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Funny / The Bands of Mourning

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  • After the train attack, Wax can't find Wayne. He's terrified, thinking he's dead or kidnapped. He's hiding in the luggage compartment, making out with MeLaan. They missed the entire fight.
  • The poor innkeeper in New Seran has no idea how to deal with Wax's preparations for an attack (like breaking open a window and testing the strength of doorframes with Steelpushes), Wayne's thievery, MeLaan first asking how big to make her breasts for the party, then mentioning that she has bones in her suitcases, and Steris providing an exhaustive list of everything that could possibly go wrong, starting with robberies and getting more implausible from there.
    • Also, Marasi comes in, her arrival heralding to the increasingly-frazzled innkeeper (and the audience) the return of sanity to the situation... up until she opens her mouth and starts talking about grave-robbing.
  • The innkeeper comes up again when the team has to leave in a hurry.
    Steris: Framed for murder! That's on page seventeen of my list! Don't let them treat our servants too harshly!
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  • The Running Gag of MeLaan cheerfully suggesting killing an enemy so she can eat him and let them sneak in somewhere, and everyone else looking at her like she's a cannibal.
  • Steris trying to learn about reproduction.
    Wax: So... you don't have any... experience in these matters, I assume.
    Steris: I keep asking for details, but nobody will tell me anything. "You'll figure it out," they say with a wink and a grin, "The body knows what to do." But what if mine doesn't? What if I do it wrong?
    Wax: You could have asked me?
    Steris: Because that wouldn't be embarrassing.
  • At one point, the crew is on top of a cliff, trying to figure out a way to get inside the facility below. Wax and Wayne start going through a list of gambits they'vs used before, including the Fat Belt and the Blackwatch Doublestomp, before settling on the Spoiled Tomato... at which point Wax Coinpushes Wayne off of the cliff, hurling him into the facility. Why is it called the Spoiled Tomato? Because sometimes Wayne goes splat when they do this.
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  • Wayne's reaction to Ranette's Incompatible Orientation:
    Wayne: Marasi says you're courtin' another girl.
    Ranette: ...I am.
    Wayne: Now, I don’t want to go wrong, seein’ as I’m being so gentlemanly and grown-up and the like. But you can’t blame a man for gettin’ ideas when hearing something such as that. So...I don’t suppose that there’s a chance for the three of us to
    Ranette: Wayne.
    Wayne: I don’t mind none if she’s fat, Ranette. I likes a girl what has something to hold on to.
    Ranette: Wayne.
    Wayne: ...right. Right. Okay. Yeah. I don’t suppose, when we’re lookin’ fondly on this conversationalizing and our memorable farewell, we could both just forget I said that last part?
  • VenDell is, thus far, the only character to get the better of Wayne:
    Wayne: You. We just got ridda you!
    VenDell: Good afternoon, young lad. Are the adults home?
    VenDell: Nice flower. Can I have your skeleton when you're dead?
    Wayne: My. . .
    VenDell: You're a Bloodmaker, correct? Can heal yourself? Bloodmaker bones tend to be particularly interesting, as your time spent weak and sickly creates oddities in your joints and bones that can be quite distinctive. I'd love to have your skeleton. If you don't mind.
    Wayne: Wax, the immortal bloke's being creepy again . . .
    • He also manages to creep out Wax by revealing that his hands used to belong to Breeze.
  • The crew needs to get through a Death Course in the local Temple of Doom, filled with traps and spikes. The last people who entered the temple were all killed within the first five steps. Thankfully for the crew, they brought MeLaan, who just sets off every trap on purpose.
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  • Allik Neverfar starts out scared of Wax because his religion treats Metalborn as Pieces of God, but it's not long before he falls into the Servile Snarker role.

Alternative Title(s): Bands Of Mourning


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