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Funny / Stephen King

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Surprisingly, there are more than a few hilarious moments in Stephen King's works. In fact, he has been known to say that he can always get a few laughs when reading his works aloud.

  • The nonsense spewed by Guy the Demon Waiter in Lunch at the Gotham Cafe:
    I rot you, you abominations! I rot you and all your trulls! That dog of yours is so much rage! All the radioes of Coney Island don't measure up to dat dog of yours, you motherfucker!
  • Tak from Desperation, despite being an insane, body-snatching extradimensional horror, has some genuinely funny lines. For instance. Tak inhabits people's bodies and in turn makes them taller and stronger—but the intensity of its presence makes them literally fall apart, starting at the source of potential illness or infection. So Tak has to buy some 'new clothes,' and as it snatches a guy, he asks how in the name of god he got so tall... Tak replies, "Wheaties!"
    • He/it also has a penchant for quoting movie and book lines and spouting Non Sequiturs, as well as that creepy-ass language.
  • Paranoid: A Chant in its entirety.
    Stay back, goddamn you!/I know tall people!/I know VERY tall people!
  • In Dream Catcher, when Jonesy gets possessed by Mr. Gray, he encounters the alien in a dreamlike-world, where the alien is lying in a hospital bed. On the bedstand next to him is a get-well card signed by "Stephen Spielberg and all your pals in Hollywood"
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  • After the publication of Nightmares & Dreamscapes, Stephen gave a speech at the National Press Club, about his career and various other topics. The speech had a generous amount of humor, and he closed it out with: "I'd just like to remind everyone that, wherever you left your cars, almost anyone could be in the back seat."
  • In the "Notes" section at the end of Skeleton Crew, King relates a funny story in the entry for "The Raft." He'd sold the story (as "The Float") to Adam, a girlie magazine, which paid only upon publication. Not long after, while on a late-night joyride around the town of Orono, he happened to run over a number of traffic cones that had been left to guard a freshly-painted crosswalk but hadn't been taken in when the paint had dried. The cones knocked his muffler loose from the car's exhaust system, and King was furious (excessively so, which might have had something to do with the fact that he was drunk at the time). So he decided to drive around the town of Orono, picking up traffic cones. "I would leave them all on the steps of the police station," he writes, "with a note saying I had saved numerous exhaust systems from extinction, and ought to get a medal." Predictably, he was pulled over by a cop after collecting about fifty cones. "I will never forget the Orono cop taking a long, long look into my backseat and saying, 'Son, are those traffic cones yours?'" He received a fine of $250 (not exactly peanuts in the '60s); the alternative was thirty days in jail. Fretting about where he was going to get the money, he got a literal Deus ex Machina about a week later in the form of a check for exactly $250 from Adam for "The Float." "It was like getting a real "Get Out of Jail Free" Card. I paid my fine with it, and vowed to go straight and give all traffic cones a wide berth thereafter. Straight I have not exactly gone, but believe me when I tell you I'm quits with the cones."
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  • In his unfinished novel (or, if you prefer, his "novel-in-progress") The Plant, set in 1981, antagonist Carlos Detweiller tells book editor John Kenton about a few of the terrifying things he's learned through his (Carlos's) use of a Ouija board:
    1. The disappearance of Amelia Earhart was actually the work of demons! 2. Demonic forces at work on H.M.S. [sic] Titanic. 3. The "tulpa" that infested Richard Nixon. 4. There will be a president from ARKANSAS!
  • The Outsider (2018): Jack Hoskins has a sticker on his truck that reads MY OTHER RIDE IS YOUR MOM.
  • His anecdote about Genre Adultery:
    I was down here in the supermarket, and this old woman comes around the corner this old woman – obviously one of the kind of women who says whatever is on her brain. She said, 'I know who you are, you are the horror writer. I don’t read anything that you do, but I respect your right to do it. I just like things more genuine, like that Shawshank Redemption.' “And I said, 'I wrote that'. And she said, 'No you didn’t'. And she walked off and went on her way.”
  • When King was in the absolute depths of his drug and alcohol addiction, his wife got so sick of it that she dumped his office trash can out on his desk, pointed out the empty bottles of Listerine and angrily demanded to know if King was really so desperate for alcohol that he would literally chug Listerine. King's response, as recorded in one of his non-fiction memoirs, was, "Absolutely not. I would never drink Listerine. I preferred Scope — it had that minty flavor."