WARNING: Spoilers are off.
- Scotty gets most of the funniest lines in the film (it helps that he's played by comedian Simon Pegg): "Can I have a towel?", "Do they still have sandwiches?", "engineering parlance", etc.
- Scotty's obsession with food is certainly hilarious, given James Doohan's later...er, girth.
- The scene where Spock is attempting to interrogate Kirk and Scotty, who have arrived on the ship mid-warp.Spock: [to Scotty] Are you in Starfleet?
Scotty: [soaking wet] I, um, yes — can I get a towel, please?note
Spock: I order you to explain me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp.
Scotty: Well...
Kirk: Don't answer him.
Spock: You will answer me.
Scotty: ... I'd rather not take sides.- And the best part is that the next time we see Scotty, he has his towel.Scotty: I like this ship! Ya know, it's exciting.
- And the best part is that the next time we see Scotty, he has his towel.
- Scotty describing transwarp beaming as "like trying to hit a bullet, with a smaller bullet, whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse!" Then Spock Prime finishes his calculations on Scotty's terminal:Scotty: What's that?
Spock Prime: Your equation for transwarp beaming.
Scotty: (reads the calculations) Huh! Imagine that. It never occurred to me to think of space as the thing that was moving.
- Kirk's allergic reaction to the vaccine injection.McCoy: Ah, Jim, you're awake. How do you feel? [looks at Jim's hands] Good God, man!
Kirk: What? [looks at his hands] [hilariously] Eeeh! [raises hands; both are swollen] What the hell is this?
[later]
Kirk: ...and wath da sip Womuhln?
Uhura: Was the ship what?
Kirk: What's — [To McCoy] Wath happ'ning to my mouth?
McCoy: You got numb tongue?
Kirk: NUMTON?!
McCoy: I can fix that! [runs off]
Uhura: Was the ship what?
Kirk: Womuhln.
Uhura: What?
Kirk: Womulan.
Uhura: Romulan?
Kirk: Yeah!
Uhura: Yes!
Kirk: Yes! Yes!
McCoy: [injects Kirk with hypospray]
Kirk: Agh— aa-aargh— THAHHIT!- On the DVD commentary, director JJ Abrams takes pleasure in the fact that this film is the only Star Trek story where the hyposprays hurt.
- Kirk losing the hot lady, in this case Uhura, to Spock!Kirk: So her first name's Nyota?
Spock: I have no comment on the matter. [the way he says it could be Spock's way of saying 'back off my girl']- Kirk's expression is gold. It basically reads: "WTF!? HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL LIKE HER!?"
- Also gold is when Kirk hops up onto the teleporter pad and only then notices that Spock and Uhura are making out.
- And then when Uhura leaves, Scotty, who's at the transporter controls, is looking around very uncomfortably.
- Chekov has a few moments : "W-w-v-v-w-victor, W-w-v-v-w-victor", and racing down the hallway yelling "I ken do zat! I ken do zat!" Go, Chekov!
- Kirk boards the recruiting shuttle heading for Starfleet... and walks smack dab into a low bar. If you listen closely, someone mutters a sarcastic "Nice."
- Look in the background when Scotty is first introduced. He has a pet Tribble in a cage. No wonder he's so hungry!
- Bones as an aviaphobic seatmate:Pike (voice): This is Captain Pike. We've been cleared for takeoff.
Bones: [to Kirk] I may throw up on you.
Kirk: I think these things are pretty safe.
Bones: Don't pander to me, kid! One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds! Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats! And wait till you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles! See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding! Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence!
Kirk: Well, I hate to break it to you but Starfleet operates in space. - When Scotty said he'd tested his new transporter theory out on Archer's beagle!
- not so funny when one stops to think that Starfleet most likely exiled Scotty there to protect him from being killed by a justifiably pissed off Archer who most likely didn’t take kindly to learning Scotty had used HIS DOG as a test subject for his transwarp beaming experiment and subsequently LOST HIM.
Kirk: I know that dog, what happened to it?
Scotty: I'll tell you when it reappears. I don't know, I do feel guilty about that. - "Wait a minute, kid; how old are you?" "Sewenteen, sir!" ...aaaaaand cue Bones' exasperated sigh and "Oh, good. He's seventeen!" directed at Kirk, as if it's his fault!
- "Is the parking brake on?"
- "Have you disengaged the external inertial dampeners?" "Oh." (Meaning that yes, he did leave the parking brake on!)
- Sulu's expression is somewhere between "God dammit" and "Engage the go fuck yourself, Spock".
- "Have you disengaged the external inertial dampeners?" "Oh." (Meaning that yes, he did leave the parking brake on!)
- This bit in the medbay of the Enterprise:Bones: I'm going to give you a mild sedative. [injects Kirk with hypospray]Kirk: How long will this take t- [passes out]
- "STOP THAT!!" and the Kobayashi Maru scene. If you watch closely during the opening of the later, you can juuust tell Uhura is being sardonic, and would really like to chew Kirk out.
- The Reveal that the person who created the test was Spock!
- When Spock Prime enters the story, he tries to introduce himself to Kirk by his real name. You'd expect a powerful, moving interaction but instead...Spock Prime: I am Spock.Kirk: ... Bullshit.
- What makes it hilarious is that Kirk isn't boggling at the implied time travel, but at the idea that he and Spock could ever be friends.
- Then later, when Spock Prime tries to convince Kirk to take command:Kirk: How, over your dead body?
Spock Prime: ...Preferably not.
- You knew Olson was gonna die when he donned a red spacesuit. And the moment he dives far lower than where Kirk and Sulu opened their parachutes, it was pretty much a Foregone Conclusion he was getting sucked into the drill beam. That's followed by Chekov's genuine shock:Chekov: Olson is gone, sir.
- Spock saying "Live Long and Prosper" to the Vulcan Science Academy. You can see the hint of satisfaction in his face and the way he says it, he might as well be flipping them the bird.note The music for the next scene (set in a dive bar) starts up early, leaving Spock to linger on the screen for several seconds looking like a badass while the BGM backs him up.
- Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!?! (From Bones to Spock, with Vulcan pronounced so it sounds like a Precision F-Strike.)
- "Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero." Said after Nero destroys most of Starfleet's, well, starfleet, and is about to do the same to the Enterprise before he hails them. The complete deadpan delivery is what really sells it.
- Kirk and his apple during the Kobayashi Maru scene. When he blatantly cheats, he does it with style.
- Some fans thought this was a callback to "Wrath of Khan" where Kirk describes taking the Kobayashi Maru test while eating an apple. Abrams later confirmed this wasn't his intention. He simply wanted Kirk to look smug and according to him "It's impossible not to look smug while eating an apple."
- After meeting Spock for the first time:Kirk: Who was that pointy-eared bastard?
Bones: I don't know, but I like 'im. - The bloopers on YouTube, especially the end with Pine and Quinto doing a scene with Irish accents.
- Although Pine was speaking East German.
- And Eric Bana having a little too much fun as an Omnicidal Maniac."Spock, I look forward to the destruction of your planet, and every planet around it. I've been waiting for this day my whole life. You will die. Your people will die. J. J. Abrams will die. You will all die."
- Bruce Greenwood pretending to be a spring loaded ragdoll, when the wheelchair he's sitting in gets pushed too fast into a bump on the set.
- The Oh, Crap! look Kirk has when he hears Sulu's training is in fencing. (Even if it does turn out to be more useful than anticipated.)
- "And yet you can be in two places at once."
- The long-faced alien at the bar, stuck between Kirk and Uhura and forced to listen to Kirk's drunken pick-up lines.
- "Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self-serving, I shall simply say... Good luck."
- Spock Prime's explaining how he convinced Kirk not reveal how he learned about future events.Spock Prime: He inferred that universe-ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise.
- Spock Prime's explaining how he convinced Kirk not reveal how he learned about future events.
- Spock enters the Jellyfish, it recognizes and identifies him as "Ambassador Spock". Kirk's reaction is a deadpan, flat, dismissive "Wow, that's weird" that makes it clear to Spock he's fully aware of the ship's origin and has been keeping it from Spock.Kirk: You'll be able to fly this thing, right?Spock: Something tells me I already have.
- Scotty tells Kirk and Spock that if there's any logic to the design of the Narada, he should be beaming them into the cargo bay. He energizes, and the two appear in an engineering area packed with Romulans.
- Scotty shouting at Keenser, who is sitting perched in Engineering.Scotty: Dilithium chamber's at maximum, Captain. (sees Keenser sitting on the warp core) Get down! (Keenser shakes his head.)
