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The Game Itself
Main Story and Coldharbor
- When you're in Sancre Tor, Abnur Tharn sarcastically mocks Sai Sahan's decision on hiding the Amulet of Kings in Sancre Tor. Then Lyris and Sai Sahan say at the exact same time "Shut up, Tharn".
- Each of the three faction's spymaster know each other. When trying to convince the alliance leaders to sign a ceasefire in order to invade Coldharbour, the spymaster asks you to say hi to your own faction's spymaster for them.
- The two quests with Stibbons in Coldharbour. The first has you rescuing him from a lonely Winged Twilight who is attracted to him, and the second has you rescuing him from Dark Seducers. Hilarity naturally ensues.
- If you buy a drink for the Undaunted ghosts in the Hollow City, you are treated to the following exchange:
- Tubidan the Alarmist: Your generosity is five-clawed, my friend! Listen, everyone. That one bought us a drink. This calls for a song!
Savage Sehlena: You asked for a drink? Tubidan. You're dead. What a waste of coin!
Sahba the Bonecrusher: You're an idiot, Tubidan.
Tubidan: Silence, both of you! That one bought Khajiit a drink.
Sehlena: So now you're going to sing?
Tubidan: No. Khajiit is most Undaunted here. You will sing.
Sehlena: What? No!
Tubidan: And you will sing, Sahba.
Sahba: Go play in the Vaults of Madness, Tubidan.
Tubidan: All are staying in this tavern until you sing! So sing, fools!
Sehlena: Who knows no fear... of beast or blade?
- And then they do sing:
Sehlena and Sahba: Undaunted! Undaunted!
Tubidan: Yes. Yes!
Sahba: Who knows no fear... of Daedric planes?
Tubidan: Tell me! Tell me who!
Sehlena and Sahba: We are Undaunted!
Sehlena: Who knows no fear... of death? Of age?
Tubidan: Louder! By the Bright Moons! Louder!
Sehlena and Sahba: Undaunted! Undaunted! We are Undaunted!
Tubidan: That's the stuff!
Sehlena: Someone pass a sword through my face.
Sahba: It wouldn't kill you.
- Naryu Virian is probably the biggest female snarker in the entire game. She is flirtatious, and has a good sense of humor.
- The drunken rambling from the revelers in Windhelm can be pretty funny."I'll have... what I'm having...""I need another drink like I need a head in the hole."
- A quest in Stonefalls involves stealing a rare bottle of wine from a bartender. To get the bottle, you need to distract the owner through one of two ways. The first is releasing a rat in the establishment. The second is giving a bottle of cheap alto wine to a known patron who sings... badly when drunk. The song he sings about cliff racers is truly spectacular.
- A quest in Eastmarch sees you helping a Nord who wishes to help the giants fight the Stormfists. She tells you that one giant can help you break into their camp. After a bit of awkward non-communication between you and the giant...he just drop-kicks you over the wall.
- When asked to find items to identify the victims of the Worm Cult in the Rift you find a book of poetry on the body of one soldier, which has a copy of "The Lusty Argonian Maid" hidden inside it.
- One of the sidequests given to you in Shadowfen, by an Argonian who wants to avenge his family, has you killing the leader of the Dominion regiment near an abandoned village, and cutting out his heart. What does the Argonian do with the heart? Throws it out to the swamp so a wild Wamasu can eat it.
- A quest has you gathering ingredients for an Argonian trying to join the Mage's Guild. The last part has you drinking the potion she made, and reporting back with the results. What happens when you drink it? You see a mammoth... being chased by a cat.
- There is a house called Lake-Heart House by Riften. If you go inside, you might notice how the house looks sort of empty considering its size. There is a letter there fittingly called "Furious Letter", and its contents makes it clear why:"YOU PIG!!!!
You are more of a pig than our pigs! And with my sister!!!! I hope you die a horrible death, screaming for mercy while animals root in your entrails, PIG!
I am taking the children and going to my sister's. No, not that one, she's all yours. My other sister.
DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!
- Rigurt the Brash and his diplomatic antics.
- In order to strengthen the Ebonheart Pact, he wants to have a party with the dark elf and argonian ambassadors, and has you collect the items needed. Unfortunately, one of the items is alcohol, and he happens to drink some of it before the meeting.
- He proceeds to get the ambassadors' names wrong, calling Yeveth Noramil for Normal and Eyes-of-Steel for Flies-of-Steel.
- The ambassadors mistake him for a jester and befriend each other over how confusing nords are and how hideous their mead is. Rigurt thinks it went much better than it did.
- When first waking up on Stros M'Kai, Captain Kaleen tells you about Headman Bhosek's thugs:Captain Kaleen: Cross one, you cross them all, and Bhosek will have your head on a pike before you can say, "Please, don't put my head on a pike!"
- One quest on Stros M'Kai involves you agreeing to help an orc kill a sea serpent named Deathfang. You go to fight it, the quest message says "Kill Deathfang With Dugroth", and then the serpent comes out of the water. Dugroth runs off, and a second later, it amends itself to say, "Kill Deathfang Without Dugroth".
- Right before this particlar incident, Dugroth leads you to Deathfang, but takes a small detour because "the mudcrabs look tough".
- In Pariah Catacombs you find a note left by someone who was trapped down there and terrified of the dungeon's boss, who they describe as a skeletal monster that feasts upon the flesh of the living. The note is titled "I know its name" and they end the note by claiming to know the beast's name, but leave you in suspense. It's Uncle Bones, and he is a human skeleton that scuttles about in random patterns on all fours.
- One might come across a notice from the Thalmor Diplomatic Corps, with some... advice... on cross-race communication. Regarding the Khajiit, it says the following:
- Regarding our friends, the Khajiit:
Do NOT refer to them as "cats".
Do NOT serve them food intended for pet cats.
If you own a pet cat, do NOT call Khajiiti by your cat's name.
Do NOT attempt to grab their tail - unless permission is granted.
- An early Dominion quest has you retrieving a Maormer treaty to help resolve a tense diplomatic situation on the Khajiti island of Khenarthi's Roost. The treaty itself has... oddly specific (and nearly extortionate) terms, with a provision requesting an annual feast for visiting Maormer ambassadors, with a particular exhortation that "under no circumstances shall the repugnant dish sugared cuttlefish be served."
- In the faction questline for the Aldermeri Dominion, you have the unfortunate task of informing Queen Ayrenn that the leader of a group of antagonistic Altmer extremists is none other than her sister-in-law, Estre. The funny part is Ayrenn scoffs at this, insisting that Estre doesn't know any magic, just as Estre uses a teleport spell to escape. Especially as, because of the way the dialogue screen is framed, Estre is right over Ayrenn's shoulder as she makes her escape.
- In Mistral, an Altmer and Bosmer are talking about how idiotic for the Khajiit to refer to Cat's Eye Quay as "Key" - before starting to argue over whether it should actually be pronounced as "Kway" or "Kay".
- In Cyrodiil, northeast of Weynon Priory, are two unmarked ruined buildings. They're empty except for a note in one, which seems to explain what happened:Torchbugs found me again.
Thought I'd killed them last time. But they're back.
This time, no mistakes. I'll burn down the village if I have to. Die, torchbugs.
- This little bit of lore from the game's website:A note from Jumps-Over-Fire, a historian: I am at a loss. All these weeks in study, all the painstaking excavation, the re-excavation after the storms and flooding, the comparison to other ancient temple texts and agonizing over translation, and what do we find? The oldest inscription I have ever encountered, the last recoverable piece of this temple, and what is the engraving? What ancient wisdom from my forefathers? The enlightenment: By Twice-Sun-Blessed Decree of Chath-Jat, Hist-Speaker and Vanquisher of the Fallow Dryness, He Who Frightened a Bloodplague with Spine Motions Alone: There is to be no running within the temple.
- For the annual Jester's Festival, three performers parody the three alliance leaders: Jester Queen Ayrenn is a Tastes Like Diabetes Orc who insists on spreading happiness whether her subjects like it or not, Jester King Emeric is an Argonian Henpecked Husband who's afraid of his wife, and Jester King Jorunn is a Khajiit with Delusions of Eloquence engaged to a literal pig.
- Three facial scar options for Khajiit are named "This One's Worn Nose", "This One's Very Worn Nose", and "This One Would Like a New Nose".
- The Elsweyr E3 trailer, when the dragon snarls at Khamira, and Khamira, a regular-sized Khajiit, snarls back to the giant dragon. It is as hilarious as it is awesome.
- Various contraband descriptions can be quite humorous. Surprisingly a lot of erotic art.Art Book, "Allure of the Sweetroll": Rare art book, 'Ong's Passion: Allure of the Sweetroll,' depicting healthy unclad Imperials holding artfully placed sweetrolls.Book of Erotic Stories: A collection of erotic fiction, featuring pairings of prominent Aldmeri Dominion figures, including Queen Ayrenn and Urcelmo.Dibella's Bosom Night Favor: A bust of the god of beauty and erotic instruction, kept in Nord bedchambers to make nightly activities more ... invigorating.Edifying Illusio-Scope: Bulging device with inward-facing goggles and a crank that, when turned, shows the viewer moving images of Bosmer procreation.Erotic Found Object Mosaic: Assorted junk and scrap arranged to resemble provocative figures in repose, strategically oiled to give a glistening sheen.Erotic Green Pact Drawings: A collection of plant life drawings that are strangely suggestive.Framed Snowflake Display: A framed display of various snowflakes, lovingly mounted and catalogued by a diligent Nordbefore they melted.Guide To Approved Methods of Procreation: Illustrated folio from the Thalmor depicting methods of coition "that properly reflect our Altmeri heritage."Pamphlet of Erotic Engravings: Khajiiti pamphlet showing various forms of erotic dalliance, illustrated by stylized drawings of astoundingly lithe cat-people.Perfidious Accusation Sleeping Mask: A painted mask fashioned to look like an individual's face, with open, staring eyes. Worn at night to discourage sneak-thieves.Wooden Building Blocks: Children spend hours stacking these painted wooden building blocks. They spend minutes knocking them over.Risque Boudoir Portrait: A portrait of a buxom young Nord wearing nothing but a horned helmet and a provocative smile.Torchbug Makeup: Who would put makeup on a torchbug?Aristocrat's Alabaster Perfume Bottle: Alabaster perfume bottle with squeeze bulb and brass atomizer, half full of "Eau de Boar Bacon."Nord Sweat Cologne: An expensive fragrance created by alchemists in Riften, popular with wealthy Dark Elves who want to unleash their inner Nord.
- In Wrothgar, when discussing a local village's draugr problem with Narsis Dren's apprentice, you can ask her, "Do you think Narsis did something to agitate the draugr?" Her response: "Well, it wouldn't surprise me. He can be very agitating."
- Rigurt the Brash from the Ebonheart Pact wants to woo an orc ambassador, and asks you for help. Turns out, the way to court Rigurt learned is actually an ancient marriage proposal, meaning the two of them are engaged, much to Rigurt's confusion.
- After the "Thieves Guild" update, you are able to use baskets as Hiding Spots from guards if they are chasing you. It works even if you do it right in front of them and they end up looking around frantically for you.
- During the storyline, in the al-Danobia tomb, Velsa makes a sarcastic comment to Quen about jumping into the chasm. When you return with Zeira, you find what appears to be Quen floating above the empty space. She announces that she's found an invisible bridge, and Velsa remarks, "So you followed my advice and threw yourself in the chasm." and "Of all the times to take my advice, she decides to do so now."
- Later on in the quest involving the al-Danobia tomb, you run into a guardian, an air atronach called Lakayd the Repentant, which demands that you recite Danobia's maxim, to prove that you aren't trespassers...Walks-Softly: "Falorah!"
Quen: "Gaiden Shinji!"
Walks-Softly: Velsa, you aren't even trying.
- This conversation you can overhear in the Thieves Guild headquarters:Walks-Softly: The other day, I passed Silver-Claw on the street. He made a strange motion with his hand.
Quen: He did the same thing to me. What do you suppose it meant?
Velsa: I convinced him we have a "thief salute."
Quen: You did not!
Walks-Softly: I thought it was an obscene gesture, so I returned one of my own. I should stop by his shop and apologize.
- This lorebook about an ancient prince's flamboyant hairstyles (or "follicular follies", as the book puts it). In particular:For a recent outing, it was seen that Prince Hew's Hair was artfully arranged as a haj mota about to charge. Rumor has it that the scales of the "hair-beast" were individual rubies of uniform size. The beast's eyes were emeralds. One young maiden was so alarmed by the horror on His Hairness' head that she fainted. Her parents quickly blamed the heat, not the Hair-Mota, so as not to displease Prince Hew. However the young woman was overheard later saying that the emerald eyes kept staring at her until she was quite undone.
- The Black Sacraments can be unintentionally funny.
- Someone apparently ordered a sacrament on a man simply for playing the flute badly.
- There is a noblewoman who impresses the quest-giver by ordering the sacrament on herself, in order to frame her husband. Thing is, all of the Black Sacrament locations are in dungeons or criminal hideouts, places nobles have little reason to be in. Thus, it will be very hard for the authorities to even find her, much less think her murder was not caused by one of the many criminals around her, rather than her husband. And the Speaker thinks it is a shame her intellect is being wasted by a Sacrament.
- The quest "Lost in the Gloam" from the Clockwork City DLC: the antics of the Blackfeather Court (Nocturnal's talking Daedric crows), you becoming their champion to defeat such foes as the Exarchs of Dross (rival crows who you scare away by waving your arms around in a goofy manner... which you're given as an emote as one of the quest rewards) and the Motionless Guardian (literally just a scarecrow that you knock over), and Luciana's deadpan commentary throughout the whole thing as she fails to find the humor in the situation.
- Part of the Telvanni questline requires you to pickpocket a love poem from the Bosmer girlfriend of a Telvanni mage. Besides the whole "Dunmer noble dating a Bosmer" issue, the mage admits that the poem is a "drunken, cloying mess." Once you successfully retrieve the poem, you'll find that he's, erm, not wrong.O Ethrandora,
I do adore ya
Your tresses, so red
Look fair on your head
Your smile is so sweet
Like the sweetest guar meat
My heart is for ya
A look from your eyes
Fills me with sighs
When I hear your giggle
My heart does a wiggle
Let me bask in your aura
- Why does he want it back? Because she's blackmailing him with it.
- ... Which he seems to find arousing.
- Why does he want it back? Because she's blackmailing him with it.
- In a callback to The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, the clerk in Seyda Neen - an ancestor of the one you meet in The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind - complains about how nobody remembers their birth sign and that some people even try to change their answers upon repeat visits.
- In a quest in Gnisis, you have to replace a dead kwama queen with a new egg. Unfortunately, the egg is in a hardened dungpile, and already hatching. If not kept from hatching before it can go into the mine, the kwama workers will reject it. The local Telvanni responsible for all the shenanigans volunteers the services of possibly the worst bard in Tamriel, because "his voice will send anyone to sleep!"
- What happens next? While you and your Telvanni friend try to chip the egg out of the dungpile, the bard sings a "song" he wrote especially for the occasion. Picture a tuneless climb from lower notes to an ear-splitting high note:Bard: Oh kwama, sweet kwama, don't you wanna be a mamaaaa? [Voice breaks]
- Not only does this nails-on-chalkboards voice cause the hardened dung to shatter, but it offends a nearby cliffstrider enough into attacking the bard and killing him while the Telvanni mage and mine foreman run like hell.
- What happens next? While you and your Telvanni friend try to chip the egg out of the dungpile, the bard sings a "song" he wrote especially for the occasion. Picture a tuneless climb from lower notes to an ear-splitting high note:
- The Psijic Order questline has you accompany a talking crystallized magic skull who pretty much says complete nonsense whenever youre near a time breach, from confusing water with cats, to believing that trees love accordion music, in a chipper British accent. He also repeatedly refers to you as a "meat-brain". This "Augur of the Obscure" spends all his time in your packs, getting rattled around and whacked by things. Notably, he seems to enjoy it. Should you complete the quest chain, you get him as a decor item. He's not any more lucid in your house.
- If you ask him if he's "really that smart", the next dialogue box is simply "<The Augur laughs uncontrollably.>". The audio is eight nonstop seconds of hysterical laughter.
- "Looks like there's another breach here in what can only laughably be called a maze. All right, mate: if you get lost in this thing, I'm going to have to take a long, hard look at our relationship."
- "Snow! Can we make a snow-thing? Snow-person? Whatever? You know, if you make it right, it develops a sad little soul! 'Course it melts later. Bit of a shame, that. But we can name it and everything!"
- "So, Staff of Towers, eh? Lots of peril there, mate. I've got to admit, though, I'm very excited to see how it turns out! I'd say, what? Sixty-percent chance time folds inside-out? We'll see!"
- "Another breach ahead, mate. Uh oh. I see many many stairs in our future. Well, your future. No legs, remember? But don't worry—I'll be right behind you ... doing very little."
- "Wow. Lots of people gathering around this breach. Odd ... they've all got little tails. Wait, wait, I get it now. They're monkeys! I'm telling you mate, it's impossible to tell you all apart!"
- "Breach around here somewhere. Oh, and by the way, Celarus has no idea what he's doing with that staff. Ah well. Dragon Breaks aren't so bad. Ha! I'm joking. They're horrific, mate."
- "Yeah, there's a breach here somewhere. And something's eating it? I certainly wouldn't recommend that. Unless you're really anxious to get sucked through your own belly-button."
- "Hmm. These ruins are dripping with old intention, mate. Forgotten dreamforms, frothing hour-beasts .... Great place for a blood-ritual. Or a very unsettling birthday party."
- "Another breach out there. Maybe we should leave this one be, you know? Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? Wait—I'm not encouraging you to ask me that question. The answer is very graphic."
- "This one's deep, deep down, mate. Kind of like my general expectations of you meat-brains. But you? Oh, you've far exceeded them! Not hard to do when they're practically nonexistent, but still. Kudos!"
- At the start of the Cey-Tarn Keep quest, you help an Altmer investigator sneak past the guard. As you're distracting said guard, she sneaks past in the background, and dances around tauntingly for a moment before disappearing inside.
- Although it quickly takes a dark turn, the start of the Illumination Academy quest is pretty comedic: imagine walking up to a grand castle-like building, and just outside it you see an Altmer... but when you speak to her, she has the accent of a Nord and the boisterous attitude to go with it. As you traverse the grounds, you'll find, among other things: a Khajiit being chased by a kitten, a man teaching chickens, several people who believe they're on a ship or in snow, and a couple people on all fours oinking like pigs.
- At one point in the Summerset storyline, you encounter a Daedric Prince's servant, which appears in the form of a dog. If you ask him who he is, he says "I'm Barbas! I may look like a talking dog, but I'm actually... a talking dog!" (The voice actor sells this beautifully with a distinctly frustrated tone.) And once you end the conversation, the Daedric dog rolls over and starts licking his...parts.
- Rigurt the Brash was sent to Summerset, and the way he talks about how his thane spoke about his duties clearly indicates the thane was just trying to get rid of him. Most surprising, this time he actually succeeds intentionally!
- One of the Sapiarchs you have to get to support Rigurt is ecstatic to receive "arousing Nord erotica".
- One of the high-ranking Altmer actually takes an interest in Rigurt and would like to get to know him better. This Altmer is Proxy Queen Alwinarwe of all people.
- Rigurt the Brash strikes again, having been honored by the Skald-King to travel as far away from Skyrim as possible to create cultural bonds with the Khajiit.
- The gift he wants to present to the Khajiit lord of Alabaster are saber cat furs. The lord does not take that well and tells Rigurt he will report this war-worthy offense to Queen Ayrenn. Rigurt is ecstatic that his work for peace will reach Queen Ayrenn.
- Rigurt tries to make traditional Nord bread for a Khajiiti master chef. The Khajiit is disgusted by how bread can taste so badly and questions him about that. Rigurt thinks the Khajiit is genuinely interested in the recipe.
- Lastly, Rigurt wants you to help him perform a song to a lady of Rimmen, which seems to be an alfiq. Turns out, though, that it was just the lady's housecat. The Lady has heard about Rigurt's atrocious attempts to impress the other Khajiit, and has cleaned up his mess. She does pretend he did a good job, and awards him a collar with a bell on it, so everyone can hear when the Nord Ambassador Rigurt is near.
- In Rimmen Necropolis, you encounter a lazy Khajiit and his ancestor ghost. He asks you to place his ancestor's ashes by his family, so that he can finally get rid of the ghost's nagging. You find out the ancestor was actually royalty in his life, and that he would have revealed to his descendant where their royal treasures are hidden had he taken the urn of ashes to his resting place.
- When the descendant finds out what he missed? He is not too sad about it and says he will think about what to do next after napping and drinking like he always does.
- Zumog Phoom has reanimated the head of the Betrayer, but has yet to find the rest of his body despite the Betrayer's nagging. If the player chooses to speak to the Betrayer, he will asks them if he can have their body if Euraxia ever has the player beheaded.The Betrayer: If Queen Euraxia has you beheaded, do you mind if I lay claim to your body? It's not quite up to my usual standards, but any dagger in the spleen, wouldn't you agree?
- When the player and Abnur Tharn are being presented, the announcer makes Tharn's titles and accomplishments sound much more impressive than you being a simple bodyguard.Announcer: Presenting Abnur Tharn, Grand Chancellor and Overlord of Nibenay, Imperial Battlemage of the Elder Council, and Patriarch of the Tharn dynasty. And his bodyguard.
- Abnur Tharn tells the player to be quiet during the audience and let him do the talking, as he is the elder Tharn and will assert dominance over his younger half-sister. When they meet, this happens:Euraxia Tharn: Ah, half-brother, your arrival, it's so... unexceptional.Abnur Tharn: Pretending to be a queen isn't-Euraxia Tharn: Hush, Abnur, you bore me. Bodyguard! You look interesting. Come talk to me.Abnur Tharn: You heard her. Good luck.
- "Preserving the Prowl": You meet the farmer Numaia, who is trying to intimidate you with her guard lion.Numaia: Hold there, poacher! One more step, and my sweet boy will tear you apart! Come on, Milksop! Get up! Ah! You're useless.
- When asking Numaia about the uncle she bought the farm from:Numaia: He was a talented hunter when he was sober. Alas, he was never sober.
- When asking Numaia about the uncle she bought the farm from:
- At some point in Rimmen, if you walk past the Bandaari caravan stop, someone suddenly falls from the second floor onto a crate. When he gets up, what does the familiar person say?Jakarn: Hey there, good looking.
- After doing "Iron in the Blood", you can ask Mara'dahni if she will be okay clearing the cultists in Darkpool Mine. Reality Ensues when Mara'dahni is shocked and laughs at your suggestion that she should be able to do so by herself, saying she will sent a report for the Northern Elsweyr Defense to send a small army. Clearly, being able to fight through delves of enemies by yourself is not the norm.
- The megaservers had maintenance done due to the "leap second" at the end of June 2015. Their announcement said "Yes, we're serious".
- The April Fool's Day 2016 Natch Potes.
- On the day the Morrowind expansion was revealed, they were trying to update the official ESO forum to a new Vvardenfell-themed skin, but something broke and it had to be reverted to the original 2014 design. Someone asked for a ZOS haiku, and Gina Bruno responded:Forum redesign
Using an old color scheme
Don't get used to it
- During the Feb 24 '17 episode of ESO Live where they first showed footage of Vvardenfell, Jessica Folsom innocently summed up the Telvanni mushroom towers as "Size is a measure of power." Laughter immediately ensued both onstage and in the Twitch chat.Rich Wheeler: "Oh, I'm glad you said that."
- Lawrence Schick's Vivec impression.
- Becky Ichnoski, the dialog coordinator of the game, once played a crappy version of Red Diamond on flute, which she jokingly called "/shittyflute". In addition to being added to a random NPC in one of the Dark Brotherhood quests, it was later added as a placeholder to a bard factotum called "Auditory Simulator" in Clockwork City. People loved it so much in alpha and beta that it was kept there permanently.
- Some of the sound effects have funny stories:
Bill Mueller: For the new life festival there is one part where the player needs to burp to a few different NPCs. The animation of the burping was realllly long, and I was having issues getting something to sound good. I can't burp very well haha. But actually found a world builder who said he could not only burp on demand but do really long ones. He comes into my office, and lays one down for me and my jaw dropped. It was perfect. It's days like those that make me go "yup. I picked the right job" haha
- In Clockwork City, a lot of percussion in the music is from things like Brad Derrick hitting his HVAC. They also had to be tuned to the key of A minor since that was what a lot of the sound effects were set to.
- The story behind the New Life Festival burp:
- When recording the Elk noises, they bought actual elk calls, and apparently ended up "pissing off a whole floor of game devs that day".
- According to Josh Smith, "The Tomb Guardians are what happens when you bring a very deep voiced man in front of a microphone and say, "can you do, like, Tibetan throat singing?" "
- Gina once opened her car door and Matt Conway came running over and said "That was a great squeak, mind if I record it?"
- The Oct 27 '17 episode of ESO Live. Highlights include Becky's trumpet version of the shittyflute song, and this bit where Brad Derrick makes faces while they're playing the "final" version of the music which results in Gina crying from laughing.
- In the May 25 2018 ESO Live, the team took on the Cloudrest trial without any prior practice. Their attempts were already funny enough, with everyone teasing Gina for dying multiple times and her swearing like a sailor, but then after trying to fight the sload boss Z'maja they decided they needed to be more vocal about when Z'maja was doing her shadow-ball attack. Gina volunteered, yelling "BALLS!" repeatedly, to the great amusement of both her fellow devs and the viewers.
- For Norwegian players, being serious with such an important and strong figure like Skald-King Jorunn can be difficult when Jorunn is a woman's name.
- From 1.3.5: "Vampires can no longer feed upon Camels."
- From PTS 1.5: "Amended some inconsistencies in Fishy Stick recipes. Fishy Sticks are now all more similar. If a stick of fish is a fish stick, it will stick like other fish sticks stick."
- "The Ultimate Riverhold Beef Pasty now looks more like a pot pie and less like a cookie."
- "A goat that was previously trapped between a wall and a dye station has been rescued. The Tamrielic Goatherd Society rejoices at this turn of events."
- 2.2.0: "Beaunois Edette no longer walks on furniture like an uncultured jerk."
- 2.3.0: "A giant rock no longer hovers over the zone threatening to crash into Tamriel."
- 2.4.0: "Royal Court Jester Costume: You will no longer see through areas of the torso from this costume when looking at it from the ground up. What were you doing on the ground in the first place?"
- 2.4.5: "The Fetish of Anger Memento no longer grants additional damage on your next attack. It will still display its visual effects when used, so you can still use it to get really angry."
- "The Trial of the Ghost Snake: Clarified that the rodents you need to search for are of an unusual size."
- "The book "Mysterious Akavir" has previouslyquite mysteriouslydisappeared from bookshelves across the world. With the help of four young musicians and a talking horker, we solved the mystery, and restored the book to its rightful place in libraries across Tamriel."
- "We've made a new, unique icon for Tempering Alloy. No longer will you mistake it for Citrine, or vice-versa."
- 2.6.1: "Fixed an issue where the Air Atronach and the Welwa Master in Hel Ra Citadel had their loot switched. After a wacky set of sitcom-esque hijinks, their loot has been returned to their rightful owners, and no life-lessons of any value were learned."
- 2.6.6: "The Mage Celestial will no longer get stuck on her platform, refusing to come down to face your wrath."
- 2.6.7: "Stormreeve Neidir will no longer follow cowardly player characters away from the summit of Tempest Island."
- 2.6.9: "The rear entrance of Cracked Wood Cave has been flooded and, therefore, temporarily sealed shut. Thats one way to prevent you from encountering a black screen!"
- PTS 2.7.0 in particular is a goldmine of these. Highlights include:
- "Fixed an issue where water skins, Nirnroot, and Water Hyacinth were erroneously appearing as pools of water in Hew's Bane, rendering them invisible and yet still strangely damp."
- "When using the /eatsoup emote, you will now actually eat out of a bowl like a civilized citizen."
- "Dogs can no longer teleport while chasing cats (much to the disappointment of the dogs)."
- "Razum-dar will no longer try to walk through doors by mashing his face into it. Silly Khajiit, that's not how doors work."
- "Drunk Personality: Fixed an issue where you would drunkenly refill your cup when using a Soul Gem to revive. Revive first, then refill your cup!"
- "Pyn Virien, found in the town of Chorrol, is now a Weaponsmith and offers the standard selection of goods shared by similar merchants throughout Tamriel. In fairness to her, her cart is still broken, so the news of One Tamriel took a very long time to reach her ears."
- "Lord Vurlop will now properly respawn as your follower if your character dies in Fort Amol to guards, gravity, or the sudden onset of extreme old age."
- "Magister Marthine Augier is now officially a "Magister" and not a "Guildmagister"an archaic title that only existed for a brief time within the Mages Guild."
- 2.7.3: "Moved Bear non-combat pets from the Felines category to a new category for Bears. Because bears arent cats."
- PTS 3.0.1:
- "Neria Lerano is now, thankfully, wearing pants."
- "Fixed an issue where Millenith was referred to as "fffffffMillenith" on certain steps of Crafting Certification. Unrelated, weve also removed the cat from the office."'
- PTS 3.0.2:
- "Vivecs loin cloth is now better behaved. Oh my!"
- "After all these years, the Ashlanders have finally learned that trying to eat while wearing facemasks is a bad idea."
- "Narsis Dren has lost several of his superpowers, including the ability to run through walls, sink through stairs, and be in two places at once."'
- PTS 3.0.3:
- "Narsis Dren lost another superpower — only one of him will appear when he picks up the skull. The world is not ready for two Narsis Drens!"
- "Realizing that history will record her as Imperial, Volrina Quarra has decided not to argue and has changed herself to an Imperial."
- 2.7.4: "Alessio Guillon, who grants the quest Missing Prophecy, has found his pants, grown in his hair and eyebrows, and is now more talkative." Even funnier is that this was one of only two things fixed in this patch, and that Rich Lambert, who famously always wears shorts, responded, "140mb for pants... This is why I never wear them."
- PTS 3.0.4: "Divayth Fyr will no longer get so excited that he interrupts his own dialogue."
- 3.0.6: "Fixed an issue where arms would be missing on characters wearing Ashlander armor. No need to be up in arms about this issue, twas merely a flesh wound."
- "Vivecs underwear is now the same color as his loin cloth, for those of you who previously checked."
- "Fixed an issue that caused the killing of Nix-Ox livestock to advance the Poultry Assassin achievement instead of the Ground Beef achievement (but it still tastes like chicken)."
- "Slaves are now easier to steal from. You monster."
- PTS 3.2.2: "The Clockwork Meal, Plate and Clockwork Meal, Dish furnishings no longer have their names swapped. A dish is a dish, and a plate is a plate, and in Sotha Sils realm they now tell it straight."
- "Fixed a typo in the component text for the "Daedroth Dropper" achievement from Veteran White-Gold Tower. Dardroths are not a thing."
- "Marbruk: Eralgor no longer walks up onto walls in his sweeping fervor. Tone it down, man. You're at an 11. We need you at a 6."
- PTS 3.3.0:
- The Precursor has learned his lefts and rightsinstalling his right leg no longer causes his left leg to appear, and vice versa. (It turns out your left hand is the one that makes an L shape if you hold it with your palm facing out. Handy, right?)
- Dawn of the Exalted Viper: Kelmen Locke is no longer hanging around in the Star-Gazer Observatory after he should be extremely very ultra-dead.
- You will no longer be directed throughout interiors of Davons Watch via a maddening tangle of non-Euclidian nightmares, sending you through non-existent doors outside of time and space.
- PTS 4.0.0:
- Your facial hair (specifically Bosun's Droop, Handlebar Mustache and Modest Manly Mustache) no longer changes color based on the dye used on the Glass Rawhide helmet.
- Fixed an issue that caused the "Stablemaster's Sign, Large" furnishing to appear as Bind on Equip. The ancient art of sign wielding has not been seen in Tamriel since time immemorial.
- Your game may freeze or crash if you loiter too long around the Sarcophagi in Direnni Acropolis. Just dont stop and smell the skeletons.
- PTS 4.0.1: A cat in Lillandril finally got tired of players sitting on her and moved off her chair. The other cats think she gave up too easily.
- PTS 4.0.2: The summoner requesting help in the wilderness will no longer shout endlessly about his predicament. He has advanced to the next stage of accepting his fate.
- 4.0.7: Fixed an issue that was causing a bothersome ding-like noise during combat. This was not intended, and we send our apologies to your ears.
- 4.0.8: Tracking the Game: The dead deer are no longer invisible dead deer. They are, however, still dead.
- 4.0.10: Psijic mages have closed a rip in the fabric of Nirn that caused players who died at Saltspray Cave in Auridon to revive at Saltbreeze Cave in Summerset.
- PTS 4.1.0:
- There are now more pools of fishable Foul water in Summerset. Per a report released by Kinlady Avinisse, this is attributed to increased litter and run-off due to the influx of outsiders.
- Fixed an issue where, if a decorator moved an Assistant in a home after another player moved that Assistant, the Assistant would refuse to interact with anyone. They are now sworn to carry the burdens of even the most indecisive decorators.
- Fixed an issue where the Traitor's Vault had an excessive number of lootable wardrobes. Not so much because of the note itself, but because when you go to the delve in question, you'll discover that by "excessive" they mean that there's a room where the walls are lined with nearly sixty wardrobes, all in a ring around the edges of the room, all lootable. Excessive indeed.
- 4.1.6: Fixed an issue where camel and bear mounts were laughing maniacally, and quite disturbingly, when sprinting.
- The Hand of Morkul: Ashaka is no longer referred to as "MONSTER" in journal and quest step text. Thats a rude way to refer to an Orc.
- Due to an outcry of the citizens, "Remans Plaza" in Alinor has been renamed to "Rinmawens Plaza". The Kinlady of Alinor regrets this unfortunate episode and assures the good people of Summerset that the responsible party will be reminded of their civic duty.
- Area of Effect abilities within Dungeons and Trials are now much more accurate when dealing damage from within those effects, reducing those "I was out of that!" moments.
- The dialogue option "What spurred you to found this school?" is no longer an important decision.
- 4.2.6: Fixed a typo in the achievement previously known as Fiendish Fauna. It will now be known as Fiendish Flora, because Trap Plants are plants, as their name so coyly suggests.
- 4.2.7: Sharnag, located in Grahtwood, has shed his Naga disguise and revealed himself as a male orc.
- 4.2.11: If you having lag problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 megabytes and this patch is one.
- Voriplasm are now much better at digesting their prey, and will no longer drop Leatherworking materials. (They will still drop oils for use in Alchemy, of course.)
- Corrected the "Murkmire Platter, Large" recipe to actually be a "Bowl of Grubs". It knew what it was the whole time, but the world around it was confused.
- Monsters in Murkmire are a little less friendly and no longer spawn on top of each other.
- Inner Fire: The Synergy granted from this ability and its morphs now have a minimum range of 12 meters to activate, instead of 18 meters. (Rejoice, as you no longer need to sprint back and forth from varying ranges like an Olympian to activate these bonuses!)
- Corrected a typo in the achievement Auridon Cave Dweller. The location name is properly "Mehrunes' Spite", not "Mehrune's Spite". We don't even know anyone named Mehrune.
- Fixed a typo in the "Jester's Personal Chef" achievement: it listed "Princess' Delight" instead of "Princess's Delight". The royalty of Jester's Festival may be temporary, but even they must needs grammar good.
- 4.3.5: Fixed an issue in the component text of the Clockwork City Master Angler achievement, which accused the Clicking Travally of being a saltwater fish. It does not thrive in saltwater, being a fabricant and thus living in oily water.
- 4.3.10: The Tharn Speaks: Fixed an issue where the Tharn would not speak with you if you had completed the Elsweyr Prologue Quest.
- PTS 5.0.1:
- Fixed an issue where NPC followers were a little too cheerfully friendly toward your Necromancer pets. Hello, Skellington Pal! How are you today? Bone dry, you say? Id offer you a glass of water, but itd all fall through! I need more coffee.
- Panolya relocated to the other side of her little garden area so that, if returning to her seat after being attacked, she no longer sits down on air with no chair to support her. Aldmeri core exercises being what they are, she's probably still ripped as hell as a result of that workout.
- PTS 5.0.2: Ruddy Fang Retrieval: Elianna Pevengius will no longer run in slow motion after you go to get her things back. As much as I enjoyed playing Chariots of Fire every time I saw it happen, it is not meant to be.
- PTS 5.0.3: Casting a fear on an enemy while they are midair will no longer cause them to appear to float. Note this was purely a visual error on remote client screens. They were not, in fact, instilled with so much terror they forgot to gravity.
- PTS 5.0.4: Cadwell will no longer use an invisible shovel. While this is not necessarily out of character for him, even Cadwell must bow to Tamriels very vague suggestion of the laws of physics.
- 5.0.8: Pahmar-raht can no longer be killed using the Blade of Woe. Sorry.
- All Repair Kits found in Half-Digested Adventurer's Backpacks will now be Grand Repair Kits. While the Adventurers who were devoured by Dragons were decidedly not Grand, you cant fault their taste in Repair Kits anymore.
- PTS 5.2.0: Pets that could not deal damage have now received therapy for their anger management, and will no longer attempt to pull their owners into combat with nearby enemies unless provoked.