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- As Womble marvels at the shower, several review quotes praise it. All except for one.
- Ripley: "Hello? Anyone here?"Soviet: No one's here! We're safe, the game's safe, everything's fine.
- At one point, Womble keeps misreading some graffiti.
- While trying to hide from other survivors, he hides in the air vent, gets confused, and climbs out the point where he got in, where the survivors are waiting for him.
- In his second attempt at that segment, he claims that the first survivor's first bullet is scripted and can't hit him. Guess what happens.
- Womble frantically looks for a save station.Niko (Through Steam Messaging): Womble, calm down mate.
Soviet: Shut up, Niko!
- Womble's Delayed Reaction Oh, Crap! halfway through the video: He walks into a baggage terminal after narrowly escaping from homicidal android guards, right past an air vent with tell-tale Xenomorph drool coming from it to instead loot a nearby suitcase for supplies, while a counter appears in the corner of the screen, counting down from 6. When it reaches 0, only then does Womble turn around and finally notice the drool...and promptly loses all mental composure he'd managed to build up since the android incident.
- While Soviet nervously hums, a subtitle appears that calls it "The 'Everything Is Fine' Song" and notes that it was "#3 UK Charts for 2 weeks" in 2013.
- Soviet locks the door in one room and hides in a locker. He then gets out when he thinks it's safe...Quebec (Through Steam Messaging): I for got to mention door override (lock) only lasts 30 seconds. My bad.
Soviet: What? What do you mean the door override only lasts 30 seconds? (Scrambles back to the locker) WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DON'T TELL ME THAT NOW!!! Why's he telling me right now when (the xenomorph) is right outside the door?
Twitch Chat: What the fuck is this, Locker Simulator 2014?
- Later on, Womble jokes that he's "spent half the game in the damn lockers". Some of the viewers seem to agree:
Soviet: (Laughs) "Locker Simulator".
- Near the start of the episode, Womble says "I'm completely immune to freaking out." Then something explodes, scaring the crap out of him.
- Womble opens a door.
- When encountering and hiding from several armed human enemies, Womble runs into some Artificial Stupidity hiding under a narrow desk, which not only turns out to be a blind spot, but prompts the woman to bug out on it. Womble asks the Twitch chat if he should wait for her to move out or just shoot her in the crotch and be done with it.
- Ripley is in a room with synths that had just activated, and Ricardo is calling.
- The start of the episode shows his incompetence at throwing things from CS:GO also applies here, where he fails to chuck a flare down a hole. Twice.
- While most of this episode is him crawling all over the place for fear of the Alien coming at him, there is a bit where he's hiding under a table and as the Alien is walking away, its tail accidentally snagged a canister out of sight from Womble. We get a replay of it as a seagull call claims it.
- Womble encounters a character who for some reason is on a bench looking out the window in an area where the xenomorph is on the loose.
- "Okay, okay, okay, the alarms mean you're safe, okay? See? (shifts to his map then shifts off to look at a sign) Did that say "Anal lab"?note
- Womble hiding behind a crate to spot a human enemy nearby... then getting burned by a flame he failed to spot.
- During a tense spacewalk to contact Verlaine, Womble wonders if anyone onboard the station had email or Twitter to make things a lot easier, prompting this Imagine Spot:@Ripley / "SnuggleBum" Ripley: GET ME THE FUCK OFF THIS STATION!!
@VerlaineTheTorrens / Captain Verlaine: @Ripley What's going on over there?
@ILoveCuddles / Xenomorph: lol faggot #SWAG #YOLO #CALLOFDUTY
- The very first scene has the ZF clan on a night mission climbing up a hill, but Gambit is behind because he's slowly crawling/slowly scooting forward. Cyanide joins him, and they decide to have a race, complete with another member using his laser sight as a finishing line. Then, as Cyanide draws near and complains about how the line is slanted against him, Gambit simply shoots him and wins.Soviet: And it's a photo finish!
Soviet: Ahh, that wasn't friendly, was it?
- In the same mission, they manage to successfully take down a helicopter using a turret. As they're laughing and congratulating each other:
Teammate: I hope not. (laughs)
- As Soviet gathers intel at a target location, Cyanide nervously notices something and asks "Why have we called for fire support at 225199?" Their current location.
- The clan heads out in a truck, which they all treat as a wild joyride, complete with gleefully jumping over a steel fence. Then they collide head-on with an enemy vehicle, which flips them all backwards.Saggy: inb4 we flip and all die
- The team lays low in the grass as enemy soldiers are nearby and scouting the area. The game's Artificial Stupidity rears its hilarious head as several enemies walk into a prone teammate and even push his model around without noticing him.
- Cyanide lays waste to an enemy base with a fighter jet, but as he begins pulling back up, his game crashes. Instead of continuing to fly forward, though, the jet just stops completely in mid-air.
Cyanide: I technically landed!
- Womble, still suitably unnerved by a jet sitting in midair with no pilot and the engines at full blast, makes a suggestion that they should move away from the jet before something else happens, to which Cyanide's abandoned jet responds by remembering how physics work and plowing full-throttle into the ground only yards from Womble's position - with explosive results.
- Later, Cyanide attempts to use the bridge to an island the rest of the group is heading to as a runway to land. He explodes spectacularly on impact.
- The gang is hanging around an old church, waiting for Rousch to deliver a sermon. As they begin getting comfortable, one of them throws a live frag grenade at the podium, and they all have to flee... except Rousch, who ends up completely unharmed from hiding behind the podium, practically sitting on the grenade when it exploded.Rotary: It's a sign of god!
- Soviet brings scuba diving gear on a land mission. While he gets downed pretty quickly, he's inexplicably unable to be revived, and more notably, appears to be completely invincible until he bleeds out. Several shots by Cyanide, multiple close-range grenades, and even more direct shots from a truck-mounted machine gun all completely fail to kill him.
- Soviet's confusion over Cyanide mentioning that "Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman", thinking the name "Galga-dot" is of a Godzilla villain. When Cyanide noted that Gal Gadot isn't a common name, Womble replies, "Neither is Mothra".
- Soviet has a joyride on an ATV suspended by several long cables attached to a flying helicopter, set to the theme of Reading Rainbow, until the pilot decides attempts to do a mid-air loop.
- The incredibly chaotic event where just as the team is about to leave a mission site, an enemy tank appears out of nowhere and utterly devastates the crew. As Soviet is left in the red, he notices an anti-tank launcher, limps towards it, the tank turns around and spots him, he frantically screams as he fumbles as it comes barrelling towards him, and then the scene abruptly smash-cuts to something completely different.
- In the lobby, we're treated to a long portion of Cyanide's dreadful singing, which Soviet asks the audience to keep in mind before he introduces Edberg, who sings a surprisingly well-done rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Cyanide's response?Cyanide: He learned how to sing from me.
- As a group's helicopter lands on a slope of a rather steep hill, Chinny reports that he can't get out of it and his camera is stuck. Everyone else decides to push the helicopter down the hill, and when it reaches the bottom, it explodes with him in it.
- The clan installs the Task Force Radio mod, which Soviet almost instantly regrets once everyone overuses "over" and "copy that", they use it while in close proximity to the people they're talking to, and realize they can all change the volume of their voices to "Yelling."Echo: If you want to change channel, use your numpad on the keyboard.
Quebec: What if I don't have a numpad?
Echo: Then you're poor.
- As Soviet assembles a squad, when he calls for an LAV driver, Chinny calls out from what sounds like the other side of the room from his mic. To his surprise, he returns with Soviet actually having listed him.Chinny: Oh, you 'eard me?
Soviet: Yeah, you screamed across the room.
Chinny: I was out shitter!
- As Soviet debriefs his squad on the mission, Cyanide gets bored and shoves a mine detector in his face mid-lecture. His confusion is already hilarious, but then others start following in, then Cyanide instead pretends it's a selfie stick, to which everyone, Soviet included, decides to join in for, complete with a title card resembling a real life military group selfie.
- (while in a helicopter) "Can we not be 5 metres from the ocean surface, please?"Cyanide: I really like dolphins, I really wanna see one!Passenger Soldier: Lower, please!
- Soviet and Cyanide's mundane amusement at the "next-gen hand gestures" of an AI officer giving a debrief at the base.
- It's even better than that. That officer giving them the debrief is the "Game Master" of Arma3's Zeus Mode, meaning he's an actual player — Quebec, to be more specific.
- Soviet having to convince Cyanide that he needs to help rescue the hostages before he can play with the digger they found. Eventually he gets Cyanide to move by promising him that he can bring the hostages back and show them the digger.
- Then the squad finds a larger digger, and they all go up it, except for Cyanide who Soviet ordered to stay on a hill.
- When Cyanide is put in charge of a squad, he expresses annoyance with their improper positioning, tossing a grenade and killing three of them as they bunch up together just to give them a lesson about spacing.
- Cyanide attempting to impose Zen on the server:
- The naming antics of Gambit, who names himself "Gas Chamber", then later "Auschwitz". HE'S GERMAN.
- "All callsigns, this is Crossroads, be advised. The paramilitary forces in the area have been alerted to your, uh, pre... (stammers) pre-pre-pr-pr-pr-pre... (frustrated) THEY'RE COMING."Soviet: Understood, Crossroads.
Crossroads: Suck a cock.
- Soviet tries out some new 40mm rounds. He shoots Zodiac point blank with a buckshot round, and it does nothing. Then this happens:Soviet: So this is something called a stun grenade.
(Shoots grenade at Zodiac, it hits him and just drops to the ground)
Soviet: Completely fucking usele--(Grenade goes off)ARRGHH!!
- Soviet's confusion towards nearby bird calls while in a jungle, which he then realizes is just a teammate through the radio. This culminates in a Brick Joke later:Soviet: Did you get that?
Teammate 1: (whistles)
Teammate 2: Was that a bird?
Soviet: Urgh, just don't ask.
- The glorious Failure Montage showing 24 ZF members getting wasted in a single mission (at least 6 of which died from friendly fire according to the killfeed) as "Moving On Up" by M People plays in the background.Womble: Jesus, is it just you and me, Aizen?
Aizen: Didn't we have more!?
Womble: We had like 12 guys! What happened to the 12 guys we had in our squad 10 minutes ago!?
- The introduction to Holy'N'Evil/Nevil.Soviet: You okay, Nevil? Are you alright?
Nevil: Eid new bange on myself?
Nevil: I have bandage but I don't know why I gonda ad bandage do add for some reason.*
Soviet: Is he speaking English?
Soviet: Who's still alive in my squad?
Teammate: Joep and uh, this guy that can't speak English.
Nevil: I cam speek Enlish okay!?
Soviet: "She sells sea shells on the sea shore."
Nevil: Doeysell on da seesaw?
Soviet: Right, that's good enough.
- The squad's annoyance with CartonWaffle using the radio to broadcast the sounds of himself eating.Cyanide: CartonWaffle, please stay off the radio, you're using a lot of unnecessary chatter.
(radio turns on)
(radio turns off)
- Cyanide gives a briefing of the new base he finished designing for the clan to use, but asks for a moment of downtime when many of the objects bug out and are floating. Womble and the others think it's still functional and shrug it off, up until one of them gets in a vehicle that immediately flips out and explodes.
- Soviet gets a helium balloon for his birthday. You can guess the rest.Soviet: (in a high-pitched voice) Fuck you Cyanide!
- The first clip features a teammate attempting to take down a helicopter with a rocket launcher, but misses... because he isn't carrying one. But then:Soviet: Did you make an imaginary miss against the very real helicopter that just... crashed into the building?
Niko: See? See?
Soviet: Wait, so your imaginary rocket just hit!?
Soviet: What sort of loopy-land have I entered!?
Niko: It's Russia, dude.
Whitey: (pops in from offscreen) Welcome to Greybeard's server. (leaves)
- If you take a closer look at the chat, you'll see that someone, presumably the pilot of said helicopter, says that they meant to land on the building. Still, it's absolutely perfect timing.
- Soviet adoration of the gestures of debriefing officers continues from the last part, which gets amped up where the character played by Zeus goes wonky and gets stuck in a loop giving debriefing motions in a jungle with nobody around.zix7: Can I shoot him?
Soviet: Yeah, shoot him.
(everyone guns him down)
Zeus: (over the radio) What the fuck was that?
- In one briefing, one of the Zeus players dresses as the general the squad is meant to kill for an objective, and says "If you kill this guy, you're good to go." Soviet shoots the player in the head and declares the mission complete.
- "Hi, Nevil!" "Fuck you."Soviet: (after a squad leader disconnects in the middle of a mission) Nevil, you're in command.
Nevil: Sonarifrity, err, bat bat, errr, long ray radio if you cam.
Teammate 1: Oh, shit.
Nevil: Err Sovie, salmon be ee go ray?
Soviet: Sorry, could you repeat, please?
Nevil: Sov bacon, find salmon, can yee both go red.
Soviet: Find salmon and go red?
Nevil: YOU and salmon.
Soviet: Oh, me and Samming go red team, copy.
Teammate 2: Nevil, can you repeat last, please?
Nevil: No glue!
Soviet: We've got no glue.
Nevil: Cy yeah go full butt to butt queue medic don't need to go on the frump.
Nevil: If I die, mai be secomb in command, copy? (no one is called Mai)
Soviet: (hesitant) ...yes. (no)
Nevil: (quiet and bitterly) My name is not Nee-vil, bit...
- Later on, they find out that they've been misnaming Nevil:
Soviet: What's that — What's that sorry Nevil?
Nevil: My name is not Neevel, you bith...
Soviet: Your name is not Nibble? Oh! (reads his name) HolyN'Evil, right so it's not Nevil, your name isn't actually Nevil! (laughs)
- Soviet brings for one mission a shotgun using "Doomsday" rounds. At first earns the mockery of the team at long range, but once they see it in its effective range, Toucan yells out "What the fuck kind of gun is that!?"
- Cyanide: We can see concisely where you've been, Soviet, by tracking the fucking buildings.Soviet: When I said Doomsday Rounds negated cover, I was being serious.
- In the montage where we see their power, Soviet captions each of his 27 kills... and a "house kill?", "wait", "what", "seriously?" and "HOLY SHIT" against a tank.
- In future loadups, they have to persuade him to not use the doomsday rounds or even bring a shotgun at all.
- The entire disaster of a mission where the squad has to rescue a hostage named Sophia Miacova, and despite the squad getting absolutely hammered, Cyanide demands everyone press on for her.
- Cyanide: I will have my head in between her heavily-muscled thighs!
Soviet: Seriously, it's not worth it! Like, 20 guys have died, I've taken 3 bullets and some fragmentation to my knees...
Cyanide: Yes, but I want to sex her!
Soviet: Fair enough, that's a good reason.
- It turns out to not be worth it, as they finally find "Sophia"... and not only is it just a dude with an effeminate voice, even his avatar is male.
- Later on, another squad finds "Sophia" again, and Cyanide's a lot more sour after the incident. Once they bring him back to Cyanide, once again, he gets gunned down on sight.
- Even later, Cyanide realizes they have to rescue "Sophia" again, and refuses to go.Soviet: But it's a match made in heaven, Cyanide, it's true love!
(Cyanide aims at Soviet)
Soviet: Okay okay okay, plenty more fish in the sea! There's plenty more fish in the sea!
- What's even funnier? THE OPERATION WAS NAMED SOPHIA MALE-COVA. The whole thing was obvious from the beginning!
- Zodiac: "My vision's gone very green."Soviet: You've got green sunglasses on.
Zodiac: Ah, that might be the reason.
- From the briefing for the two pilots:
- And as they are deploying, Cyanide gets stuck.Cyanide: Uurgh! What the fuck?! Help!Soviet: What? What's wrong?Cyanide: I'm in the rotors.Soviet: What do you mean you're in the rotors?Cyanide: I'm- DO NOT TURN ON! DO NOT TURN IT ON TO FULL!Soviet: Turn on the helicopter! Turn on the helicopter!
- While running a checkpoint, a van pulls up:Soviet: Another truck to the north.
Team Mate 1: He says he doesn't have a bomb, but he won't get out of the car.
Team Mate 2: Be advised, there is a satchel charge underneath the truck!
Soviet: Everyone take cover!
(Soviet takes cover. Cyanide shoots the driver)
(Empty truck starts rolling down the road, goes through the checkpoint, then explodes)
Soviet: We have to be the worst checkpoint team in the history of checkpoint teams.
- After the aforementioned shenanigans, a third vehicle comes up from the other way and runs into the bar gate. Cyanide takes the moment to fully embrace his Indian stereotype.Cyanide: TWENTY DOLLARS! YOU BREAK MY GATE! (He chases after the vehicle yelling at it and promptly gets run over)
- As Soviet and two squadmates come across an enemy in a tank, they engage combat, ending with the tank exploding. As Soviet congratulates them, he turns around and realizes his teammates are both dead from the backblast. He takes the credit for himself.
- "I think Edberg might be down."Edberg: Who threw that fucking stun grenade? Don't throw as you fucking go, there are people around the FUCKING buildings! Are you FUCKING IDIOTS!?
Cyanide: ...never mind.
- This little bit:Redcoat: You're in Norwegian camouflage.
Womble: Also yeah, why are you in your pajamas, Aizen?
Aizen: Vahhh saw huh? Hawr doh nohe emote normenn ya skaal fahn ema ta da dee lilleh hoore?note
Womble: ...why is he speaking Elvish?
- At one point, Soviet goes AFK for a moment, which led to everyone else starting to plug Ubisoft games, EA games, and pre-ordering in general. Cyanide in particular even plugs his own Twitter account and Twitch channel.Cyanide: Buy all of the Assassin's Creeds and everything from Ubisoft ever. Ubisoft's a great company with some great reputation for fantastic DRM.
- When Soviet comes back and realizes what's going on, he's angry since he hates in-stream advertising. He tries to shoot Cyanide, but ends up hitting someone else instead. This gets him in trouble with the CO, whom he also shoots while explaining to him why he teamkilled.
- Soviet and Cyanide's squad is brought for a debriefing, but Cyanide insists on traveling across the base using an ATV whose brakes don't even work, including to pick up another member from 20 meters away. Best of all, not only does he bump into another parked ATV when he returns, but he returns with the wrong guy.Soviet: Sorry, did you go to pick up Katla —
Teammate: Yeah, that's not Katla.
Soviet: You picked up a random rifleman, not the officer?
(Cyanide turns around and realizes it's just a random private)
Cyanide: OH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? Fuck off! Get the fuck out of here!
(private wordlessly runs back)
- Cyanide can somehow correctly guess the flavor of Pringles from the sound they make when shook in the can. Even Soviet sounds surprised when he gets it right.
- Soviet's first time driving the M1A2 Abrams is very clumsy, but when an enemy APC appears out of nowhere, Soviet's first reaction to fighting it is to back up and ram straight into it. It works.
- Later on, the squad notices a solar tower and begin debating whether or not they should blow it up, and Cyanide ends up firing anyway, knocking out the platoon leader from the concussive blast of the shell being fired and passing overhead. Even worse, it turns out their friendly spotters were on top of the tower, leading Cyanide to yell "OH SHIT!"
- Soviet takes down an enemy helicopter while on foot, then runs off when he realizes it's about to fall on top of him... except it doesn't. Then the instant he moves out, it does.
- The entire squad's series of annoyed "No"'s when they realize Cyanide is their pilot.
- The squad gets told to eliminate a downed friendly helicopter (the mission was either to recover or destroy it to prevent the enemy from recovering it), but Nyan ends up misfiring two rockets at it. Later on...Quebec: I heard the order for somebody to blow it up, and was like "Yeah, fair enough, that makes sense," and then there was an explosion somewhere in the next village.
Cyanide: It was like someone was getting a cup of coffee and then suddenly a fucking rocket pops in through the window.
Quebec: Locked onto his Gameboy or something.
- During one mission as the squad are pressing onto a target location, Soviet notices two unknown figures in the distance, calls in an air strafe (to Cyanide, who for his mission was callsigned "Bamboonium") and shoots them down... and then another squadmate correctly identifies them as civilians.Soviet: Wait, you're kidding me!?
Teammate 1: I don't see civilians anymore.
Soviet: Oohhhh... [...] Err, Bamboonium, wave off please, I think I just called in an airstrike on a civilian target! Ohhh noo...
Teammate 2: That's a court-martialin'!
- Later when the squad is investigating the village and checking the casualties, Soviet asks if the blue guy he shot had a gun, and a teammate confirms he does as he plants a gun as evidence.
- Even later in chat:
- "What the fuck? What is THAT?! THERE'S A GIANT TRYING TO BOARD THE HELICOPTER!"
- As Soviet is listening to Edberg's mumbling, one of his Twitch notifications pops up to let him know of a re-sub, and when he tries to ask him to repeat what he said, he ends up saying "I can't hear you over the sound of people subscribing."
- Soviet: I wasn't trying to give you sass there, I was being serious.Accidental Sass: I can't hear you over the sound of people giving me money.
- Soviet and Cyanide are paired up as a sniper squad for one mission, and immediately it devolves into a game of oneupmanship of Twitch subscribers.Soviet: Saite, thank you user Saite on Twitch for subbing to me!
Cyanide: TattemWater, thank you so much for subscribing! GhostBravo, thank you so much for —
Soviet: Robin4TheWin, thank you for subbing to me and not Cyanide, thank you!
Cyanide: ComradeHedonismBot, thank you so much for subscribing!
Soviet: Jumitor, thank you for subbing to me!
Cyanide: Lulabull123, thank you so much for subscribing!
Soviet: Bailey, thank you for subscribing, thank you! Ragnar112, thank you for —
Cyanide: Ragnar112—wait, what!?
Soviet: Shut the fuck up!
- "GET IN THE HELICOPTER!!"
- Later while on the mission itself, the Soviet realizes that since they're all alone, if one of them was to get in an accident, nobody would know how except them. They immediately point their guns at each other, then call for a truce.
- Cyanide's idea of interacting with civilians:
- Soviet finds a go-kart (or Command Mobility Vehicle if he's to be believed) in the middle of a mission:(Accidentally runs over a teammate running after him despite not touching him)
Soviet: You screwed with the chain of command, you got bit, okay, fuck you.
Medic: (Faintly) You killed him!
- The Rapid-Fire Comedy before Soviet before his time as a medic.
- "Can you repeat the part where you said the stuff about all the things because I wasn't listening?"
- "Why exactly did we capture Asian Tiger Woods?"
- Cyanide, nothing needs to be said, but somehow I know that you're responsible for [A tank turned upside down].
- The entire Rapid-Fire Comedy section of Soviet being a field medic.Soviet: I now pronounce you legally dead.
Still-standing soldier: Can I get a second opinion?
Soviet: Shit, I've accidentally given one of you LSD!
Soviet: Hah, I'm actually pretty good at the medic, I think!
Teammate 1: I can't feel my legs!
Soviet: Yeah, I think I've found my calling!
Teammate 2: ahh...Soviet: It's a gunshot wound.
Soviet: No, it's AIDS.
- The following:
- Soviet's incredulity of a squadmate bringing a ladder into battle... then actually putting it to good use to simply climb up to a second-story window to shoot the targets inside.
- The video opens with a meticulously edited-together News Broadcast establishing the context for the Antistasi campaign. Among the scrolling headlines at the bottom is text reading "Florida Woman Calls Police on Eight Year Old for Selling Water".
- As the group starts the game mode, one of the members immediately gets sidetracked by the notice of them doing "guerrilla warfare" and starts singing Gorillaz songs.Digby: ♪ Get the cool shoeshine... ♪
Soviet: Fuck your shoeshine! (shoots him dead)
- This exchange:Moogle: Oh, if you wanna put anything than flip-flops on, now's the time.Soviet: No, no, these are my battle flip-flops. I fight with the strength of ten men with my battle flip-flops. Ten really puny men.
- "I'm wearing a balaclava! But I don't think I'm incognito enough! Double balaclava!"
- Soviet chooses to name the group "The Badgers", and as he comes up with their battle cry, the footage is cut with an epic Badgers jingle that slowly devolves as the campaign goes on.
- The Badgers, they are The Badgers ("Yeah!")
They fight for freedom and democracy ("Woo!")
Badgers, they are The Badgers, yeah!
- "Ooh, badgers hiss? That's brilliant!" (patriotic hiss)
- Much to Soviet's annoyance, the rest of the team isn't quite on board with the title, preferring to just call it "Badger", if even that.Digby: The Molos Independence and Liberation Front is the name of this organisation.
Digby: For the glory of M.I.L.F.!
Soviet: We are not being called M.I.L.F.! We are the Badgers!
Quebec: I've already got a tattoo though, Soviet!
- "I thought we were trying to make this a dictatorship."Soviet: No, we're fighting for democracy!
Cadsade: Am I the only one fighting for money here?
Soviet: Fine, you can fight for money. If you want.
- Soviet claiming that, while undercover, they can just claim to be Bohemia developers photographing the countryside as research if they get caughtnote .
- The first sign of things to come is the aftermath of their first successful mission, where after capturing a few NPCs as political prisoners, Gatsa sets up one of them as a squad leader, prompting them to literally take him behind the woodshed and shooting him dead.
- Soviet partakes in another mission, but as they're geared up to go, the player in the driver's seat becomes AFK.Quebec: Is it the guy in the right hand seat?
Quebec: (machine-guns him to death then turns to Soviet) There you go, get in.
Soviet: Jesus Christ, he was one of us!
Moogle: Soviet, you can get in now.
Soviet: Not sure if I want to!
- During the drive to drop off propaganda pamphlets, they agree to the terms of their proposed system: Digby will only be able to command President Soviet to run the country on Wednesdays and Thursdays, Chairman Moogle on Mondays and Tuesdays, Minister Quebec on Fridays, alternating on weekends. Soviet further proposes that Thursdays be government-free anarchy days (inexplicably represented with a video of a group of people attacking a trash can).
- After Soviet asks if they're going to drive on the left side or the right side of the road, they decide that they can't so either side any favour, so they're going to drive straight down the middle.
- One guy gets stuck on a rock and somehow, he can't be killed. Soviet decides to prove it and shoots him point blank. Only he fired a 40mmm grenade round. Everybody gives him hell for him and Soviet can only laugh at the fact he nearly killed them all. So he decides to stick to regular rounds from there on.Moogle: Next time you're about to kill us all, a little bit of warning.
- Digby keeps on singing to the point he's the team bard. During a drive, he sings a rather impressive piece of "Men of Harlech" until they come head to head with a Russian patrol. They urge him to sing something Russian. Not knowing a word of the language, Digby fumbles it and they get discovered.
- "There's a dog up there, don't shoot it." (beat) (shot) "NOO—"
Moogle: You, join us or die.
- Moogle and Soviet are on a mission to recruit NPCs into the resistance, but one they encounter inside a house is bugged out and unresponsive.
Soviet: No, no, this is not what our resistance stands for! We're about justice, and—and like, fairness...
Moogle: How the hell are we gonna complete the mission if this guy doesn't join our group?
Soviet: Hearts and minds! It's about getting people on our side.
Moogle: Just... get in the truck.
Soviet: Get in the truck, alright. (leaves the building)
Moogle: Ah... ha-choo! (gunshot)
Soviet: Augh, for fuck's sake!
- The return of the Badgers anthem following these actions, accompanied with a darker-colored logo, featuring a badger in more guerilla-style uniform and covered in money:The Badgers, they are The Badgers
They fight for freedom, but mainly money ("That's just Moogle...")
and a restrictive democracy ("Well no, just democracy...")
where women can't vote ("Okay, wait—")
and they kill dogs! ("No—wait, hold on a sec—")
and spread propaganda ("No, it's not propaganda!")
and they shot a young man 'cause he wouldn't sign up! ("He was just bugged out!")
He had a family, they miss him! ("Okay, hold on—")
No one tell Womble that Gambit's been smuggling drugs ("He's doing what?")
Badgers, they are The Badgers, yeah!
- During a sudden ambush, Womble rescues a wounded Poro and takes him behind cover for medical treatment. Once he finishes and Poro gets back up, his mic comes back on to reveal he'd been playing the USSR Anthem during the entire procedure.
- After a successful base raid, the squad notices an enemy helicopter coming towards them, but it turns out it's piloted by a resistance member, telling the others to hold fire through the walkie-talkies. Unfortunately, Soviet can't hear them over the heavy rain, and he blasts it down with an anti-air rocket.Soviet: It's alright, I'm sure they're fine, I'm sure they made it, they're okay.
(cut to Rorkiy at the crash site screaming as "Psycho" Strings play)
- After the Friendly Fire Incident, Womble is talking to a Russian soldier who's surrendered about what the Badgers are going to do once they have set up a working government over Altis, and all the soldier can think of is the song "the Sound of Silence" before he gets shot in the head. Womble isn't upset over the blatant war crime that just took place as he is over the fact that:Soviet: I WAS ESPOUSING OUR MANIFESTO!
- After the Friendly Fire Incident, Womble is talking to a Russian soldier who's surrendered about what the Badgers are going to do once they have set up a working government over Altis, and all the soldier can think of is the song "the Sound of Silence" before he gets shot in the head. Womble isn't upset over the blatant war crime that just took place as he is over the fact that:
- One of the squad members is about to shoot a LAW, so Womble and the other member get clear of the backblast... only for the guy firing the LAW to accidentally knock himself out with the backblast.
- During a mission, Quebec seizes an enemy tank, which inexplicably flips itself over. The squad thinks it could still be salvaged, but when he tries to tow it with a truck, it makes horrible screeching noises and simply refuses any attempts to flip it right-side up again. Eventually, Quebec accidentally causes it to collide with a building, igniting it and its ammunition, killing nearly everyone from the thermal damage as he continues driving around with a flaming tank trailing behind.
- Eventually, the clan's descent into actual terrorism (including executing surrendering enemy soldiers and suicide-bombing) prompts a third version of the Badgers anthem, with the logo badger drenched in terrifying fire and eating a human arm:The Badgers, they are The Badgers
They're terrorists! ("Oh god, we are, aren't we?")
They like to eat babies! ("Fuck...")
And terrorize the populace with suicide bombers! ("Is this what we are?")
And gun down Russian soldiers that have clearly surrendered!
Because they're assholes ("What have we become?")
and thundercunts ("Yeah...")
and Quebec parked his APC inside an orphanage! ("Oh, for fuck's sake!")
Badgers, they were The Badgers! ("What do you mean 'were'?")
From henceforth they have now announced a partnership with ISIS! (plays "Saleel al-Sawarim") ("We're fucking terrorists! We're just terrorists!")
- And right before the final shingle, the others reveal to Womble that they had been Evil All Along.
- Immediately following this, Soviet discovers that his fellow resistance members are using civilians as human shields during a raid.
- Soviet: NO, NO, NO, don't use civilians as a human fucking shield! That is... what!?
Poro: I am naming him Roberto.
(long beat as he runs offscreen with him)
Soviet: We're gonna be fucking tried in The Hague. By the end of this, we're gonna get tried in the fucking Hague.
- Even worse, they discover that since they can shoot while using human shields, they're actually really effective in combat, to a point where Womble simply gives up and takes the base with everyone else with one in tow.Soviet: Fucking hell, we actually took the base, through err... by exploiting the mercy of our enemy, I think. We are terrible people. We are genuinely... genuinely terrible people.
- Womble discovering that mortars are loud... and that the Russians can hear the sound of a mortar firing... and send a HIND to investigate and neutralise the threat. Cue the Russians wiping out Resistance HQ, ending the game for everyone. In fairness, another player knew that the Russians could eventually zero in on the mortars, knew Womble was playing around with the AI mortar team, and didn't bother to tell him until after the Russians had shown up.
- The video ends with another montage of News Broadcast, this one establishing the aftermath of the Russians wiping out the Badgers, or as they will be remembered in a final kick in Womble's teeth: M.I.L.F:
- A funeral is held for the young man who they executed for refusing to join them, stressing how heartbroken his family was, and that he was the father of two. It also mentions the various other civilians executed or forced to join them.
- One of their suicide bombers killed at least 11 people, implied to mainly be civilians.
- As mentioned in the last version of their theme song, Quebec parked his burning IFV inside an orphanage, resulting in it and its cooking-off ammunition acting as a firebomb, shattering the sense of unity and determination the surrounding community had.
- As a result of all this, the locals view the Russian soldiers as bringing peace and stability to the island.
- The Russian military is revealed to have been working on extending infrastructure, bringing various public services and clean drinking water to areas of the island that had long been neglected by the previous government.
- All of this has caused the locals to love the Russian government, and an overwhelming majority of them vote in favour of becoming a semi-autonomous territory of Russia, as is revealed in a clip of a speech by Vladimir Putin, with (extremely well done) translator added in that changes the speech to being about the defeat of M.I.L.F., and the vote. The ticker beneath reveals that, at the very least, the UK Foreign Secretary approves of how the vote was handled, and is impressed by the large turnout.
- It finishes with the beginning of a report on whether or not violent battle royale video games are causing autism in children.
Antistasi Part 1/5
- At the very start of a new Antistasi campaign, Cyanide decides to log off...in the toilet. Several others promptly follow in logging off in the toilet.
- Cyanide promptly chews up the resistance's funds by accidentally buying a speedboat, and when he darts to it in search of girls on the beach, they fire at it and him with an RPG.Cyanide: Look, if we're gonna kickstart a resistance, we need to raise funds. Get a boat, put lots of girls in bikinis on that boat, then charge desperate wankers like yourself to get on the boat. But now you've fucking broken that, so we've got to do stupid shit like fight people.
- During a simple early-game mission to take a lightly-occupied power plant, Womble notices some rumbling noises in the distance. After a while, the squad discovers it's TobiWan, who inexplicably got his hands on an air-superiority fighter jet, only for it to explode as he rolls it down the road.Tobi: Viva la revolution!
Womble: You can't do that, Poro, we've- Poro, we've done that joke!
- After liberating said power plant, Poro decides to take a human shield. Again. Womble...points this out.
- Following in the footsteps of M.I.L.F. from the last campaign, Digby once again overrides naming their resistance "The Badgers" with "The Workers and National Kinsmen" (or alternatively, "Workers Autonomous National Kollective").Womble: No, we're not W.A.N.K.! We are The Badgers!
Digby: I thought all the Badgers went to The Hague and were prosecuted!
Womble: This is a Soft Reboot!
- During a quiet moment, Vesper accidentally runs over an AFK Quebec with his tank, which everyone tells him to stop doing... until they realize it's Quebec, so they all decide to riddle his injured body with bullets.
- Cyanide finds a new hat, which it turns out is just an entire crate almost bigger than he is where his head should be.Cyanide: This is how I'm bringing ammo to the fight.
Digby: Your voice is muffled!
Cyanide: Why do you think my voice is muffled, Digby!?
- Moogle and Soviet wander into a seemingly-abandoned residential area, guided by the former's "spidey senses". When they enter in a building, both are surprised to discover a few leftover refugees from an expired mission hanging out in it. Soviet only concludes that Moogle's senses are just a Gaydar to detect single men in his area.
- As they were doing the Pamphlets mission, they discover accidentally that the text is readable. And all of it is basically Anti-British Conservative propaganda. They are totally on board with distributing these pamphlets.Moogle: And who said you can't learn anything from video games.Soviet: I'm just glad it's not about Brexit, otherwise the box would be on fire.
- One incognito mission has the squad meet up a corrupt officer at a location while dressed as civilians. Naturally, Cyanide's approach is as suspicious as possible.
- While attempting to negotiate with the officer, the gang converse over Cyanide's encounter with Sofia Miacova in a past Bullshittery.Womble: Some people keep quoting things that I've edited and I can't even remember editing them.
Cyanide: Some people quote things and I'm like "Why are you saying such horrible things?", and then I realize I said them and I'm like "Ahh, okay cool."
- The ending is dedicated to KayJay's inappropriately adorable and high-pitched sneezing, which Womble describes as "Tinkerbell having an orgasm." Then KayJay decides to imitate the noise proper.Womble: That was not a fucking sneeze!
KayJay: It was a sneeze! Real men don't need their sneezes to sound masculine, okay?
Womble: Real men just fucking sneeze! Real men don't sound like a fairy having a stroke!
KayJay: Well maybe I'm the fucking manliest fairy that you've ever seen in your life! Must-- (Womble guns him down)
Womble: I really doubt it.
Nordern: Is that how you win every argument, just shoot the opposition in the face?
Womble: It's worked so far!
Antistasi Part 2/5
- During one mission, Chinny is shot down by a sniper, prompting Womble to go through his backpack to find first aid to recover him. He proceeds to discover 77 morphine injectors.Womble: Are you dealing drugs?!
Womble: Yeah, of course the fucking northerner's a smackhead.
- Not much later, Womble is also shot down, but while Chinny manages to restabilize him, he continues to flash white with pain since Chinny refuses to give his morphine.
- One mission features Womble, Nevil, Chinny, and a seriously drugged-out Aizen sneaking into a factory to plant bombs and destroy it.Aizen: Alright, the bird is in the bin and has been fed the worm...
- When they successfully plant the charges and drive off, Womble pushes the detonator... and the explosions fail to deal any damage. Everyone in the crew has the same reaction, and Aizen futilely sings the Badgers anthem.Womble: We genuinely suck, folks.
Nevil: No you suck!
Womble: I planted the detonators just fine!
Nevil: Fucking useless! Hear what I'm saying: fuck you.
Womble: Chinny, where did you buy those explosives?!
Chinny: Sketchy Irishman!
Womble: Is there a slight clue in his name, the fact that he's a sketchy Irishman?
Chinny: It's sketchy 'cause the fact he sells bombs, alright?!
Womble: Could you not have bought it from the Totally Legitimate and Highly Competent Irishman?!
- On the drive back to base, mrbatty's car ends up getting rear-ended by a civilian.Womble: There goes your no-claims bonus.
(explosion sound in the background)
Womble: ...Did you kill him? You killed him! You just killed him!
mrbatty: You can't make a claim if you're dead. My no-claims bonus is safe!
- When they successfully plant the charges and drive off, Womble pushes the detonator... and the explosions fail to deal any damage. Everyone in the crew has the same reaction, and Aizen futilely sings the Badgers anthem.
- "Some will fall, and some will live, will you stand up and claim your chance / the blood of the martyrs will water the meadows of Fra—Altis!"
- After Aizen observes during a ride that they're six dudes in a truck, he plays a small music sample. When Cyanide asks why he recognizes it, it's pointed out that it's a Pornhub bumper, to which he promptly feigns ignorance.
- Back at the swamp base, W.A.N.K. arranges for the next several missions to be done, one of which is to take a truck to drop off propaganda leaflets. They don't realize that during all of this, Nevil has quietly taken the truck for himself until he's driven off.
- During another moment of downtime at the base, Cyanide points Womble to their Garage, showing that he managed to capture a fully intact Su-25 after holding out in an airfield for an entire afternoon, armed with only a sniper rifle and a pistol. Womble is understandably bewildered by this achievement.Womble: We're in a swamp! Where did you land?!
Cyanide: I landed on the beach, then I drove it from the beach to the base. We can't actually really use it, but I feel it's like a really nice, yknow... it's for the principle of it.
Womble: You went and got a trophy?
Cyanide: Yeah, it took me three hours, totally Worth It!
- For some reason, Quebec and Cyanide spend a mission speaking in Geordie.Cyanide: I'm in the fookin' truck, let's gooo. (gunfire) AH, FOOK! IN THE FOOKIN' FIELD! AYE SHOT A FUCKIN' GUN AT US!
Quebec: THESE FUCKIN' GLASSES AIN'T PRESCRIPTION, MAN!
- Womble suddenly grips onto the Idiot Ball during a mission to take down an enemy tank patrol and placing an anti-tank mine on the civilian road. Naturally, things go haywire when a civilian truck ends up getting blown up by it.Womble: But it's an anti-tank mine! Why would it go off? It's an anti...
Cyanide: Oh my god, you moron, are you serious?!
(Moogle bursts out laughing)
Cyanide: You put an anti-tank mine on the fucking main road!
Womble: But t-they don't—
Cyanide: THE MAIN! FUCKING! ROAD! YOU PUT AN ANTI-TANK MINE ON THE MAIN FUCKING ROAD THAT CIVILIANS USE! HOW! FUCKING! DUMB! ARE YOU?!
Womble: I think we've learned a valuable lesson today.
- At one point the entire clan is at the HQ, due to the server being bugged out, with no missions spawning among other...apparent issues.Vesper: Right now, this happens when I shoot people. [pulls out his rifle and shoots another player in the chest. Said player falls over dead.] ...You die.*Womble: ...as opposed to what? It's not exactly a kiss of life. [...] You shoot people in the chest and they fall down dead. 'That's wrong!' Clearly!
- Womble's premade loadouts include "Chinny can't drive", "NEVIL IS SHIT" (and also "NEVIL IS SHIT 2"), "Cyanide likes willy", "Edberg is gaaaaaay", and "Digby is a twat".
- Womble squads up to return to the earlier factory in another attempt to take it down, this time placing more than twice the explosives from before. When that still doesn't work, the squad come up with a new plan that essentially boils down "sticking bombs all over one of their cars, driving it into the factory, then detonating it". After placing the bombs, Aizen is handed the dead man's switch... and then he's suddenly disconnected from the server, and after a brief delay (punctuated by an increasingly gleeful Synchro-Vox face one of the bombs), they go off and kill the entire team.
- As one last kick in the teeth, the resistance is in the process of capturing a different factory, and during the firefight, a quad bike goes up in flames. The single explosion instantly totals the entire thing.mrbatty: Ummm....
Womble: Oh, you're fucking joking... Fuck you, ARMA! Fuck you!
- Finally, Cyanide decides he's had enough of fighting Russians and using Russian guns, he wants to switch up things. So they decide to fight Americans, therefore doing away with the facade that they're not terrorists and now be blatant terrorists. Which is going to happen in the next entry.Soviet: No chanting "Death to America," though.Clan Member: Awwwww.Soviet: Okay, a little bit "Death to America".Clan Member: Yaaaay!
Antistasi Part 3/5
- Soviet narrates the in-universe explanation for them opposing American troops (and why Americans are on Altis to begin with) with that oil has been recently discovered on Altis.
- Cyanide steals Katla's car. This lasts until Cyanide is lying wounded on the ground...at which point mrbatty steals Katla's car. Subsequently, Cyanide blows it up with their only bomb, during a raid so ill-planned that Soviet is the only one with an actual gun.
- They decide to go and "poke the Yanks". It turns out during the following montage that "the Yanks" have a particular line in Disproportionate Retribution.Womble: Is that a drone? That's a drone. We stole some shitty beat-up truck and they send out a four million dollar drone?
Womble: It's a small checkpoint, we'll be right-[cue gunfire] JESUS FUCK WHAT THE SHIT?
Womble: Oh god.
Womble: OH GOD
Womble: [being fired at by multiple helicopters] So what we're learning is that the Americans have absolutely no chill.
Digby: Someone in my chat asked how it feels that we've created an insurgency that elicits a bigger response than Bin Laden did.
- Moogle shoots a police officer.Womble: You can't do that, that's illegal!
Digby: Well, we are running an illegal insurgency!
Womble: That's more illegal!
- Womble has a hard time getting his clanmates to not harass the war correspondents. Eventually, he's riding a quad with Nevil, who runs one over, insists "accidents happen", and then steals a car and bails; Womble moves to treat him, and comes to a horrifying revelation:Womble: Wait, hang on, he's with the Daily Mail! [opens fire]
[cut to Womble in the car with Nevil]
Womble: Accidents happen.
Nevil: Accidents happen.
Womble: Yeah, they just happen.
- "WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS GAME DRIVE LIKE A FUCKING NUTCASE?!"
- Forward planning is vital.
- Nevil's entire attempt to two-man an American outpost with Womble to "do what men do".Womble: Do what men do? Get shot?!
Womble: Is anyone on this comm?
Clan Member: Yeah, we're on it.
Womble: If you see Nevil can you tell him he's a fucking turnip.
CM: Do you need medical assistance?
Womble: No, but he will.
- At the end of it, Womble painstakingly heals up the unconscious Nevil...and then guns him down before he can even say a single full word.Womble: Fucking willy.
- Non-game related, but Cyanide makes the mistake of complaining about his girlfriend Maja, and specifically how she's been acting while on her period, not knowing that she is watching the stream. She spends the next minute giving him a piece of her mind, culminating in the following exchange:Maja: You're a cunt.
Cyanide: I- what?
Maja: You're a cunt.
Cyanide: I love you.
Cyanide: No? okay. I... I... I will be whatever you want me to be.
Maja: I want to be single.
Maja: You're allowed to tell all of the stories about me if you want to, but don't take them out of context cause then I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! (laughs)
Womble: Okay, Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend has been replaced with Cyanide's Psycho Girlfriend.
Antistasi Part 4/5
- Womble and his squad call in an airstrike on a factory, despite Womble putting up concerns that there may be children in there. And then:Random ZF: Is it okay to be erect?
- Apparently, Womble owes Nevil $300.
- The resistance base gets a bit too...loud again, and, like in the first episode, the local government sends air support to take it out. This time around, the resistance is prepared, and quickly down the chopper with anti-air fire....the bad news is, the now-crashing helicopter plunges straight into the Resistance HQ.
- At one point, Womble has to go to the toilet and leaves in the middle of something important. Edberg knocks on him to get him back.
- Womble counting his dog's nipples
- Digby shooting a random civilian.
Antistasi Part 5/5
- Their encounter with a tank that they are absolutely unprepared for. It culminates in a less-than brilliant idea: ZF clan members will compete to kill the tank by ramming it with their cars in order to win 20 pounds from Edberg. Two of them immediately run for the cars with a cry of "I'M A STUDENT, I NEED MONEY!"
- Womble trying to use a claymore mine to take out a fence so he can go past, doing nothing to the fence but maiming mrbatty, who failed to stand sufficiently clear...before it's pointed out to him that there's a gap in the fence ten, maybe fifteen feet to his right.
- An enemy A-10 appears overhead, and Katla takes notice of itKatla: Hello!Soviet: Don't say HELLO at the A-10!
- Dinklebean's attempt to fly.Soviet: Go for it, Dinkle, you can do it! We believe in you!
Dinklebean: I'm sure I can do it, thank you for believing in me!
Soviet: You can do it, we believe in you!
Dinklebean: Why isn't it speeding up?
Soviet: Yeah, he's gonna die.
- Soviet's character passes out from blood loss and Dinklebean and mrbatty have a very civil conversation while waiting to see if he recovers by himself.Soviet: They're fucking looting my shit while I'm unconscious.
Dinklebean: Oh hey! Snickers!
- Moogle repeatedly failing to land a fighter jet.
- The extended sequence of AI civilians driving like crazy and otherwise being Too Dumb to Live, culminating in a bit where Soviet claims 1300 civilians have died, mostly in American reprisal attacks...and a civilian just runs in front of his car for no reason.
- Then an AI resistance driver swerves specifically to run over a civilian.Soviet: The AI is learning from ZF, everyone!
- Womble utterly failing to remember the saying "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush". Eventually it mutates into "you're better than the bush, because fuck vegetation".
- Cyanide gets shot down and lands pretty far out to sea.
- When Cyanide eventually reaches shore, it turns out that he was literally flying by the seat of his pants...as in he was only wearing his underclothes.Cyanide: We don't have a dress code in the insurgency.
- "Someone kill the engine on the truck-" [gunshots] "NO NOT LIKE THAT"
- Chinny attempts to fire a portable surface-to-air missile...while standing directly underneath a ceiling. A missile that fires directly upwards. Even Cyanide thinks this is Too Dumb to Live.
- While relocating their HQ, they accidentally leave their commander somewhere and have to go and look for him. It's eventually concluded that he's disappeared into a bug caused by a mod, and the attempt to debug this goes...weirdly, with Soviet being teleported from behind the wheel of a truck to out in the ocean, while Cyanide, who is in the passenger seat, is untouched. Eventually it turns out that this issue actually crashed the host client.Cyanide: Oh, this better not be the start to some kind of horror movie.
- Even better is that before they got teleported they believed that the commander decided to say "Screw This, I'm Outta Here!" and ran off with all their cash while in the midst of the firefight.
- The conclusion is a montage where the wonders of Manipulative Editing imply that the whole occupation and insurgency were just figments of everyone's imagination caused by heatstroke. And so was Cyanide. The video ends with Womble realizing he is late for work and catching a cab into town. While at "work" he hums the Badgers' Anthem from Part 1 and chuckles to himself.
- In the beginning of one game, a random tells the team to wait for their smoke to pop and cover their path before they move out. It gets intercepted by one of them.Cyanide: We're off to a great start, guys!
- When Cyanide "demonstrates how to correctly use a P90", he does so by accidentally reloading when an enemy is in front of him, who instantly guns him down.
- During a warm-up session, Soviet trails behind Cyanide to repeatedly stab him over and over before somehow getting shot by Edberg through Cyanide.
- "Inferno destrats, err... planetario three places in left, plus left at Suzy plan."Edberg: I have no idea what he just said.
- The Egg story. Just the whole Egg story.
- After Soviet gets shot by a sniper:
- "Rape (noun): Penis somewhere not good"
- "There's no one there, hint hint." "Stop ghosting! It's not fun!" Cut to 60 seconds later where everyone is making spooky ghost noises, including an especially bassy "fat ghost" and one guy who makes... suggestive noises.
- At one point, Cyanide asks for Soviet's gun, and insists because Soviet's "at low health" despite blatantly being at 100%. Soviet retorts by instead giving him a live smoke grenade.
- Cyanide's brief stint with admin privileges.Edberg: Night time.
Edberg: Night time.
Cyanide: Daytime... (blinds Soviet)
- Immediately followed by Cyanide slapping then eventually slaying Soviet to his audible annoyance and Cyanide's glee.
- "This isn't the killin' house anymore! This is real life!"Quebec: This isn't the killin' house. It's a killin' bungalow.
- "Throwing fire!"Quebec: He's a level 3 mage!
- Soviet engages an enemy, and they both spray several bullets from their automatic weapons while standing a few feet from each other, both completely failing to hit each other before retreating.
- In one game, Soviet picks up an enemy's AK-47, followed by his clan's restrained giggling. 23 seconds later, he engages an enemy and realizes why:
- Cyanide setting his mouse sensitivity to 100, which goes as well as you'd expect.Cyanide: We're in good hands... I've figured out my aim, it's just— (sees an enemy and wildly opens fire) SMALL MOVEMENTS! SMALL ADJUSTMENTS! (gets shot)
- Cyanide changes his name "to something that more accurately reflects my stature in this community": "ZF CYANIDE RECOGNISE ME IM FAMUS". Later, he nearly-instantly gets unanimously votebanned by his teammates.
- At the end of the video, Soviet manages to sneakily kill Moogle with a stab to the back without him noticing. Later, Cyanide tries to do the same thing and gets within stabbing range, but Moogle simply notices him and blasts his head off.Cyanide: I quit, I hate this game.
- During a game, Cyanide realizes they left the bomb behind, which was his job:
- After Edberg picks up an enemy AWP for the next round, three of his teammates clamor for it, undercut with sounds of "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!" He proceeds to just throw it on a roof.Cyanide: BASTARD MOTHER TACO FUCK—
- As Soviet picks up a new gun:
- Afterwards, Soviet empties out his gun's magazine right before he dies. 20 seconds later, Cyanide picks it up in the middle of a firefight, and it goes as well as you'd expect.Soviet: How does it feel, Cyanide?
Cyanide: Why would you drop a gun with no ammo?!
Soviet: 'cause I died!
- Cyanide's story of how he got a new girl in Teamspeak named Elenii and a regular named Echo together in a room and had them participate in a Jewish wedding.Soviet: So, sorry, bear with me for a minute, are you saying you basically took an Englishman and German woman and forced them to partake in a Jewish Shotgun Wedding?
Soviet: And did she say yes?
Cyanide: Yes. It irritated the shit out of—
Echo: No no no, no one said yes, it was just a glass smashed and a mazel tov and everyone said "Yep!"
- After everyone's attempts to "juggle" their guns by throwing it in the air to catch it again, one of them decides to go the extra mile and shoot his gun mid-air. It flies off onto the roof of a multi-story building.
- A ZF member named Kaffe plays some soundboarded clips as the group is setting up, much to the annoyance of Soviet. Echo asks for Kaffe to play the "ISIS Theme Tune"... and then Kaffe plays this.Soviet: You and I are gotta have a bit of a talk about cultural sensitivity.
- Later on, Kaffe plays this, which sends everybody, Soviet included, into hysterics.
- The entire second half of the video is dedicated to a session involving a Drinking Game: Drink for every death, and if someone gets a knife kill, everyone drinks (later, Cyanide adds that getting killed by a knife calls for 3 drinks). It doesn't take long for things to go hilariously wrong.
- Throughout the game, Blair repeatedly complains about his liquor, a cucumber and spinach vodka called "Oddka."Blair: Oh, mine is quite alright, actually. (Beat) Oh! Never mind!
- Soviet started with Southern Comfort, then he went on to a honey Jack Daniels, but when he ran out of that, all he had left was Tequila. Everyone sympathized with him.
- 9 shots in, Soviet begins giggling uncontrollably. It's quite contagious. It gets even worse as he has to take even more.
- 15 shots in, Cyanide begins ragging on Soviet:Cyanide: (slurred and slowly) Soviet, you can't hold your alcohol worth a shit.
Teammate: Cyanide, you're fucking slurring yourself!
Cyanide: I can pronounce the word that was difficult for him to pronounce just now ("Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious") because IIiiii am not dunk.
Cyanide: THIS, IS JUST, A FORM OF COMMUNICATION, THAT LETS ME, TALK TO, EASIER...
- A funny background event: One of the players on the opposing team can be seen in the chat repeatedly claiming that the ZF team are hackers and telling them to turn off their hacks. At several points, the rest of his team join in. This starts around the time Soviet reaches 12 shots, and is barely coherent. Apparently, the other team are so bad that they have trouble dealing with several extremely drunk guys.
- How does the game end? At 18+ shots, Soviet's player character is simply staring off into the sky. Apparently, Soviet got so drunk he physically wandered off the stream and forgot he was doing one.
- Then there's the follow-up, posted in a (now-removed) Facebook post:"So...last night we decided to play some Counter Strike. With the rule "take a shot of whiskey every time you die". Whiskey quickly became Tequila. I have made many mistakes in my life. And last night is clearly making the top 10. I've just gone through the worst hangover a human being is capable of experiencing. I don't even know how many units of alcohol I consumed. I'm being told I didn't even stop the stream, I just wandered off. I found a soggy and defrosted bag of peas in one of my cupboards that drunk me moved there for some reason. I've been going between bed and bathroom every 20 minutes to vomit anything I tried to eat or drink. And at it's worst point, I was head down over the toilet basin alternating between sobbing, puking, and swearing death on a packet of Nestle Whole Grain Clusters because I thought the title "Rise and Shine" was mocking me. Yeah...if anyone is near Brighton, could they come round my flat and beat me to death with a spade. Thanks."
- Throughout the game, Blair repeatedly complains about his liquor, a cucumber and spinach vodka called "Oddka."
- Soviet picks up an AWP at the end of the round and asks if anyone wants it. Once everyone asks for it, he decides he's going to keep it for the round.CartonWaffle: Alright, then.
(3 seconds later)
(cut to Soviet shot by his teammates)
- This simple bit:Soviet: Tunnel!
(Cyanide gets close and instantly gets killed)
Soviet: (turning around) The other one!
- The entire "sound test" incident:Soviet: What's automatic voice gain control— Oh... Can you guys all start speaking? Simultaneously?
- The entire bit where Cyanide and Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend are playing in tandem with a single mouse and keyboard. Considering how Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend seems pretty unfamiliar with gaming, it goes as chaotically hilarious as you'd expect.
Cyanide: We'll do a reward system; every time you kill someone you get a bite out of the cheese sandwich.
- Cyanide makes a deal with his girlfriend at the beginning:
Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend: I take psychology, I know how it works, thank you. (beat) I use it on you.
Cyanide: What do you mean, you use it on me?
Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend: Never mind, just play.
- During one instance where Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend has the mouse, she ends up aiming at completely the wrong space in the sky and gets both of them killednote , but the text chat pops up with Edberg saying "still better than womble".Cyanide: Move the mouse so this is on top of the person, and then click the button to kill him, okay?
Cyanide's Hot Girlfriend: (understanding) Ooooh... got it.
- At the very end, Womble's mouse stops working in the middle of the game, leaving him to be unable to aim or turn around until he gets killed. In spite of this, he ends up getting promoted to Distinguished Master Guardian, which ends up baffling him and everyone else in the chat.
- Nep and her "stretching" noises.
- As the game is setting up, Cyanide announces he's "going to do something people do every day." Cut to sounds of him pissing on stream in front of 1000+ people.Soviet: NO WAY. NO. FUCKING. WAY. YOU ARE A FUCKING ANIMAL. YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!
- Cyanide's abrupt decision to rebrand himself as the Nice Guy as a response to a Reddit thread. It lasts for all of seven seconds before Nep announces "I'm peeking Banana."
Nep: Why do I suck so much today? (cue several seconds of uncharacteristic silence)
- Speaking of innuendo...
Soviet: No one? No one's gonna jump on that?
- Soviet comes up with a rather bizarre theory:
- Soviet complains he doesn't want to go to work, to which Cyanide responds that as a streamer, playing games and recording is his "work."Cyanide: You are working right now. That pisses me the fuck off.
Soviet: Can you stop being so difficult to work with? I'm gonna complain to HR. I am a professional CS:GO player and you are not. As in, I do this for a living, okay?
(Soviet gets killed at a later round)
Cyanide: "Professional CS:GO player," he says.
Soviet: I never said I was any good!
- At the end of a round, Sheep picks up a Negev for Cyanide. Then he immediately throws it over a fence, sending Cyanide flying into a white-hot Rage Quit.
- The very beginning of the video, which may as well be an Establishing Series Moment (and is the first video found upon clicking onto SovietWomble's channel):
- Teammate 1: The key to winning a game of CS:GO is to keep good positivity and trust each other.
Entire Team: Shut the fuck up.
- A similar moment happens soon after:Soviet: Most of us met in DayZ and we've formed an everlasting bond of friendship and love and respect...
Edberg: Fuck you.
- "That round only took 34 seconds. Name of SovietWomble's sex tape, volume 3."
- Cyanide: "Sovieeeet! Cake called me fat!"
- During a clever bit of editing, Soviet friendly fires Nep, causing her to turn around with a "Look of betrayal" and get killed by a shot to the back. All accompanied by a dramatic piano.Soviet: Sorry, Nep.
Nep: Are you serious?!
- Soviet and Kas approach a doorway:Soviet: You first.
Kas: Why me?
Soviet: Women and children first.
Kas: I have a... (sighs, then guns Soviet down)
Soviet: A-hahahaha! BITCH!
- The clan has a game with two randoms who are speaking in voice chat. Then Cyanide and Nep proceed to spam the voice chat in Russian accents.Nep: Motherfucker, I will report you to my boyfriend, do you know who my boyfriend is? It's Putin!
- Unlike Soviet's usual problem with thrown grenades, one snippet features him throwing a smoke grenade that accidentally hits a small bar of a metal sign, sending it falling through the platforms. Thankfully for him, nobody else sees it.
- As the clan is organizing in Teamspeak, Cyanide is texting:Cyanide: How do you spell "luscious"?
Cyanide: ...what!? Fuck off!
- Cyanide is the last man standing:
- "Honestly, the fucking Mars Curiosity Rover gets better ping than I do!"
- During one game where Soviet is on high ground and armed with a Negev, Nep gets suddenly knifed by an enemy and prompts Soviet to turn around and start spraying out the window. Said enemy proceeds to jump up into his line of fire three times and dies.
- Soviet picks up a R8 Revolver for one game, and after mentioning he's never gotten a kill with it, Cyanide challenges him to get one kill in the round in exchange for subscribing to him for a month. Soviet takes him up on his offer, but after seeing how crap it is in combat and several back-and-forths on formation, Soviet shoots and kills Cyanide on the basis that it counted as a kill. After a loud and frustrated squabble on the terms, Cyanide gives into his word and subscribes.
- "Why do you have a Deagle, Moogle?"Moogle: Because it's Thursday.
Soviet: (laughs) What?
- "Cyanide, that's a good point, we now need to reveal that we're the owners of CSGOLOTTERY.CO.UK.ORG, don't we, yes?"
- The moment when Edberg sees a target's silhouette through smoke and he shoots, but then it turns out it's Moogle, getting him banned.
- The rather extended sequence of Cyanide relaying random fun facts to annoy the ZF clan.
- Cyanide: He's on Z! And a tapir has the largest penis-to-body ratio of any animal!
- Other players also get in on the action:Moogle: Did you know the whale's average penis size is about 8 metres?
Nep: Would you be surprised if I said yes, I knew that?
Moogle: No. (Womble laughs)
- After several minutes, the entire chat gets fed up:Soviet: Unsubscribe! Unsubscribe!
Cyanide: You have unsubscribed from Cyanide Fun Facts!
Soviet: Thank you!
Cyanide: You have now subscribed to Cyanide Gorilla Facts! Did you know
Soviet: NOOOO, NOOOO, NOOOO—
- At one point, Nep gets disconnected, so Womble had Cake be "the eye-candy" for the meantime. He asks her to "moan seductively for the audience"... resulting in what sounds like a soft ghost wail.Soviet: (laughs) What was that? I said "moan seductively," not have a fucking seizure.
- "Someone in my chat is called 'Womble's Dignity' and he just timed out." This is said moments before Soviet comes across a prone enemy, gets up close, but then the enemy unknowingly moves out of the way, notices Soviet and kills him.
- Cyanide, Gambit, Edberg and the rest of the clan decide to do another "sound test" like Womble asked them to do at an earlier Bullshittery episode. As they make random noises and run off into the distance, Soviet can only remark:Soviet: Beset, on all sides, by idiots.
- Near the beginning, Cyanide begins with "Did you know?" before everybody frantically tells him to stop.
- Cyanide, mocking Edberg reaching Global Elite (for the second time): "I'm globul."
- "What? He's global, he doesn't need to hear."
- The revelation that Nevil types in broken English.
- "i still not BOTTOM FARGH"
- In a very Crosses the Line Twice bit of humor, the clan remembers that Nevil is divorced.Soviet: They had communication trouble.
(beat, before abruptly cutting to the next scene)
- During this particular moment, Nevil's message in the bottom-left chat reads "get a a KILL SOVIET".
- Later, Nevil attempts to save* , casually unloading his bullets when the enemy wins as he waits for the next round. The instant he runs out and before the round begins, he gets gibbed by an enemy out of nowhere, causing the entire chat to burst into laughter.
- Moogle invites Soviet to see something mind-blowing during the warm-up: the second-floor interior of a building that most people miss. Moogle expresses disappointment for Soviet not appreciating it as much, leading to a brief argument of how anyone could see it just from entering the room, then later as they're at spawn:
- "dis game is like your mother. its a shit."
- The clan invites a new player to join in a game. It's Jesus.Jesus: Just bear in mind, it will take me three days to respawn.
- The entire bit about Soviet being subbed on Twitch by "Womble's Left Nipple", leading to a brief panic when he realizes his nipples are asymmetrical.
- After Soviet is the last person alive and plants the bomb, he waits to find the last two enemies. When they show up, they simultaneously open fire on Soviet, then proceed to miss nearly every shot as Soviet takes them both down. This is framed with a dramatic closeup, slow motion, and is inexplicably underscored with "Go Go Power Rangers".
Cyanide: WHY ARE THEY SO SHIT? WHEN IT'S YOU?! WHY CAN'T THEY DO THAT? WHEN IT'S ME?!Moog: Why do we never get shit like that? It's like you can see an invisible hand turn down the difficulty just for Soviet.
- He then proceeds to do very well in the following matches, while Edberg does poorly.
- Cyanide eats during the game, and in his words, "When I'm feeling sensual, I become vocal." At one point, Soviet pulls out his dedicated "mute Cyanide" button on his keyboard.
- During a couple of rounds, Soviet's teammates ask him to buy them certain weapons. In response, Soviet does buy the weapons, but then tosses them off the play area. The second time, after tossing Nep's requested USPS, Edberg asks Soviet to throw his AK in the air under the guise of juggling it, giving Nep the opportunity to pick it up after Soviet falls for it.
The Culling Bullshittery
- As Womble first introduces the game to the stream, Cyanide appears to be doing everything to sabotage his intro by making loud, annoying sounds into the mic during his explanation for at least ten minutes. However, Soviet suddenly notices his mic icon is turned off, and when he turns it back on, Cyanide immediately stops.Soviet: Are you done?
Cyanide: I was just waiting for you to come back.
Soviet: Wait, that whole time was my mic muted!?
Soviet: (bursts into laughter) I have been barking orders at you for the last ten minutes for you to shut up and my mic has been muted the whole time!?
Cyanide: Oh! You said you were gonna go get a sandwich!
Soviet: I thought you were trolling!
- There's also the revelation that Cyanide hadn't realized the stream had already started, meaning wasn't trying to annoy the audience either; he legitimately makes random noises to himself when he's alone.
- Soviet's interpretation of the "Man Tracker", which plays Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca" when active.Soviet: Men are over here! This is a Gaydar, isn't it?
- One of Soviet's kills involves tasing a guy about to throw dynamite at him. The resulting shock results in him being unable to throw it, causing him to blow himself up.
- Later on, Soviet's shirtless player character gets compared to a "naked cowboy".
- Soviet's stint as "Spear Man!" With an amusing twist ending, as narrated by an exasperated Cyanide:Cyanide: Fucking Spearman had to finish someone off with their goddamn fists! You idiot!
- The freakish animation of Cyanide "concentrating on the health machine" gets underscored with "Procession" from Stargate.
- A solo Cyanide has to pee during a match, to which Soviet responds:Soviet: You're just going to have to hold it. Just don't think of like waterfalls... and streams... and you know how when you leave the tap slightly ajar and it starts dripping bit by bit? Also don't think of urinating.
- While spectating Poro's game, another ZF clan member pops into chat wondering what they're playing, but mispronounces The Culling as "Cauling", "Carling", "Coor-ling", then "Car".
- Cyanide goes through an empty building, and despite catching one of them, he runs into and has to free himself out of three snare traps. By the third one, he straight-up Rage Quits, leaving his character stuck in the trap.
- During a game with Edberg, Soviet, hanging in a bush with a bow and arrow, fires an arrow near Edberg just to spook him. Unfortunately, he hits something that explodes next to him.
- "I actually used to think suicide was a person."Soviet: What? (turns to the board in the sky) Oh, on the board! Killed by a guy called Suicide.
Chinny: Yeah, I thought "Fuckin' hell, he's really MLG."
- Soviet excitedly discovers a rock and names it Clive, prompting a long Rapid-Fire Comedy sequence of him interacting on Soviet's behalf.Soviet: Clive's gonna go for the wounded guy.
(hurls Clive at an enemy, killing him)
Soviet: Good job, Clive.
Soviet: Clive says check your Man Tracker.
Edberg: Fuck Clive...
- Clive becomes so popular that on-stream, Soviet points out that he got his own Twitter account in 20 minutes!
- Soviet briefly tosses Clive onto a roof of a building, intending to meet him after he heals at its base. Cyanide, however, gets to him first, and hurls it far off a cliff, leading to a brief mourning montage set to "My Heart Will Go On" with this fanart.◊
- He picks up another "Clive" in a later game, and he successfully hits an air drop with him, dropping its package.Soviet: Where'd he go?
Cyanide: I got it.
Soviet: You got Clive?
Cyanide: I'm going for the fucking supply drop! Fuck your goddamn rock!
- Upon reaching the drop, the two get into a brief fight throwing objects at each other, but then Soviet gets hit by something that wasn't from one of them. Soviet decides to run to fight the enemy with a machete, but Cyanide runs the other way.Soviet: Where are you going!?
Cyanide: I don't have a knife, I have nothing!
Soviet: Take Clive! (turns around and drops him)
Cyanide: I threw... I... (starts stammering and breaking down)
Soviet: What are you doing? Are you doing this or not?
Cyanide: I'm so - I'm so frustrated that I feel like crying now...
- In a very simple, yet hilarious strategy, Soviet camps behind a door inside a building. The instant an enemy opens the door to throw a grenade inside, Soviet slams it back in his face, causing the enemy to blow himself up behind it.
- As Soviet attempts to corner a guy and force him into accidentally walking into the gas clouds behind him...
- Soviet and Cyanide overlook a fight going on in the distance as the gas cloud draws near, and they debate whether they should finish them off.Soviet: Kill the weak, kill the weak.(beat) Sorry, as in kill the weakened guy, not kill the weak as in eugenics or anything.
- Soviet manages to get on top of Cyanide's character and rides him like a steed to his delight, with Cyanide angrily shouting him to get off, stabbing Soviet to knock him off. Shortly afterwards:Cyanide: Also, please never ever say "I'm riding you" to me ever again. That's gonna stay with me for a very long time, and probably in—
Soviet: Y-you looked like you enjoyed it.
Soviet: (turning around to Cyanide) He's gonna throw something at me! He's gonna throw something at me!
- In the last portion of the video, Soviet and Cyanide discover that Soviet's little brother, Jack, is in the same game as them. Determined to beat him during the final showdown in the Culmination, Soviet attempts to push Jack's buttons to goad him out, telling stories like "Do you remember that time I took your favorite T-shirt and threw it in the bonfire?" This is soon met with Jack managing to outgun the both of them, smacking Soviet in the face with an impact grenade, and utterly curb-stomping the both of them up close, reducing them to manic laughter and screaming panic as he cleans them up in dramatic slow-motion. During all of this, Katherine Jenkins' "Time To Say Goodbye" is playing in the background.
Day Z Bullshittery
- ZF's attempts to loot a fire station using a helicopter to drop them onto the roof ("Fuck being safe, we're ZF, right?").
Soviet *watching from a nearby rooftop*: YOU HAD ONE JOB!!
- Attempt number one is par for the course with ZF: The designated looter misses the tower he was trying to land on and plummets to his death.
- Attempt number two is Epic Fail even by ZF standards, with the helicopter touching the tower and crashing, the pilot leaping out and getting chopped up by the rotor blades and the whole building, along with the rest of the ZF team, going up in a fireball.
- Airborne's passport renewal story.
- Airborne's 5-year-old daughter greets the ZF Clan and makes them guess her name. Her name is Molly.Airborne's daughter: I'm going to spell it for ya: MUH ARR WUH WUH YUH.
- Cyanide's rendition of a Christmas carol, as only an Indian could come up with:"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a totally insufficient dowry."
- "Where are your papers, Mav? Where are they? Oh, you don't have any papers? TO THE CONCENTRATION CAMP WITH YOU!"
- Airborne: "Can't beat the Holocaust, like, can you, really?"
- When "Tyranneous was killed" shows up on the feed:Tyranneous: Err.. if anyone would like to get involved, that was Zelenogorsk, and they might have just stolen my car. I would've told you who it was if I succeeded in killing them. Unfortunately, it only told you my name. (beat) Which I already knew.
- A random player asks an admin for the rules on the server: "Is giant, helicopter-shaped bullets, are they allowed?" After several seconds of laughing, the admin replies, "If you can make it, go ahead." "Splendid, see you soon!" Sure enough, we get to see one helicopter-shaped bullet blow up a building roof shortly afterward.
- Airborne's other daughter Georgia talks to the ZF Clan. Soviet immediately asks her to spell her name for them.Georgia: Jerr air arr ruh gerr ay arrr.
Soviet: Airborne, what the fuck have you been teaching your kids?
Georgia: I kill you. Dad, remind me, I kill you. See ya :)
- Followed by:
- The ZF Clan hold an event wherein players compete to win a helicopter full of gear. They are to race to the top of a building being guarded by five defenders. With Stealth as the only remaining defender, he starts playing music to suit the mood: "Give It Up" by KC and the Sunshine Band.
The Forest Bullshittery
- The pedometer joke, in three parts:
- First, Cyanide refers to it as a "pedo meter" despite Soviet's corrections.
- Then in the intro cutscene, the player character is in a plane with a child sleeping next to him. "That's what the Pedo Meter is for!"
- Finally, when the plane crashes and the player character sees a creepy cannibal carrying the child off, Cyanide pipes in with "Uh... my Pedo Meter is blinking," to which Soviet agrees.
- The brief moment of frightened confusion when Soviet and Cyanide's characters fade in looking at their bloody hands, but spawning with their models clipped into each other.
- Soviet, Cyanide and Quebec, after running away from enemy cannibals, hang out in an open hill trying to figure out how to start a fire:Soviet: Oh, I did it, I did it.
Cyanide: How did you do it?
Soviet: I pressed E on it.
Cyanide: (beat) Are you retarded?
Quebec: Oh, there's something walking towards us from behind you guys! I dunno if you —
Soviet: (turning around to see an enemy) AAAAAGHH!!
- After crafting a shed, Soviet and Cyanide use the save point in it, which results in the game briefly going black for no apparent reason.Cyanide: I just pressed C and my screen just went black.
Soviet: I think we just had sex, man.
- Later during a cannibal attack at dusk, Soviet is left running away from them and attempts to hide in the "wank shack." When he gets in it, he finds it's occupied with another cannibal.
- The trio's encounter with a cannibal stuck in a loop sprinting on all fours around a tree stump, complete with Soviet playing carnival music.
- During a downtime where Quebec is off his mic, Cyanide quietly explains to Soviet how Quebec (a 17-year-old) got a girl pregnant at 16, and he was left to take care of the child after she refused to keep it. Later, Quebec comes back, and Soviet asks him for confirmation:Soviet: Hey, Quebec, you're a single parent at the age of... what?
Quebec: I'm a single parent?
Soviet: Yeah, are you a single parent at the age of whatever you are?
Quebec: (puzzled) No!
Soviet: Oh, fuck you, Cyanide!
Cyanide: (bursts out laughing) You believe everything, you idiot!
Soviet: He was selling me this fucking story about how you managed to get a chick pregnant at 16 and she abandoned it, and you kept the baby. That's why you were AFK, because you had to take care of the kid?
Quebec: I was eating a Pukka pie!
- This is immediately followed by Quebec telling that Echo apparently convinced some friends that the former is Jewish and that they don't serve some things when they invite him to a party.
GTA V Bullshittery
- Womble's attempts to create a real-life accurate version of himself in Grand Theft Auto V leads him to making "a hairy Ricky Gervais with lipstick."
- Cyanide and Womble are in an intense car chase in the streets, with Cyanide trying to get Womble to shoot the other driver. Despite him only having a "pea-shooter" pistol, he takes one shot anyway... and pegs the guy through the window, instantly killing him.
- "Fuck you, you massive colossal cuntasaurus!"
- As the gang hangs out in an apartment, Womble decides to take a shower, to which Cyanide and Gambit hang outside the bathroom door like bodyguards, which ends up trapping Womble inside.Cyanide: Oh look, what does this remind you of?
Womble: You've locked me in my fucking bathroom twice! You fucking... move!
- One of the clan members asks what a "Gaydar" is, and while he catches on quickly, the rest of the chat chastise him for having to explain it for his age.Womble: And with a gaydar, you have a gay countermeasure which is where you throw glitter in the air, like chaff.
- During a parachuting session, Soviet slightly misses the landing zone, which is then followed by someone else faceplanting onto it.
- Gladpus' very strange custom mission, with the description "There will be no frogs here, only hookers, lots of hookers," which involves Womble's crew spawning on a beach surrounded by hookers... who proceed to beat them all up with baseball bats. As Womble tries to make sense of it after they all lose, Gladpus just keeps laughing.Womble: This is basically like a Fem Dom simulator, isn't it?
- The unsettling reveal that one of the scantily-clad women in the strip club is actually ZF Tom.
- Later, Womble exits the strip club to find Cyanide instead obsessing over the fancy sports cars outside.Cyanide: LOOK AT IT! THE DOORS OPEN UPWARDS! LOOK AT IT!
- Later, Womble exits the strip club to find Cyanide instead obsessing over the fancy sports cars outside.
- "Tyranneous, why do you look like Hoggle from Labyrinth?"
- "Ugh, I'm being shot! Ugh, I'm still being—GO YOU FUCK NUGGET!"
- The entire sequence of the ZF Clan racing in a particularly dangerous dirt road in the mountains, which results in many cars flying off the cliffs.
Soviet: Seamless, Cyanide, it's seamless. And slightly racist.
- The first race is relatively standard until Soviet drifts off the mountainside and repeatedly says "I can recover, it's fine!" until he falls into a crevice.Cyanide: Soviet, I'm sending you a present!
(flops a corpse over his car)
Soviet: Did you just throw Kanye West at me!?
Cyanide: Woooaahh! (his car falls on top of Soviet's)
- The second race takes place at night, with the cars driven in taxis.Soviet: My cab driver's name is Juan.
Cyanide: My cab driver's name is Dopinder.
- While we don't see what happens, Cyanide's cabbie ends up catching air and later becomes upside-down. Soviet's doesn't fare much better, and after a roll-over, they then proceed to drive into yet another crevice off the mountain.
- The third race involves more taxis, with Soviet asking Cyanide for an Indian name to give to the driver. Cyanide suggests "Rahjaesh" and "Rajesh", to which Soviet parses as "Roger the Indian Driver." Partway in the race, Soviet gets suddenly ejected from the taxi after a hard turn, then immediately gets run over by Moogle.
- In the fourth race with Soviet and Cyanide sitting in the same car, "Roger" once again falls off the cliff, prompting Cyanide to take the wheel when they land, where he then roleplays as an immigrant cabbie, complete with an exaggerated Indian accent.
- The first race is relatively standard until Soviet drifts off the mountainside and repeatedly says "I can recover, it's fine!" until he falls into a crevice.
- Cyanide ends up swimming down a river without knowing what's in front of him. Soviet, knowing there's a waterfall, tells him to keep swimming. Cyanide bitterly punches Womble when he resurfaces.
- Womble, Cyanide, and Tom's utter bafflement at the Le Film Artistique Show Within a Show.
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds Bullshittery
- Cyanide's mnemonic devices for remembering cardinal directions are "Never Eat Sea Weed" as well as "Nobody Enjoys Soviet Womble." Soviet's response is to light a molotov cocktail to throw at him, only for it to explode in his hand instead.
- During a game, Cyanide asks Siri if she wants to get dinner sometime. Her response is barely audible, but his reaction says it all:Cyanide: What does that — what does that— what?
Soviet: What did she say?
Soviet: Did you just get turned down by Siri?
Teammate: I think he did. (starts laughing)
Soviet: You were, were you? You were fucking turned down by a robot!
- Later on:Cyanide: Siri just keyed up for some reason.
Siri in the background: Aamir! Your language!
Cyanide: WHAT!? FUCK YOU!
(entire chat bursts into hysterics)
- Later on:
- Soviet's story about how during the middle of sex with a past girlfriend, the music they had playing suddenly cut to audio of The Matrix with Morpheus "giving his big 'What is real' speech".Soviet: Trying to continue the rhythm to Laurence Fishburne just sort of just talking was quite difficult. [...] Thanks for the boner-killer, you bald bastard!
- Soviet's amazement after hearing random clinking noises for no apparent reason that it's coming from his revolver stuck in a loop of ejecting/inserting ammo on its own, which he then interprets as a ghost reloading his pistol.Soviet: I'm being haunted by all the shots I've missed.
- This random conversation in the lobby:Cyanide: I don't understand sex.
Soviet: Yeah, no no no.
Cyanide: I just want someone to touch my pee pee.
Soviet: Yeah. (exhales) Tell me about it.
Cyanide: What, about my pee pee?
Soviet: No, not your pee pee—
Cyanide: Well, its average girth and length is—
Soviet: NOOOO NOOO—
- Soviet's amusement at a bulletproof vest he picks up, which doesn't appear to cover any of his vitals such as his heart and lungs. Cyanide retorts by saying "We call those non-essentials."
- During a chaotic firefight against two enemies, Soviet finishes off what appears to be an already-downed enemy, and doesn't realize until it's too late that it was Cyanide. Cyanide gets royally pissed and Rage Quits for a moment, and when he returns:Soviet: I will start my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful man—
Cyanide: NO NO NO sssshhhhhhhhhh. I'm coming to Brighton.
Cyanide: And I'm going to skin you alive.
- During the start of a game as firefights are already breaking out, Soviet can't find any guns and instead resorts to cheering on Edberg shooting someone from a distance.Soviet: I believe in you, Edberg!
Edberg: Shut up!
Soviet: Two four six eight, who do we appreciate! Eeeeeeedberg! Eeeeeedberg! Hey! (gets shot down by an enemy) AAGH!
- "Sorry, I've just noticed we've lost Tom, fuck."Echo: You wanna say a few words for him?
Soviet: He was a cunt.
Echo: Good enough.
- Throughout the video, Digby repeatedly interjects with eulogies of the silly ways Soviet dies, complete with introductory church music.
- Nevil's incomprehensibility shows up again, which rears its ugly head as he asks the group to "gam in the aero."Nevil: Aero! Yeah, aero!
Soviet: Aero's, the chocolate bar with the bubbles in it?
Nevil: The buk-buk!
Ezio: Apartment? Oh! "Camp the airdrop!"
Soviet: "Airdrop"! Right! Where the hell was the D and the P!? "Aero" you said. "Air drop!"
Nevil: Fuck you!
- Later at the start of a round, Soviet abandons Nevil as he gets into a fight, to which he actually speaks somewhat coherently as he starts getting his ass kicked.Soviet: I'm with you, Nevil!
Nevil: He's got a shotgun! FUCK! HE'S GOTTA SHOTGUN!
Soviet: Oh, I'm no longer with you! I'm no longer with you, Nevil! (runs in the other direction)
Nevil: (boom) AAAGH!
Soviet: No longer with you! You're on your own! Good luck, man, I believe in you!
Nevil: I NEED HAEL!
(later after Soviet finds his corpse)
Soviet: Is he dead? Oh! Good job, Nevil!
Nevil: (through laughter) Fuck you!
- Later at the start of a round, Soviet abandons Nevil as he gets into a fight, to which he actually speaks somewhat coherently as he starts getting his ass kicked.
- Soviet almost gets sniped through a window while in an apartment, but manages to take the time to clumsily use "CSI shit", attempting to deduce where the shot came from and where to camp as the shooter tries to run off. When he proves to be correct, the video suddenly explodes into a massively-overedited parody of CSI: Miami's intro using footage of the game, with cameos from Detective Clive and Cyanide's Super-Hot Girlfriend.Edberg: YOU MASSIVE OVER-EDITOR!
Soviet: Sorry, I just get carried away!
- Edberg invites Dota 2 caster TobiWan to one game, leading Soviet and Gambit to begin taking the piss out of him before he joins in, comparing him to "the guy who sits in the bottom corner but sort of waves his hands around for the hearing impaired, except not for the hearing impaired, but after you listen to him you wish you were." Once he joins in:Tobiwan: hellloooooooo...
Soviet: Hello, OH, speak of the devil, Tobiwan! We were complementing you on the fine work...
Tobiwan: I'M DEE I'M VEE EE VEE AH I'M THE DEE VEE I'M DEE EE VEE I DEE EE VEE I EL, DEVIL.
Soviet: ...what the hell did he just say?
Gambit: Womble, I agree with you, I wish I was hearing-impaired right now.
Tobiwan: You don't know that song? I think Gambit knows that song judging by his snigger.
Soviet and Gambit: By his what?
- Soviet's driving a speedboat with a heavily-armed Cyanide in the back:Soviet: Why are you in the back?
Cyanide: Just in case any of you get any funny fucking ideas.
Soviet: What, about us shooting you? (he and Nevil turn around point their guns at Cyanide) What, you don't think we can't shoot you?
Cyanide: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
- Soviet and Digby invite a player named Bavon for a game, whose response is inexplicably a bassy, stuttering chant that sounds like it's coming from an enlightened Lovecraftian demon.Soviet: ...I think that means "yes."
Digby: Once he's phased into being.
- The ending, in which Soviet uses 9 shots with a shotgun, some at close range and fairly accurate, and still somehow failing to kill a single target.
- The very first clip, which features Womble and Cyanide scrambling for a vehicle to escape the closing blue border... until Cyanide flips it over a pothole.Womble: You are a total fucking moron and I hate having met you to be honest.
Cyanide: Mistakes were made! Mistakes were made!
- Nevil still hasn't improved his accent, but fascinatingly, Cyanide has become fluent in it and provides more-or-less accurate translations.Nevil: FUG YOU EDBERG, I didumtdo aaeeight, muvafuka.
Cyanide: If you want a translation for that, it was "Fuck you, Edberg, I gave you the 8X, motherfucker."
Nevil: Edbug camt aem potato aeem.
Cyanide: "Edberg can't aim, potato aim."
Nevil: Fucking Uncle Joseph!
Cyanide: "You fucking uncultured shit."
Nevil: (Edberg misses a shot) Wow, neiaigh, edbug!
Cyanide: "Wow, nice aim, Edberg!"
Nevil: Whydufuc he dun aeight? waysdid in aeight for ths shet!
Cyanide: "I gave you the 8x, you can't aim for that shit."
Womble: (he and Edberg laughs) He's actually translating it!
Cyanide: I'm fluent in idiot, I can't help it!
- For all the comments Nevil gives him, Edberg later gives him a quick swipe back:
- While waiting in the lobby, Digby's heard talking to someone about brownie recipes, followed by some... questionable moaning noises.Womble: Was someone— what was that sound in the background?
Womble: That, what is that?
JoinkStreams: Oh yeah, that was my girlfriend, she wants brownies.
JoinkStreams' girlfriend: (faintly) Brownies!
Womble: Oh, I see!
(everyone bursts out laughing)
Womble: She was having a food orgasm, I thought it was something else there.
JoinkStreams: Yeah, she was tapping my hand begging f—
JoinkStreams' girlfriend: (faintly) Broooowwwwwniiiieeeeess~
- The sequence where Womble gets surprisingly passionate about the concept of "dibs":Cyanide: The rule of dibs is a fucking mockery in and of itself.
Womble: Don't disrespect the rule of dibs! The rule of dibs is a time-honored tradition ever since Julius Caesar wandered into Rome and said "dibs"!
Cyanide: How did that work for him?
Womble: Well, he kinda got surrounded by about 20 guys and stabbed, so... some would say fun times.
- Following this, Cyanide really messes up his history by claiming his "wench" was "Caligoola." Not Cleopatra, but Caligula the male Roman Emperor born around 80 years after Caeser's death.
- The clan begins dropping down to ground level in Miramar... except for TobiWan, who gets blindsided by a crane and gets stuck on it.TobiWan: How do I get down from here?
Womble: With difficulty.
- Womble, Cyanide, Edberg, and UnrealYuki try out a zombie mod:
- In a sign of things to come, in the practice lobby, tons of zombies (harmlessly) swarm Womble, while the others make a run for it in the other direction.
- Cyanide and Unreal go down quickly, and Edberg devises he and Womble get higher ground on the roof of the building as zombies start coming in... then abandons him by leaping onto another building Womble can't jump to.
- Womble gets hire revenge in the next round, where as the four of them outrun the zombie swarm on foot, Womble shoots and injures Edberg to distract the swarm as the rest of them flee.
- Womble tries to kill an enemy through a small window at a two-storey building, so he cooks a grenade to toss in... only for it to bounce off the window frame and kill himself.
Rising Storm 2: Vietnam Bullshittery
- At the start of the video, Digby has an unfortunate tendency to blow himself up.Digby: BAYONET CHARGE, MOTHERFUCKER-- Oh, it's you guys- (Gets blown up)Soviet: Oh, Jesus Christ!Dinklebean: Soviet, have you got the same PTSD as I do now?Soviet: Yeah, I do now.(Later on)
- Some time later, Digby also gets hold of a flamethrower.Womble: Oh god. Well, we're all gonna die of friendly fire.
Digby: I have my Flammenwerfer, with which I can Werf Flammen!
Digby: The hills are aliiiiiiive with the sound of—(distant area erupts in flames)—with songs they have sung for a thousand—(much smaller puff of smoke)—oh, I ran out of flame.
- "Welcome to the rice fields, motherfucker!"
- While hiding among several explosions, Womble runs into another soldier inexplicably named "Adolf Hitler".
- Later, Digby accidentally kills him with friendly fire, and apologizes with "Sorry about that, Hitler."
- Womble falling for a chat message asking him to pronounce "icewallowcome".
- While taking a police station, an enemy Vietcong managed to kill at least four members of the ZF clan and Soviet asks how many of them did that guy kill. Digby offers the one legit excuse in that he didn't open fire because he had the flamethrower and he was taking up the rear and didn't want to cause friendly fire and then everyone started yabbering over one another.Soviet: You're all idiots.
- The chat sends a somewhat confusing message of "Quebec's voice makes his panties wet":Quebec: Basically when I move the mic right in front of my mouth, I sound like kind of an ASMR podcast presenter guy. (moves the mic closer to him) We'll put it right there. Theeeere we are.
Womble: Start reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
Quebec: 50 Shades of—AAAAUGHH
Womble: Yes, I can feel the ASMR.
- In general throughout the video, we get to hear Quebec's hilarious noises and screams when he gets genuinely panicked.
- A teammate is killed by a player whose name references a certain British Prime Minister.Digby: I got killed by Theresa May apparently.Quebec: Does this constitute as a hard Brexit?
- The clan's casual, subtle racism throughout the video is uncomfortable and annoying, so much that Womble has to break out a "Don't Be Racist" bell for any time they act up. The overt (if censored) racism is hysterical.Clanmate 1: It was literally like [*NO*] out of the [*NOPE*] rice paddies.
Womble: (rings the "Don't Be Racist" bell) Noooo noooo noooooooo...
Clanmate 2: [*very censored*] CUNTS! (Womble rings the bell)
Clanmate 3: I have something to say, but I'm not sure if it's too much.
Womble: If it's you, it's probably too much.
Clanmate 3: Are the Vietcong basically [*nooo*] [*naughty*] [*stop it*] [*no*] [*NOOO*]
Womble: (wildly swinging the bell as everyone bursts out laughing) You can't say that! You cannot say that!
- Womble does completely disregard his own advice in one instance.
- Womble accidentally gets caught in the middle of a napalm strike, only to be inexplicably saved by a thatch hut... at least until he steps from under its roof.
- Womble and his squad are ultimately trying to push up a bridge...only for a grenade to land right at their center and kill the entire squad. It's soon revealed that a friendly by the name of The Punisher threw the grenade. Apparently, even Frank Castle makes mistakes.
- Soviet insists that while everyone can join their game, shooting him is against the rules and you should shoot Nevil instead.Nevil: WHAT?!
- The montage of ZF Clan forgetting that they're playing, as Soviet repeatedly points out, Rising Storm 2: VIETNAM. After repeatedly telling his clanmates off for calling the Vietcong Chinese, Korean etc., Soviet nearly calls them Mexicans.
- Quebec starts letting his cat call the shots. Honestly, this being ZF, it's probably a lateral move.
- When someone gets killed by a grenade, Soviet's subtitles for it are sent flying, and letters drop from the sky afterwards.
- Quebec inadvertently broadcasting their battle plan to the enemy team via the public voice channel.Quebec: [...] and it's four minutes till the napalm.Enemy player: Quebec. Don't use public channel...Quebec: Oh sorry. Disregard that.
- The copious amount of friendly fire within ZF's ranks. Even when they're NOT actively trying to kill each other.Soviet: Oh jesus christ...the battle hasn't even started!
- Neo-Voodoo, in which you put someone's hair on a doll, go to their house, and stab them.Quebec: Cutting out the middle-man.
- Cyanide's answer to "How does a blind man know when he's done wiping [his bottom]?" Heads up, you don't want to be eating while hearing that.
- Womble marking down Quebec's antics for the Twitch Police.
- "I'm British! We didn't invade the rest of the world to speak their language!" - Womble
- Soviet fumbling a name that was clearly intended to be "Promethean UK" into "Prome the Anuk".
- The entire saga of Digital Vagrant's beer.Soviet: So we all do this together. Three, two, one, drink.
They drink. (Beat)
Soviet: Can someone kick him, please?
- In the animated bit during this part, all of the characters representing the ZF members take a drink... except for Digital Vagrant's character, who pretends to take a sip and watches the others with a knowing smile.
- Soviet hides in an out of the way corner of the map and immediately starts getting stream-sniped. When he dies the killfeed reports his killer as Quebec.
- When Digby is the only survivor in the ZF team, Soviet broadcasts his location to the enemy team and follows him around with the death camera so stream-snipers know exactly where he is.
- The opening Failure Montage of Soviet hunting animals — most of which are glitching out uncontrollably — set to "The Gonk."
- "I thought he was kidding when he said he built the Reichstag." (turns to a building with a swastika emblazoned on it)
- The entire segment where the party discovers a newly-spawned player in their world, who they then capture at gunpoint and escort them to their base, which he gladly complies with while asking if this is a nice server. They then proceed to lock him in the "Fight Club room", and force him to partake in a cage battle to the death against another prisoner they had (actually Rotary) with rocks. Rotary is victorious, and everyone else shoots him down as well.
- "I love Bufkin, I want to keep him. I want to take him home. He got burnt by a fire the other day so he turned around and emptied an entire mag into it."
- Soviet gets invited to see collage of community-drawn paint signs, which includes pictures of He-Man, an illustration of an actual Womble, the Confederate Flag, and a swastika drawn by Tom. It also prompts this conversation:Gladpus: The rose and the drowning man are two random people who came by and we invited to draw. They didn't know who you were, but they were like "Oh yeah, okay, we'll draw."
Soviet: What do you mean?
Gladpus: Uh, this rose and the picture of the drowning man.
Soviet: No, I mean what do you mean they don't know who I am?
Bevrel: You're not that famous, Womble. (entire chat bursts out laughing)
- Edberg: (strums a guitar) ♫ Womble is a faggot... ♫ (Soviet instantly headshots him)
- Later on, Soviet discovers another new player called Supernova outside their base at night.
- Soviet's interpretation of "A typical game of Rust": He finds two new players named King Swagnar and Frost, then teaches them how to get resources and even takes them to the ZF Clan's base to get them properly equipped and armed. The next day, Soviet decides to leave them off and wishing them good luck, and as he lets them know where to find him again, King casually kills him with the shotgun he gave them.
- The entire ending where several members of the ZF Clan take Soviet to a small area outside their base... to a sign that reads "streamer", where he's then repeatedly shot to death.Soviet: Did they just fucking Jon Snow me!?
- "You know, it's nights like this when you're stood looking up at that starry sky with the half-moon and it feels right to be outside in the dark touching horses."
- During the middle of the night, Soviet and Cyanide get jump-scared by an enemy player named "Adolf Hitler". It's only when they shoo him off do they realize they actually know him, and Soviet calls everyone off from shooting him by saying "He's a friend! Hitler's a friend!", followed immediately by a photoshop of Womble and the actual Adolf Hitler laughing together under said quote.
- Soviet and Smooth Void encounter a guitar, and the former passes it to the latter to try it out:Smooth Void: (strums) Womble is a faggot...
Soviet: Oh, fuck you. (blasts Smooth Void in slow-motion set to the "Critical Mission Failure" theme from Mass Effect)
- Afterwards, Soviet warns everyone that whoever sings the same thing is getting shot. Everyone in the chat immediately starts singing "Womble is a faggot".
- Later on, Soviet encounters a guy painting on 4 signs, only having gotten up to "Womble IS A" before Soviet brains him with a torch.
- During the middle of a game, Cyanide joins the voice channel to shout "SOVIET GOT FINGERED BY A DUDE!" then immediately disconnects.Soviet: It was a legitimate medical procedure, it is normal for a man my age — nearly normal for a man my age to have a prostate exam. Did he wake up at 3 A.M. just to come online and say that?
- Soviet follows up a naked Cyanide up a ladder and freeze-frames on a view of his butt, censored with a Patreon logo alongside a caption reading "Subscriber Blackmail Time!""There will be a 20% increase in Patreon donations. If not I will take this image, remove the logo, then zoom right in and set it as the new 'new video available' notification that appears on your phone!"
"No, I'm not kidding! Do the right thing! Because I sure as shit won't! Donate today!"
Space Engineers Bullshittery
- Soviet introduces Cyanide to the game, and in particular a very large, crucifix-shaped hole that naturally spawned in an asteroid.Cyanide: OH, WHAT THE FUCK!? JESUS! IT'S JESUS! HE'S AMONG US! *Religious noises*
- "Don't dance in the Jesus sign, what are you doing!?"
- Shortly after:Kaffe: Build inside the cross, "Jesus Space Station".
Soviet: Isn't that blasphemy?
Cyanide: Yeah, because you're using science to build it, that's nonsense. Everyone knows science doesn't exist.
- While Soviet constructs a spaceship, Cyanide repeatedly nudges him out of position, leading to Soviet repeatedly threaten him if he continues doing it again. Cyanide then denies he was ever doing anything... then tries nudging him anyway, zipping away on his jetpack as Soviet pulls out a drill, then slamming into a satellite, killing him.
- Later on, Cyanide repeatedly annoys Soviet by trying to do a "Spider-Man kiss".
- "YOU ARE NOW 'THE GAY'".
- Later on, Cyanide repeatedly annoys Soviet by trying to do a "Spider-Man kiss".
- Gambit somehow manages to mangle the adage "smooth as a baby's bottom" as "smooth as a baby's arsehole."Soviet: What!?
Gambit: Sorry, I mean "arse."
- Cyanide's absolutely epic reaction upon realizing he just painted his ship two different shades of yellow.
- Cyanide's first ship has three grinders flimsily attached to it, and after clearly having a hard time taking off and flying, we get to witness it from a distance spinning wildly out of control as Cyanide panics, eventually resulting in the grinders breaking off and floating into space.
- The entire clusterfuck of an ending where they try and use Cyanide's rather tiny ship and a magnetic lock to carry some metal cargo around, and the resulting chaos that happens when he tries to find a way to get around it not having enough thrust.
- Said scene also makes Womble blurt out a... highly unusual remark:
- The very beginning:Cyanide: I do remember when the second or third bullshittery came out, when you started making it into kind of a series, with the DayZ' bullshittery thing, the amount of shit Cramps and I gave you was just incredible, and I'm so glad that you did because... it was well-deserved, this is fucking trash, stop fucking doing it! Jeezus!
- Cyanide's ZF Hunter Class - Hunter is enormous, managing to pulverize Soviet's ship pretty quickly... and also inadvertently destroying Poro's ship which just happens to be in the crossfire.
- Gambit still hasn't grasped the phrase "smooth as a baby's bottom" yet, but this time he only goes to "smooth as a baby."Womble: German babies, they're smooth then, are they?
Cyanide: What do you think they line the autobahn with?
- A user named Zeb is moved to the clan's Teamspeak channel, and much to Soviet and Cyanide's surprise, he seems to sound exactly like Soviet. Everybody freaks out at this realization, with Cyanide leaving because his mind can't take it.
- As Soviet and Cyanide are repairing their ship on a planet as night falls, Cyanide (having depleted all their machine gun rounds by randomly Firing in the Air a Lot) gets paranoid and thinks he hears sounds in the darkness, to which Soviet decides to use the preview function to replace his character model with that of a Giant Spider (a function Cyanide is unaware of). He gets so spooked he ends up jumping onto the roof of the ship.
- Cyanide ends up running out of hydrogen for his jetpack while in space, calling for Womble to stop him from floating away and save him. Predictably, he instead takes the opportunity to knock his body around, but then Cyanide pulls out a gun, and then Womble finds out that he ran out of hydrogen himself.
- The entirety of the Creative Mode Versus battle is equal parts awesome and hilarious.
- For starters, while Soviet is explaining the rules of the battle, we have Gambit spazzing out due to lag with Rotary looking on in wonder.
- The other team MacGyvering their respawn station into a battleship.
- Cyanide being himself and building a giant pink penis on top of the ship.
- Which ends in disaster when the pink dong detaches while Soviet's team is testing their ship's shotgun mine barrage.
- Soviet builds a torpedo and attaches a signal named FUCK YOOOOUUUU before flinging it at Quebec's base. Bonus points to Cyanide for adding "A little Cyanide touch" to it mid-flight.
- "You will never defeat The Schlong!"
- "What is this- this is some sort of docking?"
- As Womble logs into the game and asks about his ship, Cyanide drops a suspicious comment about him "watching over it." Womble immediately suspects that he did something like build a 100-foot tall penis over it, only to instead find a giant holographic projection of Cyanide's face looming over the entire base.Womble: So I was right, you were making a 100-foot tall penis!
- Womble's mining ship has an interesting shape that one comment remarks should be called "The Drilldo". When another Twitch viewer asks him "Why is everything you build phallic in nature?", Womble denies this, then cut to a montage of several past streams over many games of him doing just that.
- Later, he figures he could add additional appendages to make it look like a human shape, rechristening it "The Drillbro", complete with "laser nipples" (specifically, small laser projectors spelling out "nipple" in text).
- Even later, he finds that the Drillbro had an additional large hydrogen tank strapped to its "crotch".Womble: What is that, a "chode" they call it in America?
(ZF Tom enters Teamspeak)
Womble: Ahh, speaking of which...
- He soon decides to equip an ejector on the other side to dispense huge rocks, and even uses it to crush Edberg while he's working in a tunnel below. While tunnelling underground, Womble accidentally runs into Chinny as he's also digging through, and as the two try to get the other out of their tunnels, Womble asserts dominance by crapping rocks onto him.Chinny: You are a child with your fucking design!
- "ERGH, I'm gonna bring her in to land! Nice, controlled descent! CONTROLLED DESCENT! (offscreen explosion) Perfect!"
- During Edberg's very first session of the game:
- As they're starting him off on the basics and need to search for iron, Edberg decides to drill down into the surface of the moon they're on. Womble decides to board up the hole he's in with reinforced metal, only for Edberg to escape and gun him down.
- As Edberg gets exasperated from Womble's explanations, he begins slowly spinning his character in place in a cartwheeling motion.Edberg: "Basic Refinery": 10 computers, 10 motors, construction comps, steel plates... a hundred-and-twenty steel plates!? Augh — (begins angrily spinning)
Womble: You can't just angrily spin when you encounter any problem!
- Kaffe's lander crashes hard onto the surface, presumably knocking out its engines and requiring repairs. Once Womble gets it back online however, it reveals that its engine was still left on and begins lifting off, and the two become unable to catch it as it drifts its way into space.Womble: Kaffe's dropship has gone off to fucking Narnia!
- Once Edberg gets his first ship up and running, he begins cursing out Clang (the memetic "god" of Space Engineers' physics engine, known for causing things to go haywire at random), effectively daring him to enact his in-game wrath. Cut to a brief Failure Montage of Edberg exploding several times.
- Cyanide is trying to come in to their base, only to be shot at by the base's autocannons. Soviet turns them off long enough for Cy to reach safety and try another angle, only to turn them on again when Cy's not looking.
Soviet: You're not supposed to help baby turtles get into the ocean. They must learn to do it themselves.Edberg: What happens if the baby turtle is missing a chromosome?
- Then Cyanide gets stuck in a crater and has a hard time getting out. Alsadair offers to make a ramp with his mining ship, but Soviet and Cyanide decline, Soviet likening it to baby turtles.
Cyanide: For the what?
- As Cyanide is struggling to get out, Soviet tells him to hit Y to activate traction. Cyanide presses it, and then Womble says that it might shut off the reactor for the lander, but he can't remember.
- Once Cyanide is out of the crater, they warn him to watch out for the second hole.
Cyanide: I WORKED SO HARD! SO HA-A-ARD. *begins to cry* Dude!Soviet: I not only lied about the turrets but I gave them more ammo.Cyanide: *wailing* I hate you so much...Soviet: Oh dear... JOB DONE.
- Then he finally gets to the base... only to be shot by the active autocannons Soviet left on this whole time.
- The last part of them is Soviet holding up a thumbs up to the camera.
SWAT 4 Bullshittery
- The entire party spends an entire bit at the beginning of a mission teabagging a wounded civilian outside the building... until Cyanide realizes there are civilians past the blockade calmly staring at them.Soviet: Hello! Hi there, civilians! Protect and serve, protect and serve.
- Soviet's run-in with two pairs of enemy ragdolls who pile up rather suggestively.
- World Politics represented with a SWAT team: Womble (Britain) tells everyone to stop tasing each other, only for him, Cyanide (India) and Gambit (Germany) to all get tased before even entering the building by Phoenix (America), proclaiming "YOU'RE ALL MY BITCHES! ALL OF YOU!"
- The entire scene of Soviet and Phoenix repeatedly failing to enter in a door at the same time.
- Gambit plays a mission by gunning down every criminal in sight without even declaring himself as Police. After several seconds of this, Cyanide calls for a re-do. While they restart the mission, the clan laughs about it:Cyanide: That's so German! "Zey did not comply, so I shot zem!"
- The ending where upon discovering in-game graffiti reading "Deb is a whore", Soviet slaps down the game's manual to find a "Deb" in the credits, then sends an email to "firstname.lastname@example.org"... only to find that Irrational Games shut down.
- Gambit: Knock knock. (opens the door and begins shooting the empty hallways)
- The sheer amount of tasers the squad uses to subdue a single target.
- Cyanide brings a sniper rifle into a close-range children's arcade, and repeatedly fails to hit any targets. He even fails to shoot a fire extinguisher at point-blank range three times, with his last bullet ricocheting and shooting a hostage in the room.
- The clan somehow tops getting stuck in a door from last time as Soviet, Gambit, and Cyanide attempt to go through a door at the same time, all of them getting stuck for a full 5 minutes.
- Soviet peeks from under a door and sees a gunman aiming at him on the other side. While Soviet warns the rest of his team to watch out for said gunman, Cyanide suddenly walks up and opens the door Soviet was peeking at. Soviet looks up just long enough to see the gunman before he gets killed.
- At one point during a mission, Cyanide abruptly starts going crazy, running around a hallway and saying "Physics! Physics!" seemingly to himself. Gambit has to bean him with a non-lethal round to get him functioning again.
- "What's happening? The door is blocked! What's happening? The door is blocked! What's happening? The door is blocked!"
Viscera Cleanup Detail Bullshittery
- ZF Tom's manic obsession with the bucket spawner, leading him to filling up an entire hallway with buckets as the rest of the clan's back is turned.Tom: (offscreen) More buckets!
Soviet: Wait, woah woah woah, did we leave Tom alone with the bucket machine? (finds him) Oh, for fuck's sake, Tom! Stop spawning buckets!
Tom: MORE BUCKETS! THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH BUCKETS!
- Eventually, the server actually crashes, which Tom believes was because he spawned too many buckets.
- Later in a low-gravity area, Tom gets caught fiddling with the biohazard container spawner.
- Not much later, Zeis develops a similar obsession with washing other players, all while shouting "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! DIRTY FUCKING PEASANTS! UNCLEAN!"
- The group eventually decides to go irreverent and begins mopping blood all over the rooms they're supposed to be cleaning. Once again, the server crashes.
- After Edberg proudly shows Womble his "art", Womble comments "If you're not on a no fly list somewhere in the world, someone is not doing their job."
- While cleaning in a space-ship, Soviet decides to open up the airlock to toss some trash out, but the resulting low-gravity screws up Cake's delicately stacked-up crates on the other side of the room, causing her to have a minor meltdown as he apologizes and fails to fix it.
- In Soviet and Cyanide's session, Cyanide briefly goes AFK, leaving Soviet to talk to himself.Soviet: Yeah, Cyanide's talking to his girlfriend, I reckon. I also talk to Cyanide's girlfriend! And by talk, I mean send penis pictures, and I get penis pictures ba—
Cyanide: (from a distance) No you fucking don't!
- Soviet's annoyance with Polka 2180 from the Big Banger leads to Cyanide capturing and protecting it just to torment him. Soviet later finds it and attempts to jam it in the incinerator, but Cyanide manages to get it back and leaves it running from a high, hard-to-reach spot.
- In a later session, the clan discusses how a friend named JFJ, who was previously thought to have no legs, actually does. When he's brought in and more-or-less confirms he does have legs, they also bring in Cramps, the chat's admin, who tags him into the clan as "[ZF] JFJ"... then immediately bans him for three hours.
We Were Here Bullshittery
- In the game's lobby room, with Soviet and Cyanide picking their roles:Cyanide: I get to be the Explorer because I'm the man with the big jaw and the lovely, sexy body and I'm the one that's adventurous and Indiana Jon—
Soviet: You're also the one on the floor, and I'm the one picking you up, presumably, 'cause you're rubbish.
- As the two start the game, the two try and figure out where they are via the walkie-talkies:Cyanide: I think you've got to help me using whatever resources you have in your library—I presume you're in a library, are you in a library?
(cut to Soviet's camera who is indeed in a library)
Soviet: Uh... I'm a casino, it's like full of hookers and slot machines, it's awesome, in fact! It's much better than your room, waaayy better.
- As they're communicating on the first hieroglyphic puzzle, both of them realize something with the walkie-talkies:Soviet: So the backwards "Z" according to the chart...
Soviet: Oh shit, I think we're talking over each other.
Cyanide: Oh good! I can just cut you o—
Soviet: Like that, see? I can just cut you off, it's brilliant.
Cyanide: I can hear you— (zzt) Oi! (zzt) You have got—(zzt)—massively inadequate—(zzt)—enis.
- Much to Soviet's behest, Cyanide doesn't respond to him through the walkie talkie unless he ends with "over." Unfortunately, this leads to a bit of confusion once they solve the puzzle.Soviet: Okay, now what? Err— over.
Cyanide: What? Over?
Cyanide: You're just saying "Over"?
Soviet: I thought you were being sarcastic, do you have a message or not?
Cyanide: No, you dickhead, I said it's done! I got through the fucking door!
Soviet: Ah, I didn't hear that bit, over.
- As they're communicating on the first hieroglyphic puzzle, both of them realize something with the walkie-talkies:
- "I've been led into a room where two nipples hanging down from the ceiling, err... a staircase leading down into water... THAT IS SLOWLY RISING, OH SHIT, OI!"
- Following the valve puzzle, Soviet decides to troll Cyanide by suddenly leaving to go to the bathroom for five minutes. Unfortunately, Cyanide fires back when he returns by leaving his walkie talkie with hold music.Cyanide: I'm sorry, we are experiencing higher traffic than usual. Please visit www.twitch.tv/cyanideplaysgames.
Soviet: Really!? Really? He's promoting himself over the hold music!? I hate this man. I actually hate this man, and I can't do anything about it because he's jamming the damn radio!
Cyanide: Thank you for your patience. You will now be connected with our customer service representative, Jeffery. (with a louder Indian accent) HELLO, THIS IS JEFFERY, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Soviet: You are a massive, massive, idiot.
- Following the valve puzzle, Soviet decides to troll Cyanide by suddenly leaving to go to the bathroom for five minutes. Unfortunately, Cyanide fires back when he returns by leaving his walkie talkie with hold music.
- The next puzzle has Cyanide with a giant chessboard out in the cold, and is slowly freezing. Soviet takes the time to mess with a film project to watch Harry Potter movies.
- Cyanide: Freezing to death even more!
Soviet: Okay, stand by, I'm just watching a film.
Cyanide: Mate, this is not the time to be watching Harry Potter!
Soviet: I really like Harry Potter! (turns on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)
Soviet: (watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)
Cyanide: (freezes even more) AAAARGHHH!
- The two fail their first attempt due to miscommunication on the steps.Cyanide: I'm going to slit your throat and shit down your fucking gullet.
Soviet: Okay, truth be told, I think that was your fault, really.
- Cyanide gets much more impatient during the puzzle:Soviet: The right side, erm... er... "horse"... erm, fuck, hang on, I gotta play the tape again.
(Cyanide's screen continues freezing)
Cyanide: Oh, I am actually going to die now.
Soviet: Go to the black side!
Cyanide: Yes, I've been standing there for the last 2 minutes, next!?
Soviet: Can you stop yelling at me? I'm losing my— okay, okay, you ready?
Cyanide: STOP ASKING ME IF I'M READY AND JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS!
Soviet: Right! The—the pawn that's in front of the black horse on the right, move it one pace forward.
Cyanide: (moves it) Next...
Soviet: Right, the black horse that's behind the pawn you just moved, move it to the... the left the square to the left of that pawn.
Cyanide: I CAN'T MOVE TWO BLACK MOVES IN ONE!
Soviet: Yes you can! You—cuh—wha—it just did! The film just did that!
Cyanide: THAT'S NOT HOW CHESS WORKS!
- After they finally solve the puzzle...Soviet: (laughs) Iiii did it, I'm amazing, I am the best at chess.
Cyanide: Please stop talking before I attempt to kill you through this walkie talkie.
- During the first tile puzzle, Cyanide signals for Soviet to find a book with markings on them, which he describes as "the Nyan Cat thing with the happy hands," "penis", "what can only be described as a failed swastika, a dude with his hands up in the air who looks like a DJ, and what looks like a robot standing on a boat."
- When Soviet finds the directions on what appears to be the corresponding book, he feels the need to read the entire passage in a whimsical voice.Soviet: I gotta do the whole thing, man! If I just read out the individual lines of the poem, the magic is lost.
Cyanide: I might die for your artistic lib—(zzt)
Soviet: Starting from the far east, after moving towards the north...
- When they discover they've got the wrong book, Soviet finds another with nearly identical symbols, prompting him to ask Cyanide to be more specific.Soviet: How thick is the— (sigh) How thick is the penis?
"How thick is the penis?"
- SovietWomble, 2017
- Once they've confirmed they got the right book, which reads "Starting in the far west corner, one moves north thrice":Soviet: Okay, starting right in the middle, take two steps forward.
Cyanide: (KACHUNK) Dead.
Soviet: (laughs) Yeah, I know, I'm just fucking with you.
Cyanide: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Soviet: Starting in the far west corner, one moves north thrice.
Cyanide: Now what?
Soviet: Take one step south...
Soviet: ...but not before taking two steps east—OH!
Cyanide: (KACHUNK) OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
- Once Cyanide makes it through, he has to direct Soviet to go through the same room. He takes the opportunity for some revenge.Cyanide: Okay, I'm gonna put on a mystical voice, because this looks like a mystical text, alright? (turns on reverb) In the western corner, lies your strat... strat? START! FUCK!
- When Soviet finds the directions on what appears to be the corresponding book, he feels the need to read the entire passage in a whimsical voice.
- In the final puzzle, Cyanide is on the stage of a theatre, with Soviet operating the cutout displays of characters and locations. Before they start the play, they get accustomed to what lever pulls out what.
- Cyanide: Don't bring it back out, numpty, put it back in!
Soviet: Heheheh... heh--sorry.
- As soon as they start the performance, Cyanide freaks out at the sudden appearance of the Perverse Puppet at the end of the theatre that's slowly moving toward the stage.Cyanide: WHAT THE SHIT... SOVIET!
Soviet: What? What!? (starts pulling levers)
Cyanide: I don't like that, I don't like that, I really, really don't fucking like that, you pulled some fucking lever and there's some fucking creature in the fucking back of the fucking auditorium—STOP PULLING FUCKING LEVERS!
- As Cyanide gets more and more panicked...Cyanide: Soviet, that thing's getting closer...
Soviet: I know, but you need to tell me what do you need to put on stage, dude?
Cyanide: The kids, the kids! I need the fucking kids! (beat) Please don't take that out of context, I'm not a pedophile.
"I need the kids."
- Cyanide 2017
- "It's like reaching out for a hug and I don't want to hug it 'cause you're fucking disgusting!"
- In the game's ending, you're forced to pull a Sadistic Choice where Someone Has to Die as only one of the two players can escape the castle. Cyanide simply has Soviet stand on the pressure plate and breaks for it before he can even realize there was a Sadistic Choice involved.
Holdfast: Nations at War Bullshittery
- "Holdfast: Nations at War shows the brutal reality of 19th century musket warfare..." is hilarious in the sheer amount of things going on. For extra humor points, bear in mind that as many viewers can attest, this insanity is the norm among the game's community rather than the exception.
- Several soldiers speaking in obnoxious Brooklyn accents throughout the video:Soldier 1: Hey, medic, I got shot in the ass, get over here!
Soldier 2: Hey! Joey Patooie, how you doin'?
Soldier 1: How you doin'?
Soldier 2: How you doin'? I'm walkin' here!
Soldier 1: I'M WALKIN' HERE!
- At one point, Womble expresses doubt that these are British soldiers.
- As they are in line, some of the men burst into German and talk about german sausage.
- A random officer jumping up and down, laughing all the time.
- Someone randomly smelling men in a line until Platoon Leader Dinklebean tells them to stop. It's implied it's a girl doing the smelling.
Dinklebean: (as soldiers shout "I'M WALKIN HERE!" during a charge) Why are there so many gentlemen from the colonies?
- Dinklebean himself is rather hilarious in his appearances through the video, as he seems to be one of the few players actually acting playing out his role as a stuffy British commander, even as he interacts with the soldiers using the above Brooklyn accents.
- A player named KRRC calling out Crazy Bearsson* on trying some kind of cult sacrifice before getting hit by an artillery shell.
- "Someone's vaping. Who's vaping?"
- Reeeeeeeee! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- *DENIED*
- A group of soldiers dancing to a trumpet version of Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling" as someone runs by having a "Nepgasm."
- Womble breaking down and yelling "My immersion!"
- "My nipples are hard." "What?"
- Happy Hitler selling drugs on the battlefield.Womble: Remember, kids: Don't buy drugs off Hitler.
- "I got a musket you can blow."
- Womble summing it all up with "This is a tad silly."
- Several soldiers speaking in obnoxious Brooklyn accents throughout the video:
- From the actual Bullshittery video:
Soviet: Right, how many cannons do we have? We have two and a mortar piece.(cannon is hit by an enemy shell)Soviet: (brief pause) We have one and a mortar piece.(mortar shell lands on top of the other cannon.)Soviet: .... we have a mortar piece.
- The intro, where Soviet is narrating the status of his side's artillery emplacements.
Colonel Haybales: Get your arse behind this barricade, and unleash that gunpowder into Napoleon's peasants!Soviet: Sarge! I don't want to die here, Sarge! I don't want to die here!Colonel Haybales: We are not going to die here, sir! We are British! We do not die!Soviet: (dies in British)Colonel Haybales: Oh, shit.
- Soviet and another British officer while fighting the French:
Dinklebean: Right, gentlemen! We are the bravest and most superior men on this battlefield! Listen to my sweet, posh, upper class accent, and you can trust me when I say that have this position merely because my father was rich, and I possess no real military qualities. Please entrust me with your survival!Soviet: Well, I'm sold.Dinklebean: Right here were are, look at the French. You can smell them from here! Take in the air! (SNIFF) I smell piss! That might be me though.(they line up to fight)Dinklebean: Come on boys, do me proud! Cut them down! Be a proud Britishman, kill- (the man next to him gets shot in the head) -oh dear.(the remains of the British reform elsewhere after Dinklebean gets them mostly killed)Dinklebean: This is the last stand gentlemen! All we stand for! The British Empire and all of her colonies. King George, his brilliant majesty - who we can all agree is quite barmy. TAKE AIM! FIRE!
- Apparently, the "I'M WALKIN' HERE!" lines from his previous video turned it into a full on meme in the Holdfast community, with an entire army rushing into battle yelling "I'M CHARGIN' HERE!" in New York accents.
- On a more meta level, KJ, who does most of the Boston/New York accents, is the same guy who did the pixie-sneezes in the Antistasi ARMA series.
- KJ's attempt to survive as the last British soldier alive involves him shouting a mix of pleas to leave him alone, an offer to betray his own faction and threats of bodily harm to the opposing side, culminating in a final stand where he killed three enemies in a row before dying.KJ/KKRC: If you come anywhere closer I'm gonna take out this pistol and shove it up your asshole okay? I promise, don't make me do it.KJ/KRRC: Come on let's have a swordfight come on! (immediately pulls a gun and shoots one of the enemies)
- The sheer Pythonesque quality of the following exchange:Soldier: I hit one, Sir! Sir, I hit one!Officer: Well done! Where did you aim, Sir?Soldier: At the enemy, Sir!
- Dinklebean's extended speech as he leads the British to battle:
British Soldier: Is that the Soviet Womble?Soviet: Oh, God.British Soldier: Fix your upload schedule!Soviet: (bursts out laughing)
- Fridge Brilliance here: Military commissions were indeed purchased by rich men in the British army, but one had to prove that one was capable of leading the commission in question. You were only qualified to buy it if you had military experience. Dinklebean revealed his inexperience as a joke, but the in-universe backstory here could say that his father bought the commission because they thought HE would lead the men into battle.
- One of Womble's teammates recognizes him.
French Officer: Gather around and take a knee. take a knee everyone! You have the biggest penises in France! Napoleon loves you! You're going to come with me, we're going to kill those pig-dogs, we're going to take their women, and we're going to satisfy them! Press the B button! Note Allons-y!French Soldiers: VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE!
- Digby is made an officer and tries to take command over a firing line. The actual commander responds with "authoritative spitting." Multiple times.
- Dinkle's over the top reaction every time Digby dies.Dinklebean: GET ME A SURGEON WHO CAN FIX DEATH!
Dinklebean: DIGBY HAS BEEN HIT! Digby, I'm sorry I promised your wife that—(shooting his gun at the enemy) YOU BASTARDS!—I would get you home safely. I'll take good care of her.''(Dinkle turns towarrds another player, a supposed surgeon)Dinklebean: Surgeon, is there nothing you can do for this officer?"Surgeon": I can try. (the "surgeon" crouches beside Digby's body and turns around, farting on it)Dinklebean: What are you do—you're not qualified are you?
- The second time it happened:
- During one match, the British are highly disciplined with good lines and ordered shooting drills. Their French opponents, on the other hand....
Other Random Bullshittery
- The sheer amount of terrified screaming and whimpering (mostly from Cyanide) in "Random Dead by Daylight Bullshittery"."It's like listening to fucking gibbons."
- Soviet describing the premise of the game (survivors desperately hiding from serial killers looking to sacrifice them to a dark god) as being "Britain 48 hours after Brexit."
- The antics on their TeamSpeak in general, particularly because they're able to set the audio filters or they do something obnoxiously loud.Soviet: Hehehe... Have you put the mic up your nose?"Random: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? JESUS...
- The entire mess in "Random Portal 2 Bullshittery" of Soviet and Cyanide's repeated misunderstandings and failures of properly coordinating a "3-2-1" countdown. It somehow goes so horribly wrong, you'd swear in any other context it'd be a lost Abbott and Costello routine. When they do open the door, it immediately closes again.
- The "Random Fishing Planet Bullshittery" is hilarious for its ending: After completing the tutorial, they realize that despite its advertisements, the game didn't actually support multiplayer by the time of recording, ending the video after just over three and a half minutes.
- A moment of frustration in "Random Golf It Bullshittery" has Soviet slamming his desk in anger, which causes the game screen to slip down and reveal the desktop beneath. Among the icons are three folders: "Cake's Nudes", "Nep's Nudes", and "NBK's Nudes". The latter of which is the only one with files inside.
- In "Random Far Cry 3 Bullshittery", after finding out the main character had a working phone the entire time...
- In a more sensible universe...
Soviet!Jason: (on the phone) Hello, US Embassy in Papua New Guinea, I'm part of a group of seven US Citizens on Rook Island, six of whom are being held hostage by a group of slavers, pirates and drugs traffickers.
Soviet!Jason: Also, none of the pirates are white.
(Cut to footage of a US Navy Carrier Group and US Marines landing on an island as "America, F**k Yeah" plays, followed by the Marines shooting the pirates, shooting Vaas repeatedly, and rescuing the hostages)
Soviet!Liza: Ah, we're saved. Thank you, Jason, for calling people specifically qualified for this exact situation, instead of spending three days getting high in the jungle, before fighting the pirates single-handedly like some sort of irresponsible fratboy ARSEHOLE.
Soviet!Jason: Ah, you're very welcome Liza. You see, unlike the pirates who captured a group of US Citizens well within the reach of the US Navy, I do not have shit for brains.
Soviet!Liza: OH, take me!
(Meanwhile in normal Far Cry)
Soviet: And here I am, attacking the pirates single-handedly, like some irresponsible, fratboy arsehole.
- Later on:Jason: What did she mean? Bring her "what has been lost"?
Dennis: Drink and you will find an answer.
Soviet: Yeah, I don't really feel safe passing out near Dennis.
Dennis: You are speaking out of fear.
Soviet: Yeah, fear you're going to brand me again!
Soviet: (As Jason drinks the potion) Everyone on this island is fucking nuts.
- One dream sequence later...Soviet: (As Jason wakes up in front of Dennis and notices he has a new tattoo) Oh, FUCKING HELL, DENNIS!
- Earlier, Womble was being attacked by a pirate in a car, so he immediately shot the pirate in the head through the window... Only to witness what appears to be the bullet ricocheting wildly in the car, repeatedly striking the pirate's corpse, and shaking the whole vehicle wildly until it finally crashes through the window.note Soviet: ...The fuck is this gun!?
- Quebec's Casual Danger Dialogue during his playthrough of Monstrum.
Quebec: (completely deadpan)' Oh, hello there. We're going to go this way, on the grounds that you're an ugly fuck
- His response to his first run-in with the Fiend, which he only notices when it spots him and starts screeching:
Quebec: I do have a fire extinguisher, the single most powerful weapon ever created. Power of an atomic bomb, range of a cocktail stick.
- Upon acquiring a weapon:
Quebec: Lock myself in the bathroom... if only we knew somebody that had experience like that.
- Later, while trying to hide:
- Womble's solo adventure into Mount & Blade: Warband is full of laughs as he attempts to figure out how the game even works:
- During character creation:
Text: As a boy growing out of childhood, [you were] sent to live in the court of one of the nobles of the land.
- Womble chooses several somewhat unfortunate origins:
Womble: Did he molest me?
Text: There, [your] first lessons were in humility...
Womble: Yeah, he molested me.
Text: As you waited upon the lords and ladies of the household...
Womble: Jesus, how much was I moleste—
- His character background aspires to become "the one whom others hurry to obey" and tremble when his name is spoken. Womble punches his name as "Lump Beefbroth".
- His first skirmish with his band of hired soldiers and bandits goes successfully, even if Womble has no idea what to actually do other than stab one enemy on horseback and shoot an already-dead corpse. During the post-battle report:Womble: (reads "1 Peasant Woman (1 killed) Sorry, a pregnant woma— oh, sorry, a peasant woman! Sorry, I thought "Why was there a pregnant woman in the middle of a fight?", sorry, a peasant woman. (beat) Why was there a peasant woman in the middle of a fight?
- Womble enlists in a jousting tournament and chaos instantly ensues, not helped by the tremendous Artificial Stupidity, with enemies huddled up in a corner or left chasing Womble in a circle for three minutes straight.
- Womble's attempt at training with soldiers for experiences ends miserably, ending as a pure No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from multiple enemies wailing on him from every angle.
Womble: You don't need any training at all! You just signed up as an excuse to hit m—(dies) Oh, fuck me!
- Later, he's hired to train a village of peasants, and it results in him getting wailed on by nondescript bearded peasant. The game registers this as him getting down the basics of soldiering, bringing more for additional training, and it's the same guy.
- After being informed by his Twitch chat that you can get married in the game, Womble scrolls through the list of women... then changes his mind after realizing what they all look like.
- Womble ends up being summoned for an army, and their first siege of an enemy castle goes awkwardly, featuring additional clunky AI, screaming men (everyone captioned with rumbling "AAGHH" captions), and Womble ending up hiding trapped in a section of the ramparts without health or weapons... and then his army abruptly wins.Womble: (seeing soldiers bouncing in the overworld castle) Oh, they're so excited they're bouncing up and down having an orgy.
Report: After consulting with the peers of the realm, King Harlaus has decided to confer Knudarr Castle on King Harlaus.
Womble: (laughs) "Friends, countrymen, I have decided that this castle shall be awarded to myself, to meeee."
- After being tasked to gather cattle for a village, he directly purchases 5 cattle from a nearby ranch, but unfortunately realizes too late he made himself broke doing so. Even worse, he has no idea how to herd them, so he spends the entire day trying to shove them to their destination... and by nightfall, they completely fade out of the overworld, leaving Soviet bankrupt and exasperatedly cry-laughing.
- In a truly baffling display of scripting, Womble gets curbstomped trying to infiltrate a castle and ends up thrown in the dungeon for several days, only for his party to siege it but not free him. Several days in while still trapped in the cell, Womble inexplicably gets an invitation from King Graveth for a feast in the middle of the battle and on the other side of the continent, his party manages to take over the town, dashes to the feast, all while never freeing him.
- During character creation:
- From "Random Pavlov Bullshittery (Counter-Strike in Virtual Reality)":
- Womble's first instinct to picking up a VR gun for the first time is to point it at his face and pull the trigger multiple times, just to see if it's loaded.
"I think this game is saying something about streamers, 'cause in order to read the chat..." (faces the chat screen by pointing his gun at himself)
- Later, he makes this observation about the Twitch chat integration:
- His attempt to "reload like Lara Croft" results in him completely dropping his guns. As he's struggling to pick them up again and figure out what to do, Yabba comes out of nowhere with a gift: a live, point-blank hand grenade.
- When two of his teammates waste their time before a match by rapidly dabbing, Soviet ends their fun with a suicide grenade attack.
- Womble is playing with a Vive, with its front camera showing parts of his room and Lulu during downtimes, also demonstrating why playing in a prone room with a loving dog probably isn't the best idea.
"Bit of a distraction, honeybun—AGGHHHHH—distraction! I'm trying to stop the terrorists!" (camera shakes as Lulu continues kissing his face)''
- "The chat's critiquing my fashion sense. Motherfuckers, I can wear black socks and running shoes, I— (Lulu pounces onto his lap) Ow! God! Lulu hit me in the junk!"
- His shown cuddling of Lulu while waiting for the next match gets interrupted when the camera cuts back to the game, making Womble suddenly look like he's playing with a potted plant.
- His lying on the ground behind cover prompts Lulu to slobber all over him, leaving him effectively worthless during the entire round.
- "That's my spot, Poro!" (Poro slowly turns around and silently points his shotgun at Womble) "You make a very good point."
- "Cyanide, get away from my penis" —SovietWomble 2018
- At one point, he sneaks up on a teammate who's aiming around a corner, and stealthily removes the magazine from their gun. It takes them a few seconds to notice.
- Womble's attempt to provide "covering fire" with his pistol by firing blindly over some sandbags with teammates in front of him work out about as well as you'd expect.Teammate: OW! THAT'S NOT COVERING FIRE YOU FUCKWIT!
- Womble's first instinct to picking up a VR gun for the first time is to point it at his face and pull the trigger multiple times, just to see if it's loaded.
- Soviet and Cyanide's continuing frustration with escorting Captain Keyes during their Halo streams, with Keyes deciding it makes complete sense to run ahead of the Power Armor wearing Super Soldiers. It gets to the point that, after one particularly annoying death, Soviet asks if he can just kill Keyes, and Cyanide instantly gives him permission. After they restart, Cyanide kills him, and Soviet is completely fine with it. Cyanide ends up deciding that he has no concept of mortality, whatsoever, with Soviet saying he's like CartonWaffle.
- After Keyes dies because he charged towards an Elite with an Energy Sword. Again:Cyanide: Why is he so bad?
Soviet: He's worse than we are!
(Keyes charges at an Elite and dies again)
Cyanide: GODDAMMIT You useless fucking idiot!
Soviet: Fucking...well, this is why he's the captain, clearly, he stays in space, he has no combat experience on the ground whatsoever. He just ran towards them, did you see that he just ran towards them!
Cyanide: Well, apparently he's fucking deluded and thinks he's got a fucking power... power armor suit on.
Soviet: We should get him in ZF.
- When they finally reach the end of the level, during the cutscene where they get on the Covenant dropship:Cortana: Give me a minute to interface with the ship's controls,
Keyes: No need, I'll take this bird out myself,
Cyanide: Again, no concept of mortality whatsoever.
(Keyes rams the ship into two Hunters)
Cyanide: What does he think he fucking is, like seriously?
Soviet: And then he crashes into the ceiling.
- After Keyes dies because he charged towards an Elite with an Energy Sword. Again:
- In an incredibly Black Comedy way, The Dancing Lich.Comment: I think Womble has finally gone totally insane...Comment: Thank you, this video will be very useful against you in court.
- The entirety of the Rocket League Bullshittery, is mostly the clan making the weirdest noises possible and a bunch of silly, rapid-fire quotes with absolutely no context.
Soviet: No, we don't have an "Ethically Wrong Bell." If we had an ethically-wrong bell, it would never stop ringing.
- Cyanide's "autistic mantis impression."
- Bavon sounds like an owl with a deep voice.
- Darius making suggestive noises.
- Soviet acts like a golden retriever, much to Cyanide's annoyance.
- Nep proceeds to miss an easy goal. The ball was right in front of her with no defenders nearby. Soviet proceeds to mock her about it.
- The "ethically wrong bell" as opposed to the "racist bell" (that first became a gag in Rising Storm.)
Cyanide: Do something with your fucking life, Rotary! COME ON, ROTARY!! YOUR COUNTRY PRODUCED SAMURAI, THEN THEY PRODUCED YOU!
- Cyanide asking "How do you spell "league?"" note
- Cyanide proceeds to rage at the entire clan and insults just about everyone on his team. After telling Soviet to calm down.
Nep: Come on... ugh... come on, yes..yes yes yes yes! Come on... perfectly centered! Come on! Go in! Come on! Go in! OH YES!(...)Soviet: Nep, can you stop making my chat go apeshit?Nep: Did I do sexual stuff?Soviet: You did sexual stuff.
- Nep, as usual, making very suggestive commentary.
Moley: Let's play strip Rocket League.Moley: Put some fucking clothes on, Chubb!Chubb: No.
- When Soviet says the above to Nep, we get a shot of the chat filled with nothing but people posting orgasm face emotes. And sandwiched in the middle of it all, barely visible, is Edberg yelling "TWAT".
- Moley and Chubb:
- Random Mordhau Bullshittery
Soviet: I'm just going to be chilling out this evening and joining at least ZF Social in Mordhau, which is a stabby-stabby run around with bows and arrows and stuff. Right, let me just unmute myself and say hi to him.(Soviet unmutes and Social has filled the channel with "teamspeak full of anime")Soviet: (mutes again) On second thought, let's do a solo stream this evening.
- Soviet starting the stream:
Soviet: This plays to our strengths as a clan!
- While they're dueling, Soviet watches a match between Bundy and Social, and he bets on Social. Bundy immediately kills Social.
- When ZF Kyle starts interrupting duels, open season is declared on him. The one thing that gets ZF working together with relentless efficiency is ruining duels.
- ZF discovering that the objectives on one map is to hunt down and kill the enemy civilians.
Soviet: Nah this is too far. I'll never get a kill from here.(launches a random arrow and sees it kills someone)Soviet: What?! Okay! Later today, I'll never get a blowjob from an extremely attractive brunette.
- Soviet climbs up into a tower with a longbow to take a shot, and decides that it's too far and he'll never get a kill. He fires off a random arrow, and somehow kills someone anyway.
Soviet: "F*** off ZF"Bavon: Come over here, Womble~
- Soviet: "I will not die to Chinny and a frying pan. (immediately gets killed by Chinny's frying pan)
- For the majority of the first few games they actually played, the ZF clan ended up losing connection, usually followed by them all verabally sounding their frustrations by making the same noise you make when you see something cute
- During a frontline map, Soviet ended up being separated from the rest of the clan due to balancint, resulting in him attacking Bavon. 30 seconds later, Womble is then prompltely murdered by the other ZF members after they hunted him down