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Funny / The Games We Play (The Gamer/RWBY)

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Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

New Game:
  • I then proceeded to start my path to greatness by repeatedly whacking a tree with a blunt object.
Tutorial Level:
  • After Jaune steals a book from a library:
    A skill has been created through a special action! Continuous theft has created the skill ‘Theft’ to take things that belong to others!
    Mastery of the skill Theft increases! Theft’s level goes up by one! Theft’s level goes up by one! Theft’s level goes up by one! Theft’s level goes up by one! Theft’s level goes up by one!
Faction Quests:
  • When contemplating about accepting Tukson's delivery quest.
    And see, all that was completely valid. Those were all good points. And, hey, if any of that had been what came to my mind, I might even feel reasonable about just turning away, if a bit sadly. Instead, what came to mind was more along the lines of ‘Me? Talk to a member of the White Fang? Holy crap, I’m only level two! My hp score is almost as tiny as my STR, VIT, and DEX scores—and even that’s larger then my life expectancy if I take this mission.’
Escort Mission:Mission Control:
  • Blake’s plan and Jaune’s reactions to it.
  • Jaune meets the Gamer’s weakness:
    Completion Reward: Exp 950000
    Jaune: Don’t even try to tempt me with your sexy, sexy numbers, I thought, even as I counted all the shapely zeroes.
  • Advertisement:
  • A ‘basic’ make-up kit:
    I looked up at Blake silently and then turned to the box. I opened it. Then I raised it, unfolded it, separated it, and stacked it. It was a makeup kit—a real, professional one which had so much stuff inside of it, the box must have contained a pocket dimension. There were about fifty million different pieces—for my skin, my eyes, my hair, my lips, my nails, and who knows what else. It featured about a thousand colors I hadn’t known had names and implements which may have doubled for use in torture. The cases that came with it contained what looked almost like slides, with about four dozen colored contact lens in them. Looking at it all was both intimidating and terrifying. I didn’t touch it. It was complex enough that there may have been a self-destruct.
  • Commenting on Jaune’s physique:
    Blake: I’d have questioned his ability to use it properly, but he’s more muscular than I’d have thought.
    Jaune (Flexing): I’ve been working out.
    Everyone ignored me.
  • The birth of a meme:
    “Your power is bullshit,” Blake said as I finished my brief explanation.
Skill Tutor:
  • Adam shooting down Jaune’s attempts at bonding Hilarious in Hindsight given how close they become.
    “As such, I came up with a team building exercise.”
    “And that’s my cue to leave,” Adam said, turning around. “Blake said she’d be busy until around noon, but she’d come by then. See you later.”
  • Jaune’s plans for leveling defensive skills:
    “Wait, then….you want me to…”
    “To beat the crap out of me, yeah,” I said. “Many times. You beat me up for a while until I need to back off and heal and then I get back up and we go again, rinse and repeat until I grind both skills up some. I’ll need to test how the reduction in damage interacts with my other defensive powers, too, so we’ll test that, too.”
    “And since we’ll be out here for a while, we might as well talk some. And hell, if you want me to shut up, you can just keep beating the crap out of me.”
    Adam was silent for a long moment.
    “That seems fair,” He mused at last.
  • Jaune and Adam proceeds to have a casual conversation all while Adam’s beating the crap out of Jaune. They eventually get bored.
  • Blake stumbling upon the two bonding:
    “What the hell are you two doing!?” A voice—Blake I realized after a moment—startled us. Adam even paused in mid-kick for a moment.
    Then he kicked me in the face anyway and turned towards Blake.
    “Passing time,” He said, sounding bored.
    “I like to think of it as a bonding experience,” I said after the feeling of a broken jaw faded and I had a moment to heal myself. “He punched me in the face, so now we’re friends.”
    Blake looked at me like I was insane.
    “You need a Y chromosome to understand,” I explained.
  • Jaune's thoughts when Adam cracks a smile at that?
    For an instant, I thought I saw an expression of Adam’s face that—given time, water, sunlight, and tender care—might have one day grown into a smile if he hadn’t cut it down young.
  • The White Fang needs information, how do they do it? Exploiting people’s stupidity. Adam lampshades it:
    Adam: When I dreamed of being a spy as a kid, it was a lot cooler than this, you’re ruining the magic.
    Jaune: Just wait until we go dumpster diving.
  • The White Fang and their poor security:
    After Jaune gives a speech on common passwords and hands a list over:
    I handed the list to the dog Faunus who retreated quickly, grimacing after a short glance at the long list.
Flight Simulator:
  • Jaune’s flight antics and Adam’s reaction. Includes asking Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?. Jaune respond with Ramming Always Works. Adam threatening Jaune with harm and Jaune waving it off because he can grind skills.
  • Meeting a Giant Nevermore and planning to avoid future encounters:
    “You know,” I told Adam. “I keep meaning to get around to training my luck, I just don’t know how.”
    “As you gain strength by getting stronger and gain intelligence by becoming smarter, logic would dictate you could improve your luck by getting lucky,” Adam mused, eyes on the titanic Grimm.
    “So what you’re saying is it’s impossible for me?”
    “Yeah,” He nodded. “That’s what I’m saying.”
  • This bit:
    “Jaune, please don’t tell me we’re going to crash into it,” Adam said tightly.
    “Okay,” I nodded. “I won’t tell you. Aura Crash.”
    “Goddamn it!”
First boss:Checkpoint:
  • How Adam plans to keep Jaune's identity a secret:
    “And what are you going to do when people ask you questions?”
    Adam looked at me like I’d just said something unbelievably stupid.
    “I’ll say nothing,” Adam said slowly, as if talking to a small child. “And stare at them until they go away.”
    “Oh,” I said, remembering who I was talking to. “Right.”
Party System:
  • Jaune finds out there's a limit to exp sharing in a party:
    “Well, there goes that plan.”
    “Plan?” Adam asked, tilting his head slightly before abruptly frowning. “Wait. Were you going to make me do all the work?”
    “What?” I asked, scandalized. “No, no I would never—yes.”
    “And you were going to force me to fight a lot monsters while you…what? Stayed completely safe in the background and drank tea?”
    “Are you kidding?” I asked. “I’d have provided emotional support. ‘Go, Adam! Kill another thousand! You can do it!’ That kind of thing.”
    “Oh, gee,” He said. “So sad that plan got ruined.”
  • Hilarious in Hindsight as Jaune becomes stronger than Adam and leaves him in the dust by the end of the arc.
  • Jaune discovers the option menu:
    “Adam, say something,” I demanded suddenly.
    I turned away from him, laughing my head off.
    “I have subtitles,” I managed to get out through my cackles.
    “Seriously?” Adam said, sighing again, but I was busy bobbing my head to something only I could hear.
    “Music, too,” I said. “I guess it was on mute. It’s not bad, though. Hm, but…yeah, I think I’ll get tired of hearing it constantly. You ever get tired of the music in a game after thirty hours or so? Like that, but for me it would never stop. Could be useful, though. Subtitles, too, if it works on whispers and stuff. I wonder if my controls are in here somewhere? Could I make myself left-handed or something? Oh, or is there a third person option, maybe?”
  • Coming back:
    Blake: “Welcome back, I take it everything went well?”
    Jaune: “Can’t complain, crashed the Bullhead into everything I could, got chased and eaten by a Giant Nevermore, fought some Grimm, was hunted by a pack of Beowolves, gained some levels. It was fun.”
    Blake stares then looks over to Adam.
    Adam: “He’s not joking, except maybe about the fun part and even then I’m not sure. He’s kind of insane.”
  • Jaune shows off the resizing feature of his inventory:
    Blake shifted her gaze from where it had faded into the air to where it now hung and stared.
    “It should be longer than that,” She stated, looking at the cloak that had covered my entire body moments before.
    “One size fits all, Blake,” I said, Adam nodding sagely. We could both see this irritated here. “In games, that is.”
    “And your armor…”
    “Ah, Blake, game characters don’t put on their pants,” I said, shaking my head with a smile, Adam joining me. “They just equip them!”
    I did just that, taking off my armored leggings by replacing them with my jeans.
    “I can change my pants without even having to look down,” I stated with proud superiority as she continued to stare. “Which makes me better then all of you, by the way.”
    Blake took a deep breath and held it for several seconds before opening her mouth, shutting it with a click, and then slowly exhaling.
    “Don’t worry Blake, He’s wrong about that part,” Adam chimed in. “He loses any of the points he gets for that by owning and wearing a bunny onesie.”
    “No, see, you’re wrong—that makes me even more superior!”
    Adam shrugged at Blake.
    “I told you,” He said evenly. “Insane.”
  • The classic thing to do after a mission.
    “Hey, Adam.”
    “You wanna play some minigames?”
  • An aspect of games that doesn't carry over, sorry Jaune:
    Well, that’s what I’d like to say. Something that could get a bit jarring once you did away with sleep is the fact that everyone else in the world kept on doing it and steadfastly refused to conform their schedule to you connivance at all hours of the day or night. As such, we scoped out the field of battle and it was closed, so we sat in the parking lot awkwardly for a minute and then went to my place, where Adam himself went to sleep.
  • Cool entrance, of sorts:
    Which, admittedly, would have been more impressive if we hadn’t done it in a kind of junky car the White Fang had supplied.
    And if said field of battle hadn’t been, well, a club.
  • Jaune showing his Wisdom once more:
    “You do realize that odds are good the first time I start drinking, I’ll probably get some skill to resist the effects, right?” I pointed out sourly. “That’s part of why I don’t want to drink over something stupid.”
    • He does.
  • Jaune’s boasting about his dancing skills:
    Jaune: I told you I could dance, I haven’t had many chances to dance lately, but I could have gotten that skill any time. The books helped, I admit, as did the skill—and I probably couldn’t have done that last bit without my improved stats—but I am an awesome dancer.
    Adam: What was with the dance-off, though?
    Jaune: Uh…I honestly don’t know. I think the guy was drunk and trying to impress a girl. Feel kind of bad for him, but if you step to an Arc on the dance floor, that’s what you get. I will crush you and make you cry if you challenge me on the floor.
  • Junior also takes note of Jaune’s skills:
    Junior: If it isn’t the dancing machine. You’re Jian? I’ve gotta ask—what are you? The White Fang’s dance instructor?
    Jaune: Something like that, I prefer to be known as the Lord of the Dance, though.
    • Several posters still call him that.
Mission Start:
  • Lamenting the need for sleep:
    Jaune: Well, I’d hoped to get to twenty-four, but…I guess that’s not going to be possible before the mission. My stats probably won’t improve in the time we have left, either. We’ve done all we could out here so let’s go home and put you two to bed.
    Adam(Annoyed): Just because you don’t have to—
    Jaune: Hey, it’s not my fault you two aren’t awesome enough to go without, such a waste of time. There’s not supposed to be any rest for the wicked you know but there you guys are, whiling away the hours. Lame.
  • Complex much?
    I was in disguise which I think, technically speaking, meant I was disguising the disguise that disguised the disguise that was disguising me, which I found amusing.
  • Just when things seemed to be going well:
    I had to struggle to contain a scream of frustration when I heard explosions.
High-Value Target:
  • Jaune being a terrible person:
    I dragged her by her right arm and threw her with all the force I could muster.
    A skill has been created through a special action! Through the hurling of projectile weapons, the skill ‘Throw’ has been created!
    I looked down at her silently for a moment, feeling horrible. Blue windows appeared before me, Intimidate leveling up rapidly along with a few new skills to remind me I was a horrible person.


  • Jaune on his life:
    It was going to be more dangerous than I expected, granted, but that was starting to become the story of my life. By the time this was all over, I’d probably be able to write a book about it, or maybe an autobiography; ‘Jaune Arc: It Was Worse Than I Expected.’
  • As I reached the top of the circle I couldn’t help but absently note that I could literally see my house from here.
First Interlude – James Ironwood:
And yet, sometimes he wished the man would react, at least a little. With an investment of countless lien stolen, with one of the heads of the White Fang humiliating them with his escape, with one of his friend’s children having just been held hostage, even still did Ozpin stand, casually drinking his coffee. With the amount of caffeine the man drank, you’d think he’d be a tad more excitable.
  • Ozpin snarks and Jaune delivers:
    Ozpin: The students will be disappointed, had he hit the cliff, I could have canceled tomorrow’s classes.
    A ship smash into the courtyard of the school and another into the grass, two smash into one of the school buildings.
    Ozpin: Ah, never mind, then.
  • Ozpin, yet again:
    Ozpin: If it does that, it will be beyond our grasp, or at least beyond those chasing it. As escape routes go, its rather unorthodox, but the effectiveness in that regard would be undeniable.
    The man sounded bizarrely like he was grading one of his student’s tests.
  • The reason why Ziz grabbed the White Whale?
    “Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” I snarled—quietly, in fear that it might actually hear me. “You dragged me across the fucking world because you were hungry!?”
  • Jaune is not pleased with the above:
    Jaune: Hey, here’s an idea! Maybe you should have checked to make sure you liked to taste before carrying me off to…where the fuck am I!? You flying feathered fuck. We’re gonna have words about this when I’m leveled up!

Recovery Time:

  • Nora recovers her wit very quickly.
    “Hey,” Nora said behind me. “You saved us, you know. Even when you disarmed Ren—“
    Ren sighed quietly.
  • Jaune and Adam's reactions to Gou, who has gained the ability to talk.
Bar Games:
  • When Jaune tries to drink alcohol, he gains the "Poison Resistance" skill.
  • Jaune casually heals a few hundred people, then complains that it's not enough to get any major grinding of the skill from. He resolves to make up for it.
    Though I was pleased to be able to help so many people, if it was just a few hundred patients, I wouldn't be able to increase my healing skills very easily; I’d probably need to have my Elementals attack me again later, so that I could heal myself and get better results.
Hidden Enemies:
  • Jaune's mother and maternal grandmother don't get along, so Jaune brings it up.
    "I heard they have you on enough drugs right now that you invited Grandmother over.”
  • It was also brought up earlier in Bed Rest.
    “Indeed,” He agreed. “I simply wished to inform you that your sisters may not arrive for several days. Because of that, I spoke to your mother and then contacted your grandmother, at her request. She said that she would arrive within the week, assuming no major delays.”
    At my mother’s request?
    …Well, they were probably giving her something for the pain.
  • Jaune introduces Gou to his sisters.
    “Yeah,” I said, shutting the door and leaning back against the frame. “Gou, speak.”

    “Woof,” He obliged, pronouncing the actual word.
  • Bianca and Shani join the list of people bewildered by Gou.
    There was a long moment of silence following the words.
  • Jaune (ab)uses Delusory to [SMILES INTERNALLY].
    I suppressed a smile at the sight before realizing I didn’t need to. Instead, I kept my illusions face perfectly straight and smiled as much as I felt like inside, waiting.
  • Gou and Bianca talk.
    “How are you able to talk?” Gou said and if not for the tone of his voice and the taste of his emotions, I might have thought he was being sarcastic—but no, he was actually curious. Bianca seemed to notice that too, because she answered promptly.

    “By passing air from the lungs through the vocal cords and shaping the resulting sounds with our mouths,” She said matter-of-factly.

    “And that’s not how I do it?” He asked.
  • AURA, son!
    “Oh, so it’s an Aura thing,” Shani said, just accepting the explanation at face value.
  • The sisters also get Dumb Struck after being introduced to Autumn.
    There was another long moment of silence. Bianca looked at me expressionlessly while Shani’s lips parted slightly as she squinted at me. Neither said a word or moved or…anything—in fact, I think their brainwaves may have briefly flat-lined.
  • After learning about Autumn, Bianca gives Jaune the talk.
    “You know what?” She said, smiling. “Fine. Okay, sure, big sis can roll with the punches. I thought I might have to have this conversation with one of you someday, though I can’t say I expected this. I’ll skip a few bits, but that was very mature of you, Jaune. Though doing such things on a whim, without proper care and consideration, and at such a young age was rather questionable and perhaps reckless, I’m proud that you took responsibility for the results of your actions and what you brought into this world and I want you to know that I support you. Despite the…circumstances involved, I am sure we are all glad to have a new member of our…pretty messed up family, so it seems congratulations are in order, little brother. Just remember to take proper protective measures the next time you start screwing around with nature or science or souls or whatever else you’ve been up to. Okay?”
  • Tukson knows exactly what Jaune's definition of "normal" is.
    "Uh…” I considered that for a moment before shrugging and fibbing a little. “Pretty normal for me, too, I guess.”
    “That bad?” He asked, leaning to rest his elbows on the counter.
  • Also-
    “God,” Tukson whispered after a moment. “You get up to some shit, don’t you?”
    Do I ever.
  • Tukson rethinks his life choices.
    “And here I go again, thinking about how different my life would be if we’d done what my mother wanted. If I just picked a safe career; stayed in the army and far away from goddamn bookstores. Vacuo isn’t that bad this time of year.”
  • The latter half of the chapter as Jaune continues to drop bombs after bombs of information regarding his life on his sisters. Highlights includes using White Tiger of The West to grab ice cream for everyone, Gou talking and Jaune ignoring his sister's 'skewed priorities'.
Wounded:Battle Royale:
  • Azure and Siena give extremely melodramatic fake-final speeches upon their defeats.
Full Recovery:
  • Jaune's bedside manner, or lack thereof.
    “I’m the miracle worker here,” I stated. “I do what I want.”
  • Adam freaks out when he realises Jaune is going to visit.
  • Adam has drunk so much he can build a pyramid out of the used shot glasses.
  • Jaune can say with an utterly straight face that he looked through Cinder's underwear drawer without a perverse thought in mind.
“I’m going to walk in like I own the place,” I told him. “Because I do, even if some people don’t know it yet.”
Victory March:
  • Jaune is unfazed by the pain he'll suffer fighting Albus and Fionn, because
    Oh, well. It’s not like I didn’t hurt myself worse than this on a daily basis.
  • A trainee Huntsman's idea of a shortcut:
    Most took advantage of the giant hole in the ground and simply leapt down to the appropriate floor and I allowed them to before beginning work on fixing things.
  • Adam unintentionally gives Jaune an opening.
    "I was going to ask you if you thought I would benefit from some more Intelligence.”

    “Do I think you should get smarter?” I asked, shooting him a slightly triumphant smirk as he winced, realizing his blunder. “Adam, I always think that.”
  • Gou's opinion on the changes to himself.
    "That might make housing something of a corner."
  • Adam doesn't resist the opportunity to get back at Jaune over the latter's height issues.
    "You're right," Adam admitted. "That was beneath me. I'll try to rise above it. You know, grow as a person. Be the bigger man."
  • A White Fang member notices Jaune in his Jian Bing disguise, tries to take a closer look, recognises him, and promptly nopes out of there.
  • Raven sums up the situation in one line.
    "Your brother sounds unpleasant."
  • Jaune's opinion of school.
    ... but if there was anything in the world that could convince someone that not everything was worth seeing or listening to, it was a school campus.
  • Adam's apt summation of what just happened.
    “God, what a day,” Adam muttered, shaking his head. “It’s still today, right? Linear time sort of went off to fuck itself there for a while.”
  • Jaune may be tired but he's not too tired to rebutt Adam.
    “Puns and sex jokes?” I asked. “Really? Adam, you’re a bull Faunus who uses a style specializing in quick draws and who’s (sic) Semblance involves gathering energy to release in a sudden burst or to wrap around your sword in a protective coating. Do you really want to get into this kind of fight with me? Think about it.”
  • Gou is always a good boy.
    “If you don’t like walking in the snow, I do not mind if you wish to ride on my back."
  • Jaune is really horrible at summarising the White Whale Incident.
    “You’d be surprised,” I answered. “Penny is remarkably good at taking things in stride. I ripped her arms and legs off though, yes.”

    Raven blinked at me again, turning to look at the image and then back at me.

    “I put them back, of course,” I said defensively. “I wasn’t going to leave a little girl quadriplegic in the wilderness.”

    “You go on adventures that are odd even by my standards,” Raven told me, shaking her head slightly.
  • When Jaune uses dank memes, he plays them to the hilt.
    “Oh, I am,” I said, holding out a finger. “This is me playing the world’s smallest violin. You just can’t see it because your eyes suck.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Adam muttered, rolling his eyes again. He stopped, however, when I made an illusion in front of my finger, showing the same space but quickly zooming in to show a tiny, tiny, tiny violin, with a bow drawing slowly across it. “…Did you actually make a tiny violin?”

    I shot him a flat look and stored it back in my Inventory.

    “What do you think?” I asked him seriously.
Load Time:
  • Jaune's annoyance when General Ironwood gets a bit too close to the truth.
    “You’re afraid of her,” Ironwood answered before I could, eyes widening very slightly as stared at me.

    Yes. Yes I was. But please don’t say stuff like that out loud, at least not so bluntly. I have a reputation to maintain here.
  • Ryuugi's opinion of the whole shebang.
    Poor Ironwood. He got stuck in a loading screen disguised as a cut scene—his airship hasn't moved at all in, like, five minutes.
  • Raven calling Jaune on his bullshit.
    “So I saw,” She replied nonetheless. “How much of that did you make up on the spot?”
  • Jaune's idea of appropriate reparations to Ozpin.
    If it turns out that Ozpin isn’t a Rider, then he’s a fairly relaxed guy and will probably accept an apology for the misunderstanding; I’ll spend a few minutes working in the fields and grow a couple tons of coffee beans to make it up to him.
  • Raven's opinion on Ozpin's secrecy.
    We used to joke that he had a horrible disease that would cause him to spontaneously combust if he ever told anyone the full truth about anything.
  • Jaune's Hypocritical Humor regarding the above.
    Yeah, people who do stuff like that are assholes.

    Also, please don’t send me looks like that, Raven. I told you the truth in the end, didn’t I?
  • Adam took Gou up on the offer after all.
    “About goddamn time,” Adam murmured behind us, seated on top of Gou. “I fucking hate this place.”
  • Jaune getting tempted to let Ironwood and Ozpin know that, yes, he is snooping on them.
    I was tempted—very, very tempted—to create an illusion behind Ironwood saying ‘Hi.’ I’d have drawn the sound out, too, stretching the two letter word as far as it go.
  • Jaune's thoughts when Yang tries to flirt with him.
    “What do you say, Jaune?” Yang asked, giving me a flirtatious wink. “Wanna go a few rounds?”

    I continued to smile as I looked back at her calmly.

    I work with your mother, I thought. And your step-mother is my daughter.
  • Jaune's False Reassurance to Blake.
    “I don’t work for the White Fang anymore, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said, which was true. Nowadays, it was more like they were working for me.
Family Time:
  • Jaune's opinion of sightseeing.
    “Eh,” I said with a shrug. “Anywhere worth seeing is probably full of things that want to kill you, anyway.”
Field Effects:
  • When Jaune says he's Crazy-Prepared, he means it.
    I’d brought everything I could to this fight; worst case scenario, I could actually reach into my Inventory and bring out a kitchen sink.
Hit Streak:
  • The result of three Jaunes simultaneously existing? A critical mass of narcissism and smug.
    “Two sides of the same coin, huh?” Malkuth said, voice a touch rueful. “No, I suppose that’s not the best analogy; you two are separate and the same, the Duality of God. A bit of a pity, I must admit, but I suppose I wouldn’t have believed you if you’d said you’d be willing to obey me that easily.”

    “We are Keter, after all,” I said. “You know, the Crown.”

    “Which means we’re sort of like kings,” Thaumiel agreed. “The Twin Kings of Awesomeness. Maybe we should get actual crowns.”

    “We should,” I replied. “You know why?”


    “Because we’re worth it.”

    “You’re smart and beautiful, you realize that?”

    “Yeah. You, too,” I told him. “I mean, I’m not saying you’re the best looking person I’ve ever seen, but…I sort of thought it went without saying, you know?”

    “I do know,” I answered.

    “Enough, both of you,” Keter interrupted. “Let’s focus on the matter at hand—there’s no reason to waste time fawning over ourselves, after all, because we’ll always be gorgeous.”

    “All that Light and this place is still full of hot air, I see,” Malkuth mused, interjecting himself into the conversation with what I imaged to be a roll of his eyes. “I knew this would happen the moment I saw there were two of you. Maybe I should do a little more pruning of your family tree.”

    “That’s a scary thought,” I said, glancing at myself. “You think we’ll be okay?”

    “Don’t worry,” My other self-assured. “We’re too beautiful to die.”


  • Anytime Jaune and Adam get into a snark-off.
  • People getting introduced to his semblance and calling it "BS semblance", though it happens less later as it's not explained as much as the early story.