Funny / The Abyss

• Lindsey: "So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water-tentacle."
• When Coffey steals One Night's sub, and her cassette country music starts to play, making Coffey so frustrated he eventually elbows the player.
• Bud and Lindsey's squabbling. After one argument, Bud removes his wedding ring and drops it in the toilet. A few seconds later, he has a change of heart and has to reach into the blue fluid up to his elbow to retrieve it. It stains his hand blue — for the rest of the movie!
• Catfish waking up and seeing the water-tentacle. At first he's going back to sleep... then he freaks out and grabs a FREAKIN POTTED PLANT!
• Lindsey is trying to convince the crew that she isn't crazy and that she actually saw something out in the ocean. The only person who believes her is Hippy, who immediately dives headfirst into a Conspiracy Kitchen Sink. Lindsey's reply: "Hippy, do me a favor? Stay off my side."
• Bud at the beginning of the film: "Yeah, I'm calm, I'm a calm person. Is there a reason I shouldn't be calm?" [someone on the other end mentions his soon-to-be-ex wife's imminent arrival on the rig] "WHAAAAT?!"
• Hippy commenting on Lindsey's decision to call the aliens a "non-terrestrial intelligence".
  Hippy: NTIs. Oh, man, that's even better than UFOs! Though I guess that works, too, huh? "Underwater flying objects"!
• Bud after meeting the NTIs in person, they saved his life and he shows his thanks by vomiting on their floor. Granted he was taking the liquid breathing apparatus off, but it still comes across as unintentionally funny.
• At the beginning of the movie, the technician watches Lindsey exit the helicopter on her way to the control room on the Benthic Explorer. He comments "Man, when she finds out about [the military taking over the rig and interrupting her field test], they are going to have to take her down with a tranq[uilizer] gun!".
• When Coffey finally snaps and holds people hostage, he ends up creepily close to Lindsey, stating that there was something he's wanted to do to her since they first met. It looks like he's about to lean in to kiss her, but instead he just tapes her mouth shut, because he was sick of her talking. Even funnier on the trivia track:
  "What did you expect to happen in a PG-13 movie?"
• During Bud's descent to the warhead Lindsey tells him that he's just set the record for the deepest dive by a human being. Bud's response: "CALL GUINNESS"
• Bud tells One Night how he and Lindsay first got together while working on a project she'd designed. After two months on the rig they started living together when they got back to the surface.
  One Night: Doesn't mean you had to marry her.
  Bud: Yeah, well, we were due to go back out for another six months. If you were married you got a state room, otherwise it was bunks.
  One Night: ...Okay. Good reason.
  • Especially funny to many military persons, who see marriages happen for similar reasons (single personnel often share a bedroom sized area with another person while married personnel get (at minimum) a two bedroom apartment).