When you got five comedians trying their damnest to finish their tasks to please another comedian and his assistant, you'd better be certain that there's plenty of humour to go around.
- Tim and Romesh constantly fighting each other in the live tasks.
- The first prize task is 'most unusual item'.Greg: Tim Key, what did you bring in?Tim: Reindeer skull.Greg: And that, my friends, is how to play this game.
- The watermelon task.
- It starts off calmly with Josh and Frank gently eating watermelon, and Roisin panicking because she didn't realise she had to cut the melon open ... and then Tim and Romesh just bash the melon open and stuff as much in their mouths as possible. Romesh actually throws his on the floor and spends the entire minute on his hands and knees devouring floor melon.
- Tim's "winking" at the camera when he eats another piece of melon after the task ended.Tim: I love melon.
- Paint a portrait of a horse whilst riding a horse:
- The reveal of everyone's portraits. Most of them are quite bad, but Tim's is by far the worst - despite spending the most time riding the horse, his portrait of Baz ended up looking more like a mouse or anteater.
- Romesh embellishing his method of painting Baz the horse:Romesh: Have you seen the film The Matrix? You know when Neo suddenly sees everything in code, I suddenly saw everything in auras and I saw Baz's spirit and I basically tried to capture that on the canvas.
Josh: Oh, stop being such a wanker!
- Roisin opts not to ride the horse, so Alex and the production team provide her with a mechanical horse to ride on. The VT of her painting is set to the theme from Rawhide.
- Tim going nuts while trying to get all the water out of the bath.
- The entire "High Five a 55 Year-Old" task:
- First, Frank makes it 10 minutes before deciding finding a 55 year-old would be too hard and instead decides to high five several people whose ages add up to 55. This leads him to high fiving two 27 year-olds and threatening to withold ice cream from a baby until it high fives him.
- Romesh utterly fails the task. Several of his attempts don't work, including standing in place with a sign, and he eventually settles for high fiving a 50 year-old. Greg already acts disappointed in him, and then it's revealed Romesh took an hour before giving up. Greg is horrified to realize Romesh stood in place with a sign for close to an hour.
- Tim awkwardly walks around the mall for several minutes, and then in a stroke of luck the first person he talks to is 55. However, Tim told the man they were filming for Comic Relief, a very well-respected charity in the UK. The other contestants promptly lambast Tim for using charity as a strategy.
- When the results come in, Josh is first... and Tim is second. With criticism from the other contestants, Greg agrees that Tim violated some sort of ethics code, and offers him a deal: he can keep the second place, but only if he pledges to donate £185 to Comic Relief. Tim decides to turn this in his favor and asks how much it would cost to get moved up to first place, which Josh angrily objects to. Frank then decides to get in on this as well and tries to outbid Tim for first place.
- Roisin forcing Alex to eat a pie filled with hot mint toothpaste. Her method is absolutely absurd. Tim just asks Alex to break open the pies because the rules only say the contestant cannot do it. Roisin thinks of the same idea but instead of just looking what is in the pie, she turns her back and has Alex eat the pie and then tries to judge what is in it based off his facial expression. Greg points out that she basically broke the game and then for no reason created her own hurdles to make the challenge almost impossible.
- There's Romesh's short film, Tree Wizard.
- During the 'throw a teabag into a mug' task, Romesh's frustration at discovering the other contestants used boxes to help guide their teabag into the mug.Romesh: There was no box, mate!
- The contestants were provided dry tea bags for the task. Most of them figured out almost immediately to wet them. Romesh on the other hand...Frank: Someone will take the first 45 minutes realising it's better if they're wet.
(immediate cut to Romesh who is already well into the task)
Romesh: Just realised I should probably wet them.
- The contestants were provided dry tea bags for the task. Most of them figured out almost immediately to wet them. Romesh on the other hand...
- The 'buy a gift for the Taskmaster' task was particularly good, including such highlights as Tim getting Greg some book tokens, and Josh getting Greg's name tattooed onto his foot (which won him the task).
- During the live task, Greg comments that Romesh appeared nervous and asks Alex to bring something to comfort him. Alex puts a box in Romesh's lap.
- Tim brought in an airline ticket for a day trip to Cologne in Romesh's namenote for the prize task. Roisin comments that she would want to keep that prize if she won the episode, and then Greg suggests that she would have to disguise herself as Romesh, with Roisin being a woman and second-generation Irish and Romesh being a man and second-generation Sri Lankan.Roisin: (looking briefly to Romesh) Easy, mate! I'll just rant everywhere. RAARGH!
Romesh: That's not the biggest difference.
- The "make this block of ice disappear" task:
- Roisin asks Alex to aid her at every step of her task, such as moving the block of ice under the bathroom window and pulling a strand of her hair away from her mouth. She also posits that melting the ice with the shower head is what must have been like on the set of Frozen (2013).Greg: You do realize that Frozen is a cartoon?
- Tim and Alex arguing over whether or not Tim throwing a block of ice into the river has made it 'disappear'.
- Roisin asks Alex to aid her at every step of her task, such as moving the block of ice under the bathroom window and pulling a strand of her hair away from her mouth. She also posits that melting the ice with the shower head is what must have been like on the set of Frozen (2013).
- In the "collect the most tears in this eggcup" task:
- Roisin watches Steel Magnolias but she becomes so wrapped up in the movie that she forgets the task at hand.
- Tim asks Alex to search for powerful art. The image that Alex procures is a museum installation of a farting bull sculpture charging into a half-demon man, which prompts Tim to laugh profusely, but unfortunately does not produce any tears.
- Frank singing sweetly as he collects the tears from various cameramen.
- The episode has Josh being made to count how many baked beans there are in a can, followed by the number of spaghetti hoops, and finally grains of rice in a bag. This wasn't actually a task, it was just something done to make him the Butt-Monkey.Josh: You feel like a loser, but then you realise you're not the one that's having to watch this five times, so I don't know who's the bigger loser out of me and you on this one.
- The challenge is to move a boulder as far as they can in 60 minutes:
- Roisin calls a courier and asks how long it would take to get the boulder to Camber Sands, which would take more than the hour. She decides against it, and goes back inside the house. Meanwhile, the boulder is still in the garage. Roisin ends up rolling the boulder out towards the end of her hour.
- Tim must have just seen Up because he ties a bunch of helium balloons to it to try and make it float away. Then he just puts it on Alex's van and drives it away.
- Not to mention Romesh's attempt, in which he gave the boulder to a man with a van, and then accidentally told him to drive in the wrong direction, meaning the boulder never really got that far from the house at all.
- Frank describes a short conversation he had with someone on the platform while waiting for a train:The Man: What's that?
Frank: It's a boulder.
The Man: What's a boulder? Is it like a big rock?
- Everyone attempting to make Fred the Swede blush
- Frank tries to make Fred blush by describing his own genitals and doing a version of ASMR.
- Roisin first tries to make Fred blush by describing the plot of Total Recall (1990). Even after she discovers the hack of asking Fred to stand with his head between his legs, she still continues with that line of thinking.Roisin: So where would you have the third [breast], in the middle or around the back?
- The team task is to create a convincing home video blooper film:
- Josh, Roisin and Romesh's video left much to be desired. Roisin is holding the camera and goads Josh to push Alex into a cake, after which Alex slips and falls into a kiddie pool. Unfortunately, her camerawork is so shaky that she hardly captured the actual bloopers. The best part is the three attempting to justify the quality of the film, with Roisin claiming that she went "too method" and was attempting to "Blair Witch" it.
- Frank and Tim's fake blooper, which contains an actual blooper.
- The alphabet meals:
- Romesh playing the xylophone while Alex eats his alphabet meal.
- Tim included ingredients like dog food and added grapefruit halves into every meal (calling it "citric faeces").Alex: If somebody served this to you, you would not remain in contact with them.
Tim: I've served it to you.
Alex: And so it ends.
- The contestants struggling to keep three large exercise balls on top of a yoga mat at the summit of a hill, in particular Joe and Jon's balls both rolling all the way back down the hill.
- The infamous debacle that is the 'throw a potato into the hole without touching the red green' task.
- At one point Joe is on his knees, begging.Joe: Please don't take this away from me.
- While Joe is out of the room, Doc gives his rationale for not voting to give him the point:Doc: Without those couple of centimetres that he gains over the red... that potato would've been all rim and bounced out.
- Then, when Joe comes back in, and Greg disqualifies him:Doc: That's harsh. [The audience immediately bursts out laughing, prompting a suspicious look from Joe] I'm just sayin'! That's, that's fuckin' harsh.Jon: (who also voted against Joe) Yeah, we fought for you, mate, but... (he points to Katherine and Richard, who both voted in favour of Joe)
- At one point Joe is on his knees, begging.
- For the "eat the egg the quickest" task, Doc and Jon cook the egg before wolfing it down as quickly as they can. Joe takes it even further and prepares his egg with an elaborate toast and salami spread.
- The task is to make a music video for a nursery rhyme, and every contestant produces a hilarious result.
- Jon does a very creepy rendition of 'Three Blind Mice'.
- Doc Brown, while recording a video for his rap version of 'One, Two, Three, Four, Five', apparently punched a fish so hard its scales became embedded in his hand.
- Richard parodies Bitter Sweet Symphony with his video for 'She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain'.
- Katherine writes her own nursery rhyme, about cleaning your teeth. Alex stood in as the tooth model.Alex: I can fit a pound coin in between my two front teeth.Jon: Is that so you don't get stolen from supermarkets?
- And then there's Joe Wilkinson's attempt.Greg: [after remarking how Joe didn't get the lyrics right] On that farm he had a pig, E-I-E-I-O. With a...
Joe: What — what song are you singing?
- Tasked with finding an inanimate object resembling himself, Richard Osman photographs a 'protective glasses must be worn' sign.
- The pizza ordering task:
- Doc gets increasingly frustrated with the person taking his order but insists that he got along well with them.
- Katherine, while avoiding the use of the banned words, mentions that she is not from England as an excuse for not knowing words like cheese.
- Richard was the only one not to use any of the banned words while ordering. However, the person taking his order was undoubtedly confused and messed up his order, so he ended up with the least accurate pizza order (there were two pizzas for a start).
- All the contestants could win a bonus point if the person serving their order said the word 'bubbles'. Most of the comedians seemed to be under the impression that they themselves were not allowed to say 'bubbles'. Both Doc Brown and Richard tried to do this by asking their server if they could remember the name of Michael Jackson's pet chimp; and Katherine and Jon tried describing a bubble. Joe took a different approach:Joe: Could you do me a huge favour, and say the word 'bubbles'?
Server: Bubbles? No.
- One of the tasks is to impress the mayor of Chesham:
- Joe Wilkinson decides to impress him by buying him beer and 42 Calippos. And £15.
- Jon's attempt to impress the mayor is so cringe-worthy that he leaves the theater to avoid watching the replay. First he shows a photo of the titular eclair... which he had bought and not made. Then he shows a photo of whales on a holiday to America, and attempts to make dolphin noises. And finally he ends up singing "Desperado," which he expressly tried to avoid (but both he and the mayor knew it was inevitable).Jon: I'm going to end up singing you a song, aren't I, Peter?
Mayor Peter Hudson: We all know where that's going to end up.
Jon: I'm going to end up screaming a song into your face
Greg: [later, in the studio] Interesting, innit? Because you could argue that Jon has a much better voice than Doc,... and yet, it was far more embarrassing.
- Alex summarises the unexpected silhouette task as "The Lion King, The Moon Attack, The Acid House Face, The Animal Attack, and The Balloon Tumescent."Richard: It's like one of those really terrible years at the Oscars.
- The gift-buying task returns, and there's a particularly good exchange when Katherine reveals that she bought Greg a plot of land, making him technically 'Lord Greg Davies':Katherine: What's your name?Greg: ...Greg.Katherine: No.Greg: ...yes?Katherine: I changed it!
- The entire 'conceal a pineapple on your person' task.
- Jon doing all four tasks that the other contestants have set for him, which include Katherine's task of 'do a makeup tutorial'.
- The team task to build the best item for the Taskmaster:
- Joe spends most of the task complaining while Katherine and Doc work diligently to fit items together.
- Jon and Richard end up staging a hostage video to market their "tickle station" with Alex in the front seat and Richard (and by proxy Greg) seated behind him tickling him.
- Richard Osman throwing a shopping trolley over a river.
- From that same task, Richard spending forever pumping up an air bed before he starts, then discovering that he never needed to and it probably made the task harder.
- Doc wades across the canal to get to the shopping trolley with some of his shopping. After he's finished putting the groceries into the trolley, he sees that there are not one, but two bridges that he could have used to cross to the side of the canal with the shopping cart.
- The contestants completely failing to notice the useful bridge-building items taped under the table, despite several clues saying 'under the table'.
- One of the clues is a boat with under the table written in Spanish on the side. Jon translates the phrase but fails to put two and two together.
- Docs reaction to this reveal.Doc: You know my eyesight is affected around bridges!
- The live task initially requires contestants to 'put on gloves, eat a banana, correctly put on a tie, and clap'. Katherine argues that this is sexist, as she does not know the correct way to put on a tie. By way of a solution, Richard shifts the comma before 'correctly' to after it, so the contestants now have to 'eat a banana correctly'. Joe ends up spectacularly failing this part of the task, claiming to be allergic to bananas and stuffing the banana whole into his mouth without peeling it.
- The prize task is to bring in the most flamboyant clock. Al Murray opts for clock that comes with five gas burners and two fan ovens (aka his oven from home), and Dave Gorman brings in a digital clock that can heat up food (aka a microwave oven).
- Rob rolling all the way to the microwave in order to reach it in as few steps as possible.
- Dave getting caught cheating at the 'propel a pea the furthest distance' task.
- The "make the best snowman" task without the use of snow:
- Al makes his snowman by building a moulding, pouring water in it and adding ice, and puts in in the freezer. The result is what Greg describes as a "creature in pain."
- Sara makes her snowman out of ice cream and calls it "Scoopy." Then Alex rolls additional time lapse footage of Scoopy after the task melting!Greg: You know what, at the end of that VT, Scoopy was still happier than Al's snowman.
- The reactions to Paul Chowdhry's "Snow Bear."Paul: 'S a Snow Bear, innit?
Sara: It's not a bear, that's a-
Dave: (through stifled laughter) It's a rabbit with some ice on it!
- The 'Surprise Alex' task.
- Paul pops out of a box in a clown costume, calling himself 'the Brown Clown'. In the studio, Paul reveals that he had been waiting inside the box for over 40 minutes, even though he knew that he had an hour to set up his attempt before Alex would come out of the shed.
- Rob dresses up as a grandmother and sits on a sofa just outside the shed. The cackling as he hoses Alex down, followed by a genuinely concerned "Are you wet?" netted Rob the win.Rob: Alex, you've been a bad boy! (sprays Alex with a water hose)
- Al, meanwhile, strips to his underwear and smashes a massive gong. Even better when it's revealed the gong wasn't given to Al by the production team - he just happened to know a gong rental place up the road, and sourced it himself.
- As part of Dave's surprise, he bribed the male crew members to strip down to their boxers. One person, however, ended up with a cardboard box protecting his modesty.
Little Polythene Grief Cave
- Paul brings in light-up dreadlocks for the prize task:Paul: This way you can become a Rasta without becoming a Rasta.
- In the challenge to collect sweat in an eggcup in a time limit, Rob has the additional challenge to do it without using his own accent, despite being unable to speak in any other accent. Rob jokes that his career has finished, and asks the others to tell him when the video is over while he cradles his head in his hands.Paul: Might as well give him the dreadlocks now.
- Paul's incredibly creepy way of giving Greg Twister as a gift, which in his deadpan tone makes Greg sound like a sex offender.
- In the 'flag meal' task:
- Sara singing 'O Canada' to the tune of 'O Christmas Tree'.
- Al's British flag made entirely of coloured rice.
- Paul's terrible Mexican flag, complete with a poorly-made eagle, which ends up looking more like the flag of Mali.Alex: I don't think it looks like an eagle.Paul: Well, it did look like an eagle, you ate the beak.
- The task where they have to find out what the retiree did for a living while whispering. Paul takes over 42 minutes to find out that the man used to be an anaesthetist:Alex: Paul said the word "doctor" 63 times. He made 15 sexual references and swore 23 times.Greg: (through laughter) 15 sexual references?!
- The special effects task:
- Dave and Paul play a game of football with Al's creepily grinning disembodied head.
- Even better is Rob and Sara's, which involves Rob winking flirtatiously at the camera and making pairs of shoes spontaneously appear and disappear.Greg: I thought he was a very nuanced character, though... the insane winking gay magician.
- Paul being given his own task, to 'have the most fun on a bouncy castle for one hour'.
- The task is to transfer water from one bucket to another bucket, without moving the buckets. Al, however, just decides to pay Alex to move the buckets for him.
- The team task involves playing a game of charades while on opposite sides of a river.
- Everything seems to go wrong for Rob and Sara. They can barely hear one another, then a plane flies over while Rob is miming, and then Sara gets distracted by a cute dog named Nelly. When Rob starts ranting to the camera on his side and waving his arms and legs about, Sara thinks that he's miming and starts guessing.Rob: [yelling across the Thames] Hey! Hello!
Rob: Who are you?!
Sara: I'm alright, how are you?!
Rob: What's your name?!
Sara: [addressing Alex] "What's my name?" Why doesn't he know my name?
Rob: [addressing his camera crew] Gone quiet, hasn't she?
- One of the TV shows on the list is Dave Gorman's show Modern Life Is Goodish. Nobody manages to get the title right. Not even Dave.
- Everything seems to go wrong for Rob and Sara. They can barely hear one another, then a plane flies over while Rob is miming, and then Sara gets distracted by a cute dog named Nelly. When Rob starts ranting to the camera on his side and waving his arms and legs about, Sara thinks that he's miming and starts guessing.
- Mel taking the wax seals from the task envelopes and putting them in the breast pocket of her boiler suit, to 'melt down for later'. According to Mel on the Taskmaster podcast, she never did actually melt them down but ended up giving them to a masssive Taskmaster fan who was the son of a woman she worked with on a theatre show.
- Joe Lycett kissing the portrait of Greg every time he goes outside to do a task.
- The task is to destroy a cake as beautifully as possible.
- Hugh dissects it into several parts with knives, like a serial killer. Made worse by Hughs claim that he doesnt even remember completing the task
- Lolly uses her cake to paint a heart on the wall, which is quite sweet and gentle...
- ...and then Joe destroys his cake with several fireworks.
- Noel puts his in the washing machine (and apparently caused plumbing problems for the Taskmaster house).
- Finally, Mel just decides to smash the cake upside-down on the table, and is done in five seconds.
- Hugh comes up with a clever way to draw a person he isn't looking at - he positions a mirror so that he's technically looking at her reflection. You'd assume that his drawing would be the best... but it is horrendously inaccurate, drawing a black woman as a 'fat bald white man'. Greg places him last in the task.
- During the long-distance painting of the Taskmaster portrait:
- Joe Lycett has to smile with increasing enthusiasm every 30 seconds while painting a portrait of the Taskmaster, the only contestant with this extra instruction. Greg describes it as "sixteen lovely smiles and four difficult poo faces".
- Mel's running commentary during her attempt at the task consists of her unintentionally insulting the Taskmaster.Greg: (repeating Mel's quotes) "He's got hair, hasn't he?" "Mean eyes." "Big 'ole mouth." "Quite pallid, isn't he?" What's your problem, mate?
- Noel meddling with Alex's clock during a team task.
- The eggcup task. The contestants are instructed to move an egg into an eggcup using only the items provided on the table and without touching either the egg or the eggcup in the shortest amount of time. However, a one minute penalty is added if someone else touches an item you touched. Mel touches all the items before she realises halfway.Mel: (as she touches the horse figurine) Now why is that there? I've just touched it again. I mean, look, (proceeds to touch everything) now I've touched them all now, sorry. But why is there- why is a horse there?
- Greg poking fun at Hugh Dennis's subscription to the Cloud Appreciation Society.
- The whole camouflage task, but in particular Noel, who uses his yellow onesie to disguise himself as a banana in a fruit bowl. His cheeky wave to the camera when it's revealed is hilarious.
- Mel, by contrast, thought she couldn't leave the room the task started in - so she hid her face behind the sunflowers. Greg decides she deserves one clap from the audience when he announces last place.Greg: That is the sort of hiding place my niece would choose. She's five.
- Mel, by contrast, thought she couldn't leave the room the task started in - so she hid her face behind the sunflowers. Greg decides she deserves one clap from the audience when he announces last place.
- Hugh and Mel's trailer for 'Tugtemester'.
- From the "persuade three dogs" task:
- In a case of Real Life Writes the Plot, while everyone else has to persuade three dogs to place exactly 12 legs on the red mat, Lolly filmed her task with chickens (and other fowl like ducks and geese in the mix). Alex explains that the task initially called for chickens, and after Lolly shot her task but before everyone else could, there was an outbreak of avian bird flu that forced all chickens to be kept indoors.Lolly: [unamused] So now I have avian bird flu?
- Greg also ridicules Lolly for asking whether they were all chickens or not.Greg: You kids, you're so obsessed with your iPads, you don't know the difference between chickens and ducks.
Lolly: I can see it on the internet, I don't need to see chickens in real life.
- Joe calls one of the dogs a prick for constantly barking at him.
- Hugh suggested that Lolly could have picked her chickens up, to which Alex replies "or killed them."Greg: I mean, silly Lolly trying to wrangle [the chickens] when she could have just run round kicking their heads off.
- In a case of Real Life Writes the Plot, while everyone else has to persuade three dogs to place exactly 12 legs on the red mat, Lolly filmed her task with chickens (and other fowl like ducks and geese in the mix). Alex explains that the task initially called for chickens, and after Lolly shot her task but before everyone else could, there was an outbreak of avian bird flu that forced all chickens to be kept indoors.
- The task is to transfer water from one fishbowl to another without moving the fishbowls. Lolly moves the fishbowls several times, and the editors even poke fun at her by interspersing clips of her saying 'Without moving the fishbowls...' into the video of her completing the task.
- For the final task, Alex gets Lolly to read the card. As Alex hands it over to her, she gives a pointed look at Greg and asks if shes allowed to touch it.
- Greg repeats some choice quotes from Lolly from throughout the episode:Greg: [quoting Lolly] "Without moving the fishbowls... Camouflage, camouflage, camouflage... They're not all chickens, right?"
- The whole 'dance to a ringtone' task, in particular Mel's overly dramatic dance, titled 'Sencha', which Alex later reveals is not to the ringtone named 'Sencha' (as Mel believednote ) after all. Alex's buttcrack also pops out during his dance with Mel.
- Mel making the pommel horse disappear.
- The task is to slide the furthest in one attempt. Lolly spends forever preparing for her slide... then slips and completely misses the slide.
- In the team task, each team member is given a separate task that has to be performed in the same tub with Mel/Joe having to cover the top in cling film while Hugh/Lolly have to fill it with as many objects as possible. Noel, meanwhile, is given the unique task of filling the tub with water. Mel and Hugh immediately realize that they were given different tasks and begin cooperating. Joe and Lolly, meanwhile, begin actively sabotaging each other, with Joe throwing Lolly's items out the tub and Lolly grabbing Joe's cling film and throwing them as far away as possible. Noel just watches the two bicker and fight while nonchalantly using a hose to fill the tub. Lolly's obsession with placing a large table in the bath is particularly hilarious.
- Lolly: I thought the table would stop the cling film from ruining my (pointed look at Joe) journey.
- The contestants mutilating a stuffed camel to get it through the smallest gap. Mel wins the task by not mutilating her camel at all, but instead taking it to a Baby GAP - the smallest GAP store.
- Alex is asked to pull together a montage of Mel Giedroyc being positive throughout the series (with gasps of excitement and positive exclamations like "brilliant!" and "excellent!"). It is screened in the studio ahead of the next surprise task...
- Mel, who has been maintaining a surprisingly positive attitude, is given her own task - to hide a gigantic ball from Alex. Alex finds it quite quickly. Then it is revealed that Mel was actually given two more tasks beforehand - to inflate the giant ball, then to get it out of the house and score a goal with it. (It doesn't really succeed in destroying her positive attitude, however.)
- Hugh tries to argue that tipping over the sleeping bag is not taking things out.Joe: Oh, not sure. "Oh, I didn't take your virginity. It just sort of fell out."
Hugh: To be fair, it's putting something in rather than taking it out.
Greg: You were responsible for those objects coming out-
Hugh: Well, I didn't take them out.
Alex: I was there and it looked like you took them out.
Greg: (in teacher mode) Listen, I'm telling you now - you fucked that.
- The whole hide-and-seek task:
- Hugh decides to watch Alex from inside the house, and move according to where he's seen Alex go. When Hugh sees Alex enter the house, he decides to leave the room he's in; and the moment he opens the door, he sees Alex standing on the other side. Turns out, the person he'd thought was Alex was actually the cameraman.
- Joe spends two minutes running away from Alex after he had been spotted.
- Noel gets caught out after 16 seconds because he chose to hide behind the caravan where Alex had been counting, and then didn't move after Alex came out. Though, as Greg notes, the fact that he was wearing a bright yellow boiler suit probably didn't help his chances to begin with.
- Alex accidentally feeling Mel's breasts while searching the wardrobe she was hiding in. What's even funnier is that you can see the exact moment on Alex's face when he realises what he's just done.Mel: There was a drive-by: both of them, and possibly in the Pennyfield area as well.
Alex: I found you after two and a half minutes, and then felt embarrassed for three days.
- Lolly taunting Alex, who is struggling to find her, by sending him a picture of herself at a beach, and one of her as a child. It takes him twenty-three minutes to finally find her.Greg: You've hidden yourself in time.
- Joe's new handshake, which consists of him and Alex rubbing each other's palms and saying 'I love you'.
- The exotic sandwich task.
- All the contestants make huge sandwiches that are edible but require a large appetite to finish it off in one sitting, except for Noel who attaches two pieces of bread to Alex's head and makes Alex perform an exotic dance. Then comes the second part of the task—they need to eat their exotic sandwich.
- Mel's expression when she opens the second task and discovers she has to eat her giant sandwich - which contains copious amounts of chocolate and confectionery - is hilarious. She later accidentally snorts an M&M.
- The whole of the live task, which involves drawing 'the median duck'. Joe uses lateral thinking and gets caught up in his own insistent terminology.Joe: You asked to see the median duck so I have done the median duck (flips over his page to reveal the words "the median duck" rather than a drawing of a duck). That says and I have drawn "the median duck".Greg: Or have you written it?Joe: ... I have drawn it. (Beat) Please! I have thought about the task, and I have written - ... DRAWN!
- Several of the special cuddles:
- Aisling dresses up in a robot costume, calling herself the 'cuddle-bot'.
- Bob locks himself and Alex in the boot of a car.
- Sally's, meanwhile, is absolutely ridiculous, and includes covering Alex in salad and placing slices of chocolate cake in his armpits. Later she pours water over his head. All of this while laughing maniacally.Greg: At the end, you essentially waterboarded him.Sally: That's how I roll.
- Aisling removes her trousers for the 'get Alex onto dry land' task. Upon completing the task, she dances wearing nothing but her top and knickers while singing about how her dignity is still intact. On the side of a lake.
- Nish manages to kick a basketball into the hoop on his first attempt... and then Alex shows the other fifty-two attempts Nish took before he succeeded. According to Alex, Nish made four references to Groundhog Day, and called the ball racist twice.
- Mark arguing about whether a hat is a machine or not.
- In the 'paint the best rainbow in the dark' task:
- Nish discovering the catch:Nish: Oh... I can't see the colours!
- Bob tells a story while painting his scene.Bob: My very first job was as a painter and decorator. I saw the woman whose house was the first house we painted, and she said it had never needed painting since... cause it'd fucking burnt down.
- Sally's rainbow scene is a little strange:Alex: She said she was going to paint two lesbians using a Test Your Strength machine.Sally: Well, everyone knows lesbians love using Test Your Strength machines, they can't walk past one without... (she dissolves into laughter)
- Unfortunately, one of Sally's lesbians is painted in white paint on a white canvas, rendering the figure practically invisible.Greg: The awful news is one of the lesbians is dead.
- Bob's rainbow scene, on the other hand:Alex: It's a little man. You said he's called Matthew and he's being chased by a policeman.Bob: Lovely day for it.
- Mark is the only one to notice the illuminated light switch. Despite actually being able to see his painting, his rainbow ends up more as a square than a bow.
- Greg decides to award Aisling the five points ahead of Sally based on unusual reasoning:Greg: I suspect, and feel free to write in, lesbians, I suspect that they don't feel the need (Corpsing) to prove their strength using an old-fashioned Test Your Strength machine, but I can't prove that leprechauns don't smear shit everywhere.
- Nish discovering the catch:
- For the "make the best splat" task:
- Alex introduces the task via a toy crane to the two teams. However, the crane failed to work when introducing the task to Mark and Nish.
- Mark getting hurt by yogurt.
- Bob pissed in one of the balloons that his team uses for their best splat and called if "warm fun."
- Mark Watson takes six minutes to open a briefcase. It was on the right combination from the beginning. And opening the briefcase wasn't even part of the task; it was just the thing they had to do to get the task.
- The task inside the aforementioned briefcase is the wonderfully absurd 'coconut businessman' task, which has plenty of great moments:
- Aisling, at the start of the task:Aisling: Does it have to be a businessman? Or for once could we open up the idea and call it a businessperson?Alex: You can interpret the task however you like.Aisling: I will interpret it as sexist.
- She ends up making a coconut businesswoman, who is forcing three businessmen to drink coconut water (i.e. her own blood) at gunpoint.
- Sally's coconut businessman has a tiny Oystercard and a graph showing rising profits.Nish: Wow, that business is doing so well!
- The highlight is Nish's, however. He emerges from the house in a suit, covering his head with a bowler hat; when he takes it off, he reveals that a coconut is underneath it, in place of his head. Alex mentions it was the task Nish laughed the most at.Nish: (as the Coconut Businessman) Hello! I'm the coconut businessman, off for another day of lovely business!
- Aisling, at the start of the task:
- Aisling Bea is tasked with balancing a jelly on top of a pole. After doing so, the pole pierces the jelly and it slides down the entire length, with Aisling and Alex looking on forlornly without moving. The artistic composition of the camera shot is what sells it.◊
Residue Around the Hoof
- The teams are tasked with doing something remarkable synchronised. Aisling, Bob, and Sally plan well - they even recorded Sally's voice telling them what to do. Aisling and Sally are very well synchronised. Bob? Not so much. He messes up very early on and from there he just goes from bad to worse. It's hilarious.
- In the 'spot the difference' task, all of the contestants notice that Alex's headwear had changed, but Aisling was the only one to spot that Alex himself had been replaced by a body double. Made especially embarrassing for Mark and Alex since they have been friends for nearly 20 years.Mark: (after the task is over). Thanks everyone. (Waving to the double) Bye, Alex!
- Later in the show, the body double briefly replaces Alex in the studio.
- The prize task for most high-octane item sees Mark bringing in a stolen pair of Gregs trousers. Mark explains that he had Ed Gamble steal them from Greg while Greg was doing a show. What really sells it is the dawning realization on Gregs face as he puts the pieces together.Greg: Thats amazing! Because the last thing I said as I left that gig was who loses fucking trousers?!
- Greg further notes that on the evening in question, he'd actually thought that Ed had seemed surprisingly quick to leave after the gig. This was apparently because Mark was at that point on the phone to him shouting at him to leg it.
- Before the task to "put the largest item in a balloon and blow it up larger than your head," Sally accidentally greets Alex as "Andy."
- The water cooler task:
- Aisling pretends she's rowing a boat during a storm, but inadvertently knocks over the water cooler, sending water everywhere.Alex: You capsized on a driveway.
- Mark tries to send the water cooler on a journey, hoping to pass it on from person to person until it's travelled a great distance. The cooler goes from South West London, to South London, to South East London... where it stops.Alex: It would've been faster if it had just rolled.
- Sally pretends (presumably) to have sex with the cooler. It's both hilarious and disturbing.
- Aisling pretends she's rowing a boat during a storm, but inadvertently knocks over the water cooler, sending water everywhere.
- Mark had his own task - to send a cheeky anonymous text to Greg every day for five months. Although he put in a lot of effort, he discovers (to his horror) that he only sent 148 instead of the required 150, and therefore scores no points at all. He is distraught.
- The task is to make the tallest can tower while greeting Alex and saying you're from a different country every ten seconds. Aisling apparently went for ages - but we don't see any of it, as nobody realised during the task that she failed to greet Alex the first time. Much like Mark beforehand, she is distraught.
- During the 'balance Alex on a see saw' task:
- Mark demonstrates that he apparently believes Alex to weigh the same as a microwave, a Hoover, and some fruit. He is wrong.
- When Nish is announced as the winner of that task, he goes to shake everyone's hands. When he reaches Greg, though, he is swatted away.Greg: Jesus Christ, we're not your friend!
- Bob Mortimer describes the troubles he has due to an unusually high anus. What follows is a masterclass in understated potty humor from Bob, causing Nish Kumar to fall out of his chair and Sally Phillips struggle to stay upright from laughing too hard.
- The task is to 'record the most incredible footage with a camera strapped to your forehead'.
- Aisling's is a parody of Taken entitled Took, starring a wooden spoon (the titular Spoony Neeson).
- Nish's "most incredible" footage was of him quickly and incorrectly filling out a Sudoku puzzle. Greg is so underwhelmed, he finds it necessary to go into "teacher mode" and pull Nish aside and talk to him as if he were an underperforming student.
- Sally once again has the most disturbing solution - a fake birth video, starring Alex as the baby. It's as weird as it sounds.
- One of the tasks is to get a lit candle through the house and into the caravan, where they must use the flame to light another candle; and if the flame goes out along the way, the candle will not be relit. Along the way, the house is rigged with a bubble blower machine and sprinklers. The moment Nish sees the bubbles, he says "bubbly fuck" which instantly extinguishes the candle.
- After the tiebreak between Bob and Sally is shown, neither of them actually having gotten yoghurt into the target, Greg asks one audience member who he thought should win the episode:Man in Audience: Bob!
Greg: Congratulations, Sally is the winner!
- The first task in "Boing Boing" involves the contestants travelling as far as possible in three minutes while blindfolded. When they take off their blindfold, they must then retrace their steps, and whoever is closest to their starting destination wins.
- Nish's attempt sees him walking around in circles while blindfolded; and when he takes it off, he walks so far away in the opposite direction to his starting point that he loses the challenge by quite some distance.
- Despite dropping pieces of bread to help guide him, Mark wanders off in the wrong direction because a passing dog had eaten the bread!
- Sally comments that she thought she would be able to use the bread as a compass.
- The flick book task:
- Aisling's flick book film, in which she jumps into the arms of a random stranger who then forces her to eat dog feces.
- Bob's is also delightfully bizarre, involving him producing a banana from his various facial orifices.
- The "get the coconut as far away from the house as possible without touching the ground" task.
- Nish gets to the doorstep of the house and chucks it, only for it to bounce back and roll back to him. Instead of picking it back up (the coconut having rolled within arm's reach) and having another go, he gave up!
- Mark decides to work around the requirements of the task by hitching a piggyback ride from the sound man and makes it to the bank of the Thames... only to step immediately on the grass before he flung the coconut into the Thames.Alex: You might not have actually touched the ground, I mean, we could just check the— we could check the footage— [Closeup shot of Marks' feet clearly on the ground] yeah, you did.
- Greg's reaction to the reveal of Sally's graph showing the amount of sex she wants vs. the amount she gets:
- Greg: This is the latest in a series of incidences with Sally where she's made it very clear that she wants more sex in her life. And I think it's a bit like fossil fuels and the ozone layer — you know, the time for graphs has probably stopped, and we all — we should all huddle together and see what we're gonna do about it.(audience erupts in laughter)Aisling (genuinely scandalized): Oh my God!(more laughter)Sally: That's great! That's great, that's wonderful to hear. My work here is done. (getting up as though to exit, pointing at everyone else on stage) I'll see you... all...
- The final task of the series is for the teams to interview a woman named Rosalind and then compose a song about her:
- Bob's questions to Rosalind are somewhat... strange.Bob (to Rosalind, before reading the task): Do we strike you?Bob: Have you stolen much in your life?Bob: What is your favourite meat?Bob: Have you ever wanted to fly?
- It results in a final Moment of Awesome for Nish and Mark whose upbeat and genuinely very good song "I'm Always Seeing You (Do Cool Stuff)" receives enormous applause from the audience and fellow contestants, and even Greg says he has nothing bad to say about the song.
I saw you listening to the Mozart symphonyBut my attention span is... Hey, look at that tree.
- Their song includes the memorable line:
- Aisling, Bob and Sally's song, "Quite Good, Considering", is basically just a minute and a half of insulting the woman to her face, complete with Alex running around the stage fixing things that keep getting blown over by the wind and Bob passionately belting out that "Rosalind's a fucking nightmare."
The great thing about AlanAlan could not be dreamierBut the viola player sadlyWell, he contracted septicaemia
- A particularly good rhyme from "Quite Good, Considering":
- Bob's questions to Rosalind are somewhat... strange.
- The trophy the contestants are playing for is a life-size model of Greg's body, and is intended to be completed by the winner inserting their trophy of Greg's head onto the statue... unless Josh wins, in which case the top of his karate trophy will be inserted into the head instead. Josh won.
- Rob lights up and starts shaking with excitement when he learns what Josh brought in for the prize task. Cue a video clip of Josh making an ill-advised appearance on a politics talk show, babbling almost incoherently about a social topic he's clearly unfamiliar with.Josh: The next week, the guest on This Week In Politics was one of my friends, so he phoned me up and he said have you got any tips?. I said well, you should probably watch it. So he phoned me back up and he said mate, thats the biggest car crash Ive ever seen. And that man was Rob Beckett!
- The live task involves the contestants writing words on a whiteboard. The only problem was that the first set of marker pens they were given were water-resistant permanent marker pens.
- Josh is given his own task, to sing along with the Taskmaster theme tune. The vocals he provides for the task are used for this episode's opening sequence.
- The contestants being asked to find out what is inside a locked briefcase. Some contestants try to work out the code. Others employ different methods:
- Rob manages to guess what is inside the briefcase. (It's frozen peas.)
- Noel just smashes the locks with a hammer and opens the briefcase.
- Note that the combination to the briefcase is not only written in the room, it is WRITTEN ON THE CEILING OF THE BUILDING IN GIANT RED LETTERS...in such a manner that only the camera can see it if the contestant leaves the building.
- Bob's edible mask, which spawned the title.
- The task is to make the biggest mess and completely clear it up. While most of the contestants make a physical mess, Katherine instead decides to try and convince her sister that her husband is cheating on her. It's somehow both hilarious and terrifying, and Greg duly awards her five points.Greg: But Jesus Christ, if for the sake of an entertainment show on Dave, Katherine Ryan's prepared to fuck her own family up, yup, she's gonna get the five points!
- She also tries messing with her father, but he knows her too well and just laughs.Katherine's father: Heh heh heh...Hey, I didn't come over here on the last banana boat, you know.
- She also tries messing with her father, but he knows her too well and just laughs.
- When Alex announces that the first prerecorded task involves darts, there is an immediate, audible groan from several of the contestants.
- The task is to take a wind-up man on a pennyfarthing bicyble on an "incredible" journey:
- Liza takes her wind-up man to the car park and has it travel across. After a couple near misses from a car and a bicycle, the wind-up toy is struck by a slow-moving car but is otherwise intact and functioning. Liza then walks up to the wind-up man and stomps on it, leaving Alex rather distressed. In the studio, Alex explains that he was genuinely upset because that was the only wind-up toy the production crew had at the time.Alex: You didn't need to put him out of his misery.
Liza: I did, it was horrible.
Liza: Look at his head!
Alex: ... I don't want to look at his head.
- Asim summarises everyone else's attempts at this task as them taking Comedic Sociopathy Up to Eleven with the little wind-up man. The wind-up man died alone in a bagnote , was smashed up to bitsnote , was brainwashed into a cultnote , or was lynched in a treenote .
- Liza takes her wind-up man to the car park and has it travel across. After a couple near misses from a car and a bicycle, the wind-up toy is struck by a slow-moving car but is otherwise intact and functioning. Liza then walks up to the wind-up man and stomps on it, leaving Alex rather distressed. In the studio, Alex explains that he was genuinely upset because that was the only wind-up toy the production crew had at the time.
- The first task involves doing the manliest thing with the provided cardboard box. Tim decides to stand topless in the box and pull manly poses on the side of a busy road.
- The team task is a two-parter that sees the contestants competing to have the most fun and then replicating their first attempt as best they can. During Russell and Alices attempt, Russell says that theres probably a little, old lady, sitting at home rubbing herself silly while watching Russell kick a football, and Alice taking a bath. When Greg questions Russell on why he would think that, Russell can only offer the defence of we dont know that there isnt.
- Alice: (Gesturing at the audience) And shes here tonight!
- The team task is to figure out the connection on a String Theory board and then do it 100 times. Liza figures out the clue in less than a minute ("HOP"), but Tim and Asim insist that there is a deeper meaning and spend another 5 minutes looking for the deeper meaning. Liza then starts to hop on her own and completes the task, and even after Alex blows the whistle to signal the time, it takes a few seconds for Tim and Asim to take in that they have completed the task.Greg: Have we ever had a clearer metaphor for the plight of women through the ages? [...]
Liza: They came into the other room, furious — no "well done" — and Tim's gone "Greg's gonna bloody demolish me for that."
- For the "elaborate snooker trick shot" task, Russell enlists Alex to sledge and heckle him as he accomplishes various feats during his shoot. The heckles... could have been better:Alex: (as Russell prepares to kick a football into the caravan) You're not very good at football.
(As Russell shoots a basketball into the bathtub) I don't understand your dress sense.
(After Russell tosses a hula hoop around a pot) I'm not very sure about your hair.
(As Russell does his snooker shot) Your glasses look a bit silly.
- It's easy to miss, but during the credits, Greg orders Alex to get down on all fours and he starts jumping up and down on "Alex"note ... only to tumble back down onto his throne.
- Asim has to write a list of obscure animals. The animals he writes include things like "anorexic elephant" and "laser-beam turtle". Then he finds out what the team task is...
- One task asked the competitors to put as many kitchen items in their headband, with the most items kept in the headband counting towards their performance. During the second part of the task where they were to make a pancake at least 9 inches in diameter and eat as much of it in the remaining time, Alice inexplicably shakes her headband, flinging her kitchen items around. Alex has to remind her whether she understood the task.
- For the final task, the group has to roll an egg to hit a target. Russell casually plays with his egg by tossing it in the air...only to immediately drop it.
- The last challenge sees the contestants doing something to show their love for Greg:
- Asim's take is to perform a rap song for Greg.
- Tim decides to dress up as Greg's mum and say how much he loves having Greg as a son. Greg uses the comments to declare to his sister that he's the favorite child.
- Liza's idea is equal parts Squicky and hilarious. She asks Alex to complete the task on Greg's behalf, and gets him to sit with his bare bottom on a large cake. In the aftermath, she runs away giggling loudly.
- Whenever Alex greets James, James doesn't say anything and instead gives him a Death Glare.
- Rhod's prize task submission always being the same picture of Greg in his underwear.
- Phil Wang's outfit and the anguished groans it elicits from the studio audience.
- Also from Phil Wang, his ineffective haggling for most of his prize task submissions.
- Jess and her airhorn impression.
- James: "I know it's early days, but are we the stupidest ones so far?"
- Alex notes that Rhod was the only one to use a calculator when measuring the caravan with baked beans.James: It is such a bad omen that Rhod is the smart one.
- Rhod's quick-change outfit, which involves removing Alex's underwear. It sets the series trend for Rhod's tasks often humiliating Alex.
- At one point during the live task, James just sags down and, instead of using the grabbers to grab a hold of the fruit on the table, just uses them to shove all of it onto his head, with limited success.
- In the same task, Jessica realizes that James has crawled up to her table and is stealing her supplies. She pauses in the task to yell, "Get off my fruit, Acaster!"
- Alex Horne, Executive Ball-Clicker.
- The team task involves one team member painting some objects while blindfolded, and their teammate(s) have to direct them while only saying certain approved words. James' Aside Glances to the camera really sells the task, especially since he is blindfolded.
- James's Epic Fail in the 'make the biggest circle' task. Instead of making one big circle, he decides to spin a hula hoop around his arm while cycling in a circle. The hoop gets stuck on his torso, he crashes the bike, then lands on a circle on the ground and tries to claim it as part of his attempt. When Greg calls him out on it:Greg: Have you got anything different to add?James: ...my eyes are circles?
- Later, James tries to interject himself into an argument of Rhod's circle, prompting Greg to smack him down.Greg: I mean how... how... how dare you even speak? I mean, fair play, the balls of the man!
- Later, James tries to interject himself into an argument of Rhod's circle, prompting Greg to smack him down.
- James tries to excite Alex by surprising him.James: I don't really know how to surprise you... WAHA, BANANA! (he throws a banana at Alex)
- This fails to get Alex's heart rate up at all.
- All of the 'best noises', but particularly Jess's.
- The task is to get a cricket ball into a hole in as few strokes as possible. Instead of striking the cricket ball like everyone else, Rhod digs up the hole and moves it closer to the starting position.
- Tasked with writing down "an interesting ten-word fact" and then mouthing it to the Taskmaster, Rhod writes "Greg broke a toilet seat by sitting on said toilet". Greg guesses "Greg brawls in dog jail, think bail, failing all dog death."
Rhod: But you don't remember.Greg: I do remember. It was my own toilet.Rhod: It wasn't, actually. It was at the Edinburgh Festival. [...]Greg: In that case, you should have written in "Greg has broken two toilets."
- Then there's the subsequent revelation:
- It is a small moment, but when Phil is mouthing his interesting fact (which included an exaggerated tongue movement to signify the word "twelve," Jess and Kerry have diametrically different reactions, the former with disgust and the latter with intrigue.
- James suddenly calls Greg a pussy in the studio and Greg decides to go into "teacher mode", pulling James aside for a gentle, but firm, talking to. This delights the audience because everything is picked up by the men's microphones and because James is legitimately contrite and terrified. Towards the end, when Greg is clearly at wit's end attempting to open Phil's box, he suddently stands up and throws it on the floor.Jessica: It's frustrating, isn't it, Greg, when you're asked to complete tasks under pressure and there's a lot of people watching.
[Greg looks straight into the camera and waggles his eyebrows]
- James straight up catching Alex moving Ollienote during a task.
- James tries to press the emergency button to halt the lift to give himself more time during the 'completely change your appearance' task. The button makes a quiet alarm go off, but the lift continues, much to James's frustration.
- It is quite some time before Jess realises she can leave the room during the scales task.
- Jess's 'worst gift from a named relative' is a feather boa, which she wore with long opera gloves to the secondary school disco.Jess: What happens when you wear a feather boa and opera gloves to the secondary school disco?Greg: What?Jess: You do not get fingered.
- Later, she goes on to elaborate that she saw her friend, Nell, getting fingered by the guy she wanted to get off with. Greg moves to James Acaster, who begins his introduction with 'My wife Nell...'
- James's delivery of the task to Alex, which is insane, and involves Richard Osman.
- Also, Rhod's delivery. He spears the task with a javelin, and then throws it at full force into the caravan.
- Jess spends forever building a long stick to paint white circles on the target, giving her very little time to actually make any circles.
- Phil Wang, cheering up a former traffic warden:Traffic Warden: I'm a philistine.Phil: You're a philistine? ...I'm a Philip Wang.(both laugh)
- The live task is a team task, and involves placing heavy objects on the hanger, with the team who causes it to break losing. Phil goes first, and immediately breaks it.
Rhod (Reading what's on the card): I Gregory Davis, being of sound mind, hereby predict that during the coat hanger task Rhod Gilbert will make a joke about how fat I am.
- Before the task, Rhod makes a remark on Greg's weight. Immediately afterward, Alex hands Rhod a letter that Greg had made earlier.
- The soap opera cliffhangers:
- Jess and Kerry's soap opera is called 'Cul de Sac', and both of their characters are called Donna. The cliffhanger:Jess: You can't be with him, Donna.Kerry: Why?Jess: 'Cause you're his mum!
- James, Phil, and Rhod's cliffhanger, meanwhile, takes place entirely in the bath.Phil: My water's broken!James: My heart is broken.Rhod: Rub a dub dub!
- Jess and Kerry's soap opera is called 'Cul de Sac', and both of their characters are called Donna. The cliffhanger:
- The task requires contestants to choose a box, take it to the lab, and place 10 pairs of glasses inside it, without breaking any. Only when they reach the lab do they realise... it's 10 pairs of drinking glasses.
- The contestants trying not to blink.
- James does an intensely creepy stare at the camera, and lasts about eleven seconds.
- Rhod, even more creepily, holds his eyes open with his fingers, and later tries to tape them up - he lasts over seven minutes. Kerry remarks that he "clockwork-oranged" himself.
- Alex casually mentions that his child outsmarted all five competitors, by pointing out that the easiest way to win the task is just keep your eyes closed when the whistle blows, as then you don't need to blink. All five of the line-up then groan and/or facepalm.
- The shambles that is James, Phil, and Rhod's extension. James and Phil start building an extension while Rhod just stands there with his eyes closed. Then, Rhod suddenly opens his eyes and declares he has an idea. Separately from the other two, he wanders off to the garage, closes the garage door (behind which there was plenty of good extension-building equipment), and sticks a carboard sign to the door saying 'Extension'. James is furious, even more so when Phil defects and starts helping Rhod instead.
- The live task involves walking along a catwalk while doing a magnificent walk, so that they hit the drum at exactly 9.58 seconds. Jess jokes before the task that she might fall off the stage. Then, during her walk, she actually does. (She loses the task, but gets two bonus points for the most magnificent walk.)
- The prize task is to bring in the 'creepiest thing'. As usual, from Rhod, Greg expects the same photograph of himself in his underwear. Rhod's actual submission? A phone-shot video... of Greg sleeping. Shot from inside Greg's wardrobe. Where Rhod had been hiding all night.
- Most of the 30 second compositions, but in particular James's, titled 'Over my Shoulder'.
- In response to the lyric 'Is that a boulder?'Alex: At one point, you wondered whether or not something was a boulder.James: Yeah, cause you know, is it a boulder? Or is it just a... big rock.
- In response to the lyric 'Is that a boulder?'
- The Split task has Rhod make Gregs mother wear a fez while bathing, to which Gregs' reaction goes from "it's a cheap shot at my weight" to "cannot believe his eyes" in less than a second, with him visibly looking confused and in disbelief. He has to double take to just get over what Rhod had done.
- The other half of the split task sees James and Phil attempt to improve upon their hula skills. James practises for weeks, then completely fails when it comes to the actual task.
- Phil thinks he's found the satsuma among the socks, but discovers it's a different citrus fruit.Phil: Oh, it's a LIME!
- The contestants are told that whenever they hear a siren sound, they have to drop everything and rush to put on a boiler suit and lie on the ground. The final task is to tie themselves up as securely as possible... during which the siren sounds.
- Once again, Rhod proves that his brain works differently from everybody else's. Since the task specified that the winner would be the person who was freed slowest by Alex, he decides to tie Alex up first. Back in the studio, Alex admits that he never managed to untie Rhod; Rhod untied him.
- The video game task. All of it.
- Jess recreates Mario Kart using golf carts; Alex mentions that it was the most fun he'd ever been allowed to have during a task.
- Rhod amasses about a hundred people to pretend to be aliens so he can recreate Space Invaders. Plus, he amuses himself by trying to hit the male volunteers in the groin.
- Kerry recreates Tetris using plastic shapes that Alex pushes towards her, but quickly becomes frustrated as Alex speeds up.
- Phil recreates GoldenEye, successfully recreating the bad camera controls by tying one each of his and Alex's arms behind their backs.
- The best recreation, however, has to go to James, who does a ridiculously accurate recreation of Grand Theft Auto, including the infamous 'wasted' screen and the music that plays while driving a car:James (singing): Music, music playing in the car. Loads of music, playing in the car.
- The final task of the series, 'Sausage or Finger?'
- Iain mispronouncing different words like crisps (CLRISPS), chutney (CHOOT-ney), and most egregiously, sandwich (SANG-wich).
- Paul being the perfect example of book-smarts not always going hand-in-hand with common sense.
- The first prize task of the series is for most powerful smell. It starts with Iain farting in a jar and culminates with Lou calling Sians mother and sisters sluts.
- Paul takes nearly thirty minutes to find a baby monitor. Made even funnier is that the next closest competitor only took nine minutes.
- To find the baby monitor, the contestants are given the receiver taped to a long stick which is attached to a helmet. A camera is also attached to the end of the stick, leading to confusion from Lou.Lou: And whats the camera for? (Immediate realization) Oh!Alex: Well, were going to show this on the tv.
- The task is to create and then seduce a ventriloquist puppet. Joes idea of seduction? Killing his balloon puppet by stabbing it with scissors.Joe: Is that what you wanted? (Beat) What?
- All of the seductions include a gem of a line but special mention has to go to Lous I play the guitar but I wait to be asked.
- The task to create the best looking moustache from a distance. Lous immediate answer is pubes. She quickly dismisses it though.Lou: Sometimes my mind is not my friend. Please dont put that in the show.
- Sian continues the Taskmaster tradition of attempting to siphon but not understanding how it works. She probably has the worst try so far though since she thinks that rice can be siphoned.
- Joes expression during the first team task. Greg says that Joe looks like hes watching someone transform into a lizard.
- Lous guesses during the team task which run the gamut from hope to a menstrual mooncup.
- Iain getting winded from just walking across a field.
- Paul having to make a continuous noise, while running as far as he can, while wearing a bathrobe.Greg: How lovely to see a deleted scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.
- The live task is to say a bird, pop a grape in your mouth, and then say the name of a fellow contestant, who then has to do the same. Repeating birds is not allowed.
- Iain makes up the word Baliflu only to be knocked out on his next turn by saying chicken after Lou had already said hen.Alex: So, a lot has gone on there. We had a hen and chicken, then we had Baliflu.Iain: Ill be honest with you: when I made that word up, I didnt think the game was gonna continue.Alex: Are we allowed chicken?Iain: Its a different word!Greg: No, sorry, youre out!Iain: (Incredulous) Oh, but baliflu was fine?!
- Iain makes up the word Baliflu only to be knocked out on his next turn by saying chicken after Lou had already said hen.
- The "best apology for the worst crime" task:
Joe, singing: Oh have you heard the good news? Alex Horne is finally dead. Now that Alex is dead, I feel like I can finally breathe. Alex's murder is evidence for the existence of God.Alex: Alex's murder?Joe, singing: If he was killed by a person, that person should be let off. And knighted. Fuck off, Alex.
- Sian sent a photoshopped nude of Alex to Greg with a text ("Come to mumma").
- Lou walks into the living room, smacks a water balloon on Alex's head, then gets down on her knees to apologize for... throwing flour on his car. While relatively innocuous, she then "apologises" by signing him up (using his actual phone number) with a variety of telesales (including an estate agent and the Church of Scientology).
- All of the contestants are shown doing a bit of brainstorming except for Paul. Paul merely gets up, shuffles out of the caravan and into the house, all without saying a word.
- Joe's very cheery ukelele song about Alex. His halfhearted apology includes admitting that he stands by his words, calling Alex a good bloke, and giving him a thumbs up.
- The prize task is the best present for a doctor.
- Joe brings in a BMX for his prize task and when asked what the initials stand for, he claims that it stands for Bicycle, My eXcellent Bicycle.
- Paul offers to help Greg with the scoring since he is a doctor. Paul immediately shoots down Iains prize and says that Joes BMX was his favourite. Iain cant believe that Paul threw him under the bus only to give first place to someone other than himself and starts ranting about it. Greg decides to add fuel to the fire by placing both Iain and Paul in last place.
- The team task is to put the most weight in a hammock without anything falling out. Lou gets her team disqualified by dropping a book. She absolutely insists that she caught the book despite the clip clearly showing otherwise. Greg says that he doesnt need to make a decision as to whether Lou is lying; all they need to do is replay the clip and watch Lous eyes. They do so and show Lou looking like a complete deer in the headlights.
- The engage a toddler task.
- Watching the very stoic Alex interact with a toddler.
- Lou writes a song to go with her attempt.Lou: What rhymes with duckie?(Beat)Lou: (Laughing) Nope, not that!
- Lou is the last person to throw during the live task and has one try at landing her frying pan in her hula-hoop. She makes it.
- Greg correctly guessing that the item in Alexs pocket is another pocket.
- The prize task is for best face.
- Lou brings in a photo of her and Gregs hypothetical child. She states that she is willing to try for the real thing if she wins five points.
- Paul brings in a picture of his own face from when he was a lot heavier. This leads to the reveal that Gregs mom asked Pauls agent about Paul giving Greg some weight loss tips.Paul: (Upon seeing Joes blob-fish picture) Thats how your mom sees you Greg.
- The task to get the most sand from bucket A to bucket B with three stipulations:
- Iain: You may not touch the sand, well Ive done that. You may not move the buckets, done that. You may not leave the room, fuck it! Lets do that as well! What a waste of everyones time, you IDIOT!
- The team task to make an album cover.
- Lous first suggestion is for her, Paul, and Iain to be naked. The men quickly shoot it down.
- The entire studio segment discussing Sian and Joes album. Beginning with the fact that Sian and Joes band consists of an alive Joe and a dead Sian. Not even Greg and Alex can keep it together.Joe: (Singing) Mm, Get together! Mm, Mm, get together!Sian: (Singing) But its too big!
- The contestants need to memorize the order that a deck of cards are in.
- Sian doesnt realize that they are not typical playing cards until a fifteen of diamonds tips her off. This was after she already came across a playing card that said happy birthday.
- Paul saying happy birthday in the most serious tone possible.
- Pauls method for remembering one section of the cards (Jack, King, Nine, and Queen). He made up a story about flirting with a German man.Paul: Jacking? (German accent) Nein, Queen!
- Lou doesnt read the task properly at the start and screws herself over by scrambling around the cards.
- The task to find the pink ladies (apples) hidden under bowls placed on park benches without finding the green egg. If the contestants touch or move a bowl they must turn it over. There are five pink ladies, three oranges, and one green egg.
- Iain gets all of the pink ladies but cant resist when Alex asks Iain if he wants to showboat by now finding the remaining two oranges. He ends up turning over the green egg and gets disqualified.
- Joe manages to find all five apples without any help from the clues, but is hesitant to look up through the table slats like a pervert.
- Sian goes all in with no strategy at all, finds all five pink ladies, and then moves the bowl with the green egg. Greg berates her for thinking that the name of the game is "Random Apple Guess." She then tells a story about how a clairvoyant whom she met said that she had a gift, to which Lou elicits an audible gasp of amazement.
- One of the challenges is to open several bags of crisps while wearing a costume with gloves or props that hamper the hands, and to guess the (quite unusual) flavours. One of the crisps is flavoured "vegan chocolate". Without knowing what it's flavoured with, every single contestant reacts to it like it's poison.
- Every contestants strategy for picking a costume is to handicap their person as much as possible. Except for Iain who picks Joes boxer costume on the basis of wanting to see Joes chest.
- The task to do the most powerful thing with your pinky finger.
- Lous attempt from the brainstorming to actual execution is bizarre all around as she ends up using her pinky to push a bowling ball into a bowl of water and plastic babies.Lou: Whats powerful? Creating life is powerful. I could take some sperm - (starts laughing).Alex: Want to finish that sentence?
- When Greg judges Sian's guinea pig trick not to be powerful and awards her two points, she objects with a Big "WHAT?!" so high-pitched that it appears to have perforated Alex's ear drums.
- Lous attempt from the brainstorming to actual execution is bizarre all around as she ends up using her pinky to push a bowling ball into a bowl of water and plastic babies.
- The task to create the "most delicious dust," which was judged during the recordings by Alex:
- Both Sian and Paul injured themselves while grating sweets and cheese respectively, so there was a likelihood that their blood was mixed into their dust. It sparks this realisation:Sian: (addressing Alex in the studio) You've got mine and Paul's DNA inside you!
- Lou uses Fizz Wiz popping candy and the objectification of women... as represented by the ashes from burnt porno magazines. In the studio, Alex describes this as the worst thing he has eaten across 8 series to date.
- Both Sian and Paul injured themselves while grating sweets and cheese respectively, so there was a likelihood that their blood was mixed into their dust. It sparks this realisation:
- The team task involves the contestants making themselves look like one person. Joe and Sian essentially make a massive cloak held up by a long pole, with Joe walking in front and Sian crouched behind him. Lou, Paul, and Iain put binbags over themselves and lay down on the floor to form their person, with Lou as the head, Paul as the arms, and Iain as the legs. Then comes the second part of the task: while staying as a single person, the teams have to eat a banana, put on some wellies, and throw the banana skin into a bin by the caravan.Alex: At one point, Lou said to Paul "get up my ass and wriggle."
- In the first task, the contestants are tasked with erasing an eraser. One of the first two shown, Joe spends over 19 minutes actually erasing the eraser. After the next 2, Paul and Ian, are shown to merely flush their eraser down the toilet, Joe, who's usually fairly calm and reserved, launches into a truly epic rant at how he spent ages following the tasks properly and doing a lot of physical labor, only for the others to find ways to cut corners, stretching the rules. Greg affords him 3 bonus points.
- The final task involves the contestants driving a mobility scooter around an obstacle course while blindfolded. They're each given ten minutes before the blindfolds go on to prepare for the task.
- Paul manages to run over a camera before the blindfold goes on. After he's blindfolded, he decides to dismount the scooter at one point and then struggles to find it again. In the end, he parks the scooter by ramming into a bush and almost knocking into a cameraman.
- Lou also decides to dismount the scooter at various points, and she gets even more lost on foot. Lou takes half an hour while everyone else is under ten minutes. When Alex is showing the paths that each contestant took, theyre all fairly quick and simple... until Lous: she just keeps going and going and going.
- Sian's attempt is going well until she has to knock some bells off a traffic cone. She can't find the bells, so she gets off the scooter and starts to hit empty air in front of her. The bells are behind her.
- Downplayed, but Rose almost always loses confidence in the middle of selling her prize task submissions to Greg.Rose: [unenthusiastically, while defending the pink cowboy hat taken from the Taskmaster House] ... which I think is quite cool and makes it the best thing taken from someone else's house. Yeehaw. [Facepalm]
- This climaxes in her final prize submission, as part of the celebrations for the Series 9 finale.Greg: Rose. Long and thin. Grand finale. Oooh.
Rose: [Looking down and mumbling guiltily] I brought in a lasso made of strawberry laces.
Greg: You what?
Rose: I, uh, brought in a lasso made of strawberry laces.
[A photo of said lasso is shown]
Greg: [Uncontained disgust] Jesus Christ. Just once again, this is the grand finale.
Rose: It's charming. It's whimsical. It's—
Greg: It's the grand finale.
- This climaxes in her final prize submission, as part of the celebrations for the Series 9 finale.
- Whenever Ed is up first in the studio tasks where they have to go in turns, he almost immediately screws it up, as he mentions before the bar slide one.
- When asked about her task outfit of a safety vest and a hard hat, Katy states that she wanted to be fun, safe, and visible.
- The Hide Three Aubergines from Alex task:
- Alex gives Ed a pat down and when he gets near Eds groin, Ed replies thats not an aubergine.
- Katy puts two of the aubergines in her hard hat and says that shell be gutted if Alex asks about her hard hat first thing. Alex almost immediately asks to see inside her hat.
- David taped one of his aubergines to the portrait of Greg. Alex spots it quite quickly and points to it. The aubergine falls at the exact second Alex points at it.
- The second task is to arrange ice lollies in rainbow order while wearing blackout goggles. They are allowed to take off the goggles by accusing one of the statues (arranged in a circle around the contestants) of being a dodo:
- Before the task starts, David casually mentions that his mother used to refer to his penis as a dodo. The ensuing conversation it sparks in the studio is a highlight.Jo: My dad called my penis a dodo as well.
Rose: I thought all penises are called dodos 'cause they're rarely seen.
Jo: In general or just in your life?
Rose: Yeah, it was a while before I saw one... [flustered] ROLL THE CLIP!
Greg: And what did you call it when you first saw one.
Rose: A blessing.
- David calls out for Alex and then chucks an ice lolly in his direction, splattering a camera in the process.
- Despite being the only one to identify the dodo and work without the handicap, Ed somehow still manages to get some of the order wrong and only get three correct, the same as Rose.
- Before the task starts, David casually mentions that his mother used to refer to his penis as a dodo. The ensuing conversation it sparks in the studio is a highlight.
- The stage task to draw the second longest snake. David gives a good indication of what his entire run on the show will be like by confusedly asking if they need to draw the second longest snake in the world.
- In the task to "find Alex among the 5 wheelie bins":
- There is a task hidden underneath Bin #2. Rose moves Bin #2 away but completely misses the hidden task. David is the only other person to reveal the hidden task ("Alex is odd") and immediately deduces that Alex must be in an even-numbered bin— no wait, an odd-numbered bin. According to Ed, when the footage of Rose's attempt was shown in the audience, David whispered to him "I didn't know there was a task hidden under the bin."
- David finds Alex clearly visibly with the leafblower sticking out of his wheelie bin, but decides to use his last remaining commandment to strike that bin with the frying pan.
- The Choose Your Own Adventure-style team task:
- David and Jo take their sweet time doing the tasks, at one point sitting down to really enjoy the sandwich that they made and having a cup of tea. David also notes how annoyed he is that the ambient music in their VT is "silly old people music," to which Greg replies that an action score wouldn't have been appropriate.
- One of the tasks is to whisper three words that begin with "d" and end with "g". This is wildly misinterpreted by Jo who chooses to sinisterly whisper "Guantanamo Bay" of all things.
- The team of Ed, Katy and Rose, who display a sense of urgency, end up having to restart twice at the bench due to failing a part of a task or grabbing the "wrong turn" task and end up completing the entire task in 24 passes (the Oldies completed the entire task in 9 passes), walking well over 600 metres and finishing in 29 minutes (in comparison, the Oldies took 36 minutes).
- The "create the most robust representation of a delicate thing" and the second parter:
- During the creation of her leaf, Rose accidentally nailed hers to the table.
- Ed's VT was singled out and was not shown until after it is revealed that the second part of the task is to score a goal with a roller with your sculpture as a goalie. It is then revealed his "delicate thing" is a clay statue of a baby... and yes, he does steam roll over it.
- In a task that requires the players to break something into the most pieces and then repair it, Ed pulls the grapes off a small set of plastic grapes and then attempts to reattach them with superglue...but, as Alex eventually hints, he doesn't prick the bottle open for quite a while. This leads to a quote which Greg references in his sign-off:Ed: I've been injecting grapes with NOTHING!
- Greg's opening remarks include this gem:Greg: In just a few moments you will witness the trials and tribulations of five comedians, as they tackle tasks for me, Greg Davies. Or, as I'm also known in certain circles: (whipping around to look at the camera behind his shoulder) 22 Stone of Prime Marbled Beef! (turns back to main camera) But— (Corpsing)
- The first part of a task simply tells the contestants to say a letter of the alphabet.
- Ed says "A letter of the alphabet", prompting Alex to pull out another task that reads "Ha ha ha. You must now pick a letter of the alphabet and say that letter out loud".
- David says "Q", causing the audience to audibly groan as David immediately realises that was a mistake. Then he reads the second part of the task, instructing him to find as many items beginning with that letter as he can in five minutes and place them on a tray. Cue him piling random items onto the tray, while claiming he has a speech impediment causing him to pronounce everything as beginning with Q. Back in the studio, Alex reveals they had stocked the fridge with food beginning with Q. Greg does end up judging that "Qoffee" was a valid item.
- In the studio, Katy encourages Alex to speak up when he's being bullied. He mouths "I'm being bullied" to her, to which he receives a cruel "I don't care, why are you telling me?"
- The studio task is full of hilarious moments:
- David is confused by the task, which is to throw something far but not too far (beyond a line but not off the stage). Ed tries and fails to explain it.David: They applauded but I still didn't understand.
- David also accidentally threw away the grain of rice that was one of the objects, believing it to be dirt.
- Ed chooses the egg and lobs it, only to discover it's a rubber egg as it bounces off the stage. David (who also chose the egg) reacts gleefully.David: You thought you understood!
David: But you didn't!
Ed: David, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE HOLDING!
David: No! I've worked it out from your mistake.
- When David's turn comes up, he tries to roll it against the pool noodle that Rose threw, only to watch it bounce off, roll behind the line, start to roll back over it, but not quite make it. He even starts jumping on the stage to get it to go beyond the line, to Alex's alarm.
- David is confused by the task, which is to throw something far but not too far (beyond a line but not off the stage). Ed tries and fails to explain it.
- The prize round for best defunct thing. "KEEP IT LIGHT!"
- Rose's prize is a sharps bin with her flatmate's used syringes. Her flatmate is arthritic.
- Greg reminisces on how his grandfather was able to crack walnuts bare and one-handed, but otherwise was a very unpleasant man.
- It culminates with David showing a picture of him and his pet cat Monkey, followed by a photo of Monkey's ashes.
- The first task is to lasso Alex. David, for some reason, decides that it would be easier to throw the lasso by attaching wooden spoons to it. It was later revealed on the Podcast that the lasso task was supposed to be a tie-breaker, but that David's attempt was so funny they decided to air it as a regular task.
- Greg offers up a bonus point to the competitor who can best replicate the stranger's party trick (making his tongue look very big). The results are quite fantastic.
- The task is to push a watermelon up a slide and into the caravan using only breadsticks. David, Ed, and Rose's watermelons all fell onto the ground. David, in particular, struggled with returning the watermelon onto the slide and uses up all his breadsticks, and with no time left on the clock, he proceeds to use a croquet mallet to smash the watermelon to pieces. Back in the studio, Rose, who was previously shown to have used her hands to return the watermelon onto the slide, stands up on her chair and salutes David:Rose: Oh Captain, my Captain!
- The final recorded task is to find as many gold rings in the lab and put them on a drumstick with your hands clasped together. Jo and Katy notice that one of the gold rings was on Alex's finger and they both use their mouths to take the ring.
- Jo absolutely smashing the live task for the episode ("Horse or Laminator?"). At one point, all the other contestants gather around Greg and place their hands on his head to prevent Jo from reading his mind correctly. It doesn't work, and she guessed correctly again.
- Greg's closing remarks for the episode:Greg: So what have we learnt today? We've learnt to beware of Little Alex Horne when he comes looking for a cuddle. He doesn't want a cuddle at all! The filthy little ferret is just trying to get you to suck his finger!
- During the prize task round ("best thing from your shed"), the cast has a field day making fun of Rose's pronunciation of the word "shed." Rose gives as good as she gets by condescendingly saying shed in an English accent while also making a mocking face that includes crossed-eyes. After the initial laughter dies down, Alex is still laughing:Rose: Alex, don't you start!Alex: It's funny when she says it.
- After the pedal bin task, in which Ed shouted at Alex several times and tried to get him to hurry up, David notes that Ed's desperation to win is coming out. Ed counters saying it's dedication. Katy also compliments Ed's attempt as being rather sexy and quite butch. Then Rose tries to argue against Ed's attempt:Rose: What is a bin lid?
Ed: I know about bins. In England, in our sheds, we have posters of all different types of bins...
Rose: (laughing) You've got fire in your eyes.
Ed: DEDICATION, DAVID!
Katy: It's too butch now.
- After the team task is shown (in which they have to supply the sounds for a silent short film), David and Rose provide contrasting screaming noises for Alex.
Don't Like Them Go Bang
- All of the deliveries of the secret set of instructions to Alex, delivered in the most spy-like manner:
- David appropriates the van and creates a character of a courier called "David Bloke" who is the opposite of him in every way imaginable. At one point, he realises that he became so immersed in creating the character that he forgot to create a set of secret instructions.
- Ed asks a crew member to dress conspicuously as a decoy to deliver a decoy message. Ed then runs across the open garden and throws the instructions at Alex, then runs away while the decoy also delivers a blank.
- Rose hides under a large false rock, and slowly walks towards Alex.
- When it is revealed that Jo is disqualified for not popping all of her balloons in the 10 minutes, the audience groans with sympathy, to whom Jo shouts "Fuck off!"
- The live task ("standing in a queue, draw the most accurate pictures without any communication other than passing the drawing on the back of the person in front of you").
- The five contestants are split into two teams consisting of David and Ed on one team and Jo, Katy, and Rose on the other.Ed: (in a This Is Gonna Suck tone) So, can I just check, have I been put on a team with David Baddiel?
David: (smirks at the camera)
Greg: The thinking is, there's a team of three there who'll have to pass one drawing across two backs, but to make it fair, you're with David Baddiel.
- During the first drawing, David initially hampers their progress by holding Ed's finger. When Ed sees what David's drawn, his first reaction is "WHAT THE LIVING FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!" An understandable reaction, given that they were supposed to draw a horse, and ended up with a drawing of a person's face.David: It didn't occur to me that it wouldn't be a person.
Ed: (desperate) Did you hear that?! He just said "it didn't occur to me that it wouldn't be a person".
- The second drawing doesn't fare much better.Ed: (Sarcastically) Sorry, we cheated a bit: the communication really helped.
- The five contestants are split into two teams consisting of David and Ed on one team and Jo, Katy, and Rose on the other.
Think About the Spirit
- When tasked to do the most preposterous thing with a chickpea, Ed Gamble films a love story between himself and the chickpea, which culminates in Ed having an orgy with many different chickpeas in the form of hummus.
- The team task is to create the best cup of tea in 10 minutes, the catch being that the tea set and implements are completely locked to the table:
- Jo, knowing fully well that the clock is ticking, decides to use the toilet in the middle of the task and returns with a toilet roll.
- Ed swills the milk in his mouth and spits it back into the cup. Alex's reaction to the young'uns' tea says it all.David: Alex, did it taste a bit hummus-y?
- One of the mini-tasks in the group of 7 tasks is to place one's hand on one's hips until all 7 tasks are completed. David does not know where his hips are and calls his brother Ivor (who contributed to one of David's prizes and who has had a recent hip replacement) to help identify where his hips are located.Ivor: [on speakerphone] It kind of runs down by your testicles.
David: By your testicles?! What? [David places his hands over his groin] Here?
- When it comes out that Ed was the only one to properly complete the final filmed task, Greg says that in times like these he needs to think about the spirit of the task. This sends Ed into an epic rant during which he effortlessly kills a fly that has been buzzing around. During said rant Ed says that Greg knows full well that the show is not about the spirit and points to Gregs current face as evidence. Cut to Greg smirking at the camera and wiggling his eyebrows in smug glee at having gotten Ed to this point of annoyance.
- All of Daisy's prize task entries being incredibly underwhelming and mundane, to the point that Greg just replies with a curt "yep" in later episodes.
- The chemistry in the filmed tasks between Alex and Katherine, especially Katherine continually saying 'we' as if both of them are completing the task together.
- The task to get the pints from the phone box to the caravan without spilling a drop, or walking on the grass, while clutching a teddy bear at all times.
- Katherine's 'tippy-toe running'.
- After reading the task Johnny gleefully pokes his head out of the phone box and exclaims that Teddy and me are going on a bender!.
- Daisy fails almost as soon as she starts. She leaves the phone box to look for items in the shed. In the process she leaves the phone box door to slowly close on a tray holding one of the pints. It topples just before she can make it back.Daisy: Ooh, a bathmat!
- When trying to transport the teddy bear without stepping on the grass, Mawaan becomes fixated on the balls scattered on the grass saying that they must be the answer. Even in the studio Mawaan maintains that the balls must have been there for a reason. Alex tells him that of course they were there for a reason: Mawaan threw the balls during the first part of the task.
- Mawaans initial thought is to try and move the phone box.
- Daisy making a cow 'vanish' by shoving it into a hedge.
- The entire task to transport eggs from a balcony to a frying pan without throwing them is a symphony of failure. However Mawaan stands out by trying to inflate an egg with helium, which predictably exploded. Greg is incredulous that a grown man would think that would work, and predicted this early lunacy would define Series 10.
- This NSFW outtake from the transport-an-egg task, which completely derails proceedings as Greg starts riffing on the unfortunate imagery of Katherine's attempt.
- The first task is also the first team task of the series. Daisy is in the lab when Richard quietly enters the room, and Daisy instantly jumps back and yells "oh god" when she sees him. This gets lampshaded in the studio:Greg: Richard Herring, walking into a room, causes a woman to shout, "oh god!"
- Johnny isn't really needed for the team task, so he gets his own task that puts him on top of an umpire's chair and has him make different, and gradually louder, noises for ten seconds every minute for 20 minutes. He makes several different noises, but the standout is him starting out by quoting Richard Nixon:Johnny: I am not a crook! I am not a crook! I am not a crook!Katherine: Is that part of the task?Mawaan: No, I think thats just Johnny?
- Johnny isn't really needed for the team task, so he gets his own task that puts him on top of an umpire's chair and has him make different, and gradually louder, noises for ten seconds every minute for 20 minutes. He makes several different noises, but the standout is him starting out by quoting Richard Nixon:
- The final task involves the contestants getting five yoga balls into five hula hoops at the other end, while they are steering a dinghy on wheels.
- One of the rules of the task is that the contestants aren't allowed to move the hoops. Mawaan completely forgets this, and ends up picking the hoops off the floor to throw over the balls. The ending of the clip shows him walking out of the room, with the sound of his voice reading out the rules edited on top.
- From the same task, Johnny trying to propel himself by standing up, thrusting his hips, and flapping the oars like wings.
- The first recorded task is to create the best "upside-down" film short.
- Daisy creates an upside-down background and suspended chickens upside-down to animate a stop motion film. However, the camera is also upside-down, so the final product is right side up. She also provides a "haunting" soundtrack with her own vocals. Made even funnier by the reactions of her fellow competitors: Richard is reduced to laughing into his hands, Johnny has gone red in the face trying (and failing) to stifle his laughter, and Katherine is wiping away tears.
- After Mawaan's video, in which he plays a bat, Katherine asks him how he managed to stay upside-down for so long; cue disbelief from the other contestants as they realise Katherine thought Mawaan genuinely was upside-down.
- Johnny Vegas makes a personal-injury-lawyer joke while standing on a rickety ladder, only for the ladder to promptly break from under him.
- During the foot-launched-catapult task, Katherine's various attempts all fall apart. However, she remains so earnest in her belief that they'll work that the normally stoic Alex is visibly corpsing and trying to hide his reaction from the camera.Katherine: It's a shame that my hands aren't my feet.
- Katherine yelling 'BOX!' repeatedly while trying to guess what Johnny is drawing in the live task.
- Johnny completely falling apart while trying to solve a puzzle to make a phone ring.
- A blooper from this task reveals that upon seeing the chickens one contestant did a terrified trump. In a rare moment of softness, Greg says that the moment isnt meant to humiliate anyone and the clip will only be shown if everyone agrees to it. Katherine immediately outs herself by being the only one to protest the showing. She eventually concedes and the clip confirms that Katherine is indeed the culprit but given how the clip was edited one could reasonably think that Mawaan was the trumper. However, Katherine then inexplicably decides to dig herself deeper by asking to see the clip again. The team replays it with the volume enhanced leaving no doubt that it was Katherine. She reacts by covering her face with her hands while shaking her head as Greg tries to reassure her (as convincingly as he can since hes laughing the whole time) that he would have had the same reaction.Katherine: No! Okay, no! I- (covers her face).Greg: Hey, it was scary! Katherine, it was scary! Id have had a little trump! (To Alex) Would you?Alex: (Also laughing) Oh, yeah. Yeah!
- The team task involves the contestants each putting an item inside their bag without their teammates finding out, and then they have to convince a security guard to look inside their bag in 10-second intervals starting with the tallest individual. Of Richard and Daisy's team, Daisy started because she is taller (at 5'8.5") than Richard, who claimed to be 5'8". Richard Herring tells the security guard that the content of his bag involves nudity, so Daisy argues that the guard would look like a pervert if he chose Richard's bag. She also makes a point that the guard is married, so his wife wouldn't be impressed. Then, as the team are leaving, Daisy kisses his hand and cheek, and says goodbye to him in an endearing manner.Greg: Initially, [Daisy] suggested that Richard's disgusting for offering up lascivious goods—
Daisy: Well no, first of all, I find it disgusting that he think's he's 5'8".
- Daisy tried to describe her method for dropping a water ballon from a great height without breaking it a simmilar to a high-diving act. She apparently believes that high-diving acts are only practiced in the American south. Greg is so certain high-diving acts don't exist at all that he chooses to make fun of her description of them in the episode's sign-off joke.
- The task is to bag the heaviest thing using a Christmas tree bagging machine. Katherine Parkinson decides to bag herself, and wins the task.
- For the team task, the contestants have to eat watermelon with the caveat that they can't feed themselves.
- Richard and Daisy shot theirs before social-distancing rules were in place, so Richard smashes open the melon (like Tim Key did in Series One) and the two proceed to feed each other. What follows is a highly uncomfortable sequence as they enthusiastically to start slobber and gobble the watermelon, with Daisy being particularly enthusiastic.
- Katherine, Johnny, and Mawaan had to maintain social distancing while shooting theirs, so they had to awkwardly feed each other using long grabbers, with more melon ending up on the ground than in their mouths. They have to stop only when Johnny makes things awkward by saying "I want Daddy's watermelon."
- The live task was to list off unique three, four and then five letter words with no more than a 2 second gap in between each word. Daisy's approach was to rattle off as many swear words possible, including one that was still censored in the post-watershed airing.
- The entire 'silent cocktail' task:
- Everyone has to yell a different phrase every time they make a sound over 60db - particularly good are Daisy's ('I love this!') and Richard's ('Failure!'), which, considering they both mess up quite a few times, are yelled quite often.
- Daisy making other noises to get her frustration out.
- Katherine submitting a glass of milk as her final entry.
- Mawaan asks for a coat from one of the production team, to muffle the sound of him shaking his drink. Unfortunately for him, the coat still has keys in the pocket, which make a very loud sound.
- Johnny interpreting himself as the 'animal' that he has to draw.
- Katherine decides that since no animal is immediately apparent, she is going to draw a rat since there were probably some of them hiding about (the task took place in what appears to be an old warehouse). After her time is up, Katherine walks out of the room and off-camera as her mic picks up her questioning if there was truly an animal in the room and then telling herself that there was no animal.
- During one task, the contestants have to transport water from one barrel to another. While they do this, Alex secretly uncovers a hole in the bottom of the first barrel, draining the water out. The contestants' reactions to this, as well as the fact that Alex is clearly far too pleased with himself, are hilarious.
- The live task is a team task where one member has to take turns drawing a specific animal using only three straight lines each turn while the other team members guess the animal. Daisy becomes visibly and increasingly irate with Richard when he keeps guessing incorrectly. After the other team wins that round, Daisy then lays it into him on how he couldn't recognize her hippo as if it were incredibly obvious. However, after the next round (which they also lose), Daisy concedes that his kangaroo was much more recognisable.
- The team task requires one team member to figure out the item in a safe (a red sequinned pillow with a picture of Greg and an alpaca) and then relay that information to their teammates via a tape recorder message. The catch being that their message will be played backwards.
- Mawaan actually doesnt fair too badly getting Johnny and Katherine to guess that the safe contains something to do with Greg and a lamb. In contrast, Richard decides to make a message consisting of speaking normally, speaking backwards, and breaking words down into their syllables with a shkk sound in between each syllable.Alex: Yeah, you didn't really have a lot of consistency.
Richard: Well I didnt really know cause I've never spoken backwards.
Daisy: No ones ever spoken fucking backwards, Richard! (Laughing) For fucks sake!
- Daisy starts off by confidently stating that her experience with ghost recordings will give her an edge. The second she hears Richards attempt at a message all she can do is look dumbfounded and say "Huh?". The task only gets worse from there.Greg: You got "N-O. N-O." And "milkies".
- Her attempt culminates with Daisy questioning the decision to pair her with Richard.Daisy: (to Alex) Why couldnt you have put me with Katherine Parkinson?
- Made even funnier by the fact that all of the clips are filmed before the in-studio segments and given her performance up until now, its highly doubtful that Daisy would have been better off with Katherine.
- Mawaan actually doesnt fair too badly getting Johnny and Katherine to guess that the safe contains something to do with Greg and a lamb. In contrast, Richard decides to make a message consisting of speaking normally, speaking backwards, and breaking words down into their syllables with a shkk sound in between each syllable.
- In the marble run task, just before Daisy releases her marble, she kisses it for good luck. She then presents it to Alex, who licks the marble. When questioned about it in the studio, Alex claims that he misunderstood Daisy and that the normal thing to do is to lick things for good luck.
- The first task involves the contestants making a cup on top of a long, bendy pole overflow with water.
- The pole is in the middle of a red green, which only liquid may touch; if anything else touches it, then the contestant is disqualified. The result? Everyone is disqualified. Greg is so unimpressed that he tells everyone to sit in silence and reflect on what they've done. When Alex gives an update on the scores, everybody's pictures on the scoreboard shuffles around on the screen wildly before returning to the original positions.
- Johnny takes another tumble and he didn't even trip over anything!
- Katherine attempts to fill a net with water and it takes her all of half a minute to realise that the water was flowing out through the mesh.
- Mawaan grasses up on Daisy. He draws attention to Daisy dropping the task envelope on the red green— not that it helps him, since everyone gets disqualified in this round.Mawaan: (sheepishly) I love making friends.
Greg: Did you see how she reacted to the hippo drawing?
Mawaan: Yeah, I'm terrified, but I—
Greg: Yeah, she's going to fuck you up, mate.
- Greg struggling to understand why Mawaan thinks he could fill the cup in a "metaphorical way".Greg: How does the cup overflow in a metaphorical way?Mawaan: Like, you've got a lot on in your life.Greg: Because I'm busy?Mawaan: Yeah...Greg: Ok. And how are you going to apply that to that cup?
- The second task is an acting task where everyone is given two parts (or, in Richard's case, all five parts) to memorize and act out.
- One of Richard's characters is Parker, who watches on silently in the background. The facial expressions he makes really sells the part.
- Up to Eleven in the Richard Herring version of the play in which he plays all parts. Seeing him playing against himself, his voice getting increasingly tighter with each part is hilarious enough - but his best role is still Parker.
- Also, in the second version of the play, Katherine Parkinson ad-libbing almost every single one of her lines.
- Katherine wins the coconut water extraction task by opening the fridge.
- The title of the episode: Alex greets the contestants for one task with an air horn, and Greg mocks him for it, calling him 'Air Horn Andy'. It is then pointed out that Alex's name begins with an A anyway, so Greg could have called him 'Air Horn Alex'. Greg doesn't care.
- All the beermat houses:
- Greg's annoyance at Alex's architectural mock-ups not looking anything like the real creations, and Johnny's falling over.
- Mawaan creates a lighthouse out of the beermats and sticks a rotating light on top. In the studio, Katherine praises it as a "lovely windmill."
- Johnny tries to get sympathy points off of Greg by stating that if he scores badly on this task, his 17 year-old son will never speak to him again. Without hesitation, Greg gives a heartless response of "so be it."
- Katherine in the 'count the balls' task. All the balls have to be in the basket once the time is up. With about one minute left on the clock, Katherine inexplicably starts pouring the balls out of the basket, which not only makes them more difficult to count, but also effectively disqualifies her from the task.
- During the live task, when Mawaan asks Katherine what a tusk is, she immediately tells him to fuck off. Contrast that with the very first live task for the series, in which Katherine offers up balls to help out the other contestants.
- The prize task is for the best collection. Katherine brings in a series of homemade masks that she had been compelled to make over a span of the previous six months. They have fun poked at them throughout the segment.
- Johnny brings in a collection of pub signs. Greg complements them and, with a pointed look at Katherine, asks Johnny if he had ever considered interspersing the signs with some homemade art. Katherine just looks at Greg with the unamused expression of an overly strict teacher while subtly shaking her head. Greg attempts to stifle his laughter but in no way succeeds.Johnny: Yes, I have considered some masks.
- Daisy brings in some of her previously mentioned ghost recordings. She tries to describe them as supernatural phenomena but stumbles on the word phenomena until even she is laughing at her attempts at getting it right.
- Johnny brings in a collection of pub signs. Greg complements them and, with a pointed look at Katherine, asks Johnny if he had ever considered interspersing the signs with some homemade art. Katherine just looks at Greg with the unamused expression of an overly strict teacher while subtly shaking her head. Greg attempts to stifle his laughter but in no way succeeds.
- Katherine again, this time in the 'put the wellies on the spider' task. She fails to realise that she can leave the room, spends some time looking for the 'spider' (briefly considering that she might be the spider, but then coming to the conclusion that she can't be, because she doesn't have eight legs), and finally inexplicably interprets the table on which the wellies are resting as the 'spider' (as it has eight legs).
- This leads to an in-studio debate as to what constitutes a spider.Greg: What is a spider?Daisy: A spider. Not table legs.Katherine: Well, it isnt a massive stuffed animal either.Mawaan: (holding his chair upside down) Look: a cat! Its a cat!
- This leads to an in-studio debate as to what constitutes a spider.
- All the contestants brutally mistreating Bernard the mannequin, especially Daisy and Johnny, both of whom smash his head open.
- Katherine decides to smell Bernards underwear.Greg: (Genuinely bewildered) Did you smell his pants?Katherine: ... I think I did, yeah.
- Katherine decides to smell Bernards underwear.
- The final team task of the series is to sing karaoke. Richard and Daisy decide to invoke a lot of trust exercises in their choreography. This leads to Richard suggesting that he could use the horse saddle to ride Daisy, or vice versa.
- Daisy's realization that Richard scored just enough to win the series prompts a Rage Quit for the ages. She mauls a grapefruit, tosses coconuts, stuffs her mouth full of Polos before spitting them back out, and spends the rest of the time glaring at everyone.
- The running gag of Charlotte Ritchie having the look and general vibe of a primary school teacher/childrens tv presenter.
- The fact that Mike provided more than half of the series' episode titlesnote with his utterly bizarre quotes.
- Lee's persona throughout the series gradually becomes akin to that of a grumpy, stingy northern farmer constantly yelling at his hideously underpaid employee (Alex).
It's Not Your Fault
- Mike's 'facts about animals' song.
- Lee attempts to make a 'feast' under the table without looking. After knocking over most of the things he'd prepared, he ends up serving an open can of fizzy drink a mushy lump of bread and banana. Remarkably, he scores three points.
- Charlotte being scared of the remote-controlled rat.
- The plate task at the airplane hangar:
- Jamali decides to wrap up the plates of one table in the tablecloth and carry the tablecloth like a sack over his shoulder. Unfortunately, he fails to secure the bottom and a plate falls. The funny part is that even though he sees this, he continues scootering over to the destination table, by which time all the plates from that first table have fallen out and shattered.
- Charlotte being unable to contain her excitement while riding around on the different modes of transport, frequently saying things like 'Whee!' and 'Woo!'.
- Mike on the hoverboard, desperately clutching a pile of plates to his chest.
- The sheer anarchy of the studio task, as Jamali kicks off a free-for-all where the contestants throw buckets and bean bags at each other rather than trying to complete the task at hand. Made even more hilarious in contrast to the first live task of the previous Series, where four people are offering to help one another out... and the lone victor was the one "selfishly" concentrating on completing the task at hand, much like Sarah does here.
The Lure of the Treacle Puppies
- 'It's a good prize! It's a good prize! It's a good prize!'
- ♫"And she added historical information!"♫
- The first task is to make a helium-filled balloon "hover" between one's neck and waist whilst sneering at the camera for 20 seconds. The balloon is initially presented on a clothesline just above the contestants outdoors. Lee, however, does not realise that the balloon is bobbing just above his head for quite a while.
- The introduction to the first team task of the series is quite possibly the finest microcosm study of the psychological paranoia and compulsive second-guessing that the show can induce in contestants. Jamali Maddix and Sarah Kendall meet in a park and are asked to stand on two red boxes, with the task being located on a third, identical, box. Alex tells them not to move and will not hand them the task. So they immediately start brainstorming how they can form some kind of rope or pulley system to grab and reach the task, apparently not stopping to consider the possibility that they might be in a team of three and the third person just hasn't shown up yet. Sure enough, Jamali strips his shoelaces out and Sarah pulls the belt off her jumpsuit fully intending to tie them together. As Alex hesitantly asks if they can't think of a simpler option, Charlotte Ritchie — said third member — can be seen walking up behind them happily oblivious to this madness.Charlotte cheerfully walks up
Sarah: [Awkwardly holding two belts in her hands] Oh...
- Said team task is also hilarious. The task is to have an argument, delivering every sentence in less than ten words and ending with a four-letter word. Lee and Mike's argument degenerates into Lee offering to show Mike his genitals, while Charlotte's opening argument is 'You drive quite well' and Jamali dissolves into speaking nonsense (for example, ending one sentence with an inexplicable 'town' and claiming it is a slang word).
- This line from Mike while brainstorming four-letter words:Mike: My head is filled with the word 'duck', and there's no other words.[Later on during the task]Mike: You got a face like a duck!
- The haunted house task.
- In preparation, Jamali asks for 'lots and lots of big string'. This starts a running gag in the studio about the scariness of string. Jamali suggests that he was actually trying to buy all the string in the shops because the scariest thing is the shop running out of string.
- The episode title comes from Mike's chosen incentive for Alex to enter an obviously haunted talking house surrounded by 'hemisected' bodies
- In the stage task, Mike admits that he drinks 37 pints of milk a month.
Run Up A Tree To The Moon
- Lee Mack's prize task entry, a plastic baby's head on a dog plush's body. Alex reads a (real!) Amazon review for the baby's head: 'Just what we needed for our holidays; well made, good quality.'
- Jamali's frustration with Alex taking too long to bring him items - happens twice, once with a balloon (Alex asks 'What colour?') and again with a calendar (Alex asks 'Does it matter what pictures it has on it?'). Greg agrees with him in the studio how annoying it is.
- Mike's repeated use of the word 'luzzer'.
- Also from Mike, in the studio:Mike: It's bamboo o'clock, tick-tock.
- Also from Mike, in the studio:
- Charlotte believing she can run faster than gravity.
- In the 'create a new way of remembering the number of days in each month' task, Jamali struggles to remember Greg's name, as well as anything he's been in besides The Inbetweeners.
- He then leaves Greg a long voicemail where he just tells him how many days are in each month. And somehow manages to score four points!
- Mike's mnemonic.Mike: June's 30 samurai nobbled April. Julie Mailed Jan's Aged Mum 31 Dead Orangutans. ...Fresh 28.
- Mike and Lee's gloriously coordinated mimes of nursery rhymes in the stage task. (Despite the video's title saying otherwise, that was more on Greg's part)
- Greg's incompetence in this task is either frustrating or hilarious; he takes a whole minute to guess 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', despite it being glaringly obvious to everyone else, and initially guessed 'Three Blind Mice' as 'Blind Anus'. During the other team's go, Greg's failure to guess gets so frustrating that Lee openly declares that, while he still wants to win, he feels genuinely bad for them.
- As her prize submission for 'craziest thing', Charlotte Ritchie claims that she's been to all of the last four presidential inaugurations. They are eventually revealed to be Photoshop fakes, but Greg believes it for a moment, and the craziness of that gets her four points.
- The 'get this banana into the bottle' task provides a lot of innuendo imagery.
- During the task, Lee grabs a food processor... which he proceeds to use as a bowl, instead of using it to puree the banana.
- Also during that task, the contrast between Lee and Jamali's approaches to the task.
- Mike adds another catchphrase to his repertoire:Mike: Skin time.
- The sheer cruelty of this episode's team task. The task is to get a bag of salt from one table to another. Mike and Lee do so effectively and quickly. Then, during the team of three's turn, they struggle; Mike and Lee seem to have it in the bag. However, some spilled salt flies into Sarah Kendall's mouth, she realizes that it tastes sweet and is therefore actually sugar, and the team of three discovers the real bag of salt is in fact under the table. Charlotte mentions in the studio how, while watching Mike and Lee's attempts, she felt the same smugness Alex must always feel during all of these trick tasks.
- Sarah's dramatic discovery of the salt/sugar trick gets an action replay in the studio.
- Mike's response to all of this is simply, "What they can't take away from me is that I had an absolutely lovely day."
- One task is printed on a sheet of toilet paper. Four of the contestants successfully retrieve it. Lee, who had some banana on his helmet as a result of the first task, wipes it off with the task paper, and almost throws it away. Alex has to reattach the task with a safety pin.
- Lee also does some 'lateral thinking' - the toilet roll cannot leave the toilet roll holder, so he unfixes the holder from the wall and gives it to someone in their car. The show then cuts to an advert break; and when they return, it's revealed that while Lee was detaching the holder, he removed the roll from the holder to make it easier, instantly disqualifying himself. Jamali then reveals that during the break, Lee had told him that he couldn't help but feel that his attempt had been too perfect and that something was amiss.
- Mike's guesses for what is in his bowl during the studio task include 'a premature conker' (hence the title) and 'a dead jellyfish'.
Slap and Tong
- Alex introduces the clingfilm task:Alex: This task is all about my favourite film; Cling.
- Mike and Charlotte continuing to mess around wearing the clingfilm once the task is over; Charlotte rolls on the ground despite never being instructed to, while Mike does a 360 jump and falls over.
- The bee uniform task is a strong contender for funniest task of the series:
- Even the intro, where Mike walks in wearing a (mandatory for the task) beekeeper uniform. Greg admits for a moment he genuinely thought Mike had just decided to turn up in that.
- Charlotte, Jamali, and Sarah all planned to make a beekeeper costume, but they end up becoming a ghost from A Christmas Carol (Jamali), a 'draconic commandant' with a whip (Sarah), and, perhaps best of all, the Pope (Charlotte), complete with six slippers, one for each foot.
- Greg questions Charlotte as to whether the popes outfit can be referred to as a uniform. He states that no one in the world has ever called it that. This prompts the normally smiley, easy-going Charlotte to snarkily ask Greg if he has, in fact, asked everyone in the world.
- Lee makes 'Beevel Knievel', a stunt bee, cleverly using a frozen pea as the helmet. He then tries to make Beevel jump eighteen small buses. Beevel completely misses the ramp on the first try, and even on further tries continues to fail. (Lee still deservedly gets the five points though.)
- A quote from Mike during the task:Alex: What's in your wheelhouse, Mike?Mike: Afternoon naps... breakfast...
- Charlotte comments after the task when all five bees are shown that it looks like they're all part of one big bee family.
- The third task involves the contestants having to put into order an assortment of objects according to the number of sides they have. The contestants must be wearing a pair of darkness goggles throughout the task, and they are only allowed to touch the objects with their face. If anything falls off the table, then they are disqualified.
- Charlotte struggles to read disqualified and Alex keeps making reference to it throughout the task.
- Immediately after being presented with the task, Mike calls it 'face-based geometry'. He then expands on this in the studio, explaining that he does face-based geometry two times a week with his kids, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- Greg stating that primary-school teacher Charlotte has returned.Greg And youre over here near Jelly!
- Greg acquires a particular fondness for a clip of Lee knocking the jelly off the table with his tongue, and the sound he makes doing it.
- Jamali knocks one of the objects off the table fairly early into the task. He then proceeds to shove everything else off the table with his face. He also ends up basically deep-throating a jelly pentagon at one point.
- Sarah repeatedly losing the egg.
- The darkness goggles the contestants wear make for some interesting facial expressions. Particularly when paired with Mike holding a banana in his mouth.
- Mike's weird and hilarious crab-like movements which successfully put Jamali off during the titular stage task.
- Lee effortlessly grabbing the marshmallow from Charlotte right as she is in the middle of saying Im going to get you.
- Charlotte gets the last laugh of the task though. After everyone else took their time to grab their marshmallow, or used some form of a gimmick, Charlotte wins her turn by quickly grabbing her marshmallow immediately after being given the go-ahead.
- The opening gag between Greg and Alex about family photos might be the most hilariously awkward and stilted introduction they've ever had.
- Mike is given the task to fart as fast as he can. He then proceeds to do what is essentially yoga for hours on end, until Alex has to stop him because he needs to film other tasks. Then, after Mike finishes the deep fried batter task, he makes another attempt to fart — and ends up letting out a 'squealch' noise, which turns out to be him dislodging a hemorrhoid. During Mikes explanation of what occurred, everyone in the studio is equal parts sympathetic and grossed out... except for Sarah, who is killing herself laughing.
- The Running Gag of Jamali stomping on things very hard.
- During the first task, he stomps on the paint bottles so hard that he ends up smearing the caravan and driveway in paint.
- Ends up doing the above again for the team task as one of the techniques of vandalizing a wall.
- In the live task, the contestants need to unlock a toolbox in order to complete the task. Even though Greg and Alex drop hints about the combination, Jamali just gives up and manages to break the toolbox open by stomping hard on it.
- The aforementioned vandalize a wall task.
- Lee wants to make it absolutely clear that Mike was the one to write Street Tough on the wall. Mike owns it though and calls it his sweet tag.
- Charlotte flings a paint-covered ball at the wall, only for it to bounce back and hit Jamali straight in the groin. Charlottes response is to gleefully cheer "Epic!" In the studio, Charlotte clarifies that she has no idea why she said that since it must have been quite painful for Jamali.
- Jamali's painting from that first task.Greg: Jamali, you seem to have misunderstood the task as being 'Draw a portrait of Greg after his house has been hit by a drone strike.'
- He still gets the five points though.
- All of the contestants agreeing that the batter smells of batter.
- Charlotte, preparing to bite into one of the batter parcels, says she hopes it's a brownie, and then considers that they might have put leather in there, but then decides that no, they wouldn't do that. Then she bites into it... it's a leather wallet.
You've Got No Chutzpah
- Charlotte trying to describe how her wall-reader invention works.
- During the first task, whenever the contestants get an instruction wrong, whatever they did instead pops up on screen with a 'bzzz' sound effect.
- Sarah decides she has to 'yell at a zebra'.Sarah: Ah, you fucking zebra!
- Charlotte drops the lemon in the Ribena.
- Lee can only remember the word 'attack' from the instructions, and thus proceeds to attack everything.
- Mike, 'undermining the vole':Mike: You've got no chutzpah! Your organisational skills are lackluster, your timekeeping is abysmal.
- Sarah decides she has to 'yell at a zebra'.
- The 'babushka meal' task:
- Before the task even starts, Charlotte opens the matryoshka doll with a 'boing!', which Greg calls an obvious sign of her true calling as a children's TV presenter.
- Sarah brainstorming:Sarah: An avocado, a lime... no, you're going to have to eat it... (pause) Yes, a lime!
- Also, her sheer glee while Alex is actually eating her meal. Greg also points out that the chef is demonstrating the intricacies of her creation... by poking through all the food.
- Jamali pouring soup into his meal.
- Lee including (strawberry-flavoured) jelly in his to 'freshen the palette'.
- While cooking her meal, Charlotte forgot to turn the heat on. She also has to look away when Alex compares the tableau of the chocolate egg inside the bell pepper as looking like an animal's anus defecating.
- During the alarm task, Charlotte, Jamali, and Sarah decide to say the colours of the stepping-stones as they step on them, starting with 'white'. There is a beautiful bit of dramatic irony, as the viewers already know from Lee and Mike beforehand that the alarm goes off if you say a word containing the letter 't'. Hence all three of them step off the platform at the same time, say 'white', and immediately set off the alarm.
- Greg mocking Charlottes use of the phrase whats the situation? and Charlotte conceding that it sounds like a bad script line.
- Mike in the stage task, tipping almost everything out of his bucket at once just as the task ends.
- As episode winner Lee Mack goes to collect his prizes (best thing to put on a wall), all of the others' things are on one wall, and he listlessly disregards them. Then, he looks across to the second wall with delight to see his prize submission, a massive upright bed, and ecstatically wriggles into it.
An Orderly Species
- Alex's introduction. He goes into a planned bit about having had a birthday, when Greg interrupts him, and, based on suggestions from Charlotte, Mike, and Sarah, forces Alex to sing a funk song and do a disco-breakdance inspired by the division of North and South Korea.
- For the prize task, the contestants have to bring in the best wobbly thing. Greg immediately declares anyone bringing in jelly will receive no points. Only for the first three submissions to all include jelly.
- The reactions of said contestants once they realize they're screwed.
- Jamali starts a mini-rant about how Greg gets him in trouble for not putting a lot of effort in and so he actually tried for this prize, only for his attempt to be thrown out the window.
- Lee goes into a sweet story about his daughter saying how wobbly his belly is and suggesting taking that in. Lee tells his daughter that he cant take his belly as a prize but what he could do is bring in a mould of his belly ... a mould made from jelly.
- Charlotte hesitates to say anything and her hesitation makes it immediately clear that she too has brought jelly.
- The reactions of said contestants once they realize they're screwed.
- The first recorded task is to eat three poppadoms, blow up a balloon bigger than your head, and then gift wrap the balloon. All while saying "metronome" between the beats of an actual metronome.
- Sarah manages to blow the balloon to the proper size but ends up popping it. She asks for another one and manages to blow that one up too... only to accidentally let it go and have it go whizzing around within the last few seconds of the task.
- While trying to scarf down the poppadoms, Lee comments on how dry they are and requests water. The mixture of water and poppadoms ends up pouring down his face as he continues to say "metronome". He then indignantly reminds Alex that he has a BAFTA - in a tone that screams "why did I sign up for this show?".
- Charlotte starts off saying "metronome" without issue but then stumbles and laughingly questions what shes supposed to be saying as she starts in on what sounds like "metramome". In the studio, Alex tells Charlotte that she eventually seemed to devolve into saying "met your mum."
- The fact that the show went so far as to create 3D models of the horrifying 'British wildlife' created by the contestants in the team task. Greg starts breastfeeding one of them.
- The contestants have to put together airplane safety demonstrations in an accent or language that is not their own.
- Before even reading the task, Charlotte continues her audition to be a children's TV presenter:Charlotte: (ecstatically) I'm in a plane!
- Jamali initially looks like he speaks a decent amount of French, only for it to quickly made clear that it's not the case as he shifts from random French phrases to English to nonsense and back again. Highlights include the word 'aircrafty' and devolving into just asking basic questions in French:Jamali: (English subtitles) What is your name? How old are you?
- When the task is over, the English dialogue between Jamali and Alex is subtitled in French.
- Lee uses an Australian accent and launches into a fatalistic speech that emphasizes how slim the chances are for survival if something does go wrong.
- Charlotte channels Lorraine Kelly and a Blue Peter presenter for her announcement. In the studio, she's so mortified by her performance that she curls up into a ball and hides behind her hands.Charlotte: Clap with me! Click with me!
- Sarah, who cannot do any accents at all, just screams gibberish.
- Mike, meanwhile, strings together GCSE German to create a coherent announcement.
- Its revealed that this task took place about an hour before Mikes farting disaster. Mike then calls his clip "the last recorded footage of my tushy in its sweetest era."
- Before even reading the task, Charlotte continues her audition to be a children's TV presenter:
Mr Octopus and Pottyhands
- Mike's pathetic 'backup rainbow' during the weather task, made of three coloured strips of gaffer tape.
- Jamali's attempt at making realistic weather is to set the model on fire then bury it in an avalanche of gravel. Only realistic if it's the apocalypse, alright.
- Alex proves particularly irritating throughout the 'yoghurt tower' task, especially for Sarah Kendall:Sarah: Why didn't that work?Alex: It wasn't built very well.
- In the studio, Sarah calls Alex a bitch, and Greg modifies this to make him 'a punk ass bitch'.
- Another good quote from the yoghurt tower task:Alex: It looks like you've got a plan.Jamali: Yep.Alex: ...Have you got a plan?Jamali: Nope.
- Sarah sees a fleck of white in the '2' square on the grid. She isn't sure if it's yoghurt or bird poo, so to find out, she tastes it. Thankfully, it is yoghurt.
- Mike's yell as his yoghurt fails to hit the target, which is roundly mocked in the studio:Mike: Get yourself to a safe space!
- All of the photographs from the spinning camera task, but especially:
- Mike as a cat and the fact he shouted "Meow" despite not needing to.
- Lee as a woman on a cow and her boyfriend "Melon Breast Lobster Penis"
- Sarah's photographs 'telling a story' about a struggling author whose hair grows too long, becomes a professional tennis player and then dies.
- This is one of the (many) tasks during which Jamali visibly could not give a shit; his first picture is him as a builder, and then the next three are him with no other changes than him with a bowler hat and a stick (apparently a rich white guy); him with no hat and a different stick (a rich guy playing golf) and him just with his glasses off.
- Naturally, two of Charlotte's characters are perfect for her future children's TV series (leading to the Title Drop from Greg). Another one is a T-shirt, leading Greg to dub the character as "Boring T-Shirt Girl"... something which backfires on him when Charlotte notes that this is just how she normally dresses when not working.
- The prize task, which was to bring in something that would make the owner look "hard":
- Mike brought in his own hair... which he'd shaved into a mohawk. This act of madness naturally earned him five points, along with the incredulity of the entire panel.Mike: Tick tock, it's tough guy o'clock.
- Sarah was dubbed "picnic girl" for her own crushingly sensible option, a backpack filled with survival supplies in case of the apocalypse. The best part was, despite being the only person who brought in anything that would look remotely sane at a picnic, she initially didn't realise that the nickname was being applied to her. Her voice when she says "I'm picnic girl?!" is filled with pure indignation. Also, when Greg first dubs Sarah "picnic girl", he is talking about her to Charlotte — the only other woman present. Someone was in a wee bit of denial, it seems.
- Mike brought in his own hair... which he'd shaved into a mohawk. This act of madness naturally earned him five points, along with the incredulity of the entire panel.
- In the "make the scariest dinosaur with only a photocopier" task, Jamali reveals that he'd intended to give his dinosaur the face of the host of the show... only to have forgotten who it was and confused Greg with Dara O'Briain. Greg, naturally, is utterly unimpressed, and tests Jamali by demanding that Jamali name him. Jamali, of course, does so... but then immediately admits that he'd actually blanked a bit under the pressure and temporarily forgotten it.
- At the beginning of that task, Sarah accidentally fires a staple into Alex's upper lip.
- Charlotte puts her burgeoning career in children's television at risk by making an off-colour joke when asked to weigh Alex's head and feet:Charlotte: I thought I could just go "waaaay!" [Waggles hands around Alex's head] Remember that joke?
Alex: No. How does that joke go?
Charlotte: It's okay. [Pauses for a second and looks at the task, but then, as if she physically can't stop herself:] It's a joke where somebody says "Have you ever had your boobs weighed?", and then you go "No" and they go "Waaaay!" [Wiggles hands around Alex's chest area, as if groping]
Alex: We can do that with my head if you want.
Charlotte: That's what I was going for. Also, not everyone can do that joke. Just to make that clear.
Charlotte: Close friends. [An awkward pause; Charlotte sheepishly gets up and leaves]
- She brings the childrens tv presenter back quite quickly though: when talking about weight distribution, she says that its probably not evenly spread amongst your head ... shoulders, knees, and toes.
- When asked to weigh Alex's head and feet, Sarah finds a watermelon and decides to use it as a comparison for Alex's head. A sound and reasonable (if imperfect) decision. For his feet, she decides to use... fish-fingers. Less sound and reasonable.
- The team task, which requires one team member to use a megaphone to guide his or her teammate(s) across a golf course to a specific location:
- A minor issue of clarity becomes clear when reading the task; when Lee reads that he is expected to direct Mike onto "the red circle", he is initially confused because he can't see the actual circle and Mike is already standing on one, leading him to initially think that the task has already been done.
- Lee's guiding of Mike is mostly efficient and effective. However, he does misjudge Mike's ability to get himself out of a small sand bunker, resulting in Mike absolutely stacking it and doing an impressive pratfall back into the bunker, complete with an impressive cloud of sand. In studio, it is revealed that this task took place on the first day that Lee had ever met Mike, leading Greg to conclude that Lee was just so determined to win he was willing to risk Mike getting seriously injured.
- When Mike is almost on the end point but is facing the wrong way to it, Lee tries to get him to turn in the right direction by instructing him to turn "south-east". Lee intends this to mean south-east relative to Mike facing forward — but Mike, blindfolded, gets confused, thinks Lee is trying to get him to go actual south-east, and ends up spinning around and walking so that he's facing even further from the end point. They get it sorted in the end, but once the matter's concluded Lee can't stop himself from acidly pointing out that Mike might need a refresher course on directions.Greg: Even in victory, you can't resist giving him a bollocking.
- However, any stumbles that Lee and Mike may have experienced pale in comparison to the sheer madness that is Sarah Kendall's attempt at corralling her two teammates. For illustration's sake, at one point she steers Jamali into a hedge full of what were apparently stinging nettles, while Charlotte apparently ended up in the golf course's car park at one point.
- Sarah initially decides to just keep things simple and direct Charlotte, leaving Jamali at the starting point. However, as she can't really explain this, Jamali naturally gets a bit frustrated and asks what's going on. Sarah panics and starts to direct him simultaneously, leading to all the chaos.
- Sarah tells Charlotte to run. Charlotte immediately complies by lightly jogging in a circle while gleefully laughing like a child.
- When Charlotte is near the ending mat, Sarah tells her to start crawling. Charlotte does and ends up missing the mat by mere millimetres. Made even funnier by Alex laughing in the background of the shot.
- While Sarah is busy directing Jamali, Charlotte can be seen lying on the ground doing ankle exercises.
- Jamali apparently didnt even know what they were working towards. When Alex blows his whistle signalling the end of the task, Jamalis first response upon taking off his blindfold is What -what was that? What was the game?
- Charlotte Ritchie, bragging about winning the "dress as a camel while keeping your face in frame" task":Charlotte: I genuinely can... get dressed. Quick.
[Pause as everyone waits for more, only to start falling about laughing when they realise that was it]
Lee: Wow, that was a sentence that started quite big.
Greg: That brag fell off a cliff.
- This, before a single task has been shown:Victoria: You can't sit on Father Christmas's face!Morgana: (flirtatiously) Oh yes you can.
- Victoria's submission for 'the nicest thing to sit on when it's in a bag' is diamonds, because of the 'long-term comfort of financial security'.
- The first task is to strike Alex with a ball. However, Alex is allowed to move around the house to avoid the contestants. This quickly descends into hilarious farcical comedy as Alex pops into rooms just as contestants leave them, with the crowning moment perhaps being Victoria entering the house from the side exactly as Alex leaves the house from the front door.
- The task where they have to paint a portrait of Greg while lying flat on their backs:
- Guz acting like an excited and hyperactive child when first seeing the creeper, wanting to lie on it on his belly, and sighing in exasperation when Alex tells him he can't.
- Guz in the actual task, however, could not be more different; in stark contrast to all of the other contestants, he is very peaceful, commenting that it's the first task where he feels zenlike, and that he wouldn't mind if the task was extended to three and a half hours.
- Though he later comments that he lost this feeling of zen after his ride home wouldn't let him in the car covered in paint.
- This:Alex: Twenty seconds remaining.Alan: Oh, come on. Twenty seconds to give a man a soul?
- Victoria takes forever to actually assemble her painting equipment, and struggles with it once she has, which results in her painting being just a few random smears of paint.
- Just the sheer, bewildering madness that Desiree Burch's attempt at popping a red balloon from a distance turns into. She initially contemplates using the pair of scissors that can instantly end the task in exchange for a substantial time penalty early on, but decides against it because (so she later claims in the studio) it wouldn't be entertaining. What follows is her trying literally everything else — that is, literally every other item available to use — in an increasingly desperate and exasperated attempt at destroying the balloon, only to fail every single time. The area consequently lends up looking like a rather eccentric battlefield, and an overall total time that is, when incorporating penalties, almost three hours long. And then, to add insult to injury when she finally deigns to use the scissors, it turns out that the string holding the sharp blade that she is to cut has somehow slackened, resulting a slight delay between her cutting the string and the balloon popping that oh-so-slightly increases her time even more.
- To contrast all this, we see Alan Davies immediately decide to use the scissors, resulting in an overall time of nine minutes — only one minute of which was spent by him immediately deciding to use the scissors, picking them up, and cutting the string. While a lot less entertainingly bonkers, he wins the task.
- Other good moments from the balloon-popping task:
- Alex and his shop. At one point during Morgana's attempt, the wind almost blows it over, and Alex just manages to rescue it. His smile after he does so is hilarious.
- Guz also fails repeatedly, including breaking one of the darts and slingshotting a duck into his face, before relenting and going for the scissors. His comment afterwards:Guz: There's a word I've never used before in life... it's called hindsight.
- Morgana, shortly after narrowly missing:Morgana: Ooh, missed by a bee's dick.
- Alan in the stage task; his 'cool hobby' is surfgami, a combination of surfing and origami, and his 'fun animal' is a zebronkey, a cross between a zebra and a monkey. Then he has to act them out for Greg to guess.
- The 'famous person' Guz chooses to act is Jesus Christ, which ends up being the only one of the 'famous people' that Greg actually succeeds in guessing.
- Episode 4 of the podcast, which recaps Series 10 episode "Toshwash," has Paul Chowdhry (from Series 3) doing a spot-on impression of Johnny Vegas.
- In Episode 11, Greg cheerfully states that he thinks Series 10 champion Richard Herring looks like a sex offender.
- In Episode 14, which is a look back at Series 1 episode "The Pie Whisperer," Tim Key accidentally activates Alexa (by saying Alex had) and has to tell it not to sign up for a "free" trial.
- Episode 15, which features Josh Widdicombe as the guest:
- Josh revealed on the podcast that when he was announced as the winner, "an unnamed contestant" was heard saying, "That fucking bean point." Fast forward a few episodes, and Ed brings this up with Romesh, who just laughs.
- Josh reveals that the trophy of Greg's body was displayed at his agent's office, which is awkward because Greg is signed to a rival talent agency.
- When Ed questions Kerry Godliman about her choice of trophy storage location and whether she put it in a better location once Katy Wix returned itnote , without hesitation, she answers that she stuck it back onto the shelf in her garage — mainly because she finds the trophy to be creepy.
- Episode 26, the companion episode to Series 11 episode "Run Up a Tree to the Moon," features Katherine Parkinson as the guest and has quite a few moments:
- Katherine mentions that as Series 10 was broadcast, whenever she looked herself up online, the number one autocomplete search terms were "Katherine Parkinson mental health."
- Both Ed and Katherine took Mike's prize entry (the allegedly smashed glass sculpture) at face value, with Katherine even asking for the sculptor's details. It turns out that Mike had used the same idea for Taskmaster Zero (a close look at the packing slip shows that the sculpture was obviously a fake), a fact that some diligent Taskmaster fans were quick to point out to Ed. Ed acknowledges this and presses Mike on the glass sculpture prize a couple episodes later.
- Katherine struggles with pronouncing the word "mnemonic."
- Ed saves the last question from the listeners for last, which is whether Katherine had actually done a fart, which she quickly and loudly denies.
- As if the reveal that Mike audibly pushed out a haemorrhoid during "Absolute Casserole" wasn't bad enough, Mike decided to double down and go into even more detail on Episode 29 of the podcast, both horrifying and amusing Ed.
- Charlotte mocks her performance in the team task where they tried to set off the alarm as few times as possible. First, she mentions how stupid her suggestion was that someone was watching them and then setting off the alarm when necessary, since the producers obviously wouldnt have gone to the trouble of rigging up an alarm system for one task, especially since the alarm would have consisted of paper squares on the ground. She then cant believe she said whats the situation? given that literally the entire point of the task was to figure out the situation. Ed mentions that whats the situation? could be the new name of the show. Charlotte counters that its such a generic question that it could be the title of any show ever.