Most of the film's funniest moments involve Villain Protagonist Tuco in some form or another.
- If you look at Tuco's introductory freeze frame, you'll see that he pretty much stuffed half the tablecloth into his shirt as he was eating the chicken leg.
- "People say you were killed in Albuquerque." "And people talk bullshit!"
- Tuco being brought into the sheriff's office, kicking, screaming, cursing and complaining while trussed up like a turkey. It's also almost like an Over-the-Shoulder Carry, except he's slung over a horse's saddle.
Tuco: When that rope begins to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass!
- Also, when he throws a fit after Blondie misses a shot against the rope.
- The Overly Long List of crimes Tuco is accused of every time he's being hung. It seems to get longer and more ridiculous each time.
- While about to be hanged, Tuco growls at a little old lady standing in the audience.
- Angel Eyes to the legless Confederate soldier who gives him information:Angel Eyes: Adios, half-soldier.
- Angel Eyes mentions that even a scoundrel like our protagonist has a protecting angel. A golden-haired guardian angel. Cue a long shot of Blondie, accompanied by angelic music.
- When Blondie abandons Tuco in the desert and rides off, poor Tuco kicks the dirt and screams his head off.
- A blink and you miss it moment where an extra goes by on a wagon and she coincidentally has the exact same dress as Belle.
- The scene where Tuco robs a store after making it look like he's haggling over the price of a gun. His improvised handling of the gun parts has to be seen to be believed. Especially when you know that though Eli Wallach was given a gun while he had served in WWII, he was a medical officer and had no idea how guns worked.
- The look on the gun shop owner's face when he sees that Tuco perfectly shot off the top halfs of all his targets.
- Tuco gives a threatening one-liner, eats the proffered cigarillo(!), and laughs evilly. Smash Cut to him rolling his eyes, back in the noose.
- Another example of Tuco sounding like a jilted ex-lover: Im looking for the owner of that horse. Hes tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and hes a pig!
- The original Italian line is funny in a very different way. In that version, Tuco says he's "looking for half a cigar with behind it the face of a tall, blond son-of-a-bitch, who speaks little."
- Tuco is about to hang Blondie on the second floor of the latter's lodgings, when suddenly a cannonball crashes through the front wall, sending Tuco plummeting through the floor. Deus ex Machina slapstick at its finest.
- As cruel as he is mentally torturing Blondie in the desert, it's hard to take Tuco seriously while he's carrying that pink parasol.
- When Carson and Tuco's paths finally cross:Carson: Carson. My name's Bill Carson now. It's Carson. Surprise attack. All dead. My name is Jackson. No, Carson.
Tuco (sarcastically): Carson, Carson yeah, yeah, glad to meet you Carson. I'm Lincoln's grandfather.
- Tuco impatiently tries to get Carson to say what the name on the grave the gold is buried in is, and imitates Carson's dying gasps as he's doing so.
- Carson keeps demanding water. Tuco finally goes to get him water, and tells him, "Don't die until later!"
- While Tuco is leaning over a dehydrated and dying Blondie, out in the desert, and demanding the other half of the information, a fly lands on his face.
- The scene where Tuco tries to convince Blondie to tell him the name on the grave. "It's lucky you weren't alone out there!" Blondie's response to this: *coffee!*
- Earlier on, Tuco beats his head and sobs, "It's my fault! Mine, mine, mine, mine!" Bob Fossil hitting himself and moaning, "Ow, ow, I'm pathetic!" comes to mind.
- The first thing Blondie sees when he comes to is Tuco's smiling face. You can practically hear him thinking "Oh, no..."
- After Blondie splashes coffee into his face, an enraged Tuco pulls his gun on him. Blondie's response?
- The Italian is even better: "I'll sleep easy knowing that my worst enemy watches over me."
- This gem from Blondie:
- Tuco: How peaceful and quiet, amigo.Blondie: Like a cemetery, for instance?
- Then seconds later, Tuco tempts fate.Tuco: I got a good sense of where I'm going. Tuco has taken you this far, I will take you all the way to... (They're immediately stopped by soldiers.)
- One of the best visual jokes involves Tuco and Blondie who, disguised as Confederates, spot an approaching army riding towards them. Noticing their grey uniforms, Tuco starts cheering for the South and spouting curses at the Yankees... until the soldiers come closer and start to shake the grey dust of the desert out of their blue uniforms.Tuco: God's on our side because he hates the Yanks too!Blondie: God's not on our side because he hates idiots also.
Tuco: Hurrah for General ...(to Blondie) What's his name?Blondie: Lee.Tuco: LEE!
- Notice that Blondie uses the plural of idiot. Blondie was probably kicking himself for also being tricked by the dust.
- This bit:
- Tuco Comically Missing the Point of Angel Eyes telling Corporal Wallace to give him and Blondie "good treatment" when they were in the Union camp.
- Tuco (innocently): Did you hear that, Blondie? Good treatment!
- Tuco decides to use a Potty Emergency excuse to stand on the edge of a train, his plan being to escape from it.Wallace: Get going.
(Tuco glances over the edge of the train at the steep hill below, then looks back at Wallace.)
Tuco: I can't while you're watching me.
- "When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
- Moments later, Tuco is seen squirting water with his hands in the bath, like a child. The man can go from deadly to adorable in the blink of an eye.
- A naked Tuco to Blondie: "I get dressed, I kill him, and be right back."
- This little exchange:Tuco: [reading a note left by Angel Eyes] "See you soon...id..eed..."
Blondie: [snatches note] "...Idiots." [looks at Tuco] It's for you.
- The Union Captain's funny way of beckoning our leads through the trenches. It looks like he's trying to show them his new car.
- Tuco's double take at the dynamite that he and Blondie are taking cover next to.
- Carrying the dynamite on a stretcher towards the bridge they're going to detonate, Blondie & Tuco spot two corpse men coming past them. Trying not to look conspicuous, they hold up the arm of a dead soldier as though to put him on the stretcher instead of the dynamite. Once they've gone, they drop the corpse's arm again and continue their task.
- When he and Blondie have lit the fuse for blowing up the bridge, Tuco does a Girly Run up to a small foxhole, then belly-flops onto the sandbags, and cowers in a child's pose with his posterior protruding from over the sandbags, flinching at the ensuing cannonfire. Fade to hours later and we find he fell asleep in that exact same position. It's also funny how neither he nor Blondie were woken by the commotion of the army leaving the trenches.
- Next morning, Blondie wakes up to find Tuco still sleeping in that ridiculous position, so he shoves Tuco over with his foot, waking him with a start. When they start moving, it's obvious he's still stiff from being in the same position for hours and hours, judging by the little leg stretches he does as he plods down to the river, and the way he walks.
- Tuco takes a horse and rides off to find the money while Blondie comforts a dying soldier. Once that task is complete, and while the signature riff plays, Blondie slowly lowers his cigar to the fuse of a nearby cannon and blows Tuco off his horse. Just the casual way he does it...
- "HEY, BLOOOOOOONDIE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU AAAAAAARE?!" JUST A DIRTY SON OF A B-AaAaAaaaaah!"