- This line at the end of the film:Reid: Hi-Ho Silver, away!Tonto: Don't ever do that again.Reid: Sorry.
- Pretty much anything Silver does is either this or awesome. Like his ability to appear in the most improbable of places.Tonto: Something very wrong with that horse....
- Tonto's attempt to convince Silver to bring back Reid's brother instead is particularly amusing.
- Anytime Tonto's unreliable narration is pointed out by the kid he's telling it to.
- "You did not speak of her as the wife of your brother." (lewd expression)
- Out of nowhere, Reid gets hit in the shoulder with an arrow, and he gives the most hilariously girly scream imaginable (he's fine, though).
- Tonto's response when Reid asks if he sterilized the stitching needle: "Yes! I make urine on it!" (Cue Reid's scream)
- John trying to coerce Red into talking by stating the health code violations in her brothel.
- And Tonto taking dictation!
- The fact that Tonto cannot decide whether Silver is stupid or just pretending to be stupid.
- "Horse dead."
- Every time Tonto states that nature is out of balance.
- John's Adorkable question about whether Red's (a brothel) is a dance club.
- "He gonna violate me with a duck foot."
- "Did my name come up?"
- "You hear it, too? I was hoping it was in my head."
- After the dust has settled, the band that was injured at the start of the train chase still has to play, in casts and bandages.
- John picks up a doll that a little girl on his train dropped and playfully tosses it to her...only for the doll to get sucked out the window.
- John's attempt to apprehend Butch gets interrupted by Butch's goons opening the door behind him. Moments later, John is chained up next to Tonto.
- When Tonto wants to make a quick getaway from the train about to crash, John gives him hell for it.John: [tugging at their chain] Have you no decency?!
- One of Butch's goons yelling "SHUT UP!" as John and Tonto give alternating answers to his question.
- Tonto citing Dan as a great warrior while John just says "That's my brother."
- Tonto had been hoping the Spirit-walker would be John's brother Dan and is quite disappointed in John being chosen. Consequently, he nicknames John "Kemosabe", which in this movie means "Wrong brother".
Funny / The Lone Ranger