The Cinema Snob 2021 Episodes / Funny

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The Shining

Just the fact that the Snob is still in his Jack Skellington onesie.
Snob pointing out that it took him far too long to realise he could also review good movies on his show.
The Snob's dialogue over the iconic opening shot of Jack Torrance driving up to the Overlook Hotel while the remix of Dies Irae plays in the background:
Oh, that's what that shot was referencing in Doctor Sleep!
By the way, this is how I picture myself driving whenever the McRib comes back: freaking epic and determined!
While the Snob does clearly love the film, he still can't help but lightheartedly snark at the movie's rather infamous levels of Adaptation Deviation, particularly in regards to how Stanley Kubrick was reportedly more influenced by the mood and tone of David Lynch's Eraserhead when directing and writing The Shining rather than the original Stephen King novel:
[Over a shot of Wendy Torrance reading The Catcher in the Rye] Kubrick will adapt that with the tone of Don't Go in the House!
The Snob's sarcastic proclamation of how the movie would be made in the modern age: Danny sees the twins in the hallway and then it cuts to "One month ago".
Once the movie's clamshell is opened, the movie inside is Ninja Avengers.

Child's Play 3

Snob says that it's time to remove the Christmas decorations, and holds up his Jack Skellington onesie.
Chucky's one-liners are back:
Chucky: Don't fuck with the Chuck!
Snob: He took eight years to come up with that.
When Chucky garrottes Good Guy boss Mr Sullivan with a yo-yo:
Snob: Look, maybe you shouldn't have had Irwin Mainway come up with the most dangerous toy lines ever conceived. Given how ridiculous his other toys are, I'm guessing this yo-yo is made from straight-up piano wire.
Snob points out how hard it was for him to hold out on the Conal Cochran references in the Mr. Sullivan sequence.
Snob can't figure out why Tyler is so impressed by the Good Guy cartoon.
Tyler: [In slow-motion] Woooowwwww...
Snob: Dude, you have a Game Gear, why is this cartoon BLOWING your MIND?!
When Tyler skips down the hall carrying a large package, and the minor plot hole it carries with it:
Snob: So, it's clearly Chucky wrapped up in a gift to be sent to Andy, but the real question is: who wrapped that package? Was it the guy who took this picture?
[Shot of the 'Jason Slain' newspaper article from Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning.]
This film contains Snob's favourite kind of Chucky: the scared, pissed Chucky.
The garbage truck that crushes the driver after he climbs into it doubles up as a medieval torture chamber.
Snob: That's on you, dumbass!
"So this must be where Neidermeyer was killed by his own men."
Snob's response to the death traps in the carnival finale:
Snob: More local carnivals need to be designed with the same amount of detail Mola Ram puts into a human sacrifice!
"Christmas ain't over until I see Chucky fall off the Nakatomi Mountain of Skulls."
The final line:
Snob: Now, let's see if Chucky can take over the school from King Frat. Yes, I know I mention that movie a lot. That's because, after all this time, I still have that DAMN THEME SONG stuck in my head! SERIOUSLY!
[The theme from King Frat plays at the end of the review.]
When Whitehurst sacrifices himself by jumping on the grenade.
Lloyd: This has been "What If Whitehurst Exploded?", hosted by Lloyd.

Trump vs. The Illuminati

The opening line:
Snob: Whoa, ho, it's been too long since we've had an episode of "Is this real or a fake trailer?"
"This all feels like it was made in an alternate universe where Dinesh D'Souza bought stock in the Gladiformers franchise."
When Snob looks at the credits:
Snob: The film comes to us from writer-director . . . er, BC Fourteen? That sounds like the movie actually was made by an alien trying to be human.
Snob can't work out if the movie is a parody or not.
- Or, with all the exposition, whether he's watching a movie or watching a pitch meeting.
Alien Aleister Crowley has the voice of the Crypt Keeper.
"The movie is only 69 minutes long, but it takes twice as long to watch because you have to back up dialogue to even attempt to catch up with the plot!"
This exchange:
Alien Aleister Crowley: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Snob: Oh, we still doing trailer lines?
Trump drives around in the Micro-Penis-Mobile.
This exceptionally bizarre Shout-Out:
Trump: It seems like. Every time I try to get out. Some asshole. Pulls me back in.
Snob: Wow. Coppola's new cut of Godfather Part III is even worse!
The review was made after the attack on the Capitol on January 6th, leading to this zinger:
Snob: If they wanted to easily explain why they cloned Trump, just say that that's the only way he'd be allowed back on Twitter!
"While it is super-annoying we don't see his face, I'm haunted anytime we do."
- "It's like his face should be a Mars version of a sarlacc pit."
The sheer amount of exposition in the movie is exhausting.
Kali: This is the best news we've received since the Illuminati fled the Milky Way to regroup after losing the Battle of the Beyond in 2457.
Snob: I'm sorry, did you just pitch me another movie?!
Snob's Call-Back to the previous week's review:
Snob: But what do I know? I'm not that smart: last week I kept calling an Atari Lynx a Game Gear. [Briefly breaks character.] Dammit, I was so proud of those jokes too. Sorry. Hey, who has two copies of T2: The Arcade Game for the Sega Genesis and has never played an Atari Lynx? [Gestures at himself.] This guy. What, I had to pull these two out, 'cause I clearly don't have any Atari Lynx games.

Dirty O'Neil: The Love Life of a Cop

"Yes, while Dirty Harry was a runaway success in 1971, clearly that paved the way for Dirty O'Neil to get his day in the sun in 1974. He just had to go through three years of rip-off training first."
Snob shows the IMDb page synopsis:
IMDb: A police officer has very little work as there is virtually no crime in his small California town . . . until three hoodlums appear and rape a young woman.
Snob: But in true Seventies fashion, we get a movie whose plot description sounds like a seedy crime thriller, but is listed as an action-comedy.
Snob is taken aback by how horny the poster is.
Dirty O'Neil isn't Dirty Harry, he's one of the rapists from Sudden Impact.
When O'Neil dresses in drag as a nurse, Snob hopes that this is where Christopher Nolan got the idea for the Joker doing the same thing.
"So, Dirty O'Neil cast a love spell on the entire town, right?"
Snob points out the clichéd portrayal of women in the film and wonders if the writers were bitter about their ex-girlfriends.
Snob: I wonder if the alternate title to this was "My Whore Ex Didn't Know What She Had"!

Soup for One

Snob points out that the film is both Woody Allen-sploitation and Albert Brooks-sploitation.
The presence of Saul Rubinek from Oy Vey! My Son is Gay!! and Gerrit Graham from Phantom of the Paradise make this a Who's Who of previous Snob episodes.
- Then Christine Baranski turns up and he starts hoping the film turns out better than Marci X.
Regarding the film's structure, being told in flashbacks:
Snob: We'll leave Allan with another flashback, within the flashback. Now, they're in college! Jesus, Ted Mosby, just tell us who the mother is. I don't need to see you eating a sandwich in school!^note
Snob says that it's nice of the movie to turn out the lights in one of the sex scenes, as it means he can actually show it.
Snob states that Brian (Gerrit Graham) goes to the Lloyd Christmas school of dressing up for a date.
When the film flashes back to show a young Allan, Snob is surprised at how long it took to show his childhood.
Child Psychologist: I know that boys of your age attempted to take young ladies into closets and examine them.
Snob: Wow, I didn't think Ted Bundy's backstory would be so hilarious.
Snob realises something:
Snob: Also, it's hard for me to get upset at the movie. It's a heavy dialogue film about two deeply-flawed friends always at each other's throat, and there's a disco soundtrack, including sight gags involving people dressing like Saturday Night Fever to go to the same party. Did - did I write this movie in a past life?
Snob wishes that he'd come up with the idea of all the men at the party dressing like Tony Manero, and gets annoyed that he didn't write the movie.
Allan: So - what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Snob: Although, I'd probably write a different line than that, and they'd probably say "fuck" about twelve times for no reason.
Maria: Fuck off.
Snob: See, something like that.
When Allan meets Maria and shows her the sketch of his perfect girl:
Snob: Just jump into her cab and tell her this:
Maria: Where did you get this?
Allan: Who are you, where do you come from, and how many children do you want?
Snob: (Double takes and shrugs) . . . SEEMS LEGIT!
"And while this Meet Cute is more of a Meet Creep, it's okay - he tracks her by finding her diaphragm and attempting to find her name and location by visiting her doctor! And yet, this is still less creepy than Kissing A Fool."
Snob: I remember when I lured someone away by showing them their diaphragm. Ha, ha, I was maced!
"I've rarely seen a love interest hate the other character this much."
After noting that Gerrit Graham's character engages in quite rauchy shenanigans (to the point Snob actually can't show certain scenes involving him), Snob states that Gerrit Graham is determined to turn the film from a Woody Allen knock-off into a Caligula knock-off.
"Every other scene looks like Christopher Cross should start playing and the camera should pan over to show the ending credits of Arthur (1981)."
Snobs claims that Allan wants to eat babies.
Some lines hit close to home for the Snob:
Maria: Allan, I can't got to bed with you.
Allan: Why?
Maria: Because you're short and you're weird.
Snob: Okay, now they're just ripping off lines from me and my wife's first date!
Snob points out how quickly Allan wants to marry Maria:
Snob: I'm surprised the flashback to when he was a child didn't reveal that he's Ralph Wiggum falling in love over a Valentine's Day card!
Snob gets angry that at no point does Saul Rubinek use a bed as a rowing boat and feels that the movie's poster lied to him.

Zardoz

In relation to the film's infamous line, "The penis is evil!", Snob says that that one line inspired a whole trilogy of Estus Pirkle movies.
As Sean Connery is the star, the Snob naturally makes plenty of James Bond references throughout the review, even at one point claiming that Zardoz is the best unofficial Bond movie.
When the Eternals' mansion appears, Snob states that now we know what would have happened if King Tut had taken over Stately Wayne Manor.
After Friend is declared a Renegade and is inflicted with Rapid Aging on one side of his body, Snob says that he's forced to live his life as half-Max Zorin and half-Max Shreck.
The Running Gag about Arthur Frayn's increasingly confusing narration.
Snob has a few things to say about the scene when Sean Connery is wearing a wedding dress:
Snob: Heh, you said you wish you could've been in the wedding scene from On Her Majesty's Secret Service. You should have been more specific.
And later:
Snob: This is why he was a guest at Robin and Marion's wedding, and not the bride.
Snob suggests that the film was secretly a prequel to Eegah!.
At the end, the Snob realises he has no idea how to end a Zardoz review.

The Stand (2020)

Snob's puns about the show's opening title that makes it spell out words like "The Tan" and "The Thai".
Until he runs out of puns and just flat-out admits it.
He keeps calling Larry (whose actor is named Jovan Adepo) "Giovanni Deppo", leading to this when he shares a scene with Amber Heard.
Snob: Um, I'm not sure putting Amber Heard and Johnny Depp in the same room is a good idea!
His reaction to Ezra Miller's performance:
Snob: Well, that's weird, Ezra Miller isn't usually known for being quirky!
Snob's disappointment with the lack of Crowded House in the soundtrack that starts at the very beginning of the series
Soundtrack: I feel unhappy...
Snob: Me too! Where's my Crowded House?

Wrong Turn

The film is set in West Virginia, which is where Brad's wife is from. Snob states that she assures him it is a documentary.
When a character points out that the film is like a little movie called Deliverance, Snob gets annoyed and states that it's his job to point out that the film is like a little movie called Deliverance.

Edward Penishands

Just the fact alone that, because of the film's nature making it basically impossible to censor without leaving it unwatchable, that this is the Snob's first PornHub-exclusive episode.

Godzilla Raids Again

As the US release of the original movie starred Canadian actor Raymond Burr as a reporter named Steve Martin, the Snob suspects this film will star a young William Shatner as Martin Short.
When Tsukioka and Kobayashi crash-land on the tropical island, the Snob is reminded of a movie he reviewed earlier:
Snob: This may be moving at a quick pace but it's giving me serious Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla flashbacks.
Due to the American dubbing, the comic relief character Kobayashi's voice sounds like Andy Griffith.
Snob: He's from a city in Japan named Mayberry.
When Tsukioka and Kobayashi are looking through pictures of dinosaurs to try and recognise Godzilla, the Snob substitutes one for a picture of Theodore Rex.
Snob doesn't react well when the scientists are saying how vicious Anguirus is:
Snob: Why you prejudiced against the Ankylosaurus, bro?
Every time any action happens, the Snob keeps wanting to return to the love story.
Although impressed by the models, the Snob points out how fake some of the effects look, saying that somewhere a young Menahem Golan is taking notes for Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
When the soldiers and scientists are discussing how to defeat Godzilla:
Snob: Or let Kobayashi come in with big 'Hello, boys! I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!' energy.

Justice League of America

The Snob describes the film as "A movie whose still shots scream 'we're just walking across the street to the Comic-Con, or it's Big Bang Theory stunt doubles."
Upon finding out that one of the directors worked on Dirty O'Neil: The Love Life of a Cop, Snob demands ''#ReleaseTheDirtyONeilCut''!
Snob is constantly confused by the random cutaways to ad-libbed interviews that feel more like a mockumentary, leaving him to wonder if he was watching the featurette and not the movie.
The Snob makes constant jokes about how obvious it is that Miguel Ferrer is playing the villain Weatherman.
On the randomness of the story structure:
Snob: The writers here may be Lorne Cameron and David Hoselton, but it has such a random insert scene structure that it still feels like something Chris Terrio would write.
When The Atom shrinks himself and he does a limbo dance under a laser beam complete with Cuban music:
Snob: Thanks 1997!
About the production values:
Snob: It has the look and feel of something that was specifically designed to only exist on bootlegs, as if DC needed their own 1994's Fantastic Four or The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Leprechaun 4: In Space

Snob referring to the film as "Leprechaun Episode IV: A New Grope".
Snob refers to the Drill Sergeant Nasty in the movie as "Aren't Lee Ermey".

Justice League XXX

King Kong (1933)

The Totally Radical "King Kong Ol Skool" UPN ad for the film that Snob features.
I'm the original K-O-N-G
You don't wanna play with me!
Been here since 1933
I'm the original K-O-N-G!
Check out my fur coat and check out the grill
That's me looking in from the windowsill!
Yeah, I'm the big monkey, don't call me a pimp
I'm eatin' people up like they're popcorn shrimp!
Go dumb! Get stupid!
King Kong! Get stupid!

King Kong vs. Godzilla

The very beginning of the review
Snob:Yes! Everything has led to this! And by everything I mean the last few reviews.
The return of the Totally Radical K-O-N-G song.
After the shot of an obviously painted satellite
Snob: Hmmmm... I'm not sure this is really in space
Snob's reaction to Kong's habit of just throwing rocks at his opponents
Kong: [throws a tiny rock at an octopus]
Snob: You have to be better than that, ass!
Kong, later in the film:[throws a slightly larger rock at the unfazed Godzilla]
Snob: (Deadpan) Guess the old rock trick didn't work, huh?
Snob, during the final fight: Well, maybe the rock trick will work this time?
Godzilla: [throws the rock right back at Kong with his tail]
Snob!Kong: Huh, did not see that coming...

Slaxx

The movie opening in a cotton field leads to Snob proclaiming it to be The Identical of killer jeans movies
Later when it's revealed that the cotton field is experimental.
Snob:I've seen enough movies to know that if you're making clothing in an experimental field, it means that the final processing will be somehow made with the magic of Stonehenge of course
His response to most of the characters being... Unlikable at best is to say that he roots for the jeans
When a character is shown to have a YouTube channel.
Snob: Ugh, I hate The Clothing Snob! Such a hack!
After the jeans have their first kill.
Snob: That's why I only wear sweatpants.

Roe v. Wade

Snob promises that, whilst he may not have included this film on his Worst of 2020 list, it will be on his Worst of 2021 list.

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline

The very first line of the video.
Snob: Well, if you have a Leprechaun going into space, it's just a slippery slope to Pinhead going into space... At least in the order I watched these movies.
After quoting Doug Bradley who said that the movie had "a production from hell".
Snob:Though considering this is a Hellraiser movie, maybe this is a compliment and this movie is the best one yet!
[dramatic pause]
[slowly shakes his head]
Him commenting on the movie's hacked continuity from the main character's point of view.
Snob!Pete: And then Angelique met a horny bastard in the lobby. She talked him into going into a cold basement with her. In 1996 we would all risk getting murdered if it meant getting laid. I was going to put this part of the story in later but the ship's captain wanted me to speed it up and get to the canine beast segment sooner... And now here's what you paid money to see...
[Pinhead appears]]
Gag!Pinhead: ANGELIQUE
Snob!Pete: We shall fix that in post, for you see dear Rimmer in the nineties every Dimension movie was fixed in post...
A Brick Joke about Pinhead putting a red sock into a basket of laundry
The What If It Exploded segment features Earth exploding from the Anvilicious song from the recently reviewed Roe v. Wade film.

Mortal Kombat: A XXX Parody

Snob adds loads and loads of color commentary "through" Shao Kahn, who simply sits unmoving in the background while Kitana (his own step-daughter) and Johnny Cage have sex in front of him, possibly because he finds it too awkward to leave. At one point, Snob implies Kahn fell asleep or even died watching. He also notes what an easy job the actor playing him had and speculated what the job application must have been like. ("You like to sit and watch?")
Snob!Shao Kahn: zzzzz... Wha? Are they still going? Oh well, back to bed...

Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie

"The epic opening credits make me think this movie would be like 2001: A Space Odyssey... If it was just Dave watching Escape 2000!"
His comments on the PG-13 rating of the movie
Snob: And now let's see that movie work it's PG-13 rating.^note
Forester, slapping himself on the ass:I'm a naughty-naughty boy!
Snob:Oh that's nothing! Crow banged a killer shrew while using a much worse language!
[clip from the Laserblast review]: Poopie!
Snob:Careful there, you might get an R!
Him saying that he knows perfectly well that since the movie takes place in space all their troubles will be caused by a leprechaun or Pinhead.
Jason X also gets mentioned with Snob calling it one of the "more realistic space movies".

Hellraiser: Inferno

"No, you're doing it wrong! We all know that after going to space you either have to go to the hood or fight Jason Voorhees!"
His reaction when the opening credits music gets more sinister after Harvey Weinstein's name appears on the screen.
Snob: No, you opened the wrong box! Pinhead is way nicer!
His comments on how the movie's main character ticks practically all the boxes in the crooked cop checklist.
This line when a movie fades to red during a sex scene:
Snob: Ah great, the movie jerked off so hard it broke a blood vessel!
The moment James Remar appears.
Snob:You're Pinhead!
Then he turns out to be right and acts totally shocked.

Saw

Reference's to Cary Elwes's other roles, such as calling the room the protagonists wake up in a pit of despair.
Snob quipping that in an alternate universe the script about two men trapped in a room and trying to figure out how they got there became The Hangover.

Hellraiser: Hellseeker

Snob quipping that the name Hellseeker was chosen only because Hellblazer was already taken.
Him describing the opening theme as "the party music".
Saying that the main character lives in "a porn building" after every single female character starts lusting after him.
This joke.
Boss: [after being rejected] You can forget about that promotion.
Snob: I think executive producer Harvey Weinstein might have written some of the lines!
At the end of the video Snob promises to later edit the review and insert more E.T. The Porno just because "it makes sense".

Twisted Pair

Clifford

The thumbnail for this episode: a younger version of the Snob sitting on a see-saw with the title character and asking him if he's really ten years old.

Hellraiser: Deader

Snob calling the leader of the Deaders cult "Lestat".
His reaction to the main character's article called "How to Be a Crack Whore".
Snob:This is the third worst BuzzFeed article!
His immediate love for the heroine's snarky boss Charles. He proclaims him to be the best character and puts him and Charles from Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan into a "League of Snooty Movie Charleses"
After the main character is detained by the police and Charles is brought in:
Snob!Charles: Amy how could you bring me to this dump? Sure I could've lectured you on the phone but I took the next flight out to assert myself as the best character in the film.

The Stepfather Remake

Black Widow: A XXX Parody

The Daylight Zone

Snob discovers that the film's protagonist, who keeps talking about fish sandwiches, is played by the same actor who starred in Crime of the Century (made by the same production company), who kept asking people if they like carrots. Snob eventually theorizes that the whole thing was just a result of the main character eating a very bad fish sandwich.

Rock: It's Your Decision

While the Snob notes this film has been covered on his channel before (in DVD-R Hell), he notes it's been hard to reupload likely due to the "bad language" in the review, so he opts to review it again, and it's glorious.
Upon seeing the film's writer is Karen Richardson:
Snob: Well, that joke writes itself. The writer is a total Richardson.^note
When Jeff's mom tells him to turn off his music:
Snob: Let the boy shock his monkey in peace.
This exchange.
Brother Owen: The Bible says, "Whatever you do, do all to the Glory of God." Tell me, would that include your music?
Snob: Absolutely! Scripture was always great at quoting songs from The Byrds.
In the original DVD-R Hell review of this movie, Brad gives an epic "The Reason You Suck" Speech when Jeff begins ranting about homosexual rockstars. Here, however, the Snob simply has this to say:
Snob: Oh, okay. So...you're gay.
When Jeff begins ranting about random songs that have "Hell", "dragon" or "devil" in their titles, Snob imagines Jeff's pastor shutting down his arguments (using the same arguments Brad had used in the original DVD-R Hell review, to boot) in sheer embarrassment inside his head.
In this review, Snob is able to show the film's ending, which wasn't shown in the DVD-R Hell review after Brad ended the review after being fed up with Jeff's homophobia: Jeff dramatically breaking a vinyl record. Snob's reaction is to say that it was still less embarrassing than Disco Demolition Night.

Saturday the 14th Strikes Back

Snob's begrudging reaction to the film's few funny moments, such as the main character's grandad's electric chair execution preceeded by "it was all so sudden" and a postman randomly blowing up. Based on that, he dubs this one a better movie, since at least it got a reaction out of him.

The Candyman Trilogy

His So Bad, It's Good pun when Helen shows up at the end of the movie
Snob: Oh, she's just here to submit her research paper. She's got a B.
[grins and waves in response to the canned applause and cheering]
After noting that the second movie constantly reminds us that it takes place in New Orleans, Snob wonders how the first film, set in Chicago, would've been if it was like that.
Snob: My god! Now I wish the first one went like this:
cut to Candyman's first appearance in the first movie
Snob!Candyman: Heeeeleeeeeen... Go Sox!
Candyman is far less enthusiastic in the second film, resulting in this gem:
Snob: In this film Candyman doesn't sound like he's in love, he sounds like he's rebounding!
The jokes about the third film totally being set in 2020.

5 G Zombies

After Snob realizes that the movie is "based on" a conspiracy theory
Snob: Oh great I'll have to go to Wikipedia to do research on conspiracy theories aren't I? Pff! I'm not doing that, I have shit to do! Oh wait no I don't, which is why I'm watching 5G Zombies
He shows his investment the moment the movie starts.
Girl: I don't know how much time I have left...
Snob:You have one hour and thirty six minutes... THIS MOVIE IS TOO DAMN LONG!!
His mockery of some characters' ridiculous British accents
The appearance of a Caustic Critic named Sceptic Steve makes Snob increasingly wonder if it's a character that he created, especially after this:
Sceptic Steve: My co-host Brad has been really on edge lately...
Snob: Oh yeah!? And whose fault is that movie!?
This all culmitanes in Sceptic Steve making an appearance at the end of the review.

The Streetfighter Trilogy

Snob dubbing the unsubtitled locations in the first movie with Everytown, America names.
Subsequently he's actually upset that he can read the locations in the second movie because now he can't be sarcastic about them.
"Sadly in this movie no one gets sold into sex slavery... Wait, why am I upset about that!?"

KISS Meet the Phantom of the Park

All the comments about the band's acting abilities.
Snob acting totally surprised every time KISS play "Rock'N'Roll All Nite".
When "Beth" starts playing
Snob: ...There's no one named "Beth" in this movie.
All the references to KISS Saves Santa.

Paint Your Wagon

"I've never seen so many people singing with their dicks!"
Snob reacting to Clint Eastwood's character being Pardner
Snob: If he was played by John Wayne, he'd probably be called Pilgrim.
Snob's expertly-timed references to the famous Simpsons parody of the film in "All Singing, All Dancing", including splicing Homer and Bart's jaw-dropped reactions into the actual film's first musical number. He laments that the film doesn't actually have a musical number about literally painting a wagon.

Cannibal! The Musical

Rhinestone

Snob saying that he's happy Rhinestone won over The Wiz because it's shorter.
As soon as the movie opens with Dolly Parton's singing:
Snob: Stallone's singing voice is beautiful!
All the jokes about how the film's antagonist/Romantic False Lead Freddie Ugo is played by Ron Leibman, the same actor who played Rachel's dad in Friends.
"I'm so glad they finally found a way to combine Midnight Cowboy and Staying Alive."
Snob talking about "this weird subplot where she's also teaching him to be the next Doctor Who" when in one scene, Stallone's character appears dressed quite similarly to the Eleventh Doctor.

Hellraiser: Hellworld

Snob has a lot of fun when discovering that Mike is played by Henry Cavill in one of his early roles.
Snob: I don't care what anyone says, Henry Cavill was the best Mike from Hellraiser: Hellworld.
- Snob assumes that because it's Henry Cavill, it'll be one of his suave Tall, Dark, and Handsome role, but it's... not quite so.
  Snob: Play it cool, Henry Cavill!
  Mike: [to a girl at a party] I'd love to see your puzzlebox.
  Snob: Why is this movie stealing lines from the Cockraiser porn parody?
Inserting the sitcom laugh track after both failed jokes and main characters getting murdered counts for some dark comedy.
At the very end of the film, Snob notes that this was the final film Pinhead's original actor Doug Bradley played the role, so he wonders what his final line in the series will be.
Pinhead: [after the Host is torn to pieces] How's that for a wake-up call?
Snob: [looking genuinely disappointed] That's... unfortunate.

Thunderball

The Paul Lynde Halloween Special

The special opens with Lynde being confused as to which holiday it is, leading to him preparing decorations and costumes for several wrong holidays. When he asks in frustration whether it's "Chinese New Year, April Fool, May Day, Pay Day?" the Snob sees potential for a horrible spectacle.
Snob: Please dress like it's Chinese New Year.

Night of the Demons 2

Snob mercilessly mocks the film’s extreme cases of Dawson Casting, which he notes makes the casting in Dear Evan Hansen look perfectly appropriate by comparison.
Snob!Student: What, are you gonna tell my wife on me?
After a scene where the characters threaten to sacrifice a cat, the movie gets slapped with a “LLOYD DIS-APPROVED” sticker.
Father Bob, the human personification of the Arbitrary Skepticism and Genre Blind tropes, whom Snob constantly dubs with an extremely bored voice.
Snob!Father Bob: Alright, there you go again, always with the demons coming back and shooting them with holy water and lipstick worms up the snatch. I've heard it all before, Perry.
Snob!Father Bob: It's allergy season, Perry, the statues normally bleed from the eyes around harvest. You know this, Perry!
Father Bob: We will find her much more quickly by splitting up!
Snob!Father Bob: Yes, that will get us killed sooner, every horror movie taught me this. I'm going this way to get killed.

1981 in Film

The Snob notes that things have barely changed at the beginning, with January not only starting off with a movie entitled Scream, but the second trailer also being for a movie previously covered by him like the 1980 installment.
The trailer for The Devil and Max Devlin is good for some laughs:
Trailer Voice: Bill Cosby is The Devil!
Snob: [amused] I mean, who am I to argue? It says it right there in the trailer!
[...]
Snob: ...and critics didn't like that Bill Cosby was playing a villain. Oh, my, how 1981 was a different time!
During the trailer to The Burning:
Snob: I wonder what became of the writer— (credit shows that one of the writers was none other than Harvey Weinstein) Uhhhhh-ohhhhh...
The Snob notes that Adrienne Barbeau's team falls behind in The Cannonball Run because she had to Escape from New York first.
The Snob riffs on the Mood Whiplash in the trailer for The Fox and the Hound.
Snob: The hell, am I supposed to be happy or afraid? You just scared the shit out of me with a bear! This is more inconsistent than my facial hair in this episode! ^note
From the Private Lessons trailer:
Snob: Holy crap! [laughs] I feel like I should be in jail just [for] watching this trailer!
Seeing the title character of Arthur (1981) picking up a hooker in very early 1980s N.Y.C., Snob jokes that he accidentally ended up on the set of Maniac! (1980)
- He also wonders if Arthur has more drinking in it than Paint Your Wagon does, but later notes that Richard Harris in Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981) is even drunker than that.

A Thief in the Night

Private Lessons

Snob's continually escalating reactions to the sheer squickiness of the film's extreme Values Dissonance over a romance involving a 15-year-old child (who, as Snob notes, "looks 12!")^* and a significantly older adult woman (played by Emmanuelle star Sylvia Kristel, no less) are grimly hilarious, but what takes the cake is Snob describing Brad's real-life Laughing Mad reaction to the film's ending (which implies that the child will be successful in pursuing a relationship with his teacher), complete with a photograph.
Snob: This is the part, when watching the movie, [where] I lost my shit and just cracked! Tears down the face, laughing, hands rubbing the eyes, just completely giving up and cracked!
Brad giving a Damned by Faint Praise apology to the 1981 Endless Love adaptation.
Snob: Suddenly I feel like I should apologize to Endless Love. At least Mom just watched [her child having sex] and didn't join in!

Father Christmas Is Back

Merry Kissmas

Black Christmas 2019

Funny / The Cinema Snob 2021 Episodes

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