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Funny / Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

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    • "Don't you stick that knife in your leg."
  • "I'mma come at you like a spider monkey!"
  • "I don't know what to do with my hands..."
  • "And how did he even get down to his underwear that fast?"
  • "98% of us will die at some point in our lives."
  • "Dear 8 lb, 6 oz, newborn infant Jesus..." The entire grace/dinner scene, for that matter.
  • I was high when I said that! That doesn't make any sense at all. You can be second, third, fourth... hell, you can even be fifth!"
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  • "We form an alliance on the race track to win races, but today we're forming an alliance to talk to you about a very serious, important issue: packs of stray wild dogs that control most of the cities in North America. Remember, stray dogs are not your friend. However, if you see one, walk right up to it and lay down." "If it starts to sniff you, that's a good sign. If it begins to bite, you're in trouble, friend. Grab a pole."
  • "I piss excellence."
  • "But I ain't calling you 'Daddy'." "So what're you calling me?" "Alright, Professor Dickweed..."
  • "WHAT in tar-NATION?!?!"
  • "I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red then f**k you."
  • "Aw Nana, not my prison shank!"
  • "I am French (entire bar gasps)
  • "By the way, I watched the Highlander movie, It was shit!"
  • "Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers. I put on the skirt, and the four inch heels...I love it. [singing] Last chance, for romance, for love....."
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  • "We go together like cocaine and waffles!" and "You wanna put jelly on a lady?"
  • This exchange in the bar:
    Jean Girard: Why did you stop ze jazz music? Was it unpleasant to you?
    Ricky Bobby: No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop!
    Jean Girard: So zen why is ze song on ze jukebox?
    Bartender: We keep it on there for profilin' purposes!
    • Everyone freaking out at hearing Jazz. "Did someone put a tape of someone dying?"
  • This deleted scene when Ricky returns to the racetrack. We see him interact with at least three other drivers:
    • He first speaks to Greg Biffle, who asks him "You're not gonna be running around on pit road in your underwear again, are ya? Like Charlotte?"
    • Ricky then goes to Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s garage stall. This is what happens:
      Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: You still owe me that thirty bucks.
      Ricky Bobby: Oh, no, man. You said that was a gift.
      Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: You're a dirty liar!
    • Casey Mears tells Ricky, "I'm gonna wreck you today." Then adds, "Just kidding."
  • This scene, the look on their faces at the end is priceless!
  • How Ricky Bobby met his wife.
    (While seeing a random woman flashing him from the stands) "Oh god, please be eighteen."
  • This scene where Ricky Bobby accidentally hits a shopping cart, and then a police officer.
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  • Ricky stabbing himself in the leg with a knife to "prove" he's paralyzed. He isn't. The knife ends up stuck in his leg and his friends try to use another knife to get the first one out.
  • Jean Girard threatens to break Ricky's arm unless Ricky says he likes crepes. At first Ricky's friends tell him not to give in, until they realize that crepes are like really thin pancakes, which Ricky admits he loves. Jean Girard even says Ricky can just say he likes "really thin pancakes" and he'll accept that, but Ricky refuses.
  • Ricky and Jean Girard resolve their feud by finishing their race on foot after crashing their cars. The announcers absolutely love it—then say it in no way counts and they're both disqualified, but it was still impressive.
  • "Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's something to pick your spirits up. (flips Jamie off) It's real nice. I got it at Target. It's on sale.
  • Cal's reaction to Chip rambling on about nonscence. "That's kinda creepy ain't it?"

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