- Jameson's epic reaction to Peter's request to be paid in advance: he cackles. For almost ten seconds straight, looks at Peter, then goes back to cackling before finally stopping with:"You serious?! Pay you for what, standing there?"
- If you notice, Robbie is sitting there smiling to himself as if he's thinking, "Walked yourself right into that one, kid."
- Following getting fired from his pizza delivery job, Peter tries to sell some non-Spider Man photos to J. Jonah Jameson:J. Jonah Jameson: You're fired. ...Parker, hello, you're fired!Peter Parker: What? Why?J. Jonah Jameson: [looks at Peter's latest portfolio] Dogs catching Frisbees? Pigeons in the park? A couple of geezers playin' chess?Betty Brant: [walks in urgently] Boss!Jameson: Not now. [Brant walks out]Peter: Well, I was thinking maybe the Bugle could show another side of New York for a change.Robbie: [comes in] We got six minutes to deadline, Jonah! We need page one!Jameson: [ignores Robbie] Parker, I don't pay ya to be a sensitive artiste! I pay you because... [notices Betty trying again to come in] Still not now! [Betty walks back out] ...I pay you because for some reason that psycho Spider-Man'll pose for you!Peter: Spider-Man won't let me take any more pictures! You've turned the whole city against him!Jameson: A fact I'm very proud of! Now, get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma! [Betty finally just calls his phone]Betty: Boss, your wife's on the line! She said she lost your checkbook!Jameson: Thanks for the good news! [turns off intercom]Peter: Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.Jameson: [with faux sympathetic 'puppy-eyes' face] Aww... Miss Brant?!?Betty: [walks in] Yes?Jameson: Get me a violin!Robbie: Five minutes to deadline, Jonah!Jameson: All right, run a picture of a rancid chicken. Here's the headline: "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"Ted Hoffman: [leans in] Some food got poisoned?Jameson: [glares over] I'm a little nauseous, yah!*Peter: [after a short pause] All right, Mr. Jameson. [He hands Jameson a photo of Spider-Man]Jameson: [briefly analyzes the photo] It stinks. Robbie, there's your Page 1: "Masked Menace Terrorizes Town!"Robbie: I told you he's not a menace!Jameson: And I told you...Robbie: I'll take care of it.Jameson: I'll give you $150.Peter: $300.Jameson: That's outrageous! [hands Peter his check] Done. Give this to the girl. Thank you. Buh-bye.
- Particular note to Peter's completely deadpan rebuttal of the price. You can just tell from the disinterested way he says it that they've done this before and he knows it'll work.
- Right as Peter leaves, Jameson grabs the phone and goes back to his usual shennanigans like nothing happened.
- The "Spider-Man rides the elevator" scene. Both the original variant and the variant used in the extended cut.
- In the climactic scene, as Mary Jane discovers Peter is Spider-Man, a giant wall starts falling on her. Peter catches it, grins at her, and says "Hi!"
- From the extended cut: JJ wears the Spidey Suit unaware he's being watched.
- The "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" montage.
- His bike wheel breaks off, bounces out the window and hits a car below. Cue yells.Peter: Um! Sorry!
- His bike wheel breaks off, bounces out the window and hits a car below. Cue yells.
- Peter dodges a car by backflipping 10 feet into the air, then notices some kids witnessed the whole thing.Kid: How'd you do that?Peter: Uhh...workout, plenty of rest. Y'know, eat your green vegetables!Kid 2: That's what my mom is always saying! I just didn't actually believe her!
- The spoof of his first attempt to come back to being Spider-Man.Peter: I'M BACK!*Jumps, and falls into washing lines and lands on a car. He gets up and his back cracks loudly*Peter: MY BACK!
- In an interview on public radio, Bruce Campbell discusses his various roles in the films, playing up their importance for laughs. When discussing his usher role in this film, he jokingly brags that he "defeated Spider-Man."
- In the opening sequence, Peter is racing through busy Manhattan traffic trying to make a pizza delivery on an extremely tight time limit. With traffic really backed up, he ditches his bike, runs into an alleyway, quickly transforms into Spider-Man, and then web-slings out of the alleyway, which is noticed by a bystander.
- Aunt May kicking the loan guy, though she tried to kick Peter's leg when he was making a comment on her decision to give piano lessons, but his Spider Sense helps avoid that. During the subsequent fight between Spidey and Doc Ock, a coin rolls towards him, he picks it up, but Aunt May slaps it out of his hand.
- The bank moment is made even better by the fact that Aunt May and Peter remain perfectly calm and innocent-looking while the bank official is gasping in pain and glaring at them.
- After Spider-Man saves Aunt May from Octavius, leaves her on a street and swings away, several girls quickly crowd around her, screaming to Spider-Man: "Take me with you!"
- Who could forget:Robbie Robertson: Still no word on the whereabouts of your son's fiancée. Sorry Jonah.J. Jonah Jameson: [sighs] It's all my fault. I drove Spider-Man away.Ted Hoffman: He was the only one who could have stopped Octavius.J. Jonah Jameson: [sighs] Yes... Spider-Man... was a hero. I just... couldn't see it.*THWIP*J. Jonah Jameson: [turns around] He was a...[sees the Spider-Man suit is missing] A THIEF! A CRIMINAL! He stole my suit! He's a menace to the entire city! I want that wall-crawling arachnid PROSECUTED! I want him STRUNG UP BY HIS WEB! [looks up at the skylight] I WANT SPIDER-MAAANNN!!!![Spinning newspaper headline: "HE'S BACK!"]
- The outtakes give JK Simmons trying to say "...a thief!", and struggling due to the fake teeth in his mouth that won't stop popping out.
- "Dear, we agreed to put on a wedding, not go into bankruptcy. [beat] Caviar?! What, are we inviting the Czar?! Get some cheese and crackers... some of those little cocktail weenies."
J Jonah Jameson: Call Deborah.Joan Jameson: The caterer?J. Jonah Jameson: Tell her not to open the caviar.
- Jameson's first response when Betty brings in the garbageman with the costume: "Don't tell me you have the head of an extraterrestrial in there, because if you do, you're the third guy this week."
- J. Jonah Jameson is willing to pay Peter $300 for Spider-Man photos...but only $50 for the actual costume, to which the garbageman protests, "I could get more than that on eBay!" So Jonah raises his buying price to $100.
- Gets a Brick Joke in the finale: when Jameson realizes Mary Jane stood up his son at the altar, the very first thing he says to his wife, with the utmost seriousness in his voice, is:
Jameson: Flowers? How much?Joan: [on the phone] $500.Jameson: You spend any more on this thing, you can pick the daisies off my grave! Get plastic! Gotta go, big story! [hangs up the phone and cackles triumphantly]
- Jameson gets back on the phone with his wife after Betty tells him she's on hold:
- During the bank fight, Doc Ock's tentacles have pinched around Spider-Man's head, giving him the opportunity to growl:Otto Octavius: You're getting on my nerves.
Peter Parker: I have a knack for that.
Otto Octavius: Not anymore.
- This phenomenally dickish taunt from Doc Ock when he drops Aunt May off a building:Otto Octavius: Butterfingers!
- In the extended cut, as Spidey and Ock fall, brawling, they crash through the window of a lawyer's office, duke it out for a few moments while a terrified paralegal backs into a corner, then resume fighting outside as the terrified woman scampers.
- After the train passengers do the whole "go through me" thing for Spider-Man, Doc Ock simply shrugs, goes "Very well," and executes his Foe-Tossing Charge.
- During Peter and May's reunion, the heartwarming So Proud of You moment is immediately followed by Peter noticing his old comics aren't in any of her moving boxes.Peter: Hey, where are all my comic books?
May: Oh, those dreadful things? I gave those away.
Peter:...[thousand yard stare]
- The Video Game has one of Spider-Man's all-time funniest lines, when he is confronted by the Shocker:Spider-Man: Shocker, you look good! Have you been re-upholstered? note
Sassy Black Woman: You tha man, Spidey!
- One of the exchanges that can occur as you're slinging your way around NYC; what really sells it it Tobey MacGuire's delivery:
Spider-Man: (confused) You tha...woman?
- Bruce Campbell tells you that if you find all the hint tips, they'll say "something different". Then, when you've found them all, they do indeed say "Something different."
- Your last confrontation with Mysterio. You've faced him in a burning theater where the floor was literally lava, fought his UFOs attacking the Statue of Liberty, and gone through a twisted funhouse. The last time you face him... He's robbing a convenience store.
- He strikes a dramatic pose, five health bars fill...then you smack him and he goes down in one punch.
- Mysterio in general, especially Spider-Man's refusal to take him seriously:Mysterio: "Now, prepare to meet you end in my...FUNHOUSE OF DOOM!"Spider-Man: "'Funhouse of Doom'? I thought you were an alien."Mysterio: "Silence!"
- On a meta level, serious fans of the Justice League cartoon series will likely look at the train scene and go "Do something Green Lantern, you're standing right there!"
Funny / Spider-Man 2