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Funny / Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves

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  • Bertie snarking at Madeline's melodramatic declaration to Gussie.
    'I hate you, I hate you!' cried Madeline, a thing I didn't know anyone ever said except in the second act of a musical comedy.
  • Stinker's introduction. Especially when Bertie comments on his fondness for playing football.
    Rugby football is more or less a sealed book to me, I never having gone in for it, but even I could see that he was good. The lissomness with which he moved hither and thither was most impressive, as was his homicidal ardour when doing what I believe is called tackling. Like the Canadian Mounted Police he always got his man, and when he did so the air was vibrant with the excited cries of morticians in the audience making bids for the body.
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  • "[Stinker] gave me the impression of a two-hundred-pound curate with something on his mind beside his hair."
  • Aunt Dahlia's phone call to Bertie.
    Aunt Dahlia: Bertie, you foul young blot on the landscape! [...] I got your telegram. [...] What do you mean, you're leaving town? You never leave town except to come down here and wallow in Anatole's cooking. Where are you going?
    ...I said I was going to Totleigh Towers, and she uttered an impatient snort.
    Aunt Dahlia: There's something wrong with this blasted wire. It sounded as if you were saying you were going to Totleigh Towers.
    Bertie: I am.
    • Then Aunt Dahlia reveals that Mr. Bassett wants to steal Jeeves away.
    Bertie: Incredulous!
    Aunt Dahlia: If you mean incredible, you're wrong. I told you how he had fallen under Jeeves's spell when he was here. He used to follow him with his eyes as he buttled, like a cat watching a duck, as Anatole would say. And one morning I heard him making him a definite proposition. Well? What's the matter with you? Have you fainted?
  • Bertie meets Roderick Spode.
    Spode: Wooster, I can't make up my mind whether to break your neck or not.
    'Not' would have been the way my vote would have been cast, but he didn't give me time to say so.
    • Then Spode accuses Bertie of trying to come between Madeline and Gussie, "like a creeping snake".
    ...I was interested to learn that this was what snakes did.
  • Mr. Glossop's reaction to learning Bertie is coming to stay for at least a week... after Bertie arrives.
  • Bertie's description of the atmosphere at Totleigh Towers.
    Sombre, that's the word I was trying to think of. The atmosphere was sombre. The whole binge might have been a scene from one of those Russian plays my Aunt Agatha sometimes makes me take her son Thos to at the Old Vic in order to improve his mind, which, as is widely known, can do with all the improvement that's coming to it.
  • Jeeves objects to Bertie's alpine hat.
    Bertie: If you really want to know, several fellows at the Drones asked me where I had got it.
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  • Jeeves gets Bertie out of having to marry Madeline, by claiming Bertie's a kleptomaniac.
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