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Funny / Star Trek: Insurrection

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"Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data?"

  • One of the best opening lines.
    Riker: Our guests have arrived. They are eating the floral arrangements on the banquet tables.
    Crusher: I guess they don't believe in cocktails before dinner.
    Troi: Oh, my God. Are they vegetarian? That's not in there!
    Picard: Perhaps we should have the chef whip up a light balsamic vinaigrette— Something that goes well with chrysanthemums.
  • "I seem to be missing several memory engrams." (Geordi presents Data with a handful of said components) "...There they are."
  • Picard needs to get real, or get a new neck.
    Beverly Crusher: You either need a new uniform or a new neck.
    Picard: Euchene Chefaw. My collar size is exactly as it was at the Academy.
    Beverly Crusher: Of course it is.
  • In the event of a water landing, Data has been designed to serve as a flotation device.
  • How do Picard and Worf distract a crazy android? By singing, complete with Follow the Bouncing Ball.
    Picard: Mr. Worf, do you know Gilbert and Sullivan?
    Worf: No sir. I have not had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I have been back.
    Picard: (look of dismay) They're composers, Worf, from the 19th century.
    • What sells the scene is Worf's expression going from "WTF?" to near-panic and shaking his head "NO!" before finally joining in.
    • When Data is reactivated and Picard asks him what he remembers, he immediately picks the song up where he left off.
      • The funniest thing about is that Geordi doesn't even bat an eyelash at this.
  • There's a really good bit when the bad guys decide to give up:
    Lieutenant: Sir, Ru'afo's ship is hailing us.
    Picard and Riker: On screen. (they exchange looks)
    Worf: Captain, the Son'a crew would like to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have something to do with the fact that we have three minutes of air left.
    Picard: We have plenty over here, Mr. Worf. Prepare to beam aboard.
  • "Have you noticed that your boobs have started to firm up?" - Data to Worf (Data had overheard Beverly and Deanna discussing the effects of the planet on them)
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  • "Definitely feeling aggressive tendencies, sir!"
  • The moments between Data and Artim that aren't heartwarming - heck, even the funny moments are heartwarming!
    Data: I have to go home now.
    Artim: Bye.
    Data: Bye.
  • After Deanna shaves off his beard, Riker meets up with Data and Picard on the way to the turbolift. At Data's startled look Riker remarks, to his clear consternation:
    Riker: Smooth as an android's butt, eh, Data?
    • But what really sells it is a few minutes later, after they've finished catching up on current events, when Data asks to touch Riker's newly-shaved face - and then just shakes his head smugly, and walks off.
  • When the Son'a who are chasing the Enterprise hail them, Riker tries to bluff by saying that the transceiver is malfunctioning - and the Son'a call his bluff by firing a photon torpedo.
    Riker: Isn't that the universal greeting when communications are down?
    Geordi: I think it's the universal greeting when you don't like someone.
  • Riker getting all horny for Troi, and her willing to accomodate him. . . to a point.
    Troi: Yuck!
    Riker: Yuck?
    Troi: I never kissed you with a beard before.
    Riker: I kiss you and you say "yuck?"
    Troi: (closes her cabin door in his face)
    • The entire scene is hilarious, from the moment Riker steps into Troi's quarters.
      Riker: I need a little counseling.
      Troi: Well, there's a first time for everything.
    • Riker and Troi eventually decide to shave the beard—by taking a bath together—which is then interrupted by Worf relaying a message from Admiral Dougherty. Fortunately for Riker and Troi, it's audio only.
  • When Worf greets Picard and Data in the transporter room, Picard notices a mark on Worf's nose and asks if he's been in a fight. Worf explains that it is a gorch.
    Picard: Gorch?
    Data: (whispering) Pimple, sir.
    Picard: (awkwardly) Oh,'s hardly noticeable.
    • When Riker arrives to brief Picard, he notices the gorch and comments "Klingons never do anything small, do you?". Worf has a pained look that says "Fighting Jem'Hadar would be preferable to this".

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