face in my uselessness!
  • #921:
    • V casually disposes of a squadron of pterodactyl riders, cutting off Haley's battle plan for dealing with them.
      Haley: Oh, right. Wizard.
      Blackwing: And THAT'S what you get for oppressing my clade brothers and sisters! BAM!
    • Tarquin's interactions with his other two teammates, who have even less respect for his narrative-structure views on things than Malack did. Laurin even calls him out on his parenting and Miron says that he's really not seeing the profit in Tarquin's current actions. Both admit they're not helping his army because they see that as enabling him.
    • "Oh, that reminds me: The Weeping King loves that splashy butt-washing thing she installed for him."
  • #922: Belkar tames an Allosaurus, and then sics it on Tarquin's soldiers!
    Belkar: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
    Flee! Flee before me, worms!!
    Roy: OK, now I know we're doomed. Belkar is acting like a ranger.
  • The Order is fighting Team Tarquin. They've had a couple Hope Spots, but now it seems like all is lost. Tarquin refuses to listen to Elan. What happens? Elan's plan from before they even found the pyramid comes back, in the form of Julio Scoundrél and the airship Mechane.
    Elan: [to a confused Roy] Don't look at me like that, there were like a ton of hints on this one.
  • It's rather hilarious that Elan's plan hinged on the Order somehow screwing up protecting the Gate and blowing it up just like the other two Gates they tried to protect. Roy admits that Elan had a point. Roy also tells Elan to stop retroactively justifying his plot twists.
  • "His Number One Fan":
    • Durkon in bat form (Panel 6) still has his beard!
    • In the same page, Julio Scoundrél makes 3 carpet-related puns in one strip. Witness the power of a Dashing Swordsman!
    • Blackwing telling a polymorphed Bloodfeast how much of a fan he is of his work.
  • When Laurin stops V from disposing of Tarquin.
    Blackwing: Ooooooo! Caster fight! Caster fight!
    Varsuvius: Shush.
    Blackwing: caster fight!
The title of the next strip is "Caster Fight".
  • V's arsenal during the aforementioned fight includes Forcecage, Cone of Cold, Dimensional Anchor, Resilient Sphere, and Bird to the Face.
    Blackwing: Also, I totally snagged a bauble!
V's firm insistance that V did not order hir familiar to do that.
Varsuvius: I assure you my companion's decisions are reflective of nothing — least of all rational planning.
  • The final panel of #936 is tragically hilarious.
    Tarquin: THIS IS A TERRIBLE ENDING!!!
  • A hat-trick of funny moments in #937:
  • "Order of the Stick: Order Stickier"? Try again, Elan.
  • Belkar's fears of Vampire Durkon in #939. You get the feeling he's just being contrary because with a vampire on the team, his position as Token Evil Teammate is being threatened. And his comment about him now being a hipster because he gave blood before it was cool.
  • Ian Starshine finally warming up to Elan:
    Ian: Maybe you're not a diabolical sleeper agent out to infiltrate my family and destroy everything I've worked for.
    Elan: Truly, that's all any man can hope to hear from his girlfriend's father.
  • The major Brick Joke about the shop keeper from #136 that's revealed in #942. Turns out he's Haley's cousin.
  • In #943:
    • Julio Scoundrél decides to leave the ship in Elan's hands for his adventure, while he takes a holiday away, which Elan reads about in a letter. Turns out Julio is right behind him, doing the voiceover through a can. Elan goes with it anyway. Made even funnier when you realize that Elan was upset about Julio leaving without him saying goodbye — the overwrought "Farewell dear Captain" is him rectifying that while still playing along!
    • Another Brick Joke — Haley reveals that she was only kidding when she acted like she didn't remember Blackwing, just to "bust V's chops", which Blackwing congratulates her on. Elan, on the other hand, seems to honestly not recognize him.
      Elan: Wow! A talking bird!
      Blackwing: So is he also just—
      Haley: Probably not, no.
    • This is immediately followed by him turning to something completely unrelated without skipping a beat.

    Utterly Dwarfed 
  • The High Priest of Hel's reaction to Durkon's childhood.
    "If I wasn't made of negative energy, I would yarf."
    • And why, exactly, are we seeing this heartfelt memory of young Durkon and his mother? Because the vampire spirit needs to know how Durkon would react to a bolt of lightning striking an airship's engines.
    "Durkon:" THOR'S NUTS!
  • Elan taking his role as a healer seriously, resulting in asking Banjo whether or not to heal, and telling the random crewman he's healing that he has so much to live for, since he's only been in three pages so far. And when Elan leans in to heal him, he accidentally stabs the crewmember in the chest with Banjo's scalpel. Not to mention the fact that Banjo (a hand puppet, mind you) actually has a tiny labcoat, surgical mask, otolaryngologist's mirror, and yes, scalpel.
  • "Spell It Out":
  • Busted.
  • He has the proper spell! That proves he can't possibly be Durkon!
  • "Takes One to Know One":
    • Apparently, all interactions between Belkar and Durkon are of the physical, nicknaming or insulting kind (specifically, of the body odor kind).
    • Belkar's face when fake-Durkon orders him to jump overboard.
      Belkar: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
    • Then right after:
      Belkar: I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm summer days!!
  • "Collision Testing":
    • Belkar is given a psionic dagger by V from the spoils of their adventure in the desert. He immediately tests it on Not-Durkon.
      Belkar: Well, it's about time I got a magic weapon upgrade! The bard's gotten two, and he fights like an incontinent weasel.
      Vaarsuvius: I defer to your greater experience with both fisticuffs and mustelid evacuation habits.
    • After testing his new weapon, Belkar is again compelled to jump overboard. We see him being recovered by an unsmiling Roy, then he pays another visit to Vaarsuvius.
      Belkar: Works fine, thanks.
    • This exchange:
  • "Internal Struggles":
    • One of Durkon's memories has him and Roy fighting a giant frog. The frog chomps down on Roy, leaving only his legs exposed... and Durkon spends a few rounds wondering what Roy's leg twitches mean.
      Durkon: [just after Roy gets eaten] Lad? Are ye OK? Roy, lad, d'ye need help? Just wiggle yer foot if'n ye want me ta help. [Roy kicks his legs a few times]... OK, I dinnae know if tha were ye wigglin' yer foot intentionally, or if'n yer foot were movin' incident'lly 'cause yer bein' swallowed. Mebbe try kickin' yer feet tagether if'n ya want me ta get involved?
      [Roy kills the frog from within and pulls himself out]
      Roy: Okay, new party rule: From now on, if one member of the team is being eaten, go ahead and assume that you should do something about that.
    • Just prior to the above, while viewing a continuation of the dinner party scene from the previous strip:
      HPoH: Turn it off. I'm going to get lulled into oblivion if I have to watch any more of this.
      Durkon: Is tha a thing tha c'n happen?
      HPoH: No.
      Durkon: Darn.
  • #966 takes the time to shill the release of Blood Runs in the Family.
    Elan: Oh! That reminds me! I've been meaning to ask...
    Bandana: No, just 'cause you have an airship does not mean the main plot will stand still while y'all fly around and finish up all the sidequests you missed. Why does somebody always ask that?
  • In Craft Wondrous Bauble, a gnome turns the ioun stone Blackwing got from Laurin in the last arc into a ring and fits it onto the familiar's leg.
    Gnome Artificer: Ha ha, looks good! Because really, who wants an annoying little thing zipping around, flying in front of your face when you're trying to cast?
    Vaarsuvius: I concur, but unfortunately he is my familiar and I am stuck with him.
    [beat]
    Blackwing: [staring at ring] So shiny...
    Vaarsuvius: [sigh] Come.
  • "Next Week They're Getting Drab":
    • Roy trying to get Durkon some help.
      Gnome Cleric: TURN UNDEAD!
      Durkon: Turn? Ye couldnae turn a year older on yer birthday.
    • Also:
      Roy: Since my friend hasn't done anything wrong and he's actively trying to fix his condition, I'm not going to let you chop off his head and fill it with holy wafers.
      Gnome Cleric: ...They're very tasty wafers.
      Roy: Still no.
  • Comic 970, Haley buys some wands.
    Elan: Wow, thanks, Haley! Those will really come in—
    Haley: Hey, hands off! They're not for you, Elan!
    Elan: But... you're not a spellcaster.
    Haley: So what? All you really need to do is wave it around and say the command word. Vaarsuvius has been helping me out with those ones I looted off Zz'dtri's body.
    [flashback to a wand having exploded in Haley's face]
    V: What is so tragic is that constitutes a marked improvement in technique.
  • In comic 972, Crystal actually seems smarter as a flesh golem (or at the very least, more focused). Though she is still ditzy enough to utter this gem:
    Crystal: I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT!
  • Comic 973: "YOU KILLED ME!" "Yes, I know! I was there! Geez!"
  • On page 974, Bozzok is watching Crystal the Flesh Golem chase down Haley through a slot on a door, gloating that nothing can stop him from watching her demise, only for the chase to turn a corner.
  • #976 has Haley and Bandana burst into a weapons shop to get adamantine weapons and then literally throw a bag of money at the gnome couple who run the shop and were falling on very hard times. Literally, they yank the weapons out of the gnome's hand, chuck a huge bag of money at him without even looking, and start slashing up Crystal the moment she bursts through the wall. The sheer Mood Whiplash of poverty-stricken gnomes weeping about their hard times being suddenly turned around by a random case of adventurers and a flesh golem is hilarious. What's even more is their final decision. "We can afford to retire to the tropics." "Let's do that one."
  • After Haley kills off Golem Crystal, she wordlessly flies over to Bandana and one of the Department of Gnomeland Security members. After a few moments of silence, cut to... the three of them and Elan eating brunch together, a Brick Joke to the four passes Haley got when she haggled the Mechane's repair costs down.
  • As the High Priest of Hel tricks Roy into going to the temple of Hoder (where the priests wear blindfolds on duty, ergo they can't tell he's a vampire), Roy notices that since "Durkon" is walking, the priests will eventually notice there's two sets of footsteps but only one breath, and tells "Durkon" to breathe again. As it turns out, the HPoH... isn't very good at it.
    HPoH: GwwooofBEWAAAAAARRR! GwooBWWWWRRR! GwoooBWEEEERRR!
    Hoderite Priest: Ah, a soulful bagpipe dirge for his departed friend.
    Hoderite Priestess: My feels have been hit for maximum damage!
  • The High Priest's plan is going swimmingly, he's finally figured out where the pilgrims are going, and is ready to start a side quest to "cure Durkon"... and due to Roy being mindful of the time constraints and sheer poor luck, his scheme ends up being derailed. The vampire spirit's fury is priceless, as well as the implication the Hoderites got an inkling of what was going on in the process.
  • Episode 989: Veldrina the Elf priest and her partner/bodyguard get into the Mechane, but her pet tiger won't come on it. Belkar decides to use his Ranger ability to force the tiger in, saying that one has to let the animal know who calls the shots around... and Mr. Scruffy starts to boss it around.
    Veldrina: I think I got a defective tiger.
  • #991:
    • The High Priest's going through Durkon's memories again, this time when young Durkon asked his "Uncle" (he isn't actually related) Thirden about something (which Thirden gloomily anticipates to be about sex).
      Child Durkon: How did Ma get hurt? An' how did me Pa die?
      Thirden: ...So, how about that sex, huh?
    • Then, Thirden gets around his promise of silence to Sigdi by telling Durkon a completely unrelated story about a Battle Couple that once defended the town... and to teach Durkon about "subtext", which would probably help with the sex thing too.
    • When the High Priest of Hel starts indulging in some Evil Gloating, Durkon couldn't care less.
      Durkon: Och, fine, I get it. Evil, evil, evil. If'n ye keep twirlin' yer mustache tha hard, it'll fall out.
  • #994: "Thank you, sacred knight of the expository aside."
  • #999: Dark comedy given the situation, but some of the reasons the gods give for their votes in regards to the "should we destroy the world?" question are pretty funny. Especially Loki's.
  • #1001 introduces another Unsound Effect: "SNAPOUTTA!"
  • #1005: In the middle of an otherwise entirely serious "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight...
    HPoH: You're only saying that because you don't want the world to end.
    Roy: Of course I'm only saying that because I don't want the world to end! This is not an otherwise common topic of conversation!
  • #1008: Wrecan exploits Calling Your Attacks to distract Hel's High Priest, who he cannot directly attack, giving Roy time to knock him away and drink a healing potion.
    Wrecan: SNEAK ATTACK FROM BEHIND—
    [High Priest looks at him]
    Wrecan: —is a thing I absolutely cannot do, because it would be against the rules.
  • #1010 Roy beats the High Priest of Hel into a wall with his sword shining a light green. Afterwards, he just says "Well, that was weird."
  • #1012 Roy trying to reach into the Antilife Shell with his sword.
  • How does the High Priest of Balder get the attention of the Demigod Priests? By screaming "FREE CAKE". His reaction to Roy's Big "NO!" seals it.
    High Priest of Balder: More of a pie man, then?
  • Vampire Gontor's sheer childlike reaction to Little Whiskers stomping on his summonned rats.
    Gontor Hammerfell: No fair!
  • After an epic brawl breaks out between more or less everyone, we're treated to this conversation between two halflings:
    High Priest of Balder: What do I do? What do I do?!
    High Priestess of Iðunn: Maybe serve the cake?
  • Blackwing's inventive use of a magic scroll.
    Blackwing: Okay. Well... the bad news is that this is a scroll of Locate Creature, which is a completely useless spell in the current situation.
    The good news is that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
    Abra candelabra! Frippity fruppity frooj! Pottericus mimicus!
    Now take cover!!
    [the scroll explodes, killing a large number of rats and getting the attention of the Mechane's crew]
  • "Bugsby's Cat-Retrieving Hand!"
    Blackwing: I don't know what's weirder- that you keep preparing that spell, or that you keep needing it.
    • While it's heartwarming that both V and Blackwing admit to their mutual faults, we get this punchline.
      V: And even putting aside the emotional or moral impact, a strict numerical analysis would show that I would lose many more experience points from a familiar dying than I would by scribing a replacement scroll.
      Blackwing: Let's just put, "Not quitting while you're ahead," on that list of flaws for you to work on.
  • Veldrina uses the Sending spell to tell editors about errors in math texts. However, she isn't so sure about the reply part — she's never gotten a response.
  • Belkar is fighting a vampire and is about to take it out when Roy runs by and cuts it in half, tells Belkar he was right all along and that they need to go. Belkar is upset he didn't get to gloat, only for V to fly over and finish off the vampire. Belkar gives up and goes to look for his daggers.
  • After realizing that Belkar was right, Roy considers taking his team's input seriously from now on. Then Elan asks why he didn't use Banjo to break the tie at the Godsmoot and Roy explains why it seriously wouldn't work. It's only after seeing Elan's scared reaction that he brings up the fact that Banjo's a puppet.
    Belkar: Yeah let's not swing that pendulum too far the other way, chief.
  • #1030:
    • Elan freaks out over the idea of fighting Durkon. Belkar punctures the balloon of his fears:
      Belkar: We don't have to go fight Durkon, and you're a moron.
      Elan: Explain.
      Belkar: You're not very smart and you make poor decisions.
      Elan: I meant the first part.
    • When Belkar is trying to hammer home to Elan that the High Priest isn't Durkon:
      Roy: Belkar is 100% correct.
      Belkar: Are you just trolling me at this point?
    • The team tries to come up for a nickname for The High Priest of Hel. They come up with names like Count Durkula, Nose-Fur-atu, and Greg. Even the normally deadpan Vaarsuvius is shown suggesting silly names.
      Roy: In fact, we shouldn't even call that vampire Durkon anymore. We should come up with another name to keep it straight in our minds. Any suggestions?
      Haley, Belkar, Elan, Blackwing, Vaarsuvius: Count Durkula? Jerkon? Undurkon? Leechy Veinquaff? Nega-Dwarf? Durkzzaro? Deep Fang Friar? The Creature Preacher? Nokrud? The Thorsaken? Pastor Expiration? Whiskers in the Dark? Nose-Fur-atu? Hel's Shell? The Corpse Formerly Known as Durkon? Greg?
      Roy: ... Never mind.
    • And then, they end the strip coming up with different nicknames for the real Durkon.
  • #1031: The stoic and serious exchange between O-Chul and Lien about how they endure the cold turns out to be a "Paladin-off", basically bull-shitting the other about how badass-righteous they are. O-Chul wins and then makes a joke along similar lines.
  • The Demon-Roaches on bugbears:
    Roach 1: Wait, bugbears are just big hairy goblins? I thought they were weird wizard experiments that combined insects and bears.
    Roach 2: You're thinking of owlbears.
    Roach 1: Why would owlbears be half insect?
  • "Should always expect head rub. Safer that way. [...] See? Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all."
  • "No, you're a homophone!"
  • "Imagining getting it on atop a mountain of coins still technically counts as thinking about you."
  • Eugene returns.
  • After Eugene leaves, Roy comes up with a new way to get his sword to work:
    Roy: Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia!
  • "Falling Rocs"
  • This gem from 1050:
    Elan: She called when Haley and I were in the middle of-
    Haley: Mouth shut, Elan.
    Elan: No, pretty much the opposite of that.
    Haley: ELAN!
  • "Path of Most Resistance":
    • V gives Haley a greater invisibility spell:
      Haley: [with an evil grin] I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE.
      Vaarsuvius: Yes, yes. Magic is very nice. Shall we?
    • Which causes a bit of trouble with Blackwing shortly after:
      Vaarsuvius: Strange. He never crashes into me when I am flying invisibly.
      Haley: Probably because of the empathic link. Or because you keep talking the whole time.
      Blackwing: Look, if you don't want birds to crash into you, don't turn into a high-elevation windowfolk.
  • #1053: Belkar comes up and learns about the giants. Roy tells him he can't go down there — and Belkar jumps, taking advantage of his Feather Fall amulet.
    Roy: That little idiot! We don't have a full-time cleric to heal all the damage he's about to... not take. [Beat] Is he flipping me off as he floats gently down to the ground?
    Elan: Belkar, that's the wrong kind of bird! That one can't fly!!
  • #1068: Haley, V and Belkar finally realize the ship is gone.
    Belkar: Again?!? I understand why they keep sailing away from me, but they're supposed to like you!
  • #1070: "Huh. I just assumed they were only there for heroic swinging." Given the ship they're on, it's actually quite likely that Elan's right.
  • #1075: After successfully knocking the second Ice Giant off the airship, Elan lampshades that knocking bad guys over is becoming their best move, and if it could work on Xykon.
  • Two funny moments from #1077:
    • So you have a Fly spell, and you get split up from your bardic boyfriend and his airship. How do you cheer him up when you get back, in a way that a class as Troperiffic as a Bard can appreciate? Well, if you're Haley, you give him an absolutely cliched and astonishingly inappropriate "Hi honey, I'm home!"
    • Roy asks if Vaarsuvius has a spell that can locate a specific object. Vaarsuvius responds, after a pause, that they do indeed, and it is called "Locate Object".
      Blackwing: This is why I only rely on my deadly razor-sharp talons in combat.
      Vaarsuvius: I have watched you try and fail to pierce the skin of a potato.
      Blackwing: Sure, but I never made a whole B-plot out of it.
  • Apparently, a Weapon of Legacy is the good kind of Clingy MacGuffin, as Roy finds out in the middle of a Heroic BSoD over losing the sword again. His bemused testing of the returning weapon is even more hilarious.
    Roy: Never mind, I'm good.
  • "Clever Blasting God Stoppers":
    • After fighting off the Ice Giants, the team discusses how they were apparently sent by the demigod Thrym, who's sided with Hel. They figure the two have made some kind of dark pact... but then the last panel actually shows them:
      Thrym: So... do I still get to be your consort when you get Odin's throne?
      Hel: Get Out!.
    • Earlier, there's this:
      Roy: Belkar is right.
      Belkar: Nope. Still weird.
  • In #1081:
    • Thrym is trying to stay on Hel's good side, but it doesn't work, and she makes it clear that he's bordering on You Have Outlived Your Usefulness.
      Thrym: Is that all I am to you? A resource to be used in your scheme?
      Hel: Yes! And I explicitly told you that from the start!
      Thrym: Yeah, but I didn't think you meant it.
    • After this, Hel tries to activate her backup plan, using her command over disease to spread Sphinx Pox amongst the Mechane's crew and the Order via an infected Mr. Scruffy, which will apparently cause them all to sprout riddles until their brains bleed to death. She just overlooked one detail:
      Giant Minion: My queen, that virus has an incubation period of five weeks.
      Hel: If it loved me, it would replicate faster!
  • When Hel is complaining about her lack of worship:
  • #1083:
    • It ends with Hel saying that Thor and Loki will have Hel to pay once she pulls off her plan.
      Thrym: Wow, it must be cool to have a name that lends itself to so many villain puns.
      Hel: Yeah, I do actually have to give Dad credit on that one.
    • Drunk Thor in the flashback.
  • Durkon being upfront about his omissions.
    Durkon: Ye dinnae ask fer it. Also, I hate ye an' I want ye ta fail.
  • One of the vampires getting a little obsessed with a locked door.
    Gontor: Do you want to be a wall?? Is that it? Do your job, your disobedient ingress!!
  • The High Priest of Hel gets suspicious when Durkon provides him with the perfect memory for what he needs.
    HPoH: That was awfully easy. This isn't some sort of trick, is it? A false memory?
    Durkon: Och, if'n I could show ye stuff tha dinnae happen, I'd've told ye Roy's name was, like, Maurice or sumthin' on Day One. [...] Or showed ye Haley refusin' payment while Belkar served soup to orphans. An' Elan did math in the background!
    HPoH: OK, yes, fine. Point taken.
  • Durkon torments the High Priest of Hel by calling up one of his less pleasant memories.
    HPoH: [holding his nose] Oh Hel — it's revolting!
    Durkon: Tha's tha memory o' tha first time I got food poisonin' from human cookin'.
    HPoH: I'm gonna throw up!
    Durkon: Ye cannae! Yer a negative energy spirit, rememb'r?
    Memory-Durkon: Unnnnh...
    HPoH: Turn it off! Turn it off!
    Durkon: Suit yerself, but thar's six more hours o' me runnin' ta tha can, an' ye'll haf ta smell ev'ry minute of it at some point!
    • This also raises the question of who the Lethal Chef was whose cooking bypassed the dwarven racial bonus to poison resistance. The High Priest better hope Durkon learned his lesson about accepting a meal from them.
  • #1090:
    • The flumphs are back, and finally having some good luck!
    • On the same page, Bandanna speaks for the fandom.
      Bandanna: They fight trees! Dwarves are nuts!
  • Elan hears the phrase "Mind Blank", assumes it's going to lead to a joke about him, and prefers to willingly trigger it than let it blindside him.
  • #1092:
    • The team finally reaches Firmament:
      Bandanna: Hope that magic doodad you got can lead the way to your secret entrance, though, 'cause I can't see squat.
      Elan: Oh, he's right here. [points at Belkar, who gives him a Death Glare]
    • When Bandanna states that the ship can wait two weeks for them to return before they need to go for fuel, Roy responds in a less than helpful way.
      Roy: Well, if we fail, the whole world will blow up long before then. Though I guess there's a chance that we stop the vote but still all die in the process...
      [Bandanna looks terrified]
      Elan: OK, Roy, I think we're going to have to have a refresher on that whole "hope" thing.
  • When the Order reaches the secret entrance to the Temple of Door, they run into a little trouble from the local guards. Elan tries to plead their case, leading to this:
    Minrah: Hmmm. Your words are sweet, but your breath is pungent. I doubt someone who stinks of so much garlic could be working with vampires. I believe you, Smelly Human.
    Elan: Hooray!
    Minrah: Please stop breathing on me.
  • When the Order is stuck in a Forcecage surrounded by vampires, Roy orders everyone to close their eyes so the vampires can't use Hypnotic Eyes on anyone — with the result being that they are stuck in a Forcecage, surrounded by vampires, while standing around with their eyes closed.
    Haley: So, I can't help but feel like maybe we've taken a step backwards here.
  • Belkar killing vampires:
    Belkar: Screw you! And you! And especially you!
  • Hilgya returns. With a kid. One that Haley, Elan and Belkar immediately decide is Durkon's. V's comment is icing on the whole cake.
  • #1112:
    • Even the High Priest of Hel can be horrified by some of Durkon's memories.
      HPoH: Unholy Hel! Is that... is that a workplace orientation seminar?!
    • Additionally, while Durkon is a prisoner helpless to stop the vampiric spirit using his body to do terrible things, one of the other vampires' hosts turns out to have been repressing evil desires in life and is actually pretty happy about the whole situation.
      Female Vampire: Listen, after we're done here, me and her are gonna go try some messed up stuff she's been thinking about for like a bajillion years. Want to come with?
      HPoH: Eh, might as well, if Hel doesn't have other jobs for me.
      Female Vampire: Cool. You're gonna want to bring a poncho, FYI.
  • Hilgya casts Protection From Law on Elan.
    Elan: Ooooo, tingly! Hey, if I am Protected from Law now, does that mean—
    Haley: You still need to wear pants in public, babe.
    Elan: Aww, magic never does anything the fun way.
  • #1116:
    • The Order's opening move against the vampires?
      HPoH: Welcome to Round Two, Roy. I think you'll find that this time, you won't be saved by some surprise magic trick you pull from your
      [shot of a sloth, beaver, and rat riding giraffes, each one a different color, into the room, knocking one vampire aside]
      Rat: Woooooo!
      [shot of the bewildered High Priest's expression before cutting to Hilgya, Roy, and an equally-confused Minrah]
      Hilgya: What? They're cheap to summon and have a ton of hit points.
    • Better yet: it's obvious the beaver, the rat and the sloth come from Roy's Bag of Tricks, and such Confusion Fu is definitely befitting a god like Loki.
  • Elan was right about the flaw in using Durkon's memories to counter the Order's attack.
    Vampire Lackey: But master, you said they would just rush in.
    HPoH: I thought they would! I don't know how they are doing this!
    Female Vampire: If it turns out your host was the one holding them back this whole time, you can't come do evil stuff with me after.
  • Blackwing has sunglasses. Haley is surprised... at first.
    Blackwing: Did you think I didn't own an accessory for the specific purpose of sassily telling people to Deal With It?
    Haley: Fair.
  • The High Priest of Hel makes a deal with Durkon: if he shuts up for the rest of the battle, he will let Durkon and Hilgya's son, Kudzu live. Durkon haggles up to being allowed to show the High Priest one memory, not involving anyone in the Order or Hilgya — but one memory in its entirety, without "breaks or gaps or time jumps", so Durkon can't trick him with misleading information. Durkon begins to show him a memory that starts with his mom making food...
    High Priest of Hel: There's going to be 20 minutes of you washing up for diner in the middle of this, isn't there? ... I shouldn't have said, "No time jumps".
  • Elan, brainwashed by the High Priest of Hel, tries to convince Roy to switch sides.
    Elan: Join us, Roy. We have free massages, and pizza every Thursday.
    Roy: That can't possibly be true, you've been dominated for less than a minute!
    Elan: Also, we can lie as much as we want.
  • In the next strip, he's continuing, "...and every night, Durkon tucks us in with tiny teddy bears."
  • #1130 is mostly one long CMOA and CMOH. But one funny moment is a memory showing Durkon practicing combat against a tree.
  • #1132, Durkon arrives in the dwarven afterlife... a few moments behind Minrah, who thinks that he's the vampire and followed her to finish her off. After a quick explanation about vampirism, we get this exchange:
    Durkon: Tell tha truth, I been wantin' ta punch me own smug face in tha face fer days.
    Minrah: Uh, OK. Does everyone in your group have weird emotional issues?
    Durkon: Eh, tha cat's prob'ly fine.
  • As it turns out, upon reaching the afterlife, Durkon and Minrah weren't in some form of a Fluffy Cloud Heaven. They were on Thor's boot, with his leg being mistaken as a building.
  • When Thor arrives to speak with Durkon, Minrah starts a formal prayer. Thor's response is to interrupt.
    Thor: Minrah, you don't have to pray. I'm right here. Just talk to me.
  • Durkon and Minrah arrive to Valhalla, which they find in a plain with several trees.
    Durkon: *gasp* Tha trees! Thar attackin' Valhalla!
    Minrah: We have to defend it!
    Thor: Ugh, can't a guy zap a pine or two without everyone making a whole dogma out of it?
    • And even after explaining why trees aren't actually evil, Thor (realizing what he said went over their heads) gives up and lies about the trees outside Valhalla being rebels opposed to their "evil" kin just to get the plot moving again.
  • When Durkon wants Minrah to stick around in order to learn what they need to talk about, Thor says he's not allowed to talk about the Snarl to people who don't already know about it. But it turns out Minrah does know about it... from Durkon offhandedly mentioning the Snarl a few minutes ago. Thor decides this is sufficient.
    Thor: Good enough for me! It's a dumb rule anyway.
  • Thor gives Minrah a coupon for a drink upgrade since she has been technically killed by a cleric of Loki.
  • He also accidentally reveals the existence of Xykon's fortress in the astral plane. He tells Durkon that if it ever comes up again, he should pretend to be surprised by it.
  • Minrah apparently has reoccurring dreams about riding on a giant Thor's back.
  • Thor explains the Outer Planes as ideas that have gained so many adherents they've become coherent places in the Astral Plane...with quotes floating around them describing what each one is based on. Some are more serious...but then you've got planes like the Abyss ("Screw you, jack, I got mine"), Baator ("Yes, but if you read the fine print..."), and the Beastlands ("Who's a good dog? You are!"). One is for Pandemonium that simply says "Lulz".
  • Some Black Comedy amongst an otherwise sobering conversation:
    • Thor points out some of the destroyed versions of the world, noting that one was a gritty cyberpunk world, the one after that was full of talking animals, and the one after that was gritty cyberpunk talking animals.
      Thor: Your time was too short, Laser-Snail.
    • Thor mentions how another world was sentient movie theater snacks. Cut to an anthropomorphic soda cutting a living pizza slice in half with a katana-styled pizza slizer.
      Soda: Enjoy 32 oz. of vengeance — served ice cold!
    • Thor caps this by stating that the gods were pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel when they came up with "self-aware stick figure fantasy parody" for the current world.
      Durkon: I wanna be offended by tha, but it explains so much.
    • Thor makes it clear he's not just telling Durkon all this in order to rub the futileness of it all in his face, asking what kind of god would do that.
      Durkon: Ya did almost give me friend Elan a colon tumor wit yer automated prayer system.
      Thor: And you "almost" didn't bring that up, but here we are.
  • As the God of Thunder and Boisterous Bruiser incarnate starts to explain why the OotS world is different from those before it... he's lost Durkon and Minrah in one panel.
    Durkon: Yer... Yer gonna haf ta make tha at least two degrees dumber fer me.
    Minrah: Three would be nice.
    Durkon: Aye, let's go wit three.
  • When Thor mentions that the Dark One's dislike of the other pantheons is partly his fault, Minrah asks if Thor made fun of his name. A confused Thor replies that no, because the Dark One's name is "metal", much to Minrah's own apparent confusion. What sells it is both Thor and Durkon looking at her with "what are you talking about?!" eyebrows.
  • In 1144, Thor states that Gods Need Prayer Badly was responsible for him going from having red hair to blond because "that damned comic book", a very subtle Take That! at the Sadly Mythtaken aspect of Marvel's Thor.
  • Most of Odin's dialogue in strip 1145 is hilarious, even if the reason for his memetic Cloudcuckoolander/The Stoner status is revealed not to be:
    Odin: Mortal height is fun. My hands are hand-sized!
  • Even Thor is well aware of how Genre Savvy Elan is.
    Minrah: Ummmm... why are you whispering? There's no one here to overhear you.
    Thor: So it'll be dramatic later, duh. Didn't get to spend much time with the kid with the puppet, did you?
    Durkon: Right?? Tha's wha I said!
  • The deva sent to escort Durkon down to his resurrection expresses some official concern regarding who's casting the resurrection (Hilgya, being a cleric of Loki) as there's concern she might mean him harm. Durkon admits there's a good chance of that, but is willing to take the chance since she's (probably) the mother of his child. The deva says he understands the situation, due to a prior wild weekend in Limbo. Cut to a panel showing the deva (who's male, incidentally), quite pregnant:
    Deva: Do I... push?
    Slaadi: No, the tadpole must learn to chew his own way out.
  • Immediately upon being Resurrected, Durkon proposes to Hilgya. Her reaction is... hot.
    • For that matter, one of the most literal applications of the Death Is Cheap trope. It's not, strictly speaking, but she's rich enough to kill someone on a whim and then raise them right back.
    • While Hilgya is casting the Resurrection, Kudzu is trying to grab the diamond in her hand, with an "Oooh, shiny!" look on his face in the first panel. Once the spell takes effect, the diamond pops out of existence and Kudzu just looks so sad.
    • In the last panel, whereas Roy, Elan and Blackwing look horrified and Belkar looks like he's about to outright murder Hilgya, Vaarsuvius simply looks mildly nonplussed.
    • There's also Hilgya covering Kudzu's eyes when she uses Flame Strike.
    • There's also Hilgya stopping Kudzu from reaching out for Durkon, and Kudzu's annoyed expression, like he's been denied a toy.
    • Apparently, that entire conversation took about as much time as it took Minrah to ask Thor for a drink in Valhalla while she was waiting for her own Raise Dead. They're not even ten steps down the rainbow when Durkon gets back up. Added funny via Talking Is a Free Action. That speech and the Flame Strike only needed one round (six seconds).
    • Thor comments that he thinks this is kinda his fault for being unclear.
    Thor: When I decreed that you should "totally smash" the followers of Loki, this wasn't what I meant.
  • When Durkon mentions the planet in the rift, Thor and Odin have no idea what they're talking about.
  • Durkon griping about how Belkar was the only one that noticed that the High Priest of Hel wasn't him.
    Durkon: I mean, Belkar? Seriously??
    Belkar: I know, right?
    Roy: I got there! Eventually!
    Elan: In my defense, I am not very smart.
    Haley: I already got fooled by Nale! What were the chances of two imposter storylines?!
    (V has nothing to say.)
    • Whats funny is that it's actually a Call-Back to #75, when Roy discovers Durkon is missing, and we have this winner from Haley when Roy complains someone should have noticed (and once again, V has nothing to say):
      Haley: But the three of usnote  are so consistently and staggeringly irresponsible that it's utterly unreasonable to expect us to have paid attention in the first place.
      Belkar: Damn straight!
  • For starters, #1151 is titled "Halfling Baby Steps Are Very Small".
    • Durkon wants to talk to Belkar on their way down the tunnel.
      Belkar: Sorry, I'm a hard pass on marriage, too.
      Durkon: Dinnae flatter yerself, yer like me fourth choice just in tha party.
    • Even better, that implies Belkar isn't his last choice in the party.
    • After explaining how Belkar's lecture about Character Development helped Durkon break free... Belkar is totally lost, and tries to blame Durkon's accent.
    • And finally, after a brief chat about how Good Feels Good...
      Durkon: Ultimate extreme apology accept'd.
    • A minor Funny Background Event in one panel, but V really loves using those Busby's Hand spells.
  • Combined with Heartwarming Moment, #1152 reveals that Durkon hasn't been out of touch with his mother since his banishment: He calls her once a week through Sending.
    Durkon: Dinnae ye ev'r wonder why I happen'd ta haf four Sendings prepared back when ye were captured by Tarquin?
    Roy: Uh, no. I mean, I guess I didn't think it mattered that much. Look, if I worried about all the things I don't worry about, I'd never stop worrying!
    Sigdi: Oh, so ye must be Elan!
    Belkar: Ha ha, unintentional mom burn!
    • Sigdi also immediatly shows herself to be a mother.
    Sigdi: Look at ye, yer all skin and bones! What are these humans feeding ye? Are ye getting enuff beer?
    Durkon: Na fer twenty years! I could absolutely murder a pint of lager! Or a quart! Or five!
  • In the following comic, Sigdi meets Hilgya — and Durkon's son. Sigdi asks when they got married (they didn't), then when Hilgya notes she and Durkon only met once, last year, for a single day in a dungeon, Sigdi dryly notes that explains why Durkon didn't know his own son's name. Durkon then implores Thor to strike him dead again in an attempt to avoid the increasingly-awkward conversation.
    • And when Sigdi finds out that Hilgya responded to Durkon's proposal with a Flame Strike, she calmly notes, "Seems like a firm na, then." She then follows up Durkon's incredulous reaction by pointing out that the first time "Uncle" Hoskin asked her to marry him (to allow Durkon to grow up with a father figure) she knocked out one of his teeth, which he's still missing to this day.
    • She's also not the least bit surprised that Kudzu is her grandson.
    Sigdi: Aye, no foolin 'e's yer son. I still got both eyes.
    • After Sigdi spends most of the page empathizing with Hilgya and agreeing with her, she calmly and obliquely threatens to kill her if she harms Durkon again. And then continues asking about baby food for Kudzu as if nothing happened.
      Roy: Wow, I haven't seen a feint like that since Fencing class.
      Haley: [To Durkon] Don't take this the wrong way but I want to grow up to be your mom.
    • Roy is just glad to meet a parent who's not trying to kill them all.
    Haley: Hey, it was my uncle that threatened to shank Elan!
  • Elan apparently needed a glass of warm milk to calm down after all the excitement of the previous few pages.
    • Following this, Blackwing mentions that V is trancing, but didn't need "ruminant boob drippings" to do so.
    • Belkar asks that Durkon change clothes, as the extremely low neckline of his wrecked priest's robe is disgusting him.
    • Underneath the statue of Thor is the legend "Lord Thor, King of Storms and Thunder, Champion of Killing Trees". To open the secret compartment underneath it, Durkon pushes certain letters so that it appears as "Lord Thor, King of Storms and Thunder, Champion of Killing Trees". LoKi SuCKs.
  • BWEE HEE HEE HEE!
  • Hel getting annoyed at how one of her vampires blew the perfect setup for a "worm food" quip after using a Gate scroll to summon a giant worm monster.
    • The worm, rather than a slathering monster, is rather affable and just wants some clarification on his duties.
    Death-worm: Can I eat them?
    "Gontor": The thralls?
    Death-worm: No, anyone trying to get past me. Can I eat them?
    "Gontor:" Yes! Of course you can eat them! You're a giant death-worm, I summoned you primarily for the purpose of eating them!
    Death-worm: You don't have to get mad, I just wanted to be sure.
  • They Stayed Friends Though: During the fight against the elementals, a dwarven paladin cuts off one of the elementals' heads and lands next to Durkon.
    Dwarf: Hello, Durkon. I'm your cousin's brother-in-law's niece's fiancé. Nice to finally put a face to all the stories!
    Elan: It's OK, Durkon. I know what's it's like to have a stunning mid-adventure reveal of a previously unknown family member.
    Durkon: She broke up wit Thad?!?
    Elan: Like I'm looking in a mirror.
  • #1164: The Exarch is in the midst of using a scroll to cast the 8th-level spell "Horrid Wilting" on the extended Thundershield family, but since he stuck his hands through the barrier, Belkar was able to interupt him by destroying the scroll before he said the last syllable. Belkar then makes a crack about Durkon's fear and hatred of trees.
    Belkar: "Horrid Willow"? Wow, you're not pulling any punches against Durkon, are you?
  • #1165: While the extended Thundershield family marches into the temple to thwart the vampires' plan, Durkon gets to speak with Kandro, and warns that he's not gonna be in the dwarven lands for long. Meanwhile, Thirden and his apprentice start quipping, and Kandro observes that on the road, he doesn't have to listen to bard jokes once a week... not knowing that one of Durkon's teammates is a bard with levels in Dashing Swordsman, who has to make bard jokes once a battle.
    Thirden: I guess this battle is starting to ramp up!
    Jana: Ha ha, I'm inclined to agree, Master Squeaky!
    Kandro: At least on tha road, ye dinnae hafta hear bard jokes once a week.
    Durkon: Let's just... keep movin', aye?
  • #1166:
    • The Exarch accuses Durkon of stealing the High Priest's face, causing an annoyed Durkon to point out that it was his face long before the High Priest stole it.
    Exarch: You weren't using it anymore! Finder's keepers, fair and square!
    Durkon: I liter'lly cannae think o' anythin' less fair than, "Someone kills ye an' gives yer stuff ta someone else!"
    • Lets remember that Durkon is an adventurer in D&D, the principle game of "Kill people and take their stuff".
    • The Death-worm is utterly confused by everything Kandro's saying in his thick accent, but is pretty sure he's being insulted.
    • When the Death-worm eats Kandro, Haley and Blackwing are horrified. By contrast, the other dwarves are all ecstatic that he finally got a warrior's death.
      Blackwing: ...Dwarves are weird.
      • Haley's confused expression sells it.
  • #1167:
    • One vampire questions how the Dwarf paladin talks the way he does (a white-on-blue speech bubble with stylized lettering), interrupting his heroic speech in the process.
    • After the vampire then banishes the paladin to an "infinite pain-slope" (meaning, a dimension where he'll fall down a hill forever), he questions why Minrah is so upset, since they're all doomed when the gods destroy the world, so technically he's being spared this way.
      Vampire: The rest of you are going to die when the other gods destroy this world, while he'll at least roll forever on an infinite pain-slope.
      Minrah: No, he won't, because we'll rescue him! And also the world isn't going to get destroyed! Which was sort of implied by my first statement because rescuing one dude wouldn't be as high a priority if the world was still at risk! The point is that there are several flaws in your scenario and you are bad!
  • In #1168, the dwarven elders are so wrapped up in red tape that even though it's clear that half the council is dominated by vampires, they just decide to table a proposal to investigate the matter after the vote.
  • In #1169, one of Durkon's cousins walks through a blade barrier to get at the Exarch, giving a heroic speech... and then Durkon casually dismisses the barrier and heals his cousin's wounds.
    Cousin: You'd think a cleric of Thor wouldn't need to steal his buddy's thunder like that.
    Durkon: Sorry, Cousin. I usually try na to outshine tha party fighter, but I'm used ta workin' wit' a much stronger one!
    Sigdi: Och, if ye boys cannae get along, so help me I will turn this battle around!
  • In #1170, Hel prepares to give Durkon a heart attack while the other gods are busy watching Dvalin's cleric, but Thor barges into her chamber to dispute the souls of dwarves that supposedly died in dishonor. Frustrated, Hel concedes to all of them just to get him to leave.
    Thor: And now I will leave, as promised- rather than, say, further distracting you by disputing every other previously uncontested death from the last century or so.
    (Loki pushes in a file cabinet)
    Loki: Hi, Pumpkin!note 
    • Thor stating that Millidren, who died of pneumonia cowering under her bed, was actually in a battle with her insecurities. Just wanting to get it over with, Hel basically says "Take her!" The happy "Whee!" by Millidren makes the scene hilarious.
    • Thor having a feature length documentary ready to prove that abandoning his unit and getting shot in the back counts as the most honorable thing for one of the souls to do. In the same panel the condemned dwarf is smiling awkwardly during the gods' argument.
      Documentary host: The dictionary defines "courage" as...
  • In #1171, when Loki admits he's only doing this to stop Hel from cheating, she angrily points out that he cheats all the time. He counters by saying that he's not opposed to cheating in principle, he's just trying to stop her from cheating at the moment.
    Loki: It's hard to be a hypocrite when your guiding philosophy is, "Do whatever's best for you."
    • Hel then says that if nothing else, her priests will be ready to deal with whatever Hilgya tries to do in the fight... and then it's shown that Hilgya's leaving the fight in preparation to grab her son and Plane Shift out if the heroes lose. Cut back to a confused Hel and proud Loki.
      Loki: I want to be mad, but her faith in my teachings is just so pure!
  • The clincher in Durkon's backup plan to prevent the vote from going through? A giant rock falls on the table, breaking it in two... and violating a passage in the rules that states that the meeting must be held at a table of one piece.
    Exarch: The... table?!?
    Dwarf Clan Head: No table, no vote! The council stays suspended until we get a new one!
    Other Dwarf Clan Head: Could take a while to find an oak that big, ha ha!
    Sigdi: (To Exarch) Ye said it yerself: Yer master gave ye tha book o' procedures. 'E read it first, wit me boy livin' upstairs. Were ye really so dumb ta think fer one second tha ye could beat Durkon - Durkon, o' all the folks in this great big beaut'ful world - in a fight that revolved around followin' tha rules?!?
  • In #1174, with the suspension of the council, the law-runes don't zap people who break the law any more, meaning Durkon's entire family is free to charge in and dogpile the vampires.
    Priestess of Davlin: Should we... do something about this?
    Councilor: Absolutely. I'll move to censure once we're back in session.
    • After the Exarch is ash, Minrah just drags in the vampire she was fighting and flings her into the light.
    • Following up on the last line from the previous page, Sigdi starts this one still describing Durkon's by-the-book nature:
    Sigdi: Och, instead o lettin' me hang 'is art on tha icebox, tha boy insist'd I post a copy o' local food safety ordinances!
  • In #1175, the Order finally brings down the Death Worm, leading to this exchange:
    Belkar: So... did we kill it or what?
    Roy: I don't know. It doesn't have eyes to have Xs in.
    Death Worm vaporizes
    Roy: OK, I officially declare that "good enough".
    Elan: Adequacy achieved!
    • Even better is Belkar getting a face full of smoke when the Death Worm disappears; in the next panel, he's wide-eyed with his tongue hanging out.
    • Then there's the last panel, showing Hel's reaction to what's happened to her plans.
    Hel: Don't look at me like that! I still have one left!
    Loki: You'd think a goddess of death would have better instincts about when to pull the plug.
  • #1178 features several low-key puns and jokes, fitting for a breather-strip.
    • When curing Durkon's petrification, the two bards assisting him suddenly look like hippies bellowing "FREEDOM!". Why? Because Durkon has been "stoned".
    • You know that break in the ceiling that Durkon used to stop the meeting and was later used to execute the Exarch Vampire? The bards used it as a spotlight for breaking the domination on the councilors.
    • Durkon realizes that the bards dragged his heavy, rock, petrified body back to the Temple of Thor before curing him. They did this for no other reason than "it would be a better chapter break". It was Elan's suggestion.
    • The bards call Elan a genius and he gets all modest and passive-aggressive by saying he only does what he can in a world "hostile to the performing arts". Belkar is standing next to him, confused.
  • #1179:
    • The treeslayers, them mounting a beaver and a woodpecker like they are the meanest of dwarves makes it even funnier.
    • As it turns out, the clerics in the Godsmoot have been stuck there since the vote was moved, and will be stuck there until they get to vote again, which is implied will take a long time. Cut to the group of clerics having to manage with their spellcraft to carry on with their lives; while getting sustenance is fairly easy (even if one of them starts grousing about "mass-conjured pseudo-food"), they have to hang a guy from his ankles with a blindfold on and have him repeatedly cast Create Water behind a curtain to act as a shower.
    • If you check near the exit stairs, you'll see the acting High Priestess of Hel pouting with her arms crossed. Since she doesn't need any of this stuff, she's even more bored than the rest of them!
  • 1180:
    • Roy's reaction when Minrah basically outright threatens him into letting her come along with the team.
    • While giving Minrah a hour to pack her stuff before they leave for the airship, Belkar convinces Roy to kill time the Dwarven way. Cut to the two of them and a bunch of dwarves getting drunk, with V giving them an arched eyebrow.
      Roy: What? I learned to listen to party member suggestions, remember? It's the wrappy-uppy hugs-and-kisses part anyway. It's fine.

    Supplementary Material 
  • "Uncivil Servant," the Belkar prequel story: Belkar mentions to a local that his tattered clothes are because he just escaped seven months of slavery.
    Townsman: Geez, that sounds terrible!
    Belkar: Actually, I was pretty impressed with their business model. I mean, sure, their execution needed some work — particularly the part where they enslaved me. But as a proof of concept? Really solid.
    Townsman: And, uh, what happened to the slavers?
    Belkar: [holding up a knife and grinning] I helped them with their executions.
  • "The Mother Load", from Dragon magazine: After killing a Goblin high priest, Haley, Belkar and Durkon found (and fought) the high priest's piggy bank, with Belkar returning to Roy with a sack filled with 10,000 copper pieces in his hands.
    Belkar: Wait. We're tracking encumbrance now?
    Roy: Always have been, actually.
    [beat]
    [the sack falls right on top of Belkar with a loud "WHUMPH!"]
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    Meta 
  • Take a closer look at the strip's titles on the Webcomic page. In-jokes and puns abound.
    • 705: "Those Don't Take Over Until the Graveyard Shift" The Resistance was about to bust the Goblins' prisons, with Thanh telling Niu that the prison would be guarded only by a skeleton crew due to the celebrations. Niu came bringing maces and holy waters to the operation.
      Niu: What? Look at the world we live in, it was a reasonable assumption.
  • 1014: Rats come to help Vampire Gontor. Gontor calls for aid!
  • The site's server maintenance warning on 8/3/2016 treats the comic like some unholy legion. To quote:
    "I have been informed by the half-mad sorcerers who maintain the shrieking rituals necessary to wrench the accursed web server to some twisted semblance of life that lo, as the moon waxes these next few days, there may be interruptions in availability for as many as two score and eight hours while the unholy rite of DNS propagation winds its bloody way through the dark heart of the internet. But hear this oath: As the heartless sun sets on day of its name, so will the server burst forth — reborn and cloaked in the flesh of the unbelievers — to once again terrorize the land with its unspeakable thirsts and its stick figure fantasy comics. Let no woman or man say that fair warning was not given!
  • This series of tweets:
    Ghast Whisperer (@thats1evildude): Well, at least the mountains aren't fighting.
    Rich Burlew: Suddenly 137 galeb duhrs come in from off-panel.
    Rich Burlew: Also, I hereby propose that the proper plural of "galeb duhr" should be "galebs duhr"
    sudo /bin/Brian -f Merchant (@briankmerch): and the collective noun clearly must be "an avalanche of galebs duhr"
  • That "I Owe Me 1 Big Ass Diamond" note is still in Haley's hand in the Character's Page.

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