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Funny / Some Jerk with a Camera

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WARNING: This is gonna be a long read.

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Running Gags

  • Every time Jerk pushes someone offscreen, the sound of glass shattering can be heard.
  • The recurring character of Michael Eisner as a James Bond villain with a German accent.
  • Any of the game shows that Jerk does in his videos.
  • Ketchup.
  • The sound of a buzzer going off every time something is either crossed out or a statement, usually with red text, comes on screen.
  • His “Previously on” and “And now back to” segments for each multi-part video.
  • “Michelle! Michelle! Where are you?“
  • Back when the show had commercial breaks, he'd say "One of the following advertisers [did something terrible]. See if you can guess which one!"

Season 1

    The Country Bears 

     Ten Years of Disney California Adventure 
  • The new Channel Awesome opening begins with Jerk kissing his hair, saying: "Luscious locks!"
  • Jerk returns ten years after California Adventure's opening, expecting to attend a huge anniversary and instead meets... a workwall.
    • This ties into the Channel Awesome intro: "I WIN!"
  • "You can't spell decade without DCA (Disney California Adventure). Or ECD (Elderly Cockroach Disease), or CAE (Charos Aborted Elephants) for that matter; it's all discussed in my two week seminar: 'How To Spell Things With Other Things', next month at the Madisson Radisson."
  • "Yes, DCA is turning ten years old, and like most California ten year-olds it's getting its first facelift."
  • To make room for DCA, Disneyland's new parking lot became the second-largest in the world, "dwarfed only by... the Detroit airport."
    Jerk: Because if I lived in Detroit I'd want to leave too! If my car was built there, it'd probably get as far as the airport before it blew up.
  • "Eisner really wanted to save up for his huge yacht to hold all his smaller yachts."
  • Jerk's interpretation of why California Adventure was built, with then-CEO Michael Eisner as a Card-Carrying Villain.
    Michael Eisner: Ve vant zhe tourists to schtay in ze park. Vhy do they leave ze park?
    Disney Employee: Uh, well, uh, Mr. Eisner sir, according to the market research we've done, people leave so they can explore the rest of California!
    Michael Eisner: Then ve vill bring the rest of California HEEEEEEEERE!!!
    (lightning crashes as "The Bells of Notre Dame" plays)
    Frederick Frankenstein: It! Could! Work!!!
  • Jerk visiting the actual landmarks DCA has replicas of, just under a day's drive away.
    Jerk: (at the Golden Gate Bridge) Yeah, it's okay but, if only it had a monorail going across it. (at the Palace of Fine Arts) Yeah, it's semi-breathtaking but, if only it had a Whoopi Goldberg film in it. (at entrance to Disneyland) Yeah, it's good but, if only it sucked, then you'd have something!
  • Jerk's imagines how the tractor "ride" must have been thought up.
    Jerk Exec: (on cellphone) We need something big, that will really attract people. Some... huge attractor.
    Jerk Worker: (taking notes) Huge... tractor, got it. (finishes note and groans)
  • Jerk's parody of the California Adventure commercials, where Buzz tells Goofy to not go to the park because "nobody likes a nosy neighbor".
    Buzz: Nah, they'll be alright; they have a tractor!
    Goofy: I thought I was supposed to be the idiot...
  • When Some Jerk talks about the special being hosted by Barry Bostwick and Richard Kind, he plays clips of "asshole" and "slut" from a The Rocky Horror Picture Show screening in an Actor Allusion to the former.
  • Is It Still There?. All of it.
    • The show is introduced as "America's only game show", hosted by Jerk, starring Jerk, and with the two contestants Jerk and Jerk.
    • Both Jerks fail the first two questions so the final question is worth 100 points, "rendering this entire exercise meaningless."
    • "Uh, who buzzed in? Jerk or Jerk?" "It was Jerk."
    • The show ends with both of them losing and being shipped away for medical experiments.
  • The dramatic music leading up to the park's central monument...
    Jerk: A big ol' hubcap that looks almost exactly nothing like the sun. (gets up close to camera) It's like you wanna fail.
    • Later on, Jerk shows off the now-improved Ferris Wheel sun.
    Jerk: It's the exact same ride, but now Mickey's on it! Hi Mickey! (waves) He never waves back.
  • Due to the parks failure, Jerk likens the park to an annoying neighbor that just won't move away.
    Jerk: Sure he's got a cool flight simulator in his basement, but then you gotta talk to the guy. And he's boring.
  • "Hey, kids, come down to Paradise Pier and be jostled around a lot!"
  • Don't worry parents! We've got booze!
  • Jerk's extremely positive "complaints" about California Screamin'.
    Jerk: There's no story so it's no good! Hmph!
  • Jerk describes California Adventure as "the Jan Brady of theme parks, the Art Garfunkel of theme parks, the Disney California Adventure of theme parks..."
  • After seeing the amazingness of Tokyo DisneySea.
    Jerk: ...the Japanese beat us at something that combines technology with artistry?! How is that even possible?! We're way smarter than the- well, no. Our cartoons are way better- well no. Our sexual perversions- (sighs) We're taller! That's right! We! Are taller! Than them! USA! USA! USA- I'm gonna go get drunk...
  • After introducing the very boring rides of "A Bug's Land".
  • When discussing Aladdin: The Musical.
    Jerk: Apparently Aladdin was in California the whole time! (Caption: "When cameling on the I-5, visit beautiful Agrabah, CA.") Well, that does explain the customer service. (Clip of Jasmine about to get her hand chopped off for not paying for an apple.)
  • "But even with three new things, DCA wasn't quite a match for the greatest thing of all time."
  • "You saw nothing. (Neuralyzer flash'') "Cawwifornia."
  • "Disney finally traded in the ESN in Eisner's name for a G."
  • The talking Mr. Potatohead.
    Jerk: (whispering) It's a real potato. We genetically mutated it. It's gonna kill us all sometime in the next five years. Shhh!
    • Later:
    Mr. Potato Head: Let's try that again: "I love you, Mr. Potatohead!"
    Kids: I love you Mr. Potatohead!
    Jerk: It demands your worship.
  • "By 2012, assuming the Mayans were wrong and this doesn't happen..." (Earth explodes)
  • "A workwall means progress, a workwall means the future, a workwall means: 'come back and give us more of your hard-earned money next year.' And what could possibly be more Californian than that?"

     Star Tours (The Original 1987 Classic) 
  • SJWAC's reaction to the Opening Scroll at the beginning.
    SJWAC: Why are these words all backwards? (*Beat*) Damn, kids.
  • The conversation between the Star Wars re-enacters.
    [Re-Enactor]: Wait, you're FOR blowing up planets?
    SJWAC: (defensively) I happen to think it looks cool.
  • The Wire, Spazzmaster, and SJWAC's conversation about Some Jerk remaining "cautiously optimistic" about the new Star Tours.
    Jerk: And now only this gift shop remains, until June 3rd when the new ride opens. But for better or worse it'll never be quite the same. Despite all our prays, the deal has been altered further. And I gotta tell ya. I. Am. Cautiously optimistic.
    The Wire and Spazzmaster: What?
    Jerk: I know, I'm surprised too, but I am cautiously optimistic.
    Spazzmaster: Jerk, what is wrong with you?
    The Wire: HE'S A WITCH.
    Jerk: Look, I'm sorry, but even after Jar-Jar and Greedo and Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen and Jar-Jar and Boss Nass and the rat tail and the midi-chlorians and Jar-Jar and all the CGI and Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar and the eternal C Span footage and that stupid fucking monologue about sand and all that "you get to see him as a little kid" bullshit. And even after (plays the clip of Darth Vader going "NOOooOOOoooOOOooo!"), (shrugs) I still remain cautiously optimistic. Sorry.
    The Wire: Jerk, you're friends are all here. So why don't you show us on the Ewok where Star Wars touched you?
    Jerk: (takes the Ewok toy) Look, I already told you, I must have been asking for it!
  • One word: Ketchup.

     Top 11 Florida Attractions Not in California 
  • The Jerk calls Florida a "dong-shaped Jew cemetery."
  • Jerk's intro music for a video about Florida is "Enormous Penis" by Da Vinci's Notebook.
  • Phil Buni's rants about Florida and Floridians.
  • The Jerk gets photobombed and stops his show just to incite his viewers to hunt, torture, and kill the photobomber. While several people are photobombimg in the background during his pseudo-PSA.
  • The new Channel Awesome outro has an Ironic Echo to the original footage when Jerk reveals that Maelstrom, one of his prior choices, has closed to be replaced by a Frozen ride:
    Anti-Ranting Jerk: Let. It. Go.

     Captain EO 

     Halloween Time at Disneyland 
  • Jerk gathers his friends together to try and come up with a Halloween version of his show's name. After Spazzmaster refuses to help, Jerk comes up with an appropriate Halloween name: Spazzmaster Has No Penis.
  • Some Jerk describing how not scary Disney is at Halloween time.
    SJWAC: What kid with healthy imagination wouldn't get psyched over "Mickey's Not-so-Scary Halloween Party".
    (in black and white, dramatic music plays)
    SJWAC: It wasn't just scary, kids. I can handle scary. It was not so scary. (thunder strikes) I'm sorry, it's not an easy thing to relive. I think I might have PNSO, Post-Non-Traumatic Stress Order from just how not-so-scary it was. It was so not-so-scary that just remembering it is enough to drive even the toughest man sane. (giggling maniacally) I'm sorry, I was thinking of something really funny Craig Ferguson said last week. (in a demonic voice) But I digress. (whispering) It was not-so-scary, kids. It was not-so-scary.
    Rosenhacker: So how much fun do you think I would have had?
    SJWAC: Not much.
    Rosenhacker: Yay?
  • Some Jerk talking about Ghost Galaxy (or Space Mountain) and trying to figure out what the galaxy ghost is.
    SJWAC: All they change about the ride is the music, the lighting, and the projections and it feels like a totally different experience in which you get chased through the cosmos by... this thing, a fiery vengeful spirit demon ghost thing with... Can I get some help on this one from a ghost expert?
    Ray Stantz: What you have there is what we refer to as a focused non-terminal repeating phantasm.
    SJWAC: No, I meant a real ghost expert.
    "Real" Egon Spengler: They shouldn't have the energy for roving attacks.
    SJWAC: No, I meant a non-fictional ghost expert. Just anyone with a basic cable show.
    Conan O'Brien: Space Ghost is obviously a space man who died and became a space ghost.
    Conan O'Brien: FACE IT, SPACE GHOST!
    Space Ghost: No.
  • His parody of "What's This" during the review of "Haunted Mansion Holiday", ultimately ending with "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS??!!
  • The Splash Mountain song.
  • "Wow, this might actually be a one-part episode if I can keep my hilarious digressions to a minimum. Speaking of which, I read the most fascinating article on Lithuania the other day. It seems..."

     It's Small World Holiday 
  • To the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: "Donald Duck brand Orange Juice: It tastes like rancid goat piss!"
    • And before that:
    Andy: Now, Woody...he's been my pal for as long as I can remem-
    Andy: -never give up on you. Ever.
  • Wanna know how much Jerk wants to suppress the song? If you listen carefully when he's talking about how The Lion King made fun of it, you can actually hear him replace Zazu singing "It's a Small World" with Jerk (as Zazu) singing "Psycho Killer", just like he promised he'd do every time he cut to a clip with the song.
  • The Jerk's "Small World" parody song, which he uses to defeat the ride.
  • He introduces a whole list of guest stars for the multi-part review. It starts out normal, featuring people who have either already appeared in the review but then it starts getting silly with a guy eating a sandwich listed as "President Gerald Ford", a guy doing backflips as "Big Skip McJimmy, The Wacky Abortionist", a cat falling off a table as "Former President of Chad Hissène Habré", and Texas Gov. Rick Perry as "Dickery Douche McDerpHitler, culminating with "Weird Al Yankasomething!" (credited as Wordd Efl Yarnkkelvllit.chy) Hilariously enough, Weird Al actually appears in the review!

Season 2

     Star Tours: The Adventure Continues 
  • According to the All-Being, there are alternate dimensions that have no war but Jews aren't allowed there. Apparently Mel Gibson was right.
  • "Thirty-seven. She has thirty-seven hopes." "In a row?"
  • The educational video about re-rideability. "That's right, boy in ocean!"
  • When Jerk declares all the Presidents libertarians note , we get a Spinning Paper that says "NO GOVERNMENT EVER! Poor forced to eat each other!"

     Thirty Years of EPCOT 
  • The Jerk goes to check out the new The Little Mermaid ride only to be entrapped by Chris Hansen (played by Il Neige), who took his remarks out of context and mistook him for trying to molest a teenage mermaid.
  • The Jerk compares EPCOT to an STD: A wonderful burst of output followed by a lifetime of painful regret.
  • The Jerk wonders why Germany, Italy, and Japan didn't get pavilions at EPCOT. He then uses his powers as a "Jewish controller of the media" to demand a Germany-themed ride. Cut to him getting onboard a train, saying, "If you kvetch long enough, things will happen to you!"
    • Even funnier is the better version of the joke he says he should have used in the commentary: "If you kvetch long enough, you will find a final solution!"
  • The Jerk tries to riff "Ellen's Energy Adventure" only to find that Ellen has already thought of all his jokes. But he finally gets a victory when he realizes the caveman who makes "an important discovery" is played by Michael Richards. "He discovered the racial epithet!" Cue cheesy music and goofy dance.
  • The Running Gag in which Jerk (and Phil Buni at one point) mentions a race of Bolivian mice genetically engineered by Disney to crawl inside the human brain before getting cut off for "cranial remodulocation."
    • And a bit of Fridge Logic in The Stinger when Phil goes on to say "As not a human, that doesn't really bother me so much." (*Beat*) "Death to the humans!"
  • "Previously on ACID!"
  • "So let's review. EPCOT was a failed Experiment. It wasn't really a Prototype of anything 'cause they never built another one. It wasn't a Community 'cause nobody lived there. And it didn't magically transport you to Tomorrow unless you fell asleep on Universe of Energy (which was quite likely). It was barely even Of."
  • "If Spaceship Earth was a golf ball, you'd need a forty-four hundred foot club, and a seven-hundred foot dancing gopher! I gladly volunteer my services." And then there's the dance he does...

     ABC Goes to Disney World! 
  • "Luscious locks" makes a return into the Channel Awesome new intro, now referring to literal door locks.
  • "Remember the 1990s? That magical decade where Kurt Cobain became king of Pride Rock, Bill Clinton had an affair with a Velociraptor, and Quentin Tarantino sold Bart Simpson's soul for pogs in the Wicked-Wicked-Wild Wild West?"
  • "I devoted an entire introductory episode just to explaining the concept, which I literally just explained in- ''seventy-one" -seconds. [...] Endure!"
  • Jerk's depicts the ABC laugh track audiences as being so brainwashed as to laugh at everything, including Michelle Tanner saying cutesy snarks, "That's a lotta fish" from Godzilla (1998), and even Simba finding his father dead from The Lion King. Bonus points in that the shot of the audience laughing at the last scene includes Jerk himself laughing in the crowd.
  • Jerk parodies Walt Disney's early "infomercial" documentaries about the building of Disneyland with an informercial of his own.
    Spazz!Narrator: Tired of the tired of thrillful drudgeries of rollercoasters?
    The Wire: There's got to be a better way!
    Spazz!Narrator: Introducing Disneylandia, a coaster-free experience guaranteed to enhance your life.
    Il Neige: Wait-wait-wait, so are you telling me an amusement park could actually enhance my life?
    Jerk: Who are you?
    Spazz!Narrator: I'm over here.
    Il Neige: (turns around) Wait-wait-wait, so are you telling me an amusement park could actually enhance my life?
    Spazz!Narrator: Why, just listen to these convincing testimonies.
    Rosenhacker: Thanks to Disneylandia, I learned to believe in everything!
    Spazz!Narrator: I learned exactly why God kills people!
    Jerk: ...what's a Disneylandia-
    All: Thanks, Disneylandia!!!
  • "And The Mouse had very little to do with ABC until the 1980s, when a former ABC senior vice president named *picture of Michael Eisner is displayed* 'Oh God, him again' became the new CEO of Disney."
  • When Eisner and Mickey ride the Sky Tram.
    Jerk: "Oh crap, the skyline's stuck again. Can someone get them down before one of them eats the other? If Mickey finds out how good Jews taste, we're all doomed. (*Beat*) Oh, too late. So, who wants to let me live in their attic?" (Laugh Track)
  • Jerk's most meta gag yet: After the fake commercial is over, he wipes the grainy film off the screen and shoves the letterbox aside with his elbows.
  • Jerk's ABC theme show parody, which plays a dozen theme songs simultaneously in an inaudible cacophony, stars him as every character, keeps going well after it should have ended, and results in him trying to escape it, to the point that he shoots him, nukes his city, and then is car-chased by it live on the Golden Gate Bridge. In fact, it ends up resembling a certain show openings parody that debuted a year later...
  • Jerk's Escape from Tomorrow parody.
  • Jerk attempts to pass himself off as Elvis back from the dead, now in the "lucrative field of Internet reviewing".
    Jerk!Elvis: (Glasses Pull) You know, they don't shoot me below the waist neither. (Dances to "Jailhouse Rock")
    • Later:
    Jerk: They kicked me out for my Elvis dance, the bloody Philistines. Also I drunkenly urinated on the Walt statue. Also it's a block-out day.
    The Wire: Well that's just what you get for using the front gate like a sucker! (*Beat*) Disney cops. Gotta run!
  • Jerk notes the laugh tracks still playing during the Disney World episodes, and wonders if the audiences were forced to tag along to laugh at the characters.
    Jerk: (''canned laughter) Can we go ride rides now?
    ABC Exec: NO! We're paying you to laugh, not to have fun!
  • "Can you imagine having Disney World being advertised at you this incessantly? Even without other sh-" (Cut to Blip Disney World midroll ad, before Jerk blows it up with the TNT from Toontoon.)
  • After Jerk gets trapped inside a TV, he only has to mention the Disney World episode of Full House before the TV vomits him out.

     Full House Goes to Disney World! 
  • The title card illustration for the review: With a camera set up, a mic, a light commanding laughter, the little Olsen twins smiling in an eerie manner, a sweaty smiling zombie like Danny, a sweaty smiling zombie like Uncle Joey holding a hand puppet, a sweaty looking Jerk, and Uncle Jesse looking sweaty and bright-eyed.
  • The "memorial" card before the review:
    This video is dedicated to all the men and women who were tragically killed or injured in the Disneyland dry ice bombing of May 28, 2013. All zero of them. Never forget.
  • A running gag of Bob Saget's extremely blue and family-unfriendly stand-up routines, including the one where he implies he had sex with the Olsen twins while on the set of Full House.
  • Calling Uncle Jesse Mystique's ex-husband.
  • Mocking Aunt Becky for asking if they get to be together in the honeymoon suite.
    Jerk: Nope all Disney Honeymoon suites are in separate rooms. Just in case a monorail crashes through the wall due to gross incompetence, we wouldn't want the kids to see what you're doing, now would we, kids? (cuts to a room full of bored children) We wouldn't want to see the lurid, sexual kinds of deviancy I'm about to describe to you in graphic detail now would we? You see kids, when a Mommy and a Daddy, and another Mommy and a coconut love Kahlua very, very much....
  • Jerk trying not to comment on Michelle claiming she gags if she doesn't sit next to the window seat.
    • Jerk rejoicing in Bob Saget slightly making a passive-agressive quip.
  • Cutting to clips of Tea Party demonstrations when Michelle suggested a tea party with the Disney characters.
  • Poking fun at how the characters split into subplots.
    "They'll never find me here."
  • Making Alanis Morissette references about Uncle Joey.
  • Voiceovers done for Chip and Dale poking fun at Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse's anniversary lunch date being missed, at Becky for thinking Jesse would never forget their date and at Jesse for divorcing Mystique. (They also imply they banged Aunt Becky.)
    "This is why the Rescue Rangers broke up!"
  • FUN FACT: This man was talking to chipmunks less than a minute ago.
  • Poking fun at Uncle Joey getting high while cartooning.
    • "I finally cracked! AWESOME!"
    • "I see you've found the peyote. Leave at least a little for Katzenberg, will ya?"
  • Jerk calls Child Services for the Tanners not taking the girls to Disneyland (despite not hurting for money and living in California).
    • He's put on hold.
      • And the hold song is Nirvana's "Rape Me".
  • The Aladdin references and calling them out for missing a chance to make a joke that breaks the fourth wall by having Steve only appear as Aladdin.
    Full House. We're too lazy for lazy.
  • Pointing out the Unfortunate Implications of having a kid make any wish they want (world domination, a trillion dollars, and making Eisner eat his beloved cat).
    And thus began the horrifying, bloodthirsty reign of Ol-sen the Inspid!
  • "Sic Semper Tyrannus, Bitch!"
  • All the dark comedy jokes about the older girls plotting to kill Michelle and one where Michelle wanders off, with voiceovers by Jerk.
    D.J: Conference.
    Jerk! As D.J.: Let's leave our six year old sister completely unattended in public so we can discuss how we're going to kill her. I say we take her out in Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln for maximum irony!
    Jerk! As Stephanie: They don't have that here.
    Jerk! As D.J.: You're kidding.
    Jerk! As Stephanie: No, all they have is the Hall of Presidents. Bitch will probably make us do that 20 times.
    Jerk! As Kimmy: Look, we've discussed this before, no matter how many Olsen Twins you kill, they'll just keep regenerating. You have to find the head Olsen twin and impale her with a broadsword.
    Jerk! As Stephanie: Awww, all I brought was two scimitars and a dagger. I brought them through security because 9/11 hasn't happened yet.
    Jerk! As D.J.: What's 9/11?
    Jerk! As Stephanie: I don't know.
    • Later
    Jerk! As Michelle: La la la! I like candy! And I trust everyone! La la la!
  • Making fun of Stephanie's feelings being trivialized.
    Jerk: Do you trivialize Social Issues too?
    Jerk! As Stephanie: It's just not fair that we don't have marriage equality.
    Jerk! As Stephanie: What?
    Jerk! As Uncle Joey: I talked to a cartoon today.
    Jerk! As Stephanie: Great! Go bug him.
  • Finally Michelle stops acting like, quote, "a selfish twat this week" and passes the crown to Stephanie.
    Michelle: I'm defecting to Sea World while the revolution attacks you!
  • Jesse and the Rippers take the Castle stage!
    Jerk: It's like watching Pat Boone and Michael Bolton playing hockey in a vat of whipped cream and rice! It's so's blinding me!!!!!!!!
  • Jerk's rant about this episode.
    Uncle Joey: Yes San Francisco and live from Disney World...
    Jerk: Are you even listening to yourself? Why are you broadcasting across the damned country? Why is Snow White a deejay? Why is your booth promoting a radio station you can't even get there? Why are there characters in the crowd? How the fuck are those fireworks so legible? How the shit are either of you eligible for a contest if your Uncle's been hired to perform there? (sees Uncle Joey dance with Snow White) Why in the name of Jehovah is any of this happening!?!?
    Metatron: I believe the answers that you seek lie within my companion.
    (Jerk looks horrified while Alanis Morissette gets Uncle Joey's and Snow White's heads exploding while singing "You Oughta Know")
    Jerk: Okay! Okay! I get it! Luckily my hair is so long I couldn't hear that.
  • Jerk screaming when he sees Steve Urkel and the beginning of the stinger for this and all the multi-part reviews to come:
    To be continued...
    Girls: Michelle? Michelle, where are you?
  • Jerk telling Olivia Wilde that having his baby won't solve anything and then yelling "How is TRON: Legacy my fault?"
  • The credits rolling with Weird Al Yankovic's polka of "You Oughta Know".

     Family Matters Goes to Disney World! 
  • The title card with Jerk on a log for Splash Mountain stopping to drown Steve while a box of Urkel-Os floats by.
  • Jerk's rant about Urkel.
    Jerk: (regarding Urkel's catchphrase) Of course you're the one who fucking did that! You're the most that-doing motherfucker in the multiverse!
  • Upon revealing that Urkel got a girlfriend by the sixth season, Jerk is given a note stating that half of the audience for the video killed themselves in response... which prompts Jerk to wonder what the other half is waiting for.
  • Calling the Winslow family the Matters.
  • His insert of Stefan when Laura mentions Stefan Urquelle.
  • His rant about how Family Matters is a nerd minstrel show and how real nerds aren't this clumsy. He and Conspiracy Guy then do the same clumsy antics Urkel did.
    Conspiracy Guy [throwing his paper in the air]: FIND ME A GIRLFRIEND, YOU STUPID PAPER!
  • His reaction to the camera zooming in at Carl:
    Jerk: Oh my God! He's getting bigger!
  • All the Die Hard clips used when involving Carl, even after Richie makes a snarky comment, followed by the sound of a gunshot before cutting to Al Powell (Reginald Vel Johnson's character in Die Hard) talking about how he shot a kid.
    Jerk (As Powell): Luckily, it turns out that's not illegal in Florida.
  • "This November, Steven Urkel becomes Buddy Love...I mean Stefan Urquelle."
  • Even pointing out Carl being an Ungrateful Bastard after talking about how no Steve in Disney World is great, despite "The bastard taking me to Disney World!"
  • Cinderella seating Laura at a throne with a cutaway to a film clip where a man is about to torture his seated captive.
    • Same scene, after watching the elaborate set up Stefan did for Laura, Jerk states he should've just hired a hooker since it's cheaper.
    • "Can you believe we're on the same stage that Jesse and the Rippers performed? It's my generation's Woodstock."
    • His expression at hearing Laura's last name:
    Jerk: Who the fuck is Laura Winslow? This is a show about the Family Matters. That's Laura Matters, Carl Matters, Harriette Matters, Marshall Matters, Grandma Matters, and Jerry Matters as The Beaver.
    • His confusion over whether the proposal is a dream sequence or was occurring in the plot and the overreaction to Laura stating "Ketchup" as yes to the marriage proposal.
  • His rant about how Disney World is "wasted on you people" and then starts to correct himself before he dives into the pond.
  • The Phil Buni non-union replacement ranting about Florida as a reaction to Carl wanting to move to Orlando after spending time in Disney World :
    Replacement: Florida is the worst thing to happen in the history of worst things! It is so backwards, it makes the guy behind me totally walk backwards! Everyone in Florida is an abortion. Millions of abortions walking around, talking to each other, not even knowing they're abortions, because they're so dumb. In Florida, they don't even incarcerate their murderers, because if you're murdered in Florida, at least because you don't have to live in Florida.
  • The Running Gag that the Studio Audience Squeeing is actually them screaming from being attacked by bees.
  • Mocking Stefan for moving Myra to another spot nearby just to tell her the bad news, laments how Urkel of all people has two gorgeous girlfriends fighting over him, and then ranting at the asteroid from Captain EO for breaking his heart.
  • The celebrations for Stefan stating he'll never be Steve again.
  • Rip out my Urkel lovin' heart!
  • Stating the difference between Canadian Pooh and Italian Pooh.
  • Him telling Laura that just because life is based on a lie doesn't mean she can't be happy.
    Jerk: No, look, just because your life is a lie doesn't mean you can't be happy. Just look at me! My whole life is a lie and I'm happy as a clam! I've never told anyone this but I am Nicole Simpson's real killer. Yeah. And I shot Tupac. And Biggie. And JFK. And JR Ewing. I escaped from Gitmo twice and I still have the tag to prove it. I- I– I- *pause* I am Jack the Ripper. And the Zodiac Killer. And Keyser Söze. And the undercover cop in Reservoir Dogs. Uh, I started the goddamn Chicago fire. I canceled Firefly! I'll confess to whatever you want just please for the love of god don't bring Urkel back from the dead.
    • His facepalming after Urkel came back and then Sursum Ursa's outraged reaction to his rant:
    Sursum Ursa: You...canceled... Firefly? ... You monster! (confronts the camera)
  • This gem:
    Urkel: It alters my DNA code on a genetic level, changing me into a completely different person.
    Jerk: I call it a retardis!
  • David Lander's character's reaction to Urkel being played over and over as gospel music from The Blues Brothers are played.
    This is an outrage! You are an embarrassment to science, technology, and pants. You're a fraud!
    Jerk: Preach it Squiggy!
  • The end of The Stinger
    Disney World Ad: Disney World. Even we don't think you should live here!

     Roseanne Goes to Disney World! 
  • The title card. Takes place in It's a Small World, with Roseanne and Dan looking crankily at Jerk while he watches the boats of people behind them start getting hysterical or burning, and Jerk getting a message on his walkie-talkie begging him out.
  • Comments that certifiably crazy people make the best tv...sometimes. Then cuts to a clip of Roseanne interviewing Weird Al on her short-lived talk show.
  • The Running Gag about Roseanne ruining Disney Animation.
  • Talking about how Roseanne did a going to Disney World two parter and right after "Edelweiss Gardens" episode came on satirizing or not satirizing Disney World.
  • He equates It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia as Roseanne's spiritual successor.
    Jerk: People tend to forget how un family-friendly Roseanne was at the time and yet she got a Disney World episode. Because even especially the world's most selfish, despicable, back-stabbing monsters still deserve to wait in line for Big Thunder Mountain right in front of you!
    Darlene: And yet another federal offense I witnessed in this house.
    Jerk: And if you sent that kind to Disney World today...
    (Music for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia comes on) "The Gang Accidentally Burns Down EPCOT": It's Always Sunny In Lake Buena Vista
  • Jerk wonders how he's going to review the Connor Family going to Disney World, especially since the show had more cynical jokes than the previous sitcoms and was more self-aware. All he can point out are inaccuracies.
    Jackie: I was readin' about this. You know, this used to be all Orange Groves.
    Banky Edwards: Wrong coast.
    Jackie: But that's not what one Mr. Walt Disney saw, he saw that lake, he saw that castle!
    Jerk: (standing at EPCOT) He mostly saw a giant unfeasible city of the future that never happened before he dropped dead. But on the other clip!
    The Dude: Not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole!
    Walter: Okay then.
  • All the references to John Goodman's films, including The Big Lebowski, King Ralph and a clip of Goodman running down a fiery hallway shouting "I'll show you the life of the mind!" from Barton Fink.
    • When Dan Conner abandons the family to go drinking at Epcot, Jerk overdubs an impression of Goodman shouting "I'll show you the death of the liver!"
  • His answer to Aunt Jackie being stressed over how to squeeze in vacation time.
    Jerk: Oh, come on, Andy's Mom, just get Andy's Dad. How hard can it be to get him out of Gitmo?
  • Jerk snarks at their hotel activities:
    Mark: Man, steak for breakfast. I feel like, like, Merv Griffin!
    Jerk! As Merv Griffin: Dead! (fakes a heart attack)
  • Remarking on how "When You Wish Upon A Star" was so easily replaced by something more appropriate....The 1812 Overture!
  • The crowd looking at Spaceship Earth, and then he remarks that he stared at it so long, he swore it moved.
  • Dan in Germany at EPCOT's World Showcase
    Dan: So where's Sgt. Shultz?
    Dr. King Shultz: These days I practice a new profession... bounty hunting.
    (Rewinds and then repeats Dan's question and the clip)
    (Dr. Shultz fires a pistol, presumably hitting Col. Erhardt)
    Col. Erhardt: Shultz!
    The Dude: Fucking Nazis.
    Jerk! As King Ralph: Seriously, I'm the King and my name is Ralph!
  • This joke was just too soon.
    Bev: Oh look at us we're the three Mouseketeers. Except I'm the only one with the stuff to be Annette.
    Jerk: Yeah, you do look like you'd die in a coma.
    (gets punched)
  • Jerk doesn't like Darlene much.
    David: You know, DJ, I think it'd be fun to just sit with Darlene.
    Darlene: You're not going to be just sitting, David. In a minute, I'm going to have you go fetch me a Coke
    Jerk!As David: (Smiling) I'm back with your Coke (giggles and throws it in her face)
  • What Does This Look Like! after Winnie-the-Pooh starts hugging Darlene, implying that the two are humping each other but everyone viewing the Dumbo ride down and the Sky Way was working.
  • The reference to two characters played by Johnny Galecki and David's favor of flannel.
  • The clips of the Edelweiss Gardens episode and saying that it seemed as though the show was making fun of Disney World...or not.
    • Stating that Roseanne just chewed off Phil Buni's head off and his last words cursed Florida.
  • Jerk (as a Roseanne writer) getting shot in the head by a statue of Walt Disney for insulting Disney.
  • Wondering who Darlene's baby daddy is...David? Or...
    Jerk!As Keith Richards! As Winnie-the-Pooh: Oh, don't act so surprised, mate! Everyone knows I've had more illegitimate cubs than you've had sandwiches! (chuckles) I don't even bother to wear pants, mate!
    Jerk: Please don't call me mate.
    Jerk!As Keith Richards! As Winnie-the-Pooh: Well, you want to know something else, luv?
    Jerk: What else?
    Jerk!As Keith Richards! As Winnie-the-Pooh: This ain't honey!
    • Or did Walt somehow put his seed in Darlene?
  • At the end of the review, Jerk complains that there was a lack of cheesiness in the episode and he was starving from the lack of it, then sees he's reviewing Step by Step. Then takes a large bite of a hunk of Swiss cheese.
  • There are two different versions of the end credits with different songs, both used so well that it's hard to tell which one was funnier: k.d. lang's 'Little Patch of Heaven' or Roseanne's butchering of the American National Anthem.
  • The moral of the story? Winnie-the-Pooh does have a Hundred Acre Wood!

     Step by Step Goes to Disney World! 
  • The title card with a dazed Jerk holding a Polaroid of the Foster-Lambert family with Cody/Flash crossed out with Patrick Duffy's character looking hunched over and a spastic looking Carol entitled: Memories? There is also a billboard in the background telling people to eat at Pinetta's.
  • The Running Gag that the show is so unmemorable that Jerk forgets it just a few seconds after watching it.
    • "This show is like a televised blue pill; You took it and you instantly forgot everything about it!"
    Jerk: Oh boy, a new show with Patrick Duffy! I like him! (munches popcorn) Wow! Patrick Duffy's in this show too! He looks great for his age. (munches more popcorn) Holy shit, is that Patrick Duffy? Wow, this show just gets better and better. (notices popcorn) This is popcorn! I love popcorn! Hahaha- where am I?
    • "I watched this episode earlier to prepare and then instantly forgot everything about it, so excuse me while I watch it again." (Caption: Forty-four minutes later)
    • "So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother..." (one minute later) "So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother, played by June Lockhart of all people..." (two and a half minutes later) What am I doing again? Oh yeah, this shit. So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother, played by June Lockhart of all people...
    • It even makes its way into the Clip Show parody Channel Awesome intro.
    Jerk: Say, remember the show Step By Step?
    Spazz: No.
    Jerk: Me neither!
    (he smiles into space while Spazz stares at him)
  • After JT blows all of his and Rich's money over a date.
    Rich: As soon as I can scrounge up enough money for bus fare, I'm heading back to Port Washington and find myself a new friend.
    Jerk!Rich: And then I'm gonna be in A Goofy Movie, and Spirited Away, and Fairly Oddparents, I'm gonna get tons of voice work you're GONNA GET SHOT IN BOTH ARMS OVER A TRAFFIC DISPUTE!!!
    • "This joke brought to you by IMDb: What you do instead of things!"
  • Jerk musing over the rollercoaster in the "county fair" opening of the show.
    Jerk: As a side note, that thing must be a bitch to lug from county to county every summer. (sees the Six Flags Sky Tower in the background) Ohhh, it's Magic Mountain, that makes perfect sens- HOLY SHIT THE I-5 HAS FLOODED!! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA-
  • After recapping the episode's plot, a Cliché Storm of plot points from previous ABC Disney World episodes:
    Sgt. Powell: They got the universal terrorist's playbook, and they're running it step by step.
    Offscreen Jerk: WRONG PARK!
    • "And now my Step by Step review is stealing Die Hard references from my Family Matters review. Have you no shame?!"
  • When Jerk sees the mother is named Carol just like the mother from The Brady Bunch.
    Jerk: It was already blatant Brady Bunch ripoff and they had the gall to name the mother with hair of gold "Carol", out of all the female names. You know what, I actually kinda admire that. So many writers go to such great length to hide their thieving hackery, and this show flat-out embraced it. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg didn't call his site "Winkelbook", Vanilla Ice didn't call that song "Ice Ice Pressure", and I sure as hell don't start every show saying-
    Jerk!Nostalgia Critic: Hellooo, I'm the Vacation Critic. I encounter it because you don't get to! Do you ever start out a sentence very calmly and rationally, AND THEN EXPLODE INTO A FIT OF RAGE FOR NO GOOD REASON?!?! This is Step by Step!
    Jerk: You know why I don't do that? Because I. Don't. Know. Why. Either. I've forgotten everything again. ...what am I doing?
  • "Doesn't summer vacation last longer than one week? Apparently not! Fuckin' Obama..."
  • After Carol tells Dan some innuendo-laced teases in front of their infant child:
    Jerk!Lilly': Every time I see a Disney park commercial I just start screaming and puking and I don't know why. I can't even watch Blip anymore-
    Jerk!Therapist: What the hell is Blip...
    Jerk!Lilly: And it's even worse with their new ad campaign.
    Commercial: Disney World: Where your parents have sex.
    Grandma: Jean-Claude and I have plans.
    Commercial: Disney World: Where your grandma has better sex.
  • Jerk's utter confusion over the characters' going to a fictional Disney World restaurant called "Pinetta's." The closest equivalent he finds is a an obscure restaurant in Louisiana.
    Jerk: Was it this hard to find an expensive restaurant in Disney World?! The freaking churros have installment plans!
  • So, is anyone else a little unnerved by how horny everyone is...
    Commercial: Disney World: Basically an orgy with churros.
  • When the girls learn about a country music contest for a college scholarship.
    Jerk!Southerner: 'Cause if there's one thing we country folk love, it's higher edumacation! Ain't that right, Mater?
    Jerk!Mater: Sure! I hired me a Cajun last week! Then I ran him over for talking French!
  • After Dana calls Karen the "queen of the Nashville Nazis".
    Jerk: I've just found the name of my new cover band.
  • Jerk's parody commercials, which include a very ear-painful Patrick Duffy commercial and a surreal Thighmaster commercial.
    Commercial: So it's easy to squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE-
  • Jerk's song for the "inspirational montage"? "Learning To Read Made Me Cool", an obvious community service contractual requirement.
  • When the show has a Critical Research Failure during the subplot of Flash riding every Disney World ride.
    Flash: As soon as I'm done with Astro Orbiter, I'm on my way to Alien Encounter.
    Mark: Negative, repeat, that's a negative, Flash. Plans have changed on Alien Encounter. Access route is impeded. Parade in progress.
    Jerk: ...but, both those things were in Tomorrowland. The parades never went through Tomorrowland.
    Mark: Please choose alternate route going through Fantasyland, and proceed directly to Jungle Cruise, over.
    Jerk: That does go through the parade! Are you insane?! You-'re trying to sabotage him. You commie bastard, you were working for the Ruskies this whole time! You diabolic-
    Jerk!Mark: (points gun) Just back away, man. You have no idea how high this goes.
    Jerk: ...take it easy, alright, it's just a theme park-
    Jerk!Mark: IT'S NEVER JUST A THEME PARK! This involves the NSA, the World Bank, S.H.I.E.L.D., Rob Ford! You think Pinetta's was erased from history by accident? IT KNEW TOO MUCH!!
    Jerk: Calm down, okay? I mean, it's Step by Step, I'm going to forget everything about this episode the instant it's over, it's Step by Step- oh my god.
    Jerk!Mark: What?
    Jerk: The show's called Step by Step, and it's about stepsiblings.
    Jerk!Mark: Whoa...
    Jerk: I literally just this moment noticed that.
    Jerk!Mark: Holy Christ on a cracker...
    Jerk: This show is deep!
    Jerk!Mark: I know, right?
    Jerk: So, we still on for bowling on Thursday?
    Jerk!Mark: Only if you buy the shoes!
  • After seeing Flash being suddenly hired to play Indiana Jones in the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular, Jerk plays a movie montage of characters yelling "NOOOO!!!" that lasts for almost a whole minute.
  • "Where do you draw the line between suspension of disbelief and false advertising?"
    Commercial: Disney World: Where your kids perform death-defying stunts in front of thousands of witnesses and the restraints on thrill rides are optional because Mickey Mouse ice cream bars give you the power to fly and if you buy two of every plush toy your mom and dad will get back together and grandma will finally wake up!
  • After that brief bout of Illinois Smith and the Temple of Dumb, Jerk forgives the episode's events, just as long as it doesn't retread any of the previous Disney World episodes' mistakes... and the VERY NEXT CLIP is of the brothers riding the (just-recently augmented with an extra drop the WEEK the episode aired) Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. And the bellhop in this clip looks EXACTLY like the one in the "Family Matters" episode.
  • After Flash breaks the world record for riding all the Disney World rides in under 4 days:
    Jerk: And two years later Animal Kingdom opened and his record got smeared with an asterisk. (Super Mario Bros. Death music)

     Boy Meets World Goes to Disney World! 
  • "You know, this whole time I've been trying to do a nice review show of sitcoms that joined cults. The Full House Jonestown episode was a heartwarming masterpiece!"
  • Jerk cautions the viewers prior to something he's surprised made it past ABC's censors: Eric's decoy Cory doll. Or, as Jerk calls it, "the ABC 'Let's go to Disney World!' sitcom's first hilarious joke".
  • Right as it seems like Cory is about to prevent the episode from continuing (by simply talking to Topanga), Mickey Mouse demands he go to Disney World, otherwise there'd only be one show promoting Disney World that night.
    • Mickey then goes on an evil rant about how he is now ever so much closer to getting his revenge for Ben Savage's brother, Fred, promoting Universal Studios, with the ending bars of "Savages" getting ever louder in the background.
    Dante Hicks: Bunch of savages in this town.
  • The inexplicable lack of bees during on-screen kisses.
  • The parody Disneyland ad promoting stalking... which turns into a psychotic rant from the narrator to a girl he's harassing. And then it turns out Jerk is watching that very ad on his phone.
    Jerk: (sigh) Same fuckin' commercial every time... (mockingly lip-syncs to the commercial, complete with hand mouth) "Why won't the universe accept me as it's rightful ruler?! All the other universes do! Infidels will be sent to the gulags! Meatloaf Bangladesh!"
  • "And so Cory and Shawn... sleep in a Splash Mountain log, because ABC is officially fucking with me at this point[.]"
  • "Excuse me, Mr. Beast, we're looking for a girl-" "Join the fucking CLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUB!!!"
  • Jerk's slow-burn realization that this episode is also a mini-Step by Step crossover.
  • When discussing how apparently several TGIF sitcoms take place in the same universe, Jerk concludes that TGIF was "THE AVENGERS OF THE NINETIES"note . Complete with Urkel being Iron Man, the Cory decoy as the Hulk and Michelle Tanner as Thor.
  • The Wire tells Jerk that TV characters can't see or hear them when he talks to them.
    Jerk: So when I'm home alone watching TV I don't have to wear clothes?
    Wire: Unless it's me!
    Jerk: Well that is a load off my mind.
    Wire (in the distance): Seriously, unless it's me!

     Sabrina The Teenage Witch Goes to Disney World! 
  • "Previously On Next Time" (fast-forwards through the entire episode) "And now, in slow motion."
  • Jerk's nickname for the show and Animal Kingdom: "Girl Meets Other World" and "Epcot 2: Acoustic Zoogaloo."
  • "Magic: Because Fuck You"
  • After Sabrina casually whines about causing El Niño during a magic exam:
    Jerk: Millions of innocent people lost everything they own including their lives at my hand. Their tears will haunt my dreams forever! (Wah-wah sound effect)
    Narrator: That's next week on That Darn God!
  • The frequent Harry Potter references, including dubbing her witch exams as her "O.W.L.S." and claimed she needs to practice her "Gobblydegook" (goblin language).
  • After Sabrina's teacher Mr. Kraft gives the cast their hotel numbers while at the entrance of Animal Kingdom:
    Jerk!Kraft: As you can see, I've brought you all the way here to the park entrance only to send you away to your hotel rooms! Wasn't that a nice trip? You see, I psychologically torture you young ones to compensate for being one of the greatest comedians of my generation and yet... stuck playing a clueless principal on ABC. ...well, at least it's not a clueless dad on Fox.
  • The sketch after Sabrina's aunts use a fossilized bone to resurrect a caveman in which Sabrina's aunt (played by the Wire) keeps killing Sabrina (also played by the Wire) and resurrecting her after 100 years to solve her sitcom-y problems.
    Wire!Sabrina: I can't follow my history homework. When did we go to war with LEGOLAND?
  • His reference to the Weird Al Show:
    Jerk: But 'insert other thing that Caroline Rhea has done here' here helps Harvey escape the bitch by turning him into Weird Al's hamster!
    "Weird Al" Yankovic: Run Harvey run! Faster! Faster!
    Jerk: But then that show got cancelled, so he became a safari tour guide whatever!
  • Jerk decides to cap up his look at the "the Disney World sitcoms on ABC" with a musical number to the tune of "The Freakin' FCC". At the end of the song, Jerk stands frozen with a smile on his face, mentally pleading for this to actually be the end. Cue the announcement of the next episode: "ABC Goes to DisneyLAND!"

     ABC Goes to Disney LAND! 

Season 3

     Back to the Future: The Ride 

     The Simpsons Ride 
  • The episode teaser has Jerk curled up in a ball and chanting "Can't ride, clown will eat me. Can't ride, clown will eat me."
  • Jerk’s reaction to a majority of Universal’s movies about amusement parks being about deadly amusement parks:
    “Universal: Can you identify this corpse?”
  • After predicting that Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem will stay open way after people know what the franchise is, Jerk asks the audience to go to Fievel’s Playland at Universal Studios Florida and ask the children playing there who the fuck Fievel is. A warning then pops up advising the viewers not to do that unless they enjoy prison.
  • Not having many major criticisms with the ride, Jerk decides to resort to nitpicking by invoking the spirit of Comic Book Guy.
    • The countdown numbers use specific Simpsons moments where they say the numbers ("Tonight on the 11 o'clock news", "But nooo, you had to be 10", etc.)
    • The clip that plays after each nitpick:
    “Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.”
    • Jerk stealing the Krustyland comics from the Krusty Burger dining room.
    • Jerk “having a cow”, which turns out to be a horse.
    • Upon hearing Homer’s statement that he feels like Chewbacca, Jerk informs him that despite what the preshow videos for Star Tours have you believe, Chewbacca rides nothing!
  • His utter disbelief that Harry Shearer wouldn't do voice work as he demanded too much money, but Kelsey Grammer, one of the highest paid TV actors at the time, was perfectly willing to reprise Sideshow Bob.
  • "Park still looks fake."
  • "Not Lenny!"
  • "Hi, we're clones of Troy McClure! You might remember us from such battle tactics as using an umbrella, and evaporating at the touch of a hammer..." "Too soon!"

     Shrek 4 D 
  • Jerk's long list of ways you can get Shrek 4-D:
    Jerk: And though the film was technically owned by Dreamworks, they agreed to keep it exclusive to Universal Studios Hollywood! And Florida. And Japan. And eventually Singapore. And Movie Park Germany. And Warner Brothers Movie World in Australia. And it aired on Nickelodeon once. And it was shown in UK cinemas with these movies. And it was released on DVD. And on Netflix. And YouTube. And given away free with your breakfast, but other than that...
  • Gingy warns parkgoers to leave the ride when they still have a chance. Jerk takes this seriously, and exits the ride and does numerous other things at Universal to the tune of "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head." When he attempts to leave the park in his car, the DVD of the attraction is right there waiting for him.
    • Jerk trying to catch the floating DVD throughout the park must have been hilarious to many an onlooker at the time as well, because before editing, he's basically swatting at nothing.
  • Jerk's complaining about how Farquaad just became a ghost despite no else doing so by showing various other antagonists coming back as ghosts post death, ending with a musical number by "Ghoston".
  • Spazz, Conspiracy Guy, and Kill Bosby appear as ghosts. Spazz was eaten by Figment (and he still defends him) while it's left unclear how Con Guy and Kill died.
  • All the stuff with Kill Bosby, including Jerk and Spazz's reactions to him due to the real-life rape allegations against Bill Cosby.
  • Part 1 ends with Gingy saying "That (gingerbread) house cost me a lot of dough!" and Jerk, Spazz, Conspiracy Guy, and Kill Bosby just staring coldly and silently into the camera.
    • In Part 2, Jerk blames this pun for the two-month hiatus the show went on.
  • When Jerk calls the Ghostbusters for help, Janine (played by Spazz's wife Haley) says they don't help Channel Awesome contributors because Nostalgia Critic's old sketch with Casper made them look like amateurs.
  • After the stone dragon in Shrek 4D flies through the cave, he sings a bit of One Little Spark before falling to his death, since the dragon looked a bit like Figment due to his destroyed wings. Jerk assumes that this scene meant that Figment died, and everyone celebrates his death...except for Spazz, who is upset and mad about what happened.
    • Then, Figment returns as a giant ghost!
  • When Jerk asks how to destroy a ghost, the ghosts say they can only be destroyed by a mysterious figure whose face has never been seen. That menacing horror? Pac-Man.
  • The use of Neil Cicierega's "Imagine All Star People" as the credits song.
  • Jerk blames Beetlejuice for driving him crazy, but when he tries telling him off, he and the ghosts (including Casper) start dancing and singing "The Banana Boat Song". The kicker is that, since this is just a theme park actor playing Beetlejuice, he has no idea what's going on.
    Beetlejuice: This guy, I don't know...
  • In Part 2, Shrek explains to Fiona what Donkey means by "making waffles".
    Shrek: It's slang for the most despicably, unconscionably perverted sexual act a dragon can do to a donkey. Can we try it later?
  • Jerk tells off the editor for the ridiculous things he did in the review, but the editor (revealed to be Kill Bozby) replaces his rant with sentence-mixed Self-Deprecation.

     Escape from Tomorrow 
  • Jerk opens the review complaining about being overshadowed by a project with a similar gimmick. Naturally, he's ranting about "MTV'S 'JERKS WITH CAMERAS?!' ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!"
    • MTV: "Uuuuuugggghhhh!"
  • The Disneyholics meeting with cameos from multiple Channel Awesome members, including Linkara.
    Pinocchio: I'll never be a real boy again.
  • Jerk is still filming his show in Universal Studios and refuses to go to Disneyland, even though Escape from Tomorrow was filmed in Disneyland and Disney World. He leaves Universal when Spazzmaster tells him that Comcast owns Universal and shoots a new intro in an empty, overgrown urban lot. After this, he constantly changes locations throughout California for the rest of the review.
  • Some Jerk With A Colorful Sweater advertising Kyle "Oancitizen" Kallgren as "The Cine-Kyle" in the style of an infomercial.
    • Who eventually breaks when too much Mind Screw happens even for him.
  • His reaction to the opening of the film where a park guest gets decapitated by Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.
  • His reaction to the director's statement that the movie "was not a Ben Stiller comedy."
    Jerk: Tear up your annual passes folks, this is "Night at the Museum 4: Escape from Tomorrow."
  • His bafflement of the fact that the movie hired Production Designers even though it was filmed at Disneyland/Disney World.
  • The movie managed to make It's a Small World worse than it already was.
    Jerk: Oh my God, I didn't think it was possible, but this music is even worse! Someone give this composer a medal, he just climbed Mount Everest while juggling flaming chainsaws and dividing by zero! He is one with the gods!
    • Jerk calls the ride to tell it that the movie's interpretation of the ride wasn't as scary as Jerk's experience with it. The ride calls him out for the rape jokes that he made during the "It's a Small World Holiday" review. Jerk then remembers that he also asked the ride to explode in that review. And the ride explodes. Again.
  • After noticing a guy in the background looking at the actors in bewilderment:
    "Annnd this guy is officially my favorite character in the movie. It's not even a photobomb, it's photo-humanitarian relief efforts for victims of a bomb. He has no idea why these idiots are suddenly leaving the lines so close to the front of it!" *cut to Jerk* It's all fake you see. Th-the ride didn't actually break down, there is no Santa Claus, the Disney characters are just costumes with people in them, and I'm pretty sure I'm a genius visionary for figuring those things out," *reaches his hand out to the camera* "OSCAR PLEASE!"
  • After the first mention of "Cat Flu":
  • Jerk's rant on the notion that Disney Land's turkey legs come from emus, due to the fact that the amount of turkey legs sold per year outnumber the total population of the emu.
  • Jerk searches for the movie's plot in a mailbox, a K-Mart and a portal to the future that leads to Fury Road.
  • Jerk's reaction to the sudden sex scene, and the fact it actually happened and wasn't another one of Jim's fantasies. He compares its randomness to a Cards Against Humanity session, which cuts to Linkara at the Disneyholics meeting reading a card selection.
  • Jerk going through the pool scene, which is almost six minutes long with nothing happening.
    Jerk: Jesus. When it rains, it pours.
    • What street is Jerk standing on when this scene happens? Sunset Boulevard.
    • Only for Jerk to be disappointed when it turns out that Jim did not drown.
  • Jerk's reaction to the scene where Jim refers to Spaceship Earth as a giant testicle.
    • Then he decides to check his own...and recoils in Stunned Silence before uncomfortably shuffling off-camera.
  • At a certain point, Jerk wonders why he's even watching the movie, then he realize it's because it's similar to his "surface level gimmick." He then decides that he hates cameras, but he can't seem to escape them.
  • At the Gainax Ending, Jerk screams out a "WHAT" so long that he's still doing it 150 years later when he's a skeleton, only stopped when a Terminator steps on him.
  • During the Soarin scene, he uses Spazz's head to cover up the boobs.

     The Haunted Mansion 
  • Count Jackula is thrilled to learn that Jennifer Tilly is in this movie, and even more thrilled to learn that she's playing a disembodied head. But he's quickly disappointed to learn that she will be playing a human head.
  • While laying down the production history of the movie, Jerk mistakes Eddie Murphy for Audie Murphy, pointing out the odd casting choice of a guy who's been dead for a while by then but acknowledges that his experience as a ghost will probably provide nuance to the role.
  • Count Jackula and Horror Guru mistook Heimlich's Chew Chew Train for a very underwhelming ride based on The Human Centipede.
  • After a couple sings a Happy Anniversary song to Jim, a fake newspaper headline comes on stating that he stabbed the couple to death with a pen while the Tiki Room theme song plays in the background.
  • The entire scene where The Horror Guru explains how stupid and overused the busy parents cliche is, which is accompanied by Cat’s in the Cradle playing in the background:
    Guru: Yeah, we got a lot of these bullshit movies in the 90’s! Movies where an aging comedian plays a workaholic dad who learns through supernatural contrivance that he’s a worthless human being unless he spends EVERY WAKING MOMENT with his DAMN WEINER KIDS! These films reinforce the bottomless the bottomless egos of the damn weiner kids of the baby boomers!
    Jerk: Myself included.
    Guru: And hence, they put asses in seats!
  • Their commentary on Jim Evers telling his son to "whack it" (kill a spider), complete with a Jared Fogle reference.
    Guru: So his prepubescent sister whacks it for him and...No, I am not reading this.
    Jerk: C'mon, Guru!
  • When the characters are walking through a graveyard and the same squishy noises play, Count Jackula points out it’s a Stock Sound Effect, and predicts the Wilhelm Scream might come on next...or, what is actually played over the scene, the Goofy Holler!
  • The busts exploding after singing about finding a key.
  • Jack's "I Want" Song about the movie's incredible set and props which somehow ends with him singing about resurrecting Gracey's slaves as zombies and starting a race war.
  • Part 3 starts with Jerk explaining that he refuses to review the rest of the movie, and that he plans to make several videos on how refuses to review it, and then more about how he refuses to refuse to make those videos, and...
  • Haley's appearance as Madame Leota.
    Haley!Leota: My name is Leota! Now suck on my ball!
  • Jerk’s reaction to The Country Bears having a higher Rotten Tomatoes score than not only The Haunted Mansion, but also Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
  • The end credits show Jerk, Guru, and Jack having a blast at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights, snarking with each other (when Jerk doesn't seem to be genuinely terrified).

    Harry Potter at Universal Studios Hollywood 
  • J. K. Rowling's negotiations with Disney, featuring the coked-out executive from the review of The Haunted Mansion and Jerk's "You fool, that'll never work" character.
    Exec 1: I'm sorry, are YOU an Imagineer!?
    Rowling: THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!!!
    Exec 2: Says the woman who makes up words left and right! Like "Ministry!"
    • Jerk's character has a ring of keys hanging from his ear, a parody of Imagineer Joe Rohde.
    • And then they meet up with her again...with the same level of respect as before. Though, she probably wouldn't have cared, considering that she has so much money that she uses a Benjamin to mockingly blow her nose.
    • In an attempt to get her on their side, they show off plans for a land based off The Casual Vacancy, which Rowling admits to not having even read. The land consists only of a vacant lot. "A CASUAL vacant lot!"
  • The “Magic”/“Wonder” montage, where every instance of “magic” is replaced with “wonder” and vice versa.
  • At one point, Jerk shows a picture that lists Magic Kingdom as Gryffindor, EPCOT Center as Ravenclaw, Animal Kingdom as Hufflepuff, and Disney's Hollywood Studios as Slytherin.
  • When discussing the Moaning Myrtle audio in the bathrooms, Jerk points out how creepy it is to have the ghost of a teenage girl watching you while you're on the toilet.
  • Jerk's "Proud American Nomaj", a parody country song containing every negative American stereotype ever.
  • Jerk praises J. K. Rowling's timeless literary masterpieces...and Half-Blood Prince.
  • There's a Running Gag in which The Great Luke Ski pops in and claims to like widely-hated things, including Pixels and Cars 2. However, he refuses to say he likes Florida.
  • Where's The Fat, Universal?: An allusion to Doug Walker's short film "Where's The Fair Use"? The kicker is the end where the Nostalgia Critic comes along and reveals that Jerk wasn't too fat to ride; he was wearing a sweatshirt around his waist in case it got cold. In California.
  • Jerk's Sirius Black parody song returns, and is then replaced by the "Jonathan Coulton" version.
  • Jerk calling the Flight of the Hippogriff ride Flight of the Hypocrite:
    Jerk (while flying): No one should ever fly ever! Human beings were not meant to fly! A flying person is an abomination against nature!
  • Jerk compares the park selling replicas of Voldemort's wand to selling Hitler Ovens to Jews.
  • While reviewing Ollivander's Wand Shop, he witnesses a girl use one of the wands to somehow heal a flower using the Aguamenti spell. Jerk is confused and rants about the spell; along with this the water is referred to as "Jesus water" during the rest of the review.
  • Jerk states that you can purchase "Only the best Wooden Stick MagiSwords" at the wand shop.
  • Jerk pokes fun at Dumbledore's monologue from the queue of Forbidden Journey.
    Actual Dumbledore: There comes a time when we must choose between what is right and what is easy.
    Jerk!Dumbledore: I, for example, stayed in the closet my whole life when the gay rights movement really could have used the most powerful wizard on Earth, so I recommend easy. It's easier!


    Commentaries and Riffs 
  • His "commentary" of the "Halloween Time at Disneyland" video, a Bad Lip Reading-esque Mind Screw of the highest degree.
    "I shall consult my brain at the acceptability of this— whoop, none."
    Cruella: (in what's supposed to be the Halloween Time commercial) I am Zangief, I am bad guy...
    Jerk: (in what's supposed to be the opening shot as Dracula) Does anybody wanna buy this caaaape? Gonna make an annoying noise until someone buys this cape. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    "400 YEARS BEFORE WE HAD SCOTLAND!" (*Beat*) "It's you, it's you, it's all for you..."
    Jerk: And now, dueling American Pie verses. (Separate verses from the song start playing over each other)
    • The part in the original when the screen goes black while he pretends exciting stuff is happening? It's now a good two minutes of silence.
  • His Gag Dub of an old college sketch he wrote - the original audio was lost, so he filled in the blanks as only he could. The result: "Look at the Game Show." One funny moment in particular: sixty chipmunks in a man suit.
  • The entirety of his, Spazz, and Doggans' riff of the 1955 Disneyland opening telecast, done in the style of RiffTrax and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
    • "You think I'm going to trust some nipple over a castle? That's how Brexit started!"
    • The Running Gag about Art Linkletter's joke about Irene Dunne adjusting her bustle on the Mark Twain.
    • Another Running Gag is how awful the decorations and costumes of Disney characters look when compared to actual Disney characters.
    • This bit of genius:
      Walt: Universal stole them from me so I made you, the end.
    • When Bob Cummings makes fun of an early 1900s automobile, Jerk says "Are you mocking a bygone era for its technological limitations? For shame, sir!"
    • They make many jokes about Values Dissonance, especially during the Frontierland segment.
      Doggans!Davy Crockett: [Native Americans] are real nice people once you actually talk to 'em, our fault really for invading their land.
    • Davy Crockett takes just a little too long to arrive on cue.
      Art: You're a little late getting in. What happened?
      Doggans!Davy Crockett: I died 119 years ago. What more do you want from me?
    • Davy Crockett "killing" people during the gun-themed song-and-dance number.
      Jerk: He shot Peter Pan!
      Doggans: Now he'll really never grow up.
    • The guys have a lot of fun with Bob Cummings' name. They also follow suggestive remarks with "But enough about Walt's orgy last night."
    • During a rather suggestive dance number in New Orleans Square, Dave says "I don't know why they had to close Brothel Land. It had the best rides in the whole park!"
    • Almost every time Ronald Reagan shows up, they throw in a "Mr. Disney, tear down this [x]!"
    • Jerk and Doggans Gag Dub a conversation between Art Linkletter and Danny Thomas.
      Jerk!Art: Someday all these kids are going to die in Vietnam. Anyway, here's your hooker.
      Doggans!Danny: Swell, I've been looking for something to strangle all day!
      Jerk!Art: Just make sure you actually bury this one. Don't just chuck her into the Jungle Cruise again.
    • Art loses his microphone and Jerk imagines a what happens next, complete with Call Backs to previous jokes. He accidentally drops it in the castle moat, where it gets eaten by an alligator and Art wrestles with it to get it back. It bites his arm off and he replaces it with the entire camera crew Human Centipede-style. Irene Dunne tries to strangle him with her bustle, Davy Crockett shoots him, run over by a woman driver in an Autopia car, blown up by the rocket ship, and torn apart by angry coyotes on angel dust.
    • The appearance of the Jungle Cruise, of course, prompts several references to Skipper Dan.
      Doggans!Skipper: My name is Dan and I'm never going to get tired of this job!
      Charlie: Look at those hippos, they're wiggling their ears. Just like they've done for the last fifty...seconds.
    • Thinking they can do better, Jerk, Spazz, and Doggans go back in time and remake the special, which results in Spazz becoming the 40th President of the United States.note 
      Jerk: Well... that got a little out of hand.
      Doggans: What do you think, sir?
  • The 30 Years of EPCOT commentary:
    • The commentary is pretty straightforward for the most part, but things get interesting after Tony starts playing "My City of Ruins", a song he wanted to underscore a montage but, following Hurricane Sandy, he thought it'd be in poor taste to use it. It makes for pleasant background music, until Figment pops up and begins wreaking havoc, leading Tony to try and kill him in increasingly violent ways. Once the deed is done, the music continues playing from the "With these hands" part...then a chorus of Tonys (and Figment) start singing along and Tony sings some trivia about Eisner to the tune of the song:
      “So coming up right here is the Eisner montage, tying into the 10 Years of DCA video depicting Michael Eisner as a Bond villain with the music Hellfire from Hunchback of Notre Dame which, by the way, was Michael Eisner’s favorite movie that he greenlit while at Disney. I don’t know what that says about the man psychologically, I just think it’s an interesting piece of tri-yeah! This was fun to edit, yo! Uh, finding metaphorical imagery for the rise of for the rise of Michael Eisner! So come on, come on, come on, rise up!”
    • Then there's a record scratch, the song ends, and the commentary resumes as normal.
  • The ABC Goes to Disneyland commentary:
    • Tony saying he wished his show had a budget so he could put elephants and acrobats during the “Jim Belushi drowning in a sea of diarrhea” song.
    • Once, Tony and his friends were in line for Indiana Jones Adventure when it broke down. He and his friends started to sing Bohemian Rhapsody, when after the song, some teenage girls sang along with them and asked them if they had any Taylor Swift songs on their phone.
    • One episode of a show suggested for a future “ABC Goes to Disney World“ episode is “Arthur the Aardvark Goes to Disney World”.

  • The Back to the Future: The Ride commentary:
    • Whenever Jerk has nothing interesting to say, he does Dueling Bob Gales. At one point, he does Dueling Dueling Bob Gales, which ends up making the world explode.
    • Jerk says he found an unintentionally funny Back to the Future-related ad promoting the ability to buy previously viewed VHS tapes of the second film. After being played once, it is played backwards, super fast, and fast and backwards.
    • The beginning of Part 3 of the commentary:
      “Commentary, commentary, rah rah rah! Who cares, no one, sis boom bah! This title was constructed entirely out of twigs and dead hookers and then made to look like a simple computer graphic title. I could’ve just used a simple computer graphic title in the first place, but that wouldn’t have been fun!”
  • The Escape from Tomorrow commentary:
    • Nicholas thinks that they are doing a commentary for The Death of a Porn Crew.
    • It is revealed that Zack actually brought the Pinocchio costume seen in the group circle to MAGFest on his own volition.
    • The story of how Nicholas texted David a picture of the Escape from Tomorrow DVD at Target. This is made even more hilarious by the fact that when David and Nicholas had to watch the film, they could only find pirated copies of it online.

  • "Soarin' Over Frozen VLOG"
    • While watching the Frozen show, the jumping sled got stuck and the actor said "This is a long jump!" After a brief pause due to technical difficulties, the show continued and the actor said "Woah, I blacked out for a second there."
    • Mikey Insanity does a Patrick Warburton impression by saying, in his normal voice, "Hi, I'm Patrick Warburton."
    • Luke thinks the ride is about getting the One Ring to Mordor so that Soarin can't get his hands on it.
    • Spazzmaster ends the video by singing the "It's a Small World" song, followed by a Musical Slapstick Montage of the Jerk angrily chasing him around the park.
  • In "Some Jerk Visits Knott's Berry Farm", a theme park actor playing an outlaw named "Tiny Mayfield" actually recognizes Jerk & Co. and becomes part of the show.
    • In a performance with another cast member, Tiny Mayfield gets cornered by a man in a saloon for stealing his gold, and the man threatens to rat him out to his posse outside.
      Tiny: "I-I got a better idea!"
      Man: "Alright, let's hear it."
      Tiny: "Why don't you tell them I'm in the other saloon?"
      Man: "...there's another saloon?"
      Tiny: "Yeah!'s called the Golden Horseshoe!"
      (The other actor goes quiet for a brief moment, then gives an exasperated facepalm)
    • Bonus points for Spazzmaster and Haley going hysterical in the background. There's a perfect frame in the video at around 16:32 that's almost worthy of a renaissance painting.
    • Mayfield gets locked up and Jerk pretends to be his lawyer.
      Jerk: If they tell you to sign a confession, don't do it.
      Mayfield: Well I can't even read, so that won't be a problem.
  • Fantasmic! (2017) and other Rivers Of America updates VLOG!
    • Spazz's reaction to the beginning of the vlog: "Oh God, he's doing it again."
    • Jerk suggests that since he got a bunch of new subscribers from his Nostalgia Critic crossover, they should avoid too many inside jokes right before he, Doggans, and Spazz launch into "Ketchup! Ketchup! Ketchup ketchup ketchupketchupketchup..."
    • Their Lame Pun Reaction to the "ear" pun on the Disneyland Railroad.
    • Zach brings up the spinning rock from Captain Eo and Jerk laments it like The One That Got Away. Then he apologizes for bringing up an inside joke.
    • Jerk points out Tom Sawyer Island's "handcrafted, log-cabin, pioneer accessibility lifts." Doggans says that Davy Crockett used a lift like this at the Alamo.
    • The "childhood photo" of Mike Huckabee.
    • Spazz does a Figment impersonation, then tries to throw himself in the river as penance for making an inside joke. Hayley tries to stop him because his outfit is dry-clean only.
    • Spazz suggests adding Figment to Fantasmic. Jerk grabs him by the collar and says "You shut your whore mouth."
  • The Incredicoaster/Pixar Pier vlog.
    • The "In Memoriam" screen for Pizza Oom Mow Mow.
    • The "This Asshole show" clip, where Jerk stops the vlog dead in its tracks to roast a photobomber, is solid gold.
    • Their discussion of the pre-show video, where the Incredibles basically acknowledge that the Incredicoaster is a cheap, lazy overlay of California Screamin'.
    • Brianna realizing that Disney used her "Put more sketch artists in stores" idea after she quit. She shows how she feels by putting on a huge smile and pointing to a plush Anger.
    • The gang making fun of the meaninglessness of the name "Pixar Pal-A-Round" (a lazy Pixar overlay of Mickey's Fun Wheel that has little to do with any Pixar movie), by turning "pallin' around" into a zombie-like Madness Mantra.
    • The return of the Running Gag where The Great Luke Ski gets pushed off camera into a pane of glass by Jerk.
      Jerk: He has such a pushable face.
    • At "Flik's Fun Fair", Morgan excitedly cries out "IS EVERYBODY UNDERWHELMED?!"
    • Spazz sums up his opinion by quoting Bastille: "If you close your eyes, does it almost seem like nothing's changed at all?"
    • Morgan squees over a plushie cockroach from WALL•E.
      Morgan: You eat garbage and literally live in shit!
  • Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge is Awesome Actually
    • "George Lucas" talks to Jerk's "You fool, that'll never work!" character about his plan to make Star Wars movies that make so much money off nostalgia and mystique that it doesn't matter how good they are. For once, Jerk's character says it's a brilliant idea.
    • Il Neige types a comment on the internet saying he liked Star Wars: The Last Jedi only to get hit with a backdraft by mostly angry men. Then he says Rey and Kylo as a couple sounds silly and gets a backdraft of mostly angry women. The bit then segues into a Take That! towards Star Wars' fans and an explanation why comments are disabled.
    • Doggans mistakes the model for the real thing. "What is this, a Galaxy's Edge for ants?"
    • Luke calls the Hungry Bear Restaurant a Wretched Hive of scum and villainy.
      Luke: You notice how you have four limbs? If you want to keep it that way, be cautious.
    • Doggans says he distrusts the Disney app and says he's going to throw his phone in the river. Jerk dares him to do it and says he wants footage of it.
    • Luke Ski complains about people making Star Wars references all his life because his name was Luke.
      Dave: Everybody always tried to make sci-fi references based on my name but every time they tried to think of one, they just turned to me and said "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
    • A cast member asks the gang what planet they're visiting from. Doggans answers California, a desert planet that's running out of water.
    • Katie calls the Ronto Roasters "The Ewok's Cannibalistic Jamboree."
    • Doggans suggests throwing a blue milkshake at the stormtroopers, a reference to this.
    • The group is gushing about Smuggler's Run only to get interrupted by nearby droids.
    • The stormtroopers hassle Doggans again. He tells them he's trying to get drunk but can't get into the cantina.
    • Jerk points out the cantina is the first time Disneyland has served alcohol outside of Club 33 but he's sure it won't have any adverse effects. Gilligan Cut to Jerk drunkenly yelling "Down with the First Order!" at the stormtroopers.
      Morgan: He's thoroughly crazy!
      Trooper: That's affirmative.
    • Jerk and Morgan then have a sarcastic conversation about the importance of talking to the First Order using logical arguments to stop them from blowing up planets.
    • "And now, in a bit that didn't age very well"
      Jerk: Whoever thought up the reservation system is a genius who deserves to own all of Disney.
    • The commercial for old toy lightsabers, which are just flashlights with floppy plastic shafts.
      Caption: Look, we accidentally bought a warehouse full of sex toys and these glow-in-the-dark dildos ain't gonna unload themselves.
    • Jerk acts out the remake of Aladdin with a Salacious Crumb puppet on his shoulder voiced by Luke's Gilbert Gottfried impression.
      Jerk: If you get a big zit, don't scratch it. It just makes it worse.
    • Morgan "knights" Jerk with her lightsaber, naming him "Sir Jerksalot."
      Luke: The title of your sex tape!
    • Luke and Briana flee from the First Order. Briana suggests they get off the planet using the Rocket Rods, which then explode. She then says "The garbage will do" and they run for Smuggler's Run.
    • Briana says the blue milk tastes like toothpaste
    • Ian, a cast member they befriended, is a former Star Tours operator so he made up a whole backstory about how he used to work for Star Tours, left after they got entangled with Rebels, and moved to Batuu to work for Hondo.
    • Jerk discusses the delay of "Rise of the Resistance"
      Jerk: It's taking the Resistance a little time to rise. Star Wars is forty years old. It happens.
    • Doggans says the sausage in the Ronto Wrap is a Gungan dick.
    • Doggans related a story about standing in line for the cantina. A man behind him asks a cast member how to get his cantina reservation and she says to give his "datapad number" because she can't say "phone", which only adds to his confusion.
    • Jerk: "I'm an angry young white man threatened by female superheroes. Do you think space fascism is for me?"
    • Luke meets R2-D2
      Luke: I wanted to say something to him but I didn't. I guess I have a bad motivator.
    • One cast member says "Our leader is a large orange slug and I hear that's common."
    • Jerk tries to push Luke off screen into a plate of glass again but this time Luke refuses to budge and brushes some dust off his shoulder.
    • Jerk ends the vlog with a reference to the "Earth all along!" monologue from Planet of the Apes (1968) while a little kid in the background looks at him in confusion.
    • The Stinger is an outtake from the "Reylo backlash" sketch. Jerk yells "Cut!" but Morgan continues yelling a little longer about the importance of making "two space wizards kiss!"
  • Hey, DCA Still Exists Too!
    • Morgan is so shocked at the reminder that DCA exists that she dies. Then she comes back as a zombie and chases Jerk around.
    • In a callback to a similar gag by Luke Ski, Katie uses her hand as a Muppet.
    • Garrett jokes that Mickey's PhilharMagic features Donald Duck more than Mickey. "It's called a salute to all IP but mostly Donald Duck."
    • The aspect ratio of Philharmagic is squashed. Dave compares it to watching Lawrence of Arabia on an iPhone
    • Morgan wears a hat made to look like Donald Duck's ass and legs. "Why does everyone keep calling me an asshat?"
    • "I'm a grown-ass man and my job involves typing out the phrase 'They've upgraded the animatronic butt.' Livin' the dream, people."
    • When Soarin' Around the World is temporarily replaced with Soarin' Over California, Jerk suggests replacing the Travel Montage with a montage of California. Morgan suggests they include live traffic updates.
    • Jerk accuses the ride of being anti-Semitic when he misreads "Yosemite" as "Yo, Semite."
    • Jerk praises the transitions from Soarin' Over California for being clever without going full Home Improvement." Cut to a Home Improvement-style transition from Garrett to Katie.
    • Jerk criticizes Soarin' for lacking any black-and-white naked tits.
    • Jerk points out the park was too cheap to get Richard Kind to reprise his role as Bing Bong, which he finds especially ironic considering he helped promote the park back when it first opened. Katie says they must've gotten his evil twin, Richard Mean.
    • Jerk photoshops Anger's face over Donald Trump in the infamous lawn mower meme.
    • Jerk's existential crisis wondering if we're all just figments of Riley's imagination, ending with him going insane and running away screaming as confused parkgoers look on. Followed by a notice saying that Tony Goldmark was never seen again and if you have any information on his whereabouts, "lock that information in a safe and drop that safe into an ocean."

    One Movie Later 
  • In the "One Movie Later" for Cars 3:
    • An Overly Long Gag where Jerk says "The studio that made this (Cut to beautiful, emotionally affecting clips from superior Pixar movies), X years later made this (Cut to a crude, unfunny Mater clip from Cars 2).
    • Jerk and the gang ride Radiator Springs Racer and, after the racing segment, Jerk insists "It was rigged! There were thirty million undocumented racers!"
    • Their reactions to seeing what the ride did to their hair in the ride photos. Morgan says a Tribble descended from space and landed on her head. Dave says Philo from UHF handed them the clamps to his interociter.
    • Luke Ski keeps interrupting the review to defend the movie and the Cars franchise as a whole. The other reviewers react to his interruptions with It's Probably Nothing.
    • The in-universe explanation for Luke's absence? Jerk had Kill Bozby open a wormhole and teleported Luke three thousand miles away.
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Haley mocks the villain of the previous movie. "Too many accessories, Blackbeard honey!"
  • In the "One Movie Later" for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Jerk hopes he doesn't immediately projectile vomit the moment he sees Jon Voight.note 
  • The "One Movie Later" for Avengers: Infinity War, mainly because it starts with Jerk predicting who will live and who will die. Mainly, he predicts that Spider-Man, Black Panther, and the Guardians of the Galaxy will survive the film, because they have upcoming sequels while Captain America is the most likely to kick the bucket due to being the MCU's The Cape. Guess who ends up living and who ends up dying in the movie.
  • In the One Movie Later for Solo: A Star Wars Story, people keep getting "fired" from the vlog and replaced with others in reference to the movie's Troubled Production.
    • When Morgan is fired, she shouts "Damn you Kathleen Kennedy and your SJW agenda!"
    • When Zach Hurst replaces her, the other reviewers have a "No. Just... No" Reaction, referencing Zach's controversial dislike for Rogue One.
  • In his "One Movie Later" for Christopher Robin:
    • Tony repeatedly references a clip of a live-action Winnie the Pooh singing about Stranger Danger.
    • Zach points to his red T-shirt and says he wore a Pooh shirt for the occassion. Not a shirt made of poo, just a shirt like Pooh's
      Jerk: Took us thirty seconds to go there.
    • Zach says the script has all the subtletly of a "Pooh to the face."
    • For the "What's the Attraction?" segment, Chris Nebergall suggests that Disneyland modify the Winnie the Pooh ride so that you have to finish efficiency paperwork or else they kick you out of the park. You also have to figure out how to pay Disneyland employees a living wage.
    • Luke suggests that Disneyland turn Mission Breakout into Tigger's Up and Down Fun Time. This causes Brianna to crack up for several seconds.
  • The "One Movie Later" for Mary Poppins Returns:
  • One Movie Later - The Further Adventures of Walt's Frozen Head:
    • Benjamin Lancaster's story about where he got the idea for the movie. He and his friends were just throwing out random titles for ridiculous movie ideas and this was one of them.
    • In a bit of Self-Deprecation, Spazz asks Benjamin how they got their shots to be so still. Benjamin answers that they used monopods, which they were afraid would be mistaken for selfie sticks but weren't. They also fooled Disneyland by taking their fancy recording equipment and putting them in the cheapest Wal-Mart camera bags they could find.
    • Doggans says that a moment in the film where the characters plan how to get past security reminds him of how they would have to plan to get certain shots.
    • Haley says that one of the biggest disadvantages to filming guerilla-style in Disneyland is the lack of caterers. Spazz quips they do have caterers, they're just really expensive.
    • Benjamin says that Ron Schneider would sometimes use his Dreamfinder voice but he can't repeat the words that were used.
    • By complete coincidence, the working title for the movie was "The Florida Project."
    • Benjamin says Kate Jenkins, the actress for Molly, was originally hired to read lines rather than actually audition but she was so good they picked her. Spazz points out she's Benjamin's Harrison Ford.
    • Jerk asks if the recent decapitations of two Disney animatronics on the same day was viral marketing for the movie. Benajmin answers that he wishes he could come up with a marketing campaign that good.
    • Benjamin says he's grateful he hasn't been thrown out of the park. Spazz says that if he were, Universal Studios would just hire him. And then he puts on his Transformers ride-operator hat. Benjamin then jokingly offers Comcast a chance to distribute his film.
  • The "One Movie Later" for Wonder Park:
    • Tony is so disgusted by how bad the movie is he shouts to everyone involved in it "You're lucky I don't know where you live!" before cutting away to a disclaimer insisting that his threat was entirely facetious and people involved in making terrible movies are "still technically people."
    • They sum up the aesops of the movie as "Teamwork is bad and repressing your emotions is good."
    • The movie is so bad that the end credits music is "Hurt" by Johnny Cash.
    • The Stinger where Jerk says he's relieved that Wonder Park is out of the way, then sees he has to review Dumbo (2019).
  • A Running Gag in the "(2019) Trilogy", Jerk says that the movie is better than Wonder Park.
  • The "One Movie Later" for Dumbo (2019)
  • The "One Movie Later" for Aladdin (2019)
    • The start of the video is just pictures of Will Smith's genie alternating with Jerk staring silently into the camera with a Broken Smile.
    • This Overly Long Gag when Jerk talks about how Jeffrey Katzenberg was so petty he created Aladdin just to interfere with Richard Williams' The Thief and the Cobbler.
      Jerk: Blatantly stealing another studio's idea was so absurdly successful that you almost can't blame Katzenberg for doing it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again...
    • Zach Hurst says that J. K. Rowling just made him gay.
    • Erika says she lives in the corner of her and Luke's new apartment.
    • Luke says he liked the movie. Gilligan Cut to him being thrown out of Uncle Phil's house.
    • Luke says he deliberately had all their friends sit between him and Jerk so he wouldn't have to hear Jerk's complaining about the movie.
    • Haley says she liked the movie a lot more once she "mentally shrunk the screen" and thought of it as a made-for-TV movie.
    • Michael's theory on how they cast the iconic Genie: "They saw Hitch and were, like, that guy!"
    • Luke expresses his displeasure at Iago's recasting by "turning into Iago" (a jump-cut to him wearing an Iago hat) and using his Gilbert Gottfried impression.
      Luke: Let's just get Alan Tudyk because he lives in a bunker out back.
    • Haley says she expected a trainwreck but instead got a fender-bender.
    • The gang ranks every Disney live-action remake of an animated film on a whiteboard. Dumbo (2019) is so bad it's in another neighborhood.
    • Spurred by Jafar mockingly calling the Sultan "Baba", Erika says how interesting it would be if Jafar were an adopted or illegitimate son of the Sultan. Zach then imagines her opening a laptop in the theater and writing fanfiction.note 
    • Spazz's "DJ KHALED!!!"
    • Jerk pointing out that Khaled's career seems based more on his connections than his music. He seems more like an agent than an artist.
    • Jerk reimagines The Enchanted Tiki Room where you get eaten by the movie's giant Iago and sings "In the stomach of the giant motherfuckin' bird, in the stomach of the giant motherfuckin' bird..."
      Spazz: So long as there's Dole whip, I'm fine.
    • Haley's parody of "Friend Like Me" at the end.
      Haley: Hey Mr. Iger, sir, gotta protect your IP. So milk nostalgia till it's dry. Cover everything with that CG!
  • The "One Movie Later" for The Lion King (2019)
    • The intro is a call back to his Aladdin video, with just shots of Jerk's bored, unimpressed face alternating with the movie's version of Pumbaa.
      Jerk: Gee, it's almost as if hand-drawn animation doesn't translate well to live-action. Or something.
    • Jerk criticizes people for calling the photorealistic CGI movie "live action", pointing out that WALL•E had more actual live action in it.
    • Jerk points out the catch-22 of the movie: Do they make the warthog cute and violate the realism of the movie or do they make the warthog look realistic and make it look repulsive? Questions like that have no easy answers...
      "Audience": Unless your answer is don't make the fucking movie!
      Jerk: I'm so proud of you guys!
    • At one point the vlog stops dead and a caption appears explaining that, due to an editing error, Jeff's outer shirt will disappear and reappear randomly throughout the video.
    • Emily's depiction of a fight between two photorealistic lions, which is no different than a slap-fight between two housecats.
    • Emily says that the most fun the audience had that night was while watching the trailer for Cats. Ryan says that Tony was the first to laugh at the trailer, which caused the rest of the audience to follow suit.
    • Emily's sheer disgust when she hears that, for their Top 10 list of live-action Disney remakes, they gave the #4 spot to Maleficent, which she thinks should be much lower.
    • Emily's reason for liking Cinderella (2015): "The dress was really pretty and I like Lily James."
    • Based on the remakes' tendency to overexplain things that don't need explanation, Ryan made a list of predictions for this movie, some of which he got right.
    • Luke says that the movie's version of "Be Prepared" sounded like a William Shatner poem reading of the song.
    • This bit where they compare Skar to an "incel."
      Doggans: I guess incel is a lateral move from hyena Nazi.
  • The episode on Cats, which Tony's Twitter followers voted as the fall movie. It lasts less than 7 minutes, because...
    • While Tony does a normal intro, at the 1:22 mark he begins screaming at the Uncanny Valley creations for which the movie, and eventually screams at the stage musical, Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Sylvester the cat, CGI Garfield, Halle Berry as Catwoman, cat memes, The Aristocats, Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman, MC Skat Kat, Toonces the Driving Cat, ordinary cat pictures, and Jim with cat flu from Escape from Tomorrow. He also screams at the Twitter poll results, in which Cats beat Frozen II, Terminator: Dark Fate and Maleficent: Mistress of Evil. Cats composer Andrew Lloyd Webber even makes an appearance.
    • After the "One Movie Later" title card, Tony, Brianna, Dave, Morgan and Luke are all shown screaming incoherently, which continues after the "Spoilers" title card. They also get pelted with plush cats from someone off-camera.
    • The video ends with Luke discovering a dead Tony in the bathroom after screaming into a toilet, mirroring Jim's death in Escape From Tomorrow. Extra funny: Tony's eyes bear the logo for the Cats musical.
  • The Rise of Skywalker
    • Jerk plays a grainy old commercial for Star Wars souvenir cups and admires the man's unabashed love of Star Wars, compared to the more negative, whiny fanbase it has today.
    • When she introduces herself, Morgan holds up a bottle and says "I'm going to need ten more of these."
    • MarzGurl says she's in the video because the internet already hates her so she might as well be part of something that will garner even more hate. Morgan then says that "We're out of fucks to give and we don't know when our stock will be replenished."
    • Morgan goes into a long, detailed criticism of the movie's reveal that Rey is Emperor Palpatine's granddaughter. She discusses how it undermines the powerful message that a person doesn't need special ancestors to be special and how it ties Rey to the past rather than growing beyond it. She ends with "Somebody fucked Palpatine! That's CANON!"
    • Doggans says that when Kylo and Rey kiss, everyone around them in the theater groaned.
    • MarzGurl mocks the Reylos' belief that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are two different people. "[Kylo Ren] is just his online screen name!"
    • MarzGurl's baffled expressions as the gang closes by singing "Goodnight but not Goodbye."
    • Morgan takes one last drink and collapses.
    • The very last line is Doggans announcing Jefferson Starship.

    State of the Parks 
  • One of his best shout-outs, courtesy of his State of the Parks video about the possibility of a Guardians of the Galaxy ride replacing the California Twilight Zone Tower of Terror:
    Jerk:...and, to make a long story short-
    Cast of Clue: Too late.
  • The 2016 recap of State of the Parks:
    • Jerk opens the video mentioning how awful the past year had been, and says that they shouldn't have wasted an entire year's worth of miracles on baseball.
    • "Harrison Ford himself, looking almost like he wanted to be there..."
    • Jerk reveals that Disney parks have stopped selling toy guns. Cut to eleven clips of Jerk using the guns as props during his prior reviews. "Did I cause this?" Cue Sarah McLachlan music, followed by Jerk redirecting his energy to protesting the parks' use of gators after a gator attack was the most reported Disney death in 2016.
    • "Anyway, in lighter news- AH ZOMBIE!"
    • Jerk Corpsing as he talks about plans to build a park in Animal Kingdom based on the film Avatar.
    • His choice for credits music: "Rippy the Gator" by the Arrogant Worms, a reference to the 2016 alligator attacks in Disney World.
  • "State of the Parks: Theme Park News of 2017 and 2018":
  • "The Hall of Presidents: Attack of the Hideous Trumpbot!" starts with an Opening Crawl that's a massive Take That! to anyone who doesn't want him to get political.
    • Jerk points out that, technically EPCOT now has a Russia pavilion note 
    • Jerk lists several of the bad things Trump has done, including mocking assault victims, feuding with gold-star families, endorsing a pedophile, and starring in a Pizza Hut commercial.
    • Jerk struggles to say the words "President Donald J. Trump" and goes absolutely insane before he can. His freakout includes the "You maniacs!" rant from Planet of the Apes (1968), throwing rolls of paper towelsnote , and licking a gun.
    • Any time Jerk speaks as Trump, he colors his face orange.
    • Jerk uses a Laugh Track...which turns out to be actual audio of the United Nations laughing at Trump.
    • The ride starts talking about increasing income inequality.
      Jerk: They definitely didn't tell Trump about this part.
    • Jerk realizing the ride's several Take Thats at Trump and the Republicans. The ride positively depicts poor Americans crying out for "change", the Catchphrase of Barack Obama. Jimmy Carter makes an appearance but recent Republican Presidents Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, and George H. W. Bush are omitted while Ronald Reagan appears only briefly to say "Tear down this wall!", possibly a Take That! to Trump's proposed wall on the US/Mexico border.
  • In "Top 15 Attractions That Closed In 2017":
    • Jerk repeatedly mocks an old commercial for Stitch's Great Escape by using a belch as an adjective. He also says most fans hate it so much they consider it an "irredeemable Holocaust-abortion."
    • He also points out how long the closure of Stitch's Great Escape has been dragged out by fast-forwarding to 2068. An elderly Jerk on a post-apocalyptic background says this will finally be the year they close it.
    • Commenters take Jerk's use of the phrase "Cocoon of nostalgia" and turn it into a parody of "Hakuna Matata."
    • Part 2 begins with a fake "One Movie Later" where everyone rants and raves about how great Fifty Shades Freed was.
    • The Running Gag where parks keep unpopular attractions open because "They had nothing to replace it with!".
    • "If you're in the future, and you're fightin' Skynet, who you gonna call? MOVEBUSTERS!"
  • The State of the Parks for Pirates of the Caribbean: We Wants The Redhead involves Jerk moderating a debate between a pirate captain (Captain Edgesword) and a progressive Millennial (Tryhard Goodman) regarding the replacement of the infamous Wench Auction scene with a Treasure Auction, and turning the redhead into one of the pirates to appease Moral Guardians accusing Disney of glorifying human trafficking and objectifying women.
  • The State of the Parks for the Splash Mountain retheming based on The Princess and the Frog:
  • State of the Parks Minisode - January 20, 2021
    • Jerk says using Disneyland as a supervaccination site is a great idea. They can keep the vaccines refrigerated right next to Walt's frozen corpse while Cast Members are already good at managing long lines while getting disabled people to the front.

    Escape From Vault Disney 2019 - 2020 

Smart House

  • The movie has a son trying to take over his late mother's duties so that his father won't date and replace her. The gang points out in a roundabout way that there are some things a woman could do for his father than a son couldn't. Then Jerk bluntly says the son wants to fuck his dad and the others react appropriately.
  • While discussing a scene where preteen boys imitate a Boy Band's choreography, they point out no teenage boy from the 90's would ever admit to enjoying a boy band due to how repressed and insecure in their masculinity they all were.
  • While discussing the A.I. Is a Crapshoot trope, Dave recounts a story where he went out for doughnuts and his GPS led him to an empty gravel parking lot at night and he thought "My GPS is trying to kill me!"

Meet the Deedles

  • After watching the movie, Jerk's first statement is that the whole podcast was a bad idea.
  • Jerk remembers that on Siskel & Ebert, Ebert would torture Siskel by repeating "Deedle" over and over again.
  • Luke initially mistakes this movie for Meet the Applegates, a movie about giant insects pretending to be human. The others are in disbelief that the movie even exists.
  • Dave took a page of notes for Smart House but only five for this movie, most of them just being "Why?"
  • Luke says the movie was probably written in the 80's and sat on a desk for several years.
  • Dave says that a female character refers to her father as her stepfather so many times it sounds like the setup to a porn movie.
  • Jerk finds out that one of the actresses who played a minor character in the movie is now a countess.

Amphibia Episode 13

  • Jerk says that Wisconsinites show affection by emptying dog food on people's heads.
  • Luke discusses a meeting he had at Cartoon Network where they said most of their shows were for kids six to eleven while Adult Swim was for people eighteen and over. Luke asked why they assumed kids twelve to seventeen don't watch cartoons. They must be too busy Fortnite dancing and being indoctrinated into Nazism on Youtube.
  • The podcast features an "appearance" by the character Gunther, a dopey frog with a Southern accent.
  • They interview him with a Running Gag being his inconsistency over whether or not he's a self-aware, fourth wall-breaking cartoon character or an actual sentient talking frog.
  • Gunther is apparently stuck in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, reliving reruns of Episode 13 over and over again.
  • Tony eventually gets so frustrated with Gunther's stupidity he starts breaking his stuff and throwing him against the wall.
  • The guys eventually lick Gunther to get high. Gunther later reveals that Tony licked his ass.
  • Luke says that if the creators of Amphibia are listening, he begs them to give him a job so that he can exit the existential nightmare of the podcast.
  • Twas the Night
    • Santa Claus shows up in the middle of the podcast and the cast grill him about "tickling" kids in their sleep.
  • It's revealed that "Santa" is actually Carl Featherbottom, a twelve-year-old with a very deep voice who escaped from a juvenile prison.
  • They offer Santa a hot dog and he makes a slurping sound rather than an eating sound. They then say he sucked it up his nose.
  • It's later revealed that "Carl" isn't human at all. He's an alien and only then do the podcasters mention that he's green. Jerk responds with a Big "WHAT?!" to the fact that they're making first contact with an alien who's also a runaway child with a birth defect who's also Santa Claus.
  • Santa makes a warbling, alien noise. Then he says he's just clearing his throat.
  • For the "What's the Attraction" section, "Carl" suggests a Haunted Mansion overlay starring Bryan Cranston. Not an animatronic, the actual Bryan Cranston chained to a wall, trying desperately to get his Tony Award back.

The Book of Pooh - Day of the Knights/Come As Eeyore

  • They mock how strange Owl looks due to the fact he has no eyelids.
  • The guys say that Peter Cullen, Eeyore's voice actor, accidentally slips into his Optimus Prime voice occasionally. This leads to the creation of Pessimist Prime, where they say several of Optimus' noble, uplifting lines in Eeyore's voice.
  • They then suggest that Eeyore would be an alt-right comedian and was also the first Goth.
  • The next episode is "Bravehat", which of course results in them doing Braveheart's famous Rousing Speech in Eeyore's voice.
  • The description of the next episode, which is "Piglet finds courage in a new hat." Zach imagines that Piglet literally reaches into a hat and pulls out Courage the Cowardly Dog.
  • The "Dueling Poohs" segment between Kyle and Zach, which escalates into the two Poohs getting into a fight and one threatening to fuck the other's mother in the ass.
    • Every moment with Zach for that matter.
    • (Doubles as a heartwarming moment) On the Thanks For The Magic stream, Zach reprised his impression of Pooh at a donation tracker’s request who was working the graveyard. It made her laugh so fucking hard.
    Luke: We're reviewing a pre-school show, by the way.
  • Between takes, "Pooh" claims to eat people and shit them out in the woods.
  • They, of course, make a joke about Chinese President Xi Jinping. "Aaaand, Banned in China!"
  • For the "What's the Attraction?" segment, Luke suggests "Eeyore's Pointless Hole of Despair."

The Wild

Pooh's Heffalump Movie

  • This is the second Pooh movie they've done, so they say they're diving back into the "pile of Pooh."
  • When they learn the Heffalump's name is Lumpy, they start singing "A Day to Celebrate."

Halloweentown 2: Kalabar's Revenge

  • Kalabar, the title character, isn't in the movie at all.
  • Jerk's depiction of a phone call between Halloweentown and the real world. Since it's a Year Outside, Hour Inside, one end would be a Motor Mouth while the other would be incredibly slow.
  • In the movie, a girl flirts with a boy by saying "Let's go up to my grandma's room." Jerk jokes about how they'll be fucking on a bed that stinks like an old lady.
  • Jerk describes Kal's fake dad as looking like the love child of Kylo Ren and Benedict Cumberbatch.
  • Jerk speculates that the movie was too cheap to hire extras and just got a bunch of random homeless people to be in the movie for free craft services.

Read It and Weep

  • Charlie says he once worked for Toys R Us after high school. Morgan than mocks him with an old-woman impression.
  • They are confused about the character named Is. Jerk wonders if the movie will be about the definition of "is."
  • Charlie reads the description of the movie in his announcer voice, including all the minutia like the duration, release date, genre, rating, format, etc.
  • Haley describes the star's hair as being two little tendrils.
  • Morgan instantly guesses that a male character won't be the love interest due to his best friends bowl cut hair.
  • Since the movie is about a girl's diary becoming a bestseller, Jerk compares it to The Diary of a Young Girl.
  • Haley compares the Hollywood Homely lead to herself in high school, including her poorly-fitted screen-print T-shirts, her lopsided French braid, and blue shimmer lip gloss which made her look "like a drowning victim."
  • Haley randomly asks Morgan what she thinks about liver on pizza just so they can gloat about the podcast passing The Bechdel Test.
  • The Fridge Horror at a scene where a whale piñata breaks open and spills seaweed onto a high school dance, including pizza. As far as they know, the seaweed isn't sanitary and was just pulled right out of the ocean. Haley speculates that the movie takes place in Innsmouth.
  • Charlie realizes that the movie is basically a female Blank Check.
  • When the female lead literally silences a male character by stepping on his mouth, Jerk wonders why incels haven't latched onto the movie. Morgan says it's because the Nice Guy actually gets with the girl at the end, which would have incels screaming "Verisimilitude compromised!"
  • Spazz wonders why the teenage boy has a brother who looks about forty. Morgan speculates that the actor was so vain he refused to play the kid's father and was rewritten as a brother.
  • Jerk says the movie makes him understand why High School Musical was such a big hit. If most Disney Channel movies were this mediocre, HSM must have seemed mind-blowingly excellent.
  • Haley says the main character's brother seems like a guy who doesn't wash his ass well because he thinks it's gay. Baffled, Jerk asks if that's a Southern expression. Haley says it's actually an internet thing. Then Spazz mentions a Reddit story about a girl who said her boyfriend never washed his genitals because he thought that was gay.
  • After saying a character looked like their friend Garrett, they say the character spends way more time on his hair than any straight male teenager and looks like a John Mayer knockoff. Spazz quickly chimes in with "For the record, we're not talking about you, Garrett."
  • Haley explains the "lesbian dance loophole."note 
  • Both of Jerk's Berserk Buttons get pressed. Morgan uses the expression "It's a very small world", which results in everyone subtly alluding to the ride as Jerk threatens them. Charlie then mentions Is saying "figments of imagination."

Doug Episode 21: Quailman vs. The Triad of Terror

  • Haley muses that Doug was part of a mellow, slice-of-life genre that died out after 9/11.
  • Jerk describes the title of Doug's 1st Movie as "ominous", as if they were threatening to make more.
  • They remember how Disney's Doug was once branded as "Brand Spanking-New Doug." It was wisely shortened back to "Disney's Doug."
  • Spazz says "Without further a-Doug."
    Spazz: I am in the corner
  • They point out how Nickelodeon's Doug theme song is a Ear Worm that they could remember even years after the show went off the air but the Disney theme song they couldn't remember with a "gun to their heads" even though they just watched the show.
  • They end up going on a tangent about educational TV requirements, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, and a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment with Bill Cosby.
  • While discussing COPPA, Spazz says he has the "COPPA Feels." Haley boos him.

Frank and Ollie

  • Tony describes how he first met Jenny Nicholson through Kevin Perjurer of Defunctland. Kevin recognized Tony but Tony couldn't recognize him since he doesn't show his face in his videos. He jokingly acts surprised that Kevin doesn't just look like a living wax statue. Jenny jokes that he's hideously deformed.
  • Dave says he was such a boring kid that he owned this, a documentary about two of Disney's Nine Old Men, on VHS. Tony then one-ups him by saying that he saw this movie in theaters.
  • Jenny expresses disappointment that this is a documentary and not a dog movie.
  • The gang mocks how Andy Gaskill seems perplexed by close male frienships and insists that he's not that close with men.
  • The movie includes riveting scenes like the director packing shoes to visit his father and shaving.
  • They note how casually Frank and Ollie treat the original drawings they did for The Jungle Book (1967), which could be sold for thousands of dollars. Jenny imagines Disney archivists raiding their homes like The Men in Black to save the drawings after they die.
  • The son of Frank and Ollie's old landlord apparently held funerals in the backyard for dead grass.
    Tony: And he grew up to be Charles Manson!
  • Dave says a story about how Frank and Ollie would share the same razor felt really Grandpa Simpson.
  • And then the Nazis came!
  • "Disney animation is full of sexually aggressive squirrels."
  • Jenny mistakes a caricature of Frank Thomas for "Big Pinocchio."
  • Alessandra reveals a surprising connection between her and Robert Sherman. Robert had identical twin granddaughters and Alessandra's brother dated them both without telling them so he's been banned from their house. One of history's greatest songwriting legends had a personal grudge against her brother.
  • Jenny says John Canemaker sounds like either a serial killer or a space alien based on how rigidly and clinically he describes animation.
  • Jenny is shocked when Tony says he didn't like Smart House.


  • Nicholas says that when he first watched the movie, he loved it so much that he had to pause the movie and gush about it to his sister.
  • Tony shamefully admits that he's never seen the play or the movie, which makes him a bad Disney fan.
  • Tony compares the line "Why do grown-ups talk?" to the memetic phrase "OK, boomer."
  • Nicholas wonders how the movie Newsies could afford to eat at restaurants if they're not making any money.
  • Dave calls Pullitzer's song "Bottom Line" the "Bob Chapek Anthem."
  • Tony says that Crutchy was given that name by his parents and it was a complete coincidence that he broke his leg later on.
  • David asks "How many Disney movies end in Deus Ex Roosevelt?" note 
  • Nicholas says that Gangs of New York is like if Martin Scorsese said "What if the Newsies wasn't fun and also sucked and was three hours long?"
    Dave: But it's cinema!note 
  • Alessandra says "Hard Disney Plus. I want Jeremy Jordan to snap my neck."
  • The next movie the randomizer assigns them is Jack (1996), causing Tony and Kevin to burst out laughing.

Jack (1996):

  • They mock the Serial Escalation of the scene where more and more kids start playing outside Jack's house hoping to coax him out of his Heroic BSoD. They imagine a full-blown parade outside his house and Elon Musk appearing in a Drill Tank.
  • The font of the credits in this lighthearted kids' movie looks like a ransom note.
  • They imagine that contractual obligation was the only way the studio could have gotten so many talented people to work on such a bad movie.
  • The movie is mistakenly listed on Disney Plus as a superhero movie. Tony speculates that it was a Take That! to Francis Ford Coppola for siding with Martin Scorsese in insulting superhero movies.
    • And earlier, Tony calls out Coppola's hypocrisy since he literally made a theme park movie with Captain EO.
  • For the "What's the Attraction?" segment, Jerk proposes an attraction where the Genie selects a bunch of kids and has a contest over who can act the most like a grown-up Robin Williams. It will be called the Jack-Off. The others react appropriately.

Bug Juice: My Adventures at Camp Episode 16


  • Chris speculates that the movie is about an alternate universe where the Reylo ship from The Rise of Skywalker didn't happen and all the shippers rioted.
  • When they come back from watching the movie, they all speak in exaggerated Scandinavian accents.
  • Tony calls the movie Cast Away Babies. The guys spent the movie shouting "Wilson!" in their fake Scandinavian accents.
  • They discuss the film's Artistic License – History. Tony mentions a Futurama scene where the characters travel back to the 20th century and want to go disco-dancing and mammoth-hunting.
  • Then they move on to biology. At the start of the movie, Chris hopes that a monkey shows up just so he can bitch about it being in the wrong place. That actually happens.
  • For the "What's the Attraction" bit, Zach suggests chucking kids off the Columbia and making them escape Tom Sawyer Island while being waylaid by a guy in a gorilla suit. Tony suggests the same thing, but with real gorillas.


The Little Mermaid: The Series (series) S3E3 - Island of Fear

  • Rob Bergman, the patron who won Tony's contest to identify everyone in the Zip-Ah-Dee-Doo-Dah montage coincidentally also won the "Show Me Your Doc" contest. So he's very good at winning Some Jerk contests.
    Morgan: Hashtag Obscure Superpowers!
  • Morgan remembers being terrified of an episode where a creepy sponge latches onto people's brains and sucks out their imagination. Kyle Carrozza says it sounds like Jhonen Vasquez wrote that episode.
  • Tony wonders why Ariel's merman friend Urchin doesn't appear in the movie. Kitty speculates that he died on his way back to his home planet.
  • Tony's first comment after watching the episode: "What the fuck was that?"
  • Morgan wonders how many kids were unintentionally traumatized by this show. Tony imagines a little girl who wants to see the Little Mermaid shocked by the sudden appearance of CRAB MONSTERS!
  • Kyle says the show probably would've given more kids nightmares if it were animated better.
  • They speculate that the whole writing staff of the show is just disaffected horror writers resentful they had to work on The Little Mermaid.
  • Tony imagines that Dr. Vile's grandchild will eventually insist that his name is pronounced "vee-lay".
  • Tony pointing out the Fridge Brilliance of the episode. Sebastian starts out singing he loves the beach, which contradicts his characterization in the movie. His experiences with Dr. Vile must have given him PTSD.
  • For the "What's The Attraction?" portion, Morgan proposes "Crab Experiments" as a new dish at a park restaurant.
  • Tony suggests that random riders on "Ariel's Undersea Adventure" be taken down an alternate path to Dr. Vile's laboratory.

Milo Murphy's Law S1E12-13 - Missing Milo parts 1 & 2

  • Tony says if you split his brain in half, it would just be half Disney trivial and half "Weird Al" Yankovic trivia. Zach says that the middle of his brain must just be "Skipper Dan" on repeat.
  • The ad for the podcast Channel KRT starts like an ad for a medicine, with Katie asking if you find yourself wondering if the obscure TV show you once saw was real or just a fever dream. It ends with Katie saying "Cut to static".
  • Tony says one of his hobbies is collecting rare Weird Al songs that aren't on any albums. Jeff asks if Tony secretly records Al in the shower.
  • Tony tells Zach that the show's Zack is one of those "heathens" that spells their name with a K. Zach says it means he'll grow up to write bad DC movies.
  • "And that's all we're going to say about Harry Potter!"note 
  • For the "What's the Attraction?" segment, Zach suggests converting "Great Times With Mr. Lincoln" into a show about everything that's gone wrong in 2020. They'll call it "Milo Murphy's Year."
  • Tony laments that they couldn't get someone from the Weird Al podcast "Weird Alphabet" to join them only for David Spencer to call in and ask to join at the very last minute.
  • Tony refers to Chicken Little as a "classic?"

Chicken Little

  • Tony starts by talking about an old Disney short by the same name, which involves a fox reading Mein Kampf. The book's title was later changed to Psychology because they didn't want the movie to become dated after the war.
  • Tony calls Cars 2 garbage. Luke, who loves the Cars franchise, says his ears suddenly caught COVID and he couldn't hear anything he just said.
  • Luke compares Disney in its transitional early-2000s era to an awkward, directionless teenager going through puberty. Tony builds on the analogy by comparing the current Disney era to a person having a mid-life crisis and being obsessed with nostalgia.
  • Luke's description of the opening scene for The Emperor's New Groove
  • While discussing the appearance of the live-action Raiders of the Lost Ark in the movie, Luke says they should have made Indiana Jones a dog for the Mythology Gag and so they could name the movie Raiders of the Lost Bark.
  • The gang mocks how dated the movie is due to the Bare Naked Ladies song and a scene where several characters take out their phones and call their friends rather than texting.
  • David says the movie reminded him of being the worst kid on his Little League team. After one lucky hit, he's transferred to infield...where he breaks his thumb and is out for the rest of the season.
  • Tony remembers the Nightmare Fuel promotion where Disney California Adventure and Disney MGM Studios had giant Chicken Little balloons peering over the tops of buildings. One Twitter user posted the pic with the caption "Bow before your God!"
  • In a call-back to the "Raiders of the Lost Bark" joke, Luke says "Rakes, why did it have to be rakes?" in a Scooby-Doo voice.
    Jerk: The Sideshow Bob Story.

The Rocketeer

  • Ryan Hipp claims he's been divorced from his fellow panelists a total of seven times.
  • Doggans recalls discovering the Rocketeer read-along book and tape in a used book store and thinking "Wow, Disney made a superhero movie?"
  • Ryan's aside explaining to younger viewers what a tape is. "It's like Spotify, except it sucks. And now, back to the AARP podcast!"
  • During a digression on Dick Tracy, Alessandra teases a story about how her family knows and hates Warren Beatty but she doesn't explain why and decides to save her story for later.
  • In the transition, Tony goes on a serious discussion of how Disney is laying off 28,000 cast members due to the pandemic while its executive salaries have been returned to pre-pandemic levels. He ends with "And now, back to my podcast about the jetpack movie!"
  • Alessandra says she loved everything about the movie except the lead character.
  • Tony says there's a fine line between Timothy Dalton playing a hammy actor and Dalton just being a "board-certified hammy actor."
  • Tony says how Neville Sinclair would probably get "Me Too'd" nowadays before they all start mocking all the apologists and victim-blamers that defend celebrity predators.
    Alessandra: Every wealthy person has a large collection of women's robes on-hand.
    Tony: #IStandWithNaziBob
    Dave: Look, you're going to cancel him and now he's just going to make $600,000 a month off of his podcast.
    Ryan: Wait, I'm getting word in my ear that Neville Sinclair is now the new correspondant for Fox News.
  • They all reluctantly admit that while it's a sexual assault scene, Jenny's scene with Neville is still pretty hot.
  • Doggans repeatedly plugging his Patreon after being prompted by Ryan.
  • The guy the Rocketeer saves from the plane is played by someone who would later play Jonathan Kent. Tony jokes that he would've told the Rocketeer not to save him because people are watching.
  • Dave and Tony say it's nice to watch a movie from back when Alan Arkin gave a shit about acting.
  • Tony imagines Elton John saying "Fuck you!" during the scene where they reject "Rocket Man" as a potential nickname for the Rocketeer.
  • Ryan jokes that if Tom Cruise were playing the Rocketeer, he'd try to get himself killed by a real jetpack.
  • While discussing modern news' attempts to be neutral, Tony mocks the term "racially charged", as if there's a "racist battery" or something.
  • They wonder where Nazis got animators for their propaganda movies. They imagine Leni Riefenstahl branching out into animation and creating Leni Riefenstahl-Toons.
    Alessandra: I'm leaving.
  • They lament that animator Mark Dindal has fallen from Rocketeer to Wonder Park.

Return to Oz

  • Tony says that, as a little kid, the flying monkeys weren't too scary for him but he was terrified of Grover.
  • Tony's story about how, while building the Great Movie Ride, Michael Eisner refused to use Return to Oz for the climax and insisted on using the classic Wizard of Oz movie regardless of how much money they had to pay for licensing. Everyone Has Standards indeed. note 
  • Right before the cutaway, Morgan says "Pray for us."
  • When they come back, Tony's first reaction is "I need an adult."
    Morgan: I'm not old enough for this movie.
    Tony: I'm either not old or drunk or perverted enough for this movie.
  • Morgan's "Is this what Gen Xers had to grow up with? Because this might explain a lot."
  • Tony describes the movie as a lobotomized Labyrinth. He also calls it "the cinematic equivalent of being molested."
  • Tony compares Walter Murch as The Team Wannabe to film-school graduates who took over Hollywood in the 80's like Coppola, Lucas, Spielberg, and Zemeckis.
  • Tony describes Tik Tok as the result of Colonel Mustard fucking BB-8.
  • When Morgan was little, her father walked in on her during the "hall of Mombi's disembodied heads" scene and saw it completely without context.
  • They flew over the Deadly Desert, which makes them smarter than hobbits.
  • They make fun of how bad the Scarecrow looks. Tony says it looks like a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic while Kevin says it looks like a shaved Muppet.
  • Kevin, who is from Kansas, is baffled that Dorothy always wants to go back to "fucking boring" Kansas rather than stay in Oz and become royalty.
  • Tony says the movie is the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice of its era: taking beloved childhood icons and darkening them while calling it a Deconstruction. Sydney warns him that he's going to piss off the Patrons who asked for it.
  • Kevin suggests watching the movie while high. Tony says this would only make the movie more terrifying and make you swear off pot forever, turning the movie into a "scared straight" program.

While You Were Sleeping

  • Tony can only think of two movies released by Hollywood Pictures: The Sixth Sense and Super Mario Bros..
  • Tony says lyricist Nick Hornby's greatest fear for the song "From Above" was that nobody would remember the movie While You Were Sleeping.
  • The State of the Parks segment, where Tony mentions an interview Max Landis did with Jenny Nicholson which you can watch "If you can stand looking at his stupid face." Landis' idea was that human souls couldn't travel at light speed so space travelers would often return as zombies. Nicholson points out how similar this is to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.
  • Tony wonders why the family doesn't postpone Christmas festivities while one of their family members is in a coma.
  • While discussing how many authentic shots of Chicago were in the film, Tim quips that you can see his car being towed in one of them.note 
  • Tim says Peter Gallagher, who plays the guy in the coma, looks almost like a caricature of a leading man. He's like every "before" boyfriend in a Hallmark movie.
  • Kitty and Tony say Gallagher looks like an unsuccessful prototype of Chris Pine.
  • Kitty says Bill Pullman seems more like a Han Solo parody in this movie than he did in Spaceballs due to the Han-and-Leia style chemistry between him and the lead.
  • Kitty calls Tony racist against chairs and Tony has to issue an apology.note 
  • They discuss the "Friends" Rent Control in the movie and how Peter's (Gallagher's character) apartment looks like a conference room in a corporate office. Luke points out that Peter is so narcissistic that he has more pictures of himself than his family.
  • Tim says his wife has seen the movie and laughed hysterically when she found out he had to watch it.
  • You can tell Peter's real fiancee is evil because SHE'S BLONDE!!!
  • Tony says how Saul Tuttle was so stereotypically Jewish that they probably wanted someone like Mel Brooks to play him. While the actor is Jewish, Kitty says "He doesn't look Druish!"
  • Luke describes the character of Joe Junior as a stereotypical Italian asked to demonstrate what a stereotypical Italian would act like.
  • Their disgust at Bullock dipping an Oreo in milk her cat just drank. Tony says it's her fetish while Kitty speculates this is where the cat flu from Escape from Tomorrow started.

Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas

  • As he's only caught bits of this movie while visiting relatives with small children, Tony says he's never "intentionally" watched it. One of the guests envisions someone walking up to Tony on the street and shoving an iPhone with the movie into his face.
  • While attending a Christmas Party at Magic Kingdom, Sydney remembers seeing a boy viewing a diorama where Scrooge McDuck being dragged into Hell by the Ghost of Christmas Future and asking his mom what was happening. The mother answered "She's helping him get out of the hole!"
  • The movie is narrated by Kelsey Grammer so Tony includes one of his sweet Christmas movie narrations interrupted by the sound of Sideshow Bob stepping on a rake and getting whacked in the face.
  • Since Donald's nephews refer to Daisy as "Aunt Daisy", Tony wonders exactly what her relationship with Donald is. Are they married though they don't live together, divorced, or siblings in an incestuous relationship?
  • Their discussion of ducks eating turkey.
  • Dave remembers his father's post-Christmas tradition of building a huge bonfire with all the neighborhood Christmas trees. Some of the guests didn't remove the tinsel, which resulted in some interestingly colored fire.
  • They speculate about the store "Lumberjack Lingerie" that appears in the background of a shot.
  • Tony points out that David keeps coincidentally getting assigned movies that parody the boulder scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark: Chicken Little, UHF, and this movie.
  • Tony's reaction to Max staying up all night in existential despair after finding out Santa doesn't exist. "Welcome to atheism, kid! It's no damn fun."
  • Tony claims that Tom Holland will appear on the podcast to read off the next randomizer selection, only to get interrupted by Carl Featherbottom, who says that if he doesn't read off the next selection, Christmas will be canceled!

Richie Rich's Christmas Wish

  • Dave is angry that they did While You Were Sleeping without him.
  • The return of the twelve-year-old criminal alien Santa Claus Carl Featherbottom. Though he was twelve in his last appearance a year ago, he says he's now fifty-five because 2020 aged him so much.
  • Carl claims he ran into Tim Allen and made him watch all of Geppetto on his phone. When Drew Carey started singing, Tim died.
  • Randee calls Superstar Limo the The Black Cauldron of the Disney Parks. It has no musicals and it's an abortion.
  • Tony points out that two people doing voicework on the same project don't necessarily meet each other. Barack Obama didn't meet Calvin Coolidge for the Hall of Presidents.
    Dave: But they did in my fanfiction!
  • Carl's lawyer is Rudy Giuliani, who he gave COVID.
  • Carl put Tim Allen's corpse in Randee's closet as an early Christmas present. Randee is pissed because she asked for seat covers.
  • Right before they break to watch the movie, Carl says "God help us, every one!"
  • Tony calls the movie "dangerously nineties" due to the Special Effects Failure. Randee says the green screen was so bad it reminded her of the speeder bike chase in Return of the Jedi.
  • They compare Reggie, the rich bratty villain, to Donald Trump. Then they learn that Reggie's mother is played by Trump's second wife. They speculate that Trump modeled his entire personality off Reggie and even has his own wishing machine.
  • The gang wonders why the wishing machine only works on Christmas Eve and not on birthdays or any other time lots of people are wishing. Dave invents wishichlorians.
  • They speculate on what unethical eugenics resulted in a dog covered in dollar signs.
  • They wonder how the Riches got their money and Randee speculates that Richie's dad is doing some "Pablo Escobar shit."
  • Randee lived in a dumpster, died, got mistaken for a mannequin, and thrown in a lake. Then she was rescued by a mermaid and, though she hoped for an Interspecies Romance, they had different goals.
  • Tony is horrified that two adult women flirt with the underage Richie. Later, Randee points out an Easter Egg where one of the original Richie Rich comics appears...on Richie's boxers.
  • Tony says that if Reggie is Donald Trump, Richie is Mitt Romney. He's better but he's not good.
  • The Running Gag where Carl talks about his past but his inconsistent age keeps randomly changing. Tony thinks he's the physical embodiment of the randomizer and yells at him for making him watch Jack (1996). Dave expected him to look more like Katey Sagal.
  • Carl proposes a sequel where Reggie is visited by three ghosts after being visited by the ghost of Cadbury in chains. Then he pats himself on the back for his completely original idea.
  • Randee claims that Tommy Wiseau is in her house and talking to her dog. He used the wishing machine to gain the ability to fly and Randee chases him out with a broom. note 
  • Carl remembers a scene where a homeless people look at something and say it looks infected. "I probably gave it to him."
  • Tony wishes that, when a homeless kid asks if he has something to eat, Richie had said "Just this dog."
  • Tony realizes that all three Christmas movies he watched for the podcast make fun of the Salvation Army. This leads to several Take Thats to the homophobic organization.
  • We learn that Tommy Wiseau is from the same species as Carl. They can't survive northwestern climate, so he froze to death outside Randee's house and his corpse is in the same closet as Tim Allen's.
  • Carl says he was in Miracle on 34th Street and Randee asks why he "did that to Natalie Wood."note 
    Carl: This just got real dark.
    Tony: She knew too much.

    Escape From Vault Disney 2021 

The Adventures of Huck Finn

  • The gang makes several puns off Morgan Funder's name, such as "Funderstruck".
  • Chris Nebergall's impression of an audiobook narrator with a "newscaster voice" trying to do Southern accents.
  • Tony says one plan for the unused CBJ theater was an animatronic show called "Mark Twain Tonight." Madeline says it sounds like a talk show.
  • Madeline says that the movie being called "Huck Finn" instead of "Huckleberry Finn" makes the character sound Totally Radical. The gang, of course, makes a bunch of Poochie references.
  • Madeline hates the movie so much she considered pretending to watch the movie and letting Chris cover for her.
  • The movie's introduction of Jim, which turns him from a mildly superstitious slave to an outright soothsayer, is so offensive that they feel the need to apologize to all practitioners of Voodoo, black people, Romani, and Louisianans.
  • Morgan says Ron Perlman, who played Huck's father, was on "an all-scenery diet. Even his corpse chews the scenery somehow."
  • Their confusion of the clash between the bouyant soundtrack and the fact that Huck is smearing hog's blood on the walls.
  • Tony mocks Tom Sawyer's overly complicated plan to rescue Jim. "My ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete!"
  • After being highly critical about the movie, Madeline says that Huck smoking a pipe is "rad as fuck".
  • They mock the plot point where Huck dresses as a girl but is exposed because he has a good throwing arm. Madeline, a trans woman, jokes that she found out she was really a woman when she threw a ball at a muskrat and missed. Suddenly, she found herself in a dress, holding a pony and a GIR doll, with glitter on her face, and knowing which Sex and the City character she was.
    Tony: Congratulations, here's your estrogen.
    Madeline: If only it were that easy.
  • Tony admits that Madeline has made him question liking the movie.
    Chris: Maddie wins!
    Madeline: One of us! One of us!
  • Tony points out that this movie didn't make it into the "Celebrate Black Stories" tab on Disney Plus, which includes Kazaam and both Sister Act movies.

The Cat from Outer Space

  • One of Tony's patrons requested this for Patron Request Month, saying "It's definitely a movie."
  • Doggans remembers a How I Met Your Mother joke where The '80s didn't make it to Canada until 1994 and says that describes Disney between Walt and Eisner perfectly.
  • They mock a character described as an "off-beat physicist." As opposed to what? An on-beat physicist? A beat physicist?
  • Morgan, who picked this episode for Guest's Choice, declares "I apologize for nothing!" right before they watch the movie.
  • With Joe Biden replacing Donald Trump at the Hall of Presidents, Tony imagines outraged Trump supporters staging an insurrection at Country Bear Hall.
  • Alessandra suggests that she and Dave reference this movie in their vow renewals.
  • They mock the Wall of Text opening credits and pity the small-time actors who didn't get a chance to see themselves on the big screen because their faces were covered by their own names.
  • Both Colonels from M*A*S*H appear in this movie. Dave imagines that this movie is the Hell that Colonel Blake ended up in after being shot down.
  • They say the UFO looks like a sex toy.
  • When the cat first used his time-freezing powers, Tony thought Disney Plus was buffering because they do nothing but literally stop the movie.
  • They mock a scene where a man flies but you can still see the wires. This came out the same year as Superman: The Movie.
  • They point out that the movie has a scene where an alien makes a bike fly but, unlike the iconic scene from ET The Extraterrestrial, this was just a dull scene where the bike barely clears the gate. Tony points out this is the perfect microcosm of the difference in creativity between Disney and Steven Spielberg.
  • Tony calls Morgan the world's only Cat From Outer Space stan. She has analyzed and dissected the movie like it's Star Wars. Morgan again shouts "I apologize for nothing!"
  • They have a lot of fun with the movie's many uses of the term "pussy", including the phrase "Playing with your pussycat."
  • Dave mocks the cat for complaining about being isolated on a spaceship for five whole months.
  • The gang sincerely praises some impressive aerial stuntwork that couldn't be faked with the technology at the time and then note that these stunt performers are risking their lives for a movie called The Cat From Outer Space. Imagine the obituary for a stuntman who died shooting The Cat From Outer Space.

The Country Bears

  • Tony starts the podcast with an advertisement for Godiva Goldmark collection of chocolates, playing it completely straight for several minutes before revealing that it's not an actual paid advertisement and he has no connection to the company. He just wanted to talk about it because the Name's the Same.
  • Tony introduces the podcast by saying it's been 10 years since his first Some Jerk With A Camera episode before remarking on how old they all are. David says he's just a stuffed head mounted on the wall, Morgan introduces herself with a loooong sigh of exasperation, and Charlie showcases just a "little more enthusiasm" with a deadpan "Yay."
  • Tony once said that he made Windows Movie Maker his "bitch" on the That Guy With The Glasses forums.note 
  • Morgan's sigh when Tony remembers Michael Bennett describing himself as the Gordon Ramsay of the TGWTG forums, complete with Brutal Honesty. Tony later calls Bennett The Pete Best of their friend group since he moved away from Southern California.
  • Tony points out how they reminisce about spending over a year making their early videos as if they don't still do that.
  • Tony jokes that someday he'll review the Disneyland vaccination tents. "They don't fit theming at all!"
  • Tony says that when he spends weeks watching a bad movie for a review, he develops a sort of Stockholm Syndrome where he gains a newfound appreciation for it. This happened for Country Bears and the ABC episodes he reviewed but not ''Escape from Tomorrow."
    Tony: I still hate that piece of shit!
  • The movie's DVD extras are written as if the Country Bears are a real band and the movie is a biopic of their lives. However, Tony points out that while one of the "bears" is giving an interview, an empty costume will be shown in the background, giving the impression that one of their actors just died on set.
  • Dave's bit of Fridge Horror that, by marketing themselves as a "bear" act in a universe where sentient bears coexist with humans, the Country Bears are basically a minstrel act. Tony says that Barry's brother is a racist who probably grew up to join the January 6, 2021 riots at the US Capitol Building.
  • Tony remembers being a fanboy of "Weird Al" Yankovic much like Barry was to the Country Bears. He'd often interrupt conversations with random Weird Al trivia and relate every school project back to Weird Al to the point where teachers thought something was wrong with him.
  • Dave says that Haley Joel Osment sounds more like Christopher Walken in this movie than Christopher Walken.
  • They remember Doug Walker's joke about Walken's line "This isn't over (beat) BEARS!" at the end as if he'd just realized there were bears in the movie. Tony says he didn't mention it because he didn't want to overtly ride Walker's coattails. Until the The Sorcerer's Apprentice review.
  • Tony relates an anecdote about Elton John's time on the movie. One of the bears malfunctions, causing its lower bear to droop down and to the side. John says "Looks like me when I've had too much blow."
  • Tony's mother, a friend of Roger McGuinn, reacts to Byrds music being used in the movie. "Well, at least Roger made some money off this."
  • Morgan compares the filmakers to someone trying to save a sinking ship by turning it into a submarine and just heading for the bottom.

Earth Live

  • They say the title sounds like either a flashy Broadway musical show or a horror movie about dirty zombies.
  • They mock the fact that a 2017 movie uses "in full color" as a selling point by acting like old-fashioned filmmakers amazed at color technology.
  • Tony describes the movie as a nature documentary filtered through Sports Center or Election Night coverage. Cassie calls it a belabored live stream. Zach says watching it felt like sitting in a dentist's waiting room.
  • Luke says that, in nature documentaries, only about two percent of what they shoot is useful so the concept behind this movie was to have fifty-some cameras all over the world so that at any point, one of them must be shooting something interesting.
  • Zach points out that every cinematographer gets a big, fancy introduction as if they're all going to get into a ring and fight to the death.
  • Luke says their attempts to sensationalize a nature documentary sounds like a Monty Python sketch. They then cut to Tony, who's watching a dead stick bug. Next is Zach, who insists that they take more time talking about him, the cameraman. Then Cassie who has found literally nothing but did record some lemurs earlier.
  • Cassie proposes a drinking game for every time the movie says they're showing you something "live". Even when there's a caption that says "previously recorded."
    • Jane Lynch's reaction to them showing previously recorded footage of badgers fucking. "Oh, so we're choosing to show this."
  • Tony says one of the experts studied badger shit for five years. Not badger stuff. Literal badger shit.
    Scientist: I didn't have that many girlfriends.
    Tony: You fucked a badger, didn't you.
  • One guy recording the sharks says "I don't have any protection." Tony interprets that exactly how you'd expect him to. He then imagines that, after the long intro, they cut back and there's nothing there but a bloody torso in the water.
    Luke: That's how the Python sketch would've ended.
  • Luke says how a biologist taunting crocodiles with a rubber tube meant for measuring their jaw strength reminded him of a standup comedy routine about Jacques Cousteau taking on a giant squid.
  • Luke's impression of Phil Keoghan eagerly hoping for an "animal snuff film."
  • Cassie's spiel about how dangerous hippos are. "Hippos will ruin your entire fucking day." She ends with "Stigmatize hippos!" after a bit where she called for the destigmatization of sharks.
  • They reimagine one of the hosts as a supervillain after he says "Tonight animals take over the earth. Just as it should be."
  • They imagine how the inventor of a drone meant to collect humpback whale mucus specimens must feel to have his invention nicknamed "The Snot Bot." Zach points out he'll probably get turned into Mysterio someday.
  • Several of the animals seem to give an Aside Glance, as if saying they're fed up with being followed around by all these annoying humans.

Bonus Minisode! March Will Be Muppet Month!

  • Tony includes some outtakes from the Country Bears podcast in which everyone does their best impression of Christopher Walken's "Oh no! Country Bear Hall has been crushed!" He says Morgan's sounds more like Tommy Wiseau.


  • Josh describes this episode as "Middle Aged People Yell At Clouds."
  • Their This Is Gonna Suck reaction when they realize the movie is based on a true story about a guy who has cancer.
  • When the main character's song is described as "viral", Josh jokes that it's not just viral, it's terminal.
  • Tony proposes a movie with a similar premise based on Logan Whitehurst. Someone proposes Scarlett Johansson. Another proposes John Mulaney, regardless of what age Logan is in each scene. They'll just hang a sign on his neck saying what age he is.
  • Tony, after worrying he's going to make some enemies with his opinion due to the movie's subject matter, says the movie sucks. Kyle is relieved Tony said so.
  • MarzGurl calls it a secular version of a Christian movie.
  • They make fun of the song "Clouds" itself for being milquetoast and mediocre. Tony compares it to "This Song" by Paul and Storm while Josh says it reminds him of the music that would play on the radio while he bagged groceries.
  • Tony's first note on the entire movie. "It opens with a shot of clouds and the clouds form the word 'Clouds.' Strap the fuck in, motherfuckers." Kyle wonders what they'd do if Zach's hit song was called "Beef."
  • At the end, there's a photo with all Zach's friends and a cloud shaped like a Z in the background. Kaylyn says that Ultraman Z must've shown up while Tony jokes that God is Zorro.
  • Kaylyn makes fun of Josh's love for women in glasses and apologizes for still being able to see.
  • Kyle says he's triggered by the sight of any red hat now.
  • Tony is confused by the existence of Christian Rock when Christians already have Gospel Music, which is awesome and inextricably Christian. Kaylyn then discusses how churches are trying to be hip by having their own rock bands.
  • They mock a scene dedicated to one rather innocuous mean Youtube comment the song got.
  • They mock the Totally Radical parts of the movie that were clearly written by older people imagining what teenagers were like. Teens in The New '10s listen to a Sum 41 song and one of them crushes on Tom Hanks from Big.
  • The irony of the main character saying "I don't want to be a sob story" in a movie that's about 50% crying.

Dinosaurs - S1E8 I Never Ate For My Father

  • Cody Clark appears on the show in-character as Gerald and the gang celebrates that they have "puppet representation" during Muppets Month.
  • This exchange
    Tony: What's the difference between Baby Sinclair and a traditional Muppet?
    Emily: No fur.
    Gerald: Visible legs
  • Morgan's Brutal Honesty regarding the Dinosaurs. Despite her childhood love of dinosaurs, she thought that these dinosaurs were ugly, mean, and stupid.
  • Emily sings "Dinosaurs!" to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood."
  • Tony's response to Universal opening another Harry Potter land in the "State of the Parks" segment. "You really want more TERF on your turf?!"
  • After watching the episode, the first thing Tony says is "That was some interesting fetish porn."
  • They discuss how carnivore and herbivore are code on the show for straight and gay.
    Emily: He's probably omni, I'm just saying.
  • Tony mentions "vore porn" and Emily tells Gerald to put his fingers in his ears. Morgan says someone must've had an awakening during that episode.
  • Emily says she had a crush on the character Robbie and Gerald calls her a scaly.
  • Tony's "There are only two genders: basketball and meat!"
  • Emily's idea for "What's the Attraction?", where she proposes a ride through the giant swamp dinosaur's digestive system.
    Morgan: This better not awaken anything in me.
    Emily: Oh, I hope it does.

The Muppet Show S3E15 - Lesley Ann Warren

  • Tony jokes about how Kevin's overzealous fans tried to get him onto the Muppet Month shows by throwing bricks through his window and leaving a bloody Kermit head in his bed.
  • Michael Hunter remembers a story of going to school right next to a Jim Henson studio. One time he saw them carrying the Big Bird costume out of the studio in segments, as if they'd hunted him and brought him back for meat.
    Michael: We feast tonight!
    Tony: They're sending Caroll Spinney a message!
    Kyle: That's who they brought out next!

Muppets Most Wanted

  • Katie complains about still being tethered to this dimension.
  • Tony describes the movie as the plot of Cars 2 done right.
  • Tony's many Take Thats to Ricky Gervais, who he used to admire but has since become "a sad parody of himself."
  • Everyone says how much better the world would be if the movie had been a hit. Cured cancer, flying cars, no war, no poverty, no COVID, and Trump wouldn't have been President.
  • Tony says Kermit the Frog caused the September 11 attacks, a reference to a 2002 It's a Wonderful Life Muppets parody where Kermit wishes he was never born and they use a stock New York City skyline with the World Trade Center intact.

The Muppet Show S4E18 - Christopher Reeve

  • The appearance of "Sam Eagle" as a Moral Guardian here to make sure the podcast remains free of profanity and nudity.
    • The guys reveal that they're all naked and Tony's so naked he even took off some of his skin.
    • Sam Eagle is an anti-masker. Tony points out that not wearing a mask is a form of nudity.
  • Luke claims there are two versions of the podcast, the one that exists now and a "Ryan Hipp Cut" that is eight hours long and will be released five years later but only if you harass enough people to get it.
    Luke: Because if there's one thing content creators like, it's getting harassed to make new content. Right Tony?
    Tony: Just makes my dick grow another inch every time it happens.
  • The Running Gag where Sam adds and deducts points for the podcast.
    • Tony apologizes to "Sam" for his vulgar language. Sam responds that the podcast is now at negative fifty points.
    • They fall to negative sixty points but mentioning "Muppet Rambo" gets them back up to positive ten.
  • There's a scene where Miss Piggy's dressing room is wall-to-wall Superman memorabilia. Tony says how nice it was for Ryan to let them film in his bedroom.
  • Sam and Tony debate whether William Shakespeare is American or Canadian.
  • They discuss whether Bunsen and Beaker being hinted at being a couple is workplace sexual harassment. They point out the power imbalance and Tony says maybe Beaker is into "Mee-mee-mee-mee-DSM."

The Emperor's New Groove

  • Their discussion of The Sweatbox, the documentary of the movie's Troubled Production. Tony says the documentary was so embarrassing that Disney buried it in the vault next to Song of the South and "that documentary where they killed all those lemmings."
  • While discussing the movie's Troubled Production, Tony points out that Kuzco was originally called Manco until someone points out that manko is a Japanese term for genitalia. He speculates that this person was an anime fan.
  • They mention the movie was almost an early role for a pre-fame Owen Wilson.
    Luke: Fortunately, he got another chance in the beloved Cars franchise that Tony loves so much.
  • Their discussion of Mark Dindal, the director of the movie who worked his way up from drawing lots and lots of bubbles in The Little Mermaid.
  • Regarding The Sweatbox, Luke says "I don't care where the stuff I love comes from! I just love the stuff I love!"
  • Luke remembers a Reddit discussion where someone praises Yzma's character design and some "goober" mistakes it for sexual attraction. Tony says that Yzma was definitely attractive when she was younger.
  • Luke remembers how while working on Mighty Magiswords, Kyle got so annoyed at the notes he received that he just improvised nonsense with lots of Buffy Speak, Lampshade Hanging, and Biting-the-Hand Humor.
    Luke as Kyle: "Let's do the thing with stuff!" That's the line? Yes, that's the line! We're moving on!
  • Tony says the scene where Pacha explains the concept of empathy to Kuzco is so realistic, he's certain someone in the writing staff had an unrepentant narcissist in their family.
    Tony: You just want to fucking scream at them eventually! I don't know how else to tell you that you should care about people other than yourself! You know how when you go outside you see all those lumps of flesh and clothing walking around? Those are called "other people" and they're not just robots programmed to make The Matrix more realistic! You're not fucking Neo!
  • Tony says you can never trust someone who makes declarative positive statements about themselves. Luke then plugs his music at "The Great Luke Ski dot com".
  • Tony says his ex-wife made him sit through Dune (1984) three times and, even if you put a gun to his head, he couldn't tell you what that movie was about. He remembers nothing about it except that Sting is almost naked in it.
  • Lindsay Smith's bafflement at The '90s' obsession with Riverdance, which now seems as dated as Shrek's inclusion of the Macarena.
  • Tony points out that the screenplay for the movie technically wasn't finished until after the movie was in theaters. The animators went off storyboards instead of a proper script. A bunch of interns took disorganized script pages, wrote interstitials, and slapped screenwriter David Reynolds' name on it so that Disney archives could have it for record-keeping purposes.

Spider-Man (1981) Episode 18 - The Capture of Captain America

  • Il Neige notes that the episode title before this is "The Canon of Doom". Not cannon, but canon. He imagines Spider-Man and Doctor Doom sitting around debating what's canon in Star Wars.
  • Their parody Spider-Man theme song to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood", complete with a Precision F-Strike.
  • They mock an in-universe propaganda film starring Captain America.
    • The film is made by "Democracy Pictures", which Tony says sounds like something MST3K would make fun of.
    • They point out that the film basically forced Cap to reenact all the most traumatic moments of his life, including the moment he was frozen.
    • They call the Red Skull Cap's greatest enemy, implying that Hitler was just some nobody.
  • They point out that, in this timeline, Jameson was probably a child during World War II and he somehow grew up thinking that his Hitler mustache was perfectly fine.
  • At one point, Jameson does the Pelosi Clap.
  • Dave compares Red Skull playing with a Captain America action figure to Dark Helmet.
  • The guys laugh at Spidey using the word "piker" and Tim, the oldest person on the show, says that even in 1981 that would've been considered Totally Radical.
  • Tony says Red Skull's "Skull Ship" looks like a big red dick. Garrett imagines that this is what the Asset's dick looks like.
  • Jameson calls Spider-Man, among other things, a "sellout" as if he'd just signed with a major record label.
  • They mock Spidey's plan to rescue Cap: Steal a Halloween costume of Captain America, pretend to be Cap, conveniently find a pilot who doesn't know Cap has been kidnapped, then fly around randomly until they find Red Skull's castle.
  • Red Skull's plan is to switch his brain with Captain America, allowing the Nazi to pretend to be a symbol of patriotism. Tony says this is basically what happened to the Republican Party.
  • Red Skull's assistant wanted the brain-switching device to be used for good...somehow.
  • While discussing Red Skull's well-intentioned scientist assistant, Garrett makes a joke about the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombings.
    Tony: Oh God.
    Garrett: What, too soon?
  • They discuss the bizarre standards that kids' shows were bound by. They couldn't show Cap and Spidey actually beating up other people but they could show them executing Red Skull by putting him in the brain-switching device without anyone in the other chair, basically dispersing his mind into the ether while leaving his corpse behind.
  • Cap says he'll suggest Jameson declare "Spider-Man Day." Tony says Spider-Man doesn't need One More Day.

Pixar Popcorn and other shorts (Includes Legend of Mor'du, Party Central, Riley's First Date?, Auntie Edna, and Pixar Popcorn)

  • Haley announces herself with "Hello, proletariat!"
  • Taking the show's title literally, Tony claims he's been locked in a vault for 48 episodes and his cohosts are just starvation-induced hallucinations.
  • Tony's Take That! to conservatives who declare all criticism to be "cancel culture". In the name of free speech, he imagines all criticism to be banned and his podcast being turned into a conservative Christian cooking show.
  • After they're done watching, the short films are Damned by Faint Praise.
    Tony: That was certainly a bunch of stuff.
    Kevin: I would also describe it as stuff.
  • Tony says Legend of Mor'du is an origin story for the Country Bears and says the witch from Brave must have a fetish for turning people into bears because she's done it twice.
  • Tony expresses (sarcastic) amazement that John Lasseter would create "Party Central", a short where the male frat boys kidnap women to go to their party.
  • Charlie says that Hellgate in "Party Central" is the most metal thing Pixar has ever animated.
  • Kevin imagines "Riley's First Date" was written by trapping every straight person at Pixar in a room and just having them say whatever pops into their head.
    Kevin: It's just so straight.
    Tony: The straightest thing to happen in San Francisco.
  • The gang cringes at Riley's mom's use of slang so hard that Tony calls the character a "digital Karen."
  • The hosts wonder if kids these days still form bands rather than just posting music to Soundcloud. Haley is confident that San Francisco hipster kids will try to form garage bands purely because they're not popular any more.
  • Kevin imagines Pixar just has a computer file called "Ellen Degeneres' Wondrous Grunts."
  • Haley says "Soul of the City" is basically a screensaver. Tony compares it to ASMR.
  • For the "What's the Attraction" segment, Charlie imagines a "Pixar Popcorn" popcorn stand with the X "ejaculating" popcorn.

The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again (with Linkara!)

  • Linkara starts by looking through the Disney Plus suggestions accompanying the movie and saying how much he'd rather watch them.
  • The "State of the Parks" segment is just Tony gushing over the announcement of "Muppets Haunted Mansion."
  • Josh says the movie is like Harold & Kumar without the whimsy. Tony says it's what a Mel Brooks movie would be if it weren't about anything. Louis says the movie just made him want to watch Tombstone.
  • MarzGurl's exaggerated Texan accent.
  • Josh says David Harper does a "Frankenstein kaiju impersonation."
  • Josh says Don Knotts is dressed like "Willy Wonka as a pimp."
  • They wonder why Marthanote  never seems to look at anyone while talking. Is she blind? Is she just rude? Is the actress reading cue cards and they just did a poor job of hiding it?

Go Figure

  • The description of the movie is so formulaic that the guests start making predictions of what will happen. Eventually Madeline declares they don't even need to watch the movie.
    • After the movie, they realize that except for the presence of a Gasshole character, all their predictions came true.
  • Madeline says the movie's theme music composer is named Kenneth Burgomaster.
  • Tony mocks Chris for worrying about spoilers in a movie that's so formulaic.
  • Madeline says watching the movie felt like watching a murder and doing nothing, making them all culpable.
    Sydney: What could anyone have done?
    Madeline: That's what I tell the police.
  • Tony's reaction to the line "I guess some things never change. Fortunately, I did."
    Tony: No one who's not an egotistical piece of shit says shit like that!
  • The movie has so many subplots that Chris refers to the protagonist's brother building a robot as the "Z-plot" while Madeline won't even dignify it with a letter.
  • Tony mocks the robot standing in front of a Zamboni like it's Tiananmen Square.
  • They realize that this movie came out the same year as Ice Princess, another Disney movie about figure skating that involves a math nerd. They imagine Disney accidentally rented out the ice rink for twice as much time as they needed and Michael Eisner told them to just make another movie.
  • "There's nothing better than hockey players fighting and children fighting!"
  • Their genuine love of the protagonist's two figure-skating coaches, who are better parents than her actual parents. Sydney says they seem like a woman who married her Gay Best Friend to keep him safe.
  • Madeline says the movie makes her want to vomit, drink her vomit, and vomit again.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

  • Zach's "Gyllenhaal does sound like the name of a factory where they make white people."
  • Zach worries he's being racist for constantly comparing this film to Aladdin until there's a scene of the Prince reaching down to the Princess and saying "Do you trust me?"
  • "You get a British accent! You get a British accent!"
  • "Man I'm so Zen right now. You wanna go fuck up some Crusaders?"note 
  • Zach points out that Disney frequently uses the Bald of Evil. "Pan over to a picture of Bob Chapek!"
  • This exchange
    Tony: Don't you just hate it when you wake up from a hangover and Alfred Molina on horseback is just there randomly spouting exposition at you?
    Morgan: I'm like "Aw, is it Tuesday again?"
  • "Alfred Molina has definitely fucked that ostrich."
  • "Can I get 'What's the point if you're not going to fuck that ostrich?' on a T-shirt, please?"
  • "#ReleaseTheDaggerUpTheButtholeCut!"
  • Zach's "We gotta do What's The Attraction? I burned up all my creativity on a Dastan song."

Buffalo Dreams

  • The whole group's reaction when Tony reads the movie's description, which involves a White Male Lead going on a Native American Vision Quest.
  • Tony asks why they spend time on a Training Montage for a bicycle race when they could just fill themselves with steroids and lose a testicle to cancer. "Easy-peasy!"
  • Cody and Emily get distracted attempting to appraise the vintage bike the protagonist gets at the end.
    Tony: I think we're burying the lede that a magic thrift store shows up in the last fifteen minutes!
  • Janelle accidentally turned on the Spanish dub and went a long time before realizing it wasn't just part of the movie.
  • Tony's reaction to the movie having so many scenes of Josh, the teenage protagonist, bathing. "Are we on a watchlist?"
  • Janelle says that the budget for the movie was $5 million. Tony says it seems high and Emily speculates that $3 million went to licensing the song "Lean On Me."
  • Janelle says she suddenly got really tired watching the movie.
    Janelle: I was just sitting here and suddenly my whole body got tired. Is this what Disney Channel original movies do to you?
    Tony: Oh yes! Every time.
    Cody: They sap your life force.
  • "I almost said 'This ain't it, chief' but then I stopped myself."

Fantastic Four - S1E3 - Now Comes the Sub-Mariner

  • Tony hypes up Ian Bond and Devo Spice with elaborate introductions detailing their long bodies of work but says he only does that for newcomers. Afterwards, his intros will be nothing but names and locations.
  • Tony calls Whitehall from Jungle Cruise "Disney's eighteenth or nineteenth first gay character (TM)."
  • This exchange
    "Now we know what it would look like if Captain Planet made fetish porn!"
    "Butts, butts, butts!"
  • They bluntly call Namor a rapist. He uses pollution to justify declaring war on the surface world but is really just using that threat to force Sue to stay with him in Atlantis.
    Tony: "Namor is if Brock Turner was an even better swimmer."
  • They mock the title "Now Comes the Sub-Mariner" in light of Namor's Stripperiffic outfit.
  • "I own this! ''Why do I own this?!"note 
  • "Do not attempt to adjust your TV set. It's just a Saban show from The '90s."note 
  • They mock the theme song for being "left over from the 70's" and are baffled when they learn that the legendary Giorgio Moroder made it.
  • One of the guests says he'll see the Fantastic Four as Mount Rushmore in his nightmares.
  • Namor calls Johnny a "fiery manchild."
    "You just met him! How are you that accurate?"
  • "I find eel-throwing so stimulating."
  • "Namor and Reed are having a casual conversation while holding a corpse! On a children's show!"
  • A guest says Reed sounds constipated while he's thinking, as if he's pushing out "a rock of a turd."
  • The villain is dropped off in a prison. Which apparently has a swimming pool.
    Tony: "Thanks, Biden!"
  • One of the guests says he hopes the MCU doesn't put Namor in his traditional Stripperiffic costume. Another answers "Depends on who you ask" in an exaggerated "gay" voice.
  • Tony calls the episode an animated The Shape of Water.
  • Tony's "Finding Namor, Sub-mariner Voyage", where he kidnaps you and threatens to destroy Disneyland unless you sleep with him.
    "Is he going to touch me in my no-no place?"
    "He's going to touch you in all your no-no places as well as a few yes-yes places."

BONUS MINISODE! State of the Parks: Galactic Starcruiser costs HOW much?

  • Tony points out that the upcoming Disney Star Wars hotel is so expensive that anyone traveling on the "Galactic Cruise Ship Halcyon" would be the kinds of people Rose Tico would hate.

D2: The Mighty Ducks

  • Kit's first words on the podcast.
    Kit: I have no idea what I'm doing here.
    Others: One of us! One of us!
  • Tony compares the movie to The Bad News Bears but for pee-wee hockey.
    Luke: And a lot less problematic content
  • Luke explains to Kit what hockey is.
    Luke: See ice is what happens when water gets really cold and then they use a Zamboni to make it flat. And then you put knives on your feet, your ankle gets broken, and you never do it again.
    Kit: So ducks with knives on ice. I'm for it.
  • Tony says NBA Commissioner Adam Silver looks like a bad wax figure of Jeffrey Katzenberg.
  • "There's a disturbing amount of bondage in this movie."
  • The movie's history teacher describes America, a relatively young country, as a teenager. Luke says that nowadays, America is an entitled adult. Then he and Tony debate whether America was more like a troubled teen or a gifted, precocious teen.
  • They realize a young Kenan Thompson is in the movie. "This was back when he was just OK Burger."
  • They mock the obviously white writers trying to write a black character, peppering in terms like "G" and adding sirens over a pretty nice area to make it into "the hood."
    Luke: So which of those street hockey kids grew up to be Killmonger?
  • Tony relates a real-life story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar doing the movie Airplane! for $30,000 just so he could buy a $30,000 rug.
    Tony: And then Michael Jordan comes in and pisses on it.
    Luke: This is the best Space Jam prequel ever!
  • Brianna calls out the movie's hypocrisy for denouncing corporate sponsorships while having ads for Coca-Cola and Little Caesar's in the background.
  • The coach chides the players for bringing violence into hockey. He also reminds them that they're representing America.
    Tony: Dude, being a violent psychopath is representing America.
  • Luke wonders if there's a Mighty Ducks porn parody because phrases like Flying V, Knuckle Puck, and We Will Quack You pretty much require it. Then Tony pauses the show and interjects that there is, in fact, a D2 porn parody called DP2: The Mighty Phucks.
  • Tony remembers the flume ride at the Mall of America. At the end of the tunnel there's a hole where all you can see outside is the sign for the mall's Hooters.

The Simpsons S4E17 — Last Exit to Springfield

  • Tony predicts in "What's the Attraction?" that Disney would plan a re-theme of Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage into a Yellow Submarine ride, as a tie-in with The Beatles: Get Back, only to realize that they still don't own Yellow Submarine. At the last minute, they'd instead decide to re-theme the ride after the parody Lisa dreams up while under the influence of laughing gas. Once the dream ends, Grandpa Simpson would deliver his Rambling Old Man Monologue about wearing an onion on his belt, then direct guests to a shop where they could buy their own onions.

  • Season 1:
    • Kill Bozby apparently created a Ghost Dad 3 that included a "wacky abortion" scene.
    • Spazz on Star Tours: "Wouldn't it be great if for once nothing went wrong? And I'm not just bitching about my own life here."
    • Jerk almost kisses the bust of Abraham Lincoln and a poster of Captain Eo.
    • Morgan suddenly letting out a bloodcurdling scream. Jerk is just shocked.
    • Phil Buni saying Florida is America's limp, flaccid dick. He also says Florida sucks except for that Harry Potter park. And Sea World. Oh, and Disney World, of course!
    • Jerk making an angry, screaming face for an attraction that pastes guests' faces into a video (Spaceship Earth).
    • "Voldemort" harassing camera operator Zach Breman.
    • Morgan's fake foreign accent. Even she isn't sure what that accent is.
    • Kill claims he was gangraped by the Rugrats.
    • Spazz's swearing in the Small World review. Pissburgers! Figment!
    • Morgan almost attacks Spazz for mentioning Figment but he reminds her they are on syndicated airwaves.
    • Jerk's uncle Paul refuses to get pushed off screen on cue and keeps talking about Jerk's Old Shame parody song.
    • Paul goes over everything inaccurate with the Columbia.
    • Jerk on Disney princess piggy banks. "You put coins in their butts. I had no idea they were Jewish."
  • Season 2
    • Kill Bozby claims that the video was found clutched in a severed hand found in a garbage can.
    • Jerk's montage of the many, many photobombers he has to deal with, complete with slow-motion and Scare Chords.
    • Jerk gets photobombed by a Sponge Bob Squarepants walkaround character.
    • Il Neige says he sees Anna Kendrick in a bikini. Turns out it's just some seaweed.
    • Spazz snaps Dumbo's neck as "Baby Mine" plays in the background.
    • Kill says he would stuff his misbehaving kids inside the rectum of a dead elephant.
    • Jerk and Il Neige's improvised blues song at the end where Jerk, among other things, claims to eat several live deer per day.
  • Season 3:
    • Hayley distracts Spazz by pretending to flash him.
    • Spazz's deadpan "hang-on dance".
    • Jerk tells Hayley that her Madame Leota needs to be "More wrath of God and less blaxploitation."
    • Due to his chronic Schedule Slip, Jerk had Horror Guru record several versions of the "It's [month]" line.
    • Erika's shocked reaction to Nicholas Ganssle making fun of Leslie Burke's death in Bridge to Terabithia.
    • The pretend arguments during the JK Rowling sketch get so intense that someone pokes their head into the conference room to check on them.
    • Spazzmaster's lines as Ronald Reagan:
      "It is an honor to be inaugurated as the 40th President of these United States. Rock on!"
      "Cheers. Admiration. Praise. Synonyms."
  • Kill Bozby: The Complete saga
    • Tony Wiseau, the alternate universe twin brother of Tommy Wiseau who ate his brother in the womb. In our universe, Tommy ate Tony in the womb.

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