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Funny / SpongeBob SquarePants Season 2

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No Patrick, you're not an instrument.
Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

21A - Your Shoe's Untied

  • With SpongeBob unable to remember how to tie his shoes, he falls flat on his face every time he tries to take a step. Since the grill is on the opposite side of the kitchen to the window to the dining room, each time he tries to hand a Krabby Patty over to Squidward, he trips and launches the burger into Squidward's mouth instead. After this happens several dozen times in a row, Squidward is too full to move.
    Old Man Jenkins: What's the holdup!?
    Squidward: (belches so loudly the customers in the queue are almost blown off their feet) I think my heart just stopped... (the customers begin shouting and waving their fists angrily) It's Sponge(BELCH)Bob's fault!
  • To Mr. Krabs' horror, he hears his customers leaving and heading to the Chum Bucket. He rushes out of the bathroom to stop them...
    Mr. Krabs: What?! Wait! Wait! Don't go!
    (everyone stops and stares at his waist; Mr. Krabs' pants are down and his underwear's showing. A mother covers her son's eyes.)
    Harold: Oh yeah. We're definitely outta here.
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  • SpongeBob runs into a small problem trying to find someone who can teach him how to tie his shoes: he appears to be the only resident of Bikini Bottom who wears shoes.
    SpongeBob: I've forgotten how to tie my shoes.
    Mr. Krabs: Ha ha, that's all?
    SpongeBob: (brightening) So you'll show me how?
    Mr. Krabs: ... I don't wear shoes. (shot of Krabs' bare feet accompanied by dramatic musical sting)
    SpongeBob: (gasps, then runs up to Krusty Krab customer) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
    Customer: (points toward floor) Uh, fins? (SpongeBob looks at the customer's bare fins, then runs off)
    SpongeBob: (runs up to another customer) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
    Customer: Well, I would, but... sadly, I'm only an eel. (in a wider shot, we see that she is indeed an eel; she tickles SpongeBob's nose with her tail)
    SpongeBob: (panics and runs off to Jellyfish Fields, where he finds a group of jellyfish) Could any of you show me how to tie my laces? (the jellyfish sting him in a blaze of electricity; next, he lifts a rock to reveal a group of sea urchins) Could you, you, you, you, you, or you show me how to tie a knot? (the sea urchins scatter; next, he addresses a pair of eyes looking out of a cave mouth) Could you show me how to tie a simple knot? (the pair of eyes suddenly turns into dozens of eyes, revealing a monster who gulps down SpongeBob in one bite; he finds a fisherman's skeleton in the monster's mouth) Could you show me how to tie my shoes? (the monster fires SpongeBob through his blowhole; he lands on the picture of Painty the Pirate from the opening credits) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
    Painty: Arrgh! I be just a paintin' of a head!
    SpongeBob: (finally loses it) DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOOOOOOOOT?!
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  • "And stop starin' at me with them big ol' eyes!" ( Spongebob continues staring but his eyes shrink to the size of quarters.)
  • Among the Flying Dutchman's knot examples, "The Monkey Chain! The Monkey's Fist! THE MONKEY!!"
  • The Flying Dutchman demonstrating the "Poop Loop" shoelace trick.

21B - Squid's Day Off

  • The episode is kickstarted when Squidward, frustrated at having to work a full shift on a Sunday despite a complete lack of customers, slams down the cash register and accidentally opens the drawer, sending the contents spilling everywhere. A horrified Mr. Krabs rushes out of his office, scoops up the loose change, and begins washing it off in the sink... then SpongeBob taps him on the shoulder, startling him into throwing the coins everywhere - including one dime that circles the drain, then appears to fall away from it. At least until it suddenly leaps into the air, and the face on the head winks before the coin disappears down the drain.
    Krabs: NOOOO! [plunges his arm down the drain and grabs the dime] I got it, boy! [but now he can't pull his arm out again] What the-!? It's stuck! [tugs his arm frantically, but can't budge it] You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
    SpongeBob: [smiles and points at Krabs' arm] You've gotta let go of the dime!
    Krabs: [looks at SpongeBob gravely] I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and HEAVE! [SpongeBob does as he's told... and ends up wrenching Krabs' arms out of their sockets, sending the rest of his body flying across the kitchen] ME AAAAARMS!!!
    SpongeBob: Oh, No... Not Again!
    [Mr. Krabs hits the wall by the door, causing a shelf on a nearby wall to collapse and dump a series of objects on him: a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a large treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and an old-fashioned diving suit; a lump grows out of his head, which is then topped off by the stray dime, causing Krabs to faint]
  • As Mr. Krabs is carried into an ambulance, he leaves Squidward in charge while he is having his arms re-attached. Squidward decides to leave SpongeBob to handle the register while he takes the day off, claiming to have errands to run. He then has an Imagine Spot of Patrick and SpongeBob being drooling imbeciles - which turns out to be decidedly at odds with reality...
    Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, could you give me change for a quarter?
    SpongeBob: No problem! [bangs the cash register until it opens, then hands Patrick all the money inside it] Here you go!
    Patrick: Thanks.
    Squidward: [gasps] I forgot to tell him how to make change! [hurries back to the Krusty Krab] SPONGE... [sees SpongeBob standing calmly behind the register] Bob. [rushes up to the cash register and opens the drawer; the money is still there, and Squidward sighs in relief]
    SpongeBob: [waves] Hi, Squidward! All done with those errands?
    Squidward: No, I am not! [digs in his pocket] I just remembered, I needed change for this dollar! [pulls out a dollar bill and holds it toward SpongeBob]
    SpongeBob: Do you want... four quarters [holds up two fingers on each hand, each one balancing a quarter], or ten dimes [opens his left hand to reveal ten dimes on his palm], or twenty nickels [stretches out his arms, ten nickels lined up on each one], or one hundred pennies [bends over to reveal ten rows of ten pennies each balanced on his upper back], or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickels [in order, spinning on the end of his nose, balanced on three fingers on his right hand, and balanced vertically on his right thumb], and ten pennies [holds up his right foot, on which he has vertically balanced ten pennies in a cent symbol], or, if you give me a $5 bill, your options are-
    Squidward: ALL RIGHT! G'bye. [leaves]
  • Squidward's next flash of paranoia leads him to believe that SpongeBob has fallen asleep from boredom and allowed the Krusty Krab to burn down in his absence. He talks himself out of the idea - and then a fire engine goes past, sirens wailing, so Squidward charges through the front doors of the Krusty Krab with a fire extinguisher:
    (after the foam clears, SpongeBob is left with a foam moustache and Squidward with a foam beard)
    SpongeBob: May I help you, sir?
    Squidward: (wipes off foam beard) IT'S ME, YOU DUNCE!
    SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward! (his foam moustache falls off) How are those errands going?
    Squidward: What's that supposed to mean!? I'm very busy!
    SpongeBob: (innocently) I'm sure you are.
    Squidward: (suspicious) I don't like your tone!
    SpongeBob: (singing falsetto) I'm sure you aaaare!... How's that?
    Squidward: Just do your jobs! (walks off)
    SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Mr. Tentacles. (puts the spatula in his forehead. Squidward leaves, grumbling) Boy, no wonder Mr. Krabs put him in charge.
  • Squidward goes back home and tries to convince himself not to let his paranoia over SpongeBob ruining everything in his absence get to him.
    Squidward: (looking into mirror) Repeat after me: I will not go back to the Krusty Krab! (His reflection becomes SpongeBob's)
    SpongeBob reflection: I will destroy the Krusty Krab!
  • The Running Gag of SpongeBob asking Squidward "Have you finished those errands?" every single time he shows up. It gets to the point where he asks it three times in succession without him even leaving or entering the restaurant. He finally reaches his Rage Breaking Point...
    SpongeBob: Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands?
    Squidward: No, I am not finished with those errands and I NEVER WILL BE, so QUIT CHECKING UP ON ME!
  • As Squidward's Sanity Slippage gets ever worse, he barricades himself inside his own house and runs a bath, but now begins hallucinating that SpongeBob is spying on him and seeing that he isn't really running errands - and since this would mean SpongeBob has left his post, Squidward decides this would actually give him the upper hand.
    • First, he hears what sounds like SpongeBob laughing outside his window. The sound turns out to be made by a piece of coral rubbing against the side of his house in the wind.
      Squidward: [opening his window] AHA! I CAUGHT YOU, SPONGE... branch.
    • Next, he sees what looks like a silhouette of SpongeBob through his shower curtain, and throws the curtain back to reveal... the square shape of his toilet tank, topped with an aerosol can and two rolls of toilet paper.
      Squidward: I'VE GOT YOU NOW! WAIT TILL MR. KRABS FINDS OUT YOU'RE A... toilet.
  • Squidward's paranoia finally causes him to snap and hallucinate SpongeBob in his bathtub asking if he's finished his errands and then disappearing down the drain, so Squidward jumps from the bathtub and runs nude (except for some strategically placed suds) through Bikini Bottom back to the Krusty Krab (passing a sunbathing Patrick along the way; Patrick jumps up and cheers, "Woohoo! Right on, Squidward!"). He passes the hospital as Mr. Krabs, his arms newly re-attached, is walking out of the front exit as a doctor tells him to come back if anything "doesn't seem right". When he sees the nude, deranged Squidward run past - which definitely doesn't seem right to Krabs - his arms immediately fall off again, and, his expression unchanging, he turns and walks back into the hospital.
    • For a Genius Bonus, many crabs can detach their claws at will. Which gives another interpretation to the scene: Mr. Krabs took one look at the state of the person he left in charge and detached his own arms because he'd rather go back to the hospital than deal with whatever happened at the Krusty Krab.
  • Squidward returning to the Krusty Krab, completely insane:
    Squidward: AHA! I caught you now! You didn't think I knew you were a stick outside my window! HA! Or the toilet in my bathroom! And then you were in my bathtub! (slowly starts to realize how insane he's sounding) And I...and-and you...and I...and then you...swam...down the drain...and...beat the...Krusty Krab.
    SpongeBob: Uh, does that mean you're...
    Squidward: (covers SpongeBob's mouth) Yes, SpongeBob. I am finished with those errands.
  • The final punch to Squidward's sanity? The "OPEN/CLOSED" sign at the front of the restaurant hadn't been turned around, so the only reason there were no customers was because they thought the Krusty Krab was closed for the day. As SpongeBob says, they could have just taken the whole day off. Squidward's nose promptly falls off and his head deflates like a balloon.

22A - Something Smells

  • One of the funniest SpongeBob moments ever:
    Patrick: It's called The Ugly Barnacle.
    (SpongeBob listens eagerly)
    Patrick: Once there was an ugly barnacle, he was so ugly that everyone died. The end.
    SpongeBob: (on the verge of tears) That didn't help at all.
  • "Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you." "Not at all, boy. (Sniff sniff) DEUUEAUGH!"
  • SpongeBob: 'Ugly'?? (hip '60s music as the camera pans over him) (suavely) You gotta be kiddin' me. (sparkles)
  • Just do what Patrick does when he has problems: SCREEEEEEEAM!!!!!
    SpongeBob I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud!
    Squidward: Is that what he calls it?
  • When Patrick finally gets fed up with what he thinks is everyone not wanting to look at SpongeBob for allegedly being ugly, we get this gem.
    Patrick: What is wrong with you people?! Afraid to look ugliness in the face? Well, HERE! (holds SpongeBob up in front of the audience) Look at it! It's ugly, isn't it? (holds SpongeBob up to one part of the audience) YOU LOOK AT IT!
    SpongeBob: Hello. (people run away)
    Patrick: (holds SpongeBob up to another part of the audience) YOU LOOK AT IT!
    SpongeBob: Hi. (people run away)
    Patrick: (holds SpongeBob up to the entire audience) LOOK AT IT! (audience flees) LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT!
  • Here's another one at the end:
    SpongeBob: (entering the cinema's bathroom) Patrick, is everything OK in here? (he hears Patrick sobbing. He opens a stall door and sees Patrick sitting with a bag over his head) What are you doing in there, Patrick?
    Patrick: Wouldn't you like to know?
    SpongeBob: And why is that bag on your head?
    Patrick: Why? Oh, no reason. Except you gave me the ugly! (he whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps. Patrick walks out) What am I gonna do? I can't go out looking like this!
    SpongeBob: Just remember what we talked about. There's power in pride.
    Patrick: That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches SpongeBob and he holds his nose in disgust] I'm almost as ugly as you! I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.
    SpongeBob: Patrick...?
    Patrick: What's my mom gonna say?
    SpongeBob: Patrick??
    Patrick: Oh my gosh, if my sister finds out, wait, I don't have a sister, if the bank, I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but...
    SpongeBob: [he grows, towering over Patrick] PAAAATRIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!! [he goes back to normal] You're not ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad. [Patrick sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of a skull and crossbones]
    Patrick: Ahhhhhhhh, What a relief...
    SpongeBob: [his eyes water from the foul smell] GAAAWWWW, BARNACLES, Patrick! What did you eat?!
    Patrick: Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
    SpongeBob: (holding nose) No, I mean just this morning.
    Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
    SpongeBob: (holding nose) What else?
    Patrick: Well, I had some of your sundae.
    SpongeBob: Sundae... (he whips out what's left of it) Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
    Patrick: Whatcha mean? (SpongeBob coughs as Patrick's breath flies by him)
    SpongeBob: I mean, we're not ugly, we just stink!
    Patrick: Stink? (the two cheer and run around in circles chanting)
    Both: We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!
    (The fumes encompass the entire theatre and it dissolves to the ground)

22B - Bossy Boots

  • Squidward is less than enthusiastic about having to wear Pearl's new uniform design:
    Squidward: (with the two "K" antenna in his eyes) Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.
    • Later when a couple thinks Mr. Krabs sold the Krusty Krab and mistakes Squidward for a woman, he says that he quits and rips off his uniform in a rage, then a police officer gives him a ticket on his groin.
  • SpongeBob doesn't know what a salad is, and Pearl doesn't give him a very good description of one, so he just takes two Krabby Patties and takes off everything but the tomatoes and lettuce and gives it to two customers.

23A - Big Pink Loser

  • Patrick showing everything he can "his" new award.
    Patrick: Rock! I got an award! (antenna on rock falls off)
    Patrick: Jellyfish! I got an award! (ZAP)
    Patrick: (hops up to the island above Bikini Bottom) Island! I got an awa—(chokes on lack of water)
  • SpongeBob asks Patrick for his goal and he answers that he wants to defeat the giant monkey man and save the 9th dimension. SpongeBob suggests that he start smaller. Patrick then says that he wants to defeat the little monkey man and save the 8th dimension.
  • This exchange:
    SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, guess who got a job? [Patrick]
    Squidward: Guess who just quit? (drops hat and leaves)
  • Patrick is given the task of answering the phone at the Krusty Krab:
    (phone rings, Patrick answers)
    Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
    Patrick: No, this is Patrick. (hangs up and begins whistling, phone rings again and he answers)
    Second Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
    Patrick: (Annoyed voice) No, this is Patrick! (hangs up and goes back to whistling, phone rings yet again, he answers again)
    Third Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
    Patrick: (Yelling at top of lungs) NO!!! THIS IS PATRICK!!!!! (slams phone down) I'm not a Krusty Krab.
    SpongeBob: Uh...Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
    Patrick: Huh? (grimaces angrily) Fishpaste!
  • SpongeBob gives Patrick a broom to sweep the floor of the dining area, but Patrick's spirit has been so dampened that he starts scraping the handle end against the floor instead of the bristle end. A customer walks up to him and nonchalantly asks, "Hey pal. You just blow in from Stupid Town?"
    • Two other fish in the background look on a Patrick with equally nonchalant expressions at his stupidity.
  • When Patrick starts copying SpongeBob:
    SpongeBob: (thinking) At least I'm safe inside my mind.
    Patrick: {thinking) At least I'm safe inside my mind.
    SpongeBob: (whacking himself on the head with a hammer) Not much fun being me now, huh, Patrick?!
    Patrick: Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you! (knocks himself unconscious)

23B - Bubble Buddy

  • Mr. Krabs forcing Squidward to take Bubble Buddy's order:
    Squidward: He's an inanimate object; his money's no good here!
    Mr. Krabs: (popping out of the register) What're ya' saying, Mr. Squidward? Everyone's money is good here.
    (cut to a bank robber eating a patty)
    Mr. Krabs: At the Krusty Krab, we serves all kinds!
    Squidward: I'm taking an order for a bubble!
    Mr. Krabs: Sure ya' are! Or I'll fill your life with misery and woe! (goes into register; eyes come back up) Even if you quit.
  • After SpongeBob decides to order one of everything on the menu for Bubble Buddy, Mr. Krabs comes out of the cash register and hastily draws a tattoo on his chest to symbolize his newfound love for the latter.
  • This run, when Squidward reluctantly takes Bubble Buddy's order:
    Squidward: How about a glass of our finest shampoo? (laughs)
    SpongeBob: Sounds great! (Squidward looks annoyed that he took his comment literally, and returns with the beverage)
    Squidward: Here's your hair care product, sir.
    SpongeBob: Uhh, Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws. (Squidward bends the straw) Huh, what's that? Bubble Buddy says it tastes funny. What do you think?
    Squidward: Mr. Krabs!
    Mr. Krabs: (chewing food for elder customer) Think of the customer.
    Squidward: (takes a sip of the shampoo) Oh, silly me. I got the diet shampoo.
    (transition to Squidward bringing in a cart full of Krabby Patties for Bubble Buddy)
    Squidward: Here we go, one of everything for Bubble Buddy.
    SpongeBob: [gasps] Oh, no, Squidward, wait! There's cheese on these patties!
    Squidward: And?
    SpongeBob: Bubble Buddy's lactose-intolerant, he can't eat cheese! What should we do?
    Squidward: We?! How about you take these patties and sho...
    Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward!
    SpongeBob: Don't worry, Bubble Buddy. Squidward will make a fresh batch.
    (Squidward gives them the order; Bubble Buddy doesn't move)
    Squidward: What, is he allergic to bread, too?
    SpongeBob: Actually he doesn't like the crust. And Squidward, the ketchup should be under the patty. And Squidward, the pickles should be on the left side. And Squidward, you should... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward...
    Squidward: Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival-style! And if there's anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask!
  • "Two hours is LONG ENOUGH! THAT'S IT!"
  • "Dudes! He made me experience high tide!"
  • This bit, when the whole town rallies against Bubble Buddy:
    Fish: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!
    Crowd: He did?!
    Fish: No, but are we just gonna wait around until he does?!
  • The mob attacking the lifeguard for some reason.
  • (slo-mo) "NOOOOOOOOOOO" (slower) "OOOOOOOOOO" (even slower) "OOOOOOBLAGROBLORGRLBOABGLR-!!!!!"
  • The ending, where the angry mob is about to pop Bubble Buddy, who suddenly comes to life and blocks the needle.
    Bubble Buddy: Whoa! (crowd gasps) Hey, don't I get a say in this? I'll see you later, SpongeBob. Things are getting a little weird around here. (floats away) Happy Leif Erickson Day!

24A - Dying for Pie

  • Squidward's annoyed and tired expressions at the beginning of the episode. When Krabs goes up and asks how he's feeling, he sticks his tongue out.
  • As Squidward complains that he has to be nice to "That guy!", it cuts to SpongeBob using a buffer on a table. It stops working, then he uses it on his face, looking like a SpongeBob Picasso.
  • The Homemade Sweater from Hell made of eyelashes is funny enough, as is the "I Heart U" logo on it. But the way it's read out in the German dub, like "Ich herz dich?!" makes it much more amusing.
  • When Squidward first tries to buy the pie.
    Squidward: Those homemade pies sure look good.
    Pirate: Oh these aren't homemade. They were made in a factory. A bomb factory. They're bombs.
  • When Mr. Krabs drops a tiny piece of the pie and it blows a hole in the Krusty Krab, he automatically (though admitingly, justifiably) assumes it was an assassination attempt in retaliation for him making Squidward do something for SpongeBob.
    Mr. Krabs: So, you tried to kill me over a little new-age management, eh?
  • Mr. Krabs also has a great line after SpongeBob appears to have eaten the pie bomb.
    Mr. Krabs: Ye had to kill 'im. The boy cries ya a sweater of tears, and ya kill 'im.
  • This part between Squidward and Mr. Krabs:
    Squidward: You've seen this before?
    Mr. Krabs: Eleven times as a matter of fact.
    Squidward: (rushes to the phone) Yes, hello, doctor? Hospital? Won't do any good? Eleven times?!
  • Squidward decides to make SpongeBob's last day memorable:
    Squidward: I'm gonna make SpongeBob's final hours the best he's ever had! And this time, there's gonna be love! So much, he's gonna drown in it! (He leaves the office. Holding the door, he turns his head to Krabs) DROWN IN IT! (slams the door)
    Mr. Krabs: (takes out pad and pen and starts writing) Note to self: watch out for Squidward.
  • Squidward takes SpongeBob out for his "final day on Earth".
    SpongeBob: Bye, Mr. Krabs!
    Mr. Krabs: (sobs while putting up a "Help Wanted" sign)
    SpongeBob: Heads up Squidward: Looks like they're gonna replace ya.
  • SpongeBob introduces Squidward to everyone in town, including a group of three kids.
    SpongeBob: Hey, kids! Check it out! This is my friend Squidward.
    [Kid throws a rock at Squidward.]
    • And then he does it again... wearing a salmon suit! (Squidward, not SpongeBob.) This time, all three kids throw rocks at Squidward's head.
  • Squidward builds a brick wall between himself and SpongeBob at sunset to protect himself from the oncoming explosion. SpongeBob treats it as perfectly normal.
  • SpongeBob's oddly specific comment emphasizing how much he enjoyed his day with Squidward:
    SpongeBob: You know, if I were to die right now in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well...that would just be okay.
  • Squidward was waiting for SpongeBob to die from the pie bomb.
    Squidward: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!
    SpongeBob: Well, since we finished everything the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. I already filled up this book of ideas. (holds up a book that says "Friends 4 Ever") We should be able to finish by January.
    Squidward: (slaps book away) FORGET THE BOOK! I spent the whole day with you, doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to explode!
    SpongeBob: You want me to explode?
    Squidward: Yes! That's what I've been waiting for!
    SpongeBob: Um, okay, I'll try. (yells) GARY! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT! (laughs) Now it's your turn!
    Squidward: (yells, hops up and down furiously) THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!!!
    SpongeBob: [claps] Ooh, good one.
    Squidward: No!
  • When SpongeBob actually reveals he had saved the pie the entire episode...
    SpongeBob: I've been saving it in my pocket, for us to share! Let's eat! [trips over rock] Whooops!
    [The pie flies in Squidward's face in slo-mo. Cue live-action atomic explosion wiping out Bikini Bottom.]
    Squidward: Ouch.
    • More funny when you notice that was from an underwater nuclear detonation at Bikini Atoll.

24B - Imitation Krabs

  • Mr. Krabs warns SpongeBob to keep a sharp eye on Plankton.
    SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. As long as these pants are square, and this sponge is Bob... (lifts his arms up) I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!
    Mr. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob? (camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob holding Mr. Krabs above his head) Could ya let me down?
  • "Day... OOOOOOOFFFFFFFF?!?!?" (Steam blows out of the chimney)
  • Plankton's method of distracting Krabs:
    Plankton: I've been saving this for a rainy day. It looks like an ordinary penny because it is an ordinary penny!
  • Then as Mr. Krabs falls for the trick and chases the penny out the door:
    Robot Krabs: NOTHING STANDS BETWEEN ME AND THAT SECRET FORMULA NOW! HA! HA! HA! (snaps off some of the Krusty Krab sign pole) HA! HA! HA! HA! HA— (sign falls on top of him) OUCH!
    • The consistent monotone robot voice is what sells it.
  • Plankton tells SpongeBob to reveal the Krabby Patty formula:
    Spongebob: Isn't that a microphone?
  • After six and a half hours of meaningless tasks just to talk about the secret formula, SpongeBob says they still can't do it. Robot Krabs' eyes suddenly catch on fire as he lets out a primal yet monotone: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
  • "Coin-operated self-destruct. Not one of my better ideas."

25A - Wormy

  • This scene:
    (Patrick is whistling at Sandy's bird)
    SpongeBob: Gee Patrick, I didn't know you spoke bird.
    Patrick: No, that's Italian, SpongeBob.
    (a few seconds later...)
    Sandy: This here's my cricket. (the cricket chirps) He's saying hello to you. Ain't he cute?
    SpongeBob: Sorry, I don't speak Italian.
  • "We did it, Patrick! We saved the city!" [building explodes behind them]
  • The irony of a harmless Monarch butterfly terrorizing the entire city of Bikini Bottom is utterly hilarious.
    • What make this even more hilarious is that fact that the butterfly didn't even do anything. As it turns out, it was the Bikini Bottomites' own panicked antics that had caused the destruction and chaos throughout the whole city. Wormy just kinda... y'know, flew around.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick trying to trap the butterfly with a ringing telephone as bait. "It's for you."
  • The entire chase sequence is just glorious. It starts with Wormy chasing the Bikini Bottomites behind four buildings, before they stop at a stop sign to let another screaming crowd run by. They continue on their way, and Wormy somehow makes a stop at the sign, too. They then run into a building, and all come busting out through the chimney. The chase sequence then ends with a classic Eat the Camera, courtesy of SpongeBob himself.
    • What makes the chase sequence more hilarious than it already is? ...The fact that there's a guy spouting improv in the background every time the Bikini Bottomites make a run for it.

25B - Patty Hype

  • SpongeBob storms out of the Krusty Krab after Squidward and Krabs laugh off his idea of multi-coloured Pretty Patties, vowing to open his own restaurant. He returns home to find Patrick standing near his rock, brow seemingly furrowed in anger.
    SpongeBob: (grumpily) Hey Patrick, are you angry too?
    Patrick: (equally grumpily) Yeah!
    SpongeBob: What's the matter?
    Patrick: I can't see my forehead!note 
  • Patrick also has an invention people thought was stupid:
    Patrick: (yanks on a cord on his pants; they inflate like a balloon, making Patrick float above the ground with only his eyes and the top of his head showing) (muffled) Inflatable pants! What's your idea?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick open their Pretty Patties stand for business, but no customers show up. A Time Passes Montage shows SpongeBob jumping to middle age, old age, and then a grave while his pineapple in the background turns brown, collapses as insects swarm around it, then vanishes altogether. However, it was All Just a Dream, and this exchange ensues:
    SpongeBob: (wakes up with a start) Patrick! How long have we been sitting here?
    Patrick: (looks at his wrist, on which he has drawn a watch face with "1", "2", "7", and "R" in the 12/3/6/9 positions) Uhh... I gotta draw a new battery for this! (takes out a blue crayon and begins changing the "display")
    SpongeBob: What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe my idea is dumb! (starts crying)
    Patrick: SpongeBob, sometimes we have to look deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.
    SpongeBob: I'm scared!
    Patrick: Then I'm going in for ya! (he proceeds to climb into SpongeBob through one of his pores; SpongeBob suddenly inflates, his eyes spinning dizzily) Sorry! Stupid inflatable pants! (he climbs out of SpongeBob)
    SpongeBob: Did you find anything?
    Patrick: Huh?
  • After Mr. Krabs takes over the Pretty Patty shop, he learns very quickly that the customers are made for having their body parts dyed to the patties they've eaten. The highlight (quite literally) is one of the customer's tongue is now glow-in-the-dark.
    Mr. Krabs: What's wrong with you?
    Frank: [turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark and is pulsing green] We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. [turns the light back on, but Mr. Krabs is nowhere to be seen.]
    Harold: Hey, where’d he go?
    [Cut to Mr. Krabs screaming and running away, and the crowd chasing him making a rainbow road]
    Crowd: GET HIM!
    (Krabs sprints to the Krusty Krab but slams face-first into the door. He frantically reaches into his pocket)
    Mr. Krabs: My key! Where's my key?! (recalls he gave it to SpongeBob) SpongeBob! (bangs the door trying get SpongeBob's attention) SpongeBob, let me in! SpongeBob, let me in! (SpongeBob is too busy happily rubbing the two pickles together, and can't hear Krabs due to the pickles squeaking) SpongeBob! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! LET ME IN! (screams as he is chased left and right by the mob, still vainly yelling for SpongeBob's attention)

26A - Grandma's Kisses

  • This piece of dialogue provides a dose of Parental Bonuses.
    Patrick: Now puff out your chest and say 'tax exemption'.
    SpongeBob: Tax exemption.
    Patrick: Now you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz.
    ("Pressure Point" by Duncan Lamont plays, with SpongeBob and Patrick having serious expressions on their faces while listening)
    Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!
  • Those sideburns.
  • This bit towards the beginning, when the Krusty Krab crowd is laughing at SpongeBob's kiss mark on his forehead:
    SpongeBob: You're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma!
    Charlie: Nooo. 'Specially if you're a BIG BABY who wears DIAPERS!! (group laughs) And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... blankie around, and uh...
    Group: (annoyed) ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!!
  • SpongeBob's emotional breakdown is a sad moment, but the way he cries is hilarious, especially when he turns into a sprinkler.
    • At one point as he rants about all the "baby" things he still wants to do, he comes onscreen wearing a diaper and applying baby powder to his butt.
    • Not to mention SpongeBob's practically hyperventilating when his grandmother tries to calm him down.

26B - Squidville

  • The hilarious Call-Back to "Reef Blower" in that whenever a reef blower is used for mayhem, "War Blowers" by The Blue Hawaiians plays in the background, which played all throughout the second half of "Reef Blower".
  • When Squidward first enters Tentacle Acres, he accidentally runs into another man:
    Man: I've seen more alert people in a retirement home!
    Squidward: Oh, which way to the "living without a brain" seminar? Don't be late!
    Man: I've heard better comebacks from a turkey sandwich. Get a life! (walks away)
    (Squidward squints in annoyance at the man, but quickly gets a big grin)
    Squidward: This place is better than I expected!
  • After Squidward has moved to Tentacle Acres, he gets a phone call from SpongeBob, who tries to persuade him to move back to his old house. As we see the conversation from Squidward's perspective, SpongeBob's lines register as unintelligible gibberish. When Squidward hangs up, the scene cuts to SpongeBob's house... where he and Patrick have a brief exchange in the same unintelligible gibberish heard over the phone.
  • A bored Squidward finally gives in to the temptation to have fun with both the "blow" and "suck" modes on a reef blower. At one point, he inflates one bicycle rider's head and then hides in a mobile coffee stand and sucks the eyes and noses off of the faces of two octopodes, then blows them back - but gives one octopus two pairs of eyes, and the other two noses.
    Two-nosed octopus: What are you looking at?
    Four-eyed octopus: ...Those.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick try to enter Tentacle Acres with an apology cake for Squidward (which Patrick stores in his pants before it disappears for the rest of the scene), leading to this when Patrick thinks it's a restaurant:
    SpongeBob: We're ready!
    Patrick: Ying! (SpongeBob pushes the button)
    Guard: Hello, can I help you?
    Patrick: Can I get a large #1, extra size?
    SpongeBob: But you just ate three orders of fried oyster skins.
    Patrick: (opening his mouth releasing noxious fumes) I love fried oyster skins.
    Guard: We're sorry, but your kind isn't allowed here. (turns to another guard) He's not leaving, Orville. (the fumes enter the room through the intercom) You got your nightstick ready? (the guards smell the fumes) Fried oyster skins?! Ohhhh! (the guards collapse; the first guard lands on a button, opening the door)
    Patrick: I guess we've got to order inside.
  • By this time, SpongeBob and Patrick have managed to get into Tentacle Acres in a bid to apologise to Squidward and persuade him to return. They see Squidward run past cackling maniacally...
    SpongeBob: Hey, that looked like Squidward! (the other Tentacle Acres residents run past, shouting furiously) That looked like Squidward also! In angry mob form!
  • When SpongeBob and Patrick find who appears to be Squidward, because he’s wearing the same shirt:
    SpongeBob: [hugs the octopus; his face is revealed to have a mustache and big eyebrows] Squidward! We finally found you!
    Mustached octopus: Get off me! I'm not Squidward!
    Patrick: Are you Squidward now?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick's method for picking Squidward out of a crowd of nearly identical octopodes is not exactly scientific...
    SpongeBob: Are you Squidward?
    Male octopus: No!
    SpongeBob: (walks to the next squid) Are you Squidward?
    Female octopus: No!
    Patrick: (to fire hydrant) Are you Squidward? (Beat) That's okay, take your time.
  • Squidward complaining that the city needs to be "destroyed!...or at least painted a different color."
  • In the end SpongeBob and Patrick are about to give up looking for Squidward in the crowd of nearly identical octopodes...when Squidward rockets himself out of Tentacle Acres using a reef blower, maniacally laughing and cheering for freedom all the way.
    SpongeBob: Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy!

27A - Prehibernation Week

  • In a meta example, the fact that Pantera provides half of the music for the episode.
  • When SpongeBob is sandboarding down Sand Mountain, he throws his board away at one point and just uses his tongue. Meanwhile:
    (two fish children are building a snowman out of sand)
    Child 1: Maybe, if we sing that song, he'll come to life!
    Child 2: Ready?
    Both children: (singing) Oh, there once was a sandman—
    (SpongeBob crashes into the sandman as he goes down the slope; he ends up inside the sandman, making it look like the sandman did come to life)
    SpongeBob: (looks back at the kids) Life's as extreme as you wanna make it! Whoo! (jumps off the ski jump)
    (the two kids stare in confusion)
    Child 1: Maybe we didn't sing it right...
  • Twice, an ordinarily normal-looking fish is revealed to apparently wear Osh-Kosh overalls, a beanie, and a giant lollipop underneath his regular clothes (well, okay, the second time Sandy just ripped up a building from its foundation and revealed the fish in the kiddy clothes, but anyway). One short pause later, the fish responds with "Uhh, I Can Explain..."
  • Sandy throws an exhausted SpongeBob a fishing pole and points to a nearby light aeroplane as she announces "We're going fly fishin'!" - followed by a cutaway to a (live-action) drummer delivering a rimshot.
  • An exhausted SpongeBob finally escapes Sandy's weeklong adrenaline rush and hides under Patrick's rock, but his clothes are snagged on a piece of coral. When Sandy finds them, she fears the worst and rallies the entire population of Bikini Bottom to search for him.
    Sandy: Alpha Team, you search uptown, Gold Team searches downtown! Any questions?
    Muscle fish: GOLD TEAM RULES!
  • The happy look on Squidward's face when he finds out SpongeBob is gone.
  • According to Sandy, SpongeBob always folds his clothes before running around naked.
  • During the search:
    Blue Fish: (peers into a spout) Hey, SpongeBob! (blast of sulfur hits him in the face, charring it black and messing it up) least I still have my personality.
  • As the search continues:
    Fish covered in poison sea urchins: He's not at the poison sea urchin cove.
    Sandy: Well look again.
    Fish covered in leeches: He's not at the leech farm.
    Sandy: Well look again!
    Squidward: He's not in my thoughts.
    Sandy: Well THINK again!
  • When Sandy has run the rest of the population of Bikini Bottom ragged, they resort to increasingly desperate attempts to persuade her they have found SpongeBob:
    Fish: (whispering aside to another fish) This is a load of barnacles.
    Sandy: I heard that! No one's goin' anywhere till we find SpongeBob!
    Muscle fish: Uh, wait! (grabs the fish standing next to him and holds him up) Uh, here he is!
    Sandy: That ain't SpongeBob! SpongeBob is square!
    (The muscle fish squeezes the other fish into a square shape)
    Square fish: (in a poor imitation of SpongeBob) I'm ready! I'm ready!
    Sandy: No you ain't!
    Other fish: (holding up Kelpo box) I found SquareBob!
    Sandy: That's just a cereal box! 'Sides, he's yellow!
    Third fish: (holding up a banana) Uh, here he is! Hey, can I go home now?
    Sandy: (angrily glares)
  • In the final scene, having thrown SpongeBob from their shared hiding place under Patrick's rock, the rest of the people of Bikini Bottom are still hiding there when Patrick (who has missed the rest of the episode) returns, carrying a bag of groceries and licking an ice cream cone...
    Patrick: ...WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

27B - Life of Crime

  • SpongeBob and Patrick's volleying "I dunno, what do you wanna do today?" near the beginning.
  • Four words: "Ja, buns und thighs."
  • SpongeBob and Patrick's reaction to popping the balloon.
    SpongeBob: We popped the balloon!
    Patrick: Ga-heh!
    SpongeBob: We can't return it!
    Patrick: Wha-guh!
    SpongeBob: We're thieves!
    Patrick: HI-YO-HOO!!
    SpongeBob: We have to confess!
    Patrick: Confess? Are you outta your mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to people like us?! We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking here! WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they're gonna lock us up forever!
  • When SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting around the fire, feeling sad, Patrick wonders how there can be a fire if they're underwater. The fire immediately goes out. Later, when SpongeBob and Patrick get into an argument, Patrick stomps on where the fire was. The fire immediately comes back, burning his foot.
  • This from when SpongeBob and Patrick are discussing the benefits of crime:
    Patrick: And we can fly!
    SpongeBob: Yeah!! (jumps off a cliff, floats for a moment, then promptly falls) AAAAAAAAHHHHH-(thud) OOF! (in a pained voice) Okay, we still can't do that.
  • Patrick eating his only food, a candy bar, in a couple of bites...and then forgetting he already ate it in mere seconds. Then in his mad search for the bar (he digs underground for it), he sees SpongeBob's uneaten bar and accuses him of stealing his food, despite SpongeBob reminding Patrick that he already ate his.
    Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.
    SpongeBob: It's pants on fire, Patrick.
    Patrick: Well you would know, liar.
    • Patrick's "You took my only food. Now I'm gonna starve," while the camera pans down to his (quite full) belly.
    • SpongeBob then finally becomes frustrated with Patrick's behavior and eats his candy bar himself, but not before a back and forth between SpongeBob slowly preparing to eat his bar and Patrick's crazy protesting.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick confess to stealing a balloon at the Police Station in front of Officers John and Rob. Then, both of them are shown to a jail cell.
    Officer John: What's the problem here?
    Officer Rob: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.
    [SpongeBob and Patrick both holding back tears]
    SpongeBob: What are you going to do to us?
    [Officer John whispers to Officer Rob.]
    Officer Rob: Okay, follow me.
    [The scene changes to show Officers John and Rob at Cell 1B. SpongeBob and Patrick walk into the jail cell.]
    Officer Rob: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. [He closes the cell door, and waits for 2 seconds.] Okay, time's up. [opens cell door] [annoyed] Now, get out.
    SpongeBob: But... But... We stole a balloon.
    Officer Rob: Yeah... On Free Balloon Day.
    [Officer Rob and Officer John laugh.]
  • "Act, Normal".

28 - Christmas Who?

  • The SpongeBob portion of the episode opens with SpongeBob readying himself for a karate sneak attack on Sandy outside her treedome. However, when he sees her light up the Christmas lights she's put on her treehouse, he mistakenly believes the tree is on fire and rushes inside to douse the "flames" with a bucket of water. He winds up drenching her and she glares at him:
    SpongeBob:... So I guess there's no fire?
  • Sandy telling SpongeBob about Christmas through bizarre body movements.
  • In the Patchy segment, at one point, Patchy yanks down on his obnoxious parrot Potty, and the puppeteer falls from the ceiling.
  • Patrick's way of writing a letter, which makes him rip it every time. In a Brick Joke, he wishes for another piece of paper.
  • "And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake!"
  • The musical number "The Very First Christmas to Me", especially with Mr. Krabs singing in falsetto at the end.
  • Santa at the end. Especially when he laughs so hard that he forgets that he's not holding onto the reins of his sleigh.
  • The Visual Pun of a donkey appearing when Squidward taunts SpongeBob after Santa doesn't come.
    Squidward: I feel like a...
    (the donkey image shows up again, complete with braying)
    Squidward: ...big JERK!
  • "This letter comes to us from NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD"
  • When SpongeBob sees Squidward dressed as Santa Claus, he has what can only be described as a happy, excited asthma attack: He gets so worked up that he passes out. It's cuter than it sounds. Then when he regains consciousness, he starts wheezing again, and Squidward clamps his hand over Sponge's mouth and says "Don't do that again."
    SpongeBob: S-S-S-S-S-S- (wheezes) S-S-S-S-S-S- (wheezes) S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S- (wheezes) S-S-S-S-S-S-S- (wheezes)
  • When SpongeBob can't see Squidward Santa, and he's looking around like a doofus.
    SpongeBob: Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?
    Squidward: UP HERE, YOU DUNCE! I mean... Meeerry Christmas, little boy!
  • Admit it, you laughed at SpongeBob's big teared-up puppy-dog-eyes when Squidward takes his picture Christmas morning.
  • When SpongeBob gives Squidward his present.
    Squidward: He made me a present? *scoffs* It's probably a jellyfish net or an old Krabby Patty. Or...(in redneck voice with buck teeth)...his favorite underpants!

29A - Survival of the Idiots

  • The squash and stretch looks of SpongeBob and Patrick rushing to see Sandy and the start of this episode is just hilarious to watch.
  • From Sandy's video explaining she's gone into hibernation:
    Sandy: (cheerfully) During hibernation, animals do not like to be woken up, so do not disturb! (camera closes in on her face, which turns deadly serious) That means you, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick pretend to be Wild West outlaws:
    SpongeBob: Alright Pinhead, your time is up.
    Patrick (with a stupid face): Who ya callin' Pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan.
    SpongeBob: What makes you think you could be Dirty Dan?
    Patrick: (proudly) I'm dirty.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick find it very cold in the treedome:
    Patrick: I'm so cold, I'm shivering!
    SpongeBob: I'm so cold, I can use my nose drippings as a pair of chopsticks!
    Patrick: I'm so cold...I'm shivering!
  • SpongeBob then decides to make a fire from the bark of Sandy's house, but when he tears off a strip of bark...
    Sandy: You're gonna be wearin' an iron lung when I'm through with you, Pinhead! (SpongeBob puts the strip of bark back and tapes it shut)
    SpongeBob: That fire's not gonna happen, Patrick.
  • This piece of dialogue:
    Patrick: Did you win? (gets hit in the head with a wooden board that SpongeBob had aimed for crazy Sandy)
  • Sandy acts out her dream along with SpongeBob and Patrick:
    Patrick: Screaming will get you no-
    Sandy: (grabs Patrick's head and rips it off, looking really ticked off, as she breathes hard) WHICH ONE OF YOU FELLERS IS THE REAL DIRTY DAN?!
    Patrick: Uh, I am? (Sandy smacks him, sending him flying across the tree dome, screaming)
    SpongeBob: Patrick!
    Patrick: (slams against the dome and little drumsticks float around his head) Hot wings.
    Sandy: (to SpongeBob) Okay, Pinhead Larry! Now you get yours! (SpongeBob screams and runs off, barely avoiding Sandy pounding the ground) PIIIIIIIINHEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAADDDDDD!
  • Later after Sandy has beaten the crud out of them and buried SpongeBob and Patrick alive, and they arise:
    Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick then try to escape, but the latch to the door is frozen shut:
    Patrick: Let me have a try. [he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door] Open sesame! [nothing happens, Patrick shrugs] Well, I've done all I can do.

29B - Dumped

30A - No Free Rides

  • At the beginning of the episode, SpongeBob is taking his boating test... and hits the narrator with his boat.
    Narrator: And if SpongeBob does not pass this one, it means another WHOLE YEAR OF BOATING SCHOOL!
    (cut to static, followed by the groaning narrator and his shattered camera lying in the road in front of SpongeBob's boat)
    SpongeBob: (absently) Wha' happen'?
    Mrs. Puff: Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. You just struck another pedestrian.
  • The brief moment where SpongeBob believes he has finally passed his boating exam. Mrs. Puff's delivery is what really makes it:
    SpongeBob: Ok, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?
    Mrs. Puff: Six.
    SpongeBob: Whoooooo! And how many do I need to pass?
    Mrs. Puff: Six.
    SpongeBob: (begins slowly raising his arms) Whooooooo-
    Mrs. Puff: (cutting him off) Hundred.
    SpongeBob: (stops short) What?
    Mrs. Puff: Six. Hundred. You need six hundred to pass. Ya got six.
  • When Mrs. Puff has SpongeBob write an essay to pass boating school and he finishes:
    Mrs. Puff: Fantastic! Let me see it.
    SpongeBob: (scribbling on his essay) No, wait! I change my mind!
    Mrs. Puff: I'm sure what you've written is fine. Let me see.
    SpongeBob: No! Don't look! It's not ready!
    Mrs. Puff: It's so simple! Only ten words! What I learned in boating school is blankety (inhale) blankety (inhale) blank!
    SpongeBob: I can do this! I can do this!
    Mrs. Puff: What I learned in boating school iiisss...! What I learned in boating school iiiiisssss...!
    SpongeBob: I can do this! I can do this! (hyperventilates) Is it hot in here, Mrs. Puff?! Why is it so hot in here?! Aaahh! My hand, my hand is cramping Mrs. Puff! Make it stoooop!!
    Mrs. Puff: (jumps on SpongeBob's back and grabs his writing arm) You only need three! More! Wooorrrds!!
  • Mrs. Puff imagines the carnage caused by SpongeBob with his boating licence, and a news reporter doing a piece to camera blaming her for the chaos... a news reporter who is then hit by an oblivious SpongeBob.
    Reporter: Let's...not...use that take...
    • "Lalalalala."
  • In order to get SpongeBob off his brand new boat, Mrs. Puff drives through several deadly hazards such as giant clams, cheese graters and educational television.
  • When Mrs. Puff thinks she's gotten rid of SpongeBob, she turns on the radio, which is actually him in disguise:
    SpongeBob: And now back to KRUD, with all of your personal YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH STEALING MY CAR! hits.
  • Heck, the entire scene where Ms. Puff makes off with the boat. One particular scene is when SpongeBob takes out a can of pepper spray... and sprays it into his own eyes by accident. Ms. Puff kicks him out of the boat seconds later.
  • Whatever SpongeBob did when he finds out who the thief of his boat was.

30B - I'm Your Biggest Fanatic

  • The Running Gag of Patrick compulsively touching every exhibit and convention guest, and being repeatedly cautioned by the same security officer.
    Patrick: Oh my gosh! Jeffrey Jellyfish! Wait, Jeffrey, I have to touch you! (runs off after him)
    Convention Security Officer: HEY! (runs after Patrick)
  • Kevin's most high profile commercial endorsement (and the subject of a billboard at the convention) is an ointment for jellyfish stings.
  • This exchange when SpongeBob first introduces himself to Kevin:
    SpongeBob: Hi Kevin, I'm your biggest fan!
    Kevin: You're too kind. Security!
    SpongeBob: No, wait! I would do anything for you!
    Kevin: Why don't you go jump off a building?
    [Kevin smirks and folds his arms until he hears SpongeBob screaming as he falls past the window of the convention center and lands with a crash]
    SpongeBob: [re-enters, none the worse for wear] Anything!
    Kevin: ...Punch yourself in the face.
    [SpongeBob punches himself squarely in the face with a boxing glove]
    Kevin: Doesn't that hurt you?
    SpongeBob: [takes off boxing glove and puts on spiked gauntlet] Do you...want it to hurt me, Kevin?
  • The sequence where Kevin is repeatedly stung by jellyfish, accompanied by a mocking, offscreen repeated "Wamp wamp waaaaah..." from ONE OF HIS OWN CLUB MEMBERS. It's also the deadpan, nasal tone of voice that the line is delivered in each time (Rodger Bumpass in a supporting role?) that really makes it work.
    Kevin: Before you become a Jellyspotter, you have to pass a rigorous test. (the Jellyspotters laugh)
    Jellyspotter: Meep. Rigorous test. Meep...
    Kevin: Quiet, sh! (to SpongeBob) For your first test: catch a jellyfish.
    (a jellyfish promptly swims into SpongeBob's net)
    SpongeBob: Hey, I caught one! (swings his net towards Kevin) Am I a Jellyspotter now?
    Jellyspotters: (overlapping with each other) Meep. He caught one. Meep. In the club...
    Kevin: Uh, that doesn't count. (swats SpongeBob's net; the jellyfish flies out and stings the side of his head) OUCH! (the jellyfish flies away; Kevin grows a giant red sore where he got stung)
    Jellyspotter: (offscreen) Wamp wamp waaaaah...
    Kevin: I meant two jellyfish! (two jellyfish immediately fall into SpongeBob's net)
    Jellyspotters: (overlapping with each other) Meep. Two jellyfish. Meep. In the net. Meep...
    Kevin: Th-that's not what I meant! I meant twenty jellyfish! (eighteen more jellyfish immediately fall into SpongeBob's net)
    SpongeBob: Oh! Uh, let's see... one... two... three...
    (Kevin growls and kicks SpongeBob's net; all twenty jellyfish fly out, engulf him, and sting him in a blaze of electricity, leaving red sores all over his body)
    Jellyspotter: (offscreen) Wamp wamp waaaaah...
  • This exchange:
    Kevin: Jellyspotters allow jellyfish to lick jelly off their face. (spreads jelly over the lower half of SpongeBob's face and stands back)
    SpongeBob: Who wants to lick my cheeks? (a swarm of jellyfish appears) I see I have some takers!
    Kevin: How's it feel?
    SpongeBob: (sporting a huge jellyfish moustache and beard) (laughs) It tickles my nose!
    Kevin: Not for long! (he and the other Jellyspotters laugh maliciously... until SpongeBob sneezes, firing the entire swarm of jellyfish onto Kevin's eyes, which they promptly sting)
    Jellyspotter: Wamp wamp waaaaah...
  • Kevin constantly getting stung by the jellyfish comes off as hilarious karma for how much of a jerk he was to Spongebob.
  • The Queen Jellyfish Call...
    Queen Jellyfish Call: Loser. Loser.
    SpongeBob: Hey, I heard this call before!
    Kevin: I'll bet you have...
  • How does SpongeBob pacify the enormous king jellyfish when Kevin and the rest of the Jellyspotters are paralysed with fear? He blows an enormous bubble in the shape of a piece of pie... because, as he explains, "EVERYBODY loves pie."
    Jellyspotter: Wamp wamp waaaaah...
  • The other Jellyspotters decide to reward SpongeBob for saving them by giving them Kevin's crown.
    SpongeBob: Wow! (tugging on crown) I didn't know it was a hat!
    Kevin: (teary-eyed with a hole on the top of his head) It wasn't...
  • The ending:
    SpongeBob: I turned it down. It's not about Kevin; it's about jellyfish!
    Patrick: SpongeBob, I'm glad you've learned your lesson. (pan out to show Patrick has Jeffrey Jellyfish tied up on a wagon) Hero worship is unhealthy. Come on, Jeffrey!

31A - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III

  • Man Ray convinces SpongeBob to let him out of his tartar sauce prison, saying he'll be good:
    SpongeBob: Really?
    Man Ray: Yes, really.
    SpongeBob: Really really?
    Man Ray: Yes, yes, really!
    SpongeBob: Really really really?
    Man Ray: YES, YES, ALREADY! I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD! Now, let me out of here, or you'll suffer dire consequences!
    SpongeBob: Well, good enough for me.
  • SpongeBob's attempt to rehabilitate Man Ray:
    SpongeBob: Okay, goodness lesson number one: You see someone drop their wallet. (whispering to Patrick) Patrick, drop the wallet.
    (Patrick drops his wallet)
    SpongeBob: Now, what would you do?
    Man Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
    Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
    Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here!
    Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
    Man Ray: It is yours. I... am trying to be a good person in returning it to you.
    Patrick: Return what to who?
    (Man Ray facepalms in frustration, then takes Patrick's ID card out of the wallet)
    Man Ray: Aren't you... Patrick Star?
    Patrick: Yep.
    Man Ray: And this is your ID.
    Patrick: Yep.
    Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be... your wallet.
    Patrick: That makes sense to me.
    Man Ray: Then take it.
    Patrick: It's not my wallet!
    SpongeBob: (activates tickle belt) Ah, wrong.
    (Man Ray falls over from laughter)
    SpongeBob: Good people don't rip other people's arms off!
  • Then there was goodness lesson number 2 in which Man Ray had to offer to help Patrick carry a heavy box. After having Patrick drop the box on Man Ray's foot several times before he can help him, we get this:
    Man Ray: OW! YOU BUTTER-FINGERED PINK THING! What's in that box, anyhow?!
    Patrick: My wallets.
    Man Ray: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH! (grabs Patrick)
    (Man Ray starts slamming Patrick on the floor repeatedly. SpongeBob activates the tickle belt and he stops)
    Man Ray: (laughing) It tickles, but it's Worth It! (continues slamming Patrick around)
  • Man Ray's comment on actually reforming from his evil ways: "Besides, I have checks - with little poodles on them!"
  • Man Ray, when the tickle belt stays on longer than it should: "TICKLING MY DNA!!!"
  • The Orb of Confusion. DUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH...

31B - Squirrel Jokes

  • SpongeBob's earlier jokes...let's just say, fail to impress.
    SpongeBob: Have you ever noticed salt shakers? I mean, ya fill 'em up every night at closing, and I mean where does it all go? Huh? Y'know what I mean?
    (the audience is quiet except for a cricket in the background)
    SpongeBob: And...tomatoes. What's the deal on those things? (laughs nervously) 'Cause I mean ya...chop 'em up into slices but...
    (even the cricket stops)
    SpongeBob: What are they, vegetables or...fruit? And what does that make ketchup?
    Fred: Oh brother, THIS GUY STINKS!
    Harold: Hey! Hey, funny guy, I got a joke for you! What smells rotten and puts people to sleep?
    SpongeBob: Um, noxious gas?
    Harold: No! Your act! (everybody starts laughing)
  • Patrick demonstrating why SpongeBob's squirrel jokes are a bad idea.
    Patrick: Heelllllllooooooo, Sandy. Me, Patrick! (poking her chest) Do you, under, staaaaaaaaaaaand? (Sandy frowns at him) Tsch, squirrels...
  • Sandy pretending to be actually stupid in order to teach SpongeBob a lesson.

32A - Pressure

  • When Patrick dares Sandy to eat a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite, he does so, and his face looks like... this.
  • When SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Squidward challenge Sandy on doing several things, SpongeBob asks her, "More importantly, can you do this?" Then he, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Squidward widen their eyes and start gasping.
  • When Sandy takes off her helmet:
    Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her!
    Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
    SpongeBob: I don't know!
    Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
    • "Feelin' light-headed yet? (Sandy shakes her head) Remember THIS? (inhales and exhales in an exaggerated manner)
      Mr. Krabs: It's freeeeeeee! (inhales/exhales)
  • Later on when she challenges the group to go on dry land:
  • When the sea creatures are reluctant to go on dry land:
    Mr. Krabs: We're late for, um...
    Patrick: ...Our fitting!
    Sandy: Oh! You mean for your chicken costumes?
    Patrick: Hey, we are not chicken. (drops his popcorn) My popcorn! (bends down and pecks at it)

32B - The Smoking Peanut

  • This line from Sandy:
    Sandy: Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (rips a phone book in half, causing SpongeBob to become even more nervous)
  • Patrick playing detective:
    Patrick: This is it! All the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! (close of Patrick near SpongeBob's head) Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. (licks SpongeBob... no wait, he's actually licking a spotted yellow popsicle) Boy, crime-fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!
  • SpongeBob being interrogated by the cops:
    Cop: Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?
    SpongeBob: Y-yes!
    Cop: Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?
    SpongeBob: Yes!
    Cop: And are you familiar with...this peanut?!
    (SpongeBob drops through his pants, producing a visual that resembles him crapping his pants)
    SpongeBob: Yes!
    Cop: Just one more question. Is it true that you were at the oyster's lair with a Mr. Patrick Star?
    SpongeBob: (sobbing) YES! Yes, it's true! It's all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!
    Cop: That's all we needed to hear. Let's book him!
    (handcuffs are slapped on Patrick instead)
    Patrick: Wow, you guys are good. I'm the last person I expected, but I was looking for me all the time! It's the perfect crime!
  • Patrick humming dramatic music to SpongeBob's confession speech.
  • This:
    Announcer: Attention, zoo patrons! Clamu, the giant oyster, is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles!

33A - Shanghaied

  • The Fly of Despair and the Perfume Department.
  • A classic moment of SpongeBob and Patrick Comically Missing the Point:
    (A giant anchor comes crashing through SpongeBob's house)
    SpongeBob: Holy shrimp! (runs out to Squidward) Squidward! The sky had a baby from my cereal box! Squidward! (Squidward pokes his head through his window) Squidward! The sky had a baby!
    Squidward: That's not a baby! That's a giant anchor! Now go away! (Patrick comes over)
    Patrick: SpongeBob! The sky had a baby!
    SpongeBob: I know! What do you think we should name it?
  • One gag that certainly aged well with its audience since it was first shown:
    (As SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward climb the anchor rope)
    SpongeBob: (points upward) SHIIIP!
    Patrick: Spongebob, how long are you going to stay in your little fantasy world?
  • While SpongeBob is trying to find out the name of the person who owns the ghost ship:
    SpongeBob: Doesn't this place seem familiar?
    Patrick: I don't know. Why?
    SpongeBob: I don't know. Doesn't it just kind of ring a bell? (Squidward rings the doorbell)
    Patrick: Yes!
    SpongeBob: I know who owns this boat, but I just can't place the name. (SpongeBob walks by a barrel that says "Property of the Flying Dutchman")
    Flying Dutchman: AAAAA-OOOO-RAAR-OOO-RAR!!
    SpongeBob: No, no, it's not "DAAAAA-OOOO-RAAR-OOO-RAR!!"
    Flying Dutchman: I am the Flying Dutchman!
    SpongeBob: That's it! Squidward, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!
  • The Flying Dutchman describing what it's like to be his servants:
    Flying Dutchman: [zaps Squidward] Silence! You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind-numbing, and repetitive. Just like...daytime television.
    (SpongeBob and Patrick both have excited, slightly goofy facial expressions.)
  • The howling part:
    Flying Dutchman: What a night be this! Crew, howl with me so that we might set the Seven Seas ablaze with fear! (howls like a wolf)
    SpongeBob: (bleats) Ahh!
    Patrick: Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!
    Flying Dutchman: (howls like a wolf)
    SpongeBob: (bleats) Ahh!
    Patrick: Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee! (Flying Dutchman going to howl again but Patrick cuts him off) OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo! (Flying Dutchman going to howl again but Patrick cuts him off) OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo!
    Flying Dutchman: Eh, that'll do.
  • The Flying Dutchman is scaring one citizen by turning his head a full 360-degrees. SpongeBob and Patrick do the same...except they just turn their whole bodies around. They keep spinning and spinning until they were shown wearing purple tights, and they are figure-skating in a rink.
  • The scene where the Dutchman phases through the wall to scare a victim, only for SpongeBob and Patrick to try duplicating said feat and getting embedded into the wall.
  • When the Flying Dutchman has SpongeBob search for victims with a telescope.
    SpongeBob: There's a guy we can scare!
    (Telescope views a big, burly intimidating guy marching as heavy metal music plays. Flying Dutchman stares wide-eyed. He nervously blows on the telescope, spinning it slightly to land on a little kid)
    Small Child: I had four biscuits and I ate one. Then I only had three!
    Flying Dutchman: Ah, it does me heart good to see children out after dark.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick bombing their first attempt at terror, by making pathetic ghost noises while SpongeBob does a trick with his fingers.
    Small Child: Those guys are dorks.
    Flying Dutchman: Yes, but they're my dorks.
  • The Running Gag of Patrick steering the Dutchman's ship through narrow canyons, smashing pieces off both sides of the ship, as SpongeBob obliviously tells him, "You're're're good..." The best part of the gag is the look on the Dutchman's face whenever that line is heard.
  • Patrick's idea after the Flying Dutchman is going to eat them:
    Patrick: Let's leave!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick being forced to go through the perfume department to escape from their locked room.
  • Patrick's failed attempt at haggling when the Dutchman gives them three wishes in exchange for his dining sock:
    Patrick: Make it five!
    Dutchman: Four!
    Patrick: Three! Take it or leave it!
    Dutchman: (Beat) Okay. Uhh, three.
  • Their first wish:
    Patrick: Wishes? I wish we had known that earlier!
    (The clock goes back by 5 minutes)
    Flying Dutchman: Okay, now you've got two wishes left.
    (SpongeBob glares at Patrick, who gives an "Oh, Crap!" Smile)
  • All three endings of the episode are funny in their own way.
    • The "Squidward" ending has Squidward wishing he had never met SpongeBob and Patrick before in his entire life. Cue Flying Dutchman making it so that SpongeBob and Patrick forgot who he was. The rest of the episode involves Squidward explaining who he was to the two in the Dutchman's stomach.
    • The "Patrick" ending has Squidward and SpongeBob cheering him to think hard on his wish. Patrick ends up wishing for gum instead, which he then proceeds to offer to SpongeBob and Squidward (who take the offer and don faces of resignation, knowing they're screwed).
    • In the "SpongeBob" endingnote , SpongeBob wishes that the Dutchman is a vegetarian so he can't eat them. Cue the three of them being turned into fruit and the Dutchman trying to make them into a smoothie.
      Hippie Flying Dutchman: Hey! I get a wish too! Fruit prevents scurvy!
  • Patchy hopes you liked the episode, because It's time for you to walk the plank! (Please stand by) Sorry, he meant that he was gonna open a letter.

33B - Gary Takes a Bath

  • When SpongeBob mentions that it's Gary's bath time, Gary's irises immediately grow.
  • "Now Gary, we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Or the medium way. Or the semi-medium-easy-hard way. Or the sorta hard with a touch of awkward-easy-difficulty-challenging way... So that's how you wanna play it, huh?"
  • SpongeBob's first attempt to get Gary into the tub involves throwing a ball into the tub. The ball goes towards the tub... but then returns to SpongeBob, who reads the box only to find that it is a "Boomerang Pet Ball", and that it really works. He then throws the box away, only for said box to fly back and hit him in the back of the head.
  • "Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!... Please." BOOM!
  • In one of the many ploys to get Gary into the bathtub, SpongeBob declares, "I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages." The subliminal messages include a bathtub, a shower, a bar of soap... and a stereotypical Bavarian/Tyrolean girl with her hair in pigtails and a missing front tooth while girlish giggling sounds play. The embarrassed SpongeBob mutters, "Sorry you had to see that."
  • SpongeBob tries tricking Gary into the bath with a game of leapfrog. The first time, he tries launching Gary into the bathroom, only to smash him against the wall next to the bathroom door. In the next scene, SpongeBob tries suggesting leapfrog again to a heavily-bandaged Gary, who bonks him on the head with a cane.
  • "I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella to take a bath in this house!" Cue a bathtub speeding up with Mr. Krabs inside; he grabs the dollar and speeds off again.
  • Apparently out of ideas, SpongeBob tries getting Gary to take a bath by doing some odd dance. Needless to say, it doesn't work.
  • Fed up, SpongeBob finally resorts to just throwing Gary into the tub. Gary continues to evade his bath several times by sticking to SpongeBob. On the final attempt, Gary inexplicably hovers over the tub for a brief moment before teleporting back to SpongeBob's side.
  • Gary trolling SpongeBob towards the end by taking away the ladder he used to climb the tree Gary was on before proceeding to anger Sponge further:
    SpongeBob: Gary! Bring that ladder back this instant! (ladder falls down) I am really not amused, mister. You are going to take a bath and you are going to get clean right now!
    Gary: Meow.
    SpongeBob: I am so the boss of you!
    Gary: Meow.
    SpongeBob: It may be a free country, but you live in my house under my rules.
    Gary: (defiantly) Meow!
    SpongeBob: Don't use that tone of voice with me. You will do what I say when I say! (Gary slithers forward) What are you doing? I am talking to you, mister! (Gary stops right next to some mud) Do not go near that mud puddle! Gary The Snail, do you hear me? I am giving you 3 seconds to get away from that mud puddle! 1, (Gary moves closer to the mud) 2, (Gary moves closer to the mud) two and a half... (Gary leans over the mud) Don't make me say 3! (Gary leans further over the mud) Gary! Gary! GARY! (SpongeBob falls out of the tree...) GAAARYYYYYYYY!! (...straight into the mud puddle he was warning Gary about)
    SpongeBob (sadly) I'm a dirty boy...

34A - Welcome to the Chum Bucket

  • After SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are separated:
    Mr. Krabs: Can I have my arms back?
    • For context: Plankton separated SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs during their hug with a crowbar, and in the process, he ripped out Krabs' arms.
  • In an attempt to cheer SpongeBob up to get the Krabby Patty, Plankton brings him a frying grill to cook. SpongeBob, however, constantly changes his mind on where he wants the grill, and so Plankton keeps pushing the grill until he pushes it back to where it was originally, much to his annoyance.
  • As he asks for more demands from Plankton, SpongeBob becomes a Spoiled Brat and refuses to cook a Krabby Patty.
  • Plankton eventually gets fed up with SpongeBob and removes his brain, putting it in a robot body.
    Plankton: SpongeBob, come in here! Or should I say, RobotBob Sponge...Chef-Pants. I put the brain in the robot, you know.
  • However, even as a robot, SpongeBob still refuses to cook a Krabby Patty for Plankton!
    RobotBob: (beeping) RESPONSE: WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME LATER?
    Plankton: What? WHAAAAAAAT?!
    RobotBob: GET WELDED.
    RobotBob: I DON'T WANNA.

34B - Frankendoodle

  • An artist on the surface drops a pencil and it lands in SpongeBob's front yard. After recovering from the initial shock, SpongeBob decides to draw with the pencil:
    Patrick: What'cha drawin'?
    SpongeBob: Stand back, Patrick! I can't draw with you breathing down my neck!
    Patrick: (rolls eyes) Psh... artists.
    SpongeBob: (drawing) It's a jellyfish!
    Patrick: Pretty good, SpongeBob. But it's lacking basic construction, and your perspective leaves a lot to be desired.
    SpongeBob: Eh, everybody's a critic. (the jellyfish peels off the sand and begins swimming away)
    Patrick: SpongeBob, your drawing's coming to life!
    SpongeBob: (his back to the jellyfish) Now that's more like it, Mr. Critic!
    Patrick: No, I mean it's swimming away!
    SpongeBob: (amazed) Do you know what this means, Patrick?
    Patrick: (solemnly) Your art can never hang in a museum?
    SpongeBob: It means that we've found a magic pencil! (the pencil appears against a purple background as harp music plays)
    Patrick: (clapping his hands) Now all I need is a magic moustache and all my dreams will have come true!
    SpongeBob: (laughs) Coming right up! (draws a moustache on Patrick's upper lip)
    Patrick: LIFE IS GOOD! (the moustache swims away like a butterfly; Patrick shrugs) Easy come, easy go.
  • SpongeBob then draws a version of himself to play a prank on Squidward. The prank backfires and Doodlebob snatches the pencil from SpongeBob and Patrick. While on their way to retrieving it, this conversation occurs:
    SpongeBob: Where could he possibly be?
    Patrick: Maybe he's in that poorly drawn pineapple. (pan over to poorly drawn version of SpongeBob's house)
    SpongeBob: Come on, let's go!
    Patrick: (hides in a nearby bush) I'm not going in there!
    SpongeBob: (jumps into same bush) Come on, Patrick. I'm right behind you. Baby steps. (They walk, using the bush as camouflage, toward the pineapple.) Almost there... (DoodleBob's hand reaches out of his house and draws a hole in the ground. They scream and fall into it.)
    Patrick: What just happened?
    DoodleBob: (gloating in gibberish)
    SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick. Give me a boost up!
    Patrick: Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?
    SpongeBob: No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him. (a wrench falls and hits Patrick on the head)
    DoodleBob: (gibberish)
    SpongeBob: See what I mean, Patrick?
    Patrick: (dazed) Where's the leak, ma'am?
    (SpongeBob and Patrick climb to the top of the hole. DoodleBob draws a bowling ball and rolls it toward them)
    Patrick: (his face turns into a bowling pin) YAHHHH- (the bowling ball hits him in the face, turning it into ten bowling pins and knocking him down into the hole, and a "strike" sign appears. The ball rolls into the hole after Patrick and hits him again. Another "strike" sign appears.)
    SpongeBob: You okay, Patrick?
    Patrick: FINLAND!
  • The chase continues:
    SpongeBob: There he is.
    Patrick: He's hideous. He makes me sick, just looking at him. Those big bulgy eyes, that square body, those two buck teeth, and that stupid tie!
    SpongeBob: (looks at his tie and coughs) Eh hem.
    Patrick: [blushes in embarrassment] Oh...but it looks good on you, SpongeBob! Heh heh.
    SpongeBob: He's putting down the pencil! This is our chance. On the count of three, we'll jump out and surprise him!
    Patrick: Oh boy, a surprise party! Is it his birthday?
    (DoodleBob suddenly smashes through the rock they're hiding behind and grabs SpongeBob)
    Patrick: Happy birthday! (DoodleBob throws a screaming SpongeBob aside; Patrick picks up a rock and hands it to DoodleBob) Here's your present! (DoodleBob bashes it on his head) You're welcome.
    • Best/funniest part about that scene is Patrick's expression after getting hit.
  • Eventually, SpongeBob corners DoodleBob and prepares to erase him:
    SpongeBob: Hold it right there, Doodle! I brought you into this world, and I'm gonna take you out! Any last words?
    DoodleBob: (rapid gibberish)
    SpongeBob: I- I'm sorry, what was that?
    DoodleBob: (repeats the same gibberish as before, one syllable at a time)
  • SpongeBob gets caught up in the moment while erasing DoodleBob:
    SpongeBob: (Screams loudly after seemingly killing DoodleBob) I AM SPONGEBOB, DESTROYER OF EVIL!
    Patrick: Take it easy, it's just a drawing.
  • When DoodleBob is revived, he gets revenge on SpongeBob by replacing him. He then chases SpongeBob downstairs, where SpongeBob closes the door to his living room. DoodleBob erases the reveal SpongeBob's butt. He says "Huh?", then erases the crack as well.
  • The live-action artist (played by Mr. Lawrence, using his Plankton voice, for some reason) sobbing over his lost pencil, and, when he finally gets it back, breaks it.
    French narrator: The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.
    • How overdramatic he is about losing the pencil in the first place. And than about getting it back. The Plankton voice really sells it.

35A - The Secret Box

  • SpongeBob tries an information exchange to get Patrick to reveal the contents of his secret box.
    SpongeBob: It's okay, I know all about secrets.
    Patrick: You do?
    SpongeBob: I've got a gazillion secrets.
    Patrick: Like what?
    SpongeBob: Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets...secretly.
    (cut to Patrick, whose brain has fizzled out from that "secret")
    SpongeBob: You want to hear one of my secrets?
    Patrick: Oh boy, do I!
    SpongeBob: Well, uh, let's see...did you know you're my best friend?
    Patrick: (amazed) No. Way. Ooh, let's hear another one!
    SpongeBob: Okay, uh...secretly...I'm a little bit naive.
    Patrick: (awed) Wow. I'll never look at you the same way again, SpongeBob. Gosh!
    SpongeBob: Ahem. (taps on Patrick's box)
    Patrick: Tell me some more secrets!
    SpongeBob: (annoyed) Okay...I love my job at the Krusty Krab, I sleep with my shoes on, I like jelly on both sides of my toast, I've got an overdue library book, I think jellyfishing and bubble-blowing are... (time passes, now Patrick's laying down on his box) ...overbite, I've never been late for work, I've said the word "fancy" in conversation, I like to dance to loading zone announcements, I still don't have my driver's license, I'm a little on the short side, and I'm wearing three pairs of underwear right now!
    Patrick: Gasp. I never would have guessed.
  • Later...
    SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?
    Patrick: No, SpongeBob! It's for me to know, and for you to never find out. You may be an open book, SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. (a thought bubble appears with a live-action carton of milk. The carton falls over, spilling.)
  • Later still, as Patrick keeps peeking inside the box and laughing hysterically, piquing SpongeBob's curiosity to agonizing levels...
    Patrick: Maybe if you saw what was inside, you'd know why it has to be secret. (dramatically) Inside this very box is the most secrety secret in all of secretdom! And I am its sole witness! It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob, but nobody must know the mystery of the box. (SpongeBob surreptitiously tries to open the box, but Patrick clamps a hand over the lid) NOBODY! Not even... Squidward's house!
    (cut to a wider shot, in which we see Squidward's Easter Island statue-shaped house is peering over Patrick's shoulder; as Patrick looks back at it, it bolts upright and feigns innocence)
  • As SpongeBob continues to obsess over the box, he hatches a plan:
    SpongeBob: What could be in that box that Patrick doesn't want me to see? Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish. Or maybe Patrick's a master jewel thief and it's full of diamonds. Or maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac who keeps his victims' severed heads in a box! Or even worse... maybe it's an embarrassing snapshot of me from the Christmas party!
    (SpongeBob screams and hurls himself against his bedroom window)
    SpongeBob: I gotta find out what's in that secret box! I'm not gonna rest until I do!... (his eyes and mouth appear through the back of his body, facing back into his bedroom) That's it! How do you look into a secret box? Secretly, of course! I'll just take the box while Patrick's sleeping, look inside, and before Patrick even has time to notice, (turns around, revealing his nose is still on the front of his body while his eyes and mouth are on the back) I'll slide it back. (turns around again) Patrick won't know, and I'll have my own little secret! Good idea, eh Gary?
    Gary: Hmm... NO.
    SpongeBob: Oh, what do you know? You're a snail!
  • When sneaking into Patrick's home, SpongeBob uses a pair of pantyhose in lieu of a ski mask. For a second after he's slipped it on, it compresses his head into the shape of a woman's leg.
  • The entire scene where SpongeBob sneaks through Patrick's house. Every step he takes causes some loud noise to play... and yet the thing that wakes Patrick up is SpongeBob saying that Patrick is a heavy sleeper.
  • Then Patrick ends his friendship with SpongeBob in a sad moment... or so we think:
    Patrick: (with a tear coming out of his eye) That's it, SpongeBob! You have crossed the line. As of right now, this friendship is over!
    SpongeBob: (gasps and tears up as well) Really?
    Patrick: (nonchalantly) Nahhh, you can look inside it if you really want to.
    SpongeBob: (jovially) Okay!
  • And the contents of the secret box? A piece of string. Or so SpongeBob is led to believe... as Patrick chuckles while he pulls on the string to open the secret compartment revealing the box's true contents: an embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob from the Christmas party...

35B - Band Geeks

  • Squidward's recruitment ad campaign has brought all of the series' main characters and a variety of fish extras to the first rehearsal. A pity almost none of them have any musical experience:
    Squidward: People, people, settle down. OK, now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?
    Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
    Squidward: No.
    Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
    Squidward: No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. (Patrick raises his hand again)
    Squidward: Horseradish is not an instrument either. (Patrick lowers his hand)
  • The population of Bikini Bottom show a rather weak grasp of how band instruments, especially drums, actually work:
    Squidward: Okay, try to repeat after me. (produces his clarinet and plays a six-note ascending scale) Brass section, go.
    (the brass section, comprising Mr. Krabs' daughter Pearl on saxophone and several other fish on trumpets, plays back the scale, not particularly in time or in tune with each other)
    Squidward: Now the wind!
    (the wind section, comprising Mrs. Puff on clarinet and two other fish on flute and a "straight" trumpet, plays back the scale, once again not exactly in tune or in time with each other)
    Squidward: And the drums!
    (the drummers, comprising SpongeBob and two other fish, stick the ends of their drumsticks in their mouths and try blowing on them, their faces turning red; eventually, the drumsticks are fired across the room, pinning Squidward to the back wall)
    Squidward: (glumly) Too bad that didn't kill me.
  • At band rehearsal:
    Squidward: Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now, I want everyone to line up in straight rows of five.
    SpongeBob: Is this the part where we start kicking?
    Squidward: No SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
    Patrick: Kicking?! Oh, I wanna do some kicking! (kicks Sandy)
    Sandy: Ow! Why you...! (Sandy begins beating Patrick up. The fight tumbles outside)
    Patrick: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAH! (awkward silence, then Patrick pokes his head through the door) Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on. (Patrick walks through the doors, revealing that he has a trombone for a neck. The instrument plays a note at every step Patrick takes. When Patrick sits down, the trombone plays a long, low note along with Patrick opening his mouth to make the sound)
  • During a marching rehearsal, Squidward tells the flag twirlers to twirl faster until they end up flying upwards and crashing into a blimp, which explodes. Topped off with the band members saluting while one of the trumpet players plays "Taps" after their demise, except Squidward who just lays down on the street and curls up into a fetal position.
  • In the next rehearsal, Plankton shows off his harmonica solo to Squidward. Because of his size, he has to run up and down the harmonica between each note and collapses with exhaustion after playing about two measures' worth of music.
  • The everyone-plays-loud scene.
    Squidward: People talk loud when they want to act smart, right?
    Plankton: (shouting) CORRECT!
    Squidward: So if we all play loud, people will think we're good! Everyone ready? (everyone gets their instruments out) And a one, and a two, and a one-two-three-four!
    (Loud music breaks all the warehouse windows at once)
    Squidward: (was hit by the force so hard that his face was blown away, making it look like a Basil Wolverton drawing and his baton snapped) Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
  • And then the scene right after:
    Harold: Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big meaty claws!
    Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?
    Harold: Big. Meaty. CLAWS!!
    Mr. Krabs: Well, these claws ain't just for attracting mates!
    Harold: Bring it on, old man! BRING IT ON!
    SpongeBob: (tries intervening) No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
    Nancy: Oh, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us!
  • When everyone is fighting, Patrick kicks Sandy again. She gets angry and takes revenge by taking out a trumpet, to Patrick's horror. Cue the off-screen chase.
    • Also during the fight, SpongeBob is seen shaking a wooden arm above while everyone else is either beating up or getting beat up by each other.
  • SpongeBob gets the town to come together to help Squidward by giving an impassioned speech, which ends with him asking them to pretend he's an emergency worker - that is to say, someone actually worth helping out. And it works!
    SpongeBob: Squidward's always been there for us, when it was convenient for him!
  • SpongeBob's "eager face." Simply majestic.
  • This brilliant exchange when they're at the football stadium:
    Patrick: (referring to live-action humans) Those are some ugly-looking fish!
    SpongeBob: Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.
    Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick...
  • Squilliam getting a heart attack is also funny if you look at his expression. Squidward then smiles and waves his hand at him.

36A - Graveyard Shift

  • Just as the place closes for the night, a customer comes up to the front doors:
    Tom: Are you open?
    Squidward: (points at the "Closed" sign) Read the sign!
    Tom: I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe, and a double chili kelp fries.
  • SpongeBob is so excited about the night shift, he keeps stating what he's doing out loud following it up with "at night!", much to the annoyance of Squidward.
    SpongeBob: I BURNED MY HAND! (forms his hand into a finger gun) At night! (his hand turns red and a sizzling sound is heard)
  • The scene with Squidward reading a magazine at the cash register when he starts hearing strange popping and wet noises. As it continues, Squidward becomes more nervous and desperate to find the source of the sound...and then the camera zooms out to reveal it was Spongebob...mopping the ceiling.
  • SpongeBob goes outside (at NIGHT!) to take out the garbage, screaming and running like mad all the while... until he steps back inside.
    SpongeBob: (breathes heavily, inflating and deflating like a balloon, before suddenly stopping and snapping his fingers) Piece of cake!
  • "It would ruin the night shift for you." (crafty smile). Just the way Squidward goes from a sympathetic look to a sneaky one is hilarious.
  • Since SpongeBob is annoying him, Squidward tells SpongeBob a story about the 'Hash-Slinging Slasher', a former fry cook.
    SpongeBob: (begging) Tell me the story!
    Squidward: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook — just like you — only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties happened.
    SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
    Squidward: No.
    SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
    Squidward: No!
    SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
    Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake. (imitates said action with his tentacles)
    SpongeBob: You mean like this? (pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place) Or like this? (pulls it again, another one grows back) Or this? (does it again) Or this? (does it again) But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or this...
    Squidward: (interrupts) Except he wasn't a sponge!
    SpongeBob: (holding many arms) So?
    Squidward: SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK!
    SpongeBob: (screams) OH, NO! (all extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away)
    Squidward: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And then, at his funeral, they FIRED him!
    SpongeBob: (terrified that they fired him)
    Squidward: So now, every... what day is it?...
    SpongeBob: Tuesday.
    Squidward: ... Tuesday night!... his ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance.
  • SpongeBob is so terrified by the story, he eats his own newly-generated spare arms.
  • Squidward explains how they will know the Hash-Slinging Slasher's return is nigh:
    Squidward: There are three signs (holds up both arm tentacles, then adds a leg tentacle) that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First... the lights will flicker on and off. Neeext...
    Customer: (walking up to cashier's station) Dudes, can I have some ketchup?
    Squidward: Oh, here you go. (hands over a ketchup sachet, then turns back to SpongeBob) Neeext...
  • SpongeBob screaming repeatedly after Squidward's story ends with Squidward saying that "He gets ya!". While Squidward is trying to tell SpongeBob that the story is fake, we get to see a close up of SpongeBob's eyes... which have screaming mouths in place of normal pupils. Once Squidward is finally able to convince SpongeBob that the story was fake, instead of screaming repeatedly, SpongeBob begins laughing in relief repeatedly, to Squid's chagrin.
  • As the night shift is still going on, Squidward's hilarious complaint:
    Squidward: (says to himself) Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning?
    (cuts to Patrick's bedroom)
    Patrick: (Patrick's alarm clock goes off) Oh boy, 3 A.M.! (takes out a Krabby Patty and starts to eat it)
  • Squidward trying to remember the third sign that indicates the arrival of the Hash-Slinging Slasher:
    Squidward: And then... (turns around and sees green stuff flowing down the wall, and freaks out) The walls will ooze green slime?!...Oh, wait, they always do that.
  • Squidward's Oh, Crap! face when he sees the bus pulling in front of the Krusty Krab late in the night.
  • When Squidward sees the Hash-Slinging Slasher, he screams "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the point where hair grows from his head. SpongeBob didn't get it at first but when Squidward points it out to him, he too screams "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the point where his eyelashes grow.
  • This part:
    Squidward: SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!
    SpongeBob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!
    Squidward: Huh?
  • Who does the "Hash-Slinging Slasher" turn out to be? Just a nerdy, large-nosed fishnote  asking for a job application.
    Richard: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula! I called earlier, but hung up 'cause I was nervous.
    SpongeBob: Do you have references?
  • Fittingly for this episode, it ends with a certain horror movie villain making a cameo appearance.
    Squidward: Wait! If that was you on the phone and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights?
    [the lights begin flickering again, and the camera pans to reveal the culprit as Count Orlok, shown as an animated live-action still]
    SpongeBob, Squidward, Richard: Nosferatu!
    [Orlok smiles mischeviously at the trio just before he flickers the lights off once more, ending the episode]

36B - Krusty Love

  • This exchange:
    SpongeBob: That's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff.
    Krabs: Mrs. Puff? (disappointed) Aw, she's married.
    SpongeBob: Oh, no, sir, she's single.
    Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff?
    (cut to a live-action shot of a pufferfish, being used as a lamp)
    SpongeBob: She doesn't like to talk about it.
  • Mr. Krabs trying to ask Mrs. Puff out on a date...and failing epically. As he is unable to speak a single coherent syllable due to overwhelming nerves, it falls to SpongeBob to translate, but he guesses first that Mr. Krabs wants to hit Mrs. Puff with a rake (which shocks her), then that he wants to guess her weight (which offends her).
  • In preparation for his date with Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs repeatedly sends SpongeBob off to buy gifts for her, then immediately scolds him for spending his money irresponsibly. Eventually, SpongeBob snaps:
    Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught ya. I want ya to buy Mrs. Puff-
    SpongeBob: (holds up his arms) WAIT! DON'T TELL ME! You want me to RUN down to the store, and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need, then you want me to RUN back here (flails his legs back and forth) so you can say (pulls his eyes through the top of his head so they look like Krabs' eyes and mimics Krabs' voice) "ARRR, SPONGEBOB, YER SPENDIN' ALL ME MONEY!" And then I'll say "But Mr. Krabs! I'm only doing WHAT YOU SAID!" Then you'll say "We're not talkin' about THIS (draws a triangle with dashed lines in the air with his finger), or THIS (draws a square with dashed lines), we're talking about THIIIIIIIS!" (draws a ton of directionless squiggly lines)
    • Mr. Krabs insists that this time is different... and inevitably gives SpongeBob a telling off for spending his money on the washing machine he asked him to buy, causing SpongeBob to go off like a rocket:
      Mr. Krabs: Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money! (thinks) D'you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go with that?
      SpongeBob: (expressionless) Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you wanna know what I think? AAAH! Regga flegga brecka brecka smollenolla MR. KRABS! Yagga hagan mergen WALLET! Zippy bippy SPEND! (Mrs. Puff grabs a dictionary, flips through the pages, and blushes) Rippy flippy diposhibo MR. KRABS' WALLET!
      (SpongeBob walks past Mrs. Puff, still grumbling to himself; Mrs. Puff walks over to Mr. Krabs, whose jaw is on the ground, his face frozen in shock)
      Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary.
      • Made even better in the Dutch dub, where most of SpongeBob's speech is bleeped out, making it sound FAR worse than it is!
  • At one point during the argument between Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob, the scene cuts to Mrs. Puff, looking a bit confused and surrounded by luxurious and clearly unneeded gifts.
    Mrs. Puff: Are we...going to the park soon?
  • Mr. Krabs' constant mood swings outside of Mrs. Puff's house.

37A - Procrastination

  • At the beginning of the episode, SpongeBob annoys the student next to him by going "Did you hear that? (State what Mrs. Puff said)". When Mrs. Puff says that the assignment is to be written in no less than 800 words. The student sitting next to SpongeBob then attempts to give him a taste of his own medicine by mimicking him and saying "Did you hear that? 800 words!", but SpongeBob only happily replies with "Yeah, I know!"
  • SpongeBob initially is completely motivated and willing to write the essay...but once he realizes that coming up with ideas isn't easy and writing an essay isn't particularly fun, his procrastination on writing his essay goes to ridiculous levels. For starters, he first spends an undetermined amount of time just to write an extremely detailed "The".
  • SpongeBob wasting time by moving his squeaky chair back and forth.
  • He later calls Patrick, who tells him that they both know he's only being used as a distraction so that SpongeBob doesn't have to write his essay. SpongeBob then blames Patrick for being a chatterbox and wasting time after they hang up.
  • SpongeBob chats with the mailman, who then asks him "Don't you have a paper to write?" SpongeBob then asks how the mailman knew he had an essay to write. Then he looks around suspiciously before closing the door.
  • SpongeBob decides to watch TV rather than write his essay, and we get this:
    Newsfish: In other news, local resident SpongeBob Squarepants has only a few hours left to complete his essay, yet he continues to goof off. Literally sticks his head out of the TV. When will he learn?
    • Then SpongeBob karate chops his TV in half!
  • A Deleted Scene has SpongeBob trying to motivate himself into writing the essay and finally getting a driver's license. His Imagine Spot is a live-action race-car driver speeding before flipping on the car's back, slightly catching fire.
    SpongeBob: Oooooh yeaaaaah...
  • The last few minutes of the episode is one moment after another. When SpongeBob finally finds the motivation to complete the essay (which is literally just a comprehensive list of things not to do at a stoplight, including the various procrastinations that SpongeBob committed throughout the episode) he runs to turn it in to Mrs. Puff, who tells Spongebob that due to a teacher's convention, the essay is canceled, so the class is just going to take a field trip to a stoplight next week instead. Spongebob rips the essay in half...then tears himself in half.

37B - I'm with Stupid

  • As the episode opens, SpongeBob finds Patrick obsessively dusting the underside of his rock and creating furniture from the sand:
    SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? (Patrick barks like a dog and carries on with his frantic cleaning) HEY, PATRICK! (Patrick ignores him) Well, Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing, but I can see you're busy having an episode.
    Patrick: (stops cleaning and glares angrily at SpongeBob) You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do!" Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust, or to clean, or to wipe... or fabricate!
    SpongeBob: But Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate!
    Patrick: (grabbing SpongeBob's leg and sobbing) I don't know what to do, SpongeBob! You gotta help me!
    SpongeBob: Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! (grabs Patrick's arm) C'mon! We'll get the funnel!
    Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob! It's worse!
    SpongeBob: (with quiet irritation) Darn, I like the funnel.
  • This is followed by one of the most clever jokes in the entire series.
    Patrick: Look! (pulls a rolled up piece of paper out of his bellybutton and hands it to SpongeBob)
    SpongeBob: Hey! A note! (turns it to reveal a picture of a musical note)
    Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over! There's a letter!
    SpongeBob: (turns it to reveal the letter B on the other side) You're right. (tosses it aside)
    Patrick: (pulls out another sheet of paper) And I got this message from my parents!
  • Pretty much ALL of SpongeBob's antics when he's pretending to be stupid.
  • Patrick starts to genuinely believe SpongeBob is an idiot:
  • SpongeBob makes a confession to Patrick's parents that he was just trying to make Patrick look smarter and that the former actually is smart all along...and Patrick's parents then think that Patrick taught him to talk in the three minutes they spent in the kitchen.
  • Followed by them misinterpreting SpongeBob's screaming:
    SpongeBob: NOOOOOOO!
    Marty: And you taught him to sing!
  • When Patrick's parents address each other as Marty and Janet, Patrick bellows, "JANET? MARTY?! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!"
    Janet: Marty! I'm scared!
  • The twist ending. "Oh, that's right, honey! We don't have a son!" (Patrick's real parents' names are revealed in a later episode to be Herb and Margie.)

38A - Sailor Mouth

  • The first exchange of the episode.
    Mr. Krabs: Hold on there, Spongebob ! (pulls Spongebob back) Take that pile of filth out with you. [Squidward holds up a trash bag with a smug smile]
    Spongebob: (gasps) Mr. Krabs, you shouldn't talk about Squidward like that!
  • SpongeBob first discovers the "bad word":
    SpongeBob: Krabs is Krabs is a... (dolphin chirp)
    Garbage man: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!
    SpongeBob: Well sometimes, but not... (Garbage man leaves in disgust) ... recently.
  • This Parental Bonus:
    Mr. Krabs: Yes sirree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
    Squidward: Don't you mean there are only 7?
    Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor! (chuckles)
  • SpongeBob and Patrick's game of Eels and Escalators.
  • When SpongeBob and Patrick race to the Krusty Krab to tell on each other for saying the bad word.
    Patrick: [riding on the back of an ice cream truck] See ya at the Krusty Krab! Hahaha! [the truck turns at the wrong corner] OH, NOOOO...!
  • When SpongeBob arrives at the Krusty Krab:
    SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs!
    Mr. Krabs: What, what, what?
    SpongeBob: Patrick, Patrick, Patrick!
    Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, yes?
    SpongeBob: He said, he said, he said-
    Mr. Krabs: Out with it, boy!
    SpongeBob: (talking very fast) Me and Patrick were playing Eels and Escalators, and he was going up up up, and I had to ride the eel! And then we ran, and Patrick, he said some things.
    Mr. Krabs: What kind of things?
    SpongeBob: Well, uh, he said...
    Mr. Krabs: Yes?
    SpongeBob: Well, um, let's just say he said a certain word that you said he shouldn't say, and this particular word happens to be number eleven on the list of thirteen words you said shouldn't be said.
    Mr. Krabs: Uh...right. Uh, what was the part about the...who now?
  • The various noises used to censor the swear words, from dolphin chirps to seals barking to fog horns and other ship whistles...particularly when Mr. Krabs goes on an extended profanity-laced tirade after stubbing his toe and uses all thirteen "words that you should never use", unleashing a cacophony of nautical sound effects.
  • "We're gonna tell your mom, Mr. Krabs!" "No please, not my mommy! I don't think her poor old heart can take it!"
  • When Patrick arrives at the Krusty Krab dumpster:
    Spongebob: Hey Patrick, do you know what this word means? (points to the dumpster)
    Patrick: (reading and sounding it out) "Kraaaaaabs." (scratches his head) Uh, isn't that the red sweaty guy you work for?
    Spongebob: Nuh-uh, not that word, that word.
  • The ending, where Mr. Krabs' mother punishes Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and SpongeBob for their swearing by having them paint her house.
    Mama Krabs: I believe you scallywags have earned a glass of lemonade. (titters and hurts her foot on a pebble) Yow! My HONK foot!
    SpongeBob and Patrick: (gasps)
    Mr. Krabs: Mother!
    Mama Krabs: What? It's Old Man Jenkins in his jalopy!
    Old Man Jenkins: (honks car horn) Howdy, Mrs. K!

38B - Artist Unknown

  • Squidward wastes no time in trying to assert himself as SpongeBob's art teacher.
    Squidward: Repeat after me. "I have no talent".
    SpongeBob: I have no talent.
    Squidward: "Mr. Tentacles has all the talent".
    SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
    Squidward: "If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles' talent can rub off on me".
    SpongeBob: If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles...on my art.note  (grins)
    Squidward: Whatever.
  • Spongebob's method for drawing a circle.
    SpongeBob: First I draw this head. (draws a realistic picture of a head). Then I erase some of the more detailed features. (erases it until it's a construction drawing of a face, then erases again until it's just a circle.) And one two three, a circle!, thingy.
  • When Squidward shows Monty P. Moneybanks (the art collector) his art, Moneybanks gives his honest opinions of them in the most epic ways possible.
    Squidward: I call this one "Squidward in Repose".
    Monty: (frowns and then gestures back umcomfortably) I, uh...don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.
    Squidward: Why not?
    Monty: Because it's an art collection! Bahahaha!
    Squidward: How about this one? I call it "Bold and Brash"!
    Monty: More like "Belongs in the Trash"! Bahahahahaha!
    Janitor: Sorry, I must've missed that one. (grabs the painting and throws it into the trash can he is wheeling)
  • After finding him at the dump hiding in a box of Kelpo, Squidward tries to get SpongeBob to re-create the version of Michelangelo's David that he sculpted earlier. Unfortunately, SpongeBob has taken the rigid rules in the art books Squidward tried to force on him to heart, and he succeeds only in reducing the block of marble to a pile of gravel on which he plants a clay model of Squidward's nose. Squidward screeches/squawks and then starts smashing every block of marble in the classroom.
    SpongeBob: (crouches so that his head is only showing from the eyes up) It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward! (puts the Kelpo box back over his head) Oh well, back to the dump! (charges through the wall, leaving an Impact Silhouette and singing to the tune of the William Tell overture) To-the-dump, to-the-dump, to-the-dump-dump-dump...
  • The ending, in which it's revealed that Squidward unintentionally DID create a masterpiece... which he unwittingly credits to the rec center janitor as he storms off in anger.

39A - Jellyfish Hunter

  • After SpongeBob clears out Jellyfish Fields, the mysterious blue jellyfish known as No-Name begins following him home. Though he is unaware of this, SpongeBob clearly gets a sense that something is wrong:
    SpongeBob: It feels like somebody...WANTS TO SELL ME SOMETHING! (he quickly turns around to see nothing out of the ordinary and lets out a nervous laugh. A wider shot then reveals two salesmen hiding behind a rock)
    Salesman: I told you he was onto us!
  • At Mr. Krabs' jellyfish processing plant, SpongeBob picks up a wrench and declares that he's going to do "something that should've been done a long time ago"... which it turns out is tightening a bolt on the door to the voice-activated jellyfish containment unit.
    • And later, when SpongeBob tries and fails to open the voice-activated door, Mr. Krabs gloats that it will open only when he says "open", shortly before realizing what he just did and covering his mouth, as the door opens and releases the jellyfish that immediately swarm on Mr. Krabs.
    • And after that, he tries to escape on the exercise bike powering the machinery, only to remember that it's bolted to the ground.
      Mr. Krabs: Blasted exercise craze. (jellyfish zap him all at once)

39B - The Fry Cook Games

  • The opening scene.
    (Horn fanfare as Harold the blue spotted fish carries the torch to the stadium. He runs up the stairs to a giant hamburger)
    Harold: I declare these Fry Cook Games... open! (gust of wind puts the torch out)
    (Please Stand By)
    (Horn fanfare again, and this time Harold shields the torch with his hand while panting, running up the stairs again)
    Harold: I declare these Fry Cook Games... open! (Sets the hamburger on fire, and then suddenly bursts into flames himself)
  • SpongeBob says to Patrick that in order to participate in the Fry Cook Games, he must be a fry cook, leading to this exchange:
    Patrick: Be a fry cook? Is that all I gotta do? That'll be easy.
    SpongeBob: What do you mean easy?
    Patrick: Oh, pfft, how hard can it be?
    SpongeBob: They don't let just anybody be a fry cook. We're an elite corp!
    Patrick: Oh, come on. You're just flippin' patties.
    SpongeBob: Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds!
    (Patrick flips a rock over with his foot and imitates a sizzling noise)
    SpongeBob: Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.
    Patrick: (gasps) Well, at least I don't polish my fingernails!
    SpongeBob: (gasps) You take that back! (points his finger with an Audible Gleam)
    SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails!
    Patrick: I cannot believe what I'm hearing!
    SpongeBob: How can you hear it? You don't have ears, either!
  • The scene where Krabs and Plankton run at each other, making Broadway poses in the process.
  • Plankton introduces the contestant competing on behalf of the Chum Bucket:
    Plankton: Ladies and Gentlemen. Turn your attention to the southwest corridor. (audience looks right side of the screen) Other way! (under his breath) Imbeciles. (audience turns to the other side) And...stop! Perfect! Representing the Chum Bucket, a creature so fearsome, so terrible, so mind-bendingly large, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium.
    Muscle Fish: (trembling) I've gotta get out of here! (Starts running, but Plankton stops him dead in his tracks)
    Plankton: Too late! Ready or not, here he comes. Quake with fear, you mortal fools! Bow down, before the awesome might, of (CRASH) this huge guy who's carrying the real contestant: Patrick Star!
  • Krabs and Plankton motivate their competitors.
    Mr Krabs: Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
    SpongeBob: FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB!!
    Plankton: Win this one because I told you to.
  • The differing results of the deep-fry vault they were competing in (which is where the previous lines were said). SpongeBob does the event perfectly, while Patrick hits the giant handle and inadvertently deep fries a small portion of the audience.
  • This scene:
    SpongeBob: RAHHH!
    Patrick: RAAAHHHHH!!
    Big Fish: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.
  • When they rip their suits off for the fight, Patrick has a business suit under his workout suit, which he also tears off.
  • Patrick takes SpongeBob's shoe off and licks his foot. Before that, they accidentally let go of each other and start beating themselves up. Then they realize what happened and go back to fighting.
  • SpongeBob erasing the first three letters from Patrick's Chum Bucket nametag is apparently a serious offense:
    • Due to Lost in Translation, the Latin American dub translates his line as "NOBODY. CHANGES. MY NAMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
  • "You know, these were white when I bought 'em."

40A - Squid on Strike

  • Squidward sighs. Mr. Krabs: "Breathe on your own time."
  • Mr. Krabs' bill for Squidward doing his job, most of the charges for which run on Rule of Funny:
    Breathing... 1.00
    Talking... 5.00
    Standing... 10.00
    Existing... 2.00
    Lollygagging... 2.00
    Chewing... 1.00
  • SpongeBob counting the money that Krabs is demanding from him to exact change.
  • SpongeBob's reaction to getting fired.
  • Squidward tells Spongebob to hold a picket sign:
    SpongeBob: (holds a piece of fence painted white) Like this Squidward?
    Squidward: Not a picket fence, you ding-dong! Picket sign!
    SpongeBob: How's this? (holds up a picture of a human picking their nose)
    Squidward: (flatly) No, this is a picket sign. (holds up sign) "Krusty Krab Unfair": short, sweet and to the point.
    SpongeBob: How about this Squidward? (holds up sign saying Krusty Krab FUNfair)
    Squidward: Spongebob, it's "Unfair", not "FUNfair"!
  • SpongeBob's "Even if it takes...FOREVER!" echoes in Squidward's head as he goes home. He has the same bloodshot-eyed expression as he opens his front door, takes a bath, looks in the mirror, and goes to bed, eyes wide open. He pictures being on strike with SpongeBob forever, and imagines himself and SpongeBob elderly and standing in front of the Krusty Krab.
    Squidward: On strike with SpongeBob... forever?! (imagines himself as an old man with a white beard holding a sign reading, "Krusty Still Unfair." Cobwebs branch from him to the ground. An old SpongeBob approaches him, supported by a cane)
    SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. I bet Old Man Krabs is gonna break any day. (tugs on Squidward's beard) Ehh, Squidward? Ehh, Squidward? (whacks Squidward with his cane) Ehh, Squidward? Ehh, Squidward? (starts floating around Squidward) Ehh, Squidward? Ehh, Squidward?
    (back to reality as Squidward lies in bed screaming)
    Squidward: I gotta beg Mr. Krabs for my job back and put an end to this nightmare!
    • As Squidward rushes for his front door, he opens it to find Mr. Krabs about to knock on it. Krabs tells him that he desperately wants him back at the Krusty Krab, stating that he's nothing without him and SpongeBob, and the teens he hired are wrecking the place and stalking him.
      Mr. Krabs: Oh! Uh, evening, Mr. Squidward. Uh... I was just in the neighborhood and I, uh... thought I'd drop by to... beg you to come back to work! The Krusty Krab is a wreck! I'm ruined without you and the little yellow guy. (grovels at Squidward's feet) The teenagers I hired is ruining the place! And the worst part is, they won't leave me alone! (The teens appear right outside the door)
      Teenagers: Alright, Mr. Krabs!
      Mr. Krabs: See what I mean? (sobbing) Squidward, please! You gotta come back!
      Squidward: You'll give us anything we want?
      Mr. Krabs: Yes, anything! So what do you say, Mr. Squidward?
      Squidward: Your story breaks my heart, Mr. Krabs. Why don't we take a little walk and, uh... discuss my terms.
      Mr. Krabs: I got a bad feeling at the pit of me wallet...
  • SpongeBob's, well, unique take on "...dismantling [the] oppressive establishment" that is the Krusty Krab. The best part about it? Mr. Krabs doesn't even notice the damages until he sits down and opens his eyes.
  • The ending, where Mr. Krabs notices the damage done to the Krusty Krab, and his body falls apart.
    Squidward and SpongeBob: (in unison) Yes, Mr. Krabs?
    SpongeBob: Here it comes!
    Mr. Krabs: In order to pay off these damages, you two are going to work for me forever!
    SpongeBob: YAHOO! The strike worked, Squidward! We got our jobs back! Forever!
    ("Forever" echoes inside Squidward's mind)
    Narrator: One eternity later...
    (Skeletons of SpongeBob and Squidward are working at a dusty Krusty Krab)

40B - Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm

  • In the opening montage of the worm's rampage, a police fish is writing a parking ticket for a boat parked next to a fire hydrant. We cut to a closeup of the police fish over the sound of munching, and when we cut back to a wide shot, the boat is gone. The policeman thinks for a moment, then picks up the fire hydrant, places it next to the boat in the next space back, then slaps the ticket on its windscreen and walks off whistling.
  • As the concerned population of Bikini Bottom gathers in the Krusty Krab, it seems the worm had quite an appetite the previous night:
    Fred: He ate my wheelbarrow!
    Mother Fish: He ate my children's homework!
    (her two children grin ear to ear, wink, and give a thumbs up)
    Yellow Fish: (has a big bite mark on his butt) Do I need to say it?
  • The conversation turns to what to do about the worm:
    Short-order cook fish: How can we protect ourselves?
    Mr. Krabs: I'VE GOT IIIT! Let's all buy a Krabby Patty! (the townsfolk boo loudly and pelt Krabs with a hail of ketchup and mustard bottles)
    Fish: We should lock our doors!
    Elderly fish: We should call my nephew!
    Knight in full armour: (raises sword) We should dig a moat!
    Patrick: We should take Bikini Bottom, and push it somewhere else! (the crowd murmur dies down)
    Squidward: That idea may just be crazy enough... TO GET US ALL KILLED!note  (the crowd begins arguing again)
  • The arguing is then interrupted by the screeching of a guy with a hook for a hand, who stares at them intensely.....before meekly asking where the bathroom is.
  • Sandy tells the people of Bikini Bottom she'll go after the worm, but it'll cost them. This leads to this amazing outburst from Mr. Krabs:
    Mr. Krabs: NOOO! You'll never get a CENT out of me! NEVER! I'd rather that worm come in here RIGHT NOW, and EAT YOU ALL ALLIIIIIIEEEEEEVE!!!!! (wheezes and foams at the mouth as everyone silently stares at him) Ahem...sorry.
  • SpongeBob desperately tries to stop Sandy (who happily goes after the worm for free, as her main objective is to get her tail back) from going after the worm to no avail:
    Sandy: Now, I'm gonna go give that legless rascal what-fer, and there ain't nothin' you can say to stop me!
    SpongeBob: Oh yeah? What if I said... blargle fedibble nohip?
    Sandy: (stops in her tracks for a moment) ... well, I gotta admit that slowed me down, but I'm still going for him! (marches off again)
    SpongeBob: (appears next to Sandy) You know, tails are so overrated. Let's just forget about it and go home! (Sandy marches on; SpongeBob runs to catch up with her) I've got ice cream! With nuts!... (Sandy ignores him and marches on; she passes SpongeBob again, now wearing a cardboard squirrel mask and a 10-gallon hat and affecting a bad Texas accent) Sandy, this is your pappy speaking, and I forbid you to go after this worm! Y'all come back here, young lady!
    Sandy: (marches on, looking over her shoulder) You ain't my pa!
    SpongeBob: (jumps into Sandy's path, now wearing boxing gloves) Sandy! If you want to get to that worm, you're gonna have to go through me!
    (Sandy pushes straight through SpongeBob, who splits in half as if he were a pair of swinging doors)
  • An unexpected Shout-Out:
    Sandy: [scrapes the ground with her hand, then sniffs it] Wormsign!
    [cut to her hand, which is holding a tiny picket sign reading "Worm"]
  • Sandy charges into the cave where she thinks the worm is hiding as SpongeBob whimpers and hides behind a rock. The fight seems to go Sandy's way, but SpongeBob spends the fight trying to get her attention, as there is something she doesn't know...
    Sandy: (having tied the worm in a knot) Boy howdy! This critter put up some sorta fight! But I'm from Texas, and as you can see, no worm is a match for me! I even found my tail! (turns around to show her tail tied to the stump where the worm bit it off)
    SpongeBob: That's not the worm.
    Sandy: (arms folded, eyes narrowed) Pardon?
    SpongeBob: That's not the worm. That's its tongue.
    (the camera pans out to show that the "cave" is the Worm's mouth)
    Sandy: (eerily calm) ...Ohhhh. This is the tongue. And...the whole the...worm. (Beat) RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!
  • When SpongeBob and Sandy are running for their lives, Sandy initially REFUSES to admit that SpongeBob was right all along about the Worm. This hilarious exchange ensues:
    SpongeBob: So what's the plan, Sandy?
    Sandy: Run faster!
    SpongeBob: (rolls his eyes) I could have thought of that...hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?!
    Sandy: Later!
    SpongeBob: Ah, he IS too big for you, isn't he?
    Sandy: Not now, SpongeBob!
    SpongeBob: I want to hear you say it.
    Sandy: Can we talk about this another time?!
    SpongeBob: Say it!
    Sandy: SpongeBob!
    SpongeBob: (sticks his foot out) Say it or I'll kick you!
    Sandy: NO! Get away!
    SpongeBob: Say it!
    Sandy: NOT NOW!
    SpongeBob: SAY IT!
    Sandy: OKAY! You were right, and I was wrong! I was wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong! Are you happy now?!
    SpongeBob: (with the smuggest look on his face) I knew it.
  • While SpongeBob and Sandy are still hightailing it out of there, they run past the Yellow Fish from earlier, with his butt bandaged up. He looks at them disapprovingly when they run past, but when the worm passes him... guess what happens.
    Yellow Fish: (his butt is bitten off) Not again!
  • SpongeBob provides a moment of Gallows Humour as the gap between him and Sandy and the worm narrows:
    Sandy: (noticing the coral formations they are running between) I got it! SpongeBob, you still got that paper clip and that string?
    SpongeBob: I'm way ahead of you, Sandy! (his hands become a blur as he makes...) Look, it's a necklace! (puts it around his neck and holds the paperclip, which is now bent into an S shape) "S" for SpongeBob, or (flips it upside-down) "S" for Sandy! That way they can identify our bodies.
  • What do the townsfolk do to protect Bikini Bottom while Sandy and SpongeBob are hunting down the worm? They decide to take Patrick's suggestion and push it somewhere else. Eventually down a cliff... where the Alaskan Bull Worm falls right on top of it.
    The Worm: (grimacing) Ooouuuuuch.

Gosh, Squidward sure is a hard worker.
He makes me proud to wear these hats!

Alternative Title(s): Christmas Who


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