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Funny / The Librarian

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The Librarian 1 - Quest for the Spear
  • Flynn revealing that he knows the language of the birds to the Big Bad.
    Flynn: (speaks in the language of the birds) That means "You are up the creek, and I have the only paddle."
  • Before Flynn sets out, Judson tells him "trust no-one". The name of the bodyguard provided for him turns out to be Nicole Noone.
  • Flynn works out the final stage of the Big Bad's plan and realizes he has to get back to New York. Keep in mind he's standing in a hotel lobby in Nepal and only has on a Modesty Bedsheet.
    Flynn: Call in the Marines, Judson. I'm coming home. [walks out the door] [beat] [walks back the other way] Need clothes.
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  • Flynn makes it back and finds that The Cavalry consists entirely of Judson. Who proceeds to reveal his Marine Corps tattoo and start wiping the floor with the bad guy's mooks. To fully appreciate this, remember that Judson is played by Bob Newhart.
    Flynn: No offense, Judson, but you're... [Judson knocks out two Mooks] One bad mother.
  • At the end of the movie, Nicole tells him that the "Scorpion Gang" has gotten their hands on HG Well's time machine.
    Flynn: What is with these evil organizations and their insect-themed names?
The Librarian 2 - Return to King Solomon's Mines
  • While their boat is being assaulting by hippos, the oarsman tosses out a few chocolate bars into the water very solemnly. The assault rapidly stops. Everyone stares at him.
    Grinning: Hippos like chocolate.
    • "In case of hippos."
The Librarian 3 - Curse of the Judas Chalice
  • Flynn, dressed in a tux, taking a swig of Champagne... and spitting it out. Then trying to explain that the bubbles tickled his nose and that it's actually Cava.
    • Then he gets into a swordfight with a guy, and the tux is damaged.
      Flynn: This is a rental!
  • Flynn complains that his latest relationship has imploded as a result of his work. Judson and Charlene point out that being the Librarian is a calling, and that he should think of himself as a "celibate monk."
    Flynn: Sounds good. Good pep talk. ARE YOU INSANE? I AM THIRTY-THREE YEARS OLD! Celibate monk. Celibate monk? Excalibur! [Excalibur flies up and Flynn drags its blade to his throat as it is clearly trying to get free of his grip] Do it, do it now, just get it over with!
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  • After Flynn, genuinely curious about the true nature of vampires, asks whether a beheading trap he just disabled would have killed Simone. The response, in her sexy french accent, is almost as funny as the look on her face when she suddenly remembers what they're talking about (how to kill her kind).
    Simone: 'Ead cut off, I go "poof"! *beat* Hey!
  • Simone surprises Flynn while he's infiltrating the bad guys' hideout. Not trusting her after the reveal of her vampirism, he grabs a pair of silver butterknives and makes a cross. She gives him an irritated look and then slaps it out of his hands. Followed up with another funny moment almost immediately after when the bad guys catch them (presumably, because they heard all the noise).
    Mook: You guys really suck at this, we're not that good.

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