- Any scene involving Murray the Talking Skull.
Murray: I am a powerful demonic force, I am the harbinger of your doom, and the forces of darkness shall applaud me as I stride through the gates of Hell, carrying your head on a pike!Guybrush: Stride?Murray: ALL RIGHT THEN, ROLL! ROLL THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL! Must you take the fun out of everything?
- "If I could just get my hands on that gunner! ...If I could just get my hands, period."
- "I'm not bald! I just have a really high widow's peak."
- "Could you pick me up, so I can bite you?" - "No!" - "I just thought I'd ask."
- Especially this exchange:
- Enter the Puerto Pollo theater while the show's going on and you can see him playing Yorick in the Hamlet scene...which has been turned into a juggling act.
- When Guybrush turns Elaine back to normal, he forgets she was winding up to punch him when she was frozen.
- The scene that plays after you put the lice on the comb.Haggis: Sure as 'am standin here, they wriggle about ye scalp like a pack o' wretched sea lions!Guybrush: Good analogy.
- "I choose the banjo!"
- Any instance where Guybrush uses the ventriloquism book to throw his voice in Part II, but of particular note is when he uses it on the monkey pirate captain and does a Captain Kirk impression:Guybrush: (as LeChimp) I mean, take a look around, at me, at the rest of the crew... we're all monkeys.
Mr. Fossey: You mean in the Darwinian sense, sir?
Guybrush: No, I mean in the quite literal sense.
- The reveal that Mr. Fossey's captain is not LeChuck but LeChimp, a mute, dopey looking gorilla modeled after Captain Kirk.
- "MADRE DE DIOS! ES EL POLLO DIABLO!"
- "Si! He dejado en libertad los prisioneros y ahora vengo por ti!"
- "Well, yer not takin' me without a fight!"
- Cue Frying Pan of Doom.
- Alternatively, "Que?"
- "Si! He dejado en libertad los prisioneros y ahora vengo por ti!"
- The pirate song in Chapter 3.
- Mixing hangover medicine with alcohol:(Drink begins to bubble and change color.)
Guybrush: That makes the drink oh-so-much-more appealing. (turns to the camera) It just occurred to me that mixing medicine and alcohol is a really stupid and possibly lethal thing to do. If I were a real person instead of a loveably inept cartoon character with the potential for a few more sequels... I wouldn't even consider it. Skoal! (downs the beverage) That's odd. It's supposed to cause drowsiness. I don't feel the least bit drowsy. (the scene goes on a trippy Interface Screw) In fact, I... (his voice goes into sleepy slow motion) ...in fact I feel... I feel...
(He chokes and falls to the floor with a thud.)
- In the sequence where Guybrush fakes his death a second time to get buried in the Goodsoup crypt, hotel manager Griswold Goodsoup offers this gem:Griswold: Oh, dear! He's had a sudden and completely unexpected relapse of death!
- "You fool! You've given cheese to a lactose-intolerant volcano god!"
- On that note, Lemonhead in general. "Shut up. Or I'll eat you."Guybrush: Did I say "cannibal?" I, I meant to say... err, "cannon... ball." I want to be a cannon ball. BOOOOOM!Lemonhead: ...You're not quite stable, are you?
- Similarly, after the "human sacrifice" to the volcano god (which is actually a dummy made out of fruit), complete with dramatic ritual-saying and rope-cutting, the cannibals stand around the volcano's edge and toast marshmallows.
- The "terrifying" shape of Skull Island.Guybrush: That's a duck!Lost Welshman: What are you talking about? Can't you see the skull?Guybrush: This island doesn't look like a skull at all. It looks like a great big enormous duck. It should be called Duck Island!Lost Welshman: Well, ya see... ya gotta squint and sorta turn your head and... ooooooooh! It's just so scary!Guybrush: If you squint and turn your head it looks like a bunny.
- Asking LeChuck what the real secret of Monkey Island is. After some hemming and hawing, LeChuck is forced to admit he doesn't know.
- Stan's triumphant return. Especially if you've played the preceding games.
- Kenny Falmouth gleefully admitting, after you tricked him out of his lemonade stand scam, he's taken up more honest work: "I'm runnin' guns!"
- Guybrush bypassing a Walk the Plank ordered by Mr. FosseyMr. Fossey: That's weird, there was no splash...Guybrush: (from a safe spot) Um, splash!Mr. Fossey: Oh.
- Sticking glue onto Murray's hand and attempting to give it back to him.Murray: Get away from me, you sick freak!
- Stan the Used Casket Salesman? Funny. Stan the Life Insurance Salesman? Priceless.
- Stan casually Hand Waves the fact that he has managed to get business cards printed up while locked in a coffin for some indefinite period.
- Reuniting Charles and Minnie in Chapter 4 leads to the most (intentionally) Cliché Storm courtship display this side of the 17th century, complete with cheesy Gone with the Wind-style background music, overdone dialogue with southern accents, and the stone angel in the background looking on in shock. It's kind of heartwarming too, given their situation.
- Using the "Look, a three-headed monkey!" line on Madame Xima when swiping her tarot cards.Xima: *gasps and spins around* Then the prophecies are true!
Xima: [Not seeing Guybrush] I feel a dark presence coming over me!Guybrush: Hi there!Xima: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!Hungover!Griswold: Ahhh! Please, keep it down! No screaming! Oh my head!
- Madame Xima in general. She takes her psychic profession very seriously, and Guybrush loves toying with her. Such as their first meeting:
- Not to mention that he initially misreads her name as "Madame Eczema."
- When entering Skull Island, Guybrush has the option of saying the out-of-nowhere line to King Andre: "Your Evil Plan will never work." Andre's reply: "But it is flawless. A series of carefully placed charges throughout Blood Island, all controlled by a series of satellites in Geo-sycnronis orbit, and only one man has the master switch. I am that man, Mr. Threepwood, and I —" and by that point he's cut off by Cruff, who has been trying to get him to not blurt out his Evil Plan for no reason the whole time.
- Wally's fake beard.Wally: Actually, it's a highly sophisticated beard weave made from the chest and back hair of real pirates!Wally: I'm hoping it'll take root if I don't wash it for a while!
- Performing certain actions on various people and objects can yield funny results.Lick pin.Guybrush: No, I have a very low threshold for pain.Pick up hideous pirate.Guybrush: I don't think he's interested.Give ipecac flower to Edward Van Helgen.Edward: I'm not in the mood to ride the porcelain bus.
- Trying to cross the Brimstone Beach, then watching Guybrush skip back into the shade while crying "Aah!" "Ouch!" "Hot!".
- Cutthroat Bill tells you a story about his former captain, who had the ability to sense treasure. They sailed out of Plunder Island without a map, and spent several weeks going in circles, until the captain realized that the crew's gold coins, earrings and belt buckles were distracting him. He told his crew to throw all of their loot into the ocean. They continued sailing for two years without any luck, but when they returned to Plunder Island, they finally found treasure right off the coast. It was a pile of gold coins, earrings and belt buckles. And Bill has no idea how Guybrush knew that it would be.
- Reading the tourist information sign next to the thorny plant in the quicksand pit reveals it to be a Papapishu bush, the name coming from a native word meaning "yowch". From that point on, any time any character would utter the word "yowch" in regular dialogue, they will instead exclaim "papapishu!"
- The convenient vine hanging next to the quicksand pit is called, according to the tourist information sign, "Salvation Vine (Arborealis Deusexmachinas)".
- During the insult swordfighting, in addition to the proper comebacks and the Lame Comebacks of "You're stupid!" and "You're ugly!", Guybrush can respond with a non sequitur that rhymes with the insult.Rottingham: You're the ugliest monster ever created!Guybrush: I once found some gold, but it was just electroplated.
- Using the ventriloquism book on anyone yields amusing results, but using it on Murray takes the cake.Guybrush: Mooooo! I am Moosferatu, the demonic Jersey Cow!
Funny / The Curse of Monkey Island