Funny / The Green Mile

• In the movie, Paul gives John Coffey some cornbread his wife had made in gratitude for John helping Paul out with his urinary infection.
  John: Oh. Was your missus pleased?
  Paul: Several times.
• The whole "mouse hunt" sequence.
  Brutal: Well, don't that beat the mousy band.
• Wild Bill being dragged, kicking and screaming, into solitary confinement...twice.
  • The first time is especially funny because Wild Bill thinks there's only two of them and he can easily take them out, but then Paul and Brutal step aside, revealing Harry holding a fire hose.
    Wild Bill: [gets a silent second to catch on]
    Harry: Piss on me? [proceeds to spray Wild Bill with it on full blast]
  • And then Wharton tries to fight his way out of the spray by punching it.
• The part with the Moon Pie. You have to admit, that was a pretty funny prank. (Brutal, who was the recipient of the Moon Pie spit, admitted it). What happens afterwards is quite hilarious (and satisfying to watch) as well.
  Brutal: [in very calm voice] Hope your bags are packed.
  Wild Bill: [with glee of a five-year old who was just promised to be taken to a candy factory] My bags are packed! I'm ready to go! Where we going? Let's go!
  [cue Wild Bill wrapped in a straightjacket and being dragged to the padded cell again]
  Wild Bill: No! No! No! No! No!
• Speaking of the urinary tract infection, the part where Paul is laying on the floor in pain after being kneed in the groin by Wild Bill creates a laughing fest:
  Coffey: Boss? I needs to see you down here.
  Paul: This is not a good time, John Coffey. Not a good time at all.
• Old Toot-Toot taking the role of Arlen "Chief" Bitterbuck during the execution rehearsal.

  Brutal: Arlen Bitterbuck, you have been condemned to die by a jury of your peers, sentence imposed by a judge of good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before your sentence is carried out?

  Old Toot-Toot: Yeah. I want a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the 'taters, and I wanna shit in your hat, and I've got to have Mae West sit on my face because I'm one horny motherfucker.

  • All of the guards immediately burst into hysterics. Even Percy, the self-proclaimed professional, is laughing! Paul then threatens to murder Old Toot-Toot then and there just to shut him up.
    Paul: Toot, one more remark like that and I'll have Van Hay roll on two for real, and I'll have one less crazy old trustee in the world.
  • Not to mention just beforehand when he is pretending to pray for forgiveness.
    Old Toot-Toot: The lord is my shepherd and so on and so forth. I'm sorry for all the bad shit I've done, and the people I've tramped on and everything and I hope they forgive me, and I'll s- never do it again - that's for sure. Still prayin', still prayin', gettin' right with Jesus!
    Harry: Do it quietly, you old gink!
  • Earlier, back by the cell:
    Paul: Is the prisoner's head properly shaved?
    Dean: Nope. It's all dandruffy and it smells.
    Paul: I will take that as a yes. Let's go, Arlen.
• Toot-Toot even has a laugh at Percy's expense:

  Percy: What do I do?

  Paul: Watch and learn.

  Toot-Toot: "Watch and learn" Hehehe.

  • And then when they rehearse 'rolling on two' with Toot in the chair:
    Old Toot-Toot: Now I'm fryin'! I'm fryyyyyyin'! Yeeeaaaagh! I'm a done tom turkey! This is a shocking experience!
  • Even though it's implied Toot-Toot has done this rehearsal countless times he still does it with great humour.
• When Wild Bill asks for some of whatever the guards are drinking as part of their ploy to drug him.
  Paul: What makes you think you deserve some?
  Bill: Because I got a big pecker.
• After Percy (enticed by Paul and Brutal) discovers the newly healed Mr. Jingles:
  Percy: You switched them. You switched mice somehow, you bastard.
  Brutal: I always keep a spare mouse in my wallet for occasions such as these.
• As serious as this scene was, Wild Bill, having just woken up from being drugged, facing down Percy after John had possessed him was just hilarious.
  Wild Bill: Boy, watchu lookin' at? Watchu lookin' at, you limp noodle? You wanna kiss my ass? You wanna suck my dick?
• Percy is generally unresponsive as the guards try to get his attention.
  Dodge: I think this boy's cheese has done slid off his cracker.
• After Delacroix's execution, when Percy claims he didn't know the sponge was supposed to be wet:

  Hal: How many years did you spend pissing on the toilet seat before someone told you to put it up before you start?

  • As horrible as the situation is, it’s hilarious when Hal marches down the stairs and bellows, “What in the BLUE FUCK was that?!”
• When Paul suggests using his car to get John Coffey to Melinda, one of his friends says that "you couldn't fit John Coffey in your car if you stripped him naked, covered him with lard and used a shoe-horn".
• Though it immediately follows one of the most unfunny moments in cinema history, Wharton's improvised "Barbecue" song is hilarious in a sick and twisted sort of way.
  • Right after Paul yells at him to stop, Wharton blows the pillow feathers he had in his hand at him.
  • Before they get back up there, in the tunnel where the warden was chewing them out, he complains that Wharton is singing about it. Paul's response, one that gets them laughing and defuses the situation a bit: "Can he carry a tune, Hal?"
• When Brutal suggests "Mouseville" to keep Mr. Jingles to help placate Del, he asks Paul if he's heard of it. Paul replies, "Tallahassee. Right down the road apiece from the dog university." That nearly spoiled the game by making Brutal laugh.
• Wharton is only pretending to be drugged when he is picked up to be transferred to the Green Mile, which is referenced by Paul mentioning it is a mistake that 'they will only make once.' The funny part is that Wharton was pretending the whole time, including when the guards were forced to dress him. Ewww.
• A little Bait-and-Switch; shortly before the guards drug Wild Bill, Percy is seen reading a book titled "Caring for Mental Patients", implying he may have had a change of heart after seeing Del's botched execution...and then you see the other side, revealing that he just uses the book to hold up a porn comic.