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TFS at the Table: Dungeons & Dragons
- Zito's introduction as the GM in the advertisement video:Zito: Oh, hello. It's me, Chris Zito, and I'll be your guide on this high-seas adventure. Did I say guide? I MEANT GOD!!!
- Eloy's introduction also deserves mention. Lani and Grant are both deathly serious as they describe Wake, a man looking to avenge his family, and Ezra, the Lovable Rogue. Ben starts out equally serious only to suddenly switch to a hillbilly accent as he describes Eloy, a literal ass-man who only wants to make others happy, with the dramatic music abruptly cutting to a banjo.
- At the start of the first stream, Zito begins building up the epic homebrew adventure he's made, then holds up the gamebook for Tales of Equestria, the official My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic tabletop RPG. After realizing what he's holding, he quickly tosses it aside and holds up the real gamebook. The others note that it was $30 well spent just for that one joke.
- Lani jokes that it's a tax write-off as a business expense, then proceeds to roll for IRS.
- Everything about 'Grammy' the Old Soup Lady Slave and her Secret Ingredient (particularly Zito's 'Old Lady voice') Though it turns out she's not actually a slave and the Secret Ingredient was Seagull.
- Some of the incidents in the battle in the cargo hold:
Lani: Well that guy doesn't look pretty anymore.Zito: No, he blew his head clean off.
- Thanks to the ship rocking, an orc's blunderbuss aimed at Wake (Lani's character) misses and instead kills another orc.
Ben: He does have disadvantage, though, because of actions that I took! 'Cause I'm the best!Zito: He has disadvanta-he rolled a 1.Ben and Grant: Hooray!Lani: That's the most disadvantageous.(beat)Zito: It explodes in his hand and takes his upper torso with him.Lani: Well, good! He's gone!Grant: I was gonna say. I was sensing an Elmer Fudd-esque "looks down the barrel and gets blasted".
- Wake prepares to smack an Orc with his spear, and rolls a natural 1, while Zito rolls a 99 percentile. The spear slips out of his hand and crashes against the wall behind him, breaking open a hole that causes a wave of water to crash into the room. The force of the wave causes Ezra (Grant's character) and Skrung (a goblin NPC) to crash into a crate face first.
- As the battle is going on, an orc is more focused on opening a giant crate with a crowbar. Ezra fires his crossbow and impales the orc's hand as he's reaching for the crowbar for max damage. In a blind rage, he throws a hatchet at Ezra and misses completely.
- The blunderbuss orc goes to fire again.
- In the second session, the party meets a friendly ogre with a lisp named Timothy. Lani points out that with Ben's character being a centaur, they now have an ogre and a talking donkey. Zito immediately follows this up by having Timothy say "So somebody once told me..."
- Drunk. Eloy.Grant: (After attempting to haul a passed out Eloy up a flight of stairs and taking 5 points of damage for his trouble) Alright, note to self: Keep Eloy away from the sauce.
- In the third session, Zito introduces fruit-shaped finger puppets to make it clearer which NPC is speaking. Lani and Zito soon get into an argument over which fruit each puppet represents, and end up rolling Knowledge to determine who's right. Zito, after fumbling with the dice due to all of his fingers having puppets, rolls a nat 20.Zito: *Holding two of the puppets in front of Lani's face and speaking in a falsetto pitch* Don't talk to me or my son ever again!
- Also during the third session, while trying to find the thieves guild Wake and Ezra get separated from Eloy, who went the right way. When Wake manages to hear Eloy's yells, he moves back towards him, dragging...Zito: *having just pulled a very excited face after a roll* Alright, well, you grab him and you pull this way.Lani: I head back to where he was calling from.Zito: Yep. You head back to where he was calling from. *turns to Hbi and Grant* He's pulling an old lady along with him.Hbi (as Eloy): Hi Wake! Hi... hello! Who are you?Lani (as Wake): *Turns to look at who he's holding* ...hello.Everyone bursts into laughter
- Trying to distract a bunch of rat children, Eloy sings "The Ballad of Billy Punchyface", a legend about a rat kin with amazing punching powers. The whole thing was so popular that on a later session when Lani was absent, Ben ran an entire one-off adventure featuring the origin story of Billy Punchyface.
- Grant's repeated botches are funny but it all culminates in accidentally shooting Wake with a crossbow. If anything, this episode cements Ezra's status as the Butt-Monkey.
- Making it funnier is Lani reacting as though he hit the arm only for Zito to wordlessly inform where it actually hit. Wake spends the rest of the fight utterly delirious from the head injury and the boss worsening it by draining his blood.
- After a toucan leads them to some loot, Eloy decides to play it a song on his flute as thanks. Cue nat 1. The bird takes his flute and flies to a higher branch. Eloy threatens to shoot it if it doesn't give him the flute back, causing Ezra to note that the bird has been helpful, so they should chuck a rock at it instead. Ezra does just that, the bird drops the flute and Eloy runs to catch it. Cue yet another nat 1 and one broken flute. Ezra tries to comfort the distraught Eloy:Grant (as Ezra): Look Eloy, worse case scenario, we can get this back to the Gimme brothers and they can make you a new flute.Hbi (as Eloy): AWW THEN I'LL HAVE A MURDER FLUTE ELOY, BY MURDERERS! I DON'T NEED A FLUTE FULL OF MURDERER!
Zito (as toucan): Apologise to me asshole.
- Wake manages to fix the flute, prompting Eloy to thank and apologise to Wake and Ezra. And then the bird speaks up:
- After getting stuck in Quicksand underwater, Wake tries to raise his spear up the water so that the others can see him. Grant comments on how familiar this scene is.Grant: It's like a Sword in the Lake scenario...Wake: (Garbled) Help...Everyone laughs.Eloy: Ezra, I recon we can become the King of the Swamp!Ezra: I don't know...Zito: You see an Ogre in the distance...
- The lizard folk are depicted as Deep South swampfolk who spend most of their time trophy hunting and really don't give a shit about possible death or mutilation.
- Old Young Cledus is a young lizard folk who lost so much of his body he was forced to retire early, hence his name. The party tricks him and his crew into buzzing a Navy ship and imagine it's something out of a Duke of Hazard episode.
- Onslow compliments the team on baiting Old Young Cletus into acting as a distraction to cover their movements. Zito remarks that if this were a TV show, there'd be a Smash Cut to Cletus and his fellow gator-men hunters on an airboat, shouting "YEE-HAW!" while being chased by a Navy ship. Lani adds in a horn that plays "Dixie" as they ramp off of a log.
- A good chunk of the fifth session is spent arguing with "Trunky", a mimic who sounds an awful lot like Meatwad, and is probably the snarkiest mimic ever. The second mimic, Kevin, is also a laugh.
- During a battle, Grant observes that the miniature he's using to represent Ezra looks like he's dabbing, which leads to jokes both in this session and the next that Ezra is doing it all the time in battle.
- Onslow, their companion lizard folk, is constantly happy until things start getting weird at the cave where his clan's favorite prey usually shows up. When they learn that the local slimes have been used for experiments with Abyssal contamination in a prelude to doing the same to his clan, he's angry... that it messed with the hunt.
- The party infiltrates a Navy base with Ezra acting as a distraction, claiming he was attacked by the crocodile people. The crew immediately buy this as a "Yee-haw!" is heard in the distance.
- Eloy learned how to create and control fire, an obviously magical display from somebody who claims to have no magic. He is quite certain he's just summoning will-o-the-wisps. In the middle of the day.
- They find a new mimic named Roy in Episode 6 who was made to consume biological waste from his creator's experiments. They end up getting him drunk feeding him wine-infused slime and realize it's a really good way to get rid of the monsters. This leads to a debate of building a stand to funnel it into Roy while Zito incredulously asks if they're going to kegger stand the poor trunk.
- Squick ensues when they suggest taking him to dispose of... other waste during long ocean trips. Roy refuses as he only wants to eat bodies, not stuff that's already gone through them. The offer of stuffing it into seagulls first earns a scream of disgust.
- At the beginning of Episode 7, Ezra discovers that the mysterious ring he found in Yeldin's Cave grants him immunity (or at least extreme resistance) to fire. Cue half the party trying to experiment with this, ie: Repeatedly setting Ezra on fire.Lani: "Stress Test! Stress Test! Stress Test!"
- The carnival is introduced to the party by a pimply, much put-upon teenager wearing a ridiculous crab costume. Their snake person companion thinks it's an Abyssal, Ezra thinks it's a brilliant idea, Eloy tips him, and Wake plans to tell the kid's boss he's breaking character.
- Eloy buys a set of bagpipes in Episode 7. In his haste to show the others, he plays a tune......by rolling a natural 1. Everyone is deafened by the display.
- Everything about Nedra, outside of her combat state. She's adorably sweet, friendly, and energetic, completely at odds with the fact that she's a nine-foot-tall Tiefling barbarian with monstrous strength. Especially visible with her interactions with the straight-laced Wake.
- When the group meets the owner of the carnival, Ezra claims that the party are traveling entertainers. He asks what Skrung's role is; Wake says he's the Straight Man, which the owner takes to mean he's the clown. Cue Big "WHAT?!" from Skrung. Ezra convinces him to play along, resulting in Skrung (with teeth clenched so tight they could turn coal into diamonds) declaring "That's me, Botchy the Clown!"
- Later on at the arena, Skrung bets against Wake; when Wake wins, Skrung lets out an Atomic F-Bomb for the ages.
- Eloy, the only one to bet on Wake, walks away from the match rich. This causes Ben to lament that the wealthiest character he's ever had is the thundering dumbass with no concept of money.
- In the eighth session, Zito has a slip of the tongue and says "goose" instead of "ghost". After everyone gets a good laugh, he declares "Roll initiative to fight the dire goose!"
- During the same session, Lani (due to rolling a Nat 1 on a knowledge check on the undead) decides to make Wake a Flat-Earth Atheist who doesn't believe in the idea of undead. This leads to the guys joking about the planet being flat, with Zito holding back laughs as he says "Please, one of you tell me your character's a flat-earther."
- Just to drive the point home, the guys soon after meet with Rattles - the local lich. Wake has to perform some mental gymnastics to justify his existence.
- During the same session, Lani (due to rolling a Nat 1 on a knowledge check on the undead) decides to make Wake a Flat-Earth Atheist who doesn't believe in the idea of undead. This leads to the guys joking about the planet being flat, with Zito holding back laughs as he says "Please, one of you tell me your character's a flat-earther."
- In Session 9, Eloy asks Risf about the various gods, trying to find out more about religion. One of the gods Risf mentions is "Zuhan, the Wanderer of Balance and Neutrality". Eloy quips "Ooh, I hear you don't mess with him", which elicits a simultaneous double Facepalm from Grant and Lani and makes Zito say he doesn't want to read the rest of the pantheon now. Extra funny if that implies that the names Zito picked for his gods are all as pun-worthy.
- In the same episode, after hearing her voice in the distance repeatedly for the past episodes whenever her seagull stew or bottles of cat's grace came up, Grammy returns in the flesh, this time with a pie for our boys to try. Wake is the first taster...and discovers it's raw pufferfish. Lucky for him, Lani rolled high enough to gain the +1 AC bonus...but his tongue starts numbing though he keeps on eating, genuinely liking it. Ezra and Eloy don't have quite the same luck, but SKRUNG does!
- Wake does get some really bad luck right before that. Having to wake up so early and leave for the southern islands as discreetly as possible before anyone else in the town is up, Wake has to go get his upgraded spear from the Gimme Brothers. At first, he just fails punching their metal door, cracking his middle finger. Then, when he tries to stop the door from closing with the same hand, which not only damages it, but, Zito having rolled max damage, DISLOCATES IT! Fortunately, Troy the naval paladin is able to all but completely restore the hand (10 out of the 12 HP restored).
- In Session 10, Wake dismembers a dead velociraptor to get its pheromone gland so they can throw off other raptors. Gulfur offers up an alchemical smoke grenade, suggesting Wake mix the pheromones in with it. Lani dubs this a "Raptor Sex Bomb", to which Grant replies "That's the name of my punk band!"; as they high-five, Zito sighs and says "The shit your players come up with, I swear to God..."
- Ezra and Skrung mount the same raptor, only for Skrung to kick its side and throw Ezra off and under the raptor's feet. He tries again and gets headbutted. Third time's the charm, despite Skrung trying to agitate the raptor.
- Poor Eloy can barely keep up with the raptors while carrying Gulfur of his back. Said dwarf mockingly tells Eloy to go faster than throws banana peels in front to trip him up. Grant wonders why they've chosen to surround themselves with all these assholes and let the nice ones leave.
- Eloy uses Suggestion to convince an Abyssal amalgam that it's a living yuan-ti that wishes to save the island. The newly sentient creature flips the fuck out at the horror of its new body.Wake: Oh my god. Eloy, what have you done?
Part Chapter 1 Finale
- Session 11 sees Lani, tired of his string of nautral 1's, inadvertently naming their group the Natural One-ders.
- After another red cap escapes, Skrung tosses an (inert) explosive rune to Wake and laughs with Gulfur at the possibility of it going off when Wake caught it. Then Skrung bungles a force rune trap, showering Eloy with a hail of glass. As an apology he gives Eloy what the red cap had hidden behind it... and gets a natural 1 while opening the bag, setting off a (dud) rune.Eloy: Guys, based on how the day is going so far...
Zito: Says the guy who has velociraptor wounds on his face and now glass shards.
- Skrung and Wake get their hands covered in a sticky substance. Wake gets his hand stuck to a wall until Eloy frees him with alcohol, making a joke in the process. Skrung holds out his fist to get it dissolved and Eloy fist bumps him, sticking the two of them together.
- Yeldin the depressed Mimic Boat. They end up leaving Gulfur with him while chasing Victor, but are suspicious he'll try to flee with the mimics... so Wake sticks an explosive rune to his neck. Grant notes it's probably going to be a little hard to get him to work with them in the future.Zito: Gulfur will remember this.
- As Zito points out, not one player even tried to discern whether Gulfur was going to do anything. They just assumed he would and immediately jumped to threats and attempted murder.
- Wake charges into the ritual room, yelling Victor's name. He proceeds to get steamrolled with psychic damage, to Zito's concern. He's not making it up, his roll against Lani are really that good. Wake ends up looking like he had a stroke as he lives through all his childhood trauma... and promptly claims he loosened up the abyssal that was just chomping on his face.Grant: Jimmy Newtrauma.
Zito: Gotta blast!
Grant: Brain blast! [screams in horror]
- After Wake takes another psychic blast to the face, Zito protests he did not build this encounter to kill the party. Lani replies he obviously built it just to kill Wake.
- An Abyssal gets a critical 1 on a brain-eating grapple and a 100 on severity. It proceeds to tear out its own brain and die.
- Lani completely derails Zito's planned pre-battle banter with Victor by hurling an explosive rune through his portal and onto the Abyssal. Cue the Abyssal getting very angry with Victor.
- Eloy gets charmed by the Abyssal and starts carving into their raptor ally while the rest of the party is unaware.Lani: All those pictures of bloody Eloy, they're coming true! Just that smiley face!
Grant: When I said I sort of hope something comes from those, I didn't realize this was where we'd be going!
Lani: You've cursed us!
- After another red cap escapes, Skrung tosses an (inert) explosive rune to Wake and laughs with Gulfur at the possibility of it going off when Wake caught it. Then Skrung bungles a force rune trap, showering Eloy with a hail of glass. As an apology he gives Eloy what the red cap had hidden behind it... and gets a natural 1 while opening the bag, setting off a (dud) rune.
- Session 12 starts with a recap of the past battle, which involved a "fuckton of fire".
- Troy is revealed to be a familiar and animated suit of armor. Said familiar is three imps standing totem pole style.
- Eloy tries to apologize to their raptor friend for the whole stabbing thing. He gets a natural 1 on the Handle Animal roll and gets a raptor clamping down on his neck.
- Grammy gives Eloy a bowl of tomato soup which includes mandrake, which is still screaming. As Lani starts joking about the possible horrors of it, Zito starts to regret creating it.
- Red and Eloy have an in-depth discussion on his issues with magic and mind control, interrupted periodically by him talking about Lady Big Rock Mountain, rockslides killing people, and extracting glass shards from his ass.
- Eloy doesn't know what vampires are, so Red explains by comparing them to the stirge from a previous session. He completely misinterprets this and starts telling his party that the stirge are evolving into vampires and have a conspiracy to take over the world. Wake rolls a natural 1 and believes him.
- Pliskin tells Ezra that he's been hearing voices calling him to go into the ocean. Cue a completely smashed Wake yelling that he and Pliskin should go swimming.
- The guys spend a bit planning and eventually come to the decision of being a sea-faring troupe of performers as cover for their true mission of freeing slaves, who they may or may not then force into indentured servitdue. Which is all before they get the actual plot mission from Zito.Eloy: I gotta be honest, I'm way more interested in our cover story than our secret mission.
Zito: Slap the DM right in the face, Eloy, for fuck's sake!
Lani: We are hijacking this campaign, Zito.
- In Session 13 Grant reveals that Ezra has bought the best top hat he could find... for all of five silver.
- Wake tries teaching Nedra how to focus and overcome her more violent urges, with the help of Timothy and the pumpkin patch. After Timothy pulls a magic trick by driving a gourd into his head, he headbutts Nedra and starts an impromptu sparring match. Wake tries to persuade Nedra to focus... and gets a natural 1, obliterating the patch.
- Wake decides to challenge Havock for possession of Grammy the sea hag. Havock is stunned that Wake genuinely wants her and instructs them to put on a big play so it will look like a legitimate contest rather than Havock just giving her away. Grammy recognizes her new "masters" by wrapping seaweed around the arms of Wake and Eloy.Lani: Are Eloy and I married now by sea hag law?
Grant: I'm not sure if I'm upset or happy I didn't go.
Ben: Now you can't be part of our communal tri-marriage. Now you're not communal husbands with us.
[Zito loses his shit]
- Eloy's gift to Timothy ends up shattering Skrung's mug in his hand. Eloy tries to fix it with his new in-progress mending cantrip, only to get a natural 1 and shatter what was still in Skrung's hand. He angrily demands what Eloy is going to do about the glass shrapnel in his hand, holding it up for all to see. A drunk Wake high-fives him earning another epic Atomic F-Bomb.
- Ezra tries to sleight of hand some gold to Mary... and gets a natural 1 on the roll. Thankfully he doesn't grab her ass, but Ezra ends up losing 100 gold to Gulfur.
- When they don't immediately know who the captain is when asked, Skrung nominates himself. Eloy asks what his job is and the entire tavern immediately responds "Bard". Then Wake announces Grammy will be the cook and everyone goes quiet.
- Zito notes that any NPC other than Grammy would have players calling bullshit on her antics, but the trio likes her too much to do so.
- The shenanigans at the Witness Tower, which include Skrung getting knocked down a flight of stairs to land in the ocean, and Wake getting launched up a skyscraper-sized jet of water.
- In Session 14, the guys investigate an abandoned ship that was attacked by vampires and encounter the boss straight out of Dark Souls: a massive vampire in plate armor, half his face rotted away, wielding a 10-foot wooden cross like a massive club as he declares oaths to dark gods. ...And then the dramatic tension promptly dies as Zito rolls three Natural 1s in a row, which includes a nat 1 on a d100 roll for severity, resulting in the vampire slipping on the ball bearings Ezra threw on the floor Home Alone-style, falling flat on his back, followed by the giant flaming cross he was wielding falling on him, hitting the bottom of the ship so hard that the boards shatter beneath him, sending him to the bottom of the ocean. As the players and the chatroom die laughing, Zito admits that he's mostly annoyed because of how long he spent planning out this encounter and asks for a five minute break to decompress. After he leaves to get a glass of water, we hear a giant "DAMMIT!" from off-camera.
- Making it even worse, that was just the last step in a Humiliation Conga for that boss, since earlier in the battle Ezra accidentally blasted him with his heat ringnote and Eloy decided to cast Heat Metal on his armor which did triple damage and gave him several disadvantages on several rolls.
- As Zito narrates the vampire's literal fall, the image of him tossing his giant cross into the air as he slips is punctuated by narrating the cross spinning in the air in slow motion. Hell, the moment the vampire slips, the scene is all rendered in slo-mo, including what sounds like the vampire's "OHSHI-" as he sees the cross about to land on him.
- Searching the room afterwards, the crew finds a journal describing the "Bottled Lightning Project" that resulted in the creation of the armored vampire they foughtnote . Wake borrows it, pulls out a pen, and adds "And now his bitch ass lies at the bottom of the ocean" to the last page. Red dryly remarks that her employer will appreciate the addition.
- While rowing over to the boat, Wake lost his oar twice on a natural 1 and ended up in the water trying to wrestle it away from a shark... at which point Ezra got a natural 1 with his crossbow and nearly shot Wake. The guys debate that at this rate to balance out to average, they'll be rolling nothing but natural 20's at level 10... or their 1's will be wiping out cities.
- Roughed up by the sharks, Wake tries to apply a salve to his injuries. A shark's tail knocks it out of his hand.
- In a moment of awesome though, Wake did grab the bolt Ezra shot at him and used it to stab the shark.
- Wake is baffled after encountering a zombie (since he still doesn't believe in undead).Wake: It's like he's not dead, but he's not alive either. That's awful! What do you call that? ...It's like he's... unliving.
- Another zombie shoves over a pile of corpses Wake had literally been poking with a stick. Wake demands an apology from the mindless undead, who needless to say does not respond. Then he notices its an orc and understands: He's too dumb to speak Common.
- Wake tosses it a hand and breaks out laughing, to Red's horror. Wake just points out that as a child he made friend with lots of fish he would later eat. He really gets into watching it and starts suggesting taking the zombie to be an act for the circus; Red promises to burn it before they leave the ship.
- Zombies hate dancing apparently, enough to try and tear off their own face to get away. Which they learn when Eloy conjures the image of a tap-dancing zombie in front of one of them.
- Ezra: The more we learn about these things, the more positive I am we should burn this ship.
- Ezra checks the talent show sign-up sheet he put up earlier. Most entries are what you'd expect: Eloy put music, Pliskin is acrobatics, Grammy is concessions, Onslow put down "killing"...Zia'ka put "Occult"...Skrung just drew a middle finger...and Nedra wrote "peting zoo"? Turns out she meant to write "Competing Zoo" but is bad at spelling.
- Wake and Eloy team up to teach Nedra a lesson about control, with Eloy summoning up Ray the Tap Dancing Zombie for target practice. Nedra tries to punch him twice and goes overboard both times due to a nat 1. Wake tries to show how control will help by punching Ray himself. One nat 1 later, Ray is fine and Wake is in the water.Zito: Overboard! Yes! Ray cannot be fucking stopped!
- Grammy gets Eloy to eat an omelet with a still-shelled Abyss Crab as the "secret ingredient". Eloy barley managed to get it down, then suggests to Grammy that next time she make it into a pancake, like some sort of "Abyssquick". Cue massive groans from everyone at the table.
- The team discovers an island seemingly populated only by deer. After making landfall Wake entices one over with some grass...and then kills it with a single punch. Grant and Ben crack up laughing while Zito gets what can only be described as a "deer in the headlights" look on his face. Which makes sense once the group learns that there's a druid curse on the island that makes people turn into deer if they kill one. And Zito outright says that he did his best to ensure that the core party wouldn't be affected by it, only for Lani to do that.
- Onslow gets transformed into an enormous, fat deer (but still has enough presence of mind to do Once for Yes, Twice for No). He doesn't know how to walk and his feet can't really reach the ground so Wake has to roll him off the boat. Wake says that when this is all over he's going to have to go on a diet; Onslow stomps twice.
- The circumstances of Wake getting cursed become even more Hilarious in Hindsight once the party meet Nedra again, who is not transformed. Meaning that, unless she's somehow immune to the curse, NEDRA showed more restraint on the island than her 'master' Wake, even though as far as she knew, the deer were just deer.
- Eloy gets pissed on seeing the deer, remembering how the cervine centaurs used to lord the fact that their god doesn't kill them over the asinine centaurs.
- When Wake starts turning into a deer, Eloy tearfully calls him a race traitor.
- Going through a cave, Eloy gets his ass stuck in a hole. He gets shrunk by Red's spell and immediately decides she made everyone else bigger than him. Cue everyone else speaking in deeper voices whenever they address Eloy.
- Grant makes a joke about the diary he's reading dealing with Judie's first period, leading to a spat of 90s jokes from the players.Zito: [exasperated] Are you done?
Lani: For now.
- Though the session's YouTube title being the obvious and Incredibly Lame Pun-tastic "Oh Deer" wouldn't probably be that funny, somehow, the fact that they did it anyway makes it so.
- The lighthouse's guardian screeches at the door to open and close it, with them taking the full blast when he's closing it. Not only do they take 13 points of sonic damage, but Lani gets a nat 1 and Risf a 2 on their save rolls, rendering them deaf.
- Wake, faced with his impending loss of hands, asks Eloy to tie his trident to him so he can use it after. Despite Wake holding it right-side up, Eloy somehow manages to flip it upside down while tying it on.
- Then he finds a deer figurine through which he hears a woman's voice. Ezra doesn't believe so Wake tries to persuade him... with a nat 1. At first Lani goes with making Wake look like a raving lunatic, but then decides at that moment he lost the ability to make anything other than deer calls.
- ''Redd'' and Eloy doing a high-five.
- Hell, her morbid fascination when the gang encounter a small pack of wolves upstream....that are inexplicably devoured by giant spiders. While she's taking down notes and openly musing about how she wishes she could be able to study the corpses, the rest of the gang, particularly our boys, who've already had their fair share of giant spiders at Yeldin's cave, all practically go "NOPE".
- Ezra doesn't want to become a deer... because without his ability to speak, the crew might mutiny against him.
- "You think you're better than us because your god doesn't kill you with rock slides?! WE ARE THE ROCK SLIDE MOTHER FUCKER!"
- The asinine centaur used to say that being a deer was a disease.
- When they untie Calliope, their satyr companion, Eloy hesitates to come and help. Zito prompts him to roll deception against Calliope's insight, to account for Eloy's Fantastic Racism. Eloy loses.Calliope: What's that supposed to mean?
- Ezra makes a comment about "your people" to Wake, with regards to deer behavior. Calliope wants to know what he means by that; Eloy's just amused he's not making the racist comments.
- Wake tries to intimidate a group of zombie deer. As Ezra points out, they are sentient servants of an otherworldly wendigo; none are impressed by his flailing.
- The part right before that, where he failed a stealth check and started frantically rolling performance checks to try and make them think he was jut there grazing was pretty funny too.
- Ezra fires an explosive bolt into one of the zombie deer, which proceeds to gore/grapple him. Grant had not considered the possibility of being near the bolt when it detonated.
- On returning to town, they find the rest of the crew has holed up to protect Onslow from the wendigo's deer servants. Picture this: A grossly rotund deer buried neck deep in a pile of pillows and enclosed in a ring of kegs. They figure it's Onslow's Pillow Fort, no girls allowed.
- Wake is able to talk with the transformed Onslow; the gang finds the sight of two deer "talking" hilarious. The two deer, on the other hand...Wake: Onslow, how you doing?
Onslow: [completely deadpan] Son, what do you think?
Wake: Well, it's not so bad.
Onslow: I can't move, son. Every moment, every breath I take I can feel my very existence shake throughout my body. I hate this, and once I'm cured or you can find some way to change this son, I'm going to murder and devour every living creature on this island.
Wake: That's what got you in this mess to begin with, both of us. I agree...
Ezra: [in the background] Look at them, they think they're people.
- Nedra is delighted to pet Wake and promptly picks him up for a near literally bone-crushing hug. Elsewhere, the kobold girl the gang encountered earlier hears a deer bleating in pain from a distance, and shrugs it off. Also, might count as heartwarming, given the details given in the Q&A right after the session, and how Nedra views the trio compared to other crews she's been amongst.
- Wake is able to talk with the transformed Onslow; the gang finds the sight of two deer "talking" hilarious. The two deer, on the other hand...
- The YouTube video upload name? Oh, Deer God.
- All the bean shenanigans:
- As soon as Zito mentions they found crates full of beans, everyone in the chat starts screaming "SENZU BEANS!"
- Eloy says that he's heard that beans have magical musical properties - specifically that they help you "toot". Everyone groans. Then they find out the beans might be the souls of the townsfolk, and Ben calls them "human beans". Everyone groans again. The chat starts yelling "SAIBAMEN!"
- The crew wonders what will happen if the beans turn back into humans while they have them all stuck in the crates...
- Once Eloy realizes that the whole thing is a massive "farm" for the Wendigo, he remarks that the town is a Mean Bean Machine.
- Wake, trying to comfort Calliope : "At night, even if me bean: he die."
- Onslow later ends up turning into a bean. A green, scaley bean named Onslow Bean.
- They prepare defenses around the town, including having Grammy main one of their cannons.The secret ingredient is PAIN!The secret ingredient is Wendigo.
- With Calliope's help, they boobytrap the entire town to try and slow down the Wendigo's forces with random stuff they find in their packs and lying around.
- They also set the tavern to blow up if they needed to make a getaway...forgetting fat deer Onslow is still stuck in there, in his Pillow-turned-Dynamite Fort.Lani: I just imagine his face as we're packing this place with dynamite. [makes a worried face]
Grant: But his lungs, he can't speak so he can't make a noise.
Zito: And no one bothered to ask how he felt about this!
Grant: "Excuse me, Onslow, I'm just going to set this box of dynamite right next to you. We're gonna blow this up if things get in here! Anyway, bye!"
[Zito stares at Grant in stupefied horror]
- They also set the tavern to blow up if they needed to make a getaway...forgetting fat deer Onslow is still stuck in there, in his Pillow-turned-Dynamite Fort.
- Pliskin fires at a wave of deer and gets a 1 on a d100, making the cannonball a dud. Risf then fires at the other side and gets a 100 on the d100, blocking off a section entirely. They decide that every single god Risf prays to helped guided the shot.
- Risf then proceeds to blow up part of the tavern with a low roll, then bless the cannon with another 100 and makes basically a holy nuke cannonball. The chat quickly dubbed Risf a God of Destruction, and before the battle even finished, someone had tweeted Zito a picture of Risf dressed as Beerus.
- When Risf hits the tavern, the blast radius stops about an inch short of Osnlow and the dynamite.
- Risf then proceeds to blow up part of the tavern with a low roll, then bless the cannon with another 100 and makes basically a holy nuke cannonball. The chat quickly dubbed Risf a God of Destruction, and before the battle even finished, someone had tweeted Zito a picture of Risf dressed as Beerus.
- Wake sees Pliskin has turned into a were-shark.Grant and Lani: JAW-SOME!
- As a zombie Kobold comes at him, Eloy says "Hey dummy." in the most casual voice ever and just points at the zombie Nedra just slammed into the ground. Successful vicious mockery.
- "Hey Nedra, wanna go punch the Northern Lights?"
- Ezra gets an explosive bolt in the Wendigo. Eloy manages to distract him with Hypnotic Pattern. Wake asks Ezra how many explosive bolts he has left. They proceed to stuff another eight explosive bolts into the Wendigo's clothing, laughing the whole time (Lani even acts like they're college students pulling off a prank), then douses his clothing in oil and lights him up. Made even better since he takes double damage from fire, plus it turns out that burning him was the only way to save the townsfolk. The Natural Oneders saved the day by being mad arsonists!
- The fact that such a frightening eldritch entity like the Wendigo is reduced to a dazed, drooling fool, unaware that he's being stuffed with explosive bolts, is hilarious. Combined that with being earlier grabbed by the horns, flipped over, and elbowed in the skull-face by Nedra just adds to this Humiliation Conga. Overall, the boss fight wasn't as anticlimactic as "Johnny Darksouls" the vampirized paladin, but once Wake and Onslow got their bodies back, it didn't take long or much for the creature to go down hard.
- Outside of the game, there was Lani's expression on coming up with the idea.Lani: [excited] How many explosive bolts do you have?
Grant: [grinning] I have plenty.
Chat: Is it Pirate Fourth of July?
- When Calliope is chosen to accompany the One-ders on their journey to the next town as the island's representative, Wake asks her if she's okay with it. Upon saying she is, he then says it's a dat--er, deal! He then goes all Tsundere and retreats to the ship.
- After everything is said and done, Eloy attempts to start an Everybody Laughs Ending ("I didn't care for this town at first, but it really en-deer-ed itself to me!"). Calliope's grandfather bops Eloy with his staff, ending the session.
- A very enthusiastic fan gave them a brass d20 marked with all 1s.
- When the elder faun complains about being a bit forgetful, Grant notes he was a deer for a long time and "the mind is the first thing to doe." Zito asks somebody hand him the brass die.Zito: "Yeah, you rolled a nat 1, Grant!" [mimes throwing]
- When the elder faun complains about being a bit forgetful, Grant notes he was a deer for a long time and "the mind is the first thing to doe." Zito asks somebody hand him the brass die.
- Eloy asks the town's musician to teach him a song, and he hands over a pamphlet. Turns out Eloy had never heard of sheet music before because he's a hillbilly...and Ezra compounds matters by being pissed drunk, mistaking it for Braille. Only Wake recognizes it for what it is, prompting this reaction from the chat:"the bard and the rogue are supposed to be silver tongued and its the monk who manages to pull the wool over everyone's Eyes. Frakkin Jedi"
- Eloy is so flabbergasted by the idea that you can write down music that he starts telling everyone he meets about it, including the mysterious Tabaxi that sneaks onto their ship in the dead of night.
- Wake and Ezra bullshitting the elder faun that they're definitely not pirates and would be very excited to see the Boardwalk company on the next island. Calliope sees right through their bullshit.
- Pliskin laughs his ass off at the idea of the crew planning something.
- While talking about the talent show, Ezra suggests that Wake and Calliope could do a team show. Neither realize what he's planning and Wake is reduced to a babbling mess when Calliope grabs his hand.
- Then Wake introduces Calliope to Yeldin and Grammy. She was not prepared.
- Calliope reveals that the island they're headed towards has a large number of aasimar devoted to the goddess of fire and they'll be fine so long as they don't talk about Brookalina, her opposite.Eloy: Grammy, wasn't broccolina yesterday's secret ingredient?
Grammy: Secret ingredient!
Zito: Goddammit, Ben, you guys just fucking shit in my lexicon cereal every time, don't you? [contemplates his throwing knife]
- Because of their previous encounter with the company that owned Nedra, Ezra is forced to remove a lot of the more eye-catching and colourful decorations on Yeldin so to not draw attention to themselves. Meanwhile, Nedra and Wake are having the most spectacular battle of their lives in the background that draws the crowd Ezra has been craving for this entire time, a crowd he has to drive away himself because they need to be incognito.Ezra: [on the verge of tears] YOU didn't even sign the talent show paper! And YOU wanted a petting zoo!
- Skrung, to add salt to the wound, clapped once they were finished.
- Wake dresses up with a scarf and hat to hide his appearance, becoming Johnny Bloodborne. He also used Ezra's disguise kit... without Ezra's help. He looks like a bad early 90s CG human. His attempt to pass it off as his real look fails when Eloy comments about makeup and a guard hears him. Wake only gets away with the disguise by claiming he was burned as a child and the rest of the crew makes fun of him.
- Skrung being genuinely nice to Caillope confuses them. Lani and Grant start making rolls to figure his ulterior motive, and Skrung points out that he's not going to be a dick to a child.Eloy: (raises hand)
Skrung: You're not innocent. You're just dumb.
- Ezra attmept to get everyone on board with stealing for the Boardwalk company.Ezra: What do you think about...*Grant rolls die* heists?
- Grant's and Lani's Pete the Cat impressions.
- Zito finally gets in on the punning, mentioning a shop called "Joe Joh's Adventurer Bazaar".Lani: Oh my God.
Zito: Fuck you, I get to make my anime references too.
- Wake sets Nedra the task of staying on the ship and writing the letter A on both sides of a sheet of paper while he heads out into town. When Wake says it's how is master taught him to write, Zito says it sounds more like he used to give busywork so he could go out and get drunk.
- When both Wake and Caillope express an interest in going to the Adventurer Bazaar, Ezra decides to accompany Eloy to the Bard college instead, basically setting Wake and Caillope up on an awkwardly adorable date.
- As the main trio discuss their separate plans, Eloy expresses his lack of need to go to the Adventurer Bazaar because:Eloy: I-I've never been to the full Bazaar, but I got everythin' I needed at their stand, so it's fine.(Lani and Grant crack up while Ben gets a plush dice tossed at him by Zito for it)
- When playing the lady who runs Joe Joh's Adventurer Bazaar, Zito does some exaggerated poses. He later narrates that the Menacing effect appears around her
- The whole time, Wake's Sheldon Flash disguise isn't really fooling anyone, or at least not the Bazaar lady. Even as he tries to pass off his merman features as having distantly related to some merman, his makeup is melting from the heat.Ben: His great-grandmother had the finny fever.
- The extremely posh-sounding aasimar who snootily looks down on their clothes and decides to buy a dress right out of Calliope's hands. Ben and Grant start imagining him stealing Calliope's first kiss and there's no puddle for her to wash her mouth out — DIO!
- Wake and Edward (professional asshole/lawyer) make and sign a bet on who gets the dress. All the while, everyone else in the store is ignoring this as it's just a pissing contest between those two.Edward: Even if I do lose this bet, oh well. It's not like you'll ever amount to the same amount of money I make as a lawyer.
Wake: Yeah, well I'm gonna save this ski slope for all of the kids in Partyburg!
- As the main trio discuss their separate plans, Eloy expresses his lack of need to go to the Adventurer Bazaar because:
- Eloy attempts to explain what happened on Venin Island to the Bard College, to the utter bewilderment of the proctor and to laughs from everyone else.Zito: Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons, folks.
Ben (addressing the audience): This is Ben Creighton, reminding you that student loans are scams!Zito (facing the camera): This is Chris Zito. I concur.
- Talking about where the bards go after graduating, the guys all start having flashbacks to how useful their own degrees have proven.
- When discussing potential tuition fees, Ben nearly slips out of character when having Eloy express worry about student loans. When it's pointed out how a total hick like Eloy would know anything about student loans, Ben then Zito have this to say:
- Grammy harassing all the workers at the food stalls because the food is not up to her standards. The chat starts calling her "Grammy Ramsay".Grammy: The secret ingredient will be the hearts of those who run these terrible stores!
- Later, Grammy seems to have taken over one of the food stalls.
- Lieutenant Gor: A jovial, very cordial...and GIGANTIC Navy fellow...who speaks very similar to the Red Guy. He even introduces himself the same way.
- When Wake, er, "Sheldon" describes what happened to Venon Island, Gor's reaction raises the ham.
- Zito gets increasingly upset when they mention Pistachio again.
- When Zito tries to describe the interior of the Cactus Rose, the brothel Ezra finds Skrung in, he tries to say the word "incenses", but flubs it and nearly says "incest". Ben jumps on this chance by renaming the place Citrus Rose.
- Taka cameos as "A high elf cursed to play a time god's version of I spy" who acts like a very irritable Jack Sparrow and was essentially the Draco Malfoy of his class. His accent is similar to the Roman nobility he and Zito roleplayed as during their Domina streams.
- His first roll is a 2.Ben: You're not part of the crew yet, but you're getting there.
- Taka and Zito worked together to build AJ's character sheet. Taka continuously rejected spells because they were too useful.
- His first roll is a 2.
- How does AJ get a hold of guard uniforms? By posing as a guard, claiming his wife threw him out, and imply it was because she caught him coming out of a male brothel. And the guard buys it.
- Wake suggests splitting the party between their options. God (Zito) parts the sky and says "NO!"
- Eloy getting nuzzled by ass bats.
- While dealing with the bats in the bat enclosure, Eloy and AJ went to the entrance after AJ accidentally smacks Eloy with his gun. Eloy actually begins ranting about how he was supposed to be preparing for the battle of the bands the next day. AJ then starts ranting about his girlfriend but due to Ben rolling Nat 20 on insight, Eloy is having none of that and says he doesn't give a shit about his girlfriend and forces AJ to stay put.Zito: I'm so happy this is happening.
Ben: I just want to point out for the audience, Eloy is pissed; I'm having the time of my life.
- Eloy tells Ezra he wants to "do a wicked". He doesn't want to wait six hours for AJ to disappear, Eloy wants to make him disappear.
- Eloy uses Sleep on the bat enclosure, causing the entire bat enclosure to fall asleep, small bat bodies raining to floor all around. While parents and their children outside watch the little bodies splatter.
- Ezra has to go onto a ledge nearly two hundred feet into the air and colossus climb across a massive bat to remove a sickle in its wing, getting bitten for his trouble and Wake ending up landing in a pile of guano. Afterward AJ notes he could have just Mage Handed it down.
- AJ suggests they can make a worm vomit by stressing it out.Eloy: Oh, well that's easy then. Just ask the worm to help you.
[everyone starts laughing]
Zito: The fucking— oh, god, Eloy!
Lani: Eloy, savage!
AJ: [raising his eyebrows] Yeah, bet you think you're really fucking clever, don't you?
Ezra: You didn't even have to use Cutting Words for that one!
- After dropping a house on a bunch of hyenas the group encounters sahaguin, amphibian humanoids similar to the Creature of The Shape of Water. They haven't been fed and think the party looks tasty; AJ sends them after the hyenas after lying about sedating them.
- Wake attempts to speak with them in Aquan, and manages to have a fairly-sustained conversation. Aquan is represented by the guys flicking their fingers over their lips to make it sound vaguely underwater. The surrealness is very strong.
- Crossing the river, AJ loses his footing and gets washed away. In order to transform and rescue him, Wake has to doff his boots and pants.Taka: We're about to have a Shape of Water moment with AJ.
- AJ ends up with leeches on his ass and suggests shooting the leeches off him. Eloy happily volunteers before AJ shoots down his own idea seeing how Eloy did not even hesitate to do so and instead dealt with the leeches himself.
- After burning the leeches off with a handheld fireball, AJ has a large hole in the seat of his pants and finally joins the One-ders when his Investigation causes him to notice a child laughing at said hole. He flips off the kid and Zito rolls severity, getting another nat 1 that wakes all the elephants.
- Ezra manages to distract an angry herd of elephants with a bunch of nuts... except for one very dedicated baby elephant who proceeds to get a nat 20 to hit max damage attack on Wake. The massive number of children watching are horrified.
- AJ tries to make a jab at Wake and Nedra being an item, to which Wake rebuffs as he thinks of her as his student, and Ezra politely reminds AJ she's underage, and then he promptly states he's going to drop it immediately.Ben, facing the audience.: And we'd appreciate it if all of you at home did too!
- Nedra names the Nightmares at the zoo Wake 1, Wake 2, Wake 3 all the way till Wake 6.
- Zito ended the session by jokingly having Nedra imply she may have broke a Nightmare out of the zoo, which did not actually happen.
- They find out that the Alchemy Jug can make coffee. Wake gives some to Nedra. She ends up so hyper she punches Gore in the face.
- Gore gives Wake a free shot since he's the teacher and mostly shrugs the blow off. Then he gives Wake a friendly pat on the back, which leaves Wake prone and down 10 HP.
- Zito points out that none of the crew have washed their clothes since the adventure started. Eloy pipes up that the last time he washed them was when it rained.
- Ezra and Eloy go to the Bazaar to get a prop for Eloy's performance and end up at an Honest John's Dealership run by an air djinni named "Legitimate Larry", who's apparently been shut down and re-opened his store six times (though he frames it in more positive terms). Grant and Ben roll so poorly for Insight that they trust him implicitly.
- Later on Eloy is so happy with Legitimate Larry that he goes in for a hug. "I WANNA HUG A TORNADO!"
- The crew meets the head of the Bards' College, who enters wearing an All-Encompassing Mantle before dramatically whipping it off. Grant interjects a single word: "NUDE!", making everyone in the studio (including the tech guy) and the chatroom die laughing.
- Pistachio is again brought up towards the end of the stream, and Zito kills him for real. Wake is distraught by this news.
- One of the pieces of fanart shown at the end of the stream is the "Saturday Morning Cartoon version" of the game, with Wake punching a mummy ninja while Eloy shoots a laser beam out of a keytar at a cheetah-woman. Lani quickly dubs the former "Mumm-Ja" and declares that he'd be the team's Arch-Enemy, and Zito says he wants to make it canon. Grant suggests that it's "Johnny Dark Souls" back and seeking revenge, and Zito's all for it.
- The idea of the Saturday Morning Cartoon Natural Oneders became so popular (especially "Mumja") that Lani announced in the stream for Part 12 that the following week (since Zito would be absent), there would be a special episode dedicated to the idea with Lani being the GM.
- At the end of the last session, Gore seems to have appeared on their ship. It's revealed here that it was the tabaxi from the College of Whispers creating an illusion of Gore, which Ezra discovers by poking the illusion in the forehead. Wake then figures out that Convictor's also an illusion/projection by poking him in the forehead - on a failed check.Lani: I dumbed my way into a smart!
- Eloy later pokes the illusion on purpose just for the heck of it.
- During a serious conversation on who will meet with the Navy, Skrung is reading a newspaper and casually mentions a story about Pistachio choking on his namesake. As the guys collectively groan, they muse his obituary probably reads "God's greatest mistake".
- Ezra, Wake, Red and Pliskin later go to meet with Gore, who offers them some Dragon Fire brandy. While Wake and Pliskin get their throats burned and Red manages to cool it down first, Grant/Ezra rolls a nat 20 on his con save and is somehow perfectly fine. He even has a few more glasses just to pretend he's getting drunk to throw Gore off.
- When Grammy insists on getting a cut of their pirate gold, Wake hands over the dripping-gold rock that he's just discovered is a Midas stone. Grammy eagerly accepts it and starts turning herself gold.Wake I don't know what I've unleashed, but I think it's fine.
- Eloy enlists Grammy to help set up for his performance. She reveals that she used to be in a band called the "Secret Ingredients", and starts barking out orders. She also steals some wood from a navy ship, which Ezra berates her for.Zito: Roll intimidation. Against Grammy.Grant: Modified 20!Zito/Grammy: "...I like a man who takes charge." Waddles off in agreement.Grant/Ezra: *calmly* "Okay. Thank you." *turns to Lani/Wake in character, terrified* "Ohmygod." *Everybody cracks up*
- While the crowd is waiting for the show, Risf and Pliskin are working the crowd by selling holy symbols of the local goddess Selema. Skrung is selling rock for the crowd to throw at the performers if they don't like them.
- The war over Pistachio continues, as Zito has Granny find his corpse and use it as the secret ingredient, something nobody but Ezra realizes. But the party gets the last laugh: Eloy's performance for the competition is a tribute to Pistachio, titled "Spumoni's Lament". Zito's face when he realizes where they're going is priceless.
Ben: Alright, this is gonna take a second of preparation.Zito: A-a whatnow?Lani: Oh boy.Grant: A second of preparation?Lani: Oh God, he's at the sound board!Zito: Is that the fucking mixer?!*Ben cackling off-screen*Grant: He's laughing maniacally!
- The setup for this moment alone deserves mention, if only for Grant and Lani's delighted anticipation and Zito's surprised dread.
Eloy (narrating): "Pray to Salima for forgiveness," the priest said. "Cast off your sinful iced creams, and become a pie-monger or a cakesmith!"
- Eloy's opponent in the "Bardic duel" sings a song of an epic, heroic battle against an Abyssal. Eloy sings about a cat-man who wanted to make the best ice cream in the world, changed his name to "Pistachio", won a Cooking Duel, then died on the spot after the judges insisted that he taste his own food, to which he was deathly allergic. Eloy wins.
- And let's be honest, this performance being a Moment of Awesome was exactly what made it Funny. If Ben had just written up his story and then read it off during the session, it would have been funny. If he'd read it while playing a generic medieval fantasy-style song playing in the background, it would have been hilarious. But what he did was pre-record the entire performance, with visuals keyed up to appear on the stream at appropriate moments, and even enlisted the help of Team Four Star's resident composer Cliff "AinTunez" Weinstein to create an all-original soundtrack that accurately reflected Eloy's selection of instruments. All this effort for, again, a story about a cat-man making ice cream, is precisely what elevated it to CMOF.
- You already know it's going to be a hell of a hilarious event at the mere opening moments of the ballad: Grant is already giggling once the music starts up and Lani's just jamming along...until the voiceover starts up, at which point both of them start dying of laughter, Lani clearly turning as red as a tomato from sheer intense laughter. Even better, the fact that they're barely able to keep their laughter as quiet as possible so as not to drown out the audio. Again, especially Lani, considering how boisterous and loud his laughter tends to be.
- Blink and you miss it, but during that moment, Ben, who is reveling in all of this, clearly points towards the crew with a big grin on his face, indicating that behind the cameras are crew members with splitting sides.
- You can tell the exact moment Lani's face turns red from the constant laughter, at the first mention of Pistachio's sisters, Coco and Sakura. Grant also at this point buries his face in his arms on the table, also losing it further.
- Peter creates the perfect spumoni, but Salima, goddess of Summer, punishes him for bringing a bit of Winter into her domain by cursing him so he's unable to taste his own creation. Her priests encourage him to repent:
(Lani and Grant die laughing while Zito lets out a Big "WHAT?!")
- The narration's reveal that Peter Spumoni changed his name to "Pistachio" is rendered by an Ethereal Choir chanting "PISTAAAACHIOOOOO", as if chanting the name of God, in-universe provided by Yeldin himself. While that's already nuts enough on its own, it then ends with this:Eloy (as Pistachio): And also to remind me to never eat pistachios. Or I will fuckin' die!(Everyone both onscreen and off cracks up, with an already-red-faced Lani in particular going full-on hysterical)
- Ben mouths that last line along with the recording, as if it wasn't already funny enough.
- The best part? Zito makes Ben roll Intimidation instead of Performance because the second part managed to traumatized the kids.Zito: Every fucking child in the audience is at a lost for words. Every child now has a fucking crippling fear of nuts.Lani: I think we just killed the Pistachio trade.
- What should normally be a somber moment, namely the part about Pistachio's death, rolls right back to being hilarious by the sheer nuttiness of the military funeral tribute (complete with juxtapositions of ice cream and fanarts of Pistachio), complete with an Amazing Grace-like bagpipe performance and the players and Zito saluting.
- Right after that, the recording reveals that Pistachio's underhanded rival, Simon the Pie-monger, is now called Simon the Poo-monger, because of now being a stable cleaner as punishment for his treachery, Zito makes a Jaw Drop face at Ben.
- Visiting the circus, they run into Seahorsey, the sea horse mascot who sounds like the Jigglin' Hillbilly. He only gets 2 copper an hour, so Eloy starts throwing gold at him to dance and he starts pulling out every move he knows. The guys note it's kind of like being a streamer.Eloy: Keep dancing, monkey! I mean sea horse.
- While discussing how the pirates are learning to harness lightning to power their technology, their host explains it as the stuff that comes from the sky and kills people. Eloy immediately asks if he means rock slides.
- The group gets called in by Mr. Lott, the owner of the local branch of the Fine Day Boardwalk Co. He's...interesting. As in, the chat starts asking what he's on, and Grant says that in his imagination, Lott is played by Nicolas Cage.
Lott: Are they dead?
- He's sitting in a swivel chair in a Bond villain lair decorated in garish gold. Given he's a tabaxi, Lani really hopes he's petting another smaller cat, but it's actually a dog.
- He tosses the dog into a pile of pillows, leading to them joking it's just a container of discarded dogs and Lott was bored with this one.
- Lott cheerfully welcomes the party and starts literally tossing drinks to them, most failing their athletics rolls and getting splattered with booze.
- Lott brings up the zoo incident from Part 9. The group gleefully proceeds to throw AJ under the bus, blaming him for everything and saying that they only went along with it because he blackmailed them.
Eloy: God, I hope so!
Ezra: To us, maybe.
- When the subject of Edward Caster comes up, Lott dismisses him as a rube who just wants to cozy up to the Kals because he's Compensating for Something. Eloy's takeaway from this conversation: Caster has a small penis. When Eloy says he just wants to establish the "pecking order", Ezra quips "You mean the Pecker Order" (and Lani tells Grant "If you hadn't said that, I would have.").
- The first time the camera cuts back to Zito as soon as Eloy gives said takeaway, his head is bowed behind his barrier in clear Facepalm mode. Further selling it is the groan of frustration he gives as Ben just keeps going.
- After Eloy makes a quip, Lott decides he likes the donkey-man and offers him some strong whiskey. Eloy casts Suggestion on himself to get around his inability to hold his liquor. Unfortunately, later on he takes some damage, which forces him to make a Concentration check. He fails, and instantly all that alcohol catches up with him.
- Seeing him now smashed, Skrung tells Eloy there's some ice cream in a nearby store. Eloy is so excited he runs face first into a wall.
- Lott gifts Eloy with a wiener dog... which promptly pukes up a scrying orb to nobody's surprise.
- While leaving Lott's lair, Erza tries to bargain someone for a special cotton candy machine, while doing that he decides to show the effects of his magic beans... that he's never used before. Cue a crystal tree with eyes that shoot lasers everywhere. After all that is done Grant, for some reason, is shocked that he didn't get an advantage for his persuasion roll.
- Zito's reaction to Grant tossing the bean out is priceless, as he goes wide-eyed, covers his mouth, and yells "Oh no!"
- He's sitting in a swivel chair in a Bond villain lair decorated in garish gold. Given he's a tabaxi, Lani really hopes he's petting another smaller cat, but it's actually a dog.
- While debating how to split the crew for the two missions, Grammy volunteers to go with the group hunting down the pirate children. Ezra informs her she is not allowed to cook the children, at which point she snarls he owes her one now.
Eloy: Guys, this is great. I used to have the worst judgment of anybody in the group, but now look at me. Now I have the third worst judgment at worst.
- Ezra tries to balance things out by giving her one of the glass beads as she might be able to cook whatever pops out of it.
- Debating bringing Calliope along, Ezra protests because her attempts to get closer to the ruling cast while trying to pull a fast one is a bad idea. The phrasing makes Wake start protesting and Eloy only makes it worse by talking about her "kissing up" to them.
- Caster has a rather predictable response to Grammy's cooking. Ezra also has to quickly shush her when she nearly mentions cooking Pistachio.
- Wake tries to sail the ship out of port but it quickly becomes clear he has no idea how to helm a large sailing ship. Finally Risf takes pity and the helm away... only to need a crate to stand on which Ziaka has to hold steady so he doesn't slide around.
- Grammy really wants to cook Yt. Eloy decides to distract her by giving her the dog from the previous episode. Zito's face as he mimes holding the dog is priceless.
- Red starts getting anxiety while crammed with everyone in the diving bell, so Eloy offers to play her a relaxing song on his flute to calm her nerves. He rolls a nat 1, causing the sound of the flute to echo so badly inside the bell that everyone takes sonic damage.
- Lani asks if his raptor sex bomb would help.
- The group has to go into a small, underwater tunnel, with a strong current that necessitates a roll. Caster rolls a 1, and gets bashed against the walls all the way down, to the amusement of everyone at the table.
- On finding equine centaur bones, Eloy reveals he thinks they're the worst. Not because of the out-and-out racism he has against cervine centaurs, but because the clan he knows is essentially a giant college fraternity.
- When Caster gets on the ship, he is shown to his freshly-constructed room by Ezra, while Wake brings in his bags. Job done, Wake proceeds to hold out his hand for a tip, which Caster gives him on reflex. By the time Caster realizes who he just tipped, Wake's out of the room.
- Lani starts off the episode by saying "We found a dragon. In a dungeon. Achievement unlocked."
- Caster's Butt-Monkey status from the previous session continues as he is humiliated and amusingly injured again and again. Such highlights include:
- Getting smacked in the face by a shield, knocking him off the edge of a spiral staircase.
- Being used as a stepping stone for Wake's ascent back up the same staircase.
- When Wake is knocked backwards down the staircase, he crashes into Caster at the bottom.
- A non-injury example: Caster peed himself in fear while facing the dragon, and at one point becomes so afraid and desperate that he sobs for his life and loses half his clothing as an offering to him, essentially sacrificing his dignity (Which Wake takes great pleasure in)
- The dragon wants payment from each member of the party to pass through its lair. Ezra and Eloy give it bits of treasure, while Redd gives it all of her notes and research on vampires (as it craves knowledge). Wake, having noticed that it was an adolescent, gives it the raptor sex bomb.
- Ezra attempts to barter a Naval officers uniform to the dragon, claiming it to be the outfit of a "legendary hero" he had slain. The dragon asks for the name of this hero. When Ezra struggles to think of something, Redd sighs and chimes in with an answer: Pistachio.
- Eloy uses Dissonant Whispers on a weaker ghost, inflicting Fear upon it and making it try to run away...and it rolls a Natural 20 to avoid being grabbed and dragged back by the "boss" ghost, letting it get so far out of range that it ceases to be. That's right, Eloy scared a ghost to death. He and Ezra immediately discuss how this is a feat worthy of a song.
- Halfway through their harrowing fight, Eloy sees and convinces Caster to finally join the fight, and he almost single-handedly turns the tide for the group by lowering the Bodack's AC simply by being there, getting a natural 20 on an unarmed attack of opportunity, turns the Bodack kills another ghost, and revives Risf. All within one turn. The boys responses are priceless.Grant: If I had lit a fucking candle would he have jumped in sooner!?Ben: Not like this. Not like this.Lani: Ghost 4, take me with you.
- The session picks up from last time with Eloy getting pulled off a bridge by a trogg, Wake jumping off to help while Ezra anchors them with Wake's trident. During the struggle Ezra pulls out a hammer and tries to use it to reinforce the trident, but he loses hold and drops it. The hammer falls down, hitting Wake, hitting Eloy...and Natural 20-ing the trogg, striking it in the face and making it lose its grip on Eloy's leg, sending it plummeting to its doom.
- While meeting with the Unicorn God, he informs the party of a nearby Test of Character that could be used to empower him, and make helping the unicorns escape easier. But he fears that the taint of darkness within them would make them fail, except the one who is still pure... Caster.* Wake: Bull-SHIT!
- Once again, Wake does something impulsive and violent, which would have had horrible consequences... if his con save wasn't so good that he No Sells it.
- Wake and Ezra end up in a room full of creeping ooze, apparently beings who've been cursed with un-death for millenia. Zito's description was meant to give the idea that the place was cursed...but the guys instead interpret it as a gigantic pit full of monster semen. The puns start flying and soon enough the tech guy is practically on the floor laughing while Zito is threatening to just walk away from the whole thing.
- They trick the trogs into fighting the sea dragon.
- During the trial, Masako suddenly shows up to help. The chat explodes in jokes about Goku showing up out of nowhere to kill-steal.
- The gynosphinx offers the group a trial to prove their worthiness: face "themselves", shadow copies that imitate themselves perfectly. Naturally this causes some hilarity:
Lani: *To Grant/Ezra* I'm gonna make this really gay; I'm gonna tickle you!
- Eloy notices a broken pillar near himself, whereas Shadow Eloy is near a complete pillar, so he headbutts the air, causing the shadow to bash its head against the pillar. He then fakes knocking himself out with a successful performance check, making his double knock itself out for real.
- Ezra decides to take advantage of the situation by dropping several items (explosive bolts, the bag of beans, and Scaffy), expecting that Shadow Ezra will do the same and he'll be able to double his inventory. Later on in the fight, when all the Shadows start growing, "Shadow Scaffy" becomes the size of a dog. Sadly for Grant, the objects fade away when Shadow Ezra is defeated.
- Wake refusing to fight himself causes Shadow Wake to grow. Wake decides to use this to his advantage, smacking and jumping on Ezra and hugging Risf, which causes Shadow Wake to do the same to their counterparts (and naturally it does more damage because he's larger). He actually makes it defeat Shadow Risf by giving regular Risf a high five.
- After this, Wake runs at Ezra, shouting "CATCH ME!" and leaps into the air, making the now gigantic Shadow Wake do the same to Shadow Ezra. Against all odds, Ezra manages to catch Wake, at which point...
Chat: We know dark Eloy is evil because he's a gigantic ass!
- Poor Barabus has a run of terrible luck, rolling a Natural 1 and accidentally tossing his hammer, getting knocked down by a waterfall, then headbutting his Shadow self, getting knocked down again. He ends up being completely useless until the end, when he gets the final hit of the fight.
- After destroying all the other clones, giant Eloy ends up being the final boss.
- Wake punches the giant Eloy in the balls. And then makes a joke about grappling that has everyone in stitches.
Lani: He now has a Prince Albert.
- Not just punch. He takes advantage of the rising water to go full merman, swim up beneath the giant Eloy, dolphin leaps and SHORYUKENS the donkey dong! And THEN, he slaps it with his tail as he begins his fall, and THEN tosses his spear at it! While much of that damage got negated and Shadow Eloy simply treating it like shooing a fly, the very image of it all is still a flood of hilarious absurdity.
- After proving their worth, the group is rewarded with "The Light of Ludarius", which Zito describes as a glowing cube. Cue jokes in the chat about how it's the Tesseract and how Loki or Thanos is going to come for it. After they discover the fact that the Light can repair objects (and people) by reversing time, Grant remarks that it's not the Tesseract, but the Eye of Agamotto.
- After getting the Light, the group's attention is brought to the forcefield, where Pabsvadri can be seen futilely trying to break through while screaming in impotent rage. He's not even trying to make his voice sound deep, so the guys joke that he's in nerd rage mode.
- At the end of the session, as the unicorns prepare to leave via portal, Masako's character says goodbye and lets Wake know that she'll share their story, and her people will speak for generations about Wake's noble act of donkey-punching. Eloy asks her to also tell people how big said groin was.
- Crossing over with Awesome, the gang have finally reached the surface to find a naval vorpal ship next to the Yeldin....and Pabsvadri having caught up to them, ready to unleash his fury...before he finds himself throttled and at the mercy of a brass dragon who emerges near the vorpal. What makes it funny is the first thing that comes out of this bigger dragon's mouth, and the fact that Zito cuts the session there.
- Following up from the previous session, while the group is speaking with the brass dragon AKA Lt. Gore, Wake cautions Nedra not to pick a fight with him. Nedra responds "Why would I do that? He'd kill me!"
- As for Pabsvradi, Gore dispatches him by ordering the vorpal ship to conjure an ethereal bow, with which he launches Pabs like an arrow, where he flies off into the distance.
- The group decides to go through the spoils of their expedition, with Barabus emptying out his Bag of Holding, which produces a pile of gold and treasure twenty feet across. After a few minutes of discussion, Lani starts wondering where Zi'aka is; he looks around and Zito informs him that he sees a tail sticking out of the gold pile.
- Eloy ends up accidentally licking Yt and discovers that he sweats a psychotropic substance (which Skrung later describes as basically being "liquid Fey"). The hallucinations include seeing himself as a goblin with a lobster claw for an arm, and saying utter nonsense like "This is the worst episode of DS9!" and "Please, no more Sum 41!" "Can Gore be my new daddy?"
- This is followed by both the group and the chatroom making every conceivable drug-related joke, including Ben referring to licks as "hyts" and the chat declaring "Lick Yt erryday".
- The drugs cause Eloy to see Grammy as a beautiful mermaid; Ben plays this by having Eloy refer to her as "Mermaid Redd".
- After a serious heart-to-heart with Ezra over his inability to confess to Calliope and her current departure from the cast, Wake decides to get some time alone... and licks Yt, which Ezra came in to his room to stop him from doing so in the first place.
- Zito then tells him he's holding a tiny version of himself while Lani is holding the plush Wake doll a fan made for them.
- As soon as Ezra finds Onslow, Skrung, Pliskin, and Risf having taken his alchemy jug to replicate Yt's hallucinogenic secretions, Ezra's only miffed that they didn't ask first, but is otherwise completely down with the experimentation. He, Pliskin, and even Gulfurr begin to come up with various defense applications for the drugs, and it's all more or less become a drug-making session, with Wake as the primary guinea pig.
- Crosses over with Heartwarming when you consider the reason they've even started doing this, and why Ezra's completely down with it aside from being an actual crew-bonding activity: to help Skrung deal with the physical and emotional pain from losing his arm.
- Overall, the players and office crew just begin cracking up and cracking jokes at the fact that the One-ders have turned into a drug operation.
- Ezra goes to Legitimate Larry's and commissions him to invent a Grappling-Hook Pistol, given all the climbing they've had to do lately. In order to test it out, Larry magicks up a target and holds it up. Ezra rolls a Natural 1 and Zito rolls a 100 on severity, causing the grapnel to lodge in Larry's face and pull his head off when retracted. The guys Freak Out!, thinking they've killed Larry, but thankfully him being a wind elemental means he's alright. He then gives Ezra a second shot. Ezra rolls another 1.
- When Ezra initially asks for something to help climbing, Larry offers a potion of Spider Climb. Wake asks for a sample to test it out, and develops Spider-Man-like powers. He spends the rest of the scene having far too much fun climbing on the ceiling, poking his head into the conversation, and finally falling down onto a table when the effects wear off.
- On top of that, Grant jokes that now Wake has to refer to 30-year-old movies as "ancient" and adds "You don't feel so good, Mr. Stark".
- When Ezra initially asks for something to help climbing, Larry offers a potion of Spider Climb. Wake asks for a sample to test it out, and develops Spider-Man-like powers. He spends the rest of the scene having far too much fun climbing on the ceiling, poking his head into the conversation, and finally falling down onto a table when the effects wear off.
- When the guys go to retrieve the cotton candy machine they commissioned earlier, Wake manages to piss off the inventor by saying he should have added wheels to it to make it easier to move around. He gets so upset that he actually raises the price on Eloy because he's friends with Wake. Wake refuses to pay for the machine, then Grant gets a very high Bluff roll and convinces the inventor that he has nothing to do with the others and buys the machine at its original price. He then immediately turns around and gives it to Wake, who hustles out of there as fast as he can while carrying the machine on his back.
- The group finally gets back to Jahal Cove to return the Collective One's Heart, and while talking with Yeldin they realize how much stress it was for him to carry what's basically a miniature volcano. Yeldin says it's alright because he was quietly eating metal to maintain himself. Ezra asks "What metal?" Cue Grammy falling from the deck above as Yeldin explains that he ate the nails. Then Nedra also falls into the room, cheering "That was fun, do it again!"
- Risf seems really excited to return to The Collective, and runs off to go talk to Father Dorn. Since the scene doesn't follow the Kobold, the crew at the docks only hear Dorn's reaction to the now two-tone Kobold, and what happened to Risf while he was dead: a very loud "WHAT?!?!"
- The Collective One is so pleased that the group retrieved its Heart that it grants them the ability to speak to it in times of need. It turns out that the god speaks like a child with a voice about twenty years older than it should have, and proceeds to act like a Keet, enthusing about how its slam-dunking the Abyssal at the end of Chapter 1 was like a gigantic game of Kick the Bloater Fish. It also does things like turning the sand into a hand so it can give a thumbs-up, and the chapter closes out with a gigantic snake-person made of lava waving goodbye to the departing Yeldin.
- Grammy is so terrified and disgusted by torpedo snails that she tries to cut off Ezra's finger when one bites him. This is before we learn that they're infected with vampirism. As far as anyone knows at this point, they're mostly harmless and their numbing venom is treatable with generic anti-toxin.
- Then when it turns out Yeldin is infested with them, her solution is to steal one of Gulfer's flamethrowers to try and burn down the whole ship.
- Early on in the episode, Erza gets into a conversation with Pliskin, during that talk two things are revealed. That whenever he transforms into a wereshark, Grammy cuts chunks out of him for her secret ingredient, and that, despite his predicament, he's the one that the crew has on the night watch at all times.
- When Ezra notices Poliffi, they at first are told she looks kind of like a harpie:Ben: Roll for knowledge of Ex-Wives.Grant: Queen of the harpies!
- Grant joking about how, because Ezra spent five seconds talking to Poliffi, the comment section is going to immediately start shipping them together.
- As the fight with the goblin squid rages on, Eloy decides to bring in the Spooky Song to get it to flee. Which it successfully does..."to the next life", as Ben puts it. Once again, Eloy has literally scared something to death! Lani basically points out what everyone is thinking about Eloy's feats by that point, given all it's done in their more recent fights.Lani: You are the spookiest centaur! You've scared ghosts to death, you've scared horrible water sarlaacs to death!
- As soon as Ben says he rolled 11 psychic damage, Grant is grinning and nodding at Zito, meaning he knows what the song just did to the squid.
- With all the improbable things he's managed to kill by literally scaring them to death, Eloy makes it the basis of his bard pen name.
- When the group is attacked by a bizarre undead monster, Zito compares it to the Gaping Maw from Dark Souls. Ben replies "You mean Scott's mom?" Everyone in the studio dies laughing, and Ben cheerfully remarks that it's not a slam, he'd make the same joke to Scott's face.
- The group ends up meeting a young boy and his Orc butler, who identify themselves as part of the Ashdrake family. Lani rolls a Natural 20 Knowledge check, which he interprets as making Wake be a total Squeeing fanboy. When Wake remarks that they're famous for hunting the undead, he finally realizes that the undead are real.
- Eloy asks Might the butler if he has Only One Name or if "Might" is either a first or last name; he explains that he's not too fond of his last name and prefers not to use it. Eloy clarifies that he just wanted to see if he was only part Might or All Might.
- Even better, everyone else at the table admits they knew where Ben was going but wanted to see how it'd play out.
- In addition, his name isn't even spelled "Might", but "Mite", as confirmed in the Discord Q&A after that session.
- Low key funny, but the way Zito has the Yt plush perched on his DM card, on the camera that faces the players, Yt is just at the edge, looking at them.
- The crew begin looking through the quarters and reveal that the ship is full of Rumbloods, when Wake begins sniffing the pillows as part of a survival check, Ezra points out that kids aged 13 to 17 lived alone on the vessel, and doing that is just about the worst possible idea he could've had.Grant, slightly bemused upon rolling a search: How many used tissues and dirty socks do I find in this room?
- The gang deciding to drug a blood-starved vampire child with Yt oil.
- Ezra is impaled by a giant anchor and stuck against a wall. Wake moves to save his captain, and Grant's first genuine reaction is "Y-you called me captain?" Zito, Lani, and Ben all found it hilarious.
- Grant's bad luck with his crossbow comes back once more: this time he rolls a Natural 1, causing the crossbow bolt to explode before he can fire it, doing damage to himself...and Wake, who's standing nearby. Lani is utterly incredulous that even when he's not in the line of fire, Grant still manages to hit him."HOW IS IT POSSIBLE, GRANT?!"
- Even funnier, but Ezra has uncanny dodge so he actually takes half the damage that Wake does. Lani complains that not only did he "Emmer Fudd" them both, but he took the brunt of the hit.
- After discovering a door that Wake fails to open with a Lancy-made Skeleton Key due to some runes and a gargoyle, the party think of different solutions, including manipulating the hand of the vampirized goblin child they have in stasis to open the door, once they learn only vampires or thralls like him can open. Eloy then politely asks the gargoyle to let them in to bring the kid inside to give him help...and he acquiesces in the most Ed Wynn (think the voice of King Candy) like voice. Everyone except Ezra just grimaces sourly at Eloy.
- On their way back from the Rumblood ship, Eloy spots Poliffi and Pliskin looting the Ashdrake ship next to theirs, somehow manages to alert Ezra without anyone noticing, and Ezra himself manages to talk his way into going ahead and what follows is probably the most madcap hijinks in the story, with Ezra frantically convincing the crew to put back the three crates they just pilfered, and, when he's invited over the Ashdrake ship, constantly tries to keep Mite and Roc's attention towards him to distract them from the not-so-stealthy manner Pliskin and Poliffi are returning the crates in.
- When he finally fails a persuasion roll, Mite decides to finally check on the bumping noise behind him...and picks up a mouse and SQUASHES IT IN HIS HAND. Zito rolled a Nat 20 for Pliskin, meaning he managed to slip away.
- Amidst Ezra's frantic persuasion of the crew to put back the Ashdrake's stuff, Onslow tosses one of the pilfered grapeshots to Ezra...who fails to catch it and it flies over his head...and into Grammy's back, and she falls over, bleeding out. When she's finally fed the metal she asks for and it somehow closes up the wound (which included pulling out a vertebra bone when she pulled out the grapeshot from her back), while she's miffed as Ezra, she definitely has it in for Onslow.
Eloy (ever so cheerfully): Onslow, you know there's nowhere to hide. She's everywhere!(Zito-as-Onslow grimacing in utter horror while the players and Brian lose it)
- Later, when the Ashdrakes are aboard the Yeldin, they find Onslow huddled in a dark corner of the cargo hold, clearly still in fear of Grammy's retribution. Imagine this: a giant rotund gator man, who has fearlessly fought countless horrible monsters, including the Abyssal Man-maw, huddled in a corner in fear for his life whimpering "Help!"
- Eloy then gives words of comfort:
- Even funnier considering that last session, a mere mention of Grammy caused Eloy (and ONLY Eloy) to see her peering from outside the Rumblood ship. He's probably drawing on his experience from THAT and all other times she's just suddenly popped up.
- Later, when the Ashdrakes are aboard the Yeldin, they find Onslow huddled in a dark corner of the cargo hold, clearly still in fear of Grammy's retribution. Imagine this: a giant rotund gator man, who has fearlessly fought countless horrible monsters, including the Abyssal Man-maw, huddled in a corner in fear for his life whimpering "Help!"
- Lani, running out of options as to how he wants to handle the giant that's got hold of the Yeldin, makes a roll with himself to see if Wake is actually stupid enough to jump onto the giant. He rolls...and finds out that Wake is in fact that stupid. It backfires almost immediately as he's stuck flying around in the winds.
- Ezra is the first of the crew to encounter the Grung frog people. He manages to hook the leader of the grungs with his grappling gun, toss him into a bunch of crates with all their gear in it, killing him instantly and in a bold move...picks up the crown he was wearing, crowning himself king. The grungs go with him without question.
- While the crew deals with Gulfurr's death, they theorize Ezra is having a party with his new army of frog people and talking shit about his crew in a drunken stupor.
- The Ig berries that cure most magical maladies have the side effect of making people glow bright blue. The mere idea of Eloy glowing ought to bring a smile to your face.
- Wake is the first to find Strangletree, a pretty affable Druid. He realizes he can talk to him all over the island through the trees and starts asking him something while trying to get the drop on a group of grungs. Eloy sees him do that without context and is flabbergasted, but not for the reason you think.Eloy: Motherfucker. I studied with Elder Jeb for five years, an' he picks it up without even trying on the first day.
- Wake's continued attempts at revenge keep getting foiled by the grungs way of being. First they outrun him, second they capture a fellow One-Der so he's obligated to at least wait until he can get a clear shot, and finally when he gets a weapon he's paralyzed and dragged through the jungle. It all culminates when he gets his hands on the one who is presumed to be the organ harvester, and he is so furious that he tears off its leg with a spear, pulls out and eats it's eye. He has to make a CON save however.Wake: YOUR EYE TASTES LIKE SHIT.
- That particular grung is named Rufus by Ezra and, even when the grungs are established pretty early on as Butt-Monkeys, he gets the worst of it by being abused over and over, and finally chopped to bits by his fellow frog men. Ezra is routinely horrified by all of this.
- Ezra's continued attempts to put civility into the lives of the grungs with mixed results. He gives them all notes that say he's fine and that he's in no danger...and they interpret that as "capture things, smack them with the note, and bring them back to Ezra", which they do with Poliffi.
- The guys' attempts to communicate with the grungs ends up devolving into angry grunting and decapitations. At one point one of the grungs decapitates another and "crowns" himself with the head. Wake responds by decapitating him, holding up the head, and telling them to Get Out! by pointing at the forest and letting out an angry "MEH!" The grungs look to "King" Ezra, who lets out an affirmative "Meh", and they run for the forest.
- When Wake tries to get Risf up, Zito describes a thud happening from the door and a panicked Risf stating nothing is wrong. While Wake tries to figure out what's going on, Ben takes the opportunity to gesture about what he might've been doing. Zito responds appropriately.
- Ezra is "gifted" some idea of how Gulfurr would want his life to be celebrated via Zito yelling in his voice.Lani, mock terrified: GHOST!
- When Grammy announces that Gulfurr died way before Wake found the body, Wake announces that he's not going to try and find out how she knew that. She also immediately disappears, leading to laughs at the absurdity of it all.Grant, as Grammy: Actually you're Guiltless, byyyye!
- Lani theorizes her lips rising up and kissing Wake on the cheek like a mother consoling her child.
- Ezra unintentionally breaking the fourth wall by pointing out their lives seem to have the randomness of dice rolls.
- Eloy points out he has no idea how long Asinine-Centaurs live, leading to several great jokes about it.Grant: When my older brother, you know, the Village Elder?Lani: Wow, he made it Eighteen seasons!
- When Ezra tries to cheer up Skrung with extremely limited success, he points out that he's at his lowest point...then Skrung proves him wrong.Skrung: Oh, hold on...Yep. I do believe I've pissed myself. Now I'm at my lowest point.
- The reason the giant face blocking the exit to Rite exists at all: A merfolk found out that he was being cheated on and in the heat of his anguish, he began tossing spells around at random and unintentionally began creating statues of the guy, and the materials got hit by the enlarge spell...which ended up turning one of the statues' heads so large it trapped everyone in the archipelago on one side.
- Onslow does some translating for Ezra, many translations mostly just being animalistic grunts and hisses. Getting "Pissed off" involves them going more animalistic than normal.
- While negotiations go fine, there's a light moment of tension as one of the lizardfolk the group encounters grabs Eloy and is puzzled...revealing he's been wearing armor made of dire macaw feathers this whole time. Eloy tries to show what he was dealing with and unintentionally terrifies the locals.
- When the group asks if the Lizardfolk would have to return to Rite with their mining contract, Zito has to go find more notes and paperwork on it. The group immediately begins interpreting this as the lizardfolk complaining about the beurocracy of Rite.'Grant: Notary not present, everything a mess.Lani, as interpretor: What mean, me file in triplicate?
- Eloy spends a good portion of the encounter with the dire viper sinking, rising, and then sinking again into quicksand as the party tries repeatedly and fails to get him out of it.
- When the group rolls for "severity" (for the encounter), Zito exclaims "The Best Option!" repeatedly. Lani turns to the camera with a manic smile on his face and gives a thumbs up.
- Their strategy to deal with the dire tigers is to soak a piece of meat in some Hyt, and toss it to one of them. It rolls a nat 1 and eats it whole, and immediately starts tripping balls. They then convince it that the other tiger is a problem, and they begin fighting each other.
- The Group makes the decision to hold an action in case the tigers go after each other...all except Onslow, who promptly loads his blunderbuss and fires...only to get a Nat 1. Zito is so unamused by this he has to take a second to walk away from the table.
- Ezra gets pinned by one of the tigers and begins taking a lot of damage per round. Grant laments that Ezra's prior fears of large parrots and bugs seem pretty small in comparison. When it's his turn, he promptly responds by mocking flailing and panicking.
- Onslow's solution to getting Ezra safely out of there is to drop his gun, and just charge the tiger like a football player. Goes one step beyond later in the fight when he rolls a grapple check and flips forward, piledriving it into the ground. All on a nat 20. He did this while being a well-overweight Gator man.
- Ezra, having been mauled and then burnt at least once in separate attacks by the Dire Tigers, uses his alchemy jug to conjure the grossest thing he can. He gets 2 liters of it and he and Eloy have to make a CON save in a desperate attempt to save his own hide.
- Wake finally finishes it by hitting one of the dire tigers with Jojo's-esque punch-flurries.
- Wake and Onslow's high-five at the very end of the session is ruined by Wake rolling a nat 1 and smacking him in the face.
- The entire fight, Wake is trying not to kill the tigers out of his guilt from killing too many creatures recently. Onslow has no such qualms and gets ready to execute the one they knocked out. Wake sadly gives up saving the beast and helps identify the fastest way to kill the beast without damaging the body much (since Onslow wanted a trophy and a perfect hide for armor). Wake scores a Nat 20 on his survival check and immediately points out the exact place where its heart is, then Zito scores a Nat 20 on the hit making it the cleanest kill the party has ever had.Wake: Heart's right here under the second rib.
Onslow: Bully. *one shots the lion*
- While returning from the tiger hunt, Wake and Eloy encounter a pixie named Blick. He tries to explain to them the insane level of danger they've put themselves in by taking Hyt, but since he's dealing with two of the less intelligent members of the party (and on top of that, Wake got stoned when Blick jabbed him with his tiny spear), it quickly turns into an exercise in frustration. Eventually he washes his hands of the whole thing and tells the guys to enjoy their inevitable visit from the Fey Courts.
Eloy: "You know how many of my friends Yt's killed with rock slides? Zero. That makes it way better than the last big powerful thing I had to live with."
- Eloy is totally unfazed by Blick's assertions that Yt is actually insanely powerful, unpredictable and could end the whole crew on a whim. Not because he doesn't believe Blick, but because living in the shadow of an unpredictable god-like entity that could end him on a whim is just business as usual for Eloy.
- Before they talk to Blick, they all hide to observe what the monkeys are doing with the health potions (turns out they grow berries and plants for the forest's survival). They then all have qualms on scaring off Blick so Ezra stays hidden. When Ezra loses the chance to question Blick, he pops out and bitterly complains that at least they had their smartest members on the job of information gathering.
- The group needs to distract the Navy crew so Koloff can get rid of the giant statue without their noticing, so Ezra puts on an impromptu show. They try to rope Skrung into participating, but naturally he refuses. Wake explains that if they pull this off, Koloff has offered to enchant an item for them, and he promises to use this as a way to help Skrung recover his stolen ring. Skrung immediately runs off and gets dressed up as a clown "Skrungliaci" and pulls off a performance for the ages.
- While this is going on, Ben invents alternate lyrics for "YMCA"; you know what you're in for the moment you hear him start singing "Skrung man..."
- The guys mention that after Zito compared Koloff to Strong Sad, they spent about a half-hour straight trying to figure out how the Natural One-ders line up with the cast of Homestar Runner. Some highlights include Eloy being Homestar, Onslow being Strong Mad and Nedra being Wake's The Cheat (except instead of "Meh!" she says "Punch!").
- Ben says that Eloy's contribution to the distraction is a performance of "Spumoni's Lament 2: The Revenge of Simon the Poo-Monger", but since he didn't have time to prepare and it's a one-time only show, the livestream audience won't get to hear it.
- Near the end of the performance, Onslow comes in wearing armor he made from the tiger they slew. The guys start joking that he turned it into a kigurumi and has "awakened" as a Furry. Ben jokes "He's Bowser in a tiger costume, it's Scott's wet dream!" Throughout this entire sequence, you can hear Brian the tech guy laughing himself sick from off-camera.
- The guys take a moment to remark on all the fan art they'll be getting of this particular scene, and carefully ask their viewers to only send the PG-rated art.
- At the end of the session, the group encounters Pollifi's sister Mary May, and she decides to travel with the group. Redd warns the guys not to mention that they know Barabus; the scene immediately shifts to Wake leading Mary May to her cabin and remarking "You know, you're not the first bird-person we've had aboard", and the session ends with her reaction: "You know where my husband is?!". In this case, Wake didn't hear Redd's warning so Lani made an Intelligence to see if he was smart enough to figure it out on his own; the Natural 1 he rolled said no.
- The show starts off right with their camera software not connecting.
- Grant mentions how amused he is about the fact that during the distraction performance last session, he said Redd was using her fire magic to create fireworks and absolutely nobody questioned it.
- When Joe Massacre meets Eloy, he hurriedly tries to get everyone up to mixed results.Skrung: It's two in the fucking morning!Wake: I don't even have a watch.
- When Wake somehow rolls a nat 20 about knowledge regarding Revenants. Which are Undead. Which Wake didn't believe existed. Grant is quick to point it out.Lani: I wrote fanfiction, Ezra!
- Miss Mary May being nonchalant about an aspect of death while a good portion of the crew is still more than a little scared.
- After an encounter with Joe Massacre, the chat starts making up alternate names for him.Chat: Jack Destruction! Oliver Obliteration! Billy Bloody!
- Plisken tells Eloy that there's a Bardic college in Rite, specifically dedicated to Satire, and asks "How are you with Cutting Words?" Eloy replies "What do you think, you big dummy?" Plisken smirks and says "You'll do just fine."note
- When the crew begins listing off all the powerful people Redd happens to know, Ben mutters under his breath that Mite Ashdrake having an AC of 35 at Level 6 is fucking bullshit.
- Eloy's amazement that the people of Rite happen to know what an Asinine Centaur is all the funnier because Old Lady Big Rock Mountain is an hour's journey from town. There's a good chance he's met most of these folks and just forgot he was ever there.
- One of the bounties at the Adventurer's Guild is for Legitimate Larry, under (what is presumably) his real name. The One-ders, however, don't believe it and try to take down the poster to stop Larry being confused for his apparently Identical Stranger.
- The Dragonborn at the Adventurer's Guild is called Kowalski. Wake asks him if he happens to be a Killer Kowalski, then Lani winks to the camera. The joke flies right over everyone's head.
- The group is introduced to cameras and photographs in the Guild... but due to Natural 1s, Eloy and Wake are convinced that they steal your soul. Kowalski complains that that's just a superstition, but while they continue talking Wake quietly mutters "Don't worry, I'll save you!" to the photograph of Lieutenant Gore.
- Barabus is at the meeting with the Volition, and looks like he's about to face imminent execution.
- Redd's mother keeps patronizing Redd, embarrassing her to no end.
- Early in the session, the leaders of the Volition ask Ezra how much he's been paying their crew. The fact that Grant just grimaces and says nothing is all it takes to send Zito and Brian into hysterics.
- Eloy declares early on that he's going to ask people if they're secretly dragons.
- As Wake sprints to the monastery, Zito makes a point that he passes Ave Lo, Troy and Koloff on the way there. Wake immediately sprints past them and carries on, and the players stop to laugh at the blatant plot hook Zito now cannot use due to Wake's impatience.
- Wake's reunion with his brother is very sweet, but it quickly becomes hysterical when he quietly reveals his private stock of alcohol.
- Sheldon's repeated Dope Slaps to Wake put eight damage on the guy, leaving him with a hell of a hangover the next day. Which is about the worst possible way to be when the gregarious Gore shows up.
- Many of the names the Adventurers Guild are incredible, including a warforged named Soup Kitchen, which Eloy and Wake get hung up on immediately.
- During the interview for Soup Kitchen, Ezra asks the soulless automaton whose only passion is cooking what it could do for the crew talent show. It's Zito's turn to be speechless.Zito: (Beat) Fuck, what?
- Magic Bill's book is called Of Planes and Evil Things. It's mostly just a summoning manual for beginners.
- After Ezra comes back from the interviews, Wake and Eloy browbeat him for forgetting to ask whether or not Soup Kitchen and Magic Bill were secretly dragons.
- Grammy decides she wants to get paid, with Zito outright having her declare she's been corrupted by capitalism.Grant: Grammy, Victim of Capitalism.
- Wake asks whether or not the demon Magic Bill slew was a dragon. Ezra is continually exasperated by this hangup of his crew that he finally points out the fairly obvious logic that nobody that is a secret dragon is obligated to answer... which prompts Eloy to ask Gore if demons can be dragons. And Wake asks if dragons can be demons. Gore's reaction can be summed up as "God, I hope not, that'd be horrifying!"
- Wake casts some doubt into whether or not Magic Bill's book is actually all that it's claimed to be, but is soundly proven wrong when Gore excitedly grabs it, thinking it's a new volume.
- Yet another dig at College Textbooks happens as Eloy and Wake discuss it in a barely canon segment, wishing there were a free floating web of information of some kind that could make all the bard's college's information regularly available. What sells it is Lani and Ben barely staying in character as if their characters were reading from a cue card, and looking directly at the audience.Zito, as a person from the It Came from the Nebula Universe: I'm so glad we have the internet!
- One of the first rolls of the night is Wake waking up to make eggs. Lani rolls a nat 20 before Zito can even come up with a skill for eggs to go under.Lani: NAT 20 EGGS!
- Wake trying to get the okay from Ezra to go check out the Ashdrake's house, taking a "kind of" as a "yes" and zooming out of the room.
- Risf reveals that he doesn't like Skrung because he puts his cigarettes out in his food. Wake states that he does the same to his own food and thought it added flavor. Pliskin notes that as a Shark-Merfolk, Wake would be used to eating anything. Wake, trying to defend himself, states that he never finishes his broccoli.
- Ezra trying as hard as he can to defend Skrung, barely coming to him being kind of funny.
- Eloy reveals that, of all the things in his life that could haunt them in his life, and there are plenty, that accidentally spooking the redcap with Skrung's ring is the thing that eats him up inside. Ezra tries to point out that Skrung was well on the road to wallowing in his own pity and shame, with limited success.Eloy: Can I use your whetstone? Cuz my knife won't split a hair that fine.
- Ezra's, and everyone else's, barely contained and fairly obvious fear over Frieda Gazamar's methods of surgery is something to behold.
- Grammy T-posing in front of Franc Mocean's crepery to assert her dominance.
- Eloy's continued ignorance towards just how magical he actually is. A Satire Bard basically spends his time desperately trying to make him get it.
- Eloy repeatedly trying and failing to impress the headmaster of the Rite Bard's College. Includes making himself sad that Yeldin died.
- Eloy gets a nasty taste of his own medicine when McSlander Broadway does 14 psychic damage on a Vicious Mockery "Yo Mama" joke just by saying one sentence, sticking the image in his mind.Eloy, distraught: She mostly just ate berries an' hay an'such, she was at a very normal weight!
Lani: They call it Inflation.Zito: NO!Eloy, equally as distraught: This is someone's fetish but it's not mine!
- Made all the funnier and worse by Lani jumping in.
- The Rite Bard's College trial is basically just a Yo Mama contest.
- In a conversation about the Centaur, Hilly states that they keep to themselves because they don't like to mingle with other races, Eloy points out that he gets it because people have been pushing him to sleep with other races, which is weird to him.
- Wake trying REALLY, REALLY hard not to come off as a gigantic nerd to Jillian, and failing miserably.
- Wake finally gets his carrier seagull, which is in fact a water wyrd...when it hits a window in the Ashdrake's house.
- The group encounters an old man who they have to save from falling, who turns out to be a ratfolk who swindles Wake out of some ham. Eloy decides he likes him and calls him Macadamia, prompting Zito to get so infuriated he has to leave.
- When a vampire attacks them with Magic Missile, Eloy breaks out his new Counterspell. Except the fluff Ben came up with for this is it takes the form of Grammy appearing from his shadow, absorbing the attack, and sinking back in. The chat decides this means Grammy is Eloy's Stand.Chat: STAND NAME: SECRET INGREDIENT
- Even better, this isn't Eloy's doing — Grammy just appears on her own but only Eloy and the spellcaster notice her (Wake and Ezra failed their Perception checks to spot her).
- As the fight wears on, Ezra becomes increasingly desperate as he keeps getting attacked and eventually pinned. Finally, he uses his Alchemy Jug to create several liters of acid, which he has to do vocally, so it sounds like he's commanding the Vampire to create acid.Zito, as the Vampire, turning to the other vampire: Can we even do that?Lani, as the other Vampire who polymorphed into a giant bat: SKREEEEE!
- At the end of the fight, Eloy still has the vampiric lamprey sticking to him, and Ezra in a clearly frazzled state begs to help getting rid of it. Wake's solution is to somehow kick it off.
- While Eloy and Ezra think about what to do with the vampires they knocked out, Wake repeatedly has to re-knock them out due to their undead nature. Finally, they just stuff one in a trash can, which they continually tie up with rope and chain until it's practically mummified.
- The group attends a meeting of pirate lords, including Captains Meed and Lott. When Wake brings up the zoo, Lott says that they've put a 1,000,000 Gold Piece bounty on A.J.'s head. Eloy immediately throws him under the bus, eager to collect and pay him back, while Grant discusses the possibility of inviting Taka to visit just so they can sell A.J. out.
- Even better, Lott initially only said they were looking for A.J. Eloy was the one who asked if there was a bounty in the first place. One gets the impression that he'd sell A.J. out for a few silver.
- Lani's glee at chat, Grant and Ben's flummoxed reactions after the session ended with Wake leaving the crew.
- When Lani reveals the artwork for his new character everyone immediately notices Dagon's remarkable resemblance to Dante. The similarities are only reinforced when he reveals that, off-screen, he bought two handheld crossbows.
- He also mentions that he's thinking of enchanting one to do necrotic damage and one to do radiant damage.
- And his backstory and attitude remind the chat of Captain Jack Sparrow, leading them to nickname him "Dante Sparrow".
- Dagon's interest in one of the female pirate lords turns out to just be an extension of his general womanising. Lani points out that his demonic hexblade makes it hard for him to pick up women... as does the fact he shares housing with eight other guys.Housemate: Dagon, keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!
Dagon: Shut up! Do you have any idea how much talking I had to do to get this far?
- The group visit the College of Satire again to officially set up Eloy's battle with the Headmaster. When the issue of payment is raised - 10,000 gold -, Eloy and Ezra pool together their funds accumulated from the adventure to pay it upfront. Dagon watched with quiet amazement, having a total of five silver to his name.
- When the group returns to find Frank Mocean, he is in front of his counter trying not to look terrified at the presence of Grammy in his shop. When Grammy eyes up Dagon, Dagon's soul-devouring hexblade is utterly terrified of her. Surprisingly, this actually makes Dagon like Grammy because he doesn't have to deal with the hexblade interrupting him all the time.
- Early on in the session, Eloy and Ezra meet up with Redd, who is aware of the book she brought to the Volition being taken. Cue jokes by the guys about how Wake did something idiotic that resulted in said book being taken.
- What follows after listing down the weird diets of the fey, and Ezra chiming in by adding "Some of us eat ass", only to quickly add that he read it in a book. Dagon chimes in and says he wrote a book too, titled Dagon's Down Under Adventure. Lani's tablemates then chime in, resulting in a Hurricane of Puns about the...subject. Naturally, it's Ben's that has everyone cracking up like mad.
- At the end of the japery, when Lani suggests that Broadway McSlander could feel that bit of comedy from afar (Zito even cites the arm hair rising example from A Clockwork Orange), you can hear Brian pretending to be McSlander yelling "What the hell was that!?", Zito's reaction indicating he almost gave away that Zito assigned him to play McSlander's psychic voice for the Battle later in the episode. In addition, Zito looked almost tempted to reveal that fact right then and there, but decided to wait till the Battle itself.
- At the Bard College is Grammy with a concession stand selling "idiot on a stick" (re: it's a "chicken nugget" in the shape of Eloy). When they guess the secret ingredient, mule meat, Eloy's racist sides come to light again by calling mules, being products of horses and donkeys mating as abominations of nature.
- Also, as the chat pointed out, it means we've had two crew members mention eating "ass" in this episode.
- The bardic battle. All of it. Because it all boils down to a D&D-themed "Yo Momma" battle. Just to give you an idea, the first slam is "Yo momma so fat, back in school her nickname was 'The Bag of Holding'!"
- Zito allows Wake and Ezra to help out by being Eloy's "hype men", meaning they react to his slams and providing bonus dice to Ben's rolls. Some of these (like Ezra pulling out "Magic" Bill's book and tearing out pages while shouting "READ YOU LIKE A BOOK!") are so amusing that Zito bumps up their aid dice (and in one case, gives it back to them after Broadway rolled a Natural 20 that would have otherwise taken away the dice entirely).
- Eloy, rather than use the usual format of these jokes, frames them in a natural passive-aggressive manner, with proper buildup for extra hilarity.
- When Eloy makes joke concerning Grammy, at first it seems like the joke will go over everyone's heads due to their lack of familiarity with the "sea hag". A couple of lucky rolls ensures that Broadway McSlander and the audience know full well who Grammy is.
- Broadway's psychic voice is provided by Brian.
- Eloy's impromptu Training from Hell involved Skrung laying his worst insults at Eloy.
- Nedra and Onslow are being carried by the audience a la mosh pit.
- Following the battle, and meeting a fellow asinine centaur in the audience named Carol, their conversation becomes about rocs and sending a message to Eloy's tribe on the other side of the mountain from Carol, Wake's offer to take the message himself if Carol can't, along with Onslow's eagerness to hunt the giant birds devolves into Lani slowly turning at the camera while musing that such an adventure could become the subject at a one-shot.Zito: You cracked The Da Vinci Code of my plans.
- In a meta funny moment, Zito mentions in a later stream that he panicked when Eloy went chasing after the female centaur after the show, as although he did have a character idea for her he had totally forgotten her name. "Carol" was completely random.
- When the time comes to send off the Yeldin, it's a somber moment as every crewmember says their goodbyes. Ezra readies his crossbow loaded with a flaming bolt and launches it toward the Yeldin...and misses.
- Even better, it takes Bardic Inspiration from Eloy to guide the bolt true. It fittingly lands in and explodes Wake's room.
- The fact that Ezra names the Wonders' new ship (Darim's Folly) is basically 'Screw You Dad!'
- Ezra and Charlotte engage in some therapeutic shouting at the ocean.Charlotte: Suck it you old bags, I talk to ghosts!Ezra: You suck dad!
- Dagon's Unseen Servant spell is flavored so that he's summoning the ghosts of his deceased crew, who's souls Chic has eaten, so they can perform various tasks for him. The ghosts are constantly sobbing while they are summoned. Dagon is surprisingly nonchalant about the whole thing.
- Dagon and Ezra's attempt at con artistry comes to a sudden end.Naga: Produce your permit.Dagon: My permit. Sir. Who do you think you're talking to?Naga: By the sound of it, someone who doesn't have a permit.Dagon: Well by the sound of it, I- goodbye! *runs off*
- When a little Aasimar girl throws a rock at Ezra while he's juggling, all three of the guys react in varying degrees of severity. Ezra tries to complement her on her aim, Eloy Minor Illusions the voice of a chiding school teacher, and Dagon (who has no chill) threatens her in a demonic-sounding voice. Even funnier is that Zito has the guys roll to see which reaction the girl hears. Lani wins, but the end result is the worst possible combination of all three.Ezra: Hey, whoever did that...Eloy: That was very naughty!Dagon: You will be extinguished next!
- Ezra gets ambushed by a mimic barrel, which clamps onto his head and steals his Ring of Free Action. The guys spend the next 20 minutes trying to get the ring back with little success. Highlights include:
- The barrel almost eating Chic, and traumatizing him in the process.
- Having one of Dagon's ghostly crew mates get eaten multiple times in order to try and retrieve the ring.
- Nearly getting the entire party eaten. Although it may not have been a Total Party Kill, as the mimic apparently led to the 'Splendormaw', a magical dungeon full of stolen treasure)
- The pie heist.
- To elaborate, while on the trail of a vampire, Ben makes an offhand Scooby-Doo joke. Lani rolls with it, and has Dagon start looking for pies on windowsills. After a few minutes of this and a good roll, Zito relents and says he finds one. Dagon promptly steals it while the owner is distracted by Eloy asking about the vampires. Shortly after Eloy returns, the group sees the owner's guard drake growling at them...and decide to try and frame it for the pie's theft. Hilarity Ensues.
- Eloy asks off-hand innocently to the person at the door if he'd ever heard about the Spumoni family. The look of utter fury on Zito's face about that having been brought up again makes the moment.
- Ezra attemps to flick some pie onto the drake's face to make it look like it ate the pie, and is promptly bitten for his trouble. Dagon has to cover Ezra's mouth to prevent his resulting scream from alerting the owner.
- Best of all, in the end they manage to get away scott-free with the pie.
- Even better, Zito states that because of Eloy's check, the person at the door would've given them the pie anyway.
- A bit of dark comedy, while Ezra is hallucinating about a giant worm coming out of his self-inflicted wounds, Eloy attempts to give him bardic inspiration to help him break out of it...which is fluffed as the worm saying in Eloy's voice "I believe in you".
- Dagon towards the end of the combat grapples a vampire to try and begin interrogating him. His grapple would make the Iron Shiek proud.Dagon: I PUT HIM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH. I PUT HIM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH AND MAKE HIM HUMBLE.
- Eloy getting a Nat 20 on intimidation and punching out a vampire. Regrettably, he wastes it asking about Gulfurr.
- When asked what his name is, the vampire hisses at Dagon. Dagon doesn't even flinch and casually absorbs a soul. The casualness of which he does it ends up scaring it.
- When Josephine reveals she's a vampire, Dagon reacts accordingly with a big what...then apologizes, as he knew, he just likes being dramatic.
- When the group makes it back, Beleeth reacts with a mix of relief and shock. Immediately Dagon insight checks it.
- As everyone turns in, Dagon makes a nat 20 while flirting with two women in the tavern. Needless to say, he gets laid that night.
- At breakfast, the group is given a scorpion that's been cut down the middle. Eloy thinks it looks gross, but given who normally feeds him, he figures it must be delicious.
- Beleeth attempts to dissaude Eloy's concerns about the scorpion by asking him what a Crab is. The silence is then pierced by the audible thunk of dice, to everyone's amusement.Zito: ARE YOU ROLLING TO SEE IF YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING CRAB IS!?
- Dagon coming downstairs with the two women he flirted with, with clear buyer's remorse.
- Ezra and Eloy meeting a fairly obviously powerful fey creature...who happens to be a cat with wings. All he wants to be is fed.
- The cat only reveals itself to those it thinks are good...and everyone looks over at Dagon, who can't see it.
- During the battle, Zito reveals that a power he gave their Kobold assistants (which they didn't get to use due to how the battle actually went) would essentially have them merge together like a Combining Mecha into a giant super-kobold. Ben remarks "Hey Magic: The Gathering players out there, who remembers Banding?" and points out that Brian the tech guy is laughing, indicating that he does in fact remember it.
- Lord Mars hires the One-Ders to track down the Molten Man, offering up a brand that will help them track him down. Since the others were naturally reluctant to have a seemingly permanent brand burned into their flesh, Dagon offers up Chic instead. After this happens the guys dub him "Punished Chic"...and Ben quips "Hey, you leave my Pornhub search history out of this!", cracking everyone up.
- At the start of the session, Grant brings up the fact that Cartoon Network is apparently making a Courage the Cowardly Dog Prequel to air on Boomerang. Lani remarks that when that network began, it was the dumping ground for CN's older cartoons like The Flintstones...and then the others tell him that now it airs shows like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends and Regular Show. While Lani goes into a Thousand-Yard Stare and starts singing "Hello darkness my old friend..." to himself, Zito shouts "WE'RE OLD, NICK!" at him.
- After rolling a nat 1 on survival to withstand the cold of the desert at night, Eloy comes down with a cold. Dagon offers Eloy some whiskey to warm him up. It gets rid of the cold, but Eloy immediately gets drunk from it.
- Inside the Splendormaw, they find a very deep pit which apparently contains a Gnoll who got lost some time ago. During the group's attempts to cross the pit, they accidentally cause a "treasure avalanche" and stop hearing the Gnoll's voice. Assuming they may have killed him, Eloy asks if he can say his peoples' traditional prayer for those killed by avalanches...and it's just "Old Lady Big Rock Mountain, would you please just fuckin' stop?!"
- As expected of anything fey related, the outside of the Splendormaw causes some trippy hallucinations. Eloy starts seeing the rest of the group as different creatures; Ezra is blue, Dagon is a werewolf, Frida is a bloater fish, feygan is a zombie, and Stretch (the vulture) is a very well-dressed asimar. Best of all, because of the magic he thinks all of this is completely normal.
- The chapter closes out with a difficult boss battle:
Zito, as Chik: DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!Dagon: Whaaat! It was gross and icky!
- Eloy rolls a terrible Medicine check after taking an absolutely ludicrous amount of damage, Grant quips it's why that's called a Medical Practice.
- Dagon fails an attack roll and gets Chik stuck in the ooze's gooey body, with the ooze pulling it in. Chik reacts with horror as Dagon lets go and lets the ooze take him...then pop's back to his shoulder.
- Towards the end of the fight, it looks like Ezra and Eloy might potentially get killed. Zito remarks on the guys sounding almost gleeful as they discuss their potential replacement characters, and Lani points out that even if there's a Total Party Kill they have a "back-up" in the form of Wake, who would come running if he found out that the guys never returned. However, he then realizes how much it would mess him up if he found out that Ezra and Eloy died while he wasn't around, which prompts Ben to say "Nick, repeat after me: 'I don't play edgelord characters on purpose'."
- Ezra finds a cursed suit of armor that tries to get him to wear it by making him feel safer than he ever has before, prompting a fantastic response:Ezra, clearly affected: "It's like the father I've always wanted..."Ben: You have found the suit of Daddy hugs!
- Due to Zito's description, the group goes from declaring it feety-pajamas to a kigurumi
- When Zito rolls up Eloy's loot from the Splendormaw, he rolls something really good, as evidenced by his reactions. Eventually he reveals that it's a flying broom. When he prompts Ben to pick a command word, he naturally goes with "Pistachio". Zito reacts as one would expect.Zito: I hate this item, we're getting rid of it. You're getting something different.Lani: Oh no it's on fire.Zito: Oh no it's cursed! It's a Cube of Force now.
- While talking about the new abilities they've gained after their level up, Ben mentions that he's gotten rid of his Faerie Fire spell in order to learn Dimension Door. He declares that he's "Forgotten the light and embraced the bees!"
- Lani makes a lore suggestion that his bagpipe has a hornets nest inside it, and it now shoots the occupants at people to inflict Eloy's Spooky Song.
- While tooling around the upper rings of Eburkal, Eloy unfortunately ends up getting turned around and ends up back at the pie shop they stopped at earlier. He asks the owner what her name is, and Zito very quickly clamps down on what he sees as an attempt to create a new Pistachio. Eloy clarifies that he just wanted to make sure it wasn't Simon the Poo-Monger's pie shop, prompting more agonized fury from Zito.
- While lucking their way through most of a floor puzzle, Dagon finally rolls poorly gets nabbed by a Venus Flytrap head and brought underneath the ground. He's found in the next room in ensconced in a mass of their vines...who happen to be perfectly friendly and amiable.
- Earlier in the room, Ezra is made invisible by Eloy in preparation for what might be ahead of them, and when they encounter a troglodyte from the Unwitnessed Kingdom that's been stuck inside the plant for some time, He can't help but attempt to make him think he's the voice of god.
- At one point Ezra asks the trog if he has a name, and he says no, so Ezra dubs him "Toodles". In the next area when the group encounters hostile trogs, Ezra asks if any of them know Toodles.
- Dagon finds an unknown green potion and decides to rub some on his gums to test its effects. It turns out to be acid, and it renders him unable to speak properly for most of the session.
- Later, the group comes across a sentient tree that can only speak in grabled moans, much like Dagon. Their attempts to carry on a conversation with each other is basically incomprehensible.
- Eloy manages to make a Medicine check that helps Dagon recover faster, leading to jokes about how the folk on Old Lady Big Rock Mountain took their dentistry very seriously.
- The team encourages the tree to start using it's growth formula without being dependent on the gardeners, not quite thinking through what might happen. As the garden grows out of control around them, they decide to leave as quickly as they can, only stopping to make sure who to assign blame to.Dagon: What was your father's name?Ezra: Deram! Deram Lockwood!Dagon: Yes, Deram Lockwood was here to help you, every day.
- Inspired by a joke last session, the group gets a piece of fanart depicting Xyk as Boomhauer from King of the Hill. The moment the picture comes up on screen Zito goes into hysterics, which is exacerbated by Lani reading off "Xyk-hauer's" Motor Mouth battle. The group then tries to assign other KotH characters to the cast; it turns out that Ben, Lani, and Brian can do pretty good impressions of Hank, Dale, and Bill respectively (Grant's Dale isn't very good, by his own admission, but his Hank is alright).
- The group meets a forest hag, who's almost as terrifyingly hilarious as Grammy.
- When Dagon's breaking the news that his potion accidentally led to Gillian's death he makes sure to try to find the good news before getting to it.Dagon: Tertiary good news; saved you a little bit of money.
- In a bit of Black Comedy, after Gillian dies, Brian has his character investigate the site, which makes Zito regret ripping up her character sheet since now he has to look through the pieces to find her possessions.
- Dagon drops a pinecone and some of the blue plant-growing potion down the throat of an enemy fomorian. A pine tree sprouts horrifically out of his mouth, and Ben starts singing "Oh Christmas Tree" (specifically "Oh Tannenbaum").Lani: Merry Christmas everyone, from the Natural Wonders!
- With the relaunch, the world has gone down the crapper, many of the PCs and NPCs are apparently dead, and Wake is recovering after spending two months in a coma. Between his moodiness and new member Morgan's edginess it looks like things are going to get very dark... and then we meet Grant's character, Chromagil the Myconid who's just so damned happy to be out seeing the world.
- The Toad In The Hole being headcanon'd by the crew into being akin to an interdimensional Applebee's.
- Chromagil has these words of wisdom.Chromagil: So many complex emotions, just be hungry or dead.
- Wake enjoys the smell of some fish guts while Morgan rolls a nat 1 on his constitution. After Grammy jumps out, hurling fish guts at him, the dark and broody Morgan ends up puking in a corner while Wake debates the market potential of fish guts with Grammy.
Grant: Quite the pendulum swing on that con save.
- Even better, it's the first nat 1 of the soft reboot, and by the new party member no less. Lani, who'd been wearing the old Natural One-ders flag as a cape, hoists it behind him at which Brian salutes at attention.
- Chromagil later rolls a nat 1, shortly after being recruited, cementing him as part of the crew as well.
- When Morgan has to roll another con save, he gets a nat 20 this time.
- Grammy justifies her selling her fish guts at 50 gold per pound as the need to be a shark in the currently-inflated economy. In front of Wake and Pliskin, who promptly glance at each other then flash their shark teeth at Grammy. She, of course, means capitalist shark.
- After picking up Morgan from the tavern, the two head to the carvehouse to talk to Pliskin, but since Wake's been banned from there, Morgan has to be the one to find him, so Wake has to describe him, which Lani attempts to do, to the amusement of Zito and Brian, considering the previous party has always been unable to interact with the guy. He does get it right, though...until he mentions that Pliskin's sometimes a shark. Brian rolling a 2 means Morgan is dumbfounded by the absurd detail.
- When Morgan reminds Wake of the different ways La Cirrinus has become a Crapsack World...then blanks on what else.Zito: The last of the four Aassimar kingdoms is dead.Wake: (confused by the meta) I-uh-I don't..."God": (Zito muffles his voice and faux yells at Wake) The last of the four fucking Aassimar kingdoms, dipshit!(Beat)Wake:...well that's just a regular voice.
- Wake makes a snide remark about how Sheldon always makes him clean the temple. Chromagil makes sure to loudly mention this to Sheldon when they see him
- When Chromagil does, Wake waits for the hit he feared. Sheldon instead asks when he's leaving... and declares Wake had clearly got enough time to clean the temple before he goes.
- When Sheldon complains of Risf teaching the pupils knowledge different from his, Wake changes his mind by encouraging him to exchange knowledge with the kobold instead. Sheldon even admits his earlier opinions were shallow. And then Wake promptly asks if he's still cleaning the monastery, which Sheldon then says he still is.
- When Morgan and Chromagil are charged with finding one of the new potential party members (because of Wake cleaning the monastery), Chromagil makes a point about how pointlessly wasteful books are when you could just tell the story yourself. Of which Morgan cannot think of a response.
Chromagil: I know what that is. No need to patronize me. (cue Face Palm from Morgan)
- Later, he gives Chromagil a copy of the Very Hungry Caterpillar, and Chromagil is enthralled.
- Before that, when Morgan describes what a bookstore is to Chromagil as it is their next stop, thinking he doesn't know about it...
- When discussing the possibility of recruiting Onslow again, Pliskin mentions that he's off in the mountains with Raleev and Kowalski clearing out displacer beasts. Cue Cutaway Gag of what's described as "three reptiles on a careening downhill wagon shooting shit" while screaming YEE-HAW like the hillbillies they are.Grant: Them Hazzard boys.
- Grant immediately Ship Sinking any possible pairings by stating Chromagil has no concept of romance.
- The group attempts to leave town without Meecha seeing them so they can avoid telling her they didn't choose her for the mission. (Hilarious in Hindsight since despite all their effort she eventually ends up finding out and joining them anyway.)
- Chromagil makes some tiny mushrooms grow on a fallen tree. Then the mushrooms start talking in tiny child voices.Tiny Mushroom: I am hungry, but not dead.Chromagil: I love him!
- Like Ezra before him, Chromagil accidentally hits Wake with a projectile attack. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
- The show begins with the group joking about the crew being half-dead after one encounter, but thankfully not hungry, which launches into a quick discussion on whether or not everyone there is hungry. Zito proclaims that due to time constraints, the only thing he could get was a bag of Doritos.Lani: The "D&D" stands for "Doritos n' Dew"!
- While going over the loot left behind by the displacer beasts, they find a manifest that tells about how to successfully cure a disease using a mushroom called the Vexcap, which sucks the virus out through the host and then falls off, but when it does so, it releases spores that if inhaled, forms a symbiotic relationship with the host with no known cure. Chromagil chimes in:Chromagil: That sounds fun, just have a traveling companion! I fail to see the issue here!
- The group finds a dead woman as part of the deal, and Chromagil suggests walking into town and asking who would claim her. Veltara politely asks Wake if he'd like to tell Chromagil why that's a dumb idea.Chromagil: We can always keep the body if your people have need of it.Wake: I don't know what people have need for.Chromagil: Me neither! It's kind of my bit!
- When the group encounters the fog, they note they've never seen anything like it. Not that Chromagil minds, considering how new to this he is:Chromagil: To me everything seems new!Wake: That seems nice...or terrifying.Chromagil: A little of both, if I had the emotions for them!Veltara: Well, I have the emotions and they're both the same thing he's feeling.Chromagil, sincere: It's good to not be alone anymore!
Zito: You walk through the darkness and there's a Spencer's Gifts with Chromagil waving outside
- Zito considers Chromagil a beacon of light, which Brian points out would be chromatic light, which gives him a powerful image:
- The party encounters a part of the forest absolutely crawling with frogs, and to their sudden surprise, the frogs are intelligent... for frogs, anyway. They often end up just yelling each other's names.
- To gain an audience with Lord Bulbous, the group has to undertake "The Ribbiting Tribulations": Which involves jumping across lilypads, ribbiting like a frog, and killing and eating a different sacrifice for each member of the crew.
Brian: I knew this was coming.Grant: The Creature Codex; Full of monsters that'll make your players hate you!
- Wake has to fight a giant cricket, and since his idea of what is considered edible isn't very far off from bugs, he basically roasts the thing and spends the entire rest of the trials munching on it like it was popcorn.
- Chromagil easily handles his sacrifice: a Giant Millipede, but since Chromagil doesn't eat, he has to loudly explain what he's doing as he sticks his foot into the dead millipede.
- Before Morgan's trial even begins, there's a pause and Brian immediately begins groaning as Zito brings up the Kobold Press book he contributed to in utter glee, opening directly to the page of which he created; The Fleshpod Wasp. Thankfully, Morgan dispatches it pretty handily.
- Finally, Veltara stands in front to receive her sacrifice...and it's an ordinary, completely run of the mill (giant) bumblebee. She decides to just opt out and wait.
- While trying to consider a plan to get from the safe part of Vesa Bay to the quarantine zone, Lani reminds himself that Wake's actually really stupid now, so he rolls an intelligence check to see if he'll actually go with his plan.Lani: Eh, it's above a ten.
- In the weapon's shop, the team find several master works weapons. For Morgan, he finds a morning star that has the property to quiet any lingering spirits in his area. He immediately splurges his gold on the thing, not even haggling, and for the rest of the day, he constantly holds it like a child holding a balloon (at one point he fails a strength check for him to keep holding it up like that) then later, gripping it and rocking back and forth when still.
Everyone: Hey Morgan, you dropped your weapon!
- When he does fail that strength check, he drops it on the floor. IMMEDIATELY, Wake, the Roshi-sounding old man ahead of them in the line for the general store, Chromagil, and worst of all, Ulrich, immediately all say the same thing. Repeatedly.
Old man: A breath of fresh air (Roshi-esque laugh)
- Tyler plays along by rapidly switching cameras to reflect the potential insanity Morgan's experiencing from the Broken Record ensuing.
- Morgan then grabs the nearest hat, namely the old man's fisherman hat, just screams into it, puts it back on the old man's head ,and flatly states he's fine.
- Before all that, when the party enters the weapons store, Chromagil does his routine, but fails in his persuasion check, leaving the goblin owner freaked out, and the low rolls of the other players' attempts to assist don't help, requiring Valtara to defuse the situation. Cue the Barney jokes. Incidentally, the old man in the general store is named Barney.
- Chromagil realizes that, rather than sneezing and affecting a wide radius, he can just take a few spores and sprinkle them on the individual(s). Then comes the mental image of how he does it.Lani: You're like that Salt guy meme. (does the Salt Bae gesture)
- Unfortunately, the goblin beats his sleight-of-hand roll of 17 and slaps his hand away. Chromagil then promptly just sneezes anyway...and it actually severely cuts the line down to the old man, who's dead set on getting the Bristlebean coffee, and the party. Even better, the line shortening gives them extra time to visit a third shop when they only had time for the weapon and general stores for that night.
- The noblewoman the team is looking for to have the clout to even have a chance to get a ride to the Emerald Canal turns out to be...Meescha, the other candidate for NPC party member. And she happens to be talking to Valtara, of all people. Massive awkwardness ensue on Chromagil and especially Morgan's part.
- When Wake mentions to the reptile trio that Morgan's participation is him being on a suicide mission, Raleev offers to just end it for him, even showing off his maw.
- Hell, the entire episode just seems to hammer home that Morgan is the The Comically Serious by virtue of being The Chew Toy, via the above examples, plus his encounter with the cursed house in the last episode.
- Two words: Drunk Chromagil.
- He accidentally releases some of his hallucinogenic spores, causing the goliath he's talking with to start tripping out. Everyone imagines she's seeing everything as a poorly animated cartoon.
- Realizing he left his money with Meecha, Chromagil attempts to barter with the bartender to pay for the drinks. When that fails, he starts loudly calling for Meecha to bring him his money. Wake and Morgan can even hear him shouting in the background of their scenes.
- Best of all, his drunken shenanigans endears himself to the goliath, who happens to know how to get them on the ship their looking for.
- Still sillier, in an attempt to sober up the goliath, Wake hands her a cup of Bristlebean coffee. Only it just ends up making her drunk AND hyper....and then it actually works after a while!
- The above Chromagil-involved shenanigans aren't the only japery that inadvertently saves them the trouble of reaching their goal. On their way to prepare to sneak into the quarantine zone, a drunkard that harasses Wake about seriously immolating the zone finds himself knocking Chromagil down and puking on his hydrophobic suit. When a constable comes to arrest the hooligan, Meecha takes this opportunity to wring the situation in their favor and ultimately shame the cop into letting them go into the quarantine zone unimpeded, thereby completely bypassing the need to sneak in at all.
- At the inn where they're preparing to board the Obscuro, the party talks to several of the other passengers. Morgan talks to a weapons dealer that grumbles about his business of magic weapons being hamstrung by a guy named Lockwood, obviously being the late Ezra's father, Admiral Lockwood. With Wake, the only one of them who'd recognize the name, talking to someone else, and Grant being unable to chime in in-universe for obvious reasons, it falls to Morgan to roll a history check...and fails. Brian even describes Morgan as going Fish Eyes from the check fail.
- Between the smoke wand and twice partaking in alcohol (and utterly getting crunk the first time), the guys joke that Chromagil's brief time outside of his forest so far has just been a bad influence on him.
- Specifically, the second time is when Chromagil and the goliath, Cleava, meet at the above-mentioned inn, where they meet a dwarven veteran of the Legermain who grumbles about the lack of respect towards elderly veterans...and then proceeds to share his bottle of rum to them, gaining Chromagil a second drinking buddy!
- The descriptions of how the trio spent their night in their luxury rooms at the tavern courtesy of Meecha:
- The comparisons between the Necrostar and a Security Blanket continue as Brian describes Morgan hugging it like a teddy bear.
- Chromagil simply stood in the darkest corner in the room facing the wall.
- Wake slept in the bathtub, mumbling in his sleep that the water needed more salt, much to the confusion of housekeeping.
- All three slept so well they got +10 temporary HP.
- Wake mentions Grammy's cooking and Chromagil briefly sees her outside one of the ship's windows. Chromagil assumes this is a normal occurrence and doesn't bother mentioning it to anyone.
- The group has to sleep below deck on a turbulent ship. On the first night, Chromagil ends up rolling back-and-forth across the floor through the night, occasionally slamming into Morgan.
- The next night, Chromagil and Morgan end up cuddling inside one of the crates so they won't be tossed about.
- Bliss, a bard, writes songs about her fellow passengers to pass the time. She writes one about Wake "The Fish Who Could Fish".
- The group finds AJ inside one of the crates on the ship. Apparently, he teleported inside the crate and decided to wait out the time limit taking a nap.
- Not only does AJ not aggravate, intentionally or otherwise, his erstwhile allies this time around, he even manages to get along with Chromagil and Morgan. Wake isn't even annoyed with him this time around. Let that sink in.
- Chromagil interrogates a sahuagin stowaway.Chromagil: *sneezes rapport spores* Do you have a gun?
- Wake needs to sneak outside the ship without the crew noticing, so Morgan uses major image to create Doodle Wake to replace him. Lani even says "mehoy menoy" in Wake's voice.
- Chromagil rolls a Nat 1 trying to persuade the crew not to chain everyone up. Zito asks Grant to word it in the worst way possible.Chromagil: If one of us was the killer, this just seems like a good way to make us mad and make us kill again.
- Grant later realizes that he could have said something much worse: accidentally mention the stowaways they found.
- Chromagil manages to convince the crew to hand over their weapons. When he puts the guns in a box for safe keeping, he briefly sees Grammy inside the box.
- After Chromagil goes through great pains to diffuse the situation and avoid having Morgan start a full on mutiny, one of the crew makes a snide remark. Morgan immediately channels his spirit of rage and shoots the guy.
- Wake walks back up from the lower deck, sees this all going on, and nopes out of the room.
- Best of all, this time around, AJ wasn't the one who caused all the chaos; he's upstairs while this all happens, and mostly being covert at that. Even better, when Taka apologizes that he might have thrown off Zito's plans, the latter responds that he didn't...but Brian and Grant DID!
- AJ finds a sword that can damage souls. He gives it to Morgan, but not before naming it "The AJ Special".
- It also ends up containing the soul of a weeping woman that suddenly makes Ulrich's spirit disappear, only for them to realize that the latter was just benched, but can be swapped back in. Naturally, when Morgan hears the additional voice, he immediately grabs his morning star, but it only muffles her weeping.
- Chromagil searches the body of the dead crew member to find a key for the shackles. By "search", he means digging into the wound on its neck and flailing the body around violently. Wake then uses this to intimidate the crew into giving them the key by saying that Chromagil will "search" them next.
- The group fights a cyclops that can use a legendary action; every time it's HP is lowered past a 25 point milestone it vomits blood to deal damage and inflict fear. Wake has the brilliant idea to knock it on it's back so the blood shoots up and falls back on itself. Even better, the damage from the blood triggers the action again, effectively trapping it in a damaging loop. Best of all, Zito designed the baddie with that much HP and ability to deal damage with that exploit in mind.
- Wake spends most of the fight under the effects of the Haste spell in Bullet Time...completely unaware AJ even cast it on him.
- Halfway through the fight, the cyclops they're fighting ends up having a horrifying centipede in it that uses the body as a makeshift flail. The crew immediately jokes that Bloodborne 2 is coming along fantastically.Grant: I thought it was nuts that they added ship combat.Brian: Bloodborne 2: Black Flag.
- Brian's name for the centipede: The Meatweasel.
- Low on hp and surrounded, AJ decides to use Blink to disengage from combat for a bit, and sees where Morgan was standing three beings: Ulrich, the perpetually depressed ogre, Elrun, the furious perpetually-on-fire human who is eternally scratching at the world around him, and the sobbing woman floating around them both. He reacts naturally.AJ: What the fuck!?
- Due to the Meatweasel's flailing attack doing plenty of damage, Meecha has to heal herself, and ends up healing 38 HP. The crew is quick to comment when Zito points out the impressive total.Lani: This is why you want a doctor on the team! So they can heal themselves selfishly!
- At a few points, Taka keeps accidentally referring to AJ as Asmo. Playing two characters in two different campaigns whose names start with A who are also huge jerks will do that to you.
- As Grant lampshades, it was only a matter of time before he was on the receiving end of the I Just Shot Marvin in the Face moments he as Ezra then Chromagil put Wake through, when he gets hit by a Fire Bolt AJ was trying to nail a grunt that was right in the mushroom's face with, but rolled a Nat 1.
- AJ needs a cyclops eye to complete his list, so naturally he tries to grab the eye the moment the creature is killed. But he rolls a Nat 1 while trying to pry it out with a knife and accidentally stabs himself in the foot. (It could have been worse, he could have destroyed the eye had Taka rolled even instead of odd.) Even better, he's at ONE HP left, but he's way more concerned about getting the eye than the fact that he's dying.Meecha: Do you want the eye, or do you want to feel better?AJ: YES!!!
- Thanks to a level up, Chromagil now has advantage on strength checks that involve breaking things, such as walls. The guys describe him as a "living siege weapon".
- Pabsvadri returns, now working with Woe and the Navy. Wake does his best to not be seen and incur Pabs' wrath, even putting on a bad Cockney accent.
- Woe dope slaps Pabsvadri everytime he tries to threaten anyone.
- The group discovers that Teddy Slorg used to be one of Grammy's husbands.
- Meecha demonstrates how the Yith can possess her to guide them, but warns that they cannot touch her or it will break the connection. All three of the guys were about to poke her before she said this.
- Chromagil uses his spores on a bloater fish, and it turns out to be very wise. It talks about how it has lived for hundreds of years and witnessed the rise and fall of empires, the moving of mountains. And then Wake punts it into the ocean.
- Chromagil ends up bashing through a wall while searching the ship and knocking a hidden lock-box into the sea.
- Wake finds a bloater fish that the chef attempted to cook, with something hiding inside of it. It turns out to be Scaffy, along with a bottle of honey it stole from the chef.
- Wake's idea to appease the fae that rules the ship graveyard: offer it homemade desserts in order to appease it. It ends up turning into an impromptu episode of Chopped, with the group searching the ship for any useable ingredients and cobbling together what they find.
- Wake's due to the dead when passing South Xelous. Doubles as a Heartwarming Moment.Wake: "Fuck you, Ezra's dad!"
- Wake kills a seagull, prompting the many other seagulls perched on the mast to poop on him. He dodges out of the way, only to trip and fall on his back.
- The "Groundhog Day" Loop that occurs throughout the episode leads to a few funny moments:
- The running gag of Zito jokingly resetting the day over irrelevent things, such as Tyler sneezing or a cable getting pulled out.
- Morgan and Meecha manage to remember the previous loop, and Wake is convinced they're both going crazy and should be locked up in the brig.
- Given Zito's interests, as evidenced by the Adventurer Bazaar way back at Bulkard, one can make a fair guess where he got this idea from. Either way, the chat pretty much went to town with the obvious reference.
- Wake unintentionally causes more than one loop by impulsively calling out to and looking at the faceless beings.
- Chromagil feels empowered while he is in the fey realm, to the point where he grows a face and gains the ability to talk out loud. Combine that with the fact that he apparently also grew more muscular, the guys joke that his face looks hyperrealistic, resembles Grant's face, or looks like Handsome Squidward.
- Chromagil describes the perfectly balanced feeling of the fey realm by comparing it to Goldilocks and the Three Bears. What makes this moment is how he describes Goldilocks like some epic story of old. The moment it's pretty clear what Grant is referencing, Brian is quickly broken in the process, dropping his specs on the table and leaning back. He does manage to resist bursting into laughter for a few seconds, before he and Zito lose it, wrecking the latter's concentration in the process, though in a good way.
- The group visits a town named Gulliver, and most of the residents are dwarves. Think about that for a minute.
- Drunk Chromagil returns, along with drunk Wake.
- The revelation that Chromagil is basically reproducing every time he lets off his spores. He claims that he has produced "billions of offspring!" Wake even chimes in with his species' own mating ritual. The mollu they were talking to gets so uncomfortable that he casts Censor on the conversation.
- The silly squawking noises the hook horrors make.
- Wake finally uses Scaffy in combat by ordering it to gouge an enemy's eyes out. The hook horror just slaps Scaffy away.
- While searching an abandoned house, the group repeatedly uses Chromagil to get through any locked doors by crashing through them like the Koo-Aid Man.
- Wake finds a funglet in a closet. It sneezes in Wake's face, telepathically shouts "TELL NO ONE I WAS HERE!" and jumps out the window.
- The guys treats it like Wake committed adultery when Chromagil finds another mushroom's spores on him.
- Wake just samples the food in the kitchen while everyone searches the house. At one point he eats the raw meat of a psychic monster, and it causes him to briefly see a horrific vision. He considers taking another bite.
- Chromagil rolls two Nat Ones in a row and ends up crashing through the upstairs floor.
- Wake finds a ring that is much heavier than it looks, so much so that when he jumps down through the hole Chromagil made he lands very hard.
- Meecha snarks at him about the rings being heavy, so he throws it at her and it knocks her down. She responds by throwing a bonesaw at him. Valtara walks in and reacts to this like an exasperated mother watching her kids argue.
- Wake tries to knock the box he found the rings in down to the ground level, but gets hit by the sparking magical energy it shoots out and falls through the hole again. He ends up lying in a Wake-shaped crater, paralyzed by the magic and pinned down by the heavy ring.
- When Lani acts out Wake falling down the hole, he accidentally knocks over one of the lights.
- Wake gets a lollipop after Meecha heals him. Chromagil complains that he can't eat those, so Meecha puts two lollipops in his eye holes. The guys joke about putting googly eyes on the ends of the sticks.
- The sheer domino disaster that was Chromagil accidentally alerting the ragepedes in the barn to Wake, forcing him to cast Shatter on them resulting in a pool of venom infused ragepede blood...that bursts out of the hole in the roof. The party rolls con saves...and only Meecha and Devilgrin passed. Zito is flummoxed that he's forced to enact Plan C, scattering the party some ways away.
- Wake is trying to crawl across a rubble bridge over a tar pit, but keeps getting licked by the tar swimming frogs. He eventually adopts a big one that was clinging to his back, and names it Licky.
- All of Chromagil's interactions with the funglets.
- They act almost exactly like Chromagil, being socially oblivious and telepathically shouting everything they say. Hilariously, Brian is sitting between Grant and Zito while they shout everything their characters say.
- They keep unintentionally insulting Chromagil, mostly due to their differences in appearance (Chromagil is more girthy in size while the funglets are tall and skinny). Since Chromagil was ethereal when they first saw him (thanks to some wild magic), they decide to call him "Ghostfat".
- Chromagil guesses that one of the funglets is named "Slim Shady", and he's actually correct.
- The funglet sovereign is 20 feet tall, and it sneezes out spores the size of comets.
- The guys make several jokes about how the giant ragepedes they're fighting aren't actually the megapede, implying the real one is even bigger. When they finally see just how massive the real one is, Chromagil declares "We skipped past the megapede and went straight to the gigapede!"
- The megapede starts vomiting molten gold, two things Chromagil can't stand (fire and metal). He begins to suspect that the funglets sent him on this mission because they knew how awful it would be, or that this was an elaborate prank and they're watching nearby.
- The fact that Grant forgot about the weapon he was given specifically to fight the megapede with until near the end of the fight.
- The guys try to prank their allies with the severed megapede head, but everyone can still hear Chromagil talking in their heads, spoiling their plans.
- The funglets' accurate-nicknames continues with "Wake-Legs" and "Morgan-Legs".
- The collective noise from all the funglets saying hello actually causes psychic damage.
- Chromagil has to roll an acrobatics check just to look up due to his huge mushroom cap.
- Morgan is incapacitated by a bunch of disembodied voices and can't hear anything. Chromagil talks directly into his mind with his soothing voice.
- Morgan talks to a pair of ghosts, but since Wake and Chromagil can't see the ghosts they keep misinterpreting everything Morgan says.
- The group ends up befriending an army of skeleton pirates.
- Wake gets a Nat 1 on stealth, but doesn't realize it and is totally convinced he is a master of stealth.
- Morgan uses Invisibility while escaping a fire, but Wake and Chromagil don't see him do this and think he's gone missing.
Wake: Was Morgan not real this whole time?
- Later, the demons they are fighting reveal that Bliss was an illusion used by the demons to spy on them. Because Morgan is still missing, Wake has this "revelation".
- Wake tries sticking his hand in the void pocket the Jolly Shark ghosts use to store their treasure to try and get a scroll of mass invisibility out. He does...but, as established a few moments earlier, sticking something in actual entropy pretty much freezes something in ice. The hijinks come when they try to thaw his forearm with Brian and Grant each rolling Nat 1s:
- Morgan tries to burn the ice off with torch...and only succeeds in not only extinguishing the flame, but getting the torch itself stuck in the ice.
- Chromagil manages to get the torch out, reignites it...and accidentally lops Wake's forearm off! Lucky for the now handicapped merman, for some reason, a ghostly arm forms in its place, and Wake can spend a ki point everyday to make it a little more solid. For extra hilarity, after Grant rolled his Nat 1, Zito decided to have Grant do the severity roll, which resulted in a Nat 1 as well. Brian is dying from the sheer failure and incoming hilarity about to ensue.
- The players realize that, between Wake's missing arm and Morgan's chest cavity, their injuries are perfectly fitting for their pirate setting. All they need now is getting Chromagil an eyepatch (or two).
- Even funnier, Wake is actually not all that in a hurry to have his arm reattached. In fact, he's absolutely curious as to what his new ghostly hand could do.
- Both the chat and the guys make no secret that this entire escapade reminds them of Skrung. They subsequently describe Wake and Skrung as terms such as "nubbies" and "amputeamates". Hell, even just moments after the mishap, Chromagil, as if channeling Eloy, starts to spew pun after pun.
- Fatreyus' feeble attempts to ambush who he believes are the demons returned to menace Dimswell.
- Inside the Grand Library, Fatreyus' father, Galdarv, goes to meet the One-ders...and promptly falls from an upper floor. Wake tries to catch him...and himself collapses from the weight of the blob-like creature. Galdarv, however, just gets up like this is normal and even picks Wake up.
- When the two Jolly Shark representatives are called "bonehead" by Morgan casually, it turns out to be their names, "Bone" and "Heady". Zito then stares at the camera when it faces him once he says that.
- Roy the mimic treasure chest reappears, having been flung into the ocean when Ebrukal fell. He swallowed a bunch of crab eggs while underwater, so now every time he tries to talk he keeps vomiting crabs.
- Wake pranks Meecha with his severed arm and uses his ghost hand to make it look like the arm is floating and trying to strangle him. This causes everyone in the bar to run out screaming.
- The best part? Meecha is completely nonplussed by Wakes arm apparently falling off. She only freaks out when it starts floating.
- Chromagil wished for the power to speak to and understand any living thing from the material plane, so naturally he goes around excitedly asking everyone to talk to him in different languages and sqeeing when he can understand them.
- When he gets to Meecha, she says something in a language he actually can't understand: since the Yth aren't from the material plane. Chromagil responds by whining to the fey queen like a child complaining to the teacher.
- Morgan somehow mind melds witha dead goblin and experiences the goblin's final moments. He is launched out of a cannon in some kind of bathysphere, and for some reason is then blown up on purpose.
- Chromagil leaves their kobold prisoner alone for just a moment to change shifts with Valtara, only to find that the kobold has already escaped.
- The fact that every single one of the kobolds is named Bluey.
- While moving through a jungle they encounter a wild animal they try to stop peacefully, however Chromagil's effort to put it to sleep only lead to it attack and Wake's efforts to calm it down fail. Morgan then casts a spell to cover it with chains and damage it whenever it moves, and Chromagil promptly casts a spell to drag it out of its tree. Wake finally manages to calm it a little with his food ... which it hops away to eat, causing another chain to damage it and sending it right back on the offensive. Ultimately they're forced to kill it and try to find a silver lining from the encounter.Lani: So if we just take this and we bring it in there, we'll be like "Hey, see what we did to your guardian, also you messed with our ship."Grant: Exactly, we can make some bloody lemonades out of these bloody lemons here.
- Chromagil gets paralyzed by a poisoned dart, so two kobolds just start casually stealling his stuff while he loudly protests. Even when Skrung calls them off, he's still miffed about it.
- Having only been reunited for about a minute, Wake is already giving Skrung a headache from all the aforementioned antics.
- Happy as he is to see Wake AND find out that he now has a way off the island, it doesn't stop Skrung from his I Need a Freaking Drink moments, whether from downing both his coffee supply and yet another of Wake's Bristlebean Coffee, as well as asking for more tobacco from Morgan.
- After the latter finds out the story of the demons' carnage at an archaeological camp, via the reanimated skeleton of one of the victims, Morgan takes a big drag of his own stash, leading to a Not So Different comment from Skrung.
- The fanart segment. Probably the funniest one since the campaign began.
- Tyler decides to have some fun with the fanart by resizing and cropping an image of Chromagil with disturbingly hyperrealistic eyes and superimposes it over Grant's face. It goes from there with the rest of the table, leading to probably the best ending shot of an episode.
- The fact that said eyes are so detailed give the entire table heebee-geebees, and they love the fact that it does.
- As Tyler superimposes the artworks of Chromagil and Morgan onto their players' faces, the latter end up making the gestures of certain memes.
- The first fanart is of Nedra about to attempt to saw off her hand in an attempt to emulate Wake's ghost hand, with a usual response of "NEDRA NOOOO!". In unison, Brian and Grant shout the signature "I learned it from watching you" line from an infamously cheesy anti-drug ad.
- The end of the Gaiden's teaser, where the camera pans onto Gaijin Goombah, seeing Zito, Grant in a "werekangaroo" (re: fox) mask, and Kirran shadowboxing with tissue paper handwraps.Gaijin Goombah (with arms raised in amused confusion): What the hell did I just walk in on? (laughter from Ben and the other three offscreen)
- Even better, when the camera is pointed at Grant as he dons the mask, you can see the reflection of the glass behind him showing that Gaijin just entered the office at that very moment. Considering a couple of minutes had likely passed between that and then Kirran's intro as Billy, he was just standing there in sheer bewilderment, with Ben, holding the camera, only realizing he was there the whole time.
- Ben's punny character names in the Billy Punchyface 'Gaiden' session.
- A gnome named Chompski.
- A clay golem named Cassius
- Three gnolls named Lee, Harvey and Oswald, who work at the Grassy Gnoll.
- Also, Billy constantly having to be restrained from punching everybody by the other party members.
- Just the very fact that the Gaiden episode is one Whole Plot Reference to The Godfather. The player's reactions upon realizing this is hysterical.
- During the funeral at the start of the session, the lawyer overseeing Pappy Punchyface's estate leads the mourners in the traditional prayer to Deimos. Said "prayer" is the Mickey Mouse March with reworked lyrics, and the real fun is watching Zito as it slowly dawns upon him, culminating in a Face Palm. Just to add to the humor, Ben, Kirran and Grant haven't broken character and are still acting like this is a solemn prayer.
Ben (as Deimos Priest): Who's the leader of the cult that's made for you and me?
- Later on when Zito's character goes to the Church of Deimos for help, the priest he speaks to insists on reciting the prayer again — together.
Zito (dryly): D-E-I, M-O-S...this is SO non-canon.
Saturday Morning Cartoon Special
- The entire episode is set up as a corny children's cartoon version of the canon series. Lani basically threw Power Rangers, Scooby-Doo, and the old Legend of Zelda cartoon into a blender, added 4kids censorship for effect, and then dumped the result on La Cirranus.
- The premise is that the session is a cartoon in-universe shown on household scrying orbs, long after the actual story has ended.
- Every single character has turned into a cartoonish stereotype or parody of their former self (with corresponding stat alterations to match):
- Ezra is now a happy-go-lucky hero with next to no physical strength. He also wields the "crossbow of justice".
- Eloy has gone from being slightly naive and inexperienced to complete brainlessness. (In-story, anyway. Ben's intelligence rolls were somewhat high this session).
- Wake is completely serious and grim all the time, and his voice sounds like Solid Snake.
- Nedra is like canon Nedra, but permanently on caffeine.
- Skrung is a stereotypical grouchy, sleazy goblin.
- Grammy is a kindly old lady who uses somewhat odd ingredients.
- Gulfur talks with a Scottish (or sometimes Irish) accent and is always drinking "juice".
- The main villain of the session? Mumja, the mummy ninja. It is as ridiculous as it sounds.
- He lives inside a giant moving pyramid.
- His top lieutenant is a tabaxi woman named Cleocatra. Yes, she talks in cat puns.
- His minions are all ninjas wrapped in mummy bandages. In battle, they wield mum-chuks (basically numchuks wrapped in mummy bandaages).
- They also all seem to be minimum-wage employees who are just doing their jobs.
- Mumja himself sounds like Abridged Vegeta and fights with the ancient martial art of mum-jitsu.
- Wake has been rescued, Mumja is defeated and it seems like all is well... when suddenly Mumja's pyramid rises out of the ground, grows arms and legs and turns into a giant mech, prompting the Natural Wonders to respond by summoning the Yeldin and having it transform into a mecha of their own.Lani: Alright. This is now a mecha battle. I am going to make up a crap-ton of rules!
- Gulfer being the "engineering" man brings shades of Montgomery Scott, especially with a few of his remarks on the mech battle situation.
Project Omega One-Shot
- Our party consists of a retired, over the hill boxer, a little boy... And a house cat. The reveal that Brian's character, who he later names Butters, is foreshadowed by him being imprisoned in "the box," but apparently nobody caught it until Lani mentioned that Grant's character could see a cat moving around.
- Brian's character tries to get out by convincing a guard to talk to him...only to get Toto's Africa playing as the guard ignores him
- Morton, Zito's character, rapidly alternates betwen being a five year old excited about being a superhero and talking like a grown ass man excited about being a Superhero. Swearing is consistently referred to as "saying a bad.". It gets worse when the trio confront the man responsible, who then rants about HIS losses and sadness.
- Initially, Morton belives that Grant's and Brian's characters are supervillains due to a misunderstanding: Neither the boxer, nor the cat were particularly happy about being kept against their will in small cells and acted the part, while Hank, Grant's character, was utterly baffled by the fighting of two guards, one of whom was being psychically dominated by Butters. This led to Chaos
- The Big Bad of the oneshot refered to the people he'd given powers to as being lost to the world... before suddenly pointing to Butters and saying "I don't know about you."
- After Johnny, the guard who decided to help the trio escape, was killed, Hank, not having another adult around to comfort Morton, suggested that the now traumatized child play with the kitty.
- The second encounter starts of gloriously. "Guard #7" is the first of the enemies to act...and Lani promptly rolls a Nat 1 in trying to draw his tranquilizer gun, shooting himself in the leg. He then rolls for the guard's consave to resist getting sedated...and rolls yet another Nat 1, with the guard sound asleep. The whole moment is just plain cathartic for Zito, Brian lampshading it and likewise being reminded of why.Brian (addressing Zito): You're just reveling in this, aren't you?Zito: Yes! All this requires is another Nat 1.Brian: Oh, that's right!Lani (to Zito): I don't have a crit table, unlike you.
- Speaking of rolling Nat 1s, when Vex decides to deploy a powerful turret to give our heroes another enemy to worry about, Lani's Nat 1 and it promptly short-circuits and explodes before it even fires a shot.
- During the fight with Dr. Vex, Morton and Butters' combined efforts eventually rouse Omega Maiden from her stasis. One quick scan of her immediate surroundings tells her everything, enough to grab Vex by the collar in sheer rage. The mad doctor's previous line before he gets throttled, ironically enough, explains everything.Vex: Megan, I can explain!(The players crack up at the undertones of this line)
- The fact that Lani keeps flubbing Omega Maiden's name as Mega Maid.
Billy Punchyface Round 2
- Almost all interactions with Cassius's brother, a golem so dumb he tries to guard the workshop from everyone and everything.
It Came From the Nebula Storm
- Several potentially dramatic encounters are entirely missed because the kobolds simply decide it's not their problem.
- Ben's character uses his conjuration for prop comedy; creating a glowing green health certificate, some glowing green meat.
- Williamsmith (yes, his name is all one word) in general; he's an over-the-top failed actor who hates kobolds, despite being a kobold.
- The entire climax to the groups first combat encounter: After the last of the brain-eating spider monstrosities camouflages itself and hides under a nearby wreaked car, Jon Smog (Ben's character) decides he's not taking any chances and opts to shoot a fireball at the car's gas tank to make it explode. He does this in spite of the fact that all three of his allies are standing in fairly close proximity to said car, with Brian's character Brundle crouching on top of the car. And when Jon succeeds in igniting the gas tank, Brundle proceeds to Nat One on his dexterity save, the ensuing explosion sending him flying a good twenty feet and leaving Brundle at five hitpoints.Abigail: (Looking gobsmacked at Jon) "...Why?! What made you think that was a good idea?!"Jon: (pointing at the remains of the car and the dead brain-eater) "...I made it dead."Abigail: (pointing to a charred, face-down Brundle) "Yeah, same with him!"Jon: "Oh... shit." (Looks to Brundle) "Are you dead?"(A charred, smoldering Brundle very weakly makes an O.K. sign)Jon: "Yeah, see. He's good."(Brundle groans)Williamsmith: "That did hurt."Brundle: (muffled) "NO SHIT IT HURT!!"
Terror at Grimhaven
- At the start, Zito's character Dr. Theodore Sleen begins operating on a very unwilling patient.Sleen: Sir, I'm going to have ask you to calm down or I will have to pull out the anaesthetic.Zito: (as an aside to Lani) What blunt objects are nearby?
- When describing Balzathoth, Lani makes specific mention that he has three dicks (which Balz refers to as the triforce of power).
- Just the image of a mad scientist, a giant hulking monstrosity, and a stitched together werewolf (and a normal looking possessed human) all crammed together into a car.
- After the entire party is seemingly killed off, Balzathoth leaves his human host and starts casually chating with another demon before they decide to go bowling.
Escape from Mount Xavier
- Lani's character (an angel inhabiting the body of a little girl) attempting to sound like a little kid despite his gruff, deadpan voice.
The Riddle at New Atlantis
- Zito's character has the Professor Frink voice.
- Their organization has used Florida Man as a cover-up for actual supernatural events.
- This sentence, said without a hint of sarcasm by Grant's character. Doubly funny as his superior officer is a skeptic.Shane: Well, none of my ghost sensors are going off, and I've looked for all kinds of hidden druid messages and nothing's coming up there. So if anyone took it, it's someone from this planet probably.
- Zito's character leaves the opened up vacuum and all the dirt that was in it in the bathroom for John to clean up. John just closes the door in defeat.
- Agent John's constant aggravation with the dancing seahorse mascot. Eventually he gets so frustrated that he orders Shane to punch an animatronic of it.
- Lani later reveals that the theme park was just a way for the demon Thax to steal children's souls while their parents were busy gambling. So John was right to suspect the seahorse!
- The realization that they were stuck in the casino for 2 days.
- Zito summons a crocodile with his communicator to knock down Thax.
- Zito manages to survive the one-shot by using his ability to pull out the perfect gadget for the situation over and over.
- Grant's Mulder expy thanking a demon for killing his "bitch of a sister" and joining the demon side. John even refers to it as a Top 10 Anime Betrayal.
TFS at the Table: Other Card Games
- Lani wearing a luchador mask the whole time. Just because. He even gives a stock Hulk Hogan-esque "message for the kids" at the very end.
- The session is also clearly an excuse for the Team to test some new camera equipment, handled by Tyler, who is clearly enjoying messing with them, and the table reacting accordingly to the shifts in angles and colors.
- For the hour he's there before he has to leave, Kaiser manages to rack up a total of ELEVEN wins, sometimes in a row. After he leaves, the remaining four agree that it's no longer a competition to one-up each other, but that someone has to beat that.
- With Brian as the judge, the first card depicts the Blue Guy demand that the Green Guy eat his ass, and the second card has the Green Guy happily agree. While we get some great punchlines like the Green Guy suddenly Hulking Out and the two as hobos reminiscing about the past, it's the last one that sends Brian into hysterics, obviously winning the turn:Green Guy: I've got wicked munchies!
- For Kaiser's final turn, the first card is Green Guy mooning Blue Guy who has an ":o" expression, which makes Zito and Brian copy the dramatic takes of Speed Racer and then joking how they should just pile on cards with that expression. Cue the second card with Green Guy reacting to Blue Guy's incredible boner with that very same expression.Zito: (to Brian) You were kidding!
- The question is "Who would have the least positive impact on the human species?", which, given how vague it is, the table decides to interpret as "Who has the least chance of procreating?" The expectation is that each of them would choose themselves, bar Lani, who picked Brian (on grounds of Tyler actually having a kid. And then...Lani: Meanwhile, ev'rybody else's do the right thing and choo-(Tyler's card is flipped, revealing he picked Kaiser)OHHH! Ohahaha!Tyler: (points to Brian) He's bisexual, he can go either way. (Kaiser, Zito, Brian, and Lani go hysterical. Tyler then points to Kaiser) He's committed to not contributing to the numbers that WE! NEED!Lani, amidst his laughter: You make an excellent point! (laughter continues for a full minute) F-fair enough!Brian: (weakly) Thank you, Tyler! (Tyler does the OK gesture)
- Even better? With one of the earlier questions, about who would be the least expected to get revenge, Tyler voted himself, citing Beware the Quiet Ones. He doesn't speak or join in the team's nuttiness often, but Tyler's certainly got some killer punchlines on his own. The whole sequence he just looks so proud of himself too.
- Kaiser pretends to Screw This, I'm Outta Here! for a bit.
- Earlier, during the third round, when Tyler's tagged in with Brian, Zito pulls the next card and is instantly amused at it. It reads "Who was the last person to masturbate?" Cue Brian at the tech station audibly cracking up.Zito: We need that Rich Evans laugh, Brian. Thank you!
- Zito is flabbergasted at the fact it wasn't an easy answer for the table, followed by the fact that Lani's attempting to put logic into this.Zito: WHY DOES THIS STUMP PEOPLE!?Lani: Because there's a lot of factors to go in here.Zito: Factors!? We have to meta this!?Kaiser: I mean...there are factors.Lani: It depends! You're looking around the table: Is this person a night person or a morning person? Or are they both? Do they do it in the bathroom at work? I don't know!(beat)Zito: Alright, well thanks for that giveaway. (Lani cracks up) The man who has put the most forethought into it!
- And then it turns out to be a tie, and in the case of Lani and Tyler, who picked the latter between them, since they both doubled down, they lose points.
- Zito is flabbergasted at the fact it wasn't an easy answer for the table, followed by the fact that Lani's attempting to put logic into this.