WARNING: Spoilers are unmarked.
- Crane and Abbie's exchange about Starbucks in the pilot.Crane: How many are there?Abbie: Per block?Crane: [beat] Is there a law?
- The cop who orders the Horseman to drop his gun and put his hands on his...oh.
- And wondering aloud if he can even hear them. Since he doesn't have any ears.
- Abbie tells Ichabod to wait in the car. He doesn't.Ichabod: As you know, I am insane and therefore am impervious to simple commands.
- Ichabod really thinks that people should be impressed by his brave anti-slavery views.
- It's also kind of funny that he defects to a nation that abolished slavery in 1865, while England did it in 1833. (Though of course, he's in no position to know that.)
- When the Horseman kills the priest, it also takes off the top of a "Caution: Horse Riders" sign, leaving it headless.
- Probably unintentional but, when Ichabod and the Horseman fight at the cemetery, pay attention to the Horseman's body language: Ichabod repeatedly whacks the Horseman with his shovel, the Horseman does his Implacable Man No-Sell routine, then pushes Ichabod and slowly walks away. Then Ichabod gets up and whacks him again, causing the Horseman to lose his patience and just slap the living crap out of Ichabod. It's pretty clear the Horseman is getting sick of Ichabod's shit.
- Ichabod's reaction to being told that the polygraph machine knows whether or not he's telling the truth:Ichabod: The machine knows?
- Same scene: Ichabod is describing how General Washington recruited him to fight a secret war:Police interrogator: General...George Washington?Ichabod: [with wide-eyed astonishment] Do you know him?
- Same scene: Ichabod is describing how General Washington recruited him to fight a secret war:
- Upon hearing the news that Abbie's planning on leaving in a week, Ichabod immediately insists that she can't, that their fates are entwined now and she can't run away from that, and it's made absolutely hilarious by the fact that he sounds like a petulant five year-old.
1x02 - Blood Moon
- Due to Ichabod being about 250 years behind in technology, someone (probably Abbie) stuck post-it notes all over his hotel room to identify and explain various items of the 21st century. This includes the electric lights, the shower, a hairdryer, a coffee pot, and the television ("it's like theatre").
- When Ichabod turns the TV on, it, of course, follows time travel conventions by playing something horribly confusing—in this case, a clip from Rise of the Planet of the Apes of a chimp riding a horse. What must be going on in Ichabod's mind...
- His facial expressions while using them are hilarious, as is the fact that he falls out of the shower in surprise when the water comes on.
- Ichabod noting that facial expressions haven't changed much in 250 years and asking if Abbie had been "formerly betrothed" to a certain officer.
- Followed by Abbie informing him firmly that, although the officer was her ex, they were "not betrothed. There was no betrothing."
- Abbie saying "I will literally pay you to stop talking" and Ichabod replying that he'd happily take her up on the offer, since he has no money, but since she was so nosy about his love life earlier, he felt entitled to be nosy in return.
- Andy's griping as he's digging up the bones for the witch.
- Ichabod trying to restart the Revolutionary War. Over the tax on doughnut holes.Ichabod: What's insane is a ten-percent levy on baked goods. You do realize the Revolutionary War began on less than two percent. How is the public not flocking to the streets in outrage? We must do something.
- And the earlier "Have a doughnut hole!" conversation.Ichabod: [affronted] I do not want a doughnut hole!
- Then he tries one and, sure enough, he loves it.
- And the earlier "Have a doughnut hole!" conversation.
- Abbie hands Ichabod a gun but fails to inform him that modern firearms can fire multiple times before needing to be reloaded. He fires one shot and drops the gun to the ground.
- What's great is that this happens after Abbie hands him a gun, starts to explain how to use it and he snarkily informs her that he knows how firearms work, thank you.
1x03 - For the Triumph of Evil...
- Abbie introduces Ichabod to her favorite energy drink, which he promptly aspirates.Ichabod: [sputtering and coughing] ...Potent.
1x04 - The Lesser Key of Solomon
- Ichabod gives a stirring speech on love...to a woman named Yolanda over OnStar. The audience finds out who he is talking to when he responds to her tearful thanks for his advice by thanking her for remotely unlocking the car (and for showing him how the entertainment system worked). Yes, Ichabod apparently got himself locked inside Abbie's car.
- Ichabod's reaction to Abbie and Jenny pointing guns at each other?Ichabod: Well, this is awkward.
- His frustration with the two of them in general, really.
- Ichabod pointing out that the Boston Tea Party was known by a less "festive" name in his day.
- Ichabod organizing the whole Boston Tea Party as a distraction is quite funny in itself. It does cast new light on his rant about the "insane" 10% tax on doughnut holes and expected public outrage.
- Abbie giving Jenny the short version of Ichabod's backstory.
1x05 - John Doe
- Ichabod has trouble with the plastic packaging of his disposable razor. He tries to bite it open, but quickly gives up.Ichabod: What is this impenetrable barrier around this instrument?!
1x06 - The Sin Eater
- At Abbie's encouragement, Ichabod getting into the spirit of a baseball game.Ichabod: Open your eyes, sir! Yes, you! BASKET-FACE! I thought only horses slept standing up!
- Abbie applauds his effort...but advises him to wait until the umpire makes a call next time.
1x07 - The Midnight Ride
- Ichabod's annoyance at the various liberties time has taken with Revolutionary-era stories. Especially the one about Sally Hemmings and Thomas Jefferson, which causes him to rant for apparently hours about the slanderous lies spread by the press.
- And then getting schooled that, yes, there is DNA evidence to support this and, just to rub salt in the wound, Jefferson plagiarized one of his quotes.
- And Paul Revere's Midnight Ride.Ichabod: Pardon the interruption, but Paul Revere never arrived in Concord; that was Samuel Prescott's route. And the warning all the riders gave, as discreetly as possible, was "The regulars are coming." Not "The British are coming." See, we too were British at the time, so that would have been most unhelpful.
- The above speech is followed by Abby claiming that "her brother Steve" forgot to take his medication and Ichabod insisting that he's the only one that doesn't need any.
- There really is no end to the hilarity that is Ichabod caring about historical accuracy in-universe when he's in THIS SHOW.
- Continuing the gag of Ichabod not understanding modern-day payment procedures, Ichabod asks where the courts fall on the issue of paying for bottled water.
- This becomes a Running Gag every time Ichabod sees any sort of bottled water. Later, he's obnoxiously slurping his cup of free water. Abbie tells him to enjoy the arsenic that comes with it. Even funnier? The way his eyes cut back to the cup, considering that he can't tell if Abbie's kidding or not.
- Abbie tells Ichabod that there's good news and bad news about the manuscript they need to read. Bad news, it's in London. Good news, it's been uploaded online.Ichabod: Well, that is excellent news.
Abbie: You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Ichabod: No, I do not.
- Then, while attempting to access said manuscript, Ichabod has a little trouble figuring out the computer. He gets besieged by pop-ups and prints the document five times for fear that it will disappear from the screen "like it did a moment ago."
- Abbie expresses confusion about the cipher Ichabod has mentioned to her. Ichabod has this to say:Ichabod: You're flummoxed by a concept that is completely alien to all that which you have known? I can't imagine what that's like.
- Poor Ichabod continues to have trouble with the computer, accidentally bringing up an internet porn site:Ichabod: Well, this is highly inappropriate.
- He also thinks that the porn actress is trying to talk to him, and so responds.
- He closes the computer in frustration when he's unable to figure how to get rid of the pop-up. Moments later, he re-opens the computer, apparently hoping that the pop-up has gone away. It hasn't.
- When Irving is trying to flee from the Horseman with the head, the Horseman throws his ax at Irving, missing. It hits the wall, where it decapitates a stuffed crow, much like it did back in the pilot for that sign, and perhaps on its way to becoming a little Running Gag in the show whenever the Horseman throws his ax.
- The montage of attempted skull destruction. Methods used? Sledgehammering, acid, dry ice, and a bomb!
- In a Freeze-Frame Bonus moment, you can see a pile of other tools Crane and Abbie have tried, including more broken sledgehammers, what looks like a baseball bat, and a chainsaw.
- Ichabod leaving Abbie a voicemail or, as he calls it, an "aural missive" on her phone sounds like he is writing her a letter. He signs off with "I am, most respectfully, Ichabod Crane."
- During said voicemail, he mentions that he's still having trouble fathoming the idea that his voice is actually recorded on her phone. In other words, he's leaving a voicemail without even being sure that it's working.
- When Brooks reveals himself to Morales.
1x08 - Necromancer
- Abbie explaining the concept of a fist bump to Ichabod. And him rather enjoying it.
1x09 - Sanctuary
- Ichabod's Dramatic Deadpan vs Abbie's tone of sarcastic dismay as she and Ichabod realize what kind of situation they are in at the same time.[All the doors and windows shut. By themselves.]Ichabod: Not to be an alarmist...Abbie: ...but we are in a damn haunted house.
- After hearing noises downstairs, Abbie and Ichabod having a quick, overly-polite debate over who gets to go down the creepy steps first. Ichabod loses, even though Abbie's the one with the gun. She really doesn't like haunted houses.
- Abbie gives Ichabod his Christmas gift (a Christmas stocking) early:Ichabod: Oh...you've embroidered my name on over-sized hosiery. How...odd.
1x11 - The Vessel
- Ichabod VS Skinny Jeans. He is not a fan.Ichabod: Surely the first sign of the Apocalypse is skinny jeans.
- This is also somewhat meta because Tom Mison (Ichabod) calls them "the devil's trousers."
1x12 - The Indispensable Man
- In the opening, Ichabod's attempts at using a modern phone are shown from Abbie's perspective, culminating in his attempts with auto-correct. Even she is laughing by the end.
Ichabod: Oh...it's a man's face. I suppose that's...charming.
- She leaves him a message with a smiley. His reaction is pure gold:
1x13 - Bad Blood
- Moments before some very serious Mood Whiplash, this bit after Ichabod finally gets Katrina out of Purgatory:Ichabod: I married a witch. How...cool.[Katrina looks at him questioningly]Ichabod: It is a figure of speech; you'll learn.
- This exchange between the Mills sisters.Abbie: You need to have faith
Jennie: I have more than faith; I'm a mental patient with a gun.
- Ichabod wonders how Abbie has 500 friends on her "so-called social network," as he himself only had seven close companions. The following exchange ensues:Abbie: We use the term 'friend' a lot more loosely these days.
Ichabod: Aristotle would be most unimpressed. note
- Crane giving Abby a boost and trying his absolute damnedest not to look at her ass, and failing miserably in the process.
- Ichabod is not a fan of Benjamin Franklin. At all.
- On the subject of that, Benjamin Franklin: occasional nudist.
- On the second viewing (or the first, if you were quick to catch on), the expository How We Got Here dialogue can be quite amusing. The clunky references to "what happened one year ago", "all that time training", Abbie reminding Ichabod of his own son's identity, are all products of an illusory reality, a sort of In-Universe Narm.
- Ichabod tries to leave a farewell "I died fighting" video message on his phone, only to finish his speech and find that it doesn't have enough memory to store it.
- Ichabod saves Jenny from the Hessians by driving a stolen ambulance through the wall... only to reveal he doesn't know how to switch it into reverse.
- Ichabod: I must learn to drive.
- The Headless Horseman. Shirtless.
2x02 - The Kindred
- Ichabod's surprise that Harvard University still exists.
- Ichabod's rant against banks and credit cards, set off by his irritation with their chained pens.Ichabod: These people entrust you with their fortune, yet you cannot entrust them with a simple inkwell?Bank Employee: Well, could I interest you in our new Ulterra credit card?Ichabod: Credit without collateral?Bank Employee: So you can get that special someone in your life everything her heart desires. Perhaps an engagement ring?Ichabod: Are you part of the wedding industry?Bank Employee: No, sir. I'm just here to offer you our lowest rates of the year. You can get a $5,000 credit line no fees.Ichabod: It is this kind of gross invitation to indulgence that mocks the power of the invisible hand to foster the true wealth of nations a boon to your industry, I'll grant yet, cementing your and, it pains me now to say it, our lot as an insolvent flock of debtors.
- Abbie referring to the Kindred as "Franklinstein's Monster."
- Ichabod is reciting the spell to animate the Kindred. Abbie asks if he said the words right, and Ichabod responds, exasperatedly, "I'm not the witch in the family!"
- Abbie, Ichabod, and Jenny discuss raising the Kindred:Abbie: This is insane!
Ichabod: So much of my life could be characterized under those auspices.
2x03 - Root of All Evil
- Abbie tells Ichabod about the recent developments involving gay marriage. Ichabod informs her that he is quite familiar with homosexuality because he knew someone who was a well-known homosexual in his day...and because he watched the season finale of Glee.
- The whole discussion unfolds when Ichabod points at a gay couple and asks if that is socially acceptable these days. The "that" being men wearing hats indoors.
- The situation is very serious, but while watching bank security footage, the fact that Ichabod calls rewinding a video "unspooling" even gets a snicker out of Abbie.
- This exchange between Ichabod and Henry is darkly hilarious:Ichabod: To begin, let us agree that, through neither your fault nor mine, I was not the most involved father.Henry: Oh, my. Is this to be an attempt to start over? Are you going to take me down to the fishing hole?
2x04 - Go Where I Send Thee...
- Abbie teaches Ichabod driving is two minutes of nonstop hilarity, punctuated by the fact that he appears to have mastered offensive driving, going to far as to spin the car 180 degrees to a stop.
- Abbie making a crack about Ichabod knowing Betsy Ross. Surprise, surprise, he did. And to hear him speak of her, she was quite the randy woman.Abbie: Oh, let me guess—this was when Betsy Ross had the hots for you.Ichabod: Oh, that woman was relentless. Once, Adams found me hiding in a broom closet. From her.
- Ichabod asking Abbie to "perform the log-in ceremony" on the computer.
- Ichabod is quick to rail against the concept of Cappuccinos:Ichabod: Sadistic larceny. This is typical of the Italians: A gaudy hillock of overheated milk atop a thimble's worth of coffee. And the cost...is equal to three Tennessee stallions.
- Then he tries it and sits there in speechless bliss with a ridiculous whipped cream mustache.Ichabod: I can see why this might be popular.
- A trifecta of funny, as after a rousing conversation with Abbie, he decides to down the cappuccino as he would a jug of beer, not realizing that the liquid underneath the whipped cream is a lot hotter than he thought.
- Then he tries it and sits there in speechless bliss with a ridiculous whipped cream mustache.
- When Ichabod puts in the noise-cancelling ear-buds. He goes from skepticism to astonishment in a span of seconds. The look on his face...
2x05 - The Weeping Lady
2x06 - And the Abyss Gazes Back
- Abbie gets Ichabod to try yoga...he is less than impressed.
- Abbie has been teaching Ichabod about superheroes...but he doesn't quite get it right yet.
- Ichabod blows into the breathalyzer in Abbie's police car after some time at a bar. When it beeps that he's over the limit BAC, he announces jokingly that he "won."
- While looking through Joe's place, Ichabod sees a video game. He's not impressed with the concept at first, but then at the end of the episode, he's seen getting really into one. Along with his reaction to getting fragged.Ichabod: You are a scurvy louse! You're a slop-bucket! You're red pussludge, you're no good by blown pair of...buns!Abbie: Are you gaming online?
- Searching for information about the creature that attacked Joe's friends, Ichabod researched modern wood-dwelling monsters: Chupacabra, Sasquatch, and...Smokey The Bear.
- During that same scene, Ichabod mentions he knew Daniel Boone, whom Abbie refers to as "the guy with the raccoon on his head." Ichabod makes an exasperated gesture and delivers this funny little nugget:Ichabod: How is it that the man who settled Kentucky is remembered in the modern era as "the guy with the raccoon on his head"?!
- During that same scene, Ichabod mentions he knew Daniel Boone, whom Abbie refers to as "the guy with the raccoon on his head." Ichabod makes an exasperated gesture and delivers this funny little nugget:
2x07 - Deliverance
- Upon being taken out of the hospital, Katrina is forced to put on modern, form-fitting clothes. Ichabod admits that yes, he does like them.
2x08 - Heartless
- Katrina is easily entertained by reality TV. Ichabod finds it to be mindless Kabuki drivel...but has his own thoughts on who the romantic show will result in the man picking.
2x09 - Mama
- When Ichabod discovers that Abby has called Hawley in to help due to Ichabod being incapacitated with a cold, his facial expression can best be described as "O.O."
2x10 - Magnum Opus
2x11 - The Akeda
- Ichabod really wants a motorcycle when they stop the Apocalypse.
2x12 - Paradise Lost
2x13 - Pittura Infamante
- Ichabod and Katrina decide to go on a date to try to repair their relationship. Katrina spots a couple in front of them where a man has put a hand around his partner's waist. Katrina seems uncomfortable with the display, but then Ichabod explains that "In modern America, touching in public is quite permitted." The woman of the couple grabs the man's ass. "Also warrants the expression, 'Get a room,'" Ichabod adds.
- Jenny has to dig up a grave to retrieve undead-killing bullets, which had supposedly been buried with a corpse after Hawley sold them to a previous customer. She and Abbie discuss the bullets over the phone while she digs, and Abbie wonders how Hawley authenticated that the bullets were what they were claimed to be. Cue Jenny discovering that the bullets were not buried with the corpse, as Hawley had said, but rather in the corpse, which revives when the last bullet is removed. Guess that answers the authentication question...Jenny: THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP, HAWLEY!!!
2x14 - Kali Yuga
2x15 - Spellcaster
2x16 - What Lies Beneath
2x17 - Awakening
- The Reveal that Ichabod is responsible for cracking the first Liberty Bell. It would seem that no major event in the American Revolution happened without his personal involvement.
- Ichabod's fascination with a bobble-head he finds in the department store.
- "Oh, batteries!"
2x18 - Tempus Fugit
- Benjamin Franklin's...enthusiastic reaction to meeting Abbie, as well as his delight at being told just how big an impact his ideas will have on modern America, and indeed the world. He's also pleased to know that he's on the $100 bill...and doubly so to learn that Jefferson's on the $2.Franklin: The $2! The $2, does anyone even use the $2? Sounds cumbersome!
- Past!Ichabod's attempt at "Slid[ing] to unlock".
- The flashback of Ichabod having his "night-time communion" with "Jesus," which turns out to be the name of his cellmate:Jesus: I hear you, C-Dawg. Don't got no answers. But as a wise man once said: "It's a hard knock life. For us."Ichabod: Mm-hmm. So true. That is so true.
- And, in the final scene, "It's a Hard Knock Life" is heard playing in the bar.
- Ichabod's speech after being freed from the ICE detention center:Ichabod: Thomas Paine described America as a place "where all parts are brought into perfect unison." Indeed. Though my stay here has been brief, I have come to value the concord I found with my fellow detainees.Abbie: You want to stay with your new pals?Ichabod: Good God, no.
- Jesus then gives him a gesture as he departs.
- Ichabod's short rant after finding out that the building where the Archives are located has been sold and will be demolished the following week:Ichabod: What happened?Abbie: The city sold the building to developers. It's scheduled for demolition next month. I've been in here packing up stuff for weeks.Ichabod: Demolition? Mm. This chamber has stood since the 1750s! The Battle of Lexington was plotted right here.Abbie: Now it'll be a mini-mall.Ichabod: A mini-mall. Is there no regard for the past?!
- Ichabod getting angry at the guy working at the "Colonial Times" restaurant for not wearing his hat properly.Ichabod: Point goes in the front! You're not a pirate.
Whispers in the Dark
- Ichabod cleans while singing a jaunty sea chanty. He continues as he folds the laundry, then stops dead mid-word when he pulls out Abbie's skimpy negligee.
- Ichabod and Abbie are roommates now. Ichabod ends up burning his Bedfordshire Clanger (which he claims half the Colonial Army were after back in the day) in Abbie's oven.Ichabod: [taking the food out of the oven] Oh, hell's teeth! Our first week as roommates and I've befouled the kitchen.
Blood and Fear
- Ichabod's speech at the beginning after his application for preserving the Archives building is denied because he isn't a U.S. citizen:Ichabod: The American dream is dead! What else are we to conclude when the door to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is so cruelly slammed in our faces?! [...] This nation was forged so that anyone who came to her shores may have the opportunity to place yet another brick on her imperfect masonry.Abbie: And here comes the Jefferson.Ichabod: Quoth Jefferson: "We have more machinery of government than is necessary."
- This exchange after Jenny and Joe find Randall handcuffed in the shower, courtesy of "that amateur," as Jenny calls her:Randall: You got played, too, Mills. I mean, I understand [Joe], but you? [to Joe] You sure you're related to August Corbin?Joe: Hey, you know, I'm not the one handcuffed to a shower railing.
- After Miss Corinth offers to help him with preserving the Archives and says she'll call him later, Ichabod looks up at the historical painting on the wall and says:Ichabod: Oh, please. As if Adams would have done any different! [leaves]
The Sisters Mills
- Ichabod boasting he doesn't need to study for his exam, then expressing his frustration after Abbie quizzes him and he gets the answer wrong.Ichabod: I do not need to study history. I lived it.Abbie: You know they're gonna test you on events that happened after 1781.Ichabod: They offer you four options for every query. Multiple choice. It's practically a parlor game.Abbie: Hmm. Okay. Pop quiz. "On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"Ichabod: July the second, 1776.Abbie: [imitates horn blowing] July 4th. You know, Independence Day. Picnics, hot dogs, fireworks. Land of the drunk and free.Ichabod: Yes, I'm perfectly aware of the holiday. 'Tis a symbolic representation. It need not be precise. No, the historically accurate date is July the second. I should know; I attended the second Continental Congress.Abbie: I don't doubt it, Crane. But you're not being tested on what happened. You are being tested on what is in civics today.Ichabod: Oh. So 'tis not disgraceful enough that I must implore to become a citizen of the country I, in part, founded. I must also learn by rote a compendium of solecisms masquerading as our nation's history?Abbie: Welcome to America.
- Ichabod getting Saffron to open up about what happened the night before by pulling the "quarter in your ear" trick, then by reciting a poem of some sort. It's also a Heartwarming Moment.Ichabod: You appear to be a little hard of hearing. Oh. Oh! Oh! [pulls a quarter out of Saffron's ear] Little wonder. You had a silver specie nestled in your ear!Saffron: It was in your hand the whole time.Ichabod: Right. "There once was a lady from Cork whose pa made a fortune in pork. He bought for his daughter a tutor who taught her to balance green peas on her—" [hits his head] Ouch![Saffron laughs]Ichabod: You have rather a sadistic sense of humor, don't you?
- Ichabod as a guest speaker in the classroom. Jenny actually records the whole thing on her phone.Ichabod: [to the students] It is most heartening to see how the educational system has evolved over the years, and all without the threat of the rod.Jenny: [chuckling] This is too good.
- Ichabod slurping his drink loudly while talking on the phone with Abbie and Jenny.
- Ichabod finally visiting a dentist. His dream of kissing Betsy Ross and indescribable happiness at getting his teeth fixed.Ichabod: I'm adorable!
- And his joy at receiving a "gift"—that is, a toothbrush.
- Plus the fact that, the whole time, he is stoned out of his gourd on dental anesthetic.Ichabod: The joy of dentistry...
Dead Men Tell No Tales
- Just, the interactions between Crane and Temperance "Bones" Brennan.
- Crane and Bones are caught in a Booby Trap in Washington's tomb. Abbie and Booth are on the other side trying to get them out.Abbie: [regarding a Mason control panel] Each button represents an alchemical symbol; it's like a puzzle, all we have to do is figure out...Abbie: Your way works too.
- Ichabod's quip when they are rescued.Ichabod: You insisted on coming.
- Despite her near-brush with incineration or asphyxia, Bones has her priorities:Bones: This, is extraordinary—a hidden tomb armed with the precursor to napalm. Do you understand what this means?Booth: George Washington is a complete badass?
Incident at Stone Manor
- Jenny and Joe telling Sophie what Ichabod would say while they're looking into a gargoyle attack. Joe even imitates Ichabod's accent at one point.
- Everyone's totally bewildered expressions after the Kindred and the Kindress kiss and walk off. Made better by this line from Ichabod:Ichabod: Well, that was odd.
- Ichabod complaining about how a type of egg was named for Benedict Arnold.
Dawn's Early Light
- Ichabod hearing of the Hamilton musical.Ichabod: There's a musical about Hamilton? The man had the voice of a stuck goat! That's why he wrote so many pamphlets; no one could bear to hear him speak!
- Ichabod getting caught by Molly hiding her birthday presents in her closet.
- Molly asks Ichabod for help with her homework and asks if he knows history. Cue Ichabod's face lighting up with giddy, "I-got-exactly-what-I-wanted-for-Christmas" joy.
- We then cut to Ichabod finishing up an exciting exposition about America's founding while Molly listens. Molly then tells Ichabod she simply wanted to know if there were thirteen colonies in America.
- After the Vault locks down, Jake communicates with Ichabod by yelling through the heavy metal door separating them, despite the fact that there's a radio in the room Jake's in. Ichabod replies by said device.
- When Ichabod finds the servo needed to open the Vault and reads the wording:Ichabod: Was Claudia Russell a Lilliputian?!
- At Ichabod's house-warming party, Ichabod dismisses a guest dressed as Alexander Hamilton as "Shamilton."
The Way of the Gun
- At Molly's school play about the Revolutionary War, Ichabod (loudly) voices his praise.Ichabod: Yes! Yes, indeed! [clapping] Huzzah! Very well said and said very well!Diana: Crane, we are not even a minute in.
- He then comments on the kids dancing to "Yankee Doodle."Diana: Not historically accurate enough for you?Ichabod: Well, the choreography is so stiff and stolid, it's practically a minuet. These are enlisted men; it should be a rowdy spree.Diana: No one else seems to mind.Ichabod: They're more interested in posterity than the present. 'Tis a shame. Theater is to be relished in the moment.
- After being shushed by a parent for speaking too loud:Ichabod: God's blood, man. This is a theater, not a morgue!
- After the play ends, Ichabod commends Molly's acting, but then starts to critique her dancing until he's stopped by Diana.
- He then comments on the kids dancing to "Yankee Doodle."
- Ichabod and Lara begin the spell to travel to Hell, only to be interrupted by the cable guy whom Ichabod sends off after re-scheduling the installation of his wi-fi.
- Da Chief Frank Irving, played by Orlando "aka Trollando" Jones, has to have social media explained to him by his teenage daughter.
- The adorable and silly Twitter fight between the show's and Elementary's writers.
- Another meta example: Orlando Jones' Twitter posts while the show is airing are nearly always hilarious, although there have been incidences when he's gone too far and been forced to apologize.
@TheOrlandoJones: "thisShippinShitAintThatSeriousYo"@NikkiBeharie: "yes it issssss"
- His name for Zombie Andy Brooks is "neckskin."
- Neil Jackson saying he wonders if Abraham would have to do such mundane things as clean his teeth (now that he's forcing Katrina to wear the mirage necklace), then cheerfully referring to Abraham as "ol' Stumpy".
- By extension, the video for "Dinner Music" from "At Home With Abraham And Katrina."
- This was promptly followed by "Carrot Cake or Cheese Cake?" The best part of this video has to be Abraham casually suggesting to Katrina that they have a bake-off, with her baking a cheesecake and him baking a carrot cake. Who do they want to be their judge/taste tester? Henry, although there's a brief debate over whether or not he's the best choice, as "he's not got much of a sweet tooth—he's a bit salty, bit of a crabby guy, but he just needs a hug."
- The Halloween ad featuring Henry Parish offering his services as an attorney.
- After the Season 2 finale premiered, the entire Sleepy Hollow Tumblr tag became filled with .gifs and posts of "Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch is dead!" from The Wizardof Oz. Gallows Humor at its best.