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Funny / The Musketeers

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  • Porthos' Establishing Character Moment; he (apparently impossibly) beats a Red Guard at cards, is accused of cheating, fights the armed swordsman off with a fork and laughs his way through the whole thing. Athos slams the guy on the head and Porthos scoops up his winnings... and Athos forces him to reveal that he does actually have cards up his sleeve.
    • Athos' Establishing Character Moment; he wakes up with a massive hangover, in a room full of empty wine bottles and promptly sticks his head in a bucket of freezing water. What makes the scene is that the bucket is frozen over at first, prompting Athos to punch it open before sticking his head in.
  • Whenever Aramis is in the presence of a woman, expect him to turn on the charm.
    • Also the fact that he almost seems to revel in the fact that his charm gets him nowhere with Constance.
      Aramis: *staring at Constance walking off after she has slapped him* God! I love that in a woman!
      Porthos: Passion?
      Aramis: (grinning) Violence.
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  • D'Artagnan telling Athos to grab his sword and prepare to fight to the death.
    Aramis: Now that's the way to make an entrance.
  • Porthos is wounded, ready on the operating table and Aramis asks Athos to "prepare the patient". He punches Porthos in the face. Bonaire is obviously shocked, but the two just shrug it off as "the only way to deal with Porthos".
  • Constance is threatened by a man the musketeers brought to her home (who heavily lampshades her and D'Artagnan's Unresolved Sexual Tension). After saving her, D'Artagnan asks if he could do anything to make it up to her. She tells him that her husband can't know, leans in close, everyone holds their breath and... she asks him to teach her how to fight.
  • "Are you the new cook?"
  • When his traitorous mother comes along asking for help, the King snaps about having her beheaded.
    Richelieu Decapitating one's mother is rarely popular with the people, sire. It always looks a touch ungrateful.
    • At this point, Queen Anne suggests that the King's mother (who's being hunted by assassins) must be in very real danger. Louis orders the Cardinal to find the assassins, because:
      King Louis I can't have people running around trying to kill my mother! Not unless I tell them to!
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  • When Milady reveals that she plans to recruit D'Artagnan to their side, Richelieu sarcastically replies "You left him alone, holding a bloody dagger, facing the noose. What kind of idiot would overlook that?"
  • While out drinking together, Aramis puts a melon on top of his head so Porthos (who's drunk as a skunk) can shoot it. Before Porthos does, Aramis straightens his mustache.
    Athos: Don't worry, he's made this shot a hundred times.
    D'Artagnan: He's drunk.
    Athos: He's never made it sober.
    • Directly after exploding it with a perfect shot, Porthos suggests they try it again. Blindfolded. Aramis' grin vanishes instantly.
  • Same episode: After meeting Porthos the night before in the bar, then d'Artagnan and Aramis the next day:
    Drunken barfly: Izzit... raining musketeers outzide?
    • -What sells it is her nonchalant delivery.
  • Same episode again. The fact that Porthos carried a melon around with him for the entire night. He grabbed it as he left his party, got even more incredibly drunk at a bar, and then carried it out with him. The next day he tried to use it in a fight with the guards.
  • The scene between Constance and Aramis during the rescue of baby Henri in 1.06 is an equal mix of hilarious, heartwarming and awesome with deadpan snarking from both of them. Constance's irritation at Aramis continually undermining her hard won revelations about the baby's grandmother is also cute. And when Constance defends the Musketeer and child with Aramis' sword, the reactions of both Aramis and the enemy mook that she trounces are absolutely priceless.
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  • Ninon's flirting with Athos in 1.07. The normally unflappable man is completely taken aback. What makes it even better are the others' reactions.
  • The Musketeers hand over a dangerous criminal to the Cardinal's guards, warning them repeatedly that he's extremely dangerous, only for them to immediately lose control of the situation.
    Athos: [deadpan] I think they need our help!
    Aramis: They're just too shy to ask.
  • In general, every word that comes out of Cardinal Richelieu's mouth when he's in full-on Deadpan Snarker mode.
    • Same goes for Athos. For example this exchange:
      Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
      Aramis: Yes, sorry.
      Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
  • King Louis' disappointment when he's advised not to hunt:
    Louis: Being king can be so boring. *slams door* IT'S SO UNFAIR!
  • The usually stoic Athos having a mini Freak Out when he finds out Aramis and Queen Anne slept together.
    Athos: *whispering furiously* I cannot believe you slept with the Queen!
    Aramis: I thought you didn't see anything.
    Athos: They'll hang you, and then they'll hang me for letting it happen.
    Aramis: More chance we'll be killed here and take it with us to the grave.
    Athos: That's a comfort.
  • Captain Treville being interrupted by Aramis and Porthos during Athos' pretend funeral.
  • At the end of the episode King Louis announces that Anne is now pregnant. While the rest of the court applauds, Athos shoots an epic Death Glare at Aramis.
  • In the second season premiere, Monsieur Bonacieux receives a summons from the Palace and takes great pains to tell Constance to keep quiet in case she exposes her 'lack of education' to the King. He soon finds out that: a) it was the Queen who summoned them, b) it's Constance that she wants to see, and c) she wants her to live in the Palace as her confidante instead of going back to the Inn.
    Queen Anne: *to Bonacieux* I trust there won't be any objections?
    Bonacieux: ....
  • This exchange from 2.01:
    D'Artagnan: *sneaks up to a woman about to undress for a bath* Please don't be alarmed.
    Lucy: Oh my God, keep away! *backs up*
    D'Artagnan: Don't worry, I'm a gentleman.
    Lucy: You're undressed!
    D'Artagnan: Not for your benefit, I can assure you. *gestures behind him, where there's a partially hidden man lying face down, who he'd knocked unconscious and had started to strip*
    Lucy:... Dear God, could you not have found some other place for your entertainment?!
    D'Artagnan: N-no, he's unconscious!
    Lucy: *horrified staring*
  • In 2.06, as everyone's preparing to return to the palace after their torment at the hands of Marmion, Constance declares that she loves D'Artagnan and kisses him in front of everyone. Louis, who's been playing with the Dauphin, looks up and rather disinterestedly asks "isn't that woman married?" When Queen Anne confirms she is, Louis shrugs and goes back to the baby.
  • Aramis pulls Athos back to tell him that Rochefort knows about Aramis and Queen Anne's affair. Athos has a typically deadpan response.
    Athos: If Rochefort's advances to the Queen were treason, what does that make yours?
    Aramis: Love.
    Athos: I'm sure the King will appreciate the difference.
  • Treville's reaction to being told about Aramis sleeping with the Queen. He goes from utter horror, then to fury as Aramis says the Dauphin might be his son, and then giving up completely when he's told that Rochefort knows.
    • At one point, Porthos goes to hug Aramis after realizing what kind of weight he's been carrying, only for Treville to separate them with a Death Glare, as if to say "Don't you hug him, he does not deserve hugs right now!"
    • Athos' understated glee at telling the news, despite how serious the situation is. The scene really reads like an older brother telling on his sibling to their dad.
      Treville: You didn't try to stop it?
      Athos: If I'd known what he was going to do I'd have shot him there and then.
    • Aramis claims that he didn't say aything before because he was trying to protect the Queen's reputation.
      D'Artagnan: You could have done that by not sleeping with her.
    • Really, even though it is very tense and emotionally charged, everyone's reactions throughout this scene are absolutely priceless.
  • Constance playing the whore to distract a guard in the pilot:
    Constance: Give me 50 sou and I'll take you to heaven.
    Guard: You one of 'em religious nutters?
    Constance: It's a metaphor.
    Guard: *looks bemused*
    • And, moments later, getting offended because the guard thinks she's only worth 5 sou... maybe 10.
  • At the start of 3x04, Sylvie and Athos are about to have sex when d'Artagnan knocks on the door- and in the process, reveals that the other Musketeers are just behind the door, in full view of the kissing couple. Their sheepish faces are already priceless, but the exchange that follows it makes the scene:
    D'Artagnan: Two words: Needle, haystack.
    Athos: I've got two more: move, now.
    Aramis: I've got two better ones: Coitus, interruptus.
    Athos: I heard that.
  • Athos, Aramis, Porthos, and Bonnaire struggling to subdue a willful horse so they can cut out the diamonds braided into its tail while d'Artagnan, the only farmer among them, watches in amusement, chuckling and eating snacks. When he finally steps in to show them how it's done, he and the horse turn to the others and bow at the same time.


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