With a game this strange, there's bound to be tons and tons of hilarity.
- Hell, the entire concept of a good deal of the cats is hilarious. You expect normal cats and big cats, only to get sentient legs, humanoid cats, ancient deities, eldritch abominations, Stripperific Animesque warriors, world-destroying dragons, and giant murderous robots. And that's only scratching the surface. This game would give Warrior Cats a run for their feline money!
- Most of the Cats' descriptions in general. Here's just a few.
- Macho Leg Cat: Every day is Leg Day. Mastered the Art of Leg.King Dragon Cat: Don't ask how he made it into the Dragon Elite.
- Gato Amigo: Out to bring joy to the senoritas of the world. He's never been to Mexico, he's just a Mariachi nerd.Tricycle Cat: The coolest Cat on the block. Can't ride a real bike parents said no.Cramped Cats: Capsule Cat felt lonely and posted an ad for roommates. Overestimated the space in his flat. It's always cuddle time, whether they like it or not!Cat Bros: Living happily in a plastic bubble. No need for the outside world!!! (Don't make them a role model, kids...)Secret Base: A homemade fortress as resilient as the $0.75 budget allows. Tough against various attacks, except moisture... a bit weak against that.Cooldown Cat: Hogs the fan after getting out of a hot bath. Attack style shows his aggressive selfishness.Coin Cat: An invaluable collector's item! Only 9 billion were produced!True Valkyrie Cat: Changed to her final form. Troubled because God keeps hitting on her.Cat God the Great: At long last, Cat God has joined the fight! His holy sneeze knocks back all but Metal enemies, and his Omni-strikes are pretty cool too.Filibuster Cat X: An ancient lifeform once annihilated by the power of Doge, but now restored with super glue.Filibuster Cat Y: Mystery Cat once thought lost to the universe. Updated his paint job with a more slimming color.Ururun Wolf: "I swear allegiance to those who defeated me!" No one asked. Joined the Cat Army anyway.Masked Yulala: Joined the Cat Army, saying "The Law of my clan is to serve the strongest of warriors! Cool story, bro.
- Gentleman Cat: A very well dressed cat. Until... just call the police.Sanzo Cat: On a journey to save souls through enlightenment. Mostly just beats up the local wildlife, though.Doctor Cat: His medical philosophy is "Hair of the Dog". If it doesn't kill ya, it must be working, right?!Wheel Cat: Got tired of changing wheels of vehicles so became one instead. Spins so fast it burns.Adult Cat: This Cat reached legal age and started to drink. Don't mind the ropes.Sick Cat: This cat drank a bit too much. Everything in moderation!Prisoner Cat: After the 20th wine cooler, he had to be locked up for his own good!Kite Cat: Her mission is to bring more smiles to the world. Sexy Legs complains about getting smacked in the face though...Eggy Cat: Dressed to the nines for Spring! Didn't think about ease of movement when choosing a look.Noodle Cats: Always fast, cheap and delicious! This describes both the Cats and their noodles.Ritual Cat: This world is too brutal and unfair to tolerate! Primitive rage has overtaken him. Why flame on social media when you can flame IRL?Food Stall Cat: Planning to corner the grilled calamari market. Forgot to pay taxes, so now business takes place on the run.Delivery Cat: Brings gifts from the Cat God for you! Of course, it's all cash-on-delivery. Best pay up or risk divine wrath.Psychocat: Bends metal when excited. Loves cereal, but always ends up with a useless spoon before he can eat.Neo Psychocat: His happiness opens up extradimensional portals. Don't accept his invitation to play catch-ball.Robocat: Captured by an evil organization and remade to be an unstoppable, merciless android who knocks back Black. (So cute, though!)Rover Cat Mk II: Cutting edge NYASA Cat probe. Transmission power is so advanced that it even gets the dirty channels.
- Dancing Flasher Cat: Someone you don't want to see on the street. Dances skillfully to keep the game kid-friendly.Nerd Cat: Completely fearless... until leaving his basement. Net denizen who is famous for flaming.Cyberpunk Cat: Having mastered cyberspace, he's moved on to losing his shirt in the cryptocurrency market.Juliet the Maiko: Romeo turned out to be a real jerk. Now aiming for a total image change (and a cute samurai lord).Cat Toaster: Fed up with making toast every day, went on strike by firing bread at Dad's face.Angry Delinquent Cat: Throwing a fit of rage because his dad ate his ice cream that was in the fridge.Surfer Cat: Spent so long hunting the perfect wave. Now he's reached 40 without truly living life(?)Castaway Cat: Says he wants to escape his desert island, but he's secretly enjoying his permanent vacation.Metal Macho: Metal skin reduces all damage taken to a minimum. Proud of his beautiful skin, leaves his arms uncovered.Gold Cat: Rolled in gold dust for a luxurious look. ...though it is just the same old cat.Gold Macho Cat: Rolled in gold dust for a luxurious look. Says it aimed for the no-sleeve look but painting its arms just slipped its mind.Cat Base Mini: Who can say why, but this Cat has undergone rigorous training to become a splendid fort. His wave attack is actually just loud yelling.Cat Base Jr.: Bought a cosplay helmet by mail order. Likes to stalk strangers while pretending to be a tower; his wave fires if he gets too excited.Cat Base Ultra: Through sheer willpower, transformed themself into the ideal Cat Base with cutting-edge LAZERBEAMS! Still makes pew-pew mouth noises when firing.Prof. Cat Jobs: Won the Nyabel Prize in economics last year. His debate skills can confuse enemies so badly, they lose much of their offensive power.Sniper the Recruit: Before the battlefield, boot camp. Only given a potato gun, so don't expect TOO much knockback from his super long-distance attack.Crazed Cat: The basic cat. Crazed version gains godspeed. But his legs are too short...Manic Flying Cat: This manic flying object shows no mercy, firing light beams to destroy whole cities from range. More power! More range! Muahaha!Catway: A tech CEO who patrols the office in style, looking for lazy interns to punish!Drone Cat: A cutting edge Unmanned Aerial Feline (UAF), Tends to crash regularly... tech still under development!Time Traveller Cat: A future timeline's envoy to the present Cats. Often time slips into the movie theater for free...Catornado: Wanted to skip school so badly, he became a typhoon to cause a national weather alert.
- Sea Maiden Ruri: A mermaid NEET from the mystic seas. Dreams of cute boys who'd risk drowning to save her.Sarukani: Won best supporting actor as a li'l monkey for "Selfish Persimmons". Everyone hates working with him.Rock Revengers: The kids Sarukani did wrong formed the metal act: Causin' Effect. Revenge is a dish best served heavy.
- Tank Cat. The unit goes from being able to move a pebble to being able to move a "small rock". Then, when it achieves its final form, it's strong enough...to lift two small rocks. What improvement.
- The descriptions for most of the Crazed Cats are fairly serious, simply stating the new abilities they gain. However, Crazed Lizard Cat doesn't get any new abilities, so the game goes with:
Manic King Dragon: His criticals and attack power are unmatched. At least he says so.
- Later on, for its True Form (which, incidentally, does not gain the ability to do a Critical Hit):
- Similarly, most enemy descriptions.Snache: Uses watercolours for body paint. So... naturally weak against water. This information has nothing to do with the game content whatsoever.Sir Seal: Came to the big city from the quiet seaside. Wanted more attention so dyed his body red.Teacher Bear: A kindergarten teacher. He LOVES children. His sharp claws are not suited for the job. Not related to a certain other bear. No one knows his real name.The Face: Too strict a diet resulted in no body. No one knows why he is floating. Seriously, anyone? (Don't try this at home)Dark Emperor Nyandam: Angry that he isn't allowed to drink anything alcoholic. Shows off by pretending to drink. The glass is filled with coffee jelly.St. Pigge the 2nd: Ancestor of Pigge. Second queen of pig kingdom. In a few days, will be shipped as organic bacon (She doesn't know yet)Master A.: Knows all the dirty stuff. His friends from middle school admire him and call him Master. Dating experience: zero.Professor A.: Even though he's still a college undergrad, his research into dirty stuff is so in-depth and thorough that his friends call him Professor. Dating experience is still somehow zero.THE SLOTH: The scariest of all animals manages to get off the tree... Unfortunately, moving is too much so he says he wants to go home now.Owlbrow: Doesn't look his age. He's 78. The doctor told him to walk more. Complains a lot because he is treated as a Floating enemy when he is just walking.Bore: Always thought his name was the correct way to spell what he is. Turned really red after introducing himself. "I am a bore"Camelle: Born in Saudi Arabia and loves to go to the sauna. His special ability's to close his nostrils, he doesn't know that all camels can do it because he has no friends.Kory: A really eccentric koala. He was kicked out of the zoo for food bills so is now freeloading at Gory's house. Gory is going to kick him out soon too.Gabriel: Great-granddaddy of the Doge clan. Watches to make sure his descendants keep up their studies: sleeping in class earns a bite from the old man!Heavenly Hippoe: A Hippoe who yearned for a halo. Styled his hair into wings... which makes him the next best thing to a Pegasus. Amirite?Wall Doge: A Doge who stole Wall Cat's schtick and turned herself into a wall. Didn't predict that other Doges would use her to replace missing dominoes.Sunfish Jones: A sunfish named Jones. Yeah, so what? Shaped like a stealth bomber, and therefore undetectable by radar systems. Actually, that's how he got into heaven.Angelic Sleipnir: The eight-legged god-horse of Norse myth. Has to spend most of his paycheck on footwear, so usually spends his weekends staying in and gardening.I.M. Phace: A cameo from hit show Face Force 5. Came to protect Earth but went rogue after getting annoyed by smartphone users ignoring him at dinner.Ursamajor: Visited Earth on a cruise, but strayed from the tour group and got left behind. Works at NASA hoping to sneak onboard a rocket.Kroxo: Overcame his eye condition to get a degree in interior design. His philosophy is "Simple is Best"; turns out he just paints it all blue and takes the rest of the week off.Nimoy Bore: His bowl cut helps contain the force of his rational power. Looking for a dashing starship captain to help him learn how to feel. Clears the way with logic and tusks.Mistress Celeboodle: Only daughter of the most powerful political dynasty of Centauri year 1192. Beauty, brains, wit... and yet she married a chihuahua reality TV "star".Alpacky: Camelle super-glued cotton balls to herself to become an Alpaca. Allergic to the fibers, so she can't stop coughing and spitting, but she's too proud to admit when she's wrong.Zoge: Doge's late father, buried several years ago. Even the grave couldn't stop him from worrying over his kids' grades. Only showing a report card can put him permanently to rest.Croakley: eSports pro famous for rage-quitting during tournaments by using his tongue to hit the reset button. Guess that's one way to maintain a perfect win-loss ratio...Spacefish Jones: A bioweapon bred by Space Doges for surprise attacks on Cat outposts. Invisible from the front, but since this game is in landscape mode, its stealth is not effective.Li'l Zyclone: Beloved nephew of childless uncle Zyclone. Has his mother's toughness and father's timid spirit, combining them into a hungry little storm who hides at the first sign of danger.
- One Horn's description pokes fun at his terrible movement speed. The description of his much stronger Alien counterpart, Cyberhorn, isn't much better.Cyberhorn: A killing machine tasked with one purpose: stop cat pictures from being posted on the internet. Meant to join for Chapter 1, but he was too slow to catch the bus.
- Then we get to Metal One Horn. You would think becoming a cyborg would make him unstoppable, but...Metal One Horn: A One Horn who underwent cybernetic enhancement. He can intercept radio signals and dispatches almost instantly. Still never makes it in time.
- Finally, we have Oldhorn, who has 2.4 million health. This amount of HP seems to come with a downside, however
Oldhorn: An ancient prophet who learns of impending doom by time-traveling. His time-trips aren't very accurate, so by the time he gets home the bad stuff has already happened
- Then we get to Metal One Horn. You would think becoming a cyborg would make him unstoppable, but...
- Even the most deadly or terrifying enemies are not immune to the slapstick comedy the game doles out.Assassin Bear: Licensed to kill. The global financial crisis isn't helping though. Please check the flyers. He's offering one million per kill now.Cli-One: Her mission: start the apocalypse and destroy all human life. Accidentally landed on the moon. Now just makes craters out of boredom.Corrupted Valkyrie: Received the dog lance Woofnir as a gag gift at a bachelorette party. Her mind is now clouded with rage against all things feline...Cruel Angel Clionel: This mystical being is humanity's salvation... or destruction. But for now, it's too busy being an overprotective single parent who protects its kids with ultra long ranged attacks.Hannya: Wore a creepy mask as a joke, transformed into a flesh-eating demon. That can happen. Breathes pure corruption born of vengeful hate. The normal Face isn't so bad anymore, eh?Daboo of the Dead: "The best zombie is an educated zombie," is what Poppa always said. It's just back issues of trashy horror comics inside that ominous cover, though. Immune to all negative effects.King Wahwah: Born in year 1196 of the cosmic calendar, he earned a crown through his military service and advancement of the sciences. Annoyed that his kid brother is more famous for a reality show.The Cat God: Hey, it's me, Cat God. You look like you're having a good time reading my character text. It's almost my bath time, though, so...Cat God: Hey there! It's me, everyone's favorite Cat God! Hope you had a real good time in Cosmos Ch. 2! Life in the real world can be tough... I actually had to move back with my mom last week...Final Boss Giga-God Oho, we meet again! Cat God isn't defeated that easily! Yeah, you've done okay in that last Cosmos chapter, I guess. Maybe you've finally earned the right to be my sidekick...
- After Gamatoto returns from an expedition, the game will provide an adventure log filled with two-part, randomly-generated messages for what happened while you were away, and some of them are just classic. Among other things, Gamatoto (or any of his helpers) can be groped after meeting Moneko, go bankrupt during a self-help course, defeat a supreme evil while in the car, inspire an anime while trying to catch a butterfly, get hit on by a stranger with Teacher Bun Bun, nearly die of shame after a failed one-liner, treat himself in the women's locker room, and much more.