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Funny / Tales of Xillia

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  • Milla saying that the Four Great Spirits act like a bunch of bickering-in-laws whenever they're in her body. Lampshaded by Jude and Alvin, who can't believe she said that.
    • A later skit reveals that Efreet and Gnome don't get along, causing lava pools with each feud. If Undine joins in, she causes explosions. This happened every day in Milla's life.
    • Undine was responsible for the geography of the Seafalls. She threatens Sylph into silence when he attempts to give details. Milla was not exaggerating when she described them as bickering in-laws.
  • Milla's expressions the first time she visits the inn in Auj Oule, due to the fact she's completely and utterly starving for the first time. Especially lines that she expresses as a 'human'.
    Milla: I quite enjoy ingesting calories with you!
  • Alvin's opinion on Milla's sword skills early on.
    Alvin: If nothing else, you know how to swing the pointy end.
  • When Milla says Nia Khera is half a day's flight away, Alvin delivers the following line...
    Alvin: Oh, well, I'm afraid my wings are, you know, nonexistent.
  • The first time Ivar appears. As a guardian, he's super Hot-Blooded and jumps the gun quickly.
  • When Jude has to take Milla to his hometown so that his father can cure her legs, he says that his relationship between his family is pretty complicated as they prioritize work. Milla assumes that it's a scheming, back-stabbing sort of family that she got from a book she read. Jude just exasperatedly asks what sort of books has Milla been reading!?
  • Elize and Driselle literally drag Milla along for a shopping spree.
  • The boar stuck in a hole and crashing against the horse carrying Milla with her injured legs is hilarious, complete with a distorted freeze frame.
  • Milla's reaction to Jude and Ivar's battle at the harbor: she crawls away, because she thinks their fight is stupid.
  • Leia's introduction: she comes in having a speed race on a wheelchair with two children, and realize too late that Jude-carrying-Milla are in their way, so they quickly 'try' to stop, which fails miserably. Leia passes by Jude and flies off the pier, wheelchair and all, loudly crying out "DO OVVEEERRRRRRR!" and clumsily skipping a few times into the water... cut to Jude with absolutely no surprise whatsoever, and on his shoulders, a curious Milla who's wondering about what just happened but isn't particularly alarmed.
  • When Elize is allowed to join the group again, Teepo latches his mouth onto Rowen. Not five seconds later, Rowen doesn't show the slightest anger, wearily saying he's no match for the group's stubbornness.
    • Then before that, Teepo suddenly latched himself onto Jude's face with little warning, absolutely freaking out Leia.
      • Teepo latching on to anyone's face in general. Also slightly heartwarming when you realize it's how he shows affection.
  • Yet another moment with Leia happens when she sneaks on board in a barrel but is found fast asleep. Jude, once again, has a look of Dull Surprise along with Alvin.
    Alvin: *Beat* Friend of yours?
    Jude: *looks away* Hehehe, yeah... A real barrel of fun.
    • Shortly after, she's told by Jude to get back home, but she knows that their mission is not a game and quickly asks for clarification with Alvin. It may fool people at first that she's related to him with the added silence thrown in... then she just looks surprised and asks "Who are you?".
    • Then it's revealed that she boarded the first ship she came across thinking it was the right one. It was...but it wasn't going to Sapstrath. She only found them by chance. This is after showing Milla a hundred reasons (on paper) about why she should come with them.
  • Ivar's Dynamic Entry when the group boards one of Exodus' ships, only to clumsily fall on his head on top of a cannon, spinning down to the ground. Then in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, there are actual sweatdrops on the soldiers who observe this!
    • He's completely lost it here when trying to prove Jude who's the better man. He unsuccessfully expects Jude to get into a jealous fit of rage, which he of course doesn't and is rather grateful that he came to their aid instead. The icing on the cake is Ivar running off...and climbing the top of the tower like a spider high on sugar.
  • Rowen saves Leia from a falling boulder upon entering Xian Du, though Leia still gets a minor injury. Teepo comments that if Alvin (who had just left on his own business a minute earlier) had been here, he would have saved Leia. Rowen, in a rare loss of composure, snaps and starts stretching Teepo out while yelling at him.
    Rowen: "And who do you think just saved the young lady, you intolerable sock puppet?!"
  • Milla congratulating a couple on their engagement: "May you breed like rats and bear many children who survive childbirth." Alvin and Leia's horrified reaction completes the scene.
  • When Ivar's attempt at looking cool on the way to Xian Du goes south, he bangs one of his swords against a nearby boulder in frustration, causing part of the sword to break off and lodge itself in Ivar's forehead.
  • A mixed funny and awesome moment from Teepo just before the fight with Nachtigal, especially since by that point, the player has learned the truth about Teepo's relationship to Elize:
  • On the Zenethra the party needs to take out the generators, Jude asks how.
    Alvin: It takes a... gentle touch.
    Cue Alvin shooting the thing's panel, while in the background Jude just has this exasperated look on his face that screams "Anybody could have done THAT!"
  • Jude is very honored for having to fight with Rowen as he was known as Illbert the Conductor who defeated three armies in a single day that helped the foundation of Rashugal. After hearing him, Milla sulks to herself that he doesn't show that much honor fighting alongside the Lord of Spirits.
  • It's explained that a person needs to make a contract with spirits to make incantations, which Milla doesn't need to. She says that she offers Mana to the spirits with her desires to make it work. This being it:
    Milla: Get your act together and use your arte! And no back talk!
    Teepo: That's not a contract!
    Elize: That's a threat!
  • The party members are divided into who likes cats or dogs (with Elize wanting to own a rappig). When asked what's her favorite animal, Milla says that it was obvious what animal she likes the most: humans.
  • Milla's overall fascination with the human body. Sneezing and seeing mucus is just one way to impress her. With a happy expression, she says:
    Milla: The human body is truly a cumbersome thing.
  • Rowen being very skillful with sewing, learning it from his time in the military. Then you learn he didn't sew clothes...but comrades' lips when they babbled secrets to the enemy... Jude and Leia vow not to tell anybody about this. It is possible that Rowen was just joking, however; his unflappable nature makes it difficult to tell.
  • Many of the skits are thrown in purely for humor.
    • First, during a visit to Hamil, Jude comments that it might be fun to yell really loud and listen to the echo. Alvin eggs him on, saying that he should do it while he's young, since it gets embarrassing at Alvin's age.
      Jude: ECHO!
      Alvin: Echo echo echo echo...
      Jude: Alvin.
      Alvin: Alvin Alvin Alvin Alvin...
      Jude: And what you're doing now isn't embarrassing?
      Alvin: A little a little a little a little...
    • Alvin tells Jude that since Milla keeps using Bind on their enemies, she must be into bondage. Jude blows him off, having gotten used to Alvin's teasing. Cue Milla, who comments that "Some people can only experience true intimacy while bound and tied". Both the guys are stunned speechless. Turns out she got it from a book.
      • The book in question? "Men and Women: Beneath the Sheets."
      • After which she mentions seeing much the same comment in a similar book: "The Aesthetics of Being the Catcher."
    • A skit that occurs if the player has used Jude's Snap Pivot a good number of times, in which Jude shows of his beginning master of Stealth Hi/Bye.
    Alvin: "I don't see Jude anywhere..."
    Jude: (appears out of thin air) "You called?"
    • In another skit, the group thanks Rowen for healing them. Noting his growing embarrassment at the praise, Milla instead pats him on the head. Jude comments that Rowen isn't a child, followed by this:
      Rowen: Such a gentle touch. It brings back such comforting memories from my childhood. I'll continue to do my best!!
      Jude: It's actually working!?!?
    • A Rowen skit obtained after consuming Orange Soup has Rowen pointing out the intricacies in their meal while judging Alvin's lack of refinement. Milla remarks that she would love to try one of Rowen's dishes only for him to launch into a whole speech about his perfectionist nature demanding that he hand grow all of the ingredients, mix all of the seasonings personally and ends with him revealing that because of this, he's never actually cooked before.
    • The "Secret of Bazongas" skit. Oh man, Jude gets trolled in this skit. Jude ask Alvin since he's curious about bazongas that Teepo's been talking. However, Alvin and Rowen (who overheard the conversation) decide to tease him:
      Rowen: Then you'll never know bazongas. You have to want it, Jude. You have to need it.
      Jude: Then, teach me about bazongas.
      Rowen: I can barely hear you. You have to mean it.
      Jude takes a deep breath as Alvin and Rowen moves out of the screen; enters Milla and Leia into the screen.
      Leia: Whoa! Don't go shouting things like that!
      Milla: Don't scold him, Leia. I read about this in a book. It's called "puberty". We're suppose to be understanding and supportive.
    • Two sentences: "Come at me, bro!!" & "Teepo is officially stronger than Alvin!"
      • If you don't consider Teepo a Scrappy, then pretty much everything he says can elicit a laugh.
  • Milla gets very flustered that Jude loaded a lot of Mana to Muzet with direct-tethering. Muzet and Milla treat it the same as if Jude had been sleeping/making out/sex with Muzet, and Milla appears both scandalized and a little jealous:
    Milla: I have you to thank for saving Jude.
    Muzet: Not at all. Jude was quite a help to me. *starting to blush* Thanks to his direct-tethering with me, I was able to recharge much of my lost mana.
    Milla: Jude! You direct-tethered with her?
    Jude: Uh…yeah. Muzet asked me to. Was that bad?
    Milla: *Embarrassed* “Bad”? It’s, uh…Direct-tethering is something a spirit and human do when, umm…
    Muzet: Since we were together constantly, he was able to fill me with loads of mana.
    Milla: *angry and jealous* I…I have no idea you were that kind of man. *leaves*
    Jude: Milla ,wait! Why is she so angry?
    Muzet: My, I can’t believe you’d ask me to explain that to you. Do you just want to hear me say it? Is that what you’re into?
    Jude:Someone tell me what is going on with these spirits.
    • To add fuel to the fire, Muzet's starts to blushing and say something that if she wants to do more.
    • And then a later skit :
      Jude: Regardless, it sure is good to have a great spirit on our side!
      Muzet:Yes. And I would be most grateful if you would continue direct-tether with me.
      Milla: *pissed* I knew it! You really are in that kind of relationship! *leaves again*
      Jude: But..I…Why won’t anyone explain this to me?!
  • Jude has some fun with Leia:
    Leia: "Sooo? What happened? You have 10 Seconds to spill mister!"
    Jude: (sigh) "Leia, do I re..."
    Leia: "10, 9, 8..."
    Leia: "Okay. OKAY. I get it. You went on an adventure and met a lot of pretty girls! I get it. If you don't wanna tell me just say so."
  • This Brick Joke:
    Milla: "They say that even the best-trained soldiers may panic in the face of actual combat. Yet you seem completely together."
    Jude: "Well I had a friend I trained with who used to shout Sparring Time and attack me out of the blue."
    Milla: "I see."
    Jude: "I'd always wind up on the floor covered in bruises."
    Milla: "I'm sorry to dredge up such painful memories."
    Jude: "What? No, it's not like that."
    Milla: "Don't all bullied children say that?"
    Jude: "Bullied?! That's not what— Wait... Was it?"
    • Later:
    Milla: "You are very skilled."
    Leia: "Thanks! I was trained along with Jude."
    Milla: "Oh? So this is the one you used to spar with Jude?"
    Jude: "Yes."
    Milla: "While your skill is impressive, I can't respect a bully."
    Leia: "What? JUDE! What have you been telling people!?"
    Jude: "Uh, Leia? Calm down."
  • A skit in which Leia asks what the deal is with Teepo biting people's faces, only for the suggestion to come up that it's Teepo's way of kissing. Cue Elize getting very red, Teepo horrified that biting Jude's face was his 'first kiss' and Jude to then yell, "That's what I should be saying!"
  • In Jude's storyline, there has been an outbreak of Incredibly Lame Puns. One of the funniest ones was when Rowen tries to hit on a lady with his punmanship after fighting Volt. He went too far with it though which results in everyone commenting that he must have gone nuts from the electricity attacks.
    • Jude's not much better, unfortunately.
    Leia: Jude, it's pretty faint, but I think there's a footprint on your face.
    Jude: Huh. I did have a dream that Agria was repeatedly stomping my head.
    Rowen: From the size and shape of that Footprint, it would seem that dream was no dream at all.
    Leia: What is wrong with her?! Why would she do that?
    Jude: Maybe she was trying to apologize? Saying we got off on the wrong foot?
    Rowen: Oh dear. I'm going to chalk this one up to a concussion.
    Leia: You don't know how close you came to getting another boot in your face.
    • Jude actually seems to have quite the fondness for bad puns. He's responsible for the "barrel of fun" joke above and another one later during the Devil's Arms sidequest:
    Jude: I guess the devils were in the details?
  • "Don't compare my crowning glory to the tail of a cow!"/"Don't put my most charming feature on the same level as a tail!"
  • While in Hamil, if you climb the trees, Alvin will tell Jude not to look up Milla's skirt while climbing. To which Jude replies in the most deadpan tone possible that "I'm not you, Alvin".
  • This fun short exchange implying that Milla is a bit of a Big Eater:
    Milla: My stomach seems to be empty again. When do we eat?
    Alvin: Again with this one... Good performance, but terrible fuel efficiency.
    • It seems to be a running joke:
    Milla: So this is the sensation humans feel when they're hungry. Let's stop to eat in a short while.
    Jude: *shocked face* Didn't we just eat!?

    Side Events 
  • How Ms. Maxwell gets drunk for the first time
  • When Milla nearly collapses at a hotel, she still acts very stubbornly and wants to continue with the adventure. Both Rowen and Leia start feigning pain and ill to make her rest.
    • And if you find the Heart Herb afterwards, it turns out she's allergic and it makes her hiccup. She laughs the entire time.
  • The MC from the tournament is quite the smartass this time around (another time honored Tales Series tradition). He says Jude's speech is boring, and doesn't even let Alvin get to say anything.
    • The interviews after the party battle matches are also priceless. Following the Beginner set, the announcer asks what they each contribute their group victory to, and all of them say different things that are actually variations of the exact same thing ("Teamwork!"), which is immediately lampshaded by the announcer, prompting to group to remark that this wasn't intentional and that they're just that kind of team. After the Advanced Party matches, each member of the group attributes their victory to a different party member (Jude->Milla->Alvin->Elize->Rowen->Leia->Jude). But this time, they admit it was on purpose (but still maintain that they're just "That kind of team.")
    • In the Japanese version, Jude leaves off a horrible pronunciation pun when winning in the Battle Arena. He first says he's surprised (Bikuri) that he won... then slowly transforms the Bikuri into Victory and proclaims happily he obtained a Victory.
  • If you visit the library at Orda Palace after Chapter 2, Mila naturally finds a place full of books fascinating... and then she finds "Men and Women: Beneath the Sheets Volume IV", which was apparently banned everywhere and had its original print run destroyed. Mila absolutely Squees over it, and then asks Jude if they can read it together. He's naturally... very flustered at this.
  • The "Pretty and Pink" sidequest as a whole. Basically, it starts with the others suggesting Elize find some friends her age. The two she first approaches are valley-girls obsessed with everything pink, and will only be firends with Elize if she proves herself a true "pinkist" by finding various pink items around the world. The last one, a Pink Emerald, is hilarious in a meta sense, since it's found in a Bonus Dungeon only accessible at the very end of the game. Afterwards, the two show Elize the "cute pink thing", which only true pinkists are allowed to see. The player doesn't get to see it, all we see is a bright light and Elize and the girls squeeling about how cute it is. And the reward for all this? A pink princess staff for Elize... which is actually stronger than her Devil's Arm by a long shot. note 
  • After Leia joins the party and you go back to visit her mother, she gives Jude, Leia, Milla, and Rowen lectures for going off without saying anything, he like were school children. This party of badasses could only sit there and take it.
  • In a sub-event, the party discover the existence of a book written by Rowen when he was younger, titled 'Mad Screams Of Love' and they want to buy it. To Rowen's relief, the book has already been sold to someone else. However, to his chagrin, it is later revealed that Driselle was the one who bought the book and she has been reading it aloud.
    Battle Quotes 
  • The after-battle conversation which involves Teepo practically swallowing Jude's face whole. Includes Teepo's near-unintelligible "We did it we did it!", poor Jude going "Ah Teepo, get off of me!" while trying to unsuccessfully pry him off, and Elize saying "You get along so well!
  • One post battle quote:
    Jude: "You sure it isn't a little.. uh... short?"
    Alvin: "I know, isn't it great?"
    Milla: "And unrestrictive."
    Jude: "I guess so..."
    • Speaking of which: guess who gave her those clothes? Ivar.
  • From Jude's side, when he, Alvin, Elize and Teepo are separated from the rest of the party after the battle in Fezebel Marsh. Your party members are currently in an icy cave, and are lamenting on the kind of foods they'd have to warm up.
    Alvin: "It's so cold..."
    Elize: "I could use a hot bowl of soup..."
    Jude: "I-I could use some curry to warm up..."
    Alvin: (staring at Teepo) "I could use some Fried Teepo."
    Teepo: (screaming for his life)
  • Alvin with this:
    Alvin: "Looks like you're getting strong there buddy."
    Jude: "Yeah! I think so too!"
    Alvin: (under his breath with a slight frown) "You're starting to make us look bad."
    Jude: "Huh?"
    Alvin: (completely fake smile and not even looking at Jude) "Uh no, I was just saying how reliable you're becoming."
  • One of Leia and Alvin's victory skits where they preform quite possibly one of the most well coordinated Handshake Substitute ever.
  • One of Milla and Alvin's victory quotes goes like this:
    Milla: Well done, Alvin.
    Alvin: All in the line of duty.
    Milla: Naturally. Beat Or I'll have you fired.
    Alvin: Woah, hey now!
  • In one of their shared victory quotes, Milla will grab Jude hands and compliment them. Poor Jude can't do anything but stutter his thanks.
    Milla: "You have such big hands. No wonder you pack such a punch."
    Jude: "I... uh... thanks..."
  • Two of Mila and Leia's victory quotes involve Leia trying to immitate Mila's Weapon Twirling victory poses... which, well, let's just say they don't work as well with a staff.
    Milla: All too easy.
    Leia: All too... (hits herself in the back of the head) Ow!

    Milla: Nothing can stop me.
    Leia: Nothing can... (hits Mila in the rear)
    Mila: I stand corrected.

  • Jude along with Rowen and Alvin can result in this:
    Rowen: (straight faced) "We are sorry..."
    Alvin: (sounding bored) "...For defeating you..."
    Rowen: (defensively) "Those are just the spoils of victory."

    Rowen: "That worked rather nicely."
    Jude: "The linking of 3 generations!"
    Alvin: "Whoa whoa hey, I'm not that old!"

  • The Tales cameo DLC costumes add cameo winquotes based off of whoever that character is cosplaying as. Of course, if you had Jude in his Leon Magnus outfit and he just levelled up, he'll go from solemnly quoting Leon to chirping happily about his level up. Alvin's overly gravelly Kratos impression is also hilarious and of course, Rowen's Barbatos Goetia outfit. Not only do you get the normally eloquent Rowen Suddenly SHOUTING! thrats like a berserker but there's the requisite anti-item speech too.
    Rowen: HAH! Items are for the weak!

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