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Funny / The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

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Not every man is brave enough to wear a corset. note 
Spoilers Off applies to all "Moments" pages, so all spoilers are unmarked.


  • Dáin (Billy Connolly) arriving on the battlefield, and asking the men and elves if they would kindly consider "JUST SODDING OFF!"
    • Bilbo's reaction when Gandalf tells him that Thorin is more reasonable than Dain. Bilbo realizes that This Is Gonna Suck.
    • Similarly, his lengthy, bare-headed headbutt spree against the helmet-wearing orcs.
    • And his desire to see Thranduil's pretty, smirking face get separated from his body.
    • There's also a moment in the battle where things turn against the dwarves and elves, and the ambient noise is muted to emphasize the background music. Not muted enough, however, to drown out Dáin roaring at the top of his lungs "YE BUGGERS!"
    • In the middle of the battle, he quite casually asks Thorin if he has any actual plan.
    • After peace can't be reached (and after being insulted by Thranduil), he rallies his men with:
      Dáin: Hear that, lads?! We're on! Let's give these bastards a good hammering!
    • Note that while the Elves and Men showed restraint after several insults from Dáin, it only took one (fairly tame) insult from Thranduil for Dáin to head off any potential negotiations and order his forces to attack.
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    • When the were-worms burst out of the soil, signaling the arrival of the orc armies, Dáin voices what surely even the snarkiest viewer of the movie is thinking at that point:
      Dáin: [in highly annoyed disbelief] Aw, come on!
    • Pretty much everything Dáin does is both hilarious and awesome
    • In Russian dub, Dáin calls Thranduil a "cowardly forest fairy" instead of "faithless woodland sprite". This lead to pictures like these (Лесная фея in Russian means forest fairy, and "Кто ты из Винкс? Трандуил" means "Who are you in Winx Club? Thranduil").
    • In the Extended Edition, he calls Thranduil "a pointy-eared princess". Thranduil is unamused.
  • When the elf army first masses outside Erebor, the dwarves inside stand on top of their wall, shouting defiantly. Then the elf archers ready their bows—and everyone except Thorin immediately ducks.
  • From Balin during the chariot chase as he's shooting wargs:
    Balin: I am too old for this.
    • You'll be forgiven if you expect a saxophone to pop up.
  • How Bifur loses the axe in in his head: by headbutting an orc and getting stuck, requiring three other dwarves to pull him off. The scene is both funny and awesome because it's the only scene in the whole trilogy where Bifur and Bombur speak!
    Bofur: By Durin! You've lost your axe!
    Bombur: [giving the axe to Bifur] No, he's not! There you go, cousin.
    Bifur: [examining the axe, then throwing it away] You know where you can stick that!
  • Thorin literally sliding in the small opening in the wall to discuss with Bard is hilarious.
    • Through the entire conversation, Thorin is doing his drawn-out semi-slo-mo dragon sickness speech and adopts a bad attempt at a more formal speaking style. While it had been played fairly seriously up to now, Bard has a frank "what the hell is wrong with you?" expression on his face after hearing it.
  • The dwarves' goat-drawn chariots in the Extended Edition keep decapitating or dismembering orcs in such an over-the-top manner it's hilarious.
  • From a deleted scene:
    Dwalin: Shoot [the troll]!
    Kili: Where?!
    Dwalin: Aim for its gem bags!
    Kili: [beat, exasperated] It doesn't have any gem bags!
    • What's even funnier is that it wasn't gem bag but yambags, Peter Jackson just pronounced it wrong.


  • While Kíli is confessing his love to Tauriel, Legolas pops up behind her. The look on his face, and Tauriel's when she realizes he's there, is priceless.
  • For some, Legolas's leaping off the tower he's standing on to bury his sword in a troll's head is reminiscent of the signature aerial assassination move from the Assassin's Creed series. All he's missing is the white hood.
  • It's not funny in context, but Legolas finally running out of arrows after five movies is rather amusing.
  • Legolas is the king of silent comedy. When he sees that Thorin is about to be skewered by an Orc, and the only way he can help is by disarming himself while he's in the middle of fighting Bolg, his "Oh for the love of..." expression is priceless.
  • It is somewhat dark humor, but when Galadriel puts on her "Dark Queen" persona, Elrond looks at his mother-in-law with more emotion (shock and surprise) than he has shown in any of the other five movies, and quickly gives her room. Radagast also looks about two seconds away from crapping himself.
  • Thranduil's Deadpan Snarker routine after hearing Bard's attempt to reason with Thorin went just as badly as he predicted.
    Thranduil: Such a pity. Still, you tried.
    • When Thorin threatens to put an arrow through Thranduil's head, every single Elf archer aims at the Dwarves. Completely synchronized too. The Dwarves, who are cheering up until then, do an Oh, Crap! and duck.
    • Likewise, when he quite casually tells Bard to sell the Arkenstone, and that Ecthelion of Gondor would give him a good price for it. Thorin's frothing rage is the icing on the cake.


  • The satisfied smile that Bard gives after the Master's bloated carcass (painfully) helped in breaking out of the jail perfectly expresses Bard thinking, "I hope that hurt!"
  • Bard casually tossing the priceless Arkenstone like it's one of his kids' toys
  • To avoid being forced to fight the orcs, Alfrid disguises as a woman, with a ridiculous hat and a bodice far too big for him filled to bursting with gold coins, on top of that. Even Bard cannot remain completely serious when he sees Alfrid dressed this way.
    Bard: Alfrid. Your slip is showing.
    • Even better is that Alfrid calls attention to himself by speaking in a high-pitched-old-lady-voice, which sounds like something out of a Monty Python sketch.
    • Alfrid soon finds some Dwarvish gold and proceeds to stuff some in the bra of his costume.
    • Alfrid's response while to being chastised as a coward? Asserting that not every man is brave enough to wear a corset.
      • Amusingly enough this includes him, since his outfit does not actually include a corset.
  • Bard and Alfrid have an earlier moment. Alfrid is about to be lynched, but Bard stops them by Shaming the Mob. He shoves Alfrid back onto the ground as he does so—and barely looks at Alfrid while he's doing it, giving the move an Offhand Backhand feel.
    • And later, after assigning Alfrid the Night Watch post:
      Alfrid: Nothing gets past me!
      Bard: Except an army of Elves, it would seem.
    • His utter "WTF?" expression when the Elves, in perfect unison, part to let him pass. He's obviously wondering how the hell that many of them managed to get past with nobody noticing.
  • The Master of Laketown, who had opted to abandon his people to a fiery death while escaping on a barge full of wealth, gets Smaug's plummeting corpse dropped right on top of him.
  • As serious and nerve-wracking a moment it is, there's something hilarious about Bard saying to his son, "Just a little to your left..."
    • A similar moment happens before, as just when Bard gets up to the top of the tower, watching the destruction and proceeding to start shooting, he slowly realizes that the bell's still ringing directly above his head. Annoyed, he promptly cuts the inside rope to shut it up, then continues trying to shoot down Smaug. This is made even better by the BTS, where the bell kept hitting Luke Evans in the head and he is vehemently cursing it out, and his voiceover expresses his deep gratitude for when Peter Jackson came up with the idea that the rope should get cut.
  • When Alfrid is about to be hanged by an angry mob, he tells them to "think of the children" before holding up Bard's daughter Tilda... who proceeds to kick him in the gut.
  • Alfrid shouting a badass death-defying Battlecry, only to immediately run away into the opposite direction.
  • Gandalf repeating his performances of the most beautifully hilarious expressions of sheer exasperation at the lunacy around him. "Why the hell won't you people listen to the Wizard?!?!!"
    Gandalf: Since when does my counsel count for so little?!
    • Following on from that, the way Thranduil dismisses Gandalf with a series of mocking expressions and eyerolls, putting the viewer in mind of a very tall, smart-ass teenager with very shiny clothes.


  • Bilbo sneaking into Dale is hilarious. After sneaking out of the mountain, we see him stroll past some guards and promptly stop and take a few steps backward when he sees Gandalf before continuing offscreen, all while doing a super-casual I'm-just-on-a-regular-stroll-nothing-to-see-here walk.
  • The scene where Bilbo is interrogated.
    Thranduil: If I am not mistaken, this is the halfling who stole the keys to my dungeons from under the nose of my guards.
    Bilbo: Yes... Sorry about that.
    • Bilbo's expression is absolutely priceless. He looks like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
    • The camera also slides over to Bard, who is visibly trying not to laugh. The man's been through so much crap—his town destroyed, his children's lives threatened, shoved into a visible leadership position, and an army on his doorstep—and he does get a tiny, hilarious reprieve in the form of seeing an annoyed Elf, if only for a moment.
  • Bilbo 'helping' build the barricade. He's just resting his hands on the back of a wheelbarrow of rubble as Fíli pulls it along.
  • The orc army is advancing, the Men, Elves, and Dwarves are moving to meet them, and it's all very dramatic until Bilbo nervously asks Gandalf, "Is this a good place to stand?"
  • The Hobbits at the end refusing to believe that Bilbo is who he says he is, despite many of them being his family and him being a pillar of the community. To prove it, Bilbo has to present them with a legal document he signed—his contract to provide services for... er... well, never mind what services.
    Lobelia Sackville-Baggins: Who are you?!
    Bilbo: Who am I?! You know perfectly well who I am, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins! This is my house and those are my spoons!

...and Anyone Else

  • When the orc forces begin their attack on Dale, a troll with a huge chunk of stone tied to his head rams the wall as a living battering ram—and promptly flops back after knocking himself out.
  • A troll is spearheading an offensive up a staircase. He's soon shot dead by dozens of arrows and falls back, crushing several orcs that were charging behind him.
  • Azog's Oh, Crap! moment as Thorin tosses his flail head into his arms, backs off the sheet of ice, and lets gravity do the rest.
    • What especially sells it is the almost apologetic look Thorin gives him, as if to say "Dude, you were whacking the surface of a frozen river with a big rock, I mean, come on..."
    • That was a seriously WTF moment for the audience too. Here we see Thorin drop his sword, and we're all wondering what the heck he was thinking, then he does his thing, and the audience feels what Azog was thinking at that moment: way...
  • Azog's Oh, Crap! face can also be interpreted as him having an epiphany, amplified by his Christ-like posture when he's floating just beneath the ice. And then he comes back to life.
  • While it's meant to be horrifying, the music cutting out when Bard pulls up his broken bow and Smaug commenting on it is strangely funny.
    Smaug: Who are you that would stand against me?
    [Triumphant music plays as Bard grabs his bow, cutting out when he sees it's broken]
    Smaug: Now that is a pity.
  • Beorn near the end of the battle, jumps off the back of an eagle, changes into a gigantic bear mid-fall, and steamrolls any orcs that get in his way. Many people who have played World of Warcraft were laughing their heads off since it's almost exactly like a RAWRBOMB.
  • In the extended cut a wounded troll with a catapult on his back falls to the ground, landing on his back. Then the catapult triggers, propelling him tops over bottom, like on overweight Wile E. Coyote.
  • Also in the extended cut Alfrid finally receives his long-overdue reckoning. Eru only knows why, he chooses to hide in the fling sack of a catapult. Then Gandalf happens to fight a troll nearby, the startled Alfrid drops one of his pilfered golden coins onto the trigger mechanism, and is launched straight into the troll's mouth, choking it to death! Dying Moment of Awesome, perhaps?
    • Even better is his expression immediately after the coin sets off the trigger, which just screams, "Oh, for the love of..."
    • To cap it all off, Gandalf's gobsmacked reaction as he tries to process just what the hell happened.
    • In the same fight, Gandalf dodging back and forth while fiddling with Radagast's staff trying to get it to work.
  • Gandalf cleaning his pipe after the battle. You think he's about to say something profound, but the scene cuts away before he can.
    • Bilbo clearly expects him to say something, as his expression goes from Thousand-Yard Stare after seeing Thorin and Fíli die, and probably having learned about Kíli at this point, to "WTF, man?"


  • In promotion for the film, Stephen Colbert interviews Smaug.
    Smaug: It's hard for conservatives to get good roles in this town. That's why Kelsey Grammer and I are always up for the same parts.

    Smaug: Look, Stephen, I'm not asking for sympathy, but I am talking about real dragons, not one of those KHALEESI-WHIPPED LAP LIZARDS from Game of Thrones! Gods, it disgusts me!

    Smaug: Toothless?! More like Ball-less! I am an old-school wyrm! Keeping it real, yo! Doing what dragons do!

    Smaug: [after Colbert asks whether the film stayed true to the book] I actually haven't read the books, so no spoilers, please!
    Colbert: Well let me tell you, it'll get you [taps chest over his heart] right here.

    Smaug: I was offered a role on Sherlock. I turned them down, of course. I mean, who wants to play second fiddle to that HACK, Cumberbatch?!

    Smaug: [when asked if he tried to kill Bilbo] I'll tell you this, Stephen: What would you do if someone broke into your house wearing a hoodie? I was standing my ground. Do you have a problem with that?

    Smaug: NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON, MOTHERF***ER!!! [trashes set]


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